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I disagree with this whole thing. If your "former" best friend was "really" your friend, you would have tried to help her. Why not find out what drove her to abuse drugs? Why not encourage her to get marriage counseling and drug rehabilitation help? There are many things you could have done as a "friend" to help her get on her feet and repair her marriage. You, her ex-husband, and other friend all conspired against this woman selfishly without trying to even help her. This story really upsets my sense of justice. Here I was thinking you were writing a story asking about how to help your friend in her situation, but instead you betray her and try to justify it. I really don't understand this. It's stories like this that make me lose hope in human relationships. Just because someone succumbs to drugs or some other bad habit does not automatically make them unfit and a bad person. As human beings we all have limits to stress and sometimes we need someone to love and help guide us to get back on our feet; not drag us through the mud. Sorry if this seems like a rant, it just really triggered my sense of justice. I'm appalled by the lack of empathy towards your "former" friend as you call her.

Greetings. I'm here to see if I can still make new friends, something I haven't done for many years. Personal relationships are more important to me than community, so if I'm unable to become involved with an interesting person or three here, I'll probably fade out. Not to say that I want to discourage anyone from casually interacting with me. I have a great personal interest in optimizing my experience of my existence and overcoming traumas. Some basic not-to-specific info; I'm male, mid-thirties, live in rural midwestern USA, have a BS but work manual labor, no kids, single, white, atheist, Myers-Briggs INTP, Enneagram 5w4 593 sx/sp. I'm big, wear glasses, have a beard, and dress for comfort and convenience rather than fashion. I imagine that covers the basics. Looking forward to interesting people and conversations!

Maybe you could start a thread here where you tell your story and ask for advice. If nothing else, it would be practice for speaking your experience and asking for help, two things it sounds as if you have been denied IRL. It's true there are things you can only accomplish by your own wit and will. Cutting off the opinions of others and forging your own path is something pioneers must eventually become capable of. The step after that is to get back those relationships you cut yourself off from, the ones worth getting back at least. If you have the ability to go it alone, then you'll have the latitude to cultivate your ability to go together with others.

Hi new guy. How are you I am not great at personal relationships like friendship I tend to be the person who just listens. So I also dress for comfort not fashion.

Mental health services are becoming increasingly important in today's society. Life coaching is a form of mental health service that helps people to identify and achieve their goals, while also providing support and guidance through difficult times. It can be used to help individuals understand themselves better, build self-confidence, improve relationships with others, as well as manage stress levels more effectively. Life coaches offer an objective perspective on life challenges which can help individuals make positive changes in their lives.

I was going through the most difficult times in my life. I split with my partner of 11 years and my best friend died in a car accident around the same time. There was lots of other things that happened too but it’s too much too explain. Anyway I’ve not had an easy life and instead of healing I chose drink and drugs and toxic relationships throughout my life. I came close to suicide a lot in my life and had so many near death experiences. It got to a point where drink and drugs weren’t helping anymore and I’d lost everyone I cared about. I stopped drinking as much and sat with my feelings and thoughts and began to heal. I had a spiritual awakening for the first time ever in my life. My guardian angels and God which by the way I was never sure I truly believed in him but he spoke and said I had another chance in life to make my self better and other people. My spiritual awakening made me more caring, empathetic, loving and non judgmental. I saw through my third eye I’m a starsseed a lightworker I’m supposed to be here it’s my destiny to help others heal and set them on there own spiritual journey to find there own soul path. I’m now 11 days sober and feeling a lot more positive and calmer about life. I would love to help anyone that’s in need even just a friend or someone to vent to. Anything at all please don’t hesitate to contact me. I will never judge you or tell anyone your privacy remains with me. I’m reaching out as I know how I suffered on my own and I wished I had someone to reach out to myself at times.

Hi everyone! Until recently I have been a true people pleaser and social butterfly. I didn't know how to say "No" without hurting the people around me. I felt guilty to put myself first. Combined with a busy work and study life, there was no time for myself anymore... Without me realising it, the stress affected my physical health and the relationships around me... So I decided to make a change: I did a master with the focus on Happiness Economics and became a certified meditation and mindfulness teacher. The techniques and knowledge I have learned since have helped me to truly love myself and make myself a priority. I was able to stop pleasing everyone around me and as a result create healthy and fulfilled relationships. Anyone else has a similar experience or is maybe still struggling? Would love to hear your thoughts and connect! 🙂

Hi there, I am very excited to join this beautiful community of like-minded people! Until recently I have been a true people pleaser and social butterfly. I didn't know how to say "No" without hurting the people around me. I felt guilty to put myself first. Combined with a busy study (and later work) life, there was no time for myself anymore... Without me realising it, the stress affected my physical health and the relationships around me. So I decided to make a change: I completed a master with the focus on HAPPINESS ECONOMICS and I became a CERTIFIED MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS TEACHER. Now I am coaching individuals and groups to create happy and healthy relationships with themselves and others. What is special about my coaching is that I use customised meditation and mindfulness techniques to support the journey. I am happy to connect with everyone of you! 🙂 What is your story?

@BeingBre hi, you seem like a wonderful, compassionate soul that has enough light to keep shining within yourself-nourishing your soul, while also shining your bright light on your partner to help guide her out of isolating and bringing her back to her self, her self-love, her gratitude and appreciation for your thoughtfulness as she sees your consistency and unwavering choice to be her partner in this and you two can grow much stronger as individuals and as partners. All relationships take effort and making the choice to keep showing up through the hard stuff as well as enjoying the easier, lighter times when we feel more connected. But it’s getting through the hard stuff together that makes our relationships so much stronger for it. Anyone can be there just for the easy parts, but when you really care, and I see you do, a real relationship blossoms from being there through everything. And the more she sees your consistent, unwavering loving kindness to her-the more you will draw her best self back out and her gratitude and appreciation will be abundant. Because she’s introverted apart from depression, you can ask her how can I help you? You can tell her you are not sure when she genuinely needs some time to herself to rest and replenish because she’s so exhausted to the bone, and ask her to help you know the difference and how you can help her feel connected to you. Sometimes if the depression is bad, she just might not be able to find the words or she might subconsciously pull back with wrong guilty feelings of being a burden to you, I’ve experienced both of those myself. Things got so much better for my husband and I when he finally stopped showing resentment for me and saying hurtful things that rightfully made me feel like a burden. And none of us want to feel like that. When my husband gave up on me, when my friends gave up on me, I gave up on myself and there was nowhere good for me to go from there. But, when they learned what my illness really is and what it is not, and showed up and showed up with so much love and friendship, it gave me wings to fight my illness and its symptoms harder and harder and never stop fighting to live my best life and work past it all to nurture my relationships with those few that I saw were Really there for me. I know it’s tough, but do not take any of it personally- remember it’s an illness, not her fault and some things with this illness are always going to be out of our control. Also, she may not understand a lot of what’s going on with her. I didn’t with myself for so many years and that in itself is scary. I have faith in your strength, you seem a lot more emotionally intelligent than my dear husband. And as you both learn more about how depression affects her, what triggers it, what generates Seratonin-the good feels and joy and also calm for her-the more knowledge that is had and communicated, the less doubt you will have and less fear of the unknown, plus the more faith you will have in your future together. Having friends and family to support in the ways they can is wonderful, but no one really gets it unless they have gone through it themselves- so I am always still here as a friend to help you or both of you with all that I have learned and all of the tools that I keep in my daily practice, plus the mental strength and resilience that I did not have before but I cultivated. You can even inbox me any time.

Is anyone else here an empath or highly sensitive individual? I am and am curious how you deal with this gift ? Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Should You Change? A sensitive person's brain is different: Research points to some advantages. But what does highly sensitive really mean? Is "Highly Sensitive Person" a scientific term? As it turns out, there is research on this innate trait of high sensitivity. The scientific term is “Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). Highly sensitive people are born that way; it is not something they learned. As children, they might be described by teachers as shy or inhibited, especially in Western countries. As adults, they might be described as introverts. It is important to note that not all sensitive people are shy or introverts. In fact, 30 percent of HSPs are thought to be extroverts. HSP scales for adults and childrenhave been developed and used in research (1). A commonly used scale contains 27 diverse but strongly interrelated items. An HSP ... has a rich and complex inner life is deeply moved by the arts and music gets easily overwhelmed has difficulty performing a task when being observed easily startles is sensitive to pain, and hunger is attuned to inner bodily sensations readily notices sensory changes Researchers linked this trait to positive qualities but also to mental illnesses It is not surprising that this trait is found in artists, poets and is linked to giftedness, creativity and empathy, At the same time, an HSP is at a higher risk of depression and other mental illnesses. They are also at a higher risk of burnout because they get easily overwhelmed. This is why it is critical to know if you are an HSP, so you can seek out relationships and environments that make you shine (see the last section). The brain of an HSP is different There are biological reasons for all the components of this trait. An HSP’s brain is wired differently and the nervous system is highly sensitive with a lower threshold for action (2). This hyper-excitability contributes to increased emotional reactivity, a lower threshold for sensory information (e.g. bothered by noise, or too much light), and increased awareness of subtleties (e.g. quick to notice odors). There are also changes at the macro brain level. The areas associated with this trait greatly overlap with the brain areas that support empathy! Also, they have a hyperactive Ursula which explains their heightened awareness of their inner emotional states and bodily sensations. This hyperactivity explains their sensitivity to pain, hunger, and caffeine. There is also some recent evidence that this trait is related to the infamous 5-HTLPR gene (serotonin gene), implicated in many psychological conditions, such as depression (3). How to make the most of your high sensitivity Reduce the number of intense stimuli in your environment. Limit the number of tasks when multi-tasking. Avoid burnout by noticing early warning signs, such as feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Get your thoughts and deep emotions on paper so that they won’t cloud your brain. Try mindfulness meditation especially to deal with high sensitivity to pain. This will teach you to acknowledge pain as the sum of sensations suspended from the label of pain. Take advantage of your creativity: Draw, color or write. Take advantage of your predisposition for higher empathy to strengthen relationships—to become a better co-worker, and to assure your self worth. Be comfortable in your sensitive skin. Own it and never be ashamed of it. Be honest about your predisposition to be an HSP, especially in close relationships. But don't forget to highlight the positive aspects: more empathy, deep thinker, able to see things from a different perspective, appreciation of arts and music, and others' positive qualities.

I am also a mechanical engineer. I think every good engineer is of shy but good at calculations 😅. Even i struggled in marriage which eventually ended up as separation. I don't know why i am not comfortable in building relationships. Congratulations on being engaged. 🎁 I wish you best in your life ahead. What type of engineer are you?

Today we are doing FREE personalized Moon Reading to explore the secret depths of your personality, relationships, and true purpose in life. Comment "ME" down below for your FREE readings.

Over the last week, I've been introduced to some extraordinary tools that have been absolutely vital in my own personal pursuit and I'd like to share these tools with you. What does happiness truly look like? For myself, I am happy in improving my life at the moment. That has been my main focus right now. I'm still struggling to define what sorts of actions make me happy, but for now, diving into my psychology and doing the things necessary to improve myself, brings me happiness. For example, I'm just now getting into a program that is going ot help me pay back my college loans that are currently in default. The whole program will take 9 months to get me out of default status and a further 2 years to eliminate my owed debt entirely. I often find myself being impatient with this, however. 9 months is a long time and I really want to get back into school, I'm looking to take up welding as a profession. Enter the first tool I've recently learned Patience. A lot of the things that bother me are not in my control at this moment and that's ok. The general idea is to try to moderate your emotional investment. The hardest part of every journey is the very beginning and often times we tend to quit just before hitting the knee of the growth curve. This is because we emotionally exhaust ourselves and by the time we are just a few days, a few weeks maybe, away from that knee of the curve, that we just simply are drained completely and just quit. But had we taken the time to apply the principles of patience, the return would vastly outweigh the initial investment. So if you are struggling with this area like I do. Try asking yourself these 3 questions, apply them to your own specific circumstances. 1. What does a lazy approach look like in this endeavor? Could be school, a relationship, work, self actualization, maybe you're depressed and anxious and you're just wanting those results. So ask yourself, what a lazy approach would look like. To be lazy would be to do nothing, right? You're not putting in the effort, you're not doing the work etc. 2. What does an impatient approach look like in this endeavor? We all get impatient. It's only natural. We want results and we want them now. But that is a double edged sword. You can end up causing more harm than good. Maybe you're trying to take on ALL the tasks, maybe you're trying to cramp ALL the information, trying to do ALL the work. But you have to allow yourself to moderate how you invest your energy. Take the time to do each step, apply each step, learn each step etc. 80-90% of the emotional labor of any endeavor is going to be in those beginning phases and you're not going to see much growth. You'll see tiny bits of growth here and there. You gotta learn to appreciate those tiny growths and stop looking at the end result as an ends to a means. 3. What does a wise approach look like in this endeavor? So exactly what does this mean? How do we know what a wise approach is? It's actually pretty simple. A wise approach is giving yourself the time to grow, even when the growth doesn't seem to actually be there. Find it, appreciate it, enjoy it. Are you working towards that great relationship that's going to last the rest of your life? Are you writing a book that could change humanity? Are you starting your own business? Are you doing personal development? Any of these things and more are going to take time. It's going to take consistent effort on your part and your job is to try to make the best of the hardest parts of that journey. Ask yourself a few follow up questions. 1. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 4x as long as you initially planned? 2. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 100 to 1000 times the emotional investment as you planned? If you're working on something like meditation, mastering your emotions, chasing that wonderful relationship, starting your own business, writing a book etc. The answer to both of these questions should be yes. It is absolutely worth the investment because when it comes time to reap the rewards, it's going to be far surpassing anything you had conceived. If the answer is no, perhaps you're either not invested and maybe that project isn't for you, or perhaps it could be your own neurotic mindset, getting in your way. You have to be the judge on that. Moving forward there are 5 simple things that you need to stop allowing to influence your happiness. Just bear in mind, this works hand in hand with the previous tool. Results aren't going to be immediate and that's ok. 1. Your past We all have a past and it can sometimes be pretty murky at best. This includes things others have done to hurt you, things you've done to hurt others, things you've done to hurt yourself, bad choices and mistakes, all the things that made you who you are. You are not those things, you are you. So stop labeling yourself with the ghosts of the past. 2. Your relationships This could be friendships, relationships, family etc. This doesn't mean that any of these things were bad or are bad. Maybe you've had wonderful relations with pretty much everyone you know. It's still equally important to not base your happiness around those relationships. Relying on others to provide our happiness for us is a very clingy and neurotic way of living and chances are, it will ruin that relationship. 3. Your own limited beliefs Have you ever criticized yourself? Said "there's no way I can do that"? Having realistic expectations of what you expect from life is good, but when you begin to say you cannot because of past experience or because of some arbitrary limitation you put on yourself, it becomes an issue. Say for example, you're an introvert that wants to make friends. A stereotypical label that you might put on yourself is that it's not in your nature to make friends or that you can't have friends because of that introverted nature. Let go of that. Maybe you think you won't get that job because you view yourself as a failure. Maybe you feel like you won't get that job because you're not good enough. Maybe you feel like your business won't succeed because you're not a good leader. Whatever it is that you put on yourself. Maybe you think you can't succeed because of your physical appearance or your gender or your skin color. All of these are self defining labels that cause so much detriment in our lives. 4. Other people's opinions of you Just as equally as the way we label ourselves, if we allow others to tell us who we are or what we can be, it is that same detrimental outcome as if we had labeled ourselves, because we are in a sense. We accept the labels that other people put on us. The goal is to stop doing that. Even when they do so with good intentions. 5. Money We all know that money makes the world go round. But the illusive chase of just money is a cold and primal way of living often leaving a person to appear as cold and heartless. I'm not saying to just go and quit your job or that money is evil. What I'm saying is that money shouldn't be the ONLY motivator in your life. It's reasonable to want to be capable of sustaining yourself, a family, having the possessions you want and all that. Just don't be so focused on it that you lose sight of everything else. It's the easiest, fastest track to a toxic life. So that's it! Now the only objective left is to find what actually makes you happy. Go out and try new things, pick up a new hobby, give it 4 weeks. Be patient and approach it as though you want to enjoy it, because that is the purpose of this whole endeavor after all. Not everything is going to strike your fancy and that's ok, at least you tried and now you know.

Click on this link to learn more : https://amzn.to/32QEhBF Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology.Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life's obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. After being in print for ten years, this book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world. Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology.Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life's obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. After being in print for ten years, this book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world.

I think it's hard for millionaires to find real friends and relationships who are not just after their money. And if they can't get appreciation by their friends because of that, they try to feel good and being respected by spending the money for status symbols. But when they start trying to show off with their expensive status symbols, they start comparing with other rich people and there will always be someone with a more expensive status symbol, so in the end they will be unhappy even though they have a lot of expensive stuff. That's why I don't tell people about how much money I've got. When I'm asked, my answer will be "Enough". This way, nobody gets jealous and nobody wants to be my friend just for the money. But comparing with others is a problem to me. Generally I think comparing is a good thing, because it can inspire me to improve my life. But on the other hand it can ruin my happiness, because there is always someone better than yourself. So I try to stop comparing sometimes, I try to be proud of what I achieved and to make the best of what I have.

I have learned some things about myself in the last few years. I tend to let my head rule over my heart, as a result I can be a cold person who is not naturally empathetic. I have had loved ones in crisis and it didn't register with me like it should have. I would take them to the doctor, mend their wounds and take them to the eye doctor but showing real concern/empathy was and is a challenge for me. I put it down to my childhood abuse at a very young age in foster care where I learned to cut myself from my feelings and become a cold fish as a coping mechanism. This doesn't help the people in my life who need my emotional availability. I tend to be clinical in my approach to life/relationships which does alienate people. My Myers//Briggs profile says I'm an INTJ, which means I lead with my head instead of the heart. I have to access my feelings to show my loved ones that I love them. Before it's too late. I could be dead tomorrow (car accident, heart attack) and I need for my loved ones to feel the nurturing that love provides. What can I do to become a more empathetic person?

No, money doesn't make people happy, but it's a fact that it's so much better having it than not. Having enough money to not have to worry about your basic needs being met can free up your time and energy to focus on other things, like your relationships or your career. And of course, being able to buy nice things for yourself or your loved ones can be enjoyable. There is one thing though about not having enough money that can, in a way, be perceived as good. Not having enough money can be a great motivational factor that can even affect a person on a deeper level and make them more ambitious. Once you experience it, you never want to go through it again. That said, it can be that one thing that makes a difference. For example, occasional marketing projects on Fiverr, driving an Uber, or teaching another language online are completely okay if you're willing to settle on simply getting by. It's a completely different story when you're starting your own business, in this case, it could be a social media marketing agency, an e-commerce business, or even opening your own online language school. Being without money can be a lesson that will make us set higher goals and try to earn more, to make sure we can save some and still be okay if things go down the hill again. But at the end of the day, it's not the money that makes people happy – it's what they do with their lives that counts.

Hi, Fizzy, I’ve struggled my entire life trying to fit in. My social skills have never been that great, but I’ve learned it’s best to be me and not try to be anyone else. The best thing is to find people who have similar interests as you or who have things in common with. Stay close to any family you have who support you and just nurture your relationships. You are okay just as you are! Susan

That's great! When I wrote a poem for my engagement, I didn't really use a regular routine. I just kept in mind the last part I needed to find something to rhyme with for. So I could think about it in every free minute until I finally found something good. And then I wrote it down and continued. I feel like pressure is bad for creativity. When you plan to write a bigger story, I think backwards engineering could be a good way. In an analysis you try to extract things like a relationship tree,the characters' profiles and so on. So when writing, you could start with designing the characters, their properties, their relationships and then start writing the story, trying to imagine how each character would react in different situations. It really sounds like fun

Tjanks for youd replies everyone I do not come across on the outside as sad. I'm just sad inside. In fact if people knew that I felt lonely they would think I was the last person who felt this way. And i do lòok after myself I hike everyday meditate and have hobbies bug I believe that humans need connection and community to stay mentally healthy we are social animals and that's what I am lacking despite putting in a lot of effort. It's painful when I hear others have their little groups and I am constantly on the outside. It seems very high-schoolish and r surprised that this kind of thing still exists in our 60s. I am feeling that I have to accept that I won't have those close relationships but wondered if others had this experience and although I do appreciate the advice, believe me, I have pursued and still do carry out self exploration different tactics and self preservation. Regards

Really great advice for everyone, and like you say, applicable to more in life than relationships 👏 This morning I came across something called 'Simple Formula for Living' that I think could be interesting to repeat here

Yeah, I think so too. There are a couple of common problems, misunderstandings and useful tips. Not only for relationships but for life too. Here are some of mine: - Care about yourself. It's important to make yourself feel good. Learn, what you like, think about what kind of person you would like to be. You can't be the person of your dreams instantly, but you can become that person step by step. It's about the way you treat others, your hobbies, the stuff you buy/make and much more. When you can take care of yourself, you are more independent and you can be strong for your partner in case he/she needs it. - Accept that nobody's perfect. Once you accept, everyone's just human, you can forgive your own imperfections and maybe even treat them with humor. And you can be yourself without trying to appear better than you really are. Other people have imperfections too, no matter how perfect they might appear. When you accept that, you will feel much better about yourself and you can understand a partner's insecurities and be careful about them. And you can stop looking for Mr. Perfect / Mrs. Perfect and start looking for someone who accpepts your imperfections.

Lower distrust in relationships with your peers and do not play safe. Do not have a self-label that seperates you from others, instead have a label that connects you with others.

Why not both? Relationships with a friendship base are the best.

I doubt that there's a general answer to that. Different people have different needs. Not only that - needs also change over time. Your question is still important as it's something we need to know about ourselves so we can be open about our needs with our partner(s). That at this moment as a person to whom physical contact is very important long distance relationships won't work for you is totally fine - it doesn't have to be the same for others though.