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What to do if everyone is quite, and there is nothing to listen to? the art of listening helps when people talk, u listen, and the communication will go fluently, and the other person will be happy bc they can also feel that u listen. But… in some situations, people will be silence, they will rather listen to u, or they will just not talk. I am just confused how this theory works in these situations

I'm confused... You present your theory "The art of listening" to us... And now you want us to explain your theory? I will try. There is passive listening, where someone just listens to something and that's it. Passive listening can be boring and it ends, when the speaker is done. Then there is active listening, where someone is guiding a conversation with questions and interaction to start a conversation and to keep it alive. A good example are interviews and talk shows. So if you would like to get to know people and nobody is active, then you can be the active part by telling stories and asking questions.

Listening is also very important in maintaining strong relationships.

I'm working with a client who makes me feel crazy. I don't remember who else said this but I remember reading that "the worst I feel after our sessions, the better my client feels". And I feel the same way. It's tough as this person just keeps replaying the same movements of hurt in their lives again and again and again. And so I tried everything, but this person just keeps coming back to me with the same problem, same complaints, and they just make me feel bad. To give you an example, they are a POC, and they have a big issue with the white community, with racism, sexism, and overall other people's behavior, with me being the white male, meaning that I'm exactly the type of person she has an issue with. And so I try to show compassion by relating to her feelings and trying to reframe her feelings, listening, and letting her vent out. It gets very dark sometimes and I just keep on being sucked into all this drama, not really able to break through, as this person isn't allowing herself to follow my advice. Sometimes, she doesn't even want to let me talk, but just uses me as a way to express all her negative emotions, saying that while she knows that she knows what she must do, she just doesn't want to pull the trigger, rather revisit the same hurt again and again and again. I mean, I tried to play emotional chess with her, whereas I try different approaches trying to break through. And while there is arguably some progress, the effort has to be bilateral, with her listening to me, doing the exercises, and overall wanting to break free from these emotions to a degree that they actually do something about it. Anyone else has a similar problem?

Hello I know I can't be alone in this, but it seems like life becomes something of a horrible cycle between your bed at home and your seat at work, and any semblance of joy you end up killing, be that drinking too much coffee, too much wine, too much of a game etc, just so you get that feeling of control, or a flicker of joy. What's even worse is you attach yourself to people or things, and that almost becomes your purpose, but because of the low energy of your life mixed with the high expectation 'this thing' or person, who will somehow overcome all of life's misery, instead makes you feel flat upon contact with the enemy when you realise there was little to be gained, nothing but the hole in your stomach and black tar on your brain. I sit here now, my children asleep, listening to the sounds of cars driving by and sometimes the heightened chatter of passers by. Yet within me I feel that horrible sinking feeling that with each passing second, the world becomes further and further away from my reach.

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR VULNERABLE HEART (From a letter to a friend) “Your vulnerability is a gift, my love, of course. But please, offer it only to those who truly want it, tender it only to those who sincerely appreciate it and can offer their own tenderness in return, otherwise you will hurt yourself in the long run, and a kind of lonely, resentful despair will take root. Give your precious fragility to those who truly desire – and are willing - to step into a sacred field of deep listening with you, who want to work hard with you to create a safe, empathic, trustworthy and enduring connection. This will not happen overnight. It will take more than words. It will take time. Months. Years, maybe. Perhaps decades. As you are learning, it’s easy to talk about vulnerability. It’s easy to say “I love you”, and speak convincing, uplifting, inspiring words about closeness, love, empathy, deep connection, and “sharing our hearts”. We feel good speaking these words and we want to believe in them. But words are meaningless, empty, unless they are proven in the crucible of connection. Let us not live in hope, and let us not merely pay lip service to the idea of closeness. True friendship, which is love, asks of us our blood, sweat and tears, and even “empaths” can have trouble with being empathic, as you are finding out. Here is the truth: Some beings want your vulnerability and some do not. Some are willing to put in the work, and some are not. Some can handle your vulnerability, and some cannot, at this point in their lives, anyway. Some will say they want your truth and your love and your friendship, but are incapable of actually offering or receiving it. (No judgement here. We all can be more or less self-absorbed or narcissistic at different times in our lives, can’t we?) At worst, those who do not want your vulnerability will ignore it, shame it, or blame you for feeling how you feel, needing what you need and thinking what you think. They will use your vulnerability against you, break your trust and break your heart, ridicule you for being how you are, even call you names. You will leave interactions feeling reduced, unworthy, unheard, unsafe. You may end up blaming yourself, but this may just be a sign that you need more protection from such a person, better boundaries, more space, less closeness. Listen to your body. Yes, if you listen to your body, you will learn who to open your heart to and who to distance yourself from emotionally and even physically. You will learn who is safe, and who is not, despite all the words. You will sense - energetically - who is truly ready and willing to receive the gift of your vulnerability, and who is not. Who truly wants your fragile, open heart, and who does not. It’s okay to draw and redraw boundary lines over time. (Your boundaries are an expression of your power). It's okay to share more then to decide to share less. To open up, and to close down again as you gather new information and perspective. To take one step forwards… and two steps back. Love loves the opening and the closing too, the forwards and the backwards of the dance of intimacy. You do not have to be vulnerable with everyone you meet, and especially not when you first meet them. You do not have to share your heart – your truth, your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your dreams, your hopes and your fears - until you feel ready, and you may never feel ready, and that’s okay. Don’t let anyone pressure you into opening up. You do not owe anyone anything at all. (And remember, you don’t have to share anything with me that you don’t feel safe to share, dear one. Anything at all, ever.) Your vulnerability is a gift you can give to those who have proved they are ready, willing, and able to receive it. Sometimes you may have to learn through trial and error. You may feel you have shared too much, so you can pull back. Or perhaps you will find the courage to offer a little more vulnerability than before, and see how it’s received. You will spot patterns over time. You will see how someone responds to your open heart. You will not be able to see everything in the beginning. Hope and the mind’s fantasies of love can blind you. Stay connected to your gut. It will not lie. When you find someone who can truly receive your vulnerability, over time, and can offer their open heart in return, rejoice! As you know, it is this safe, empathic, consistent and reliable relational field, this sacred space that accepts us exactly as we are, brokenness and all - in other words, the presence of God - that ultimately heals our deepest trauma.... whether you find this warm love in a friend… or a lover, a partner, a family member, a therapist, a healer, a pet, an imaginary figure of light, a two hundred year old tree… or in the deepest recesses of your own beautiful self…. So yes, your vulnerability is a precious gift, my love, but to whom are you offering it? Who has the maturity, courage, trustworthiness and strength to fully receive it, and consistently reflect it back to you? Who truly wants you, the authentic you, the unmasked you, the raw and unfiltered and imperfect you? Who simply talks about love and empathy and connection and family… and who actually does the hard work of meeting you, deeply listening to you, valuing and honouring you, in a real and embodied way? These are the questions you are being guided towards now, my love, as you rediscover your true worth…” - Jeff Foster

Hi, I'm new to the forum but not to meditation. I found peace of mind in my teens with Yoga although I didn't consciously meditate. In my thirties I started going to a Tai Chi class which taught me a lot about mindfulness, although it wasn't called that at the time. Tai chi is a form of meditation in itself even though it is practiced moving. I got 'into' Tai Chi so much that when a friend asked me to take over teaching a class, I took it on and over the last twenty plus years I have developed that and run a few regular classes every week. To be more precise, just over five years ago I found a Qigong teacher and have gradually changed my practice and teaching to that discipline. For those of you who don't know what Qigong is, it's the precursor of Tai Chi and goes back centuries. My Qigong teacher is very knowledgeable and also practices Shiatsu and has run both Tai Chi and martial arts classes. However, he does not meditate as such, although the way he practices Qigong is very profound and internal. Six years ago I had a mild heart attack, and have suffered from palpitations for as long as I can remember. This means that I find it uncomfortable using internal cues such as the heartbeat in meditation. Whenever I feel anxious and have a high heart rate, I find that listening to my heartbeat or breath is not soothing, and often only magnifies my discomfort. I find daydreaming most effective in calming and lowering my heart rates - imagining a relaxing scenario or 'telling myself a story'. My question is this - is there a way to overcome my discomfort with internal sensations, or alternatively is there something similar to daydreaming that I can harness or duplicate as a meditation? I'd be interested to hear any suggestions.

Day after day, my voyage ends,the words die out on the tongue,and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.And one day, under the great sky in solitude and silence,with humble heart shall I stand face to face with the abyss.Then, I think, I will understand.Then, I think, I will understand,why there is such a play of colors on clouds, on water,and why flowers are painted in tints,why there is music in leaves,and why the waves sending their chorus of voices to the heartof the listening earth when I sing to make you dance. 352da7372436a138f67f15de16f2bf55.mp4

I came to the conclusion yesterday that I need to insist on my opinion more often. You have to listen to other people's opinions when you can't do anything on your own. But listening to others first, doing things this way, and only then trying my own way is a disaster.

Hi, in my view, the purpose of meditation is to enjoy inner feelings like love and contentment, rather than physical sensations like heartbeats and breaths. From personal experience, I believe that these sensations are meditation triggers, that can be replaced. Personally, when I meditate on an inner feling, my brain starts to care less about sensory input like bodily sensations. For me, listening to music that triggers the desired feeling, often makes it easier for me to enter the meditation state. All the best!

Day after day, my voyage ends, the words die out on the tongue, and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity. And one day, under the great sky in solitude and silence, with humble heart shall I stand face to face with the abyss. Then, I think, I will understand. Then, I think, I will understand, why there is such a play of colors on clouds, on water, and why flowers are painted in tints, why there is music in leaves, and why the waves sending their chorus of voices to the heart of the listening earth when I sing to make you dance. f964cae4330cf51190e9fd5d175b8bbf.mp4

First of all I didnt ask to explain active listening - Thats something else. Secondly Its not “my” theory. Im new here and thought people know about Mindfulness. Getting a reply from a kid who thinks this is a question about I cannot communicate r.i.p

I love listening to inspirational audios or videos or reading inspirational books first thing in the morning each day. It sets a good tone of the day. And practicing gratitude as well. Self love is so key, and it is ok to use external sources to help you when you feel down, until you can give it to yourself ❤️

One thing I would like people to know about me is that I am new not just to this community, but to the concept of earth angels, light workers, starseeds and such. I'm very open to learning as much as possible and being of assistance to whomever I am able to be assistance to. I'm also a good listener, even if I may not be able to fix something, I do enjoy listening. I especially like to hear to people's stories of how they have gotten to where they are now and how they have grown into the person they are today.

As for me growing up into my 20’s wasn’t that good for me I’ve been under estimated By people that is called family look at me like I wasn’t Going to amount to anything now I put those thoughts aside because God put me where I want to be I’m happy that I’m able to wake up every day to see my kids I’m in school and my journey is just going to get better for me staying happy is a my strategy And i like listening to music and ima keep on dancing’ for fun i don’t wanna live my-life Angry Miserable Ima keep being me …

Music can have a profound effect on both the emotions and the body. Faster music can make you feel more alert and concentrate better. Upbeat music can make you feel more optimistic and positive about life. A slower tempo can quiet your mind and relax your muscles, making you feel soothed while releasing the stress of the day. Music is effective for relaxation and stress management. Research confirms these personal experiences with music. Current findings indicate that music around 60 beats per minute can cause the brain to synchronize with the beat causing alpha brainwaves (frequencies from 8 - 14 hertz or cycles per second). This alpha brainwave is what is present when we are relaxed and conscious. To induce sleep (a delta brainwave of 5 hertz), a person may need to devote at least 45 minutes, in a relaxed position, listening to calming music. https://youtu.be/xeHjonbT1UY

Yes I also agree and also used to listening music which kept me dancing just to do some fun.

Meditation is a great way to relax, and listening to meditation music helps also. Here is one I find useful and helps me relax....

There are a lot of things that make me happy, but some of my favourite things include spending time with family and friends, being outdoors in nature, travelling to new and interesting places, experiencing different cultures, reading and learning new things, listening to music, and spending time on creative pursuits. I think it's important to find out what makes you happy and to make time for those things in your life. For me, happiness is a state of mind that comes from within, so no matter what is happening around me I can find moments of happiness if I look for them. I hope you can find things that bring you happiness as well!

Getting out with my Mom Eating Showering Seeing my sister Listening to music and singing along

I don't have a similar problem, but I spent some time last year in a reading group and we delved into books by people of color. I also spent some time in online groups reading articles by people of color specifically written for white people designed to get us to think about things from their point of view. I also go into groups on Facebook and when I see that someone has been victimized by police or in another situation as a person of color and they are angry I go into the posts and listen. Would I learned in all of this is that what they need is someone to listen not to be guilty or to say I'm sorry or to tell them how they can fix their problems or anything but to just listen. Now I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist so I know you have a different way of coming at it, but I would imagine that you have to just listen over and over and over and over and maybe present the same advice over and over and over and over especially as a white person listening to a person of color and that is an extra part of your job, whether unfortunately or fortunately for you. We, as white people, are required to pay for our forefathers sins I have learned.

So you are a psychiatrist? I can't really comment the problem since I don't know what you told her to do. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm a friendly and empathic person, so I know what it's like to absorb other people's problems. In my experience, you can't force people to do the (in your opinion) right thing. Listening already helps them a lot, because they are not alone with the problem anymore. And all you can do is suggesting different ideas to solve the problem. I learned that people are stronger than I expected. So even though something sounds horrible to me and I imagine the person suffering 24/7, the person is doing better than I expect. Maybe you can find a role model for her. Someone she can identify with.

Hi Maxxu, I'll open up some more because I like the way you talk - not looking for advice but happy to engage with you. Forgive me as I wish to give some advice of my own but again because I like the way you speak and want to help. My take is no doubt bias but could still help. Who is not bias ... perhaps that is our purpose to deal with such things. Any ways: Nice to meet you. I won't wish you success (🙂) given your findings with such an ideal to which I have come to the same conclusion. That said I find those terms always creeping back into my speech which says more about our conditioning. Education is where it begins. That said, I do wish you all the best with your personal endeavors. I apologize that I am unable to fill out the questionnaire. May I ask, did you design that questions? I understand you will have to read many text books and give back answers to show that you have read everything and then be expected to repeat everything back in the order it was delivered; more or less I hope that when you become a psychologist that you will develop your own understanding towards helping others rather than relying on those textbooks. I've been on the other side of psychology full time most of my life and I can tell you those practicing whatever whom rely on such findings to questionnaires and the text books that are altered to keep up with them do not end up being much help to those that really need it; those often being the true cost of other peoples success. Jump through the hoops to be sure, I'm just saying that in my extensive gutter education that your not going to get the answers to helping those who become the by product of success (" money and sucess in career did not makes me a happy person") - and I agree for the my disclosed reasons. It's all exciting when still at an age to soak all that excess of information up with all kinds of systematical approaches that can be called upon now having all the answers ... how tall, how heavy, what diet, what country, what demographic and so on. Eventually you will find yourself unlearning it all so that you can actually be of help instead of just being a repeater in system where people are taught to respond. Conditioned people make for easy clients in a conditioned workplace endorsed with conditioned practitioners who hang their conditioned certificates proudly of a conditioned wall. Good working conditions - eh ... don't become one of those. Do jump through the hoops but if you actually want to make a difference ... be prepared to buck the system. Ensure you at the very least become a clinically approved (although you'll have to work harder to come up with your own way of helping people which again will see you unlearning much of it all) ... is often the same with many professions, but 100% the case with and in the healing industrial zone. Anything under clinically registered will see you also being churned up in a system as much as the byproduct you end up with. Trust me I know. General Practitioners (GP's) can practically overwrite a registered psychologist's hard work with a tick and flick. Most of your supporting letters will not get the reignition they deserve. So may times I have had that conversation with therapists who meant a lot to me. If you manage to work your up to being clinically registered you will not have to sign off with specialists that are taught to fix people problems to type of medication and dose. You will be less restricted and more able to work with diagnoses according to the both the so called science and eventually and more important your experience and the skill you develop in listening to clients. The latter way way more important that 'How Tall' - 'How Fat' and so on. I'm not suggesting science does not help, but your entering into a marketing industry that does way more damage than it does good. Burn out rates are high when resisting the pressure to simply become a BOT to which you yourself seem to regonsize having read another post of yours elsewhere in the forum. It's all sunshine and roses with accolades until someone actually wants to help within such great working conditions base on finely tuned programming. Yadda yadda ... I'm gladdened that you feel the way you do with all things excess and success. I feel the same way too. It's a hard pattern to break given the amount of focus on abundance and bliss. Regrettably for me I find the wellness community to be as fallibly as the medical industry. For this reason I rarely fit in and in most cases pushed to the side. In fact I don't know how long I will last here but thus far have kept my posts pretty tame. People run from discomfort as much as they are taught to reject negative feelings. I also struggle to play along with social expectation or give way to peer pressure. I've been kind of blessed with a very unique background that will ensure if there is such a thing as 'coming back' that I will be better prepared. Actually that might negate the purpose of living at all where again the focus on making people accountable for both purpose and contribution equates to the same fallibility as excess and success. This be often be where the by-product of such conditioning are pressured to fit-in or be rejected as no more than undesirable states of low vibrations. Alas this is how we end up with an imbalance with cliché answers - It's all sunshine and roses from there. 🙂 My experience ... although I have to head out on my push bike to better focus later on. The last 10 years since 2012 I have literally had close to one hundred and fifty psychotherapy sessions. Maybe more since I started having more of them. I started my psychotherapy sessions to the tune of once every six weeks on a government subsidized plan. Later this was changed to once every four weeks and then about three years ago when attacked in a road rage incident I ended up getting funding to meet with a psychologist once a week for over a year. Now we have gone back to once every two weeks. It's worth noting during this time I was attending with regularity as someone that knows how to make his sessions work. Due to my previous experience before this last decade I had actually already had couple of previous decades in the system with a very complex story. I did not receive my certificates (chuckles at that) labels which you wont find hanging on some wall, until I was in my 40s. You know I'd love to continue filling you in within the context of your propose vocation ... which Kudos to you ... sounds like it really is a vocation. But I really need to start cycling and grab some sun before it gets to high. Catch up with another friend in the flesh who like me is often on the receiving end of your intended profession. Unfortanley he tends to end up on it involutory. Probably the biggest difference between me and him, but I respect the guy because I understand. His mother recently dispatched herself tragic end which ended in a ball of flames. The extend to which I extrapolate meaningful information is often rejected and banned in many places because it includes challenging information that makes the conditioned feel uncomfortable and thus termed as negative. I tend to like journaling. Not sure how long I will be here. I'm at a cross roads myself and being mindful as can be with such revelations. I go get be some of that stuff for free that awaits out my front door and hope maybe we can chat another time but understand if too much. Again ... wishing you all the very best. Seems to be me you have nailed those terms that fail on so many. If you read any of my other posts you might note that my Dad hails from Singapore and lives in Australia. He used to be a psychiatrist and work at one of the local mental health hospitals. I could say Step Dad but not into that lingo. He did his best. At any rate he gave up psychiatry because the church we were all attending way back then. (Assembly of God during the 70s during a extreme period of evangelical tents popping up all over the country courtesy of America) Basically he was told/conditioned and agreed that psychiatry was the work of demons doing their bidding for Lucifer. He become a GP in a country practice. We kids were all shipped off to various homes for troubled children. That's kind of that in a nutshell. The movies (projectors) they showed at church with people getting their heads chopped off if they did not take the mark of the best did not help. They were pretty weird times that I don't think today's generation would know about if people like me did not write about them. At least in terms of those kind of cults. Just saying I got plenty of experience when it comes to psychotherapy. 🙂 Righto ... three smiley faces is enough for today and we don't want to traumatize anyone reading. hehe. Maybe catch up later? Have a good evening/afternoon and all that. later... you can call me: ~ Dave.

Lovely reading your texts. No worries. I will seek out the frequency I need. I do meditate and hike often on my own and need a daily practice so the frequency listening will help. Thanks for your thoughts much appreciated. My internal balance does need attention but the lack of close friendships is always there. They r I believe two different t issues. One is inside the other outside. Take care. Regards.

Listen to your inner voice.. If you want to reduce your stress, do things that make you happy. You can do yoga, exercise and eat a healthy diet. But apart from this, you can also mediate which will also make you feel calm and peaceful. Listening to some guided mediation can give you some relief. Sound healing mediation is also a great way to relieve stress and anxiety.