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Listening is also very important in maintaining strong relationships.

There is a force in the universe that is active in us, and is a great resource in our quest for a animated life and a conscious world. this force exists and is with us — indeed, it is in us — making use of it hinges on a crucial factor: the nature of your mindset. What’s Wrong with our Mindset? Mindset, This is an embracing concept — it does not stand for a rigorously scientific view, nor does it stand for a purely fictional one. But it does stand for a view of the world that people can recognize as their own. This is an embracing view, encompassing the whole gamut of values and feelings associated with one’s beliefs and convictions regarding the nature of the world. In the current scientific literature, there is a more rigorous but also more limited concept: this is “paradigm.” Originally developed by philosopher of science Thomas Kuhn to describe the fundamental changes in physics wrought by the shift from the Newtonian view of physical reality, to the Einsteinian relativistic view, in the course of the past decades the concept of paradigm has acquired a wider meaning. It extends from the concept of physical reality to a general concept of what we hold to be the nature of reality. We can speak of a materialistic paradigm, a vitalistic paradigm, a classical Newtonian paradigm, or a new quantum-science paradigm. Whether we give it thought or not, we all hold some variety of paradigm, even if it is not consciously recognized and articulated. This is also true of the concept of “mindset.” We all dispose of some variety of mindset, and that mindset is active and influential for us whether we recognize it or not. There is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of most people in the modern world. That mindset is antiquated and misleading. People holding it are focused on acquiring material goods and fostering their own wealth, power and influence. They adopt a wasteful and often ostentatious lifestyle. They think that individuals have little or no influence on the way the world is going, and so there is no real need for individuals to feel responsible for the way the world is actually going. Life is a struggle for survival, where the fittest survives. Popular wisdom such as “make the most of your opportunities and never mind what comes after you — you only go around once” and “the world out there is a jungle, so take care of your own interests, because nobody else will care for it” are fairly typical examples. This is how the mind of the typical modern person is set to perceive the world. The values and behaviors inspired by the modern mindset have led to critical conditions in our social, economic, and ecological systems. They have fractured the integrity of the human community, dividing it into we and others, drawing the line in reference to common interests, or competing and perhaps opposing interests. This creates competition and conflict, and gives rise to violence. It leads to an unsustainable world. If we the modern mindset doesn’t change and evolve, we endanger not just our own well-being, but the survival of our species, but also we endanger the survival of all beings on planet earth. How to Change Your Mindset — Start with yourself. But how do you go about it? The first step is to ask yourself some fundamental questions. How do you relate to people, society, and nature around you? Are you part of them, or are you outside and perhaps above them? The honest answer you give, testifies to the nature of your mindset. Adopting an up-to-date mindset is not a quixotic endeavor: The shift from competition to reconciliation and partnership: a change from relationships, organizational models, and societal strategies based on competition to relationships and models based on principles of healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and male–female partnership. The shift from greed and scarcity to sufficiency and caring: a change in values, perspectives, and approaches from the traditional self-centered and greedy mode toward a sense of the sufficient and the interpers onal concern of caring. The shift from outer to inner authority: a change from reliance on outer sources of “authority” to inner sources of “knowing.” The shift from separation to wholeness: a recognition of the wholeness and interconnectedness of all aspects of reality. The shift from mechanistic to living systems: a shift of attention from models of organizations based on mechanistic systems to perspectives and approaches rooted in the principles that inform the world of the living. The shift from organizational fragmentation to coherent integration: a shift from disintegrative, fragmented organizations with parts set against each other to goals and structures integrated, so they serve both those who participate in the organizations and those around them.

There is a force in the universe that is active in us, and is a great resource in our quest for a animated life and a conscious world. this force exists and is with us — indeed, it is in us — making use of it hinges on a crucial factor: the nature of your mindset. What’s Wrong with our Mindset? Mindset, This is an embracing concept — it does not stand for a rigorously scientific view, nor does it stand for a purely fictional one. But it does stand for a view of the world that people can recognize as their own. This is an embracing view, encompassing the whole gamut of values and feelings associated with one’s beliefs and convictions regarding the nature of the world. In the current scientific literature, there is a more rigorous but also more limited concept: this is “paradigm.” Originally developed by philosopher of science Thomas Kuhn to describe the fundamental changes in physics wrought by the shift from the Newtonian view of physical reality, to the Einsteinian relativistic view, in the course of the past decades the concept of paradigm has acquired a wider meaning. It extends from the concept of physical reality to a general concept of what we hold to be the nature of reality. We can speak of a materialistic paradigm, a vitalistic paradigm, a classical Newtonian paradigm, or a new quantum-science paradigm. Whether we give it thought or not, we all hold some variety of paradigm, even if it is not consciously recognized and articulated. This is also true of the concept of “mindset.” We all dispose of some variety of mindset, and that mindset is active and influential for us whether we recognize it or not. There is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of most people in the modern world. That mindset is antiquated and misleading. People holding it are focused on acquiring material goods and fostering their own wealth, power and influence. They adopt a wasteful and often ostentatious lifestyle. They think that individuals have little or no influence on the way the world is going, and so there is no real need for individuals to feel responsible for the way the world is actually going. Life is a struggle for survival, where the fittest survives. Popular wisdom such as “make the most of your opportunities and never mind what comes after you — you only go around once” and “the world out there is a jungle, so take care of your own interests, because nobody else will care for it” are fairly typical examples. This is how the mind of the typical modern person is set to perceive the world. The values and behaviors inspired by the modern mindset have led to critical conditions in our social, economic, and ecological systems. They have fractured the integrity of the human community, dividing it into we and others, drawing the line in reference to common interests, or competing and perhaps opposing interests. This creates competition and conflict, and gives rise to violence. It leads to an unsustainable world. If we the modern mindset doesn’t change and evolve, we endanger not just our own well-being, but the survival of our species, but also we endanger the survival of all beings on planet earth. How to Change Your Mindset — Start with yourself. But how do you go about it? The first step is to ask yourself some fundamental questions. How do you relate to people, society, and nature around you? Are you part of them, or are you outside and perhaps above them? The honest answer you give, testifies to the nature of your mindset. Adopting an up-to-date mindset is not a quixotic endeavor: The shift from competition to reconciliation and partnership: a change from relationships, organizational models, and societal strategies based on competition to relationships and models based on principles of healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and male–female partnership. The shift from greed and scarcity to sufficiency and caring: a change in values, perspectives, and approaches from the traditional self-centered and greedy mode toward a sense of the sufficient and the interpers onal concern of caring. The shift from outer to inner authority: a change from reliance on outer sources of “authority” to inner sources of “knowing.” The shift from separation to wholeness: a recognition of the wholeness and interconnectedness of all aspects of reality. The shift from mechanistic to living systems: a shift of attention from models of organizations based on mechanistic systems to perspectives and approaches rooted in the principles that inform the world of the living. The shift from organizational fragmentation to coherent integration: a shift from disintegrative, fragmented organizations with parts set against each other to goals and structures integrated, so they serve both those who participate in the organizations and those around them.

Hey everybody! I wanted to share a cool online cohort-based meditation series exploring the themes of relationships, livelihood and money in the context of mindfulness and Buddhism. It is an 8-week series starting next Sunday! There are some really amazing meditation teachers involved such as Chan Master Guo Gu. Let me know what you think! Dharma-Gates.org/building-a-beautiful-life It's offered on a donation-basis, and is designed for young people ages 18-35.

Here are some steps you can take: Recognize your feelings: Acknowledge and accept that you are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. It's important to understand that these feelings are valid and that seeking help is a sign of strength. Reach out for support: Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, such as a close friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Opening up to others can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone. Seek professional help: Consult with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, offer guidance, and develop coping strategies tailored to your specific needs. Develop self-care routines: Engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include regular exercise, eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Establish a support network: Surround yourself with positive and understanding individuals who can provide support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with people who share similar experiences. Educate yourself: Learn more about your condition, including its causes, symptoms, and available treatment options. Understanding what you're going through can empower you to make informed decisions about your mental health and treatment. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and avoid self-judgment. Understand that healing takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Treat yourself with patience, understanding, and self-care. Develop coping mechanisms: Discover healthy ways to cope with stress and manage your emotions. This might include deep breathing exercises, journaling, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music. Consider medication if needed: In some cases, medication may be prescribed by a psychiatrist to help manage symptoms. If you and your healthcare provider determine that medication is necessary, ensure that you follow their guidance and monitor any potential side effects. Stay connected: Maintain meaningful relationships with friends and loved ones. Social support plays a crucial role in mental health, so try to engage in activities that foster connection and build relationships. Remember, it's essential to consult with a qualified mental health professional to receive personalized advice and guidance for your specific situation. They can help you develop a treatment plan that aligns with your needs and goals.

Up until a few years ago I was desperately looking for a girlfriend, because I never had one before and I felt like I needed one to make my life complete. I was very dissappointed, because I had been "the good guy" for all my life. Good education, good job, friendly, ... And I watched so many disrespectful mean guys with beautiful girls, while I was still alone. This doesn't make any sense to me - even to this day. But this time of my life taught me the high value of a healthy relationship. It is really hard to find and worth fighting for. Then I stopped looking, I put the remaining energy into caring about myself. I did what I like to do with other people (in this case console gaming) and I got to know a woman who became the best girlfriend I could ever wish for. And it was a totally different way of getting to know someone. When online dating, I picked people by location, by age and by looks. But when gaming I just picked good teammates, who are fun to play with. This way I found a girlfriend who shares my hobby and who is fun to make mistakes with. In the end, I think the hard time before was necessary to prepare myself for this moment. Many other people throw relationships away like old bread, but not me.

Wherever I go, a new school, a new college or a tuition, I tend to find the most compatible person of the other sex and try to bond with them. Not that I am desperately trying to get into a relationship, but I know that I am choosy in life, it has been always been hard for me to make friends, bond with people on a deeper level...you get it. Does this happen with everyone ? Or is it just me ? Everything happens subconsciously. I don't even want to fall in love. When I get closer to the person, I go into a state where I am confused whether to go further into it, or just back off. I know I am not ready to indulge in relationships at this age, I need to focus on building my career. Also, I am a person of emotional depth, rushing into a relationship would be the last thing I do. But I do not know how long I should wait. They say you will know when the right time comes. But the right time never seems to come. The feelings just rise and fall. Sometimes the emotional side takes over and the logical side at other times. I do not even go try finding someone online. Nor do I comment or reply to stories, trying to initiate a conversation. You understand what I am trying to say ? I am not consciously looking for love. What should be my lookout in life ? Any comments would be helpful. And to the one who has read so far, I wish you the best in life.

Maybe give Sarah some space again. It seems like she has difficulties navigating relationships and speaking her mind. Seems she dislikes conversations. Just give her some space. She’ll reach out again soon.

A very important part of relationships is communication. So if you want to meet him, tell him. He has a rough time, but at somepoint you should stand up for yourself. Sometimes standing up for yourself can lead to a fight, but that's okay, because it's the only way to make both of you happy.

Mental health coaching and life coaching are two distinct practices that can offer support and guidance in different areas of personal development and well-being. Here's an overview of each: Mental Health Coaching: Mental health coaching focuses specifically on addressing and improving mental health concerns and challenges. Mental health coaches work with individuals to identify and work through issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and overall emotional well-being. They often employ evidence-based techniques and strategies to help clients develop coping skills, manage their emotions, set realistic goals, and improve their overall mental well-being. Mental health coaching is not a substitute for therapy or counseling, but it can be a valuable complement to professional mental health support. Life Coaching: Life coaching is a broader practice that focuses on personal growth, goal-setting, and enhancing various aspects of one's life. Life coaches work with individuals to identify their values, strengths, and aspirations and help them create a plan to achieve their goals. They provide guidance, accountability, and motivation to help clients overcome obstacles, improve self-confidence, enhance decision-making skills, and create a more fulfilling life. Life coaches often work in areas such as career development, relationships, time management, personal finance, and overall life balance. It's important to note that mental health coaching and life coaching are not regulated professions, so practitioners can have varying backgrounds, training, and qualifications. When seeking a mental health coach or life coach, it's essential to research their credentials, experience, and approach to ensure they align with your needs and goals. Additionally, if you're experiencing significant mental health concerns, it's recommended to seek support from a licensed mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide a higher level of clinical care.

I disagree with this whole thing. If your "former" best friend was "really" your friend, you would have tried to help her. Why not find out what drove her to abuse drugs? Why not encourage her to get marriage counseling and drug rehabilitation help? There are many things you could have done as a "friend" to help her get on her feet and repair her marriage. You, her ex-husband, and other friend all conspired against this woman selfishly without trying to even help her. This story really upsets my sense of justice. Here I was thinking you were writing a story asking about how to help your friend in her situation, but instead you betray her and try to justify it. I really don't understand this. It's stories like this that make me lose hope in human relationships. Just because someone succumbs to drugs or some other bad habit does not automatically make them unfit and a bad person. As human beings we all have limits to stress and sometimes we need someone to love and help guide us to get back on our feet; not drag us through the mud. Sorry if this seems like a rant, it just really triggered my sense of justice. I'm appalled by the lack of empathy towards your "former" friend as you call her.

Maybe you could start a thread here where you tell your story and ask for advice. If nothing else, it would be practice for speaking your experience and asking for help, two things it sounds as if you have been denied IRL. It's true there are things you can only accomplish by your own wit and will. Cutting off the opinions of others and forging your own path is something pioneers must eventually become capable of. The step after that is to get back those relationships you cut yourself off from, the ones worth getting back at least. If you have the ability to go it alone, then you'll have the latitude to cultivate your ability to go together with others.

Hi new guy. How are you I am not great at personal relationships like friendship I tend to be the person who just listens. So I also dress for comfort not fashion.

Greetings. I'm here to see if I can still make new friends, something I haven't done for many years. Personal relationships are more important to me than community, so if I'm unable to become involved with an interesting person or three here, I'll probably fade out. Not to say that I want to discourage anyone from casually interacting with me. I have a great personal interest in optimizing my experience of my existence and overcoming traumas. Some basic not-to-specific info; I'm male, mid-thirties, live in rural midwestern USA, have a BS but work manual labor, no kids, single, white, atheist, Myers-Briggs INTP, Enneagram 5w4 593 sx/sp. I'm big, wear glasses, have a beard, and dress for comfort and convenience rather than fashion. I imagine that covers the basics. Looking forward to interesting people and conversations!

Mental health services are becoming increasingly important in today's society. Life coaching is a form of mental health service that helps people to identify and achieve their goals, while also providing support and guidance through difficult times. It can be used to help individuals understand themselves better, build self-confidence, improve relationships with others, as well as manage stress levels more effectively. Life coaches offer an objective perspective on life challenges which can help individuals make positive changes in their lives.

Happiness is a state of being that everyone aspires to achieve. It is the feeling of joy, contentment, and satisfaction that arises from within when we are in a positive state of mind. Happiness is often associated with the fulfillment of our desires and the attainment of our goals, but it goes beyond that. True happiness is a state of mind that is not dependent on external circumstances or material possessions. It is a feeling that arises from within and is independent of external factors. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be difficult to define, but it is generally understood to be a positive emotional state characterized by feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and contentment. It can be experienced in a variety of ways, from a fleeting moment of joy to a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose. Research has shown that happiness has numerous benefits for our health and well-being. Happy people are generally more resilient to stress, have stronger immune systems, and live longer. They are also more creative, productive, and successful in their personal and professional lives. There are many factors that contribute to happiness, including our relationships, our work, our health, and our personal values and beliefs. However, research suggests that there are some common characteristics and practices that are associated with greater happiness. These include: Cultivating positive emotions: Focusing on positive emotions such as gratitude, joy, and kindness can help to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Building strong relationships: Having close, supportive relationships with family and friends is a key factor in happiness. Pursuing meaningful goals: Having a sense of purpose and working towards meaningful goals that align with our values and interests can bring a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion: Being present in the moment and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion can help to reduce stress and increase happiness. Engaging in physical activity and healthy habits: Regular exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet are important for physical and mental health, and can also contribute to feelings of happiness. In conclusion, happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that is essential to our health and well-being. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for happiness, research suggests that cultivating positive emotions, building strong relationships, pursuing meaningful goals, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, and engaging in healthy habits can all contribute to greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

I'm in love with a damaged empath. She is afraid of my love. She either has been abused in previous relationships or she ended relationships that were good. She felt abandoned by her mother as a child and is overly protective now, pressing the self destruct button on us before we can begin. She is running away from me because she is scared of getting hurt, she is sabotaging her own happiness. I have told her today verbally and in text after talking with her: "You were running away/pushing me away because you were afraid of getting hurt again like in the past. You have genuine love, affection and fun in front of you and it scares you, but you deserve to be loved and happy where other current problems will be easier to deal with too. You have stability, certainty, harmony, peace and fun with me/us, where you will heal (in your own time/way) with acceptance and respect and without stress or drama from me. I want you, I want to be with you, I want a relationship with you. Listen to your heart"................................................Thoughts Please.

When I connect with someone online that's great but once I've provided my phone number and ask them to call me and all they want to do is text me with no first or last name or contacts or any meaningful message I can relate to or they just say hi that's ridiculous if you're not looking for a friend up close and in personal to do something fun with in the city of love Los Angeles why bother contacting me I haven't got time to poke around and tweet with people

I am also a mechanical engineer. I think every good engineer is of shy but good at calculations 😅. Even i struggled in marriage which eventually ended up as separation. I don't know why i am not comfortable in building relationships. Congratulations on being engaged. 🎁 I wish you best in your life ahead. What type of engineer are you?

Today we are doing FREE personalized Moon Reading to explore the secret depths of your personality, relationships, and true purpose in life. Comment "ME" down below for your FREE readings.

Big Dream Alert!!!! This is my first attempt at starting a book. Does this feel like a book you might read? If so, what else would you want to be included?Here goes. . .Don’t Be an A*Hole, How to Stop Doing and Saying Things You Regret.I was an A*HOLE. Truth be told, I still am an A*HOLE from time to time. Progress, not perfection. Why am I telling you this? Well, you may be one too. Before you get offended, let me clarify, an A*HOLE is a person who Always Has Overreactions to Life’s Events.Maybe you are shaking your head and saying to yourself, “not me.” Before you stop reading this, ask yourself, “do I often say or do things I wish I could immediately take back?” If not, then please go out into the world and share your secrets. Seriously, stop reading and get out there. The world needs you now!For the rest of us, come with me on this journey of curiosity, learning, practicing, and ultimately transforming your relationships, health, and life. I will share my story, struggles, and practices that have changed my relationships and granted me peace.We will explore together -How being an A*HOLE is harming your relationships and your health.Why self-regulation can be a challenge, and why shaming yourself isn’t working.The simple yet effective steps you can take to retrain your brain to respond differently to life events.Being an A*HOLE is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to change. Do you want to improve your relationships? Do you want to lower your stress levels? I did, and I have. I will show you how. You are one book away from transforming your life. Come with me, friend.I would love to hear from you! *** I purposefully did not put Mindfulness in the title or description, because I am trying to turn people onto mindfulness that currently do not have a practice or true understanding of what it is.

I think it's hard for millionaires to find real friends and relationships who are not just after their money. And if they can't get appreciation by their friends because of that, they try to feel good and being respected by spending the money for status symbols. But when they start trying to show off with their expensive status symbols, they start comparing with other rich people and there will always be someone with a more expensive status symbol, so in the end they will be unhappy even though they have a lot of expensive stuff. That's why I don't tell people about how much money I've got. When I'm asked, my answer will be "Enough". This way, nobody gets jealous and nobody wants to be my friend just for the money. But comparing with others is a problem to me. Generally I think comparing is a good thing, because it can inspire me to improve my life. But on the other hand it can ruin my happiness, because there is always someone better than yourself. So I try to stop comparing sometimes, I try to be proud of what I achieved and to make the best of what I have.

No, money doesn't make people happy, but it's a fact that it's so much better having it than not. Having enough money to not have to worry about your basic needs being met can free up your time and energy to focus on other things, like your relationships or your career. And of course, being able to buy nice things for yourself or your loved ones can be enjoyable. There is one thing though about not having enough money that can, in a way, be perceived as good. Not having enough money can be a great motivational factor that can even affect a person on a deeper level and make them more ambitious. Once you experience it, you never want to go through it again. That said, it can be that one thing that makes a difference. For example, occasional marketing projects on Fiverr, driving an Uber, or teaching another language online are completely okay if you're willing to settle on simply getting by. It's a completely different story when you're starting your own business, in this case, it could be a social media marketing agency, an e-commerce business, or even opening your own online language school. Being without money can be a lesson that will make us set higher goals and try to earn more, to make sure we can save some and still be okay if things go down the hill again. But at the end of the day, it's not the money that makes people happy – it's what they do with their lives that counts.

Hi Tara ... I have a friend that is Bi Polar. He tends to have a behavior pattern that is to set up situations that often lead into bouts of drama. Rarely does it end well. Now I also have my own labels and would not necessarily just blame his label as many of people without labels can also do the same thing. That said, the passion at which he sets a situation up, and his inability to detach from such calculating, does seem hampered by his instability which can be quite episodic. BOUNDARIES are really important - especially from the start or the start of each new phase. I experience phases with him as after each dramatic session having exhaustively gone through dealing with each of his insecurities, blaming, shaming and various other unresolved psychological issues - He too will often begin with being kind. I have found most people in this category often do. Well it's actually hard to categorize because ego is a complex thing... Subconscious Sabotage: Is what I often tell him he needs to stop doing. And it's often where I start with him when laying down the boundaries. I'm not into cutting people out of my life like chopping the top off a pineapple as that tends to leave a residual hang-up on my end after the fact no matter where I end up. My advice is just to be straight up with the guy and tell him how he is making you feel and to find another way to connect if he wishes the relationship to continue. Like "Hey, just so you know, I get your trying to me nice but the way you constantly keep being overly kind is really starting to bug me. It makes me feel like I am some kind of project that needs fixing, or X,Y & Z - if you don't stop it I'm going to have to distance myself for my own mental health." Say whatever it is that your experiencing and how it's making you feel and that you want it to stop or else X,Y & Z for the benefit of you both. I have chosen to still remain friends - but I pull him up every time he starts setting up a situation I know is not going to end well or anytime he assumes something of me and or others for that matter. Mostly when that assumption is something I know is disabling/disempowering for whom of which he speaks. Always starts off nice then leads into something that is about shaming and blaming. Now whilst my explanation with my friend may differ, he is always overly nice and it too is not something I gel with either. Mostly because of the manipulation that's often woven within it. His bipolar makes if very hard for him but I also have my own issues like most of us do. Boundaries works most of the time and I have to be always on top by constantly making them. This is when most people cut and run and whilst that is OK ... just be careful how you cut the cord for your own sake as much as him. People don't often understand that. Another Key point is My-self. Once a pattern sets and I allow myself to be drawn in, the negative vibes I feel tend to make me more vulnerable (feed his compulsive manner to do as he wills) to the manipulation being played where the toxicity in relationships take the stage. Once I am caught up in it and no longer seeing the imbalance taking place then I just become victim to his drama ... not discounting my own. Whilst I am male and he is male and the friendship is plutonic - just close friends. The behavior is very has many of the dynamics I have had with my wife and children or others that are close to me. The reason I am still close friends with him is because after a lot of work re the boundaries we still both have a lot of good to offer each other and there is a sense of respect. I am one of the very few people in his life that has been able to help him in areas he can not. In return my own compromises to help him be comfortable means I am able to have work on my own issues which as just as disabling for us both and others in my life. Kind of makes me a better person knowing that I have my own issues and it's not just about him. Hard to explain. But biggest advice re relationships in general and with people that tend to make projects out of others that leads to reoccurring patterns is to tell them what is happening and what your prepared to put up with and what you will in turn your willing to give. The latter just an acknowledgment of one's self that keeps it mutually beneficial. It's not healthy if it's only one way or more about pleasing one persons way of being rather than it being mutual. Mutual respect and honestly has to be at the forefront. Niceties can just be a ploy and often is this day and age with people becoming experts in positivity, love and joy. To be sure those aspects are important where a balance is needed but being overly nice is kind of like a flag to something else going on. We are complex beings to be sure. Know what you want out of the relationship, lay down those boundaries as best you can and do it each time before it gets out of hand. If he does not respect and or change what it make you feel those negative thoughts, then I suggest giving yourself some distance in your own way that makes you feel more comfortable. I used boundaries and when that fails, I'll just fade away from that person. I typically leave the door open where eventually they get the message and either stay away themselves or just learn to be more mutual in their dealings with me and I'll often learn new things about myself that can do with a bit of work. Hope some of that is helpful and or makes sense.

Hey, I wanted to share my current situation and maybe get some advise if you experienced same things. The thing is I met a new guy (everything is in the beginning state yet) and he's extremely kind and lovely to me. He ask me like thousand times if everything is alright, if I'm feeling comfortable and stuff when we're together and that's really kind and thoughtful. But I experienced in my past a lot of abusive behavior (mostly emotional) from men I was dating and also been diagnosed with bpd a long time ago (but I found a good way to deal with it and I am stable). I find myself now in a state where I can't enjoy all the kind things this new guy is doing to me/ saying to me because I'm scared he'll hurt me too, like everyone before. The worst thing is that I feel deep down inside the urge to hurt him or play games with him, because I can't handle all the cute lovely stuff from him and it's making me feel so bad. I don't want to feel like this and I don't want to hurt him, because he don't deserve it. I feel like I experienced so much pain and hurtful stuff in my past, that I'm not used to this kind behavior and this urge tells me I have to ruin it because I'm used to toxic relationships. I don't know how to put these thoughts away and just enjoy these new lovely feelings. Do you have any ideas how to deal with it? I'm very thankful for every respond!