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The qualities of a best friend? That seems like a simple question at first, and a number of buzzwords pop into my head immediately: Trust, letting go, serenity, authenticity, honesty, secrets, deep affection, reliability, familiarity, all-nighters, crying and comforting and lots of fun, madness and laughter, laughter, laughter. But then when I think about the people who are so close to me that I call them best friends, the question of the qualities of a best friend no longer seems quite so easy to answer. Because then there would have to be something like an intersection of qualities that applies to these people. The only quality that all my friends really have is a sense of humour and the willingness to laugh at almost anything at any time. Otherwise, being close friends with someone is actually similar to falling in love, the other person complements us or mirrors us and makes something in us resonate. For me personally, I find that it is not the associated terms of friendship that make up my best friends, or actually all friends, but the personalities that they are. That, after much reflection, is for me the highest quality of a best buddy: that she is her and he is him and I am me when we are together.

The qualities of a best friend? That seems like a simple question at first, and a number of buzzwords pop into my head immediately:Trust, letting go, serenity, authenticity, honesty, secrets, deep affection, reliability, familiarity, all-nighters, crying and comforting and lots of fun, madness and laughter, laughter, laughter. But then when I think about the people who are so close to me that I call them best friends, the question of the qualities of a best friend no longer seems quite so easy to answer. Because then there would have to be something like an intersection of qualities that applies to these people. The only quality that all my friends really have is a sense of humour and the willingness to laugh at almost anything at any time. Otherwise, being close friends with someone is actually similar to falling in love, the other person complements us or mirrors us and makes something in us resonate. For me personally, I find that it is not the associated terms of friendship that make up my best friends, or actually all friends, but the personalities that they are. That, after much reflection, is for me the highest quality of a best buddy: that she is her and he is him and I am me when we are together.

It depends upon how you define friendship, and what you need friends for. My personal opinion is that we need people we can talk with. There are things we can only talk about in specific group age. So, i would call everyone my friend if that person listens to me closely, understands me and takes active interest. However, there are people in my life with whom i have close bond, an attraction that i do not feel towards others. There are people i feel happy when i am in their company. I would call them my close friends, or real friends. So, yes we do need friends. And NO, we do not need friends. It all depends upon how we define friendship. As far as how we make friends, we cannot make friends with everyone. I interact with everyone, and among them, i decide who i want to be friends with based on how i feel about that person after few encounters, and based on how much that person fits on the ethical scale that i have set to be friends with someone..

Growing up I didn't have much friends as I was mostly at home, even though I was restricted as a girl child in my family but it wasn't much, but I got use to the little restrictions and I kept myself at home by myself and read. So later in life I started making friends but they were just causal and not someone I can really share my thoughts with till eight years ago, when I started university and I meant different set of people and made friends in different aspects. Group of Friends who can just hang out, they others to just talking and fool around and others who are friends with me because of some benefit or the other but I am yet to meet a friend who can share everything with without barriers, but in all this I have one friend who I share almost everything with and that's my aunt, and I always feel that she qualifies for both my aunt and my best friend..... The day I meet a friend who I will be so comfortable sharing all my thoughts, wins and struggle with and who will see me and want me as a friend without motives and also share he/her thoughts with me and I see them as who they are without material motives, that I will be satisfy that I have a best friend, and a best friend who I can share everything even the most embarrassing things with without shame or judgement and who will correct me when I am wrong, because ladies and gentlemen.... That's my own definition of a BEST FRIEND.

Welcome! I would love to read about a psychologists kind of living. Personally, I notice the disappearance of active friends with age. In school and at the university some friendships are left behind, some endure, but after these times, getting to know new people becomes hard. Early this year I started a new hobby: photography. It gives me motivation to go outside, I get to meet other photographers and models, it's a new skill I learn, I receive positive feedback and it's fun. So I can recommend starting a hobby you'd like to try and join others. It can be anything like dancing, playing tennis, joining a chess club, visiting a painting workshop and much more.

Happiness is a state of being that everyone aspires to achieve. It is the feeling of joy, contentment, and satisfaction that arises from within when we are in a positive state of mind. Happiness is often associated with the fulfillment of our desires and the attainment of our goals, but it goes beyond that. True happiness is a state of mind that is not dependent on external circumstances or material possessions. It is a feeling that arises from within and is independent of external factors. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be difficult to define, but it is generally understood to be a positive emotional state characterized by feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and contentment. It can be experienced in a variety of ways, from a fleeting moment of joy to a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose. Research has shown that happiness has numerous benefits for our health and well-being. Happy people are generally more resilient to stress, have stronger immune systems, and live longer. They are also more creative, productive, and successful in their personal and professional lives. There are many factors that contribute to happiness, including our relationships, our work, our health, and our personal values and beliefs. However, research suggests that there are some common characteristics and practices that are associated with greater happiness. These include: Cultivating positive emotions: Focusing on positive emotions such as gratitude, joy, and kindness can help to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Building strong relationships: Having close, supportive relationships with family and friends is a key factor in happiness. Pursuing meaningful goals: Having a sense of purpose and working towards meaningful goals that align with our values and interests can bring a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion: Being present in the moment and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion can help to reduce stress and increase happiness. Engaging in physical activity and healthy habits: Regular exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet are important for physical and mental health, and can also contribute to feelings of happiness. In conclusion, happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that is essential to our health and well-being. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for happiness, research suggests that cultivating positive emotions, building strong relationships, pursuing meaningful goals, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, and engaging in healthy habits can all contribute to greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

Hello Everyone, I'm Arun. I'm from the city of Chennai in India I recently found this article from happiness Since, I practically have no friends and I'm lonely which in turn really affect my physical & mental health (just like what has been described in the article), I thought of joining here, hoping to make some friends. I'm an introverted person. Also, I'm an INFP. I'm bit reserved when it comes to opening up to the people and always overthink a lot which I think is the biggest reason why I have no friends. However, I wish I could change myself. And, find some new friends here (online/offline)

I feel very lonely at the moment. I have no friends and it's very hard sometimes. Corona doesn't make it better. It feels like everybody focus on theirselves and nobody looks how the others around them feel. I am 18 years old, my school is done, but i don't make real friends over the years and i am struggeling a little bit what to do after school now. I have a job and that is my little happyness at the moment. Maby it's the whole crazy Corona or the number of fake friends i made that make me feel a kind of emptyness, but is there somebody with similar experiences or with an advice for me? Thank you.

Hi Tara ... I have a friend that is Bi Polar. He tends to have a behavior pattern that is to set up situations that often lead into bouts of drama. Rarely does it end well. Now I also have my own labels and would not necessarily just blame his label as many of people without labels can also do the same thing. That said, the passion at which he sets a situation up, and his inability to detach from such calculating, does seem hampered by his instability which can be quite episodic. BOUNDARIES are really important - especially from the start or the start of each new phase. I experience phases with him as after each dramatic session having exhaustively gone through dealing with each of his insecurities, blaming, shaming and various other unresolved psychological issues - He too will often begin with being kind. I have found most people in this category often do. Well it's actually hard to categorize because ego is a complex thing... Subconscious Sabotage: Is what I often tell him he needs to stop doing. And it's often where I start with him when laying down the boundaries. I'm not into cutting people out of my life like chopping the top off a pineapple as that tends to leave a residual hang-up on my end after the fact no matter where I end up. My advice is just to be straight up with the guy and tell him how he is making you feel and to find another way to connect if he wishes the relationship to continue. Like "Hey, just so you know, I get your trying to me nice but the way you constantly keep being overly kind is really starting to bug me. It makes me feel like I am some kind of project that needs fixing, or X,Y & Z - if you don't stop it I'm going to have to distance myself for my own mental health." Say whatever it is that your experiencing and how it's making you feel and that you want it to stop or else X,Y & Z for the benefit of you both. I have chosen to still remain friends - but I pull him up every time he starts setting up a situation I know is not going to end well or anytime he assumes something of me and or others for that matter. Mostly when that assumption is something I know is disabling/disempowering for whom of which he speaks. Always starts off nice then leads into something that is about shaming and blaming. Now whilst my explanation with my friend may differ, he is always overly nice and it too is not something I gel with either. Mostly because of the manipulation that's often woven within it. His bipolar makes if very hard for him but I also have my own issues like most of us do. Boundaries works most of the time and I have to be always on top by constantly making them. This is when most people cut and run and whilst that is OK ... just be careful how you cut the cord for your own sake as much as him. People don't often understand that. Another Key point is My-self. Once a pattern sets and I allow myself to be drawn in, the negative vibes I feel tend to make me more vulnerable (feed his compulsive manner to do as he wills) to the manipulation being played where the toxicity in relationships take the stage. Once I am caught up in it and no longer seeing the imbalance taking place then I just become victim to his drama ... not discounting my own. Whilst I am male and he is male and the friendship is plutonic - just close friends. The behavior is very has many of the dynamics I have had with my wife and children or others that are close to me. The reason I am still close friends with him is because after a lot of work re the boundaries we still both have a lot of good to offer each other and there is a sense of respect. I am one of the very few people in his life that has been able to help him in areas he can not. In return my own compromises to help him be comfortable means I am able to have work on my own issues which as just as disabling for us both and others in my life. Kind of makes me a better person knowing that I have my own issues and it's not just about him. Hard to explain. But biggest advice re relationships in general and with people that tend to make projects out of others that leads to reoccurring patterns is to tell them what is happening and what your prepared to put up with and what you will in turn your willing to give. The latter just an acknowledgment of one's self that keeps it mutually beneficial. It's not healthy if it's only one way or more about pleasing one persons way of being rather than it being mutual. Mutual respect and honestly has to be at the forefront. Niceties can just be a ploy and often is this day and age with people becoming experts in positivity, love and joy. To be sure those aspects are important where a balance is needed but being overly nice is kind of like a flag to something else going on. We are complex beings to be sure. Know what you want out of the relationship, lay down those boundaries as best you can and do it each time before it gets out of hand. If he does not respect and or change what it make you feel those negative thoughts, then I suggest giving yourself some distance in your own way that makes you feel more comfortable. I used boundaries and when that fails, I'll just fade away from that person. I typically leave the door open where eventually they get the message and either stay away themselves or just learn to be more mutual in their dealings with me and I'll often learn new things about myself that can do with a bit of work. Hope some of that is helpful and or makes sense.

Yes - At least for a while. When I moved to a new town, I didn't know anyone. I shared an appartment with other people and I had colleagues at work, but we didn't to anything after work. So I would say, it is possible but life can be better with friends. I think it is better to have no friend at all than having a wrong friend, who you don't really like. But many things in life work with a community and with teamwork. And if you have friends, you are more familiar with the way, social interactions work. Also friends can help you if you want to move to a new appartment, or other things, which are hard to do alone. Friends can also help you keeping up self-reflection because they will tell you if you do something wrong.

Teach Me. Lets be friends and have conversation? Please?

HI! My name is Anna, found this site for accident (though there are no accidents, right?))) I practice positive well-being for quite a long time, I meditate, doing yoga, use positive affirmations, journalling an so on. Recently I started a course on Coursera "The science of well-being", and realized, how much I love positive psychology. Even starting thinking about starting a career in this field. I don't have enough like-minded people in my off line life, friends who would be on the same page with me. So this forum is a tresure box for me. Hoping to find new frieds here.

I know a few people who were/are are pretty lonely. Every now and then I was lonely too and I wasn't in a relationship until I was 25 years old (I'm 27 now) even though I don't think I'm ugly or havinga weight problem. My problem was thinking my happiness would depend on other people and I thought I needed a girlfriend to become happy. Unfortunately, this mindset is very unattractive and unhealthy fora relationship. I hope, she can learn to be proud of herself for what she's already achieved in life and she can take care about herself by following her dreams. I know it sounds sad to go to the cinema or on vacation alone, but if that's what makes her happy, she should do it - no matter if she has friends or a relationship. And when people see how she is enjoyig life, they will be a lot more attracted to her. And when she doesn't need a partner to make her happy, she is a lot more independend and confident in a relationship. She can also try to visit her friends far away. It doesn't have to be every week, but a little social contact can change a lot. And by the way... You are an amazing dad.

My most friendship is also one sided like any one sided love interest. Now a days in real life no friends for hangout and previous life friends are busy in their life. I think one sided friendships is also cool and I am successful with internet friends. You are also a example of my one sided friends to think sometimes as a special girl for me. You did not accept my friendship request but still I am commenting and engaging at your posts. When a friendship is one sided, two sided love can happen. Lol 😀

I have no friends in my real life but my condition with best friends was awesome and 1 to 5 can be best friends. Close sharing is possible with best friends.

It just happens... i´ll meet with one of my oldest best friend today to spend some days together. Those of my friends, that have grown up with me, are still my really close ones. Even if we all live on different places, these connections can´t be broken and it doesn´t matter if we don´t see us or talk a year. I have great "new" friends too, but when it comes to talk deep personal stuff i mostly rely on my best youth friends with whome i went through so much things, in good and in bad. It doesn´t exclude that it can happen, just in my case i experienced it this way. So, this best friend is an amazing listener and advisor without pushing it. That is a quality i admire. I have no problems to talk about whichever topic and won´t feel weird telling things i wouldn´t tell others. When we spent time together we laugh a lot, which is another really, really big quality of a good friend. It doesn´t happen with too many other people in that way. Those friends have to be on that same frequency.

Here are some steps you can take: Recognize your feelings: Acknowledge and accept that you are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. It's important to understand that these feelings are valid and that seeking help is a sign of strength. Reach out for support: Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, such as a close friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Opening up to others can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone. Seek professional help: Consult with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, offer guidance, and develop coping strategies tailored to your specific needs. Develop self-care routines: Engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include regular exercise, eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Establish a support network: Surround yourself with positive and understanding individuals who can provide support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with people who share similar experiences. Educate yourself: Learn more about your condition, including its causes, symptoms, and available treatment options. Understanding what you're going through can empower you to make informed decisions about your mental health and treatment. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and avoid self-judgment. Understand that healing takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Treat yourself with patience, understanding, and self-care. Develop coping mechanisms: Discover healthy ways to cope with stress and manage your emotions. This might include deep breathing exercises, journaling, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music. Consider medication if needed: In some cases, medication may be prescribed by a psychiatrist to help manage symptoms. If you and your healthcare provider determine that medication is necessary, ensure that you follow their guidance and monitor any potential side effects. Stay connected: Maintain meaningful relationships with friends and loved ones. Social support plays a crucial role in mental health, so try to engage in activities that foster connection and build relationships. Remember, it's essential to consult with a qualified mental health professional to receive personalized advice and guidance for your specific situation. They can help you develop a treatment plan that aligns with your needs and goals.

Hello there daisy, your post sounds as though i could have written it myself, i also am alone a lot but saying that it is by choice, my hobbies-interests are biofield tuning forks, colour light therapy, i love crystals, my pets, i try to help people feel better within themselves whenever i can, i only have a handful of people i call friends, i get them to have a foot spa bath -natural face masks, all feel good nurturing stuff, give them crystals, i don’t do social media facebook etc i like being my own private person, although i share feel good things with everyone if they show true interest, such as my tuning forks crystals colour light therapy, all self taught, i have rune stones, oracle cards-books, mostly based on moon phases, coz i have strong feelings towards the moon, i usually meet people who are in need of something when i walk when i’m living at the ocean, i feel empathy very strongly, so when i meet someone who is troubled i find they open up to me, i just speak positive happy things to them, and encourage them to feel good about themselves, then i share books if they are interested in borrowing, i meet at beach to walk with them if they want to, i sense when people are hurting or lonely, so i just say hello to them, then i find that i seem to see that person unexpected at shop or beach at different times of day when i decide to go for a walk or stop to have a drink, but alas i am not at the ocean at the moment but i am working to get back there as soon as possible coz this is where i feel my best and able to support others as well as myself, i feel as though i have come home whenever i live by the ocean, but my country friends and hubby don’t have the same feelings or love as i do for the sea,, so i’ve decided i will live at the seaside and visit every few wks for a week or two the small country town i now live in, i lived by the ocean most of my young life up until my 30’s, this just about sums up who i am, thank-you for letting me share,, i’m too old now to just live for not upsetting people by going to the ocean, so now i will make me happy, put myself first for a change even though i don’t want to upset others, but i feel my health suffers lots when i am away from the beautiful sea and all it’s moods,,, kind regards to all, k.

I recently seen a very thoughtful process of let go of your embarrassment,ego and whatever it comes before resolving any problem with your spouse,girlfriend,friends,parents or any relationship in your life.It taught me in the end when you look back at these moments only happy heart that matters. Tell me how you resolve Your problems or anger with your special ones.I am all ears to listen your stories.

What we think become our action,our actions become habit and our habit become destiny. what a beautiful connection of our thinking and destiny,isn't it? it really do works friends if you are thinking in a positive way( your sentence should be positive) it actually works.I myself believe it as I have come across many such examples and it's fun doing it. Do you believe in destiny? If yes than write here your interesting story where you think that it's a destiny.

Wherever I go, a new school, a new college or a tuition, I tend to find the most compatible person of the other sex and try to bond with them. Not that I am desperately trying to get into a relationship, but I know that I am choosy in life, it has been always been hard for me to make friends, bond with people on a deeper level...you get it. Does this happen with everyone ? Or is it just me ? Everything happens subconsciously. I don't even want to fall in love. When I get closer to the person, I go into a state where I am confused whether to go further into it, or just back off. I know I am not ready to indulge in relationships at this age, I need to focus on building my career. Also, I am a person of emotional depth, rushing into a relationship would be the last thing I do. But I do not know how long I should wait. They say you will know when the right time comes. But the right time never seems to come. The feelings just rise and fall. Sometimes the emotional side takes over and the logical side at other times. I do not even go try finding someone online. Nor do I comment or reply to stories, trying to initiate a conversation. You understand what I am trying to say ? I am not consciously looking for love. What should be my lookout in life ? Any comments would be helpful. And to the one who has read so far, I wish you the best in life.

@suedseefrucht to give more context to my post, I have known this girl since long, she has been in my class in college for an entire semester. We have worked together on multiple class presentations, projects and that is how I got to know, and eventually fell for her. For the current semester, we have done our minor project together (I am a Computer Science student), we went to the library together, studying for the semester exams. For me, we were pretty close. Recently I observed, she has an outlook towards life which summarizes as "It is necessary to be good to everyone." She is friends with everyone, literally everyone. Maybe a little popular (she got a recent popularity spike) too. I get lost in the vast majority of guys texting her all day, trying to draw her attention. The way she talks to me is the way she talks to everyone. She would literally go out with anyone who invites her (she loves to travel so...you know). She likes to live in the moment, even if it means getting a guy attached to her, only to reject him later. Also, he has rejected around 10 guys in college. We had the strongest bond in college. Now that we don't see each other (summer vacations are on, conversations on text get boring), I feel the bond loosening, I feel the need to back off, but she wants me to be in her team for projects (which is not a green signal, it is just I am on the smarter side) but I cannot decide what is best for me. I can see the bond diminishing but can't decide what would be worse - letting go of my feelings for her at the moment (to see if things work out in the future) or speaking out my feelings and fail terribly.

I am a 45-year old woman who is remarried with six children. I was married for 10 years in my first marriage and have 2 sons from that marriage. I have been remarried for 7 years and I legally adopted my husband's four daughters from his previous marriage. My husband's late wife was actually one of my best friends and my college roommate. She passed 11 years ago from a Car Accident. She passed away around the time of my divorce and after a couple of months after her passing, we started to see each other. We were together for 4 years and then we got married. I immediately adopted the girls and they are happy with it. I am their mom. The girls are 16, 14, and 12 (Identical Twins).

Hi my friend, I am also an introvert and sometime have difficulty in making friends. What I think that we need to be more expressive and discuss our interests to find people who share our likings and causes. How about we start here to explore ourselves and make new friends?