Search the Community

Buddhism is a globally-practiced faith, but how did it diffuse from its birthplace? Ann Vrlak explores the spread of Buddhism, from a village in modern-day Nepal to the Western world. Buddhism was born in a village in the Indian sub-continent over 2,500 years ago. Today, it is a global faith practiced by about 7% of the world’s population – over 500 million people. The Buddha’s teachings on suffering, impermanence and the path to personal freedom spoke to people in all walks of life. His broad understanding of human psychology made his teachings accessible. People could relate the values and beliefs to their own struggles. Buddhism is a non-theistic religion, so it was well suited to blend with other regional traditions and cultures – to influence them and be influenced by them. Buddhism’s emphasis on personal growth and responsibility most often enriched other traditions, rather than conflicting with them. If you didn't already know, this is called “syncretism” – the integration of different cultures, philosophies or religions. The Early Movement of Buddhism There was, of course, no technology in 500 BCE – no phones, no email and definitely no internet! The spread of Buddhism literally happened by word of mouth, through trade routes, missionary work, influential leaders and cultural exchanges of the time. Like.a butterfly, Buddhism travelled wide and far! One of the most powerful patrons of Buddhism’s early spread was Emperor Ashoka whose Maurya Empire included most of what we now know as India and Iran. Ashoka’s conversion to Buddhism in the 3rd century BCE was profound. He used his vast resources to establish monasteries and build sacred Buddhist structures (called stupas). His missionaries spread Buddhism throughout Central and Southeast Asia, as well as Sri Lanka. Buddhism Diffuses Through the Trade Routes The spread of Buddhism was accelerated by the vast web of trade routes of the Silk Road, stretching from China, through India and Persia, into some corners of the Mediterranean. Buddhism eventually took hold in China around the 2nd century CE, through waves of merchants and monks who brought Buddhist teachings and artefacts. The sharing of goods came with the sharing of Buddhist ideas and practices. Buddhism’s expansion can be seen in archaeological evidence along the Silk Road. There are many ruins of monasteries along the way, with remnants of written scriptures. “The spread of Buddhism was accelerated by the vast web of trade routes of the Silk Road, stretching from China, through India and Persia.” One of the most breathtaking sites is the Mogao Caves of China, built around 300 CE. The Caves are a UNESCO World Heritage Centre that features an ornate temple, a labyrinth of caves, miles of murals and thousands of sculptures. They tell the story of the rich Buddhist culture that thrived along trade corridors. Buddhism spread further throughout Asia, along with the expansion of trade in China, as well as Korea, Japan and Tibet. Historians date the first sustained contact with China during the Han Dynasty from 200 BCE to 200 CE. Ancient stupa in the Himalayas, Nepal Like other regions, there was the cross-pollination of values and practices between Buddhism and the Chinese traditions of Taoism and Confucianism. For example, the Taoist idea of wu wei (meaning “effortless action”) influenced Buddhist approaches to meditation. Another branch of Chinese Buddhism – Ch’an later known as Zen – migrated to Japan in the 6th century CE where it remains an enduring branch of Buddhism. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? The Dalai Lama is the most recognized leader of Tibetan Buddhism. This form of Buddhism is a rich spiritual tradition, with a vast range of meditation practices, many aimed at helping practitioners reconnect with the wisdom of the body. You may have seen elaborate images from this tradition that portray deities who embody aspects of the awakened mind – from anger that provides energy for change, to benevolent deities who personify compassion. The other predominant form of Buddhism from Tibet is Vajrayana that arose in the 8th century CE. Vajrayana is founded on esoteric practices that create a “direct path” to enlightenment, through intense meditation, study, visualization and time spent in a monastic environment. Buddhism Spreads into the West Buddhism reached Western society in Europe and North America in the 19th and 20th century, through a growing academic interest in Buddhist texts and the arrival of prominent teachers. The thread of individualism in Buddhist teaching – that personal growth and understanding is the core of spiritual life – fit well with the personal autonomy valued in Western culture. Buddhism encouraged personal exploration and validation of The Silk Road propelled the spread of Buddhism In the early 1900s, Buddhism spread to Europe and America through a network of Buddhist centres where people could learn meditation and Buddhist philosophy. Buddhist organizations sprang up to offer retreats, workshops and sangha – a group of people with the same aspirations who support each other. A Global Community The greatest concentration of Buddhist practitioners remains in the East, predominantly in Thailand, China and Japan. There is also widespread interest in Canada, the US and the UK. “In the early 1900s, Buddhism spread to Europe and America through a network of centres where people could learn meditation and Buddhist philosophy.” But, no matter where you are in the world today, you will likely be able to find a Buddhist study group or centre. You can also find ways to learn and practice through reputable online communities. RELATED: How To Practice Buddhism For Beginners Buddhism has played a central role in the explosion of interest in meditation and mindfulness over the last few decades. Seekers are drawn to the many forms of practice that can teach valuable skills for well-being, like cultivating compassion, concentration and equanimity. The different facets of Buddhism allow people to choose how they would like to begin – with a daily meditation practice, studying values and philosophy, or even choosing a period of monastic life. Takeaway: how buddhism spread The expansion of Buddhism from a town in the Indian sub-continent to a global religion is a true success story – and it is still being written. The practicality and adaptability of the Buddha’s teachings have allowed it to fuse with other philosophies and religions, in different places and in different times. Indeed, modern society’s embrace of Buddhist practices is a testament to the ongoing resilience of the Buddha’s path. • Images shutterstock/Belight, shutterstock/kiwisoul, shutterstock/Erman Gunes, happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Altruism | Acceptance Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Setbacks and disappointments in life are inevitable but it's possible to overcome them. It's essential to not let such obstacles impact on our confidence or make us resentful. Learn how to deal with disappointment effectively with these 8 tips from Dee Marques. I still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I read the first sentence of that email: “We regret to inform you that…”. It hit me hard. I'd spent weeks preparing for the interview for my dream job, planning a getaway to celebrate my new role, imagining myself at the fancy office – only to be rejected. And then there are the smaller, everyday letdowns that seem to come all at once: dates that get cancelled last minute, products or services that don’t live up to the hype, a recipe that doesn’t turn out right, etc. Disappointment comes in many forms and is an inevitable part of life. We all face it, whether in relationships, at work, or within ourselves. But despite how common it is, disappointment can still feel deeply personal and overwhelming. And since we all experience it sooner or later, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence. Let's look in detail at this common emotion and explore practical ways of dealing with disappointment in different aspects of life. What’s the meaning of disappointment? We usually feel disappointed whenever our expectations or hopes are not met. When we anticipate a positive outcome, our brain releases large amounts of dopamine, the “happy hormone”, but dopamine levels drop to zero when things don’t work out as expected. Setbacks at work are common: try to reframe disappointment Not only that, but scientists have noticed that disappointment activates the brain’s pain centres, so this can be quite a complex emotion that triggers secondary emotions like sadness, hurt, betrayal, frustration, inadequacy, grief, or anger, so sometimes it can be difficult to tell what it is exactly that we’re feeling. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Ideas That Work When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! How to Prime Your Mind For Optimism Although disappointment is a normal emotion, letting it fester inside you can breed resentment against yourself, other people, or life itself, which can create a lot of physical and mental tension, being linked to anxiety and stress. Overcoming disappointment: early experiences matter We’re all let down at some point in life, but we handle it differently. This is because our early experiences shape our strategies for dealing with disappointment. For example, children who have their emotions dismissed or minimised by adults as they face disappointment are more likely to develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or shame. And if a child is told to “be tough” when they’re let down, they might not allow themselves to admit they’re disappointed later in life, since they’ll see it as a form of weakness. “Since we all experience it, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence.” Similarly, children who are scolded when they suffer a setback can develop the belief that failure will make them unlovable, and may start to underachieve to avoid potential failure. However, some will do the opposite, becoming perfectionists to prevent any chance of disappointment (impossible!). Dealing with disappointment: 8 tips to try today Here’s the interesting thing: if the way we react to disappointment is learned, this means we can always learn a new way to handle it. So let’s look at some suggestions on how to deal with disappointment. How to deal with disappointment in relationships and friendships Friends and romantic partners often let us down. Here's how to handle it: 1. Manage expectations No human being is perfect, so no relationship is perfect either. In fact, researchers estimate that 70% of the problems couples experience can’t be “solved”. Interpersonal relationships move along a continuum of harmony and disharmony, convergence and divergence. Acknowledging our differences is the basis for more genuine relationships and can also help us learn about our partner’s or friends’ needs and internal mechanisms. 2. Open communication If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better and strengthen the relationship. 3. Set boundaries Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs and in all circumstances. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, consider redefining the relationship to align with your needs and set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Setting boundaries can help overcome disappointment from others Dealing with disappointment at work Failed to get that promotion or rise? Coworker constantly stealing your light? Here are some suggestions for handling work disappointments. 4. Reframe setbacks Author Brad Warner says that “disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were”. Next time you’re let down at work, support your brain in this readjustment or recalibration by changing your narrative about what happened. “Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, set boundaries.” For example, if you didn’t get promoted this time, instead of thinking “all my efforts were for nothing, maybe I'm just not good enough for this company”, try: “this doesn’t invalidate my work. I’ll try to understand better what the company values are and focus on what I can do next to keep advancing”. 5. Don’t linger on the “what-ifs” Avoid blaming yourself, ruminating, or dwelling on what-if scenarios, as this can only lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, acknowledge that you did your best and that is something to be proud of. You never want to get to the point of thinking 'why do I hate my life?'. 6. Distract yourself Avoid placing all your self-worth or sense of identity on a single career goal. Instead, after a disappointment, find ways to distract yourself with things that bring you joy outside of work. Overcoming disappointment in daily life Life is full of joy but also regular disappointments! Acceptance is key to dealing with the situation. 7. Sit with disappointment mindfully Deep breathing exercises, a mindfulness meditation session, or a body scan can help you stay grounded in the moment while you allow yourself to experience disappointment without avoiding your feelings or over-reacting to them. Accept feelings of disappointment and handle the emotion 8. Acknowledge your feelings Disappointment can be enmeshed with other emotions, so it’s best to address one emotion at the time. Ask yourself what you're feeling. Is it rage? Then maybe you need to life off steam with a gym session or practise meditation for anger. Is it sadness? Having a good cry does wonders for releasing emotion. Dealing with disappointment in yourself Of course, in addition to being disappointed in other people or in circumstances and things, we can also experience disappointment in ourselves. This can happen when we fail to meet our own standards or goals, which can make us feel self-doubt and low self-esteem. “If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better.” When it comes to overcoming disappointment in yourself, first embrace self-compassion. Self-disappointment arises from a discrepancy between our actual self and our ideal self, so letdowns are an opportunity to give your actual self kindness and compassion – this is when you need it the most! RELATED: How to Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques This experience also offers an opportunity to reflect and adjust your perceptions. Analyse your reaction to disappointment. Did it make you want to not try ever again? Or did it trigger the perfectionist in you? These may be learned responses that stem from your childhood. If they don’t serve you, it’s time to adjust them. The takeaway: how to deal with disappointment Although disappointment is challenging, every time it surfaces it offers us a valuable opportunity for introspection and growth. The path to growth through disappointment starts with understanding that the way we react to it is a learned or “inherited” response that we can modify if it has a negative impact on us. And by trying some of the coping strategies listed above, you can transform disappointment from being a source of distress into a catalyst for resilience and growth. Remember that the way we respond to life's setbacks shapes our journey far more than the setbacks themselves. To end this article on dealing with disappointment, I want to leave you with a favourite quote from sociologist W.E.B. Dubois: “Strive for that greatness of spirit that measures life not by its disappointments but by its possibilities”. • Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages - Yuri A, shutterstock/baranq, shutterstock/Krakenimages.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Relationship advice | Resilience | Hormones Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Feeling bloated interferes with daily activities and affects your mood. Dee Marques recommends the best teas that help with bloating and gas so you feel better – fast. Digestive disorders have been on the rise for a long time. Indeed, it’s estimated that up to 15 per cent of the world’s population suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and a growing number of us are affected by food intolerances and allergies. These conditions have many symptoms in common, and bloating is one of them. Luckily, something as simple as drinking a herbal teas can help you debloat and help digestion. But before looking at the best teas for bloating and gas, let's take a look at some of the possible causes of such these common digestive issues. Of course, a bloated stomach isn’t always a symptom of disease, but it’s still uncomfortable and can affect our mood and interfere with everyday activities. In fact, researchers have found that the quality of life in people with digestive conditions is similar to people with clinical depression. Nature's way: drinking herbal teas can relieve bloating and gas There are different things that cause digestive discomfort, including: Functional problems, like constipation, indigestion, IBS or stomach ulcers. Harmful habits like eating too fast, not chewing food properly, smoking, or excessive consumption of refined sugars (fizzy drinks, sweets, etc.). Hormonal fluctuation caused by menopause, pregnancy, PMS, or thyroid imbalances. Emotional distress, stress, depression or anxiety. Because the digestive system is controlled by the nervous system, any spike in stress or anxiety triggers the release of stress hormones. The gut-brain connection is now well documented. The digestive system is home to more than 100 million nerve endings, which is why some call the gut “our second brain” and is also why negative emotional states can trigger digestive complaints, including bloating. “Herbal teas have been used for centuries to boost digestive health and alleviate digestive complaints.” If bloating and gas are caused by a functional problem, you’ll need help from a healthcare professional and simple lifestyle changes can help if bloating is due to bad habits or to stress. In most cases, you’ll also benefit from a tried-and-tested way of relieving gas and bloating: herbal teas. In fact, herbal teas have been used for centuries to boost digestive health and alleviate digestive complaints, and they’re a common remedy in traditional and alternative medicine. Let's look at the most gut-friendly herbal teas, which you can experiment with to find the best tea to debloat and eliminate gas. Best teas for bloating and gas: 8 infusions to try Sick of regularly feeling bloated and uncomfortable? The eight teas below help with digestion can help you debloat fast. Stock up your kitchen cupboard and find out which one works best for you. 1. Ginger Ginger contains enzymes that keep fluids and food moving along the digestive system. Studies show that it increases stomach emptying too. As someone who has struggled with bloating for years, I find myself reaching for fresh ginger root every time I feel the bloat. What tea helps with digestion? Ginger is a winner! In fact, for me, ginger tea truly is the most effective debloat tea as it always seems to sooth my swollen stomach. However, ginger may not suitable for people whose bloating is caused by stomach ulcers, so bear that in mind. 2. Peppermint Ranking high in our list of best teas for bloating and gas is peppermint, one of the most widely available herbal teas. Peppermint has anti-spasmodic properties, so it’s useful to soothe bloating due to cramping. In fact, a 2011 study found certain compounds in this plant (such as menthol) can generate a pain relief response in the gut and are useful for IBS-related bloating. However, peppermint isn’t recommended if you suffer from acid reflux or indigestion. MORE LIKE THIS: The 15 Best Prebiotics to Include in Your Diet Fasting And Autophagy How to Heal Your Gut: 7 Ideas to Restore Belly Health 3. Liquorice Liquorice is used in traditional Chinese medicine as a remedy against stomach ulcers, gas and inflammation, and also to strengthen the digestive system. Furthermore, this root has a long history of health applications dating back to ancient Egypt. Liquorice root is very high in flavonoids, which are known to have anti-inflammatory properties. It’s also rich in triterpenes, compounds which have been found to be anti-viral that help if bloating is due to food poisoning. Furthermore, liquorice has a mild diuretic effect, which is beneficial if bloating is caused by water retention. 4. Chamomile Next in this list of the best teas that help with bloating is chamomile, which is well-known for its medicinal value. Chamomile tea is safe for most digestive conditions and has an anti-inflammatory and anti-spasmodic effect, as it can lower stomach acidity. “Ranking high in the list of best teas for bloating is peppermint. This herbal tea has anti-spasmodic properties, so it’s useful to soothe bloating due to cramping.” What’s more, chamomile is a natural sleep aid and several studies confirm its calming and de-stressing effect. If you find chamomile a bit bland, you can mix it with the other debloat teas on this list – such as peppermint – or add some honey to sweeten. 5. Fennel Fennel is one of the lesser-known herbal teas for bloating. Fennel seeds have an anti-inflammatory effect due to their high anethole content. This compound is also found in anise and lab studies found it can block the body’s inflammatory response. Moreover, fennel is high in fibre, so it encourages bowel function and is a great choice if your digestion is sluggish. Chamomile is another effective debloat tea 6. Hibiscus Beautiful hibiscus flowers aren’t just pretty. Hibiscus has a balancing effect on aldosterone, which is the hormone responsible for keeping the kidneys efficiently processing water and salts and for keeping electrolytes in check. It's definitely the best tea for bloating if you struggle with water retention! This flower is packed with Vitamin C and antioxidants that can strengthen the gut’s function, and studies confirm it can inhibit E.coli, a bacteria that causes gas and bloating. 7. Turmeric Turmeric has been used in Ayurvedic medicine to treat digestive complaints for thousands of years, and is another clear debloat tea option in my books. Turmeric root contains curcumin, which stimulates gallbladder function so that the stomach can break foods down. “Turmeric has been used in Ayurvedic medicine to treat digestive complaints for thousands of years, and is another clear debloat tea option.” Furthermore, studies show that curcumin likes to stay in the digestive system for up to 30 minutes, and other research shows that it has beneficial effects in people affected by colitis. You can drink it on its own or mix it with other warming spices, like cardamom, star anise, and cloves, to make your own version of masala chai tea. 8. Lemon balm Like liquorice, lemon balm is high in triterpenes and has a refreshing flavour. The European Medicine Agency has confirmed its value in helping relieve gas, bloating and slow digestion. In traditional Iranian medicine, lemon balm is considered the best tea for bloating due to its high anti-oxidant content, which can reinforce digestive health. Takeaway: best tea for gas and bloating Nature really is your best ally when it comes to beating bloating and gas. The herbal teas and infusions listed here can help soothe the digestive system and strengthen its function so that you’re less prone to episodes of bloating, especially if you commit to a healthy diet and develop positive lifestyle habits. So, what’s the best tea for bloating and gas in your experience? Share what works well for you in the comments below! • Images: shutterstock/Alex Yuzhakov, shutterstock/dikis, shutterstock/Yakobchuk Viacheslav happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Herbalism | Vegetarianism | Gut health Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Buddhism is a religion based on the Buddha's teachings. Ann Vrlak explains how beginners can learn how to practice Buddhism by following the concepts and practices in the Buddha’s roadmap, such as The Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. Is meditation a Buddhist practice? Many people think so, and in fact, that it best describes “what Buddhists do.” But, if you have ever actually wondered how to become a Buddhist, there is so much more to it than mindfulness meditation! This worldwide religion, founded by the Buddha over 2,500 years ago, is a comprehensive system of values, practices and beliefs that offers a roadmap to create a happy and healthy life. What is Buddhism? Like Christianity, Buddhism began with one extraordinary person who was deeply troubled by the suffering and injustice of many people’s lives. He immersed himself in the religious beliefs of the day, hoping to understand and help alleviate human suffering. RELATED: How Did Buddhism Spread? The teachings that emerged from the Buddha’s transformation are both a religion and a philosophy, based on the core belief that everyone has the capacity to awaken. Beginners can practice Buddhism by following its philosophy and ethics Even though our lives would be almost unrecognisable to people from Buddha's time, our inner lives are not so different. People in all places and times worry about those they care about, feel hunger and loneliness, and have conflicts with others. Becoming a Buddhist means being interested in these eternal questions: why do we suffer and is there a way to end it? How to Practice Buddhism As well as there being different branches or types of Buddhism, there are many ways to get into it – through its philosophy, ethics or practices. The best place to begin is to ask yourself: “Why am I interested in becoming a Buddhist?” Are feelings of depression or anxiety becoming all too common for you? Do you want to start a meditation practice? Would you like to be more compassionate with your friends and family? “The ultimate goal of practicing Buddhism is to break free from the cycle of samsara and reach nirvana.” Whatever your answer is right now, Buddhism is a great place to begin because it shows you how to use your personal situations and experiences to deepen the connection with your own inner wisdom. The Buddha’s System The Buddha’s roadmap combines a deep understanding of human psychology with our spiritual aspirations. The following concepts and practices build on each other in ways that strengthen balance and ease. 1. The Four Noble Truths The foundation of practicing Buddhism is the Four Noble Truths: Human life inevitably involves suffering or dukkha (“unsatisfactoriness”) This suffering is caused by the desire for something that is not present and by resistance to what is present The end of desire is the end of suffering through accepting the reality of the present The way to end desire is to follow the Eightfold Path 2. Eightfold Path The Buddha’s Eightfold Path answers the question of exactly how to practice Buddhism. “But what does this look like in my everyday situations and challenges? What do I do?” You can begin to change your thoughts and actions by practicing: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Meditation is a key component of practicing Buddhism Practicing Right View, for example, means seeing your anxiety about a health diagnosis through an understanding of the Four Noble Truths. Right Speech means striving to communicate with compassion, rather than irritation, and not gossiping about others or telling lies. 3. The Five Precepts Along with encouraging actions that support your path, Buddhism suggests actions to avoid – you strengthen behaviours that lead to wisdom and weaken those that lead to suffering. The Five Precepts help practitioners along the way by avoiding: doing harm stealing sexual misconduct harsh speech intoxication 4. Karma and Samsara The Buddhists tie together the long view of practicing Buddhism with concepts of karma and samsara: how our actions shape our lives – both in this life and in the cycle of birth, death and rebirth, known as “samsara.” “Along with philosophy and guidelines for action, meditation is one of the foundational tools for practicing Buddhism.” Karma explains that what we put into the world, good and bad, returns to us in kind. Harmful actions create suffering and keep us bound in samsara. The ultimate goal of practicing Buddhism is to break free from the cycle of samsara and reach nirvana. Karma: our actions shape our lives How to Practice Buddhism with Meditation Along with philosophy and guidelines for action, meditation is one of the foundational tools for practicing Buddhism. Many different forms of Buddhist meditation have flourished, with most falling into these three types of practice: Mindfulness Meditation Mindfulness meditation is the key way of practicing Buddhism. You learn to observe your experience with some objectivity. “What thoughts am I having and how are they affecting me?” “What emotions are here when I’m arguing with my spouse?” Becoming a Buddhist starts with this kind of curious, non-judgemental self-awareness. Lovingkindness Meditation The practice of kindness and compassion is essential to help us be with the realities of day-to-day human suffering. Lovingkindness meditation teaches you to notice criticism of yourself or others, and instead choose warmth and acceptance. Concentration Awareness and attention are considered superpowers in Buddhism. Your experience of life and your ability to act wisely depend on being able to put your attention where you want it – and to keep it there in spite of distractions or discomfort. Meditation for focus can help you with that. For example, you can learn to focus on your breath to calm your anger. You can also learn to turn your heart inward and practice self-compassion if you're lost in self-blame. Learn More About Becoming a Buddhist There are many (many!) places to learn how to practice Buddhism. You can explore some of our best meditation book recommendations by Buddhist teachers. If you’re interested in how Buddhist practices affect your brain, Buddha’s Brain by psychologist Rick Hanson is a fascinating read! “Becoming a Buddhist means being interested in these eternal questions: why do we suffer and is there a way to end it?” Many meditation apps like Headspace and Calm incorporate Buddhist principles and practices. A relatively new offering, Healthy Minds, is a comprehensive, free app that blends Buddhist principles and practices with neuroscience. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? If you like podcasts, check out the huge libraries at The Secular Buddhism Podcast or Audio Dharma for content by monks, teachers and psychologists. How to get into Buddhism: further steps If you want to learn more about Buddhism, you may consider joining one of the many Buddhist communities – online or in person – or even pursuing living as a monk for a period of time. A spiritual community, or sangha, is one of the most powerful ways to integrate practicing Buddhism into everyday life while having the support of others. Many established Buddhist centres offer short term retreats as a place to begin your exploration. Nirvana is the ultimate aim of practicing Buddhism These centres can also guide you if you want to take the plunge into a monastic life. Two of the most reputable monasteries worldwide are based on the teachings of Ajahn Chah and Thích Nhất Hạnh (Plum Village). Takeaway: how to practice Buddhism The ancient practice of Buddhism is no less relevant today in our modern world. In fact, many modern psychologists are Buddhists or use Buddhist approaches to reducing anxiety, fostering self-compassion and building stronger connections with people we care about. You can start small with a 15-minute daily meditation, listen to a podcast or dive in with a weekend retreat. Remember that Buddhism starts with self-knowledge. Becoming a Buddhist involves you staying in the driver’s seat from the beginning, choosing where you want to go and which practices suit your interest best. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Cyril Hou, shutterstock/Semachkovsky, shutterstock AI generator happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Dalai Lama | Acceptance | Altruism | Spirituality Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

As one of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism, Thích Nhất Hạnh continues to have a major influence around the world. We share some of the best Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes and take a deeper look at his teachings. Thích Nhất Hạnh is recognised internationally as one of the most influential figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism. Having been ordained as a monk in 1949, Nhất Hạnh has since written more than 100 books and has travelled the world, imparting wisdom and sharing his philosophy on life. Over a period of almost 70 years, Nhất Hạnh built a lasting legacy through his lessons on meditation, self-awareness, understanding, peace, love and non-violent conflict resolution. Thích Nhất Hạnh passed away in 2022 after a long life dedicated to his mission. Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes: engaged Buddhism 'Engaged Buddhism' is a term coined by Thích Nhất Hạnh, with its first known usage coming in his 1967 book, Vietnam: Lotus in a Sea of Fire. As a philosophy, it was heavily influenced by the Buddhism practised and taught by Master Tai Xu, who was influential in helping to reform Chinese Buddhism. While Tai Xu advocated what he referred to as human-life Buddhism, Nhất Hạnh developed this philosophy further. Essentially, the 'Engaged Buddhism' he teaches focuses on using the insight gained through meditation and dharma teachings to ease economic, social and political suffering within society. “When bombs begin to fall on people, you cannot stay in the meditation hall all of the time. Meditation is about the awareness of what is going on — not only in your body and in your feelings, but all around you.” Thích Nhất Hạnh The Thích Nhất Hạnh quote above actually originates from an interview with Lion's Roar magazine and perfectly captures Nhất Hạnh's core belief in 'Engaged Buddhism', which became especially important to him and his spiritual community in the midst of the Vietnam War, during which they aided those that were experiencing the horrors. Thích Nhất Hạnh's influence lives on in his quotes and books Nhất Hạnh saw the help they provided as being part of their mindfulness and meditation practice, rather than something separate from it. What this particular Thích Nhất Hạnh quote demonstrates is the belief that meditation can (and should) extend beyond the self, due to the insight and perspective it provides. Quotes on: The Enemies of Man Over the years, Thích Nhất Hạnh has often used his influence and wisdom to stress the importance of recognising the fact that the true 'enemies of man' are ideological, rather than physical. The most famous example of this philosophy being put into words came in the mid 1960s, in a letter written to Martin Luther King. In it, Nhất Hạnh wrote that the enemies of monks in Vietnam were not man, but "intolerance, fanaticism, dictatorship, cupidity, hatred and discrimination". He also opined that in the civil rights struggle in the US, Martin Luther King's enemies were not specific human beings, but "intolerance, hatred and discrimination". “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” Thích Nhất Hạnh This Thích Nhất Hạnh quote is an interesting extension of the basic 'Enemies of Man' teaching. Once again, it centres on the idea that we should not see those who do wrong as our enemies, or as people in need to punishment or retribution, but instead as people who can be helped, or who are in need of help. MORE LIKE THIS: The Hearth of Buddhism: the Birthplace of Buddha Who is Jon Kabat-Zinn, the Master of Mindfulness? Jack Kornfield: Mindfulness Teacher and Author Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, Nhất Hạnh continued to promote the virtues of non-violence, even in retaliation to violent actions. These words help us to understand the deep-rooted beliefs that made this possible for him. Quotes on: embracing science Another key teaching that has come to define Thích Nhất Hạnh's philosophy is his view that traditional Zen Buddhist practices can work in conjunction with science. In particular, he embraced Western psychological research and utilised aspects when teaching Buddhist Psychology at Vạn Hanh Buddhist University and Cornell University. RELATED: How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners It's only through embracing science in this way that ancient wisdom can play a meaningful role in the modern world. This concept is explored in several of Nhất Hạnh's published works, including the 1992 book, The Diamond That Cuts Through Illusion and Understanding Our Mind from 2001. “Aware of the suffering created by intolerance, we are determined not to be bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are guiding means to help us learn to develop our understanding and compassion. They are not doctrines to fight, kill, or die for.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Appearing in his 1987 book entitled Being Peace, this quote from Thích Nhất Hạnh emphasises the extent to which he discourages dogmatic adherence to any particular set of teachings, because such inflexible attitudes inevitably lead to conflict and, ultimately, suffering, rather than happiness, peace and contentment. Instead, one of Nhất Hạnh's most important philosophies is related to the value of being open to new ideas, being willing to challenge existing ones and being adaptable to new research, evidence and technology. There is, after all, wisdom in letting go of bias and recognising that the concept of 'truth' can be fluid, rather than absolute. Thích Nhất Hạnh travelled all over the globe, sharing his knowledge Quotes on: love and infatuation In more recent years, Thích Nhất Hạnh's teachings have placed an emphasis on the concept of love and on defining precisely what it is. In his 2015 book How to Love, he argues that the ideas of 'love' and 'understanding' are inextricably linked. “Understanding is love's other name,” he writes. With this as the starting point, Nhất Hạnh is able to de-construct the difference between love and infatuation. Love, he says, is about understanding another person and their suffering. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a distraction from one's own suffering and understanding is replaced with fantasy, illusion and projecting ideas onto someone. “If our parents didn't love and understand each other, how are we to know what love looks like? The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Finally, this Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, which also appears in his 2015 book How to Love, neatly sums up one of the most significant conclusions he draws, which is that love is something which can be seen and learned. “If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all,” Nhất Hạnh writes. As Maria Popova points out, this is in-keeping with what psychologists know about the role of 'positivity resonance' in learning how to love. Once again, this quote shows how Thích Nhất Hạnh's traditional Zen Buddhist philosophy can operate in perfect harmony with modern scientific research and reasoning. ● Images: d nelson - arrival, CC BY 2.0, Duc (pixiduc), CC BY-SA 2.0 and mettabebe - Thich Nhat Hanh at festival in Da Nang, CC BY-SA 2.0 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism

Can 12 ideas be described as constituting pillars of well-being? Ed Gould examines the ideas of leading psychologist Rick Hanson that can help you optimize your happiness. An expert in his field and creator of the 12 pillars of well-being, Rick Hanson is the author of several books on happiness and well-being. In Hardwiring Happiness, for example, the eminent psychologist discusses how recent scientific studies have led to a greater understanding of the correlations between neural structures and mental well-being. A senior fellow of the Greater Good Science Centre at University College Berkeley, Hanson's scientific ideas have featured in many news features around the world, such as with the BBC and CBS. He has spoken at Oxford, Stanford and Harvard universities, to name but a few. Gratitude: one of the 12 pillars of well-being However, Rick Hanson is probably best known as the founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, an institution that is centred on his idea of the 12 pillars of well-being. Along with his other best-selling publications, Just One Thing, Buddha's Brain and Mother Nature, Hanson produces a free newsletter that has over 100,000 subscribers. Throughout his published work and regular newsletters, Hanson's extensive career has been leading many to the 12 pillars of well-being concept. What are the 12 pillars of well-being? What is it that Rick Hanson can teach us about happiness and contentment and how do the 12 pillars of well-being help us to achieve them? Let's examine Rick Hanson's concept in the first place. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being are designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being.” The first thing to note about the Rick Hanson model of well-being is that it is two-dimensional. This is not to say that it has no depth, rather that you can imagine the 12 pillars of well-being laid out on a grid. Across the top of the grid are the names of the “Four R's” which constitute the grid's four columns. According to Hanson, these represent the mainstays of well-being: Recognising Resourcing Regulating Relating Running horizontally are three core needs we all have: Safety Satisfaction Connection From either the core needs or from the category of well-being, it's then possible to get to each of the 12 pillars. For example, where Resourcing coincides with Connection, the pillar is named as “Confidence”. Alternatively, where Regulating and Safety intersect, the pillar would be “Calm”. Because the 12 pillars of well-being are arranged, or, more accurately, can be thought of in this way, it's possible to truly understand which each one represents. “Mindfulness” and “Motivation” are both pillars that connect to the core need of Satisfaction, for example. The 12 Pillars of Well-Being: Dr Rick Hanson How to use the 12 pillars of well-being Hanson's 12 pillar concept is designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being. However, they are not simply healthy habits to get into or new ways of thinking about the world. The pillars are designed to make alterations inside your brain so that you can get the most out of your life. Primarily, Hanson is using the well-known medical phenomenon of neuroplasticity within each of our brains to reorganize neural networks. He's showing us how this can be done for improved mental and lifestyle outcomes. Much as someone who has suffered a brain injury will learn how to perform certain tasks using other parts of their cortex, so the 12 pillars of well-being can help us to rewire our brains for beneficial effects. How does this work? .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium.” You may already work on your self-development in particular ways. For example, you may have embarked on a programme of self-compassion by reaffirming positive things about yourself each day. Under Hanson's 12 pillar model, you are “Recognising” the core need of “Safety” by being self-caring in this way. Every time you go through a ritual of self-caring or take the time to compliment yourself, then you're reinforcing a neural structure at a physical level within the brain. Equally, if you're working on scientifically-proven techniques to improve confidence, such as working on your support network more regularly, then Hanson's model would ascribe this to “Resourcing” your core need for “Connection”. However, these are just individual examples of rewiring neural networks. The point is that having the 12 pillars of well-being in place will help to make sure that you're not missing out on any single element. Love yourself: self-care is one of the pillars of happiness All too often, we identify a need for our inner well-being and focus on that. Although this is perfectly understandable and very human behaviour, it's not always the best route to overall mental well-being. Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium. Indeed, he points out that 12 essential elements, or pillars, lie at the heart of improving ourselves, not just one or two. Think of it regarding an athlete training for a competition. In this analogy, if they only work on one or two muscle groups, then they may find improved physical performance in some areas. However, if they neglect the other parts of their body, then they could find themselves going backwards in others. RELATED: The Attitude of Gratitude: 6 Ways it Can Change Your Life 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice This is what Hanson is teaching us with the brain's need for 12 pillars to be fed at once, from mindfulness to gratitude, and from vitality to learning. As long as we work on each of our three core needs across the four mainstays of well-being, then each of the 12 pillars will contribute to a rewired brain that truly sets us on the path to greater enlightenment and better mental well-being. Each pillar has a role to play What's more, Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being gives us a good idea of how to work on each pillar. As just one example, if we look at the fifth pillar, gratitude, Hanson describes what needs to be done to heighten behaviours that relate to gratitude. He shows us how to take pleasure by releasing inhibitions and focusing on all of our sensory experiences, not just on one or two. Furthermore, under the fifth pillar, he teaches how to take pleasure from every day, even mundane, things. Watch: The 12 Pillars of Well-Being with Dr Rick Hanson Similar advice can be found for each pillar, such as developing a sense of 'unilateral virtue' and 'speaking from the heart' under the tenth pillar of courage. Taken together – and not in isolation from one another – each pillar offers a step on a wider path. Like all journeys, each step forward marks progress but, crucially, will also lead to physical changes in our brains, as well. More information on each of the 12 pillars of well-being and some great instructional videos can be found at the Foundations of Well-Being. ● Images: Colourbox.com, shutterstock/Julia Savalishina Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

What is the difference between joy and happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explores the meaning of each emotion and shares tips for cultivating joy and lasting happiness in our lives. Most of us regard happiness and joy as interchangeable, assuming that both terms mean exactly the same thing. So, does this mean you’re feeling joyous when you’re happy and vice versa? Not quite. While joy and happiness are both positive emotions, they differ in how we experience them and the role they play in our lives. While this may seem confusing, let's try to clarify the difference between joy and happiness – and the similarities as well – and explore whether it's possible to experience both emotions simultaneously. So, what exactly is joy? Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is conceptually on the same plane as other positive emotions like happiness, elation and gladness, but is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy. Indeed, individuals who experience sympathetic or appreciative joy tend to have greater life satisfaction and a deeper sense of inner peace. And how do we truly define happiness? Happiness is a state that many of us strive to achieve, yet its definition varies from person to person. Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” It’s helpful to remember that the answers for joy vs happiness aren’t the same for everyone. This is because the framework of happiness for each of us is shaped by where we grew up, how we’ve lived, our culture, and unique life experiences. As a result, each of us may describe happiness and how we pursue it in our own distinct way. Joy ride: journeying to happiness However, we often place the onus of happiness on an external cause – waiting for a favourable event, circumstance or person – to make it happen. For me, it was usually, “I’ll be happy when I finally visit Paris,” or “if I ever meet my favourite Bollywood star in person,” or “when I can get a salary hike.” In other words, many peopl view happiness is future-oriented, tied to chance, and dependent on conditions beyond our control. What's the difference between joy and happiness? Happiness often relies on the people, events, situations in our lives. We constantly hope and expect these events, people and circumstances to align with our expectations, believing that this will result in happiness. “Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy.” When it comes to joy vs happiness, it helps to know that while happiness is largely dependent on external circumstances, joy is a deeper, more intrinsic feeling. Joy can be seen as the fulfillment we receive from our sense of purpose and leading a meaningful life, whereas happiness is a fleeting emotion tied to favourable outcomes. Joy versus happiness: the psychology Dr Martin Seligman, widely regarded as the father of positive psychology, describes happiness as a sum of three distinct components: Pleasure, or the sensory experiences consisting of feelings like excitement and satisfaction. Engagement, or deep involvement in an activity that allows you to achieve flow state – a feeling of complete involvement and enjoyment. Meaning, or having a sense of purpose in life that results in a feeling of fulfillment. This indicates that genuine happiness goes beyond momentary pleasure or external circumstances – it’s a balanced, lasting state of being that arises from these three components working in tandem. With this perspective, true happiness begins to resemble joy, narrowing the scope for a joy vs happiness contention. Is it possible to feel joy and happiness simultaneously? Indeed, it's possible to feel joy and happiness at the same time. Interestingly, joy can also coexist with grief or sorrow, given the emotional complexity humans are capable of. MORE LIKE THIS: Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Cherophobia: the Fear of Happiness Explained Happiness: Why It's An Inside Job “Having moments when we feel joyful and happy, savouring that, and deeply engaging with what you care about might actually be a better ideal than expecting high and unchanging amounts of joy,” says psychology professor Dr Erik Nook, who also directs the Logic of Emotion Lab at Princeton. 5 reliable ways to cultivate joy and happiness We now understand the difference between joy and happiness, but what if we could nurture happiness and joy in our lives at the same time? A 2022 study by Julia Krasko et al. found that the likelihood of achieving lasting happiness – and thereby joy and a high level of well-being – increase significantly when we pursue the multiple aspects of happiness simultaneously. Here are some ways to cultivate lasting happiness and fulfill a sense of purpose in our lives: 1. Develop a positive attitude In today’s fast-paced digital world, it’s easy to fall into negative patterns like the comparison trap and self-limiting thoughts. However, positive thinking encourages us to look at the brighter side in every situation and regard adversity as a stepping stone toward growth. Meaning relationships cultivate joy A 2014 study suggests that prioritizing positivity can be an effective approach to pursue happiness. By consciously reframing our perspective and incorporating playfulness, when life gives us lemons we can practise so-called “lemonading”, thus turning difficult times into prospects for resilience and joy. 2. Invest in meaningful relationships An ongoing Harvard study, which began in 1938 during the Great Depression, concludes that more than fame and money, it’s embracing community and being in close relationships that shows us how to find happiness. “Loneliness turns out to be toxic,” explains Dr Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of this study. Indeed, the quality of our relationships and how they make us feel has a direct impact on our health and well-being. Finding your tribe – or surrounding yourself with the right people – can help you derive a deeper sense of belonging, prevent loneliness, and spark joy in your life. 3. Plan ahead Most of us lead busy lives, and the daily grind can quickly leave us overwhelmed. Add to this mix the uncertainty and stress from poor planning, and our day can feel entirely derailed. Let’s face it: what remains unplanned often remains undone. This is why it’s important to plan ahead and stay on track. “Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable, but the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors.” Moreover, research suggests that productive people tend to be happier, as the sense of accomplishment and autonomy from fulfilling tasks planned for the day results in greater happiness and lower stress levels. With this in mind, productivity hacks can be powerful tools to plan your day and cultivate lasting happiness. 4. Do more of what fuels your purpose A study by UCLA researchers found a strong connection between a sense of purpose and eudaimonic happiness, or the deep fulfillment one derives from leading a meaningful life. According to the study, individuals with a clear sense of purpose not only experienced higher levels of positive emotions like happiness, but they were also healthier, with lower stress and anxiety levels. Volunteering helps you find purpose and build community In addition to being an efficient way to make your time matter, having a purpose can also prevent you from feeling lost in life. And, it doesn’t have to be tied only to your business or career goals – volunteering, mentoring, or helping others with random acts of kindness can bring a sense of satisfaction and lasting joy as well. 5. Cultivate tranquillity In other words, find what gives you true peace and lasting contentment, rather than just fleeting moments of happiness, and make it a part of your daily routine. Meditation is a consistent way to cultivate inner peace, improve your mood, enhance mindfulness, and boost happiness levels. If you like being in the outdoors, set aside time for forest bathing or hiking periodically, as reconnecting with nature is proven to alleviate stress and boost well-being. Try simplifying your life Living simply, or minimizing consumption and the pursuit of material possessions, can have a profound impact on your outlook, health and happiness. It can help you shift your focus from external distractions like social media and binge-watching toward self-reflection and gratitude. Additionally, it creates more time for you to strengthen your relationships and cultivate meaningful connections – widely recognized as one of the keys to lasting happiness. The takeaway: joy versus happiness Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable at first glance, but they are distinctly different. Indeed, the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors. The good news is that we can choose happiness by consciously reframing our perspectives and being intentional about where we invest our time and energy. ● Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/JLco Julia Amaral happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Volunteering Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or materialism. From choosing gratitude to quality friendships, maintain a happy vibe with these 8 tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful slumber with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice, rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were sending me into a spiral. Choosing kindness is choosing happiness Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, lived through periods of debilitating panic attacks, and dealt with episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa The majority of people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, lots of people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, find things in your life you’re grateful for.” However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! 'Fraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication. In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). Paws for thought: choose meaningful relationships (pets count!) While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear you: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change (and the upheaval it can bring). This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life isn't easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have all of these things. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Gratitude Meditation: 5 Benefits and How to Practise Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Develop an attitude of gratitude and jot down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. “Happiness is a choice, not a result of something else. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Grinning gains: stay smiling and choose happy Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, positivity is contagious. 4. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness, with recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness.” So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, prioritize being nice to people you don't know also: even a short positive interaction with a stranger has been proven to contribute to boosted well-being. 5. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. MORE LIKE THIS: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effects of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need It More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Be kind to others and experience a 'helper's high' 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an great way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for they day ahead. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style Is Best For You? 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Many studies have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend throughout your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others. The takeaway: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or are struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri. A, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych, shutterstock/Personal Belongings Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Unhappy in Life | Gratitude | Lemonading | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

With record rates of depression, we need to ask: 'what is the key to happiness?'. From lifelong learning to community, Sonia Vadlamani explores how to cultivate a life of joy with our 10 keys to happiness. Spoiler alert: materialism isn't on the list. It's often difficult for us to always feel happy and joyful, be it because of the unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection we impose on ourselves, or the negativity we surround ourselves with. It can be due to the fear of failure embedded deep within our subconscious, or our inability to form friendships and meaningful communities as we grow older. Indeed, there are many unhelpful habits or tendencies we ingrain in ourselves that can make us miserable and unhappy in life. Thankfully, researchers maintain that it’s possible to intervene and cultivate happiness through will and a proper framework. And – by following the 10 keys to happiness outlined below – you could train yourself to maximize your potential for a lifetime full of joy and contentment. Of course, happiness is subjective: it means different things to different people. The interesting news, however, is that our happiness levels are not set in stone. In her ground-breaking book The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky points out that while 50 per cent of our happiness is predetermined by our genetic makeup and personality traits, and 10 per cent is determined by our circumstances and life experiences, as much as 40 per cent of our happiness can be chosen wilfully by us, and depends largely on our daily actions. What's the tea when it comes to finding happiness? So, while we cannot change our genes or predict the future, science says that a significant portion of our happiness can be controlled by us. Unfortunately, our pursuit of happiness – as a society and on an individual level – is often misguided, with many people focused on materialism. Psychologist Barry Schwartz addresses this erroneous pursuit of happiness in his book The Paradox of Choice, wherein he points out that the plethora of choices we have available today due to a surge in consumerism often do us more harm than good, resulting in both anxiety and depression. The key to happiness: 10 steps “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions,” articulates the Dalai Lama, who is also the patron of the charity Action for Happiness. While everyone’s idea of happiness may be different, Action for Happiness has identified 10 keys to happiness, or practices that can consistently lead to a more fulfilling and happier life. While the first five keys to happiness refer to our interactions with the outside world, the latter five keys to happiness describe the traits that originate within us and are determined by our attitude towards life. Outside world: daily activities 1. Take care of your body There is an overwhelming amount of research that deems exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. Indeed, a Yale study conducted on over 1.2 million Americans concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money. You need not run a marathon to be healthy and happy – opt for an activity of your preference that suits your health goals and lifestyle. Indulge in mindful running, unplug from technology with periodic forest bathing, or simply swap escalator commutes with stairs. “Make learning a habit. Research shows that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one experience greater happiness consistently.” Eating right can contribute towards better health and happiness too. A balanced diet consisting of whole grains, fresh vegetables and fruit, lean poultry and healthy fats can help you achieve your health goals faster. Opt for foods which promote gut health instead of processed or junk food options for improved mood, better metabolism, and to keep disease at bay. Keeping fit is a crucial key to happiness 2. Practise mindfulness “We’re happiest when we focus on the present moment, and the least happy when the mind is wandering,” says researcher Matt Killingsworth. Mindfulness refers to being in a state of awareness and taking notice of the present intentionally and with complete acceptance. Studies show that practising mindfulness can help manage stress levels, in addition to activating the areas of our brains related to feeling good. RELATED: 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Mindful Behavior: 13 Practical Mindfulness Tools Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Mindfulness can be developed using simple measures – start by paying attention to your feelings and thoughts as frequently throughout the day as possible. Meditation, mindful minute practices, and gratitude journaling can help in expanding awareness as well. 3. Indulge in acts of kindness Random acts of kindness are not just beneficial for others – in fact, caring for others’ happiness activates the areas linked to trust, enjoyment and social connection in our brains as well. An experiment involving seven-day kindness activities concluded that kindness is a vital key to happiness, whether extended to people who are close to you, complete strangers, or even yourself! Doing things for others can help alleviate social anxiety, improve your mood and prevent illness, thus enabling you to lead a healthy, meaningful life. 4. Make learning a habit Research by Journal of Happiness Studies revealed that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one tend to experience greater happiness consistently. Interestingly, learning something new can be stressful and lower your happiness levels momentarily. However, the joy of acquiring or mastering a new skill can fulfil your need for autonomy or being self-directed, thus rewarding you with long-term happiness. “Exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. A Yale study concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money.” Indeed, it’s important to find a suitable skill to master, or the right challenge to undertake that’ll allow you to push beyond your comfort zone yet enable you to find your flow state. Researchers also found that skills chosen by you offer better results in terms of improved self-esteem and a heightened sense of connection or ‘oneness’ with others. 5. Make meaningful connections Human beings are social animals, and hence it’s hardly surprising when researchers found that forming meaningful connections and embracing community is one of the core values we associate with happiness. Indeed, the importance of a community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. In addition to safety and support, we also derive a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging when we find others who have the same values and interests as us. Meaningful friendships are essential for well-being Scientists agree that interacting with strangers, thus bolstering our ‘weak social ties’ also impacts our well-being positively. Take some time to connect with those who serve you coffee, your cab driver, or a friendly face you encounter during your daily strolls. Gestures like passing a casual compliment, wishing someone a good day, or chatting with an elderly neighbour over a cuppa can make a world of difference to someone who’s been feeling down or struggling with loneliness. Inside world: Developing the right attitude 6. Be at ease with who you are Self-acceptance forms an important cornerstone for our mental health and well-being, yet it’s a routine that we tend to practice the least, as revealed in a survey conducted by Action For Happiness. While acceptance was rated as the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and happiness amidst all the other traits and habits, only 5% of the respondents admitted to being kind to themselves and believed that they were perfect the way they were. RELATED: 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Practising acceptance as a habit can be difficult at first, but it’s possible to be good to yourself by shifting your perspective. Indeed, embracing imperfections as your unique traits and acknowledging your strengths – however insignificant they seem – can be a crucial key to happiness. 7. Set vital goals Happiness doesn’t always happen spontaneously – it requires planning and action towards pursuing things that matter to you. Goal setting is an important key to happiness, since it forms the outline for the life you envision for yourself. It’s important to set goals to look forward to – not only can proactive goal setting ensure fulfilment of your life ambitions and vision, following an actionable plan and achieving timebound targets using SMART goal setting can boost self-confidence and eliminate stress and anxiety. 8. Develop resilience All of us will face hardship, loss and trauma along our life jounrey, and since our brains are wired for negativity bias, we tend to remember the adverse events in our lives compared to the positive experiences. However, by changing our perspective and looking at hardships as stepping stones towards personal growth and success, we can learn to take back power every time we feel defeated by life. Indeed, building resilience can boost positive thinking, strengthen connections, and improve stress management skills. “Community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. As well as safety and support, we also get a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging.” In fact, researcher Dr Ann Masten describes resilience as ‘ordinary magic’ derived from everyday situations and resources, that helps us adapt better during hardships. There is surmounting scientific evidence that developing resilience as a life skill and finding ways to bounce back from adversities can contribute immensely to our well-being and happiness 9. Cultivate a positive outlook “Just as water lilies retract when sunlight fades, so do our minds when positivity fades,” states researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her book Positivity. Indeed, research suggests that experiencing ‘upward spirals of positive emotions’ like gratitude, joy, interest etc. more often allows us to counteract the downward spirals of negative emotions like stress, jealousy, etc. Gratitude journaling, smiling more often, finding ways to incorporate awe into your life are some easy ways to boost positivity. Lifelong learning is another key to a happy life 10. Find meaning in your life Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves or possessing a sense of purpose in life is linked with greater life satisfaction, improved self-esteem, lasting relationships, and a more optimistic attitude. Leading a meaningful life could seem like a complicated process, but you can begin by prioritizing activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose such as volunteering or trying to make a difference in others’ lives. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today The key to happiness here is to understand where your calling lies and set out to follow your bliss. ‘Life Crafting’, or the process of reflecting on your strengths and interests, and aligning them with your vision, passion and desires, can be used as the framework for setting goals conducive to the meaningful life you wish to lead. The takeaway: what is the key to happiness? “It is work to be happy,” says psychologist Barry Schwartz. Indeed, there’s more to happiness than feeling good about pleasurable things, but the good news is that it can be cultivated by consistently encouraging the 10 keys to happiness or happy habits listed above into our lives. Instead of trying to implement all the keys to happiness at once, try reflecting on what each individual key means for you, and devise ways to implement them using simple action plan, to be able to lead a rewarding and happier life. ● Images: shutterstock/santypan, shutterstock/Lordn, shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/UrbanScape happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Lemonading | Internal Conflict Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure. I hate my life." Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Buddhism is a global religion practised by millions across the world, but where exactly did it begin; where is the hearth of buddhism? Ann Vrlak traces the origins of the Buddha. Buddhism is one of the oldest world religions, now practised by over 480 million people. But where did this worldwide spiritual movement begin? The hearth of Buddhism The “hearth” of Buddhism – where it was born and took hold – was on the plains of India’s Ganges river. It began with a man who went on an extraordinary journey that took him from the sheltered life of a prince to the humble life of a wanderer in order to seek enlightenment. Buddha’s birthplace was a village called Lumbini, in what is now Nepal. As the hearth of Buddhism, Lumbini is now a pilgrimage site for Buddhists everywhere. He was born Siddhartha Gautama in 563 BC to a wealthy royal family who wanted to keep their beloved son from the harsh realities of life in the Indian sub-continent. Siddhartha’s life was arranged so he would never leave the royal compound that was a haven of luxury and privilege. Buddhism's hearth was in Lumbini (now Nepal) Stories vary about how and why Siddhartha went outside the compound one day. But, for the first time, he saw elderly people. He saw people who were sick and suffering. And he saw death. These realities of human life that had been hidden from him moved him so deeply he renounced his home. Knowing his family would want to stop him, he slipped out of the palace in the middle of the night. He chose to leave the comforts he had always known to find the true causes of human happiness and suffering. For six years, Siddhartha wandered through India immersing himself in the religions and philosophies of his time. He became an ascetic: leaving a chosen life of self-discipline, living on as little as possible. The Birthplace of Buddha: Siddhartha Becomes the Awakened One After these years of seeking and learning, Siddhartha remained unsatisfied. He knew he had not yet truly understood or lived the experience of freedom spiritual teachers spoke of. One day, he told his travelling companions he was going to sit under a pipal tree until he realized enlightenment. In his time, this meant release from the rounds of suffering and happiness that humans experience. “Buddha’s birthplace was a village called Lumbini, in what is now Nepal. As the hearth of Buddhism, Lumbini is now a pilgrimage site for Buddhists everywhere.” Siddhartha was true to his word and sat under the tree for 49 days. His friends brought him enough food and water for him to survive. It’s said that during this time his mind threw every kind of temptation at him – from fear to guilt to lust – to force him to give up his quest. But he persevered, until he realized enlightenment. Siddhartha became the Buddha, meaning the Awakened One – someone who is awakened to the truth of human existence. And the pipal tree has since been called the Bodhi Tree or “Tree of Awakening.” Buddhist monk meditating under a tree in Ayutthaya, Thailand The Core Teachings of Buddha From that day on, the Buddha’s teaching developed. One of his core philosophies is the Middle Way. He learned from his life as a prince, then his life as an ascetic, that enlightenment would not come from either of these extremes. He talked about the Middle Way to awakening, avoiding both self-gratification and self-mortification. The Buddha’s teachings remain founded on two doctrines: The Four Noble Truths, and The Eightfold Path The Four Noble Truths are the Buddha’s explanation of human suffering and freedom from it. In modern language, “suffering” is often understood as an extreme condition, such as severe illness or living in a war torn country. Buddha included these situations, but most of all he meant the everyday suffering that can create so much mental and emotional turmoil. These Four Noble Truths are: Life involves suffering (anxiety, anger, grief, sadness) Suffering is caused by desire (wanting our experience or our life to be other than it is) The end of desire is the end of suffering (wisdom and acceptance bring us into alignment with life as it is) The Eightfold Path is the way to end desire. RELATED: How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners The Eightfold Path gives followers a detailed roadmap to develop these attitudes and skills to end suffering: right understanding, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration. “The real birthplace of Buddhism was the heart of one man born over 2,500 years ago. A person who voluntarily gave up a life of ease and luxury to find an ultimate understanding of the human condition.” Collectively, these teachings and others are called the Dharma – the Buddha’s philosophy on how to live a happy, peaceful life. These teachings have become the foundation for the different branches of Buddhism. How did Buddha die? Siddhartha Gautama Buddha is believed to have lived to the age of 80, when he fell ill. By this time, he had travelled much of India and taught his Dharma for 45 years. His illness progressed as he sat outside among the trees, with his devotees. He passed away and attained Parinirvana – the final nirvana upon death. Statues mark the birthplace of Buddha In the Maha-parinibbana Sutta: The Last Days of the Buddha, he said to his most loved disciple and friend, "Therefore, Ananda, be islands unto yourselves…with the Dharma as your island, the Dharma as your refuge, seeking no other refuge.” He was saying, in part, that no external god was needed to awaken – only the practice of the teachings he left behind. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? Buddha’s death was the final catalyst for the founding of the various Buddhist traditions. The first Buddhist council was formed to compile and codify his many years of teachings, that spread around the world from the original hearth of Buddhism in Lumbini. Takeaway: Buddhism hearth The real birthplace of Buddhism, one of the world’s largest religions, was the heart of one man born over 2,500 years ago. A person who voluntarily gave up a life of ease and luxury to find an ultimate understanding of the human condition and help others. His teachings on the nature of suffering and ethical living have profoundly influenced spiritual thought and practice worldwide. The founding principles of the Buddha flourished after his death and informed the diverse traditions of Buddhism. ● Images: shutterstock/Sombat Muycheen, shutterstock/vectorx2263, shutterstock/Mongkolchom Akesin happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Hatha yoga Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

As hate speech and intolerance becomes increasingly common – both online and in the 'real' world – having the moral courage to confront it is more necessary than ever. Ed Gould suggests five ways to prepare yourself to stand up against hate in our increasingly polarised world. Do you have the feeling that hate is on the rise around the world? If you look at the number of cases of hate speech and crimes being reported, you may well be right. In the face of this unpleasant change in the political landscape, it's essential not to get caught up in hate and embrace positivity and happiness. But how do you take action without hating the haters or lowering yourself to their level of vitriol? Furthermore, how do you do so without putting yourself and your loved ones in danger? Finding and showing so-called moral courage is one possible answer. What is moral courage? Moral courage involves exhibiting the courage to stand up, take action and be heard for reasons of morality – despite the risk of potentially adverse consequences. Situations which may involve you having to show moral courage are usually challenging and tense. Stop hate: do you have the moral courage to speak out? Fortunately, there are several lessons to be learned from history about standing up to hatred and the people that manipulate negativity for their own ends. Let's examine some of the key techniques you can use to help garner the sort of moral courage required – while ensuring that you don't put yourself at risk at the same time. Preparing to show moral courage Many people are surprised when they first hear hate speech live and direct in the 'real' world (rather than on social media). They're usually not used to it and it can often cause well-meaning people to clam up in shock. Equally, if you're a witness to abuse or crime in the street, you may also understandably freeze in the horror of the moment. In order to overcome this normal human response, it's necessary to prepare yourself. Being mindful of all kinds of potential threats helps you to respond appropriately and support people in danger. This applies to hate speech and crime, too. By recognizing hatred for what it is, it becomes much easier to call it out. “Speaking up against hate crime is about challenging it from becoming the norm. If you say or do nothing, you will probably feel bad about it afterwards.” Having the moral courage to stand up against hatred is frequently down to nothing more than having prepared and rehearsed in your own mind what you would say or do if you happened to face it. So you can prepare by thinking ahead about what you might say in response to common scenarios, such as a racist comment made by a stranger or a derogatory, sexist term used by a colleague in the workplace. Roleplay different scenarios in your head and imagine how you would use your moral courage to engage in conversation. How moral courage benefits you and society Having the moral courage to speak up against hate crime/speech is about challenging such behaviour to stop it from becoming the norm. If you witness something that you feel is wrong and say or do nothing, you will probably feel bad about it afterwards. Staying silent also means that others are less likely to find moral fortitude in themselves, too. Ultimately, this creates an atmosphere in society where hatred becomes normalised. In such environments, hate speech and crime only tend to get worse. In the end, we all suffer from tolerating it in this way. Would you have the moral courage to intervene in a physical attack? On the other hand, having the moral courage to confront hatred when it rears its ugly head means that the perpetrators of it will think twice before saying and doing such things again. Furthermore, displaying moral courage encourages others to follow your actions. Bystanders are more likely to join in and show their own moral courage if they see someone else practising it – creating a sort of 'strength in numbers' feeling. Every action taken against hate or abuse – no matter how small it may seem at the time – is a victory for a fair, inclusive and decent society. 5 ways to develop your moral courage Feeling inspired? Want to be prepared for tough situations that require moral courage? Here are five steps you can take: 1. Learn about intervention training Protecting someone who's experiencing a hate crime may require you to intervene directly on their behalf. There are a number of courses and workshops that teach people how to be effective as a bystander and to make safe interventions. In the UK, the University of the West of England have been in the forefront of such training. MORE LIKE THIS: Six Tips For Speaking Up Against Bad Behaviour The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effect of Being Nice Meanwhile, in the US, courses like Green Dot have led to a greater number of positive interventions that stand up to hate. Wherever you are in the world, consider trying out a course in intervention training. And if you can't find one near you, try an online class. 2. Lead and others will follow There's little doubt that many people who tolerate hate speech would prefer for someone to call it out – perhaps they just lack the moral courage to do it for themselves. After all, in an increasingly violent world, standing up to hateful people can often put you in a precarious – even potentially lethal – situation. In any group situation, including social media, it's a well-established psychological concept that people 'fall into line' within groups. For example, if you speak up against a racist or xenophobic comment then others will probably back you up. Research from New York University has shown that people who use racist terms on social media refrain from doing it so often if someone in their circle stands up to them about it. Peace by piece: showing moral courage encourages others to do the same 3. Raise your profile Sometimes being an intervener against hate speech means going against the grain. It means feeling the pressure of a peer group and not to act. Train yourself to feel this natural anxiety and act in defiance of it anyway. “Having the moral courage to confront hatred when it rears its ugly head means the perpetrators will think twice before saying and doing such things again.” To do so, it's a good idea to stand out from the crowd every now and then. Do so when it's safe. It will leave you better equipped to handle hatred when it turns up for real. Psychologist Lynne Henderson refers to this sort of preparation as social fitness. Her research suggests that practice and roleplay helps you to draw on moral courage when you need it. 4. Seek help There's always a balance to be sought between rushing into an intervention and putting yourself in the firing line. According to Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and the founder of the Heroic Imagination Project, when a situation is potentially dangerous, calling the police or others nearby to help you do the right thing is the best course of action. “You can only be an effective social change agent if you understand when to act alone, as a member of a team, or not at all,” he says. 5. Take a second to really think Studies undertaken at Princeton University showed that people who were in a hurry were far less likely to stop and assist a stranger in distress. Furthermore, when several people witness a dire situation, each observer is less likely to help. This is called the 'bystander effect' in psychology. When you stop and think about it, you'll soon remind yourself that it's a normal human tendency to assume someone else will act. That simple pause for thought will allow you to overcome the 'bystander effect' and make the decision to be the one who acts. The takeaway: what is moral courage? None of us possess unlimited amounts of moral courage, just as none of us have unlimited happiness. After all, we can all be cowed in certain situations. Nonetheless, self-preparation makes it more likely that you will respond to hatred in a way that successfully challenges it. This can help to make society less tolerant of it. Once you have built some confidence and learned some techniques that match your personal values, you will find it easier to put them into action again and again. ● Images: shutterstock/CHAjAMP, shutterstock/PhotodriveStudio, pexels/Anastasiya Lobanovskaya Have you ever witnessed a hate crime or another disturbing situation and used your moral courage to stand up for what you believe is right? The community would love to hear your story in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Assertiveness | Mediation | Empathy Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

We all understand the classic adage 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,' but have you heard of the newly-coined expression 'lemonading'? Sonia Vadlamani explores how lemonading – or adopting playfulness – can help you navigate life's uncertainties with greater ease. Life is full of uncertainties. And – as most of us have realized by now – no one can predict the outcome of the challenges that arise. We’ve all heard the saying 'when life gives you lemons make lemonade', but what if our minds don’t instinctively choose an outlook based on positive reframing? The good news is that we can consciously choose to adopt so-called 'lemonading' as a mindset. So, what is lemonading? Coined by researchers at Oregon State University, the term 'lemonading' refers to the ability to see the positive side when life presents you with metaphorical ‘lemons,’ thereby making it easier to navigate the obstacles. The central idea is that those with a more 'playful' outlook on life or the ability to shift their perspectives during uncertainty tend to be more resilient and find solutions with greater ease. Led by Dr Xiangyou Shen, the 2021 study analyzed how people coped with the COVID-19 pandemic, exploring how one’s perception of limitations and disruptions affected their ability to adapt to tough times. The research revealed that individuals who were more playful maintained a positive outlook on an uncertain future while staying realistic towards the limitations of the present. This ability to “creatively imagine and pursue positive possibilities to cultivate adaptive, enjoyable experiences while maintaining a clear-eyed realism about challenges” – lemonading – can help individuals thrive and find happiness, even amid chaos. How does lemonading work? It’s important not to confuse lemonading with toxic positivity. While toxic positivity dismisses setbacks and challenges, lemonading embraces the presence of hardships, allowing room for difficult emotions like sadness, disappointment and fear, while actively seeking ways to combat the situation. It’s about using your strength, determination, and creative problem-solving skills, rather than pretending everything is fine. Playfulness is an integral part of lemonading Instead of downplaying difficulties, lemonading encourages you to shift your perspective to ask yourself, “What resources do I have to work through this situation?” or “How can I approach this challenge in a creative way?". In principle, lemonading acknowledges that life gets tough sometimes – but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. In other words, you make the best use of your resources. How to practise lemonading Lemonading may come more easily to some, but anyone can learn to turn life’s “lemons” into something better with a shift in perspective and a touch of playfulness. Here are some ways to develop the art of lemonading: 1. Cultivate an adaptable mindset When life gives you lemons, it’s natural to fall into a detrimental cycle of repetitive and intrusive thinking. Obsessive thoughts and rumination can take a toll on both mental and physical health, contributing to conditions like anxiety, OCD-related disorders, and even impaired decision-making ability. Indeed, you can navigate life more easily by training your mind to find the silver lining. “Instead of downplaying difficulties, lemonading encourages you to shift your perspective and ask, 'what resources do I have to work through this situation?'” Rather than dwelling on setbacks, make a conscious effort to shift your focus toward possibilities and opportunities in any scenario. This reframing technique is at the heart of lemonading – it not only allows you to feel stress-free faster but also encourages proactive problem-solving instead of remaining stuck in negativity. 2. Practise gratitude Gratitude is a powerful resource for lemonading, given that the human brain is wired toward negativity. Research shows that cultivating an attitude of gratitude can foster positive emotions and enhance our ability to cope with difficult situations. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus to what’s going well in your life, while gratitude meditation is a great way to acknowledge your blessings. Setting aside a few minutes each day to reflect in silence on the things that bring you joy is a simple yet effective way to reframe your perspective. 3. Create your go-to set of positive affirmations Positive affirmations are statements that can help you navigate uncertainties and challenges with a more optimistic attitude. According to researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, practising self-affirmations can help rewire the brain’s perception of self-worth, leading to positive behavioural changes. RELATED: 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Affirmations can feel uncomfortable at first, so try speaking to yourself in the third person, like a supportive mentor or teacher would. For example, try saying something like, “Hey, you’ve got this!” or “You know this only seems harder in your mind than it actually is.” 4. Find the fun in everyday moments Laughing is easy when life is going well, but finding humour in difficult situations is much harder. However, embracing humour during difficult times may just be what you need for lemonading like a champ. According to the relief theory by Martin and Ford, humour acts like a relief valve, much like a steam pipe pressure valve in a hydraulic engine, allowing release for any built-up tension through laughter. Another study by Yale psychologist Oriana Aragon suggests that laughter strengthens resilience by helping us regulate our emotions in the face of challenge, aligning perfectly with the essence of lemonading. When life gives you lemons, embrace humour! 5. Switch things up occasionally While routines provide stability and structure to our day, shaking things up occasionally helps break monotony and spark creativity. This doesn’t mean abandoning your schedule entirely but rather making small, intentional changes – introducing something new while maintaining your overall rhythm. The concept of lemonading is centred around the idea that it’s OK to embrace change, since it promotes personal growth. MORE LIKE THIS: What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship These 4 NLP Techniques Will Change How You Think How to Prime Your Mind For Optimism Indeed, American philosopher Henry David Thoreau once observed how easily our brains get hardwired, leaving us feeling we’re stuck in a rut. Research on neurogenesis and neuroplasticity by Christopher Bergland suggests that we can rewire our brains to explore fresh perspectives, helping us approach challenges with renewed clarity. Try taking a different route to work, listening to a new music genre, or exploring an unfamiliar part of your city. These small shifts can dissolve your preconceived notions and reservations about change and open you up to new possibilities. 6. Incorporate play into your day Getting shit done shouldn’t be your only goal for the day – making it more enjoyable and memorable is just as important. Playfulness is a powerful trait for individuals facing adverse conditions, as revealed by a study by Rinat Feniger-Schaal et al., as it allows them to reclaim autonomy and build emotional resilience. “Surround yourself with people who embrace an abundance mindset – those who encourage you to find the positive side when life gives you lemons.” However, avoid the urge to tie play to a specific goal or outcome. Instead, focus on what genuinely brings you joy. Whether it’s baking cupcakes, taking a painting class, volunteering, or dancing to your favourite song, incorporating play can break the monotony and add lightness to your day. 7. Create a community you can count on The power of a strong, supportive community is a key aspect of lemonading. Surround yourself with people who embrace an abundance mindset – those who encourage you to find the positive side when life gives you lemons. Indeed, offering support is just as important as receiving it, as teaching resilience and helping others through tough times is a key aspect of lemonading. RELATED: The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits We often get so caught up in our struggles that we overlook what those around us are going through. By extending kindness and support, we foster an ‘affiliative connection,’ thus deepening our friendships and reinforcing meaningful relationships. In addition to strengthening bonds, small acts of kindness have other proven benefits, from alleviating stress and boosting immunity to releasing happy hormones like serotonin and endorphins, giving you the uplifting experience of the ‘helper’s high.’ Takeaway: when life gives you lemons Resorting to the advice 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade' may not always seem like the natural or even realistic choice during tough times. Indeed, it’s not always easy to regard the glass as half full when difficulties arise. However, looking on the bright side as a conscious practice can help us stay resilient and, in general, be happier. Adopting the lemonading mindset won’t make your setbacks vanish, but the strategies shared can help you navigate them with greater ease – and maybe even enjoy the process. ● shutterstock/Kit Viatkins, shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Positive psychology | Motivation | Keys to Happiness | Unhappy in Life Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

The benefits of Vedic meditation are many: improved sleep, clearer thought, and lowered stress. Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explains how to practise this ancient meditative form and guides you on the power of the vedic meditation mantra. Vedic meditation is an ancient form of meditation practice – in fact, it’s the very first. The many styles of meditation that you see today all originated from this original practice. The source of Vedic meditation is the Vedas, a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and the science of Ayurvedic medicine. For centuries, all three of these disciplines have had an enormous impact on people’s health and well-being around the world. The Vedas lay out a comprehensive path to a happy and meaningful life through experiential learning. When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living. So, what is Vedic meditation? Vedic meditation is centred on a mantra – a phrase that is repeated either out loud or silently in your mind. “Mantra” is made up of two Sanskrit words: “man” which means mind, and “tra” which means vehicle or transport. So, a vedic meditation mantra is a vehicle to take your mind from one place to another: perhaps from the busy activity of your day-to-day mind to a deeper, quieter place, that is often covered up by that activity. Vedic meditation uses mantras, and can be done at home The most ancient mantras are in the Sanskrit language because Sanskrit is what’s known as a ‘vibrational’ language. What does that mean exactly? It means that the sound of the words, their vibrations, create the experience of the words’ meaning. For example, the Sanskrit word for peace is “shanti.” It’s said that when “shanti” is repeated, the sound itself invokes the feeling of peace. Or when the word for compassion, “karuna,” is repeated, you will be filled with a feeling of compassion. “When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living.” And you probably already had experiences of how relaxing sounds can be. The sound of a running river. Or birds singing. In fact, you don’t relax through thinking about the river or the bird, but from the sounds themselves. Similarly, using a vedic mantra meditation gives your brain something innately healthy to focus on – a break from a busy mind. RELATED: What Is a Sound Bath Meditation and What Are Its Benefits? It’s worth pointing out that Vedic meditation also helps you to be more mindful and do one thing at a time (something which is deeply calming). Indeed, studies have shown that multitasking is actually stressful for our minds and bodies and, in fact, it may not even be truly possible. What are the benefits of vedic meditation? So, before explaining how to practise Vedic meditation with mantras, let’s take a look at its main benefits. If you feel you are healthy, what would that look like to you? A generally healthy person would: Sleep well Vedic meditation nurtures a healthy nervous system. It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body that governs relaxation and rejuvenation. Additionally, it helps to reduce stress chemicals that accumulate in your body, and allows a deeper, more restful sleep. Feel relaxed and be able to relax when needed Anxiety and stress are epidemics in our modern world. The relaxing effects of vedic meditation can be used any time you’re aware of being anxious or stressed. And the healing, anti-anxiety effects build over time and lower your overall stress level. Think clearly and creatively Have you ever noticed that when you’re anxious it’s hard to think? The ability to relax in the moment and have a generally low stress level allows your brain to work better. Areas across your brain work together more efficiently so you are more creative and productive. When your nervous system is rejuvenated, you have more resources at your fingertips to respond to your life wisely and compassionately. Be emotionally balanced and calm Your emotions have physical and mental components that can become a vicious cycle, creating upset or intense suffering. Just as your thinking becomes clearer and more holistic through vedic meditation, your emotions also become clearer and more grounded. Have all the energy you need Because Vedic meditation activates the rest and rejuvenate part of your brain, because you’re sleeping well, and because you’re reducing your stress level, your energy levels should soar. Be content Taken all together, doesn’t this sound like a recipe for contentment? You are physically rested and relaxed, and your thinking and emotions are clear and calm, supporting you in your best intentions. All of these things make your connections and relationships with people easier and more fulfilling. And, you have energy for the things that matter to you most. How to practise vedic meditation First, it’s important to know you don’t need any religious or spiritual belief to do Vedic meditation. All you need is a mantra, a few minutes of quiet, and a spirit of adventure. As I mentioned earlier, traditional mantras are in Sanskrit. Give one of the vedic meditation mantras below a try. If for any reason you’re not comfortable with them, you can use words in your own language, like “peace” or “compassion.” How to do vedic meditation in 6 steps Decide on a length of time to practice and do your best to stick to it. You can start with 10 minutes and build up to 40. 1. Choose your mantra. Here are a few traditional Sanskrit mantras OM. The primordial mantra, the sound of the universe or, in Indian philosophy, the sound of pure consciousness. Repeating this mantra can help you let go of personal worries and connect with the universal sound. SO HUM is another ancient mantra which means 'I am that'. Not only can you connect with pure consciousness, you can experience yourself as that consciousness. OM MANI PADME HUM is a lovely mantra meaning “the jewel in the lotus.” Lotus flowers grow in mud. This mantra invokes your power of transformation, your ability to overcome things and find the jewel in difficulty. 2. Find a quiet space When you’re first learning any kind of meditation, it’s best to take time away from your usual daily activities in a quiet space. It can be as simple as a comfortable cushion or chair in the corner of a room. As you become more experienced, it will be easier to close your eyes for a few minutes of practice wherever you are. Find a quiet spot to practise vedic meditation 3. Sit and connect with your body Take a comfortable sitting posture, physically relax as much as you can, and let your attention gently scan your body. Take a few deep breaths, letting go a bit of any tension or stress each time you exhale. 4. Use your mantra Bring your mantra to mind and, if you like, its meaning as well. Know there’s nothing you need to do or create; you’re simply repeating your chosen mantra. Start by repeating it softly, out loud. Focus on the feeling of the sound, how the vibrations feel in your throat, your heart, your stomach – wherever you feel it most. “Using vedic meditation mantras nurtures a healthy nervous system and helps to reduce stress chemicals. It also allows a deeper, more restful sleep.” When you find that your attention has drifted to a memory or a plan or anything else, that’s all part of the practice. Notice where your attention is and gently come back to repeating your mantra. After a moment or two, start to repeat the mantra more and more quietly, until you're repeating it silently inside. RELATED: Turning Pain Into Compassion: Tonglen Meditation 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says If you like, you can lengthen the silence between the repetitions, with the mantra coming out of and going back in to silence. If you find you become distracted in longer silences, come back to repeating the mantra more often. 5. Returning to body awareness When your practice time is almost done, let go of the mantra and bring your attention back to the physical sensations in your body. Again, gently scan your body and notice if areas of your body feel different than before. Also, notice the state of your mind and your emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, just notice what is here for you. 6. Close with a breath When you’re ready, end with another few deep, relaxing breaths. The takeaway: what is vedic meditation? Just like any other activity or skill you learn, getting the full benefits of vedic meditation and mantras takes time. However, by practising it you will become sensitive to subtle body, mind and emotional states – becoming a keen observer of yourself. Indeed, you may notice quite quickly small shifts in your stress level, mood and well-being as you practice. And, you may find, like so many people do, that the act of vedic meditation itself creates an oasis where you experience just a little more relaxation, a little more contentment, and a little more joy. A little of any of these experiences goes a long way in improving your happiness levels! ● Images: shutterstock/Zdenka Darula, shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Ever think 'why do I get overwhelmed so easily'? Learn how to stop feeling swamped with these 8 strategies from Dee Marques, from practising conscious breathing to setting boundaries. Do you ever feel like you’ve got 100 tabs open in your brain, and they’re all loading at once? Feeling overwhelmed, swamped in tasks or deluged has become a common experience for most of us. Time goes by fast, responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, you’re drowning in to-do lists, unanswered messages, and deadlines that multiply overnight. A 2018 study from the Mental Health Foundation charity found that nearly 75% of UK adults felt so stressed during the previous 12 months, that they felt unable to cope. And across the Atlantic, a report from the American Psychological Association found that 27% of adults in the US feel so overwhelmed they can’t handle daily responsibilities. But why is this happening? Factors like digital dependence, constant social media comparisons, and the expectation to always be ‘on’ can make us feel stretched too thin as we increasingly try to juggle multiple roles. Many are feeling overwhelmed at work, in their personal lives, by their financial situation, or even due to global political and environmental worries. Stop the swamp: here's what to do when you're overwhelmed So, if you sometimes wonder 'why do I get overwhelmed so easily', keep reading. We will show you how to stop feeling overwhelmed so that you can redirect thoughts and emotions to a healthier – and calmer – state. What does it mean to feel overwhelmed? Essentially, being overwhelmed means being under a cognitive and emotional overload. It happens when your mind perceives that the demands on you go beyond your ability to cope. Unlike stress, which can sometimes be motivating, overwhelm can be paralysing. Your brain struggles to prioritise and even simple tasks can feel undoable, so you tend to procrastinate or avoid decision-making. In other cases, feeling overwhelm means you rush from task to task, often not finishing any or doing them inefficiently. “When overwhelmed, your nervous system goes into overdrive. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, minimising the stress response.” And although the feeling of being overwhelmed may feel similar to anxiety, they’re not the same thing. Overwhelm is often about too much and too fast, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained; whereas anxiety doesn’t always appear in response to external stressors, but it’s more of an underlying state of worry. 10 signs and symptoms of being overwhelmed If you're feeling many of these mental and physical health symptoms below, it could mean that you're feeling overwhelmed with life. 1. Mental fog – Struggling to focus or think clearly. 2. Irritability – Snapping at others or feeling emotionally sensitive. 3. Procrastination – Feeling unable to start tasks, which get constantly postponed. 4. Physical exhaustion – You feel drained ,even if you’ve had enough sleep. 5. Overreacting – Small hurdles, like the computer taking a long time to start or not finding the car keys, trigger a disproportionate reaction. 6. Social withdrawal – Preferring to be alone as you feel embarrassed or misunderstood. 7. Tearfulness – Feeling emotionally flooded and crying easily. 8. Loss of motivation – Struggling to find a strong reason to get things done. 9. Physical symptoms – Digestive issues, rapid or irregular heartbeat, unexplained dizziness, headaches, or muscle pain, often caused by holding stress in your body. 10. Insomnia – Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Causes of feeling overwhelmed When experiencing one or more of the above symptoms, it’s normal to think, 'why do I get overwhelmed so easily'? There’s usually no single cause of overwhelm, but it tends to develop from multiple factors. For example: • Too many responsibilities: Work, family, social commitments, financial pressures, etc. • Perfectionism: Holding yourself to unrealistic standards. • Digital overstimulation: Constant notifications, emails, and social media noise. • Not making room for rest: Insufficient sleep or downtime to recharge. • Emotional overload: Relationship conflicts, personal struggles, or grief. • Unrealistic expectations: Feeling like you should be able to handle it all. • Poor boundaries: Saying yes to too many things. • Major life changes: Moving countries, getting married/divorced, midlife crisis, having a child, etc. It’s important to understand that none of the above mean there’s something wrong with you, but rather, that you need a different strategy so you know how to stop feeling overwhelmed. How to stop feeling overwhelmed: 8 strategies Feeling overloaded with life and struggling to cope? Here's what to do when overwhelmed: 1. Take a moment to breathe When overwhelmed, your nervous system goes into overdrive. Through deep breathing, you can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps minimise the stress response. Try the 4-7-8 technique, where you inhale deeply for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale slowly for 8 seconds. Or have a go at conscious breathing. Deep breathing and meditation offer relief when overwhelmed 2. Release the mental load When thoughts spiral, get them out of your head and onto paper. For example, you can do a brain dump of everything on your mind. This helps declutter your thoughts, increase your self-awareness, and can also make it easier to clarify your priorities. 3. One step at the time Big tasks feel overwhelming because your brain sees them as one massive job. The trick is breaking them into smaller and more manageable steps or micro tasks. MORE LIKE THIS: Navigating Life: 10 Tips For Overcoming Obstacles How to Get Shit Done: 8 Productivity Hacks Why Can't I Focus? 8 Tips on How to Avoid Distractions For example, instead of “clean the house”, break it down into mini-tasks like clear the kitchen countertops, load the dishwasher, Hoover the sitting room carpet, etc. 4. Reduce sensory input Our brains aren’t designed to handle constant notifications, background noise and multiple screens. Try putting your phone on 'Do Not Disturb' or leaving it in a different room – and don’t wait to be overwhelmed to do this. You can also replace social media scrolling with listening to calm music or white noise. The idea is that reducing external noise helps reduce mental clutter too. 5. Move your body Exercise is a powerful stress reliever because it releases endorphins. What’s more, physical movement shifts your focus away from overwhelming thoughts. Just 10-15 minutes of movement a day can help de-stress your mind and energise your body. “Strategies like deep breathing, breaking tasks down, and setting boundaries can learn how to stop feeling overwhelmed and feel more in control of your life.” And you don’t need to sign up for the gym. Things like a brisk walk outdoors, gentle stretching, yoga, or simply dancing around your bedroom to your favourite songs at home can help. 6. Set boundaries Being overwhelmed often means you have taken on too much, whether at home or work. This is why it’s crucial to protect your energy by setting boundaries and saying 'no' when you already have too much on your plate. This can mean setting clear working hours and not checking emails after a certain time, or reducing unnecessary social commitments. Remember: saying 'no' isn’t selfish: it’s self-care. Set boundaries and say 'no' when overcome with tasks 7. Focus on what’s within your power Worrying about things beyond your control is a sure way to get overwhelmed. Instead, shift your attention to what you can influence. You can even write it down and keep the list in a visible place. RELATED: The Time is Now: How to Stop Worrying About the Future Just as important, don’t beat yourself up while you do this. There may be only a few things within your power, but this is temporary, and not a reflection of your worth. 8. Ask for support Overwhelm feels isolating, but you don’t have to deal with it alone. Feeling overwhelmed is common, so don’t avoid sharing your feelings out of shame. Talking to a trusted friend can help put things into perspective. And if overwhelm is interfering with daily life, seeking professional support from a therapist or support group can help you learn coping strategies. The takeaway: what to do when overwhelmed Feeling overwhelmed isn’t a sign of weakness, and you’re certainly not alone in feeling like this, so don’t allow yourself to feel guilty or frustrated. Overwhelm is a sign that your brain and body need rest and attention. By identifying what’s causing your overwhelm and using the strategies mentioned here, like deep breathing, breaking tasks down, and setting boundaries, you can learn how to stop feeling overwhelmed and feel more in control of your life. Remember that you don’t have to do everything at once. When dealing with feeling overwhelmed, take one step at the time, and be kind to yourself in the process. • Images: shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Miljan Zivkovic, shutterstock/Krakenimages.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Work life balance | Resilience | Stress management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Do the Sunday Scaries provoke that 'I don't want to go to work' dread in you? If so, cultivating these six traits from Dee Marques can help you become happier in the workplace and start looking forward to work. Turn your 'I hate my job' desperation into a 'I love my job' declaration! Work: we all need money to survive, but given the chance, how many of us would willingly work it if we didn’t need to? Our workplace is the space where we often spend one third (or more) of our day, so how we feel about our role can have a serious impact on our overall psychological well-being. In fact, unhappiness at work is actually commonplace. Indeed, you've probably screamed “I hate my job!” or heard one of your friends or family members do same in despair. So, how can we make work, well, work for us? Studies confirm that being unhappy at work over a period of time is linked to feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, stress and sleep problems, as well as higher chances of developing high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues – so not hating your job is actually a serious matter. Engagement is a key 'happy at work' trait However, sometimes we have to accept jobs we’d rather not be doing – the famous “but it pays the bills”. And, truth be told, few people would describe their work environment as being a truly happy place at all times. In fact, being dissatisfied at work has become so common that finding joy in the workplace is almost seen as some sort of luxury. For example, in the USA, nearly half of the workforce claims to be unhappy at work, and the figure is almost identical in the UK, suggesting a happy workplace is uncommon. I hate my job! Cultivate these 6 traits to enjoy work So, what if achieving happiness at work was more than wishful thinking? If you find the 'I don't want to go to work' Monday Blues tend to extend over your entire working week, then cultivate these six things and achieve real happiness in your job. 1. Purpose Purpose is one of the most important factors when it comes to finding happiness at work. Indeed, purpose or meaning ranks high when it comes to achieving a joyful life in general, therefore it’s not surprising that the same applies to finding happiness in your job, too. In fact, a feeling of purpose of life has been linked to higher motivation, commitment and productivity, all of which are positive emotional states that can contribute to happiness and, by extension, stop you hating your job. RELATED: Ikigai: What Is It and How to Find It Try to find purpose at work by thinking about what your job means when the greater good comes into the picture. If you're working in the 'helping' or 'saving' professions – a teacher, nurse, doctor, soldier, etc – then this shouldn't be difficult, but meaningful work isn't restricted to these types of professions. Sometimes it's not easy to discover the purpose in your work, but with just a bit of consideration, things become clearer. Even work considered menial by others can have a greater purpose. “A feeling of purpose has been linked to higher motivation, commitment, and productivity, all of which can stop you being unhappy in the workplace.” For example, think about the people who built great European monuments, like cathedrals and bridges. Their work would have been physically demanding and laborious and maybe they hated it, but they built something that was enjoyed for many generations to come, perhaps creating a sense of satisfaction. If you're always thinking 'I hate my job', you owe it to yourself to consider what would really inspire you to get up in the morning. Furthermore, taking personal responsibility for your professional growth can also help you find meaning and purpose, so set your own goals and make sure they’re aligned with meaningful values. Indeed, if you can find an employer that shares your values, then you're on the way to becoming a happier employee. Finding a career with purpose, such as nursing, can mean happy work 2. Engagement Feeling that your work day is plagued by apathy, finding excuses to go on yet another coffee break, arriving late or leaving early, starting a task then jumping away to browse the web… do any of these things sound familiar? These are all signs of disengagement at work and should be addressed, as they can lead to unhappiness with life, depression and even health-related issues. In fact, a 2015 Gallup survey shows that disengagement or feeling disconnected from work can lead to many health issues. For example, comparing engaged and disengaged employees in the United States, 56 per cent of the latter claimed to be stressed every day (compared with 36 per cent of those engaged), 23 per cent were more likely to be in pain (compared to 14 per cent), and 16 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with depression (compared to nine per cent). MORE LIKE THIS: Why Can't I Focus? 8 Tips on How to Avoid Distractions Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It How to Get Shit Done: 8 Productivity Hacks To stop this from taking away your chance of finding happiness in your career, try to find the source of disengagement. Maybe you feel that your skills are not used to the fullest, or you hate your job because you feel stuck in a rut. Set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager. When you do so, explain that you’d like to be challenged and do more for the company, as this is likely to be well received. 3. Kindness A kind workplace is a happy workplace, or has more chances of being so. Your relationship with coworkers is closely connected to overall job satisfaction, and if that relationship is strained or marked by hostility or competition, it can affect your emotions. This makes sense considering that you’re probably spending 40 hours a week – or more – in close contact. In fact, poor workplace relationships are one of the most common complaints and a leading cause of work-related stress and people hating their jobs. It’s also worth mentioning that some studies have found that feeling lonely or isolated at work also has a negative impact on job performance. RELATED: How to Show Compassion at Work: 7 Top Tips Acts of kindness are an easy and quick way to build a positive work environment. Indeed, small gestures can go a long way. Going to the kitchen to make a drink? Make sure you ask your colleagues if they want anything too (and wipe clean the microwave while you're there, even if you didn't make the mess!). Heading on holiday? Bring a few treats back and leave them in the office kitchen or communal area. Small gestures of kindness create positivity and, in fact, boost productivity. “If you're unhappy at work, set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager.” Indeed, research from the Association of Professional Executives of the Public Service of Canada (APEX) showed that incivility has “profound implications on the level of energy, emotional engagement, and performance of work teams.” Its study found that teams in a respectful environment: Have 26 per cent more energy. Are 30 per cent more likely to feel motivated and enthusiastic about acquiring new skills and being exposed to new ideas. Express 36 per cent more satisfaction with their jobs and are 44 per cent more committed to their companies. 4. Flexibility The working world is becoming increasingly flexible with the growth of options like freelancing, working from home, job sharing, and the compressed working week. Of course, flexi-work comes with its pros and cons: key advantages include reduced commuting expenses and freedom to meet personal/family needs, while common downsides are learning to deal with distractions, isolation, and sticking to a schedule. However, importantly, flexibility at work can help achieve a good work-life balance and contribute to a happy workplace. Indeed, research studies have linked workplace flexibility to individual and team effectiveness, stress reduction, and greater commitment to the job. Balancing act: flexible working often boosts happiness If you're always thinking 'I hate my job' and think more freedom and flexibility could help you relieve your unhappiness, approach your employer to see how they feel about flexi-work, highlighting the benefits and your willingness to help create a happy workplace that is conducive to productivity. More and more employers are open to flexible working hours and realizing the potential it has for creating happy employees. Indeed, many companies are toying with the idea of introducing four-day working weeks, with some showing positive results in trials. There's emerging evidence that a compressed working week can boost both productivity and happiness in workers. For example, Pursuit Marketing in Glasgow, Scotland, switched 120 people to a four-day week in late 2016 and claims it has been key in a 30 per cent productivity rise. 5. Appreciation Not feeling appreciated is one of the main reasons why people become unhappy and quit their jobs, as it can be both demoralising and frustrating. Not feeling appreciated can appear in many ways: your manager not paying attention to you, not being paid what you deserve, or not receiving credit for work, or – worse still – someone else taking credit for your ideas. These are all scenarios you may have experienced at some point. “Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience.” Sometimes it can be the case that employers genuinely don't care about their employees, but it's better to first give the benefit of the doubt: often managers are so busy they haven't realised they've been neglecting you. If you're not feeling appreciated, speak with them or human resources directly and ask for regular, six-month reviews to discuss how you're progressing in your role and the company. Kindness pays: be nice to colleagues and create a happy workplace Prepare well for your meeting and draw up a list of what you want to discuss and all your recent achievements (to jog your manager’s memory of your fantastic work), especially if you're asking for a pay rise. As well as discussing your strengths, discuss any areas where you can develop further. While you're waiting for your chance to shine, you can still show your appreciation for your coworkers (who may also be thinking 'I hate my job!'). This will help generate a more positive work atmosphere and create a happy workplace where people feel valued. In fact, the link between giving and happiness is well documented, since studies show that being generous increases personal happiness, and this includes giving intangible things like our time or appreciation for others. 6. Resilience Stress, uncertainty and unhappiness cannot be completely avoided in the workplace, so the best thing you can do is grow stronger to cope with professional setbacks. In other words, cultivate resilience. This doesn’t mean putting up with what you dislike, as this would only make you feel more disengaged, but rather to change your mindset when that 'I don't want to go to work' feeling kicks in. RELATED: Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience. In fact, any stress management technique can help build resilience, as you’ll be in control instead of letting workplace stressors take over your mood. You can also invest in activities that strengthen your inner self, whether than means going on a retreat, taking up yoga, or a creative hobby. The takeaway: I don't want to go to work If you hate your job and are feeling unhappy, invest in developing these six traits – some of the many building blocks of happiness – into your professional life. Taking your time to work on purpose, engagement, kindness, flexibility, appreciation and resilience, and your efforts will pay off. Furthermore, finding happiness at work will also reflect in other aspects of your life. ● Images: shutterstock/Pressmaster, shutterstock/RawPixel.com, pixabay/ludi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Stress management | Work life balance | Burnout Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Are you living with insomnia or poor slumber? Practising restful yoga nidra encourages deep relaxation, ideal for promoting a healthy night's rest. Ann Vrlak shows you how to do yoga nidra for sleep with her 4-step yoga nidra scipt and meditation guide. If you're looking for a deeply restful meditation practice, read on to learn how to do yoga nidra. You can opt to meditate lying down or in bed, but yoga nidra is unique among meditation practices. Why? Well, in case you've never heard of it before, yoga nidra is an ancient meditation practice first found in written form around 700BC. Its aim is to guide you into a slow, delta wave state where two things happen: you profoundly relax and rejuvenate your nervous system, and you create a receptive state of mind ready to absorb an important intention. Is yoga nidra like other meditation? Many traditional meditation practices focus on being aware of thoughts and feelings – a kind of gentle alertness. Yoga nidra, as a general practice, or yoga nidra for sleep, are designed to take you from conscious states of mind, through relaxed states, to a deep, unconscious but still-awake state. Practise yoga nidra to profoundly relaxes your nervous system Yes, that does sound contradictory, but that is what makes yoga nidra a distinct practice. It came out of a meditation tradition that believes the most experienced sages were conscious, even in deep sleep. Today, the interpretation is less esoteric: that yoga nidra puts the body in a physiological state similar to restful sleep, but the person is awake. It immerses the body and mind in a profound state of relaxation. “Yoga nidra for sleep is designed to take you from conscious states of mind, through relaxed states, to a deep, unconscious but still-awake state.” This is another key difference from most other meditations which encourage staying awake: the goal is deep relaxation that may lead directly into sleep. The meditation is done lying down, guiding you through progressively more relaxed states. For these reasons, yoga nidra for insomnia is a common form of the practice. The benefits of yoga nidra The healing and rejuvenation side of your nervous system, the parasympathetic, is strongly activated by yoga nidra. A whole host of physiological processes are set in motion that improve how your body functions, from your immune system, to reducing stress hormones, to releasing melatonin – the natural chemical that helps with sleep and anxiety. Our yoga nidra script promotes deep relaxation, ideal for sleep We mentioned that yoga nidra for sleep and yoga nidra for insomnia are practises that can help the many thousands of people worldwide who do not have regular, restful sleep – one of the key components of health and well-being. How to do yoga nidra: 4 steps In a typical yoga nidra session, there are four phases: Setting an intention Moving through a body scan Breathing mindfully and accepting experience Ending with a visualization You can use the following yoga nidra script any time. It takes you step by step through how to do yoga nidra. However, practising yoga nidra for sleep, anxiety and insomnia are especially helpful if you have trouble getting off to slumber each night. “The meditation is done lying down, guiding you through progressively more relaxed states. Yoga nidra for insomnia is a common form of the practice.” This meditation practice can take anywhere up to one hour. To do a shorter practice, leave about 30 seconds between each line of the yoda nidra script. If you enjoy the practice, make the pauses as long as you like, to connect with and rest in the instructions. Yoga Nidra Script Turn off any electronic devices and make sure you will not be interrupted. Physical comfort is essential for yoga nidra. You will be lying down for the full practice, so gather blankets, pillows, bolsters and eye covers to set up your body for a supported, comfortable practice. Take as long as you need. When you are ready to begin, start to notice the full plane of contact between your body and the floor or surface beneath you – from the back of your head to your heels. 1. Intention Set an intention for this practice that is important for your personal growth and happiness. Choose something that you feel would have wide-ranging, positive effects on your life. Feel the importance and the effect of your intention. 2. Body Scan Begin a body scan practice, beginning with your thumbs. Become aware of any sensations of warmth, tightness, energy in your thumbs. As you do, consciously relax the area. Move your attention steadily, and fairly quickly, through the rest of your body. Your hands, your arms, your head, your torso, hips, legs and feet. Sense each part as much as you can, holding your intention to rest each part you are aware of. You are not only sensing, but consciously relaxing. 3. Breathing Become aware of your whole body, resting, heavy and supported. Shift your attention to the sensations of your breath. Feel the rising and falling of your chest as the air enters and leaves your body. Notice the breath broadening and collapsing your body to the sides, and to the front and back. Feel the slight echoes of your breath rippling out through your whole body. If thoughts and emotions are present, also let them rest in this relaxed, open body. Let them be, supported and held in this mindful space. On your inbreath, feel energy filling every cell. On the outbreath, feel the letting go, the rest. The flow of life from activity to relaxation. 4. Visualization See in your mind’s eye the vast expanse of space. Stars and planets sit amidst a dark, warm blanket of space. Wherever you look, there are objects with unimaginable space between them, out into infinity. Imagine your thoughts and feelings are like the stars and planets, and you are the observing, embracing space. This observing part of you is present, like space, always there between and behind your experiences. Feel that spaciousness within you, a freedom to allow everything within. To finish your practise of yoga nidra, remember your intention. Hold it in your mind and body. Let this positive intention for yourself permeate your being. Rest for another few moments, feeling the effects of this practice of yoga nidra in your mind and body. Bring some gentle movements back to your body and slowly open your eyes or continue resting if your aim is to sleep. How to do yoga nidra in four easy steps Takeaway: yoga nidra How did it go? You now know how to do yoga nidra for sleep and insomnia. You can also enjoy this unique practice any time you want to give your body and mind a deeply refreshing break. The restful, receptive state that yoga nidra generates is different from other forms of meditation or relaxation. Especially if you do the practice for longer periods of time, you can immerse yourself in a peaceful, rejuvenating space that is unparalleled. You create for yourself a safe space for all parts of your experience, to be held with warmth and acceptance. • Images: shutterstock/Koldunov, shutterstock/fizkes, shutterstock/wavebreakmedia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Hatha yoga | Stress management | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Can an abundant mindset radically affect our choices and determine the course of our lives? Sonia Vadlamani believes so. Here she shares explains the meaning of abundance mindset and mentality, and offers eight simple yet effective ways to cultivate them. When Henry Ford famously stated, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right”, he was emphasizing how our attitude and beliefs determine our success or failure. While we may not realize it, self-limiting thoughts can have a lasting negative impact on our lives, whereas positive reinforcements and a bright outlook on life can help us make better choices, resulting in successful outcomes. The term 'abundance mindset' was first coined by Stephen R Covey in 1989, in his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. According to Covey, those choosing an abundance or abundant mindset believe that there are unlimited resources available for every individual, and that long-term success warrants creation of a win-win situation for all. Abundance mindset vs scarcity mindset In contrast, Covey refers to scarcity mindset as viewing life as a limited resource, wherein one can get only a share of the pie, while the rest is reserved for others. Those with scarcity mindset believe there just isn’t enough love, time, or money out there for everyone: each thought and every action of theirs is an endeavour to grab the limited opportunities. Adopt a mindset of abundance for positive changes An experimental study based on neuroimaging revealed that abundance mindset enables individuals to make goal-oriented decisions. On the contrary, those with scarcity mindset perceive limited resources to be available to them, which may impact their decision-making abilities adversely. A victim of the scarcity mindset myself until a few years ago, it took me a while to realize that I was limiting myself by remaining in the ‘if only’ trap – assuming that my life would be perfect if only I earned a certain amount of money, bagged that exclusive contract, went on that dream vacation, etc. When I eventually realized that my scarcity mindset was confining me in a victim complex, I consciously looked for ways to expand my awareness and recognize all the growth opportunities around myself. Indeed, escaping the scarcity bubble might seem impossible at first, but consistent focus and determined action plan drawn towards developing an abundance mindset helps immensely. “Those with an abundance mindset and mentality can perceive the highest potential in every situation. There are always more options, great possibilities and unlimited resources for the abundance-minded.” Sometimes, it may be easy to confuse scarcity mindset with a temporary setback, like being in financial shortfall. Being broke could be a short-lived situation in your life – in fact, not having access to everything you ever desired could prove to be a valuable lesson and help you to be grateful for everything you do have. How is an abundance mindset beneficial? An abundant mindset or abundance mentality is believed to favor personal and spiritual growth. Psychology professor Carol Dweck revealed that people with “growth mindset” believe that talent is merely the starting point and abilities can be honed with consistent efforts towards betterment. These individuals tend to be more equipped to deal with stressful situations and believe in their ability to generate more successful outcomes as compared to those with a 'fixed mindset'. Individuals with abundance mindset are perceived to be: more creative and inspired to create favorable outcomes for everyone around unfazed even through adverse circumstances more assured about their ability to create high-value results of an amplified magnitude more focused on creating meaningful, unhindered, satisfying life experiences 8 ways to develop a more abundant mindset Here are some practical and effective ways to start creating a life of abundance. Incorporate them into your life and try to witness positive changes. 1. Believe in infinite possibilities Those with an abundance mindset and mentality can perceive the highest potential in every situation. While scarcity mindset imposes a perceived limit on the resources available, there are always more options, great possibilities and unlimited resources for the abundance-minded. RELATED: 7 Ways to Develop a Can-Do Attitude Training your mind to see limitless opportunities in place of shortcomings can be a gradual process. You can start by deliberately expanding your awareness while relaxing your focus, and then asking yourself how you could approach a situation from a different perspective, in a scenario where you know you couldn’t fail. 2. Understand the power of your thoughts “What you think, you become. The mind is everything,” Buddha taught us. The law of manifestation asserts that our inner world reflects our outer reality, and that our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions determine what we manifest into the physical world around us. Taking time to notice the kind of self-limiting or scarcity-based thoughts you experience would allow you to identify your thought patterns and shift them gradually towards abundance. An abundance mentality encourages the best version of you 3. Stop comparing yourself to others Scarcity mindset can compel individuals to constantly evaluate how they compare with others. However, those with abundance mindset tend to only compare themselves with regards to the vision and standards they set for their own selves. 4. Incorporate gratitude as a daily practice Gratitude is a powerful emotion for creating abundance. In fact, there is ample scientific research that establishes the benefits of gratitude as a daily practice, like improved mental health, stronger relationships, and enhanced personal happiness. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice Keeping a gratitude journal is one of the easiest ways to integrate gratefulness as a daily ritual and harness the benefits of an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude meditation can also help you build a habitual focus on appreciation of good things in life. 5. Build win-win situations for all Those with scarcity mindset view life as a defined 'cake' and believe that if someone gets a big slice of the cake, the others are left with smaller portions. Abundance mentality views life as a sum of collaborative efforts instead of competitive endeavors. RELATED: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! Creating win-win solutions through interaction and collaboration can lead to mutually favourable results – this way, there is plenty of cake for everybody. 6. Be willing to learn According to Covey, the desire for learning and growth towards mastery experiences forms the basis for abundance mindset. The key to abundance is to make learning a habit and to create mastery experiences in at least one area of your interest. “Abundance mindset is believed to favor personal and spiritual growth. People with growth mindset believe that talent is merely the starting point and abilities can be honed with consistent efforts towards betterment.” James Clear, the author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit explains how the principle of ‘marginal gains’ or tiny improvements on a daily basis can aggregate over time. This brings about a dramatic shift in how we achieve successful results. Indeed, by making 1 per cent improvements in small areas in your life consistently, you could witness exponential growth and create remarkable results for yourself as well as others around you. 7.Create daily affirmations that encourage abundance Scarcity mindset stems from fear; be it the fear of inadequate resources or insufficient skill to achieve one’s goals, etc. An experimental study by J. David Creswell et al pointed out the benefits of self-affirmation in the form of improved problem-solving abilities even in stressful situations. RELATED: How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Strategies Using daily affirmations can help bring about a gradual yet steady shift in your mindset from scarcity to abundance. Start with jotting down your fears and worries. This will help you expand your awareness. Next, make a suitable action plan as a response to these concerns in a way that will enable you to overcome your fear of failure, so you can lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Start your day with positive affirmations 8. Surround yourself with others with abundance mindset “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” stated Jim Rohn, and with good reason. Accordingly, choose to invest your time and resources in building a community of people who elevate your outlook on life and bring out the best in you. This will also help you minimize the unproductive time spent with ‘negative nellies’ or unsupportive and unproductive people who add no value to your life and only create stressful situations instead. Surrounding yourself with positive-minded and empowering people will help you develop an abundance mindset. Takeaway: Meaning of abundance mindset and mentality An abundance mindset and abundant mentality can have a positive effect on our physical health, emotional well-being, happiness, relationships and even our financial decisions. Keeping that scarcity mindset at bay might seem difficult to begin with, but by following the eight tips above you´ll be able to see that abundance mindset develop and shine through. • Images: shutterstock/sun ok, shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Hitdelight happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Positive psychology | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Obsessive thoughts are damaging to both mental and physical health. Discover how to stop thinking about something – or someone – with these 9 techniques from Dee Marques. Ever found yourself replaying the same thought in your head over and over? Maybe it's a work mistake that keeps haunting you, a conversation where you wish you'd said something different, or a future scenario you can't stop worrying about. Sounds familiar? That’s because most of us tend to overthink to some extent. Obsessive thinking can be exhausting and in some cases, even distressing. The good news is that you can regain control over your thoughts. In this article, we’ll explore why we fixate on certain thoughts, how to recognise when they become unhealthy, and some tips on how to stop thinking about something when it's affecting your well-being. What does it mean if you can't stop thinking about something We all overthink from time to time. In fact, it’s estimated that our brain generates more than 6,000 thoughts per day, and an astonishing 95% of those are thought to be repetitive. Can't stop thinking about something? You cam change that With that said, not all repetitive thinking is cause for concern. Let’s break it down: Regular overthinking. Overthinking can be a natural response to stress or uncertainty. If you have an upcoming exam, a job interview, or an important decision to make, it’s normal to mentally rehearse different scenarios. This type of overthinking is a part of problem-solving and shouldn’t be concerning. Rumination When repetitive thoughts become intrusive and unproductive, rumination can take over. Here, the brain isn’t trying to problem solve, but instead keeps replaying past mistakes, regrets, or worst-case scenarios. Approximately 73% of young adults experience some level of rumination, although in people aged 60 and over, this figure reduces to 20%. OCD and anxiety disorders In more extreme cases, repetitive thoughts may be linked to conditions like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). People with OCD often experience unwanted, distressing and obsessive thoughts that lead to compulsive behaviours. Research suggests that around 1.2% of adults in the UK have OCD. Anxiety disorders affect more than 300 million people worldwide, and over 5.5% of the UK population. When is overthinking harmful? So, how can you tell that you’ve gone beyond 'regular' overthinking and into that more dangerous, obsessive manner of thinking? Here are some signs to watch out for: • You lose sleep because your mind won’t switch off. • The same thought interferes with your ability to concentrate, or to be present. • Your thoughts are affecting your mood beyond your control, making you feel anxious or hopeless. • So-called 'paralysis by analysis' – where the fear of making mistakes stops you from acting. • You keep replaying past situations or future scenarios, but never come close to a solution. • You feel mentally drained and struggle to enjoy things as you normally would. • Your obsessive thinking is leading to compulsive behaviours, like constantly checking or seeking reassurance. The harmful effects of obsessive thinking If left unchecked, repetitive thoughts can take a toll on multiple areas of your life. You can become more at risk of experiencing mental health issues like anxiety, stress, and depression, which affects up to 50% of people with OCD-related disorders. Obsessive thoughts can also negatively affect your physical health, causing headaches, muscle tension, and even digestive problems – in addition to sleep disruption, which is harmful to your overall metabolism and well-being. “Your brain can’t handle two thoughts at the same time, so immersing yourself in an activity that demands your full attention leaves no room for intrusive thoughts.” Being unable to control obsessive thoughts can put a strain on relationships, since overthinking often causes unnecessary internal conflict and constant doubt that pushes people away. And lastly, far from helping you be logical and think things though, obsessive thinking actually impairs problem-solving abilities. Instead of finding solutions, you remain stuck in a vicious circle of worry, what ifs, and stress. Intrusive thoughts can become damaging How to stop thinking about something If obsessive thoughts are taking over and you're wondering how to stop thinking about something (or someone), the key is being determined to break the cycle. Here are some practical things to try: 1. Catch-Check-Change technique Try to use this reframing technique often, until it becomes as automatic as your obsessive thoughts! First, catch the thought and place it into an “unhelpful thought” category, such as blaming yourself, worst-case scenario, black-and-white thinking, or ignoring positive facts. Then, fact-check the thought. Is it actually happening? Are there alternative explanations? Are you fabricating evidence in your head? What are other potential outcomes? With that in mind, change the thought so it has a more neutral tone. You can find examples and a template for this technique here. 2. Mindfulness meditation Mindfulness teaches you to observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them. Research shows that mindfulness and meditation skills can reduce the mental discomfort in OCD patients, so these tools surely can help with other forms of overthinking too. 3. Write it down One practical way to stop thinking about someone or something is to transfer the thought out of your head onto paper. Writing thoughts down and describing the context where they appear can help clear your mind and put thoughts and their associated emotions out there, instead of keeping them endlessly looping inside your head. “One practical way to stop thinking about something or someone is to transfer the thought out of your head onto paper.” You can jot obsessive thoughts down as they come or you may want to incorporate specific journalling techniques. Writing not only helps release disturbing thoughts, but can also help with the following tip below. How to stop thinking about something? Write it out! 4. Identify triggers You can go back to what you’ve written to pinpoint the triggers that fuel your overthinking. It could be scrolling through social media, discussing a certain topic, talking to a specific person, etc. Identifying the trigger is crucial if you want to set boundaries and reduce exposure to the things that activate repetitive thought patterns. MORE LIKE THIS: What's the Point of Life? 3 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself Feeling Lost in Life? Move On In 7 Steps Inner Peace: the 3 Key Techniques to Finding It 5. Set a ‘worry time’ The problem with intrusive thoughts is that they can easily take over your mood and mindset all day. “Not thinking those thoughts” may not be realistic at first, but you can still limit their impact by allocating a 10-minute worry window – but remember to “close that window” once the time is up. 6. Distract yourself Your brain can’t handle two thoughts at the same time, so immersing yourself in an activity that demands your full attention leaves no room for intrusive thoughts. Distractions could include doing a puzzle, memorising and reciting a favourite poem or song, playing memory games, watching a comedy show, going out to the movies, etc. RELATED: Flow State and Happiness: How to Achieve It 7. Talk it out Voicing your thoughts out loud can break the cycle of overthinking, in a similar way to writing them out. Although at first you may feel embarrassed or vulnerable, talking to a trustworthy friend or relative can help you realise that things are not as overwhelming as they feel in your head. The old adage 'a problem shared is a problem halved' really rings true. 8. Get moving Exercise is one of the most effective ways of limiting the distressing effects of overthinking. In addition to releasing endorphins (natural stress relievers), exercise also physically pulls you out of your head and into the present moment. Ideally, you want to make this a part of your routine. According to some studies, even 10-minute sessions 3-4 days per week can help shift your focus. Try mindful running or – if you're feeling brave – wild swimming. Exercise is a great way to take your mind off things 9. Seek professional health If you’ve tried all of the above and still don’t know how to stop thinking about something, don’t hesitate to seek support. A mental health professional can offer strategies tailored to your situation and help you break free from intrusive thought cycles. Takeaway: how to stop thinking about something Overthinking can feel like an endless battle, but you can win this one. By understanding why you obsess over things and using the tips we described in this article, you can figure out how to stop thinking about something and improve the quality of your life and overall well-being. The key is to remember that thoughts are just that: 'thoughts'. They don’t define you, and they don’t have to control you. You are not your thoughts. With the right strategies, you can train your brain to focus on the present and embrace a calmer and clearer mindset. ● Images: shutterstock/fizkes, shutterstock/Gladskihk Tatiana, shutterstock/Lysenko Andrii, shutterstock/veronaman happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Work life balance | Kindness | Compassion Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Meditation is more popular than ever, but many common misconceptions about the practice still remain. So, from aiming to control your thoughts to only meditating cross-legged, Ann Vrlak debunks seven common meditation myths. Meditation is one of the most natural, simple activities we can do, but, ironically, many people find it difficult. There are some good reasons why meditation practice can be challenging, especially for beginners, but one of the biggest reasons is the many misconceptions about meditation and what’s supposed to happen when you do it. Whether you have tried meditation before or not, we’d like to debunk some of the most common meditation myths. We hope this might inspire you to try again – or give this healthy habit a chance. Myth 1. Meditation Means I Have to Control My Thoughts The belief that you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it! When you try to stop your thinking, your thinking will usually become more active. It’s like trying to stop a river from flowing. Meditation is about learning to relate to your thinking differently. In particular, a core meditation skill is observing your thoughts. To stay with the river analogy, it’s like standing on the shore of the river watching thoughts go by, rather than being carried away by it. Meditation is about observing thoughts, not controlling them This objectivity helps you to better understand what you think about and how your mind behaves. You become familiar with thoughts that upset you or lead you toward bad decisions. Most importantly, it strengthens your “observing mind,” the part of your attention that can be a calm, caring witness of your experiences. This is a much more powerful skill than it may sound. Myth 2: Meditation Makes People Check Out What image comes to mind when you think of someone meditating? It might be someone sitting cross-legged on the floor, with their eyes closed. This image seems to suggest someone who is out of the flow of life, “not letting things affect them.” “Believing you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it!” Like some meditation misconceptions, there is a hint of truth in this, and a lot of misunderstanding. Often meditation is done in a quiet place, away from daily activity, so you can learn to focus your attention – where you can develop that objectivity we just mentioned. This builds your self-awareness and balance to help you manage life’s challenges with less stress. You become more aware, more engaged – not less. Indeed, meditation deepens your connection with yourself which helps you feel more connected to – and concerned for – others. Myth 3. Meditation Can Only be Done Sitting Cross-legged The image we mentioned before of someone sitting cross-legged on a cushion is traditional, that’s true. This posture puts the body into an aligned, alert position that supports your nervous system. But, in fact, you can meditate lying down or in any position you like because meditation is for everyone. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Fitness, age, injury or energy level does not determine whether or not you can benefit from meditation. In fact, there is an ancient meditation practice called yoga nidra that's done lying down and is a deep relaxation experience for mind and body. Myth 4. I Should Feel Peaceful or Relaxed When I Meditate What if you feel anxious or agitated when you meditate? Does it mean “you’re not doing it right” or “you can’t meditate”? The myth that you will always feel peaceful or relaxed when you meditate is one of the most unfortunate misconceptions about meditation. You can practise meditation anywhere: there are no rules These feelings are, in fact, common first experiences with meditation – and sometimes a recurring one. Why? Because you are slowing down and paying attention to your mind and body in ways you do not usually do. Often there is some stress or an uncomfortable emotion under the surface that we are too busy to notice. Meditation isn’t causing the discomfort, it’s just showing you it’s there. From here, you learn skills to help you respond to your challenges with mindfulness and compassion. Meditation is not about achieving any particular feeling. It’s about learning to be with your experience, as it is, with kindness and curiousity. If you feel anxious, the practice is to be kind with it – not to try to get rid of it. The goal is to grow your ability to be with your experiences, good and bad, without resisting and judging. Myth 5. I Just Don’t Have Time to Meditate There is a popular saying in meditation circles: “If you don’t have five minutes to meditate, you should meditate for 30.” In other words, if your days are so busy that taking five minutes to breathe and be present seems like too much, you need even more of a break! This is a meditation misconception that is easy to accept because modern living does encourage us to do more and more, faster and faster. But, taking breaks to pause, rest our minds and refresh our energy make us more productive, not less. “While there are good reasons to use traditional meditation postures, there are also many benefits to practising meditation lying down or any position you like.” Not only that, but there are many ways to take short meditation breaks in your day. Use a daily activity as a reminder to do a three-minute conscious breathing exercise, like when you're getting ready for bed or getting dressed for work in the morning. Developing a habit of mini-meditations is a wonderful way to create restful spaces in your day. A little meditation can go a very long way. Myth 6. I Need to Have a Spiritual or Religious Belief to Meditate Some of the core meditation practices that are still with us today came out of ancient spiritual traditions. But, those traditions, like Buddhism, have a deep foundation in human psychology and also in equality. MORE LIKE THIS: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Meditation For Beginners: Our Top 6 Videos Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says Meditation was a practice created to help people understand the common causes of suffering and of happiness that affect everyone. There was not, and still is not, any need to believe in any spiritual dogma to meditate. All you need is a desire to better understand yourself to help you lead a happier life. We also now have decades of scientific data that has proven the benefits of meditation, from stress relief to alleviating depression, are shared among secular and non-secular people. Myth 7. Meditation Is Self-Centered Does “going inward” in meditation encourage you to become self-centred? This is one of the more well-meaning misconceptions about meditation. A practice that made you more concerned about yourself than others would not add anything very positive to the world. Meditation doesn't have to be done cross-legged in Lotus position But, meditation is just the opposite. One of the effects of understanding ourselves better through meditation is understanding others better. When you see your own anxiety and work with it compassionately, something automatically happens: you have compassion for others who experience anxiety too. When you relieve your own anxiety through kind attention, you may want to do the same for someone else. Takeaway: meditation myths I hope I've dispelled some of the myths about meditation you may have heard. Especially in the modern world, meditation can seem like an unusual activity, something foreign to our usual way of doing things. It’s true in some ways, but that’s actually a good thing. Taking some time to slow down and breathe, for example, is a simple, healthy antidote to being constantly active. Paying attention to and being kind to your experiences can help you be more at ease in yourself when daily pressures are piling up. If you’d like to try meditation, keep these myths about meditation in mind. Meditation is always meant to be a safe space where you show up as you are, and are met without judgement or expectation. • Images: shutterstock/Monster Ztudio, shutterstock/Max Belchenco, shutterstock/ABO PHOTOGRAPHY happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Gratitude | Stress Management | Mindfulness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Like author Calvin Holbrook, many of us are considering escaping the consumer-driven world and living a simpler life. Discover more about why a movement to modesty and living simply offers real benefits – from finding your purpose to improved health and increased focus. Since hitting my 40s, the idea of living simply appeals to me more than ever. While residing in large cities has provided plenty of opportunities for entertainment and excitement, I feel increasingly overwhelmed and anxious by excess noise, over-stimulation, distractions, and ever-increasing crowds. As a result, I find myself seeking out a quieter, more simplistic way of life – being closer to nature in a more peaceful setting. While some of you may be thinking to do the same, living a simple life doesn’t have to mean shacking up alone in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere (although, actually, that sounds quite appealing right now). In fact, there are many practical and not-so-drastic ways of living simply – and the benefits of doing so are proven by science. Living simply can allow for more family quality time So-called 'simple living' or ‘voluntary simplicity' is a recognized lifestyle steeped in history; one that minimizes consumption and the pursuit of wealth and material goods. Individuals choose voluntary simplicity in order to attain a more modest and meaningful life. Many religious groups, including the monastic orders from the Middle Ages to the modern-day Amish and Quakers include simple living as an essential element of teachings. More recently, the modern simplicity movement arose from the counterculture movement in the 1960s and 1970s. Then, in 1981, this movement gained a new moniker with the release of Duane Elgin’s book Voluntary Simplicity. In it, he explained the virtues of “a way of life that is outwardly simple, inwardly rich.” During the 1990s, the concept of minimalism, which includes elements of simple living, also became popular. What does living a simple life involve? While minimalism is mainly focused on reducing or giving up possessions, living a simple life includes other elements. Choosing simplification creates a life filled with meaning; a life lived on your own terms. It helps create the time and space to pursue your true interests and passions. Living simply flies in the face of the common values of the Western world. Living a simple life means stripping away the non-essential stuff to focus your time and energy on the things that matter the most to you. Living simply: 6 key benefits Moving to the countryside or living by the sea is a dream for me and many others. And while the pandemic and improved technology have led to more opportunities for remote working, many of us can't simply take the leap and uproot due to family commitments. But – regardless of where you're living – there are many practical steps you can take to simplify your life and feel the benefits. “Living a simple life doesn’t just mean giving up your possessions. Choosing simplification creates a life filled with meaning, a life lived on your own terms.” Examples include reducing your possessions, being mindful of new purchases, limiting your time on social media and smartphones, stopping attending social occasions you’re indifferent about and eliminating multitasking. Doing some or all of these things can bring you great benefits and happiness. So, let’s take a more detailed look at six key benefits of simplifying your life, backed up by science. 1. Simplify your life to learn more about yourself When you’re not distracting yourself with social media, binging Netflix, shopping for another gadget, or filling your diary with must-do events, you’re giving yourself the time and mental space to be grateful for what you already have – as well as creating the opportunity to reflect and learn more about yourself. In fact, living simply can help us find meaning and grow spiritually, as it shifts the focus away from material possessions and helps us look inwardly. It helps to create more silence – and even solitude – prime factors for spiritual reflection. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet Of course, sometimes reflecting on our lives and who we are can be as uncomfortable as it is rewarding, but ultimately it helps to focus on who we are, what gives our life purpose and meaning, and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. In turn, living a meaningful life has been to shown to increase happiness levels. 2. A simpler lifestyle can improve relationships In his essay Voluntary Simplicity: Characterization, Select Psychological Implications, and Societal Consequences, Amitai Etzioli argues that when we stop focusing our time on acquiring material possessions, we’re more likely to focus on relationships. Likewise, spending excessive time on social media or being occupied all the time can mean other relationships suffer. So, if we remove or reduce these distractors we free up more time to spend with friends and family and build meaningful connections – one of the 10 keys to happiness. Modest living focuses you on what really matters in life Additionally, developing a more simple way of life may mean editing your friendship group. Perhaps you have lots of different friends that you spend time doing different actives with, for example, the 'party' friend, the 'shopping' friend, the 'gym buddy'. By simplifying your life and doing less, it could mean shifting your focus to having fewer, higher-quality friendships and closer relationships. The interaction between you may also be more sincere, as you will be free of the need to impress. RELATED: Why Friendship Goals Matter and How to Achieve Them How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup: 7 Steps When to End a Friendship and How to Do it With Kindness In turn, there are health benefits attached to simplifying your friendships. Various studies have found that developing strong, solid friendships can reduce your illness risk – from being less likely to get a common cold to having a lower risk of developing obesity or heart disease. A 2017 Harvard study also found that keeping close friends could promote brain health as we grow older. 3. Simple living boosts your bank balance In many developed countries, the disparity between what we buy and what we need leads to huge overconsumption. This both drains the Earth’s resources and accelerates climate change. Voluntary simplicity is a lifestyle choice that minimizes consumption and the pursuit of wealth and material goods. Simplifying your life by reducing consumption means you will spend (and owe) less. The benefits of financial independence can include less stress and worry, and consequently better sleep. Indeed, according to a UK study from 2018, money worries are a huge issue, affecting 40 per cent of the population. To limit your consumption, firstly, take time to look at your outgoings and consider what you need to spend your cash on. Those daily takeaway coffees? Upgrades to the latest iPhone or Samsung? Netflix and apps subscriptions? That gym membership you hardly ever use? ““Living simply can help us find meaning and grow spiritually, as it shifts the focus away from material possessions and helps us to look inwardly.” There are so many chances to minimize spending, so cancel what you don’t need and change your habits. Additionally, you may be being charged for subscriptions for things you’ve totally forgotten about, so take some step to go through your bank statements and check what's going out every month. Secondly, aim to eliminate any existing debt you have and simply live within your means. Stop using credit cards and, instead, develop a monthly budget. Thirdly, if you’ve decided to simplify your belongings, make yourself some extra money by selling unwanted stuff on eBay, or simply donating things to charity. What's more, if you decide to simplify your social life to focus on things such as reconnecting with nature, walking, meditation, etc, this will also benefit your bank balance – because most of these things are free! 4. Living simply is great for your health Living a simplistic lifestyle can also be beneficial to your physical and mental health. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found a link between materialism and poor physical health. The team, from Knox College, Illinois, also found an even stronger link between materialism and engagement in risky behaviors that could damage physical health, such as drinking alcohol, smoking and drug use. So, it follows that the reverse – having a non-materialistic attitude – could be positive for health. RELATED: Being Teetotal: 9 Benefits of Living Alcohol-Free This theory was backed up in an unpublished survey from the University of the Sciences in Pennsylvania. It found that 90 per cent of people who identified as coming from the simple living movement reported improved physical health after choosing to make a change to earn less money. Almost as many respondents also claimed that their mental health also improved. Simple living means less stress and increased rest The reasons for this could be due to the fact that developing a more simplistic lifestyle often means less stress and increased rest. This benefits could come from spending more time with friends/family, getting more physical activity, and changing jobs to find something more fulfilling and less money-orientated. MORE LIKE THIS: Gazing at the Stars: Replacing Worries With Wonder Living on a Houseboat Wild Swimming: Health Benefits of Open Water Additionally, voluntary simplifiers often make a move away from big urban hubs to the countryside or seaside, which also has potential health benefits. A 2012 study from the University of Exeter showed that coastal populations in the UK are healthier than those inland, believed to be party due to the stress relief of living by the sea and greater opportunities for physical activity. The coast also offers cleaner, healthier air, which helps to promote better sleep (also essential for good mental health). 5. Simplistic living means increased focus Reducing possessions and commitments correlates to a reduction in distractions and therefore less physical – and mental – clutter. As you simplify your life and remove distractions, you create space to breathe and focus more carefully on what remains. In fact, the physical reduction of clutter in your home has been proven to boost concentration. Researchers at the Princeton University Neuroscience Institute studied the effects of clutter and published the results in the Journal of Neuroscience. They concluded that clearing clutter from your home and work environments increased the ability to focus and process information effectively. Their research also showed that an uncluttered space led to people feeling less irritable, more productive and less distracted. “Living a simple life means stripping away the non-essential stuff to focus your time and energy on the things that matter the most to you.” Simplifying your life by focusing on one task at a time, rather than multitasking, can also boost concentration. Multitasking used to be championed as effective, but Psychology Today reports that in reality it can decrease productivity levels by up to 40 per cent. Many of us are constantly switched on to multiple technologies: on average, we check our mobile phones every 12 minutes, causing further distractions and interruptions which affect our ability to concentrate. Choose to simplify life and learn how to avoid distractions by limiting these interruptions: remove or reduce social media usage and switch off annoying pop-up notifications. 6. Living a simple life helps the environment While the benefits of living simply described here are clear for the individual, the wider environment also benefits. It’s been previously suggested that if everyone on Earth consumed as much as the average US citizen, four Earths would be needed to sustain the population. So, consuming less and having fewer possessions decreases the amount of waste a person produces. In fact, there are many practical ways you can change you habits to live more simply and help the environment. Buying less clothes is a great place to start. Thanks to fast fashion, the textile industry is now one of the biggest environmental polluters and consumes energy throughout the supply chain. Donate old clothing to decrease consumption Indeed, humans consume 400 per cent more clothes than they did just two decades ago. About 80 billion pieces of clothing are consumed annually, and the US alone produces 11 million tons of textile waste each year. So, instead of buying cheap fashions, seek out more durable outfits that will last, and if they no longer fit, place unwanted clothes in a material recycling bin or donate – never just throw them away. As consumers we rarely consider the context and impact when buying products, for example, considering the workers and factories that made a product, the journey to the store a product made, how the packaging was produced, etc. Living a simple life means becoming more mindful of what you consume and thinking more about a product’s journey and environmental impact, therefore making more considered purchases. The takeaway: living simply According to the Chinese philosopher Confucius, “Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.” I would have to agree. For me, it's clear these science-backed benefits of living a simpler life are enormous and can only add to our increased happiness. Simple living and sustainable living go hand-in-hand, and having a healthier environment will also lead to better health for generations to come. So, rather than buying more and more possessions, consider spending more of your time and money on experiences: they leave only memories and nothing in the trash can! ● Images: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia, shutterstock/Monkey Business Images, happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Sport & Physical Activity | Purpose of Life | Community Living Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our online magazine, loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! He also works as a collage artist.

Meditation doesn't have to be done sat inside on a mat. Ann Vrlak explores the science-backed benefits of meditating in nature and suggests 5 ways of practising it outdoors. Among the many myths about meditation that exist is that it has to happen in a quiet room with your eyes shut. However, taking your practice outside can actually deepen your connection with nature, engage your senses, and bring a fresh perspective to what meditation is all about. In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further, building on the instinctual connection humans have with the natural environment. Meditating in nature is a sensory, calming experience The benefits of meditation in nature The value of spending time in nature is woven into many cultures. indeed, it's now generally accepted that it's one of the healthiest things we can do for our body, mind and spirit. Here are just a few of the further benefits you enjoy when you do simple meditation practices outdoors: Being in a forest or park, or by the ocean, all have a soothing effect on your nervous system. Add in the benefits of meditation practice on stress relief, and outdoor meditation becomes an enjoyable, powerful tool to bust stress. Nature meditation is a rich, sensory experience. Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself in the present moment. Most of us live in a fast-paced world of electronic devices and multitasking. Meditation in nature supports you in settling into a quieter, simpler space where you can turn your attention inward. Finally, time in nature has been shown to be profoundly helpful for our mental health and mental clarity. Nature meditation multiplies these many healthy effects that help us to give our minds much-needed rest and rejuvenation. 5 ways to practise meditation in nature Here are five nature meditation practices. For each one, whenever you notice that you're lost in a train of thought, that is part of the exercise. It is totally natural. Just gently return your attention to the focus of the practice. 1. Sound meditation One main meditation myth is that the practice requires silence, but it doesn’t. In fact, paying attention to sensory information, especially sound, is one of the oldest forms of meditation. “In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further.” Meditation in nature, focusing on as many sounds around you as you can, is a wonderful, relaxing practice you can do while walking or sitting. But don’t go looking for sounds; let them come to you. Notice the different kind of sounds you can hear when you're outside – birds, other animals, wind in the trees, running water or rain –whatever you notice. Listen to the birds through sound meditation Benefits This meditation trains you to focus your attention in the moment, on your direct sensory experience. And, this focus on your senses, helps to calm your mind and nervous system. 2. Observing nature Choose an object — a tree, a flower, a rock, a bird, a cloud — and observe it. Look at it as if you have never seen this thing before. Notice as many things about it as you can – its texture, colour, movement and shape. You will probably want to name it or remember information about it. “Oh, that’s a woodpecker. They are common…” That’s OK, but do your best to let go of what you know about it and just observe it as it is, and, if you can, connect with it. MORE LIKE THIS: 4 Ways Nature Can Protect Your Well-Being Gazing At The Stars: Replace Your Worries With Wonder 4 Science-Backed Benefits of Living By The Sea Benefits This outdoor meditation is a practice of 'beginner’s mind': an exercise to let things be just as they are without the weight of our expectations and knowledge. It is also a practice of appreciation, of seeing the wonder and infinite variety in nature. 3. Grounding meditation If it’s possible for you to sit and be warm and dry, sit on the ground, a rock, or a fallen tree. Focus your attention on the places you contact the earth: under your feet or the weight of your body on the ground. Make slight movements to settle fully on the earth, to feel that connection as vividly as you can. Benefits Grounding meditation is another ancient meditation practice. It fosters a deep sense of stability and safety, experiencing the solidity of the earth beneath you. Meditation in nature, directly feeling this connection with the earth, helps to ground you in your body and soothe a busy mind. Direct contact with the earth helps to ground yourself 4. Walking meditation As you walk, focus your attention on the sensation of your feet contacting the earth. If you like, you can walk slowly at first to connect with this practice, but it can be done at any speed. “Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself.” See if you can pay attention to every part of the walking movement: your heel touching down, your weight moving to the front of your foot, your leg moving forward – the whole movement of walking and connecting with the ground. RELATED: What is Forest Bathing? Discover 6 Key Health Benefits Benefits Walking meditation is a wonderful way to understand a key thing about meditation: you don’t have to be sitting on a cushion to do it. You can do this practice in a park or forest, or walking to the train or bus on your way to work. It integrates mindfulness into everyday living and movement. 5. Breath awareness This practice can be done sitting still or when walking. Start paying attention to the sensations of your breath: in your nose, chest or belly, wherever you notice it most clearly. Do you notice coolness or warmth? Is the air damp or dry? Are there any scents, like pine trees or roses? Notice as much as you can about the richness of your breath. Soothe your nervous system meditating by water Benefits The traditional practice of breath awareness is also enhanced by outdoor meditation. Focusing on your breath is deeply soothing to your nervous system and breathing in nature, noticing the sensory environment, connects you to your surroundings and the present moment. Takeaway: outdoor meditation techniques You can think of meditation in nature as a way to multiply the many wonderful effects of simply being in the natural environment. Meditation in nature allows you to engage with the world in a mindful, meaningful way. Whether you sit, walk, listen, or simply breathe, the outdoors offers endless opportunities to slow down and reconnect — with yourself and the world around you. • Images: shutterstock/Air Images, shutterstock/RealPeopleStudio, shutterstock/Massoon, shutterstock/GRJPride happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Stress Management | Gratitude | Simple Living Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

In a relationship and don't know where it's going? Are you or your 'partner' avoiding commitment? You may be in a situationship. Dee Marques explains the full situationship meaning, plus offers tips on how to manage – or move on from – their uncertainty. In today’s liberal dating scene, romantic and sexual relationships sometimes exist in grey areas. You may be spending time with someone, sharing intimacy, and even developing an emotional connection, but without any real definition of what the relationship actually is. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “what are we?”, then you could well be in a so-called situationship. But what is the correct meaning of a situationship? This term is becoming increasingly popular since it first appeared in 2017, as more people are choosing to date with a focus on freedom and flexibility. But despite their seemingly casual nature, situationships aren’t always as carefree as one would think, and it’s important to assess their impact on your well-being. RELATED: What is Omnisexuality? Understanding and Debunking Myths In this article, we’ll be exploring this concept by looking at what is the meaning of situationship, what are the differences between a situationship vs friends with benefits, how to navigate this type of connection, as well as how to end a situationship and how to get over it, if it no longer works for you. The meaning of situationships Firstly, let’s look at the definition of a situationship. So, this relationship type is essentially a romantic or sexual connection that lacks clear commitment and other traits that characterise traditional relationships, such as formal agreements about exclusivity, future plans, or emotional expectations. You can describe it as ´being together sometimes, but not really´. Situationship frustrations occurs when needs are not mutual In the UK, a survey done by a dating app found that nearly a third of their users had been in a situationship during or since 2020. Other studies rank Manchester, London and Reading as the “UK’s situationship hotspots”, whereas in the US, 50% of Gen Z have been in a situationship. Situationship vs friends with benefits Many people assume that the meaning of a situationship is the same as friends with benefits (FWB), but, in fact, there are key differences between the two. A friends-with-benefits arrangement is typically a friendship where both parties understand that the connection is mainly sexual. The key aspect is mutual clarity and some sense of equality of expectation, meaning that neither party expects the casual connection to evolve into something deeper. “A situationship is essentially a romantic or sexual connection that lacks clear commitment and other traits that characterise traditional relationships.” On the other hand, situations are marked by their ambiguity. They often involve some asymmetry in emotional or romantic expectations, whether this happens from the start or later on. Often, and for at least one partner, a situationship can feel more like a romantic relationship but without the security of one. Six signs you’re in a situationship Because uncertainty is the trademark of situationships, it’s normal to wonder whether your relationship falls into this category. Now we understand the meaning of situationships better, here are six tell-tale signs to know you're in on: 1. No clear definition You haven’t had the “what are we?” conversation, or if you have, the response was vague. You may even fear asking this question – even though you have a strong need to know – and can’t quite figure out where the worry is coming from. 2. Inconsistency Situationships are often marked by inconsistency in both behaviour and communication. Someone may text you several times in one day, then disappear for days or weeks. Basically, there’s no set pattern to anything. 3. Last-minute plans Making thoughtful plans together in advance is off the table. You may get a “what are you up to?” text at random times or only hear from the other person when it’s convenient for them. 4. Invisibility The connection may feel like a secret and there’s no effort to bring you into your partner’s social circles. They might avoid talking about you in their personal life, as if you (or “it”) don’t exist. Friends with benefits or the real deal? 5. Not feeling enough You may spend time in each other’s company, but somehow, it’s never enough: you feel that the connection isn’t valuable enough, clear enough, meaningful enough, etc., which makes you feel deeply dissatisfied. 6. Frustrating stagnation Months pass and the relationship lacks progression or future orientation. Discussions never involve threads around commitment or future plans, and this leaves you frustrated, uneasy, or even anxious. Pros and Cons of situationships Being in this kind of relationship clearly has its ups and downs: Pros Less pressure There’s no need to meet relationship expectations or timelines (no gifts, anniversaries, or other 'responsibilities'). More freedom You’re not tied down to one person and can explore other connections. Fun without commitment You get some level of companionship and fun without the emotional investment of standard relationships. Low maintenance If you’re focused on career, personal growth, or other priorities, a situationship can offer a level of sexual and emotion connection without distractions. Cons Emotional instability The uncertainty of this type of relationship can cause stress and anxiety and take a toll on your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Mismatched expectations If one person wants more commitment, but the other doesn’t, it can lead to hurt feelings. Low emotional security Because the boundaries are unclear, there’s always the risk of being blind-sided by the other person’s actions. Thriving in a situationship If you’re in a situationship and want to make it work for you, there are some key strategies to help you manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. Rule one: know and express your needs. Ask yourself what you truly want from a close connection and accept it without censoring yourself. It’s not wrong to want more commitment or more consistent communication. Stay in an undefined situationship for long enough and you’ll end up feeling guilty for acknowledging your needs: don’t let this happen. “Situationships are often marked by inconsistency in both behaviour and communication. Someone may text you several times in one day, then disappear for days or weeks. There’s no set pattern to anything.” Once this is clear, don’t fall into a passive role. Reflect frequently on whether you’re truly happy with the arrangement. If you’re not, be upfront and communicate it, expressing what you’re comfortable with and what you’re looking for. Thirdly, don’t forget to set boundaries regarding emotional limits (for example, not talking about your love life outside of the situationship), physical expectations (like exclusivity), or time constraints (deciding how often you see each other, etc.). MORE LIKE THIS: What is Relationship Anarchy? Ethical Non-Monogamy: What Does it Mean? What is Intimacy Anorexia and How to Identify it? Last but certainly not least, avoid over-analysing. Trying to ‘decode’ a situationship can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, invite yourself to stay in the present and focus on whether you feel happy and secure in the dynamic as it is. How to end a situationship You may be thinking that if you set boundaries and communicate your needs, the situationship may end rather quickly, as it won’t fit yours or the other person’s expectations. If the connection is no longer serving you, here’s how to end the situationship: Know your reasons Before starting the conversation, reflect on why you want to end the situationship. Are you looking for something more serious? Do you feel emotionally unfulfilled? The lack of reciprocity is damaging your mental well-being? Or you’ve simply outgrown the connection? Understanding your own motivations will help you communicate your decision clearly and confidently. Be kind but direct Situationships are more likely to end with ghosting or fading away, but it’s better to show kindness by having an honest face-to-face discussion, or at least a phone call. Ending things in a considerate way shows respect for the other person’s feelings, which they matter even if the relationship wasn’t deeply defined. There’s no need to be harsh, but be direct about why you’re ending it without expressing blame or creating conflict. Prepare for unexpected reactions Your partner may take it well, be completely indifferent, or feel hurt, even if this was a casual connection. The lack of definition means that you never know how the other person will respond, so remind yourself to stay calm and be understanding. If they push back, stand firm in your decision without getting into arguments. How to get over a situationship Just like traditional breakups, situationships can leave you with unresolved emotions that need to be processed healthily so you can move forward. First, validate your feelings. It’s OK to grieve, and your emotions are still valid even if it wasn’t an 'official' relationship. Allow yourself to feel sadness, frustration, or disappointment rather than dismissing your experience as insignificant or unjustified. How to end a situationship: be kind bur direct If we allow it, every connection can help us understand our emotional needs and boundaries better. Ask yourself what this experience has uncovered about yourself and what you are really looking for in your relationships. Take time to reflect on what worked, what didn’t, and what you want from now on. “Many people assume that the meaning of a situationship is the same as friends with benefits (FWB), but, in fact, there are key differences between the two.” Although some sadness or anger may be unavoidable, raise your energy to a better place. Focus on doing things that bring you joy and that strengthen your sense of value, like hobbies or exercise. And, of course, spend time with people who offer certainty and consistency, like friends, family, or a counsellor if you need it. All these steps can help you process your emotions and gain perspective, so the transition is easier and you come out stronger of a situationship. Situationships: the takeaway Situationships exist in the grey area between casual dating and commitment. Although they can offer freedom, flexibility, and fun, they can also create confusion. Indeed, their emotional impact can take a toll on your mental well-being. And while at some point this dynamic might serve you, it’s important to recognise when it stops doing so. Whether you choose to stay in a situationship or to end it, always ensure you make choices aligned with your needs, and always prioritise clarity, respect, and a connection that makes you feel secure and valued. • Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages-com - Yuri A, shutterstock/pedro7merino, shutterstock/PeopleImages-com - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Relationship Advice | Friendship | Compassion | Sexuality Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Meditation before bed helps us to wind down our bodies and mind after a long day, encouraging restful and peaceful sleep. This 'how to meditate in bed for beginners' guide from Ann Vrlak will teach you all you need to know, including a simple 3-step practice. If you've ever tried meditation, you may know that one of the big challenges for many people is not falling asleep. So, it’s understandable that you might see falling asleep during a meditation practice as proof that you are “doing it wrong.” However, there are times when falling asleep during or right after meditation is actually proof you’re “doing it right!” Welcome to our short guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners. Our focus is how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this guide whenever you want are seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation in your day. Meditation before bed helps you wind down for sleep While it’s true that most meditation practices are centered around paying attention and staying alert, meditation is also uniquely suited to help you transition from a busy day, to a relaxed state, and then into a restful sleep. In fact, lying down while meditating or the traditional practice of yoga nidra have benefits that sitting meditations don’t. As you're probably aware, insomnia and poor sleep are worldwide problems. Tools that help you to fall asleep easily and have quality sleep are invaluable for your health and well-being. The benefits of meditating in bed Let’s look first at some of the many mental, physical and emotional benefits to learning how to meditate in bed. From Activity to Sleep The overall benefit is enabling the transition we have mentioned from your daily level of activity, into a state that is conducive to sleep. Because you can’t make yourself sleep! You need to create the conditions that activate your body’s natural sleep mechanisms. You may already have noticed that winding down at the end of a stressful day is not always easy. “Our focus here is on how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners whenever you're seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation during your day.” Meditation in bed is a perfect practice for this transition. You are lying down, able to relax physically and mentally. You turn your attention inward away from external responsibilities to your body and breath–something that can be impossible to do in the middle of a busy day. A Signal to Relax When you meditate in bed, it’s a clear signal to your body that your intention is to prepare for sleep. Studies have shown that a familiar sleep routine is a key support for your body to fall asleep easily. Your body “remembers” this is the time to let go and sets your sleep mechanisms in motion. When you meditate in bed with some regularity, this will create a powerful sleep signal for both your body and mind. Not All Sleep is Created Equal Have you ever woken up from a night’s sleep feeling more tired than when you lay down? There can be a lot of reasons for a poor sleep, but the takeaway is that, just because you had 8 hours of sleep, it doesn’t mean it was quality, restorative sleep. MORE LIKE THIS: Deep Sleep Meditation: the Benefits You Can Bring to Bed 14 Sleep Hacks to Get a Good Night's Rest Cat Naps: 5 Benefits of Taking a Siesta One of the most common obstacles to quality sleep is a busy, worried mind. If you meditate in bed, before trying to fall asleep, you are training your mind to move into a quieter state first. This can make the quality of your sleep deeper and more restful. Making Bedtime a Time for Reflection Meditation in bed is also a way to end your day with some quiet reflection, before going to sleep. A few minutes of kind, compassionate reflection on your day can be a wonderful way to let go of any worry that may be lingering in your mind. You can use meditation to consciously relax your body and mind, and do your best to let worry go – just for now. Reflect kindly and compassionately on your day before resting You’re in a Receptive State When you’re winding down after a tiring day, your body and mind are ready to relax! You’re in a receptive state for slowing down your thinking, letting go of emotions and relaxing your body. How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Here is our step-by-step guide for how to meditate in bed. We’re going to describe two classic meditation practices designed to connect you with your body and help you relax, bit by bit: a body scan and a progressive relaxation practice. Simply follow our three-step guide: 1. Begin Take a few minutes to get as comfortable and cosy as you can. Use blankets and pillows to warm and support your body in whatever ways feel best to you. When you're comfortable, let your eyes gently close. Allow your body to rest completely on the bed and begin to pay attention to the movements of your breath. 2. Do a Body Scan Beginning at the top of your head, pay attention to the sensations in your body. What do you feel in your scalp? Is it warm or cold, tight or relaxed? Whatever you notice is good. When you feel you have made connection with the sensations in your scalp, move into your forehead and cheeks. What do you notice here? Let your attention move gradually down through all parts of your body from your head to your toes – from your shoulders and arms, your torso, your legs and feet. Notice, quietly to yourself, whatever you sense in each part. Are there aches or pains? Can you feel your pulse in any of these body parts? Take notice and be in the moment with these bodily sensations you may not recognise during the day. When you’ve reached your toes, rest for a moment. Feel the weight of your body sinking into the bed. Focus on the contact of your body on the mattress. Enjoy the quiet and stillness. Notice your body as a whole field of sensation and energy, lying here, resting. 3. Do a Progressive Relaxation Practice This practice is a similar movement of your attention through your body. The difference is you consciously tense and relax each part of your body. Many people find this practice is easier to do with larger parts of the body, rather than very specific parts. For example, trying tensing your whole arm vs just your forearm. Mediating in bed needs no experience: beginner's welcome! Starting with your face, tense up your forehead, eyes and cheeks. Tighten all the muscles as best you can. Then, let the whole area relax, feeling the muscles all letting go. Imagine your facial skin drooping downwards to the mattress. Notice the difference between the tension and the release. Continue this progressive relaxation practice all the way down your body to your feet and toes. Notice how your body feels when you complete the practice. Is it lighter or heavier? And how does your mind feel? Are you aware of any changes in your body or mind from before you began these two practices? It’s really important to notice the effects of your practice – it can boost your motivation to make it a regular habit. When you are ready, gently congratulate yourself for trying these practices. And let yourself relax even more, until sleep comes. Takeaway: how to meditate in bed We hope you’ve enjoyed this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners and feel excited to give it a try! In the multitasking, speed-oriented world we live in, it is not so surprising that slowing down into sleep is not always as easy as it sounds. Meditation in bed is a simple, safe, healthy way for you to help your body make a restful descent into sleep. You can create a space between your day and sleep where you turn your attention inward and reflect gently on – and let go of – your day. A healthy sleep routine is one of the best ways to reset your body’s natural sleep clock, and meditation can be a powerful, safe part of that routine. Sweet dreams! • Images: shutterstock/Dzmitryieu Dzmitry, shutterstock/ArtOfPhotos, shutterstock/shurkin_son happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Mindfulness | Stress Management | Gratitude Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Both external and internal distractions can leave us unable to concentrate on the task at hand. So, if you regularly asks yourself 'why can't I focus?', these 8 tips from Sonia Vadlamani will teach you how to avoid distractions, concentrate better, and get that to-do list blitzed! Picture this: It’s a new working day and you’re determined to be productive. You sit at your desk, open the laptop, and review your schedule when suddenly your phone buzzes. A flood of app and social media notifications pulls your attention away from getting stuck in. You start working through your emails when someone pings you with a question on the work chat channel. Before you know it, you're being sucked away from your goals and failing to tackle your to-do list. Frustrated, you wonder, “Why do I get distracted easily?” Digital distractions such as these above plague us all in the age of smartphones, social media and remote working.There's no one-size-fits-all reason for why we get distracted, but understanding our individual triggers and personality types can help us understand how to avoid distractions. Why can’t I focus? Internal vs external issues Distractions come in different forms. Some distractions are internal – racing thoughts, lingering feelings, unresolved issues, etc – that arise from within. Such internal distractions stem from our state of mind and physical well-being also – stress, anxiety, hunger, lack of sleep, and illness can weaken focus, leaving us to ponder how to avoid distractions. External distractions, on the other hand, come from the world around you. Technology is a major culprit here – social media, shopping portals, and streaming services can consume precious hours even before you realize it. However, if used correctly, technology can also help you maximize your time, boost productivity and ensure you get shit done. Other external distractions stem from your surroundings, such as work environments, family responsibilities, and background noise, all of which can weaken focus and impact productivity. Hands free? Multitasking doesn't help you to focus better However, while distractions affect everyone, their impact varies from person to person. For example, researchers Furnham and Bradley studied how distractions like music or noise impact the retention ability in a group of extroverts and introverts. The study revealed that introverts retained more information and could recall greater detail in silence but performed substantially worse when exposed to music or noise from, say, a television in the background. In contrast, extroverts scored higher for recall ability with background music. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet When wondering “why do I get distracted easily,” you also need to factor in the role task enjoyment plays, which is a key factor in maintaining focus. Naturally, our interests vary – what appeals to one person may feel tedious to another. However, researchers agree that task enjoyment plays a crucial role in helping individuals self-regulate their focus and resist distractions to finish a task, particularly if the task involves a reward or advancement upon completion. How to avoid distractions Indeed, living in an interruption-heavy environment can affect our ability to concentrate on the task at hand, leaving us frustrated over stalled progress. Fortunately, there are strategies you can utilize to stay focused if you’re easily distracted: 1. List your distractions – then avoid them The most effective way to tackle the question “Why do I get distracted easily” is to start identifying the common interruptions in your environment and compile a list. You can use this knowledge to your advantage by removing these disturbances from your environment or at least limiting the interruptions for the window when you’re working or studying. “In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve focus.” For instance, social media notifications appear high on my list of distractions, so my answer to “how to not get distracted” is to simply disable them when I’m working on an important project. Avoiding these notifications significantly improves my ability to concentrate on the task at hand. 2. Avoid multitasking Juggling multiple assignments can quickly become overwhelming and stressful, especially if you tackle them all at once. While multitasking can make you seem superhuman, frequent task-switching actually undermines productivity. A study by Nick Yeung et al. revealed that multitasking places a heavy cognitive load on the brain. Avoid distractions and keep mobiles at a distance Each time you switch tasks, your mind must recalibrate the settings of the task – remembering where you left off previously, refocusing on the new task, and repeating this process over and over. Rather than being a time-saver, this constant shifting weakens your focus and turns into a major distraction. 3. Improve your sleep cycle and lifestyle An unhealthy lifestyle, irregular sleep, poorly timed meals, and inadequate hydration can create internal distractions, often leaving you wondering “Why can’t I focus?”. Indeed, there is mounting evidence that hunger, thirst, and sleep deprivation can impair attention and decision-making. Prioritize your wellbeing – maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating a nutrient-rich diet, and regular exercise – can significantly enhance focus. Researchers Y.K. Chang et al. found that even short bursts of physical activity, such as a quick stroll, hike, or a 20-minute jog can improve concentration and uplift mood. 4. Cultivate mindfulness The question “Why can’t I focus?” has bugged me several times, even outside of work or study sessions. If you’ve ever found yourself zoning out during conversations with friends or family movie nights, lost in thoughts of deadlines and to-do lists, mindfulness can be your answer to how not to get distracted and stay in the present. “If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: we focus better when we don’t work incessantly.” Mindfulness is the anchor that helps expand our awareness of the present moment by focusing on our thoughts, feelings, and emotions at a given point. Practising mindfulness can be your answer to how to not get distracted so often, by training your attention to stay in the present moment. This, in turn, can increase your chances to power through your to-do list at the desired pace with fewer distractions and thus greater efficiency. 5. Try meditation to improve your focus When wondering “why can’t I focus,” meditation can be your means to cultivate a sense of inner stillness and train the mind to resist distracting thoughts. In his book, The Art of Stillness, Pico Iyer, the eminent travel writer says, “The idea behind Nowhere – choosing to sit still long enough to turn inward – is at heart a simple one. If your car is broken, you don’t try to find ways to repaint its chassis; most of our problems – and therefore our solutions, our peace of mind – lie within.” Can't focus? Meditation can help build concentration skills In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve our ability to focus on the task at hand, much like repairing the engine rather than repainting the car. 6. Set helpful boundaries The simplest answer to how to avoid distractions at work is to set healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers, the endless slew of notifications on co-working apps, and background chatter. RELATED: ‘I Hate My Job!’ Cultivate These 6 Traits and Love Your Work Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips If you’re wondering how to stay focused while studying, the same principle applies. By taking simple yet effective measures – muting phone notifications, clearly communicating your availability to others, and saying 'no' to responsibilities you can’t handle – you’ll find your distractions dwindling and your productivity soaring. 7. Take regular breaks We often develop a skewed perception of productivity, so much so that we consider a break from work or studying as “unproductive” or unhelpful. However, I’ve noticed that working longer stretches sometimes leads to a creative impasse, whereas stepping away – in the form of making a cup of tea or a short stroll just outside – often has enabled me to come up with creative solutions with greater ease. “Avoid distractions at work by setting healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers and background chatter.” Indeed, research consistently shows that taking regular breaks during work-days can enhance productivity as well as employees’ ability to innovate. Another study by DeskTime revealed that most productive people found it ideal to take a 17-minute break after working for 52 minutes in a stretch. If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: you may realize that we focus better when we don’t work incessantly. The takeaway: avoiding distractions Learning how to avoid distractions needs time and patience. Indeed, not all distractions are within our control, but we can choose how we respond to them and manage their impact. As you become aware of the time sinks specific to your environment, you’ll gradually develop a rhythm that enhances focus and allows for deep work, thus helping you achieve the desired results. While the tips above will help you minimize distractions, true focus arises from cognitive control – the ability to align your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours with the demands of the current task while consciously suppressing disruptive impulses. Ultimately, how to not get distracted is a matter of self-regulation. • Images: shutterstock/Andrey_Popov, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Nature | Self care | Retreats Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.