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Could you be stuck in the happiness trap? Trying to pursue joy at all times? If so, it's time to stop. From practising gratitude to reaffirming your values, these five science-backed tips from Ed Gould will help you to become satisfied with how your life already is. Accepting that you feel happy enough, as opposed to constantly pursuing an idea of what happiness might be, is the route many now choose to discover greater well-being. Indeed, this is the key idea behind escaping the so-called 'happiness trap'. Remember that old REM hit, Shiny Happy People? In it, the lyrics encouraged you to put “it in your heart” where “tomorrow” and “gold and silver shine”. OK, let's not set too much store by a pop song, but it illustrates something important about modern culture: happiness seems to be shiny, attractive and – like gold and silver – material. Now, a jangly pop anthem may not be the best route to understanding what happiness is, but it does suggest the way many people still think about it. However, the pursuit of happiness can often lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap. Let's have a look at what it is exactly, how you can identify the extent to which you might have fallen into it and – perhaps most importantly of all – the five main ways you can escape the happiness trap. The misguided pursuit of happiness According to Greek philosopher Aristotle, happiness involves activity and exhibiting virtue, but the word he chose to describe it was 'eudaimonia'. Often translated as 'happiness', this term is probably better described as 'human flourishing'. We seem quite removed from that sentiment when you consider how contemporary mass culture depicts happiness. Think of all the happy messages the mainstream media bombards us with to begin with. Indeed, ask yourself how many times a day that you might hear that you can be happy – will be happy, even – if only you choose these clothes, that form of transportation or those beauty products. Don't shop 'til your drop: escape the consumerism happiness trap There again, the pursuit of happiness might be marketed as being concurrent with the pursuit of other goals. For example, you may have heard you'll be happy if you pursue your youth – with an anti-wrinkle cream, of course. Or that you'll be happy if you pursue greater wealth by choosing one investment product over another. However, eudaimonia has little to do with any of that. Over the ages, spiritual leaders such as the Dalai Lama have taught us to abandon the relationship between happiness and material wealth. Bear in mind that it's not so much that increased material wealth won't bring you some sort of happiness or temporary life improvement, rather than the detriment it can cause to your perception of happiness. “Escape the happiness trap by setting aside time to recall moments of gratitude. Keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness.” And although the current generation of Westerners are, by and large, richer than ever before, the variation of how people perceive their level of happiness is still high, to say the least. The happiness trap: what is it exactly? Feeling unhappy or sad is perfectly natural and we all go through ups and downs with our mental health from time to time. However, a general malaise in your sense of happiness may reveal that you are, indeed, stuck in the happiness trap. Furthermore, if you think your personal happiness ties in with the images you might see on TV or in lifestyle magazines, then that's another sure sign. Equally, if you're constantly comparing the level of happiness you feel with that which you perceive in your friends, family, neighbours and colleagues – known as 'keeping up with the Joneses' – then this may also indicate your entrapment of a false perception of happiness. Escaping the happiness trap: 5 strategies Identifying and accepting the state of being happy enough is the key to escaping the happiness trap. If you feel happy enough, then you won't feel the need to carry on pursuing the false idols of materialism. However, deciding to feel happy enough may be easier said than done given our materialistic culture. Indeed, a 2003 psychological study by Schooler, Airey and Loewenstein suggested that pursuing happiness as a goal was doomed to failure anyway. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) Thankfully, Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky and others offer some useful cognitive and behavioural tips that offer you the best chance of avoiding that empty sensation of not feeling happy enough. So, here are five key techniques you can employ to help you escape the happiness trap. 1. Positive mentality strategies Writing can have a beneficial effect on the way we think about a range of circumstances, including the way we feel about happiness. However, it's not the only positive mental strategy that you can use in a self-regulatory manner. Positive thinking about oneself can come in other reflective forms. Take a look back through old photos of heart-warming and cheerful life events. Or you might prefer to talk about your happiest and unhappiest moments in life with a loved one. RELATED: Future self journaling Another possibility is to have a discussion about your life goals for the future with your partner or a trusted friend. By focusing positivity in this way, you naturally engage less with shorter term aspirations and material objectives. Escape the happiness trap with family time shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 2. Set aside time for gratitude With so much that contributes to modern life pointing you towards the happiness trap, it's a good (and simple) idea to set aside time to recall moments of gratitude. By doing this regularly, you're much better positioned to see past the short-term nature of such messages and to keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness. For instance, keep a gratitude journal where you count your blessings, such as the love of people close to you or your general health. In addition, writing letters of gratitude can help to reorientate your perspective on what really counts. There's something about the mental activity that goes on during the act of writing that helps to rebalance our cognitive processes and application of this can shape your feelings surrounding happiness. RELATED: The attitude of gratitude – 6 reasons how it will change your life 3. Be altruistic Studies have shown that practising altruism can help you to feel more satisfied and enable you to find happiness. Helping you to understand what is good about your life, altruistic acts are also of benefit to their recipient. Simply making the decision to be kinder and more understanding in your everyday interactions is a good first step. Once you start practising altruism regularly, you'll soon start feeling the power of kindness. “The pursuit of happiness can lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap.” You might consider doing something practical, too, such as donating your blood. Or, by routinely committing to random acts of kindness or trying to make a loved one happy, you'll end up feeling more empowered about how happy you feel and less reliant on what other people think about you. The happiness trap: evolution of the human mind © YouTube/Dr. Russ Harris 4. Reaffirmation of your values Refocussing on your most important values is another key step in accepting the level of happiness you feel. Think of it like restating your marriage vows – if you ever made them, that is – as a means of getting back to basics. By reaffirming the true person that you are, it becomes possible to shake off sometimes years of misguided happiness that has become more and more reliant on a false idea of perfection: one that's modelled on an 'ideal' life as depicted in modern culture so much. Take a step back to focus on what makes you tick and reaffirm your commitment to it. 5. Savour every moment of life By taking the time to savour positive experiences in life, rather than rushing on hedonistically to the next chance of happiness, you're more likely to enjoy the moment. Think of a greedy diner who, enjoying their food, gulps it all down rapidly only to feel disappointed quickly afterwards, compared with someone who savours every mouthful. Both will consume the same amount of food but gain very different experiences from their meal. So, take your time and slow down. See the whole picture. Be mindful about everything. Focus on the positivity of any given situation in order to feel happier in yourself. The happiness trap: conclusions Modern life and the pursuit of joy makes it easy for humans to get stuck in the happiness trap. And, in this era of social media, it's harder to escape comparing your life, experiences and possessions with that of your friends or complete strangers. But, by following our tips based around CBT, you can start to reframe your thoughts and activities to become more satisfied with what you have in life, and – more importantly – who you are. ● Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Coaching | Acceptance | Learning | Self-care Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Feeling connected to others in a world that's increasingly individualistic may seem challenging, but as Dee Marques explains, there are some simple intimacy exercises you can use to develop stronger bonds, deepen connections, and improve the quality of your relationships. There's little doubt that humans are social beings. Feeling close to others contributes to our overall feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Indeed, there are plenty of studies that confirm this from a scientific point of view. In fact, scientists believe our brains are hardwired to be social and that our development as a species relied on our ability to maintain strong bonds. But although we live surrounded by people, loneliness and isolation are still some of the biggest social challenges of the 21st century. Indeed, researchers have noted that one can have a wide social network and interact regularly with others and still feel lonely or disconnected. This suggests that intimacy is a key factor in the development of meaningful connections with others. So, here are five easy intimacy exercises that can help deepen the connection you have with your partner and all the other important people in your life. 1. Meditation Meditation is a fabulous tool that can help you achieve greater awareness and connection with the world that surrounds us. Several studies have found that regular meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy. According to these studies, there are several reasons why meditation works: first of all, meditation makes us more accepting of our own flaws, so we can easily become more forgiving of others. Secondly, meditation improves our ability to separate thoughts from emotions and makes us less 'reactive', so we can continue working on developing closeness, despite ups and downs in our relationships. Meditation helps deepen connections with others Shou-yi is a lesser-known form of meditation that comes from the Taoist tradition. The name itself means “to embrace the one”, so it's easy to see why this intimacy exercise can help deepen a connection with others. Shou-yi brings to the forefront of your mind the fact that in one way or another, we are all interconnected and interdependent. This technique is also known as “quiet sitting” and involves contemplative meditation based on Taoist philosophy: Sit down with your back straight Visualise the five 'yin organs', or bodily parts where energy resides: the liver, heart, spleen, lungs and kidneys. This could be compared to a body scan meditation, where you focus on one body part at the time Each yin organ has a colour associated to it. Liver is azure, the heart is a vivid red, the spleen is yellow, lungs are white and kidneys are dark blue. Focus on the relevant colour as you move through each body part According to Taoist scriptures, these colours also correspond to the five elements: wood (azure), fire (red), earth (yellow), metal (white) and water (dark blue) Visualize the flow between body parts, colours and elements The goal of this technique is to achieve a deep insight into oneness and bring a deep sense of harmony between humans, the earth and the cosmos. Once you are in the 'oneness mindset', it becomes easier to look at the forest instead of getting distracted by the trees (other people’s habits and traits that bother us). After all, there is a reason why Taoist philosophy has been used for peacebuilding and conflict management purposes. 2. Loving-kindness meditation A second intimacy exercise to help deepen connection is loving-kindness meditation (LKM). The ultimate goal of LKM is to strengthen compassion, love and appreciation for other beings, so it's an ideal technique to improve intimacy. RELATED: How to improve intimacy – 9 techniques to try A study of people who practised loving-kindness meditation for six weeks showed a reduction in the negativity levels of their relationships. Furthermore, participants reported having a stronger support network and felt increased happiness. The technique is also simple: Find a quiet space and choose a comfortable position Create a mantra, which should include good wishes towards others (for example: "May I be happy, healthy and free from harm. May you be happy, healthy and free from harm") Repeat the mantra in six stages: first direct it towards yourself, next towards someone who has had a positive effect in your life, then towards a relative or friend, next towards someone you feel neutral or have an occasional conflict with, then towards someone you dislike, and lastly, towards all beings While you repeat the mantra, picture those good wishes physically going from you to other people Here's another example of a loving kindness meditation by Jack Kornfield 3. Gratitude The third exercise is writing gratitude letters. Letting people know we value them and care for them can improve our relationship with others, since we become more likely to overlook people’s flaws, lessening any chance of conflict and helping us achieve a better appreciation of other people’s value. Gratitude letters can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person. This intimacy exercise has a strong impact on the quality of the relationship, as well as a lasting effect that can span several weeks, as shown by studies at the University of Pennsylvania. Even if you don't send the letter, putting your gratitude in writing makes you more aware of your positive emotions and is bound to make you feel closer to others. “Writing gratitude letters as an intimacy exercise can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person.” Gratitude letters work because when we direct our attention to gratefulness, we automatically divert it from toxic or negative emotions. And as some researchers have found, the benefits multiply over time, since cultivating an ongoing gratitude practice causes changes in brain activity in areas related to decision-making, meaning that there is a link between gratitude feelings and how we act towards others. Say thanks: gratitude letters are a great intimacy exercise 4. Getting to know you exercise The fourth method on deepening connections is a 36-question exercise that you can use to understand others better and get a better picture of who they truly are. For this intimacy exercise, you'll need to set at least 45 minutes aside and take turns asking the questions that you can find here. RELATED: 6 types of intimacy and how to cultivate them Research at US universities has shown that this exercise is effective in helping deepen connection and closeness between people. This is because the exercise relies on mutual self-disclosure as opposed to small talk. Furthermore, it requires both sides to open up, providing a safe environment where there's no fear of feeling vulnerable or one-sided. 5. Mindful listening Devoting time to properly listening to others (instead of simply exchanging views or acknowledging information) is one of the best ways of showing we care for them. Mindful listening is an intimacy exercise that can also help increase empathy, because in doing so we get to understand better other people’s motives, needs and fears, gaining a more accurate picture of who they are as human beings. “Meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy.” So, next time you have a conversation with a partner or friend, focus on what they're saying without judging or interrupting, and do your best to be present in the moment, being supportive and receptive. It's also useful to have some guidelines in mind: Suspend assumptions Suspend judgement Suspend status (communicate on an equal-to-equal basis) Honour confidentiality Honour silence Deep listening works because by not being judgmental and overlooking differences in opinion, others feel more inclined to trust us. Overall, mindful listening improves the quality of our relationships and sets a solid foundation for authentic interpersonal encounters. Listen and learn: deep listening equals deeper connections The benefits of deeper intimacy We live in a society that's increasingly individualistic, so it's always good to remember the benefits of crafting a deeper connection with others and of cultivating intimacy in relationships. The benefits are both physical and emotional: being able to connect with others at a deeper level generates empathy, which has been proven to give a sense of purpose and to strengthen the immune system. Other studies show that stronger connectedness with others is a key component of our support system, can lower stress and anxiety levels, and has been linked to lower heart disease rates. Of course, lasting closeness, intimacy and loyalty will not come automatically. There is no magic pill when it comes to deepening your connection with others, but the five intimacy exercises we have discussed here are a good starting point that can help your enjoy richer and more meaningful relationships. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Relationship advice | Communication skills | Learning Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

In the new year many of us resolve to break bad habits and replace them with healthy ones. However, we often relapse quickly back into our old behaviour. Arlo Laibowitz explains how you can change this cycle, maintaining those healthy habits for longer and staying happier. Quitting smoking. Keeping a gratitude journal. Developing a mindfulness practice. Whether we want to break certain bad habits or create newer, healthy ones, the process can be complicated. Indeed, most of us have made resolutions to break bad habits in the past only to fall back into old patterns. So, how do we change this cycle? How do habits work? And what are the elements needed to break bad habits and create healthier ones? Well, popular belief has it that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, a study from University College London has shown that, in fact, it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on the complexity of the habit. Check out our video below for an explanation on how to break and create habits and continue reading the article for more tips. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Learn how to create healthy habits... and break destructive ones How are habits formed exactly? Habits are formed by the so-called 'habit loop'. The habit loop consists of: The Reminder (the trigger of the behavior). The Routine (the behaviour itself). The Reward (the benefit of the behaviour). So, to develop a healthy habit, do the following: Identify the routine around the habit. Isolate the cue or reminder that triggers the behaviour. Create behaviour chains and choose a (new) reminder. Create two lists; things you do every day, and things that happen to you each day. These lists will show you where and how to insert a new habit, in an “if-then” plan. Eliminate excessive options. Identify aspects of your life that you consider not that important, and then routinize those aspects, so that you have mental energy left to work on your habits. Choose a healthy habit that's easy to start with. Big changes in life happen as a product of daily habits, not the other way around. RELATED: Happy habits – 12 ways to boost joy daily Experiment with rewards. Create success and positive feedback loops when accomplishing your growing healthy habit for that day. Develop healthier habits with these nine steps shutterstock/becarra Make micro quotas and macro goals. Balance your desire-to-dream-big-goals with your day-to-day activities and possible quotas to get to your goals. When monitoring your habit, consider using tracking apps, or using a simple “yes-no-chart” that tracks how many days you have engaged in the healthy habit. Make a solid plan on how to break bad habits or create healthy ones and how to monitor them. Visualise the process instead of the outcome. Eliminate the “what the hell efect” or “ah-screw-its”. Find where things are susceptible to break down, and consider including an “if-then” plan to mitigate these moments. Studies have shown that certain healthy habits like making your bed, exercising, or keeping a journal, can keystone other habits. So, recognize a keystone habit that works for you, and use it to develop other healthy habits. Avoid falling back into bad habits To avoid falling back into our bad habits, or not succeeding in creating new, healthier ones, it's essential to recognise and counteract loopholes, like false choice loopholes, tomorrow loopholes, this-doesn’t count loopholes, fake self-actualisation loopholes, or one-time loopholes. “Choose a healthy habit that's easy to start with. Big changes in life happen as a product of daily habits, not the other way around.” Recognize these kinds of loopholes and counter them with “if-then” plans to strengthen your automaticity. Ultimately, breaking or creating habits help us in living the life we want to live. As author Gretchen Rubin put it, habits are “the invisible architecture of every life and a significant element of happiness.” Whether it's gratitude, mindfulness, connection, forgiveness, compassion, or any other happiness practice you seek to work on, the key is to form and sustain healthy habits. So, why not start with one today? ● What are the bad habits you want to break and what healthy ones do you want to replace them with? And how have you managed to break any bad habits successfully? Share your ideas with the happiness.com community below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Goal setting | Happiness | Healthy habits Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Extending happiness to those around us is likely to make us happier, too. Sonia Vadlamani explores ideas for spreading love and happiness, and the positive payoff this can deliver. Most of us wait for happiness to chance upon us, be it through a raise at work, finding love or a favorable event. Truth is, happiness is a choice and choosing to maintain a happy vibe constantly takes some dedicated effort and mental training on our behalf. However, what if it were easier to boost your levels of happiness by the way of simply spreading love and happiness around us? Researchers agree that happiness moves in clusters through groups of people and communities. Indeed, in our technology-driven and screen-obsessed era, sometimes we forget that it’s not all about us and that we may need to put back the love and happiness we expect to receive from the world. Therefore, it’s ideal to ingrain the message that happiness begets happiness, as having a more content social circle ensures that our own psychological needs are met with greater ease. Why spread love? “When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace,” said His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Indeed, spreading love and happiness can help us do better and feel better at the same time, as happier people are more helpful. Focusing on creating happiness for others also allows us to attract better outcomes for ourselves, inspiring us to follow our bliss and fulfill our purpose in life. Spreading love to others helps ourselves find peace, too Extending love to others can also aid us in resolving inner turmoil and letting go of resentment and hurt we may have harbored for a long time, enabling us to cultivate our authentic self. Spreading happiness is an effective way to counter negativity, avert hate and overcome prejudice through bridging our differences. 9 ways to spread love and happiness “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier,” advocated Mother Teresa, the Nobel laureate renowned for her missionary work with the underprivileged. Spreading happiness need not call for grand gestures or extravagant effort. In fact, committing to carry out random acts of kindness is one of the easiest ways to increase happiness around you, research suggests. Here are nine more research-backed suggestions for advocating love and happiness. 1. Strike up a conversation Humans are wired to reach out and seek connections, and the inability to form fulfilling social bonds can create ‘social pain’. This can affect our behavior and outcomes in the same capacity as physical pain, according to Matthew Lieberman, scientist and author of the bestseller book Social. Yet, it can be difficult to start a conversation with strangers, even if you’re simply doing it with the intention to be nicer. RELATED: How to keep connecting with strangers during the pandemic Striking a conversation – be it in the form of a casual complement to a stranger or a healthy discussion with a group of like-minded individuals – can be the key to spreading happiness, as it can put others at ease and establish a connection. It can possibly also help you tap into the power of friendship. However, remember to indulge in positive communication and being respectful, especially when conversing with strangers. 2. Listen without judgment Do you remember feeling supported and understood when you could vent your feelings without judgment and distractions from others? Indeed, offering someone our undivided attention and avoiding the temptation to jump in mid-flow to impose our perspectives can be an effective way of spreading love and happiness. “Spreading love and happiness can help us do better and feel better at the same time. Focusing on creating happiness for others also allows us to attract better outcomes for ourselves.” Sometimes, it helps to take a ‘helicopter view’ of a scenario and remind ourselves that everyone around us maybe going through a struggle of their own, unbeknownst to us. A withdrawn neighbor could be overwhelmed at work, a server who seemed preoccupied today could be dealing with adult bullying, or a friend who has lately been seeming reclusive might be trying to deal with their depression. Practising mindful listening enables us to withhold snap judgments and view a situation from a different, more helpful vantage point. Also, nurturing an age-gap friendship can be a great way to broaden our perspectives and drop any unwanted, pre-conceived notions we may have, in addition to building a mutual support system. 3. Express gratitude An attitude of gratitude can change our lives for the better, according to research. Expressing thankfulness and being appreciative of good things in our lives can help improve relationships with others, lower stress levels and enable better decision making. Choosing gratitude also allows us to cultivate an abundance mindset and tap into our intuition with greater ease. There are several effective ways to practise gratitude, which include keeping a gratitude journal, using visual reminders, formulating gratitude affirmations or simply incorporating gratitude yoga into your daily schedule. 4. Be supportive Our encouraging words and supportive behavior can create a butterfly effect on others, highlighting our ability to create a positive impact in their life. Practise offering constructive criticism whenever you wish to offer useful feedback, albeit in a compassionate manner. A simple hug can spread kindness and love shutterstock/BRO.vector Helping someone cope with holiday grief or somebody having a panic attack, being there for someone recovering from addiction are some of the ways of spreading love by being supportive. Indeed, the simple act of hugging can sometimes offer greater mental benefits than words of encouragement. 5. Indulge in small acts of kindness While volunteering and charity require you to offer your skills and resources for furthering a good cause, there are several easy ways to choose kindness every day, most of which don’t demand a lot of time or effort on your behalf. Spreading love is possible through small gestures, like leaving a bigger tip than expected, holding the lift door open for others, or offering a nutritious meal to a lesser-privileged person. 6. Practise self-compassion While we remember to acknowledge others’ needs and successes, we often forget to validate our own accomplishments. Spreading love and happiness becomes easier when you are kind to yourself and recognize your own worth fully well. Learning to embrace your imperfections and practising self-compassion is important for your well-being, as well as for spreading love around. 7. Stop worrying about others Sometimes, we mistakenly identify excessive worrying and attachment to an outcome as love. However, worrying keeps us hyper-alert against signs of threat. Unfortunately, excessive worrying also thwarts creativity, messes with our goals and can possibly result in trust issues. “Spreading love is possible through small gestures, like leaving a tip, holding the lift for others, or offering a nutritious meal to a lesser-privileged person.” I hail from an Indian family with relatively modern values and an independent outlook, yet it was typical for my parents to worry about my future, life-choices, academic performance and career, etc. While they meant well and assumed that all the excessive worrying was a manifestation of their love for me, I noticed that whenever my parents worried over me, my stress levels would rise. The first step in resolving this could be to stop misidentifying worrying as an expression of love, recognizing that it’s counterproductive, and could even lead to self-sabotaging relationships. I had to finally convince my parents that while I appreciated their kindness and caring, the weight of their worrying was far too burdensome and was adversely impacting my mental health. 8. Learn to relax Have you found yourself juggling too many roles, or nearing a burnout, perhaps due to uncertainty fueled by the COVID-19 pandemic? The key to spreading happiness could lie in devising a better work-life balance and making relaxation a part of your daily schedule as well. Introducing mindfulness at work and taking regular short breaks can aid in boosting your productivity levels and enable improved stress management. Reconnecting with nature periodically with something as simple as gazing at the stars, fishing or forest bathing can help you replace your worries with a sense of rejuvenation and wonder. 9. Learn a life skill (and then teach others) Spreading happiness is possible by using learning and teaching to connect with like-minded people. In fact, learning contributes to happiness and is a powerful way to build a strong network of people and resources. Teaching an essential skill like performing first-aid or CPR, or sharing your know-how regarding a simple hobby like gardening or knitting could make you better equipped to seek and provide social support. Takeaway: spreading love and happiness In the words of Buddhist activist Thich Nhat Hanh, “Learn the art of making one person happy, and you will learn to express your love for the whole of humanity and all beings.” Indeed, researchers point out that happiness is a contagion that can pass from one person to another, through large social networks. Since happiness is a collective phenomenon, spreading love and happiness can boost the well-being quotient for others as well as ourselves. • Main image: shutterstock/BRO.image happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Altruism | Compassion | Happiness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

The dark skies and cold leave many of us struggling to stay upbeat during winter. Discover five ways to boost your mood and lift your spirits during those harsh months. Sponsored content When winter sets in, many of us look forward to the holiday season and seeing loved ones. However, others dread the cold weather, dark nights, and the time of year in general. If you resonate with the latter, your mood can be affected by the season. To help you think and feel more positive during this time, here are five tips that will help to lift your mood during winter. 1. Reach out to loved ones When you’re not feeling yourself during the winter months, you may want to hide away from the world and stay inside alone. However, this won’t do your mood and well-being any favours. So, if you have loved ones nearby, try and make an effort to see them throughout winter. While the idea of being social may fill you with dread, speaking to friends and family is proven to lift your spirits and make you feel less isolated. In fact, staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. However, if you can't face seeing anyone in person, a quick phone call or Zoom/Skype chat can make all the difference to how you feel. And you never know: your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too! 2. Exercise During the chilly winter, you may prefer to snuggle on the couch and use the season as an excuse to put your feet up. However, if you’re feeling down and not like your normal self, staying inside will likely do you more harm than good. Instead, doing some exercise can be a great mood booster. This is because physical activity releases endorphins in the brain which can make you feel happier and healthier. Whatever exercise you like doing, taking 30 minutes out of your day to do some can spark real results. Exercise is a great endorphin boost shutterstock/Halfpoint 3. Eat healthily If you’re the type of person who sees the winter as an opportunity to indulge in comfort food, try and do so in moderation. This is because too much junk food isn’t going to do your mood (or health) any good. Simple measures like eating more good mood foods including fruits and veg can give you more energy and lift your spirits. No one is saying you have to give up the comfort foods you know and love altogether. Instead, be proactive in eating well-balanced meals, and make treats an occasional thing only. “Staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. And your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too!” 4. Try kombucha tea If you haven't already heard of it, kombucha tea is a fermented drink that's made up of tea, sugar, bacteria and yeast. Some scientific evidence suggests that kombucha tea can make you feel better, since the beverage contains probiotics, which can also promote a healthier immune system. RELATED: How to heal your gut – 11 ideas to restore belly health So, if you’re not feeling yourself over the winter months, trying kombucha tea may be the answer. As you learn the basics of kombucha, you will find it may have other surprising benefits too. These include improving digestion, strengthening your immune system and reducing blood pressure. Don’t just take our word for it; instead, pour yourself a cup and you may soon reap all the benefits and lift your spirits at the same time. Kombucha tea can lift your spirits shutterstock/zarzamora 5. Meditate If things are getting too much throughout winter and your mood is spiraling out of control, you may need some time away from the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Something as simple as meditating can do wonders for your mood. Regular meditation is scientifically-proven to reduce your stress levels, so practise regularly and you will start to feel more relaxed, calmer, and hopefully happier. Rather than dreading winter and everything that comes with it, there are lots of minor changes you can make that can boost your mindset and mood during the colder months. Try some of suggestions and hopefully you will be feeling brighter and happier. • Main image: Pexels happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Friendship | Healthy habits | Meditation

Science says that being nicer can boost our physical health as well as psychological well-being. Sonia Vadlamani offers nine suggestions on how to be a nicer person by incorporating more compassion, politeness and kindness into our daily lives. The idea of purposefully trying to be nicer could make some of us cringe, as sometimes we may confuse ‘being nice’ with pretending to be polite or feigning interest for the sake of seeming acceptable. This ‘induced niceness’ may, in fact, get quite burdensome very quickly, as it requires additional effort on one’s behalf to seem something they’re not feeling genuinely. However, in reality, nicer people are easier to be around, as they’re genuinely interested in what you think and do. Being nice translates into treating others as you may want to be treated, being empathic, anticipating and respecting others’ needs and feelings, and being kind. While it may be difficult to exactly define ‘niceness’, psychologists rely on the personality traits that we associate with it, like kindness, politeness, empathy, and thoughtfulness, etc. Researchers also point out that the major personality traits associated with ‘agreeableness’ such as kindness, compassion and politeness are also the aspects that we often consider as ‘being nice’. The benefits of being nice Being a nicer person entails prosocial behaviors such as extending kindness, sharing our happiness, respecting others’ vantage point on different issues, etc., which promote well-being and boost social connections. However, research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity as well. Indulging in acts of kindness results in release of happiness hormones such as oxytocin, which can improve heart health, regulate blood pressure and foster a greater sense of inclusion, according to researcher James Doty, M.D. at Stanford University. How to be nicer: helping with shopping is one easy way Being nice by way of kindness may also alleviate stress and offer faster relief from pain, as research indicates. Furthermore, niceness can also lower anxiety and boost relationship satisfaction for socially anxious individuals. How to be nicer: 9 ideas Indeed, being nice may not always be the easier choice. However, with mindfulness and dedicated practice, it’s possible to learn how to be a friendlier person. Here are some simple ideas that can help us incorporate niceness into our daily life. 1. Have more patience A study by researcher Sarah A. Schnitker suggests that patient people are better friends and neighbours, as they tend to be more impartial, more attentive and have a higher tolerance. Developing mindfulness, or the ability to stay in sync with what is happening in the present moment, can also enable you to reframe a situation, reevaluate your emotions and respond with improved patience, according to research. Practising mindful listening and cultivating patience is therefore one of the surest ways to be a nicer person. 2. Be less judgmental Learning how to be a nicer person may not be the easiest feat, but experts agree that casting judgements aside and learning to transcend our perceived differences through bridging can help us respect other people’s perspectives and acknowledge their viewpoints in a better light. Engaging in deep listening and positive communication, taking care to avoid social media outrage trap, and a regular meditation practice are some of the research-backed ways to cultivate deep empathy and avoid snap judgments. 3. Open up and show vulnerability Sometimes we shun the opportunity to open up and share our feelings with others, owing to the fear of being judged or compared. Researcher Dr Brené Brown describes this feeling as a vulnerability hangover, wherein one may experience regret or ‘emotional cringe’ upon revealing their feelings or thoughts to others. While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage and developing shame resilience can help you learn how to be nicer. “Research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity. Indulging in acts of kindness releases feel-good hormones.” "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences," explains Dr Brown. Being vulnerable enables us to develop radical empathy towards ourselves and others, thus opening us up to the possibility of making new friends and forming meaningful connections. 4. Look for ways to be helpful Reaching out and anticipating someone’s needs is an effective way to work towards being a nicer person. This can involve small gestures that do not cost a lot but can brighten someone’s day, like offering somebody your seat, or helping someone carry their groceries. Offering support or solicited advice to someone who may be feeling lost in life, dealing with depression, or struggling with grief or loneliness are some other ways to help out and show your friendly side. 5. Be polite and respectful Small gestures like being on time, saying “thank you”, being respectful online, or holding the elevator door open for strangers do not involve a lot of effort, but convey a positive tone and genuine interest on your behalf. However, take care to avoid the lure of lying to appear polite, as that would be a violation of trust. Instead, strive towards articulating your thoughts and convey your feelings in an open and honest manner, albeit respectfully. 6. Act with kindness The power of kindness is real, as we seldom forget an act of kindness bestowed on us, even as we may fail to recall other things. Nice people understand the ‘ripple effect’ that kindness creates, wherein the acts of benevolence inspire more people to extend the same kindness to others around them. You need not go out of your way every time to extend kindness. In fact, one can carry out random acts of kindness like running errands for an elderly neighbor or volunteering for a cause you genuinely care about. Don’t forget to choose kindness every day for yourself as well. After all, you can only truly learn how to be a nicer person through practising self-compassion and self-care. Helping out elderly neighbours is one way to be nicer 7. Practise forgiveness Forgiveness as a character strength can help you be a nicer person, in addition to improving overall well-being, as revealed by researcher Kathi L. Norman. Indeed, our inability to forgive can also result in trust issues and a tendency to self-sabotage relationships. Whether you’ve suffered a minor stumble or a major setback due to someone’s actions, words or thoughts, learning to forgive someone who caused you hurt and replacing these feelings with empathy, compassion and kindness can improve your mental and physical health, in addition to strengthening interpersonal relationships. “While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage can help you learn how to be nicer.” “Harboring unforgiveness breads negative thoughts,” says Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist. “Decide to let it go and make a plan to never go to bed angry,” she continues. Forgiving is a process and may not happen in a day but can surely improve our capacity for love and happiness. Setting your intention for forgiveness with a mantra like “I forgive you and release you” or “I forgive everyone for everything” can help you let go of the hurt amassed over time. 8. Share your happiness Happiness is contagious, as proven by research. An evaluation study conducted on 4,739 individuals revealed that our happiness is also determined by the happiness levels of others around us. Sharing our happiness can boost our mood and improve morale, in addition to encouraging fulfilling friendships. It is easier to be a nicer person when you have a positive outlook on life and when you understand that happiness is a choice that you can consciously make each day. 9. Be authentic Authenticity is a valued trait, especially in the current tech-obsessed era where we’re constantly being overwhelmed with the messages of how we ‘ought to’ appear, behave and live in an ideal manner. Cultivating your authentic self by honoring your core values and making your time matter can help you be a nicer person. Being authentic also enables us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Also, embracing our true selves allows us to act gracefully even in the face of criticism or adversity, as we realize our worth fully well. The takeaway: how to be nicer Being a nicer person does not mean encouraging a forcible semblance of it or appearing nice. Niceness also doesn’t require you to tolerate behavior that violates your core values or suppress your true feelings for the sake of seeming kind. On the contrary, people who are genuinely nice enjoy being authentic and showing empathy and compassion towards others. Genuine niceness nurtures a circular relationship with happiness. Being a nicer person can boost our mood and improve well-being, but research also demonstrates that an upbeat state of mind can further enhance our prosocial behavior and help us be nicer and kinder. Indeed, inculcating niceness as a habit is immensely rewarding. • Main image: shutterstock/DGLimages happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Altruism | Compassion | Happiness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

With so many books on meditation available, how do you pick the best one to suit your needs? Answer? Just listen to the advice of meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak: she's read them all. Discover the four themes she suggests to help guide you in the right direction. As a lifelong meditator and meditation teacher for ten years, I must have read a small library of books on meditation and spirituality. So, if you ask me, like many of my students have, “What’s the best book on meditation?” I would say, “It depends on why you’re interested in meditation.” Would you like to know how you can make meditation part of a healthy, everyday routine? Are you tired of emotional patterns that hold you back? Do you have a yearning to understand the perennial spiritual questions such as “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” With these questions in mind, I’ve divided this list of the best books on meditation into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you’re currently looking for or interested in. You can come back to reading the other books as you progress on your meditation journey. Lay back and discover the best books on meditation These days there are many apps and podcasts about mindfulness and meditation out there to guide you through exercises step by step. They’re a wonderful way to get a taste of different meditation styles and practices. But if you want to have a fuller picture of meditation – what it is, how it works and how it is relevant to you and your life – books on meditation could be the best place to begin. Firstly, what is meditation exactly? Each of our pick of meditation books in this list will answer this question, in slightly different ways. But don’t let those differing perspectives worry you! The versatility of meditation is one reason it has been an enduring, worldwide practice for hundreds of years. The best definition of meditation is: it's a practice to help you see and understand yourself in an increasingly complete way. It’s a practice, that can have many forms, that invites you to closely and compassionately investigate your body, mind and spirit. “This list of the best books on meditation is divided into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you're interested in.” The central idea is that we are much more than our usual day-to-day stream of activities, plans, thoughts and emotions. Everyday living is always at the centre of true meditation, treated with kindness and respect, while going on a journey to discover what else we are. The journey is a loving, clear-eyed way to answer the age-old questions of your identity and purpose in life. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Big questions, aren’t they? And meditation teachers through the ages, who you can learn from in these books, will tell you it’s possible for each of us to find genuine answers that change us. And, though the journey may not always be comfortable, it is full of rewards. The best books on meditation In a way, I’ve manufactured the following themes. The unique thing about meditation is, when you understand and experience one of these themes in a new way, the others follow automatically. A bit more mental clarity will give you some emotional calm which will help you gain some life balance, and so on. Still, if one of these four themes hits the mark for you, start with one of the books that focuses on your interest: The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices Clear thinking and balanced emotions Life balance and overall health Spiritual meaning and growth • The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices • Even though meditation has become much more mainstream in the last 20 years, it’s still something that causes confusion. Is it about stopping my thoughts? Or, being peaceful all the time? Or, will it conflict with my religious or spiritual beliefs? There are many books written by experienced and caring teachers who can help to demystify meditation and explain how it can help you with the same everyday experiences that have troubled people for hundreds of years: worry, loneliness, depression, lack of meaning, dissatisfaction and more. I wholeheartedly recommend these two books: 1. Meditation for Beginners: Jack Kornfield Jack Kornfield is a gentle, expert guide to meditation. In this book, Kornfield explains the what, how and why of a regular meditation practice in plain language. Meditation for Beginners is a jargon-free book that will take you step-by-step through a range of practices and how they can help you cope with challenging experiences and grow your sense of innate well-being. 2. Real Happiness: Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is another teacher and writer who has a gift for describing meditation in simple, engaging language. Real Happiness... is a comprehensive overview of the principles and practices of meditation, centred around developing three key skills: concentration, mindfulness and loving-kindness. Each chapter offers a short discussion, practices or exercises, and often an answer to a common question about a meditation topic. • Meditation for everyday living and balance • How can meditation help me have a more balanced, healthy and positive life? Here are two books that answer this question in different ways: 3. Making Space: Thich Nhat Hanh Making Space is a short, refreshing read from Thich Nhat Hanh about how to establish a meditation practice. It’s full of tips and insights on how to set up a routine that will be meaningful and inviting for you. I especially love the many creative practices the author includes for “outside of meditation” – a range of things you can do to bring meditative awareness to what you do in your day. These deceptively simple exercises will start to increase your MQ – Meditative Quotient. 4. The Book of Secrets: Deepak Chopra Deepak Chopra has written countless books on meditation, spirituality and health. As a long-time spiritual practitioner and physician, he writes with authority about meditation as a core skill for self-awareness, growth and vibrant health. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Many of Chopra’s books could be on a 'best books on meditation' list, but I chose The Book of Secrets because of its many surprises! Chopra’s choice of topics and the creative ways he writes about them opened by mind to the 'hidden dimensions' of my own life. Chapters like 'What You Seek, You Already Are' and 'You Are Truly Free When You Are Not a Person' had a great influence on me and my teaching. • Clear thinking and emotional balance • Most of us become interested in meditation because we just want to feel better. It seems the same troubling emotions and ways of thinking have been with us our whole lives, and that they will never change. These two books are a great place to learn where and how change is possible: 5. Radical acceptance: Tara Brach, Ph.D. Tara Brach is a popular Buddhist teacher because of her approachable, compassionate teaching. Brach is also a clinical psychologist who uses her in-depth experience with people’s day-to-day struggles to discuss the power of meditation. I recommend her first best-seller Radical Acceptance for its far-reaching look at emotional balance and health. “Each of the meditation books in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands.” The central idea of the book is that many of us have lifelong habits of self-criticism and perfectionism that leave us in a subconscious state of “I’m not OK.” Brach sees the healing of this core “mistake” as the way to release self-harming beliefs and emotions. As the misunderstanding falls away, so does inner conflict which increases our happiness and allows us to connect with others from a place of greater wholeness. 6. When Things Fall Apart: Pema Chödrön Pema Chödrön is a beloved Buddhist teacher who has been writing and teaching for over 40 years. Her humble and humorous approach to teaching comes from a “we’re all in this together” perspective. She is a skilled translator of Buddhist philosophy and practices into understandable modern language. Chödrön is someone who has a deep understanding of unhappiness in all its forms: from day-to-day anxiety, to depression, to despair, and she is a master at kindly meeting you where you are. In When Things Fall Apart there are many times where she describes my own mental or emotional confusion in a way that is so accurate, I know she must have travelled the same road and had found ways to respond and grow through meditation. • Spiritual meaning and growth • Meditation came out of people’s quest for answers to the perennial questions about identity and purpose. Indeed, people’s confusion and unhappiness are the same today as they have always been, as has our desire for clarity and happiness. These two books by modern spiritual masters take in-depth looks at these questions and how we can find the answers ourselves. 7. The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a complete examination of why and how we experience confusion, doubt, fear, disconnection and unhappiness, and how we can uncover the part of us that is free of these difficulties. Eckhart Tolle explains the source of this unhappiness as the forgetting of our true nature, as spiritual beings. He explains how we can all rediscover the true nature, that we all share, by going fully into this moment – the power of now. This book on meditation could easily be in the 'Classics' section below! 8. True Meditation: Adyashanti In a series of simple essays, Western teacher Adyashanti turns around the core misunderstandings about meditation. In True Meditation he describes how true meditation is less a practice of doing various techniques, than allowing who you already are to show itself. Chapters like, 'Allow everything to be as it is,' 'Ending the war with your mind,' and 'Our natural tendency is to awaken' draw a picture of meditating as a letting go of effort – something that's not usually associated with meditation! Adyashanti comes from a Zen Buddhist background, but uses clear, everyday language to invite you to investigate your experience with fresh eyes. The book comes with a CD of three core practices. Bonus 1: books for kids One of my favourite things to do in mindfulness classes with kids is reading a book. There are many wonderful books out there you can use at home with the children in your life. These are a few of my favourites – and kids’ too! Peaceful Piggy Meditation; Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda; and, Moody Cow Meditates by Kerry Lee MacLean. Awesomely cute, funny and heartwarming books with meditation themes. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children by Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community. A children's book on meditation filled with love and respect for kids, and how to nurture them through simple, meditation practices. The paperback comes with a CD of guided exercises. Bonus 2: classics Would you like to read a meditation classic – a book that different teachers, across traditions recommend to students as a comprehensive discussion of meditation? They are written by people who teach from a place of lived knowledge, from embodying a meditative life. Here are five of the best: I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi by David Godman Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu The takeaway: best books on meditation Each of the books on meditation in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands whichever of these reads best suits you most. Remember that a little can go a long way. When an idea or practice grabs you, stay with it, contemplate it and practise it, and notice what changes for you. These best books on meditation will all help you experience meditation for yourself, rather than giving you concepts to believe. So, let these authors guide you to trusting yourself and being in awe of what you find! • Main image: shutterstock/alexandre zveiger happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Vedic Meditation | Gratitude Meditation | 6 Phase Meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

The global pandemic has made many of us re-evaluate our lives and ask ourselves what really makes us happy. If you want to continue the internal conversation, try reading some of the best books on happiness on the market. Ann Vrlak selects her top picks to inspire you further. While the worst part of the Coronavirus pandemic may be behind us, many of us are still reeling from its unprecedented and often heartbreaking disruption of our lives. Indeed, even moving forward, we’re not out of the woods yet, and ‘normal’ may not be a place we can – or should – return to. With so much uncertainty around us – and with some of us having extra time on our hands – I think discussing some of the best books on happiness is something we could all benefit from. Although living through the pandemic has been difficult, it has also provided the space and opportunity to explore what really makes us happy. Now the conversation has started, it's worth checking out some of these books on happiness to understand where joy comes from and how we can maintain it. Best books on happiness: our picks So, how do you define happiness? And has your definition changed over the last couple of years due to the limitations and stresses you’ve experienced? If you’d like help answering these questions and creating a better and brighter year ahead, here's my countdown of the best books on happiness that will help you explore the subject. 1. The Happiness Project | Gretchen Rubin So, this list of the best happiness books inevitably starts with the crazily popular The Happiness Project title which came out of one woman’s random thought on a bus: “I want to be happy.” Gretchen Rubin realized that, beneath all her goals in life, she just wanted to be happy. But, she also realized she didn’t actually know what made her happy! So, Rubin began a year-long happiness project to discover what made her happy and why. The result is a delightful read about Rubin’s day-to-day experiences over one year and how her understanding of happiness became increasingly simple, in spite of her busy and accomplished life. RELATED: Happiness podcasts – 8 that we rate Rubin talks about each month’s “happiness goal” – what she did, what she learned and how you can do the same. You can use her 12-month framework to create your own happiness project and discover more of your unique happiness formula for simple, happiness-generating activities. An engaging, heartwarming read. 2. Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill | Matthieu Ricard If you’d like to read one of the most enlightening books on happiness written by someone with a fascinating life path, try Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill. Matthieu Ricard grew up with philosopher and artist parents, amidst the intellectual and artistic circles of Paris. After earning a PhD in cell genetics, he discovered Buddhism, became a monk and has now lived in the Himalayan region for over 40 years. RELATED: The best books on meditation – our top picks Happiness… is the best known of Ricard’s many books that uses his deep understanding of meditation to describe how we unintentionally make ourselves unhappy. Importantly, he explains what we can do to uncover our innate happiness instead. Ricard has crafted simple lessons and exercises to apply his keys to happiness to your stressful situations, habits and beliefs that make you unhappy, and much more. 3. The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way to Live Well | Meik Wiking Some countries pride themselves on the happiness of their citizens, and Denmark, in particular, claims to be one of the happiest places on Earth. Many Danes believe the practice of hygge (pronounced hoo-guh) is their secret. Hygge doesn’t have a simple definition, but see if you can get a feeling for it from descriptions like this. It’s anything that gives comfort to your soul and allows you to let your guard down. It’s the deep peace you feel looking at the ocean with a loved one beside you. It’s a shared meal with your best friends or sharing a laugh with your child. All these experiences speak to simple, soul-satisfying moments that enrich your life and evoke the feeling, “Yes, this is enough. Just this.” “This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more joy into your life.” The Little Book of Hygge is written by Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more hygge and joy into your life. Wiking writes like he’s talking directly to you, sitting around a fire, sharing a perfect moment of hygge! 4. Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: a 28-Day Program Paperback | Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is a pioneer in the field of meditation and mindfulness, bringing Buddhism to mainstream culture in practical, compassionate and lighthearted books, talks and retreats. Salzberg wants to demystify the practice of meditation and show its relevance to modern life – from day-to-day stresses to deep feelings of depression, disconnection and dissatisfaction. One of my many favourite quotes from this book on happiness is: “Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, stories that get in the way of direct experience. Often such stories treat a fleeting state of mind as if it were our entire and permanent self.” RELATED: Finding happiness – 11 science-backed truths This 28-Day program will help you see some of your stories, and the clarity and happiness that lies in wait for you when you see through them. Real Happiness is full of down-to-earth inspiration, exercises and tips that will help you create your own transformative month of meditation. 5. The Little Book of Mindfulness: 10 minutes a day to less stress, more peace | Patricia Collard If mindfulness is new to you, The Little Book of Mindfulness is another wonderful way to dip your toe into mindfulness and happiness. Collard is a psychotherapist, mindfulness teacher and stress management expert who has put together a library of 5- and 10-minute practices to increase your happiness through reducing stress and negative thinking. RELATED: Mindful minutes – 10 small practices that make a big difference What I particularly like about this book on happiness is that there's no jargon in her definition of mindfulness or her explanations of how you can apply mindfulness practice to situations you face every day. As she says in the book, “Mindfulness is an attitude, rather than a skill.” Indeed, it’s not a complicated discipline you need to learn, you can start by approaching each moment with a mindful attitude. Collard’s exercises provide many ways to let go of stress, so you can rest in the simplicity and happiness present in each moment. 6. Meditation For the Love of It: Enjoying Your Own Deepest Experience | Sally Kempton This is another book on happiness that doesn’t look at meditation from the usual point of view of a “discipline.” Meditation For the Love of It shows you how to find joy in meditation and in yourself. And what could be a better motivator to explore meditation. Kempton’s book is a skillful explanation of how and why “loving yourself” is anything but an empty cliché. Not only accepting, but embracing all parts of your experience in meditation and in your daily life deepens your understanding of your strengths, your vulnerabilities and what truly makes you happy. RELATED: Discover self-love meditation Kempton teaches readers how to connect with the power of their deepest desires which she sees as the path to lasting happiness. Playfulness and devotion are the two attitudes indispensable to your journey of self-knowledge. The book includes over 20 practices to help you bring happiness, insight and self-acceptance into your life through meditation. 7. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life | Jon Kabat-Zinn I’ve chosen this classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn as the ultimate best book on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition: how and why we suffer, and how we can use simple, but potent practices to become happier. Kabat-Zinn is the creator of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program that has become the gold standard in evidence-based, mindfulness programs. RELATED: Best mindfulness books – our Top 10 picks In Wherever You Go, There You Are, the author explains in a non-pretentious style how small, everyday moments are the best places to understand what mindfulness means to you. You don’t need to sit on a meditation cushion for an hour every day or have extraordinary experiences. Growing in emotional, mental and spiritual well-being comes from learning to see everyday experiences and your responses to them through a lens of non-judgment, curiosity and compassion. “This classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of the best books on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition.” The title describes the central premise of the book and of mindfulness in general. “Wherever you go,” you take your strengths, weaknesses, life experiences, beliefs, worries and everything else, with you – for better or worse. And it's all these factors determine your overall life experience, whether you’re living in paradise or living through a global pandemic. When you explore all these aspects of yourself, in a mindful, caring way, you gain the immeasurable power to better understand yourself and others, relieve even long-term anxiety and become more balanced and happier. Round up: best books on happiness If you’ve been reevaluating your life since the pandemic and are key to explore your happiness further, these are the best books on happiness that can help you do just that. Let us know below in the comments which of these books have helped you most. Or, if you think I've missed some essentials from the list, please share below also. Happy reading! • Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Literature | Poetry | Film Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

A new study finds that feeling uncertain may lead us to savor the small things in life. BY KIRA M. NEWMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Ever since it began, the pandemic has been a crash course in uncertainty. Safe behaviors, school openings, vaccination timelines, the job market, new variants — these have all seemed to change on a weekly basis, threatening our sense of security and stability. Uncertainty is stressful and perhaps even harmful to our health, research suggests, and it can drive us to cling to our social groups to the exclusion of others. But a new study has uncovered a surprising upside to feeling uncertain: It might drive us to appreciate the little things in life. Smell the roses In one experiment, researchers stationed on a sidewalk handed out flyers that said one of two things: “Life is unpredictable: stop and smell the roses” or “Life is constant: stop and smell the roses.” A short distance away was a table with a dozen red roses on it and a sign matching the flyer they’d just received. It's easy to feel uncertain about the future Research assistants hid behind a bush to see who stopped and who didn’t — and it was the people who read that life is unpredictable who buried their noses in the fragrant flowers, 2.5 times more often than the others. Why? Savouring and appreciating the small things in life may be a coping response that our minds activate when we feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of it all. Savouring pulls us out of fears and worries about a fuzzy future and into the clear, pleasurable sensations of right now. “If the world is uncertain, it makes sense to take advantage of what you have now because it may not exist shortly,” explains Andrew L. Gregory, the lead author of the study. “While savouring may happen naturally, it's also something we can practise deliberately when life feels unsettling. For example, you might share your good news or gratitude with others.” The researchers found similar results in another experiment, where, instead of handing out flyers, they recruited nearly 400 people to watch videos. Some saw a video purportedly describing the conclusions from a scientific conference about how unpredictable and random our lives are, accompanied by chaotic graphs and rolling dice. Others saw a similar video, but with the opposite message, about life’s underlying order and structure. A final group saw a video about the history of trains. Compared to the other two groups, those who watched the chaos video reported more intentions to savour life. They said that they should enjoy the present and appreciate simple things, and would linger on good feelings if something wonderful happened to them or a friend. Savouring in real life A final set of findings suggests that this effect does translate to everyday life, even if you don’t happen to come across a video or flyer about uncertainty. Here, researchers recruited over 6,000 people and pinged them up to a dozen times a day, asking how chaotic and unpredictable the world felt in that moment and whether they were savouring the present. It turned out that when the world felt messy, people were more likely to be savouring their lives a few hours later, at the next ping. Stop to appreciate the small things in life shutterstock/Mariia Boiko Of course, the relentless uncertainty of the pandemic doesn’t lend itself to feeling mindful and appreciative all the time. But Gregory suspects that this pattern still holds. Indeed, many people reported feeling grateful early on in the pandemic. One of our Thnx4 members, for example, journaled about missing out on her daily socializing at the neighborhood cafe and instead making small talk with strangers on her morning walk. “It reminded me not only to appreciate but to seek positive experience,” she wrote. “Savouring and appreciating the small things in life may be a coping response that our minds activate when we feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of it all.” While savouring may happen naturally, it’s also something we can practise deliberately when life feels unsettling. For example, you might share your good news or gratitude with others, or tune into the enjoyable sights, sounds and smells around you. When you work on controlling your attention this way, Gregory says, you may feel like you have more control over your life in general. The flyers and videos in these experiments are a good reminder that our sense of uncertainty is changeable. Based on that, it makes sense that reading political news or social media posts from our friends could influence how stable or chaotic our lives feel. Being selective about the media we consume could help. Or, says Gregory, when we’re feeling adrift, we could try reflecting on times in our life when we felt secure and certain. Savouring isn’t the only potential upside to feeling uncertain. For people who are less well off, confronting a chaotic environment can actually drive them to prioritize community. In these ways and perhaps others, our brains try to protect us from the unpleasant but unavoidable uncertainty of life. • Main image: shutterstock/Rido happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Gratitude | Friendship Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be our default reaction, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani offers seven ways in which we can reconnect with kindness towards others and ourselves as well. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. Some of us have also been bullied online or received a harsh response to a genuine query, and at times we’ve regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others. With the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why we need to choose kindness It is fair to wonder why we should have to “choose” kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. For instance, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must’ve had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches a bit of my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson. Does this line of thought seem familiar to you as well? Donating goods – or time – to a foodbank is one way to choose kindness shutterstock/BAZA Production Indeed, choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. Cultivating kindness as a choice “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To kindle kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: wow can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort on our part. The process of choosing kindness may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks. How does choosing kindness benefit us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner et al revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, thus promoting tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. 7 ways to practise choosing kindness every day Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. Here are seven ways in which we can try to choose kindness – every day: 1. Create a kindness plan It is possible to choose kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a good-natured manner. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness or inviting a senior for a chat over a cuppa. Supporting a local business by buying their products or eating at local restaurants and promoting them via your social media channels. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness too. Remember it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we do so. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study thus revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others resulted in improved emotional well-being. Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, etc. are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A litter pick shows kindness to the planet shutterstock/Dragon Images 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying, and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs etc. We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it is possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. RELATED: Adult bullying and how to deal with it 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It is important to remember that your employees and coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. This is especially true in the current times, with the COVID-19 pandemic disrupting lives at every level, as parents struggle to find a balance between working remotely and homeschooling. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost productivity and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember forever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it is probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Choose to be kind to yourself Choosing kindness towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling low. Afterall, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light.”, or “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you center your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The takeaway: choosing kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness rendered to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Carrying out a series of activities centered on kindness can boost happiness, as revealed by an investigation experiment by Lee Rowland et al. Exercising kindness may take some practice but can also create long-lasting happiness for others as well as ourselves. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Altruism | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

As dealing with hate speech and crime is becoming increasingly common, having the moral courage to confront it is more necessary than ever. Ed Gould suggests five ways to prepare yourself to speak out and stand up against hate crime. Do you have the feeling that hate is on the rise around the world? If you look at the number of cases of hate speech and crimes being reported, you may well be right. In the face of this unpleasant change in the political landscape, it's essential not to get caught up in hate and embrace positivity and happiness. But how do you take action without hating the haters or lowering yourself to their level of vitriol? Indeed, how do you do so without putting yourself and your loved ones in danger? Finding and showing so-called moral courage is one possibility. Moral courage involves exhibiting the braveness to take action for reasons of morality despite the risk of potentially negative consequences. It often involves challenging and tense situations which are upsetting. Fortunately, there are several lessons to be learned from history about standing up to hatred and the people that manipulate negativity for their own ends. Let's examine some of the key techniques you can use to help garner the sort of moral courage required while ensuring that you don't put yourself at risk. Moral courage: preparing yourself Many people are surprised when they first hear hate speech live and direct in the 'real' world (rather than on social media). They're usually not used to it and it can often cause well-meaning people to clam up in shock. Equally, if you're exposed to hate crime in the street, then you may understandably freeze in the horror of the moment. In order to overcome this normal human response, it's necessary to prepare yourself. Being mindful of all kinds of potential threats helps you to respond appropriately and support people in danger. This applies to hate speech and crime, too. By recognizing hatred for what it is, it becomes much easier to call it out. Stop hate: would you have the moral courage to speak out? Having the moral courage to stand up against hatred is frequently down to nothing more than having prepared and rehearsed in your own mind what you will say or do if you happen to face it. For example, think ahead about what you might say in response to typical scenarios, such as a racist comment made by a stranger or a derogatory, sexist term used by a colleague in the workplace. How moral courage benefits you and society Having the moral courage to speak up against hate crime and hate speech is about challenging such behaviour to stop it from becoming the norm. If you witness something that you feel is wrong and say or do nothing, then you might feel bad about it afterwards. Staying silent also means that others are less likely to find moral fortitude in themselves, too. Ultimately, this creates an atmosphere in society where hatred becomes normalised. In such environments, hate speech and crime only tend to get worse. In the end, we all suffer from tolerating it in this way. “Having the moral courage to confront hatred when it rears its ugly head means the perpetrators will think twice before saying and doing such things again.” On the other hand, having the moral courage to confront hatred when it rears its ugly head means that the perpetrators of it will think twice before saying and doing such things again. Furthermore, displaying moral courage encourages others to follow your stand too. Bystanders are more likely to join in and show their own moral courage if they see someone else doing it, a sort of 'strength in numbers' feeling. Every action taken against hate – no matter how small it may seem at the time – is a victory for a fair, inclusive and decent society. 5 ways to stand up against hate Feeling inspired? Want to be prepared for tough situations that require moral courage? Here are five steps you can take: 1. Learn about intervention training To protect someone who is experiencing a hate crime may require you to intervene on their behalf. There are a number of courses and workshops that teach people how to by effective as a bystander and to make safe interventions. In the UK, the University of the West of England have been in the forefront of such training. Meanwhile, in the US, courses like Green Dot and Step Up have led to a greater number of positive interventions that stand up to hate. Wherever you are in the world, consider trying out a course in intervention training. And if you can't find one near you, you can find a class online, too. RELATED: Six tips for speaking up against bad behaviour 2. Lead and others will follow There's little doubt that many people who tolerate hate speech would like someone to call it out. Perhaps they just lack the moral courage to do it for themselves. In any group situation, including social media, it's a well-established psychological concept that people 'fall into line' within groups. For example, if you speak up against a racist comment then others will probably back you up. Research from New York University has shown that people who use racist terms on social media refrain from doing it so often if someone in their circle stands up to them about it. Peace by piece: showing moral courage encourages others 3. Raise your profile Sometimes being an intervener against hate speech means going against the grain. It means feeling the pressure of a peer group and not to act. Train yourself to feel this natural anxiety and act in defiance of it anyway. To do so, it's a good idea to stand out from the crowd every now and then. Do so when it's safe. It will leave you better equipped to handle hatred when it turns up for real. Psychologist Lynne Henderson refers to this sort of preparation as social fitness. Her research suggests that practice and role-play helps you to draw on moral courage when you need it. 4. Seek help There's always a balance to be sought between rushing into an intervention and putting yourself in the firing line. According to Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and the founder of the Heroic Imagination Project, when a situation is potentially dangerous, calling the police or others nearby to help you do the right thing is the best course of action. “You can only be an effective social change agent if you understand when to act alone, as a member of a team, or not at all,” he says. “Speaking up against hate crime and speech is about challenging them from becoming the norm. If you say or do nothing, then you might feel bad about it.” 5. Take a second to really think Studies undertaken at Princeton University showed that people who were in a hurry were far less likely to stop and assist a stranger in distress. Furthermore, when several people witness a dire situation, each observer is less likely to help. This is called the 'bystander effect' in psychology. When you stop and think about it, you'll soon remind yourself that it's a normal human tendency to assume someone else will act. That simple pause for thought will allow you to overcome the 'bystander effect' and make the decision to be the one who acts. The takeaway: moral courage None of us possess unlimited amounts of moral courage, just as none of us have unlimited happiness. After all, we can all be cowed in certain situations. Nonetheless, self-preparation makes it more likely that you will respond to hatred in a way that successfully challenges it. This can help to make society less tolerant of it. Once you have built some confidence and learned some techniques that match your personal values, you will find it easier to put them into action again and again. ● Main image: shutterstock/CHAjAMP Have you ever witnessed a hate crime or another disturbing situation and used your moral courage to stand up for what you believe is right? The community would love to hear your story in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Assertiveness | Confidence | Courage | Empathy Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Accepting our mortality helps us let go of busyness and focus on what’s most important to us in order to live a happier, more meaningful life. By OLIVER BURKEMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly finite. If you’re lucky and you live to 80, you will have lived about 4,000 weeks. This truth, which most of us ignore most of the time, is something to wrestle with if we want to spend our limited time on this earth well. Given that, it follows that time management, broadly defined, should be everyone’s chief concern. Yet the modern discipline of time management (or productivity) is depressingly narrow-minded, focused on devising the perfect morning routine or trying to crank through as many tasks as possible, while investing all your energy on reaching some later state of well-being and accomplishment. It ignores the fact that the world is bursting with wonder — and that experiencing more of that wonder may come at the cost of productivity. As a recovering “productivity geek,” I know how it feels to become swept up in the idea of discovering the perfect system of time management. But I was eventually forced to accept that my struggles to achieve a sense of perfect control or mastery of my time were counterproductive, leading not to a life of more meaning but one of more overwhelm and stress. I came to see that I needed to give up the quest for that kind of control, letting go of the impossible goal of becoming perfectly efficient and embracing my limitations instead, so as to make more time for what was really valuable. Part of that embrace of limitation involves facing the anxiety that comes with acknowledging mortality. When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters. Rather than succumbing to the mentality of “better, faster, more,” we can embrace being imperfect, and be happier for it. Here are 10 suggestions I make in my book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, about how to live with your limited time in mind. 1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity We all need to make tough choices about what we can realistically get done, so that we can prioritize the activities that matter most, instead of reacting to a constant barrage of demands. One way is to keep two to-do lists — one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items. A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work — for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m. — and to make sure you stop when time’s up. 2. Serialize Focus only on one big project at a time. Though it’s alluring to try to alleviate the anxiety of having too many responsibilities or ambitions by getting started on them all at once, you’ll make little progress that way. Multitasking rarely works well — and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety. Forget multitasking: tackle one project at a time 3. Decide in advance what to fail at You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. But strategic underachievement — nominating in advance areas of your life in which you won’t expect excellence — helps you focus your time and energy more effectively. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children. “When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters.” To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance. 4. Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to do Since the quest to get everything done is interminable by definition, it’s easy to grow despondent and self-reproachful when you can’t get through your whole to-do list. One counter-strategy is to keep a “done list,” which starts empty first thing in the morning, but which you can gradually fill in throughout the day as you get things done. It’s a cheering reminder that you could have spent the day doing nothing remotely constructive… yet you didn’t. 5. Consolidate your caring Social media is a giant machine for getting you to spend your time caring about the wrong things — and too many of them at once. We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices, each of which might have a legitimate claim on our time and our charitable donations, but which add up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism and politics — and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out. 6. Embrace boring and single-purpose technology Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply: scrolling idly around online, you need never feel bored or constrained in your freedom of action, which isn’t the case when it comes to doing work that matters. You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader. Otherwise, temptations will be only a swipe away, and you’ll feel the urge to check your screens anytime you’re bored or facing a challenge in your work. 7. Seek out novelty in the mundane Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate. RELATED: Mindful minutes - 10 small practices that make a big difference The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life. Try going on unplanned walks to see where they lead you, taking up drawing or birdwatching, or playing “I Spy” with a child — whatever draws your attention into the moment more fully. Spend more time on simple pleasures shutterstock/Just dance 8. Be a researcher in relationships The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships, resulting not only in controlling behavior, but also commitment-phobia, the inability to listen, boredom, and missing out on the richness of communal experiences with others. “Pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life.” When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike — whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated. 9. Cultivate instantaneous generosity Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind, give in to it right away rather than putting it off. Don’t wait to figure out if the recipient deserves your generosity or if you really have the time to be generous right now (with all of the work you have left to do!). Just do it. The rewards are immediate, too, because generous action reliably makes you feel much happier. 10. Practise doing nothing When it comes to the challenge of using your 4,000 weeks well, the capacity to do nothing is indispensable, because if you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter. RELATED: How to practise Niksen – the art of doing nothing Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You can try the “do-nothing” meditation, where you set a timer for 5-10 minutes and then try doing nothing; if you catch yourself doing something — thinking, say, or even just focusing on your breath — gently let go of doing it. As you keep letting go, you’ll increase your ability to do nothing, and gradually regain your autonomy. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices with your brief allotment of life. • Main image: shutterstock/Syda Productions This essay is adapted from Four Thousand Weeks, published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux. Copyright © 2021. All rights reserved. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Gratitude | Friendship Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

An often invisible illness, diagnosing quiet borderline personality disorder isn't easy. Luckily, the treatment for this condition can be, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... I have known a few people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in my life. I can say with certainty that they suffered — as did those close to them. However, thanks to the explosive nature of the disorder, however unpleasant it may be, BPD did not stay hidden. Some of them were diagnosed and received treatment. More importantly, they learned to understand the nature of their unpredictable emotions and reactions. I probably also know a few people with quiet borderline personality disorder (QBPD). Unfortunately, I cannot say that I know who they are. Are they aware that what they are going through is a disorder? Quite possibly not. Do their loved ones understand what is happening? They might not have a clue. That's because quiet borderline personality disorder is a difficult but often invisible ordeal. As this article will make clear, it bears the burden of the BPD. Still, it stays concealed — often even from the affected person themselves. Yet, the moment you understand QBPD and its manifestations, the path towards treatment opens. So, what is quiet borderline personality disorder? What is quiet borderline personality disorder and how is it diagnosed? Before we can hope to understand quiet borderline personality disorder, we need to grasp the concept of a personality disorder as such. Unlike some other mental disorders that come and go, personality disorders are usually enduring. One of the criteria for diagnosis states: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.” Personality disorders are pervasive, unchanging, and present at least from adolescence. They form an inner experience and behaviour pattern deviant from a person’s cultural norms. “A person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims hostility and anger at themselves. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others.” In other words, it seems to be the structure of the individual’s personality that is affected. A personality disorder is apparent throughout life and across different contexts. A person who is, for example, narcissistic will act that way at work, in love, with family and strangers. Those who know them will tell you that it is how they have been forever. What is borderline personality disorder? QBPD is a variation of BPD. Therefore, we need to be clear on what the disorder entails. Borderline personality disorder is a syndrome of disordered functioning in relationship to oneself and others. To meet the diagnostic criteria, the affected person has to manifest the following symptoms: Impairments in self-functioning. They can be unsure of who they are as a person. They might feel empty inside and succumb to excessive self-criticism. Sometimes, goals, aspirations and career plans are unstable. A person with BPD keeps changing their direction in life. Impairments in interpersonal functioning. They lack empathy or have severe problems in establishing meaningful close relationships. Being emotionally unstable, anxious, depressive, or fearing rejection and separation. Disinhibition, meaning that they are highly impulsive and often take excessive risks. Hostility, anger, and irritability. Subtypes of BPD The current classification of mental disorders does not divide the BPD into subtypes. Nonetheless, the official criteria could be combined differently. As a result, individuals with BPD are often very unalike. This is probably one of the reasons why borderline personality disorder has long been notoriously under-detected and misdiagnosed in clinical practice. Aiming hostility at oneself is a sign of QBPD shutterstock/airdone It is also why many popular psychology authors voiced their opinion about the subtypes of BPD. Some scholars and practitioners also argue that borderline personality disorder should be divided into three subtypes based on the dominant cognitive mechanisms in their foundations. A 2017 study determined three clusters of BPD patients with distinct profiles: Most patients were those with the “core BPD” features, that is, typical borderline personalities. A second “Extravert/externalising” subtype was characterised by high levels of histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial features. A third, smaller subtype had schizotypal and paranoid features — therefore, it is named “Schizotypal/paranoid”. Million and Davis have proposed, based on extensive professional expertise in the realm of personality disorders, that there are four subtypes of BPD: Discouraged or “quiet” borderline Impulsive borderline Petulant borderline Self-destructive borderline So, what are the symptoms of the quiet BPD subtype? Symptoms of QBPD Most professionals and laypeople would think of someone with BPD as an explosive, violent and hostile person. An unpredictable and impulsive human ticking bomb. However, it appears that there are those affected by the disorder whose suffering remains largely invisible. In quiet borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms of the BPD are directed inwards. According to Million and Davis, a person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims the borderline hostility and anger at oneself. They might act clingy and form codependent relationships. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others. However, they do not let it show. Their anger is more likely to be manifested as self-harm and suicide attempts than aggression towards others. Could you be living with QPBD? Here are some of the signs that suggest you could be living with quiet borderline personality disorder: You are very good at hiding your true emotions. You present a composed façade at all times. You might not even be able to recognise or describe your feelings correctly (alexithymia), so they fester inside. You are high-functioning and successful; a perfectionistic even. When emotional pain becomes too much to bear, you detach from the world and your inner experiences. You may feel like you were in a dream or a movie, unable to feel connected. You may be a people-pleaser. You need to be liked, and you yearn for appreciation from those you fall for. You experience bouts of anxiety at the slightest sign of disapproval. Your buttons are easily pushed around other people. You know that you are prone to feeling hurt, insulted or humiliated. To prevent it, you might prefer distancing yourself from others. You might be putting people into one of the two categories — they are either impeccable or atrocious. It is a mechanism called “splitting” or polarised thinking. You might be so profoundly afraid of being abandoned that you avoid getting close to others altogether. It protects you from hurt. You tend to feel irrational guilt and self-loathing. For this reason, you could be at risk of engaging in self-harming behaviour, including having suicidal thoughts. (If this is the case, please reach out to any local service or organisation that deals with mental health to help you get your way out of that dark path). Your priorities and interests change erratically. Your commitment changes on a day-to-day basis. Be it a project, a hobby, or a person, QBPD comes with a lack of consistency in dedication. You seem utterly devoted to something, only for it to fall into oblivion in the next moment. You crave control and order. Situations in which you do not know what to say or do make you feel uneasy. In effect, you are not living spontaneously. Where does the difference between the typical BPD and the quiet variant come from? One possible explanation is Lynch and colleagues’ work on undercontrol versus overcontrol in clinical settings. In short, the majority of those affected by BPD (the typical syndrome) are undercontrolled. They are impulsive, erratic and dysregulated. Nonetheless, some people are overcontrolled; meaning that they are reserved, hard to engage, seemingly emotionally flat. Yet, their inner world is as tempestuous as that of the undercontrolled individuals. Treatment for QBPD At this point, we return to the statement made in the introduction. Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help. They overcontrol. Why can't I make friends? How to help someone having a panic attack What is an introvert hangover? Nonetheless, even if it feels unnatural, if you recognise the symptoms mentioned above, it is vital for you to reach out. And if someone you know seems to be affected by QBPD, try pointing them out towards learning about the disorder and getting professional help to deal with it. “Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help.” Unfortunately, not enough is understood about QBPD to determine which psychotherapy modality would work best. The following approaches were scientifically explored and are used in clinical practice for the treatment of BPD. In addition to psychotherapy, medication is sometimes prescribed. 1. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) The basic principle of CBT is to work on modifying the thinking and behavioural patterns that are unhelpful and perpetuate the disorder. According to a systematic review of 45 studies, CBT is beneficial in treating personality disorders in general — and BPD in particular. The findings of another study confirmed that CBT could help decrease the symptoms, distress, anxiety, suicide ideation and dysfunctional beliefs typical of BPD. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated 2. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) DBT is one of the CBT modalities. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. In 2016 it was still the only empirically supported treatment for BPD. It targets the unstable sense of self, chaotic relationships, fear of abandonment, emotional lability and impulsivity (such as self-injurious behaviours). During the therapeutic process, the clients develop skills such as mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 3. Radically Open Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (RO-DBT) The previous two modalities are implemented in treating BPD in general. The quiet variant could also benefit from them, given that the core issues are shared across the syndrome. However, RO-DBT was developed specifically for disorders of overcontrol. The authors designed it to address difficult-to-treat mental health conditions. And yes, QBPD is difficult to treat. The approach focuses on developing mental flexibility, openness, healthy emotional expression and social connectedness. Take control over your QBPD Living with a quiet borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to do. BPD is known to cause severe problems in the person’s relationship with themselves and the world. When you keep all those BPD emotions and thoughts within, pushing through the day can sometimes feel like Sisyphus work. I will not pretend quiet borderline personality disorder will go away in the blink of an eye for the sake of pep talk. However, you can learn to develop a psychologically healthier way of being. Adequate support and treatment can teach you how to rebuild your view of the world. With a change in your mindset, you can nurture close relationships with others based on empathy and respect. Although every personality disorder is a persistent companion, it does not have to determine your future. All you need to do is take one simple step now. Open yourself up to a fuller and richer life. Reach out. • Main image: shutterstock/Olga W Boeva happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Showing someone 'tough love' means being firm with them in a way that should help their well-being. But does it actually work? Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović examines the evidence... Does tough love work? When I think about this question, a close friend I grew up with since I was six comes to my mind. Her parents undertook this approach whenever she was underperforming or downright making trouble. Did it deliver results? Well, yes and no. I will speak about her in more detail to illustrate the general position of this article. And that is — tough love may work to deliver results in a specific situation. In the short run, it may seem as if it worked. However, it can also lead to many pitfalls. Indeed, exercising tough love is not to be taken lightly, as it may cause more harm than good. The outcomes of tough love: anecdotal evidence My friend from the introduction lived two stories above my apartment. We went to kindergarten, elementary and high school together. We remained in daily contact when we moved to different cities for college and visited each other often. We were best friends for almost 30 years. Therefore, I was a witness to her development until she was a mother herself. Although I cannot claim that I know which factors were crucial in making her the person she is today, one thing I can say — tough love was effective. Still, I believe the effects were both affirmative and harmful at the same time. At the end of one semester in high school, she, somewhat in rebellion, received “F”s for 80 per cent of her classes. When her parents found out, all hell broke loose. They forbid her from leaving the apartment for a month between the semesters. She was allowed to see only me and a classmate who was coming to study with her. They remained cold and distanced (although they did verbalise their best intentions) until she started receiving good grades again. Tough love is common in parenting And, yes, she did begin to receive good grades again. So, because of that, one might argue that the approach was fruitful. Yet, I also know that this enactment of tough love, like all the others, left her with a loss. She remained, to the day, riddled with an all-pervading feeling of solitude and fear of the world. She never felt entirely safe and unconditionally accepted by her parents. Let us not, nonetheless, stay in the realm of anecdotal evidence. What does science have to say about tough love and its effectiveness? What is tough love? According to Merriam-Webster, tough love is “love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behaviour”. It is believed that the term was first used in a 1968 book of the same title by Milliken and Meredith. Since then, tough love has become an everyday phrase as much as it is a psychological concept. The American Psychological Association clarify what tough love means in psychology: It is aimed at fostering individuals’ well-being It means requiring the person to act responsibly and seek professional assistance when they are experiencing problems The oversight and restrictions of personal freedom and privileges must be willingly accepted to be effective According to the same source, typically, families of adolescents or young adults with a prolonged history of substance abuse take on tough love to help them heal. However, tough love is the method of choice by some parents for any misbehaviour or irresponsible action. One example was that of my friend. I also know about cases in which parents engaged in tough love to attempt to teach the child to fix their own problems — such as not covering for them when they skip classes or letting them settle their disputes independently. Tough love happens in adult relationships as well. Apart from helping someone overcome addictions or other problem behaviour, tough love could be implemented in romance, friendships or at work, too. For example, when one of the partners or friends gets into the habit of being hurtful or disrespectful, the other might withhold affection to show them where the boundaries lie. A team member sometimes tends to tag along and then gather praise with the proactive colleagues. The coworkers could then implement tough love. They could let the inert member of the team feel the repercussions of their inaction — instead of doing their part of the work for them, as usual. The same goes for other groups and communities. A theoretical paper demonstrated that group members are willing to be critical and exhibit a form of tough love when they believe that doing so is in the interest of the collective. Does tough love work? Many a parent has weighed the use of tough love against the horrifying possibilities that might lie ahead on their child’s life path. Whenever we care for someone, not only as parents, the time may come when this approach crosses our mind. Sometimes, our loved ones are going down a path that is unquestionably bad for them. Tough love sounds like the only remaining rescue when they do not seem to respond to reasoning or pleas. Yet, responding to the question of whether such an approach works is not simple. Tough love: pros Advocates of the approach propose that social immobility is caused by parental indulgence, failure to set boundaries, moral laxity and disciplinary incompetence. In other words, a failure to implement some tough love might produce adults who are not equipped to move ahead in life. The general principles of tough love are in the roots of some recent social policy programmes and general stances in the third way of social work. They are also in the foundations of particular political strategies, justifying the use of force or punitive measures on some nations, such as the Western Balkans. Tough love: cons Empirical research seems to provide proof against the use of tough love. At least when it is not combined with other, positive means of directing a troubled person towards healing and improving. A systematic review of scientific literature evaluating compulsory drug treatment demonstrated that such approaches do not deliver the desired outcomes. In some instances, they directly cause harm instead of helping the clients. The use of physical punishment on children will make the child more aggressive and antisocial, with problems with developing an internal moral compass. The child could have a lower intellectual achievement because of such punishments and experience mental health problems — particularly depression. The quality of the parent-child relationship would probably be poor. Bootcamps for troubled teens, according to research, only result in increased chances of committing offenses later on. Solitary confinement in violent prison inmates does not decrease the possibility of future misconduct. The verdict So, what to think about tough love, then? Remember, tough love is a concept that comprises two elements — toughness but, most importantly, love. For it to work, in other words, it must be based on and guided by genuine care and affection. A study done on coaches of disadvantaged youth seems to confirm that. Less successful coaches would build a sense of family within the team but used very negative militaristic coaching strategies. Successful coaches, on the other hand, developed close relationships along with a positive team climate. They challenged players while being supportive and promoting their autonomy. “Empirical research seems to provide proof against the use of tough love. At least when it is not combined with other, positive means of directing a troubled person towards healing and improving.” In terms of helping adolescents with substance abuse, findings suggest that the programmes based on empathy and voluntary participation are much more effective. A multisystemic approach is more beneficial in troubled youth exhibiting violent, antisocial behaviours, delinquency, and emotional problems. It targets family relations and works to develop healthier, loving surroundings in which the troubled adolescent lives. Principles of exercising tough love The studies and academics’ works above have taught us that tough love needs to be exercised in a specific way to deliver results. Unless enacted correctly, it turns into punishment. It becomes a means of dividing people instead of bringing them closer. It might temporarily reduce the problem behaviour, but, in the long run, it will do no good. How can you show tough love to be sure it will help someone you love? Here are some basic principles to consider: Empathy, not sympathy Sympathy means having compassion for the suffering or sorrow of another. However, sympathy is largely based on our beliefs and projections of our own feelings and experiences. Instead of sympathy, give the troubled person your empathy. According to the American Psychological Association’s dictionary, it means “understanding a person from his or her frame of reference rather than one’s own”. Therefore, when your close one suffers, try to understand their point of view. This will help you provide the kind of help they need — not the one YOU THINK they need. Boundaries If you are helping someone using tough love, you should be careful not to get into a rescuer mode. Also, you ought not to be the persecutor. So, no tolerating the harmful and unacceptable behaviour, but also no punishment and harshness. These are all games people play that offer only one role for the person you are trying to help — that of a victim. Remember the goal of the intervention. It is for them to become autonomous. They need to become able to take good care of themselves and others. Healthy boundaries are as important as they might be difficult to achieve. This is why you should not be afraid to ask for help. Establish tough love without hurting others shutterstock/Rido Ask for help Do not hesitate to reach out when your loved one is struggling. Trying to help someone who has behavioural problems, addictions, has emotional issues, or any other ailment can be too much of a challenge for one caring person. Ask for professional assistance in tackling the problem. Avoid the risks — for your loved one or yourself. Establishing tough love Toughness can be difficult for both the giver and the receiver. This is why you should not go into a tough-love intervention without a sort of roadmap. Feel free to write down what you aim to achieve and how you plan to do it. Revisit this note often to keep yourself and the process on track. Here are some ideas on what to include in your plan so that you can execute the principles and guidance you learned about in this article in practice: The aim — What is the goal of your actions? What are you hoping to achieve? The commitment —Are you devoted to executing it? The obstacles — What will be the biggest difficulties in executing tough love? How will you overcome them? The stakeholders — Who will be affected by this intervention? Who do you need to get directly involved in the process? The helpers — Who can help you to overcome the obstacles you listed above? Will you consult a professional? Will you involve friends and family members? The boundaries — where do the limits lie? What will you not tolerate? What line will you not cross or allow others to cross? How will you ensure that you do not cross anyone’s limits? Respect and care — How will you ensure that you express your love and care for the person you are helping? How will you respect their autonomy? How will you promote their self-care and self-sufficiency? The ending — When will the process end? How will you know that it is enough? How will you proceed afterwards? The takeaway: tough love Intuitively, many of us might agree with using tough love sometimes. Especially when one is a parent and has tried (and failed) to teach a child to be responsible by pampering them. In some situations, the only way to spark accountability and self-sufficiency seems to be a bit of tough love. Requiring someone to act maturely and take care of themselves (or seek professional help when they cannot do so) is, indeed, an act of care and love. However, as this article also showed – it is an instrument that tends to backfire. So, if you feel that your loved one would benefit from a bit of toughness, do not forget — the balance (and the key to making it work) lies in the other component of the concept. Love. Always act from the place of care and affection. Never sacrifice understanding and acceptance for harshness, even when it comes from your best intentions. • Main image: shutterstock/juninatt happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Self-help | Coaching | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Authenticity can seem like a risky venture in the current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in and be accepted by others. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s necessary to let go of the fear of being judged in order to cultivate an authentic life. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability to be our most authentic self. Why is it difficult to overcome inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviors which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. What does being your authentic self involve? “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. Authenticity means embracing who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. 8 ways to be your authentic self Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. Here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity: 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for building our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list down your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviors and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously quoted. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, being your authentic self is not always easy, and living by your principles may require a few difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship if necessary. RELATED: Uncomfortable truths – how to say 'no' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who have the same values as you, and those who you feel comfortable with. 4. Instill mindfulness Mindfulness can help you find happiness and contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall happiness levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion unlocks authenticity shutterstock/imtmphoto 6. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being potentially judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 7. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 8. Set goals for constant learning Developing a growth mindset and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals need not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – in fact, research points out that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness as surely – if not more consistently – than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your daily life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. Round-up: cultivating authentic self While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. Main image: shutterstock/ESB Basic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Überlegst du der konsumgeilen Welt zu entfliehen und ein einfaches Leben zu leben? Calvin Holbrook tut es und er ist damit nicht alleine. Lies über die Bewegung ‘freiwillige Einfachheit’ und entdecke sechs Vorteile ein einfaches Leben zu leben, einschließlich der Erkenntnis des Sinns deines Lebens, besserer Gesundheit und verbesserter Konzentration. Dieser Text erschien original im englischen happiness-Magazin Seit ich in meinen 40ern bin gefällt mir der Gedanke immer besser, freiwillig ein einfaches Leben zu führen und mehr Minimalismus in meinen Alltag zu bringen. Mein Leben sah bisher so aus, dass ich in großen und aufregenden Städten lebte mit viel Unterhaltung, irren Möglichkeiten und Zerstreuung bis zum Abwinken. Aber was ich einst als aufregend empfand ist für mich nun zunehmend schwierig. Mein Gehirn ist immer mehr überfordert von Lärm, Überstimulierung, Ablenkungen und ständig wachsenden Menschenmengen, was mein persönliches Stressniveau in die Höhe treibt. Dies führt dazu, dass ich über einen ruhigen Weg nachdenke, ein einfaches Leben zu führen. Näher an der Natur und in friedlicher Umgebung. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen muss jedoch nicht heißen, allein in einer Holzhütte mitten im Nirgendwo zu hocken (obwohl das eigentlich ganz ansprechend klingt). Tatsächlich gibt es viele praktische und nicht ganz so drastische Methoden, ein einfaches Leben für dich selbst zu schaffen, dessen Vorteile wissenschaftlich belegt sind. Und ich bin nicht der einzige Mensch, der so denkt. Ein ‘einfaches Leben’ oder die ‘selbstgewählte Einfachheit‘ ist ein anerkannter, traditionsreicher Lebensstil, der Konsum sowie das Streben nach Reichtum und materiellen Besitztümern minimiert. Das einfache Leben ist ein wesentliches Element der Lehren vieler religiöser Gruppen, von den Mönchsorden des Mittelalters bis hin zu den heutigen Amischen und Quäkern. Ein einfaches Leben führen: In der Natur zu sein ist eine unglaubliche Energiequelle Die heutige Bewegung für ein einfaches Leben entstand aus der Gegenkultur der 1960er und 70er. 1981 dann gewann diese Bewegung mit dem Erscheinen von Duane Eligns Buch “Voluntary simplicity” (‚Selbstgewählte Einfachheit‘) einen neuen Namen. In seinem Buch erklärte er die Tugenden einer “Art zu leben, die nach außen einfach, aber nach innen reich ist“. Während der 90er wurde auch das Konzept des Minimalismus, das Elemente des einfachen Lebens beinhaltet, populär. Was beinhaltet ein einfaches Leben? Während sich Minimalismus hauptsächlich darauf konzentriert, Besitztümer einzuschränken oder ganz aufzugeben, hat der Ansatz für ein einfaches Leben mehr Elemente. Die Entscheidung für ein einfaches Leben schafft ein bedeutungsvolles Dasein, ein Leben nach den eigenen Bedingungen. Es hilft, Zeit und Raum zu schaffen, um dich deinen wahren Interessen und Leidenschaften zu widmen. Einfaches Leben widerspricht völlig den gewöhnlichen Werten der westlichen Welt, mit denen die meisten von uns aufgewachsen sind. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen heißt, dich von allen unwesentlichen Dingen zu befreien, um deine Zeit und Energie auf das zu konzentrieren, das dir am wichtigsten ist. Wie kann ich mein Leben vereinfachen? Wie ich zu Anfang erwähnt habe ist es mein Traum und vieler anderer Menschen, zum Zwecke eines einfacheren, ruhigeren Lebens aufs Land oder an die Küste zu ziehen. Die Realität jedoch ist, dass viele aufgrund ihrer Verpflichtungen in ihrem Beruf oder ihrer Familie gegenüber nicht einfach spontan alles Bisherige aufgeben können. Dich langsam Schritt für Schritt aus deinem zu umtriebigen Leben und dem Konsumüberfluss zu entfernen bringt dich ebenfalls an dein Ziel. “Ein einfaches Leben zu führen bedeutet nicht nur, deine Besitztümer aufzugeben. Vereinfachung schafft ein mit Bedeutung gefülltes einfaches Leben zu deinen eigenen Bedingungen.” Ein Kick-Off in dein einfaches Leben kann sein, deine Besitztümer einzuschränken, über neue Anschaffungen genauer als bisher nachzudenken, deine Zeit auf sozialen Medien und am Smartphone zu begrenzen, nicht an sozialen Anlässen teilzunehmen, die dich nicht interessieren, und Multitasking nicht mehr als Superkraft sondern als Stressfaktor zu begreifen. Einiges oder alles davon zu tun, kann dir große Vorteile und Zufriedenheit bringen. Lass uns also einen genaueren Blick auf diese wissenschaftlich erwiesenen sechs Hauptvorteile werfen, die dir ein einfaches Leben bringt. 1. Vereinfache dein Leben, um mehr über dich selbst zu lernen Wenn du dich nicht mit sozialen Medien ablenkst, Serien auf Netflix durchnudelst, auf der Suche nach den neuesten heissem Sch*** bist, oder To-Do-Listen ohne Ende führst, gibst du dir selbst die Zeit und den geistigen Raum, dankbar für das zu sein, was du bereits hast. Dies gibt dir außerdem die Möglichkeit zu reflektieren und mehr über dich selbst zu lernen. Ähnliches Thema: The Top 5 benefits of gratitude practice Tatsächlich kann ein einfaches Leben uns dabei helfen, Sinn zu finden und spirituell zu wachsen, da es den Fokus von materiellen Besitztümern nimmt und uns hilft, nach innen zu schauen. Es hilft, mehr Stille – und sogar eine positive Einsamkeit – zu schaffen, alles Hauptfaktoren für spirituelle Reflektion. Natürlich kann es auch schmerzhaft und anstrengend sein sich ablenkungsfrei mit sich selbst auseinanderzusetzen, aber schlussendlich hilft es uns, uns darauf zu konzentrieren, wer wir sind, was unserem Leben Sinn und Bedeutung gibt und was wir mit dem Rest unseres Lebens machen wollen. Zielgerichtet und bedeutungsvoll zu leben wiederum steigert erwiesenermaßen unser Glücksniveau. 2. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen kann Beziehungen verbessern In seinem Werk “Selbstgewählte Einfachheit: Charakterisierung, ausgewählte psychologische Implikationen und gesellschaftliche Konsequenzen” führt Amitai Etzioli an, dass wir uns mehr auf Beziehungen konzentrieren, wenn wir aufhören, unsere Zeit auf die Ansammlung materieller Besitztümer zu verwenden. Gleichermaßen kann exzessive Nutzung sozialer Medien bedeuten, dass offline Beziehungen leiden. Wenn wir diese Faktoren reduzieren oder eliminieren, schaffen wir mehr Zeit, die wir mit Freunden und Familie verbringen können. Ein einfaches Leben kann deine Beziehungen und deren Intensität verbessern Zusätzlich kann ein einfaches Leben bedeuten, dass sich deine Freundesgruppen verändern. Vielleicht hast du viele verschiedene Freund*innen, mit denen du bei verschiedenen Aktivitäten Zeit verbringst, zum Beispiel die „Partyfreund*innen“, die „Shoppingfreund*innen“, die „Fitnessstudiokumpel*inen“. Dein Leben zu vereinfachen und weniger zu tun kann bedeuten, dich auf wenige, dafür aber qualitativ hochwertige Freundschaften und engere Beziehungen zu konzentrieren. Deine Interaktionen in deinem Freundeskreis werden echter, wenn der Trieb, andere durch Besitztum zu beeindrucken wegfällt. Im Gegenzug hat es gesundheitliche Vorteile, deine Freundschaften so zu intensivieren. Verschiedene Studien haben ergeben, dass die Entwicklung starker, solider Freundschaften dein Krankheitsrisiko verringern kann – von geringerer Wahrscheinlichkeit, eine simple Erkältung zu bekommen bis hin zu geringerem Risiko fettleibig zu werden oder an einem Herzleiden zu erkranken. Eine Harvard Studie ergab ebenfalls, dass enge Freundschaften die Gesundheit des Gehirns während des Alterns begünstigen können. 3. Ein einfaches Leben stärkt dein Bankkonto In vielen westlichen Ländern führt das Missverhältnis zwischen dem, was wir kaufen und dem, was wir brauchen zu einem enormen Mehrverbrauch, der die Ressourcen der Erde erschöpft und den Klimawandel beschleunigt. Ein selbstbestimmtes einfaches Leben ist ein Lebensstil, der den Konsum sowie das Streben nach Reichtum und materiellen Besitztümern minimiert. Dein Leben durch weniger Konsum zu vereinfachen bedeutet, dass du weniger ausgeben (und auch weniger Schulden haben) wirst. Vorteile finanzieller Unabhängigkeit können zum Beispiel weniger Stress und Sorgen sein. Dies könnte einer großen Menge Menschen nützen: Einer Studie aus Großbritannien von 2018 zufolge, in der 2.000 Leute befragt wurden, haben 40 Prozent der Bevölkerung Geldsorgen. “Ein einfaches Leben zu führen heißt, sich von allen unwesentlichen Dingen zu befreien, um deine Zeit und Energie auf das zu konzentrieren, das dir am wichtigsten ist.” Um deinen Konsum einzuschränken wirf zuerst einen Blick auf deine Ausgaben und überlege, wofür du dein Geld ausgibst. Der Coffee to go? Das neueste iPhone oder Samsung? Netflix und andere zeitvertreibende Abos? Die Fitnessstudio-Mitgliedschaft, die du fast nie nutzt? Es gibt so viele Möglichkeiten, unsere Ausgaben einzuschränken, also kündige, was du nicht brauchst und ändere deine Gewohnheiten. Bei der Durchsicht deiner Ausgaben fallen dir vielleicht auch noch Abos auf, die du schon längst vergessen hast... Setze dir als zweites zum Ziel, alle noch bestehenden Schulden zu begleichen und nur noch im Rahmen deiner Mittel zu leben. Hör auf, ungebremst Kreditkarten zu benutzen und setze dir stattdessen ein monatliches Budget. Und drittens, falls du entschieden hast, deine materiellen Besitztümer zu vereinfachen: Verdien ein bisschen nebenbei, indem du unnötigen Kram bei eBay oder ähnlichen Anbietern verkaufst (alternativ kannst du den Kram oder den Erlös natürlich auch spenden). Falls du entschieden hast, dein Sozialleben zu vereinfachen, um dich auf Dinge wie deine Verbindung zur Natur, Spaziergänge oder Meditation zu konzentrieren, wird das deinem Bankkonto ebenfalls gut tun, denn die meisten dieser Aktivitäten sind kostenlos oder bedürfen nur geringer Ausgaben. 4. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen ist großartig für deine Gesundheit Ein einfacher Lebensstil kann auch vorteilhaft für deine körperliche und geistige Gesundheit sein. Eine 2014 im Journal of Personality and Social Psychology veröffentlichte Studie stellte eine Verbindung zwischen Materialismus (der Wertschätzung von Besitztümern und Geld) und schlechter geistiger Gesundheit fest. Das Team des Knox College in Illinois entdeckte auch eine noch stärkere Verbindung zwischen Materialismus und risikoreichem, gesundheitsschädlichem Verhalten, beispielsweise Rauchen, Alkohol- und Drogenkonsum. Es macht also Sinn, dass das Gegenteil, nämlich eine nicht-materialistische Einstellung zu haben, sich positiv für die Gesundheit auswirken kann. Diese Theorie wurde durch eine Umfrage der University of Sciences in Pennsylvania gestützt, die ergab, dass 90 Prozent der Menschen, die sich als Anhänger der Bewegung für ein einfaches Leben sehen, angaben, ihre körperliche Gesundheit habe sich nach ihrem Entschluss, weniger Geld zu verdienen, verbessert. Beinahe genauso viele Befragte behaupteten, dass sich auch ihre geistige Gesundheit gebessert habe. Der Grund dafür kann sein, dass ein einfaches Leben weniger Stress und mehr Ruhe bedeutet. Ein einfaches Leben auf dem Land © shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Diese Vorteile können durch mehr mit der Familie oder Freunden verbrachte Zeit, gesteigerte körperliche Aktivität und einen Karrierewechsel hin zu einer erfüllenderen und weniger geldorientierten Arbeit begründet sein. Außerdem ziehen die Menschen, die sich auf ein einfaches Leben konzentrieren oft weg aus städtischen Zentren aufs Land oder an die See, was in aller Regel auch gut für die Gesundheit ist. Eine Studie der University of Exeter aus dem Jahr 2012 zeigte, dass Küstenbewohner in Großbritannien gesünder sind als Stadtbewohner. Es wird angenommen, dass dies zum Teil an vermindertem Stress durch das Leben am Meer und mehr Möglichkeiten für körperliche Aktivität liegt. Die Küste bietet ebenfalls sauberere, gesündere Luft, die besseren Schlaf fördert (von dem wir wissen, dass er für gute geistige Gesundheit essentiell ist). Und generell gibt uns die Natur mit ihrer Atmosphäre und ihren Geräuschen und Gerüchen mehr positive Energie als Verkehrslärm und Abgase dies können 5. Ein einfaches Leben bedeutet gesteigerte Konzentration Materielle Besitztümer und soziale Verpflichtungen einzuschränken geht mit einer Verringerung von störenden Einflüssen und damit auch weniger körperlicher und mentaler Ablenkung einher. Während du dein Leben vereinfachst und häusliches Chaos durch viel zu viele Dinge beseitigst, schaffst du Raum, um zu atmen und dich sorgsamer auf das Wesentliche zu konzentrieren. Tatsächlich ist bewiesen, dass die Beseitigung von Unordnung in deinem Heim die Konzentration steigert. Forscher am Princeton University Neuroscience Institute haben die Auswirkung von Unordnung untersucht und die Ergebnisse im Journal of Neuroscience veröffentlicht. Sie zogen den Schluss, dass Unordnung in deinem Heim und deinem Arbeitsumfeld zu beseitigen die Fähigkeit, sich auf Informationen zu konzentrieren und sie zu verarbeiten, deutlich verbessert. Ihre Forschung zeigte auch, dass Menschen in ordentlichen Umgebungen sich weniger reizbar fühlen, produktiver und weniger häufiger abgelenkt sind. Nicht ohne Grund haben viele erfolgreiche Kreative einen ablenkungsfreien Arbeitsplatz. “ Einfach zu leben kann uns helfen, Sinn zu finden und spirituell zu wachsen, da es den Fokus von materiellen Besitztümern nimmt und uns hilft, nach innen zu blicken.” Dein Leben durch Fokussierung auf nur eine Aufgabe auf einmal zu vereinfachen, anstatt Multitasking zu betreiben, kann ebenfalls deine Konzentration steigern. Multitasking wurde als effektiv angepriesen, aber Psychology Today berichtet, dass es tatsächlich die Leistungsfähigkeit um bis zu 40 Prozent verringern kann. Viele von uns beschäftigen sich ständig mit verschiedenen Technologien: Im Durchschnitt alle 12 Minuten schauen wir auf unser Handy, was weitere Ablenkungen und Unterbrechungen hervorruft und unsere Fähigkeit uns zu konzentrieren beeinflusst. Entscheide dich, dein Leben zu vereinfachen, indem du diese Unterbrechungen reduzierst: Schalte soziale Medien ganz ab oder reduziere die Zeit, die du damit verbringst und schalte Push-Mitteilungen aus. 6. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen ist gut für die Umwelt Während die hier beschriebenen Vorteile für ein einfaches Leben für uns persönlich eindeutig sind, funktioniert ein einfaches Leben auch wunderbar für die weitere Umgebung. Es wurde bereits erforscht, dass, wenn jeder so viel konsumieren würde wie der durchschnittliche US Bürger, es vierer Erden bedürfe, um den Bedarf weiterhinzu decken. Weniger zu konsumieren und weniger materielle Besitztümer zu haben verringert die Menge an Abfall, die eine Person produziert. Es gibt in der Tat viele praktische Arten, auf die du deine Gewohnheiten ändern kannst, um einfacher zu leben und damit dir, deiner Umgebung und der Umwelt zu helfen. Ein guter Anfang ist damit gemacht, weniger Kleidung zu kaufen. Aufgrund von sich schnell wandelnder Mode (Stichwort: Fast Fashion) ist die Textilindustrie inzwischen eine der größten Umweltverschmutzer und Energieverbraucher über ihre gesamte Lieferkette. Und dazu kommen noch die menschenunwürdigen Arbeitsbedingungen in den meist ostasiatischen Herstellerländern. Fragen wir uns doch einfach mal: Wer verdient am meisten, wenn wir für ein trendiges Shirt nur 4,99 € bezahlen? Klare Antwort: Die Näher*innen sind es nicht mit ca. 0,18 € Stundenlohn. Wiederverwerte oder spende alte Kleidung © shutterstock/wavebreakmedia Wir kaufen heutzutage 400 Prozent mehr Kleidung als noch vor zwei Jahrzehnten. Circa 80 Milliarden Kleidungsstücke werden jährlich gekauft und die USA allein produziert jedes Jahr 11 Millionen Tonnen Textilabfall. Wähle also statt billiger Fast Fashion lieber Klamotten, die länger halten und die du, wenn sie nicht mehr passen in der Wertstofftonne entsorgen kannst. Und wenn du durch dein neues einfaches Leben mehr Zeit fürs Wesentliche hast, warum verarbeitest du deine abgelegte Kleidung nicht einfach weiter? Aus einem Shirt kann eine Einkaufstasche werden, aus einem Pulli ein cooler Kissenbezug und wirklich abgenutzte Baumwollklamotten haben ein zweites Leben als Putztücher. Es gibt auch viele andere Arten, durch die Einschränkung von Konsum und Abfallproduktion die Umwelt zu schützen. Zum Beispiel, indem du eine wiederverwendbare Flasche kaufst, anstatt in Wegwerfplastik zu “investieren”. Und erfreue dich an dem, was du bereits hast, statt dir immer die neueste Technik zu holen. Als Konsumenten denken wir nur selten über die Auswirkungen nach, wenn wir etwas kaufen. An die Arbeiter in den Fabriken zum Beispiel, die das Produkt hergestellt haben, die Reise des Produktes zum Geschäft, wie die Verpackung produziert wurde, etc. Ein einfaches Leben zu führen bedeutet, aufmerksamer auf das zu achten, was du konsumierst und über die Reise eines Produktes sowie die Auswirkungen auf die Umwelt nachzudenken, weshalb deine Einkäufe durchdachter sind. Du entwickelst das wichtige Gespür dafür, was tatsächlich sein muss und was du und die Umwelt nicht braucht. Fazit zum Thema “einfaches Leben“ Dem chinesischen Philosophen Konfuzius nach, ist “das Leben wirklich einfach, jedoch bestehen wir darauf, es kompliziert zu machen“. Dem muss ich zustimmen. Für mich ist klar, dass die wissenschaftlich erwiesenen Vorteile für ein einfaches Leben enorm sind und zu gesteigerter Zufriedenheit beitragen. Einfaches Leben und Nachhaltigkeit gehen Hand in Hand und eine gesündere Umwelt wird zu besserer Lebensqualität der kommenden Generationen führen. Wenn du ein einfaches Leben beginnst und lebst, dann sammelst du Erinnerungen und Erfahrungen statt Besitztümer und davon landet nichts in der Mülltonne! Geschrieben von Calvin Holbrook Calvin gestaltet unser englischsprachiges Magazin, er liebt schwimmen, Yoga zu praktizieren, zu House & Techno zu tanzen, und vor allem alles, was vintage ist! Und nebenher ist er auch noch ein grossartiger Kollagen-Künstler. Hier mehr von ihm.