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When Anastasia Fox's best friend, Wes, committed suicide, her world fell apart. Trying to make sense of why he took his own life has been a long and painful struggle. Now feeling happier and stronger, this is her story of hope. Why do people commit suicide? What drives someone to end their own life? What goes through their mind, their heart, their being, when they make that decision? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss? And how do you cope when a friend commits suicide? How can you deal with that? These are all questions that have run through my head time and time again. In many ways, I can answer most of those questions from my own attempted suicide, but grieving his loss is something I struggle with daily. Why him? Why did HE do it? There are so many things I could write about Wes. I could go on about what an amazing person he was, how much he loved everyone, the fight he put up for his daughter, or how everyone adored him. I could talk about him all day long, laugh about the stupid things we would do and say... but none of it will ever actually convey just what an amazing human being he was and the lives that he touched. It would never do justice to the man that would literally give the shirt off his back for someone he didn’t know. It’s not everyday that someone like this walks into your life, and in the blink of an eye, is taken. Wesley Michael Clarke, the man that no one really knew his age until he passed away, the father that loved his daughter more than life itself, the friend that made everyone laugh even if he hurt inside, and the life that was taken way too soon. All I can ever hope for is that you finally found that inner peace. You’re a legend, babe. And you’ll always be in my heart. “How do you cope when a friend commits suicide? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss?” I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him. We had everything planned out, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Everyone knew how much we loved one another and just how much he meant to me. It didn’t matter the distance between us, the years that past, the people between us; Wes was my Big, and I was his Little. I’m sure on many levels we probably had a pretty toxic relationship, and even I’ll admit, we usually got up to quite a lot of shenanigans, some that were probably quite questionable, but he was my everything. He was the only person that I never questioned if his love for me was real. A loving and well-liked father I met Wes years ago; we had the same group of friends for years. We never really spoke much, but I knew he was really liked and got along with everyone. It wasn’t until my partner and I split and I moved out West, that Wes and I started speaking on a regular basis. He contacted me right away to let me know he would help me out with my kids however he could. He said he would want someone helping with his daughter, too. I knew how much he loved Channel, and not being apart of her life broke him inside. He didn’t want my kids to feel how Channel felt, and even though he wasn’t their father, he played a big role in their lives. Coping with the suicide of a friend: “Wes became my best friend” He would speak of Channel constantly, not just to me, but also told my children about her. He always had photos of her and would take them out for us to see. She was his pride and joy. His eyes would light up so brightly whenever he spoke about her. And when he was with my children, his eyes would also light up. He would always thank me for letting him be apart of their lives and I would always thank him for being apart of mine. “I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him.” I never thought that him helping me with my children would start a ten-year relationship and teach me some of life’s most amazing lessons. As a newly single mom, I was trying to get my life back together and working ridiculously long hours at work. I couldn’t afford the daycare and was left with very few other options for my children. Wes did whatever he could to be there for them, and for me. 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping during emotional times The 8 types of grief explained He would often leave his job early to travel about 45 minutes across the city to come help me out. He would pick my kids up from daycare, cook them dinner, painted their nails, did their hair, took them to their school plays. There were mornings he would get up with them for breakfast, take them to school, and just be there for them when I couldn’t. He stepped into a parent role when I couldn’t. They still spoke with their father often; they missed him a lot and Wes tried to be there for them through that. He explained to them on numerous occasions he was never trying to replace their father, but if they needed anything, he would be there. He often would phone their dad so they could speak with him. Friends for ever Eventually I was working a job that I didn’t need so much help, and by that point, Wes, had become my best friend. He worked in construction, and would often call me about 100 times a day just to see if I was OK or needed something. He would get into quite a lot of trouble for always being on the phone with me, so he would hide somewhere in the building and call me from a closet, or a basement, just to hear my voice. Wes: a big man with an even bigger heart No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. I never would have imagined I would be writing something in his memory, not like this. I could write a book just on the things we would joke about, the never-ending drama between us, the laughs, the arguments, everything. Every day with Wes was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together. There were times we would get into really big fights and stop talking for a few months at a time, instead of making up right away, we’d both write down on paper what we wanted to tell the other one, and as soon as we started speaking again, we’d exchange papers and laugh. It never mattered the amount of time that went by, we would just pick up where we left off. I’m not sure why we never officially dated; I suppose he always had a girlfriend and I always had a boyfriend. We would cheat on our partners to be with one another, but we never wanted to be together, or at least for that moment. Everyone always asked why we weren’t together. We never made our love a secret, we never hid anything, our life was fairly public. We made a pact when I was 22 that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 30, we’d marry one another. I didn’t think that instead of marrying my best friend on my 30th birthday, I’d be saying goodbye. “No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. Every day with him was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together.” “We ride together, we die together” I started dating someone that ended up being one of the most violent people I had ever met. I had a number of hospital stays and Wes was always there when I would wake up; he was always there to ask me what the hell I was doing. I always made light of the situation but I know he knew I was lying. Why didn’t he do more to stop me? I don’t know, some might say that is a bad best friend, I don’t think I really gave him any other option. After one particular hospital stay, Wes brought me home, and I had asked him to stay a bit. It was a rainy day, and we sat on my couch watching TV. I didn’t want to speak, I just lay against him crying, while he held on to me. He was crying too. I loved listening to his heart beat, it reminded me that I was still alive. There were plenty of times that if felt like Wes was my heart beat. He would often tell me that his heart beat for me. The movie Bad Boys II came on and he held on to me tightly and sang the song. I remember giggling about it and just holding on to him tighter. I would give anything to be back at that moment. To feel him close to me, hear his heart beat again. I would give anything to have just one more day with you, Wes. There’s a part of the movie where they say “We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life”. I remember how his face lit up and he whispered it back to me and told me how much he loved me and that he’d always be there for me. That became OUR phrase; no matter where we were, what we were doing, or who we were with. If one of us would say, “We ride together, we die together” the other would always respond with, “Bad boys for life.” Anastasia had her and Wes's saying tattooed as a reminder The years went on and our relationship grew. Not a day went by that he didn’t call me to tell me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and how he wished I saw myself the way he and others did. He was there for me through thick and thin. It didn’t matter what time of night or day it was, he was always there for me. In that time we came up with so many of our own inside jokes, our own plans, our own fantasies, our own world. My friend committed suicide: why? So, where did it go wrong? I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his? When I had tried to commit suicide a few years back, he was so angry with me, he yelled at me, cried, told me how stupid I was for trying, telling me I couldn’t leave him behind. He told me he would fight for me when I couldn’t do it myself, but that I needed to get the idea of death out of my head. So, why did he do it? Why did he leave me behind? It all happened so suddenly. One day we spoke as we normally did and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We finished the conversation with our normal banter. He told me how much he loved me, how he’d always be there for me, reminded me of how we were getting married that year, promised he’d never leave me. I told him how much I hated him, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that he was my best friend. We joked about how we were Bonnie and Clyde... except neither one of us wanted to be Bonnie, so we argued about how we would both be Clyde, and we ended our conversation with “We ride together, we die together... bad boys for life.” And that was the last I ever spoke to him. “I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his?” A couple of days went by and I didn’t hear from him. I thought it was a bit strange but I figured he was just really busy. A few more days went by and I knew something wasn’t right. We hadn’t argued about anything, so I knew there was no reason to not speak. I didn't want to overthink it, but that’s when I got the phone call. A phone call that changed my life and that no one should ever receive. I didn’t want to believe it at first, it just seemed so out of place. I thought for sure this was just a sick joke, but as I signed on to social media, I saw post after post about his passing. I can’t even explain what really went through my mind, what my body felt. There was no way. It was my worst nightmare. I couldn’t even cry. I had so many questions and there was a part of me that didn’t want to hear the answers. The next few days are a complete haze, I just went completely on auto pilot. I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen? Why did he leave me? RELATED: Male loneliness – the ticking time bomb that's killing men I know most of these thoughts were completely selfish, but, at that moment, I felt like a part of my heart and being, died that day along with him. I became super depressed and ended up going on medical leave from work because I couldn’t focus on anything. My heart was completely broken. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid I wouldn’t feel him close to me. “I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen?” My biggest fear was forgetting him. Why did I have that fear? I have no idea. I was terrified of forgetting Wes, of him becoming just another dead person. And I didn’t want that to happen. I had lost so many people in my life, but losing him, shattered me inside. I blamed myself on so many levels and hated myself for not being able to save him. Dealing with the suicide of a friend: Wes loved animals I was also so angry at him for leaving me behind. I was so angry he broke a promise to me. I was so angry he did what he was so angry that I tried. I would lay awake at night in the fetal position, just holding on to my heart crying myself to sleep. How was I supposed to get through this life without him? My whole existence was so engulfed in Wes. Everything I did, wanted to do, he was a part of. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Not that it ever did before, but now, even less. I eventually had to call a suicide hotline and started attending suicide counselling. I remember every time I went, I would just sit in the chair and cry; often times they would just leave me in the room with one person sitting close to me in case I needed the support. My heart was so broken. I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t know how. I had nothing to say. It became one of the darkest times of my life. It’s been a fight ever since. Coping with the suicide of my friend A few months after his death, someone mentioned to me that it may help me getting an emotional support dog as I couldn’t seem to pull myself back up. They said that a dog would give me purpose again, or a different outlook on life. I felt quite alone at the time as most people told me I needed to just get over it, or that I shouldn’t still feel the way I felt. I started to feel like maybe I was going crazy because I couldn’t seem to “feel better”. I decided to look into adopting a dog. I would spend hours just looking through website after website of dog shelters, and none of them seemed to click with me. And then one day I came across an American Staffordshire Terrier that was in a shelter close to me. Something about him called my attention; he seemed to remind me of someone. I called to make an appointment and after a few calls back and forth, I found myself walking up the driveway. When I arrived, there were two big enclosures, one filled with dogs jumping up and down, barking, and in the other one, a calm-looking dog, fairly large in size and uninterested in the world around him, not barking, not making a sound. He looked at me but showed little interest. They let me inside with him and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I fell in love instantly. I knew right away this was MY dog. I could have taken him home that day, but I decided I wanted to have his paperwork first. The 8 types of friends we all need Understanding the power of friendship The 6 qualities of true friendship I came back two weeks later, paperwork in hand, and excited to bring him home. When it came time to fill out the paperwork, they asked me what his name was going to be; Clyde, his name is Clyde. He fits this name perfectly. Clyde was a big boy, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated by him. I didn’t know too much about his life, so didn’t want to force my love on him, I just let him come to me when he was ready. The second day I had him we were sitting on my couch, I sat on one end, and Clyde on the other end. I wasn’t sure what to do with this massive dog, so I just sat there calmly. At one point he lay down beside me with his head on my lap. I was so excited. I started to pet him but trying not to stress him out with my excitement. And then I noticed something on his nose and couldn’t believe my eyes. Clyde had the same heart on his nose that I had tattooed on my face: it was a sign. Anastasia's heart tattoo and the similar marking on Clyde So, rewind a bit. A couple days after Wes had passed away, I tattooed a small heart underneath my eye. I picked a heart because it felt like I was crying my heart out, and I wanted people to ask me why I had a heart of my face; I wanted to tell people about Wes and what an amazing person he was, and Clyde had the same heart on his face. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To me, it was like Wes had sent Clyde to me. And suddenly I knew I was going to be OK and that Wes would always be there looking out for me. “He taught me about love” It’s been three years now since Wes committed suicide, and I can’t say that the pain has gone away, or even subsided. There are still days that coping with the suicide of my best friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself. Most days, I just brush it to the side and try to keep busy. There's a big part of me that still doesn’t understand why it had to be him. I’ve tried to take the good out of this but I also struggle to really understand what can be good about my best friend taking his own life? It’s taken me a long time to accept that he’s gone, and there's still a part of me that hasn’t accepted it. One of the things that helped me a lot, was writing a letter to myself, from him. Maybe it sounds silly, but it brought a lot of closure. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad, I know he definitely wouldn’t want me to cry. It would break his heart. I know he would want me to move on with my life and let myself love again and be loved. And when I wrote that letter to myself, it was as if there was a part of me that was finally able to let go, maybe not 100 per cent, but a lot more than before. It also helped me to see a bit more clearly what I learned from Wes. The greatest lesson he taught me was about love. The love we had for one another is something that not everyone experiences. We built an empire of love. Our love. It didn’t make sense to anyone else, and that didn’t matter, because it didn’t really make sense to us either. And sometimes that’s the best kind. “There are still days that coping with the suicide of my friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself.” Like many things, I didn’t understand what I had right in front of me until it was gone, except this time, it was really gone. All those years I was searching for love. I knew I had love in my ways, but the love that Wes showed me, was unconditional, pure, simple and yet so complex, and it was right in front of me. I took for granted our love and our relationship: I thought it would always be there, I thought he would always be there. I learned about beauty; that even with all my flaws and imperfections, that they were what made me who I was and I could chose to love myself and work on what I needed to. I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things. I learned that it wasn’t worth it to hold a grudge, to stay angry, or be mean to others. We fought like crazy, and about really stupid things, but we always made up. I learned to laugh at myself and not to be so serious. “Wes taught me about love” I learned to love again. He brought me through some really difficult times in my life and there were times I didn’t know how I would stand up again, and not only would he push me to get back up, but how to get up and smile again. He taught me how to keep laughing, even when I felt dead inside. “I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things.” He taught me to find the positive side of life. He taught me that I wasn’t really broken inside, maybe a little bruised, but that I just had to fight a little bit more and that I was going to be fine. He taught me to believe in myself, and when I didn’t, he did. He pushed me in ways that no one else had done before. Maybe I didn’t see these things when he was alive, and unfortunately it took his passing for me to understand them. I will never be able to bring him back, but I know that he still lives on in my heart. The gratitude I have for his life and what he showed me, is overflowing. I still hurt inside, and I don’t know when that will stop. His life and everything that surrounded him was so beautiful, and that beauty lives on. ● If you're struggling to cope with the suicide of a friend, the NHS has a great guide and the APA also has some useful tips. Share your thoughts below on how you are coping and if you have any tips to share... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Friendship | Grief | Loneliness | Trust Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

Although Sienna Saint-Cyr tried many types of yoga, she couldn't find her perfect pairing. Then she discovered trauma sensitive yoga and everything clicked into place. Here's her take on this healing practice. After hearing how healing and peaceful yoga can be, I developed a real interest in it. I've spent a lot of time going to different gyms and trying yoga videos I purchased or found on YouTube, but none gave me the peacefulness I was promised. Sure, they stretched my body, but there wasn't the calm afterwards that I desperately desired. It all felt so body-specific. For me, this was a problem, and kept me from fully embracing the healing aspects of having a daily yoga practice. One day I attended a class with a friend while out of town and my entire view on yoga changed. The instructor did a lot more with focusing on proper breath through the movements as opposed to the poses themselves, and I left feeling so euphoric and relaxed. The sensation stuck with me for hours, and as a person with high anxiety and Complex PTSD, this feeling of peace and relaxation was more than welcome. Discovering trauma sensitive yoga I went home and tried to find a class like that in my area, but the price was either too high or I couldn't find what I was looking for. Because of my PTSD, I don’t do well with people touching me or larger classes. So, my therapist suggested I try trauma-sensitive yoga (TSY) — a type of yoga focused on people with mental trauma — created by David Emerson. My therapist sent me to a nearby studio that taught Emerson's methods, then helped me get a scholarship. For the next three months, my world changed for the better. Bend yourself better with trauma-sensitive yoga At first, I thought I’d hate it. But trauma sensitive yoga was different from other types of yoga such as compassion yoga or gratitude yoga. The instructor, Morgan Vanderpool, didn't do fancy poses or show off like other teachers I’d seen. In fact, I learned very few actual yoga poses during the class. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies. One of the ways she’d keep us present is to tell us to focus on how it feels when our palm touches the floor. Or she’d ask us to be aware of what parts of our body were really feeling the pose, then to breath into that area. I learned quickly that much of the reason I’d hated yoga was because I hadn't been truly present. My mind was wandering constantly, so I never practised properly. “Trauma-sensitive yoga was different from other types of yoga. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies.” I also felt no pressure to take part in poses that were triggering for me, a problem I’d had in many other classes. Nor did I feel the need to talk to others. The class I attended had a maximum of eight people per session and we were able to leave at any time if we needed to. My trauma sensitive yoga instructor also had experience working in therapy, so she knew how to respond to my triggers. She was warm, always calm and used a quiet voice, and she kept my focus on listening to my body. Respecting my body and listening to it Respecting my body is difficult for me. I was so used to disassociating from it that I often ignored the pain in my body. I even ignored tiredness, hunger, thirst, and desire. My instructor helped me to be present in my body without fear. In fact, my first class with her helped me realize how little I was present in my body or in the moment. Her constant reminder to feel my contact points — hands on floor, feet on floor, butt on floor, pressure in each location — kept me re-engaging when I’d drift. I remember after the first session, lying back on the floor and as I stared up at the ceiling, I felt like I could drift away in that moment. I’d gone into the class full of tension and fear, and in that moment I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay there and feel all of that release. The feeling was so strong that when I left the studio I called one of my partners because I felt too dizzy to drive! He talked to me about my experience and how I felt after coming through it and all I could do was cry. I had literally released so much that I didn't want to stop. The more I let go of, the lighter I felt. Stretch yourself: trauma sensitive yoga can heal During the session, I let my body do what it needed. I pushed as far as I felt I should, got into positions that my body felt good in, and when I got overwhelmed, I sat in silence until I felt I could rejoin the group. I honoured my body, and in doing so, took my first steps toward respecting my body and healing the trauma that I’d stored there most of my life. The class changed me. Now, I can participate in many types of yoga and feel the benefits in a physical and mentally calming way. I even use the methods when I get triggered or full of stress. I stop, focus on my feet touching the ground, the pressure in my leg muscles, the tension in my back, then I breath it out. The more I've practised this, the more I've come to understand that in order to truly be happy in life, I needed to be present all the time. “I learned very few actual yoga poses during the class. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies.” Trauma-sensitive yoga started me on my path to finding and creating my own practice. Some days I incorporate gentle dance. Other days I do more meditation than movement. It just depends on the day and what my needs are in that moment. And that’s what being present means. Honouring the moment. Deep stuff: breathe into your bodily tension during trauma-sensitive yoga While I've still had small bouts of depression or moments of stress and anxiety, I now have the tools to release those negative emotions and get back on track with being present. When I'm living in the moment, I'm not stressed. I'm not focused on the tasks that need doing in the following week or the annoying incident that happened last week. I'm focused on the moment. When I'm present, I'm happy. Trauma sensitive yoga helped me achieve this. I can’t recommend it enough, no matter your level of trauma or PTSD. Happiness is achievable regardless of our circumstances when we are in the moment and not allowing ourselves to live elsewhere! ● Images: colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more.

At the outset, future self journaling might just seem like writing letters to your future self, but science shows it's more than a 'feel-good hack' if done correctly. Sonia Vadlamani walks us through how starting a future self journal could help you to build the future you envision. Journaling can be an enriching experience, with benefits like stress management, improved focus and enhanced productivity. Studies have also found journaling to be an effective Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) tool for preventing depression. There are many different journaling techniques – such as the ten minute routine or gratitude journal – and each method has been found to allow us to become more aware of our thoughts and actions. Future self journaling is one of the newest forms to gain attention. Shortly after I started journaling in 2018, I noticed a shift in how I perceive potentially stressful situations and negative feelings, and how my reactions to these stimuli stem from a place of awareness, rather than from the ‘autopilot’ mode. I began to visualize my future plans and strategized supportive, time-bound goals: develop an attitude of gratitude, up my personal-growth game, build a fitter and stronger me, expand my knowledge about nutrition and well-being, to name a few. Future self journaling focuses on this positive shift you hope to bring in your life by guiding attention towards your current behavior and thoughts. What exactly is a future self journal? Journaling is not a modern-era practice by any means – for years people have found it useful to document their feelings, emotions, and dreams. Future self journal essentially involves getting in touch with your inner self and manifesting the future you desire. It works with using a positive outlook, which can help you overcome any creative blocks and navigate your life in a more focused direction. Take note: future self journaling focuses on positive changes Let’s take a deeper look at how it can help you attain the future goals you set for yourself for months or years from now. The subconscious vs. conscious mind A study by the National Science Foundation revealed that our brain can process 12,000 – 70,000 thoughts every day, 80 per cent of which tend to be negative. Robert L Leahy, the renowned researcher behind the emotional schema theory, found in a study that nearly 85 per cent of our worries do not come to realization, and that most of our fears and negative thoughts stem from the patterns of behavior we’ve subconsciously ingrained over several years. This means that even though we’re not aware of all the thoughts and feelings we experience, our subconscious mind still attaches meaning to these, thus altering how the conscious mind reacts towards future decisions and experiences. Our negative reactions – like cynicism, skepticism, anger, frustration, and other self-sabotaging tendencies – could be stemming from the patterns and habits shaped by the subconscious mind. RELATED: Learn how to stop overthinking with these 9 tips The vicious cycle continues, until we decide to become aware of our thoughts and make active modifications to the way our subconscious mind processes various thoughts. Future self journaling can make you more conscious of how you react to the stimuli around you, empowering you with a potent tool – the choice of response. “Future self journaling can make you more conscious of how you react to the stimuli around you, empowering you with a potent tool – the choice of response.” Deborah Ross, a certified journal therapist, explains that the negativity bias of our subconscious mind can be countered with constant efforts to rewire its connections through expressive journaling. The brain is like plastic, wherein neuroplasticity – or the ability to recreate neural pathways in the brain – occurs through consistent repetition of intentional acts. Therefore, future self journaling needs to be purposefully carried out as a daily task to reinforce newer connections in our brains. Starting a future self journal The subconscious mind may resist these changes in its patterns that future self journaling encourages. You may find it ridiculous or uncomfortable at first to take a hard look at your subconscious patterns, and to jot down your innermost thoughts. However, each time you fight the resistance and still choose to journal, you’re a step closer to overcoming this mental resistance barrier. There’s no set 'right' time to journal but many people find it helpful to approach future self journaling first thing in the morning, when its quieter. Others find it easier to compose their thoughts right before going to bed, as they relive their experiences through the day. You may need to experiment a bit with different timings to find what suits you best. Here are some further tips to help you gradually build the habit of future self journaling: 1. Observe your current behaviors Knowing what you’d like to change requires considerable introspection – observe the reactions and behaviors that you think are preventing you from attaining your highest potential. List down all the aspects you wish were different about you, and how changing these will have a positive impact on your future. 2. Focus on one behavior Trying to change all the behaviors you don’t like about yourself could be overwhelming and you may give up fast. It’s wiser to target just one behavior at a time, even if it’s something simple like, “I would like to procrastinate less” or “I would like to change how defensive I get when contradicted”. 3. Create affirmations to encourage this change Affirmations are positive statements that help inspire a change. These also help you to feel confident about your ability to change, especially if you’re targeting a very core pattern. For example, if you’re targeting your tendency to procrastinate, you can make affirmations centered on this, like “I’m capable of avoiding non-supportive actions and distractions” and “I will focus on the task at hand and give it everything I’ve got”. Regular future self journaling can rewire our brains shutterstock/Peshkova 4. Build strategies and an action plan While affirmations can keep you motivated, your dreams will become a reality only when you put in the work needed. Creating strategies to support the change you desire and breaking your goals into small, everyday actionable plans with due accountability will put you on the fast-track to achieving your dreams. 5. Develop the gratitude attitude Being grateful for the smallest blessings and documenting the same in your journal can create a lasting impact and accelerate the process. 6. Develop a template Creating a framework for your future self journaling process can help you achieve lasting results in several areas of your life. It’s also helpful in maximizing results, especially if you can dedicate limited time to journaling daily. “Knowing what you'd like to change requires considerable introspection – observe the behaviors that you think are preventing you from attaining your highest potential and note them in your future self journal.” A simple template is preferable to an overly complicated one which may leave you struggling for adherence. Some future self journaling templates are available online, but you can also customize your own. An ideal template consists of: questions you’d want to ask yourself everyday regarding the behavior you wish to change affirmations towards the same actions taken to support this what you’re grateful for, and the timeframe you’ve allocated to achieve this goal. Tips for when the words won’t flow There are times when you may feel stuck or when your mind is resisting change, so you may be tempted to quit future self journaling. Here are some tips that could help you to carry on: 1. Ignore the mental chatter Recognize the fact that even by acknowledging your subconscious behavior and resolving to change how you react, you’re taking a giant leap ahead towards creating a future you envisioned. 2. Overcome the ‘perfection trap’ Some days it’s enough to simply get the job done, instead of not doing anything at all while waiting for inspiration to strike. 3. Avoid self-blame Sticking to a schedule helps immensely, but refrain from attaching too much meaning to the days you might’ve missed. Instead, try looking at each day as a chance to unleash your unlimited potential. Future self journaling: the takeaway Future self journaling teaches us that to realize our goals, we need to stay in touch with who we currently are. This can ultimately aid in the expansion of our consciousness and shape us into more accountable, self-aware, and determined individuals. As with most keystone habits, journaling will be an effective practice if you do it daily and dedicate the same amount of time to it each day, without any shortcuts. • Main image: shutterstock/Ivan Kruk happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Gratitude | Motivation | Authenticity | Success | Goal setting Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.