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  1. Hi, I am a 30-year-old with terrible dark circles under my eyes which developed during my long years of depression and psychological problems when I was going through an awful phase of my life after a breakup in a relationship. I am now in a better condition compared to before, but my dark circles are something that just doesn't seem to go away. And they are very deep and indeed make me look horrible. I feel ashamed to go out and it makes me already very self-conscious. Not to mention that I also have a lot of wrinkles under my eye, way more than what a normal 30-year-old would have. However, I have kind of gotten into a habit of looking at myself in the mirror and it does not make me feel as bad as it used to do before. I am trying very hard to accept myself for how I look. I have a friend who is very good and supportive. But his dad almost always comments about my dark circles almost every day we get to meet over video calls. And it is not like advice or suggestion to improve my condition or any criticism. His comments are more of like - rude and offensive. He uses words like -"the dark circles make you look so ugly", "your whole personality is getting destroyed because of your hideous dark circles", and "you will never make any impression with them on your face". Just 3 examples of what he really says when he talks about it. Like, whenever I hear him speak about my dark circles, I always feel so embarrassed, sad, upset and self-conscious. A few days ago, I had my first face-to-face interaction with him (my friend's dad), and all the time, he was so heavily judging me for my dark circles and saying rude things like that. That day I got so much hurt that I did something that I should not have done. I directly said to my friend about the whole conversation I had with his dad, and how bad I felt after the interaction with his dad, and shared every detail about our interaction. My friend instantly went into defensive mode and said that his dad was right, he is very good and can never do any wrong, and that I am overreacting. He did not believe that his dad told me those things. He also said that, even if his dad said those things, it is because "he considers me like his own son".... I did not really understand that. I mean, is it okay for a father to say those sentences to his own son? I did not say any more, because I got to understand that he is my friend's dad after all, and that is a different dynamic. But I ended the conversation by telling him to put himself in my shoes and just try to understand, and that I did not mean to hurt his feelings. I just wanted to open up with him about the situation otherwise it was making my heart very heavy. What he did instead is he started separating from me since that day, and that made me even more sad and depressed. Now I feel really bad. I feel kind of guilty to have opened up about this to my friend because I think this might have hurt our friendship to some extent. At the same time, I am very uncomfortable around his dad. How should I deal with the whole situation? I am just out of clues. I don't know what to do...
  2. A positive body image is a strong factor in determining a person's happiness; if you're unhappy with your physical shape, it can hinder your well-being. Interestingly, studies suggest that practising nudism – a lifestyle of being naked – can boost positive feelings about your body and self. Most of have been there – and if not yet, the day will surely come. Looking at our naked body in the mirror, examining the bits we don't like, the parts that could be smaller, larger, smoother or just not there at all. At the same time we are also bombarded with images of perfect bodies in the media, so it's no wonder failing to have a positive body image is a common issue. Indeed, dissatisfaction with one’s own body and a corresponding lack of positive body image is evident in many countries across the world. Studies such as that conducted by Andrea Pelegrini and Edio Petroski in 2010, have shown that such poor body image can cause people to radically alter their nutritional intake in an effort to address perceived problems. As seen in this study, body disaffection often begins in childhood, with the authors referencing a previous study that almost half of all schoolchildren observed were dissatisfied with their body weight. Meanwhile, the link between a positive body image and self-worth has been firmly established, such as in a publication by Hesketh et al., (2004), which focused on obesity in adolescents. Body positive? Looking at yourself naked can be difficult for some Furthermore, a demonstrable causality between self-acceptance, self-esteem and satisfaction with life has been shown in studies, including Navarro et al., (2014), which confirmed that “the relation of personal self-esteem to life satisfaction was significant for both genders”. It's therefore reasonable to deduce that a positive body image is likely to predict a higher level of happiness. So, where does nudism come into play? RELATED: Body positivity – loving my shape Well, research has also found that wider experience of the naked form correlates to an improvement in positive body image, in both male and female subjects (Swami, 2015). While Swami’s study concerned participants in a life-drawing class, the principle has been shown to apply to those engaging in unclothed activities within a group – practising nudism. What exactly is nudism? Before looking at the link between practising nudism and positive body image, it's worth making clear what nudism is and isn't, and understanding the difference between naturism also. Indeed, many people use these two terms interchangeably, but there are differences between them. The term 'nudism' dates back to the 1920s. Nudism is the activity of wearing no clothes, often because the person doing it simply enjoys the feeling of being undressed and believes that being in the buff is healthy. Indeed, part of nudism is about well-being. What nudism is not about is exhibitionism and a sexual nature. On the other hand, naturism has more philosophy attached to it. As with nudism, the concept of being undressed is key, but naturism extends to more of a lifestyle, often incorporating self-respect, pacifism, and respect for the environment. In fact, according to the International Naturist Federation, naturism is defined as 'how one can live in harmony alongside nature.' This is often characterised by practising communal nudity, such as a nudist campsite, with the intention of encouraging self-respect and togetherness. Nudism: the link with positive body image As has been shown, the mediating effect of improved body image on self-esteem and on happiness has been widely observed. It's only recently, though, that studies have directly targeted the links between nudism, naturism and contentment. RELATED: Emotional wellness – improving it through self-acceptance In 2017 K. J. West sought to observe the effects of nudism on positive body image, self-esteem and happiness, initially through comprehensive surveying and analysis and subsequently via real-life naturist activities. West hypothesised that greater engagement in naturism would correlate with a higher level of general satisfaction. He recruited 849 British adults with a range of ages, ethnicity, sexualities and genders. West presented them with a survey designed to ascertain ‘the effects of naturist activity on life satisfaction, mediated by improved body image and self-esteem’. “Research has found that wider experience of nudism correlates to an improvement in positive body image, in both male and female subjects.” Without being specific about the survey’s aims, participants were questioned about whether or not they had experience of ‘clothes-free activities’. Discounting those that involve close family or a sexual partner; subsequent questions thoroughly assessed the individuals’ level of self-worth and required them to grade from one to seven, representing strongly disagree to strongly agree, statements regarding body image, such as: I respect my body I do not feel good about my body Despite its flaws, I accept my body for what it is Similarly, a set of questions relating to self-esteem included: On the whole, I am satisfied with myself I feel that I have a number of good qualities All in all, I am inclined to think that I'm a failure While overall satisfaction with life was assessed using questions such as: In most ways, my life is close to ideal The conditions of my life are excellent I'm satisfied with my life (Un) dressed for success: nudism boosts positive body image Using the scores for these questions, referenced against each respondent’s level of participation in a naturist lifestyle, West presented empirical evidence for his conclusions. Positive body image: conclusions from study one West’s hypothesis was supported by the data. In fact, the data demonstrated a correlation between active involvement in nudism and higher incidences of overall happiness. This was mediated by a more positive body image and higher self-esteem. Analysis of the data suggests that the positive attitude to body image was not a determining factor in deciding to try naturism, yet rather a result of participating. There was also a reduced effect on improvement in satisfaction with increased involvement in naturist events. Applying the findings to real nudism activities With the core hypothesis supported, the natural progression was to test how it translated to real-life nudist activities. West identified an opportunity in a pre-arranged naturist event, 'Bare All For Polar Bears'. During this event 24 participants would be walking naked through Doncaster’s Yorkshire Wildlife Park in the United Kingdom. Having obtained permission, the subjects were given questionnaires, shortened versions of the survey in the first study, to be completed before disrobing. The same questionnaire was presented to them immediately after the event, once they had dressed. “The data demonstrated a correlation between active involvement in naturism and higher incidences of overall happiness.” Quantitative differences between pre- and post-event scores indicated ‘positive psychological effects’, appearing to support West’s hypothesis. However, caution must be applied due to both the small sample size and the possibility that other aspects had caused this effect, for example, the charitable nature of the event. The positive correlation was not reversible. This means that subjects were not more likely to embrace nakedness because they were already body-confident. Body image and nudism: study three For this element of the research, another pre-arranged event, 'Waterworld', was employed. Here, 100 adults were to remain naked for three hours in a waterpark in Stoke-on-Trent, United Kingdom. There was no requirement to take part in particular activities, merely to stay in the park. Again, the method was to administer the same pre- and post-event questionnaires as in the second study. As established, satisfaction was shown to follow, rather than to predict, naturism. Once again, clear evidence of a constructive effect on happiness, mediated by increased positive body image and higher self-esteem could be observed in the data extrapolated from the questionnaires. From this we can infer a correlation between nudism and satisfaction with one’s life. As in studies one and two, the relationship between nudism and high self-esteem and happiness was not shown to be reversible. Round-up: nudism and body image It's a scientific truism that correlation does not prove causation. Yet it cannot be ruled out that the act of being naked around non-intimate acquaintances boosts life satisfaction: a domino effect of nudism producing a positive body image, consequently improving self-esteem and leading to greater overall happiness. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our Academy Vulnerability | Confidence | Eating disorders | Courage Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article on happiness.com, please contact us.
  3. Accepting ourselves unconditionally is essential if we want to improve our levels of self-acceptance and emotional wellness. Discover three practical techniques you can implement that will help you do exactly that. In his blog post on Greater Good, Srini Pillay defines self-acceptance as “an individual’s acceptance of all his/her attributes, positive or negative. It includes body acceptance, self-protection from negative criticism, and believing in one’s capacities.” He links improved emotional wellness to self-acceptance. Though closely related, self-acceptance is different from self-esteem, as the latter refers to how worthwhile or valuable we see ourselves. The former, on the other hand, refers to a comprehensive affirmation of self. This allows us to accept all of ourselves, not just the good. We are able to recognize our limitations and weaknesses, but this by no chance hinders our ability to accept ourselves for who we are. RELATED: 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Many of us who have low self-acceptance try to suppress the feeling by attempting to accomplish great things. But this only serves as a Band-Aid approach to improving our self-esteem. Srini Pillay goes on to say that, “this only helps your self-esteem for a while. That’s because achievement is a poor substitute for intimacy.” Open up: emotional wellness can be achieved with honesty The truth is, if we want to improve our self-esteem and emotional wellness, we need to honestly explore all parts of ourselves that we've not come to terms with and that we have not fully accepted. It’s only when we stop being harsh critics of ourselves that we can develop a positive sense of who we are. This then explains why self-esteem naturally goes up as soon as we become self-accepting, which is crucial to our emotional wellness and overall happiness. What triggers self-approval? Much like self-esteem, we're able to become self-accepting as children to the extent our parents fully accept us. Scientific studies have shown that children who are younger than eight don't have the ability to create a distinct sense of emotional well-being other than that demonstrated by their parents or other caregivers. Extreme parental evaluation goes further beyond critiquing certain behaviors. For example, a parent may convey the message that their child is ungrateful, not smart enough and so on, and this significantly affects self-acceptance. In short, most of us continue ‘parenting’ ourselves throughout our lives much like how we were parented. It's true that with little or no self-approval, our psychological well-being suffers, and even when we seek help, it's often less fruitful compared to other people in the same situation who are more self-accepting. “If we want to improve our emotional wellness, we need to honestly explore all parts of ourselves that we've not come to terms with.” And in those people that have low self-acceptance levels, the brain sectors that control their emotions and stress levels have less gray matter compared to those people who have higher self-acceptance levels. This means those with lower self-acceptance capabilities physically have less tissue to work with in our brains, which, in turn, can trigger anxiety and stress. Emotional wellness: how to accept ourselves So far we've seen that our parents and the environment around us have had a profound effect on our ability to our self-acceptance. But, in truth, we need to learn to let the past go and discover new techniques of accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment. For the sake of our peace of mind, happiness and overall emotional wellness, we first need to accept ourselves unconditionally. There are three main ways we can boost our self-approval and acceptance levels and therefore our emotional wellness: 1. Self-regulation Self-regulation is a technique that allows us to shut down self-deprecating emotions and internal negative commentary and instead focus on our more positive attributes. Humans are naturally wired to focus on the negative and many of us experience damaging thoughts or feelings, such as not being good enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever enough, selfish, etc. “For the sake of our peace of mind, happiness and overall emotional wellness, we first need to accept ourselves unconditionally.” In fact, repeating these internal conversations damages our emotional wellness. Instead, use self-regulation to restructure these negative feeling and focus more on our positive attributes. Look at any flaws you believe you may have and consider them as great opportunities to help improve yourself. 2. Self-awareness Sometimes, our self-accepting level goes further than our conscious level such that when we are not self-accepting, we essentially split ourselves and feel incomplete. That is, the part that needs forgiveness and the one that should forgive are at loggerheads. Self-awareness helps us understand what is happening at a deeper level. And becoming more self-aware can enable us to improve our emotional wellness. Developing self-awareness can be an ongoing goal that incorporates many different methods. Those include: paying attention to what bothers you about other people, drawing a timeline of your life, asking for feedback from friends/colleagues, clarifying your values, and simply spending time with yourself through mindfulness and meditation. 3. Self-transcendence This allows us to depend on things that are outside of ourselves to define who we are. That is, we turn to an unseen force that connects us with the world. Some of the ways we can become self-transcendent is by contributing to charities, volunteering to help the less fortunate, and so on. Self-transcendence has been proven to impact our brains positively by increasing the release of our feel-good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin. This in turn reduces our stress levels and give us emotional fulfilment, boosting emotional wellness. A family affair: our parents influence our self-acceptance Meditation for increasing self-acceptance Loving-kindness and mindful meditations are two types of meditation that can help us become more self-accepting. By loving ourselves more and not judging ourselves, we're able to lower our brain response to anxiety and stress. As we develop our meditation practice, the activity in our brain regions that affect emotions will start to improve. As humans, we're all unique, and so not all of these methods work in the same way for everyone. The important thing is that if you struggle with self-doubt and internal negative voices that you need to affirm that you need to become more self-accepting and start doing what works for you. Take it one small step at a time, and you should start seeing positive results and a rise in your emotional wellness levels. ● Main image: Colorbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self care | Acceptance | Meditation | Body positivity | Nudism Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.
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