Search the Community

I can never speak up for everyone–but I was always the dependent one in my friendships. I was introverted mostly in high school so it was really difficult for me to make other friends and approach other people. Of course, this made the transition to college especially hard since my friends and I were taking on different majors and couldn't hang out as much anymore. You could say, in a way, they "moved on". What really helped me was connect with others who shared similar hobbies and interests. In high school, I was a huge science nerd. The thing that helped crawl out of my introverted shell was climate activism. Which eventually led me to a slight obsession with alternative energy–which then brought me into a science debate club and earned me a new set of college friends. But before I even met my new college friends, I was less lonely because I was zoning into my research and my activism. This is why, as cliche as it may seem, I believe in the saying "when you do your passion, you attract the same passionate people". Just find something that your heart really yearns for and the people come as a byproduct of that. Hope this helps

I dont know why i'm very sad. Since my mom passed away, since my friend end friendship with me. After that i start ignore all my friends. They cared at the beginning, now they all missing. And recently i lost my job, its been a month i looking for job, but seems all failed. My father keep nagging at me say i'm lazy and burden to him. I dont know what to do anymore, i just keep patience until when. I hope to die soon to follow my late mom. Thank you for reading, take care ya.

You're depressed. It's a common thing, and unless you do something unnecessary, it's temporary. If possible, it would be a good idea for you to seek therapy. If you're religious, talk to a priest or the equivalent. Even if you don't, try to make sure you eat enough food, and don't drink alcohol or do drugs every day. Also, talk to and see your friends even if you feel like avoiding them, or worry that you're dragging them down. Following this advice may not outright fix your depression, but it will help prevent you from spiraling downward into a situation so bad that you need someone to save you. What you need to do now is at least make sure you stay okay until you can feel better. You have to, and will, get used to living without your mother. It's something almost everyone eventually goes through. She's gone for good and not coming back. It's a sad thing. Mourn as much as you need to. Just, keep on living to do what you need to do.

Hello Nou. It seems like you are going through a rough time right now. Losing a parent is always tough and then losing a friendship and then your job sounds even more stressful. Sometimes in life traumatic events seem to cascade in a sort of domino effect. Everything seems to go wrong at the same time. I can empathize with you due to having similar experiences. Don’t give up. Look for grief counseling to help you process the loss of your mother. Talk to your father and let him know how his words are hurting you. Reach out to your friends and let them know you still need their support but right now you are grieving the loss of your mom and need them to be patient with you. You can do it. I believe in you.

To me, it was an important lesson learning to make my happiness independent from other people. When I was single, there was a phase where I thought I need a girlffriend to be happy. So I gave my all for a lot of dates and got nothing back. So I stopped giving my all to strangers and I gave my all to me. I took care of myself, took myself out to dinner, went to the cinema, got some new outfits and made myself comfortable. And then, when I was happy with my friends and I didn't expect anything at all, I found my girlfriend. Maybe you can do the same.

Hello friends! I am new to this wonderful site and would love to connect with like-minded people. I am 2 years into a kundalini (and third eye) awakening and am eager to meet other people who are going through the same experience. I am full of light and love and want to share! :)

I haven't done woodwork since secondary school! I made one of those old fashioned clock things. I'm okay socially but I don't make friends very often.

That sounds like you just function, but you don't really live. I had a phase, when I went to the university full-time and went to work as half-time job and I just functioned and went through. And now that I'm an engineer, there is more time for hobbies, a girlfriend and fun. You can live a little. Maybe go camping with your family, try a new hobby, meet friends, take the time to cook great meals, ... Maybe even try to teach your kids woodworking, build a bird house or something like that.

I think it's hard for millionaires to find real friends and relationships who are not just after their money. And if they can't get appreciation by their friends because of that, they try to feel good and being respected by spending the money for status symbols. But when they start trying to show off with their expensive status symbols, they start comparing with other rich people and there will always be someone with a more expensive status symbol, so in the end they will be unhappy even though they have a lot of expensive stuff. That's why I don't tell people about how much money I've got. When I'm asked, my answer will be "Enough". This way, nobody gets jealous and nobody wants to be my friend just for the money. But comparing with others is a problem to me. Generally I think comparing is a good thing, because it can inspire me to improve my life. But on the other hand it can ruin my happiness, because there is always someone better than yourself. So I try to stop comparing sometimes, I try to be proud of what I achieved and to make the best of what I have.

Hello all I just wanted to reach out and start a conversation about anything, i guess. I'm not sure what i am looking for in life right now. I've hit a spot where nothing feels exciting or the things that do feel exciting feel unattainable. So i'm just downloading any and every app visiting any and every website hoping life will bring the answers to me. I am 33 a single mom, recently diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. I can't stand my job. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I feel like I have this big ball of greatest inside me with no way out. I don't have very many friends and none that I actually hangout with. I'm not sure what to do or where to start. Being diagnosed with ADHD (and at the same time PTSD) was on one hand amazing because I thought i was just a broken person with no real reason as to why but on the other hand i'm really upset that growing up no one in my life took any time to try and help me figure out who i am and what i am the way that i am. Does anyone out there have a similar situation (or had) and can recommend what to do to figure myself out? To figure out what i want and how i can feel like its possible? Thank you for reading

Hello everyone. My name is Keyo and I accidentally stumbled upon this online community while searching for help regarding a situation I found myself in. So far, the website looks to have very helpful information in its Academy and Magazine sections. I'm browsing the forums looking to see how I can contribute something meaningful to topics already posted. I'm hoping to make some friends here or at least connect with people who share similar values and goals as myself.

I’m so Greatful for my amazing village and my friends

Greetings. I'm here to see if I can still make new friends, something I haven't done for many years. Personal relationships are more important to me than community, so if I'm unable to become involved with an interesting person or three here, I'll probably fade out. Not to say that I want to discourage anyone from casually interacting with me. I have a great personal interest in optimizing my experience of my existence and overcoming traumas. Some basic not-to-specific info; I'm male, mid-thirties, live in rural midwestern USA, have a BS but work manual labor, no kids, single, white, atheist, Myers-Briggs INTP, Enneagram 5w4 593 sx/sp. I'm big, wear glasses, have a beard, and dress for comfort and convenience rather than fashion. I imagine that covers the basics. Looking forward to interesting people and conversations!

Some rich people say: "Money doesn't make you happy" and I think it's true but can you make friends and can you become happy without spending money? I would like to read some ideas. My thoughts so far: You need money to meet people in a sports club, you need money to meet friends for dinner and you need money to buy tools for your favorite hobby. Proof me wrong.

Unfortunately I have recently learned the lesson about one-sided friendships. I lost my mum recently after caring for her and during her illness and the grieving process there were many people who I thought that would be there for me that were not (conversely, people I didn't expect to reach out, did!). One or two of those that didn't reach out that much were – what I thought – best friends. We had been through a lot together! I may not always remember birthdays, but I think I'm a good friend in that I always listen, give advice to my friends, support them etc. So, I discovered some so-called friends in a new light and realized how one-sided they could be with things. For myself, I actually decided not to do anything; I didn't want to share my disappointment with them or try to talk it through. I was too busy with just getting through each day. Also, as there was a pandemic I also tried not to judge them. Maybe they had their own shit going on? So, I decided to just step back and stop reaching out to those people due to their one-sided nature. I think if we are meant to reconnect we will. My situation is quite extreme, but maybe your friend so just have the courage to confront their friend and be open about it?

Dear Friends, I have come across many advice that gratitude makes one happy. Some people suggest writing every day a gratitude diary. Others suggest writing letters to friends and family expressing your gratitude. There are also lots of psychological research on gratitude. Indeed, gratitude has become the intervention tools in psychotherapy. My own experience is also that, the happier I become, the more thankfulness I feel. What is your experience? Below I have attached a short youtube video on gratefulness from David Steindl-Rast, which I can highly recommend. https://youtu.be/UtBsl3j0YRQ Would like to hear your experience and advice. Have a happy grateful day 🤠🤓 Max

They never invite me (36F African American ) to hang out with them. I met them in 2013. I stopped going to the church in February 2017. They ignore my calls, text messages and social media messages. I tried everything to get them to invite me to hang out with them and nothing worked. They make dumb excuses not to pick me up to take to church all because I live in another city and I live far away from them. I guess they want to hang out with other Koreans, Korean Americans and half Koreans which so selfish. So now I gave up on them because I don’t call them my friends if they don’t invite me to hang out with them, take me out to lunch or do something nice for me and don’t respond to my text messages and social messages and calls. What’s your opinion? P.S. This girl name Youngeun ignored my calls and messages for the whole week because a fall fest at the church in 2014. I never went to the fall fest. I hate her. Then she texted me after the fall fest and apologized and said she was very busy. No she wasn’t. She just ignored me. I guess she just want to have a party with a bunch of Koreans. So in high school, I didn’t know that Koreans are very homogeneous. I just found out last year. They keep telling me that them and I are not that close. Whatever man. They just don’t want to get close with non Koreans or non Asians. They don’t seem to care about me. I feel like they’re not thinking about me. They don’t care if I’m bored or not. They keep telling me they’re busy when they’re not doing nothing all day. I see their Instagram and Snapchat stories of them not doing nothing or just hanging out with a bunch of Koreans. Every time I make a group chat on KakaoTalk and add them and say hey or ask them a question, they just leave group chat. I just wanna punch them. Every time I message them on social media, they just block me. So rude. I guess they’re so obsessed with Koreans and Korean culture. They just want to be friends with other Koreans because they’re Korean or half Korean or Korean American. So selfish as hell Why do Koreans hang out with only Koreans?

Hi one and all. It’s a pleasure to join your group. I am coming into alignment with my life purpose which is supporting the dying holistically and spiritually. I am currently gaining as much knowledge as I can in this area and am doing your course on grief. I am interested in making new friends and contacts in the group too with resonant souls. I am from the U.K. but happy to engage with souls from anywhere in the world. Much love and many blessings Louise

Too bad the topic starter is no longer on board. It's an interesting topic. I have friends, albeit few. If I had to run after them to have contact, I would ask myself if they are friends at all. Friendship isn't measured in how often you're in contact, but friendship is a give and take. It cannot work otherwise.

Hi Charlie. Understanding does indeed help. I don't always get it but the notion to be open and accepting is what helps me most. My friends and I are very much into one and one despite anothers wishing to come on over when we meet. We like it when they do and in fact will often ring when we meet to let them know they are welcome to meet up too. More often than not we tend to laugh more heartedly when it is three but my closer connections are generally when it's two. I sense we understand this about each other which is why we have been friends for so long and yea - what you say make sense even with our tiny group. We often go from two to three when needing a bit more of a boost so understand why others like to seek out the crowed as they do. Whilst the dynamics are different with increased or fewer numbers, I think mixing it up can be a thing. I tend to think not so much in terms of age but will add I think the wiser among us will be found in smaller groups. But that's just my take. Nice to meet you regardless of your own preference. Full respect and all that. 🙂

I know this situation too. I have friends and some of them are really close to eachother and even though they are my friends we don't share everything. Everyone should have a best friend. When I got to know my now fiancee, she became a friend and I could make her a best friend by frequently showing interest and caring about her problems. She wouldn't share everything from day one, but I kept asking and so we shared more and more things over time. It's not easy, it's a lot of work, but it's worth it. So if you would like to be someone's best friend, frequently show interest, ask about his/her day, guide them through problems and be there for him/her. Of course it will have to be someone, who likes you. You can't force it, but if you want to improve your chances for someone to like you, you can ask him/her for a favor. This way you show weakness, which makes you more human and more likable. Also it feels good to do someone a favor and people tend to like someone they've done a favor for. That's because it feels more natural to the human brain to have helped someone you like than to have helped someone you don't like.

I'm not quite sure if I can offer relevant life advice to someone who survived a time double my age, but I'll try. People want to be happy. So they follow people who are happy and who organize fun events. If you are sad most of the time, don't expect others to make you happy. If you want happiness, you will have to make it yourself. Nobody knows you better than you do. So you can be your own best friend who takes care of you. Care about yourself like you care about others or even more. Comfort yourself with a nice bath, some ice cream or whatever makes you happy. If you like movies, take yourself out to the cinema or go with a partner if you have one. This way you will feel cared for, you will feel respected and that's the moment when you are truly independent and happy. And with your new happy and positive energy you will attract friends. And some of the friends who enjoy the time with you might also be with you in bad times. And these are the ones to keep. Good luck.

A good friend of mine was asking for advice on what to do when a friendship is one sided. He's known his friend for a very long time, but recently realised this person is actually not very nice! They only call him when they need something from him, and anytime he would reach out to them for even the smallest favour, they never show up for him. So, when a friendship is one sided - what do you do? It would be difficult to cut them out completely because they are in the same group of friends, and see each other often. But my friend feels stuck in this pattern of giving so much to this person and getting nothing in return. I know everyone is different and has different abilities to show up for friends. But when you don't feel supported it can still be really difficult to change the relationship by setting healthier boundaries. Have you been in a similar situation? What do you do when a friendship is one sided?

Hi I'm here to make Friends aswell Life is too always amazing with friends

If you're feeling like your friends are not treating you well I would suggest talking to them. It could be that they are not aware of how you're feeling, and how their actions (or lack thereof) impact you. It's also important to learn patterns about ourselves and others. If you feel like you're giving a lot and not receiving much and it's affecting you negatively, maybe give less to them. Also, we all show love and appreciation in different ways and at different capacities, so what comes naturally to you might not to your friends. Like @suedseefrucht says, managing expectations is also a big player here to not get disappointed, and remember to do what is best for *you* 🤗