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  1. For striking up conversation I would say to be yourself, and make some little comment to the other person. Something about how much you enjoy what you are ordering, asking how the other person is doing, comment on the weather (at least a very popular topic of conversation in North Europe where I'm from lol), or any current event. Another way of starting conversation is to ask for suggestions or advice, maybe for a good gym, a nice restaurant, or something practical. Your place of work is, as @suedseefrucht says, a great way to connect and make friends, and here on happiness you can search for friends based on geographic location (we're still a small community though) and through shared interests.
  2. Welcome to happiness! It can be difficult making new friends when you are new in an area; I think most people can relate to that. Although we are still a small community, you can use our search feature to discover other members in your area. I would also say joining a gym, a course or workshop, or any kind of activity where you meet people can be a good way to make friends too. Here on happiness you can also connect with people based on their interests for examples, so this way you know you already have something in common 😊
  3. In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry
  4. Take charge of your life with these easy and comprehensive classes taught by teachers with years of meditation experience. The Foundations of Mindfulness. I am here to take more ideas to make yourself happy , i will be happy to hear some good things from anyone who is already doing 🙂 thanks for your support and help.
  5. For me, this music is a yoga. Music is really the best way to relieve stress, and yoga is a great skill but it's hard to find the right video, but you can easily find it on your mobile so you can try it too.
  6. Some friendships are struck under easy circumstances. But will they stand the test of time and are these friendships worth nurturing? Sonia Vadlamani suggests the seven signs to help you identify if you’re just a convenient friend for someone and how to deal with it... As social beings, we strive to make connections and feel accepted. Indeed, there are different types of friends we meet and need to enrich our lives. Sometimes we put in years of effort to build lasting friendships. At other times, we make friends easily because we meet them often, like people from our neighborhood, at workplace or in a hobby class. However, not all of these friendships formed with people who are nearby and easy to connect with can transform into close friendships. Some of these friendships may be benign or even mutually beneficial, while others may consider you as a ‘convenient’ friend by being nice and helpful only as long as they’re not required to go out of their way to do so. What is a convenient friend? The eminent Greek philosopher and scientist Aristotle famously suggested that human beings make three types of friendships: friends of pleasure, friends of utility, and friends of the good. While friends of pleasure meet and bond over common hobbies or interests, friends of the good are known to respect each other, be there always through good times and bad, and take a keen interest in each other’s lives. However, the friends of utility – also identified as ‘friends of convenience’ – tend to rely on the benefits and gains that one or both people in the relationship bring to the table. This kind of friendship often tends to easily fall apart in case of a conflict or during a rough patch, especially if it lacks any genuine connection or mutual admiration. Friendships of convenience usually last only as long as the people in then remain in contact. Sometimes – if it so happens that one person in the relationship continues to put in most of the work to maintain it – friendships based on convenience can become toxic and hamper one’s physical and mental health. Buddy bored in your presence? They may see you as just a convenient friend “It’s fine”, “maybe they were busy, “maybe next time”, are some of the excuses or observations you may repeatedly find yourself making about these friends when they let you down. And while it’s not healthy or warranted to seek constant validation or acknowledgment for all the help you rendered to them, deep down you may know this already: you deserve better. If you’ve often felt this way, then it's more than likely you are just a convenient friend for those people. 7 signs you are a friend of convenience Not all friendships based on convenience are bad or detrimental. In fact, some casual friendships can bring people closer together and transform into long-standing friendships, especially if the relationship is mutually favourable. However, it helps to be able to spot a superficial, fair-weather convenient friend early on, so we can pull back before we end up investing too much time and effort into the relationship. Here are seven ways to identify that you’ve been – or continue to be – someone's convenient friend: 1. You don’t get good vibes when together Close friendships should feel reassuring and easy, wherein you can just be yourself. While I’ve realized that not all friendships are equal and comparable, sometimes I notice myself resenting the chaos and personal drama that some friends end up dragging me into all too frequently. Similarly, you may often feel unheard and wonder if you’re being used or manipulated when you’re a convenient friend for someone. If you don’t generally feel happy or cared for when you are with that friend, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship. 2. They’re always asking for help, advice or money The most evident way to spot a convenience friend is if they always seem to need something from you, be it financial help, a favour, or your time or support. They may suddenly need you to pick up groceries for them, look after their dog, loan them money for a sudden expense they didn’t foresee, or need you to lean on for emotional support. “The most evident way to spot a convenience friend is if they always seem to need something from you, be it financial help, a favour, or your time or support in some form.” Indeed, asking for help and support from friends is warranted and even advisable when we’re faced with adverse situations. Nevertheless, if you feel this is mostly one-sided and you never seem to be able to rely on their support in your time of need, you may be a convenient friend for them. 3. They’re not around when you need them Close friendships are based on offering steadfast support through tough times. Indeed, friends of utility may demand that you put them first when they need your help. Ironically they almost always seem unavailable when you need help, or it’s just too inconvenient for them to show up in support for you. If a friend lets you down too often, or you frequently hear them stating an excuse like, “I’d do that for you/ be there for you, but...”, you likely are a friend of convenience to them. 4. You’re not a first option for social events Real friends look forward to your presence and seek your company in a consistent manner, through good times and bad. So, if you often find yourself being the first resort for support when a friend is in trouble, yet you’re a forced choice or a runner-up friend when it comes to social events or hangout plans, you are likely a convenient friend for them. Friend ignores you when together? You may be just for convenience shutterstock/prostock-studio An easy method to spot if you’re a friend of convenience for someone is to look out for signs of avoidance when it comes to party invitations or group gatherings. If they make you feel left out and unwanted during the good times on a regular basis, yet turn to you for help without fail, this could be one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you, but just finds you a convenient option when the need arises. 5. They don’t value your opinion This one hit home, as this is how I identified that I was someone’s friend of convenience. Once I helped a grieving friend through his heartbreak, by being there for him whenever he wanted to vent or needed some company because he was feeling blue. However, it was evident after a while that the friend did not really appreciate my efforts, or even value my inputs on how to move on. Instead, I was just a convenient and available option, or a mere listening post, so to speak. You could be a convenience friend if someone shares their story with you just because you’re available or tend to listen to them without judgment, but they’re distracted or dismissive when you offer an opinion. Indeed, offering support in tough times and mindful listening are some of the qualities of true friendship. However, it is tough to consider someone a good friend if they do not value your advice – or worse – start questioning your judgment or decision-making abilities. 6. They show no interest in your life If you’ve frequently noticed that a friend shares everything that’s bothering them or interests them with you but seems to lose interest or shuts down when you’re sharing something about yourself, this is another indication that you’re merely a convenient friend. “if you often find yourself being the first resort for support when a friend is in trouble, yet you’re a forced choice or a runner-up friend when it comes to social events or hangout plans, you are likely a convenient friend for them. .” Real friendships are characterized by how well you know each other and are aware of their interests, whims, goals, as well as new developments and events taking place in each other’s lives. Which is why your friend’s dismissive attitude and lack of interest in what you have to say can come across as a prominent red flag. Their tendency to withhold attention from your problems and feelings – as they shift the focus back onto themselves – can deem it a friendship based on convenience. 7. You’re always operating around their schedule Friends of utility expect you to always be available to fulfil their whims and fancies, or to rescue them from a situation. You can also identify if you’re a convenient friend to someone if they repeatedly expect you to be at their beck and call, and if they never seem to understand or respect your priorities. While they’re never there for you when you may need their assistance or support, they are likely to demand your time and presence as and when they like it. As a result, you may begin to regard such friendships as burdensome and unreasonable. Can being a convenient friend have benefits? Although this may sound counterintuitive, having a convenient friend in your life isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. In fact, having a few friendships based on ease and convenience “can actually strengthen a friendship”, according to Irene S. Levine, a friendship expert who manages the website The Friendship Blog. According to Levine, having casual friends who live nearby, have similar schedules as you or meet you frequently over shared interests can be an enriching experience, as it “makes the logistics of friendship easier”. How to deal with convenient friends Often, maintaining superficial or casual friendships can be helpful and even productive, especially at workplaces or when you have similar interests. But it’s important to remember that mutual trust and respect are key to maintaining friendships, however casual they may seem. Here are some pointers that can help us evaluate if such convenience friends are worth our time and effort. Remember the context How friendships of convenience are perceived mostly differs from one individual to another. While some consider it a waste of time, I personally don’t agree. For instance, I met an old acquaintance of mine at the gym few months ago and learned that she was a fellow strength-training enthusiast as well. We started to bond over perfecting forms, learning new exercises, and motivating each other to get better. Indeed, we do miss each other’s presence at the gym if one of us doesn’t show up one day or calls in sick. However, working out together and checking up on each other occasionally is the extent of our interactions, and we don’t really call ourselves the best of friends. I find this perfectly acceptable and rational, as we don’t find the need to burden each other with other aspects of our lives. Friendships of convenience are easier to maintain and carry forward, if both parties are clear about what they derive from the relationship and what makes it worth their while. Set clear boundaries and expectations It’s important that you set better boundaries and clear expectations right at the inception of a casual friendship. Remember to create the framework of a friendship based on the traits and characteristics that are vital to you. Is it important for you that your friends listen to you when you have something to share or discuss? Does it matter to you that your opinions are valued and respected? If so, including these characteristics while setting expectations can strengthen the friendship, instead of making it feel one-sided or exhausting. Know when to end a friendship Sometimes we maintain one-sided convenient friendships despite being aware of them, because we mistake it for kindness – or worse – we’re used to the presence of these people in our lives. However, sometimes it’s better to end a friendship that’s causing you too much distress. Embracing the unknown and adapting to the discomfort of uncertainty can be good for our personal growth, and may even help us discover better, more rewarding friendships instead. Takeaway: friends of convenience Friendships based on convenience can be a good thing, especially when they’re mutually beneficial and built on trust for one another. However, friendships that aren’t based on a genuine connection can start to feel one-sided and tend to collapse during hardships. Knowing the indicators of being a convenient friend can help you evaluate the worth of the friendship accordingly, before you invest your precious time and effort into nurturing the same. • Main image: shutterstock/Dean Drobot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Empathy | Communication skills | Loneliness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.
  7. For me it's music and yoga. Music is indeed the best way to relieve stress, and for me, listening to playlists from youtube is the best way to cope with anxiety and so on. But it's hard to find the right video, but with services like mp3 juice, it's easy to get everything on your phone and listen to it. So I don't have any problems finding the right music and coping with stress that way, so I think you can try it as well.
  8. First of all, thanks for sharing your story. I'm an engineer too and it can be stressful sometimes. Fortunately, I found a job where quality is more important than speed, so there is not too much stress. I guess, there is a "not" missing? There where internships attached to your diploma studies, right? So did you try to work as an engineer yet, so you can tell if it is too much stress for you? If not, you should try an internship first, just to get to know the work. Also, you don't have to go the way, people expect you to go. If you figure, you can't work as an engineer, you are free to do something else. Yes, you might not need your diploma anymore, but you gained experience. I don't know if you studied mechanical, electrical or some other kind of engineering, but you could just become a mechanic or electronics technician, if you like. To me, a good work life balance is more important than a high salary job anyway. If you earn enough money to get by, everything above is just a bonus.
  9. I used to be a strong boy who could broke coconut by punch. When I turn 20 (in 2018) from then misery in life started. Middle of 2018 Just finished my diploma engineering degree and it was time for me to start a new life, a new career. But in that time I fell sick so bad for 6 months I couldn't do a thing. Went to few doctors they couldn't help much. Finally found a doctor who could really diagnosed my problem, and it is a bad DNA related rare disease. No I won't die quick but will suffer for rest of my life. Last quarter of 2018 I was getting a little better and felt the same young energy again, I decided to go Russia for higher studies. Did as thought, February 2019 I went to Russia, things were good but for only a little while. I got sick again but this time problem was much worse because I wasn't good at Russian language to explain what was really going on with me and couldn't understand words from my doctor basically lost in translation. I was taking too much pain killer everyday that my condition was getting more bad. Took a leave from university and flee back home for treatment. Good thing I did that if not I could've risk my life. Get treated, get good and get back to Russia again in February 2020. And not long after that corona virus pandemic broke out. I was studying on self finance, but during that time my father's business was at stop, I have a big family so things were little out of control. And things kept getting worse, my father had a brain stroke and got half paralyzed. I was so depressed at that moment I couldn't even came back to see him because of flight restrictions. In August 2020 I quit my studies and came back for good. I stayed almost 18 months in Russia, went to study but couldn't study at all because of all the hardships I was having, wasted time and money. As of today I not fully healthy as I said I'll suffer rest of life, I can't do stressful works, I'm educated enough to do high salary desk jobs either. I'm enduring the pain, the stress but don't know how long I can take it all.
  10. There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press in May, but you may not have spotted them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. The month of May often feels as though renewal is taking place as spring is in full swing – in the northern hemisphere, at least – and this means that positive news stories ought to get more attention than they do. Although there were numerous good news stories in May, not all of them got the attention they deserved. Read on to enjoy some of the brightest positive news items from the past few weeks. 1. Lithium shortage may be a thing of the past The world uses lithium for all sorts of things, but one of its primary applications is in rechargeable batteries. And, if the world is to move away from fossil fuels, it will need more battery production – but lithium is already in short supply from traditional sources. However, according to a report in TechCrunch, it could be possible to extract lithium from seawater. It reported that a number of start-up tech companies have plans to extract trace elements of the metal from the world's oceans, thereby potentially reducing the costs of many clean-energy schemes by a significant degree. 2. A healthier lifestyle in your 40s can add six years to your life According to Yahoo News Canada, adopting a healthy lifestyle even in middle age can mean being able to expect a longer lifespan. Cutting back on alcohol, giving up smoking, losing a few pounds and increasing the amount of time you sleep are always advisable, but this report makes it clear that even people who are late adopters of healthy lifestyles can benefit with up to six years more of life expectancy. The report was based on a study conducted in Japan. The findings showed that even people with long-term conditions could benefit in this way if they choose to be more healthy in their 40s. A healthy middle-age can extend life expectancy 3. Age-related memory dysfunction better understood Scientists at Johns Hopkins University in the United States announced that they have pinpointed a mechanism in the human brain that they believe is responsible for the most common type of memory loss. Their results shed light on what happens when age-related memory loss occurs if people are living with dementia conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease. By better understanding the mechanism that controls memory loss in older brains, it's hoped that pharmaceutical companies will be better placed to develop more effective drug treatments that halt or even reverse memory loss as people age. RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 ways to reduce the risk as you age 4. Enzyme found that can break plastics down A report in Metro stated that Texan researchers have discovered a particular type of protein that can be used to rid the world of some of its worst plastics, particularly the ones used to make bottles. So-called PET plastics are virtually indestructible naturally but the discovery of the enzyme means this plastic could now be recycled just as other types currently are. At the moment, PET accounts for about a fifth of the globe's plastic consumption. 5. Wounds could heal quicker thanks to nanotechnology Spain's Institute of Bioengineering claims to have developed what it calls “motors” that will physically push antibiotic drugs around wounds – to help them heal more rapidly than they otherwise would. The idea is to make use of the body's viscous fluids to distribute drugs in a more effective way. In addition to treating wounds with antibiotics, the developers have said that it is feasible that the motors – which, in reality, are tiny robots – could also be used to increase the effectiveness of certain anti-cancer drug treatments. According to César de la Fuente, a bioengineer at the University of Pennsylvania who also took part in the project, the nanobots they've developed can actually travel around a wound and clear up an infection as they move. 6. Carbon removal plant starts operations in Hawaii According to a report published by Interesting Engineering, a carbon removal plant that is assisted by the Pacific Ocean has begun operating to help reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The report also suggested that the fight against global climate change will take many forms but actively taking carbon away from the atmosphere is one of the best ways of dealing with rising levels of CO2. The plant permanently stores CO2 by pumping saltwater into a machine that applies electricity to rearrange the molecules in the fluid. Not only does this help to deal with climate change but it also reduces the acidity of the ocean. The seawater is then returned to the Pacific where it will consequently be more effective at storing carbon thanks to its lower acidity level. 7. Chronic pain treated by mindfulness is effective A report by the BBC stated that the mental health outcomes of people living with chronic pain – pain that is suffered to some extent for at least 12 weeks – can lead to numerous examples of poor mental health outcomes. Staying mindful could help people cope with chronic pain However, when mindfulness exercises are used to help deal with them, they can be highly effective. Crucially, the news report looked into the mental health outcomes associated with pain rather than the symptoms of pain themselves. A professor at Oxford University, Willem Kuyken, who is also a director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre, said that the ability to be in the present moment without judgement was why mindfulness was so effective in this regard and, therefore, an effective treatment method in handling chronic pain. 8. Largest solar farm floated in Portugal The biggest solar array in Europe to be installed on water is expected to begin producing green energy by July. In May it was announced that work had begun fitting solar panels onto a floating substructure. Tugboats have been used to move the 12,000 panels used in the array to help position it on the surface of Portugal's Alqueva reservoir. For context, the number of panels used takes up about the same amount of space as four football fields. When completed, the solar farm should be able to produce 5 megawatts of power, according to a report in EuroNews. Largest solar farm has been built in Portugal shutterstock/pan denim 9. New device developed to detect skin cancers early A handheld gadget has been developed that could help clinicians to identify skin cancer much more easily. Rather than asking people to come into clinics for diagnoses, the portable device can be used anywhere and provide people with on-the-spot results. Researchers at Stevens Institute of Technology came up with the system and hope it could mean many fewer skin biopsies will be needed in the future. 10. 3-D printing deployed to help marine habitats The world's coral reefs have been under threat for some time. However, a new technology has been developed that it's hoped will help to preserve these delicate eco-systems. Israeli scientists have been working on 3-D printed replicas of the sort of habitats that corals like. The idea is to boost current restoration efforts in coral reefs by integrating the manufactured versions with existing reefs to add to the natural eco-system currently in place. • Main image: shutterstock/TananyaaPithi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.
  11. When a friendship dissolves it can be hard to adjust, so how exactly do you get over a friendship breakup? Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains seven steps to move on and then make new friends. Friends are, as a rule, among the most important people that we have in our lives. Since our childhood, apart from our families, our friends shape who we are and how we spend our time. I know people whose friends are THE most significant persons in their lives. So, how to get over a friendship breakup when things go bad? I was in a situation like that three years ago. I broke up a friendship that had lasted for 27 years because I felt hurt by my friend’s lack of recognition of how much I was suffering. We became friends when I was six. We met when my family moved from another country, running away from war. We had been inseparable since. A few years ago, nearly all my family members passed away within 2.5 years. To my grave disappointment, she repeatedly made insensitive comments about the material things I was inheriting. My friend was too emotionally selfish to notice how much pain I was going through. Her lack of empathy was too much for me at that point… so I had to initiate a friendship breakup. Friendship breakups are common in life shutterstock/Dean Drobot Living without her after decades of closeness was strange (to say the least). It took quite some time to get over the change. And, whatever the reason for breaking up a friendship, your life changes. So, you need to learn to overcome the hurt and thrive from that experience. This article will help you design strategies on how to get over a friendship breakup and rebound. Why do friendships dissolve? Sometimes, a part of learning how to get over a friendship breakup is understanding why it has dissolved. There are as many causes as there are friendships. Nonetheless, it is possible to categorise common reasons into these four categories: Selfishness. As in the example of my friendship breakup, selfishness (and jealousy) can often play a part. Selfish friends will often expect you to be there for them when they are going through a bad patch, but won’t reciprocate when you need it. Or they my simply not put the same amount of energy into the friendship as you do. Betrayal. Friendships are built on trust. So, when a friend discloses confidential information or when they are being disloyal or dishonest, it is only natural to be shocked and angry. According to research, betrayal can produce life-altering changes. In the first place, it can result in a friendship breakup. Negativity. We all know a Debbie Downer. Friendship means being empathetic and supportive. However, sometimes, the constant negativity and pessimism have a way of breaking friendships up. Growing apart. Finally, one common reason for a friendship to dissolve is when you grow apart spontaneously. You could be developing as individuals in different directions. Or, significant life events such as marriage, moving to another city, having children, or similar can cause you to drift apart. I have had friendships fall apart for each of those reasons. In every case, getting over a friendship breakup was a challenge. Friends are people we love and rely on throughout our lifespan. So, how to get over a friendship breakup? How to get over a friendship breakup Getting over a friendship breakup may be quick and rather easy, but it can also take you years to heal. Although psychology and sociology recognize the importance of friendships in times of distress as well as peace, there is little research on how we mourn a friendship breakup. A recent doctoral dissertation revealed that we undergo a grieving process that can be life-changing and transform us into someone new. It is a loss we need to make meaning of and overcome the ambiguity of ending a friendship. “Getting over a friendship breakup may be quick and rather easy, but it can also take you years to heal... we undergo a grieving process that can be life-changing and transform us into someone new.” Therefore, when you ask how to get over a friendship breakup, you need to recognize the potentially immense impact the experience will have on you. Here are some strategies you can use to cope with the breakup and grow as a person in the process. 1. Acknowledge the grieving The grief following a friendship rupture is often disenfranchised. Not only do others fail to recognize our pain, but oftentimes, we do too. So, the first step towards healing is to acknowledge that you, indeed, suffered a loss. Expect different phases of the grieving process to pass by as you recover. 2. Get support The study we mentioned above revealed that getting over a friendship breakup, same as with any other loss, requires you to have a support system. Let your family and other friends know what is going on and express your needs clearly. The 8 types of friends we all need Why friendship goals matter No friends? Here's how to make new ones as an adult 3. Take good care of yourself As with any crisis, in order to rise up to the challenge of getting over a friendship breakup, you need to engage in self-care. Mind the content you consume, respond to your emotional needs, and be self-compassionate. Take care of your body, too — exercise, eat healthily and sleep well. It may not be at the top of your priorities when finding out how to get over a friendship breakup, but proper self-care was found to help emotional recovery tremendously. 4. Maintain routine One of the main outcomes of a friendship breakup is the disruption of habits and routines. Precisely because of that fact, one of the chief coping strategies is to maintain the routine as much as you can. Try to design ways to keep, for example, visiting theatres, camping, and socialising as you used to. It will help you stay in touch with the things you enjoy and limit the loss. Getting over a friendship breakup can take time 5. Prepare for awkward situations Chances are, you are going to still meet your ex-friend here and there. You probably share social circles, at least some of them. Whatever the cause of the separation between you may be, when you are thinking about how to get over a friendship breakup, you ought to get ready for the occasional awkwardness. Think of ways to minimise the uneasiness, such as how you will greet the ex-friend, how you might interact with others, where you will sit, and such. 6. Investigate what happened When you start figuring out how to get over a friendship breakup, you might be ruminating over what went wrong. However, it is best that you leave this phase of getting over a friendship breakup for when you feel more level-headed. Once some time passes, and you reclaim your stability and centredness, you can start exploring the causes of the breakup. “Whatever the cause of the separation between you may be, when you are thinking about how to get over a friendship breakup, you ought to get ready for the occasional awkwardness.” Try to aim for an impartial stance. Acknowledge both your and your ex-friend’s perspectives. Chances are, they will have their version and might feel equally hurt. The reason why it is important to understand exactly what triggered the rupture is this — you need the insight so that you can forgive and self-forgive. It is a crucial step towards the final phase of getting over a friendship breakup. 7. Make peace One of the final stages of thinking about how to get over a friendship breakup is to make peace with what had happened. Psychologically speaking, you need to integrate the loss into your psyche. Learn who you are now after you have lost a friend. See how you have grown. What did you learn about yourself? Accept the new reality and the new You — and new paths will open. Making new friends Making new friends may not be the first thing that comes to your mind when you are trying to get over a friendship breakup. Especially considering the science-backed fact that we peak at making friends at the age of 25, after which our social circles tend to decrease. However, humans are social creatures. We need others for bonding, support, and a sense of belongingness. Loneliness can lead to a decline in physical and psychological health. So, how to make new (quality) friendships after your friendship has dissolved? You can explore whether your existing contacts bear the potential of a deeper connection. Invite a co-worker or someone you knew from school to the movies or for a drink and see if you will click. Also, make sure to use the possibilities opened up by modern technology and seek out people who share your worldview. Apart from social media, you can create a profile here on happiness.com and reach out to people around the world who have the same interests as you do. In the happiness forums, you can start conversations and engage in discussions with people you may want to connect with more deeply. Takeaway: friendship breakup In my case, things went back to normal after two years of no contact. My friend and I started exchanging messages again when she was pregnant with her second child. I felt I had to be there and support her. After that, she took the initiative to help me find my way out of some serious problems I was experiencing. I feel that she has truly given some thought to how she so indifferently expressed a complete lack of regard three years ago. She stepped up as a friend. However, many of my past friendships never recovered. Getting over a friendship breakup was always a challenging experience. In the end, I can say that I ended up a slightly different person after each ruptured friendship. So, use the experience, no matter how painful or confusing it may be, to learn. To get to know yourself (the good and the bad). To understand others better. In this way, you can give meaning to what has happened and turn it into an incentive for growth. • Main image: shutterstock/lightwavemedia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Authenticity | Courage Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.
  12. Hi all, I'm a new member and I am glad to be here. Since the recent lockdowns prompted by the pandemic in UK and around the world I have been exploring the idea of alternative health in combating stress and anxiety and their immediate effects such as tiredness, insomnia, eating disorder and other mental health issues. I find that meditation is an excellent alternative health method and that I don't have to keep taking prescription medicine for common stress and anxiety. I am currently considering the self hypnosis techniques using positive affirmations. Any recommendations from the forum on books or audios on self hypnosis is appreciated and I will keep the forum updated on my journey into guided meditation and hypnosis.
  13. Work can be stressful, but if you don't want to burn out, what you really need is a better attitude about stress. The approach I find most useful, and the one I recommend in these pages, is a practice called mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgementally to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.
  14. Der Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin ist eine Herausforderung und wirkt sich je nach Lebensphase unterschiedlich auf dich aus. Vom Journaling bis zum Scrapbooking - Dee Marques zeigt dir fünf Möglichkeiten, wie du mit der Trauer umgehen kannst. Dieser Artikel erschien original im englischen happiness Magazin. Das ist eines der vielen Paradoxa der menschlichen Erfahrung: Wir alle erleben Verluste von geliebten Menschen, also sollten wir wissen, wie wir damit umgehen können. Doch für die meisten von uns ist der Verlust eines geliebten Menschen jedes Mal von Neuem sowohl verheerend als auch traumatisch. Der Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin kann eine zutiefst erschütternde Erfahrung sein, da dies tiefe Gefühle der Trauer auslöst. Es gibt zwar kein Patentrezept, das uns hilft, den Schmerz des Verlustes zu überwinden, aber es gibt Dinge, die den Prozess für uns erleichtern können. In diesem Artikel gehe ich auf die Gefühle ein, die entstehen können, wenn du einen Freund oder eine Freundin verlierst, und gebe dir einige Tipps, wie du mit dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin umgehen kannst. Der Verlust eines Freundes / einer Freundin: Was löst dies in uns aus? Psychologen glauben, dass die Erfahrung eines Verlustes deshalb so schwer zu verkraften ist, weil er die Funktionsweise unseres Gehirns und Körpers vorübergehend verändert. Hier sind einige häufige Reaktionen auf den Verlust eines Freundes / einer Freundin: Verwirrung. Bei einem traumatischen Ereignis wie dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin reagiert das Gehirn auf Stress, indem es neue Verbindungen zwischen Neuronen herstellt oder bestehende abschwächt. Aus diesem Grund fühlen sich die meisten Menschen verwirrt und geistig erschöpft, was auch als Gehirnnebel bezeichnet wird. Wut. Dies ist eine häufige Reaktion, die einsetzt, wenn der erste Schock nachlässt. Nach dem Verlust eines Freundes / einer Freundin bist du vielleicht wütend auf ihn / sie oder auf jeden, den du für verantwortlich hältst (z. B. auf die Ärzte, die ihn / sie nicht retten konnten, oder auf den Arbeitgeber, wenn es ein Arbeitsunfall war). Schuld. Viele Menschen entwickeln nach dem Verlust eines Freundes/einer Freundin ein Schuldgefühl. Dabei kann es sich um Reaktionen wie die Schuldgefühle des Überlebenden handeln oder du gibst dir selbst die Schuld dafür, dass du nicht da warst, um deinen Freund zu unterstützen. Du fühlst dich vielleicht auch gefangen, weil du ständig an Dinge denkst, die du hättest tun oder lassen sollen. Körperliche Schmerzen. Manche Menschen spüren den Verlust auch auf körperlicher Ebene, durch veränderte Schlafgewohnheiten, Appetit oder ein geschwächtes Immunsystem. Nach dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin erlebst du vielleicht eines oder mehrere dieser Gefühle, entweder zu verschiedenen Zeitpunkten oder als Wirbelwind gemischter Gefühle. Vergiss nicht, dass der Trauerprozess bei jedem Menschen anders verläuft. Suche nach dem Verlust eines Freundes Unterstützung bei anderen Es gibt jedoch einige Verluste, die besonders schwer zu verarbeiten sind. Zum Beispiel kann sich der Verlust eines Familienmitglieds anders anfühlen als der Verlust eines Freundes. Und die oben beschriebenen Reaktionen können sogar noch intensiver oder langwieriger sein, wenn du einen Freund bzw. eine Freundin durch Selbstmord verlierst. Diese Art von Verlust ist aufgrund des Stigmas, das den Selbstmord immer noch umgibt, besonders schwer zu verarbeiten. Besonders Schuldgefühle (“Hätte ich das nicht verhindern können?”) spielen dabei oft eine große Rolle. Der Verlust eines Freundes: Der Zeitpunkt ist entscheidend Du solltest auch bedenken, dass du unterschiedlich reagieren kannst, je nachdem, wie alt du bist, wenn du den Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin erlebst. Wenn du als Kind einen Freund oder eine Freundin verlierst, kann das eine schmerzhafte Narbe in deinem emotionalen Selbst hinterlassen. Wenn schon Erwachsene Schwierigkeiten haben, ein solches traumatisches Erlebnis zu verarbeiten, kannst du dir vorstellen, wie viel schwerer das für Kinder ist, die noch nicht die Fähigkeit entwickelt haben, Konzepte wie Verlust oder Tod zu verstehen. Kinder können Gefühle des Verlassenseins, des Rückzugs oder der vorübergehenden Rückbildung bestimmter Verhaltensweisen wie Bettnässen oder Krabbeln statt Laufen entwickeln. “Manche Menschen entwickeln nach dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin ein Schuldgefühl. Hier kann es zu Reaktionen wie der Schuld des Überlebenden kommen oder dazu, dass du dir die Schuld dafür gibst, dass du nicht da warst, um deinen Freund zu unterstützen.” Der Tod eines Freundes in der Lebensmitte kann eine Krise auslösen, denn der frühe Verlust von Freunden kann uns dazu bringen, unser eigenes Leben und das, was wir damit tun, in Frage zu stellen und neu zu bewerten. Außerdem kommt es in dieser Lebensphase häufig vor, dass wir Freund*innen durch eine Trennung verlieren, sei es durch eine Scheidung, einen Umzug oder einfach, weil wir uns für einen anderen Lebensweg entschieden haben. Auch diese Situation kann ähnliche Gefühle der Trauer auslösen. Die verschiedenen Arten von Trauer verstehen Was passiert, wenn du dunkle Gefühle annimmst 8 nachdenkliche Zitate zur Prävention von Selbstmord Je älter wir Menschen werden, desto mehr wird uns bewusst, dass wir nur eine begrenzte Zeit vor uns haben und dass diese Zeit mit Verlusterfahrungen gefüllt sein kann. Eine liebe Nachbarin sagte mir einmal: "Wenn du in deinen 20ern bist, bist du damit beschäftigt, die Hochzeiten deiner Freunde zu besuchen, aber wenn du in deinen 80ern bist, bist du damit beschäftigt, die Beerdigungen deiner Freunde zu besuchen". Eine Tatsache des Lebens. Wie man mit dem Verlust eines Freundes / einer Freundin umgeht Der Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin kann eine so intensive Trauer auslösen, dass die erste Reaktion vielleicht sogar die Verleugnung ist. Leugnen ist ein Abwehrmechanismus, an dem wir festhalten, weil wir glauben, dass er uns hilft, den Schmerz zu vermeiden. Kurzfristig mag das funktionieren, aber deine Gefühle zu unterdrücken ist keine Bewältigungsstrategie und irgendwann fühlst du dich wahrscheinlich überfordert und die Gefühle brechen sich Bahn. Wenn du nach dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin Trauer empfindest, solltest du nicht versuchen, dir die Möglichkeit zu verwehren, diese Erfahrung auf möglichst gesunde Weise zu verarbeiten. Anstatt den Verlust zu verleugnen oder zu verdrängen, findest du hier ein paar Dinge, die dir helfen können. 1. Feiere die Person, die du verloren hast Du hast vielleicht einen Freund oder eine Freundin verloren, aber das bedeutet nicht, dass er oder sie aus deinem Leben "verschwunden" ist. Manchmal denkst du vielleicht, dass es einfacher ist, gar nicht mehr an die Person zu denken, in der Hoffnung, dass das den Schmerz lindert. Das funktioniert aber nur in den seltensten Fällen. Tatsächlich kann es dir helfen, den Verlust zu überwinden, wenn du die Erinnerungen, die du mit deinem Freund geteilt hast, in Ehren hältst und dankbar bist für die Zeit, die du mit der Person verbringen durftest. Das bedeutet aber nicht, dass du über den Verlust nachgrübelst, sondern dass du Wege findest, dich an die Person, die du verloren hast, zu erinnern und die Erinnerungen und den Menschen zu feiern. 2. Finde einen Weg, deine Gefühle auszudrücken Bei der Bewältigung emotional intensiver Erlebnisse ist an Klischees wie "auch das geht vorbei" oder "wir müssen damit fertig werden" zwar etwas Wahres dran, aber wir brauchen einen Weg, unsere Gefühle auszudrücken, anstatt sie zu verdrängen. Leider wird uns nicht immer beigebracht, wie wir unsere Gefühle ausdrücken können, sei es, weil wir in einer Familie aufgewachsen sind, in der nicht über Gefühle gesprochen wurde, oder aufgrund bestimmter kultureller Narrative, die Emotionalität mit Schwäche gleichsetzen. Ein Tagebuch kann dir dabei helfen, deine Gefühle und das ganze Ausmaß deiner Trauer auf eine private und sichere Weise auszudrücken. Das Führen eines Tagebuchs nach dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin kann dir helfen, deine Gedanken zu ordnen, deinen Freund oder deine Freundin zu feiern und so Ressourcen zur Bewältigung zu entdecken, von denen du gar nicht wusstest, dass du sie hast. VERWANDTER ARTIKEL: Mehr als ein Tagebuch - die Kunst des Journalings 3. Erstelle ein Scrapbook Ein Scrapbook zu erstellen ist eine interessante Alternative (oder Ergänzung) zum Journaling. Scrapbooks können die gleiche Funktion wie Gedenkbücher erfüllen, sind aber viel persönlicher. Einige Studien haben herausgefunden, dass Scrapbooking eine heilende Wirkung auf Menschen hat, die einen Verlust und Trauer durchmachen, vor allem auf diejenigen, denen es schwerfällt, ihre Gefühle mit Worten auszudrücken. Erstelle ein Scrapbook oder schau dir Fotos von einem verlorenen Freund / Freundin an shutterstock/Dragon Images “Studien haben ergeben, dass Scrapbooking eine heilende Wirkung auf Menschen hat, die Verlust und Trauer durchmachen, vor allem auf diejenigen, denen es schwerfällt, ihre Gefühle mit Worten auszudrücken.” 4. Verbringe Zeit mit anderen, die ebenfalls trauern Jeder von uns lebt in seinem Leben verschiedene Rollen, deshalb können Tod und Verlust eine große Anzahl von Menschen betreffen. Die Person, die du verloren hast, kann eine Freundin oder ein Freund für dich gewesen sein, aber auch eine Mutter oder ein Vater, ein*e Ehepartner*in oder ein*e Arbeitskollege/in. In schmerzhaften Zeiten hast du vielleicht das Bedürfnis, dich in deine innere Welt zurückzuziehen, und es ist wichtig, das zu respektieren. Es kann jedoch hilfreich sein, sich mit Menschen zu treffen, die deinem Freund oder deiner Freundin ebenfalls nahe standen, sowohl für dich als auch für sie. Sich gemeinsam an Erlebnisse, Anekdoten und an die Persönlichkeit des vermissten Menschen zu erinnern hilft vielen Menschen bei ihrem Trauerprozess, weil wir gemeinsam der Person gedenken und ihr Leben zelebrieren. Die Chancen stehen gut, dass auch andere einen ähnlichen Trauerprozess durchmachen, und ihr könnt euch gegenseitig über die Beerdigung hinaus unterstützen, wenn jeder versucht, so hilfreich wie möglich zu sein. Gegenseitiges Mitgefühl kann vielen Menschen dabei helfen, mit dem Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin umzugehen. Vergiss aber nicht, dass jeder Mensch den Verlust anders verarbeitet, also sei bereit, ihnen Zeit und Raum zu geben, wenn es nötig ist. 5. Suche dir Hilfe, wenn du sie brauchst Wenn du den Verlust eines Freundes oder einer Freundin verarbeitest, fühlst du dich vielleicht entmutigt und fragst dich, wie lange es dauern wird, bis die Gefühle abklingen. Da jeder Mensch einen anderen Prozess durchläuft, gibt es keine Standardantwort auf diese Frage, aber Fachleute für psychische Gesundheit sind der Meinung, dass du dir Hilfe suchen solltest, wenn nach 6 Monaten noch keine Besserung eingetreten ist.. Wenn das bei dir der Fall ist, kannst du mit deiner ärztlichen Vertrauensperson sprechen, der dich an eine psychologische Fachkraft oder eine Trauerberatung überweisen kann. Fazit: Verlustbewältigung ist möglich Es ist immer schwer, mit einem Verlust umzugehen, und die intensiven Gefühle, die diese Erfahrung auslöst, können dich noch eine Weile begleiten. In schwierigen Zeiten wie diesen solltest du geduldig mit dir selbst sein und verstehen, dass Trauer ein Prozess ist - schwierig, aber möglich zu bewältigen. Hat dir der Artikel gefallen? Erfahre mehr über das kostenlose Angebot des happiness Projekts: Unsere Mission: Eine sichere und sich gegenseitig unterstützende Gemeinschaft zu ermöglichen, in der Werkzeuge, Praktiken und Erfahrungen ausgetauscht werden, die es jedem ermöglichen, ein glückliches und erfülltes Leben zu führen. Konkret heißt das für dich, dass du als Mitglied der happiness Gemeinschaft kostenlose folgende Vorteile genießt: regelmäßige Tipps zur Stressbewältigung, Meditation, Nachhaltigkeit und vielen anderen spannenden Themengebieten gelebte Inspirationen für ein glücklicheres Leben durch neue, tiefe Freundschaften im happiness Forum Erfahrungen austauschen, anderen auf ihrem Lebensweg beistehen und selbst unterstützt werden spannende, kostenlose Online Kurse in der happiness Academy belegen (aktuell ausschließlich auf englisch) z.B. Achtsamkeitsmeditation/ MBSR wissenschaftlich fundierte Artikel im happiness Magazin über das glücklich sein, zu den Vorteilen der Meditation, ... Du kannst dem Auf- und Ab des Lebens nicht entkommen, aber du kannst lernen bewusster damit umzugehen, es anzunehmen und dadurch innere Freiheit zu erlangen. Werde heute noch Teil der liebevollen Gemeinschaft offenherziger Menschen und melde dich jetzt an. Wenn du vor kurzem einen Freund oder eine Freundin verloren hast, probiere einige der praktischen Schritte aus, die in diesem Leitfaden beschrieben sind, und hinterlasse uns einen Kommentar, wenn du weitere hilfreiche Vorschläge zur Trauerbewältigung hast. Geschrieben von Dee Marques Dee hat einen Abschluss in Sozialwissenschaften und interessiert sich sehr für Sprachen, Kommunikation und persönliche Entwicklungsstrategien. Dee liebt es, Sport zu treiben, in der Natur zu sein und warme und sonnige Orte zu entdecken, an denen sie dem Winter entfliehen kann.
  15. @Sorai Until now I didn't know that it was based on a book - I was only aware of the anime by Miyazaki. Which brings me to what I'd like to watch. I rarely watch anything and most definitely not twice - only for Miyazaki I'd make an exception because in each phase of my life his films touched a different part in me.
  16. That would only apply if it's fully automated based on simple output and there isn't the human touch like the nominations in the forum. The Happy token for examplestrives to make valuable contributions tangible in a a bit more refined way. 🙂
  17. In this 1971 Center For Disease Control handout photo, monkeypox-like lesions are shown on the arm and leg of a female child in Bondua, Liberia. CDC | Getty Images Belgium has become the first country to introduce a mandatory 21-day quarantine for monkeypox patients as cases of the disease — typically endemic to Africa — spread across the globe. Health authorities in Belgium introduced the measures Friday after the country reported its third case of the virus. As of Monday, the country has recorded four local cases; confirmed global infections currently number around 100. Belgium’s compulsory measures apply only to patients with a confirmed infection. Close contacts are not required to self-isolate but are encouraged to remain vigilant, especially if in contact with vulnerable people. “Infected persons will have to go into contact isolation until the injuries have healed (they will receive concrete instructions about this from the treating doctor),” a version of the government announcement translated from Dutch said. The UK meanwhile has said those who have a high risk of catching the disease should self-isolate for 21 days. That includes household contacts or medical professionals who may have come into contact with an infected patient. What is monkeypox? Monkeypox is a rare disease caused by the monkeypox virus — part of the smallpox family — with symptoms including rashes, fever, headaches, muscle ache, swelling and backpain. Though typically less severe than smallpox, health experts are growing concerned about the genesis of a recent outbreak, starting in early May, in countries beyond Central and West Africa. Health authorities, including the US Centers for Disease Control and infection and the UK’s Health Security Agency, said they have noted a particular concentration of cases among men who have sex with men, and urged gay and bisexual men in particular to be aware of any unusual rashes or lesions. As of Saturday, the World Health Organization reported there were 92 cases in 12 countries, and a further 28 suspected cases under investigation. The US, UK, Canada, Australia, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Sweden, Belgium, Portugal and Netherlands have all confirmed cases. In this Centers for Disease Control and Prevention handout graphic, symptoms of one of the first known cases of the monkeypox virus are shown on a patient?s hand May 27, 2003. CDC | Getty Images The public health body said recent reported cases had no links to travel from endemic African countries, which is unusual for the disease. It usually spreads via human-to-human or human-to-animal contact. “Epidemiological investigations are ongoing, however, reported cases thus far have no established travel links to endemic areas,” the WHO said in a statement posted on its website Saturday. “Based on currently available information, cases have mainly but not exclusively been identified amongst men who have sex with men (MSM) seeking care in primary care and sexual health clinics,” it added. More monkeypox cases likely The recent surge in community cases, particularly within urban areas, is now raising concerns of a wider outbreak. “To have it appear now — more than 100 cases in 12 different countries with no obvious connection — means we have to figure out exactly what’s happening,” Seth Berkley, CEO of global vaccine alliance Gavi, told CNBC Monday. “The truth is we don’t know what that is and therefore how severe it’s going to be. But it’s likely that we’re going to see more cases,” he said. Though most cases of monkeypox are mild and typically resolve within two to four weeks, there is currently no proven vaccine. The smallpox vaccine has proven 85% effective in preventing infection, and some countries have already begun stockpiling doses. Berkley cautioned that the new outbreak, occurring even as the existing coronavirus pandemic is “not over yet,” was a warning to authorities to invest more resources into infectious diseases. He was speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, where political and business leaders have gathered this week to discuss key global issues, including pandemic preparedness. “This is evolutionarily certain that we’re going to see more outbreaks,” he said. “That’s why pandemic preparedness is so important. Look at what it can do economically when you have a pandemic hit” CNBC Health & Science Read CNBC’s latest global coverage of the Covid pandemic: #Belgium #country #introduce #mandatory #monkeypox #quarantine #global #cases #rise Belgium becomes first country to introduce mandatory monkeypox quarantine as global cases rise;
  18. The loss of a friend is challenging and will affect you differently depending on your stage of life. From journaling to scrapbooking, Dee Marques offers up five ways to cope with the grief. Here’s one of the many paradoxes of the human experience: we all experience loss, so we should know how to cope with it. But, instead, for the vast majority of us, losing a loved one is both devastating and traumatic. The loss of a friend can be a harrowing experience, since it triggers deep feelings of grief. Although there’s no single recipe that can magically help us overcome the pain of loss, there are things that can ease the process. In this article, I’ll discuss how you can expect to feel when you lose a friend, and I’ll offer some suggestions on how to cope with the loss of a friend. Losing a friend: possible feelings Psychologists believe that the experience of loss is so hard to cope with because it temporarily changes the way our brains and bodies work. Here are some common reactions to the loss of a friend: Confusion. When faced with a traumatic event like losing a friend, the brain responds to stress by creating new connections between neurons, or by weakening existing ones. This is usually why people feel confused and mentally exhausted – something that has been described as brain fog. Anger. This is a common reaction that sets in when the initial shock wears off. After losing a friend, you may feel angry at them or at anyone you deem responsible (for example, doctors who couldn’t save them, or an employer if it was a work accident). Guilt. Some people develop a feeling of guilt after the loss of a friend. Here we may see reactions like survivor’s guilt, or blaming yourself for all the times you weren’t there to support your friend. You may also feel trapped by constantly thinking about things you should have or shouldn’t have done. Physical pain. Some people also experience loss at physical level, through changes in sleep habits, appetite, or a weakened immune system. After losing a friend, you may experience one or more of these feelings, at different points in time or as a whirlwind of mixed emotions. Just remember that everyone’s grief process is different. Seek support from others after losing a friend Having said that, there are some losses that could especially complicated to handle. For example, losing a family member may feel different from losing a friend. And the reactions described above may be even more intense or prolonged if you lose a friend to suicide. This type of loss is particularly difficult to process due to the stigma that still surrounds suicide. Losing a friend: timing matters You should also keep in mind that may react differently, depending on how old you are when facing the loss of a friend. Losing a friend when you're a child can leave a painful scar in your emotional self. If adults struggle coping with such a traumatic experience, you can imagine how much harder this is for children, who haven’t yet develop the ability to understand concepts like loss or death. Kids may develop feelings of abandonment, withdrawal, or the temporary regression of certain behaviours, like bed wetting or crawling instead of walking. “Some people develop a feeling of guilt after the loss of a friend. Here we may see reactions like survivor’s guilt, or blaming yourself for all the times you weren’t there to support your friend.” The death of a friend in mid-life could trigger a crisis, as the early loss of friends can make us re-evaluate our own lives and what we’re doing with them. Moreover, during this stage of life, it’s common to lose friends to friendship break-ups, either due to divorce, relocation, or simply because you’ve chosen different paths in life. This situation can also cause similar feelings of grief. How to help a grieving friend: 7 ways to be there The 8 types of grief explained 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire And, as people get older, they begin to realise that they only have a limited amount of time ahead of them, and that this time may be filled with experiences of loss. As a dear neighbour once told me, “when you’re in your 20s, you’re busy attending your friends’ weddings, but when you’re in your 80s, you’re busy attending your friends’ funerals”. A fact of life. How to cope with losing a friend Losing a friend can trigger such intense grief that the first reaction may even be denial. Denial is a defence mechanism, which we hold onto believing it will help us avoid the pain. This may work in the short term, but suppressing your feelings isn’t a coping strategy and eventually you may feel overwhelmed. If you’re experiencing grief after losing a friend, do not try to deny yourself the possibility of processing this experience in the healthiest possible way. Instead of resorting to denial, here are a few things you may find helpful. 1. Celebrate the person you lost You may have lost a friend, but that doesn’t mean that they're “gone” from your life. Sometimes, you may think it’s easier to stop thinking about the person altogether, hoping that will ease the pain. But it doesn’t always work that way, and in fact, treasuring the memories you shared with your friend can help you overcome the loss. But that doesn’t mean ruminating about the loss, but rather finding ways to remember and celebrate the person you lost, for example by visiting places they liked on special occasions, reading their favourite books, or taking part in a charity challenge on their behalf. 2. Find a way to express your feelings When coping with emotionally intense experiences, there is some truth to cliches like “this too shall pass” or “we must get on with it”, but we still need a way to express our feelings instead of dismissing them. Unfortunately, we aren’t always taught how to express our emotions, whether it's because we were raised in a family where feelings were not discussed or because of certain cultural narratives that equate emotionality with weakness. Journaling may be helpful in helping you express your emotions and the full extent of your grief in a private and safe way. Keeping a journal after losing a friend can help put some order to your thoughts, celebrate your friend, and discover some coping resources that you didn’t know you have. RELATED: Journaling techniques for travel to our interior 3. Make a scrapbook Creating a scrapbook is an interesting alternative (or a complement) to journaling. Scrapbooks can serve the same function of memorials, but are much more personal. Some studies have found that scrapbooking has a healing power for people who are going through loss and grief, and especially for those who find it hard to express their emotions with words. Make a scrapbook or look at photos of a lost friend shutterstock/Dragon Images 4. Spend time with others who are also grieving We all play different roles in our life, so death and loss can affect large numbers of people. The person you have lost may have been a friend to you, but also a father, a spouse or co-worker. During painful times, you may feel the need to retreat to your inner world, and it’s important to honour that. However, getting together with people who were also close to your friend can be helpful, both for you and for them. “Studies have found that scrapbooking has a healing power for people who are going through loss and grief, and especially for those who find it hard to express their emotions with words.” Chances are that others will also be going through a similar grieving process, and you can support each other through it beyond the funeral, when everyone tries to be as supportive as possible. Having said that, keep in mind that people process loss differently, so be ready to give them time and space if needed. 5. Seek help if you need to When processing the loss of a friend, you may feel discouraged at your own state of mind and wonder how long will it take until the feelings subside. Because everyone’s process is different, there’s no standard answer to that question, but mental health professionals believe that you should seek help if there hasn’t been any improvement after 6 months. If this is your case, you can start by talking to your GP, who may refer you to a psychologist or to a grief counsellor. Takeaway: coping with loss is possible Loss is always hard to handle, and the intense emotions this experience triggers may stay with you for a while. In difficult times like this, you should be patient with yourself and understand that grieving is a process – difficult but possible to navigate. If you’ve recently lost a friend, try some of the practical steps outlined in this guide and feel free to comment on any other suggestions you may have. • Main image: shutterstock/Antonio Guillem happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Letting go | Courage | Learning | Self-care Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.
  19. Has anyone tried "ecstatic dance"? Or at least that the trend in Europe where you dance sober, wild and expressive. The music at those events doesn't really do it for me but generally speaking some free, wild, ecstatic dancing really has a stress releasing and freeing quality.
  20. When I want to make a project, I plan it a lot and sometimes I plan to much and it never gets done or it turns out it doesn't work as planned. Here is an example: About 17 months ago, I wanted to build a wooden box. Sure, you can buy a wooden box for like 5 bucks, but it would probably be some kind of spruce wood and it wouldn't be anything special. So I wanted to make a box from some nice wood like oak with hand stitched paddings and a hidden second chamber for a music box in the bottom. I could have started simple by nailing some planks together, but then I would not really like it and build a better box anyway. So why not build the better box now? I spent a year deciding for the right wood, deciding for the right connection so you wouldn't see any end grain, I got to know all kinds of oiling, varnishing, staining and so on. Then I splitted the first plank in half and noticed, 10 mm thick wood would bend by itself because of stress in the material and so the whole project didn't work. Since I don't have any kind of wood plane or CNC machine, there was no way to get the wooden planks in shape for the project. It was very frustrating to get this result after all the planning, especially because a wooden box is available for just 5 bucks. Do you guys have some advice, how to learn things like building a box without this kind of overthinking? I would still like to do it, just don't really know, where to start
  21. "People like me (maybe I explained more what "people like me" are in a seperate topic) can't reduce the mental stress with meditation or similar directly. we need an outlet to relieve stress." When the ego cannot be eliminated in meditation, it is difficult to reduce mental stress with meditation. So a guided meditation connecting you with your I AM Presence could help.
  22. When you start feeling restricted by the mental stress and you don't know a way out, yes. Unfortunately, this year there are long waiting times, because a lot of people suffer from depression because of the pandemic. Yes. In the past it was a lot more common to be married, to have a family and people around you. Nowadays there are more single people and most people want to be independent. That makes it harder to find people to talk to about this stuff.
  23. I experienced by myself that mental stress can be very dangerous. And if the mental stress is too heavy it affects my whole energylevel and at a mental breakdown I won't get up from bed. People like me (maybe I explained more what "people like me" are in a seperate topic) can't reduce the mental stress with meditation or similar directly. we need an outlet to relieve stress. In my case it's blogging. And our societies should be more serious with mental stress and health.
  24. I'm not sure if I understand the question correctly. So let me know if you meant something different. There are different opinions about mental stress. Some people say: "Be a man, be strong, don't show weakness", some other people say: "A real man shows feelings.". In my opinion, everyone has problems or stressing periods in life. Some are smaller, some are bigger, but we all have some. We can't avoid them completely, so it's even more important, how we handle them. Repressing these feelings may help in the moment, but all the problems will accumulate over time until you get a mental breakdown. So my way is to have one best friend to share these things with, to get a second opinion, to solve these problems from the root and to move on. If you feel like you would like to talk about it and you dont know, who to talk to, you can text me if you want.
  25. @TajAgha123 With mental stress, do you mean stress caused by your mind? As stress is the body's response to a stressor such as an environmental condition or thoughts. Stress is the body's method of reacting to a condition such as a threat, challenge or physical and psychological barrier. A quick first help is conscious, long and deep breathing for a couple of minutes. If you have chronic stress it can cause severe bodily problems. In that case I recommend a more thorough intervention - for example MBSR (meditation-based stress reduction).
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