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  1. Hello, My name is Joey and I am currently in college. I've been participating in mindfulness meditation for about 2 months now and throughout the semester, it is still hard to try and be mindful or try to find a balance. Any advice? Thank you.
  2. Hello Cody, The way I like to meditate is quite simple: practicing being present with my experience moment to moment through the mindfulness of breathing mainly. I also find the practice of loving kindness (Metta Bhavana) extremely rewarding. I wish you well on your journey 🙂
  3. Nature, pure and simple. I regularly try and get outside, It has helped me through an awful lot of unhappiness and stress. I filmed the attached video last week in the forest. It was such a peaceful place. Reddit.mp4
  4. Dear Friends, it is well know that meditation has a positive impact on health. Lots of evidenced based studies have been carried out on with promising results. I am carrying out a study as my master's thesis asking the impact of meditation on the six dimensions of psychological well beings: Self-Acceptance, Personal Growth, Purpose in Life, Positive Relations With Others, Environmental Mastery, Autonomy. All of the six dimensions contributes to well being. In addition I am trying to see the change in selfview due to meditation practice (Self as an independent entity vs Self as connected to all beings). If you are interested in seeing the results and helping me to carrying out the study. Please take part of it. It is an an anonymous online study. Meditators and Non-meditators are required for this study. This study requires around 15min. It would be very helpful if you can support in carrying out the study and fill out the questions. The link to the study is https://www.soscisurvey.de/Selbstbild2022/ Nice greetings and thank you, Max
  5. I interpret the message in this way: the ultimate goal is to be as happy as possible, at all times. However, feelings of suffering should be dealth with, as they are a signal that tells that you are focusing on what you don't want instead of what you want. For example: if you have lost your job, and focus on the fact that you have less money than before, you are unhappy. If you ignore that feeling you will not be unhappy anymore, but you haven't dealth with the cause of the suffering. It's like taking a pill to get rid of stress-induced headache, instead of curing yourself by reducing the stress. However, if you look through the feeling of suffering, and reveal what you want, you focus on how a new job would impact your life. In this way, you have transcended unhappiness into happiness.
  6. Yes true... Sound healing frequency really helps to releasing the stress. it good for mental health.
  7. Equal Entertainment and Monism with God Even if somebody scolds Me, I do not get angry at all. In fact, I enjoy the scolding like a hot dish in the meal or like a tragic scene in a movie. God has created this world filled with happiness as well as misery, just as a movie is filled with both comic and tragic scenes or as a meal is filled with sweet and hot dishes. The opposites are to be enjoyed alternately. Any one thing continuing for a long time invariably leads to boredom. The Veda says that before creation, God alone existed. In that state, there was no second item and no changes at all. So, the state was boring. Therefore, God created this world for His entertainment, to get rid of boredom. God equally enjoys both the misery and the happiness that exist in His creation. He is like the eater enjoying his meal consisting of both sweet and hot dishes or like the spectator enjoying the movie having both comic and tragic scenes. Attaining this God-like state of equally enjoying both comedy and tragedy in the world is called yoga (Samatvaṁ yoga..., Tulya nindāstutiḥ..., Sukhaduḥkhe same...—Gita). Equal enjoyment does not mean that both comedy and tragedy are equal or that they are one and the same. The two are clearly quite different; they are opposites. The enjoyment or the entertainment obtained from both is the same. When you see a pot and a piece of cloth, the two items are different. The pot is not the cloth and the cloth is not the pot. But the process of seeing both is one and the same. If we want to achieve monism (Advaita) with God, we must at least achieve this state of equal entertainment in our lives while living in the world. As far as creation is concerned, we cannot create even a single atom, let alone creating the whole world. Neither can we control or destroy the world. In these three aspects of creation, control and destruction of the world, we can never achieve monism with God. This important concept is clearly stated in the Brahma Sūtra (Jagadvyāpāra varjyam...). We can at least try to enjoy this world like God who enjoys both comedy and tragedy and obtains the same entertainment from them. You can neither purchase the food materials nor cook the food. Your friend has purchased the food materials and even cooked the food. He has offered to let you eat the food along with him. Can you, at least, eat the food, equally enjoying both the sweet and hot dishes like your friend? If you cannot do even that much, how can you claim that you are equal to your friend? Can you not achieve oneness with him at least in the aspect of eating with equal enjoyment? When you cannot achieve equality with your friend in even a single aspect, where is the question of oneness or monism between the two of you? If you can equally enjoy both the sweet and hot dishes in the meal like your friend, you can at least claim equality or similarity with your friend in that one aspect of eating. On the basis of that one commonality, you could claim oneness in a loose sense. Similarly, if you can equally enjoy comedy and tragedy in the world like God, you could claim monism with God, in a loose sense. But remember that such loose monism is confined only to the single aspect of equally enjoying the world and not in the aspect of creating, controlling or destroying it. You can say that you have monism with your friend in the aspect of eating the food but you must also say that you have dualism with your friend in the aspects of purchasing the food materials and cooking the food. If you do not have even this one similarity in the aspect of eating the food, then you have no right to utter the word monism with your friend. If you are unable to attain similarity with God even in this one aspect of equally enjoying the world, you are an ordinary soul. Such an ordinary soul is totally different from God. It does not have even a single similarity with Him. A realized soul, who has attained this one similarity, is called a yogi. Such a yogi alone can claim monism with God in an approximate sense, based on this single similarity. The greatest surprise is that the Advaita philosopher claims monism with God in a strict sense, in the case of an ordinary soul! Of course, monism with God is possible in the case of a specific soul(like Rama, Krishna, Jesus, Sai Baba etc) who has been selected by God to become an Incarnation. In the Incarnation, God merges with that particular soul perfectly. But even in the case of the Incarnation, the perfect monism that exists between God and the soul is only to the extent of our imagination. Beyond the limits of our imagination, a dualism between God and that soul remains. Owing to this extremely subtle dualism, God can even withdraw from the soul in whom He has merged, at any time! The realized soul attains partial similarity with God in the single aspect of obtaining equal entertainment from the world. This state is called partial union or partial yoga with God. The Incarnation has full yoga (union) with God, to the extent of our imagination. One must remember that even in the case of an Incarnation, God can withdraw from the Incarnation’s soul. So, there is dualism between God and soul even in an Incarnation. Of course, that dualism is beyond the limits of our imagination. - By Shri Datta Swami www.universal-spirituality[.]org Universal Spirituality for World Peace
  8. SECRET OF LIFE ENJOY MISERY ALSO THE SAME WAY LIKE HAPPINESS WHOLE LIFE & CREATION IS ALTERNATE HAPPINESS & MISERY O Learned and Devoted Servants of God, The human being is reluctant to miseries and enjoys the happy situation. The human being can be compared to an ignorant child, who enjoys the sweets only and is reluctant to chillies. Hence, such a human being is ignorant. The grown up adult enjoys both sweets and chillies in the meals. Similarly, a realized soul enjoys both happy situation and miseries in the life. Therefore, it is only ignorance, which is the inability of art of enjoyment. God created this world with happiness and misery. People enjoy the cinema, which contains both pleasant scenes and tragic scenes. Similarly, people enjoy both sweet dishes and hot dishes in the meals. People enjoy the day and night. People enjoy the hot summer and the cold winter. The whole life and creation is full of alternating happiness and misery. If a person can enjoy both happy times and miseries in the life, he is equal to God. You may say that God enjoys the creation from outside. God also enters the creation in the form of human incarnation and enjoys both pleasant times and miseries in the life span. We see this truth in the life history of Rama and Krishna. Therefore, if you always crave for happiness only and reject miseries, it is unnatural and also ignorance of a child. The knowledge of the Gita preaches that you should enjoy even a top most misery, which is the time of death. If you enjoy both miseries and happy situations, you are in a continuous state of enjoyment. You think that continuous enjoyment comes only through continuous times of happiness in the life. It is not correct. You get bored if you are served only with sweet dishes in the meals. Boring is misery. Therefore, misery is inevitable like summer after winter and winter after summer. The Indians denote happiness through cooling. The foreigners represent happiness through warming, which is heat. Therefore, the happiness to one is misery to the other. What is the reason? The foreigner is mainly exposed to winter, which bores him. Therefore, for a foreigner, the heat is happiness. The Indian is mainly exposed to summer and therefore, cool atmosphere is happiness to him. This is a practical proof that the enjoyment is not confined to happy scene or tragic scene only. This also proves that you can enjoy both happiness and misery. Therefore, it is ignorance to ask God for removal of misery and sanction of continuous happiness. Happiness should lie in the process of enjoyment. Whether it is misery or happiness, you will find real happiness in the process of enjoyment of both. The happiness neither lies in the sweet dish nor in the hot dish. The happiness lies in the process of eating the dish, which may be hot or sweet. If this secret of life is known, you will never pray God for removal of problems and tensions. You will enjoy the problems and tensions and hence, there is nothing to pray God for something. Your prayer to God must be due to your attraction to Him for His excellent personality. Your praise of God must be based on your love for His divine personality. But, today we find most of the people praying God for sanction of continuous sweet dishes. Therefore, the desire for something gets smashed if you know the secret of this concept. Hence, there is no meaning in wishing somebody for a happy new year because continuous happiness bores and leads to misery only. The aspiration for continuous happiness through out the year is based on foolishness and ignorance. On the New Year, you must pray God thinking His divine personality and get attracted for His divine quality. You must at least achieve one of His basic qualities, which is enjoying both happy scenes and tragic scenes in the creation. On the Telugu New Year day, people generally take sweets and sour items mixed as offering of God (Prasadam), which shows the same concept of enjoyment of both happy and tragic movements in the life. This is the divine knowledge in nutshell present in all the divine scriptures of all religions. This is essence of the Gita preached by Lord. He enjoyed continuously in His life and even in the last situation, when He was shot dead by a hunter. This is essence to be learnt and practiced by every human being in this world. By Shri Datta Swami Universal Spirituality for World Peace
  9. Welcome. manifestation, meditation and stuff like this were just keywords to me. They are used a lot by people trying to convince others to buy their books or guides to the perfect life. But there is not that one secret which makes your life perfect. It's basically just taking some time for yourself to do nothing but think about your life goals or whatever else comes to your mind. This helps setting new aims and become self reflected. And it can help reducing stress.
  10. Hello all, I totally agree that music has a great impact on our feelings. I have recently created "Living Water Cinema" YouTube channel. This channel contains beautiful and relaxation music videos. Visit my channel and enjoy peaceful music. This will help you to relax your mind, to meditate and to free you from stress. Hope you support and enjoy videos from my channel.🙂 Below is the link to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFLGex_oatV6LFu8Rbj4pIQ
  11. I walk down the beach these days as a topples male with a huge fat hairy gut, quite content in my acceptance despite so many who look at me as If I have done something wrong. People envy me so much, what's a guy to do. As someone that used to be addicted to body image and expert at making that work, I now enjoy a new found sense of freedom. I still aim to keep my body in check and prone to bouts of exercise. That said, the term exercise no longer has the same meaning I once did. Such has been a huge liberation that can be found in no gym or experienced by having any one kid of body shape. What's inside and how we resonate with that can have more impact in terms of one's health when is comes to a mindfulness base stress reduction program. In fact it is key.
  12. There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during August, but you may not have seen them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. August was a great month for positive new stories. Of course, there were also plenty of dismal news items that got lots of coverage. This meant that some of the more joyful stories didn't get the attention they deserved. In case you missed them, read on to discover more about some of the brighter news events from the last month. 1. New replacement material for cartilage developed Bio-materials are nothing new but researchers have often struggled to produce a replacement for cartilage. This has now changed thanks to scientists working in the United States. They have come up with a type of hydrogel that mimics the way cartilage performs in human joints. Indeed, the team reckon that their material could be being used medically to help repair knee joints in patients as soon as next year. According to TCT Magazine, the material can be 3D-printed to the specific requirements of individual patients, so it could be a game-changer for many people. 2. Tears of joy aren't just a human phenomenon It may not necessarily change the world for the better, but one news story reported by CNN could change the way we think about happiness in both humans and dogs. Up until now, tears of happiness were often thought to be produced only in people. However, the latest research suggests that dogs experience the same thing when they're reunited with their owners. It's the first time that crying has been linked to an emotional response in the animal kingdom. As well as being of scientific interest, it's news that's bound to make dog lovers happy. Dogs can cry too shutterstock/NatRomero 3. Alzheimer's researchers reverse the condition According to a report published in Newsweek, scientists have come up with a reversal therapy for Alzheimer's disease. Working with mice, they have successfully shown that the pace of the dementia condition can be slowed down, stopped and eventually reversed. This offers new hope to those with the brain disease, as well as those who live and care for them. The gene-based therapy stimulates neurons in the brain, specifically the hippocampus, which is associated primarily with memory function. RELATED: How to talk to a parent with dementia 4. Nepal's tiger population has tripled from a historic low The Nepalese tiger was once on the brink of extinction. Even in this remote part of Asia, tigers were under severe pressure. However, recent reports in numerous media outlets state that there are some 355 tigers in the wild in Nepal. This means that it's the first time in six years that there has been an upward trend in global tiger numbers. It's hoped that the success in Nepalese conservation efforts can soon be reproduced elsewhere with other domestic tiger populations. 5. Great barrier reef in recovery mode As stated by the BBC, the world's largest coral habitat – the Great Barrier Reef in Australia – is recovering after years of suffering. According to the latest surveys, although there are remaining problems in some parts of the reef, areas in the northern and central sections have more coral than has ever been detected before. The reef has been monitored carefully by oceanographers for 36 years, and in these areas, the coral has never been so healthy. This biodiverse part of the world may still be threatened by climate change but it seems there is hope. 6. Science says quiet is good for us A report published in New Scientist said that the latest research indicates that silence can be truly golden. In an increasingly noise-filled world, finding quiet spaces and activities can benefit our health, both mentally and physically. The article cites the World Health Organization as one body that agrees noise can be detrimental to human health. Whether it's from practising forest bathing, spending time in isolation tanks or taking some you-time for your meditation sessions, the power of silence is shown to be real. Silence really is golden shutterstock/everst 7. Norwegian cheese good for bone growth Conditions like osteoporosis could be staved off or at least felt less severely thanks to a type of cheese made only in Norway. In a small, if thorough, scientific study, it was found that Jarlsberg was good for the bone health of consumers who ate it in small quantities. It's thought this is because this particular type of cheese contains a relatively high level of vitamin K2 content. According to the Guardian, a modest daily portion is all it takes to feel the benefit of the cheese. However, overconsumption can counteract any of the positive outcomes, so sticking to smaller quantities is recommended. 8. Record-breaking plastic removal from the Pacific Ocean A number of press outlets carried a story about the removal of large amounts of plastics from the so-called Great Pacific Garbage Patch. This is an area of the ocean where much of the world's discarded plastic ends up. The good news is that a Dutch operation has just announced that it has removed more than 100,000 kilos of plastic from the patch. There is still a long way to go, because, by their estimates, this is just 0.1 per cent of the total. That said, the group behind the project reckon they can remove 90 per cent as soon as 2040. 9. Flowers planted to reduce traffic speeds According to the Swindon Advertiser, residents of the English village of Long Newnton have come up with an ingenious way to stop people from speeding. Instead of putting up extra warning signs or using traditional traffic-calming measures, they have planted wildflowers at the side of the road. By scattering the seeds of thousands of flowers, more drivers have been encouraged to slow down so they can enjoy the blooms as they pass by, thereby lowering the average speed of drivers passing through. According to one local official, flowered villages appear to be more looked after, something else that sends a signal to motorists to slow down. 10. Cooperation is increasing among strangers, study suggests Although it only looked at the levels of cooperation in Americans, one recent study from the US has found a 60-year high in the way that strangers interact with one another. The American Psychological Association was behind the research, as reported by SciTech Daily. It suggests this is the most cooperative Americans have been with others they don't know since the 1950s. In total, some 63,000 people took part in numerous studies to produce the report. Oddly, these results seem to counter the common belief that people are generally less cooperative than they used to be. It seems that myth can now be debunked in earnest. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biotechnology | Biology | Sustainability Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.
  13. It would someone has added two two lines at that end of what I previously said which I actually did not write nor beleive. Is no more than an invitation which is why I choose to smile instead of get upset. Whilst I may have a different opinion on society and the like, I don't change the words of others by adding words and then quote as if they wrote them when they did not. That's a pretty sad act. An education such as you describe will not help a person overcome such things. You can be sure it will drive the very nature that leads them to resist and create conflict for themselves and all those around them. Curriculum education leads to repeaters that get rewards based on how well they repeat. Cheating leads to the same thing. Jump through the hoops, then unlearn and then perhaps graduation will come. I understand well such resistance that leads to such internal conflict that lead to this act the corrupting of my words I'm used to people changing my words and or in this case manipulating them just to incite a negative reaction whilst validating themselves. Instead this does more to show one's true colors but not all bad as in itself is a good learning experience after all. Good luck with your education.
  14. Fact. There are many people and services that would like us to think we are broken for many selfish reasons. If that's not hard enough, those feelings also be addictive where they can become the only emotions we know. Perhaps better said we cling to our pain because we know nothing else. The good news is it does not have to be that way. We always have a choice and not one of those check boxes either where others make multiple choices and then tell us to pick one. Regarding shame, it’s not our fault the world be that way or it be as you just said. We live in a world that encourages others to cut people out of their lives whom feel ashamed and have low self-esteem because we drag them down. As a result, those kinds of people surround themselves with 'only' things that bring them bliss and joy. They also become addicted clinging to the only emotions they know. They tend to only write about things that make them feel joyful and happy whilst we tend to write about things that make us sad. Rarely do I read articles that are well balanced. Mostly because drugs and drama sells. The happy people only want to hear about happy things, whilst the sad people only want to hear about sad things. Each dynamic makes for popular songs, poems, articles and the like. Movies follow that same pattern although somewhat more deceptive. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, happy, sad, up & down - woohoo - violence - villain & hero with whatever ideals weaved in-between. Such being the way peoples sting of cords are influenced to swing. Alas, we adopt the pattern of thinking that we must either become anyone of those characters in order to fit in or adopt the belief that we are just too broken and in need of a hero to come along and fix us. Your right about others having their own set of problems. Most don't answer because they are memorized by the same spell of which I speak. But that does not take away how it is that many of us feel so disconnected living in a world like that. That shame you talk about is also projected ... again not our fault. That said, it does not have to be a problem if only one or two take a stand and point that *&^% out. Just because the world is so unbalanced and jacked up on all that does not mean we have to wear it. That's the choice I am talking about. Please excuse my frustration coming out. Sometimes we got to let go of that as well, but helps not to hurt others in that process. Given the amount of articles on cutting others out is it any wonder so many of us walk on egg shells. Laughs out loud. Is a good practice to be mindful. Once you practice it long enough it kind of sticks and other areas of our life – up or down it does not discriminate. Sorry I use too many words. Is a complex world and the way we get sucked in is just as complex. Those are hard core feelings your talking about. Many of us have different circumstances but you can be sure there are many quiet ones out there too afraid and ashamed to find their voice. Good for you! I don't mean to dismiss your feelings by saying you got nothing to feel ashamed about because anyone living in this *&^%ed up being how I just described is understandable that so many of us are regularly cut out ... our reaching out going unanswered. Like I don't know the answers myself and or what you’re looking for. We are all at difference stages within what I call a game with a lot of messed up rules. Some people just want to continue with what they only know re clinging and all that and then others are having trouble letting go. I know I am a bit of both but with the inclination of working towards answers I have previously found that are hard to explain. The take away in that is its not easy to stay on track when we do let go of the pain. I'm probably not making much sense but is always nice to touch base with someone that sounds as if they know some of what I mean. I hear ya is all. A lot of people don't like me talking this way but you know what ... the more I write, the more I like me. Having said that though, I know it's not just about me which is why I cared to reply and reach out at all. Please don't feel ashamed because your taking time to acknowledge what's within. My advice would be we would do well not to dig deep holes we often dig keep it honest as well. Try to write more from your own perspective and not so much of someone else's. That's the other thing about today's digital world. Many of us have become mindless observers and repeaters. Lately I have been writing in an online journal. I kind of gave up on this space because it feels more like a single pick up joint where only the pretty little profile pics grabs people’s attention away from their phones. lol. Seems true enough if you take the time to look around. It's all pretty much base on external dynamics and only those who talk about bubbly things and or self-promoting with claims of being fixers but not posting much else. That said that core focus of this site seems to be based on some really great methods and one's that have helped me a lot. Those courses are finished now, but I guess it's good they have left the platform open for those few that can make real connections. Don't mind all those people, the crowed that leave so many feeling even more isolated simply by their presence. Is like how the city by for many living in it. You seem like a nice person and although I'm not basing that on your image of a green leaf - you spoke up about how you’re really feeling and did so very well. I don't much on most platforms because I struggle to use less than a thousand words. This post consisting of 1150 to be exact. Smiles – All good. If you read this, then you’re a real person and I think your awesome. Keep expressing as you feel best. Nice to of met you. Those that often say we have low-self-esteem don’t understand it’s more a case of how this world and others in it constantly let us down. I just wanted to say I think your awesome and glad you’re it. : ) ~ Dave.
  15. Meditation helps me a lot too. I started with mindfulness meditation. First few years trying it out allone with the guidance of the books, mostly from Jon Kabat-Zinn, which I can highly recomment. Now I am practicing with a Zen community. Here I come to see how important it is to have an authentic and compationate teacher, who can guide you on the path. It changes my life profoundly in a positive way. Paraphrasing other teachers: Happiness is found in your mind, not outside. Wishing you all the best on your journey, Max
  16. Dear Dave, Nice to meet you too First of all thank you for sharing your experience with me. Let me begin with answering your question about the study. I did not create the questions by myself. The questions are a collection of validated questions from different universities working on the field psychological well beings, social psychology, and mindfulness research. The two questions about the body weight and size are just control questions, only to check if the study result for self-view has influenced by the body size or not. I agree with you that the textbooks are not sufficient to put someone in a position, that he or can really be a help of others. Also the certificates do not say anything. For me it is just a door opener. I secretly hope that the combination of my formal education as psychologist and my meditation practice and the teaching of my teachers can get me somedays in a position, where I can be really of help for my fellow. But it is still a good way to go I am very sad to hear that you had bad experience with the people in the field. I can imagine that this makes the life even harder as it already is. It puts people in a helpless situation. And this is a situation, one can hardly imagine, if not experienced by him/herself. Instead of being helped, one just loose the confidence and think, even the specialist cannot help me in that situation. I think like every occupation, they are good and bad practioners. It is important not to give up. I really do wish, that finally you will meet the right person, who is able to help you. I would be happy if we can stay in touch. I hope you had a nice time cycling and enjoying the sun 🤠. All the best🙏☘️ Max
  17. None of us is perfect. Yet, perfectionism isn’t a rare trait and often overlaps with anxiety, research suggests. Sonia Vadlamani recommends effective ways to cope with perfectionism and anxiety, so we can lead productive, happier lives. Most of us have a friend or colleague who claims to be obsessed with achieving perfection – someone who just can’t help doing it the ‘right’ way, be it at their workplace, in the kitchen, or at a hobby they pursue. Perhaps as you read this, you will realize that this describes you quite accurately as well. While most people intend to do well at the tasks and goals they want to accomplish, some individuals set exceedingly high standards for everything they set out to achieve, firmly believing that to strive for perfection in this manner is ideal. At the outset, perfectionism – or the innate desire to be ‘flawless’ at everything one does – seems like a positive personality trait. After all, it’s natural to want to be our best version every day, and we often equate perfectionism to being a high achiever. However, constantly maneuvering over each detail and wanting to nitpick every aspect while hoping for a ‘nothing-less-than-perfect’ outcome can be exhausting and stressful, thus impacting one’s mental health in the longer run. As a food photographer and writer, I feel a compulsion to track down the tiniest mistake and correct the same in all my pictures and posts. It can be said that perfectionism is a useful and even desirable trait in the field of photography and writing. However, I came to understand the traps of perfectionism as a personal trait all too well when a friend pointed out how it spoils one’s overall experience or ability to enjoy the present moment – something we talk a lot about here at happiness.com! We were exploring a stretch of the most picturesque trails along Cinque Terre, which comprises of five fishing villages strung along the Ligurian coast in Italy. The stunning green-blue sea, colorful quaint houses built into the cliffs, the delicious Ligurian fare can be a delight for the visitors. But here I was, fumbling with my camera all along, stressing to avoid the ‘aesthetically imperfect’ details like chipped paint, potholes on the streets, etc, anxious to get as many perfect pictures as I could. Do your perfectionist ways make you anxious? Hours later as the sun began to set, my friend walked over to where I stood with my tripod to ask in a gentle tone that belied his irritation, “Would you mind just soaking in the sight and live this gorgeous sunset, instead of worrying about capturing it perfectly on your camera?” The question proved to be a reality check: what else was I missing out on in my mad quest for perfection? Years later and after a lot of introspection, I now consciously try to never let perfectionism and the anxiety that accompanies it to take control over me. What exactly is perfectionism? American Psychological Association defines perfectionism as the "the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation." Depending upon how one lets the ideals of perfection affect them, perfectionism can be a positive or ‘adaptive’ or negative or ‘maladaptive’ personality trait. Here are a few ways to recognize some aspects of perfectionism that pertain to you: always feeling highly competitive a rigid outlook or way of thinking feeling insecure, shame or guilt over your less-than-ideal performance sensitivity or resistance to constructive feedback feeling the urge to constantly criticize others experiencing uncontrollable anger when things don’t go the planned way According to a literary review by researchers Silvia Bigatti et al, perfectionism can foster unrealistic standards and expectations from ourselves and others. These idealistic – and frankly impractical – expectations can further intensify negative emotions and feelings like stress, anxiety, increasing dissatisfaction with the self and imposter disorder. The constant rumination about what things ‘could be’ or ‘should be’ can increase stress levels and affect productivity, thus impacting one’s psychological well-being as well. What exactly is anxiety? Anxiety is a state of negative expectation, signs of which can be characterized as apprehension and increasing state of distress or worry, or unfavorable physical sensations such as elevated heart rate and jitteriness. While anxiety can occasionally result in a positive outcome, persistent or prolonged anxiety can hamper one’s day-to-day function, often resulting in high stress levels and depression. How are perfectionism and anxiety linked? Research reveals a substantial correlation between perfectionism and anxiety. The National Institute of Mental Health reveals that about 1 in 5 American adults experience the overlap of perfectionism and anxiety in a given year, wherein the fear of making mistakes, underachievement and failure compels individuals to devise unattainable high standards to value their success in terms of attainment of the goals set for themselves. “Grounding yourself in your body is an effective way to overcome the obsessive thoughts related to perfectionism and anxiety.” Indeed, perfectionists find it difficult to hand over control of an outcome or scenario until everything is flawless or perceivably perfect in their eyes. As psychologist Thomas S Greenspon describes, “perfectionistic people typically believe that they can never be good enough, that mistakes are signs of personal flaws, and that the only route to acceptability as a person is to be perfect”. Ironically, this obsession with excellence can get overwhelming and all-consuming, wherein the resulting anxiety and fear of judgement can convince you to do nothing at all if you can’t do it with utter perfection. This condition is known as ‘analysis paralysis’, in which the fear of a less-than-perfect decision or action leads to prolonged avoidance of action, or procrastination. However, it’s important to know that you can cope with, or even break free from the perfectionism trap, regardless of whichever aspects of perfectionism you associate most with. Dealing with anxious perfectionism Coping with perfectionism and anxiety doesn’t always mean that you must lose sight of your goals or give up on your dreams. It just means that you need to change your perspective and realign your approach, so that you can still chase your goals and strive to succeed, albeit not at the cost of your mental health or well-being. Here are some tips to help you cope with your perfectionism and the anxiety that often accompanies it. 1. Identify your personal tendencies The first step towards tackling perfectionism and anxiety is to recognize the signs that your high standards are impacting your normal daily functioning, thus perhaps affecting your well-being adversely. Take periodic reality checks to consider if your tendency to be perfect is affecting your interpersonal relationships, work life or social calendar. Recognizing how your standards impact these aspects of your life will help you regulate the burden you impose on yourself, eventually enabling you to be productive while leading a happier, more content life. 2. Set small, realistic goals “Tackling perfectionism requires disrupting all-or-nothing thinking,” says Dr Karen McDowell, a psychology specialist. Breaking your goals into smaller, achievable objectives will help you approach the tasks at hand in a realistic manner, thus preventing overwhelming and unrealistic standards getting in the way of your dreams. “Self-compassion can prove to be an effective remedy for perfectionism and anxiety. Being kind to ourselves entails acknowledging our limitations and shortcomings.” Use SMART goals to keep yourself motivated and focused on the process, while keeping perfectionism and anxiety at bay. Take time to periodically look at the big picture to prevent getting bogged down by the smaller, relatively inconsequential details as perfectionists often tend to do, and reflect on how far you’ve come. 3. Accept that it’s OK to be imperfect While most of us consider mistakes and imperfections as weaknesses, Brené Brown, the author of Gifts of Imperfection reveals that “imperfection really is a gift”, as it’s what renders us authenticity and makes us unique and interesting. Accepting this for a fact can help us relax our pace from relentless obsession over our efforts and results, thus keeping anxious perfectionism at bay. Brown further suggests that embracing your imperfections by incorporating the 3C’s – courage, compassion and connection can be the key to a happier self and wholehearted living. 4. Practise self-compassion Self-compassion can prove to be an effective remedy for perfectionism and anxiety that stems from it. Being kind to ourselves entails acknowledging our limitations and shortcomings and accepting that it’s perfectly acceptable to fail at a task at hand. Practicing self-compassion helps keep self-criticism and the fear of failure under check, allowing us to be present and act consciously, instead of being preoccupied with perfection. 5. Practise mindfulness Mindfulness exercises can prove to be a great way to manage perfectionism and anxiety. Being aware of self-sabotaging thoughts and patterns that occur to you repeatedly will help you devise coping skills which are more effective for you. Indeed, bringing awareness and focus to your thoughts in this manner can be a gradual process. However, with consistent practice you will develop the skill of self-validation and self-acceptance, which will enable you to gradually overcome your obsession with perfection. 6. Create a grounding ritual Grounding yourself in your body is an effective way to overcome the obsessive thoughts related to perfectionism and anxiety, suggests Emilea Richardson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Engaging in conscious breathing can help divert your attention away from overwhelming thoughts regarding your efforts and results. Similarly, establishing a regular meditation practice, daily journaling to jot down thoughts, patterns, and resolutions can direct your awareness towards progress you’ve made so far. 7. Know when you need outside help Sometimes it may be difficult to cope with, or even come to terms with one’s impossibly high standards of perfection. Understand that it’s perfectly acceptable – and recommended, even – to seek professional help when perfectionism and anxiety begin to interfere with your daily tasks and performance. A professional can help you identify your self-limiting thoughts and behaviors, in addition to devising the right coping methods that can help you overcome your fear of judgement and failure. Takeaway: Perfectionism and anxiety Perfectionism can undoubtedly raise your performance levels and take you closer to achieving your goals. However, when fueled by a crippling fear of failure and conditional self-worth, a perfectionist is likely to experience detrimental mental health conditions like anxiety, imposter syndrome and depression. Harnessing the positives of perfectionism, while preventing or overcoming anxious perfectionism isn’t an impossible feat, but requires prompt identification and acceptance, followed by constant and persistent efforts towards the same. • Main image: shutterstock/Andrey_Popov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Communication skills | Friendship | Compassion Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.
  18. Yes.. very true.. music really helps to release the stress and tension. In fact it is sound vibrations that used in healing. The power of Sound Healing, Drumming and Meditation is at our fingertips to help us improve our thinking, feeling and being.
  19. Dear Mau5e, Dear All I like what you are saying. It is not easy to realise that one is not only a robot 🤖, passed down with the programming, gernerations of generations. I am now 46 years old. I think at least more than half of my life I lived as a robot, never doubt the programming I have received from my parents and environment. I had the luck to meet psychology and Mindfulness meditation, which make me able to see that everything appears in the mind are just thoughts without any substance. With that I start to see that we are not the slave of our conditionings. Since that I am practicing Zen regularly and start to uncover more and more. Life become easier and easier 🙂🙂 I wish everyone will have the blessings to be in touch with the reality 🙏❤️ All the best, Max
  20. Please don't mind my quirky sense of of expression. I really mean no harm and like many others wish to make positive connections. Yesterday I read this website's article on how nostalgia can console and aging heart (my take) and noted the mention how various clinical practices are wary of said states of mind. I'm no expert on nostalgia but the essence of that article rang true enough for me. I only mention this stream of thought like so as to introduce an old poem I wrote some time ago that draws upon a time in my life where during adversity I was able to connect with a form of happiness that always been with me. I share this now: Perhaps not your average take on nostalgia but for me, many of my past recollections to do with personal associations that bring me peace are typically experienced through adversity. I only just found this poem this morning looking for through my large collection or personal photos hoping to find a positive association wishing to share another scenic image which typically yields for me a form of peace. I am hoping to get back into the practice of likewise photography in the near future but for now content to use online text. I don't like taking up space so don't suppose I will be hear for long as the inactivity is kind of making me stand out more then I like so perhaps will opt for a blog. Anyhoooows ... while I am here this for me rates as a share. You know, if I heard Eckhart Tolle correctly, I beleive it was a park bench him when he connected with that something within. I remember him distinctly talking about a similar experience that makes me think of how many times my homeless past offered me similar states of mind to much of what he went on teach. Heads Up! - I'm not saying I'm Jesus Christ. Laughs out loud because we got plenty of Messiah Complexes in this selfie age and I recoil from all of them. To be sure I struggle like every other human re my ego and I'm pretty sure it's woven into my text but I do try to be mindful of such things. I'm no guru on any of these things and in fact do not like self professed or glorified people. I don't do well with audiences because of such things and feel sad the way other people hold up popular people and then sell and profit kind of thing. Yet again I am sure we are all guilty of doing the same things on a personal level because is how we are pretty much conditioned to think and feel 24/7 But enough of that before that objective side of me if pegged as cynical. Any form of discomfort is shadow banned. How's that for perception management? Rhetorical Back to the love and light not being as it's always perceived. I finish this post with my take on nostalgia: "...on how nostalgia can console and aging heart ..." 3rd sentence in my above opening. I find as one grows older the distance between such spiritual connections (which I pretty much feel consciousness awakening/deeply felt mindful/'less' experiences are) grows more distance due to intolerance. Yet adversity seems to be ageless and the age factor in my spiel here is not quite right for me as I struggle to grasp with what I am really trying to say. Like I can see how it is that many people blinded by unconsciousness in the waking world only have their first spiritual insight only when their bodies start degrade to a point beyond their control as is inventible. Much of my quirky satire in my previous post includes this same take in the healing and well being industry. In fact much of it is based on avoiding the inevitable. But back to intolerance which and can often be expressed in terms of age but more so time under stress. The latter clinical but more often understood. The connection between time under stress and an aging heart is what I sense I am aiming for when attributing the solace that can drawn when looking back on whatever association. Despite being raised in a very religious surrounding that whilst did more damage than good for quite some time, I had this intrinsic connection with some kind invisible light despite the many who seemed unable to foster me. That said I was still prone to fall victim to another side of myself that played it's part as no more than byproduct in a very toxic system. That part of me is still very caught up in that world where it takes a lot of skill and focus NOT to identify with the many labels; we all have them and many they be. That's my morning share. Now I am off for a simply bicycle ride to catch up with a friend similar but not quite like me. Like minds do not always have to be a thing. hehe little chuckle at that one. Best to remain open no matter what and be accepting of everyone regardless of this world of boxes. Less is best in a world of excess. Quality over quantity but without the contention for that which does not fit. From this square peg ... peace out. 😉
  21. Hi Fizzy. I'm feeling that too. I'm only new here myself. I don't think this place is as active as it used to be. Seems to be built around an online course based on MBSR. That's what got my attention as I used to be right into the founders books and teachings some 8 years ago. I used to take a lot of medications back then but pleased to say today I rarely take any. Unfortanley the course here does not seem to be currently running but since I saw some activity and the space in here still available, I figured I would use it to post as I do. I generally don't make many connections myself due to my own quirks but find it's worth sticking around for those few that understand and able to reach out when they do. My version of happiness does not come with all the bells and whistles so many others are taught which is why I'm sure my path is much more like a void but I'm down with the void as that too is not always what it seems. Nice to meet you. 🙂
  22. Yes, music always helps me deal with stress. It's the mechanism that helps me in many ways, but especially in difficult circumstances. I usually like to include videos from youtube, most of the time I download them from Tubidy because it's much more convenient for me to listen to music offline. It's also a great way for me to go somewhere and not have to worry about being without music. That's my everything.
  23. Happiness isn't a choice. Happiness is fleeting and based on external circumstance. Joy is our natural state and is so much more than happiness. We can choose joy by not choosing to identify with anything less.
  24. Thanks for the story, I have a lot of stress myself, that's why it's helpful to read something like this.
  25. Ponder. Sounds like u r a good man with a lot of responsibility and stress. I am not if ubwant advice about your predicament since u shared so such and I am not qualified to give it. But I would say that your family should pull together (not saying they dont) and allow you time to have outside time. If you fall ill whose going to be there for them etc. Thanks for your advice I agree resigning to one's predicament does give u a feeling of equanimity but it is hard to stay there because humans are social animals. I wish u all the best and send u positive thoughts thank u for sharing.
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