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There are many different types of meditation. Discovering which style suits you best is useful – you'll be more likely to devote yourself to the practice and so the health benefits will stay with you for longer. Calvin Holbrook looks at ten common meditation types. Meditation has surged in popularity in the Western world in recent years, and there seem to be an ever-increasing number of different types of meditation available to practise. While this can be confusing, what isn't at question is the world of good meditation provides. Indeed, if you've ever asked 'does meditation really work?', the answer is a resounding 'yes'! In fact, research has shown that the effects of meditation include pain reduction, lowered blood pressure and an increased sense of well-being and self-compassion. However, while there are a host of positive claims for the benefits of meditation, there is still much that is not fully understood by science about this ancient practice. Indeed, meditation is sometimes presented by mainstream media as a cure-all. And while recent studies indicate that meditation is effective for anxiety and depression, it doesn't seem to be any more effective than other forms of treatment, such as medication or exercise. With this in mind, how do you decide on what type or style of meditation is best for you? Choose a meditation type that's best for you Commitment to a regular meditation practice is necessary in order to reap the full benefits. Indeed, it's essential to find a personal meditation style or technique that you're comfortable with. That's because finding your preferred form of meditation means you're more likely to continue with it. But, in fact, there's no right or wrong way to meditate. We suggest that you should choose a type that speaks to you spiritually. Try a few of these styles of meditation and see what you enjoy most. Which type of meditation should I choose? Below, we'll describe eight of the most common meditation types or techniques. Before reading on, ask yourself the following questions that will help you discover your best personal style of meditation: Are you trying to empty your mind or focus it? Do you find it easy to focus when sitting still or do you find it easier when active? Do you find sounds distracting or calming? Do you want others to benefit from your meditation practice also? When assessing the effects of a particular style, you may find it helpful to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings during and after a sitting. So, explore the ten meditation types listed below and find what works for you... 1. Focused meditation Suitable for beginners and those who need assistance in focusing. Science has shown that practising meditation over years can cause the grey matter in the brain to increase in area, so it's well worth finding a form of meditation that will help you persevere. The focused meditation style concentrates on the senses. Visualization is when you focus on a mental image of an object, such as a light or a flower. This is a commonly-used technique. Occasionally you may be asked to focus on other senses, like sound or touch. Other focus points include breathing and the flow of energy through your body. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it 2. Mantra meditation One of the best meditation styles for those who find silence distracting and find relaxation and peace in repetition. Mantra meditation has been practised for thousands of years. You simply chant or recite a 'mantra', such as the mystical Sanskrit word 'Om' (claimed to be the origin of all sound). Whether you whisper it mentally or chant aloud, repetition allows your mind to relax. Alternatively, you could choose an inspirational phrase that's personal to you. Mantra meditation can be practised in a group or individually. Mantra meditation is a style for those who don't enjoy silence 3. Transcendental meditation (TM) A meditation style that may suit a person looking for a more structured form. Or committed beginners who are ready for a regular practice. Founded by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and with more than five million practitioners worldwide, transcendental meditation (TM) is the style which has received the most attention from science. For example, research by the AHA has shown that TM can reduce hypertension. “Science has shown that practising a meditation technique over years can cause the grey matter in the brain to actually increase in area.” Instead of just following the breath, transcendental meditation uses a series of Sanskrit words and mantras to help you focus. Every student is given an individual mantra, based on factors like gender or birth year. The recommendation for transcendental meditation is to practise it in a comfortable seated position, for 20 minutes twice a day. Vedic meditation is another variation. 4. Spiritual meditation If you thrive in silence, spiritual meditation may be your best personal meditation style. Science shows that spiritual meditation can be helpful in lowering high blood pressure and preventing heart disease. Similar to prayer, spiritual meditation allows the practitioner to reach a more reflective and contemplative state through various elements. Whether at home or in a place of worship, you embrace the silence and gradually allow your mind to wander over a personal question or prayer. Some people find that the answer to their deepest questions comes from within. While others feel that they answer comes from outside – from God or the universe. 5. Mindfulness meditation May suit someone who has no regular access to a group or teacher. Buddhist teachings base themselves on mindfulness meditation. It's an umbrella term for meditation techniques that teach us to accept everything that arises without judgement. To address things that occur and release stress as it arises while nurturing a surrender to things that we cannot change. Studies show that mindfulness meditation can be an effective treatment for episodes of depression. It's possible to practise this style of meditation alone, making it particularly suitable for those who do not have access to a class or teacher. Furthermore, like many styles of meditation, it requires minimal effort. Mindful meditation is a perfect type for when you're alone 6. Gratitude meditation May suit someone who wants to practise meditation at any time throughout the day. Gratitude meditation is one of the easiest styles of meditation you can try and you can also practise it anywhere, even on the go. This meditation type involves meditating on the things you're thankful for and allowing that appreciative sensation to take a stronghold within. The benefits include greater sense of well-being, improved mental health and stronger personal relationships. 7. Vipassana meditation For experienced meditators considering exploring even deeper within themselves. Vipassana means 'to see things as they really are'. Vipassana is one of the most ancient techniques of meditation. In fact, it's believed to be the meditation form taught by the Buddha himself. Vipassana meditation is a method of self-transformation through self-observation and focuses on the deep interconnection between the mind and body. “Commitment to a type of meditation is necessary in order to reap the full benefits. Indeed, it's essential to find a personal meditation style that you're comfortable with.” Ten-day silent retreats where you can develop the Vipassana meditation technique are popular. Communication of any kind during these events is usually strictly prohibited. It’s recommended that if you want to try a ten-day retreat that you already have a basic knowledge of meditation and have experience in sustaining long periods of quiet and calm. 8. Six phase meditation Ideal for those who want to boost compassion, happiness and productivity. Six phase meditation is a newer meditation technique that combines the science behind how our brain works with advice on spiritual growth. This six-step guided meditation tackles common roadblocks in meditation practice and requires up to 20 minutes daily. This style of meditation involves meditating on the following six things: connection, gratitude, forgiveness, visualization, daily intention blessing. The main goals of 6 phase meditation are lowering anxiety and stress, connecting with your intuitive and creative side, becoming more compassionate and fulfilled, and increasing happiness and productivity. 9. Movement meditation May suit you if your mind becomes distracted when you're still. Or if you sit at a desk all day and prefer to find tranquillity through action. Movement meditation is a broad category of active meditation styles. Gentle, repetitive movements such as hatha yoga, a walk through the woods during forest bathing, gardening, or even housework help to clear your mind and keep it in the moment. Research by scientists at Oregon University found a significant decrease in pain experienced by fibromyalgia patients who practised this meditation type. Movement meditation suits active types of people 10. Loving kindness meditation Ideal for those who want to boost compassion, connection and self-acceptance. Loving kindness is a popular meditation technique used to increase capacity for forgiveness, connection and self-acceptance. During loving kindness, you focus loving energy toward yourself and to others – even those you make dislike or total strangers. While meditating, try to imagine yourself experiencing complete wellness and inner peace. Feel perfect love for yourself, content that you're just right. While concentrating on this joyous feeling of love and kindness, repeat these positive phrases to yourself (or create your own): May I be happy May I be safe May I be healthy, peaceful, and strong May I give and receive appreciation today Bask in those feelings of warmth and self-compassion for some moments before shifting your focus to loved ones. Start with someone who you're very close to, and feel your gratitude and love for them. Repeat the reassuring phrases for them: may you be happy and safe. Next, branch out to other friends and family members and repeat the meditation technique. It's important to try it with people you may dislike or do not naturally connect with. Finally, extend feelings of loving kindness to people around the globe and focus on a feeling of connection and compassion. Tonglen meditation is a similar type of meditation and also shares a purpose of focussing on compassion and healing others. Takeaway: types of meditation There are a multitude of meditation techniques and styles to discover. Try practising a few different ones to see which are best suited to your lifestyle. For most people, meditation induces calmness, relaxation and a sense of well-being. Meditation should not be a optimization goal in-and-of itself but rather a means of developing self-compassion and peace. Be wary of pushing on with a meditation practice if it feels counter-productive. ● Main image: Colorbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Compassion | Kundalini meditation Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our magazine and is a lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage. Find out more.

Sometimes the obstacles we face in life paralyze us, leaving us trapped. Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares eight tips on how to overcome challenges and restart our lives. Even though many of us hope for a carefree life, it just will not happen. Challenges will always be on our path. Sometimes, it may seem as if the walls ahead are simply too high to surmount. Yet, overcoming challenges is a part of how we learn and grow. Indeed, obstacles give us an opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. History is filled with examples of people who learned how to trounce impediments and develop psychologically from the process. Take Demosthenes, for example. He is now recognised as the greatest of ancient Greek orators. Nonetheless, when he was young, he had a severe speech impediment. He overcame this barrier through a self-designed, disciplined practice. Einstein is another famous example of how overcoming obstacles can result in greatness. Apart from not speaking until he was three, he constantly faced doubt and under-appreciation by adults throughout his childhood and youth. Still, he found a way to develop his talents and become one of the most recognised names in human history. In this article I'll explain how you can perceive overcoming challenges as a means of psychological growth. I'll explain why we need to fight the obstacles we face — and why we need to do it adaptively. Finally, I'll give you eight science-based tips for overcoming obstacles in a way that helps you grow and become braver and more confident. Why you need to overcome obstacles The examples from the introduction illustrate something that is called overcompensation in psychology. When we have an actual or perceived deficit of a sort, we will usually try to offset it by developing it into a particular forte. This strong point will then serve as a counterweight to the shortfall. Overcompensation means going above and beyond what is necessary. Demosthenes could have merely fixed the speech impediment and lived an average life. But no. He became the greatest orator. Examples of overcompensation reveal how overcoming challenges opens the path to psychological growth in life. Albeit going that far is not necessary for every obstacle we face, we must say that avoidance is usually maladaptive (or unhealthy). When we face hurdles, we are presented with a choice. We can either commit to overcoming challenges — or to failing or stagnating. Here’s why. When you avoid dealing with difficulties, you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions. Some of the most common ones are anger (for your aspirations remaining unfulfilled), guilt (because you know that you did not try hard enough), or envy (when you witness others getting what they want). Support from friends is a key factor in overcoming obstacles shutterstock/Viktoria Kurpas You are also bound to become stressed because problems rarely just disappear. Avoidance of difficulties, research reveals, leads to a diminishing sense of control. In turn, your psychological well-being and mental health will decline. Ruminations are excessive, repetitive thoughts that make it impossible to think productively about anything else. Rumination is tied to avoiding dealing with different life issues. RELATED: How to stop ruminating with these 3 techniques Self-doubt, anxiety and depression could come as a result of continual failure to achieve goals. Even though it might feel good to rationalise the reasons why you did not realise your dreams at first, empirical findings reveal that this defence mechanism is associated with emotional disorders. Therefore, even though overcoming challenges may feel scary at times, it is vital for your well-being. As you progress through hurdles on your path towards attaining goals, you are simultaneously growing as a person. You develop self-confidence, learn to move beyond self-indulgence, and develop adaptive responses to whatever life throws your way. Overcoming challenges: 8 tips How we respond to complications is highly individualised. It could be affected by our past experiences, mental habits, as well as our personalities. Seeking and overcoming challenges seems embedded in some people’s temperament and personality structure. Nonetheless, whether we are naturally geared towards adventure or not, we will hit an impediment here and there. Overcoming obstacles will be easier if you incorporate some of the following tips on productive coping with challenges. 1. Analyse the problem well It may seem obvious, but the first step to overcoming challenges without difficulty is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically. You may be amazed by how often we succumb to apprehension, avoidance — or daydreaming and unsubstantiated optimism, on the other hand — instead of scrutinising the problem critically. Therefore, examine where the problem truly lies. Is it a real or perceived obstacle? Which aspect is the most important one? In what order do you need to tackle the elements of the difficulty? What is it that you can and cannot impact? What resources do you need — new knowledge and skills, others’ help, time, or determination? 2. Consider it an opportunity, not a threat A common obstacle to successfully overcoming challenges is our mindset. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the type of person who goes about looking for challenges and adventures. Even more concretely, I used to feel threatened by any new and tricky situation. Still, what I found very useful is changing my perspective. What may not come naturally to you could be developed through practice. “The first step to overcoming challenges without difficulty is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically.” Those who enjoy challenges — and thrive facing hitches — see every obstacle as an opportunity to become greater, better, different. You, too, can train your mind to think of hindrances as a chance to learn something new and evolve rather than to suffer. 3. Examine and dismantle your self-doubts Overcoming obstacles is often made more difficult by your own unhelpful thoughts, especially if you're used to avoiding facing challenges. When you look at your records and see but a few instances in which you fought a problem head-on, it's easy to succumb to self-doubt. Doubting your abilities, or even loathing yourself for lack thereof, will get you nowhere. What you need to do is to examine and knock down your lack of faith in your skills. Where does it come from? What thought comes to your mind when you anticipate trouble? How does it make you feel? How realistic is such a belief? Could you think about the situation differently (hint — yes, you could)? 4. Keep a record of your past successes One helpful way to deal with self-doubt more effectively is to document one’s successes. Many people tend to overestimate their shortcomings. At the same time, they underestimate how well they can address problems. As a result, their self-perception gets distorted, making them blind to their abilities. Make a CV of your past accomplishments. Do not hold back but praise yourself for everything you achieved. Remember the times when you overcame snags with triumph. What qualities did you need to mobilise to overcome challenges? Write them all down. And then, come to this “CV” whenever you feel a lack of confidence creeping on you. 5. Make a solid plan Once you are clearer on where the problem lies, what unhelpful thoughts might be hindering your success, and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it. In other words, you are highly unlikely to accomplish your goals if you do not combine a belief in yourself with a solid action plan. Define the goal and communicate it to those who need to be involved. Make a step-by-step map of action that is clear and easy to follow. Make sure there are tangible steps and smaller objectives on the way to the final goal. Measure the results — and celebrate them, too. 6. Assemble a circle of support Overcoming obstacles is much easier when you have someone to lean on. Social support has been confirmed to be one of the crucial factors in psychological well-being over and over again. Somehow, life problems tend to seem much bigger when you feel alone in dealing with them. A helping hand from friends is essential for overcoming challenges So, ask for support from the right people. Seek out those who will be supportive, accepting and realistic. Whether it is your friends and family, a support group, or a psychotherapist, an encouraging social environment can do wonders for your self-esteem. It will highlight and nurture your ability to overcome any issue ahead. 7. Meditate Meditation is a technique that can help you integrate the tips we have spoken about above. Meditative practice teaches you to calm your mind and free it from ruminative apprehensions and adverse emotions. It gives you the mental flexibility and physical tranquillity you need for overcoming obstacles with success. Finally, after meditation, you will notice greater clarity in understanding the problem ahead and how you can tackle it. 8. Pledge to self-care Let me be straight — overcoming challenges can be hard work. It's easy to disregard healthy habits when you are entangled with problems. This is why you should commit to a self-care practice and ensure you are well cared for. Broadly speaking, all the tips in this article can be seen as a form of self-care. When you perceive a problem rationally, address unhelpful beliefs and develop a growth mindset and self-confidence, you care for yourself. The same goes for gathering support or meditating. “Once you are clearer on where the problem lies, what unhelpful thoughts might be hindering your success, and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it.” However, what we have in mind here is more specific. It's a well-known set of recommendations to make sure you do not neglect to care for your mental and physical needs. Therefore, eat healthily and regularly. Set up a better sleep routine to ensure both the quality and quantity of sleep you need. Exercise to release some of the accumulated stress. Socialise with the right people and consume quality media content. Finally, pamper yourself and treat yourself to something pleasant and healthy, like a relaxing massage. You will find your mental batteries charged as a result of such a self-care routine, and you will be much more willing to embrace the opportunity to grow from overcoming challenges. Takeaway: Don't run from challenges — embrace them It's perfectly natural to feel anxiety — dread, even — when facing a major challenges in our life. The more important the goal, the graver the fear of not attaining it. You may even feel totally paralyzed. However, obstacles tend not to go away just because we look the other way. So, take the challenges life throws at you head-on. This will show you a doorway to an unbounded field for psychological growth. Embrace the hurdles and snags. Be courageous and believe in yourself. Even though overcoming challenges may feel like you are in freefall at times, be at ease. There is a new 'you' that will catch you on the other side of the obstacle you are facing. • Main image: Maridav happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Self-help | Authenticity | Coaching Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during July, but you may not have spotted them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 to uplift and inspire you. Positive news may have seemed thin on the ground this summer. However, there were more feel-good news stories than you might have noticed. What were some more hopeful stories from around the world over the course of the last month? Read on to discover ten of the best. 1. Prostate cancer could be treated by iron supplements According to a report published in MediNews, patients with prostate cancer are being given a new hope for recovery thanks to an experimental use of iron. Some anti-cancer treatments are no longer as successful in defeating the disease as they once were but patients who take iron supplements tend to do better. Dr Chunhong Yan, a molecular biologist at the Georgia Cancer Center, is now using iron to create a more resistant treatment pathway for certain types of prostate cancer. “When a cell takes up iron, it undergoes different processes,” he explained. 2. Bison reintroduced to the British Isles Wild bison have been allowed to roam free in a project that seeks to improve biodiversity in British woodlands. According to a report in the Guardian, the large mammals have not been seen in the wild in the UK for over 1,000 years. Now, they are set to make a stunning return in what is being billed as a major win for other wildlife. By creating paths through densely wooded areas, bison can make more room for insects, flowering plants, reptiles and bats. The Wilder Blean project, near Canterbury, is responsible for the programme which, it's hoped, will be replicated elsewhere in future. Bison reintroduced to wild areas in UK shutterstock/Konoplytska 3. Big data analytics could unleash greater happiness According to a former Google big data executive, understanding large amounts of information through machine learning could be the answer to finding greater happiness. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz has recently written a book about success and the role being happier has to play in it. Speaking to the press, he said that big data analysis will soon be used to answer philosophical questions, like 'what makes us happy?' According to Stephens-Davidowitz, analysing the relationships of some 11,000 couples is currently ongoing to work out what it is among them that makes them happy. Once understood, it may be easier to achieve more positive outcomes. RELATED: Happy habits – 12 ways to boost joy levels daily 4. Botswana deals with AIDS crisis among babies It was not that long ago that Botswanan babies stood a high risk of being born with AIDS. The disease had reached such rates among infants that, until recently, four in ten would be born with the condition. However, following a two-decade-long mother-to-child prevention programme, there is now just a one per cent chance of a newborn suffering the same fate, according to recently released data by the World Health Organization. Health officials in Botswana think that the prevalence of AIDS in the country's babies is continuing to fall and could soon almost be eradicated. 5. Could nanobots keep teeth healthier? A report in Futurity stated that experiments are ongoing into the effects of nanobot technology on oral health. Although the idea is only being tried out on mocked-up teeth at the moment, the concept is to use tiny robots to act as toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss and mouthwash – all in one. The research into this method of cleaning teeth is being conducted University of Pennsylvania’s School of Dental Medicine. Behind the move is the idea of being able to keep teeth cleaner and healthier than many people do by brushing manually. According to the lead researcher, Hyun Koo, robotics can offer a superior method which doesn't require you to use your hands. Would you turn to nanobots for cleaner teeth? shutterstock/Rido 6. Mindfulness reduces effects of pain In positive news that anyone who suffers from chronic pain will appreciate, a large study from the San Diego School of Medicine has just been published that indicates what a powerful tool mindfulness can be with respect to pain management. Published in the scholarly journal Pain, the study found that meditative practices help the brain to detach itself from the wider nervous system, thereby blocking – or partially interrupting – the sensations of pain people would otherwise have felt. Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools Mindfulness at work – 6 productive tips 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged 7. On-demand pain relief technology developed A research team in the US has come up with an implant that can relieve pain when patients feel they need it –without needing to rely on drugs. The soft, flexible device blocks pain by numbing nerves. It's hoped the idea will lead to less reliance on addictive painkillers while offering patients more agency in their pain relief, the Metro reported. 8. Spain offers free train travel to its citizens According to CNN, the Spanish government has announced that free train travel will be available to everyone in the country in a bid to get people out of their cars and use more public transport. The scheme will begin in September and will offer a 100 per cent reduction on the price of fares for local and intermediate distance journeys. The idea is to help Spain meet its carbon reduction commitments and ease the financial burdens around oil and energy prices consumers are currently facing. Germany has already announced a similar three-month scheme which allows for unlimited train travel for a nominal €9 a month. RELATED: 6 ways travel benefits happiness and mental health Spain is introducing temporary free train travel shutterstock/skyNext 9. Study finds psilocybin helps mental health in small doses Psilocybin may not be a household term but it's a naturally occurring compound found in various growing matters, including some mushrooms. It's a psychedelic ingredient that's structurally similar to the neurotransmitter serotonin, and can offer feelings of euphoria (as well as some side effects). However, a new study into psilocybin has found that taking it in very small quantities – so-called micro-dosing – offers many people positive mental health outcomes with few downsides. Symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression were found to be lower compared to people who did not micro-dose psychedelic substances over the course of a 30-day period. According to numerous reports, some now hope that the use of such natural substances may become more acceptable to the medical community. 10. Commercial carbon capture project unveiled in UK A scheme to capture carbon from the atmosphere has begun in Northwich in Cheshire. This is the largest project of its kind in the UK. It is hoped that when the plant is fully operational that it will be able to capture up to 40,000 tonnes of CO2 each year it is working, according to a report in New Scientist. The people behind the scheme will produce sodium bicarbonate, commonly known as baking powder from their facility. The commercial project was partially funded by the British government. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Shadow work involves examining our personality flaws in an attempt to understand ourselves better. It's tough work but hugely beneficial. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 31 shadow work prompts you can ask yourself to get started with the practice. The Shadow is the part of ourselves, according to K. G. Jung, that represents our dark side. It holds all the morally reprehensible tendencies we wish we did not have. However, it also hides many of our qualities, capacities and potential. Shadow work means increasing awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Moreover, it requires you to become brutally honest with yourself and not criticize or condemn. You will need to practise self-compassion and learn to own your weaknesses, not project them onto others. Therefore, even though it may sound simple at first, shadow work is a quite psychologically challenging journey. For this reason, we may need some shadow work prompts to help us out on this road. This article will explain why you need them and what you get from shadow work prompts. We will talk about how to use these shadow work prompts and offer a few possibilities you might want to pick from when embarking on your psychological journey to self-awareness. Why do we need shadow work prompts? First, let us be clear on why we need to travel to the dark caves of our subconsciousness and search for the monsters there in the first place. Since you are reading this, I will assume you do have a desire to understand yourself better. You want to be a complete person. And to be one, you need to embrace all of your sides — the good and the bad. In Jung’s words, we may not become enlightened by imagining figures of light. We become enlightened by making the darkness conscious. “Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind.” And precisely here lies the reason why we need shadow work prompts. Our subconsciousness is uncharted territory for us. Scientific research demonstrated that our unconscious mind guides our perceptions, evaluation, and motivation. Even though others may notice the Bad and the Ugly in our actions, as a rule, we remain ignorant of what we hid from our consciousness. So, you need guidance on the path of personal investigation. Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind. How to use these shadow work prompts Shadow work is as distinctive as every individual. That is, there are no absolute rules you need to follow. It is your personal journey. You will do best if you follow the unique guides that appear on this path. Nonetheless, you should consider a few valuable tips for using shadow work prompts. First, take it slow. Shadow work prompts will take you into rather heavy topics. Remember, the Shadow is the side of yourself you are not keen on. So, to avoid ruminating for hours about what you discover about yourself, think about writing or meditating about one shadow work prompt at a time. Explore shadow work prompts with journaling At the same time, make shadow work a regular practice. Similarly to psychotherapy, this form of self-exploration requires commitment. Indeed, research shows that regularity is a necessary element of therapeutic growth. You may want to come up with a centring ritual as a beginning of your shadow work for the day. It can be anything from taking a walk, meditating, doing yoga, having a quiet cup of tea, or lighting a candle and saying an affirmation. Finally, trust your psyche to take you where you need to go. Shadow work prompts are likely to take you places you have tried to avoid for your entire life. Still, remember — to be whole, you need to recognise and accept every corner of your psychological existence. So, let the thoughts and words come to you. Write or think freely, without censorship. Things to hold onto while reflecting Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others. Such knowledge could shake your self-image, at least at the beginning of the process. Because shadow work is supposed to take you on a path of psychological growth (and not be an arena for self-loathing), remember to lean into these three core principles: • Self-compassion Be kind to yourself. What you are really learning is that you are a human, nothing more. No one person is perfect. Embrace the fact that you have flaws, and applaud your courage to look them square in the eye. • Passive observation Do not judge what you are learning about yourself. Simply recognize the thoughts and insights that are coming to you after you employ the shadow work prompts below. You are here to explore, not to moralise. It is precisely your attempt to comply with cultural, social and moral norms that caused the creation of the Shadow. • Honest reflection/documentation All the work you are about to do is not worth the time if you are not honest. Indeed, make sure you are completely honest. It will be a bit ugly at times. But the only way to make shadow work truly worthwhile is if you are frank with yourself. Answering shadow work prompts will reveal the devil inside shutterstock/ra2 studio 31 shadow work prompts At this point, decide if you are going to journal (which I recommend) or merely reflect on these shadow work prompts. Pick the time and the settings in which you will commit to shadow work. “Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others.” When you're ready, go ahead and delve into these shadow work prompts. Also, feel free to journal in freestyle whenever you feel like it. These prompts are meant to trigger your reflection and help you notice the areas in which the “monsters under your bed” might be hiding. So, a river of thoughts and associations may follow. Note down whatever you notice and let the process of self-discovery evolve on its own terms. Family and childhood shadow work prompts How are you similar to your mother, father and family members/caregivers? How does this make you feel? How did your caregivers comfort you when you were upset as a child? Do you do something similar when you or someone close to you is upset? What irritates you the most about your mother/father? Do you manifest the same trait, and when? Remember an event from your childhood that made you feel insecure, unloved or scared. In which situations do you feel similar, now as an adult? What is your most traumatic experience from childhood? How has this experience affected your actions and perceptions as an adult? Romantic relationships shadow work prompts Do you have patterns in your romantic relationships? Are/were you in a relationship that seemed familiar to that between your parents? Which of your father’s/mother’s traits do you expect from your romantic partners? Do you behave like your mother/father in romantic relationships? What do you not forgive in romance? Why? How do you behave when there is a conflict in your romantic relationship? Friendship and social relationships shadow work prompts What is your best friend like? Why did you pick them to be your best friend? What irritates you about others the most? What do others say about you that is not flattering? How much truth there is in that? In which situations are you misunderstood/disregarded/ignored? What valuable traits do others have, and you do not? What emotions are you afraid to show to others? Who do you hate to disappoint? Why? Self-image and behaviours shadow work prompts When did you not act like yourself? What made you act that way? When were you most embarrassed about yourself? Why? When were you in denial? What was the biggest lie you ever told? Why? What triggers you to act aggressively, to act out, to become disproportionally sad, to act impulsively? Do you feel like an imposter? In which situations? What is the worst thing you have done? Why? How do you feel about it now? When are you most envious? Why? Takeaway: freedom through self-acceptance Let me return to Jung’s quote at this point. In Modern Man in Search of a Soul, he wrote: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work prompts are there to take you to the place of wholeness and freedom. They may not be pleasant to go over. Still, know that no alive person is immaculate. Remember the other quote from Jung? To paraphrase — you will not become enlightened by ignoring the darkness. You need to bring the hidden monsters to light. Only then can you address what you do not like about yourself. Only then can you make choices to do better or to change. Freedom will come with the acceptance of who you are as a whole person. Learn the good, the bad and the ugly truths about yourself. Accept them and be free to be whoever you now choose to be. • Main image: shutterstock/Juice Flair happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Coaching | Self-help | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Self-forgiveness is important for our mental health and overall well-being, research suggests. Sonia Vadlamani explains the seven steps you can take to learn how to forgive yourself and move forward to lead a happier, more meaningful life. ‘To err is human, but to forgive is divine’ as the age-old saying goes. Indeed, it’s a fact of life that we all make mistakes. However, learning from these errors, letting go of the negative emotions attached to them – such as guilt, resentment, shame – and moving on by practising self-forgiveness is crucial for our well-being and happiness. Forgiveness, or the deliberate choice to let go of anger, regret or revenge towards someone who may have wronged you, can be a helpful healing tool. However, often people don’t realize that forgiving themselves is a viable choice that they can put in practice. In addition, while forgiving others for their wrongdoings can come easily to us, we usually find it much harder to condone our own mistakes from the past and practise self-forgiveness. Contrary to what you may assume, self-forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook for your past bad behavior. It doesn’t even mean that the action you regret needs to be tolerated further or forgotten. Instead, forgiving yourself entails accepting and taking accountability for your misdirected actions, thoughts or feelings. Indeed, self-forgiveness involves knowing that you can’t change your past behaviour/s, but are willing to come to terms with the wrongful act and consequently, let go of the past. Why self-forgiveness is essential Self-forgiveness does not always come easy, as it requires us to acknowledge and accept some uncomfortable facts or feelings. However, it is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being. Dwelling in these feelings can lead to self-hatred, impacting our well-being and happiness levels. In fact, research points out that the ability to forgive yourself with greater ease is directly linked to higher overall well-being levels. Additionally, researchers Michael Wohl et al suggest that higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. Self-forgiveness is linked to higher levels of happiness Indeed, self-forgiveness entails some degree of cognitive reframing of one’s views about themselves. Researcher Margaret R Holmgren suggests that the ability to forgive ourselves allows us to recognize our intrinsic worth and its independence from our wrongdoing. This means that over time and with consistent practice, we can forgive ourselves with greater ease and lead a stress-free, productive and meaningful life. How to forgive yourself: 7 steps Forgiveness doesn’t just benefit others you’ve wronged or were unfair to, but is beneficial for you as well. In fact, self-forgiveness allows you to develop deeper perception regarding your actions and thoughts. Learning how to forgive yourself enables you to move forward with a better understanding of how you react in different situations, strengthening your resolve to prevent such behavior in the future. Learning how to forgive someone How to let go of resentment 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Indeed, forgiving yourself constitutes an important part of correcting your wrongful actions or behavior for the future course. However, research points out that self-forgiveness doesn’t happen unintentionally, but is a conscious effort that relies on a carefully devised, stepwise approach. Here are seven steps suggested to help you exercise self-forgiveness, including undertaking suitable actions for making necessary changes in your behavior. 1. Define what forgiveness means to you Self-forgiveness holds different meanings for different people, even though the end goal remains the same, which is to come to terms with our actions or feelings from the past, instead of wallowing in regret, guilt or shame. Our definition of self-forgiveness usually stems from our personal beliefs, value systems, family, religious ideology, etc. “It is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being.” For example, for me, I’ve understood over the years that self-forgiveness involves coming clean and apologizing sincerely to the person I may have hurt, no matter how difficult or trivial it may seem at the time. Understand what forgiveness means to you and proceed to define it in a clear manner, so that you can devise the approach that aligns best with your thought process and values. 2. Recognize your feelings This step requires you to sort through the various emotions you experience when you recollect a wrongful action committed in the past and acknowledge the feelings you identify with the most at the moment. Set aside some time to experience each feeling without any judgment, as you recount your wrongful action or unfair behavior that’s bothering your conscience. Resist the temptation to deny acknowledgement of your feelings due to shame or guilt, as ignoring these emotions can cause further inner turmoil. On the other hand, acknowledging these feelings will help you gain a deeper insight, allowing you to forgive yourself and possibly prevent such situations from arising in the future. 3. Take responsibility for your actions This may prove to be the most challenging step, especially because accepting the fact that you made a mistake or acted unfairly isn’t always an easy feat. However, it can’t be denied that acknowledging your mistakes and assuming responsibility for the same is the steadiest way to forgive yourself for your unjust behavior in the past. Taking the time to acknowledge your missteps also allows you to gain an in-depth perspective about your reaction to various stimuli and vulnerabilities. This will enable you to move forward in life and may help improve your composure during unforeseen situations in the future. 4. Apologize with sincerity A sincere, heartfelt apology makes a significant impact when it comes to self-forgiveness or forgiving others, according to a 2021 study from Japan's Kobe Gakuin University. Researchers there reviewed the effect of different types of apologies on various conflict resolution situations. Apologizing for your actions conveys your regret regarding the pain you may have inflicted on someone. It shows that you reflected on your mistake, acknowledge the emotions of someone who was wronged, and are willing to act in a different way in the future to avoid a similar mistake. Apologizing to others help with your own self-forgiveness shutterstock/fizkes 5. Draw focus onto the lessons learnt Forgiving yourself will truly be possible when you’re ready to learn from your mistakes and wrongful acts in the past. Instead of constantly criticizing or condemning yourself, strive to understand what causes the behaviors which you may later regret. Learn from your vulnerability, fears and failures by reflecting on questions like, “Why does this situation lead me to act in a certain manner?”, “How can I deal with this situation more gracefully?” or “How do I rectify my default reaction should this scenario arise again?” 6. Make meaningful amends Once you’ve acknowledged your mistakes and apologized, consider what else you can do to resolve the mistake, and devise an action plan to achieve it. For instance, when I realized that sometimes my witty quips end up offending or hurting people around me, I decided to simply be more mindful about the way I put my thoughts into words. After all, there isn’t a way to take back the words we’ve already uttered, but it’s possible to prevent the hurt and misunderstandings if we communicate respectfully and with kindness in the first place. “Higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety.” Bringing about meaningful changes in your behavior and actions can help you shift your focus from mistakes of the past to working towards a more effective solution for the future. 7. Be compassionate Have you ever noticed that we tend to be harder on ourselves, and find it easier to forgive others than ourselves for the wrongs of the past? Carole Pertofsky, Director Emerita for Wellness and Health Promotion at Stanford University, implies that we are prone to self-criticism and tend to judge ourselves harshly while mistaking it for self-discipline, which makes it difficult for us to exercise self-compassion. “Self-forgiveness is treating yourself as you would treat your own friend,” Pertofsky told Scope, the Stanford Medicine magazine. “It is a skill that involves mind, body, heart and action,” she continues. Indeed, we can learn to treat ourselves with compassion by embracing our imperfections and work towards living a life without regret. Takeaway: self-forgiveness Self-forgiveness may not come easily to most of us, as it needs us to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, and serves to remind us of our flawed nature. However, coming to terms with your imperfections and forgiving yourself for any wrongdoing can positively impact several areas of your life. Learning how to forgive yourself with greater ease is an essential skill that requires some introspection and practice. Implementing these steps for self-forgiveness in practice will equip you to act more responsibly in the future, in addition to teaching you to exercise mindfulness and inculcate gratitude in everyday life. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Communication skills | Trust | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Dealing with the difficulties that life throws at us can be a struggle, but by staying resilient you can cope better and feel stronger. So, from writing it all out to practising forgiveness, here are five science-baked strategies for building resilience. People often try to cope with difficult situations and stressful periods in their lives by simply putting on a brave face – or even burying their heads in the sand and pretending that their problems aren't happening. The issue with this approach is that it fails to deal with the feelings that the situation brings up. Indeed, burying negative feelings for a long time can lead to anxiety and/or depression. Resilience refers to your capacity to recover from difficulties and ability to bounce back. Instead of pushing yourself or simply surviving, building resilience techniques will help you to stay resilient and cope better with the inevitable challenges that life throws at all of us. Staying resilient: 5 techniques to try There are many times throughout our life journey when will need to try and stay resilient. It could be because we are experiencing problems or conflicts at work or at home. Or it may be due to a more traumatic event, such as the death of a parent, serious illness, or losing a home. Of course, being and staying resilient doesn't mean that you won't experience difficulty or distress. However, by building and strengthening your resilience, you'll give yourself a better chance of coping with stress. Start by practising these five strategies for building resilience during times of adversity. 1. Tell a different story Have you ever gone over and over something bad that's happened to you in your head? Perhaps you wonder how you could have behaved differently? Known as rumination, this reliving of painful experiences does nothing to help us move on and can even lead to depression. Instead, you need to find ways of resetting your thoughts. One way to do this is called expressive writing. This involves writing down anything that comes into your head, on whatever is bothering you. This will allow you to examine your thoughts and confront them. You don't have to be great at writing; the aim is just to get your thoughts and feelings out. The write way: stay resilient by putting your thoughts on paper A study from 1998 compared expressive writers with those who wrote about superficial topics. It found that those who carried out expressive writing for four days were healthier six weeks later and also happier up to three months later. Another exercise is called 'finding silver linings'. Although it first it may not seem as though there are any benefits to a bad experience, in fact, if you did deeper you may gain insight. Perhaps this challenging experience you've been through has shown you who your real friends are, or taught you that you're stronger than you thought. These exercises will help you feel less pessimistic and you can maintain the benefits by continuing to practice them and stay resilient. “Instead of simply surviving, staying resilient helps you to cope with the inevitable challenges that life throws at you.” This resilience-building technique is also backed up by science. A 2014 study showed that finding silver linings daily for three weeks helped participants become more engaged with life afterward. It also decreased their pessimistic beliefs over time. 2. Confront your fears Adopting the practise of rewriting the narrative is useful when dealing with past problems, but doesn't help when dealing with present fears. How can we handle things that have yet to happen? You can start by slowly building up your tolerance, and gradually pushing yourself a little further every time. RELATED: Resilience quotes – 7 powerful sayings to inspire you For example, if you're nervous about taking a long-distance flight but would one day like to visit Australia, begin with a short flight and gradually extend your travels. As you become more comfortable with spending longer in the air, work your way up to a long-haul flight. This works by slowly desensitizing you with gradual and increased exposure to a situation you're afraid of or uncomfortable with. 3. Meditation Meditation and mindfulness are great tools to build resilience. They help us to stay resilient by bringing us back to the present, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. These techniques also help us to deal with negative feelings. You can try programs like Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), which are designed to show you how to use meditation to improve your mental and physical well-being. Here at happiness.com, we have a free online MBSR course you can take. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged There are also techniques like body scan meditation, which can be used to identify where you hold stress in your body and teach you how to relax. Or, you can develop a more mindful relationship with food, rather than turning to junk food when you're stressed. Multiple studies have shown that MBSR has many health and psychological benefits, especially for those struggling with chronic disease or mental illness. Present (un)tense: become more resilient with meditation 4. Be kind to yourself We're often much harder on ourselves than we would be on other people, and think that we're alone in our fears. But being kind to yourself is essential to your well-being, so ensure you can stay resilient by practising self-compassion, and be as kind to yourself as you would be to others. This strategy to build resilience involves a three-step process: Start by being mindful of your feelings, but don't judge them. Simply acknowledge them. Remind yourself that everyone feels this way at some point. Finish by giving yourself permission to have these feelings and accept yourself as you are. If you find this difficult, ask yourself how you would treat a friend who was experiencing the same problems: you would almost certainly show kindness to them, so do the same for yourself. You can also try writing a letter to yourself, making sure it contains only words of compassion and acceptance. Be kind to yourself: self-compassion builds resilience 5. Forgiveness Forgiving others may be difficult, but holding on to grudges is also not a route to happiness. How can your well-being develop properly if you're living in the past? Begin by acknowledging what has happened, but then decide to give up your feelings of resentment so that you can move on. Contrary to what you might believe, forgiveness is for your own sake, not that of others; you will benefit from understanding other people more or finding ways in which you can learn from a painful experience. Remember that everyone is human, and the person who wronged you may be suffering their own issues. “Meditation and mindfulness are great tools to build resilience. They bring us back to the present, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future.” A 2011 study tested forgiveness against the alternatives — ruminating on negative feelings or repressing them— and found that cultivating compassion meant participants felt more empathy, positive emotions and feelings of control: all signs of building resilience and staying resilient. How to stay resilient: conclusions We all experience difficulties in life and some of us cope with the stress better than others. However, if you're struggling, you can learn skills to build resilience and stay stronger. Viewing negative experiences in a different light can help you to stay resilient and teach you how to cope with difficult situations in the future – something that will inevitably occur at various points throughout the rest of your life. ● Main image: Colorbox.com Written by Guest author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

The world is a difficult place at the moment, so showing human kindness to others is more relevant than ever. But benevolence doesn't just benefit the person on the receiving end. Dee Marques explains five key benefits we can feel of showing kindness to others. A few weeks ago, I moved to a country where I didn’t know anybody and where I didn’t speak the language. Sometimes, even the smallest tasks feel unsurmountable due to the language barrier and the lack of familiarity with how things work. But often, I find that random passersby are willing to go out of their way to help me figure things out. When that happens, I’m reminded of the old saying, “Kindness costs nothing, but means everything”. Today, human kindness is needed more than ever. In this article I will explain why and will explore the benefits of showing human kindness at every opportunity. What is human kindness? According to the dictionary, kindness is the 'ability to demonstrate generosity and consideration towards others'. Kindness involves thoughtfulness, compassion and empathy, not only to people we know and love, but to anyone who may need it. In other words, true kindness is not selective; it’s shown to others irrespective of who they are, based on the understanding that we all have something important in common: being human. Human kindness has been practised and valued since immemorial times. Although we may not be able to trace specific or individual acts of kindness thousands of years back in time, we have reason to believe that they have always been present in society, in the form of religious and/or spiritual beliefs, or as social norms and expectations. For example, Buddhism is known for the importance it attributes to kindness as an integral part of the human experience. The Buddhist practice of loving kindness or metta illustrates this, as it refers to selflessness, sympathy, and a benevolent attitude towards all sentient beings. This concept is often described as universal love. Other ancient religions, such as Confucianism, Taoism and Hinduism also consider human kindness to be a core value. Human kindness can lead to more fulfilling relationships shutterstock/Dragon Images Whether we’re religious or not, we can all agree that the world could do with more kindness. Perhaps we can’t control the levels of suffering caused by war, poverty, price hikes, COVID, and political or social division, but we can do our part to alleviate this suffering by showing human kindness whenever possible. We only need to look at recent examples of kindness to confirm the truth in this. People in the UK have been taking in Ukrainian refugees and contributing to food banks, even though the average person’s finances aren’t particularly buoyant right now. Shared humanity – why it matters Random acts of kindness – 22 ways to spread happiness The power of kindness – why being nice benefits us all And the thing is, that gestures of kindness don’t have to be grand, they just need to be genuine. For example, in the town where I lived until very recently, there was an outage that kept our street block without electricity for 3 days, right during the hottest time of the year. People from nearby streets came up to our block and offered to keep groceries in their fridges, so they wouldn’t spoil. At the time, it was a huge help. So whether big or small, gestures of human kindness are all valid. So, how can showing human kindness help you? Sometimes, we’re so enmeshed in our own worries that we think we don’t have the time or energy to show kindness to others. This idea stems from a common misconception: that being kind to other humans only benefits on the receiving end of the kind act. However, human kindness is so powerful that its beneficial effects actually extend to people who demonstrate it. The ripple effect is an important concept here. Psychologists use this concept to describe the far-reaching impact of acts of kindness, by comparing it to the effect caused by throwing a rock on a still body of water. “Human kindness is so powerful that its beneficial effects extend to people who demonstrate it. By showing genuine kindness, we can can create ripples of loving feelings that may travel far into the world.” By showing genuine kindness, we can create ripples of loving feelings that may travel far into the world – we never know who will be inspired by our actions. In fact, it’s not uncommon to witness an act of kindness and feel moved to do the same. Indeed, a study from 2018 shows that kindness can be contagious! What’s more, knowing we’ve done our best to contribute something positive can boost our feelings of contentment and connectedness to others. But the benefits of showing human kindness don’t stop there. Here are a five more ways in which being kind can boost your well-being: 1. Improves your mood Contrary to popular belief, doing things for others can improve our mood in more powerful ways than doing things for ourselves. A 2016 study had two groups of people either do acts of kindness for others or treat themselves over a six-week period. Researchers found that the group that had been kind to others reported higher levels of positive emotions, whereas the other group didn’t experience any changes. Showing kindness to other humans improves our own self-esteem 2. Reduces anxiety and stress Health experts at the University of California have found that performing acts of human kindness releases oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. These acts also increase the production of the so-called happiness hormones, like dopamine or serotonin. This is important because low serotonin levels are associated with anxiety, stress and other mood disorders. 3. Lowers inflammation and boosts your immune system This infographic published by Darmouth College claims that people who integrate human kindness into their daily lives have lower cortisol levels. Cortisol is a powerful hormone that plays a role in virtually every process in our bodies, so imbalances are felt rather quickly. Indeed, high cortisol can cause widespread inflammation, weaken the immune system, disrupt the reproductive system and cause digestive conditions. On the other hand, if acts of kindness can help to lower cortisol levels, helping you to fight inflammation and strengthen your immune system. 4. Improved self-esteem A four-year study focused on adolescents evaluated the effects of being kind to those who need help, for example, through volunteering. The findings, published in 2016, showed that all acts of kindness improved the participants’ self-esteem, irrespective of how big or small those acts were. “People who integrate human kindness into their daily lives have lower cortisol levels... helping you to fight inflammation and strengthen your immune system.” So, how does this happen? Possibly because being kind to others draws attention to the positives in ourselves and reminds us that we are making a difference to improve the lives of others. 5. More fulfilling relationships In a world where suffering and indifference are the norm, showing human kindness can make you stand out among others as a person worth knowing and being friends with. To that effect, there are studies showing that kindness is more attractive that a good physical appearance, and that emphatic people activate parts of the brain that are key to solid relationship building. Takeaway: shifting to human kindness Today, human kindness is needed more than ever. We should all make an effort to not let our busy lives get in the way of altruistic behaviour and to reconnect with the innate gift of human kindness that lies within each one of us. When it comes to kindness, it doesn’t matter if the gesture is big or small, and there are endless ways you can choose kindness over darkness. So, embrace human kindness, make others happier and feel happier yourself. • Main image: Dmytro Zynkevych happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Gratitude | Authenticity | Learning Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during June, but you may not have seen them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. With so much upheaval in the world and some frightening stories dominating the headlines, it's good to know that June also saw its fair share of positive news. If you haven't seen many good news stories from the last month, then this selection should be enough to raise your spirits. 1. Extinct orchid rediscovered in Scotland Let's start with some great news for nature lovers. An orchid species that's so rare it was thought to be extinct has been found growing on a remote Scottish estate. Situated somewhere in the Highlands, the exact location of the plant is being kept a secret since it has not been successfully identified for over two centuries. According to a report by the BBC, the coralroot orchid was unexpectedly rediscovered by an ecologist named Gus Routledge. Meanwhile, another rare orchid specimen also thought to have died out was rediscovered in Vermont, USA. Incredibly, it's thought this example hadn't been seen since 1902! Now, that's what we call flower power! 2. Dance and mindfulness combined help mental health It's long been known that physical activity, such as dance, can help to alleviate bad moods and even lessen the severity of mental health conditions like depression. Mindfulness is also a much-studied area of academic research with respect to mental health. However, according to Adrianna Mendrek, a Professor of Psychology at Bishop's University, writing in the Deccan Herald, when the two are combined there is a noted effect on the somatosensory cortex. This is an area of the brain well-known for its ability to physically alter – a process known as neuroplasticity. Because this part of the brain connects directly to so many others, it's thought that this is why it could help mental health outcomes so readily when both dance and mindfulness are combined. Mindful dancing boosts mental health shutterstock/Prostock-studio 3. Swiss plastics researchers offer hope Materials scientists in Switzerland have teamed up with colleagues in neighbouring Austria to come up with a sustainable source of hydrocarbons for one of the trickiest plastics to recycle – PET (polyethylene terephthalate). They've come up with a plastic that has similar, durable properties, which means it could even be used for bottles and food containers. The difference? According to a report in MENA FN, this material is derived from biomass waste. Key to the technique is retaining sugars within the natural material that can be used to form strong molecular links. It's also hoped the material will soon be used by 3-D printers. 4. Vitamin D may ward off risk of stroke and dementia As reported in numerous press outlets in June, vitamin D deficiency has been found to be a significant contributory factor in the incidence of both stroke and dementia. As a result, it's thought that simply getting more sunlight could be a contributing factor in staving off both conditions, according to researchers at the University of South Australia. In addition to getting more sunlight, researchers think that consuming more oily fish – a good natural source of vitamin D – will help ensure longer-term brain health. RELATED: How to talk to a parent with dementia 5. Drones used to prevent plastics entering the ocean A Dutch firm called RanMarine has developed aquatic drones that are being deployed in the country's waterways to collect plastic rubbish that would otherwise eventually find its way to the sea. According to a story in EuroNews, the drones measure around 1.5m, meaning they are large enough to collect about 160 litres of rubbish on each deployment. The project has already caught the attention of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Many think capturing plastics before they get into the open ocean is much easier and, therefore, a better tactic than trying to deal with them after they've already got there. 6. Video gamers receive a boost to their intelligence Many people think playing video games is a waste of time but recent research sheds new light on this popular activity, even going so far as to suggest it can boost intelligence! A study from a Swedish research institute has concluded that video gaming helped certain cognitive abilities – such as problem-solving – to grow. RELATED: Games are changing our lives... for good! As many as 5,000 children took part in the study and their cognitive abilities were tested two years apart so that their brain development could be established over time. Overall, the researchers found that screen time wasn't necessarily bad and that, on average, cognitive function was improved among those playing video games. Given the world has been enjoying video games since the 1970s, this is great news for gamers. Playing video games could boost intelligence shutterstock/LightField studios 7. Smart CO2 energy battery launched in Italy The Italian island of Sardinia is home to a new CO2 battery, a green technology that offers a long-duration storage option for renewable energy. According to Claudio Spadaccini, the CEO behind the project, the breakthrough technology is already commercially available to make cost-effective renewable energy on a worldwide scale. The idea is that CO2 batteries are less costly and better for the global environment than lithium-ion alternatives because they require no mining and used a closed-loop system. 8. Wooden wind turbines offer an ecological alternative Wind turbines may create green electricity but they're often made from carbon-intensive materials. However, if sustainable wood can be used instead, then they'll operate in an even more environmentally friendly way over their life cycles. According to a report in Treehugger, this is exactly what one Swedish firm, Modvion, is trying to do. A large-scale prototype to demonstrate the viability of wooden wind turbines is already underway. A 30-metre turbine has already been made. Now, the company is in the process of upscaling the idea to a 100-metre turbine that could soon be commercially available. 9. Coffee consumption could extend life So long as it’s not drunk to excess, coffee may help us to live longer, according to a report by NBC News. A recent UK study of 120,000 people compared mortality rates among coffee drinkers and non-coffee drinkers. It found that people who drank 1.5 to 3.5 cups of coffee a day had a lower risk of death than non-coffee drinkers – even if they added sugar to their daily brew! The study also found that coffee drinking was associated with a decreased risk of kidney disease, Parkinson’s, type-2 diabetes and some cancers. A coffee a day keeps the doctor away? shutterstock/bbernard 10. Optimists are likely to live longer, not just think they will! Here's a great piece of feel-good news to finish on this month. Being optimistic might make you think you will live a long and happy life, but a new study has shown that optimists really do have longer lifespans on average! According to a report in Woman's World – and numerous other outlets – scientists at the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Harvard T.H. Chan School found that positive psychological outlooks correlated not only to longer lifespans but a healthier ageing process among a wide number of different social groups. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Some people still think they will attain happiness through achieving goals or obtaining material things, but science suggests this is not the case. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains why happiness is an inside job and shares a three-step plan to develop your inner joy. Most of us realise that happiness is an inside job on one of two typical occasions. The first is when you get everything you thought you ever wanted... and then you find yourself still unable to find exhilaration in life. The other is when you lose everything you thought you could not do without... and then find out you have to find another way to feel good. I have experienced both such events, and each time I realised: happiness really is an inside job. After all, I cannot let external circumstances dictate how I will feel all of my life, can I? This article will explain why happiness comes from within and support this claim with scientific findings. We will also look into techniques and tools that will help you develop the ability to be happy with what you have at any given moment. Why happiness is an inside job Taking the phrase quite literally, there are two components to the claim that happiness is an inside job we need to think about. Firstly, that happiness happens inside of us. Secondly, that is a job — in other words, not something that happens naturally to us, but something we need to work at. Let us explore both elements. Inside vs outside We all recognize that happiness is an internal experience, a feeling that runs through our being. Still, we mostly expect it to come as a result of external circumstances. Unfortunately, there are many myths surrounding happiness. Sonia Lyubomirsky, a researcher in the field, summarised seven detrimental beliefs we usually hold about the feeling that do us no good. They mostly revolve around a conviction expressed as: “I will be happy when…” (something happens). The “when” is then filled with our individual aspirations – when we find the right partner, have three children, get the perfect job, have a certain amount of money in the bank, live out of our hobbies, travel the world, and so on and so on. Happiness is an inside job: showing gratitude helps shutterstock/Anatoliy Karlyuk The pursuit, theoretically, may never be completed. To simplify things crudely, this is the reason why in Buddhism, yearning is seen as the cause of suffering. I have experienced the manifestation of this truth more than once in my life. The latest incident happened recently. I finally realised a goal I had set for myself three years ago – to invest in real estate. It was a modest investment by all means, but it was enough in my mind. I had been working myself to oblivion for three years to gather enough money and buy a property; a small house in the countryside for my daughter and me to enjoy some time in nature every now and then. “We seem to overlook that we are in control of how we feel; that happiness is an inside job. We need to dedicate some effort to achieving and preserving happiness.” I kept promising myself that once I achieved this goal I would take it easy with work and start enjoying my life a bit more. I will be happily relaxed, knowing that we have everything we need. No more sleepless nights and stressful days filled with fatigue. And then, I caught myself doing something that made it clear to me that happiness is an inside job. I began thinking about starting (and investing more money into) a glamping business at the property I bought! In translation — I cannot just be satisfied about what I finally had achieved, I needed to do more. I may not be satisfied with where I am. I need to relinquish my right to sleep, leisure — and happiness — until I achieve the next goal. Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) What make people happy across the world – happiness in different cultures What is happiness exactly, anyway? So, inevitably, one thing comes to mind. No, I will not be happy with the next thing either. Happiness is an inside job. We choose to be pleased with something or be miserable about this or that. If this were not the case, we would see massive differences in happiness based on various external factors such as age, marital and socioeconomic status, education, religion or competencies. But we do not. Even though consistent and assumably causal, the differences revolve between 10% and 15%. So, there must be some other reason why some people (and nations) are happy regardless of what they have, where and how they live. Indeed, some individuals and cultures seem to know how to maintain peace and contentment regardless of what is happening in their lives and how much they have. And the reason? Those people understand that happiness is an inside job. One cannot rely on good luck or attainments to be joyful. We need to do the work inside. Job vs passivity A detailed look into 15 nations’ beliefs about happiness revealed that people across the world believe that happiness is fragile. We consider it fleeting. When happy, we feel that this may easily turn into a less favourable state. This culture-wide conviction reflects our passivity in the face of emotions. We seem to overlook that we are in control of how we feel, that happiness is an inside job. In other words, we need to dedicate some effort to achieving and preserving happiness. We cannot just wait for something or someone to make us jovial. But how to do the work? If happiness is an inside job, what are the tools of the trade? How to become happier with what you already have Now that we have understood that happiness is an inside job, we need to speak about how to work towards it more. At the basis of every tool I suggest here is one tenet — proactivity. Instinctively, most of us merely go with the flow of events and emotions. Nonetheless, proactive emotion regulation is a key to maintaining resilience in the face of adversities. We give you a few techniques to try in order to learn how to enact the “happiness is an inside job” principle in practice. Before we delve into four practical options, we will look into a concept at their core. Happiness is an inside job primarily dependent on learning and re-learning how we perceive others, ourselves, and our prospects in life. In other words, to become happy regardless of what destiny throws on our path, we need to learn to be optimistic. Nothing speaks of the fact that happiness is an inside job as the concept of learned optimism. It is a notion found in positive psychology postulated by its founding father, Martin Seligman. “When we develop gratefulness, our long-term well-being significantly improves, as has been confirmed by scientific research. So, learn to acknowledge the good in your life and keep counting your blessings.” In essence, learned optimism means acquiring a conviction that we can change our attitudes and behaviours towards life events. And we can decide to have control over how we feel. According to the American Psychological Association’s dictionary, learned optimism is: an explanatory style that attributes causes for negative events to factors that are external, unstable, and specific: That is, problems are believed to be caused by other people or situational factors, the causes are seen as fleeting in nature, and they are localised to one or a few situations in one’s life. Nonetheless, Seligman also warns about the perils of extreme and unrealistic optimism. The techniques to develop a healthy (and healing) dose of optimism are: 1. Being grateful for your blessings Gratefulness means being appreciative of what is valuable and meaningful to yourself. We all have many things to express gratitude for in life on a daily basis. Are you reasonably healthy? Are your loved ones safe? Do you have a roof over your head? Have you already experienced many beautiful moments in your life so far? RELATED: The attitude of gratitude – six reasons why it can change your life And those are merely the basics. Those of us – particularly in the Western world – tend to forget to recognise how blessed and well off we are. Indeed, our natural response is to usually focus on what we do not have, rather than what we do. On the other hand, when we develop gratefulness, our long-term well-being significantly improves, as has been confirmed by scientific research. So, learn to acknowledge the good in your life and keep counting your blessings. 2. Helping others who are in a greater need than yourself When you accept the principle that happiness is an inside job, you develop agency. In order to further expand the learned optimism in you, you should think of helping those in need. Volunteering and contributing will be vastly beneficial and make you realise two things: Helping those in need is a great find inner happiness Firstly, there are so many people out there who are struggling far more than you, but they keep fighting. This will make it even easier to notice how fortunate you are. Secondly, it will give you a sense of power to do some good in the world. This feeling will expand into many areas of your life, including your control over your perceptions and emotions. 3. Challenging and addressing the utility of your negative thoughts and beliefs We are all heavily burdened by our automatic negative thoughts. We rarely even notice them, but they dictate how we feel about life. So, do the work. Observe your immediate reactions to stressors. Then, challenge them. If your automatic reaction to failure is a thought: “I’ll never be successful at this”, ask yourself what you gain from thinking that way? How do you feel? And how do you want to feel? Are there no alternative explanations for the situation? Yes, there are. RELATED: Changing perspective and gaining happiness So, start noticing the potential utility of your pessimism and harsh self-criticism (is it a part of you protecting you from disappointment, for example?). Then make a conscious decision to select another way of looking at things. With repetition, your new set of beliefs and mental habits will set in and help you be happier. Takeaway: Happiness starts from within Life is filled with both ups and downs. We will be endowed with fortune and ill luck. We all know this. However, if we are constantly for a godsend to feel good, we might be in for an uphill battle. Instead, we have a choice. The choice to think of happiness as an inside job — and do the work. Not just the work of tending to your needs, taking care of yourself physically and psychologically, and building healthy relationships. You need to commit to being proactive about your emotions. The key to finding your bliss lies within you. Take control. Be happy. • Main image: shutterstock/Daisy Daisy happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Acceptance | Resilience | Courage | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Are you stuck in constant self-judgment? In a new book, a clinical psychologist suggests a better way to feel good about yourself. By KIRA M. NEWMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Are you a good enough friend, employee, partner or parent? Are you thin, attractive, smart and nice enough? If you have doubts about yourself, you’re not alone. In fact, clinical psychologist Ronald D. Siegel has heard them from many of the clients he’s worked with over nearly 40 years – and grappled with them himself, despite being an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School. “I noticed that there was one painful struggle almost everyone seemed to share: the relentless quest to feel better about themselves,” he writes in his new book The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary. In fact, he explains, most of us go about our days with “self-evaluative thoughts” rattling through our brains: concerns about our performance at work, disappointment about what we see in the mirror, judgments of our lovability based on the last conversation we had. Even when we feel good about ourselves, that feeling is fragile, ready to be shattered by the next blow to our self-image. Instead of this self-referential chatter, Siegel suggests another way of being based on connecting with others rather than proving ourselves to them. His book offers tips for working with the feelings of “not good enough” and building a stable sense of happiness. Why self-evaluation hurts Although constantly evaluating our worth is exhausting, it’s also very human. “The propensity to evaluate ourselves and compare ourselves to others, which was once useful for survival, is actually hardwired into the human brain,” Siegel writes. To win the evolutionary race and reproduce, early humans had to compete with others for status, Siegel explains. Comparing ourselves to others, now an unfortunate side effect of social media, was once a survival skill. And being exiled from the tribe was a matter of life and death, so fears of rejection linger. Shift your focus from yourself to others and feel better Today, concerns about our adequacy can take different forms in each person. Maybe you want to feel special and get good grades, or be attractive and make more money. Maybe you just want to be liked and have enough friends. Or maybe what’s important to you is feeling educated, creative, and talented enough. In response to these feelings, Siegel explains, we try to do everything we can to prove to ourselves and others that we are these things: good, generous, strong, successful, sexy. But that doesn’t work either. “It’s actually our relentless trying to feel good about ourselves that causes much of our distress,” he writes. How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques These 4 NLP techniques will change how you think How to stop ruminating with these 3 techniques For example, research suggests that people who pursue external rewards like fame, power, wealth, and beauty in order to be popular are more anxious, depressed, and discontent compared to those who are focused on personal growth, relationships and helping others. When our goals are external like that, we may find ourselves falling short all the time. There are always people doing better, so we can feel constantly judged. And if we ever hit a goal we had set for ourselves, we often just raise the bar again. “The propensity to evaluate ourselves and compare ourselves to others, which was once useful for survival, is actually hardwired into the human brain.” “Always performing, we rarely get a break to feel content or at peace,” Siegel writes. A preoccupation with being good enough can also get in the way of connecting with others. When we perceive any kind of criticism from friends or coworkers, we may feel threatened and get defensive. Then, our habit of self-judgment can spill over into harshly judging others – which, surprise surprise, people don’t really appreciate. And if we constantly feel insecure, we might try too hard to be liked, or be too afraid to put ourselves out there in the first place. Over the years, writes Siegel, all those times when we felt not good enough become a “pool of accumulated sadness, hurt and shame” that can be triggered by things that happen in our daily lives. That weight is hard to carry. “Just think of how wonderful a day would be without worrying so much about how well you’re doing and what others think of you, instead simply enjoying life,” he writes. How to feel good about yourself Instead of trying to do more so we can finally feel worthy, writes Siegel, the solution lies in shifting the focus altogether: from self to others. That means building our relationships and practising skills like compassion, gratitude and forgiveness. In any given interaction, that means focusing on connecting rather than impressing. Show compassion and gratitude in friendships shutterstock/fizkes You can also tackle your feelings of shame directly. As researcher Brené Brown has pointed out, shame thrives in secrecy, and Siegel encourages readers to share their imperfections and foibles with others. More often than not, you’ll find that you’re not alone, and we all have aspects of ourselves that we’re less than proud of. He also suggests having a bit of a dialogue with your inner critic, asking them: “What are you afraid would happen if you weren’t doing such a good job criticizing me?” Then, you can turn to the wounded, insecure parts of yourself and ask: “What might you need right now?” The goal, according to Siegel, is to develop “unconditional self-acceptance,” an attitude similar to what you’d get from a good parent: “I’ll love you no matter what.” That doesn’t mean we don’t hold ourselves to certain standards, or feel disappointed when we fall short of them, but our missteps don’t damage our value as a human being. “We can work to develop this feeling of acceptance whether or not we behave intelligently, correctly, or competently and whether or not others respect, love, or approve of our behavior – separating our evaluation of our abilities and behaviors from this sense of meaning or worth,” writes Siegel. Instead of trying to do more so we can finally feel worthy, writes Siegel, the solution lies in shifting the focus altogether: from self to others. That means building our relationships and practising skills like compassion, gratitude and forgiveness. “Instead of trying to do more so we can finally feel worthy, the solution lies in shifting the focus altogether: from self to others.” That’s easier said than done, of course. One way to move toward this kind of self-acceptance is to realize that your self-standards may not be ones you chose in the first place; you may have unconsciously drifted from your core values as you moved through the world and were exposed to the opinions of others. For example, what do you think makes someone good and worthy, and where did those beliefs come from? What are the arbitrary rules that you expect yourself to follow? He also suggests trying to be imperfect on purpose: missing an exit on the highway, singing in public, or not getting dressed up to leave the house. (If you’re like me, that all sounds very cringey – which is a good sign we need it.) We can come to see that we’re all just ordinary human beings who are smart but also dumb, conscientious but also lazy, skilled but also inept, adored and rejected, and all of this is in constant flux,” Siegel writes. Ultimately, he says, a sense of connection to all of humanity and to beings everywhere is what will most help us overcome our self-doubts. We’ll see that everyone is just muddling along on this finite journey through life together. • Main image: shutterstock/TheVisualsYouNeed happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Trust | Acceptance | Letting go Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu