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Last year around August I met a man online through a dating site. We originally agreed to be friends with benefits, but after a few months things started getting intimate. I started to develop feelings for him and he seemed to have also been feeling the same way. Aside from meeting for sex we would have very deep conversations. Around the holidays my fwb asked me to do him a favor and marry him. I was very open to the idea as I felt strong attachment to him and it seemed he felt the same. After New Years I told him I was falling in love with him (it was true then and still true to this day), however he said he was not looking to fall in love or for anything serious at the moment. He just needed to be married so he can get citizenship and keep custody of his daughter. I spent months trying to convince him that marrying for love would be best. He’d have his citizenship, his daughter, and love. This led to a falling out for a little while. He never came back to physically see me anymore (not since Christmas). I recently had a little incident a few months ago in which he came to my rescue (by calling the police for me). For a short period of time we were actually talking on the phone instead of texting and started to bond again. I felt love from him, but suddenly he distanced himself from me after promising to take care of me. After saying our friendship might blossom into something. Lately I am initiating all of the conversations over text. He refuses to have phone conversations or to even visit me. Says he’s busy and doesn’t have time, but as soon as he needs a shoulder to cry on or to try and ask for a loan he reaches out. It is now clear to me that he has no love or respect for me. He doesn’t really want to be my friend judging by his actions. Every time I ask him if he still wants to be friends or if he ever wants to meet again for sex he tells me yes, but continues to act disinterested. We used to talk about deep stuff and exchange information about each other’s lives, but now he gives me brief answers or ignores me and doesn’t inquire about me or my life anymore. Asking him direct questions is pointless because he won’t give me an honest answer. This hurts so bad because I love him. I really do. The chemistry is (or at least was) there. Not sure if I should just delete him from my phone and move on. What’s the point in keeping him around if he neither wants to be my platonic friend or possible boyfriend. At this point I’m just wasting energy. I don’t understand what is so hard about just confessing that he is no longer interested in associating with me. Something caused him to have a change of heart and that is fine, but don’t leave me hanging as I continue to pour my heart out. This sucks so much. Sorry for long post. Just really heartbroken over this whole ordeal.

I feel very lonely at the moment. I have no friends and it's very hard sometimes. Corona doesn't make it better. It feels like everybody focus on theirselves and nobody looks how the others around them feel. I am 18 years old, my school is done, but i don't make real friends over the years and i am struggeling a little bit what to do after school now. I have a job and that is my little happyness at the moment. Maby it's the whole crazy Corona or the number of fake friends i made that make me feel a kind of emptyness, but is there somebody with similar experiences or with an advice for me? Thank you.

Hi Tara ... I have a friend that is Bi Polar. He tends to have a behavior pattern that is to set up situations that often lead into bouts of drama. Rarely does it end well. Now I also have my own labels and would not necessarily just blame his label as many of people without labels can also do the same thing. That said, the passion at which he sets a situation up, and his inability to detach from such calculating, does seem hampered by his instability which can be quite episodic. BOUNDARIES are really important - especially from the start or the start of each new phase. I experience phases with him as after each dramatic session having exhaustively gone through dealing with each of his insecurities, blaming, shaming and various other unresolved psychological issues - He too will often begin with being kind. I have found most people in this category often do. Well it's actually hard to categorize because ego is a complex thing... Subconscious Sabotage: Is what I often tell him he needs to stop doing. And it's often where I start with him when laying down the boundaries. I'm not into cutting people out of my life like chopping the top off a pineapple as that tends to leave a residual hang-up on my end after the fact no matter where I end up. My advice is just to be straight up with the guy and tell him how he is making you feel and to find another way to connect if he wishes the relationship to continue. Like "Hey, just so you know, I get your trying to me nice but the way you constantly keep being overly kind is really starting to bug me. It makes me feel like I am some kind of project that needs fixing, or X,Y & Z - if you don't stop it I'm going to have to distance myself for my own mental health." Say whatever it is that your experiencing and how it's making you feel and that you want it to stop or else X,Y & Z for the benefit of you both. I have chosen to still remain friends - but I pull him up every time he starts setting up a situation I know is not going to end well or anytime he assumes something of me and or others for that matter. Mostly when that assumption is something I know is disabling/disempowering for whom of which he speaks. Always starts off nice then leads into something that is about shaming and blaming. Now whilst my explanation with my friend may differ, he is always overly nice and it too is not something I gel with either. Mostly because of the manipulation that's often woven within it. His bipolar makes if very hard for him but I also have my own issues like most of us do. Boundaries works most of the time and I have to be always on top by constantly making them. This is when most people cut and run and whilst that is OK ... just be careful how you cut the cord for your own sake as much as him. People don't often understand that. Another Key point is My-self. Once a pattern sets and I allow myself to be drawn in, the negative vibes I feel tend to make me more vulnerable (feed his compulsive manner to do as he wills) to the manipulation being played where the toxicity in relationships take the stage. Once I am caught up in it and no longer seeing the imbalance taking place then I just become victim to his drama ... not discounting my own. Whilst I am male and he is male and the friendship is plutonic - just close friends. The behavior is very has many of the dynamics I have had with my wife and children or others that are close to me. The reason I am still close friends with him is because after a lot of work re the boundaries we still both have a lot of good to offer each other and there is a sense of respect. I am one of the very few people in his life that has been able to help him in areas he can not. In return my own compromises to help him be comfortable means I am able to have work on my own issues which as just as disabling for us both and others in my life. Kind of makes me a better person knowing that I have my own issues and it's not just about him. Hard to explain. But biggest advice re relationships in general and with people that tend to make projects out of others that leads to reoccurring patterns is to tell them what is happening and what your prepared to put up with and what you will in turn your willing to give. The latter just an acknowledgment of one's self that keeps it mutually beneficial. It's not healthy if it's only one way or more about pleasing one persons way of being rather than it being mutual. Mutual respect and honestly has to be at the forefront. Niceties can just be a ploy and often is this day and age with people becoming experts in positivity, love and joy. To be sure those aspects are important where a balance is needed but being overly nice is kind of like a flag to something else going on. We are complex beings to be sure. Know what you want out of the relationship, lay down those boundaries as best you can and do it each time before it gets out of hand. If he does not respect and or change what it make you feel those negative thoughts, then I suggest giving yourself some distance in your own way that makes you feel more comfortable. I used boundaries and when that fails, I'll just fade away from that person. I typically leave the door open where eventually they get the message and either stay away themselves or just learn to be more mutual in their dealings with me and I'll often learn new things about myself that can do with a bit of work. Hope some of that is helpful and or makes sense.

I can never speak up for everyone–but I was always the dependent one in my friendships. I was introverted mostly in high school so it was really difficult for me to make other friends and approach other people. Of course, this made the transition to college especially hard since my friends and I were taking on different majors and couldn't hang out as much anymore. You could say, in a way, they "moved on". What really helped me was connect with others who shared similar hobbies and interests. In high school, I was a huge science nerd. The thing that helped crawl out of my introverted shell was climate activism. Which eventually led me to a slight obsession with alternative energy–which then brought me into a science debate club and earned me a new set of college friends. But before I even met my new college friends, I was less lonely because I was zoning into my research and my activism. This is why, as cliche as it may seem, I believe in the saying "when you do your passion, you attract the same passionate people". Just find something that your heart really yearns for and the people come as a byproduct of that. Hope this helps

So I was talking to a friend the other day, and we discussed what we both value in terms of qualities of a best friend. There are many ways someone can be a good friend to you, and in my personal opinion, you can have different friends for different things. I have some friends that are great for going out for drinks, some are my ideal traveling buddies, and some are great for giving advice etc. But the qualities of a best friend that my friend and I both appreciate are very similar. For example, we both agreed that something really important is how that friend makes you feel. You should feel positive after being around them (or on the phone with them!) whether that means you feel, happier, more relaxed or relieved about something that was bothering you, or uplifted. This is obviously just one of many important qualities of a best friend, what would you say is important qualities for you?

Hello! I am an 18-year old girl. Why is my best friend's girlfriend such a jealous stupid girl? She is so possessive towards her 18-year old boyfriend! I hate her! She complains to her boyfriend a lot about these things: 1. My best friend spends 2 days a week and 2 hours a day with her while my best friend spends 7 days a week and 9 hours a day with me. Also, she gets to have phone calls and text messages with him. Plus, she gets to have sex with him within those two hours. Isn't she fucking content? 2. Her boyfriend and I exclude her from a lot of activities and trips. 3. Her boyfriend helps me out in a lot of things while he only helps her in very few things. 4. My best friend and I do not inform her about our trips, activities, and personal secrets in order to hide them from her. She complains about these things? She complains about the fact that her boyfriend prioritizes me over her? Really? Her boyfriend prioritizes me over her and is closer to me because he and I have been best friends since childhood while she only met him when they were 16-years old! Also, my best friend and I often fought together as comrades and protected each other against tough guy bullies since childhood and we are still fighting together as comrades and defending each other to this day while all she does is stand there to be protected by him but cannot help him. I even cook delicious foods for her boyfriend while she can't. I guess she is inferior to me as a person. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And what's funny is that her boyfriend often takes my side against her whenever she and I get into fights. Then I and her boyfriend berate her together. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That means she is a bad person! I mean my best friend is a very nice person so if he always takes my side against her then that means there really is something wrong with her. Seriously, she is so mad that her boyfriend prioritizes me over her? I mean so what if she is his girlfriend? Like who cares? No matter what she does, There will always be roles in her boyfriend's life that she can never equal or be better than me at. Those roles will always be mine and will never be hers. I will always be his one and only platonic friend. She is just there for sex. So for all girls who is like my best friend's girlfriend, remember this: A boy fights for and dies for his girlfriend while best friends fight together and die together. Remember that!

I basically don’t „make“ new friends. It happens naturally if it happens by knowing people with other friends of mine, other parents etc. But to be honest, my best friends are still the ones i have in germany (i left 14 years ago). If something special happens, if good or bad, the first friends i would contact are the ones that know me from early age. I do have good friends here in Barcelona and i totally trust and love them, just the ones i would call best friends are the ones i shared my youth with. That doesn’t mean it has to stay like this neither, but until now this is my experience in terms of how to make friends and i totally call my wife & kids and my parents as best friends too!

Looking for friends

I know a few people who were/are are pretty lonely. Every now and then I was lonely too and I wasn't in a relationship until I was 25 years old (I'm 27 now) even though I don't think I'm ugly or havinga weight problem. My problem was thinking my happiness would depend on other people and I thought I needed a girlfriend to become happy. Unfortunately, this mindset is very unattractive and unhealthy fora relationship. I hope, she can learn to be proud of herself for what she's already achieved in life and she can take care about herself by following her dreams. I know it sounds sad to go to the cinema or on vacation alone, but if that's what makes her happy, she should do it - no matter if she has friends or a relationship. And when people see how she is enjoyig life, they will be a lot more attracted to her. And when she doesn't need a partner to make her happy, she is a lot more independend and confident in a relationship. She can also try to visit her friends far away. It doesn't have to be every week, but a little social contact can change a lot. And by the way... You are an amazing dad.

Unfortunately I have recently learned the lesson about one-sided friendships. I lost my mum recently after caring for her and during her illness and the grieving process there were many people who I thought that would be there for me that were not (conversely, people I didn't expect to reach out, did!). One or two of those that didn't reach out that much were – what I thought – best friends. We had been through a lot together! I may not always remember birthdays, but I think I'm a good friend in that I always listen, give advice to my friends, support them etc. So, I discovered some so-called friends in a new light and realized how one-sided they could be with things. For myself, I actually decided not to do anything; I didn't want to share my disappointment with them or try to talk it through. I was too busy with just getting through each day. Also, as there was a pandemic I also tried not to judge them. Maybe they had their own shit going on? So, I decided to just step back and stop reaching out to those people due to their one-sided nature. I think if we are meant to reconnect we will. My situation is quite extreme, but maybe your friend so just have the courage to confront their friend and be open about it?

Hello there daisy, your post sounds as though i could have written it myself, i also am alone a lot but saying that it is by choice, my hobbies-interests are biofield tuning forks, colour light therapy, i love crystals, my pets, i try to help people feel better within themselves whenever i can, i only have a handful of people i call friends, i get them to have a foot spa bath -natural face masks, all feel good nurturing stuff, give them crystals, i don’t do social media facebook etc i like being my own private person, although i share feel good things with everyone if they show true interest, such as my tuning forks crystals colour light therapy, all self taught, i have rune stones, oracle cards-books, mostly based on moon phases, coz i have strong feelings towards the moon, i usually meet people who are in need of something when i walk when i’m living at the ocean, i feel empathy very strongly, so when i meet someone who is troubled i find they open up to me, i just speak positive happy things to them, and encourage them to feel good about themselves, then i share books if they are interested in borrowing, i meet at beach to walk with them if they want to, i sense when people are hurting or lonely, so i just say hello to them, then i find that i seem to see that person unexpected at shop or beach at different times of day when i decide to go for a walk or stop to have a drink, but alas i am not at the ocean at the moment but i am working to get back there as soon as possible coz this is where i feel my best and able to support others as well as myself, i feel as though i have come home whenever i live by the ocean, but my country friends and hubby don’t have the same feelings or love as i do for the sea,, so i’ve decided i will live at the seaside and visit every few wks for a week or two the small country town i now live in, i lived by the ocean most of my young life up until my 30’s, this just about sums up who i am, thank-you for letting me share,, i’m too old now to just live for not upsetting people by going to the ocean, so now i will make me happy, put myself first for a change even though i don’t want to upset others, but i feel my health suffers lots when i am away from the beautiful sea and all it’s moods,,, kind regards to all, k.

Hi my friend, I am also an introvert and sometime have difficulty in making friends. What I think that we need to be more expressive and discuss our interests to find people who share our likings and causes. How about we start here to explore ourselves and make new friends?

I think it's hard for millionaires to find real friends and relationships who are not just after their money. And if they can't get appreciation by their friends because of that, they try to feel good and being respected by spending the money for status symbols. But when they start trying to show off with their expensive status symbols, they start comparing with other rich people and there will always be someone with a more expensive status symbol, so in the end they will be unhappy even though they have a lot of expensive stuff. That's why I don't tell people about how much money I've got. When I'm asked, my answer will be "Enough". This way, nobody gets jealous and nobody wants to be my friend just for the money. But comparing with others is a problem to me. Generally I think comparing is a good thing, because it can inspire me to improve my life. But on the other hand it can ruin my happiness, because there is always someone better than yourself. So I try to stop comparing sometimes, I try to be proud of what I achieved and to make the best of what I have.

Hello @Sam2020, One of the urban dictionary definitions for "friends with benefits" is "Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment". This means you have to make a good friend first, and creating a friendship takes a long time. So unless you are patient, this might not be the best place to quickly find that kind of friendship. However, if you want to make friends worldwide whom you might never meet irl, but who listen when you feel loneley, this is a great place to start. Warmly, Tine

Some rich people say: "Money doesn't make you happy" and I think it's true but can you make friends and can you become happy without spending money? I would like to read some ideas. My thoughts so far: You need money to meet people in a sports club, you need money to meet friends for dinner and you need money to buy tools for your favorite hobby. Proof me wrong.

Dear Friends, I have come across many advice that gratitude makes one happy. Some people suggest writing every day a gratitude diary. Others suggest writing letters to friends and family expressing your gratitude. There are also lots of psychological research on gratitude. Indeed, gratitude has become the intervention tools in psychotherapy. My own experience is also that, the happier I become, the more thankfulness I feel. What is your experience? Below I have attached a short youtube video on gratefulness from David Steindl-Rast, which I can highly recommend. https://youtu.be/UtBsl3j0YRQ Would like to hear your experience and advice. Have a happy grateful day 🤠🤓 Max

They never invite me (36F African American ) to hang out with them. I met them in 2013. I stopped going to the church in February 2017. They ignore my calls, text messages and social media messages. I tried everything to get them to invite me to hang out with them and nothing worked. They make dumb excuses not to pick me up to take to church all because I live in another city and I live far away from them. I guess they want to hang out with other Koreans, Korean Americans and half Koreans which so selfish. So now I gave up on them because I don’t call them my friends if they don’t invite me to hang out with them, take me out to lunch or do something nice for me and don’t respond to my text messages and social messages and calls. What’s your opinion? P.S. This girl name Youngeun ignored my calls and messages for the whole week because a fall fest at the church in 2014. I never went to the fall fest. I hate her. Then she texted me after the fall fest and apologized and said she was very busy. No she wasn’t. She just ignored me. I guess she just want to have a party with a bunch of Koreans. So in high school, I didn’t know that Koreans are very homogeneous. I just found out last year. They keep telling me that them and I are not that close. Whatever man. They just don’t want to get close with non Koreans or non Asians. They don’t seem to care about me. I feel like they’re not thinking about me. They don’t care if I’m bored or not. They keep telling me they’re busy when they’re not doing nothing all day. I see their Instagram and Snapchat stories of them not doing nothing or just hanging out with a bunch of Koreans. Every time I make a group chat on KakaoTalk and add them and say hey or ask them a question, they just leave group chat. I just wanna punch them. Every time I message them on social media, they just block me. So rude. I guess they’re so obsessed with Koreans and Korean culture. They just want to be friends with other Koreans because they’re Korean or half Korean or Korean American. So selfish as hell Why do Koreans hang out with only Koreans?

I realize that I had different habits and dynamics about how to make friends (and keep the friendships going!) throughout the years. Recently, after moving to Barcelona I was making so much effort to make friends. It's fine of course but at a point, I realized that I was going for quantity and end up being unsatisfied and exhausted. So I'm acting differently lately and I feel happier with fewer friends but having a quality time with people I truly feel interested in getting to know more. On the other hand, I realized that friendships require a conscious effort. After moving here I felt that I'm losing the ties with my friends so I started to be more aware and careful about calling them often and now I'm even closer with some of my old friends. How did you guys experience these situations with friends after moving abroad, do you feel like @Calvin77 about it? Calvin, how did you deal with that?

Too bad the topic starter is no longer on board. It's an interesting topic. I have friends, albeit few. If I had to run after them to have contact, I would ask myself if they are friends at all. Friendship isn't measured in how often you're in contact, but friendship is a give and take. It cannot work otherwise.

Hi Charlie. Understanding does indeed help. I don't always get it but the notion to be open and accepting is what helps me most. My friends and I are very much into one and one despite anothers wishing to come on over when we meet. We like it when they do and in fact will often ring when we meet to let them know they are welcome to meet up too. More often than not we tend to laugh more heartedly when it is three but my closer connections are generally when it's two. I sense we understand this about each other which is why we have been friends for so long and yea - what you say make sense even with our tiny group. We often go from two to three when needing a bit more of a boost so understand why others like to seek out the crowed as they do. Whilst the dynamics are different with increased or fewer numbers, I think mixing it up can be a thing. I tend to think not so much in terms of age but will add I think the wiser among us will be found in smaller groups. But that's just my take. Nice to meet you regardless of your own preference. Full respect and all that. 🙂

I know this situation too. I have friends and some of them are really close to eachother and even though they are my friends we don't share everything. Everyone should have a best friend. When I got to know my now fiancee, she became a friend and I could make her a best friend by frequently showing interest and caring about her problems. She wouldn't share everything from day one, but I kept asking and so we shared more and more things over time. It's not easy, it's a lot of work, but it's worth it. So if you would like to be someone's best friend, frequently show interest, ask about his/her day, guide them through problems and be there for him/her. Of course it will have to be someone, who likes you. You can't force it, but if you want to improve your chances for someone to like you, you can ask him/her for a favor. This way you show weakness, which makes you more human and more likable. Also it feels good to do someone a favor and people tend to like someone they've done a favor for. That's because it feels more natural to the human brain to have helped someone you like than to have helped someone you don't like.

I'm not quite sure if I can offer relevant life advice to someone who survived a time double my age, but I'll try. People want to be happy. So they follow people who are happy and who organize fun events. If you are sad most of the time, don't expect others to make you happy. If you want happiness, you will have to make it yourself. Nobody knows you better than you do. So you can be your own best friend who takes care of you. Care about yourself like you care about others or even more. Comfort yourself with a nice bath, some ice cream or whatever makes you happy. If you like movies, take yourself out to the cinema or go with a partner if you have one. This way you will feel cared for, you will feel respected and that's the moment when you are truly independent and happy. And with your new happy and positive energy you will attract friends. And some of the friends who enjoy the time with you might also be with you in bad times. And these are the ones to keep. Good luck.

Hi and I was looking for some advice for myself . I was seeing a man for 5 years , we were compatible we were good friends and I thought I found the love of my life until I figured out he had a wife with 4 kids . I am shattered that I was duped . On further discussion he told me that he lied because he did not want to loose me but I feel take. In for a ride. I really don’t know why I was so dumb and how I never did a background check

A good friend of mine was asking for advice on what to do when a friendship is one sided. He's known his friend for a very long time, but recently realised this person is actually not very nice! They only call him when they need something from him, and anytime he would reach out to them for even the smallest favour, they never show up for him. So, when a friendship is one sided - what do you do? It would be difficult to cut them out completely because they are in the same group of friends, and see each other often. But my friend feels stuck in this pattern of giving so much to this person and getting nothing in return. I know everyone is different and has different abilities to show up for friends. But when you don't feel supported it can still be really difficult to change the relationship by setting healthier boundaries. Have you been in a similar situation? What do you do when a friendship is one sided?

Hello, I'm a 24 year old man. I have signed up here because I have gone through severe depressions throughout my life. This year, my depression was so severe, that I went through a psychotic episode with symptoms of schizophrenia for 2 weeks. During that period of time, I have lost friends and fucked up an opportunity with a girl that meant a lot to me. All this happened at the end of my stay in South of France, where I was doing my bachelor's degree for 3 years. It's difficult for me to realise that a lot of people, who I might see again in my life, talk trash behind my back without even knowing that i was behaving very awkwardly because of that psychotic episode. Recently, I moved to another city to do my Master's degree. As usual, I feel lonely and depressed, but I managed to get out of that psychotic episode. What triggers me the most, is that I can be a very social person when I'm in society, I would describe myself as pretty charismatic, and confident when I talk to or in front of a lot of people, but despite that fact, I don't manage to create intimate bonds with other people and at the end of the day, I remain a lonely man. I would like to share my thoughts with other people who can relate to this or who experienced similar things in their life and find solutions to overcome the overwhelming negative thoughts that our brain create.