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  1. Hi, I am a 30-year-old with terrible dark circles under my eyes which developed during my long years of depression and psychological problems when I was going through an awful phase of my life after a breakup in a relationship. I am now in a better condition compared to before, but my dark circles are something that just doesn't seem to go away. And they are very deep and indeed make me look horrible. I feel ashamed to go out and it makes me already very self-conscious. Not to mention that I also have a lot of wrinkles under my eye, way more than what a normal 30-year-old would have. However, I have kind of gotten into a habit of looking at myself in the mirror and it does not make me feel as bad as it used to do before. I am trying very hard to accept myself for how I look. I have a friend who is very good and supportive. But his dad almost always comments about my dark circles almost every day we get to meet over video calls. And it is not like advice or suggestion to improve my condition or any criticism. His comments are more of like - rude and offensive. He uses words like -"the dark circles make you look so ugly", "your whole personality is getting destroyed because of your hideous dark circles", and "you will never make any impression with them on your face". Just 3 examples of what he really says when he talks about it. Like, whenever I hear him speak about my dark circles, I always feel so embarrassed, sad, upset and self-conscious. A few days ago, I had my first face-to-face interaction with him (my friend's dad), and all the time, he was so heavily judging me for my dark circles and saying rude things like that. That day I got so much hurt that I did something that I should not have done. I directly said to my friend about the whole conversation I had with his dad, and how bad I felt after the interaction with his dad, and shared every detail about our interaction. My friend instantly went into defensive mode and said that his dad was right, he is very good and can never do any wrong, and that I am overreacting. He did not believe that his dad told me those things. He also said that, even if his dad said those things, it is because "he considers me like his own son".... I did not really understand that. I mean, is it okay for a father to say those sentences to his own son? I did not say any more, because I got to understand that he is my friend's dad after all, and that is a different dynamic. But I ended the conversation by telling him to put himself in my shoes and just try to understand, and that I did not mean to hurt his feelings. I just wanted to open up with him about the situation otherwise it was making my heart very heavy. What he did instead is he started separating from me since that day, and that made me even more sad and depressed. Now I feel really bad. I feel kind of guilty to have opened up about this to my friend because I think this might have hurt our friendship to some extent. At the same time, I am very uncomfortable around his dad. How should I deal with the whole situation? I am just out of clues. I don't know what to do...
  2. After struggling with body confidence issues for years, Sienna Saint-Cyr improved her self-view after becoming a life model. She gained body positivity, acceptance and true love for herself. Growing up, I was never one of those skinny girls. For a long time, this bothered me. I never wore a swimsuit, hated shorts – even in 90-degree weather – and was generally down on myself and my appearance. My poor body image and lack of body positivity led to me not taking care of myself because I figured, “What’s the point? I’m always going to be fat anyway.” However, as I got older and more immersed into body-positive culture, I met a lot of people that were larger than me and sexy as hell. I was shocked how people flocked to them and they had – gasp! — cellulite, just like I did. But they didn’t care. In fact, they loved every part of themselves. Even if they had struggles at times, overall they were confident in their own skin. RELATED: Positive body image – 8 steps for developing it I wondered what was different about these people and why I couldn’t be more like them. So I started looking at the things they did and compared that to what I was doing. One of the first thing I noticed was that all these people exuding body positivity wore swimsuits and didn’t apologize for it. They didn’t lean over and cover their bodies so no one would see their rolls of flesh. They stood tall and walked with elegance to the pool or hot tub. And I'm pretty certain being nude in front of someone else wouldn't have phased them at all, either. Embracing body positivity: whatever your shape or size, accept yourself I also noticed that they didn’t walk around in sweatpants and baggy t-shirts. They dressed nicely. Groomed. Put effort into their appearance. They believed that they were worth that time and effort, so I believed it too. Developing body positivity So I decided to start dressing more nicely too. Wearing make-up just for fun. I got contacts and stopped hiding my face with glasses. I even started wearing shorter skirts and swimsuits. But I still wasn’t quite where I wanted to be with my confidence. While I was all for being healthy and losing weight, I knew that I needed to love myself as the ‘fat girl’ before making drastic changes to my diet and exercise. Otherwise I’d find something else to pick apart... my teeth, my mom belly, my uneven eyes – learning to love my body as it was seemed like the best step. “As I got older and more immersed into body-positive culture, I met a lot of people that were larger than me and sexy as hell.” Shortly after this realization, I opened my inbox one day finding a message asking me if I’d be interested in posing as a figure model. Before I could talk myself out of it, I agreed: me, the person who was previously hid behind her clothes, was going to pose nude for a bunch of complete strangers! It was for a sex-positive/body-positive studio called Catalyst, so they were even looking for someone like me, with a curvier body. Becoming a figure model Of course, I was terrified to take off my robe once I got there, but I did it! And once I was in front of everyone, I stopped noticing the fact that I was naked. In fact, I was far more focused on the chill in the air and the nails not being flush in the wall! Go figure: becoming a model boosted Sienna's body positivity Once we were finished with the class, I got to look at the drawings people made of me and I was surprised to find that they were beautiful. I was so happy! People didn’t see me how I thought they did and that helped me see myself clearer. I even came home with an original drawing of me. Loving myself and developing body positivity hasn’t been easy. It’s taken years and I do occasionally fall back into bad habits. But when that happens, I remember how others saw me. Then I take a deep breath and do something loving for myself. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Acceptance | Positive psychology | Healthy eating Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more at https://siennasaintcyr.wordpress.com/.
  3. Hey. We have a website called bthebestyoucanbe.com where we talk about how you can become a better version of yourself. If that's something you are interested in sign up and receive thisFREE ebook "Become The Best Version Of Yourself" So YOU can start your journey to become the best YOU! About the FREEebook "Bесоmе Thе Bеѕt Vеrѕіоn Of Yourself" Discovering уоur truе ѕеlf is роѕѕіblе, аnd whеn you choose tо be аuthеntіс аnd іn іntеgrіtу wіth your truе self, уоu wіll realize thаt еvеrуthіng fаllѕ іn рlасе. Lіfе саn be so much more whеn уоu know whо you аrе аnd whеrе уоu аrе gоіng. When уоu ѕhіft уоur focus to who уоu аrе аnd whаt уоu wаnt оut оf lіfе, you fіnd уоur true ѕеlf. Creating bоundаrіеѕ, being self-aware, аnd identifying your wоundѕ are only a few wауѕ tо rесlаіm уоur роwеrѕ аnd live the lіfе уоu’vе аlwауѕ drеаmеd оf. Wіth thіѕ trаіnіng соurѕе you wіll lеаrn аbоut уоur trіggеrѕ, іdеntіfу thе things that уоu wаnt tо сhаngе іn уоur life, еxрlоrе уоur ѕhаdоwѕ, and, most of all, fіnd уоurѕеlf again. You wіll аlѕо lеаrn: Whаt dоеѕ bеіng the bеѕt version of уоurѕеlf lооk lіkе; How уоu саn аѕѕеѕѕ уоurѕеlf аnd various spheres of your lіfе to gеt a better ѕеnѕе of hоw aligned уоu аrе wіth уоur true self; How you саn benefit from embracing new bеhаvіоrѕ аnd іntrоduсе сhаngеѕ іn your rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ; Whу it іѕ ѕо vіtаl fоr уоu to practice healthy boundaries; 5 emotional wоundѕ thаt lеаd to lіvіng a lіе аnd how you саn identify them in уоu; Whаt emotional рrоjесtіоn іѕ and hоw you can be аwаrе оf them tо hеаl your еmоtіоnаl wounds; To identify уоur emotional trіggеrѕ аnd hоw уоu саn ѕtор emotions from controlling hоw уоu feel; Whаt уоur fееlіngѕ tеll уоu about уоur іntеrnаl rеаlіtу; Whаt аrе thе рѕусhоlоgісаl bаrrіеrѕ thаt рrеvеnt уоu from being the bеѕt vеrѕіоn of уоurѕеlf; Tо аѕѕеѕѕ your self-esteem аnd іdеntіfу wауѕ tо improve it; Hоw уоu can соnnесt tо уоur аuthеntіс ѕеlf аnd what are thе benefits tо do so; Hоw уоu can reconnect to уоur іnnеr сhіld аnd live a life thаt is more aligned with уоur truth; 5 ways уоu can рrасtісе hеаlthу bоundаrіеѕ іn уоur life and relationships; Prасtісаl ways tо lіvе your bеѕt life аnd be thе best version оf уоurѕеlf іn аll аrеаѕ оf your life; Hоw you can be more ѕеlf-аwаrе and іmрrоvе on уоur ѕеlf-tаlk; Over 50 аddіtіоnаl rеѕоurсеѕ thаt wіll dеереn уоur knоwlеdgе оn hоw tо be the bеѕt version of уоurѕеlf; And much more! GET IT NOW FOR FREE RIGHT HERE...... Create a good day & stay healthy! Ulf bthebestyoucanbe.com
  4. Accepting ourselves unconditionally is essential if we want to improve our levels of self-acceptance and emotional wellness. Discover three practical techniques you can implement that will help you do exactly that. In his blog post on Greater Good, Srini Pillay defines self-acceptance as “an individual’s acceptance of all his/her attributes, positive or negative. It includes body acceptance, self-protection from negative criticism, and believing in one’s capacities.” He links improved emotional wellness to self-acceptance. Though closely related, self-acceptance is different from self-esteem, as the latter refers to how worthwhile or valuable we see ourselves. The former, on the other hand, refers to a comprehensive affirmation of self. This allows us to accept all of ourselves, not just the good. We are able to recognize our limitations and weaknesses, but this by no chance hinders our ability to accept ourselves for who we are. RELATED: 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Many of us who have low self-acceptance try to suppress the feeling by attempting to accomplish great things. But this only serves as a Band-Aid approach to improving our self-esteem. Srini Pillay goes on to say that, “this only helps your self-esteem for a while. That’s because achievement is a poor substitute for intimacy.” Open up: emotional wellness can be achieved with honesty The truth is, if we want to improve our self-esteem and emotional wellness, we need to honestly explore all parts of ourselves that we've not come to terms with and that we have not fully accepted. It’s only when we stop being harsh critics of ourselves that we can develop a positive sense of who we are. This then explains why self-esteem naturally goes up as soon as we become self-accepting, which is crucial to our emotional wellness and overall happiness. What triggers self-approval? Much like self-esteem, we're able to become self-accepting as children to the extent our parents fully accept us. Scientific studies have shown that children who are younger than eight don't have the ability to create a distinct sense of emotional well-being other than that demonstrated by their parents or other caregivers. Extreme parental evaluation goes further beyond critiquing certain behaviors. For example, a parent may convey the message that their child is ungrateful, not smart enough and so on, and this significantly affects self-acceptance. In short, most of us continue ‘parenting’ ourselves throughout our lives much like how we were parented. It's true that with little or no self-approval, our psychological well-being suffers, and even when we seek help, it's often less fruitful compared to other people in the same situation who are more self-accepting. “If we want to improve our emotional wellness, we need to honestly explore all parts of ourselves that we've not come to terms with.” And in those people that have low self-acceptance levels, the brain sectors that control their emotions and stress levels have less gray matter compared to those people who have higher self-acceptance levels. This means those with lower self-acceptance capabilities physically have less tissue to work with in our brains, which, in turn, can trigger anxiety and stress. Emotional wellness: how to accept ourselves So far we've seen that our parents and the environment around us have had a profound effect on our ability to our self-acceptance. But, in truth, we need to learn to let the past go and discover new techniques of accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment. For the sake of our peace of mind, happiness and overall emotional wellness, we first need to accept ourselves unconditionally. There are three main ways we can boost our self-approval and acceptance levels and therefore our emotional wellness: 1. Self-regulation Self-regulation is a technique that allows us to shut down self-deprecating emotions and internal negative commentary and instead focus on our more positive attributes. Humans are naturally wired to focus on the negative and many of us experience damaging thoughts or feelings, such as not being good enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever enough, selfish, etc. “For the sake of our peace of mind, happiness and overall emotional wellness, we first need to accept ourselves unconditionally.” In fact, repeating these internal conversations damages our emotional wellness. Instead, use self-regulation to restructure these negative feeling and focus more on our positive attributes. Look at any flaws you believe you may have and consider them as great opportunities to help improve yourself. 2. Self-awareness Sometimes, our self-accepting level goes further than our conscious level such that when we are not self-accepting, we essentially split ourselves and feel incomplete. That is, the part that needs forgiveness and the one that should forgive are at loggerheads. Self-awareness helps us understand what is happening at a deeper level. And becoming more self-aware can enable us to improve our emotional wellness. Developing self-awareness can be an ongoing goal that incorporates many different methods. Those include: paying attention to what bothers you about other people, drawing a timeline of your life, asking for feedback from friends/colleagues, clarifying your values, and simply spending time with yourself through mindfulness and meditation. 3. Self-transcendence This allows us to depend on things that are outside of ourselves to define who we are. That is, we turn to an unseen force that connects us with the world. Some of the ways we can become self-transcendent is by contributing to charities, volunteering to help the less fortunate, and so on. Self-transcendence has been proven to impact our brains positively by increasing the release of our feel-good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin. This in turn reduces our stress levels and give us emotional fulfilment, boosting emotional wellness. A family affair: our parents influence our self-acceptance Meditation for increasing self-acceptance Loving-kindness and mindful meditations are two types of meditation that can help us become more self-accepting. By loving ourselves more and not judging ourselves, we're able to lower our brain response to anxiety and stress. As we develop our meditation practice, the activity in our brain regions that affect emotions will start to improve. As humans, we're all unique, and so not all of these methods work in the same way for everyone. The important thing is that if you struggle with self-doubt and internal negative voices that you need to affirm that you need to become more self-accepting and start doing what works for you. Take it one small step at a time, and you should start seeing positive results and a rise in your emotional wellness levels. ● Main image: Colorbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self care | Acceptance | Meditation | Body positivity | Nudism Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.
  5. ON ABUSE AND "SPIRITUALITY" "You attracted it because you desired it". "If you think there's a problem with another's words or actions, YOU are the one who's confused". "Everything is just your projection. Everything is in your mind". "Clear up your vibration and you'll stop attracting bad things to yourself". "You are too attached to the body. Go beyond the body. It's not who you are." "If you have doubts, fears, resistance, pain, anger, then you must be in your ego and totally unenlightened". "The past is an illusion. Let it go right now!". Ugh. I'm so tired of all this New Age spiritual bullshit. I'm tired of ANY spirituality that doesn't fully honour our messy, unresolvable, first-hand, real-time, embodied human experience. That doesn't bow deeply to the struggle of our raw and tender hearts. That guilt-trips us for our imperfections and shames our limitations. No, it's not always your projection. Yes, sometimes other people really ARE abusive and need to be stopped. No, everything isn't always "in your mind". Yes, your body matters. Your feelings too. No, your doubts and fears are not 'wrong' or 'bad' or 'unevolved'. No, you do not 'attract' abuse through a faulty 'vibrational frequency'. No, you do not deserve to be violated in any way, in the name of Truth, in the name of God, in the name of Love, or IN ANY OTHER NAME. Yes, your boundaries deserve to be respected, your 'yes' AND your 'no' too. No, it's not okay for spiritual teachers to abuse people "for their own good" - to shock them into awakening, to enlighten them, to help them drop their "ego". Teachers that use abuse as a tool are simply abusers, not teachers. I reject any spirituality that dismisses our tender, vulnerable, fragile humanity. I reject any spirituality that shames us for our precious human thoughts and feelings. I reject any spirituality that begins any sentence with "If you were enlightened..." I reject any spirituality that divides self from no self, divine from human, sacred from profane, absolute from relative, heaven from earth, duality from nonduality, material from spiritual. I once saw a popular spiritual teacher addressing a recently bereaved woman. He said, "Your heartbreak is illusory and only the activity of the separate self. One day the separate self will vanish, along with all suffering". And in that moment, I saw a deep, deep sickness and inhumanity at the heart of contemporary spirituality. The invalidation of trauma, the false promises, the power games, the suppression of the feminine. And I vowed to bow to that fucking broken heart as if it were God Herself. Until the end of time. - Jeff Foster
  6. Self-acceptance can be difficult, especially when we compare ourselves to others. But knowing your strengths and being happy with your flaws has real benefits. Arlo Laibowitz answers the question 'what is self-acceptance?' and shares 12 tips to help develop your self-love. Self-acceptance, self-love and improvement. It sounds like a great idea to strengthen our skills and habits. But, in fact, it can have a negative impact on us if we're constantly asking ourselves what we should do or should be all the time. Often, our inner critic makes a judgement that we're not good enough, and we don’t accept ourselves as we are at that moment. That can be a problem, because one of the most significant factors to be happy and to feel satisfied with life is self-acceptance. OK, what is self-acceptance exactly? Self-acceptance is: The awareness of your strengths and weaknesses The realistic appraisal of your talents, capabilities, and worth The feeling of satisfaction with your self, despite flaws and regardless of past choices Benefits of self-acceptance include: Mood regulation A decrease in depressive symptoms, the desire to be approved by others, fear of failure, and self-critique An increase in positive emotions, sense of freedom, self-worth, autonomy, and self-esteem .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } X Watch and learn: learn self-love and accepting yourself How to practise self-acceptance? Check out the video above and read below for 12 clear steps to being able to truly accept ourselves: 1. Become self-aware and set an intention Recognize your thoughts, feelings and pain, welcome them, and separate yourself from them. Then set the intention that you're willing to accept yourself in all aspects. 2. Celebrate your strengths And accept your weaknesses. Thinking about your strengths, ask yourself a few key questions: what are the traits that always earn you compliments? What areas of work do you excel at? What are your unique talents? Making a list of your strengths and past achievements and re-reading them when you are having an off moment is a great way to practise self-acceptance. “Making a list of your strengths and achievements and re-reading them when you're having an off moment is a great way to practise self-acceptance.” Also, add to the list whenever possible. Instead of focuses on failures or mistakes (which is normal), replace that negative thought with a positive one about when you achieved something. 3. Consider the people around you In recognizing positive and negative reinforcement, and practicing your sense of shared humanity, for instance, through loving-kindness meditation. 4. Create a support system Surround yourself with people that accept you and believe in you – and avoid those that don't. Indeed, quality relationships are key to happiness and acceptance of self. In a landmark 75-year, multigenerational study, Robert Waldinger measured happiness levels in people from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. The most joyful were those with high-quality social connections. Friend focus: surround yourself with people that accept you for you 5. Forgive yourself This can be a tough one to conquer, but learning to move on from past regrets and accepting that you were the best possible you at that moment is a key step to self-acceptance. Indeed, even if we’ve become pretty good about being able to forgive others, self-forgiveness seems to be much more difficult. • STRUGGLING TO ACCEPT YOURSELF? Join our community and find support • So, in order to forgive ourselves, we first need to admit to ourselves that we made a mistake. Take ownership and acknowledge your error — then, try to retain what you learned from the event but release everything else (here's how to stop ruminating over things you cannot change). Try to appreciate those missteps for what they actually are: a stepping stone on your life path. Also, remind yourself that mistakes and failures are part of being human. In fact, it’s how we learn and grow. 6. Realize that acceptance is not resignation Acceptance is letting go of the past and things we cannot control. You can then focus on what you can control, and empower yourself further. 7. Quiet your inner critic And stop rating yourself against others. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy,” and today this rings truer than ever. One way is to try to avoid scrolling endlessly through social media channels and comparing your life to that of others. Remember, people only tend to present and project the positive images of their lives – you never really know how people are feeling behind the scenes. 8. Grieve the loss of unrealised dreams Perhaps you've found yourself in a job you don't enjoy, an area you never wanted to live in, or single when you’ve always dreamed of being settled with a partner. Whatever it is, we often wonder what dreams are worth holding onto and whether, in fact, it's time to just let go. “One of the most significant factors to be happy, and overall feel satisfied with your life, is self-acceptance.” And when it is time to let go, it's not always easy. For some of these plans, giving them up can lead to freedom. But for other unrealized dreams, there can be deep grief involved. Whatever your situation, realize that letting go of unrealized dreams doesn't stop you dreaming of new situations and aspirations for your future! Reconcile who you are with the ideal image of your youth or younger self and grab hold of what's coming next. RELATED: The 8 types of grief explained 9. Perform charitable acts Give to others through volunteering and recognize how you can help and make a difference in others’ lives. The benefits of kindness are scientifically proven and both mental and physical. 10. Speak to your highest self The inner voice that has compassion, empathy, and love, to others, and to yourself. Follow our 12 steps and learn how to practice self-acceptance 11. Be kind to yourself Cultivate self-compassion, in not judging yourself, or over-identifying with self-defeating thoughts or behaviour. Take care of your mind and body. 12. Keep believing in yourself Use positive self-talk and practice PERT: Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique when times are tough. The path to self-acceptance can be rough and bumpy. There will be times that current external circumstances, past experiences, and our programming make it hard or impossible to accept ourselves. If this happens, there's no shame in seeking help – from a loved one or a professional – when things get too hard. In the end, the greatest gift you can give yourself is self-acceptance. In the words of psychologist Tara Brach: “Imperfection is not our personal problem – it is a natural part of existing. The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” By learning how to practice self-acceptance and self-love, we can learn to live with our imperfections and be truly free and happy. ● Main image: mimagephotography/shutterstock happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self-Care | Acceptance | Letting go | Compassion Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.
  7. After growing up in a household where sex was shamed, discovering BDSM helped Sienna Saint-Cyr to find self-acceptance and enjoyment when it came to her sexual life. Coming to grips with being kinky when you've been raised in a religious or very conservative household isn't easy. When sex is shamed, let alone any exploration outside of missionary style intercourse, finding out even what's hot can be a challenge. Yet most of the kinkiest people I know have come from these sorts of family and societal dynamics. Indeed, many find self-acceptance through BDSM. So, you’re kinky, now what? You can explore without jumping right in. One thing that helped me — though my fear of exploration came from being abused — was with reading stories and seeing if they turned me on. This meant I explored a lot of topics. Some were more dominant/submissive related, others were about rough sex, some were about bondage... then there’s fetishes… I explored many areas and found that most of them were hot for me in some way or another. Though I didn't always know why they why did appeal to me, they just did. “When sex is shamed, let alone any exploration outside of missionary style intercourse, finding out even what's hot can be a challenge.” I did a lot of reading of both fiction and non-fiction books. Both are important because as I read the fiction and found it hot, a lot of it wasn't realistic. Therefore, the non-fiction came in to explain how things should really happen. It was also helpful in figuring out the 'why' portion. The books that helped me most were The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. As well as SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. For fiction, I suggest going to literotica.com, or one of the other free sites, at least in the beginning. Experimentation and exploration Once you've explored with reading (and/or movies) and are fairly certain that you want to know more, that’s when I suggest asking around. While some venues can offer introductory courses and demonstrations, I've personally found this avenue riskier in the beginning. To start with, try an internet search on kink/BDSM 'munches'. Munches are for meeting people and asking questions. No actual scenes take place. Chances are, you’ll find others there that have been raised in similar environments. Once you've met some good and trustworthy people, then find a venue to watch demos. If you take things slowly and gradually lower into kinky waters, you’re going to have an easier time adjusting and backing out if you feel overwhelmed. When we've been taught — or even brainwashed — to believe that enjoying ourselves sexually is sinful or inappropriate, we have to face our shame and guilt eventually. This is why talking to others that have been through similar situations is helpful. Because this kind of shame and guilt is nonsense and serves no purpose other than to make us feel bad. Open minds lead to self-acceptance Owning who we are is beautiful, and accepting ourselves divine in its own right. So, try not to judge yourself. Instead, remain open to what you feel based on the things you read, discuss, and later witness or take part in. Accepting ourselves means we get to experience a level of joy free of the guilt and shame we’d walked around with previously. This isn't limited to our sexual exploration but can also apply to all areas of our lives. “Owning who we are is beautiful, and accepting ourselves divine in its own right. So, try not to judge yourself. Instead, remain open to what you feel.” When we accept our kinky side and find self-acceptance, it means we get to be conscious about our choices rather than have that side sneak out in non-consensual ways. We get to express ourselves without judgement, have better sex, and more fun. In my experience, I've found almost everyone is kinky in some way. So, be brave, explore, and experience the joy that comes with accepting and loving who you are! And always remember: listen to yourself, explore, and know that it's OK to change your mind at anytime. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more at https://siennasaintcyr.wordpress.com/.
  8. When Princess E started accepting her kinks and desires through exploring her sexual journey, she was well on her way to discovering her inner happiness. As long as I can remember I've had a longing, an appetite for the darkness, for 'forbidden fruit' and the so-called bad. Maybe that's why I got into so much trouble growing up. I met shady guys who took advantage of me and became more and more destructive, until I realized that I didn't even knew who I was anymore. My journey to accepting my sexuality might be dark, but it ended with such a wonderful thing. I was jumping between men, hoping to find something I was longing for, needing, actually. Someone who as good at giving me spankings as well as giving me sweet kisses. Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed – what I was begging for, I just jumped on the next guy. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with doing that if that's your thing, but for me, it only broke me down even more. Until one day, it just clicked. The day when my fiancé came into the picture everything changed. He saw me – through my body – past all the walls that I'd built up. He saw that little girl and nurtured her, took care of her. And that was probably where our fetish for DDlg started – without us even knowing. “Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed, I just jumped on the next guy.” Mr. B, as I call him, knows the exact amount of comforting that is needed after a rough night in bed. He understands, and views it as a privilege, that I'm his sub. That I chose to submit only to him. I'd been in the BDSM lifestyle for a while before I met Mr. B. Even still, I never totally understood what aftercare meant until I met him. For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person. Some say that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. For me, it's the exact opposite. Someone loving me has made me look at myself in a different way. And now I'm empowered. I'm strong. And I'm proud of my sexuality. My sexual journey: accepting my kinks At the very beginning of my sexual journey I knew I liked things hard; the 'forbidden fruit' of the bedroom. But I didn't really experiment with it. It was the same thing every time: being tied up, spanked, whipped and once in a while, a slap on the cheek. I liked it, but I didn't really feel satisfied, not completely satisfied. Then I met my fiancé. We lived on different continents and therefore sex became a lot more verbal. We experimented, and still do to this day, without our bodies even touching. Somewhere along the way, I started sorting out what my kinks were, and which were not. Finding our groove... and fetish When we finally met for the first time, after a long period of long-distance dirty talk and sex-cam action, a new journey started – the physical journey. Not until we were secure in our knowledge of each other's bodies and minds did we feel that we were ready to take the next step: master/slave. We made a contract and everything. But we, especially Mr. B, felt a little intimidated by it, like it was too much of a commitment to drop the role-playing and live like this 24/7. In the middle of the situation my fiancé took the infamous 'BDSM test'. “For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person.” I was laying in bed, minding my own business, when he started poking me with his finger. "You've gotta read this!" It was about Daddy Dom/little girl. I read it and halfway through it was like everything was suddenly clear. This! This is what we are. This is what we already live 24/7. From the beginning, I was totally terrified. Fetishes like that are so misconstrued. But the more we talked about it, the more we realized that it wasn't that much of a choice. It's just who we were, we'd started living it freely, naturally. Delicious, forbidden fruit Today I've let my princess side out more and more, which I hid earlier by wearing tom boy clothes and not acting girly at all. That princess in me has come out and is free, and now I'm so happy. It wasn't that much to overcome. It was more like poking at it a bit to come out and play. And if there's one kink that makes you feel complete, makes you feel satisfied in more than the sexual aspect, go for it. After accepting my sexuality I feel free, happy and unstoppable. ● Main image: Colorbox.com Written by Princess E Princess E is a Swedish freelancer who focuses on DDlg, which she's living 24/7. Most of her writings are based on her experiences with her Daddy; Mr. B. Runs a blog and can be found on Twitter.
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