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hy everyone i am missa here is my story in 2019 i talk to a boy who is from my country but not in my city this is accidential friendship in the start but then.goes on in a toxic and fastly relation which is end by my side because of he is not loyal and just want his desired full with me without my consent .because of all this i am in depression and worry about my future .help me out i want to move on and sstart my carrier and also wants a happy marriage soon so that i can heal and recover my self .right now my situation is worse i am totally empty mind with overthinking

So sweet of you. Nowadays i am struggling my self to be open with others and be sociologize bz most of time i stay at home .so its little hard for me to easly mix with others .so could you like to give some advice for me.

Alright. When you are overwhelmed you can improve your self-confidence by remembering everything you achieved. Just take a moment and be proud of yourself. Then you can divide the overwhelming stuff into smaller tasks and deal with them one by one. This way you can get multiple moments of success, which keep you motivated. Being bored isn't too bad. Sometimes it's good to have nothing to do, so you can take a moment just for yourself to think about anything that comes to your mind. If you would like to do something, there are many very natural things to spend your time on. Like cooking a meal. Trying new recipes can be funny and increasing cooking skills is always something very useful. You can also bake a cake, waffles or maybe some cookies.

Sometimes I like to try collecting my self-care materials. I've in the past had like 10 sets of shampoo and conditioner etc kinds of beauty products all lined up to use, and then I give it all to my sister. I guess I like to buy for her.

A question that comes to mind having read all that is: Are you really lazy or is this the self criticism, perceived time wasting speaking?

To letting got of that is not ... so easy. It's burned inside me. It's part of the sympthoms to beeing hardly self-critical. Additionally: "All things you doing are timewasted". First of all I#ve to learn the the biggest part of my laziness, self critical behavior, and fears are an illness. And this... will be very hard, because my whole life it was a normal state for me.

@Gerry Thank you for adding the videos too. Though I read the text the videos recap some important info - it's a bit like the good educator at school who would repeat things at the end for better understanding and remembering. 🙂 I can relate to some aspects but the whole picture of it is truly overwhelming to even imagine. Here's a though I had. Knowing what's going on and educating around it as you do is useful as people have the tendency to make everything about themselves. So if you aren't happy around them they might take that as a sign that you don't like them, they did something wrong or whatever self-critical thoughts humans come up with. Letting go of that might help to ease those relationships.

First of all, thanks for sharing. Some of the symptoms apply to me too. In my school time I was something of a nerd. So I felt inferior too and I didn't spend much time with other people, even though I got some friends. I rarely say no, because I'm helpful until someone shows me, he/she doesn't deserve it. I think, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of humility. Self-conscious and inferior? How can one feel both at the same time? To me, it depends on the field and on whom I compare with.

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

I used to be a strong boy who could broke coconut by punch. When I turn 20 (in 2018) from then misery in life started. Middle of 2018 Just finished my diploma engineering degree and it was time for me to start a new life, a new career. But in that time I fell sick so bad for 6 months I couldn't do a thing. Went to few doctors they couldn't help much. Finally found a doctor who could really diagnosed my problem, and it is a bad DNA related rare disease. No I won't die quick but will suffer for rest of my life. Last quarter of 2018 I was getting a little better and felt the same young energy again, I decided to go Russia for higher studies. Did as thought, February 2019 I went to Russia, things were good but for only a little while. I got sick again but this time problem was much worse because I wasn't good at Russian language to explain what was really going on with me and couldn't understand words from my doctor basically lost in translation. I was taking too much pain killer everyday that my condition was getting more bad. Took a leave from university and flee back home for treatment. Good thing I did that if not I could've risk my life. Get treated, get good and get back to Russia again in February 2020. And not long after that corona virus pandemic broke out. I was studying on self finance, but during that time my father's business was at stop, I have a big family so things were little out of control. And things kept getting worse, my father had a brain stroke and got half paralyzed. I was so depressed at that moment I couldn't even came back to see him because of flight restrictions. In August 2020 I quit my studies and came back for good. I stayed almost 18 months in Russia, went to study but couldn't study at all because of all the hardships I was having, wasted time and money. As of today I not fully healthy as I said I'll suffer rest of life, I can't do stressful works, I'm educated enough to do high salary desk jobs either. I'm enduring the pain, the stress but don't know how long I can take it all.

Hi all, I'm a new member and I am glad to be here. Since the recent lockdowns prompted by the pandemic in UK and around the world I have been exploring the idea of alternative health in combating stress and anxiety and their immediate effects such as tiredness, insomnia, eating disorder and other mental health issues. I find that meditation is an excellent alternative health method and that I don't have to keep taking prescription medicine for common stress and anxiety. I am currently considering the self hypnosis techniques using positive affirmations. Any recommendations from the forum on books or audios on self hypnosis is appreciated and I will keep the forum updated on my journey into guided meditation and hypnosis.

Dear Community, Hello, I am Sorai, a soul of the sky who came to Earth to experience, and share in new ways. I value love, peace, happiness, exploration to name a few. Love to talk with friends and would like to make new friends around the world for 1 to 1 chat as well as here on the forum. I like to talk about interesting things mixed with philosophy/spirituality, such as self-cultivation and happiness cultivation. I practice Shen Shing Famen Qigong, Zen Meditation, Aikido, and Taekwondo. Some questions to spark our discussion are: • You can do anything at all in existence; what do you do? • What do you like to watch, listen to, read, or do for hobbies • You take a walk or ride anywhere, whether normally accessible to humans or not. Where do you go? I would walk the sky and make love. Also walk the depths of the ocean and the oldest and most lush forests. Maybe try a walk in the desert I like Shark Tank and am re-reading Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

In this 1971 Center For Disease Control handout photo, monkeypox-like lesions are shown on the arm and leg of a female child in Bondua, Liberia. CDC | Getty Images Belgium has become the first country to introduce a mandatory 21-day quarantine for monkeypox patients as cases of the disease — typically endemic to Africa — spread across the globe. Health authorities in Belgium introduced the measures Friday after the country reported its third case of the virus. As of Monday, the country has recorded four local cases; confirmed global infections currently number around 100. Belgium’s compulsory measures apply only to patients with a confirmed infection. Close contacts are not required to self-isolate but are encouraged to remain vigilant, especially if in contact with vulnerable people. “Infected persons will have to go into contact isolation until the injuries have healed (they will receive concrete instructions about this from the treating doctor),” a version of the government announcement translated from Dutch said. The UK meanwhile has said those who have a high risk of catching the disease should self-isolate for 21 days. That includes household contacts or medical professionals who may have come into contact with an infected patient. What is monkeypox? Monkeypox is a rare disease caused by the monkeypox virus — part of the smallpox family — with symptoms including rashes, fever, headaches, muscle ache, swelling and backpain. Though typically less severe than smallpox, health experts are growing concerned about the genesis of a recent outbreak, starting in early May, in countries beyond Central and West Africa. Health authorities, including the US Centers for Disease Control and infection and the UK’s Health Security Agency, said they have noted a particular concentration of cases among men who have sex with men, and urged gay and bisexual men in particular to be aware of any unusual rashes or lesions. As of Saturday, the World Health Organization reported there were 92 cases in 12 countries, and a further 28 suspected cases under investigation. The US, UK, Canada, Australia, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Sweden, Belgium, Portugal and Netherlands have all confirmed cases. In this Centers for Disease Control and Prevention handout graphic, symptoms of one of the first known cases of the monkeypox virus are shown on a patient?s hand May 27, 2003. CDC | Getty Images The public health body said recent reported cases had no links to travel from endemic African countries, which is unusual for the disease. It usually spreads via human-to-human or human-to-animal contact. “Epidemiological investigations are ongoing, however, reported cases thus far have no established travel links to endemic areas,” the WHO said in a statement posted on its website Saturday. “Based on currently available information, cases have mainly but not exclusively been identified amongst men who have sex with men (MSM) seeking care in primary care and sexual health clinics,” it added. More monkeypox cases likely The recent surge in community cases, particularly within urban areas, is now raising concerns of a wider outbreak. “To have it appear now — more than 100 cases in 12 different countries with no obvious connection — means we have to figure out exactly what’s happening,” Seth Berkley, CEO of global vaccine alliance Gavi, told CNBC Monday. “The truth is we don’t know what that is and therefore how severe it’s going to be. But it’s likely that we’re going to see more cases,” he said. Though most cases of monkeypox are mild and typically resolve within two to four weeks, there is currently no proven vaccine. The smallpox vaccine has proven 85% effective in preventing infection, and some countries have already begun stockpiling doses. Berkley cautioned that the new outbreak, occurring even as the existing coronavirus pandemic is “not over yet,” was a warning to authorities to invest more resources into infectious diseases. He was speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, where political and business leaders have gathered this week to discuss key global issues, including pandemic preparedness. “This is evolutionarily certain that we’re going to see more outbreaks,” he said. “That’s why pandemic preparedness is so important. Look at what it can do economically when you have a pandemic hit” CNBC Health & Science Read CNBC’s latest global coverage of the Covid pandemic: #Belgium #country #introduce #mandatory #monkeypox #quarantine #global #cases #rise Belgium becomes first country to introduce mandatory monkeypox quarantine as global cases rise;

Hi everyone, I'm new to this so please bare with me lol. I recently just graduated from college with my bachelor's degree and I have been having a hard time finding a job. I've noticed that I wasn't my usual self and I felt like I should be doing more than what I am. So, I have started doing something that has really helped me improve and that is yoga and meditation. Something called Genie Script is what helped me with meditation because I had never done it before, but I can say it has helped me so much. I wanted to let others know what has helped me stay positive minded and happy. Here a link to Genie Script if anyone is interested. bit.ly/3sJ6uHQ

When you think that you are crazy..You PROBABLY are NOT!! Crazy people don't question or think they have a problem..If you are battling anything and have any questions concerning your mind and how to tell the difference between self inflating the brain or it being inflicted...Please ask questions and let me help guide you to a happier and more spiritual journey by giving you advice , my very own personal quotes I've made as well as bible verses to back up why I choose to answer any questions or concerns you may have..God bless you and don't let the devil stop you from just asking.. Because BELIEVE me I know how crazy the un'crazy sounds!! May God be with you all. Your sister through Christ, Hilary Deen❣️🙏

When I was alone and when I couldn't trust most people, I asked myself, why I am afraid of trusting someone. The problem was: When I got to know someone, I expected too much and I tried too hard to make it work, because I was afraid to be alone again. The solution was to put all this effort into myself. I made myself happy by finding out, what I like, by improving my favorite things (like getting a nice monitor for my gaming setup) and by cooking for myself even when I thought it's not worth the effort for a single person. This was the beginning of a whole new feeling. I knew, I could be happy alone and enjoy life without anyone else. And with this base as the lowest level to fall to, it became easier to get to know people. If they disappoint me, I can feel free to go back to my happy base level, so I don't need to be afraid. And when people find out, you don't need them to be happy and you are not afraid to say your opinion because the base level gives you self-confidence, they start respecting you and they want to be with you. Because they get jealous and they want to be happy and confident like you.

A big welcome to happiness Arun, and thank you for sharing a bit about yourself 🙂 It sounds like you are already embarking on a journey of self development, which is great! The fact that the article resonated with you and you too action by signing up is already a big step 🪴 A good way of making connections in our community is to be active in the forum. Feel free to start new topics if you have other things to share or questions to ask, and definitely chime in and give your advice or thoughts on any topic you see that you find interesting. We are still a fairly small community, but this is a safe and friendly space to be your authentic self! ✨

Hi everyone, I'm in the process of writing a thesis and would appreciate anyone that can answer some questions for me. Please find them listed below, and thank you in advance! How long have you been meditating? - Less than 1 year - 1 – 2 years - 3 – 5 years - 5 – 10 years - 10 + years How long do you meditate per day? - 5 – 10 minutes - 15 – 20 minutes - 25 – 30 minutes - 45 + minutes What made you start meditating? - Depression or anxiety - Self-help or self-improvement books/podcasts - Wanting to reduce stress - Physical health concerns - Religious associations - Spiritual associations - Family member or friend suggestion - Psychologist or social worker recommendation - Family doctor recommendation What are some changes you’ve noticed since starting meditating? - Decreased anxiety - Decreased depression - Improved focus - Improved creativity - Improved self-worth/self-esteem - Improved relationships - Improved memory retention - Increased energy - Ability to handle stress - Increased emotional intelligence - Increased mindfulness - Mood improvement/stability - Sleep improvement - Increased spiritual connection What’s your preferred method of meditation? - Mindfulness - Walking - Mantra - Guided - TM - Journaling How would you rate your mental health since meditating out of 10? - 1 – 3 (bad) - 4 – 5 (not good) - 6 – 7 (good) - 8 – 9 (very good) - 10 + (excellent) Do you think meditation can improve mental health? - Yes - No

Yes - At least for a while. When I moved to a new town, I didn't know anyone. I shared an appartment with other people and I had colleagues at work, but we didn't to anything after work. So I would say, it is possible but life can be better with friends. I think it is better to have no friend at all than having a wrong friend, who you don't really like. But many things in life work with a community and with teamwork. And if you have friends, you are more familiar with the way, social interactions work. Also friends can help you if you want to move to a new appartment, or other things, which are hard to do alone. Friends can also help you keeping up self-reflection because they will tell you if you do something wrong.

Key facts Female genital mutilation (FGM) involves the partial or total removal of external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. The practice has no health benefits for girls and women. FGM can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, as well as complications in childbirth and increased risk of newborn deaths. More than 200 million girls and women alive today have undergone FGM in 30 countries in Africa, the Middle East and Asia where FGM is practiced(1). FGM is mostly carried out on young girls between infancy and age 15. FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women. There is evidence suggesting greater involvement of health care providers in the practice. This is known as medicalization. The World Health Organization (WHO) is opposed to all types of FGM, and is opposed to health care providers performing FGM. Treatment of the health complications of FGM in 27 high prevalence countries is estimated to cost 1.4 billion USD per year and is projected to rise to 2.3 billion USD by 2047 if no action is taken . Female genital mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. The practice is mostly carried out by traditional practitioners. In several settings, there is evidence suggesting greater involvement of health care providers in performing FGM due to the belief that the procedure is safer when medicalized. WHO strongly urges health care providers not to perform FGM. FGM is recognized internationally as a violation of the human rights of girls and women. It reflects deep-rooted inequality between the sexes, and constitutes an extreme form of discrimination against girls and women. It is nearly always carried out on minors and is a violation of the rights of children. The practice also violates a person's rights to health, security and physical integrity; the right to be free from torture and cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment; and the right to life, in instances when the procedure results in death. Types of FGM Female genital mutilation is classified into 4 major types: Type 1: this is the partial or total removal of the clitoral glans (the external and visible part of the clitoris, which is a sensitive part of the female genitals), and/or the prepuce/ clitoral hood (the fold of skin surrounding the clitoral glans). Type 2: this is the partial or total removal of the clitoral glans and the labia minora (the inner folds of the vulva), with or without removal of the labia majora (the outer folds of skin of the vulva). Type 3: Also known as infibulation, this is the narrowing of the vaginal opening through the creation of a covering seal. The seal is formed by cutting and repositioning the labia minora, or labia majora, sometimes through stitching, with or without removal of the clitoral prepuce/clitoral hood and glans. Type 4: This includes all other harmful procedures to the female genitalia for non-medical purposes, e.g. pricking, piercing, incising, scraping and cauterizing the genital area. No health benefits, only harm FGM has no health benefits, and it harms girls and women in many ways. It involves removing and damaging healthy and normal female genital tissue, and interferes with the natural functions of girls' and women's bodies. Although all forms of FGM are associated with increased risk of health complications, the risk is greater with more severe forms of FGM. Immediate complications of FGM can include: severe pain excessive bleeding (haemorrhage) genital tissue swelling fever infections e.g., tetanus urinary problems wound healing problems injury to surrounding genital tissue shock death. Long-term complications can include: urinary problems (painful urination, urinary tract infections); vaginal problems (discharge, itching, bacterial vaginosis and other infections); menstrual problems (painful menstruations, difficulty in passing menstrual blood, etc.); scar tissue and keloid; sexual problems (pain during intercourse, decreased satisfaction, etc.); increased risk of childbirth complications (difficult delivery, excessive bleeding, caesarean section, need to resuscitate the baby, etc.) and newborn deaths; need for later surgeries: for example, the sealing or narrowing of the vaginal opening (Type 3) may lead to the practice of cutting open the sealed vagina later to allow for sexual intercourse and childbirth (deinfibulation2). Sometimes genital tissue is stitched again several times, including after childbirth, hence the woman goes through repeated opening and closing procedures, further increasing both immediate and long-term risks; psychological problems (depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-esteem, etc.); Who is at risk? FGM is mostly carried out on young girls between infancy and adolescence, and occasionally on adult women. According to available data from 30 countries where FGM is practiced in the Western, Eastern, and North-Eastern regions of Africa, and some countries in the Middle East and Asia, more than 200 million girls and women alive today have been subjected to the practice with more than 3 million girls estimated to be at risk of FGM annually. FGM is therefore of global concern. Cultural and social factors for performing FGM The reasons why FGM is performed vary from one region to another as well as over time, and include a mix of sociocultural factors within families and communities. Where FGM is a social convention (social norm), the social pressure to conform to what others do and have been doing, as well as the need to be accepted socially and the fear of being rejected by the community, are strong motivations to perpetuate the practice. FGM is often considered a necessary part of raising a girl, and a way to prepare her for adulthood and marriage. FGM is often motivated by beliefs about what is considered acceptable sexual behaviour. It aims to ensure premarital virginity and marital fidelity. Where it is believed that FGM increases marriageability, it is more likely to be carried out. FGM is associated with cultural ideals of femininity and modesty, which include the notion that girls are clean and beautiful after removal of body parts that are considered unclean, unfeminine or male. Some people believe that the practice has religious support, although no religious scripts prescribe the practice. Religious leaders take varying positions with regard to FGM: some promote it, some consider it irrelevant to religion, and others contribute to its elimination. Local structures of power and authority, such as community leaders, religious leaders, circumcisers, and even some medical personnel can contribute to upholding the practice. Likewise, when informed, they can be effective advocates for abandonment of FGM.

I tried some things too and I stopped doing them. Probably because I didnt think it was a lot of fun. But if you really want to learn something and your only problem is self-confidence, I recommend taking small steps to see fast results and to stay motivated. So dont start with drawing a complex photorealistic scene but start with drawing just an eye. You can find many tutorials for this, it may take a few hours but I'm pretty sure, you can do it and I bet you will like the result.

It's great that you try to be self-reflective. The easy way is to call somebody toxic and leave him/her behind and that's probably a good way to deal with strangers or people who are not important to you. But there are also important people like close friends and your family. The harder way is to ask yourself, why these act like they do. Many people, like your friend, who want to be in control of things/people are insecure and afraid they are not in control of their lifes. So they desperately try to control anything. If you can build up enough trust with these people to get behind their wall of appearing powerful and strong, you can talk to them about their fears and you can try to help them. You will experience rejection but there is a chance to make it. As a minor it can be hard to understand your parents. Parents usually try to enable a good life for their children and they hate it if their children don't respect them for their effort. Also they try to hide problems from their children to prevent them from worrying. So it is hard to call parents toxic if you don't know the whole story. But you can ask them for honesty and you can ask them to share their problems with you. Your sister and you are probably in a very similar situation, because you are surrounded by the same (maybe toxic) people. So the first thing you can do is to talk to your sister about your situation. It's important to convince her that you will not making fun of her, so she can feel safe and talk to you.

Be patient, please be soft on urself and YOU are not crazy.you got this believe in yourself..u keep going on ur self improvement...and ignore those toxic people..because they Don't deserve ur time,attention,they don't a place in ur Mind.. Don't let it happen..if u keep remembering their toxicity again and again then do your hobbiesss and dont give a damn.you are great please dont let them push you down...u will shine trust me just be patient and only focus on urself..forget about their existence whenever they are being dense Sending love🖤

Hi! I need help. Im writing in this forum because im draining in despair. I have recently, some months back, had my initiation towards my spiritual awakening. I have been working very hard to love myself because no one has done it properly in my close circle during my whole life. I have been reading a lot, working out and spending time in nature, learning how to say sorry to the ones I’ve hurt, controlling my ego instead of it controlling me, it has really helped and made me improve. The problem of this comes within my personal relationships. I started my awakening noticing things about me that where pretty toxic and I had to change, I eventually did and work with all my heart on that every day all day. However, then I started noticing how the people around me where completely toxic as well, the people within my family I mean: my sister, step-dad, mom, VERY close people to me, with the witch I have to live everyday because I’m still a minor. I eventually noticed that all these narcissistic, manipulative and negative traits are all around my environment: noticing it between my pears at school, how they are many of them obsessed with control of others and maintaining a clean image (its a super small private school with high societal position teens). I noticed that the friendship I had with my best friend was just for her a way of gaining control, power and feeling well with herself. I’m exposing all this initially because my hope in society is dispersing away, and it’s starting to scare me a bit, still being conscious that I can’t loose hope because of my environment, I know there must be somewhere people from out of it that are different, I hope and they must, I expect it. However, I’m still very confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m really working hard everyday to be a better person and to love myself for the first time, but it seems like the people around me don’t manage to understand it. It has gotten to a point where I see the intentions in everyone as soon as they walk up to me, it has given very harsh anxiety problems, and it made me isolate in the bathrooms or classes to avoid having to perceive that negativity, and seeing no one on week ends. I would usually, like everyone I guess, just put some distances and boundaries with toxic people, with the ones I could I did indeed. But, what about the people I HAVE to be with because of the laws that our society has implied towards the minor? I can’t escape my family, not until I am 18 at least. I have tried everything, I have learned how to be alone, to meet my true self and passions in life, to be able not to have dependency on my relation with others (I had huge issues with that, it really gave me a huge anxiety and panic attacks). Now I can be alone, in fact it has become a problem because I prefer that than being with people. Still sometimes, during this isolation process that I am taking, everyday almost, an injection into my hurt heart of that feeling of CRAVING human socialization comes to me; of wanting to love others and transmit all the love that my soul knows holds onto them. As Aristotle said, and with complete certainty, after all we are social animals, and I am as well. So this is my doubt as a whole? I have that feeling of craving contact in my soul, but each time I try, in this environment that I live in, they pull me and my self improvement process one step back: they make me fall back onto the hole of toxicity. And the hole that I fall back in is not the one that is transmitted onto our physical realm, but since I practice mindfulness a lot and take a lot of care with my words and actions towards others, they instead pull me into the deep hole of my own head. That constantly craves human touch, but knows that the people around me are not going to influence me in a positive way. I’m desperate and need someone to talk about this, I practice a lot the stoic tendency of not sharing my worries with others, since they already have enough with the relation they have with their selfs and their problems, and thus this has led me to literally feeling like I’m going crazy. I don’t know if maybe it’s me who is doing the things wrongly, I don’t try to change people, I just want to surround myself with people that share that same effort everyday of self improvement. However my head always tortures me onto thinking I might be loosing my papers, and treating the people that “love” me badly (I will use the braces because I haven’t felt real love in my life, again of course I’m not discarding this might because of my fault). So please, I really appreciate if someone has read this entirely, now, I really need some advice. Please if it’s me, I need to know what in me needs to change, if not, what can I do with those toxic people that I can’t set boundaries with. I don’t think I can be this isolated from society much more, I need help.

Hello I’m Mooncharmed aka Stacey. I live in Colorado and am finally truly living and openly practicing my spiritual beliefs about 2 years ago. One thing you should know about me is I’m shy when I first start something or talk to people I have hi anxiety. But once acquainted I am 100%full steam ahead, thanks for having me hear and I hope to make a few friends and learn more about living a more spiritual and self healing from past and present traumas .