Search the Community

Mental health services are becoming increasingly important in today's society. Life coaching is a form of mental health service that helps people to identify and achieve their goals, while also providing support and guidance through difficult times. It can be used to help individuals understand themselves better, build self-confidence, improve relationships with others, as well as manage stress levels more effectively. Life coaches offer an objective perspective on life challenges which can help individuals make positive changes in their lives.

I was going through the most difficult times in my life. I split with my partner of 11 years and my best friend died in a car accident around the same time. There was lots of other things that happened too but it’s too much too explain. Anyway I’ve not had an easy life and instead of healing I chose drink and drugs and toxic relationships throughout my life. I came close to suicide a lot in my life and had so many near death experiences. It got to a point where drink and drugs weren’t helping anymore and I’d lost everyone I cared about. I stopped drinking as much and sat with my feelings and thoughts and began to heal. I had a spiritual awakening for the first time ever in my life. My guardian angels and God which by the way I was never sure I truly believed in him but he spoke and said I had another chance in life to make my self better and other people. My spiritual awakening made me more caring, empathetic, loving and non judgmental. I saw through my third eye I’m a starsseed a lightworker I’m supposed to be here it’s my destiny to help others heal and set them on there own spiritual journey to find there own soul path. I’m now 11 days sober and feeling a lot more positive and calmer about life. I would love to help anyone that’s in need even just a friend or someone to vent to. Anything at all please don’t hesitate to contact me. I will never judge you or tell anyone your privacy remains with me. I’m reaching out as I know how I suffered on my own and I wished I had someone to reach out to myself at times.

Previous relationships teaches us to appreciate the things that we have and value the things that money can't buy. Previous relationships teaches us to love ourselves more. Previous relationships makes us more mature and be smarter in life.

hey @suedseefrucht, if you would like to know a little bit more about these relationship types, we have a couple of articles in the magazine that may be interesting for you! Thanks :) https://www.happiness.com/magazine/relationships/the-rise-of-ethical-non-monogamy-what-does-it-mean/ https://www.happiness.com/magazine/relationships/relationship-anarchy/

Step 1. RECOGNISE the pattern/s you have. *From 'Loving Relationships' by Sondra Ray Pattern 1: Since you established your first relationship with your parents, you tend to recreate their personalities as closely as possible in your other relationships. Pattern 2: You will tend to recreate the kind of relationships you had with your parents in your other relationships. Pattern 3: You will tend to copy the relationships your parents had with each other. *Note: I also think you try to avoid the type of relationship your parents had with each other. Pattern 4: Since most of us are used to a heavy dose of parental disapproval, we will tend to create upsets that will make our 'parents' disapprove of us. Pattern 5: You will tend to get even with your parents by using your mate or another. If your mate won't allow this, you might use your children. Pattern 6: Most people subconsciously want to remain helpless children all their lives. A conflict can occur when each wants to be a child and each wants the other to be his/her parent. Pattern 7: Since most people are used to the struggle they had with their parents, having a totally successful, easy, smooth relationship is too unfamiliar and too threatening to tolerate. Pattern 8: Suppressed incest always stands in the way of sexual affection. The point at which you could not acknowledge sexual feelings for your parents (or they for you) is the point where your sexuality becomes inhibited. *Note: personally, this one [8] challenges me and makes me feel uncomfortable; please remember I'm putting down what's in the book. Pattern 9: Because of self-hate and self-guilt, there is a tendency to beat yourself up using one of the following: your body, your sex life, your career, your finances, your material possessions. Therefore a). there is a tendency to mess up one or more of these relationships to punish yourself, and b). the guilt and self-hate can go all the way to thinking you separated yourself from God (or whatever universal power you choose) by taking on a body, thinking you are bad because you caused your mother pain at birth. Pattern 10: You will attract someone who fits your patterns. That is if you have a patterns that says "Men leave me", then you will attract a man who has a pattern of leaving. Any thoughts?

I am also a mechanical engineer. I think every good engineer is of shy but good at calculations 😅. Even i struggled in marriage which eventually ended up as separation. I don't know why i am not comfortable in building relationships. Congratulations on being engaged. 🎁 I wish you best in your life ahead. What type of engineer are you?

Today we are doing FREE personalized Moon Reading to explore the secret depths of your personality, relationships, and true purpose in life. Comment "ME" down below for your FREE readings.

I think it's hard for millionaires to find real friends and relationships who are not just after their money. And if they can't get appreciation by their friends because of that, they try to feel good and being respected by spending the money for status symbols. But when they start trying to show off with their expensive status symbols, they start comparing with other rich people and there will always be someone with a more expensive status symbol, so in the end they will be unhappy even though they have a lot of expensive stuff. That's why I don't tell people about how much money I've got. When I'm asked, my answer will be "Enough". This way, nobody gets jealous and nobody wants to be my friend just for the money. But comparing with others is a problem to me. Generally I think comparing is a good thing, because it can inspire me to improve my life. But on the other hand it can ruin my happiness, because there is always someone better than yourself. So I try to stop comparing sometimes, I try to be proud of what I achieved and to make the best of what I have.

I have learned some things about myself in the last few years. I tend to let my head rule over my heart, as a result I can be a cold person who is not naturally empathetic. I have had loved ones in crisis and it didn't register with me like it should have. I would take them to the doctor, mend their wounds and take them to the eye doctor but showing real concern/empathy was and is a challenge for me. I put it down to my childhood abuse at a very young age in foster care where I learned to cut myself from my feelings and become a cold fish as a coping mechanism. This doesn't help the people in my life who need my emotional availability. I tend to be clinical in my approach to life/relationships which does alienate people. My Myers//Briggs profile says I'm an INTJ, which means I lead with my head instead of the heart. I have to access my feelings to show my loved ones that I love them. Before it's too late. I could be dead tomorrow (car accident, heart attack) and I need for my loved ones to feel the nurturing that love provides. What can I do to become a more empathetic person?

No, money doesn't make people happy, but it's a fact that it's so much better having it than not. Having enough money to not have to worry about your basic needs being met can free up your time and energy to focus on other things, like your relationships or your career. And of course, being able to buy nice things for yourself or your loved ones can be enjoyable. There is one thing though about not having enough money that can, in a way, be perceived as good. Not having enough money can be a great motivational factor that can even affect a person on a deeper level and make them more ambitious. Once you experience it, you never want to go through it again. That said, it can be that one thing that makes a difference. For example, occasional marketing projects on Fiverr, driving an Uber, or teaching another language online are completely okay if you're willing to settle on simply getting by. It's a completely different story when you're starting your own business, in this case, it could be a social media marketing agency, an e-commerce business, or even opening your own online language school. Being without money can be a lesson that will make us set higher goals and try to earn more, to make sure we can save some and still be okay if things go down the hill again. But at the end of the day, it's not the money that makes people happy – it's what they do with their lives that counts.

This is a deep topic and love that you posted about it. This relates to me when it comes to my siblings. I have distanced myself from them both for our past relationships were close but not in a healthy manner. I want to alter those relationships with them and have been fearing what love means for our relationships. I also been projecting that fear into the future, in fear it will always be distant as it is now. I want to show my love to them but not in the way I did in the past. Want to show it in a more sincere way but having a really hard time learning how to do that for some reason. So, they have been crowding my mind with my fears of our past love to my fears of what our future love will look like with one another in our relationships.

Hi, Fizzy, I’ve struggled my entire life trying to fit in. My social skills have never been that great, but I’ve learned it’s best to be me and not try to be anyone else. The best thing is to find people who have similar interests as you or who have things in common with. Stay close to any family you have who support you and just nurture your relationships. You are okay just as you are! Susan

That's great! When I wrote a poem for my engagement, I didn't really use a regular routine. I just kept in mind the last part I needed to find something to rhyme with for. So I could think about it in every free minute until I finally found something good. And then I wrote it down and continued. I feel like pressure is bad for creativity. When you plan to write a bigger story, I think backwards engineering could be a good way. In an analysis you try to extract things like a relationship tree,the characters' profiles and so on. So when writing, you could start with designing the characters, their properties, their relationships and then start writing the story, trying to imagine how each character would react in different situations. It really sounds like fun

Tjanks for youd replies everyone I do not come across on the outside as sad. I'm just sad inside. In fact if people knew that I felt lonely they would think I was the last person who felt this way. And i do lòok after myself I hike everyday meditate and have hobbies bug I believe that humans need connection and community to stay mentally healthy we are social animals and that's what I am lacking despite putting in a lot of effort. It's painful when I hear others have their little groups and I am constantly on the outside. It seems very high-schoolish and r surprised that this kind of thing still exists in our 60s. I am feeling that I have to accept that I won't have those close relationships but wondered if others had this experience and although I do appreciate the advice, believe me, I have pursued and still do carry out self exploration different tactics and self preservation. Regards

Hi everyone! Until recently I have been a true people pleaser and social butterfly. I didn't know how to say "No" without hurting the people around me. I felt guilty to put myself first. Combined with a busy work and study life, there was no time for myself anymore... Without me realising it, the stress affected my physical health and the relationships around me... So I decided to make a change: I did a master with the focus on Happiness Economics and became a certified meditation and mindfulness teacher. The techniques and knowledge I have learned since have helped me to truly love myself and make myself a priority. I was able to stop pleasing everyone around me and as a result create healthy and fulfilled relationships. Anyone else has a similar experience or is maybe still struggling? Would love to hear your thoughts and connect! 🙂

Hi there, I am very excited to join this beautiful community of like-minded people! Until recently I have been a true people pleaser and social butterfly. I didn't know how to say "No" without hurting the people around me. I felt guilty to put myself first. Combined with a busy study (and later work) life, there was no time for myself anymore... Without me realising it, the stress affected my physical health and the relationships around me. So I decided to make a change: I completed a master with the focus on HAPPINESS ECONOMICS and I became a CERTIFIED MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS TEACHER. Now I am coaching individuals and groups to create happy and healthy relationships with themselves and others. What is special about my coaching is that I use customised meditation and mindfulness techniques to support the journey. I am happy to connect with everyone of you! 🙂 What is your story?

Really great advice for everyone, and like you say, applicable to more in life than relationships 👏 This morning I came across something called 'Simple Formula for Living' that I think could be interesting to repeat here

Yeah, I think so too. There are a couple of common problems, misunderstandings and useful tips. Not only for relationships but for life too. Here are some of mine: - Care about yourself. It's important to make yourself feel good. Learn, what you like, think about what kind of person you would like to be. You can't be the person of your dreams instantly, but you can become that person step by step. It's about the way you treat others, your hobbies, the stuff you buy/make and much more. When you can take care of yourself, you are more independent and you can be strong for your partner in case he/she needs it. - Accept that nobody's perfect. Once you accept, everyone's just human, you can forgive your own imperfections and maybe even treat them with humor. And you can be yourself without trying to appear better than you really are. Other people have imperfections too, no matter how perfect they might appear. When you accept that, you will feel much better about yourself and you can understand a partner's insecurities and be careful about them. And you can stop looking for Mr. Perfect / Mrs. Perfect and start looking for someone who accpepts your imperfections.

Lower distrust in relationships with your peers and do not play safe. Do not have a self-label that seperates you from others, instead have a label that connects you with others.

Why not both? Relationships with a friendship base are the best.

I doubt that there's a general answer to that. Different people have different needs. Not only that - needs also change over time. Your question is still important as it's something we need to know about ourselves so we can be open about our needs with our partner(s). That at this moment as a person to whom physical contact is very important long distance relationships won't work for you is totally fine - it doesn't have to be the same for others though.

Take me for instance, I come from a well off family, went to university and got 2 degrees from my time there! But something in me couldn’t bare going into the corporate world give my whole life to that! I found that I would eventually be miserable if I don’t do something different. So I said to myself; how about I take a few years to myself, with no eventual savings, or anything that would give me security outside me being a living soul and seeing if I could survive. So I pack the little clothes I could, and left everything behind, from friends, family to romantic relationships, I mean everything including all my life accomplishments. And I went away to figure out if I could make a life without conforming to the norm. And to cut the long story short, it was the best thing I have ever done, and i did this at 26 years old, and I’m now 30 years and I can’t imagine a life with the blended masses. I am completely content with knowledge, and I love quiet and boredom doesn’t exist to me, because nature has become my world and it’s educational to my benefit and also, I find peace in learning.. and having the right desires that have pushed me to be healthy in my thoughts and even down to my actions and things that excite me are simply eating vegetables, water, learning to grow myself even more into inner peace and inner satisfaction … I then challenged myself back into the normal world, reconnect with my family and the ways of this world to see if I can bring my world into this way of life, but wow all of it is loud and it really tastes bitter to my inner being, from the conversations people like to talk about, it’s all draining and full of problems and strife or meaningless things like Instagram and tik toks that I find boring… I allowed myself to watch Netflix with family but most of it promotes greed, lust and sexual desires that take us away from truly being. Obviously I’ve left out so much.. but maybe that can give you a more insight to why I think the way I do. So I’m really struggling to remain in this way, and my family are so attached and holding on to me so much that, I hate to hurt their feelings and go live next to the beach and mountains away from the city by myself but I have this huge craving to never come back this time. So that’s scares me, hence I’ve come on this app. Hoping to meet people to maybe talk about stuff like this, haha so cool to have had you ask the question you asked… Also I find it good for me to finally say it to myself that I’m ready to exist and go live off grid for good. And I haven’t met people who are like minded, in the past I was ok with that. But I think it would be even better if I had a community of people like me around me but better a partner to walk with but apart from that super content … with just me. And don’t get me wrong, a dinner by myself at a cool restaurant, ahhh amazing times at the beach all afternoon, movies at a cinema with a great movie showing like DUNE or something by myself has been wonderful but it’s not my reason for joy. Knowledge is. And when I do get to meet someone and have a conversation after 4 months of no interactions and by that I mean a real intentional conversation , the day I do… it’s very special and I appreciate it more because it’s not something I have placed a great deal of depends on but it has because a mere moment in time… There’s nothing that compares to when everything is quiet and it’s just me and my surroundings, and I’m alone in my thoughts, because of all the knowledge and understanding I’m at my most peace and enjoyment and it’s hard to give that up! Because for me it’s a real reality …

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

@Gerry Thank you for adding the videos too. Though I read the text the videos recap some important info - it's a bit like the good educator at school who would repeat things at the end for better understanding and remembering. 🙂 I can relate to some aspects but the whole picture of it is truly overwhelming to even imagine. Here's a though I had. Knowing what's going on and educating around it as you do is useful as people have the tendency to make everything about themselves. So if you aren't happy around them they might take that as a sign that you don't like them, they did something wrong or whatever self-critical thoughts humans come up with. Letting go of that might help to ease those relationships.

Click on this link to learn more : https://amzn.to/32QEhBF Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology.Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life's obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. After being in print for ten years, this book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world. Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology.Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life's obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. After being in print for ten years, this book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world.