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Sometimes it does help to write it down or tell it out loud - it makes it more real and it makes you see it with new perspective. In situations with problematic friendships or relationships I also try and think "what advice would I give if it was a friend / family member who was going through this?" It is definitely easier said than done, but it also helps to see things a bit more clearly. ?

Thank you for sharing this situation here, friendships can sometimes be a lot more complicated than romantic relationships and I think most of us have gone through hurtful episodes with friends. To try and answer your questions, I think you did nothing wrong by trying to talk to your friend about this traumatic experience. She then had the choice on how she responded to that, which was not the love and support you needed from her. I think it's one thing to set a boundary and say something like "I'm so sorry you're going through this, but at the moment I'm not capable of fully being there". However, I don't think it's okay to call someone 'delusional' or suggest that they 'made it up'. It's hard for me to say why she reacted that way, or whether she was ever a real friend to you. Perhaps she was at one point. Sometimes a good friendship that maybe should have ended sooner, gets dragged on for years only based on the fact that 'we've always been friends' - even though there is not much love or interest left. I think, maybe she is on your brain because you feel that you have unresolved issues with her, and are questioning the friendship in general. It can definitely be worth talking to someone professional about this too, it sounds like the friendship with her was toxic at times, and you might need help to process it. We can't always get 'closure' with a person, but rather need to try and get it with ourselves. ? Sending you a hug and lots of positive energy! ?

Years ago I began to struggle with recurring depression. I read books, went to therapy, and tried many things to get myself out of it. Over time, I discovered that there were many things I could do to feel better, but I would often just forget (or not want to do them). So I made myself the "I don't feel good and want to feel better" checklist which I could refer to when I felt badly. I've never shared it before, but figure this might be a good place (sorry it's super long - I was going to attach it as a pdf, but couldn't attach pdfs here) The "I Don't Feel Good and Want to Feel Better" Checklist Oftentimes, when you don’t feel good, you have a hard time listening to the positive voice. As a result, you may be tempted to think that "something is wrong” - with your life, with your relationships, or maybe even with the world. Before jumping to the conclusion that you need to quit your job, abandon your partner, or go hide in a bunker, review this list to see if there’s something more internal that you can do first. * Have I had good posture recently? (TED talk Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are) * Has the rest of my physiology been positive? (facial expressions, type and quantity of movement) * Have I done anything that gets me moving in an excited / animated way? (dancing, a sport I like, etc) * If I’ve been doing anything that’s been negatively stressing myself, can I be a little kinder or more gentle to myself in some way? * Are there any things (responsibilities, etc) that I’ve been taking on myself that really aren’t mine (either because they’re unnecessary, impossible, or belong to someone else)? * Have I gotten enough sleep? (quality and quantity) * Have I eaten mostly healthy food recently? (lots of vegetables and low sugar) * Have I had enough water to drink? (impacts mood, fatigue, etc) * Have I exercised recently? (worked up a sweat, did some resistance training) * Do I have any physical pain or soreness that I need to handle? (foam rolling, other) * Have I been meditating regularly? (or doing a meditative activity) * Have I regularly been doing an intentional gratitude practice? * Have I been outside in the sun and fresh air? * Do I remember Why I want to be positive and have I pondered that regularly? (Simon Sinek - Start with Why) * Even if I am planning to leave or change my current situation, have I fully accepted the present moment exactly as it is? (Eckhart Tolle) * Have I been doing breathing exercises regularly (Wim Hoff)? * Have I chosen an exciting purpose or a goal that I’m moving toward? * Can I just consciously make the choice to be positive? * Have I been having fun and enjoying things without being too serious? (Listen to music, eat good food, etc) * Have I remembered that challenges are actually good in the long run, and therefore not allowed myself to get upset by things I perceive as making the world worse?

I've been meaning to share the YouTube channel called 'Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man' by Emmanuel Acho. He shares short videos where he discuss race in relation to different topics such as relationships, white parents raising black children, religion, etc. In this first episode he is trying to educate and inform about racism, system racism and social injustice. Check it out!

I think in many cases it all comes down to communication in relationships, so perhaps you can try talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling and how some of his words and actions don't resonate with you. He might be unaware of how it's making you feel, so I would always suggest trying to communicate in an open and honest way. Good luck, and remember you and your feelings are important! ✨

Thankyou so very much for this! Truly you have no idea just how much EVERYTHING just resonated with me! I'm truly speechless almost. I really have been, Inspite of having a large family, feeling quite alone lately. See I've only just recently more or less confirmed that I am highly on the "empath" spectrum. And having never known this about myself I've my whole life since a late teen pulled back from even family members at certain parts in my life. Then I kinda in my late 20s really messed up on drugs around the time my mother passed and things with my family have never really recovered. Now at 41 and three years clean I'm so desperately trying to mend relationships which hasn't been easy at all. And nothing in particular lve done wrong by them (though I did plenty) or any real outstanding resentments either way, it's just been so hard reconnecting and I just know at least with certain family members they would like this I so strongly feel. It's just become so complicated I guess. Anyways lol it did mention here not to open up to people especially ones you don't know lol, just wanted you to know how truly timely, I guess even synchronisticaly, this found me. Thankyou so much I feel like just showing my family this letter and let it stand! Lol. But I know it's on me I know to earn much and this I believe, I know! kinda got me to realise I've been going about this in such a wrong headed way. So again thankyou! All the best in the world!

I have close friends, but we live far away from each other. Sometimes months go by where we don't talk, but when we do, it's like nothing changed or happened in between. I think having friends and close relationships is important to our overall wellbeing, but the lockdown has taught me that it's totally possible to be isolated and have no contact with people you love and care about you while you take care of and focus on YOU.

22. - 26.04.2020 the embodied Yoga Summit 30.04.2020 Embodying Resilience - An Embodiment Conference one-day event. 16. - 20.05.2020 The Embodied Connection Conference - Building deep, alive and resilient relationships in all areas of your life

For years I was challenged by depression and anxiety to a point of being unable to function in the world. At my lowest point, I was overwhelmed by the fear and worry and darkness of the world I was experiencing, things became unbearable and life to me at that time seemed unliveable. I had searched for any kind of comfort from the pain for many many years to no avail! An old friend of mine had sent me a link to a YouTube video of a guided meditation by Jason Stephenson (check him out if you haven’t heard of him, he is awesome) I listened to the 7 minute guided meditation with an almost closed mind, thinking (as I had for most of my life) that nothing would work for me. I have been involved with many therapies, I had been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar, I have been prescribed so many different medications over the years that didn’t help me at all, I just didn’t respond to any of it (I understand that sometimes medication IS necessary, and it does work for people who do respond to it) I had nothing left, I felt lost and hopeless! I listened to the guided meditation, I allowed myself to just go with it. There were a few brief moments during that meditation when the heaviness I had been struggling became slightly lighter, allowing me to take a breath and sigh. I was relieved of the dark weight for maybe 2 minutes during the meditation, that 2 minutes gave me the freedom I had been seeking for most of my life. this was 2 years ago, and since then I have meditated daily (often multiple times) I now only have brief moment of the darkness that I used to live with daily. Most of my life now is filled with positivity, the meditation allowed me to create space for myself, to love myself, to enjoy life. The dance of life now is a two way thing. I can flow with life, I am able to grow both professionally and spiritually, my relationships are better, my ambition and drive are now a big part of me and, most of all, I am accepting of all that life is....that 7 minute meditation changed my life in such a profound way. I find my peace and solace in meditation, but because of meditation, there is also peace and solace wherever I am, whatever I do, in all the spaces in between. Meditation is free, it’s relatively easy to do, you don’t need any equipment, you can do it anywhere, make it as quick or as long as you like, it can be fun, it’s interesting, it’s a wonderful way to become alright with life, in fact, life will become your friend. Just like beauty can be found in negative spaces, peace can be found in chaos.

@BeingBre hi, you seem like a wonderful, compassionate soul that has enough light to keep shining within yourself-nourishing your soul, while also shining your bright light on your partner to help guide her out of isolating and bringing her back to her self, her self-love, her gratitude and appreciation for your thoughtfulness as she sees your consistency and unwavering choice to be her partner in this and you two can grow much stronger as individuals and as partners. All relationships take effort and making the choice to keep showing up through the hard stuff as well as enjoying the easier, lighter times when we feel more connected. But it’s getting through the hard stuff together that makes our relationships so much stronger for it. Anyone can be there just for the easy parts, but when you really care, and I see you do, a real relationship blossoms from being there through everything. And the more she sees your consistent, unwavering loving kindness to her-the more you will draw her best self back out and her gratitude and appreciation will be abundant. Because she’s introverted apart from depression, you can ask her how can I help you? You can tell her you are not sure when she genuinely needs some time to herself to rest and replenish because she’s so exhausted to the bone, and ask her to help you know the difference and how you can help her feel connected to you. Sometimes if the depression is bad, she just might not be able to find the words or she might subconsciously pull back with wrong guilty feelings of being a burden to you, I’ve experienced both of those myself. Things got so much better for my husband and I when he finally stopped showing resentment for me and saying hurtful things that rightfully made me feel like a burden. And none of us want to feel like that. When my husband gave up on me, when my friends gave up on me, I gave up on myself and there was nowhere good for me to go from there. But, when they learned what my illness really is and what it is not, and showed up and showed up with so much love and friendship, it gave me wings to fight my illness and its symptoms harder and harder and never stop fighting to live my best life and work past it all to nurture my relationships with those few that I saw were Really there for me. I know it’s tough, but do not take any of it personally- remember it’s an illness, not her fault and some things with this illness are always going to be out of our control. Also, she may not understand a lot of what’s going on with her. I didn’t with myself for so many years and that in itself is scary. I have faith in your strength, you seem a lot more emotionally intelligent than my dear husband. And as you both learn more about how depression affects her, what triggers it, what generates Seratonin-the good feels and joy and also calm for her-the more knowledge that is had and communicated, the less doubt you will have and less fear of the unknown, plus the more faith you will have in your future together. Having friends and family to support in the ways they can is wonderful, but no one really gets it unless they have gone through it themselves- so I am always still here as a friend to help you or both of you with all that I have learned and all of the tools that I keep in my daily practice, plus the mental strength and resilience that I did not have before but I cultivated. You can even inbox me any time.

Thank you for sharing, @Albatross. It feels nice to know that I'm sharing relatable content. I too have had to overcome a "Mr nice guy" complex that rooted within my psyche via traumatic past relationships/experiences. I like to view and express this as such: I'm no longer telling and selling myself that story about who I am. I am not a manifestation of the trauma I've experienced, I simply experience the thoughts and emotions related to all of it. When dealing with such things while in a romantic relationship, it's best to remember that you're interacting with an entirely new being than the ones you've dealt with in the past and that when we project our thought patterns and emotional patterns onto them, it leaves them feeling attacked and not trusted. I want to clarify that I'm speaking in general; the fact that you mentioned being present and allowing space for emotions to visit demonstrates that you're doing well in this relationship! I also believe that Acknowledgement and Acceptance are fundamental to our well-being as humans in every area of life. Acceptance of the joy and beauty that manifest both within and without Wishing you both the best.

@BeingBre your partner who suffers from depression is still in there, she is still the same person, she needs your help to remind her of her great qualities that depression fogs our brain and wants to make us forget. Our brains with depression give us false messaging about our true selves, and traumatic events that have happened to us can take away our self-love, and make us feel unloveable and make us withdraw and isolate. But we need connection with others and we need our people to help us feel connected to them and with consistency. We also need some levity from the heaviness we have been carrying - laughter and fun, plan things to look forward to. Help generate the seratonin our brains lack. For example, my husband learned from me that sunflowers brighten my mood so much- he started bringing one home picked fresh from a co-worker’s own garden when he told her about me. An old friend of mine sends me funny text messages constantly. She also mails me thoughtful little gifts. Another old friend wrote me handwritten letters reminding me that I have support, love and friendship and I am valued. I can empathize with your struggles to support and feel connected to your partner- my husband has gone through the same for 11 years with me. From day one that he met me, my major depression had just started less than a year before. He did not know many times if he was strong enough for how bad it was for me back then and for years. But when he finally made the choice to be my partner to defeat this and always help me to keep it at bay, and when a few amazing friends stuck by my side continuously through it all - until then, all of my self-work to help myself develop mental strength like no other was not sustainable. We cannot do this alone. And as my husband and few unwavering friends see now- my light and new love for life was worth the support and time they found for me. My relationships are stronger for all of this. Love and friendship heals. There is no greater gift than giving light to someone in the dark. That is why I spend my free time giving my new light to strangers that I like to call new friends. Also please know you don’t have to fix anything, just listen, let her vent, give hugs, give smiles, reach out to her especially if she is isolating. I am always here for support. Chat with me any time.

Thank you for sharing. I feel similarly when it comes to virtually all of my family members. I have not been open with any of them about many aspects of my true self for fear of their harsh judgment and criticism. That fear causes me to project even further into the future by predicting that if they did meet me with such harshness, I would inevitably have to further distance myself from them to protect my own energies and remain authentic to myself. I am focusing on working on remaining my authentic self especially in the face of fear. I am focusing on learning how to meet people as they are in the present instead of predicting their reactions and responses based on my past interactions with whoever they were doing those times. While at the same time preparing myself for worst case scenarios, remembering how I must be true to myself and adjust relationships/energy exchanges accordingly.

Hi, my name is Gagandeep Singh. I believe that when a person is happy, blissful and joyful from within, their productivity goes up in all spheres of their life - personal, professional and social. The mission of my life is to maximise human potential and help people reach peak performance levels. I dream of a world with improved mental health through better personal relationships, high levels of professional satisfaction and augmented personal growth. Currently a Masters student of Sports Psychology at California State University Chico, i aspire to become one of the top-notch Sports Psychologists and Mental Performance Coaches of the world by 2028. https://youtu.be/3x3DJm-hn5g

This is a deep topic and love that you posted about it. This relates to me when it comes to my siblings. I have distanced myself from them both for our past relationships were close but not in a healthy manner. I want to alter those relationships with them and have been fearing what love means for our relationships. I also been projecting that fear into the future, in fear it will always be distant as it is now. I want to show my love to them but not in the way I did in the past. Want to show it in a more sincere way but having a really hard time learning how to do that for some reason. So, they have been crowding my mind with my fears of our past love to my fears of what our future love will look like with one another in our relationships.

In this world I find everything has its cycle and, I think if you just hang in there a while things will Chang, Do not be too hard on yourself remember all relationships are two ways things so it can't all be on you for starters. Take time for yourself and just listen to your inner voice. Take good care

Is anyone else here an empath or highly sensitive individual? I am and am curious how you deal with this gift ? Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Should You Change? A sensitive person's brain is different: Research points to some advantages. But what does highly sensitive really mean? Is "Highly Sensitive Person" a scientific term? As it turns out, there is research on this innate trait of high sensitivity. The scientific term is “Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). Highly sensitive people are born that way; it is not something they learned. As children, they might be described by teachers as shy or inhibited, especially in Western countries. As adults, they might be described as introverts. It is important to note that not all sensitive people are shy or introverts. In fact, 30 percent of HSPs are thought to be extroverts. HSP scales for adults and childrenhave been developed and used in research (1). A commonly used scale contains 27 diverse but strongly interrelated items. An HSP ... has a rich and complex inner life is deeply moved by the arts and music gets easily overwhelmed has difficulty performing a task when being observed easily startles is sensitive to pain, and hunger is attuned to inner bodily sensations readily notices sensory changes Researchers linked this trait to positive qualities but also to mental illnesses It is not surprising that this trait is found in artists, poets and is linked to giftedness, creativity and empathy, At the same time, an HSP is at a higher risk of depression and other mental illnesses. They are also at a higher risk of burnout because they get easily overwhelmed. This is why it is critical to know if you are an HSP, so you can seek out relationships and environments that make you shine (see the last section). The brain of an HSP is different There are biological reasons for all the components of this trait. An HSP’s brain is wired differently and the nervous system is highly sensitive with a lower threshold for action (2). This hyper-excitability contributes to increased emotional reactivity, a lower threshold for sensory information (e.g. bothered by noise, or too much light), and increased awareness of subtleties (e.g. quick to notice odors). There are also changes at the macro brain level. The areas associated with this trait greatly overlap with the brain areas that support empathy! Also, they have a hyperactive Ursula which explains their heightened awareness of their inner emotional states and bodily sensations. This hyperactivity explains their sensitivity to pain, hunger, and caffeine. There is also some recent evidence that this trait is related to the infamous 5-HTLPR gene (serotonin gene), implicated in many psychological conditions, such as depression (3). How to make the most of your high sensitivity Reduce the number of intense stimuli in your environment. Limit the number of tasks when multi-tasking. Avoid burnout by noticing early warning signs, such as feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Get your thoughts and deep emotions on paper so that they won’t cloud your brain. Try mindfulness meditation especially to deal with high sensitivity to pain. This will teach you to acknowledge pain as the sum of sensations suspended from the label of pain. Take advantage of your creativity: Draw, color or write. Take advantage of your predisposition for higher empathy to strengthen relationships—to become a better co-worker, and to assure your self worth. Be comfortable in your sensitive skin. Own it and never be ashamed of it. Be honest about your predisposition to be an HSP, especially in close relationships. But don't forget to highlight the positive aspects: more empathy, deep thinker, able to see things from a different perspective, appreciation of arts and music, and others' positive qualities.

I could share a lot of things, but I feel the need to start with what seems more prominent in my life these last few years, and I welcome all insights. Sometimes it feels as if my growth, on which I've always diligently worked at, has led to me being able to 'provide' in ways of being a good & genuine listener, for example, but not having the thoughtfulness reciprocated, I find myself dealing with anger, and wondering what I receive for all my work other than helping my fellow man. It can feel lonely... That said, I am benefitting from this week's practices & readings, of course, and I hope always to continue learning & growing. It just seems, in my world, that benefitting from mutual relationships is extremely evasive. Any thoughts/sharings of your own?

I think it’s safe to say that acquiring material things aren’t making us any happier. In fact, stress and depression are more common now than ever before. We live in a world where consumption has become an addiction. It’s all about the getting the newest, latest or biggest, which distracts us from what really brings satisfaction and joy. I sometimes look around my apartment and think, “how did I accumulate so much crap?!”. I also often dream about being in place and when I have to leave, I struggle with packing my luggage because I just have SO. MUCH. STUFF! I remember a happiness.com article from a while ago, stating the benefits of living a simple life, and earlier today, I saw someone reading the book Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter. Has anyone here read that book? Now, I’d like to know HOW to live a more simple life and where does one actually begin? I suppose making small manageable changes in the beginning is a good start. What are some of the ways we could all live simpler lives and focus on what really matters, such as our health and well-being, our mental health, and family and friend relationships? All and any tips on simple living and relevant books and other content welcome ?

Over the last week, I've been introduced to some extraordinary tools that have been absolutely vital in my own personal pursuit and I'd like to share these tools with you. What does happiness truly look like? For myself, I am happy in improving my life at the moment. That has been my main focus right now. I'm still struggling to define what sorts of actions make me happy, but for now, diving into my psychology and doing the things necessary to improve myself, brings me happiness. For example, I'm just now getting into a program that is going ot help me pay back my college loans that are currently in default. The whole program will take 9 months to get me out of default status and a further 2 years to eliminate my owed debt entirely. I often find myself being impatient with this, however. 9 months is a long time and I really want to get back into school, I'm looking to take up welding as a profession. Enter the first tool I've recently learned Patience. A lot of the things that bother me are not in my control at this moment and that's ok. The general idea is to try to moderate your emotional investment. The hardest part of every journey is the very beginning and often times we tend to quit just before hitting the knee of the growth curve. This is because we emotionally exhaust ourselves and by the time we are just a few days, a few weeks maybe, away from that knee of the curve, that we just simply are drained completely and just quit. But had we taken the time to apply the principles of patience, the return would vastly outweigh the initial investment. So if you are struggling with this area like I do. Try asking yourself these 3 questions, apply them to your own specific circumstances. 1. What does a lazy approach look like in this endeavor? Could be school, a relationship, work, self actualization, maybe you're depressed and anxious and you're just wanting those results. So ask yourself, what a lazy approach would look like. To be lazy would be to do nothing, right? You're not putting in the effort, you're not doing the work etc. 2. What does an impatient approach look like in this endeavor? We all get impatient. It's only natural. We want results and we want them now. But that is a double edged sword. You can end up causing more harm than good. Maybe you're trying to take on ALL the tasks, maybe you're trying to cramp ALL the information, trying to do ALL the work. But you have to allow yourself to moderate how you invest your energy. Take the time to do each step, apply each step, learn each step etc. 80-90% of the emotional labor of any endeavor is going to be in those beginning phases and you're not going to see much growth. You'll see tiny bits of growth here and there. You gotta learn to appreciate those tiny growths and stop looking at the end result as an ends to a means. 3. What does a wise approach look like in this endeavor? So exactly what does this mean? How do we know what a wise approach is? It's actually pretty simple. A wise approach is giving yourself the time to grow, even when the growth doesn't seem to actually be there. Find it, appreciate it, enjoy it. Are you working towards that great relationship that's going to last the rest of your life? Are you writing a book that could change humanity? Are you starting your own business? Are you doing personal development? Any of these things and more are going to take time. It's going to take consistent effort on your part and your job is to try to make the best of the hardest parts of that journey. Ask yourself a few follow up questions. 1. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 4x as long as you initially planned? 2. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 100 to 1000 times the emotional investment as you planned? If you're working on something like meditation, mastering your emotions, chasing that wonderful relationship, starting your own business, writing a book etc. The answer to both of these questions should be yes. It is absolutely worth the investment because when it comes time to reap the rewards, it's going to be far surpassing anything you had conceived. If the answer is no, perhaps you're either not invested and maybe that project isn't for you, or perhaps it could be your own neurotic mindset, getting in your way. You have to be the judge on that. Moving forward there are 5 simple things that you need to stop allowing to influence your happiness. Just bear in mind, this works hand in hand with the previous tool. Results aren't going to be immediate and that's ok. 1. Your past We all have a past and it can sometimes be pretty murky at best. This includes things others have done to hurt you, things you've done to hurt others, things you've done to hurt yourself, bad choices and mistakes, all the things that made you who you are. You are not those things, you are you. So stop labeling yourself with the ghosts of the past. 2. Your relationships This could be friendships, relationships, family etc. This doesn't mean that any of these things were bad or are bad. Maybe you've had wonderful relations with pretty much everyone you know. It's still equally important to not base your happiness around those relationships. Relying on others to provide our happiness for us is a very clingy and neurotic way of living and chances are, it will ruin that relationship. 3. Your own limited beliefs Have you ever criticized yourself? Said "there's no way I can do that"? Having realistic expectations of what you expect from life is good, but when you begin to say you cannot because of past experience or because of some arbitrary limitation you put on yourself, it becomes an issue. Say for example, you're an introvert that wants to make friends. A stereotypical label that you might put on yourself is that it's not in your nature to make friends or that you can't have friends because of that introverted nature. Let go of that. Maybe you think you won't get that job because you view yourself as a failure. Maybe you feel like you won't get that job because you're not good enough. Maybe you feel like your business won't succeed because you're not a good leader. Whatever it is that you put on yourself. Maybe you think you can't succeed because of your physical appearance or your gender or your skin color. All of these are self defining labels that cause so much detriment in our lives. 4. Other people's opinions of you Just as equally as the way we label ourselves, if we allow others to tell us who we are or what we can be, it is that same detrimental outcome as if we had labeled ourselves, because we are in a sense. We accept the labels that other people put on us. The goal is to stop doing that. Even when they do so with good intentions. 5. Money We all know that money makes the world go round. But the illusive chase of just money is a cold and primal way of living often leaving a person to appear as cold and heartless. I'm not saying to just go and quit your job or that money is evil. What I'm saying is that money shouldn't be the ONLY motivator in your life. It's reasonable to want to be capable of sustaining yourself, a family, having the possessions you want and all that. Just don't be so focused on it that you lose sight of everything else. It's the easiest, fastest track to a toxic life. So that's it! Now the only objective left is to find what actually makes you happy. Go out and try new things, pick up a new hobby, give it 4 weeks. Be patient and approach it as though you want to enjoy it, because that is the purpose of this whole endeavor after all. Not everything is going to strike your fancy and that's ok, at least you tried and now you know.

Hi Gabrielle. Happy new year! We have an article on forgiveness which you may find useful: https://www.happiness.com/en/magazine/relationships/how-to-practice-forgiveness/

This year I'm spending New Years Eve alone, and since my focus has shifted from mindless partying and drinking, I will instead sit down and work my way through this beautiful little exercise to enter the new year consciously and with new intentions. It will help me reflect on who I am, and who I'd like to be going forward. By Nedra Glover Tawwab, Boundaries expert, writer and therapist. 1. In what ways (big and small) have I grown? 2. What limiting beliefs do I need to release? 3. What stressed me out the most, and what can I do to reduce my stress in that area? 4. How will I nurture myself in 2020? 5. What do I need to make room for in 2020? 6. What habits do I want to create, break, or refresh? 7. What do I need to learn more about? 8. What boundaries do I need to implement to have healthier relationships? 9. What's one small thing I can do to change my life? Self-awareness is one of the most essential parts of growth. Who will join me in doing this exercise tonight? Happy New Year, and Happy New YOU. ✨

I think you are giving up on things (and your happiness) way too soon Sachinthya. Firstly; how firm is your 'criteria' for a partner. Could it be too aligned with those of your ex; so that you are actually missing out on decent men that you could build happiness together with? Secondly; you have had one serious relationship and now you are giving up? Many of us try multiple long term relationships and years of dating before we find someone we can love. If you really want this - no giving up so soon girlfriend. And no giving yourself excuses not to do it either. Dating isn't meant to be all easy. But like most worthwhile things - it will come right in the end and then you can breathe a sigh of relief. Part of dating and finding a suitable partner goes hand in hand with rejection - which can make us feel more lonely than if we never tried. It also prepares us for feeling more happy when someone comes along who is a proper fit. It's temporary is what I'm suggesting. I am single myself and have to come out of the rat race every few months or so - just to settle and recharge my emotional batteries. As someone else suggests; if you don't like the digital nature of phones/dating. Then maybe an answer would be to join activities where people collect. And embrace new hobbies with dating only as a sideline.

Sorry; I saw 49 under you pic and assumed it was your age lol - classic newbie mistake. So it was your wife's idea for you to move in and she isn't there anymore? I would. encourage you to really think about what it is about being around your Mum that changes your behaviour negatively. I suspect that you are internalising some of the negativity around you and this is contributing to your shutting down/off. If you feel that you are taking on extra emotional stuff that can also impact on your other relationships making you feel more tired, frustrated, irritable etc. Your first reaction when you thought about moving in with her was a gut reaction of negativity - I trust this is based on previous experience and is worth listening to. I don't think you can do much about the silly arguments - besides say they could be a natural part of living closely. Maybe you and your son can get out of the house more before bickering starts. There is an exit strategy for everyone - but you may have to reach out to agencies that can put you in the direction of financial etc support. If you are going to accept your Mum's help; I think you are also choosing to accept any difficulties that come alongside. In which case; time outs, mindfulness practices, meditation etc may help with getting some headspace and balancing good and bad. Buddhism as a practice has plenty to say about being compassionate to those with faults in their characters (don't we all). It encourages people to give gratitude and compassion even if we are feeling negative things ourselves - a 'fake it till you make it strategy'. Also; have you ever sat your Mum down and asked her how she finds living with you? Could be a way to understand her better or correct anything which is negative.

I wonder where you are looking? If you're not finding people that you click with where you're currently looking then find somewhere else to go, maybe join clubs that interest you? If online then make your profile really authentic and then the people you attract will be more on your wavelength. Fill your life with things you enjoy and the focus on relationships will not be so strong or feel like such a void. If you are holding your ex on a pedestal then this will be hard to meet someone new because you will be comparing to him, so maybe work through your feelings of loss for the relationship you lost.