Search the Community
Showing results for 'self' in topics.
-
We live in a universe that can be seen and experienced from many different perspectives. We therefore need to look at the universe from many different angles. Everything and everyone is a form of the universe being expressed in a particular way. In other words, each one of us can say with absolute certainly “We are the Universe!” Since we are the universe, each one of us provides a valuable perspective that complements the contributions of everyone and everything else around us.Each of us is the universe being expressed in a particular location in a specific way. We’re all part of the same moving and evolving cosmos, but the view of it is unique from each of our respective locations. This suggests that the universe is not only omni centric, but that it is also multiperspectival – there are many different, and equally valid, viewpoints on this. Each one of us is a cosmic laboratory within which we can discover the secrets of the universe. We speak in various ways, we are each the universe having become aware of itself in our own unique way. The insights that the universe has many different perspectives and is both cosmic and personal has great transformative potential, and is worth reflecting on deeply. AMAZON, ALEXIS KARPOUZOS OFFICIAL SITE Creativity and Modern Science Creativity and Theory of relativity In Einstein’s theory of relativity, the notions of events (space and time simultaneity), mass and energy equivalence (special relativity), space expansion (big bang) as well as space and energy-mass equivalence, are introduced. General theory of relativity combined to quantum mechanics leads to the emergence of the whole universe from zero and absolute nothingness. Such “emergence – creation” of the universe from zero does not take place in space or time, since both are identical to the universe, space as energy expansion of the vacant space and time as a measurement unit of movement and change. Hence, the event, as “something” that takes place, and since it takes place, creates space, time and matter – mass – energy, constitutes a novelty of the theory of relativity which suggests that the world is eternally being created and is not static and perpetual. Creativity and Quantum mechanics In quantum mechanics, the term “creativity” is amplified, since natural events form the constant transition from possibility to reality, according to the ontological probabilism of the Schrödinger equation. The completion of the quantum theory through the concept of the Grand Unified Theories, and especially through the yet incomplete superstring theory, reveals that at the micro level of creation of sub-atomic particles or space, motion literally comes prior to Being and objects are forms of a motion which suggests a constant transition from possibility to reality. In non – linear physics of complex systems, the term “creativity” does not simply correspond to the initial emergence of the universe (big bang) or to the sub-atomic scale processes described by quantum mechanics, the Grand Unified Theories and the superstring theory, but is expanded to all aspects of nature: i.e. physical – chemical, ecological, psychological – mental aspect. So, through the non – linear physics theory, macroscopically viewed beings are constructed, holistic forms of motion, in order for the whole to gain a non reducible (therefore the whole is constantly being produced) ontological meaning which characterizes the operation of the part. Combining the theories of quantum mechanics and relativity, it could be stated that modern physics abolishes the customary perception concerning the natural phenomena, which were concerned as a constant transformation of a fundamental substance. On the contrary, the contemporary description of the natural world by physics and mathematics corresponds to Morphodynamics, i.e. the description of the world as creation of all cosmic shapes from a zero point, on all cosmic levels. From this point of view, zero is understood as the absence of shape, while the notion of an unshaped eternal substance is weakened and does not seem to be able to be justified by the evolution of scientific thought. The “beings” and their “substance” are assimilated to forms of movement that have already been created or that are being created, and constitute motion inside motion. Creativity and Non-linear and Chaotic systems Physics of chaotic systems attributes a mathematical description through bifurcation theory to the notion of creating cosmic shapes, according to which when a physical system tends to critical situations, it develops new structures of existence and function through atopic interrelation and information processes in an unpredictable manner. Generally speaking, it could be suggested that new structures of existence and operation, that resemble to a virtual form scaling on the physical system and tuning its parts in order for the whole to gain meaning and being as a whole and not as a simple result of microscopic processes, are formed and created inside nature. This means that the world is revealed as information apart from being matter and energy. This procedure of creating cosmic figures seems, or is, indeed capable of being considered as a kind of expression of a “cosmic discourse”, of “cosmic words” and “cosmic sentences” in the sense of which, the fact that is indicated, is constantly supplemented by the fact that is about to be indicated. Ιt can be stated that the arrow of time, which is introduced by cosmic functions (thermodynamics, electromagnetic radiation, big bang, information procedures, Markov procedures, etc.), corresponds to an irreversible and irrevocable direction of a cosmic “sense” which is constantly being created and enriched. Hence, what came to birth from zero point, even if it is corroded in the future, has contributed in order its corrosion does not correspond to a cosmic situation similar to the one existing before its creation. In other words, birth and corrosion make the future always asymmetric towards the past. By this point of view, even if the whole universe reaches zero point at a time, this does not mean that zero point after the creation of the world is similar to zero point before it. Possibly, time equals to an unchangeable and irrevocable “cosmic memory” and to a development of cosmic correlations which can never be eradicated even if the world and the universe die completely off. Creativity and living systems – Networks – Relationships `Over the past thirty years, a new systemic conception of life has emerged at the forefront of science. New emphasis has been given to complexity, networks, and patterns of organization leading to a novel kind of ‘systemic’ thinking. `The view of living systems as networks provides a novel perspective on the so-called “hierarchies” of nature. Since living systems at all levels are networks, we must visualize the web of life as living systems (networks) interacting in network fashion with other systems (networks). For example, we can picture an ecosystem schematically as a network with a few nodes. Each node represents an organism, which means that each node, when magnified, appears itself as a network. Each node in the new network may represent an organ, which in turn will appear as a network when magnified, and so on. In other words, the web of life consists of networks within networks. At each scale, under closer scrutiny, the nodes of the network reveal themselves as smaller networks. We tend to arrange these systems, all nesting within larger systems, in a hierarchical scheme by placing the larger systems above the smaller ones in pyramid fashion. But this is a human projection. In nature, there is no “above” or “below,” and there are no hierarchies. There are only networks nesting within other networks. ‘ ` The realization that systems are integrated wholes that cannot be understood by analysis was even more shocking in physics than in biology. Ever since Newton, physicists had believed that all physical phenomena could be reduced to the properties of hard and solid material particles. In the 1920s, however, quantum theory forced them to accept the fact that we cannot decompose the world into independently existing smallest units. As we shift our attention from macroscopic objects to atoms and subatomic particles , nature does not show us any isolated building blocks, but rather appears as a complex web of relationships between the various parts of a unifield whole.’. Cells are parts of tissues; tissues are parts of organs, organs parts of organisms; and living organisms are parts of ecosystems and social systems. At each level the living system is an integrated whole with smaller components, while at the same time being a part of a larger whole. Ultimately – as quantum physics showed so impressively – there are no parts at all. What we call a part is merely a pattern in an inseparable web of relationships. Therefore, the shift of perspective from the parts to the whole can also be seen as a shift from objects to relationships.’ All living systems are networks of smaller components, and the web of life as a whole is a multilayered structure of living systems nesting within other living systems – networks within networks. Organisms are aggregates of autonomous but closely coupled cells; populations are networks of autonomous organisms belonging to a single species; and ecosystems are webs of organisms, both single-celled and multicellular, belonging to many different species. What is common to all these living systems is that their smallest living components are always cells, and therefore we can confidently say that all living systems, ultimately, are autopoietic. However, it is also interesting to ask whether the larger systems formed by those autopoietic cells – the organisms, societies, and ecosystems – are in themselves autopoietic networks.’ From objects to relationships – Throughout the living world we find systems nesting within larger systems. While mechanistic science concentrates on reducing things to basic material building blocks, the emerging holistic paradigm recognizes that systems are integrated wholes whose properties cannot be reduced to those of smaller units. The two fundamental themes of this systems view of life are the universal interconnectedness and interdependence of all phenomena, and the intrinsically dynamic nature of reality. Systems theory accepts neither the traditional scientific view of evolution as a game of dice, nor the western religious view of an ordered universe designed by a divine creator. Evolution is presented as basically open and indeterminate, without goal or purpose, yet with a recognizable pattern of development. Chance fluctuations supposedly take place, causing a system at a certain moment to become unstable. As it ‘approaches the critical point, it “decides” itself which way to go, and this decision will determine its evolution’. The theory of general systems recognizes two principal phenomena of self-organization: self-renewal, ‘the ability of living systems continuously to renew and recycle their components while maintaining the integrity of their overall structures’; and self-transcendence, ‘the ability to reach out creatively beyond its physical and mental boundaries in the processes of learning, development, and evolution’ [4]. He argues that adaptation of species through genetic mutation (genotypic change) is only one side of evolution. The other is creativity: the development of new structures and functions of ever increasing complexity, independent of environmental pressure, as a manifestation of the potential for self-transcendence inherent in all organisms. Creativity and society On anthropological level, the term “creativity” gains an extended level since it is revealed that the human is not a simple creation of a cosmic process, but has got a sense of belonging and co-creates in collaboration with Thought, its forms, its meanings and mental contents, the feelings and the emotions of theories, institutions, etc., which are not raised on the level of simple biological or physical – chemical processes, even though they are directly related to them and are produced by one another without being identified and without losing their self – efficiency. The world and the human are being co – created and co – produced in a two-way relationship, a feedback relationship that is unfolded as Time. It may be stated that cosmic creation from zero point or the absolute nothing of the cosmic forms of existence, is identified to a connected to time, ontologically unpredictable and innovative course of the world towards the asymmetric and the unique, through constant physical symmetry disruptions. Thus, the world is constantly enriched ontologically by a neo – innovation that renders the future asymmetric to the past. The arrow of time means that literally the world and the cosmic forms of being are constantly created from zero point and the absolute nothing and “return” to the latter, recreating it. Creativity of Unity / Multiplicity Our Universe exists as a unified field or whole. Creative energy swirling as atoms, giving rise to molecules, forming galaxies, stars, planets, mountains, rivers and the bodies of all living beings. If this is so, why do we not “see” the world this way, experience our lives for the miracle it is? Forests, lovers, galaxies, flowers, rivers, mountains, moons and countless living beings- our Universe moves and dances as each of us. Born of Earth, animated by solar winds , we are the children of evolution’s story, Nature’s emergence on the stage of cosmic history. Birds calling, hurricanes swirling, bees passing by, waves crashing on beaches, leaves waving hello from a neighbor’s tree. All flowering into this moment, creative expressions of our sacred totality. Waiting, just waiting, for our minds to quiet, our hearts to open and our eyes to see… Our physical bodies function as a harmonious whole, all the cells and systems working together as one, in synch with the surrounding world. We breathe in oxygen given to us by the trees, drink water from lakes and springs, take in materials from trees and plants that grow in the earth, their leaves gathering energy from our local star, the sun. Every moment of our lives, whether we are aware of it or not, we live in unity and intimate connection with the creative wisdom of the natural world. Thinking and behavior that is in tune with Nature’s wisdom is more compassionate and holistic than the mechanistic ways of complex civilizations. All it requires is mindful observation, curiosity, a creative imagination and a peaceful heart. Transformation of Thought And Evolution of Consciousness The challenge for humanity now is to transform and transcend our fractured views of the world, to shift paradigms, to return to a more wise and holistic understanding of ourselves and our place in the Universe. A change in thinking and behavior will result naturally from a change of heart. As Einstein put it, “Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” Once enough of us open our minds and collaborate together, there’s a good chance we’ll find many of our problems can be solved quite easily. By aligning our species with the wisdom of Nature (and our own hearts), the health of our planet and communities could be restored. We just need to recognize our interdependence with the rest of the Universe, be more generous and grateful, care about one another, re-evaluate our priorities and change the way we think. The whole Universe pulses with complex interconnections and a mysterious beauty far beyond our imaginations. There’s a deeper truth that our limited conceptions ignores- that the Universe is not something that exists outside of us. You and I are creative living expressions of ALL that is. We are born of atoms forged in the heart of long gone stars, energized now by the photons of our local sun. Kept alive by the nutrients and air of our World. We are Life manifesting as people, mountains, rivers and trees. Seeing this deeper truth and experiencing our connection to the Universe is the beginning of wisdom. Sharing that wisdom with others- and using it as the foundation for redesigning the human systems that we build together- is how our world can be re-created and transformed. alexis karpouzos, twitter45.mp4
-
- 2
-
-
-
Happiness is a state of being that everyone aspires to achieve. It is the feeling of joy, contentment, and satisfaction that arises from within when we are in a positive state of mind. Happiness is often associated with the fulfillment of our desires and the attainment of our goals, but it goes beyond that. True happiness is a state of mind that is not dependent on external circumstances or material possessions. It is a feeling that arises from within and is independent of external factors. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be difficult to define, but it is generally understood to be a positive emotional state characterized by feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and contentment. It can be experienced in a variety of ways, from a fleeting moment of joy to a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose. Research has shown that happiness has numerous benefits for our health and well-being. Happy people are generally more resilient to stress, have stronger immune systems, and live longer. They are also more creative, productive, and successful in their personal and professional lives. There are many factors that contribute to happiness, including our relationships, our work, our health, and our personal values and beliefs. However, research suggests that there are some common characteristics and practices that are associated with greater happiness. These include: Cultivating positive emotions: Focusing on positive emotions such as gratitude, joy, and kindness can help to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Building strong relationships: Having close, supportive relationships with family and friends is a key factor in happiness. Pursuing meaningful goals: Having a sense of purpose and working towards meaningful goals that align with our values and interests can bring a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion: Being present in the moment and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion can help to reduce stress and increase happiness. Engaging in physical activity and healthy habits: Regular exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet are important for physical and mental health, and can also contribute to feelings of happiness. In conclusion, happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that is essential to our health and well-being. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for happiness, research suggests that cultivating positive emotions, building strong relationships, pursuing meaningful goals, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, and engaging in healthy habits can all contribute to greater happiness and fulfillment in life.
-
- 5
-
-
-
Hi everyone, I'm in the process of writing a thesis and would appreciate anyone that can answer some questions for me. Please find them listed below, and thank you in advance! How long have you been meditating? - Less than 1 year - 1 – 2 years - 3 – 5 years - 5 – 10 years - 10 + years How long do you meditate per day? - 5 – 10 minutes - 15 – 20 minutes - 25 – 30 minutes - 45 + minutes What made you start meditating? - Depression or anxiety - Self-help or self-improvement books/podcasts - Wanting to reduce stress - Physical health concerns - Religious associations - Spiritual associations - Family member or friend suggestion - Psychologist or social worker recommendation - Family doctor recommendation What are some changes you’ve noticed since starting meditating? - Decreased anxiety - Decreased depression - Improved focus - Improved creativity - Improved self-worth/self-esteem - Improved relationships - Improved memory retention - Increased energy - Ability to handle stress - Increased emotional intelligence - Increased mindfulness - Mood improvement/stability - Sleep improvement - Increased spiritual connection What’s your preferred method of meditation? - Mindfulness - Walking - Mantra - Guided - TM - Journaling How would you rate your mental health since meditating out of 10? - 1 – 3 (bad) - 4 – 5 (not good) - 6 – 7 (good) - 8 – 9 (very good) - 10 + (excellent) Do you think meditation can improve mental health? - Yes - No
- 1 reply
-
- 3
-
-
-
Hi Tara-- So how did it work out with "Mr. Perfectly Nice"? Are you still seeing him or did it end? Something sends my spider senses on alert when someone is overly nice...kind...attentive I get suspicious. Don't trust it. Been burnt too many times to just go along with anything. = Self Protection to avoid being mislead & ultimately hurt again So I want proof. A guarantee. So then... the tests to see if the kindness is genuine?...Can I trust it? Scary to trust...to let the guard down... to be vulnerable. When we've been abused early on in life as kids ... teens... it screws up our inner gps such that our inner guidance system (intuition & feelings) can be messed up & our self esteem & feelings of worthiness can be damaged...but it doesn't mean0 irreparable. Journalling out my feelings & connecting with divine guidance helps me. Divine guidance always speaks to me in kind ways...like a sweet loving parent might. Would love to hear an update!!
-
I AM A KIND SOUL IN SEARCH OF LIKE MINDED PEOPLE WITH LOVING SPIRITS. I WOULD LIKE TO MEET PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO HAVE NOTHING BUT GOOD INTENTIONS TOWARDS OTHERS AND HAVE A SELF GROWTH AND SELF IMPROVEMENT MINDSET. I AM HERE TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN BRING LIGHT INSTEAD OF SHADOWS INTO MY LIFE. ANYONE WHO IS SEARCHING FOR THE SAME I AM OPEN TO CONVERSATION.
-
- 1
-
-
-
Dear Friends, it is well know that meditation has a positive impact on health. Lots of evidenced based studies have been carried out on with promising results. I am carrying out a study as my master's thesis asking the impact of meditation on the six dimensions of psychological well beings: Self-Acceptance, Personal Growth, Purpose in Life, Positive Relations With Others, Environmental Mastery, Autonomy. All of the six dimensions contributes to well being. In addition I am trying to see the change in selfview due to meditation practice (Self as an independent entity vs Self as connected to all beings). If you are interested in seeing the results and helping me to carrying out the study. Please take part of it. It is an an anonymous online study. Meditators and Non-meditators are required for this study. This study requires around 15min. It would be very helpful if you can support in carrying out the study and fill out the questions. The link to the study is https://www.soscisurvey.de/Selbstbild2022/ Nice greetings and thank you, Max
-
- 2
-
-
-
Mental health coaching and life coaching are two distinct practices that can offer support and guidance in different areas of personal development and well-being. Here's an overview of each: Mental Health Coaching: Mental health coaching focuses specifically on addressing and improving mental health concerns and challenges. Mental health coaches work with individuals to identify and work through issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and overall emotional well-being. They often employ evidence-based techniques and strategies to help clients develop coping skills, manage their emotions, set realistic goals, and improve their overall mental well-being. Mental health coaching is not a substitute for therapy or counseling, but it can be a valuable complement to professional mental health support. Life Coaching: Life coaching is a broader practice that focuses on personal growth, goal-setting, and enhancing various aspects of one's life. Life coaches work with individuals to identify their values, strengths, and aspirations and help them create a plan to achieve their goals. They provide guidance, accountability, and motivation to help clients overcome obstacles, improve self-confidence, enhance decision-making skills, and create a more fulfilling life. Life coaches often work in areas such as career development, relationships, time management, personal finance, and overall life balance. It's important to note that mental health coaching and life coaching are not regulated professions, so practitioners can have varying backgrounds, training, and qualifications. When seeking a mental health coach or life coach, it's essential to research their credentials, experience, and approach to ensure they align with your needs and goals. Additionally, if you're experiencing significant mental health concerns, it's recommended to seek support from a licensed mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide a higher level of clinical care.
-
Fact. There are many people and services that would like us to think we are broken for many selfish reasons. If that's not hard enough, those feelings also be addictive where they can become the only emotions we know. Perhaps better said we cling to our pain because we know nothing else. The good news is it does not have to be that way. We always have a choice and not one of those check boxes either where others make multiple choices and then tell us to pick one. Regarding shame, it’s not our fault the world be that way or it be as you just said. We live in a world that encourages others to cut people out of their lives whom feel ashamed and have low self-esteem because we drag them down. As a result, those kinds of people surround themselves with 'only' things that bring them bliss and joy. They also become addicted clinging to the only emotions they know. They tend to only write about things that make them feel joyful and happy whilst we tend to write about things that make us sad. Rarely do I read articles that are well balanced. Mostly because drugs and drama sells. The happy people only want to hear about happy things, whilst the sad people only want to hear about sad things. Each dynamic makes for popular songs, poems, articles and the like. Movies follow that same pattern although somewhat more deceptive. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, happy, sad, up & down - woohoo - violence - villain & hero with whatever ideals weaved in-between. Such being the way peoples sting of cords are influenced to swing. Alas, we adopt the pattern of thinking that we must either become anyone of those characters in order to fit in or adopt the belief that we are just too broken and in need of a hero to come along and fix us. Your right about others having their own set of problems. Most don't answer because they are memorized by the same spell of which I speak. But that does not take away how it is that many of us feel so disconnected living in a world like that. That shame you talk about is also projected ... again not our fault. That said, it does not have to be a problem if only one or two take a stand and point that *&^% out. Just because the world is so unbalanced and jacked up on all that does not mean we have to wear it. That's the choice I am talking about. Please excuse my frustration coming out. Sometimes we got to let go of that as well, but helps not to hurt others in that process. Given the amount of articles on cutting others out is it any wonder so many of us walk on egg shells. Laughs out loud. Is a good practice to be mindful. Once you practice it long enough it kind of sticks and other areas of our life – up or down it does not discriminate. Sorry I use too many words. Is a complex world and the way we get sucked in is just as complex. Those are hard core feelings your talking about. Many of us have different circumstances but you can be sure there are many quiet ones out there too afraid and ashamed to find their voice. Good for you! I don't mean to dismiss your feelings by saying you got nothing to feel ashamed about because anyone living in this *&^%ed up being how I just described is understandable that so many of us are regularly cut out ... our reaching out going unanswered. Like I don't know the answers myself and or what you’re looking for. We are all at difference stages within what I call a game with a lot of messed up rules. Some people just want to continue with what they only know re clinging and all that and then others are having trouble letting go. I know I am a bit of both but with the inclination of working towards answers I have previously found that are hard to explain. The take away in that is its not easy to stay on track when we do let go of the pain. I'm probably not making much sense but is always nice to touch base with someone that sounds as if they know some of what I mean. I hear ya is all. A lot of people don't like me talking this way but you know what ... the more I write, the more I like me. Having said that though, I know it's not just about me which is why I cared to reply and reach out at all. Please don't feel ashamed because your taking time to acknowledge what's within. My advice would be we would do well not to dig deep holes we often dig keep it honest as well. Try to write more from your own perspective and not so much of someone else's. That's the other thing about today's digital world. Many of us have become mindless observers and repeaters. Lately I have been writing in an online journal. I kind of gave up on this space because it feels more like a single pick up joint where only the pretty little profile pics grabs people’s attention away from their phones. lol. Seems true enough if you take the time to look around. It's all pretty much base on external dynamics and only those who talk about bubbly things and or self-promoting with claims of being fixers but not posting much else. That said that core focus of this site seems to be based on some really great methods and one's that have helped me a lot. Those courses are finished now, but I guess it's good they have left the platform open for those few that can make real connections. Don't mind all those people, the crowed that leave so many feeling even more isolated simply by their presence. Is like how the city by for many living in it. You seem like a nice person and although I'm not basing that on your image of a green leaf - you spoke up about how you’re really feeling and did so very well. I don't much on most platforms because I struggle to use less than a thousand words. This post consisting of 1150 to be exact. Smiles – All good. If you read this, then you’re a real person and I think your awesome. Keep expressing as you feel best. Nice to of met you. Those that often say we have low-self-esteem don’t understand it’s more a case of how this world and others in it constantly let us down. I just wanted to say I think your awesome and glad you’re it. : ) ~ Dave.
-
Very interesting and difficult task 😀 I am not so sure. Actually, I also tend to think like Lizzie. Quoting “Everything happens for a reason”. If I need to give some advice to my younger self: I would like to tell my younger self: “Start earlier in your life with meditation and find your purpose in life.” But I doubt this will work. I started meditation after certain life events. For me I had a stressful job. I need a solution. Luckily due to this problem/suffering, I found my jackpot. Ah. Now a thought just popped up, I have a concrete one for my younger self: My former education was in business administration. Working in the financial industry, makes me to taking decisions always after a “reasonable” calculation. But there are many things in life, which one can’t calculate this in terms of money. Don’t think too much in a materialistic/”reasonable” way. Even it looks like a stupid decision, if your wise and loving heart feels that this is the correct way, then go for it. Nice greetings from Vienna, Max
-
“What is the one thing I want people to know about me?”. I have become a better person by making positive changes. I was at a low point years ago when I started my self-development journey, as I wanted to see a different future for myself. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Learning about myself at a deeper level, accepting my self-worth and embracing that change is something I would recommend for those who want a better life for themselves.
-
- 3
-
-
-
God / being my True Self makes me happy. Happiness is the very nature of the Self; happiness and the Self are not different. There is no happiness in any object of the world. We imagine through our ignorance that we derive happiness from objects. When the mind goes out, it experiences misery. In truth, when its desires are fulfilled, it returns to its own place and enjoys the happiness that is the Self. Similarly, in the states of sleep, samadhi and fainting, and when the object desired is obtained or the object disliked is removed, the mind becomes inward-turned, and enjoys pure Self-happiness. Thus the mind moves without rest alternately going out of the Self and returning to it. Under the tree the shade is pleasant; out in the open the heat is scorching. A person who has been going about in the sun feels cool when he reaches the shade. Someone who keeps on going from the shade into the sun and then back into the shade is a fool. A wise man stays permanently in the shade. Similarly, the mind of the one who knows the Truth does not leave Reality. The mind of the ignorant, on the contrary, revolves in the world, feeling miserable, and for a little time returns to Reality to experience happiness. In fact, what is called the world is only thought. When the world disappears, i.e. when there is no thought, the mind experiences happiness; and when the world appears, it goes through misery....All beings desire happiness always, happiness without a tinge of sorrow. At the same time everybody loves himself best. The cause for this love is only happiness. So, that happiness must lie in one self....To attain that natural happiness one must know oneself.
-
Tell me about friends who turn into lovers
suedseefrucht replied to BlueTakis2024 's topic in Friendship, Love, Relationship Forum
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Just imagine having two friends. You like both of them, but you would only consider one of them for a romantic relationship. So it depends who's asking. I experienced 3 stories regarding this topic: 1. When i went to school, I got a group of friends, but I was closer to one of the female friends. Sometimes just the two of us met, we went on vacation together once and we told each other a lot of things. But to me we were just friends. One year our ususal New Year's Eve party was cancelled, so I went to another friend's party without her and she was very mad. So I think, she thought of us as a couple, she never told me and then she got hurt. 2. I was texting a woman, when I was looking for a girlfriend. She was nice, but her ex treated her so badly that she was affraid of a new relationship. So I was patient and spent a lot of time with her as a close friend. I helped her to overcome her fear and to build up self-esteem. Then she dated a new guy, they got into a relationship and I left because I loved her and I couldn't take it. And of course, he treated her badly and they broke up again. But I didn't spend any more time with her, because she hurt me so much by picking a random idiot over me. 3. When I was still looking for a girlfriend, I casually played an online game with some people. We became a crew of friends soon and played together for years. We even met each other in real life at crew weekends. One of them became my female best friend, because we played together every day and got to know us very well. Her boyfriend was part of the crew and he was a friend too, but over time he showed her less attention and treated her worse and worse. So they broke up one day. Since she was missing attention and she got it from me every day, we got even closer. We started joking about getting together when both of us wouldn't find a partner in a few years. We started flirting and one day we decided to meet and make out. It was very good, we both enjoyed it and we got together. I will marry her this summer. So I would say: Tell him/her how you feel.The longer you wait, the more it hurts. It can go good or bad, but you will have an answer and you can enjoy it or move on. Life is short. If flirting is funny and not weird, that's a good sign. And everyone loves to hear being accepted and loved with all the imperfections. When looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, pick the one who truly cares about you and spends time with you.- 1 reply
-
- 5
-
-
-
Hello guys, So Happy to be part of your wounderful community, I'm glad to be here. I'm coming straight from a different great community related to another aspect of self improvement. Anyhow, I would like and love to start a New Journey in Self Development. I hope that I'll provide a lot to this community. I want to start practicing Meditation so that I can improve my Focus! I"ll do my best and improve my mind little by little. I must say that I have anxiety issues sometimes, especially when i get a lots of problems, my brain kind of shuts down and start catastrophing everything, I'm looking to improve that by immediatly seeking the solution not thinking about the outcomes! Anyways I said a lot! I'm Happy to be with you here - And I'll stay here probably for long time! I'm from Africa, Morocco. #The best is yet to come!
-
Damaged Empath Afraid to be Loved
Evatu replied to Evatu 's topic in Friendship, Love, Relationship Forum
Hi Suedseefrucht. Thank you. I'm already there - I know how to self-heal: I'm going on a holiday next week alone (Amsterdam) - I will meet people there and socialise. I've started an online course (Reiki) and joined a year long training program (Shamanism). I've already made enquiries about joining a dance class (Jiving) and want to learn Bachata and Latin also. I currently enjoy gymnastics and calisthenics. She said she wanted to stop our current daily communications (WhatsApp), multiple messages each day. Both she and I are aware of the Enabler / Saviour / Good Samaritan role and I'm aware that if I maintain current contact I will enable her difficulty to self-develop and progress emotionally, personally and professionally by being protective but a helpless/powerless protector which would completely deplete me. She is a good person, I have no doubt of that. I know I have to cut ties for both ours sakes for several weeks at least. She is going into War zones in Ukraine next month and I will both physically sick and emotionally distraught with worry and anxiety again - sleepless nights, (she went before in Jan) if I stay in close contact with her. I have to let her go in all ways and she can't be worrying about my concern and asking her to keep texting me that she OK and safe like I did last time. She has to do what she has to do without my involvement. I might just txt her "Safe Travels" before she goes on 5th Mar. She would be back in Ireland by 20th Mar. I might say a friendly hello then, I don't know at the moment. By the way she's an Emotional empath and I'm a developed Heyoka empath and currently changing my life direction away from corporate and towards Light-Working with the intention of having my own holistic centre in Spain in a few years time. The thing is I believe she is my twin flame but she isn't on the same plane/level/space as me just yet and our meeting and time together has been to develop and heal both her and I - it's just going to take some time before our paths cross again when we have both evolved into a more aligned space. In the meantime for me life is for living and developing physically, emotionally and Spiritually. Thank you Suedseefrucht for choosing to be who you are. Warm Regards. Robert (real name) -
Hi! I need help. Im writing in this forum because im draining in despair. I have recently, some months back, had my initiation towards my spiritual awakening. I have been working very hard to love myself because no one has done it properly in my close circle during my whole life. I have been reading a lot, working out and spending time in nature, learning how to say sorry to the ones I’ve hurt, controlling my ego instead of it controlling me, it has really helped and made me improve. The problem of this comes within my personal relationships. I started my awakening noticing things about me that where pretty toxic and I had to change, I eventually did and work with all my heart on that every day all day. However, then I started noticing how the people around me where completely toxic as well, the people within my family I mean: my sister, step-dad, mom, VERY close people to me, with the witch I have to live everyday because I’m still a minor. I eventually noticed that all these narcissistic, manipulative and negative traits are all around my environment: noticing it between my pears at school, how they are many of them obsessed with control of others and maintaining a clean image (its a super small private school with high societal position teens). I noticed that the friendship I had with my best friend was just for her a way of gaining control, power and feeling well with herself. I’m exposing all this initially because my hope in society is dispersing away, and it’s starting to scare me a bit, still being conscious that I can’t loose hope because of my environment, I know there must be somewhere people from out of it that are different, I hope and they must, I expect it. However, I’m still very confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m really working hard everyday to be a better person and to love myself for the first time, but it seems like the people around me don’t manage to understand it. It has gotten to a point where I see the intentions in everyone as soon as they walk up to me, it has given very harsh anxiety problems, and it made me isolate in the bathrooms or classes to avoid having to perceive that negativity, and seeing no one on week ends. I would usually, like everyone I guess, just put some distances and boundaries with toxic people, with the ones I could I did indeed. But, what about the people I HAVE to be with because of the laws that our society has implied towards the minor? I can’t escape my family, not until I am 18 at least. I have tried everything, I have learned how to be alone, to meet my true self and passions in life, to be able not to have dependency on my relation with others (I had huge issues with that, it really gave me a huge anxiety and panic attacks). Now I can be alone, in fact it has become a problem because I prefer that than being with people. Still sometimes, during this isolation process that I am taking, everyday almost, an injection into my hurt heart of that feeling of CRAVING human socialization comes to me; of wanting to love others and transmit all the love that my soul knows holds onto them. As Aristotle said, and with complete certainty, after all we are social animals, and I am as well. So this is my doubt as a whole? I have that feeling of craving contact in my soul, but each time I try, in this environment that I live in, they pull me and my self improvement process one step back: they make me fall back onto the hole of toxicity. And the hole that I fall back in is not the one that is transmitted onto our physical realm, but since I practice mindfulness a lot and take a lot of care with my words and actions towards others, they instead pull me into the deep hole of my own head. That constantly craves human touch, but knows that the people around me are not going to influence me in a positive way. I’m desperate and need someone to talk about this, I practice a lot the stoic tendency of not sharing my worries with others, since they already have enough with the relation they have with their selfs and their problems, and thus this has led me to literally feeling like I’m going crazy. I don’t know if maybe it’s me who is doing the things wrongly, I don’t try to change people, I just want to surround myself with people that share that same effort everyday of self improvement. However my head always tortures me onto thinking I might be loosing my papers, and treating the people that “love” me badly (I will use the braces because I haven’t felt real love in my life, again of course I’m not discarding this might because of my fault). So please, I really appreciate if someone has read this entirely, now, I really need some advice. Please if it’s me, I need to know what in me needs to change, if not, what can I do with those toxic people that I can’t set boundaries with. I don’t think I can be this isolated from society much more, I need help.
-
Hi, I am a 30-year-old with terrible dark circles under my eyes which developed during my long years of depression and psychological problems when I was going through an awful phase of my life after a breakup in a relationship. I am now in a better condition compared to before, but my dark circles are something that just doesn't seem to go away. And they are very deep and indeed make me look horrible. I feel ashamed to go out and it makes me already very self-conscious. Not to mention that I also have a lot of wrinkles under my eye, way more than what a normal 30-year-old would have. However, I have kind of gotten into a habit of looking at myself in the mirror and it does not make me feel as bad as it used to do before. I am trying very hard to accept myself for how I look. I have a friend who is very good and supportive. But his dad almost always comments about my dark circles almost every day we get to meet over video calls. And it is not like advice or suggestion to improve my condition or any criticism. His comments are more of like - rude and offensive. He uses words like -"the dark circles make you look so ugly", "your whole personality is getting destroyed because of your hideous dark circles", and "you will never make any impression with them on your face". Just 3 examples of what he really says when he talks about it. Like, whenever I hear him speak about my dark circles, I always feel so embarrassed, sad, upset and self-conscious. A few days ago, I had my first face-to-face interaction with him (my friend's dad), and all the time, he was so heavily judging me for my dark circles and saying rude things like that. That day I got so much hurt that I did something that I should not have done. I directly said to my friend about the whole conversation I had with his dad, and how bad I felt after the interaction with his dad, and shared every detail about our interaction. My friend instantly went into defensive mode and said that his dad was right, he is very good and can never do any wrong, and that I am overreacting. He did not believe that his dad told me those things. He also said that, even if his dad said those things, it is because "he considers me like his own son".... I did not really understand that. I mean, is it okay for a father to say those sentences to his own son? I did not say any more, because I got to understand that he is my friend's dad after all, and that is a different dynamic. But I ended the conversation by telling him to put himself in my shoes and just try to understand, and that I did not mean to hurt his feelings. I just wanted to open up with him about the situation otherwise it was making my heart very heavy. What he did instead is he started separating from me since that day, and that made me even more sad and depressed. Now I feel really bad. I feel kind of guilty to have opened up about this to my friend because I think this might have hurt our friendship to some extent. At the same time, I am very uncomfortable around his dad. How should I deal with the whole situation? I am just out of clues. I don't know what to do...
-
Hello, I hear you, and I feel your pangs. No one wants to be told something negative, especially about their looks. But first.. do you love what you see everyday and are you happy wiht who you are, or are you already struggling with a negative self image and self doubt? The way I deal with stuff like this is twofold. One I silently thank the person for pointing out something that I could improve (I mean how many people probably think worse and don't say it out loud- he is being a messenger here, and I always say, don't shoot the messenger) When you look from a different view point even criticism and negative feedback is actually a lost way of sharing feedback with you about what you can improve and change to make your own life better. So have you considered dealing with the dark circles? With products and remedies as openly available and not 'beauty secrets' any more, why not go enjoy some pampering and make them better? I was told I was dark, had very non traditional looks, was thin as a stick and guess what I took all those stones and built bridges with them and today people compliment me for the very things I was "given pointers to improve" That could be a positive turn to what you are otherwise seeing as a negative attack/ interference. Not enough peole appreciate those that have the courage to speak up, rather than gossip behind our backs..its not always easy but in the end its the people who help us by telling us what is wrong that set us so much further on our journeys..if we choose to take things with that spirit. If you look at how your reaction upset him, you can perhaps see his intent was not to hurt you. Even those who want to do good aren't always able to say it all sugar coated and nicely the way we want to, but its upto us to take the message and separate the feelings from blocking the message that the universe is giving us through such willing channels. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you!
-
Hey. We have a website called bthebestyoucanbe.com where we talk about how you can become a better version of yourself. If that's something you are interested in sign up and receive thisFREE ebook "Become The Best Version Of Yourself" So YOU can start your journey to become the best YOU! About the FREEebook "Bесоmе Thе Bеѕt Vеrѕіоn Of Yourself" Discovering уоur truе ѕеlf is роѕѕіblе, аnd whеn you choose tо be аuthеntіс аnd іn іntеgrіtу wіth your truе self, уоu wіll realize thаt еvеrуthіng fаllѕ іn рlасе. Lіfе саn be so much more whеn уоu know whо you аrе аnd whеrе уоu аrе gоіng. When уоu ѕhіft уоur focus to who уоu аrе аnd whаt уоu wаnt оut оf lіfе, you fіnd уоur true ѕеlf. Creating bоundаrіеѕ, being self-aware, аnd identifying your wоundѕ are only a few wауѕ tо rесlаіm уоur роwеrѕ аnd live the lіfе уоu’vе аlwауѕ drеаmеd оf. Wіth thіѕ trаіnіng соurѕе you wіll lеаrn аbоut уоur trіggеrѕ, іdеntіfу thе things that уоu wаnt tо сhаngе іn уоur life, еxрlоrе уоur ѕhаdоwѕ, and, most of all, fіnd уоurѕеlf again. You wіll аlѕо lеаrn: Whаt dоеѕ bеіng the bеѕt version of уоurѕеlf lооk lіkе; How уоu саn аѕѕеѕѕ уоurѕеlf аnd various spheres of your lіfе to gеt a better ѕеnѕе of hоw aligned уоu аrе wіth уоur true self; How you саn benefit from embracing new bеhаvіоrѕ аnd іntrоduсе сhаngеѕ іn your rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ; Whу it іѕ ѕо vіtаl fоr уоu to practice healthy boundaries; 5 emotional wоundѕ thаt lеаd to lіvіng a lіе аnd how you саn identify them in уоu; Whаt emotional рrоjесtіоn іѕ and hоw you can be аwаrе оf them tо hеаl your еmоtіоnаl wounds; To identify уоur emotional trіggеrѕ аnd hоw уоu саn ѕtор emotions from controlling hоw уоu feel; Whаt уоur fееlіngѕ tеll уоu about уоur іntеrnаl rеаlіtу; Whаt аrе thе рѕусhоlоgісаl bаrrіеrѕ thаt рrеvеnt уоu from being the bеѕt vеrѕіоn of уоurѕеlf; Tо аѕѕеѕѕ your self-esteem аnd іdеntіfу wауѕ tо improve it; Hоw уоu can соnnесt tо уоur аuthеntіс ѕеlf аnd what are thе benefits tо do so; Hоw уоu can reconnect to уоur іnnеr сhіld аnd live a life thаt is more aligned with уоur truth; 5 ways уоu can рrасtісе hеаlthу bоundаrіеѕ іn уоur life and relationships; Prасtісаl ways tо lіvе your bеѕt life аnd be thе best version оf уоurѕеlf іn аll аrеаѕ оf your life; Hоw you can be more ѕеlf-аwаrе and іmрrоvе on уоur ѕеlf-tаlk; Over 50 аddіtіоnаl rеѕоurсеѕ thаt wіll dеереn уоur knоwlеdgе оn hоw tо be the bеѕt version of уоurѕеlf; And much more! GET IT NOW FOR FREE RIGHT HERE...... Create a good day & stay healthy! Ulf bthebestyoucanbe.com
-
When all energy, which all mass today, consists of, popped up in the middle of an empty space, it collapsed under it`s own weight. Since it collapsed, we have gravity, because of the momentum the collapse creates. This gravity, acts like a pushing force. So when mass formed, which is energy cooled down, it formed planets. Over time, since the enviroment was stable, this pushing force, formed a will. Life starts with a will, and over time, the necessary traits was formed by adapting to the enviroment. Since life is self-sustained, it needs energy, and proteins, which it got from plants. I`m not saying energy, is living, but it acts, as this pushing force. So, everywhere in the universe, where the enviroment is stable, and you have plants, life will form. We`re all sons of energy, sort of. When energy just popped up in empty space, it formed mass, because it had orbits, a little like electrons, around a proton. When these orbits cooled down, it formed different mass, but it also formed gravity from the explosion. Since energy can`t be destroyed, when black holes gather mass, it collpases, into a new sun again. When it get`s heavy enough. And since all energy just popped out of nothing, it can happen again. So, life is basically a will, adapted to the surroundings. Why can`t we see aliens yet? Because, it`s been around 14 billion years, and still, no aliens have developed the necessary technology to find us. The reason, may be that we`re hindered by the speed of light, after all. As things travels faster and faster, it get`s heavier, so maybe there`s a limit. A final limit. Black mass, and black energy, haven`t been proven yet. Their best theory, is that galaxies stay together because of the gravity black matter gives off, but I have another take on it. It`s actually gravity from old energy. When suns burn, the energy, get`s old, a little like when your heater at home. It stays around planets and hold it together, beyond just the gravity the planets gives off. Can we live forever in this marverlous universe? No, contrary to the popular belief that the body ages, it`s actually the soul, that ages. You can see it on people, who stays normal all their lives. They only get grey hairs. It`s actually the soul that ages, so if you are under alot of stress, smoke, do alot of physical work, you age faster. The real reason we can`t live forever, is that the cells, which make up your soul, can`t be replaced. Otherwise, it wouldn`t be you anymore. So they age. The soul isn`t a spark, it`s cells in the brain-stem. The brain itself, is only for a little higher level of thinking, while the brain-stem holds your soul, your emotions, feelings, the will, the control over body, and so fourth. It`s not part of the brain, it`s only called the "brain"-stem. It`s under the brain itself, more like a muscle, that makes movement possible. The universe itself, is infinite in all directions, So it`ll never collapse as it expands. If dark matter, actually existed, it would have to be infinite also, which doesn`t sound logical; an infinite amount of something. So, what is energy really, which all matter consists of? Well, it`s not easy to say. It`s warm, it`s bright. It can be turned into mass, it can never be destroyed. Hope you like my writings, I`ve been thinking alot, over the years 😉
-
- 4
-
-
-
Hello, everyone. I pray all is well with all of you. I am new to this forum and love the name HAPPINESS, which we need more. What a wonderful site name. I came here to meet new people and socialize because although I am a mature adult, I am shy, and in the past years, I have been consumed with making my film and have not socialized much. Also, I tend to put others before my needs and have been a bit overwhelmed with caring for my mom, collaborating to get my film in production, working on a new business with my son, and fitting all the self-development in my day, and so much more. It is time for me to take time and focus on what makes me happy. I am a filmmaker and will make my directorial debut in the fall/winter. I am so excited and looking forward to it. I love screenwriting, cooking, spending time with family, swimming, and traveling, which I haven't done in a long while. I love working out, volleyball, and dancing; even though my sisters think I have no rhythm lol, I still like to dance. I was supposed to start dance class, but something always comes up, and I pray to get there before the end of the year. Happy to be here with all of you!
- 1 reply
-
- 1
-
-
-
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR VULNERABLE HEART (From a letter to a friend) “Your vulnerability is a gift, my love, of course. But please, offer it only to those who truly want it, tender it only to those who sincerely appreciate it and can offer their own tenderness in return, otherwise you will hurt yourself in the long run, and a kind of lonely, resentful despair will take root. Give your precious fragility to those who truly desire – and are willing - to step into a sacred field of deep listening with you, who want to work hard with you to create a safe, empathic, trustworthy and enduring connection. This will not happen overnight. It will take more than words. It will take time. Months. Years, maybe. Perhaps decades. As you are learning, it’s easy to talk about vulnerability. It’s easy to say “I love you”, and speak convincing, uplifting, inspiring words about closeness, love, empathy, deep connection, and “sharing our hearts”. We feel good speaking these words and we want to believe in them. But words are meaningless, empty, unless they are proven in the crucible of connection. Let us not live in hope, and let us not merely pay lip service to the idea of closeness. True friendship, which is love, asks of us our blood, sweat and tears, and even “empaths” can have trouble with being empathic, as you are finding out. Here is the truth: Some beings want your vulnerability and some do not. Some are willing to put in the work, and some are not. Some can handle your vulnerability, and some cannot, at this point in their lives, anyway. Some will say they want your truth and your love and your friendship, but are incapable of actually offering or receiving it. (No judgement here. We all can be more or less self-absorbed or narcissistic at different times in our lives, can’t we?) At worst, those who do not want your vulnerability will ignore it, shame it, or blame you for feeling how you feel, needing what you need and thinking what you think. They will use your vulnerability against you, break your trust and break your heart, ridicule you for being how you are, even call you names. You will leave interactions feeling reduced, unworthy, unheard, unsafe. You may end up blaming yourself, but this may just be a sign that you need more protection from such a person, better boundaries, more space, less closeness. Listen to your body. Yes, if you listen to your body, you will learn who to open your heart to and who to distance yourself from emotionally and even physically. You will learn who is safe, and who is not, despite all the words. You will sense - energetically - who is truly ready and willing to receive the gift of your vulnerability, and who is not. Who truly wants your fragile, open heart, and who does not. It’s okay to draw and redraw boundary lines over time. (Your boundaries are an expression of your power). It's okay to share more then to decide to share less. To open up, and to close down again as you gather new information and perspective. To take one step forwards… and two steps back. Love loves the opening and the closing too, the forwards and the backwards of the dance of intimacy. You do not have to be vulnerable with everyone you meet, and especially not when you first meet them. You do not have to share your heart – your truth, your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your dreams, your hopes and your fears - until you feel ready, and you may never feel ready, and that’s okay. Don’t let anyone pressure you into opening up. You do not owe anyone anything at all. (And remember, you don’t have to share anything with me that you don’t feel safe to share, dear one. Anything at all, ever.) Your vulnerability is a gift you can give to those who have proved they are ready, willing, and able to receive it. Sometimes you may have to learn through trial and error. You may feel you have shared too much, so you can pull back. Or perhaps you will find the courage to offer a little more vulnerability than before, and see how it’s received. You will spot patterns over time. You will see how someone responds to your open heart. You will not be able to see everything in the beginning. Hope and the mind’s fantasies of love can blind you. Stay connected to your gut. It will not lie. When you find someone who can truly receive your vulnerability, over time, and can offer their open heart in return, rejoice! As you know, it is this safe, empathic, consistent and reliable relational field, this sacred space that accepts us exactly as we are, brokenness and all - in other words, the presence of God - that ultimately heals our deepest trauma.... whether you find this warm love in a friend… or a lover, a partner, a family member, a therapist, a healer, a pet, an imaginary figure of light, a two hundred year old tree… or in the deepest recesses of your own beautiful self…. So yes, your vulnerability is a precious gift, my love, but to whom are you offering it? Who has the maturity, courage, trustworthiness and strength to fully receive it, and consistently reflect it back to you? Who truly wants you, the authentic you, the unmasked you, the raw and unfiltered and imperfect you? Who simply talks about love and empathy and connection and family… and who actually does the hard work of meeting you, deeply listening to you, valuing and honouring you, in a real and embodied way? These are the questions you are being guided towards now, my love, as you rediscover your true worth…” - Jeff Foster
-
Hello everyone, Today I'm going to share my personal experience of getting over a Breakup💔 I think many of you might be going through the similar processes in your life and you might find it helpful. So, my relationship started and was going very good. The relationship lasted for 2 and half years. I was so sure that he is THE ONE! He was emotionally available, very caring, in short, the MAN OF MY DREAM! I was ver certain that I was going to marry him, as he committed at the very start of the relationship. But then, he moved to another city. We both knew that this was going to happen, and Long Distance Relationships are difficult. But still, we promised to hold on to each other no matter what! But when he actually moved to another city, I noticed change in this behaviour. But I was trying to understand that, because he was in a new city, meeting new friends and exploring everything. But I used to be at home because of the Pandemic, waiting for his ONE REPLY! It was exausting for me, but I was still trying to understand. But after a few months, I told him that I feel ignored and he replied with "I don't know what to do". I asked this many times after that, but his reply was the same. And one day, he denied to reply to my 'I love you' message! That's when I knew that the relationship was about to end. But I still kept convincing myself until he stopped replying me. He used to be online all the time, but didn't reply me, or didn't even see my message. I was broken. I tried talking to my friends, but it didn't help. That's when I took help from ONLINE THERAPY. I was assigned a Qualified Therapist with messaging at any time and live sessions. They suggested me that it was the time to Stand up for myself! And I finally broke up with him. I was surprised that I didn't cry that day. I was actually feeling liberated. It's a very good feeling when you let go sometimes. But still, all my wounds were not healed. I took more help from ONLINE THERAPY. Used as there features like their Worksheets, Sections, Live Sessions, Messages, Journal, Yoga and Activity Plan. My counselor was very Sensitive, caring and able to understand my Problems. She suggested me that the only Love I needed that time, is my OWN LOVE! That's when I started the journey towards Self-Love. And I've never felt this Good before. I'm not exajurating it, but guys, Self-love can change your world completely! Self-love taught me to be compassionate about myself as well as to others. I'm very grateful that I had someone to speak to when I thought that No one could understand me! This is NOT a promotional post, and my own experience. I hope you all found this helpful. Also, don't forget to Love Yourself guys. And I really recommend you to checkout ONLINE THERAPY if you are going through any Mental Health Issue or Problems and more importantly, it's okay to Ask for Help when you need it, it will only benefit you 💕🤗
-
Affirming to Tara that she is look strong, confident and perfect when she states " "I find myself now in a state where I can't enjoy all the kind things this new guy is doing to me ..." whilst admirable, is not going to change how Tara feels ... I'm all for being nice BUT you also have to take a stand in this situation and tell him exactly what you just told us. I understand what it's like to be a real victim to being beaten. That's not victim status although can lead to it. It's a cycle. I'm 53 and been through hell with this kind of thing. I was beaten as a child, and went on to become a target for many others and when all else failed I started beating others. I also thought for years to help my daughter and grandson to escape the grips of wife and child beaters and ultimately went on to help setup crisis housing for victims of domestics abuse. The cycle and dynamics at play within this kind of behavior pattern is not something to toy with. I fully hear what your saying Tara and I can't underestimate how laying those boundaries down right now is the best way to go about it. I'm not suggesting this guy is the bad one ... but you would do well to lay those boundaries for yourself. Acknowledge your own feelings here right now and let this guy know. If he is really as nice as he makes out to be then not an issue. In such a case we become more our own problem when holding onto all the stuff that happened to us previously. It took my daughters several tries with the same guy with every episode involving much of the same thing that came before it just like you admit yourself Tara. This is why in my previous post I made sure to include my own vulnerabilities and own my own imperfections because right now your own imperfections with how you really feel can be exploited with all the bubbly talk that does more to make you feel more like someone that needs help when really all you want is to focus on being happy ... being your true self. That's not going to happen if you respond in kind when feeling as you say you do. It's OK to feel as you do (meaning it's understandable) but the only way to move on is to tell others why we feel the way we do. If we hold it in we just keep having a distorted view that leads to an addiction on negative emotion and play the cycle over and over. We also become good play things for others. I can tell you how great you are but means little if your really feeling the way you say. I would much rather cut to the chase and deal with what you and I or anyone else really needs to deal with in these kind of cases. It does not matter how nice this guy is but it does matter how your feeling ... how your really feeling inside regardless of whomever. Dealing with that is a priority and how you deal with that will set the path for what is to follow. When I left all those feeling unresolved (takes a lifetime for many ... myself included) issues unattended and made it about someone else, I just went from one toxic relationship to the other and most of the time is was all me because I just held onto all the unresolved pain. Being nice to others when having to deal with that kind of abusive past -PTSD - or whatever one wants to call it ... is not just about being nice to others. The shame we feel as byproduct or beaten individuals is soul destroying and takes a lot or work to balance. I stand by what I said in my first post above but now sensing more of an issue with how we victims tend to become vulnerable to ourselves in further relations. Hard to explain but feel I have said enough. I am sorry that many of us have had to endure the beatings and chaos that flows as it does. Look inside and love yourself from whatever point you can and work with that. Perhaps your just not ready for another relationship and in some ways is sounds that way to me. Back it off a little but most of all just be honest to yourself as your doing now and also tell this guy how you feel but from your own point of view. We make great targets during this time which is why I'm feeling a little worried for you ... The nice guy routine regardless of genuine or not can really feed the hurt child within in ways that may not be so helpful if we are still damaged. Often I take the stance the many of us can not be fixed, but that is more about others can't fix us, we can only fix ourselves. It also helps to understand that the level or repair need not be as others tell us or whatever self help books portray. We decide the level at which we are more ourselves and that is key to understand. Others can help and the latter is not black and white ... but if we do not take control of what only we can, then the cycle will just keep repeating no matter how many others wish to help. I think I'll back out of this topic now as I've given my best and there is nothing else I can really say that I have not just said. I know about the shame that wells within that keeps us from enjoying life. I also know how the joy and happiness of others can overwhelm us and how we tend to make for good play things for those that love to fix. It's a dynamic that leads to a pattern in ongoing relations and why it works so well in the market place. That's another story but the point is - we got to be honest with ourselves and own the way we feel and choose the path we take. Good luck. Your welcome to PM
-
Hi Tara ... I have a friend that is Bi Polar. He tends to have a behavior pattern that is to set up situations that often lead into bouts of drama. Rarely does it end well. Now I also have my own labels and would not necessarily just blame his label as many of people without labels can also do the same thing. That said, the passion at which he sets a situation up, and his inability to detach from such calculating, does seem hampered by his instability which can be quite episodic. BOUNDARIES are really important - especially from the start or the start of each new phase. I experience phases with him as after each dramatic session having exhaustively gone through dealing with each of his insecurities, blaming, shaming and various other unresolved psychological issues - He too will often begin with being kind. I have found most people in this category often do. Well it's actually hard to categorize because ego is a complex thing... Subconscious Sabotage: Is what I often tell him he needs to stop doing. And it's often where I start with him when laying down the boundaries. I'm not into cutting people out of my life like chopping the top off a pineapple as that tends to leave a residual hang-up on my end after the fact no matter where I end up. My advice is just to be straight up with the guy and tell him how he is making you feel and to find another way to connect if he wishes the relationship to continue. Like "Hey, just so you know, I get your trying to me nice but the way you constantly keep being overly kind is really starting to bug me. It makes me feel like I am some kind of project that needs fixing, or X,Y & Z - if you don't stop it I'm going to have to distance myself for my own mental health." Say whatever it is that your experiencing and how it's making you feel and that you want it to stop or else X,Y & Z for the benefit of you both. I have chosen to still remain friends - but I pull him up every time he starts setting up a situation I know is not going to end well or anytime he assumes something of me and or others for that matter. Mostly when that assumption is something I know is disabling/disempowering for whom of which he speaks. Always starts off nice then leads into something that is about shaming and blaming. Now whilst my explanation with my friend may differ, he is always overly nice and it too is not something I gel with either. Mostly because of the manipulation that's often woven within it. His bipolar makes if very hard for him but I also have my own issues like most of us do. Boundaries works most of the time and I have to be always on top by constantly making them. This is when most people cut and run and whilst that is OK ... just be careful how you cut the cord for your own sake as much as him. People don't often understand that. Another Key point is My-self. Once a pattern sets and I allow myself to be drawn in, the negative vibes I feel tend to make me more vulnerable (feed his compulsive manner to do as he wills) to the manipulation being played where the toxicity in relationships take the stage. Once I am caught up in it and no longer seeing the imbalance taking place then I just become victim to his drama ... not discounting my own. Whilst I am male and he is male and the friendship is plutonic - just close friends. The behavior is very has many of the dynamics I have had with my wife and children or others that are close to me. The reason I am still close friends with him is because after a lot of work re the boundaries we still both have a lot of good to offer each other and there is a sense of respect. I am one of the very few people in his life that has been able to help him in areas he can not. In return my own compromises to help him be comfortable means I am able to have work on my own issues which as just as disabling for us both and others in my life. Kind of makes me a better person knowing that I have my own issues and it's not just about him. Hard to explain. But biggest advice re relationships in general and with people that tend to make projects out of others that leads to reoccurring patterns is to tell them what is happening and what your prepared to put up with and what you will in turn your willing to give. The latter just an acknowledgment of one's self that keeps it mutually beneficial. It's not healthy if it's only one way or more about pleasing one persons way of being rather than it being mutual. Mutual respect and honestly has to be at the forefront. Niceties can just be a ploy and often is this day and age with people becoming experts in positivity, love and joy. To be sure those aspects are important where a balance is needed but being overly nice is kind of like a flag to something else going on. We are complex beings to be sure. Know what you want out of the relationship, lay down those boundaries as best you can and do it each time before it gets out of hand. If he does not respect and or change what it make you feel those negative thoughts, then I suggest giving yourself some distance in your own way that makes you feel more comfortable. I used boundaries and when that fails, I'll just fade away from that person. I typically leave the door open where eventually they get the message and either stay away themselves or just learn to be more mutual in their dealings with me and I'll often learn new things about myself that can do with a bit of work. Hope some of that is helpful and or makes sense.
-
Hello Everyone ! I just want to encourage you to start Your Real Life right now, to start to be Happy and love your Life ! So I wanted to share a bit of my story and hope it will inspire you! Today I remembered how I was a year ago. I was sad, demotivated, I wanted to do a lot of things, to realize my dreams, to change my life and make it better, but I couldn't find the strength in myself to start the transition. l felt like a bird in the cage, prisoner of myself. And one day it was enough, I felt in myself that I couldn't go on like this and it was enough, I reached the point of no return. I saw the time passing and I didn't want to lose more time and live with regrets. So I stopped working, took some holidays, stopped thinking about my life and started to look for advices, experiences of others people on how to do this transition. I found a lot of information, too much information (videos on YT, articles etc.) ! but nothing very helpful. Despite this, I took a lot of notes and I found some authors, coach, motivational speakers very Interesting like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Lise Bourbeau, Russell Brand, etc. So I watched a lot of videos about their selves and their methods but I noticed that the real keys were not in the videos, but and the book, so I bought books*!.....and then the transition to my new life began. Before, reading was not a pleasure for me because I'm an hyperactive person, but I found the way to read everywhere and easier : Audiobooks* !! (I will put the links of the books that helped me a lot down below!). And I focused on these books, and they changed my life forever. Honestly, before I couldn't think that it was possible for me to change myself, but with right tips, the right methods, and a little bit of work on myself I became more confident, more powerful and better in my head and in my body. You can't change yourself in the best way and get impressive results if you're not comfortable with yourself. So after this work on myself, I planned my new life and what I wanted to do, to become. Then, I quit my jobs, changed country and started studies to get the job of my dream. What an adventure !... and it's just the beginning ! So that's a little part of my story to tell you that everything is possible, whatever the time that it takes, whatever your age, your situation, there are always many possibilities to change your life and live your dreams. Trust yourself, stay focus, and never give up. For sure it won't be easy, because if it will be easy, everyone could do it… but You're NOT everyone ! Links of the books that changed my life : - https://amzn.to/3CSLTa3 : Tony Robbins / Unleash the Power Within: Personal Coaching to Transform Your Life - https://amzn.to/3QVqHEt : Brian Tracy / The Power of Self-Confidence: Become Unstoppable, Irresistible, and Unafraid in Every Area of Your Life - https://amzn.to/3wzja5U : Lise Bourbeau / Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self: Finally a Book That Explains Why It's So Hard Being Yourself Love / Julian
-
- 1
-
-