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Hello, everyone! I live in Brazil, I like dancing and yoga. I have been in a self love journey, and trying to have more meaningful interactions, online and offline, as part of a self love journey. I hope to find good connections and be a good one also here.

Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman ones brought up this hypothetical question in which he gave us two choices: Would you choose A) to experience the most amazing vacation in your live but at the end of the vacation all your pictures will be destroyed so that there will be no memories left or would you choose B) to keep only the memories of the most amazing vacation, evoked by a drug, without never have experienced such a vacation? Please share your opinions about it.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

Exploring the Influence of Attitude on Emotions and Emotions Attitude, that intangible force within us, holds a remarkable power over our emotions and behaviors. By understanding the intricate relationship between attitude and these aspects of our lives, we can gain insights into the ways in which our mindset shapes our experiences https://raagedk.gumroad.com/l/Meditation

Good day everyone. I have been looking for a system or program to help me with self love. The fact that nothing matters more than self love if you do not learn to intergrate yourself completely and love yourself fully, then you are no more than a walking shadow. If you want to increase your understanding and awareness of self love, respect, confidence and appreciation, then I might be of help. Unless you are actively involved in a carefully designed system, you will not be able to appreciate yourself fully and attain a new level of existence. Drop me an email on [email protected] I will be more willing to help you and this is out of love and will cost you nothing at all. Much love for everyone...thank you.

Walking meditation and mindfulness breaks are great alternatives to long meditation sessions. Sometimes I walk around while being present, film and upload for others to follow.

Salam...Salam....Salam.. Greeting - Searching the net for a fresh insight on Meditation since now I include many aspects of visualization to the process, I came across this gem. Seems like a sincere, warm place.I have background in Streetfighting / Martial Arts / Boxing and it is a MUST to balance all that yang output. Not to mention recovery in active rest. I'm here to share what I know with the fellow seeker and perhaps learn from anothers experience on this path. CIAO!

Dear Friends, Your help is needed. For my master’s thesis at the Vienna University, department for clinical and health psychology, I am carrying out a study on meditation. The aim of the study is to investigate the effects of the meditation practice on different aspects of psychological well being and self-view. This is an anonymous online study in English. Meditators and Nonmeditators are required for this study. This study will take around 15min. It would be very helpful if you can support me in filling out the questions. Below the link to the study: https://www.soscisurvey.de/Selbstbild2022/ Many thanks for your support🙏❤️ Kind regards, Max

Broken..... We're all broken in every part of our life, in one area or the other but my question will and always be.... Who broke us? How did we break? Are you broken?

Spending time alone is the best rather than spending time with fake or wrong people and love yourself the most because no one can understand better than yourself....

Does parents have to choose what we want out of life?

This is Usman, 37, unemployed due to pandemic. I am having a very tough time because my heart wants to stay with nature, natural living, i think it a most peaceful way. But my surroundings force me to adopt city life and have more money instead.

Hi friends,my name is Tsatsi and I'm new on this platform

Hello friends, Am new here 👋,my name is Mubanga.

Hello Everyone, I'm Mosadul Alam from Bangladesh. I am the newest here. I want t0 introduce with every member. Stay safe.

I read a lot of New Years Resolutions yesterday. Many said, "If you are releasing people yearly, the problem isn't the others it's you. Went to bed and woke up this morning with a sense of loneliness. Ego had crept in before I could catch it. Reminding me,"It's a New Year and you still single. You start off EVERY year single. Maybe if you pretend to be someone other than you, you MIGHT find you a man in 2020. Blah blah blah blah blah". Ego is ALWAYS trying to get me to do or be someone "I AM" not: in hopes of controlling me by controlling my emotions. In 2018 I started to embrace the process of releasing my EMOTIONAL attachments to things, people, and situations. I'd experienced so many negative emotions over the years: crying, loneliness, hurt, anger, depression, etc etc etc. It was clear my choices were not working, I started searching for alternative solutions. Along the way, I discovered EVERYTHING is energy: including my emotions. I learned every emotion I feel is felt within me first, then transmitted without. Eventually these emotions manifests as my current life situations. I took a closer look at my life, and saw clear examples, along my journey, where my thoughts and emotions are, in fact, energy vibrations that manifested into my reality. I started letting go of old belief systems: it was clear they weren't working for "Me". I let go of belief's that NO longer served "Me". I OWNED the fact that I had allowed my thoughts and emotions to have their way with "Me". I admitted to "Self" that what I feel has NO-THING to do with anyone or anything outside of "Me": those are simply excuses used by me to play the role of victim! I looked at who I had become and was stunned to discover, I wasn't "BE-ING" true to "my-SELF". Why would I do this to me-aka-self? I was faced with the reality that I had LOST control of "me-SELF". I have no recollection of when this actually occurred. Far back as I can recall I had NEVER really been in control of "me-SELF". Thoughts and emotions were ALL I'd ever known. I'd never questions where the thoughts OR emotions came from: they'd always, kinda just, existed. These thoughts and emotions were who "I" was. Every event in my life, from conception, until 2018 was who "I" knew as "me-SELF". Yet, I stilled questioned, "Why would I do this to "me-SELF"'? "I" knew who "I" was. "I" was born February 4th. "I" was baptized twice. "I" lost my virginity. "I" fell in love. "I" got my heart broken. "I had a baby". "I" fell in love again. "I" got my heart broken again. "I" am a mother. "I" am a student. "I" am a graduate. "I" am an employee. "I" am a business owner. I KNEW who I was! Why the question, why'd I do this to "me-SELF"? Who is "me-SELF"? I had allowed thoughts and emotions to roam freely and these TWO were who "I" became. "I" is my alter "Ego". When decisions are made, I say "I" made them. "I" will buy a house! (Thought) "I" felt excited at closing! (Emotion) "I" can't wait to get married! (Thought) "I" met my soul-mate, "I" love him! (Emotion). "I" will lose 10lbs (Thought) "I" am ecstatic, "I" lost 70lbs! (Emotion). "I" thought he loved me. (Thought) "I" feel depressed! (Emotion). I don't know if this will work. (Thought) I knew it wouldn't work, "NOW" I am angry (Emotion). Over time, thoughts became negative because "I" was NOW identified with things, people, and situations. "I" understood it controlled emotions and "me-SELF" was no where to be found. "I" began to either live in the past or future: it's how "I" controlled emotions. Needless to say, where ever thoughts go, emotions flows. Whenever "I" felt like it was losing control, "I" would re-live past situations. It's purpose? To evoke emotions: like loneliness, hurt, anger, and depression as distractions, in order to keep It's control over "emotions". What I found most interesting was that "I" would also use future thoughts as controlling mechanisms as well; thoughts like: When I get a better job (future Thought), It will feel good to be able to afford a house (future Emotion). When I lose 70 (future Thought), I will feel better wearing nicer clothes and traveling to different countries (future Emotion). When I feel better, (future Thought), I'll spend more time, having fun, with my family (future Emotion). I literally pinched myself to make sure "I" was not actually doing the thinking. "I" would NEVER expose itself and risk losing control. So, where were these "NEW" thoughts coming from? Could it be there's more to the question of "Who is me-SELF"? DING DING DING: the lights came on upstairs (laughing). "I" is not "me-SELF". "I" is ego. It's simply my thoughts combined with my emotions in every moment in time. After all, I AM ALWAYS thinking, AM I not? Which means there is ALWAYS an emotional flow for every thought I have. Wow, this was so exciting for "Me"! I stumbled across an amazing discovery. I learned "I" wasn't "me-SELF". As quickly as the bulb lit it up, quickly dimmed once again! I had a fleetly thought: this is the definition of Polarity. Lit = Dim. As quickly as the thought came, it receded and the question it-self remained: If "I" am "Ego" and NOT emotions, who in the world is me-SELF? But wait! What was the quick fleeting thought "I" had about polarity? Something about: Lit = Dim. Could polarity apply to "I" and "me-SELF" as well? Why NOT? Isn't everything polarity? Hot=Cold, Sick=Well, Poor=Rich, Sad=Happy, White=Black. "I" ego = me-"SELF" "I" = "me" "Ego" = "Self" Holy shit! I excited yelled, could "me-SELF" be my EMOTIONS?! Could me-SELF control thoughts? Wouldn't that still equate to polarity? Ego loosening it's negative grips on emotions and emotions consciously radiating positive feelings back Ego in return. WOW: "I" ego and me-"SELF" both occupying the same body, MINE! "I" ego was in control and NOW me-"SELF" has awakened and joined "I" ego within. Does this means there are more at play NOW that "me-SELF" has consciously re-joined "I"? I couldn't help it, I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach. "I" had an emotional reaction at the though of "SELF" being an equally opposing force to "EGO". Is this the Inner Battle all the GREAT Enlightened Masters eluded to? The battle between I and ME = EGO and SELF! Good and Evil, Right and wrong, sickness and health, weak and strong, poverty and wealth. If there is a battle, who wins? I AM thinking that depends on where "I" choose to focus both my thoughts and emotions............

Technically, every day is self-care day, but if you live a busy life, that's not always possible and we forget to take time for ourselves which often leads to stress, exhaustion and tension in the body. I've started doing something called self-care Sundays where every Sunday afternoon I take 2-4 hours completely for myself to do slow down, replenish my energy, and do something I love that makes me feel energised and relaxed. This includes either all or some of the following: Take a guilt-free nap Journal for at least 15 minutes Yoga or body stretches Hair mask Face mask Long bath with sea salts and dried flowers Eat a healthy dinner Read a few pages of my favourite book What are some of the things you do to unwind and reconnect with yourself?

I know this modality isn't for everyone, but I'm really digging self-hypnosis right now. I've been a daily meditator (in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, mostly) for 12 years and find that listening to guided hypnosis sessions are a wonderful add-on. Even after 12 years of meditation I still find it a challenge to quiet the striving mind and regulate difficult emotional states. Hypnosis is a greatly assists me in letting go into self-compassionate states of mind, or just sleep. Enjoy! https://gshypnosis.com/

Hello! I am looking to network and connect with any 'other' beings whom have come to/are coming to knowledge of Self. If you have come to a profound realisation of your true nature I would love to hear from you and talk further. Kindest regards to all, Luke.

Hi everyone, this is a new year, a new DECADE. Exciting and a bit scary, but mostly the feeling of potential is floating there. Like when you put your face over a glass of sparkling water and just feel the freshness of the bubbles popping. Love it! I am pushing myself (am I, or is Self pushing me?) to honor my need for connection and some accountability in my life...in person with the circle of friends I am consciously forming and also online. I have held a jaded view of online interaction for a long, long time. So, here I am going forward with a new chapter and a new way to maintain my emotional and mental health. This is big! I look forward to interacting with you here and learning a lot more about myself. Peace!

A month ago, on the New Moon, I decided to take my Health into My Hands. Had been going to doctors on / off for 15 yrs when arthritis started to show up in my body. first doc said not much to do... So I did my own research & changed my diet a little & took supplements. Things were better for a few years, than stress took its toll on my body & a year ago arthritis went into my back.. All docs could / would offer me was 3 types of pain killers that did not help at all. By chance on the last New Moon I came across the Keto / Fasting plan & Bingo I am off ALL tablets & look forward to getting my Life Back..

Narr - in todays world being what it be with the internet and all it's devices, such thoughts exist in all age brackets today and those thoughts more out of control. If I could just say ...Self preservation is quite the opposite to my context when speaking about self exploration. Like letting go is what I have found key in terms of acceptance. That said, I respect your take and perhaps not quite reading you well. I am 53 having aged well before my time with a story I'd rather let go. I live in a house with my wife, daughter and grandson all doing the best we can to get along. I kind of have to laugh out loud at that one. My wife has a debilitating disease with support peoples that come to our house. She and I sleep in different rooms and we no longer have sex. It would so happen that intimacy was something very important to me and that whilst for sure we could still be intimate, my wife's happiness has taken a huge hit with such all the challengers she now faces. It's been going on for years where each passing one sees her condition slightly worsen. By the way I am not trying to compare here but simply share. I've been in my own room for years now having to accept that I will no longer have sex again and also my wife's depression combined with my own (as is how energy works kind of thing - no ones fault - or perhaps often mine - certainly not my wife's which is why I am still here - it is what it is) that, that once intimacy that I found so empowering and or comforting was no gone. I can't hug my wife as am often pushed away. I don't need the sex because I'm a person that can get enough just by being close and being gentle kind of thing. Long story short - Life's happenings regardless whatever can in some sense rob us of such things. Perhaps that term 'rob' a bit strong as it's only in my self reflection that I have found the power to be here for all my family as they too also seem to get enough from us all simply being present. Alas, I too still have fantasies about meeting someone else who might be able to afford me the interactions that most of us subscribe to being emotionally connected that is in a more inspiring and immune boosting kind of way. I seem to of digressed - my apologies. I guess the point for me is if I took to heart all the the recommendations regarding cutting out negativity out of my life, that would mean leaving my wife, my daughter and grandson whom are all in great need to some extent. I've done a lot of self reflection on such none of which I consider as self preservation but more for the greater good. Perhaps more complex than that but not wishing to write a book. I've come to accept my situation and in doing so have less a need for what more people think is community. The foundations on which today's community is built is based more upon economics than human values with the latter no more than a deceptive sale. So too I think it is the way with people and interactions when it comes to exterior values Vs that which lay within. The time I take out in order to sooth myself is more about letting go of what most strive for. Often it involves allowing myself to experience the pain of my self as well as those I love knowing too that like you, I also wish for that something that feels missing. I don't know really ... grasping at straws myself. I feel it is good to look after self in order to help others but not when it just becomes only about me. Yet it's OK to console ourselves if not always caught in a state of commiseration which too can help ... but many times more a trap. I find the general consensus on happiness can often be like that too. We don't want to preserve ourselves as much as be ourselves. Does that make sense? For me and mind you ... it's been quite a while. Just recovering from heart attack symptoms myself. I'm just winging it here but is mostly why I write and feel as I do. It seems the more we open up and be our true selves the less in need we become ... the less validation we need. Unfortanley most of our online content is all about the need for validation with an algorithm that instills reward and punishment. Very much on a community level but that is another story: How Google, Facebook Turned into Behavior Modification Empires. No link required. This aspect very present in most forums as well. I shower too - but on odd days. 0-0 ... yet my ability to convey the truth in a mindful way seems to be unscathed. Or at least I hope. We have become very much an exterior race. Kudos to you for opening up. I often feel the same way despite my claims but making gains through mindfulness or mindless activities that fall within my own ideals. All the best with your own.

Here are some steps you can take: Recognize your feelings: Acknowledge and accept that you are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. It's important to understand that these feelings are valid and that seeking help is a sign of strength. Reach out for support: Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, such as a close friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Opening up to others can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone. Seek professional help: Consult with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, offer guidance, and develop coping strategies tailored to your specific needs. Develop self-care routines: Engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include regular exercise, eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Establish a support network: Surround yourself with positive and understanding individuals who can provide support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with people who share similar experiences. Educate yourself: Learn more about your condition, including its causes, symptoms, and available treatment options. Understanding what you're going through can empower you to make informed decisions about your mental health and treatment. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and avoid self-judgment. Understand that healing takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Treat yourself with patience, understanding, and self-care. Develop coping mechanisms: Discover healthy ways to cope with stress and manage your emotions. This might include deep breathing exercises, journaling, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music. Consider medication if needed: In some cases, medication may be prescribed by a psychiatrist to help manage symptoms. If you and your healthcare provider determine that medication is necessary, ensure that you follow their guidance and monitor any potential side effects. Stay connected: Maintain meaningful relationships with friends and loved ones. Social support plays a crucial role in mental health, so try to engage in activities that foster connection and build relationships. Remember, it's essential to consult with a qualified mental health professional to receive personalized advice and guidance for your specific situation. They can help you develop a treatment plan that aligns with your needs and goals.

You know, many of us have thought the same thing, is your mind just a product of certain emotions. But, there`s really nothing, just emotions to make us behave in a certain way. Well, if that`s so, we`re all just dead bodies, moving around with no purpose, just certain processes to make us re-produce. I have another take on it, we`re all the product of energy. I mean, the universe began with a sun, energy, then when the energy cooled down, it formed mass, and because the sun was so heavy, it collapsed under it`s own weight, and why we have gravity also, because of the momentum this caused. I think energy, which the first sun consisted of, is a little living; the reason why we`re living also. If you look at someone closely, in their eyes, you can see this light. It`s the reason we`re living, and not just bodies, walking around. We lived before DNA, we`re all sons, of this energy, sort of. LIke God`s sons. The soul isn`t from DNA, anyways, I`m just making a point. The soul get`s transfered, in another way, before birth. That`s why they spent billions on researching also, without finding genes linked to the personality.Anyways, I just wanted to share my take on it, it`s a popular thing now to think there`s nothing in the soul, they say "nothing", among western people. I always knew I felt real, to me it`s just nonsense to think there`s nothing. I think they fall under their own irrationally also, because they still care about others, wants to have sex, and so fourth; what`s the point then, if there`s nothing. Exactly, I wouldn`t like care about others, or talk to them, if there`s nothing. I`d just be under my own reflexes then, and not in control of myself, and spending life in society.My point is, I think energy is living a little. The whole universe, is living. The thing, we all consists of. What`s your take on it? We feel a "self" also, which also could just be a trick from nature, to make us feel real. But, I don`t think so. Science knows we have a soul. scientist says so, and they struggle with this "self" also, they can`t understand why we have it, because in their minds, we`re just brains ... Happy Holidays!

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry