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Thank you for sharing this situation here, friendships can sometimes be a lot more complicated than romantic relationships and I think most of us have gone through hurtful episodes with friends. To try and answer your questions, I think you did nothing wrong by trying to talk to your friend about this traumatic experience. She then had the choice on how she responded to that, which was not the love and support you needed from her. I think it's one thing to set a boundary and say something like "I'm so sorry you're going through this, but at the moment I'm not capable of fully being there". However, I don't think it's okay to call someone 'delusional' or suggest that they 'made it up'. It's hard for me to say why she reacted that way, or whether she was ever a real friend to you. Perhaps she was at one point. Sometimes a good friendship that maybe should have ended sooner, gets dragged on for years only based on the fact that 'we've always been friends' - even though there is not much love or interest left. I think, maybe she is on your brain because you feel that you have unresolved issues with her, and are questioning the friendship in general. It can definitely be worth talking to someone professional about this too, it sounds like the friendship with her was toxic at times, and you might need help to process it. We can't always get 'closure' with a person, but rather need to try and get it with ourselves. ? Sending you a hug and lots of positive energy! ?

I have a few close friends that I care about a lot, most of them I've known for a long time. I wouldn't want to know what it would like to be living without them, my friendships are really important to me. Even just not being able to see them during lockdown has been tough, but I've found myself chatting to them more than before - even though it's on social media or over the phone.

Hi Krista, I'm sorry to hear you feel disheartened. I think in the past there have been very many meaningful interactions and discussions between members, but it appears to have quietened down quite a bit. I know in my own experience, I let life just happen for weeks on end, and don't really spend time checking in on social platforms. I think many people are also just afraid or cautious to reach out, especially online, and sometimes think no one is interested in what they're going through. In these instances, I take the approach of respecting their privacy and offering support in the forum instead. Why not try and find members close to or in your area and reach out to them directly? Genuine friendships can be found in very many ways, and I think some might take a bit of time to cultivate. I hope you find what you’re looking for, and I am happy to assist as and where I can.

Hi, I’m a 51 year old child at heart. I don’t look or act my age. I’m looking for others to connect with regardless of age. Since moving here from Buffalo NY 4 years ago I don’t have many friends. (Not close ones) so I sometimes feel a little lonely. From only being on here a few weeks, it doesn’t seem like there is much interaction between members other than to welcome them to the site. I’m a little disheartened by this. I joined because I thought I’d find some like minded individuals or even complete opposite individuals to form bonds with. If this is not the kind of site for such interaction, I may just delete my account. I hope this is not the case because I was really hoping to find genuine friendships. Thoughts? thank you for listening. peace! Krista

Over the last week, I've been introduced to some extraordinary tools that have been absolutely vital in my own personal pursuit and I'd like to share these tools with you. What does happiness truly look like? For myself, I am happy in improving my life at the moment. That has been my main focus right now. I'm still struggling to define what sorts of actions make me happy, but for now, diving into my psychology and doing the things necessary to improve myself, brings me happiness. For example, I'm just now getting into a program that is going ot help me pay back my college loans that are currently in default. The whole program will take 9 months to get me out of default status and a further 2 years to eliminate my owed debt entirely. I often find myself being impatient with this, however. 9 months is a long time and I really want to get back into school, I'm looking to take up welding as a profession. Enter the first tool I've recently learned Patience. A lot of the things that bother me are not in my control at this moment and that's ok. The general idea is to try to moderate your emotional investment. The hardest part of every journey is the very beginning and often times we tend to quit just before hitting the knee of the growth curve. This is because we emotionally exhaust ourselves and by the time we are just a few days, a few weeks maybe, away from that knee of the curve, that we just simply are drained completely and just quit. But had we taken the time to apply the principles of patience, the return would vastly outweigh the initial investment. So if you are struggling with this area like I do. Try asking yourself these 3 questions, apply them to your own specific circumstances. 1. What does a lazy approach look like in this endeavor? Could be school, a relationship, work, self actualization, maybe you're depressed and anxious and you're just wanting those results. So ask yourself, what a lazy approach would look like. To be lazy would be to do nothing, right? You're not putting in the effort, you're not doing the work etc. 2. What does an impatient approach look like in this endeavor? We all get impatient. It's only natural. We want results and we want them now. But that is a double edged sword. You can end up causing more harm than good. Maybe you're trying to take on ALL the tasks, maybe you're trying to cramp ALL the information, trying to do ALL the work. But you have to allow yourself to moderate how you invest your energy. Take the time to do each step, apply each step, learn each step etc. 80-90% of the emotional labor of any endeavor is going to be in those beginning phases and you're not going to see much growth. You'll see tiny bits of growth here and there. You gotta learn to appreciate those tiny growths and stop looking at the end result as an ends to a means. 3. What does a wise approach look like in this endeavor? So exactly what does this mean? How do we know what a wise approach is? It's actually pretty simple. A wise approach is giving yourself the time to grow, even when the growth doesn't seem to actually be there. Find it, appreciate it, enjoy it. Are you working towards that great relationship that's going to last the rest of your life? Are you writing a book that could change humanity? Are you starting your own business? Are you doing personal development? Any of these things and more are going to take time. It's going to take consistent effort on your part and your job is to try to make the best of the hardest parts of that journey. Ask yourself a few follow up questions. 1. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 4x as long as you initially planned? 2. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 100 to 1000 times the emotional investment as you planned? If you're working on something like meditation, mastering your emotions, chasing that wonderful relationship, starting your own business, writing a book etc. The answer to both of these questions should be yes. It is absolutely worth the investment because when it comes time to reap the rewards, it's going to be far surpassing anything you had conceived. If the answer is no, perhaps you're either not invested and maybe that project isn't for you, or perhaps it could be your own neurotic mindset, getting in your way. You have to be the judge on that. Moving forward there are 5 simple things that you need to stop allowing to influence your happiness. Just bear in mind, this works hand in hand with the previous tool. Results aren't going to be immediate and that's ok. 1. Your past We all have a past and it can sometimes be pretty murky at best. This includes things others have done to hurt you, things you've done to hurt others, things you've done to hurt yourself, bad choices and mistakes, all the things that made you who you are. You are not those things, you are you. So stop labeling yourself with the ghosts of the past. 2. Your relationships This could be friendships, relationships, family etc. This doesn't mean that any of these things were bad or are bad. Maybe you've had wonderful relations with pretty much everyone you know. It's still equally important to not base your happiness around those relationships. Relying on others to provide our happiness for us is a very clingy and neurotic way of living and chances are, it will ruin that relationship. 3. Your own limited beliefs Have you ever criticized yourself? Said "there's no way I can do that"? Having realistic expectations of what you expect from life is good, but when you begin to say you cannot because of past experience or because of some arbitrary limitation you put on yourself, it becomes an issue. Say for example, you're an introvert that wants to make friends. A stereotypical label that you might put on yourself is that it's not in your nature to make friends or that you can't have friends because of that introverted nature. Let go of that. Maybe you think you won't get that job because you view yourself as a failure. Maybe you feel like you won't get that job because you're not good enough. Maybe you feel like your business won't succeed because you're not a good leader. Whatever it is that you put on yourself. Maybe you think you can't succeed because of your physical appearance or your gender or your skin color. All of these are self defining labels that cause so much detriment in our lives. 4. Other people's opinions of you Just as equally as the way we label ourselves, if we allow others to tell us who we are or what we can be, it is that same detrimental outcome as if we had labeled ourselves, because we are in a sense. We accept the labels that other people put on us. The goal is to stop doing that. Even when they do so with good intentions. 5. Money We all know that money makes the world go round. But the illusive chase of just money is a cold and primal way of living often leaving a person to appear as cold and heartless. I'm not saying to just go and quit your job or that money is evil. What I'm saying is that money shouldn't be the ONLY motivator in your life. It's reasonable to want to be capable of sustaining yourself, a family, having the possessions you want and all that. Just don't be so focused on it that you lose sight of everything else. It's the easiest, fastest track to a toxic life. So that's it! Now the only objective left is to find what actually makes you happy. Go out and try new things, pick up a new hobby, give it 4 weeks. Be patient and approach it as though you want to enjoy it, because that is the purpose of this whole endeavor after all. Not everything is going to strike your fancy and that's ok, at least you tried and now you know.

Dido..I'm on the same journey, cultivating connections that can lead to friendships.

Yes! I want to increase the amount of in person friendships I have because eye to eye contact is important.

I am grateful for: ~For my health ~For my friendships ~For the terrific support I received in my training ~ For my family ~For my pets ~ For being able to work through the challenges that have come my way. ~Grateful I have work ~Grateful for life

To me friendships and to make new friends is pretty important.

Hi I'm moving to margate and I'm hoping to make some new friends there, anyone on here nearby? My name is Bekka, I am a second gen cult survivor so have little in the way of community links and friendships but I understand the need of them so hopefully I can make some here. I love arts and crafts, singing, cooking and letter writing. Does anyone live in Thanet who would like to be friends?

Hi, Stumble64. I have only just read your new message. I also saw the ad on Facebook. I am still learning how to navigate Happiness.com. So you are looking to get to know like-minded people and hopefully build new friendships? I think real friendship, as opposed to virtual friends, is a bit like fruit. It takes time to ripen, but when it does... it is so good it touches your soul sometimes. You write very interesting lines... is your mind easily distracted or scared? (You wrote about it telling you to run). I appreciate your authenticity in describing your experience as it is happening. I will be very happy to keep dialoguing in my free time and LetitiaEve is also looking for friendship and has extended her hand to you. May you find what you are looking for and have a less painful week.

I have been depressed for the past two and a half years. During much of that time, I spent in self imposed isolation - feeling disconnected from life and friends, tortured with feelings of deep hopelessness and shame. Fortunately, the depression has finally started to lift through a combination of therapy, rTMS (through a clinical study), and a very recent introduction into the benefits of mindfulness and self compassion. This past month, I started reaching out again: first to strangers on the street / the girl bagging my groceries / neighbours, and now, reaching out again to friends who I haven’t seen or spoken to for much of the past 3 years. Don’t let work, your mobile phone, social media, mindless tv or, internet surfing, take the place of friendships and connectedness. Depression is an insidious disease and it can creep into your life without you being fully aware: isolation and loneliness provides fertile ground for depressive thoughts to feed on. One mindful intention at a time, one moment at a time....

I have ended many friendship or so called friendships that were no longer serving me, I simply stopped messaging or phoning them until eventually we stopped speaking. I have never said your not my friend anymore lol and i would still say hi to them if i saw them in the street i just wouldn't stop to conversation with them for long. It's important to surround yourself with people who want the best for you, help you grow for the best and support you in every aspect of your life.

I agree that our health is definitely something that has a big impact on our happiness, and perhaps relationships in the broader term too. Not necessarily just romantic relationships, but friendships, and a close relation to family members for example.

I actually have very few people in my life that I call true friends, and I'm happy with it. I realise that the smaller your circle, the less drama you have. Sometimes I meet people in passing and think "Oh, it might be nice to have them as friends", but I don't really do anything about it. I think the right people will come into your life naturally and stick around for as long as they need to And for this reason, I don't force friendships or worry too much about how to make friends, and happily spend most of my time alone 😊