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I was just wondering if I have the right to be angry about this? I've (38/M) known this woman (43/F) for 18 years, we used to be really close and talk on the phone often and text often and see each other every couple months for a coffee or hiking. She met this guy (38/M) and I was happy for her, she said I would like him but never let me meet him for some reason, others have. They were together for 2 years and broke up and I was there for her through this. After that she seemed different towards me like pushing me away and found out she went back to this guy as best friends hanging out non stop and a few years later (today) I reach out to her every bluemoon she ignores my texts for a while and gives me a voice text, I can't really hear it so she calls me and says she's working on herself and has cut her guy friends out of her life so she can focus on herself and build trust with this guy so no more talking on the phone or hanging out once a year for our hiking but I can say hello every blue moon, so basically she cut me out of her life because her insecure possessive boyfriend and only allowed female friends. She says it was her choice to cut all the guys out of her life including me but she's just defending his awful actions, his terms were to cut all males out of her life if they are to be together again lol. Anyway we hung up and I text her I'll miss her, hope the best for her, that I hope she's always happy in life no matter what even though she dropped me for that trash guy and for her to not reach out to me anymore as I will be blocking her and good luck in life but i'll never forgive her for this bad unhealthy behaviour and goodbye. Do I have a right to be angry?

My Journey? Hmmm - That's actually a bit too cliché for me but will use what works for others in an attempt to be heard. More often than not I find this world more a place in which people do time. I think now think of Eckhart Tolle and his lectures on the subject: If I may share: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgj7u86e4wc Perhaps not for everyone. I do tend to find him easy on the ear and have spent a more than a few years being open to his core message with respect to here and now. I think I prefer to deal with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges through the process of dis-Identifying. Commonly known in Eckhart's circle as dis-Identifying from the mind. Apparently key to becoming present. I make now claims either way but can only say what works for me and share what I see. Quote: "Simple but now easy" Reminds me of Jon Kabat-Zin whom I first came across on YouTube doing a presentation at Google. The quote that just came to mind somewhere from his book 'Wherever you go there you are.' I sense a sadness in him when watching him now but he handles it well. He is his own master of course with his own box of tools. I'd say that source of sadness comes from the irony of having talked at Google and they being what they are. Can be summed up in an article 'Father of virtual reality: Facebook and Google are dangerous 'behavior-modification empires' resulting from a tragic mistake' Jon tried his best and still does today with the odd online meet and greet. I know his has made a positive influence on me. Me ... I'm a sponge and whilst have a failing memory and struggle cognitively when out and about in a world not designed for me, things that resonate with me tend to last for life. Although this can be said for both negative and positive experiences. For me, I am not into cutting people out of my life on a whim because some article claims that's how I will claim my prize. I find such doctrine as it be, a tact like perhaps what google does when assimilating the knowledge of great speakers like Jon then creating an algorithm to hook people in. Everyone promoting themselves behind a veil of excellence and success sold in many other likewise terms. Kind of like how western society adopts and twist other cultures, religion and philosophy. Why not throw into the mix domination and control? Smiles because it's all so challenging that anyone that talks on such things in todays world is quickly such down in a finely tuned machine that sees automated robot responses from humans all over today's info tech world. Indeed, depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges abound. Just to be clear, I'm not looking for advice myself. Most of my take and approach is also very challenging but not so much for me. It just fly's in the face of main stream ideals as peddled from the machine. I'm acutely aware though of how my own resistance works against me which is why I find the likes of Tolle, Zin and Watts very compelling. That said, I don't find watts as soothing at Eckhart and Jon. He is a little more blunt but still I find enough gold in his sharing to be helpful for me. Grain of salt until it hits a home run, but then I much prefer revisiting such insights until I can either acknowledge them as my experience or not. I don't care much for the dramatic music played in the background and images pasted over the top. That's more part of the trap the Tolle often talks about and even Watt's himself. Much irony abounds in as much at Jon talking at Google and again it being what it be. In that regard the lycra , iconic images and drama used to profile peoples self promoting journeys is also something I recoil from. Smiles again ... no wonder I prefer small groups. arrr ... Now I think of the Life of Brian. Don't ask how I got there. hehe. I also don't take myself too seriously but also keep things true enough for me when creating my own script. I have no purpose that fits into another group ideal although many would propose in their daily speech. "What do you do for a living?" As if to imply I must be 'doing' something in order to live or whatever. "Keeping Busy?" all the way into the new age group that also ask many questions of others "What have you contributed?" Different dynamics, same patterns. The use of exclamations marks following claims of stillness and peace. Tis a crazy world to be sure full of irony at every turn. Yet there are snippets to be had in every irony to be had. "You shall know them by their fruits." The latter being from a book I consider and no more than a book, yet rings true enough. I don't always throw the fruit out either just because it does not look pretty or not pitch perfect in taste. Sadly it seems out culture today is steering more toward said irony more and more. So sad indeed that it's nice to a section like this in a happiness forum that appears to be open to such things. Each to their own of course. This is my world view from what I have seen, experienced and see and seeing. Although it's worth noting such revelations can be hard to cope with. Especially in a world programmed with such an inherent need for validation and approval. Time for some gardening and to quickly share a pic of what keeps me out of such a chaotic and shallow world - more so what keeps me grounded, brings me solace and peace: Is not about the end result but about the experience. Instead of cutting people out of my life on a whim and gong form relationship to relationship, I make friends with that which does do not use open its mouth or take photos of itself: Again ... we all find happiness in our own way. 🙃 Takes more than a fancy profile, well constructed answers to text book questions to build trust in a world of deception. How's that for non-neurotypical? Oh the labels! ← Notes* first exclamation mark. Well done on the drama. Oh how they hand those labels out and how people cling to them. Forgive my candor here but true enough for yours truly. Such is a bit of an epidemic from what I can see. I choose to be none of them but like so many others jump through the hoops in order that I may have the right to live. But yea ... whatever works. I burnt out the sensor on my wife's camera taking the image bellow. It was cheap tiny compact affordable at the time to replace with the newer one - but how lost I was in the taking of that shot. It was an experience which makes this one of so many years later still my favorite. When I am doing well I enjoy taking these kinds of photos. I find much of the essence in the talks given by those I named above in images like these. I'm only just starting to get back into a cycle where I am considering sharing more of these experiences. Minus my world view of course. These kind of shares tend to convey more in a way that's more digestible. That said, writing in our own way from the heart as we see and breathe is also therapeutic. This is why I am often more my own audience but open to all minds. Even those that are not like mine but get the gist of being more open to those that resonate. I'm just not into cutting out people as commonly sold nor all the other aspects of today's selfish algorithm. This makes me a target by being so open, but then I also get to meet real people otherwise isolated by the things of which I highlight. I'm all for those on the fringes - for all those who have been rejected - yet get the boundaries that others use to reason when taking a less painful route. Until next share - have a nice day.

Life is a roller coaster experience, sometimes you’re in the top and will suddenly turn upside down. And whatever life throws at us we have a freedom to choose on what path are we taking and where it leads us. It’s within our hands on how we let our life going to be. We must choose the right path even if things get rough. We must choose to be brave and strong rather than letting the problems rule our life. It’s us, in our hands that will determine what kind of life are we choosing to. The right path which will lead us to a more better and happy life with the guidance of the lord or in the other way which is undesirable misery, life without god in our hearts.

Hello. I am 22 and i am student. I would like to share my story and hear your thoughts on this topic. I met this student in university at first year of my studies. I will call him N. We were talking and hanging out very frenquently in first days of studies and we shared common interests, had a lot of themes for talk etc. Time has passed and all was well for us. We were inseparable.. we would go out eating together, walking together, making trips and future plans together... we have become really good friends. However, on may past year (we were finishing 3rd year of studies) all has gone wrong. As i was living in apartment and him in student dorm, we were usually hanging out at each other's place. On that day, it was around 11AM, he was at my place and we were finishing some project i had been working on for university. He started insulting me for no specific reason and we started arguing about some minor stuff. However, after i told him that he can't talk to me in that way and asked him to leave my room. He did what i thought he wouldn't do in my whole life.. he assaulted me. He pushed me down on nearby couch with all his strength and when i got up he started hitting me with his hands. I defended myself as i could and i barely pushed him away from me. While i was catching breath, i looked at skratches on my hands he made me when assaulting me. I was scared and furious at the same time becouse i couldn't go to university like that to present this project in that state and more importantly, that he assaulted me. I shouted to get out or i would call the police, but he was just standing near the door and insulting me, which i responded by getting phone ready and using bottle of water near me to get him out of my place. He quickly grabbed my hand and had me fall on the floor, hitting my head on nearby table (fortunately my head got without any injuries) and he managed to break my finger while i was falling. As i was laying on the floor trying to get concious, i remember him telling me: "oh come on, stop pretending just get up!" When i tried standing up, i didn't feel my little finger on right arm at all, i couldn't move it. I was in shock and he started shouting at me like it was my fault that all of it happened. When i told him that i will call police to arrest him, he knew that was going to happen and that he can finish in jail for what he has done. I told him to get out and leave me alone. Soon ambulance came and we went to hospital. He called it and went with me there without my consent. While i was waiting for report, he was waiting near hospital. When the doctors told me it is serious place where the bone broke and that even the surgery is risking, i just got out to get some fresh air and try to calm down. I informed my parents what has happened and they were driving to my student city where i was. When i and N returned to my apartment to wait my parents, N started crying and apologizing to me, saying he loves me more than brother, that i am special in his life and that his life without me isn't the same and that he doesn't know what he has gotten into him to do that. I told him to shut up and that he can stop sobbing becouse i won't tell my family what has he done to me. Not to save him from their wrath, but becouse of former years that were good and more importantly, to try to save everyone from further conflict between families. I decided to sacrifice myself for that solution which i meant in that moment was the best one. When my parents came, they were barely holding themselves together after they saw me. N was also there, calm as nothing happened. They immediately asked how that happened which i did not respond quickly. They asked him and he told them he doesn't know. I made up a story at the moment that i slipped and broke it while i was falling. It seemed they believed but i sensed they were suspecting something else happened. They then unknowingly thanked shameless N for "being there for me in that moment" as he was smiling and telling them he will always be there for me. This is where i coudn't stand it anymore and told him to return to dorm as my parents were driving me to capital city hospital for further analysis and treatment. He was sending me messages to ask how am i etc. in later hours, days, weeks, but i didn't answer it. Even if i did sometimes, it was very short becouse i coudn't stand him for realizing with what monster and psychopath i was hanging out this whole time. Time has passed, summer vacation also, i was going on treatments but the pain, both psysical and mental was intense. He gave up on contacting me anymore during summer vacation. Concerning my injury, even now after more than 8 months i go to the doctors to try any way we have to repair that finger and completely mend the place of trauma. When 4th year started, N was also there. We weren't communicating but as it was necessary at minimum as we were unfortunately still collegues. We were functioning also as we had been together in groups for projects by professors. All was going ok till N started making problems in my life again. He made up some stupid excuse to accuse me of lying to him and saying bad things about him to other our friends at university which is a total lie and i even told him that even if i didn't have to do that. He than started making a scene in dorm, which i ignored, he started saying bad things about me behind my back to our other friends, and i sensed something is wrong these days between me and some other friends like they were distancing a little bit from me and i am sure that shameless person is behind it.. who knows what lies he has told them about me. I am so confused why is this all happening, why i did not told my family everything from start, why can someone be so monsterous, ungrateful and hateful without any reason. Please try to understand me and give me some constructive help and i hope no one gets this to happen in his life. Take care and thank you.

Hello. I am 22 and i am student. I would like to share my story and hear your thoughts on this topic. I met this student in university at first year of my studies. I will call him N. We were talking and hanging out very frenquently in first days of studies and we shared common interests, had a lot of themes for talk etc. Time has passed and all was well for us. We were inseparable.. we would go out eating together, walking together, making trips and future plans together... we have become really good friends. However, on may past year (we were finishing 3rd year of studies) all has gone wrong. As i was living in apartment and him in student dorm, we were usually hanging out at each other's place. On that day, it was around 11AM, he was at my place and we were finishing some project i had been working on for university. He started insulting me for no specific reason and we started arguing about some minor stuff. However, after i told him that he can't talk to me in that way and asked him to leave my room. He did what i thought he wouldn't do in my whole life.. he assaulted me. He pushed me down on nearby couch with all his strength and when i got up he started hitting me with his hands. I defended myself as i could and i barely pushed him away from me. While i was catching breath, i looked at skratches on my hands he made me when assaulting me. I was scared and furious at the same time becouse i couldn't go to university like that to present this project in that state and more importantly, that he assaulted me. I shouted to get out or i would call the police, but he was just standing near the door and insulting me, which i responded by getting phone ready and using bottle of water near me to get him out of my place. He quickly grabbed my hand and had me fall on the floor, hitting my head on nearby table (fortunately my head got without any injuries) and he managed to break my finger while i was falling. As i was laying on the floor trying to get concious, i remember him telling me: "oh come on, stop pretending just get up!" When i tried standing up, i didn't feel my little finger on right arm at all, i couldn't move it. I was in shock and he started shouting at me like it was my fault that all of it happened. When i told him that i will call police to arrest him, he knew that was going to happen and that he can finish in jail for what he has done. I told him to get out and leave me alone. Soon ambulance came and we went to hospital. He called it and went with me there without my consent. While i was waiting for report, he was waiting near hospital. When the doctors told me it is serious place where the bone broke and that even the surgery is risking, i just got out to get some fresh air and try to calm down. I informed my parents what has happened and they were driving to my student city where i was. When i and N returned to my apartment to wait my parents, N started crying and apologizing to me, saying he loves me more than brother, that i am special in his life and that his life without me isn't the same and that he doesn't know what he has gotten into him to do that. I told him to shut up and that he can stop sobbing becouse i won't tell my family what has he done to me. Not to save him from their wrath, but becouse of former years that were good and more importantly, to try to save everyone from further conflict between families. I decided to sacrifice myself for that solution which i meant in that moment was the best one. When my parents came, they were barely holding themselves together after they saw me. N was also there, calm as nothing happened. They immediately asked how that happened which i did not respond quickly. They asked him and he told them he doesn't know. I made up a story at the moment that i slipped and broke it while i was falling. It seemed they believed but i sensed they were suspecting something else happened. They then unknowingly thanked shameless N for "being there for me in that moment" as he was smiling and telling them he will always be there for me. This is where i coudn't stand it anymore and told him to return to dorm as my parents were driving me to capital city hospital for further analysis and treatment. He was sending me messages to ask how am i etc. in later hours, days, weeks, but i didn't answer it. Even if i did sometimes, it was very short becouse i coudn't stand him for realizing with what monster and psychopath i was hanging out this whole time. Time has passed, summer vacation also, i was going on treatments but the pain, both psysical and mental was intense. He gave up on contacting me anymore during summer vacation. Concerning my injury, even now after more than 8 months i go to the doctors to try any way we have to repair that finger and completely mend the place of trauma. When 4th year started, N was also there. We weren't communicating but as it was necessary at minimum as we were unfortunately still collegues. We were functioning also as we had been together in groups for projects by professors. All was going ok till N started making problems in my life again. He made up some stupid excuse to accuse me of lying to him and saying bad things about him to other our friends at university which is a total lie and i even told him that even if i didn't have to do that. He than started making a scene in dorm, which i ignored, he started saying bad things about me behind my back to our other friends, and i sensed something is wrong these days between me and some other friends like they were distancing a little bit from me and i am sure that shameless person is behind it.. who knows what lies he has told them about me. I am so confused why is this all happening, why i did not told my family everything from start, why can someone be so monsterous, ungrateful and hateful without any reason. Please try to understand me and give me some constructive help and i hope no one gets this to happen in his life. Take care and thank you.

Something happened to me that I have to talk about. I had the worst nightmare in my entire life. I was at my own funeral and I was watching myself be buried and I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish in my life. It was as if I wasted my whole life. When I woke up I was filled with fear and panic. It led me down the path I am today, one with a clear vision and a plan of action that I take daily. Part of my journey is sharing my vision with others so that they can also live the life they want to live and be the person they need to become. I created this guided meditation in the hopes it would help someone, in it you get to discover your vision and purpose for the first time in your life and learn an entire new way of seeing. It's extremely powerful so please make sure you are in the right mindset before you try it alone the quiet of your room.

I love a whole bunch of things, hiking, camping, travelling, going of the beaten track, 4x4s and motorcycles, music. I love nature, good food and people. I think people are awesome, all ethnicities and backgrounds, they all have a uniqueness that makes humanity exciting, the cultures, food and so much more. I haven't really been able to do any of the things I love though, life has just not allowed me to gain stability enough to get onto living. Family, kids, finances...the list goes on. I sometimes feel like I've lost excitement for life in the buzz of doing life. I hold on to hope though, that someday soon I may just be able to go on with living.

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

I believe that being happy, content and at peace with your surroundings can bring lots of positivity in one's life. We have to consciously make efforts to be in this state for as long as it is possible. We know that we can control ourselves only so accept everything and everyone else as it is and work towards making your own life a happy and peaceful one, daily. Just see how we can make it better for ourselves and for the benefits of others as well. This positive feeling makes us stronger day by day. The ultimate goal of any person's life is to live it well so keep full faith in God and work towards making your life a fulfilling one. We have to make positive progress in all areas of life. Keep yourself in high spirits always! God bless!

The one thing I'd like everyone to know about me is before last night, I didn't want anyone to know anything about me. I am very spiritual and I am very comfortable in hermit mode because the energy in the world is heavy. I've been through a long life of trauma and what started as therapy and researching psychology then led me to spirituality. I know the term "witch" comes with a very negative stereotype and stigma. However, I don't think of myself in the typical pointed hat and cauldron type either. *giggles* I have just recently learned that I am quite magical but it took me a long time to accept my gifts and abilities. Before I could ever do that I had to learn to love myself unapologetically. As a person who has been a people pleaser my whole life, it was very difficult for me to focus on myself. This is one one of the hardest things I've ever done and I upset a lot of people by placing boundaries and sticking to them. My opinion on that is, when you stand in your truth without fear, the people that aren't meant to be in our lives will fall away. There is a whole theory to that but that's for another day. My point is, that, I have been divinely guided here and to this platform specifically. Last night was a new moon. As per usual I have regular "rituals"/habits that I perform. I was reflecting on this period of my life that is coming to a close. I was releasing what no longer serves my highest path and then manifesting the things I truly want. One thing I released was my fear of being truly seen for who I am and not for my physical appearance. For months I have hidden away, working on my inner world. Now I'm being called to step back into the public and reintroduce myself. The second hardest thing I've ever done is learn to surrender to the universe. So... here I am. Hi there!! Haha

Hello, I'm a 24 year old man. I have signed up here because I have gone through severe depressions throughout my life. This year, my depression was so severe, that I went through a psychotic episode with symptoms of schizophrenia for 2 weeks. During that period of time, I have lost friends and fucked up an opportunity with a girl that meant a lot to me. All this happened at the end of my stay in South of France, where I was doing my bachelor's degree for 3 years. It's difficult for me to realise that a lot of people, who I might see again in my life, talk trash behind my back without even knowing that i was behaving very awkwardly because of that psychotic episode. Recently, I moved to another city to do my Master's degree. As usual, I feel lonely and depressed, but I managed to get out of that psychotic episode. What triggers me the most, is that I can be a very social person when I'm in society, I would describe myself as pretty charismatic, and confident when I talk to or in front of a lot of people, but despite that fact, I don't manage to create intimate bonds with other people and at the end of the day, I remain a lonely man. I would like to share my thoughts with other people who can relate to this or who experienced similar things in their life and find solutions to overcome the overwhelming negative thoughts that our brain create.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Just imagine having two friends. You like both of them, but you would only consider one of them for a romantic relationship. So it depends who's asking. I experienced 3 stories regarding this topic: 1. When i went to school, I got a group of friends, but I was closer to one of the female friends. Sometimes just the two of us met, we went on vacation together once and we told each other a lot of things. But to me we were just friends. One year our ususal New Year's Eve party was cancelled, so I went to another friend's party without her and she was very mad. So I think, she thought of us as a couple, she never told me and then she got hurt. 2. I was texting a woman, when I was looking for a girlfriend. She was nice, but her ex treated her so badly that she was affraid of a new relationship. So I was patient and spent a lot of time with her as a close friend. I helped her to overcome her fear and to build up self-esteem. Then she dated a new guy, they got into a relationship and I left because I loved her and I couldn't take it. And of course, he treated her badly and they broke up again. But I didn't spend any more time with her, because she hurt me so much by picking a random idiot over me. 3. When I was still looking for a girlfriend, I casually played an online game with some people. We became a crew of friends soon and played together for years. We even met each other in real life at crew weekends. One of them became my female best friend, because we played together every day and got to know us very well. Her boyfriend was part of the crew and he was a friend too, but over time he showed her less attention and treated her worse and worse. So they broke up one day. Since she was missing attention and she got it from me every day, we got even closer. We started joking about getting together when both of us wouldn't find a partner in a few years. We started flirting and one day we decided to meet and make out. It was very good, we both enjoyed it and we got together. I will marry her this summer. So I would say: Tell him/her how you feel.The longer you wait, the more it hurts. It can go good or bad, but you will have an answer and you can enjoy it or move on. Life is short. If flirting is funny and not weird, that's a good sign. And everyone loves to hear being accepted and loved with all the imperfections. When looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, pick the one who truly cares about you and spends time with you.

Simbie was born in June 2005 and she was in my life for 17.5 years. I was present at her birth and helped her mother when the first born kitten was breached and not alive. Simbie was next she was born into my hands and at the vets she was "released" and died in my hands in Jan. I feel I should have brought her earlier for her gentle release - she was very old, very weak and already dying by the time I brought her. Age just caught up with her. She was my family and my grief for her is still raw. You have my heart-felt sympathy for what you're going through. Remember: Pets are in our life for just a short time, But we are in their life for all of their life.

I think, a lot of people have to learn how life works. People who put their perfect partner into friendzone, because they think they can do better, didn't get it. It is not about finding Mr./Ms. perfect, trying to be perfect and living without fights and bad times. Nobody is perfect. You don't have to be perfect. You will never find someone perfect. Life is what happens while you follow other plans. So never forget to enjoy life. Life is about laughing about your weaknesses, making mistakes and the perfect partner is someone who accepts you and who makes failure fun.

Big Dream Alert!!!! This is my first attempt at starting a book. Does this feel like a book you might read? If so, what else would you want to be included?Here goes. . .Don’t Be an A*Hole, How to Stop Doing and Saying Things You Regret.I was an A*HOLE. Truth be told, I still am an A*HOLE from time to time. Progress, not perfection. Why am I telling you this? Well, you may be one too. Before you get offended, let me clarify, an A*HOLE is a person who Always Has Overreactions to Life’s Events.Maybe you are shaking your head and saying to yourself, “not me.” Before you stop reading this, ask yourself, “do I often say or do things I wish I could immediately take back?” If not, then please go out into the world and share your secrets. Seriously, stop reading and get out there. The world needs you now!For the rest of us, come with me on this journey of curiosity, learning, practicing, and ultimately transforming your relationships, health, and life. I will share my story, struggles, and practices that have changed my relationships and granted me peace.We will explore together -How being an A*HOLE is harming your relationships and your health.Why self-regulation can be a challenge, and why shaming yourself isn’t working.The simple yet effective steps you can take to retrain your brain to respond differently to life events.Being an A*HOLE is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to change. Do you want to improve your relationships? Do you want to lower your stress levels? I did, and I have. I will show you how. You are one book away from transforming your life. Come with me, friend.I would love to hear from you! *** I purposefully did not put Mindfulness in the title or description, because I am trying to turn people onto mindfulness that currently do not have a practice or true understanding of what it is.

We are just going on living our life like this is work phase we will get the time to have fun in life later. Let me tell you it will never happen if you have to do something do it now plan it as life is uncertain. Do as much fun as you do work. It will make you feel more alive plus it's a way to be happy person. Fun where all your heart celebrate it with joy.It will renew you.Take a pause from your work time to time to be happy. There are different way for different people to be happy and have fun.I want to know your way to be happy what is that thing where your heart dances. Tell me.

Sorry you can't come in because your not positive enough! Wow. Are we really living a world like that? We love solving problems but no negatives allowed? Hmmm ... Houston, I think we have a problem! No wonder the numbers don't add up. There seems to be something missing? In fact, there seems to be a LOT missing! So how do we solve this issue of over abundance and inequality? Dar da da daaa ... do not fear; happy smiley is here. 🙂 ... Put on this cape and at the fist sign of discomfort "Cut and run!' I mean if anyone makes you feels sad, your mum, your dad, siblings or long time friends, the only way to solve the problem is to cut them out of your life and spend the reset of eternity blaming them for the world's negativity. You must only ever contemplate with a smile and smother yourself in excess. If your not thriving but only surviving then you must of done it wrong. Is there anyone else in left in your life that you can reject? Yes you must get rid of them too ... you should of rejected them first. Silly you. No matter, I have a link and a book that will solve all your problems. It's all about positivity and holds all the secrets to living a life of success. 1st and foremost you will manifest money!!! Yes, that is right ... you will finally have all you need to attract others like yourself. Every page is chapter is full of glorious revelations that will see you continue to thrive with each turning of the page. We guarantee that you will burst at the seems with joy and bliss that you really won't need anyone but people will want to be around you because that want to be like you. You'll be ecstatic no longer having to worry about others as you now just wear people like trinkets to show off your new authentic self. Hell ... you'll be able to make more success from the sales own books. Just remember to also reject anything or anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable. At the first sing of negativity we must extinguish with the shield of positivity. Just be sure when dispatching of others you do it love. Yet another secret. Do this and you'll never be wrong. Yea yea ... I know ... I'm just another one trying to sell another book. Sigh ... Here's to a glorious day in the trenches. A kid who knows a thing or two about the law of attraction ... It's all in the expelling - Breathing in mind, not continually rejecting as we do in this todays world of excess and quick fixes - Needles and pills in mind. I'll have an IV of todays vits and minerals please!\ Sometimes life is too short and other times its not short enough. Life simply does not exist without either dynamic. At least not outside of books or someone else's workshop. Be your own author and resonate as you must. Don't let others dictate your frequency. We might exist in a pool but we are all unique. Have a fantastic day. 🙃

Up until a few years ago I was desperately looking for a girlfriend, because I never had one before and I felt like I needed one to make my life complete. I was very dissappointed, because I had been "the good guy" for all my life. Good education, good job, friendly, ... And I watched so many disrespectful mean guys with beautiful girls, while I was still alone. This doesn't make any sense to me - even to this day. But this time of my life taught me the high value of a healthy relationship. It is really hard to find and worth fighting for. Then I stopped looking, I put the remaining energy into caring about myself. I did what I like to do with other people (in this case console gaming) and I got to know a woman who became the best girlfriend I could ever wish for. And it was a totally different way of getting to know someone. When online dating, I picked people by location, by age and by looks. But when gaming I just picked good teammates, who are fun to play with. This way I found a girlfriend who shares my hobby and who is fun to make mistakes with. In the end, I think the hard time before was necessary to prepare myself for this moment. Many other people throw relationships away like old bread, but not me.

Wherever I go, a new school, a new college or a tuition, I tend to find the most compatible person of the other sex and try to bond with them. Not that I am desperately trying to get into a relationship, but I know that I am choosy in life, it has been always been hard for me to make friends, bond with people on a deeper level...you get it. Does this happen with everyone ? Or is it just me ? Everything happens subconsciously. I don't even want to fall in love. When I get closer to the person, I go into a state where I am confused whether to go further into it, or just back off. I know I am not ready to indulge in relationships at this age, I need to focus on building my career. Also, I am a person of emotional depth, rushing into a relationship would be the last thing I do. But I do not know how long I should wait. They say you will know when the right time comes. But the right time never seems to come. The feelings just rise and fall. Sometimes the emotional side takes over and the logical side at other times. I do not even go try finding someone online. Nor do I comment or reply to stories, trying to initiate a conversation. You understand what I am trying to say ? I am not consciously looking for love. What should be my lookout in life ? Any comments would be helpful. And to the one who has read so far, I wish you the best in life.

Take me for instance, I come from a well off family, went to university and got 2 degrees from my time there! But something in me couldn’t bare going into the corporate world give my whole life to that! I found that I would eventually be miserable if I don’t do something different. So I said to myself; how about I take a few years to myself, with no eventual savings, or anything that would give me security outside me being a living soul and seeing if I could survive. So I pack the little clothes I could, and left everything behind, from friends, family to romantic relationships, I mean everything including all my life accomplishments. And I went away to figure out if I could make a life without conforming to the norm. And to cut the long story short, it was the best thing I have ever done, and i did this at 26 years old, and I’m now 30 years and I can’t imagine a life with the blended masses. I am completely content with knowledge, and I love quiet and boredom doesn’t exist to me, because nature has become my world and it’s educational to my benefit and also, I find peace in learning.. and having the right desires that have pushed me to be healthy in my thoughts and even down to my actions and things that excite me are simply eating vegetables, water, learning to grow myself even more into inner peace and inner satisfaction … I then challenged myself back into the normal world, reconnect with my family and the ways of this world to see if I can bring my world into this way of life, but wow all of it is loud and it really tastes bitter to my inner being, from the conversations people like to talk about, it’s all draining and full of problems and strife or meaningless things like Instagram and tik toks that I find boring… I allowed myself to watch Netflix with family but most of it promotes greed, lust and sexual desires that take us away from truly being. Obviously I’ve left out so much.. but maybe that can give you a more insight to why I think the way I do. So I’m really struggling to remain in this way, and my family are so attached and holding on to me so much that, I hate to hurt their feelings and go live next to the beach and mountains away from the city by myself but I have this huge craving to never come back this time. So that’s scares me, hence I’ve come on this app. Hoping to meet people to maybe talk about stuff like this, haha so cool to have had you ask the question you asked… Also I find it good for me to finally say it to myself that I’m ready to exist and go live off grid for good. And I haven’t met people who are like minded, in the past I was ok with that. But I think it would be even better if I had a community of people like me around me but better a partner to walk with but apart from that super content … with just me. And don’t get me wrong, a dinner by myself at a cool restaurant, ahhh amazing times at the beach all afternoon, movies at a cinema with a great movie showing like DUNE or something by myself has been wonderful but it’s not my reason for joy. Knowledge is. And when I do get to meet someone and have a conversation after 4 months of no interactions and by that I mean a real intentional conversation , the day I do… it’s very special and I appreciate it more because it’s not something I have placed a great deal of depends on but it has because a mere moment in time… There’s nothing that compares to when everything is quiet and it’s just me and my surroundings, and I’m alone in my thoughts, because of all the knowledge and understanding I’m at my most peace and enjoyment and it’s hard to give that up! Because for me it’s a real reality …

Hello I know I can't be alone in this, but it seems like life becomes something of a horrible cycle between your bed at home and your seat at work, and any semblance of joy you end up killing, be that drinking too much coffee, too much wine, too much of a game etc, just so you get that feeling of control, or a flicker of joy. What's even worse is you attach yourself to people or things, and that almost becomes your purpose, but because of the low energy of your life mixed with the high expectation 'this thing' or person, who will somehow overcome all of life's misery, instead makes you feel flat upon contact with the enemy when you realise there was little to be gained, nothing but the hole in your stomach and black tar on your brain. I sit here now, my children asleep, listening to the sounds of cars driving by and sometimes the heightened chatter of passers by. Yet within me I feel that horrible sinking feeling that with each passing second, the world becomes further and further away from my reach.

Hello all I just wanted to reach out and start a conversation about anything, i guess. I'm not sure what i am looking for in life right now. I've hit a spot where nothing feels exciting or the things that do feel exciting feel unattainable. So i'm just downloading any and every app visiting any and every website hoping life will bring the answers to me. I am 33 a single mom, recently diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. I can't stand my job. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I feel like I have this big ball of greatest inside me with no way out. I don't have very many friends and none that I actually hangout with. I'm not sure what to do or where to start. Being diagnosed with ADHD (and at the same time PTSD) was on one hand amazing because I thought i was just a broken person with no real reason as to why but on the other hand i'm really upset that growing up no one in my life took any time to try and help me figure out who i am and what i am the way that i am. Does anyone out there have a similar situation (or had) and can recommend what to do to figure myself out? To figure out what i want and how i can feel like its possible? Thank you for reading

In my Facebook account, there is an interesting number of people whom I consider really awake. To give an example, not including names (he knows I’m talking about him), I have a Mexican friend who lives in the USA, drives a truck across the country, has a heavy metal rock band (in my opinion one of the best I’ve heard in my life), he shares his life with a beautiful woman and has a handsome and intelligent son. In free time he reads and writes valuable texts on his Facebook page, he also writes lyrics for his songs and is likely to have a book published there. For ordinary people, Luis is a common man, I know he is not. Like him, there are many others. They do not harvest souls, they transmit light. The Buddha says: “They will embrace strange doctrines and behave like ordinary people, but they are the bodhisattvas of the Earth.” A few days ago, one of my readers wrote to another, referring to me: “He is completely trapped by the system, even a Texas ranger is created” (referring to a profile picture in which I appear in uniform) Well … first of all, I want to clarify that the category of “awake” corresponds only to people who, through meditation or other techniques, have managed to fuse their earthly soul with their incredible spirit and there is no way for an ordinary person to detect their state of life. On the other hand, a warrior of the light does not have to be one hundred percent awake, usually when he sends his message or when necessary, but is characterized by keeping his consciousness at a high level all the time. When I speak of consciousness I mean the functionality of the personal ego. On a third level are the “soul harvesters,” people who are seeking followers either because they serve archons (egrégores actually) or other soul harvesters. Its apparent function is to disseminate hidden knowledge and in fact transmit some, but rather they focus on using the energy of their followers to feed the egregor. The difference between the first two and the latter is LOVE. Then there are the common men, sheep, acorns, harvested, etc. I prefer to call them souls on the way to wake up. They are the majority of the world’s population, obviously. And they are the reason we are here. Having clarified this, I will answer my reader. You’re right, I was caught, digested, reprogrammed by the system … but it wasn’t when you detected it, it was when I was born. I arrived and entered a wheel called Samsara. Nor was it when I dedicated tens of years to teach esoteric knowledge and information that today exhibit as conspiranoic groups called or that help to wake up … Or when I was in theosophical, masonry or druid school … or in Buddhism … I repeat … was when I was born. From then on, I dedicated myself to my mission, which is not to hate our neighbor, but to share light with him. And if I have photos with a uniform, it’s because I make a living as a security officer in Texas (maybe it’s a ranger, after all), sorry for not choosing a more typical “awake” livelihood, such as leaving keep for parents or make a profit online. Friend Luis: think about it, maybe driving a truck is not a profession of awake … I know YouTube beasts that live on their video / radio programs and are exposed as great enlightened, but they are maintained by the government, by their parents or their wives and earn a few cents on the net to justify their intellectualism and conscious overcoming. I also write books … everyone knows, I published more than ten … I don’t earn any notable money with that, that’s why I’m a guard. What usually happens is that there is a part of network navigators who embrace seemingly esoteric ideologies, but that serve the egregor of neo-Nazism, as there are for evangelical, Christian, Islamist, Brahmanic religions, etc., and reach the belief that his theories about the defense of the main square, the sinister window, etc. They are really a path. And they are a path to hate. So, sorry I don’t keep writing, I have to wear a uniform to make a living.

The one thing I want everyone to know about me… I lost my husband unexpectedly in May of last year and became homeless within hours of his passing. I found out 90 days later that my husband had been abusing meth when I finally got the tox report. They called it a toxic mix of meth, fentanyl, gabapentin and cyclobenzaprine. I had not idea he was using or abusing meth… when I’d ask him why he was acting the way he was (on the rare occasions that I saw signs and symptoms) he would blame it on his PTSD from his time in the Marine Corps. It has been almost a year… next month… and that alone scares me. But I have been in survival mode since he’s passed which causes nothing but more problems because I cannot fully focus on anything in my life while also throwing on this heavy burden of grief and PTSD that no one seems to truly understand. Life moves on whether we’re ready or able to keep walking with it. So everyday is still a struggle, one foot in front of the other is still difficult even a year later. I’m here to be surrounded with people that will support me as I will support them through all of life’s up and downs.

Sorry for your loss. His life was a mess, just like you said. Maybe he regretted his decisions and didn't want to live the life he ended up in. Yes it's sad, he deserved more respect from his family and you and the children will miss him. But since you can't change what happend, the only way is to move on and to make the best of what you've got. So my way would be to focus on your work and your children and create a beautiful life for the people who are still with you.