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Posted (edited)

I was a Captain in the Police Force. Evidence against high up political figures were found and they told people it is a conspiracy of a extremist group and every 4 in 5 people in police department is a member of this group. So, we were hunted one by one with no evidence to support these claims. There were severe abuses that last about a year for me and I wanted to quit but my father signed a paper that if I quit, I would owe an amount which is impossible for me to pay. After a ridiculous claim, I was sent to disciplinary committee. I had video proof against it but I still got the punishment. After a week later, second one was made. I told my mind to people responsible in public. Had a small nervous breakdown. I was sent to psychiatric evaluation. I was given 3 months paid leave and given a position with smaller responsibilities. One of the highest ranking officers told me of regret for my condition and offered to talk. When I got there, he ripped my new assignment papers, called me a traitor, gave me a resignation paper to sign. He said if I don't sign it, he would make whole department fuck me one by one. I idioticly curled up to a ball and began screaming. Conversive episode it seems. Abuses got worse and I have severe CPTSD from the ordeal. Worst part is I am having rage episodes which I break stuff to relieve pressure on my head. I tried many professional help which helped only little. I am at a point I want to take my own life because I am nothing but a burden to people around me.

Edited by Ihsan07
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Posted
vor 2 Stunden, schrieb Ihsan07:

I am at a point I want to take my own life because I am nothing but a burden to people around me.

That's just wrong.

From what you wrote, you just did your job and there is nothing to be ashamend for.

This is very different from country to country, but some country's politics can do what they want appearently and that's not your fault.

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Posted

Maybe I am not at fault but it is so hard to live with these symptoms. My wife was scared I was gonna go after their lifes during my episodes but I have never hurt another human being seriously in my entire life. Still I understand it may be scary to live with someone who is suffering from CPTSD. I am alone. I can't focus on anything as it triggers panic attacks, so I can't work. I feel out of place for this world.

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Posted
vor 2 Minuten, schrieb Ihsan07:

My wife was scared I was gonna go after their lifes during my episodes but I have never hurt another human being seriously in my entire life.

Sports can help to get rid of your agressions. When things are serious, you could also see a psychiatrist.

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Posted
Oh my GOD ūüė¶ I can hardly believe this!!! Please message me! I‚Äôd like to speak privately if that is ok with you. I‚Äôm so very sorry for what you are going through right now. Sending you love and warmth during this crucial and brutal time for you friend. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you as well. And do not take your life. Pray! Pray everyday!! To whom ever it is you believe in!! No judgement here! I hope to hear from you.
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You need a healing rising star healing look up derek oneil. Rising star healing
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Transcendental meditation and learning rising star got me into Enlightenment truth
No lord. Mindfullness. You are not wrong doing right action. Ask Jesus for help go call Derek lives in Ireland contact rising star healing
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