Does anyone else feel like they are "in-between" growth stages?

[Li****]

Recently, I have found myself unable to tolerate forums/chats devoted to life problems.  I am not sure about this, but I think I have grown beyond them, and it leaves me in a wierd state of being "in between" growth stages.  I'm not doing GREAT, but neither am I doing poorly, and therefore, I am finding I need to stop being around people and things that are negative or in a negative state.  I feel very much like i need to surround myself with more positive people.  Hence, I signed up for this site!  Does anyone feel this way, or have you dealt with this before?  How did you handle it?  I want to be as kind as i can, without being a doormat, and as strong as i can, without being a jerk.  LOL.  Please help!  Thanks!

[fi****]

Growth is inevitable to get where you want to be. Honestly, we should all be seeking growth and development to become better versions of ourselves. Your growth is phenomenal. Big or small. You may not be where you should be but you're far from where you were and most people who are down just need to know what you've already accomplished is possible. As we grow, if the opportunity arises to boost and encourage others that's a blessing. There's no obligation but it's a great way to give back.

[Li****]

13 hours ago, findingmyzen_22 said:

Growth is inevitable to get where you want to be. Honestly, we should all be seeking growth and development to become better versions of ourselves. Your growth is phenomenal. Big or small. You may not be where you should be but you're far from where you were and most people who are down just need to know what you've already accomplished is possible. As we grow, if the opportunity arises to boost and encourage others that's a blessing. There's no obligation but it's a great way to give back.

Thank you zen - I am grateful for your comments.  I do know that giving back is important, and I want to do that, but I also want to protect myself in that process.  It's just too easy to "fall" into traps laid by manipulative types and I have no desire to go back to where I was.  I want to keep moving forward in a way that is compassionate to myself and others.  I am grateful to be where I am right now, and for all that I have fought for.  I want to keep going, not get stuck in this inbetween state.  Thanks for your insight.  It helped.  

[fi****]

You're very welcome and I apologize for the rant lol I honestly understand where you're coming from. I've been the person people liked to "unload" on. Don't feel too obligated that you unable to protect your own peace. Remind yourself it's ok to be selfish and put yourself first if necessary. Those who truly appreciate you will respect your time, space, and energy🙂

[zy****]

I was in a quite similar situation, when I was looking for a relationship.

I wanted to be nice but not too nice to appear boring.

And I wanted to be cool,  but not too cool to be a jerk.

 

My solution was to start neutral and being myself.

Then I adjust depending on the other persons reactions, because the reactions show me, how the person feels about something.

So if a person doesn't want to talk about something, I offer to listen, but I dont force it.

And If the person likes my humor, I continue my humor.

 

I think, an important thing is to set boundaries:

If someone is disrespectful, that someone has to apologize or I leave.

If someone doesn't appear to a meeting without cancelling it, there will be no next meeting.

It's not my job to make someone happy, to enterntain or to convice someone of me.

If someone doesn't like who I am, that's fine.

And if someone didn't convince me, I don't have to keep the connection alive just because of feeling alone.

 

This way I respect myself, other people feel that and respect me too. And being respected is being cool without being a jerk. It's all about confidence.

[Li****]

Totally agree that it's important to set boundaries with your friendships and relationships! And it's also totally okay to tell a friend if you are not in the right headspace or mentally capable to deal with their unloading. We all have good days and bad, and if it starts to affect your mental health or your wellbeing you should be able to be honest about that too. 

[Tine]

Thank you @Lily1876 for raising such an important topic.

 

The "mantra" I use to balance self-care and compassion is "You can't pour from an empty cup."

And when I need to refill my own cup that's where boundaries come in. Some people come to refill you cup, some send you to take care of refilling it yourself, others won't refill it but accept that you need to do it and some won't let you, they just want you to keep pouring. And that's where the boundaries come in.