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Totally get what you mean about homemade food—it's like a warm hug for your taste buds! Personally, my go-to favorite has to be lasagna. There's just something magical about those layers of pasta, cheese, and sauce coming together. Makes me nostalgic for family gatherings and cozy Sunday dinners.

I love a whole bunch of things, hiking, camping, travelling, going of the beaten track, 4x4s and motorcycles, music. I love nature, good food and people. I think people are awesome, all ethnicities and backgrounds, they all have a uniqueness that makes humanity exciting, the cultures, food and so much more. I haven't really been able to do any of the things I love though, life has just not allowed me to gain stability enough to get onto living. Family, kids, finances...the list goes on. I sometimes feel like I've lost excitement for life in the buzz of doing life. I hold on to hope though, that someday soon I may just be able to go on with living.

Well, you can't force or plan to get a relationship. In the past I wished I could, but you just can't. But there are some things one can do to be more attractive. I don't know you at all, so I don't know if this helps you, but here are some things to make a person attractive in my opinion. 1. Take care of yourself. So take a shower on a regular basis, work out and wear some nice clothes. It makes you look healthy and it improves your self esteem. 2. Have a personality. If you don't know your favorite food, your favorite music, your favorite hobby, your favorite restaurant, take your time to find out what you like. Knowing what you want is more attractive than: "Uh, I don't know", in my opinion. When you found an activity/hobby you like, try to find a way to do it together with other people. That's a great way to get to know new people. 3. Be less picky. Some people seem to be perfect, but they all have their problems, weaknesses and insecurities. So give people a chance, go on dates and get to know them. And maybe take a look around you. Do you have a best friend, who is always there for you, who is single too? He/she might be the best partner for you.

I've only meditated for a few months and I have a very important question to ask but here's my backstory first. 52 year old male. Hyper sensitive to everything; emotions, pain, other people's feelings, food... I was doing calorie restriction for weight loss the same time that I started meditating. After a few months I was meditating very deeply. But still being very uncomfortable with experiencing anxiety. I tried an experiment. Since food makes me feel good I would try eating what I wanted when I wanted. All the feel-good chemicals from that reduced my anxiety to almost nothing. Anxiety free for 4 months now but 2 negatives have happened. Gaining lots of weight and the worst of all things ( and the weirdest) is I can't meditate deeply anymore. I'm always amped up from all the food. I can't penetrate into those deeper states anymore. I've tried calorie restricting again but the anxiety returns. My question is How can I find the strength and the courage to do what needs to be done. I need to loose weight and I really miss experiencing those deeper states. But I hate feeling anxious all the time.

You're depressed. It's a common thing, and unless you do something unnecessary, it's temporary. If possible, it would be a good idea for you to seek therapy. If you're religious, talk to a priest or the equivalent. Even if you don't, try to make sure you eat enough food, and don't drink alcohol or do drugs every day. Also, talk to and see your friends even if you feel like avoiding them, or worry that you're dragging them down. Following this advice may not outright fix your depression, but it will help prevent you from spiraling downward into a situation so bad that you need someone to save you. What you need to do now is at least make sure you stay okay until you can feel better. You have to, and will, get used to living without your mother. It's something almost everyone eventually goes through. She's gone for good and not coming back. It's a sad thing. Mourn as much as you need to. Just, keep on living to do what you need to do.

However, it's important to note that just because something is labeled as keto-friendly doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy. Like with any food, it's essential to read the ingredients and nutritional information to ensure that the gummies fit into your dietary goals and needs. Overall, slim candy keto gummies can be a delicious and satisfying treat for those following a ketogenic diet. As with any food, moderation and mindful consumption are key to achieving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

For long life healthy living is important and for healthy living good Food is the way

This is only her 2nd relationship in her life, she was with 1 guy from high school until like 8 years ago. People hated that guy because he was extremly toxic and didn't let her see anyone especially males but she stayed because she loved him even after they broke up she was trying to get him therapy and was trying to fix him and he lived with her. So apparently she has a thing for these types of toxic guys. I dunno what that means though. But when she said she's working on trust with him so cleared off all her male friends and wont be able to hike with me anymore once a year or talk on the phone I knew right in that instant he was sabotaging my friendship with her the entire time which is why the friendship started going 1 sided. She was with him for 2 years, they broke up and she was panicing so much she went to the hospital and the doctor said it was just a broken heart. Once I found out they broke up I was right there talking to her on the phone like 3-4 times every month checking up on her, texting her all the time making sure she was ok...she even surprised me wanting to see me after her work for some food and sit down at the ocean. A few weeks later we hiked and I thought she was doing much better so I told her I would talk to her in a couple months, she hated that but I stuck with it, pretty much after that things between us took a huge drop off. A year and a half later here we are with this thread.

First of all, this is no critique of anyones lifestyle. I would just liketo share my thoughts and get some opinions and experiences. My motivation: I hate factory farming, where animals are suffering under bad conditions. And when I really think animal suffering through, I see that human made animal suffering could be avoided if humans would live the vegan lifestyle. Of course animals would still be eaten by other animals and would still starve to death in nature, but it would still make a big difference. My current situation: I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not a vegan yet, because I ate meat, fish, milk products, honey and eggs for all my life and a lot of traditional family recipes contain this type of ingredients. And since I was taught things like "fish is good for me" as a kid, it's hard to totally forget about that. But since vegan food is a part of "normal food", naturally, I eat vegan multiple days of the week. And when I eat meat, I look for good farming conditions, because I don't want animals to suffer more than necessary. When it comes to clothing, I still use real leather stuff I bought years ago, because it is very long-lasting compared to synthetic alternatives in my experience. My priorities are: 1. Health 2. little suffering 3. environmentally friendly My progress: I got used to have soy milk or oat milk in my coffee. I eat less meat and more baked beans. Doubts: Since my first priority is health, there is already a problem with missing vitamin B12 in vegan milk. The only effective way to get vegan vitamin B12 is eating nutritional supplements, which doesn't look very natural to me. It feels a bit wrong, because appearently, the human body is not meant to eat vegan only. While cows, horses and many other animals are able to generate vitamin B12 from plants, humans are not. I mean, you can probably feed a tiger plants and keep him alive with supplements, but it would be wrong, because the tiger is meant to eat animals, right? I still try to find the right way for me, but it's complicated. In my opinion torturing animals is wrong. If you have to lock them in, give them space to move as natural as possible. But even vegan products can be bad for the environmentand animals (palm oil). So unfortunately doing the right thing is a lot of work. I would have to read all the ingredients and check all the working conditions in every step of production from everything I buy, to do the right thing. I would love to read something about other lifestyles, your ways to do the right thing and maybe some advise and solutions to help me find my way.

Equal Entertainment and Monism with God Even if somebody scolds Me, I do not get angry at all. In fact, I enjoy the scolding like a hot dish in the meal or like a tragic scene in a movie. God has created this world filled with happiness as well as misery, just as a movie is filled with both comic and tragic scenes or as a meal is filled with sweet and hot dishes. The opposites are to be enjoyed alternately. Any one thing continuing for a long time invariably leads to boredom. The Veda says that before creation, God alone existed. In that state, there was no second item and no changes at all. So, the state was boring. Therefore, God created this world for His entertainment, to get rid of boredom. God equally enjoys both the misery and the happiness that exist in His creation. He is like the eater enjoying his meal consisting of both sweet and hot dishes or like the spectator enjoying the movie having both comic and tragic scenes. Attaining this God-like state of equally enjoying both comedy and tragedy in the world is called yoga (Samatvaṁ yoga..., Tulya nindāstutiḥ..., Sukhaduḥkhe same...—Gita). Equal enjoyment does not mean that both comedy and tragedy are equal or that they are one and the same. The two are clearly quite different; they are opposites. The enjoyment or the entertainment obtained from both is the same. When you see a pot and a piece of cloth, the two items are different. The pot is not the cloth and the cloth is not the pot. But the process of seeing both is one and the same. If we want to achieve monism (Advaita) with God, we must at least achieve this state of equal entertainment in our lives while living in the world. As far as creation is concerned, we cannot create even a single atom, let alone creating the whole world. Neither can we control or destroy the world. In these three aspects of creation, control and destruction of the world, we can never achieve monism with God. This important concept is clearly stated in the Brahma Sūtra (Jagadvyāpāra varjyam...). We can at least try to enjoy this world like God who enjoys both comedy and tragedy and obtains the same entertainment from them. You can neither purchase the food materials nor cook the food. Your friend has purchased the food materials and even cooked the food. He has offered to let you eat the food along with him. Can you, at least, eat the food, equally enjoying both the sweet and hot dishes like your friend? If you cannot do even that much, how can you claim that you are equal to your friend? Can you not achieve oneness with him at least in the aspect of eating with equal enjoyment? When you cannot achieve equality with your friend in even a single aspect, where is the question of oneness or monism between the two of you? If you can equally enjoy both the sweet and hot dishes in the meal like your friend, you can at least claim equality or similarity with your friend in that one aspect of eating. On the basis of that one commonality, you could claim oneness in a loose sense. Similarly, if you can equally enjoy comedy and tragedy in the world like God, you could claim monism with God, in a loose sense. But remember that such loose monism is confined only to the single aspect of equally enjoying the world and not in the aspect of creating, controlling or destroying it. You can say that you have monism with your friend in the aspect of eating the food but you must also say that you have dualism with your friend in the aspects of purchasing the food materials and cooking the food. If you do not have even this one similarity in the aspect of eating the food, then you have no right to utter the word monism with your friend. If you are unable to attain similarity with God even in this one aspect of equally enjoying the world, you are an ordinary soul. Such an ordinary soul is totally different from God. It does not have even a single similarity with Him. A realized soul, who has attained this one similarity, is called a yogi. Such a yogi alone can claim monism with God in an approximate sense, based on this single similarity. The greatest surprise is that the Advaita philosopher claims monism with God in a strict sense, in the case of an ordinary soul! Of course, monism with God is possible in the case of a specific soul(like Rama, Krishna, Jesus, Sai Baba etc) who has been selected by God to become an Incarnation. In the Incarnation, God merges with that particular soul perfectly. But even in the case of the Incarnation, the perfect monism that exists between God and the soul is only to the extent of our imagination. Beyond the limits of our imagination, a dualism between God and that soul remains. Owing to this extremely subtle dualism, God can even withdraw from the soul in whom He has merged, at any time! The realized soul attains partial similarity with God in the single aspect of obtaining equal entertainment from the world. This state is called partial union or partial yoga with God. The Incarnation has full yoga (union) with God, to the extent of our imagination. One must remember that even in the case of an Incarnation, God can withdraw from the Incarnation’s soul. So, there is dualism between God and soul even in an Incarnation. Of course, that dualism is beyond the limits of our imagination. - By Shri Datta Swami www.universal-spirituality[.]org Universal Spirituality for World Peace

Food. By means of food, good food

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

I think food is provided by god and i am thankful to god. I don't like to waste food. 🙏 Mostly I eat Indian foods and Indian foods are balanced in nutrition and taste. Everyone love fast foods so I am also. But Chinese way of eating to all thing is also mentionable.

I could share a lot of recipes here, but I'll go with quoting the Dalai Lama (?) loosely: My favourite food is the one in front of me. There's so much wisdom is these few words... Other than that I really like spinach. 😉

Seriously, I think our favourite food says a lot about us. :-D These days I think I get especially excited if the food was made from scratch. I guess it's because one can taste the love and care that went into it. Also I know then that it only contains what I really see as an edible ingredient.

😄 Why's that? Is it your favourite food?

Recently happiness.com gets flooded with scammers. I guess that's somewhat normal for a community, and maybe it means that we are growing, but I also feel really sad, disappointed, and at times mad about this development. Perhaps we are naive to think we can create a safe space anywhere for people to be themselves, create a supportive community, and relax. Maybe the lesson here is never to let our guard down, never to trust, and never to help anyone because it might be a scam. But this is not the world I want to live in. I want to actively work towards a world where people can trust each other, look out for each other, and support each other selflessly. You scammers are actively making this a whole lot harder, and it sucks! I am actively engaged in educating myself regarding racist stereotypes and demolishing white supremacy and heteronormative patriarchy. As a member of the community managers, I see the fake check images. So please explain why 99% of all "in your face sexy" white woman accounts and "older white men looking for real love after a successful life" accounts are run by black men mainly from Nigeria and Ghana? What does it tell about this world and our (internalized) racist, sexist, classist, colonialist, and what-not-ist stereotypes and how does it reinforce them? Maybe try to "trick" someone else into loving you for being this nice guy from Nigeria? Why invest time into pretending that you are a "random pornstar picture from the internet" lady when you could be YOU? It might even be faster. And I bet it's a lot easier to be yourself. I apologize to the people from Nigeria for this generalized thought upfront. I am aware that it's of cause, not all Nigerians. I don't want to be left with only one learning "If the person is from Nigeria, be careful it's likely that they want to rip you off." I don't want the name Nigeria ring an alarm bell in my mind. Do you see the damaging nature of those scammer interactions? I want to learn about Nigeria and the Nigerian people, the many different tribes and languages, about culture, food, traditions, and values instead. I want to be respectful, humble, open, amazed and appreciative, not mistrusting and expecting the worst. Try honesty - it's easier and more sustainable. It doesn't hurt your soul, spirit, your character - whatever you call it. You are beautiful and worthy the way you are! Thank you.

That's an interesting thought. Without modern society there is no money, but there are things equal to money. Like property and work. And if you don't have much property like a place you are able to defend, or food you picked up before others did, you can still be poor and sad.

Music Is the food for the soul ...music releases stress and also heals the heart that's my little experience

@Tine I was quite surprised when you mentioned about poetry. It did occurred to me recently that the things that I wish to say are sometime better presented in verse-like manner; relating about an ideology, even though I literally also meant what I said. And probably because poetry is closer to the heart and therefore it resonates well with healing & liberation - my perpetual wish for others. I'm quite concern about how the world is driven along by crazy folks or people abusing their powers. Even the smarter ones are not addressing the crucial points, nor are the spiritual ones. The attitude is more like "it's beyond me, or not my concern". But does this gives us the excuse to turn a blind eye to the problems? Or perhaps we have too much problems on hand. Given the above problems and including those of our own, where do we turn? Perhaps I could shoulder your problems, while we dive our hearts into contemplating "How would you like your World to be?". Hence send me your grief, your pain and I'll return you a light that shine clarity into your heart; albeit telepathically. We are very connected with everyone, through our minds, in this world. We can always steer the World from self-destruction, if anyone still not aware what's coming. And I believe there are more episodes on the way, where even survival would become a problem; not just about food. My mom visited my sister, from Pure Land, a few months after her passed on last year. My sister is not a spiritual or religious person, and this utterly convinced me that Pure Land is not a myth. Comparing Pure Land to our current world, it's laughable. But it leads me into asking "What kind of World would I wish for?". My solution to the problems - Contemplate would be the key; from a person with an ordinary and yet unordinary heart. And everyone, don't forget to send me your grief and pain! =)

That depends on the situation. If somebody asks me, how much money I earn or have, I answer: "Enough.", because to me, enough means to be able to pay your monthly duties, like rent, energy, internet, food, to be able to go to a restaurant when you want and still have some money to put aside. This means, a a guy earning 1 000 000 whatever currency a year, but spending >= 1000 000 a year, doesn't have enough money. And a guy, who earns 1000 whatever currency a month, only needing 900 to live, has enough money.

That's abuse of office. I recommend talking to your mom so you can put the money on your own private bank account. You can offer her some money to get along in return. But before you go the ugly path, make sure, you can afford your own appartment, food and stuff. Because if it goes wrong, you will be in a very bad position.

A friend of mine is fighting against a family member with a lowyer. A different topic, but I can tell, it's very ugly. So since you are 26 and your mom cares for you by feeding you and giving you space to live, the bare minimum you can do is to support her financially. I can feel your rage, but think about, what happens if you and your mom really fight each other like strangers. You woud have to pay rent for a place to live, you would have to pay food, you would have to do household tasks... I bet it would be less expensive, if you just help her out a little bit. If you want certainty about your money in the future, you can just create another private bank account, where you put your money. And you could negotiate an agreement with your mom, how much money you pay her every month. This way, she can get along, you dont have to worry about your living situation and you can put aside some money for your dreams. Fighting your family should be avoided whenever possible. She cares for you, so she loves you and if you fight with lawyers, it will hurt you both + you will have to pay the lawyers.

I want to order love dolls from 4woods, but mom disapproves for the following: the money in my bank account is for emergency purposes - due to the inflation crisis costing us more funds for bare necessities, the pandemic is still here and although the omicron wave settled, it may rise again, and she says if I want 2 dolls, she needs me to get my own house to rent and see if I can support myself financially. This money is my money, from my years of work at the bottle depot. But now, due to the inflation, she wants to save it for the bare necessities. But she claims most of it now is from her savings, even though she sold an apartment recently, which should now supply her with enough proceeds to last her for a while.She still refuses to help me order from 4woods as she wants a cheaper brand of love dolls. She claims "silicone is just silicone", but 4woods silicone is much different from other love doll silicone as - if made under the right season, can last literally forever and if you handle it properly. But I keep telling her there's no other brand of love dolls that look like what I'm going after. You know how long I've been searching for the perfect girl from my fantasy world? Never, in a million years, did I think I could actually forge a girl right from my own imagination. Well now, I can create her or them right there! But that kind of cost doesn't come cheap. As the golden rule is: The more you need, the more it will cost you. Plus, this is my future she's looking at and she wants her son to have a happy ending once she passes. But right now, I'm not happy due to her rejection of a special, yet explicit but safe goal I want to accomplish: intimately meeting the girls of my dreams. As normal girls on average wouldn't do that as that would be deemed rape and leads to jail charges.Speaking of passes, any day could be the day she never sees the light of tomorrow/leaves me... permanently; eventually, this condo unit will all be mine, so I don't feel like gathering even more money to find a cheap and affordable bachelor pad, let alone move just to invite some lifeless girls I desire as I've already got cozy in this 5085 Eastpark ground floor condo. You really never know when your time is up.So if there's any like support workers or lawyers in Vancouver BC, Canada that supports this type of situation, please reply ASAP.To help answer some potential questions, here's some answers below:First, can I regain full control of my own bank account? If I can, how?Next, this money I earned is from my old bottle depot job at Regional Recycling while half of it is from my government autism fund support.Third, my mom help me create my bank account as she has her own separate bank account. I even have my own RBC card to access it. But she does most of the checking on my account via her iPhone. That's the part that's impeding me from doing whatever I want with my own hard-earned money.Fourth, I have the RBC app and there's an RBC bank branch nearby.Fifth, 4woods does not use credit cards, they use SWIFT or wire transfer.Sixth, although this bank account she help me make is mine, she's currently in control of it via her iPhone RBC app. She can transfer funds from my bank account to hers and vice versa if she has to.Seventh, yes, I can make decisions about my account savings on my own.Eighth, no, to make large purchases, she doesn't need to approve them from my account. I just need her permission to order something and she does the rest as she know how the controls of an online mobile baking app works. But here in this case, she says no to this order request.Ninth, yes, she has my credentials (bank card number and password).And tenth, yes, she is feeding me and supplying all the bare necessities, so due to that, I basically get to live here for free. She even called me a leech for "using money from her" even though I haven't purchased anything unnecessary as of today - at least not yet. She use to work as a banquet server, but she got laid off due to the pandemic. So now she works at a plastic bag factory and she isn't making as much as she use to. So basically the financial stress is getting to her and that's what's causing her to reject my next order request. I'm already under a roof, supplied with food, etc. I just need a booster shot and a very decent job to show her I'm no money leech and that I am spending accordingly. Due to my autism, I can't explain clearly. Also, since she's 56.5, she retires in 3.5 years from now. So she won't earn anymore money by then.

Happiness is an elusive bird, they say..the more one tries to capture her the farther away she flies. I have often found her in the least probable places; in the rays of the rising sun, in the purring of my pet, even in great food cooked with a lot of love & in finding this wonderful app & it's lovely community. What is Your idea of happiness? :)