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Shadow work involves examining our personality flaws in an attempt to understand ourselves better. It's tough work but hugely beneficial. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 31 shadow work prompts you can ask yourself to get started with the practice. The Shadow is the part of ourselves, according to K. G. Jung, that represents our dark side. It holds all the morally reprehensible tendencies we wish we did not have. However, it also hides many of our qualities, capacities and potential. Shadow work means increasing awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Moreover, it requires you to become brutally honest with yourself and not criticize or condemn. You will need to practise self-compassion and learn to own your weaknesses, not project them onto others. Therefore, even though it may sound simple at first, shadow work is a quite psychologically challenging journey. For this reason, we may need some shadow work prompts to help us out on this road. This article will explain why you need them and what you get from shadow work prompts. We will talk about how to use these shadow work prompts and offer a few possibilities you might want to pick from when embarking on your psychological journey to self-awareness. Why do we need shadow work prompts? First, let us be clear on why we need to travel to the dark caves of our subconsciousness and search for the monsters there in the first place. Since you are reading this, I will assume you do have a desire to understand yourself better. You want to be a complete person. And to be one, you need to embrace all of your sides — the good and the bad. In Jung’s words, we may not become enlightened by imagining figures of light. We become enlightened by making the darkness conscious. “Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind.” And precisely here lies the reason why we need shadow work prompts. Our subconsciousness is uncharted territory for us. Scientific research demonstrated that our unconscious mind guides our perceptions, evaluation, and motivation. Even though others may notice the Bad and the Ugly in our actions, as a rule, we remain ignorant of what we hid from our consciousness. So, you need guidance on the path of personal investigation. Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind. How to use these shadow work prompts Shadow work is as distinctive as every individual. That is, there are no absolute rules you need to follow. It is your personal journey. You will do best if you follow the unique guides that appear on this path. Nonetheless, you should consider a few valuable tips for using shadow work prompts. First, take it slow. Shadow work prompts will take you into rather heavy topics. Remember, the Shadow is the side of yourself you are not keen on. So, to avoid ruminating for hours about what you discover about yourself, think about writing or meditating about one shadow work prompt at a time. Explore shadow work prompts with journaling At the same time, make shadow work a regular practice. Similarly to psychotherapy, this form of self-exploration requires commitment. Indeed, research shows that regularity is a necessary element of therapeutic growth. You may want to come up with a centring ritual as a beginning of your shadow work for the day. It can be anything from taking a walk, meditating, doing yoga, having a quiet cup of tea, or lighting a candle and saying an affirmation. Finally, trust your psyche to take you where you need to go. Shadow work prompts are likely to take you places you have tried to avoid for your entire life. Still, remember — to be whole, you need to recognise and accept every corner of your psychological existence. So, let the thoughts and words come to you. Write or think freely, without censorship. Things to hold onto while reflecting Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others. Such knowledge could shake your self-image, at least at the beginning of the process. Because shadow work is supposed to take you on a path of psychological growth (and not be an arena for self-loathing), remember to lean into these three core principles: • Self-compassion Be kind to yourself. What you are really learning is that you are a human, nothing more. No one person is perfect. Embrace the fact that you have flaws, and applaud your courage to look them square in the eye. • Passive observation Do not judge what you are learning about yourself. Simply recognize the thoughts and insights that are coming to you after you employ the shadow work prompts below. You are here to explore, not to moralise. It is precisely your attempt to comply with cultural, social and moral norms that caused the creation of the Shadow. • Honest reflection/documentation All the work you are about to do is not worth the time if you are not honest. Indeed, make sure you are completely honest. It will be a bit ugly at times. But the only way to make shadow work truly worthwhile is if you are frank with yourself. Answering shadow work prompts will reveal the devil inside shutterstock/ra2 studio 31 shadow work prompts At this point, decide if you are going to journal (which I recommend) or merely reflect on these shadow work prompts. Pick the time and the settings in which you will commit to shadow work. “Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others.” When you're ready, go ahead and delve into these shadow work prompts. Also, feel free to journal in freestyle whenever you feel like it. These prompts are meant to trigger your reflection and help you notice the areas in which the “monsters under your bed” might be hiding. So, a river of thoughts and associations may follow. Note down whatever you notice and let the process of self-discovery evolve on its own terms. Family and childhood shadow work prompts How are you similar to your mother, father and family members/caregivers? How does this make you feel? How did your caregivers comfort you when you were upset as a child? Do you do something similar when you or someone close to you is upset? What irritates you the most about your mother/father? Do you manifest the same trait, and when? Remember an event from your childhood that made you feel insecure, unloved or scared. In which situations do you feel similar, now as an adult? What is your most traumatic experience from childhood? How has this experience affected your actions and perceptions as an adult? Romantic relationships shadow work prompts Do you have patterns in your romantic relationships? Are/were you in a relationship that seemed familiar to that between your parents? Which of your father’s/mother’s traits do you expect from your romantic partners? Do you behave like your mother/father in romantic relationships? What do you not forgive in romance? Why? How do you behave when there is a conflict in your romantic relationship? Friendship and social relationships shadow work prompts What is your best friend like? Why did you pick them to be your best friend? What irritates you about others the most? What do others say about you that is not flattering? How much truth there is in that? In which situations are you misunderstood/disregarded/ignored? What valuable traits do others have, and you do not? What emotions are you afraid to show to others? Who do you hate to disappoint? Why? Self-image and behaviours shadow work prompts When did you not act like yourself? What made you act that way? When were you most embarrassed about yourself? Why? When were you in denial? What was the biggest lie you ever told? Why? What triggers you to act aggressively, to act out, to become disproportionally sad, to act impulsively? Do you feel like an imposter? In which situations? What is the worst thing you have done? Why? How do you feel about it now? When are you most envious? Why? Takeaway: freedom through self-acceptance Let me return to Jung’s quote at this point. In Modern Man in Search of a Soul, he wrote: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work prompts are there to take you to the place of wholeness and freedom. They may not be pleasant to go over. Still, know that no alive person is immaculate. Remember the other quote from Jung? To paraphrase — you will not become enlightened by ignoring the darkness. You need to bring the hidden monsters to light. Only then can you address what you do not like about yourself. Only then can you make choices to do better or to change. Freedom will come with the acceptance of who you are as a whole person. Learn the good, the bad and the ugly truths about yourself. Accept them and be free to be whoever you now choose to be. • Main image: shutterstock/Juice Flair happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Coaching | Self-help | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Can friendship goals help us create and maintain longstanding, enriched friendships? Sonia Vadlamani shows how to set and achieve best friend goals with the help of some examples. We meet different people along the journey called life, and while some leave, some stay in our lives as a part of the sojourn. However, not everyone we interact with on a daily basis can be considered a friend. Indeed, most of us have close associations that we classify further into groups as per their significance in our lives, like high-school and college friends, work-friends, hobby-friends, and then the chosen few who we consider as our “squad”; members of our core friendship group. Sadly, sometimes we tend to ignore our closest friends for far too long or end up taking their presence for granted. Indeed, friends are the family we choose willingly. A study conducted on nearly 280,000 individuals by Michigan State University in the US revealed that over time friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain friendships that matter to us. And friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish these crucial relationships. What are friendship goals? We’re social beings for the most part, and researchers agree we need closely bonded relationships – like friendships – to thrive. There’s no denying that our friends form a vital part of our lives. In addition to playing a larger role in boosting our well-being and happiness, friends also influence the way we perceive everyday situations, make decisions and our worldview. How to be a better friend: 9 ways to improve your relationship 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you How to be your own best friend: 8 ideas Indeed, there are different types of friends one can and should ideally have. But, it’s also true that we attach certain core values to our associations and seek friendships which best fulfill these values or ideals. Friendship goals comprise of ideals, values, activities or experiences that help us govern our relationships. In fact, the lack of clearly established friendship goals can result in estranged or strained relationships, because one or both the friends felt ignored or isolated. Why set friendship goals? Some of us believe that only romantic relationships in our lives require sustained efforts, and that maintaining friendships is practically effortless. No matter how easily we may make friends, and how easy these friendships may seem, all friendships require some degree of effort to sustain. Friendship goals: travel can reinforce friendship bonds Setting friendship goals can help you foster true friendships that can enrich your life, boosting your well-being and happiness levels. Furthermore, Robert Faris, professor at University of California highlights the role of stable friendships for fulfilment of one’s life goals, suggesting that those with reliable relationship networks are more motivated towards realizing their goals. Examples of friendship goals Friendship goals can vary for everyone, and there is no “one size fits all” approach possible that you can apply to all your friendships. However, the following examples can be used as a broad benchmark for formulating your own best friend goals. 1. Friendship goals for good friends “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant,” as the eminent philosopher Socrates stated. Though we may feel that we already know our friends inside out since forever, even the most enduring friendships are a result of continued efforts to uphold the relationship. “Friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain them – friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish crucial relationships.” Here are some examples of friendship goals you can set for your close friends, with the intent of maintaining the relationship forever: Take a keen interest in their lives – Taking your friends for granted and not being attentive to their needs can ruin the friendship. Inquiring about their day, remembering their birthdays and other important milestones, bearing their needs and preferences in mind are some of the ways to show that you care about your friends. Listen without criticism or judgment – Remember to listen mindfully as they discuss their dreams, struggles, hopes and aspirations and refrain from offering unsolicited advice. While constructive criticism on certain occasions can be helpful, avoid the temptation to shout “I told you so” too often. Instead, trust them to learn from their setbacks on their own, while offering constant support and encouragement. Show your appreciation – Be sure to appreciate every gesture and effort – grand and modest ones alike – that your friends have extended towards you. A simple acknowledgment in the form of “thank you” goes a long way to help build a lasting friendship. Spend quality time together – Yes, time is a sacred commodity which we seemingly can’t have enough of, given our fast-paced lives. Be that as it may, take the time to indulge in common interests or hobbies with your friends, like knitting, gardening, cooking or even exercising together. Make time for a movie night, chat over a cup of tea every so often or catch up over drinks and dinner regularly. Attending events that you find interesting together is also a great way to spend time together. Travel together – A 2019 analysis by researchers Xavier Matteucci et al revealed that traveling together can help reinforce close friendships through bonding and intimacy, quality time as well as “relational realizations” or a sense of learning through shared experiences. Traveling together can prove to be one of the most effective and enjoyable friendship goals. Improve and enrich with new knowledge – Learning new things together and helping each other discover new interests or skills can help foster stronger friendships. Additionally, setting academic achievements, personal milestones or just learning a new hobby together prevents the interactions from becoming monotonous or boring. Allow them their space – Lastly, while it may sound counterintuitive, being close friends doesn’t require you to be overly imposing or inseparable at all times. Researchers Helen Owton et al suggest that good friends can stand to benefit from being close but not too close and letting go periodically. Setting this friendship goal may require you to devise a careful balance between always being there for your friends yet allowing them to recharge in solitude as well as focus on their needs and priorities. The amount of space you allocate to each other will depend on your personalities, socializing needs and “me-time” requirements. 2. Friendship goals for long-distance friendships Here’s how you can prevent the physical distance from affecting your friendship: Keep each other updated – You may be living in different cities or continents apart. Still, it’s possible to keep in touch by taking an active interest in the various events in each other’s lives, new developments, goals, interests, etc. It's important to update each other regularly to feel connected with each other, no matter the physical distance. Utilize technology – A definite upside of the digital era is that we can stay connected with our friends with ease, thus furthering our friendship goals. In fact, a study by Karen L. Fingerman revealed the positive role of technology in aiding social connectedness and higher happiness levels. While it may not be practical or advisable to call your faraway friends every day, keeping in touch with the help of technology could help evoke a sense of connectedness and dissipate the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Videochat with faraway friends to maintain connection shutterstock/insta_goals Meet up whenever possible – Try to visit your friend or invite them to your place whenever possible. Alternately, you could chalk up travel plans for a favorite destination and bond as you continue to make new memories along the journey. 3. Friendship goals for colleagues/ work-friends Finding a friend in a co-worker can be a difficult task, especially in a competitive atmosphere. However, it is possible for workplace friendships to blossom with the help of some skillfully strategized friendship goals. Uphold their trust – Workplace environments can be competitive. It’s nice to know when you and your colleagues have each other’s backs. Indeed, you may even make new work-besties with this supportive attitude. Motivate and inspire each other to aim higher and succeed together for nurturing a longstanding relationship. Help each other set and fulfill goals – Instead of harboring negative feelings like jealousy and resentment, encourage mutual growth by recognizing each other’s unique strengths, and set growth goals accordingly. Sit down with your workplace buddies to track and review these goals together on a weekly, monthly, and annual basis. Socialize after work – Friendship goals can extend beyond routine workplace interactions. Meeting up after work to discuss your day over a drink or socializing with each other’s families can cement the friendship further. How to set friendship goals Before you set out to draw elaborate plans or strategies for setting your friendship goals, it's important to understand which values, ideals or experiences matter the most to you. Start by determining what you look for in your friendships, and what makes a friendship goal ideal for you. For example, do you seek friendships with like-minded individuals and those with shared interests, as opposed to those who have extremely diverse interests than you? Once you have your preferences figured out, proceed to set actionable, timebound goals. Be sure to involve your friends in this process and take their inputs as well. After all, friendship is a two-way street built upon mutual efforts. Be sure to make these friendship goals specific and realistic as well, as it’s easy to get carried away or overwhelmed in the process. Resist the temptation to go overboard – it’s wiser to opt for practicality over thoroughness. RELATED: Goal setting – using SMART goals for motivation and success It's essential that you review your goals periodically, in order to track and measure your progress. These goals can be further categorized into daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals, to enable hassle-free tracking. Attaching a deadline for each of these categories may sound strict but it can keep you more accountable and driven towards acting upon them. Takeaway: friendship goals Indeed, friendships are unusual, voluntary relationships that we enter willingly, and hence we also need to put in the efforts required on our behalf to maintain these relationships. Setting friendship goals in place can enable us to treasure and benefit from these relationships for the foreseeable future, through consistent efforts. • Main image: shutterstock/Cookie Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Empathy | Communication skills | Loneliness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why friendships matter, how to sustain them, and gives nine simple ways for us to become better, more dependable friends. Friendships are some of the most unique and fulfilling formative relationships we enter voluntarily and experience in our lives. Research suggests that friendships play a vital role in our quest to lead a happy, purpose-driven life. Indeed, having fulfilling friendships can mean better overall health, greater life satisfaction and higher happiness levels. Building and maintaining robust social connections can also keep loneliness at bay, making us less vulnerable to conditions such as stress, depression and anxiety. However, despite our best efforts, some friendships may fail if we begin to suspect that a friend doesn’t really care about us. Sometimes, we may get caught up with our own lives and forget to check up on our friends. At other times, we may have known some friends for such a long time that we may end up taking them for granted. Or, if you’re anything like me, you may be an introvert who feels awkward about expressing how much your friends mean to you. In fact, friendships cannot sustain themselves while being overlooked or taken for granted. Indeed, healthy friendships are a result of careful nurturing with consistent, conscious efforts on our behalf. Furthermore, if you find it difficult to make new friends as an adult, then having a sparse buddy count may hamper your quality of life. So, discovering how to be a better friend is really important for our well-being and happiness. How to be a better friend: 9 tips There's a popular saying that goes: “In order to have friends, you must first be one”. If you’re thinking that perhaps you're not always the best buddy and are wondering how to be a better friend, cultivating these nine habits on a regular basis will help you get closer to your goal. 1. Prioritize and be attentive Given the hectic pace of life for most of us nowadays, time is one of the greatest gifts we possess. So, making time for those who matter to us is one of the most fundamental ways to be a better friend. Despite busy schedules, caring friends always make time to catch up with their pals and keep track of new developments in their lives, moods, thoughts, hopes and dreams. It’s OK to want to meet even without a specific agenda sometimes, even if it’s just to spend some time together over a cuppa or a movie. One-sided friendships are really not healthy, so learn to take an active interest in your friends’ lives. If they have an important event coming up, remind yourself to send them a message wishing them good luck on the day. Bringing thoughtful gifts from your travels, dropping homemade meals when they’re feeling a bit under the weather, and making sure to ask back “how about you?” when they’re checking in on you are some ways to show that you value their friendship and care for their well-being. How to be a better friend? First, listen more 2. Master the art of mindful listening One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations. When you find your friend struggling with a problem, your first instinct may be to urge them to cool down or indicate that the problem isn’t worth getting upset about. However, this instinct of yours may make your friend feel unsupported or ignored. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • “When people are upset, it matters less what you tell them than what you enable them to tell you,” reveals Mark Goulston, business psychiatrist and the author of Just Listen. Simply ask your friend clearly if they need to vent out or if they need your advice. Next, listen with complete attention, while withholding your judgment. Offer constructive advice or work together towards a solution only after your friend is done getting their feelings off their chest. While this approach may seem challenging at first, your friends will feel validated and appreciate you for listening mindfully. 3. Empathize more Practising empathy is a surefire way to be a better friend, according to research. Our fast-paced lives and the social distancing norms triggered by the coronavirus may leave us increasingly stressed and detached from others around us. However, having empathic friends can help relieve stress to a great extent, according to a study by Sylvia A. Morelli et al at Stanford University. “One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations.” While empathy is largely an intuitive trait, it can be inculcated by picking up visual cues as well. Developing the skill to look at the world around us from multiple perspectives and respecting the standpoint of others – even if it’s completely contrary to ours – can actually help us empathize better with others. RELATED: Radical empathy – what is it and what are the benefits? 4. Be honest and trustworthy While we will always have different types of friends in our lives, we all appreciate having a “tell it like it is” kind of friend. Being genuine and standing up behind your promises and commitments is markedly one of the ways to be a better friend. Indulge in honest, positive communication, albeit tactfully and with kindness. At the same time, trust that your friends have your back when you need them. If you ever feel the need to correct your friend regarding a decision or action of theirs, try being honest while respecting their boundaries. A good friend will appreciate your honesty and understand the trust you place in the relationship by expressing your reservations. 5. Celebrate their wins Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend. After all, we all love it when people we value and care about the most stand along with us to celebrate our triumphs. Sometimes, others’ wins may cause us to evaluate where we stand in regard to our goals and accomplishments in life. As tempting as that may seem, shrug away any misgivings and resentment you may feel, avoid falling into the comparison-trap and choose to revel in the accomplishments of your friends. Celebrate when a friend has success shutterstock/Lucky Business 6. Be supportive and open-minded If we review our relationships, we’ll find that our most-valued friendships always offer plenty of room to accommodate the various challenges in our lives. Showing up in support for your friends when they’re facing a bump in the road is one of the most caring ways to be a better friend. DISCUSS: Qualities of a best friend – what's most important? “Good friends support us, give us space to be ourselves and make mistakes, and they respect boundaries,” suggests therapist Jinnie Cristerna. Being open-minded and remaining unbiased also communicates that you trust your friend’s decision-making abilities enough to not cloud their judgment with your reservations. 7. Encourage and challenge One of the greatest ways to be a better friend is to offer your pal genuine encouragement towards achieving their dreams. In addition to backing their goals, don’t be afraid to throw in an occasional challenge, if you feel that it would offer them a push in the right direction. “Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend.” I’m thankful to a dear friend of mine who once challenged me to document my healthy eating journey in a way that was helpful for others who mistook that being healthy required them to eat boring meals. This is how my food and fitness blog started, as she recognized my ability to inspire others to lead a healthy, happy life without facing burnout. At the same time, I understood that her advice had originated from a place of love and respect and that she genuinely wanted me to succeed. 8. Don’t shy away from saying ‘I’m sorry’ While admitting a mistake is sometimes incorrectly thought of as admitting weakness, owning up to one’s mistake is actually a sign of strength and emotional maturity. It means that you have the humility and courage to admit that you messed up and value the friendship enough to make amends. Possessing the ability to admit your mistake and apologizing when you’re in the wrong is undoubtedly one of the most effective ways to be a better friend. 9. Express your gratitude more often Studies show that gratitude can play a key role in keeping us more invested in our relationships, thus strengthening our friendships. Life can be a rough ride sometimes, and we often realize the true power of friendship when we’re going through a difficult patch. Indeed, my struggle with COVID-19 made me realize just how important it was to always have close, reliable friends who always look out for you no matter what and that always have your best interests in mind. Developing an attitude of gratitude can help us find joy in every gift that life offers us, including our enriching friendships. Never miss an opportunity to tell your friends how grateful you feel about having them in your life, and how they enhance your life in several ways. Round-up: how to be a better friend It’s true that being a good friend requires some focused work and dedication on our behalf. However, the perks of finding your tribe and maintaining friendships are worth the effort. Keep working on the ways to be a better friend, and you may find significant improvement in your quality of life and happiness levels. • Main image: shutterstock/HIV in view happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member?Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, introvert hangovers are a real thing. Sonia Vadlamani discusses ideas on how to recognize introvert burnout and explains six ways to avoid it happening in the first place. If you’re an introvert, you're likely to have experienced the so-called introvert hangover at least once in your life, even if you didn’t realize you were dealing with it. Also referred to as a social hangover, an introvert hangover is a result of an excessive dose of socializing. Sometimes even a few hours of socializing, like a lunch date with friends in a noisy restaurant or attending a large social event, can leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, even though the people around you show no signs of slowing down. Indeed, you are not alone, and most introverts, including me, experience this feeling. Although social hangover can happen to anyone, introverts are particularly susceptible to it as they reach their dopamine threshold relatively easily when compared to extroverts. Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover. What is an introvert hangover? An introvert hangover can be described as that tired, drained, foggy and overwhelmed state we experience when we’ve overdone socializing and feel the need for some alone-time for recharging. Introvert hangover can happen due to overstimulation from a series of closely-timed events that you were a part of, like weddings or a concert, a group activity, or even a Zoom call. A common misconception about introverts is that they’re shy, or they don’t like people. This simply isn’t true, as introverts do crave human connection as well. “Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert – but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world,” explains psychologist Mike Dow. Too much social time may lead to an introvert hangover As an introvert, while I feel the need for meaningful interactions with friends and family, I do find myself getting quickly saturated and mentally exhausted if there’s too much noise, or if the group suddenly gets bigger, leading to too many conversations to keep a track of. In midst of the socializing if I’m finding myself growingly irritable, or plain zoned-out and retreating into a quiet corner, I know it’s proving too much for me in the moment. Some key signs that you’re experiencing social exhaustion can be: Feeling detached from ongoing conversations around you Feeling numb or dejected Developing a headache or a migraine Growing irritability as time progresses Having trouble concentrating Fatigue and tiredness Experiencing conditions like stress, anxiety and depression Prolonged social hangover can result in a following introvert burnout, which can leave one feeling drained for longer periods… hours even, or sometimes for several days in a row. Avoiding introvert hangovers An introvert burnout can be a terrible phenomenon to experience. Fortunately, it is possible to avoid the fatigue you may experience after a social event with these simple steps: 1. Accept who you are Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes that it’s essential for introverts to embrace their true selves and be confident about the same. This will help introverts to reach out and interact with others from a place of acceptance, instead of a societal compulsion that they should socialize more often. 2. Identify your triggers There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to combating an introvert hangover, as every individual has their own triggers and socializing capacity. While a single virtual work meeting can end up triggering introvert burnout in some, others may feel exhausted from attending several social events back-to-back. “Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover.” Observing what your triggers are and the pace at which your energy levels deplete each time you socialize is key. It can enable you to customize your social engagements and plan social events when you’re energized and ready to handle them. 3. Customize your social events Sometimes, you could have had a busy day and then have events and activities lined up later that you genuinely want to be a part of or can’t back out of. Consider altering your plans in a way that allows you to derive the maximum value from the events without draining your mental batteries. For example, attending a concert a bit later after the opening act is over, or leaving a party early could prevent an introvert burnout later. I love visiting art galleries and museums when I travel, but I don’t like crowds. So, I schedule these visits for weekdays or early hours when there are fewer visitors. This gives me the freedom to spend more time gazing at the exhibitions and learning about the artist’s process, without needing to stand in a queue for hours or putting up with noisy crowds. 4. Balance socializing with alone-time “Company and solitude are like nutrients: we all need both of them, but in varying amounts,” explains Martha Beck, sociologist, life coach and the author of The Way of Integrity. Like everyone, introverts feel the need for meaningful relationships and nurturing friendships. However, it’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and their recharge-time, so that they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout. Choosing quality over quantity could prove to be a wiser approach instead of saying ‘yes’ to every social event, as cramming your schedule with too many social events could leave you exhausted. Prioritize interactions which are more important to you and avoid the social events that are likely to drain your energy reserve at a faster pace. Introverts need to balance social time with alone time shutterstock/Galyna Andrushko 5. Be honest and specific with people As the old saying goes, honesty is always the best policy. Communicate your need to recharge yourself, or the preference for number of people you’re meeting, the location etc, in a specific albeit constructive manner. Instead of saying “I can’t talk right now” or “umm, let’s meet some other day”, convey your needs and feelings more coherently like, “I’m on recharge mode and would like to be alone today”, or “I realize this group hangout has now shaped into a full-blown party. I’ll have to leave a bit earlier as it’s too much for me”. Indeed, positive communication ensures that others understand your socializing preferences and needs and try to accommodate these to the best of their ability. However, if you don’t tell your friends about how over socializing burns you out, they may think you are being rude or difficult if you vanish from an event or keep turning down invitations, so make sure that doesn’t happen. 6. Take timely micro-breaks Sometimes it may be difficult for you to back out from a social event, like an office party or a vacation with several family members or friends. Similarly, you may not want to miss out on important social commitments, such as a friend’s wedding. Opt for periodic, small breaks in scenarios where you need to attend numerous events within a short span. For example, you could find a quieter spot nearby to practise some conscious breathing alone to soothe your nerves, or take a short stroll near the event venue to clear your mind. How to recover from introvert burnout Recovering from an introvert hangover is possible, even though it may seem at the time like you’ve hit a brick wall and there simply isn’t possible to pave your way back to socializing. Here are some ideas to offer you much-needed relief: Tell yourself it’s OK An introvert hangover can last anywhere between few hours to few days, depending on the severity of the exhaustion and it’s okay. There is no need to feel guilty or apologetic about your need for some solitude. After all, introverts are at their optimal best when they’ve taken the time to recharge with some alone-time and introspection. Prioritize your alone-time “Feelings are information,” says Dow. Experiencing the signs of introvert hangover denotes that you may have overdone socializing and haven’t spent time alone with your thoughts for a long time. An introvert recharge-mode consisting of some quiet self-reflection can go a long way to heal your social burnout, as well as to ready you for your next social engagement. Jenn Granneman, founder of IntrovertDear.com, a community for introverts, and author of The Secret Lives of Introverts refers to the introvert-reward connection established by researchers, emphasizing the importance of spending some time alone for introverts. Devise a downtime schedule Indulging in hobbies like knitting, painting or fishing, or immersing yourself in your favorite self-care activity, can help speed-up the recovery from a social hangover. Try a DIY spa treatment – a luxury facial or a manicure may lift your spirits with ease. Grab your favorite book and read through your favorite parts again. For me, it’s a warm cup of a soothing tea, a cozy spot where no one can disturb me much, and curling up with one of the Harry Potter titles that does the trick. The key here is to create a calming and low-stimulus environment so you can recharge your mental batteries. Rewatching your all-time favorite movie, a comforting bowl of ice cream, or playing with your furry friends to channel the healing power of pets can also help you achieve this goal. Meditate Meditation helps you shake off the anxiety of socializing by enabling you to slow down, clear your mind and relieve stress. There are several skills you can learn through meditation, like cultivating silence, physical relaxation, and self-compassion, which can bolster your ability to combat introvert burnout in the longer run. “It’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and recharge, so they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout.” Introverts may benefit from meditating more often than once, even for durations as less as 5 minutes, as this can keep them focused and grounded. There are different types of meditation from which you choose a form that suits your needs and lifestyle the best. Sweat it out Exercise can be an effective coping tool for introverts. Research shows that introverts are more prone to mental stress and anxiety, and researchers agree upon regular exercise as an effective strategy for stress management. Working out can help you relax and unwind, in addition to offering you some much-needed ‘me-time’ following an introvert hangover. Exercise need not be boring: taking long walks or a hike along the woods, engaging in wild swimming, jogging or running at the park or lifting weights at the gym are some ways to sweat it out and benefit from the happiness hormones resulting from your workout. Takeaway: avoiding introvert hangover While introverts do enjoy the company of others, they can find socializing for long hours at a stretch challenging and overstimulating. Avoiding overbooking your social calendar, taking mini-breaks between stretches of vigorous social activity, and communicating your recharge-time needs in an honest manner can go a long way towards preventing social hangover. Research shows that introverts appreciate the time to reflect and thrive when they get the time to recharge their mental batteries. Thus, indulging in rejuvenating activities such as meditation, spending time in nature with activities like forest bathing, unwinding with a restorative yoga practice, etc, are some ways to create some much-needed downtime after an introvert burnout. • Main image: shutterstock/Motortion Films happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Friendship | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.