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Positive energizers are optimistic souls that naturally radiate good vibes to others. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. offers up the 7 traits of positive energizers and explains how you can nurture more positive relational energy in your life, building happiness. I recently came across the notion of positive relational energy and I immediately remembered something that happened during my college volunteer days. We were working with emotionally heavy cases – stories of trauma and disadvantage that stayed with you long after the day ended. One evening, our team met to report on progress, and we were all visibly drained. One of the coordinators walked in, carrying a tray of mismatched mugs and those overly sweet 3-in-1 instant coffee packs we all secretly loved. But it wasn’t the coffee that lit up the room – she cracked a soft joke about how we ourselves were one emotional breakdown away from qualifying for group therapy, and – genuinely – asked how we were doing. Energy is contagious: positive energizers know it! Of course, that moment didn’t change much in the burden we were carrying. But you could clearly see how the energy shifted. We laughed together and the heaviness dissipated. We all grabbed that straw of optimism and held on to it. If a conversation such as this has ever left you feeling unexpectedly lighter, you’ve probably felt the effects of positive relational energy. Let’s unpack what this concept means, how it works, and how you can become one of these people with positive, contagious energy. What Is Positive Relational Energy? Energy is contagious; I intuitively knew that all of my life. Some people walk into a room and lift the entire emotional atmosphere. Others literally drain life force out of you. “Positive relational energy refers to the uplifting and energizing effect that some people have on others. In simpler terms, when we interact, we exchange not only information but also a dynamic flow of energy.” This interpersonal effect is known as relational energy – a term Kim Cameron explored in detail. According to him, positive relational energy refers to the uplifting and energizing effect that some people have on others. In simpler terms, when we interact, we exchange not only information but also a dynamic flow of energy: Positive relational energy is the kind that inspires, motivates, and leaves people feeling better. It’s more than optimism or a forced “good vibes” act. It is grounded in genuine empathy, presence, and authentic connection. On the other hand, negative relational energy manifests as cynicism, constant complaining, competitiveness, or emotional withdrawal. We often label these people energy vampires (because even short interactions with them can leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted). Although Cameron focuses primarily on the effects of positive relational energy in leadership, this vibrant and uplifting exchange can occur naturally in all forms of communication, for example: A family member’s supportive presence can de-escalate conflict or reinforce bonding. A positive energizer can make friends feel secure, seen, and recharged – turning even ordinary moments into sources of connection and strength. In psychotherapy, we can also say that we rely on such positive relational energy to form rapport. So, in essence, relational energy is that invisible current we exchange during shared experiences. 7 Qualities of Someone with Positive Relational Energy Positive relational energy is more than that instinctive feeling that energy is contagious. In fact, it is measurable – and it has been measured – as well as its effects. Within a work environment, research suggests that teams with more positive energizers are more productive, resilient, and cohesive. According to the same study, leaders who create positive relational energy “display humility, authenticity, work passion, humor, trust, spiritual leadership, and servant leadership.” Let’s examine how these individuals’ positivity is contagious and what traits they possess: 1. They’re emotionally attuned Positive energizers are also empaths. They notice how others feel and have high emotional intelligence. They have an emotional radar that picks up others’ discomfort, disengagement, or tension. And most importantly, they respond with warmth and non-judgment. 2. They listen deeply People endowed with positive relational energy make people feel heard. They nod, reflect, and create a safe space. They go beyond active listening and give the kind of attention that says: “You matter.” Deep listening is a key trait of positive energizers 3. They elevate rather than compete It is not always easy to genuinely celebrate others’ wins. Envy is defined as “an unpleasant, often painful emotion characterized by feelings of inferiority, hostility, and resentment caused by an awareness of a desired attribute enjoyed by another person or group,” by researchers who reviewed empirical and theoretical work on this feeling. “Choosing to be a positive energizer doesn’t mean denying stress or sugarcoating reality. It is about appreciating the beauty of life and passing that appreciation onto others.” Despite its negative hue, most of us tend to experience envy at some point in our lives. Positive energizers, conversely, don’t rely on comparison to feel worthy. Their energy reinforces mutual success, not status games. 4. They radiate solution-focused optimism People whose positivity is contagious also have bad days. However, they don’t focus on problems – but on paths guiding everyone out of trouble. Their default tone is constructive, not corrosive. 5. They use humor wisely Positive energizers know when to bring lightheartedness – as well as when not to. A light, playful remark at the right moment can defuse tension, and these individuals know just the right dose of humor. 6. They’re generous with genuine praise and gratitude Praise, appreciation, and gratitude can have a profoundly positive impact on both the giver and the receiver. If someone carries that positive relational energy, they will notice what’s going right and say it out loud. In this way, their contagious energy boosts not only individual moods but also team morale. RELATED: Happy Habits: 12 Ways to Build Joy Levels Daily The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effect of Being Nice When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! 7. They model integrity and trust People feel safe around a person whose positivity is contagious. Why? They behave in this manner in all life situations. They are consistently positive and respectful. That safety is part of the energy they radiate. How Can I Develop More Positive Relational Energy? You don’t need to be born as a positive energiser. Much like empathy or leadership, positive relational energy can be nurtured. Here’s how you can take the traits outlined above and turn them into intentional habits and small, everyday actions: 1. Enter the room with intentional awareness The foundation for positive energy exchange is mindful presence. Start building awareness of yourself and your effect on others. You can try to: Take a mental note of how your mood might be affecting others whenever you interact with them. Pause before meetings or conversations to ask yourself: “What energy am I bringing into this space?” Be conscious of your non-verbal communication, too (body language, gestures, etc). 2. Rewire your internal world and fill it with gratitude Gratitude shifts your focus from a scarcity to an abundance mindset – and people feel that shift. What is more, it becomes contagious. These are some of the practices you can try: A quick “what went well today” reflection at the end of each day. Expressing appreciation out loud, even for small things. 3. Use listening as a relational tool, not just a social skill We often think we’re listening when we’re really just waiting for our turn to speak! When you intentionally listen, it is not a void space – active and mindful listening creates energy. To develop in this area: Release the need to mentally script your response. Offer simple reflections like, “That sounds tough,” or “You seem excited about this.” 4. Become a calm source of momentum People with positive relational energy aren’t relentlessly cheerful and bubbly. However, they tend not to cling to their problems. Here are a couple of ideas on how to develop that forward-focused mindset and “infect” others with it: Practice asking “What’s one small thing we can do next?” when conversations spiral into frustration. Stay curious and open, rather than critical. Spread good vibes to others through positive relational energy 5. Infuse lightness without losing depth Humor isn’t just about making people laugh. It’s about reminding others (and yourself) that not everything is heavy all the time. Moreover, it has been proven to facilitate relationship-building. So, start using yours to promote positive relational energy and: Sprinkle in jokes, harmless observations, or share uplifting stories. Use playful tones as emotional palate cleansers during tough conversations. 6. Forgive (with boundaries) Even if we think we’re good at hiding it, unresolved resentment leaks into interactions. “People with positive relational energy aren’t relentlessly cheerful and bubbly. However, they tend not to cling to their problems.” Of course, we’re not promoting letting someone off the hook if what they did was terribly wrong. Still, forgiveness sets you free to relate more fully if the transgression wasn’t that severe (if it was, you are fully entitled to set healthy boundaries). How to practice forgiveness intentionally? Practice small acts of emotional release (journaling or reframing). 7. Treat consistency as a superpower To be energizing, you need to make others feel safe around you. In other words, it is about being steady, respectful, and present. Here’s how: Show up in a way that people can count on, even when you’re tired. Guard your integrity, so others will know it’s safe to follow your lead. Takeaway: Choose to Radiate Positive Contagious Energy Whether we realize it or not, we’re constantly transmitting. Our voice, demeanour, and words form an energetic signature that affects those around us. Most of the time, we don’t think about this too much. Yet, if you want to be that positive, energizing force in the world, you can deliberately change how you radiate. Choosing to be a positive energizer doesn’t mean denying stress or sugarcoating reality. It is about appreciating the beauty of life and passing that appreciation onto others. It is the kind of contagious energy that brings about genuine change. ● Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/Tint Media, shutterstock/LightField Studios happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

There are many different types of Buddhism. Ann Vrlak explains the unique components of the main four Buddhist branches: Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana, and Chan/Zen. You don’t need to wear a robe or shave your head to explore Buddhism. This worldwide religion is practiced by people who want tools to live more simply and mindfully, all the way to those who want to dive deep into a more spiritual lifestyle. To take a quick look back, Buddhism was born over 2,500 years ago in the region now known as northern India. With the help of a vast web of trade routes, Buddhism spread across Asia, and eventually around the world. The Buddha’s teachings were influenced by the various cultures they came into contact with, to create many different forms of Buddhism. These adaptations are both cultural and personal. For example, a culture might place high value on community. Or, someone might have a personal value of individual responsibility. The good news is, the branches of Buddhism now offer a doorway for everyone to enter. Buddhism has multiple branches: which suits you best? Let's take a look at the four most prominent types of Buddhism: Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana and Chan/Zen Buddhism. 1. Theravada Buddhism If you’re drawn to learning about personal awakening and responsibility, Theravada is the branch of buddhism to begin with. It is the oldest surviving branch of Buddhism and the most traditional, practiced primarily in Southeast Asia: Thailand, Laos, Sri Lanka, Myanmar and Cambodia. Theravada Buddhism has a structured, disciplined approach to spiritual growth. Building self-awareness is key – examining how the teachings are reflected in your unique life circumstances and challenges. “If you’re drawn to learning about personal awakening and responsibility, Theravada buddhism is the place to begin. It is the oldest surviving branch of Buddhism.” This school of Buddhism has a foundation of deep practice, always favouring direct experience over conceptual understanding. The ultimate goal is individual enlightenment: liberation from suffering. Theravada Buddhism is grounded and practical, with insight and mindfulness meditation as the central practices. They are integrated into daily living, as well as long periods of meditation and contemplation. This intense practice is honourable, whether it’s done by those on the monastic path or everyday practitioners. In a nutshell Theravada offers a step-by-step, structured approach to personal awakening. 2. Mahayana Buddhism The “Great Vehicle” is used to describe Mahayana Buddhism. Mahayana expanded from India, into China, Japan, Vietnam and Korea to become one of the most influential schools of Buddhism. While Theravada puts individual enlightenment at the centre of its philosophy and practice, Mahayana believes the goal is awakening for the sake of all beings. In fact, Mahayana sees individual enlightenment as a contradiction or misunderstanding. To highlight that perspective, this type of Buddhism uses the core idea of the bodhisattva. This is someone who devotes themselves to practice not only for themselves, but for others. In fact, the selflessness of the bodhisattva is said to be so pure they “hold themselves back” from total enlightenment until all beings can join them. Meditation is a key component of Theravada Buddhism For Mahayana Buddhists, development of compassion is given equal importance to wisdom. True wisdom is not realized, unless it is interwoven with compassion. So, Mahayana practice focuses more on a direct awakening of the heart. There is a wide range of practices and texts, based on the belief that there are many “skillful means” to open one’s heart. Practices include chanting, visualizations and devotions. In a nutshell If placing compassion at the centre of your spiritual life feels best to you, embracing the benefits to others, begin with the Mahayana branch of Buddhism. 3. Vajrayana Buddhism Vajrayana Buddhism grew out of the Mahayana tradition and is its most elaborate form. If you have seen any of the Dalai Lama’s rituals or temples, you had a glimpse of the complex world of Vajrayana Buddhism: mandalas, sand paintings, deities, symbols and chanting. This “Diamond Vehicle” of Buddhism came to its most intricate expression in Tibet and the Himalayan Regions of Nepal and Northern India. “Which type of Buddhism calls to you? Each has its own way to understand and engage with our human experience.” It is these rituals and objects that differentiate Vajrayana Buddhism from other schools of Buddhism. These are much more than symbolic.They are intended to directly affect your mind and energy. Contemplating a mandala, for example, does not engage your thinking mind. It resonates with a deeper way of seeing life’s patterns. This branch of Buddhism, more than others, is considered a serious commitment that depends on a relationship with a teacher. In a nutshell If you’d like to learn a casual meditation practice, one of the other types of Buddhism is best. Vajrayana Buddhism is for you if you want to dedicate yourself to consistent inner work with an established teacher. 4. Chan/Zen Buddhism Now, we go to the other end of the complexity spectrum to Chan/Zen Buddhism. In both China (Chan Buddhism) and later in Japan (Zen Buddhism), practitioners wanted a stripped-down, essential spiritual philosophy and practice. Chan/Zen Buddhism centres on ideas that might sound familiar to you: simplicity and mindfulness in everyday activities, and direct experience of the awakened view through disruptive practices. Let’s briefly look at these concepts, especially the latter. Mindfulness is core to Chan/Zen Buddhism Chan/Zen encourages mindfulness and practices around every action you take; honouring everything, no matter how small. This idea is behind tea ceremonies and creation of rock gardens. When you do simple, mundane activities, with full attention and reverence, something rich shines through. RELATED: Visualization Meditation: How to Practice it Do Buddhists Believe in God? What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Koans are one of Chan/Zen’s most infamous tools. These are paradoxical sayings that your mind can’t untangle, so not only does it become frustrated, but it temporarily “goes offline.” When your day-to-day mind lets go, a direct experience of reality breaks through. In a nutshell If using tools to bypass your usual way of thinking is exciting to you, try Chan/Zen koans. They are creative, surprising ways to wake up your mind. Chan/Zen Buddhism is also a powerful way to begin a practice that embraces mindfulness of everyday actions. Takeaway: Types of Buddhism Which branch of Buddhism calls to you? Each has its own way to understand and engage with our human experience. The four types of Buddhism we have talked about here offer a doorway in for people with different goals and personalities. And, if you want to explore, there's no reason you can’t try all of them. See which buddhism type supports you best in areas you care about – and that might be different at different stages of your life. Curiosity is all you need to begin. ● Images: shutterstock/Dilok Klaisataporn, shutterstock/Christophe Badouet, shutterstock/Microgen happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Altruism | Acceptance | Ethics & Morals Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Is it possible to hack happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explores 8 research-backed strategies that can help us intentionally cultivate greater contentment in our daily lives. Happiness can often feel elusive – all of us wish to lead fulfilling, joyful lives, but ironically, the pursuit can be exhausting. The UN-sponsored World Happiness Report mirrors this paradox, with the rankings for the United States dropping sharply from 15th spot in 2023 to 24th in 2025. Emerging issues like loneliness and inflation have been cited as the major contributors to this decline. The happiness rankings for the United Kingdom continue to plummet too, with the plunge to the 23rd place all the way from 20th the year before. Meanwhile, the country that has consistently topped the World Happiness Ranking for the eighth consecutive year is Finland, sparking global intrigue about what makes the Finnish way of life so favourable and if there’s a way to make these principles – or happiness ‘hacks’ – relevant and actionable for the rest of the world. What are happiness hacks? Happiness hacks are simple, effective strategies devised to boost one’s overall wellbeing and enhance levels. You can think of them as psychological tricks to make yourself happy or simply ‘happy habits’ that, when put consistently into practice, can make a long-term impact. Strengthening social connections is a key happiness hack According to Alex Palmer, New York Times-bestselling author of Happiness Hacks: 100% Scientific! Curiously Effective!, “Small changes today can lead to big changes tomorrow. And that’s where happiness starts.” In essence, happiness hacks are small, intentional changes that can result in significant improvements in one’s mood, outlook, and life-satisfaction levels. So, how can I increase my happiness? While your genetic makeup and life circumstances do influence your happiness baseline to a great extent, research suggests that happiness can also be a conscious choice. Boosting happiness levels requires intentional effort on one’s behalf, and the happiness hacks listed here can help improve your wellbeing levels over time. 8 happiness hacks that deliver We’ve gathered some evidence-based insights – some familiar, others unexpected – to make the pursuit of happiness more achievable (and enjoyable). Here are eight happiness hacks or strategies to help you lead a more meaningful, joy-filled life. 1. Strengthen your social connections A groundbreaking Harvard study involving 724 participants over 85 years found that the most important key to a happy life isn’t wealth or success but having strong, healthy relationships. In other words, hacking happiness begins with developing enriching social connections and nurturing relationships that matter to you. RELATED: The 6 Qualities of True Friendship The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits No Friends? Here's How to Make New Ones as an Adult To keep these relationships healthy and enriching, experts suggest practicing ‘social fitness,’ which refers to taking stock of one’s friendships and connections, evaluating these social connections and devising a realistic plan to devote time and effort to strengthen them. 2. Spend time in nature Spending time outdoors in nature has been linked to numerous physical and mental health benefits, including better heart health, lesser stress levels, and even lower mortality rates, according to Heather Eliassen, professor of nutrition and epidemiology at Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health. She explains, “Exposure to green space results in mental restoration and increased positive emotions and decreased anxiety and rumination.” “Happiness hacks are simple, effective strategies devised to boost one’s overall wellbeing and enhance happiness levels. You can think of them as psychological tricks to make yourself happy.” Another study links spending 120 minutes a week in nature to wellbeing and happiness. Hacking happiness, therefore, can be as simple as reconnecting with nature by stepping out to soak up some sunshine or taking a peaceful stroll in a park as you breathe fresh air. Take this happiness hack further by incorporating the calming power of meditation and try meditating in nature. 3. Break a sweat Regular physical activity is well-documented for improving overall wellbeing, relieving stress, and alleviating signs of depression. So, if you’re wondering how to hack happiness, get your blood pumping with a form of exercise you enjoy, be it strength training, Zumba, swimming, or dancing. Even a brisk 20-minute walk can elevate your mood by triggering the release of endorphins – your body’s ‘feel-good’ hormones that promote relaxation and a positive attitude. Hike in the hills and combine two happiness hacks at once (nature and exercise) 4. Healthy food, healthy mood A growing body of research supports the idea that you are what you eat. Simply put, since food fuels your brain and body to perform their required functions, the quality and composition of the food determine how you feel and function. What you eat has a direct effect on your brain function and mood. RELATED: The Gut-Brain Axis: Understanding Mood and Food Additionally, studies indicate a strong connection between gut health and emotional wellbeing, with any imbalance in the gut microbiome potentially resulting in low mood and signs of depression. Thus, hacking happiness can begin on your plate, preferably with a balanced diet consisting of lean proteins, green leafy vegetables, legumes and healthy fats. 5. Invest in therapy Sometimes, even with all the psychological tricks to make yourself happy, you may find your inner fears and limiting beliefs holding you back. In such situations, taking the next step toward a fulfilling life may feel challenging without external support, such as good counselling. In fact, a 2009 study by the University of Warwick and the University of Manchester found that therapy could be up to 32 times more effective at making you happier than making more money through a pay raise or a lottery win. While the idea of seeking therapy can feel daunting, understanding that it may help uncover your authentic potential and propel you toward your best self can make it a step worth taking. 6. Minimize your choices Living in the digital age has conditioned us to believe that having more choice means more freedom. However, it can also result in decision fatigue. As a matter of fact, an experiment by Stanford professor Baba Shiv uncovered that facing a constant multitude of choices can place a ‘cognitive load’ on the brain, negatively impacting your decision-making ability and mental peace. Therefore, if you’re wondering how to hack happiness, try narrowing your choices – not by avoiding or delaying decisions, but by streamlining your decision-making process. 7. Experience the magic of novelty often While a set routine can boost productivity, introducing novelty occasionally in your schedule can enhance your wellbeing and spark happiness, according to a 2020 study published in Nature Neuroscience. “People feel happier when they have more variety in their daily routines – when they go to novel places and have a wider array of experiences,” explains Catherine Hartley, assistant professor at New York University's department of psychology and co-author of this study. “Hacking happiness begins with developing enriching social connections and nurturing relationships that matter to you.” So, if you’ve been feeling stuck or bored with life, it may be time to embrace the magic of novelty. Liz Moody, the creator of the viral neuroplasticity hack ‘Novelty Rule,’ emphasizes that these novel experiences don’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Instead, hacking happiness through novelty could be as simple as brushing your teeth with non-dominant hand, a tiny addition in your routine, such as creative journaling, learning a language, or a new experiment in the kitchen. Travel can be a way to welcome novelty as well. “You needn’t even go very far,” Karyn Hall, author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person, explained to Psychology Today: “Even a day trip to a nearby town can offer fresh sights and experiences.” You may be surprised by how many hidden gems exist not far from your doorstep! 8. Practice gratitude Humans are wired for negativity by default, but research suggests that expressing gratitude can help us shift our focus through enhanced neural sensitivity toward positive experiences. Robert Emmons, psychologist and professor at UC Davis, emphasized gratitude's social power in an article for Greater Good Magazine: “I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion, because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.” Daily gratitude journalling can build happiness levels Indeed, daily gratitude journaling can be an effective way to start hacking happiness – take 5 or 10 minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for and one meaningful experience you had the previous day. This happiness hack will gradually train your mind to embrace a positive outlook. What are Helsinki happiness hacks? According to a BBC report, some of the factors contributing to Finland’s robust happiness index can be attributed to the presence of a strong social welfare system, the country’s commitment to equality and well-being for its citizens, and low levels of corruption. “Daily gratitude journaling can be an effective way to start hacking happiness – take 5 or 10 minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for.” In addition to the institutional strengths, Finland’s cultural emphasis on spending more time in its abundance of nature plus the inherent attitude of resilience and strength in the Finnish people – known locally as sisu – are two of the widely-known wellness practices – or the so-called Helsinki happiness hacks – that contribute to their sustained overall happiness levels as well. Takeaway: How can I make myself happy? While happiness hacks are effective tools grounded in psychological research, these strategies may not always guarantee consistent happiness for everyone. In fact, a 2018 study found that the constant pursuit of happiness may sometimes leave you feeling not happy at all – mainly since striving too hard to be happy can ironically consume all the time one can spend being happy. That’s why it’s important to stay connected to your authentic self and understand what fulfills you – this self-awareness can render these happiness hacks more effective. Try being more intentional about living in the present – and make room to focus on the good mood here and now! ● Images: shutterstock/Tint Media, shutterstock/Vergani Fotografia, shutterstock/alexgo. photography happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Neuroscience | Stress management | Nature Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Many of us tend to shy away from the discomfort of uncertainty. However, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains, embracing the unknown and adapting to new situations often leads to personal growth and increased strength. The art of embracing the unknown should be a mandatory school subject. It is a skill most of us lack – which is only natural – and all of us necessitate. I am not an adventurist. It is probably not cool to admit that about yourself, but that is how it is. I have tried to avoid terrains that were out of my comfort zone for my whole life. Indeed, I am not the kind of person who will leave everything and go to Nepal to see how things will pan out. I do admire those people – but I am not one of them. However, no matter how fond of certainty I may be, life has got it in for me. Yes, it is unpredictable by definition. And always will be. Take the COVID-19 pandemic, for example. No one saw it coming. Many people had to make changes to how they work, socialise, live. It was a great unknown – and still is – but we have had to embrace the changes it has brought. Indeed, there will always be uncertainty in everybody’s life. So, how do we learn to accept and adapt to it? How can we embrace the unknown? Embracing the unknown and personality One of the most well-known, established, and used psychological tests, BIG-5, resides on an empirically confirmed assumption about five broad personality traits. One of those traits is openness to experience. This trait includes the following aspects: active imagination (fantasy) aesthetic sensitivity attentiveness to inner feelings preference for variety (adventurousness) intellectual curiosity challenging authority (psychological liberalism) People who score low on this scale are more conventional in their thinking and behaviour. They are usually closed to the unknown and new experiences. Such an individual prefers regular routines over new experiences. Open new doors and welcome the unknown Conversely, according to research, someone who has high openness to experience might have a broader range of interests. They could be more creative and knowledgeable because they are fine with uncertainty. In other words, such a person is not reluctant to jump right into new information and experience. Changing perspective to welcome the unknown Therefore, some people are simply more open to experiences. That is their personality trait. However, it only means embracing the unknown and the uncertainty of life comes naturally to them. It does not mean you cannot learn to shift your perspective and do the same. Let us explore several argument points that will help you shift your perspective from being afraid of uncertainty to embracing uncertainty. 1. Realise that everything is impermanent Obviously, nothing lasts for ever. But we secretly hope good things do. This is why we are so afraid of uncertainty. However, when you think about it, you will realise that you have never been 100 per cent certain about how things will unfold. Also, nothing ever stayed the same. All things pass. When you accept this thought, you might start feeling more confident about facing the unknown. 2. Letting go of attachment is beneficial When we cling to things and people, we suffer. It is one of the four noble truths in Buddhism. Attachment, albeit a natural human feeling, has a dark side to it. When you are attached to something, be it good, bad, or neutral, you become convinced you cannot go on without it. “Embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is everywhere, whether you like it or not. It is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders.” When you learn to let go of past hurts, hopes or anxieties about the future, you can then go with the flow of life and enjoy it without fear. 3. Every new path and experience means growth You always learn when you try something new, regardless of how successful or not you might have been. And with learning comes growth. It was once believed that we were born with all the neurons we would ever have. Nonetheless, we now know that new neurons get formed during adulthood, too. The same goes for new neural pathways. If your counterargument is: “It might be painful”, remember all the instances in which you endured pain for the sake of growth. Start with teething as an infant, for example. You would not relinquish your teeth because it hurt a little, would you not? Embrace the unknown: every new path means growth 4. Surviving the unknown makes you stronger It may be a cliché, but think of the unknown and uncertainty as an opportunity to survive and become stronger because of it. RELATED: Following Your Bliss: 5 Steps to Get Started The Time is Now: How to Stop Worrying About the Future One Upside to the Feeling of Uncertainty Unpredictable situations will arise, that is certain. They all bear valuable life lessons, no matter how petty or profound they may be. When you overcome obstacles and swim back out to the surface after a storm, you find yourself tougher and wiser than before. 5. There is always one thing you can control: your reactions When you fear uncertainty, you fear the loss of control. However, know that you can always control one thing, no matter what happens to you. Your reactions are absolutely in your power. Whatever happens, you will decide how to respond. We may not be able to control much of what happens to us in life, but we can choose how to handle the circumstances. So, ultimately, you do have control over uncertainty because you command your thoughts and behaviours. 6. The unknown can make life exciting Embracing the unknown comes with a recognition of the mysteriousness of life. Even though your first response might be: “Yes, I want to know my future!” upon closer introspection, you might be surprised. “To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Granada confirmed that most people do not really want to know what lies ahead. In fact, only 1 per cent of people consistently said they would want to know their future. Furthermore, between 40-70 per cent of participants in the study said they would not even want to know about the positive events in their future. The numbers for negative events are even higher – 85-90 per cent would not want to find out ahead about adversities that await them. To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles. Embrace Uncertainty: 6 Ways So, how can we learn to embrace the unknown if it is not our second skin? How do we learn to accept uncertainty and even enjoy it? Here are some ideas on how to stretch your comfort zone little by little: Stop overthinking and overplanning Trust your ability to land on your feet, no matter what happens. The next time you have a decision to make, embrace the unknown and do not try to predict your distant future. Stick with the immediate facts and choices. Learn to live in the present moment Another Buddhistic wisdom we all would benefit from – living in the now. We cannot change the past. We cannot predict the future. While we are trying the latter, we are missing out on the only thing we do have – the present moment. Indulge in spur-of-the-moment experiences I am not propagating recklessness or risky/unhealthy behaviour. However, when things are safe, do allow yourself some impulsiveness. I am talking about an unplanned trip with your friends, for example. Even taking an unplanned route to work or anywhere else could help you practice embracing the unknown. Do not compare your past experiences with what is happening right now. If you do, you might start acting on the basis of what had happened sometime before, not what is going on right now. And you could fear the outcomes that once ensued – but you do not know what will happen this time. Switch fear for curiosity A 2021 study published in Current Psychology revealed that mindfulness truly contributes to meaning in life. However, this relationship is mediated by curiosity and openness to experience. In other words, when you decide to be curious about what happens next, you will learn to embrace the unknown and uncertainty and, at the same time, help other beneficial psychological processes to evolve freely. Exercise gratitude When you develop the habit of being grateful, you also learn to notice how every situation brings something to be thankful for. Such a skill will help you embrace the unknown because you know that every cloud has a silver lining. Takeaway: Embracing the Unknown Uncertainty will always be a part of life. This is a given. And, paradoxically, the more you try to prepare for the unpredictable, the more surprised you may become. I am not saying you should give up on acquiring information, planning or developing your skill-set. You should always strive to be the most resilient and resourceful version of yourself. However, if you see the unknown as the enemy, chances are, you will not be able to enjoy the variety of life. The unknown comes with both the good and the bad. If you only expect enjoyable experiences and avoid anything new for your fear of adversities, you might miss out on half of life. So, embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is everywhere, whether you like it or not. When you welcome it into your existence, you will be at peace. Embracing the unknown is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders. • Images: shutterstock/everst, shutterstock/StunningArt happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Courage | Assertiveness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

The laws of karma say that everything we do in life – good or bad – has consequences: what goes around comes around. Ann Vrlak explores the meaning of karma in buddhism and hinduism and ponders the question: is karma real? Karma is an interesting notion, isn’t it? It’s actually an Eastern concept that’s become common in Western cultures. It’s understood to mean “what goes around comes around”, or we say someone “has good karma” if things always seem to go their way. The Eastern meaning of karma, that originated in Hinduism and Buddhism, has a deeper meaning and intent. So, what is karma and how does karma work? Here's an introduction to what karma is and isn’t, and how different religions define it. What Karma Means Though karma has various meanings depending on the religion, at its core it means “the law of cause and effect” – that the things we do have consequences for us. If you knowingly lie to someone, for example, it ripples out like a negative wave that sooner or later comes back to you. Or, if you show kindness to a stranger in trouble, something positive will return to you. RELATED: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effect of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need it More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day What karma is not is a punishment. It is simply a principle of life, religious traditions say, that will help followers lead a harmonious inner and outer life. Is karma real? That’s up to you to decide! Let's consider the religious and social value of believing it is. Different Religions See Karma a Bit Differently Let's look a bit more in depth at how two major Eastern religions – buddhism and hinduism – integrate karma into their teachings. 1. Hinduism What if your actions shaped not only your current life, but your next life as well? Hinduism takes a long view of human existence, that our lives are an ongoing cycle of life, death, and rebirth. So, harmful actions create what is called “karmic debt” – a burden that you carry into your next life. Religions that believe in karma say this explains why some people have life patterns that aren’t easily explained by their life circumstances. When they were born, the effects of their past negative actions came with them. Karma: what goes around, comes around But, the good news is, the opposite is true for a person who lives an honest, moral life. They do not carry a lot of karma into their next life to be “worked out.” Their time in the cycle of life is shorter than someone who carries a heavy karmic debt across many lives or “incarnations”. There are also different types of karma in Hinduism, and all are connected closely to the concept of dharma. You’ll see karmic concepts in Jainism, Sikhism, and some New Age philosophies, too. 2. Buddhism Like Hinduism, Buddhism frames karma simply as consequences of intentional action, not punishment. Buddhism teaches than intention is everything; that the quality of mind behind your actions determines the karmic effects. In part, this speaks to unintentional harms you cause that do not affect your karma, but knowingly acting in a way that harms others or even yourself creates karma in the form of mental and moral consequences. “Though karma has various meanings depending on the religion, at its core it means “the law of cause and effect” – what goes around comes around.” The Buddha left believers a comprehensive roadmap to follow. In the Eightfold Path and the Five Precepts, he clearly describes actions that create positive vs negative karma. Buddhism also shares the Hindu understanding that karma affects the cycle of rebirth. Someone with a dense karmic debt, Buddhists believe, will be reborn again and again until they clear their karma through moral living. And what if a person eventually achieves enlightenment? They experience nirvana and are freed from the karmic cycle. Dharma vs karma A related concept in both Buddhism and Hinduism is dharma. Dharma is each person’s ethical path through life, as defined by their chosen religion. It explains how karma works: it is the result of how well a person follows their path. Dharma in Hinduism is a form of social moral code that governs individual behaviour. It describes a life that values duty and religious observance. When you stray from your dharma, you create negative karma. Karma helps you lead a harmonious inner and outer life Buddhism, on the other hand, grounds dharma directly in the teachings of the Buddha. Specifically, dharma refers to the fundamental laws of nature that all beings are subject to. It is less concerned with the social definition of dharma and more with the need to live in harmony with natural law to create positive karma. In both religions, it is not a question of dharma vs karma, but dharma and karma. Together, these principles show followers how to fulfil their spiritual responsibility. How Does Karma Work? One of the best metaphors for karma is planting seeds. Karma doesn’t have an immediate result, but takes root and spreads throughout a person’s life or lifetimes. Picture a beautiful garden where you plant 100 tulip bulbs, rather than just one. And you keep the garden watered, pull the weeds and nourish it with nutrients that help it thrive. “One of the best metaphors for karma is planting seeds. Karma doesn’t have an immediate result, but takes root and spreads in a person’s life or lifetimes.” Positive karma is like that. Your acts, your intentions, your attention all help your good actions take root and grow. And you can imagine another garden that becomes overgrown with weeds through inattention or active harm. Karma is a complex, interwoven process where – sooner or later – you “reap what you sow.” Karma Symbols You may have seen a karma symbol without knowing it! The most common are the endless knot and the wheel of samsara. Karma symbols include the wheel of samsara (left) These symbols are used in religious texts and artwork as a reminder of the principles of karma. The elaborate karma symbol designs suggest the interconnectedness and cyclical nature of all life. As objects of contemplation, these symbols are believed to expand a person’s ability to grasp the complexity and scope of life. OK, but is Karma Real? Of course, there is no scientific way to prove that karma – or the cycle of rebirth that it fuels – exists. It is a core concept that these religions believe helps us to understand this larger view of our lives. Karma helps Hindus and Buddhists to use the law of karma to guide their behaviour toward other beings. Within psychology, karma is often seen as a common sense idea. If you treat others poorly, you may be treated poorly in return and vice versa. But, karma encompasses the idea of self-harm, too. When you harm others, you harm yourself because you have acted against social or universal principles. “There is no scientific way to prove that karma exists. Within psychology, karma is often seen as a common sense idea. If you treat others poorly, you may be treated poorly in return.” Whether karma is real or not, it is a deeply powerful idea that shapes the lives of millions of people. It puts individualism in a different light. Our personal actions and even our thoughts count. They affect us – and everyone around us – much more profoundly than we may think. Takeaway: What Goes Around Comes Around Another way to understand karma is as a moral or spiritual compass. Particularly in modern living, there are so many choices and decisions to make every day. How do you know what to do and where to go? Karma points the way to living according to your dharma. Whether karma is “real” or not, it encourages all of us to believe that our personal actions matter beyond the moment and beyond our own lives. It’s a guide to living with positive intention that is aligned with an expanded view of our humanity. ● Images: shutterstock/ADragan, shutterstock/mr_owlman happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Conscious Living | Kindness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Challenging yourself leads to personal growth and fulfillment. Ed Gould asks you to step out of your comfort zone and learn how to challenge yourself in 8 different life areas. As a professional writer, I'm used to expressing myself but this often means staying within my comfort zone. Either I'll write about similar subjects I've written about before or stick to tried and tested formats. Recently, I challenged myself by performing some of the songs I've written over the years. I had not done anything close to this for over a decade! Although I did so primarily for fun, it was a significant challenge to see the project through once I had committed to the idea. What does this anecdote say about how to challenge yourself? What does my experience offer up with respect to the outcomes you might feel of setting a challenge for yourself? Why challenge yourself and are there pitfalls you should try to avoid? Read on to find out what my experience – and the experience of others – reveals about setting personal challenges. What Does Challenging Yourself Mean? When you challenge yourself, you step outside of your comfort zone. This alone means that setting any challenge for yourself is not going to be easy. Of course, how hard a challenge might be will depend on what it is and how tricky you – as an individual – find it to break out from your usual routine. Learning an instrument is a great way to challenge yourself In other words, some people will find it easier to go further with their personal challenges than others. There should be no judgement or self-recrimination based on the nature of the challenge. You can always set yourself a new challenge if the current one turns out to be a bit easier than expected, after all. What you need to know, however, is that when you challenge yourself, you're aiming for genuine personal growth. Your challenge should push you – but never to breaking point. A better life – one that is more fulfilled – is about growing. You want a challenge you can overcome which takes effort, so you'll be able to look back on your achievement with a sense of satisfaction. Setting challenges for yourself can become a healthy habit, too. The better you feel about meeting the challenges you set, the more likely it is you will want that feeling again and again. As such, your personal growth and sense of quiet satisfaction in yourself will likely grow. The Benefits of Challenging Yourself We've just covered one of the main benefits of setting a challenge for yourself: personal growth. Let's re-examine this from the flipside position to better explain it. Imagine for a moment a life in which you never set a challenge for yourself. You'd probably cope well with every situation you encounter in day to day life but what if a true challenge were to come along that you hadn't set for yourself? Circumstances out of our control affect us all the time, after all. How resilient might you be if the last time you'd overcome a challenge was during your development in school or even earlier? You might not have the skills to cope, let alone the resilience. “When you challenge yourself, you step outside of your comfort zone. This alone means that setting any challenge for yourself is not going to be easy.” In other words, by challenging yourself, you are training yourself to cope with anything that might come your way. You are proving to yourself you can do it – whatever it might be – and empowering yourself to deal with difficult situations. That's why any challenge you set yourself must take you out of your comfort zone – even if only a little bit – otherwise it wouldn't be a genuine challenge, would it? There is some neuroscience research which suggests that the sort of brain activity associated with challenging yourself is beneficial for mood and anxiety. To put that another way, the stress you self-impose with a challenge helps to train the brain in ways that make it better able to cope. Set goals and take.a leap with a new challenge With a self-imposed challenge, of course, you are in control. When you get the outcome you want after completing the challenge, the brain will often reward itself by stimulating the ventral striatum, the part of the cortex associated with goal-oriented reward. Quite apart from the biology of challenging yourself, there are psychological factors to take into account, ones which probably interact closely with aforementioned neurological ones. When you overcome a challenge, you prove to yourself that you can succeed. No matter what anybody else may say, you've set yourself a challenge, defined its parameters and worked towards overcoming it. No one can ever take that away from you even if they might want to. This is self-empowering in a way that can lift mood, change self-perception and even alter entire mindsets for the better. Often, behavioural change comes about through cognitive changes. As some studies have shown, achieving goals and challenges can alter the way we think by altering habits. In turn, this leads to positive behavioural outcomes that can make life more rewarding and appreciated. How to Challenge Yourself OK, so setting challenges is a good move for getting more out of life, but how to challenge yourself is a whole other question. The good news is that there are many ways to do so and there will be an approach suited to everyone, no matter what their current mental state. Let's talk about eight of the most common approaches of how to challenge yourself to get the right physiological and psychological outcomes. 1. Self-Reflection Challenges One of the best ways to challenge yourself if the very idea of setting a self-imposed challenge seems too much is to commit to focus on self-reflection or self-enquiry. Keeping a diary or committing to writing thoughts down in a journal every day can be a good first step on your journey. Looking back over entries can be revealing and offer a true sense of reward if you keep it up. 2. Physical Health Challenges From walks in the park to more demanding physical routines, setting a personal goal for your physical health has mental health benefits, too. Doing more physically is a kind of self-love, especially if you commit to something beyond your norm. 3.Skill Acquisition Challenges Trying to learn something new is always hard. That's why it is rewarding, too. Sign up for a language or art class, for example, and give something completely novel a go. You might find your new vocation and you'll probably meet some like-minded people along the way, which is great for boosting happiness levels. “Challenging yourself to improve your mental well-being is a smart move. Anything from increasing your focus on meditation to setting your mind to solving puzzles can be a satisfying challenge.” In fact, studies show that making learning a habit and cultivating more meaningful connections are two of the main keys to happier living, making this challenge-yourself tip an essential! 4. Self-Restraint Challenges Another of the best ways to challenge yourself is to cut out bad habits. Perhaps you know you gossip too much or offer opinions too readily when they're not welcome. Maybe you want to cut down on alcohol intake to feel the benefits of being teetotal, or restrain yourself in another way? If so, setting a personal challenge might be the best approach, especially if you want to gain a greater sense of equanimity in your life. 5. Mental Health Challenges Challenging yourself to improve your mental well-being is a smart move, too. Anything from increasing your focus on meditation to setting your mind to solving puzzles can be a satisfying challenge. Using your brain more helps with cognition and focus, rewarding you with increased sharpness and, yes, happiness, too. A daily mental challenge could be completing a crossword 6. Leadership Challenges If you are tired of always doing the same things, then it might be time to step up and lead. Perhaps you should challenge yourself by going for a promotion at work or maybe quit and start up your own enterprise, even? There again, maybe you can teach or coach informally, helping others with the knowledge and skills you have to share. 7.Self-Kindness Challenges For some, self-kindness is harder than for others. If you find it difficult to get on with yourself, then challenging yourself to be more self-forgiving might not come naturally. This is precisely why it would be a good self-challenge, though. 8. Supported Challenges You don't have to go it alone. Some of the best ways to challenge yourself involve support. You can set group challenges you overcome with others and still get a sense of personal achievement. Setting personal goals with a mentor or a life coach is equally valid as coming up with self-imposed ones. Takeaways: How to Successfully Challenge Yourself Given the numerous benefits of setting and achieving challenges, learning how to challenge yourself can be life-changing. Once a challenge has been overcome, you'll probably want to set more, having gained confidence in your ability to attain goals with greater mental resilience. Find something that suits your personality but be prepared to step outside of your comfort zone. The more you put in, the more you're likely to get out, after all. • Images: shutterstock/Midnight Studio TH, shutterstock/Okrasiuk, shutterstock/New Africa happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Positive psychology | Gratitude | Burnout Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Ann Vrlak explores the concepts of awakening and the path to becoming enlightened – seeing things as they truly are and free of suffering. So, what is enlightenment in Buddhism and is it possible to achieve it? Buddhists use the word “enlightenment” to refer to the goal of their philosophy and practice. But what is enlightenment? And is it something people still believe is possible to achieve today? Enlightenment has a definite meaning. For Buddhists, it describes a state of freedom different from the unhappiness that many people experience – that all of us experience to some degree, the Buddhists would say! Let's dive into this question and the Buddhist perspective on how to achieve enlightenment. And we’ll take a brief look at how and why the Buddha’s own path continues to inspire followers today. What Is Enlightenment In Buddhism? The common impression of enlightenment is a kind of rare religious state that very few people can attain or even imagine. But, the root of the word enlightenment is “bodhi”, which means to “awaken, notice or see clearly.” Enlightenment in Buddhism literally means a state where you see all of reality as it is – ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Opening up to enlightenment in Buddhism As you might guess, this means Buddhism is based on the belief that we do NOT usually see things clearly. Our own past experience and beliefs, says the Buddha, create filters that make it difficult for us to see things as they actually are. It All Began with the Buddha The Buddha based his teachings on his own life as an Indian prince. Everything he thought he knew radically changed when he saw life outside his privileged home. He saw sickness, old age and death – all things his family had protected him from. He became committed to understanding the dilemma of human suffering. After a few years of wandering and seeking, he vowed to sit in one spot until he gained that understanding. He wanted to experience enlightenment first hand. “Enlightenment in Buddhism literally means a state where you see all of reality as it is – ourselves, other people, and the world around us.” For 40 days, he sat under a tree, facing every possible difficulty and temptation. In Buddhist texts, Mara the symbol of illusion, threw all her weapons at him, from doubt, to desire, to fear. Can you imagine what he might have felt and thought, sitting alone for 40 days? In the Buddhist descriptions of his enlightenment, Mara’s weapons became flowers when they touched him. He became the Buddha – the “awakened one.” And he created a clear path for others to follow, regardless of their culture or social status. Is Awakening the Same as Enlightenment? Sometimes the words “awakening” and “enlightenment” are used interchangeably. It’s true they both refer to this kind of seeing through illusion to the reality of life, with one important difference. Awakening is a temporary glimpse. Enlightenment is a lasting transformation. Anyone, whether or not they consider themselves Buddhist, can have an awakening. This experience can develop after working through a spiritual practice or it can be spontaneous. How to achieve enlightenment? Self-examination and pratice One day, you see the ocean drive you take every morning as the most moving, beautiful thing. Or, in a familiar disagreement with your partner, their point of view is suddenly obvious and you see a new way to connect. Enlightenment is also seen as escape from the cycle of death and rebirth that Buddhists believe people pass through, until they are free of suffering. When you become enlightened, you are free in your lifetime. Individual enlightenment is seen as the ultimate attainment in Theravada Buddhism, one of the main branches of Buddhism. What is Enlightenment Like? You have probably heard the term nirvana. It has a rich meaning used to describe the state of enlightenment. It refers to an absence of some things and a presence of others. What Enlightenment Isn’t Nirvana or enlightenment is a state without suffering and without concepts. It means living day to day without anxiety, sadness, fear, greed or jealousy. It does not mean those feelings would never come up for you, but you don’t become stuck in them or even believe them. You understand that they come and go – they are impermanent. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners How Did Buddhism Spread? Enlightenment also doesn’t mean being indifferent to the suffering of others. Nirvana is a state of deep compassion and the desire to help everyone on the path. What Enlightenment Is The word nirvana means “to blow out,” like you would blow out a candle. Nirvana puts out the flame of suffering, so the peace of life shines through. “Enlightenment is seen as escape from the cycle of death and rebirth that Buddhists believe people pass through, until they are free of suffering. When you become enlightened, you are free in your lifetime.” The foundation of nirvana is a still, spacious mind that allows everything you experience to flow through. A person who is enlightened feels a sense of kinship with all beings, recognizing the same “reality” we all share. How to Achieve Enlightenment Buddha believed that enlightenment in this life, not an afterlife, was a real possibility for everyone who was willing to examine themselves and follow his teachings. In Buddhism, succeeding on the path depends on three core practices: Ethical conduct If our philosophical or spiritual beliefs are not mirrored in our actions, they lack power. Buddhism offers clear guidelines to live with honesty, kindness and an attitude of non-harming toward all things. Wisdom and insight This is both a goal of the path and something we can practice along the way. Wisdom comes through seeing the impermanence at the centre of experience – thoughts, feelings and situations all come and go. Meditation Buddhism regards meditation as the ultimate mind training. Because our minds are so distractible, meditation is the way to develop the stable mind needed to see reality clearly, without fear or distortion. Enlightened buddhist Takeaway: What is Enlightenment in Buddhism? The ideas of suffering and enlightenment are not in any way about blame. In fact, they are deeply grounded in compassion. They say, “This is the way all of us live sometimes! There’s nothing wrong with you, but there is a way to be at peace.” Still, is enlightenment relevant to modern life? You might reflect on questions like these to answer this question: If you exchange the word “suffering” for loneliness, worry, guilt, anxiety or sadness, do you think you “suffer”? Do you think your words, actions and belief can influence how you experience your life – for better or for worse? Have you had moments when you suddenly stepped outside your usual way of seeing or being, and saw things in a totally new way? Enlightenment may seem like an impossible idea or goal. However, even brief moments of awakening can transform your mind. When that happens, the journey towards enlightenment itself becomes an awakening. • Images: shutterstock/Quality Stock Arts, shutterstock/KieferPix happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Acceptance | Altruism | Gratitude Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Many of us are trying to find greater happiness in our lives. Learn how to boost your daily joy and well-being with these 11 science-backed tips from Calvin Holbrook. In today's modern and busy world, finding happiness can seem challenging. For the majority of us, our lives are more stressful than ever and we have less time to relax and enjoy life. The recent shift in mainstream media becoming increasingly negative only helps to fuel our anxiety, leading to greater misery and unhappiness. Happiness is a state we all want to live in, but is it even realistically possible to be upbeat and content the whole time? And what exactly is happiness? Would you consider it a way of life, a certain mood, or a state of mind? It's clear happiness levels fluctuate, but is there a way to increase or regulate them? Or is happiness a choice? In fact, as most of us have probably realized by now, there’s no magic way to stay joyful all the time. However, there is some science behind the nature of happiness. Furthermore, once we understand this, we can develop our skills to find happiness and remain joyful for longer periods consistently. So, follow these 11 science-backed ways to increase your levels of joy and you should be able to see a positive difference in your daily well-being and discover deeper happiness more easily. How to find happiness: 11 science-backed tips From staying social to practising gratitude: make these 11 changes to your life and start finding more happiness. 1. Stay social and build quality relationships Science is clear on out first tip on how to find happiness: you can improve well-being through developing quality relationships. We humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness and recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. How to find happiness within yourself? Through others But if you're searching for happiness, don’t start adding random friend requests to people on Insta just yet. Simply having many different acquaintances doesn’t lead to a boost in happiness levels – research shows that it’s the quality of our relationships that's key to boosting our well-being. In a landmark 75-year, multigenerational study, Robert Waldinger measured happiness levels in people from Boston’s poorest neighbourhoods and found that the most joyful were those with high-quality social connections. Furthermore, lonely people were less happy and, significantly, had poorer health. RELATED: How to Make New Friends As An Adult The 6 Qualities of True Friendship How to Be a Better Friend: 9 Ideas So, make sure to nurture more meaningful relationships with the people you already love. And, if you're feeling alone or disconnected from your current friendship group, finding your tribe – people with whom you are likely to get on best with – is a surefire way to finding more happiness. 2. Force a smile Buddhist Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote: “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. “If you're on a quest for how to find happiness within yourself, start by thinking of others first, and begin to lead a more meaningful life.” Psychological scientists from the University of Kansas conducted a study in which they assessed the impact of smiling on one’s physical and mental state. They came to the conclusion that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful times. So, smiling even when we feel down can actually makes us feel happier. Furthermore, try smiling at strangers, too: studies also show that happiness is contagious, so you may just get a friendly grin back that lifts you up. This is an easy practical tip which can help you in finding happiness on a daily basis. 3. Find your 'flow' It sounds simple, but take time to think about what you really love doing in life and make an effort to do more of it. Go for simple things you can fit into your schedule on a daily or weekly basis. Maybe it’s being in nature. Perhaps it’s reading, forest bathing, visiting art galleries, cooking a delicious meal, or just dancing around the living room. Whatever your daily happy buzz, make time for it in your life and it will help you in discovering greater happiness. Maybe you can find your flow on the river? Better still, if you can find an activity where your mind is fully immersed in a feeling of focus, involvement and enjoyment, you've probably found your flow. This blissful state – where you're 100% 'in the zone' – sparks true moments of joy, calm and creativity, as well as helping you find happiness by forgetting any current worries. 4. Think positively Some people seem to live by the ‘glass half full’ and ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdotes, and for good reason. In fact, research has shown that positive thinking can assist in stress management as well as playing an important role in your overall well-being and health. A 2017 study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that positive thinking helps in combating feelings of low self-esteem, improves physical health, as well as helps brighten your general outlook on life. “Science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier.” Here's a simple tip: every time you have a negative thought, try and replace it with a positive one. It's sounds easier said than done, but this practice can help to retrain your usual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts into your life. Likewise, changing your perspective on your current situation can help in discovering happiness too. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your successes. Learn more about how to stop ruminating on past mistakes and start living with hope and appreciation of the present moment. 5. Develop a more meaningful life Meaningfulness is a major happy factor that you can extend into all areas of your life. Whether it's through gardening, volunteering, or becoming politically active, meaningful activities have been shown to boost people's happiness while reducing stress levels at the same time. Add meaning to your life by helping others in need What's more, developing meaning through helping others has been shown to be particularly beneficial. A study from 2017 showed that people who offer care and help to others then become better equipped to handle their own problems. Moreover, the researched showed that participants who engaged more by helping others also showed greater decreases in levels of depression. So, if you're on a quest for how to find happiness within yourself, start by thinking of others first, and begin to lead a more meaningful life. 6. Practise gratitude Our next tip on how to find happiness is to show gratitude. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is proven to make you feel happier and more humble. We often focus on what we don't have, but, instead, we should be grateful for what we already do have: a home, food on the table, clothing, and access to water/electricity. Many millions of people in the world don’t have these things (and, interestingly, many of them are still happy!). RELATED: 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Yoga for Happiness: Gratitude Yoga Moreover, science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier. The Journal of Happiness Studies published a study that used gratitude letters to test how being grateful can affect our levels of happiness. The researchers concluded that: “Participants included 219 men and women who wrote three letters of gratitude over a three-week period. Results indicated that writing letters of gratitude increased participants' happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms.” How to find happiness: gratitude journals helps you appreciate life 7. Stop comparing yourself to others In our social media savvy world, flaunting your travels, relationships and purchases on Insta is all too common. However, comparing yourself to other people only leads to unhappiness. Indeed, data from a 2010 Europe-wide survey of 19,000 people showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. Furthermore, while other people’s lives may appear 'perfect’, there’s always a hidden story we’re unaware of. We usually only share our best moments on social media, rather than our fears and anxieties. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on achieving your own dreams by goal setting. If needed, change your social media habits and/or delete accounts. 8. Exercise daily If you're wondering how to find happiness, exercising is proven to boost levels of happiness. In fact, exercise has such a profound effect on well-being that it’s an effective strategy for tackling depression. In a study cited in The Happiness Advantage – a book by Shawn Achor – three groups of patients treated their depression with medication, exercise, or a combination of both. All three groups experienced similar improvements in their happiness levels in early days, but the later follow-up assessments proved very different. “Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you in finding happiness. Try meditating in the morning, shortly after waking.” Six months later the groups were tested to assess their relapse rate. Of those that had taken the medication alone, 38 per cent had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group did a little better, with a 31 per cent relapse rate. But with the exercise group, the relapse rate was just nine per cent, suggesting it really did make a difference to finding happiness. So, make sure you fit some exercise into your daily routine. If you don't enjoy going to the gym, try mindful running or wild swimming to reconnect with nature. Group sea swimming is a great way to boost happiness levels 9. Get plenty of sleep If you don’t rest well, you won’t be able to function at your best. Regular sleep deprivation breaks down productivity, alertness and mood. Aim for between seven and nine hours kip a night and this will help keep your happiness levels up. A 2017 study from the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders at Brigham and Women's Hospital, and MIT Media Lab Affective Computing Group showed that keeping regular sleep patterns contributes to the happiness and well-being of college students. The study looked at 204 students over one month. The results show that higher sleep regularity was significantly related to higher morning and evening happiness, healthiness and calmness during the week. “Irregular sleep-wake schedules are common in our modern society," said lead author Akane Sano, PhD. “Our results indicate the importance of sleep regularity, in addition to sleep duration, and that regular sleep is associated with improved well-being.” Struggling to get a decent night's rest? Follow our 14 science-backed sleep hacks or try a deep sleep meditation. 10. Practise meditation Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you to find deeper happiness. Try meditating in the morning shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for the rest of the day. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says In fact, there are many studies that have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice that has the power to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 11. Go outside more often While we can’t control the weather, spending time outside is essential for our well-being. In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor recommends spending time in the fresh air to improve your happiness. “Making time to go outside on a nice day also delivers a huge advantage,” he says. “One study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather not only boosted positive mood, but broadened thinking and improved working memory.” Find your flow: do what you love and find deeper happiness Meanwhile, a study from the University of Sussex corroborated the idea that being outdoors made people happier: “Being outdoors, near the sea, on a warm, sunny weekend afternoon is the perfect spot for most. In fact, participants were found to be substantially happier outdoors in all natural environments than they were in urban environments.” So, whatever the weather, make sure you get outside of your four walls to boost your well-being. The takeaway: how to find happiness Finally, one last thing: science also suggests that some people are simply ‘born happier’. In The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that only around 40 per cent of our happiness is under our control (recent life events and biological set points predetermine the other 60 per cent). So, if accurate, this research means only about half of happiness levels can be controlled at any given moment. If you're searching for how to find happiness within yourself, then incorporate as many of our 11 ideas into your daily life – you should be able to increase your happiness levels over a period of time. Seeking out a positive state of mind, regular exercose, and enhancing quality relationships all help: but these habits require consistent work to be successful and help you in finding happiness. In the meantime, if life gives you lemons, choose to make a tasty lemonade! ● Images: shutterstock/Zoran Zeremski, shutterstock/G-Stock Studio, shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/Oksana Klymenko, shutterstock/jax10289 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Authenticity | Motivation | Success Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage!

Equanimity is a state of holding mental and emotional stability and calmness, especially during stressful situations. Dee Marques explores 7 key benefits of this superpower emotion and tells us how we can all become more equanimous... We all go through moments that test our patience. Maybe it's the driver who cuts you off in traffic, the colleague who takes credit for your work, or the neighbour who keeps leaving piles of boxes and packaging in the landing. We may start our day with the best intentions, but sometimes, these situations get the best of us, leaving us agitated and on edge. If you’re reading this article, you’re someone committed to personal growth and self-improvement, so chances are you’ve been thinking about what’s the best way to respond to this type of events. And while there’s no shortage of advice on stress management and emotional regulation, there's a crucial quality that often goes unmentioned: equanimity. So, what is equanimity exactly? Let's explore the essence of this trait, looking at its true meaning, its profound benefits, and some practical strategies to cultivate it. What is equanimity? Definition and meaning of equanimity The word "equanimity" comes from the Latin aequanimitas, which combines aequus (meaning "even" or "level") and animus (meaning "mind" or "spirit"). Essentially, it refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance. Equanimity meaning: undisturbed internal stability in the face of stress This is also an important concept in Buddhism, where equanimity is referred to as upekkha. This word is formed from the Pali prefix upa, which means “over” or “all around,” and the root ikh, meaning “to look” or “to see.” So upekkha is the capacity to see the full picture, of being inclusive in our vision, embracing many perspectives without taking sides. Equanimity is gaining recognition in the field of mental health. For example, in personality psychology there’s a link between equanimity and resilience, as the intentional practice of this trait can counter high neuroticism and strengthen the ability to cope with stressful situations. “What is equanimity? It refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance.” Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings that make it difficult to handle stress effectively. But although equanimity involves maintaining a balanced and non-reactive approach, it doesn't imply a lack of care or being emotionally cold. As meditation teacher Jack Kornfield notes, “True equanimity is not a withdrawal; it is a balanced engagement with all aspects of life. It is opening to the whole of life with composure and ease of mind, accepting the beautiful and terrifying nature of all things.” Benefits of equanimity Now we understand the meaning of equanimity, let's see how cultivating more of it does wonders for us. 1. Enhanced emotional resilience Equanimity improves the ability to recover from emotional setbacks. Research suggests that people with higher levels of equanimity have greater resilience, as they minimise both the magnitude and the duration of their response to events perceived as negative or unpleasant. 2. Stronger self-regulation There’s also evidence that equanimity helps control disruptive emotions and improve emotional regulation. This trait “tempers” both behavioural and cognitive responses to life experiences, so that we’re not constantly thrown into emotional ups and downs. 3. Improved stress management Sometimes, we can’t help but feel stressed. Equanimity can reduce the impact of stressors by helping us return to a balanced state faster. In turn, this can help reduce the allostatic load of stress (the cumulative effect of stress on body and mind), making us less likely to develop associated conditions, ranging from heart disease to Type 2 diabetes or depressive disorders. Cultivate equanimity with conscious breathing and meditation 4. Reduction in anxiety and depression Since equanimity is about achieving higher levels of emotional stability, its practice can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression and gradually lead to fewer mood disturbances. 5. Increased self-awareness Responding to life with composure requires monitoring our reactions, so the regular practice of equanimity promotes self-awareness and leads to a deeper understanding of our thoughts and emotions. 6. Better decision-making We can all remember that decision we made from a place of emotional reactiveness –as well as its negative consequences. RELATED: Inner Peace: 3 Key Techniques to Finding It Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? 5 Skills You'll Learn Through Meditation Since equanimity keeps us disengaged from emotional fluctuations, it facilitates a clearer assessment of situations, so our mind is less likely to be clouded by impulses, helping us make more rational and thoughtful decisions. 7. Quality relationships There’s no doubt that emotional balance contributes to more harmonious interactions. Not only that, but in reducing our judgements towards others, we can build connections based on greater empathy, compassion, and understanding, reducing conflict and fostering healthier relationships. Examples of equanimity Here are some situations from daily life that can easily pile up and where equanimity can be of great help: • Interpersonal conflicts This trait can help us remain calm during disagreements with friends or family members. • Receiving criticism A composed spirit makes it easier to accept feedback without becoming defensive. • Daily annoyances Being equanimous can take the edge off daily hassles, such as dealing with bad drivers, people jumping the queue, or inconsiderate neighbours. • Unexpected changes This trait is key in helping us adapt gracefully to sudden alterations to our plans or to interferences with our daily routines. • Technological frustrations An equanimous approach is a must in the digital era, as it allows us to keep our cool when we are repeatedly asked for passwords/pin codes, devices malfunction, or internet connections are slow. Cultivating equanimity: meditation and more Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to cultivate equanimity because it helps us develop the ability to observe our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without letting them control our narrative. In mindfulness meditation, we’re invited to observe what arises with curiosity and non-judgement. Through meditation, we train ourselves to react with equanimity, and over time this can even change our brain. Studies show that mindfulness practice reduces the amygdala’s size (the brain’s fear centre), and improves density in parts of the brain that manage emotional regulation and executive functioning. “Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings.” Meditation isn’t the only way to build equanimity. Slow, conscious breathing sends signals to the nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Cognitive reframing can also help: when you feel your balance is getting disrupted, ask yourself “how is this reaction helping me?”. This makes you aware of the fact that you have a choice when it comes to your reactions. From this point, you can choose to interpret events in a less catastrophic way, responding with intention instead of reacting automatically. What is equanimity? Keeping calm and composure amid chaos Other helpful actions include spending time in nature, journaling, and even cultivating a daily gratitude habit, which can rewire our emotional responses, gradually replacing reactivity with calm and groundedness. Takeaway: equanimity is your superpower Equanimity isn’t something reserved for monks who live isolated from the world or for people who never lose their temper. The beauty of equanimity lies in its everyday power. Indeed, it’s not about pretending things don’t affect you or about shutting down emotionally. It’s about choosing how to respond, and about becoming the kind of person who can sit with discomfort without needing to fix it or escape it. As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh said, upekkha is “the ability to let go, not to abandon”. More importantly, this is a quality you can build. Daily practices like meditation, journaling, and reframing your thoughts can help you become more aware of your patterns, giving you a starting point to develop a stronger inner balance. So next time you find yourself on the brink, remember: this is the perfect moment to remember the meaning of equanimity and to practise it: breath, and meet your feelings with presence and steadiness. With time and intention, equanimity will become your natural superpower. ● Images: shutterstock/4 PM Productions, shutterstock/KOTOIMAGES, shutterstock/Bagus Production happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Acceptance | Internal conflict Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

The companionship and mental health benefits pets bring is widely known, but did you know the healing power of pets extends to physical relief as well? Ed Gould discovers five key health benefits that our furry friends can bring. What is it about pets that make them so therapeutic? It's a question I've asked myself before, having benefited from family furry friends and from spending time with other people's pets too. You might have posed the same question yourself. After all, animals are now routinely used in geriatric homes and hospital wards to lift people's spirits. So, if the health benefits of pets are known to professional caregivers, then the healing power of pets should not come as a surprise in domestic situations. Pets will often show signs of grief if they're separated from owners and sometimes display even deeper connections, such as knowing when we're in pain or danger. Of course, one of the key parts of the curative power of pets is that they love us in an unconditional way that human relationships rarely achieve. So, what does the latest research tell us about the health benefits of having a pet around the home? The healing power of pets: what science says Scientific research into the healing power of pets has been ongoing for decades. Most new studies focus on just one or two health benefits of pets but many researchers would agree that the advantages of pet ownership are multi-faceted in terms of healthcare. Let's take a look at some of the latest research. 1. Stress reduction and pet companionship Many pet owners would gladly admit that spending time with their animal helps them to relax and keep things in perspective. Returning from a tough day at work to a welcome from your pet – which really doesn't care about work stress – can help you to instantly calm down. Therapy dogs are used in hospital wards shutterstock/Monkey Business Images A 2019 study into animal interactions and stress conducted at Washington State University found that students were much more relaxed if they interacted with animals prior to taking their exams. Most reported a heightened state of tension that was relieved when they spent as few as ten minutes with animals. Pet owners can expect even better results due to greater levels of companionship. 2. Lowering blood pressure with pets According to Allen McConnell, a professor of psychology based at Miami University, the healing power of pets is very real – enough to lower your blood pressure. McConnell, who studies the ways humans interact with their pets, says that owning an animal can give people a sense of purpose and belonging that augments feelings of positivity which translates to health benefits. Stanley Coren, a psychology professor and neuropsychological researcher from the University of British Columbia agrees with these findings. “Your blood pressure lowers when you interact with an animal in a friendly way and your muscles relax, too,” he said. Another study in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease said that stroking animals – even pet snakes – can help to bring blood pressure down. 3. Heart disease and the health benefits of pets In 1997 American medic Larry Dossey published a literature review concerning the medicinal power of pets. In it, he noted that at that time there were over 2,000 therapy programs in the US using animals to assist people with a wide range of conditions. In particular, he highlighted a scientific study that dated back to 1980. “One of the key parts of the healing power of pets is that they love us in an unconditional way that human relationships rarely achieve.” Conducted by Erika Friedmann of the University of Pennsylvania, it showed that people who suffered from heart disease were more likely to survive for a longer period if they had a pet at home. Following their treatment, people with a pet in their lives to return to had a much greater chance of recovery. In fact, pets were found to be a stronger predictor of survival than even having a supportive family around the individual concerned! 4. Improved mental health Many people with a pet will report that they feel mentally better off for having them in their lives. The scientific research into pet ownership and conditions like depression are mixed, however, with some backing up anecdotal evidence and others showing no significant healing power of pets either way. Stroking a pet lowers blood pressure shutterstockk/Damir Khabirov Certainly, pet ownership can lead to social interactions, especially when walking a dog, for example, which is known to help with conditions like depression and anxiety. According to work conducted by Sandy Branson of the University of Texas Science Center, homebound adults, particularly older people, do get a psychological lift from pet ownership. Her research looked into cognitive function and depression. In it, she found a significant correlation between better mental health and pet ownership among older people. 5. The healing power of pets and hormonal responses According to the aforementioned study in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, touching a pet not only helps to lower blood pressure, but it also boosts our output of oxytocin, a happiness hormone that promotes feelings of trust and relaxation. “People who suffered from heart disease were more likely to survive for a longer period if they had a pet at home.” More widely, dog owners can expect an upturn in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that helps the immune system. Furthermore, a study published in Oxford in 2017 showed that children relaxed better in the company of pets, largely due to a perceived drop in hormones like cortisol which are associated with stress responses. 6. Mindfulness and pet ownership Pets help to keep you anchored in the here and now. Because animals tend not to express feelings of anxiety of what might be or what has passed, they help us to live in the moment, a key aspect of various forms of mindfulness including MBSR, for example. According to an article published by Harvard Medical School, mindfulness can be boosted by dog ownership, especially when you go on a walk together. Dr Ann Berger, a researcher at the NIH Clinical Center in Maryland agrees with this idea. She says that the foundations of mindfulness are based on attention, intention, compassion and awareness. “These are things that animals bring to the table innately that people have to learn,” she says. The takeaway: the healing power of pets However you look at it, pets are beneficial for their owners in numerous ways. In terms of health benefits, our understanding is still ongoing, but few people regret owning one in terms of either their physical or mental well-being. Make sure to give your furry friends some extra attention and reward them for all the health benefits they bring! Main image: shutterstock/Africa Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Burnout | Stress management Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

As one of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism, Thích Nhất Hạnh continues to have a major influence around the world. We share some of the best Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes and take a deeper look at his teachings. Thích Nhất Hạnh is recognised internationally as one of the most influential figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism. Having been ordained as a monk in 1949, Nhất Hạnh has since written more than 100 books and has travelled the world, imparting wisdom and sharing his philosophy on life. Over a period of almost 70 years, Nhất Hạnh built a lasting legacy through his lessons on meditation, self-awareness, understanding, peace, love and non-violent conflict resolution. Thích Nhất Hạnh passed away in 2022 after a long life dedicated to his mission. Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes: engaged Buddhism 'Engaged Buddhism' is a term coined by Thích Nhất Hạnh, with its first known usage coming in his 1967 book, Vietnam: Lotus in a Sea of Fire. As a philosophy, it was heavily influenced by the Buddhism practised and taught by Master Tai Xu, who was influential in helping to reform Chinese Buddhism. While Tai Xu advocated what he referred to as human-life Buddhism, Nhất Hạnh developed this philosophy further. Essentially, the 'Engaged Buddhism' he teaches focuses on using the insight gained through meditation and dharma teachings to ease economic, social and political suffering within society. “When bombs begin to fall on people, you cannot stay in the meditation hall all of the time. Meditation is about the awareness of what is going on — not only in your body and in your feelings, but all around you.” Thích Nhất Hạnh The Thích Nhất Hạnh quote above actually originates from an interview with Lion's Roar magazine and perfectly captures Nhất Hạnh's core belief in 'Engaged Buddhism', which became especially important to him and his spiritual community in the midst of the Vietnam War, during which they aided those that were experiencing the horrors. Thích Nhất Hạnh's influence lives on in his quotes and books Nhất Hạnh saw the help they provided as being part of their mindfulness and meditation practice, rather than something separate from it. What this particular Thích Nhất Hạnh quote demonstrates is the belief that meditation can (and should) extend beyond the self, due to the insight and perspective it provides. Quotes on: The Enemies of Man Over the years, Thích Nhất Hạnh has often used his influence and wisdom to stress the importance of recognising the fact that the true 'enemies of man' are ideological, rather than physical. The most famous example of this philosophy being put into words came in the mid 1960s, in a letter written to Martin Luther King. In it, Nhất Hạnh wrote that the enemies of monks in Vietnam were not man, but "intolerance, fanaticism, dictatorship, cupidity, hatred and discrimination". He also opined that in the civil rights struggle in the US, Martin Luther King's enemies were not specific human beings, but "intolerance, hatred and discrimination". “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” Thích Nhất Hạnh This Thích Nhất Hạnh quote is an interesting extension of the basic 'Enemies of Man' teaching. Once again, it centres on the idea that we should not see those who do wrong as our enemies, or as people in need to punishment or retribution, but instead as people who can be helped, or who are in need of help. MORE LIKE THIS: The Hearth of Buddhism: the Birthplace of Buddha Who is Jon Kabat-Zinn, the Master of Mindfulness? Jack Kornfield: Mindfulness Teacher and Author Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, Nhất Hạnh continued to promote the virtues of non-violence, even in retaliation to violent actions. These words help us to understand the deep-rooted beliefs that made this possible for him. Quotes on: embracing science Another key teaching that has come to define Thích Nhất Hạnh's philosophy is his view that traditional Zen Buddhist practices can work in conjunction with science. In particular, he embraced Western psychological research and utilised aspects when teaching Buddhist Psychology at Vạn Hanh Buddhist University and Cornell University. RELATED: How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners It's only through embracing science in this way that ancient wisdom can play a meaningful role in the modern world. This concept is explored in several of Nhất Hạnh's published works, including the 1992 book, The Diamond That Cuts Through Illusion and Understanding Our Mind from 2001. “Aware of the suffering created by intolerance, we are determined not to be bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are guiding means to help us learn to develop our understanding and compassion. They are not doctrines to fight, kill, or die for.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Appearing in his 1987 book entitled Being Peace, this quote from Thích Nhất Hạnh emphasises the extent to which he discourages dogmatic adherence to any particular set of teachings, because such inflexible attitudes inevitably lead to conflict and, ultimately, suffering, rather than happiness, peace and contentment. Instead, one of Nhất Hạnh's most important philosophies is related to the value of being open to new ideas, being willing to challenge existing ones and being adaptable to new research, evidence and technology. There is, after all, wisdom in letting go of bias and recognising that the concept of 'truth' can be fluid, rather than absolute. Thích Nhất Hạnh travelled all over the globe, sharing his knowledge Quotes on: love and infatuation In more recent years, Thích Nhất Hạnh's teachings have placed an emphasis on the concept of love and on defining precisely what it is. In his 2015 book How to Love, he argues that the ideas of 'love' and 'understanding' are inextricably linked. “Understanding is love's other name,” he writes. With this as the starting point, Nhất Hạnh is able to de-construct the difference between love and infatuation. Love, he says, is about understanding another person and their suffering. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a distraction from one's own suffering and understanding is replaced with fantasy, illusion and projecting ideas onto someone. “If our parents didn't love and understand each other, how are we to know what love looks like? The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Finally, this Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, which also appears in his 2015 book How to Love, neatly sums up one of the most significant conclusions he draws, which is that love is something which can be seen and learned. “If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all,” Nhất Hạnh writes. As Maria Popova points out, this is in-keeping with what psychologists know about the role of 'positivity resonance' in learning how to love. Once again, this quote shows how Thích Nhất Hạnh's traditional Zen Buddhist philosophy can operate in perfect harmony with modern scientific research and reasoning. ● Images: d nelson - arrival, CC BY 2.0, Duc (pixiduc), CC BY-SA 2.0 and mettabebe - Thich Nhat Hanh at festival in Da Nang, CC BY-SA 2.0 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism

Can 12 ideas be described as constituting pillars of well-being? Ed Gould examines the ideas of leading psychologist Rick Hanson that can help you optimize your happiness. An expert in his field and creator of the 12 pillars of well-being, Rick Hanson is the author of several books on happiness and well-being. In Hardwiring Happiness, for example, the eminent psychologist discusses how recent scientific studies have led to a greater understanding of the correlations between neural structures and mental well-being. A senior fellow of the Greater Good Science Centre at University College Berkeley, Hanson's scientific ideas have featured in many news features around the world, such as with the BBC and CBS. He has spoken at Oxford, Stanford and Harvard universities, to name but a few. Gratitude: one of the 12 pillars of well-being However, Rick Hanson is probably best known as the founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, an institution that is centred on his idea of the 12 pillars of well-being. Along with his other best-selling publications, Just One Thing, Buddha's Brain and Mother Nature, Hanson produces a free newsletter that has over 100,000 subscribers. Throughout his published work and regular newsletters, Hanson's extensive career has been leading many to the 12 pillars of well-being concept. What are the 12 pillars of well-being? What is it that Rick Hanson can teach us about happiness and contentment and how do the 12 pillars of well-being help us to achieve them? Let's examine Rick Hanson's concept in the first place. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being are designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being.” The first thing to note about the Rick Hanson model of well-being is that it is two-dimensional. This is not to say that it has no depth, rather that you can imagine the 12 pillars of well-being laid out on a grid. Across the top of the grid are the names of the “Four R's” which constitute the grid's four columns. According to Hanson, these represent the mainstays of well-being: Recognising Resourcing Regulating Relating Running horizontally are three core needs we all have: Safety Satisfaction Connection From either the core needs or from the category of well-being, it's then possible to get to each of the 12 pillars. For example, where Resourcing coincides with Connection, the pillar is named as “Confidence”. Alternatively, where Regulating and Safety intersect, the pillar would be “Calm”. Because the 12 pillars of well-being are arranged, or, more accurately, can be thought of in this way, it's possible to truly understand which each one represents. “Mindfulness” and “Motivation” are both pillars that connect to the core need of Satisfaction, for example. The 12 Pillars of Well-Being: Dr Rick Hanson How to use the 12 pillars of well-being Hanson's 12 pillar concept is designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being. However, they are not simply healthy habits to get into or new ways of thinking about the world. The pillars are designed to make alterations inside your brain so that you can get the most out of your life. Primarily, Hanson is using the well-known medical phenomenon of neuroplasticity within each of our brains to reorganize neural networks. He's showing us how this can be done for improved mental and lifestyle outcomes. Much as someone who has suffered a brain injury will learn how to perform certain tasks using other parts of their cortex, so the 12 pillars of well-being can help us to rewire our brains for beneficial effects. How does this work? .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium.” You may already work on your self-development in particular ways. For example, you may have embarked on a programme of self-compassion by reaffirming positive things about yourself each day. Under Hanson's 12 pillar model, you are “Recognising” the core need of “Safety” by being self-caring in this way. Every time you go through a ritual of self-caring or take the time to compliment yourself, then you're reinforcing a neural structure at a physical level within the brain. Equally, if you're working on scientifically-proven techniques to improve confidence, such as working on your support network more regularly, then Hanson's model would ascribe this to “Resourcing” your core need for “Connection”. However, these are just individual examples of rewiring neural networks. The point is that having the 12 pillars of well-being in place will help to make sure that you're not missing out on any single element. Love yourself: self-care is one of the pillars of happiness All too often, we identify a need for our inner well-being and focus on that. Although this is perfectly understandable and very human behaviour, it's not always the best route to overall mental well-being. Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium. Indeed, he points out that 12 essential elements, or pillars, lie at the heart of improving ourselves, not just one or two. Think of it regarding an athlete training for a competition. In this analogy, if they only work on one or two muscle groups, then they may find improved physical performance in some areas. However, if they neglect the other parts of their body, then they could find themselves going backwards in others. RELATED: The Attitude of Gratitude: 6 Ways it Can Change Your Life 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice This is what Hanson is teaching us with the brain's need for 12 pillars to be fed at once, from mindfulness to gratitude, and from vitality to learning. As long as we work on each of our three core needs across the four mainstays of well-being, then each of the 12 pillars will contribute to a rewired brain that truly sets us on the path to greater enlightenment and better mental well-being. Each pillar has a role to play What's more, Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being gives us a good idea of how to work on each pillar. As just one example, if we look at the fifth pillar, gratitude, Hanson describes what needs to be done to heighten behaviours that relate to gratitude. He shows us how to take pleasure by releasing inhibitions and focusing on all of our sensory experiences, not just on one or two. Furthermore, under the fifth pillar, he teaches how to take pleasure from every day, even mundane, things. Watch: The 12 Pillars of Well-Being with Dr Rick Hanson Similar advice can be found for each pillar, such as developing a sense of 'unilateral virtue' and 'speaking from the heart' under the tenth pillar of courage. Taken together – and not in isolation from one another – each pillar offers a step on a wider path. Like all journeys, each step forward marks progress but, crucially, will also lead to physical changes in our brains, as well. More information on each of the 12 pillars of well-being and some great instructional videos can be found at the Foundations of Well-Being. ● Images: Colourbox.com, shutterstock/Julia Savalishina Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

What is the difference between joy and happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explores the meaning of each emotion and shares tips for cultivating joy and lasting happiness in our lives. Most of us regard happiness and joy as interchangeable, assuming that both terms mean exactly the same thing. So, does this mean you’re feeling joyous when you’re happy and vice versa? Not quite. While joy and happiness are both positive emotions, they differ in how we experience them and the role they play in our lives. While this may seem confusing, let's try to clarify the difference between joy and happiness – and the similarities as well – and explore whether it's possible to experience both emotions simultaneously. So, what exactly is joy? Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is conceptually on the same plane as other positive emotions like happiness, elation and gladness, but is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy. Indeed, individuals who experience sympathetic or appreciative joy tend to have greater life satisfaction and a deeper sense of inner peace. And how do we truly define happiness? Happiness is a state that many of us strive to achieve, yet its definition varies from person to person. Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” It’s helpful to remember that the answers for joy vs happiness aren’t the same for everyone. This is because the framework of happiness for each of us is shaped by where we grew up, how we’ve lived, our culture, and unique life experiences. As a result, each of us may describe happiness and how we pursue it in our own distinct way. Joy ride: journeying to happiness However, we often place the onus of happiness on an external cause – waiting for a favourable event, circumstance or person – to make it happen. For me, it was usually, “I’ll be happy when I finally visit Paris,” or “if I ever meet my favourite Bollywood star in person,” or “when I can get a salary hike.” In other words, many peopl view happiness is future-oriented, tied to chance, and dependent on conditions beyond our control. What's the difference between joy and happiness? Happiness often relies on the people, events, situations in our lives. We constantly hope and expect these events, people and circumstances to align with our expectations, believing that this will result in happiness. “Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy.” When it comes to joy vs happiness, it helps to know that while happiness is largely dependent on external circumstances, joy is a deeper, more intrinsic feeling. Joy can be seen as the fulfillment we receive from our sense of purpose and leading a meaningful life, whereas happiness is a fleeting emotion tied to favourable outcomes. Joy versus happiness: the psychology Dr Martin Seligman, widely regarded as the father of positive psychology, describes happiness as a sum of three distinct components: Pleasure, or the sensory experiences consisting of feelings like excitement and satisfaction. Engagement, or deep involvement in an activity that allows you to achieve flow state – a feeling of complete involvement and enjoyment. Meaning, or having a sense of purpose in life that results in a feeling of fulfillment. This indicates that genuine happiness goes beyond momentary pleasure or external circumstances – it’s a balanced, lasting state of being that arises from these three components working in tandem. With this perspective, true happiness begins to resemble joy, narrowing the scope for a joy vs happiness contention. Is it possible to feel joy and happiness simultaneously? Indeed, it's possible to feel joy and happiness at the same time. Interestingly, joy can also coexist with grief or sorrow, given the emotional complexity humans are capable of. MORE LIKE THIS: Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Cherophobia: the Fear of Happiness Explained Happiness: Why It's An Inside Job “Having moments when we feel joyful and happy, savouring that, and deeply engaging with what you care about might actually be a better ideal than expecting high and unchanging amounts of joy,” says psychology professor Dr Erik Nook, who also directs the Logic of Emotion Lab at Princeton. 5 reliable ways to cultivate joy and happiness We now understand the difference between joy and happiness, but what if we could nurture happiness and joy in our lives at the same time? A 2022 study by Julia Krasko et al. found that the likelihood of achieving lasting happiness – and thereby joy and a high level of well-being – increase significantly when we pursue the multiple aspects of happiness simultaneously. Here are some ways to cultivate lasting happiness and fulfill a sense of purpose in our lives: 1. Develop a positive attitude In today’s fast-paced digital world, it’s easy to fall into negative patterns like the comparison trap and self-limiting thoughts. However, positive thinking encourages us to look at the brighter side in every situation and regard adversity as a stepping stone toward growth. Meaning relationships cultivate joy A 2014 study suggests that prioritizing positivity can be an effective approach to pursue happiness. By consciously reframing our perspective and incorporating playfulness, when life gives us lemons we can practise so-called “lemonading”, thus turning difficult times into prospects for resilience and joy. 2. Invest in meaningful relationships An ongoing Harvard study, which began in 1938 during the Great Depression, concludes that more than fame and money, it’s embracing community and being in close relationships that shows us how to find happiness. “Loneliness turns out to be toxic,” explains Dr Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of this study. Indeed, the quality of our relationships and how they make us feel has a direct impact on our health and well-being. Finding your tribe – or surrounding yourself with the right people – can help you derive a deeper sense of belonging, prevent loneliness, and spark joy in your life. 3. Plan ahead Most of us lead busy lives, and the daily grind can quickly leave us overwhelmed. Add to this mix the uncertainty and stress from poor planning, and our day can feel entirely derailed. Let’s face it: what remains unplanned often remains undone. This is why it’s important to plan ahead and stay on track. “Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable, but the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors.” Moreover, research suggests that productive people tend to be happier, as the sense of accomplishment and autonomy from fulfilling tasks planned for the day results in greater happiness and lower stress levels. With this in mind, productivity hacks can be powerful tools to plan your day and cultivate lasting happiness. 4. Do more of what fuels your purpose A study by UCLA researchers found a strong connection between a sense of purpose and eudaimonic happiness, or the deep fulfillment one derives from leading a meaningful life. According to the study, individuals with a clear sense of purpose not only experienced higher levels of positive emotions like happiness, but they were also healthier, with lower stress and anxiety levels. Volunteering helps you find purpose and build community In addition to being an efficient way to make your time matter, having a purpose can also prevent you from feeling lost in life. And, it doesn’t have to be tied only to your business or career goals – volunteering, mentoring, or helping others with random acts of kindness can bring a sense of satisfaction and lasting joy as well. 5. Cultivate tranquillity In other words, find what gives you true peace and lasting contentment, rather than just fleeting moments of happiness, and make it a part of your daily routine. Meditation is a consistent way to cultivate inner peace, improve your mood, enhance mindfulness, and boost happiness levels. If you like being in the outdoors, set aside time for forest bathing or hiking periodically, as reconnecting with nature is proven to alleviate stress and boost well-being. Try simplifying your life Living simply, or minimizing consumption and the pursuit of material possessions, can have a profound impact on your outlook, health and happiness. It can help you shift your focus from external distractions like social media and binge-watching toward self-reflection and gratitude. Additionally, it creates more time for you to strengthen your relationships and cultivate meaningful connections – widely recognized as one of the keys to lasting happiness. The takeaway: joy versus happiness Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable at first glance, but they are distinctly different. Indeed, the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors. The good news is that we can choose happiness by consciously reframing our perspectives and being intentional about where we invest our time and energy. ● Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/JLco Julia Amaral happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Volunteering Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or materialism. From choosing gratitude to quality friendships, maintain a happy vibe with these 8 tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful slumber with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice, rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were sending me into a spiral. Choosing kindness is choosing happiness Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, lived through periods of debilitating panic attacks, and dealt with episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa The majority of people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, lots of people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, find things in your life you’re grateful for.” However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! 'Fraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication. In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). Paws for thought: choose meaningful relationships (pets count!) While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear you: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change (and the upheaval it can bring). This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life isn't easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have all of these things. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Gratitude Meditation: 5 Benefits and How to Practise Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Develop an attitude of gratitude and jot down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. “Happiness is a choice, not a result of something else. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Grinning gains: stay smiling and choose happy Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, positivity is contagious. 4. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness, with recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness.” So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, prioritize being nice to people you don't know also: even a short positive interaction with a stranger has been proven to contribute to boosted well-being. 5. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. MORE LIKE THIS: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effects of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need It More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Be kind to others and experience a 'helper's high' 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an great way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for they day ahead. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style Is Best For You? 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Many studies have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend throughout your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others. The takeaway: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or are struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri. A, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych, shutterstock/Personal Belongings Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Unhappy in Life | Gratitude | Lemonading | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

With record rates of depression, we need to ask: 'what is the key to happiness?'. From lifelong learning to community, Sonia Vadlamani explores how to cultivate a life of joy with our 10 keys to happiness. Spoiler alert: materialism isn't on the list. It's often difficult for us to always feel happy and joyful, be it because of the unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection we impose on ourselves, or the negativity we surround ourselves with. It can be due to the fear of failure embedded deep within our subconscious, or our inability to form friendships and meaningful communities as we grow older. Indeed, there are many unhelpful habits or tendencies we ingrain in ourselves that can make us miserable and unhappy in life. Thankfully, researchers maintain that it’s possible to intervene and cultivate happiness through will and a proper framework. And – by following the 10 keys to happiness outlined below – you could train yourself to maximize your potential for a lifetime full of joy and contentment. Of course, happiness is subjective: it means different things to different people. The interesting news, however, is that our happiness levels are not set in stone. In her ground-breaking book The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky points out that while 50 per cent of our happiness is predetermined by our genetic makeup and personality traits, and 10 per cent is determined by our circumstances and life experiences, as much as 40 per cent of our happiness can be chosen wilfully by us, and depends largely on our daily actions. What's the tea when it comes to finding happiness? So, while we cannot change our genes or predict the future, science says that a significant portion of our happiness can be controlled by us. Unfortunately, our pursuit of happiness – as a society and on an individual level – is often misguided, with many people focused on materialism. Psychologist Barry Schwartz addresses this erroneous pursuit of happiness in his book The Paradox of Choice, wherein he points out that the plethora of choices we have available today due to a surge in consumerism often do us more harm than good, resulting in both anxiety and depression. The key to happiness: 10 steps “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions,” articulates the Dalai Lama, who is also the patron of the charity Action for Happiness. While everyone’s idea of happiness may be different, Action for Happiness has identified 10 keys to happiness, or practices that can consistently lead to a more fulfilling and happier life. While the first five keys to happiness refer to our interactions with the outside world, the latter five keys to happiness describe the traits that originate within us and are determined by our attitude towards life. Outside world: daily activities 1. Take care of your body There is an overwhelming amount of research that deems exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. Indeed, a Yale study conducted on over 1.2 million Americans concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money. You need not run a marathon to be healthy and happy – opt for an activity of your preference that suits your health goals and lifestyle. Indulge in mindful running, unplug from technology with periodic forest bathing, or simply swap escalator commutes with stairs. “Make learning a habit. Research shows that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one experience greater happiness consistently.” Eating right can contribute towards better health and happiness too. A balanced diet consisting of whole grains, fresh vegetables and fruit, lean poultry and healthy fats can help you achieve your health goals faster. Opt for foods which promote gut health instead of processed or junk food options for improved mood, better metabolism, and to keep disease at bay. Keeping fit is a crucial key to happiness 2. Practise mindfulness “We’re happiest when we focus on the present moment, and the least happy when the mind is wandering,” says researcher Matt Killingsworth. Mindfulness refers to being in a state of awareness and taking notice of the present intentionally and with complete acceptance. Studies show that practising mindfulness can help manage stress levels, in addition to activating the areas of our brains related to feeling good. RELATED: 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Mindful Behavior: 13 Practical Mindfulness Tools Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Mindfulness can be developed using simple measures – start by paying attention to your feelings and thoughts as frequently throughout the day as possible. Meditation, mindful minute practices, and gratitude journaling can help in expanding awareness as well. 3. Indulge in acts of kindness Random acts of kindness are not just beneficial for others – in fact, caring for others’ happiness activates the areas linked to trust, enjoyment and social connection in our brains as well. An experiment involving seven-day kindness activities concluded that kindness is a vital key to happiness, whether extended to people who are close to you, complete strangers, or even yourself! Doing things for others can help alleviate social anxiety, improve your mood and prevent illness, thus enabling you to lead a healthy, meaningful life. 4. Make learning a habit Research by Journal of Happiness Studies revealed that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one tend to experience greater happiness consistently. Interestingly, learning something new can be stressful and lower your happiness levels momentarily. However, the joy of acquiring or mastering a new skill can fulfil your need for autonomy or being self-directed, thus rewarding you with long-term happiness. “Exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. A Yale study concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money.” Indeed, it’s important to find a suitable skill to master, or the right challenge to undertake that’ll allow you to push beyond your comfort zone yet enable you to find your flow state. Researchers also found that skills chosen by you offer better results in terms of improved self-esteem and a heightened sense of connection or ‘oneness’ with others. 5. Make meaningful connections Human beings are social animals, and hence it’s hardly surprising when researchers found that forming meaningful connections and embracing community is one of the core values we associate with happiness. Indeed, the importance of a community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. In addition to safety and support, we also derive a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging when we find others who have the same values and interests as us. Meaningful friendships are essential for well-being Scientists agree that interacting with strangers, thus bolstering our ‘weak social ties’ also impacts our well-being positively. Take some time to connect with those who serve you coffee, your cab driver, or a friendly face you encounter during your daily strolls. Gestures like passing a casual compliment, wishing someone a good day, or chatting with an elderly neighbour over a cuppa can make a world of difference to someone who’s been feeling down or struggling with loneliness. Inside world: Developing the right attitude 6. Be at ease with who you are Self-acceptance forms an important cornerstone for our mental health and well-being, yet it’s a routine that we tend to practice the least, as revealed in a survey conducted by Action For Happiness. While acceptance was rated as the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and happiness amidst all the other traits and habits, only 5% of the respondents admitted to being kind to themselves and believed that they were perfect the way they were. RELATED: 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Practising acceptance as a habit can be difficult at first, but it’s possible to be good to yourself by shifting your perspective. Indeed, embracing imperfections as your unique traits and acknowledging your strengths – however insignificant they seem – can be a crucial key to happiness. 7. Set vital goals Happiness doesn’t always happen spontaneously – it requires planning and action towards pursuing things that matter to you. Goal setting is an important key to happiness, since it forms the outline for the life you envision for yourself. It’s important to set goals to look forward to – not only can proactive goal setting ensure fulfilment of your life ambitions and vision, following an actionable plan and achieving timebound targets using SMART goal setting can boost self-confidence and eliminate stress and anxiety. 8. Develop resilience All of us will face hardship, loss and trauma along our life jounrey, and since our brains are wired for negativity bias, we tend to remember the adverse events in our lives compared to the positive experiences. However, by changing our perspective and looking at hardships as stepping stones towards personal growth and success, we can learn to take back power every time we feel defeated by life. Indeed, building resilience can boost positive thinking, strengthen connections, and improve stress management skills. “Community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. As well as safety and support, we also get a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging.” In fact, researcher Dr Ann Masten describes resilience as ‘ordinary magic’ derived from everyday situations and resources, that helps us adapt better during hardships. There is surmounting scientific evidence that developing resilience as a life skill and finding ways to bounce back from adversities can contribute immensely to our well-being and happiness 9. Cultivate a positive outlook “Just as water lilies retract when sunlight fades, so do our minds when positivity fades,” states researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her book Positivity. Indeed, research suggests that experiencing ‘upward spirals of positive emotions’ like gratitude, joy, interest etc. more often allows us to counteract the downward spirals of negative emotions like stress, jealousy, etc. Gratitude journaling, smiling more often, finding ways to incorporate awe into your life are some easy ways to boost positivity. Lifelong learning is another key to a happy life 10. Find meaning in your life Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves or possessing a sense of purpose in life is linked with greater life satisfaction, improved self-esteem, lasting relationships, and a more optimistic attitude. Leading a meaningful life could seem like a complicated process, but you can begin by prioritizing activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose such as volunteering or trying to make a difference in others’ lives. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today The key to happiness here is to understand where your calling lies and set out to follow your bliss. ‘Life Crafting’, or the process of reflecting on your strengths and interests, and aligning them with your vision, passion and desires, can be used as the framework for setting goals conducive to the meaningful life you wish to lead. The takeaway: what is the key to happiness? “It is work to be happy,” says psychologist Barry Schwartz. Indeed, there’s more to happiness than feeling good about pleasurable things, but the good news is that it can be cultivated by consistently encouraging the 10 keys to happiness or happy habits listed above into our lives. Instead of trying to implement all the keys to happiness at once, try reflecting on what each individual key means for you, and devise ways to implement them using simple action plan, to be able to lead a rewarding and happier life. ● Images: shutterstock/santypan, shutterstock/Lordn, shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/UrbanScape happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Lemonading | Internal Conflict Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure. I hate my life." Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Buddhism is a global religion practised by millions across the world, but where exactly did it begin; where is the hearth of buddhism? Ann Vrlak traces the origins of the Buddha. Buddhism is one of the oldest world religions, now practised by over 480 million people. But where did this worldwide spiritual movement begin? The hearth of Buddhism The “hearth” of Buddhism – where it was born and took hold – was on the plains of India’s Ganges river. It began with a man who went on an extraordinary journey that took him from the sheltered life of a prince to the humble life of a wanderer in order to seek enlightenment. Buddha’s birthplace was a village called Lumbini, in what is now Nepal. As the hearth of Buddhism, Lumbini is now a pilgrimage site for Buddhists everywhere. He was born Siddhartha Gautama in 563 BC to a wealthy royal family who wanted to keep their beloved son from the harsh realities of life in the Indian sub-continent. Siddhartha’s life was arranged so he would never leave the royal compound that was a haven of luxury and privilege. Buddhism's hearth was in Lumbini (now Nepal) Stories vary about how and why Siddhartha went outside the compound one day. But, for the first time, he saw elderly people. He saw people who were sick and suffering. And he saw death. These realities of human life that had been hidden from him moved him so deeply he renounced his home. Knowing his family would want to stop him, he slipped out of the palace in the middle of the night. He chose to leave the comforts he had always known to find the true causes of human happiness and suffering. For six years, Siddhartha wandered through India immersing himself in the religions and philosophies of his time. He became an ascetic: leaving a chosen life of self-discipline, living on as little as possible. The Birthplace of Buddha: Siddhartha Becomes the Awakened One After these years of seeking and learning, Siddhartha remained unsatisfied. He knew he had not yet truly understood or lived the experience of freedom spiritual teachers spoke of. One day, he told his travelling companions he was going to sit under a pipal tree until he realized enlightenment. In his time, this meant release from the rounds of suffering and happiness that humans experience. “Buddha’s birthplace was a village called Lumbini, in what is now Nepal. As the hearth of Buddhism, Lumbini is now a pilgrimage site for Buddhists everywhere.” Siddhartha was true to his word and sat under the tree for 49 days. His friends brought him enough food and water for him to survive. It’s said that during this time his mind threw every kind of temptation at him – from fear to guilt to lust – to force him to give up his quest. But he persevered, until he realized enlightenment. Siddhartha became the Buddha, meaning the Awakened One – someone who is awakened to the truth of human existence. And the pipal tree has since been called the Bodhi Tree or “Tree of Awakening.” Buddhist monk meditating under a tree in Ayutthaya, Thailand The Core Teachings of Buddha From that day on, the Buddha’s teaching developed. One of his core philosophies is the Middle Way. He learned from his life as a prince, then his life as an ascetic, that enlightenment would not come from either of these extremes. He talked about the Middle Way to awakening, avoiding both self-gratification and self-mortification. The Buddha’s teachings remain founded on two doctrines: The Four Noble Truths, and The Eightfold Path The Four Noble Truths are the Buddha’s explanation of human suffering and freedom from it. In modern language, “suffering” is often understood as an extreme condition, such as severe illness or living in a war torn country. Buddha included these situations, but most of all he meant the everyday suffering that can create so much mental and emotional turmoil. These Four Noble Truths are: Life involves suffering (anxiety, anger, grief, sadness) Suffering is caused by desire (wanting our experience or our life to be other than it is) The end of desire is the end of suffering (wisdom and acceptance bring us into alignment with life as it is) The Eightfold Path is the way to end desire. RELATED: How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners The Eightfold Path gives followers a detailed roadmap to develop these attitudes and skills to end suffering: right understanding, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration. “The real birthplace of Buddhism was the heart of one man born over 2,500 years ago. A person who voluntarily gave up a life of ease and luxury to find an ultimate understanding of the human condition.” Collectively, these teachings and others are called the Dharma – the Buddha’s philosophy on how to live a happy, peaceful life. These teachings have become the foundation for the different branches of Buddhism. How did Buddha die? Siddhartha Gautama Buddha is believed to have lived to the age of 80, when he fell ill. By this time, he had travelled much of India and taught his Dharma for 45 years. His illness progressed as he sat outside among the trees, with his devotees. He passed away and attained Parinirvana – the final nirvana upon death. Statues mark the birthplace of Buddha In the Maha-parinibbana Sutta: The Last Days of the Buddha, he said to his most loved disciple and friend, "Therefore, Ananda, be islands unto yourselves…with the Dharma as your island, the Dharma as your refuge, seeking no other refuge.” He was saying, in part, that no external god was needed to awaken – only the practice of the teachings he left behind. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? Buddha’s death was the final catalyst for the founding of the various Buddhist traditions. The first Buddhist council was formed to compile and codify his many years of teachings, that spread around the world from the original hearth of Buddhism in Lumbini. Takeaway: Buddhism hearth The real birthplace of Buddhism, one of the world’s largest religions, was the heart of one man born over 2,500 years ago. A person who voluntarily gave up a life of ease and luxury to find an ultimate understanding of the human condition and help others. His teachings on the nature of suffering and ethical living have profoundly influenced spiritual thought and practice worldwide. The founding principles of the Buddha flourished after his death and informed the diverse traditions of Buddhism. ● Images: shutterstock/Sombat Muycheen, shutterstock/vectorx2263, shutterstock/Mongkolchom Akesin happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Hatha yoga Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

We all understand the classic adage 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,' but have you heard of the newly-coined expression 'lemonading'? Sonia Vadlamani explores how lemonading – or adopting playfulness – can help you navigate life's uncertainties with greater ease. Life is full of uncertainties. And – as most of us have realized by now – no one can predict the outcome of the challenges that arise. We’ve all heard the saying 'when life gives you lemons make lemonade', but what if our minds don’t instinctively choose an outlook based on positive reframing? The good news is that we can consciously choose to adopt so-called 'lemonading' as a mindset. So, what is lemonading? Coined by researchers at Oregon State University, the term 'lemonading' refers to the ability to see the positive side when life presents you with metaphorical ‘lemons,’ thereby making it easier to navigate the obstacles. The central idea is that those with a more 'playful' outlook on life or the ability to shift their perspectives during uncertainty tend to be more resilient and find solutions with greater ease. Led by Dr Xiangyou Shen, the 2021 study analyzed how people coped with the COVID-19 pandemic, exploring how one’s perception of limitations and disruptions affected their ability to adapt to tough times. The research revealed that individuals who were more playful maintained a positive outlook on an uncertain future while staying realistic towards the limitations of the present. This ability to “creatively imagine and pursue positive possibilities to cultivate adaptive, enjoyable experiences while maintaining a clear-eyed realism about challenges” – lemonading – can help individuals thrive and find happiness, even amid chaos. How does lemonading work? It’s important not to confuse lemonading with toxic positivity. While toxic positivity dismisses setbacks and challenges, lemonading embraces the presence of hardships, allowing room for difficult emotions like sadness, disappointment and fear, while actively seeking ways to combat the situation. It’s about using your strength, determination, and creative problem-solving skills, rather than pretending everything is fine. Playfulness is an integral part of lemonading Instead of downplaying difficulties, lemonading encourages you to shift your perspective to ask yourself, “What resources do I have to work through this situation?” or “How can I approach this challenge in a creative way?". In principle, lemonading acknowledges that life gets tough sometimes – but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. In other words, you make the best use of your resources. How to practise lemonading Lemonading may come more easily to some, but anyone can learn to turn life’s “lemons” into something better with a shift in perspective and a touch of playfulness. Here are some ways to develop the art of lemonading: 1. Cultivate an adaptable mindset When life gives you lemons, it’s natural to fall into a detrimental cycle of repetitive and intrusive thinking. Obsessive thoughts and rumination can take a toll on both mental and physical health, contributing to conditions like anxiety, OCD-related disorders, and even impaired decision-making ability. Indeed, you can navigate life more easily by training your mind to find the silver lining. “Instead of downplaying difficulties, lemonading encourages you to shift your perspective and ask, 'what resources do I have to work through this situation?'” Rather than dwelling on setbacks, make a conscious effort to shift your focus toward possibilities and opportunities in any scenario. This reframing technique is at the heart of lemonading – it not only allows you to feel stress-free faster but also encourages proactive problem-solving instead of remaining stuck in negativity. 2. Practise gratitude Gratitude is a powerful resource for lemonading, given that the human brain is wired toward negativity. Research shows that cultivating an attitude of gratitude can foster positive emotions and enhance our ability to cope with difficult situations. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus to what’s going well in your life, while gratitude meditation is a great way to acknowledge your blessings. Setting aside a few minutes each day to reflect in silence on the things that bring you joy is a simple yet effective way to reframe your perspective. 3. Create your go-to set of positive affirmations Positive affirmations are statements that can help you navigate uncertainties and challenges with a more optimistic attitude. According to researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, practising self-affirmations can help rewire the brain’s perception of self-worth, leading to positive behavioural changes. RELATED: 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Affirmations can feel uncomfortable at first, so try speaking to yourself in the third person, like a supportive mentor or teacher would. For example, try saying something like, “Hey, you’ve got this!” or “You know this only seems harder in your mind than it actually is.” 4. Find the fun in everyday moments Laughing is easy when life is going well, but finding humour in difficult situations is much harder. However, embracing humour during difficult times may just be what you need for lemonading like a champ. According to the relief theory by Martin and Ford, humour acts like a relief valve, much like a steam pipe pressure valve in a hydraulic engine, allowing release for any built-up tension through laughter. Another study by Yale psychologist Oriana Aragon suggests that laughter strengthens resilience by helping us regulate our emotions in the face of challenge, aligning perfectly with the essence of lemonading. When life gives you lemons, embrace humour! 5. Switch things up occasionally While routines provide stability and structure to our day, shaking things up occasionally helps break monotony and spark creativity. This doesn’t mean abandoning your schedule entirely but rather making small, intentional changes – introducing something new while maintaining your overall rhythm. The concept of lemonading is centred around the idea that it’s OK to embrace change, since it promotes personal growth. MORE LIKE THIS: What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship These 4 NLP Techniques Will Change How You Think How to Prime Your Mind For Optimism Indeed, American philosopher Henry David Thoreau once observed how easily our brains get hardwired, leaving us feeling we’re stuck in a rut. Research on neurogenesis and neuroplasticity by Christopher Bergland suggests that we can rewire our brains to explore fresh perspectives, helping us approach challenges with renewed clarity. Try taking a different route to work, listening to a new music genre, or exploring an unfamiliar part of your city. These small shifts can dissolve your preconceived notions and reservations about change and open you up to new possibilities. 6. Incorporate play into your day Getting shit done shouldn’t be your only goal for the day – making it more enjoyable and memorable is just as important. Playfulness is a powerful trait for individuals facing adverse conditions, as revealed by a study by Rinat Feniger-Schaal et al., as it allows them to reclaim autonomy and build emotional resilience. “Surround yourself with people who embrace an abundance mindset – those who encourage you to find the positive side when life gives you lemons.” However, avoid the urge to tie play to a specific goal or outcome. Instead, focus on what genuinely brings you joy. Whether it’s baking cupcakes, taking a painting class, volunteering, or dancing to your favourite song, incorporating play can break the monotony and add lightness to your day. 7. Create a community you can count on The power of a strong, supportive community is a key aspect of lemonading. Surround yourself with people who embrace an abundance mindset – those who encourage you to find the positive side when life gives you lemons. Indeed, offering support is just as important as receiving it, as teaching resilience and helping others through tough times is a key aspect of lemonading. RELATED: The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits We often get so caught up in our struggles that we overlook what those around us are going through. By extending kindness and support, we foster an ‘affiliative connection,’ thus deepening our friendships and reinforcing meaningful relationships. In addition to strengthening bonds, small acts of kindness have other proven benefits, from alleviating stress and boosting immunity to releasing happy hormones like serotonin and endorphins, giving you the uplifting experience of the ‘helper’s high.’ Takeaway: when life gives you lemons Resorting to the advice 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade' may not always seem like the natural or even realistic choice during tough times. Indeed, it’s not always easy to regard the glass as half full when difficulties arise. However, looking on the bright side as a conscious practice can help us stay resilient and, in general, be happier. Adopting the lemonading mindset won’t make your setbacks vanish, but the strategies shared can help you navigate them with greater ease – and maybe even enjoy the process. ● shutterstock/Kit Viatkins, shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Positive psychology | Motivation | Keys to Happiness | Unhappy in Life Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

The benefits of Vedic meditation are many: improved sleep, clearer thought, and lowered stress. Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explains how to practise this ancient meditative form and guides you on the power of the vedic meditation mantra. Vedic meditation is an ancient form of meditation practice – in fact, it’s the very first. The many styles of meditation that you see today all originated from this original practice. The source of Vedic meditation is the Vedas, a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and the science of Ayurvedic medicine. For centuries, all three of these disciplines have had an enormous impact on people’s health and well-being around the world. The Vedas lay out a comprehensive path to a happy and meaningful life through experiential learning. When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living. So, what is Vedic meditation? Vedic meditation is centred on a mantra – a phrase that is repeated either out loud or silently in your mind. “Mantra” is made up of two Sanskrit words: “man” which means mind, and “tra” which means vehicle or transport. So, a vedic meditation mantra is a vehicle to take your mind from one place to another: perhaps from the busy activity of your day-to-day mind to a deeper, quieter place, that is often covered up by that activity. Vedic meditation uses mantras, and can be done at home The most ancient mantras are in the Sanskrit language because Sanskrit is what’s known as a ‘vibrational’ language. What does that mean exactly? It means that the sound of the words, their vibrations, create the experience of the words’ meaning. For example, the Sanskrit word for peace is “shanti.” It’s said that when “shanti” is repeated, the sound itself invokes the feeling of peace. Or when the word for compassion, “karuna,” is repeated, you will be filled with a feeling of compassion. “When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living.” And you probably already had experiences of how relaxing sounds can be. The sound of a running river. Or birds singing. In fact, you don’t relax through thinking about the river or the bird, but from the sounds themselves. Similarly, using a vedic mantra meditation gives your brain something innately healthy to focus on – a break from a busy mind. RELATED: What Is a Sound Bath Meditation and What Are Its Benefits? It’s worth pointing out that Vedic meditation also helps you to be more mindful and do one thing at a time (something which is deeply calming). Indeed, studies have shown that multitasking is actually stressful for our minds and bodies and, in fact, it may not even be truly possible. What are the benefits of vedic meditation? So, before explaining how to practise Vedic meditation with mantras, let’s take a look at its main benefits. If you feel you are healthy, what would that look like to you? A generally healthy person would: Sleep well Vedic meditation nurtures a healthy nervous system. It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body that governs relaxation and rejuvenation. Additionally, it helps to reduce stress chemicals that accumulate in your body, and allows a deeper, more restful sleep. Feel relaxed and be able to relax when needed Anxiety and stress are epidemics in our modern world. The relaxing effects of vedic meditation can be used any time you’re aware of being anxious or stressed. And the healing, anti-anxiety effects build over time and lower your overall stress level. Think clearly and creatively Have you ever noticed that when you’re anxious it’s hard to think? The ability to relax in the moment and have a generally low stress level allows your brain to work better. Areas across your brain work together more efficiently so you are more creative and productive. When your nervous system is rejuvenated, you have more resources at your fingertips to respond to your life wisely and compassionately. Be emotionally balanced and calm Your emotions have physical and mental components that can become a vicious cycle, creating upset or intense suffering. Just as your thinking becomes clearer and more holistic through vedic meditation, your emotions also become clearer and more grounded. Have all the energy you need Because Vedic meditation activates the rest and rejuvenate part of your brain, because you’re sleeping well, and because you’re reducing your stress level, your energy levels should soar. Be content Taken all together, doesn’t this sound like a recipe for contentment? You are physically rested and relaxed, and your thinking and emotions are clear and calm, supporting you in your best intentions. All of these things make your connections and relationships with people easier and more fulfilling. And, you have energy for the things that matter to you most. How to practise vedic meditation First, it’s important to know you don’t need any religious or spiritual belief to do Vedic meditation. All you need is a mantra, a few minutes of quiet, and a spirit of adventure. As I mentioned earlier, traditional mantras are in Sanskrit. Give one of the vedic meditation mantras below a try. If for any reason you’re not comfortable with them, you can use words in your own language, like “peace” or “compassion.” How to do vedic meditation in 6 steps Decide on a length of time to practice and do your best to stick to it. You can start with 10 minutes and build up to 40. 1. Choose your mantra. Here are a few traditional Sanskrit mantras OM. The primordial mantra, the sound of the universe or, in Indian philosophy, the sound of pure consciousness. Repeating this mantra can help you let go of personal worries and connect with the universal sound. SO HUM is another ancient mantra which means 'I am that'. Not only can you connect with pure consciousness, you can experience yourself as that consciousness. OM MANI PADME HUM is a lovely mantra meaning “the jewel in the lotus.” Lotus flowers grow in mud. This mantra invokes your power of transformation, your ability to overcome things and find the jewel in difficulty. 2. Find a quiet space When you’re first learning any kind of meditation, it’s best to take time away from your usual daily activities in a quiet space. It can be as simple as a comfortable cushion or chair in the corner of a room. As you become more experienced, it will be easier to close your eyes for a few minutes of practice wherever you are. Find a quiet spot to practise vedic meditation 3. Sit and connect with your body Take a comfortable sitting posture, physically relax as much as you can, and let your attention gently scan your body. Take a few deep breaths, letting go a bit of any tension or stress each time you exhale. 4. Use your mantra Bring your mantra to mind and, if you like, its meaning as well. Know there’s nothing you need to do or create; you’re simply repeating your chosen mantra. Start by repeating it softly, out loud. Focus on the feeling of the sound, how the vibrations feel in your throat, your heart, your stomach – wherever you feel it most. “Using vedic meditation mantras nurtures a healthy nervous system and helps to reduce stress chemicals. It also allows a deeper, more restful sleep.” When you find that your attention has drifted to a memory or a plan or anything else, that’s all part of the practice. Notice where your attention is and gently come back to repeating your mantra. After a moment or two, start to repeat the mantra more and more quietly, until you're repeating it silently inside. RELATED: Turning Pain Into Compassion: Tonglen Meditation 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says If you like, you can lengthen the silence between the repetitions, with the mantra coming out of and going back in to silence. If you find you become distracted in longer silences, come back to repeating the mantra more often. 5. Returning to body awareness When your practice time is almost done, let go of the mantra and bring your attention back to the physical sensations in your body. Again, gently scan your body and notice if areas of your body feel different than before. Also, notice the state of your mind and your emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, just notice what is here for you. 6. Close with a breath When you’re ready, end with another few deep, relaxing breaths. The takeaway: what is vedic meditation? Just like any other activity or skill you learn, getting the full benefits of vedic meditation and mantras takes time. However, by practising it you will become sensitive to subtle body, mind and emotional states – becoming a keen observer of yourself. Indeed, you may notice quite quickly small shifts in your stress level, mood and well-being as you practice. And, you may find, like so many people do, that the act of vedic meditation itself creates an oasis where you experience just a little more relaxation, a little more contentment, and a little more joy. A little of any of these experiences goes a long way in improving your happiness levels! ● Images: shutterstock/Zdenka Darula, shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Can an abundant mindset radically affect our choices and determine the course of our lives? Sonia Vadlamani believes so. Here she shares explains the meaning of abundance mindset and mentality, and offers eight simple yet effective ways to cultivate them. When Henry Ford famously stated, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right”, he was emphasizing how our attitude and beliefs determine our success or failure. While we may not realize it, self-limiting thoughts can have a lasting negative impact on our lives, whereas positive reinforcements and a bright outlook on life can help us make better choices, resulting in successful outcomes. The term 'abundance mindset' was first coined by Stephen R Covey in 1989, in his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. According to Covey, those choosing an abundance or abundant mindset believe that there are unlimited resources available for every individual, and that long-term success warrants creation of a win-win situation for all. Abundance mindset vs scarcity mindset In contrast, Covey refers to scarcity mindset as viewing life as a limited resource, wherein one can get only a share of the pie, while the rest is reserved for others. Those with scarcity mindset believe there just isn’t enough love, time, or money out there for everyone: each thought and every action of theirs is an endeavour to grab the limited opportunities. Adopt a mindset of abundance for positive changes An experimental study based on neuroimaging revealed that abundance mindset enables individuals to make goal-oriented decisions. On the contrary, those with scarcity mindset perceive limited resources to be available to them, which may impact their decision-making abilities adversely. A victim of the scarcity mindset myself until a few years ago, it took me a while to realize that I was limiting myself by remaining in the ‘if only’ trap – assuming that my life would be perfect if only I earned a certain amount of money, bagged that exclusive contract, went on that dream vacation, etc. When I eventually realized that my scarcity mindset was confining me in a victim complex, I consciously looked for ways to expand my awareness and recognize all the growth opportunities around myself. Indeed, escaping the scarcity bubble might seem impossible at first, but consistent focus and determined action plan drawn towards developing an abundance mindset helps immensely. “Those with an abundance mindset and mentality can perceive the highest potential in every situation. There are always more options, great possibilities and unlimited resources for the abundance-minded.” Sometimes, it may be easy to confuse scarcity mindset with a temporary setback, like being in financial shortfall. Being broke could be a short-lived situation in your life – in fact, not having access to everything you ever desired could prove to be a valuable lesson and help you to be grateful for everything you do have. How is an abundance mindset beneficial? An abundant mindset or abundance mentality is believed to favor personal and spiritual growth. Psychology professor Carol Dweck revealed that people with “growth mindset” believe that talent is merely the starting point and abilities can be honed with consistent efforts towards betterment. These individuals tend to be more equipped to deal with stressful situations and believe in their ability to generate more successful outcomes as compared to those with a 'fixed mindset'. Individuals with abundance mindset are perceived to be: more creative and inspired to create favorable outcomes for everyone around unfazed even through adverse circumstances more assured about their ability to create high-value results of an amplified magnitude more focused on creating meaningful, unhindered, satisfying life experiences 8 ways to develop a more abundant mindset Here are some practical and effective ways to start creating a life of abundance. Incorporate them into your life and try to witness positive changes. 1. Believe in infinite possibilities Those with an abundance mindset and mentality can perceive the highest potential in every situation. While scarcity mindset imposes a perceived limit on the resources available, there are always more options, great possibilities and unlimited resources for the abundance-minded. RELATED: 7 Ways to Develop a Can-Do Attitude Training your mind to see limitless opportunities in place of shortcomings can be a gradual process. You can start by deliberately expanding your awareness while relaxing your focus, and then asking yourself how you could approach a situation from a different perspective, in a scenario where you know you couldn’t fail. 2. Understand the power of your thoughts “What you think, you become. The mind is everything,” Buddha taught us. The law of manifestation asserts that our inner world reflects our outer reality, and that our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions determine what we manifest into the physical world around us. Taking time to notice the kind of self-limiting or scarcity-based thoughts you experience would allow you to identify your thought patterns and shift them gradually towards abundance. An abundance mentality encourages the best version of you 3. Stop comparing yourself to others Scarcity mindset can compel individuals to constantly evaluate how they compare with others. However, those with abundance mindset tend to only compare themselves with regards to the vision and standards they set for their own selves. 4. Incorporate gratitude as a daily practice Gratitude is a powerful emotion for creating abundance. In fact, there is ample scientific research that establishes the benefits of gratitude as a daily practice, like improved mental health, stronger relationships, and enhanced personal happiness. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice Keeping a gratitude journal is one of the easiest ways to integrate gratefulness as a daily ritual and harness the benefits of an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude meditation can also help you build a habitual focus on appreciation of good things in life. 5. Build win-win situations for all Those with scarcity mindset view life as a defined 'cake' and believe that if someone gets a big slice of the cake, the others are left with smaller portions. Abundance mentality views life as a sum of collaborative efforts instead of competitive endeavors. RELATED: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! Creating win-win solutions through interaction and collaboration can lead to mutually favourable results – this way, there is plenty of cake for everybody. 6. Be willing to learn According to Covey, the desire for learning and growth towards mastery experiences forms the basis for abundance mindset. The key to abundance is to make learning a habit and to create mastery experiences in at least one area of your interest. “Abundance mindset is believed to favor personal and spiritual growth. People with growth mindset believe that talent is merely the starting point and abilities can be honed with consistent efforts towards betterment.” James Clear, the author of the best-selling book The Power of Habit explains how the principle of ‘marginal gains’ or tiny improvements on a daily basis can aggregate over time. This brings about a dramatic shift in how we achieve successful results. Indeed, by making 1 per cent improvements in small areas in your life consistently, you could witness exponential growth and create remarkable results for yourself as well as others around you. 7.Create daily affirmations that encourage abundance Scarcity mindset stems from fear; be it the fear of inadequate resources or insufficient skill to achieve one’s goals, etc. An experimental study by J. David Creswell et al pointed out the benefits of self-affirmation in the form of improved problem-solving abilities even in stressful situations. RELATED: How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Strategies Using daily affirmations can help bring about a gradual yet steady shift in your mindset from scarcity to abundance. Start with jotting down your fears and worries. This will help you expand your awareness. Next, make a suitable action plan as a response to these concerns in a way that will enable you to overcome your fear of failure, so you can lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Start your day with positive affirmations 8. Surround yourself with others with abundance mindset “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” stated Jim Rohn, and with good reason. Accordingly, choose to invest your time and resources in building a community of people who elevate your outlook on life and bring out the best in you. This will also help you minimize the unproductive time spent with ‘negative nellies’ or unsupportive and unproductive people who add no value to your life and only create stressful situations instead. Surrounding yourself with positive-minded and empowering people will help you develop an abundance mindset. Takeaway: Meaning of abundance mindset and mentality An abundance mindset and abundant mentality can have a positive effect on our physical health, emotional well-being, happiness, relationships and even our financial decisions. Keeping that scarcity mindset at bay might seem difficult to begin with, but by following the eight tips above you´ll be able to see that abundance mindset develop and shine through. • Images: shutterstock/sun ok, shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Hitdelight happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Positive psychology | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Meditation is more popular than ever, but many common misconceptions about the practice still remain. So, from aiming to control your thoughts to only meditating cross-legged, Ann Vrlak debunks seven common meditation myths. Meditation is one of the most natural, simple activities we can do, but, ironically, many people find it difficult. There are some good reasons why meditation practice can be challenging, especially for beginners, but one of the biggest reasons is the many misconceptions about meditation and what’s supposed to happen when you do it. Whether you have tried meditation before or not, we’d like to debunk some of the most common meditation myths. We hope this might inspire you to try again – or give this healthy habit a chance. Myth 1. Meditation Means I Have to Control My Thoughts The belief that you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it! When you try to stop your thinking, your thinking will usually become more active. It’s like trying to stop a river from flowing. Meditation is about learning to relate to your thinking differently. In particular, a core meditation skill is observing your thoughts. To stay with the river analogy, it’s like standing on the shore of the river watching thoughts go by, rather than being carried away by it. Meditation is about observing thoughts, not controlling them This objectivity helps you to better understand what you think about and how your mind behaves. You become familiar with thoughts that upset you or lead you toward bad decisions. Most importantly, it strengthens your “observing mind,” the part of your attention that can be a calm, caring witness of your experiences. This is a much more powerful skill than it may sound. Myth 2: Meditation Makes People Check Out What image comes to mind when you think of someone meditating? It might be someone sitting cross-legged on the floor, with their eyes closed. This image seems to suggest someone who is out of the flow of life, “not letting things affect them.” “Believing you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it!” Like some meditation misconceptions, there is a hint of truth in this, and a lot of misunderstanding. Often meditation is done in a quiet place, away from daily activity, so you can learn to focus your attention – where you can develop that objectivity we just mentioned. This builds your self-awareness and balance to help you manage life’s challenges with less stress. You become more aware, more engaged – not less. Indeed, meditation deepens your connection with yourself which helps you feel more connected to – and concerned for – others. Myth 3. Meditation Can Only be Done Sitting Cross-legged The image we mentioned before of someone sitting cross-legged on a cushion is traditional, that’s true. This posture puts the body into an aligned, alert position that supports your nervous system. But, in fact, you can meditate lying down or in any position you like because meditation is for everyone. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Fitness, age, injury or energy level does not determine whether or not you can benefit from meditation. In fact, there is an ancient meditation practice called yoga nidra that's done lying down and is a deep relaxation experience for mind and body. Myth 4. I Should Feel Peaceful or Relaxed When I Meditate What if you feel anxious or agitated when you meditate? Does it mean “you’re not doing it right” or “you can’t meditate”? The myth that you will always feel peaceful or relaxed when you meditate is one of the most unfortunate misconceptions about meditation. You can practise meditation anywhere: there are no rules These feelings are, in fact, common first experiences with meditation – and sometimes a recurring one. Why? Because you are slowing down and paying attention to your mind and body in ways you do not usually do. Often there is some stress or an uncomfortable emotion under the surface that we are too busy to notice. Meditation isn’t causing the discomfort, it’s just showing you it’s there. From here, you learn skills to help you respond to your challenges with mindfulness and compassion. Meditation is not about achieving any particular feeling. It’s about learning to be with your experience, as it is, with kindness and curiousity. If you feel anxious, the practice is to be kind with it – not to try to get rid of it. The goal is to grow your ability to be with your experiences, good and bad, without resisting and judging. Myth 5. I Just Don’t Have Time to Meditate There is a popular saying in meditation circles: “If you don’t have five minutes to meditate, you should meditate for 30.” In other words, if your days are so busy that taking five minutes to breathe and be present seems like too much, you need even more of a break! This is a meditation misconception that is easy to accept because modern living does encourage us to do more and more, faster and faster. But, taking breaks to pause, rest our minds and refresh our energy make us more productive, not less. “While there are good reasons to use traditional meditation postures, there are also many benefits to practising meditation lying down or any position you like.” Not only that, but there are many ways to take short meditation breaks in your day. Use a daily activity as a reminder to do a three-minute conscious breathing exercise, like when you're getting ready for bed or getting dressed for work in the morning. Developing a habit of mini-meditations is a wonderful way to create restful spaces in your day. A little meditation can go a very long way. Myth 6. I Need to Have a Spiritual or Religious Belief to Meditate Some of the core meditation practices that are still with us today came out of ancient spiritual traditions. But, those traditions, like Buddhism, have a deep foundation in human psychology and also in equality. MORE LIKE THIS: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Meditation For Beginners: Our Top 6 Videos Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says Meditation was a practice created to help people understand the common causes of suffering and of happiness that affect everyone. There was not, and still is not, any need to believe in any spiritual dogma to meditate. All you need is a desire to better understand yourself to help you lead a happier life. We also now have decades of scientific data that has proven the benefits of meditation, from stress relief to alleviating depression, are shared among secular and non-secular people. Myth 7. Meditation Is Self-Centered Does “going inward” in meditation encourage you to become self-centred? This is one of the more well-meaning misconceptions about meditation. A practice that made you more concerned about yourself than others would not add anything very positive to the world. Meditation doesn't have to be done cross-legged in Lotus position But, meditation is just the opposite. One of the effects of understanding ourselves better through meditation is understanding others better. When you see your own anxiety and work with it compassionately, something automatically happens: you have compassion for others who experience anxiety too. When you relieve your own anxiety through kind attention, you may want to do the same for someone else. Takeaway: meditation myths I hope I've dispelled some of the myths about meditation you may have heard. Especially in the modern world, meditation can seem like an unusual activity, something foreign to our usual way of doing things. It’s true in some ways, but that’s actually a good thing. Taking some time to slow down and breathe, for example, is a simple, healthy antidote to being constantly active. Paying attention to and being kind to your experiences can help you be more at ease in yourself when daily pressures are piling up. If you’d like to try meditation, keep these myths about meditation in mind. Meditation is always meant to be a safe space where you show up as you are, and are met without judgement or expectation. • Images: shutterstock/Monster Ztudio, shutterstock/Max Belchenco, shutterstock/ABO PHOTOGRAPHY happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Gratitude | Stress Management | Mindfulness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Meditation doesn't have to be done sat inside on a mat. Ann Vrlak explores the science-backed benefits of meditating in nature and suggests 5 ways of practising it outdoors. Among the many myths about meditation that exist is that it has to happen in a quiet room with your eyes shut. However, taking your practice outside can actually deepen your connection with nature, engage your senses, and bring a fresh perspective to what meditation is all about. In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further, building on the instinctual connection humans have with the natural environment. Meditating in nature is a sensory, calming experience The benefits of meditation in nature The value of spending time in nature is woven into many cultures. indeed, it's now generally accepted that it's one of the healthiest things we can do for our body, mind and spirit. Here are just a few of the further benefits you enjoy when you do simple meditation practices outdoors: Being in a forest or park, or by the ocean, all have a soothing effect on your nervous system. Add in the benefits of meditation practice on stress relief, and outdoor meditation becomes an enjoyable, powerful tool to bust stress. Nature meditation is a rich, sensory experience. Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself in the present moment. Most of us live in a fast-paced world of electronic devices and multitasking. Meditation in nature supports you in settling into a quieter, simpler space where you can turn your attention inward. Finally, time in nature has been shown to be profoundly helpful for our mental health and mental clarity. Nature meditation multiplies these many healthy effects that help us to give our minds much-needed rest and rejuvenation. 5 ways to practise meditation in nature Here are five nature meditation practices. For each one, whenever you notice that you're lost in a train of thought, that is part of the exercise. It is totally natural. Just gently return your attention to the focus of the practice. 1. Sound meditation One main meditation myth is that the practice requires silence, but it doesn’t. In fact, paying attention to sensory information, especially sound, is one of the oldest forms of meditation. “In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further.” Meditation in nature, focusing on as many sounds around you as you can, is a wonderful, relaxing practice you can do while walking or sitting. But don’t go looking for sounds; let them come to you. Notice the different kind of sounds you can hear when you're outside – birds, other animals, wind in the trees, running water or rain –whatever you notice. Listen to the birds through sound meditation Benefits This meditation trains you to focus your attention in the moment, on your direct sensory experience. And, this focus on your senses, helps to calm your mind and nervous system. 2. Observing nature Choose an object — a tree, a flower, a rock, a bird, a cloud — and observe it. Look at it as if you have never seen this thing before. Notice as many things about it as you can – its texture, colour, movement and shape. You will probably want to name it or remember information about it. “Oh, that’s a woodpecker. They are common…” That’s OK, but do your best to let go of what you know about it and just observe it as it is, and, if you can, connect with it. MORE LIKE THIS: 4 Ways Nature Can Protect Your Well-Being Gazing At The Stars: Replace Your Worries With Wonder 4 Science-Backed Benefits of Living By The Sea Benefits This outdoor meditation is a practice of 'beginner’s mind': an exercise to let things be just as they are without the weight of our expectations and knowledge. It is also a practice of appreciation, of seeing the wonder and infinite variety in nature. 3. Grounding meditation If it’s possible for you to sit and be warm and dry, sit on the ground, a rock, or a fallen tree. Focus your attention on the places you contact the earth: under your feet or the weight of your body on the ground. Make slight movements to settle fully on the earth, to feel that connection as vividly as you can. Benefits Grounding meditation is another ancient meditation practice. It fosters a deep sense of stability and safety, experiencing the solidity of the earth beneath you. Meditation in nature, directly feeling this connection with the earth, helps to ground you in your body and soothe a busy mind. Direct contact with the earth helps to ground yourself 4. Walking meditation As you walk, focus your attention on the sensation of your feet contacting the earth. If you like, you can walk slowly at first to connect with this practice, but it can be done at any speed. “Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself.” See if you can pay attention to every part of the walking movement: your heel touching down, your weight moving to the front of your foot, your leg moving forward – the whole movement of walking and connecting with the ground. RELATED: What is Forest Bathing? Discover 6 Key Health Benefits Benefits Walking meditation is a wonderful way to understand a key thing about meditation: you don’t have to be sitting on a cushion to do it. You can do this practice in a park or forest, or walking to the train or bus on your way to work. It integrates mindfulness into everyday living and movement. 5. Breath awareness This practice can be done sitting still or when walking. Start paying attention to the sensations of your breath: in your nose, chest or belly, wherever you notice it most clearly. Do you notice coolness or warmth? Is the air damp or dry? Are there any scents, like pine trees or roses? Notice as much as you can about the richness of your breath. Soothe your nervous system meditating by water Benefits The traditional practice of breath awareness is also enhanced by outdoor meditation. Focusing on your breath is deeply soothing to your nervous system and breathing in nature, noticing the sensory environment, connects you to your surroundings and the present moment. Takeaway: outdoor meditation techniques You can think of meditation in nature as a way to multiply the many wonderful effects of simply being in the natural environment. Meditation in nature allows you to engage with the world in a mindful, meaningful way. Whether you sit, walk, listen, or simply breathe, the outdoors offers endless opportunities to slow down and reconnect — with yourself and the world around you. • Images: shutterstock/Air Images, shutterstock/RealPeopleStudio, shutterstock/Massoon, shutterstock/GRJPride happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Stress Management | Gratitude | Simple Living Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Meditation before bed helps us to wind down our bodies and mind after a long day, encouraging restful and peaceful sleep. This 'how to meditate in bed for beginners' guide from Ann Vrlak will teach you all you need to know, including a simple 3-step practice. If you've ever tried meditation, you may know that one of the big challenges for many people is not falling asleep. So, it’s understandable that you might see falling asleep during a meditation practice as proof that you are “doing it wrong.” However, there are times when falling asleep during or right after meditation is actually proof you’re “doing it right!” Welcome to our short guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners. Our focus is how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this guide whenever you want are seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation in your day. Meditation before bed helps you wind down for sleep While it’s true that most meditation practices are centered around paying attention and staying alert, meditation is also uniquely suited to help you transition from a busy day, to a relaxed state, and then into a restful sleep. In fact, lying down while meditating or the traditional practice of yoga nidra have benefits that sitting meditations don’t. As you're probably aware, insomnia and poor sleep are worldwide problems. Tools that help you to fall asleep easily and have quality sleep are invaluable for your health and well-being. The benefits of meditating in bed Let’s look first at some of the many mental, physical and emotional benefits to learning how to meditate in bed. From Activity to Sleep The overall benefit is enabling the transition we have mentioned from your daily level of activity, into a state that is conducive to sleep. Because you can’t make yourself sleep! You need to create the conditions that activate your body’s natural sleep mechanisms. You may already have noticed that winding down at the end of a stressful day is not always easy. “Our focus here is on how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners whenever you're seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation during your day.” Meditation in bed is a perfect practice for this transition. You are lying down, able to relax physically and mentally. You turn your attention inward away from external responsibilities to your body and breath–something that can be impossible to do in the middle of a busy day. A Signal to Relax When you meditate in bed, it’s a clear signal to your body that your intention is to prepare for sleep. Studies have shown that a familiar sleep routine is a key support for your body to fall asleep easily. Your body “remembers” this is the time to let go and sets your sleep mechanisms in motion. When you meditate in bed with some regularity, this will create a powerful sleep signal for both your body and mind. Not All Sleep is Created Equal Have you ever woken up from a night’s sleep feeling more tired than when you lay down? There can be a lot of reasons for a poor sleep, but the takeaway is that, just because you had 8 hours of sleep, it doesn’t mean it was quality, restorative sleep. MORE LIKE THIS: Deep Sleep Meditation: the Benefits You Can Bring to Bed 14 Sleep Hacks to Get a Good Night's Rest Cat Naps: 5 Benefits of Taking a Siesta One of the most common obstacles to quality sleep is a busy, worried mind. If you meditate in bed, before trying to fall asleep, you are training your mind to move into a quieter state first. This can make the quality of your sleep deeper and more restful. Making Bedtime a Time for Reflection Meditation in bed is also a way to end your day with some quiet reflection, before going to sleep. A few minutes of kind, compassionate reflection on your day can be a wonderful way to let go of any worry that may be lingering in your mind. You can use meditation to consciously relax your body and mind, and do your best to let worry go – just for now. Reflect kindly and compassionately on your day before resting You’re in a Receptive State When you’re winding down after a tiring day, your body and mind are ready to relax! You’re in a receptive state for slowing down your thinking, letting go of emotions and relaxing your body. How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Here is our step-by-step guide for how to meditate in bed. We’re going to describe two classic meditation practices designed to connect you with your body and help you relax, bit by bit: a body scan and a progressive relaxation practice. Simply follow our three-step guide: 1. Begin Take a few minutes to get as comfortable and cosy as you can. Use blankets and pillows to warm and support your body in whatever ways feel best to you. When you're comfortable, let your eyes gently close. Allow your body to rest completely on the bed and begin to pay attention to the movements of your breath. 2. Do a Body Scan Beginning at the top of your head, pay attention to the sensations in your body. What do you feel in your scalp? Is it warm or cold, tight or relaxed? Whatever you notice is good. When you feel you have made connection with the sensations in your scalp, move into your forehead and cheeks. What do you notice here? Let your attention move gradually down through all parts of your body from your head to your toes – from your shoulders and arms, your torso, your legs and feet. Notice, quietly to yourself, whatever you sense in each part. Are there aches or pains? Can you feel your pulse in any of these body parts? Take notice and be in the moment with these bodily sensations you may not recognise during the day. When you’ve reached your toes, rest for a moment. Feel the weight of your body sinking into the bed. Focus on the contact of your body on the mattress. Enjoy the quiet and stillness. Notice your body as a whole field of sensation and energy, lying here, resting. 3. Do a Progressive Relaxation Practice This practice is a similar movement of your attention through your body. The difference is you consciously tense and relax each part of your body. Many people find this practice is easier to do with larger parts of the body, rather than very specific parts. For example, trying tensing your whole arm vs just your forearm. Mediating in bed needs no experience: beginner's welcome! Starting with your face, tense up your forehead, eyes and cheeks. Tighten all the muscles as best you can. Then, let the whole area relax, feeling the muscles all letting go. Imagine your facial skin drooping downwards to the mattress. Notice the difference between the tension and the release. Continue this progressive relaxation practice all the way down your body to your feet and toes. Notice how your body feels when you complete the practice. Is it lighter or heavier? And how does your mind feel? Are you aware of any changes in your body or mind from before you began these two practices? It’s really important to notice the effects of your practice – it can boost your motivation to make it a regular habit. When you are ready, gently congratulate yourself for trying these practices. And let yourself relax even more, until sleep comes. Takeaway: how to meditate in bed We hope you’ve enjoyed this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners and feel excited to give it a try! In the multitasking, speed-oriented world we live in, it is not so surprising that slowing down into sleep is not always as easy as it sounds. Meditation in bed is a simple, safe, healthy way for you to help your body make a restful descent into sleep. You can create a space between your day and sleep where you turn your attention inward and reflect gently on – and let go of – your day. A healthy sleep routine is one of the best ways to reset your body’s natural sleep clock, and meditation can be a powerful, safe part of that routine. Sweet dreams! • Images: shutterstock/Dzmitryieu Dzmitry, shutterstock/ArtOfPhotos, shutterstock/shurkin_son happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Mindfulness | Stress Management | Gratitude Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

The pandemic put a stop to embracing friends and family. But the power of a hugging is real. With annual National Hug Day on 21 January, Dee Marques explores the psychology of hugging with seven science-backed reasons why we all should embrace, well, embracing more. 'Sometimes, you just need a hug'. This may be one of the most repeated sayings of popular wisdom, but, in fact, the psychology of hugging shows there's much truth in this statement, meaning we should all celebrate National Hugging Day. During the coronavirus pandemic, embracing friends, family or loved-ones was strongly discouraged, contributing to increased levels of depression and anxiety. Post-pandemic, many of us have realised just how important personal affection and touch is. During 'regular' life, in our pursuit of happiness we usually focus on things like personal development, health and relationships with others. But sometimes, we place too much importance on long-term goals, and we overlook the power of smaller but equally effective things. One of those things is the hugging and embrace, and how this gesture contributes to our overall well-being. Hug yourself happy: Never underestimate the power of embrace In fact, science shows that giving or receiving a hug can do wonders for our mood. When stress piles up and life gets tough, the physical embrace of a hug or cuddle can be way more powerful than any words of encouragement. And there’s a reason for that: as humans, we are wired to respond to touch, and there’s a strong connection between touch and emotion. 7 benefits of hugging Embracing friends and family – even strangers – is a powerful healing tool, so we encourage you to enjoy it – not just on National Hugging Day, but every day. 1. Stress and pain reduction One of the most obvious benefits of hugging is stress reduction. You only need to think about how much of a relief you feel when you’re upset and receive a genuine cuddle from a friend. Science confirms this: a 2010 study from the University of California, Los Angeles, found that participants were better able to cope with physical pain and stress related to unpleasant situations if they were arm-in-arm with their partners. MORE LIKE THIS: Feel Stress-Free Fast: 11 Science-Backed Techniques What is Pebbling? What Penguins Can Teach Us About Stronger Relationships Why Does Laughing During Sex Signify a Great Relationship? More recent research from 2018 suggests that hugs act as a buffer against negative experiences. Michael L. M. Murphy, Denise Janicki-Deverts, and Sheldon Cohen from the University of Pittsburgh carried out a study involving around 400 adults. The results showed that unhappy or negative experiences – the kind that might normally ruin our day – actually become much easier to deal with when we receive a hug from a loved one. 2. Reduced anxiety and fear The negative effects of fear, anxiety and low self-esteem can also be reduced by the power of a hug. In fact, research from the VU University Amsterdam has found this to be true even when a hug is reduced to a one-second pat on the back or to touching an inanimate object, such as a teddy bear. “Even fleeting and seemingly trivial instances of interpersonal touch may help people to deal more effectively with existential concern,” explained lead researcher Sander Koole. “The negative effects of fear, anxiety and low self-esteem can also be reduced by the power of a hug. In fact, research has found this to be true even when a hug is reduced to a one-second pat on the back.” Interestingly, some believe that many people are touch-deprived and that’s precisely why they experience low mood or anxiety. In this scenario, the powerful benefits of hugging become obvious. 3. Immunity boost A stronger immune system is one of the more surprising benefits of hugging. Just as stress can wreak havoc with our immune system, science suggests that hugging can strengthen it. For example, a 2014 study from Carnegie Mellon University had around 400 people document their perceived sense of social support (including whether they received hugs) and later exposed them to the common cold virus. Embrace more: on National Hugging Day and beyond Researchers discovered that the risk of infection was lower among those who felt they had strong support and who were hugged often. The study's lead author, psychologist Dr. Sheldon Cohen, told Psychological Science: “We know that people experiencing ongoing conflicts with others are less able to fight off cold viruses. We also know that people who report having social support are partly protected from the effects of stress on psychological states, such as depression and anxiety.” 4. Improved heart health Hugs also reach the heart; quite literally! Scientists from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have found that better cardiovascular health is another powerful benefit of hugging. Their 2003 study showed that even a 20-second hug with a romantic partner had beneficial effects for the heart, including lowering blood pressure and improving the participants’ ability to deal with stress. This is hardly surprising, since hugging is the physical demonstration of affection. There are other studies that already hint at the link between affection and better cardiovascular health. Furthermore, it seems that women’s cardiovascular systems are particularly receptive to hugs. So, hug as many people on National Hugging Day as possible and reach their heart! 5. Pain relief A warm embrace can also act as a pain reliever. In fact, the evidence to date has led researchers to consider hugging as a powerful form of therapeutic touch. In a 2004 study from Wichita State University and the Kansas Heart Hospital, the concept of therapeutic touch was tested on people who suffer from fibromyalgia, a condition that causes pain in bones and muscles. “Embracing friends and family – even strangers – is a powerful healing tool, so we encourage you to enjoy it – not just on National Hugging Day, but every day.” The results, published in Holistic Nursing Practice, were encouraging, as participants reported a statistically significant decrease in pain as well as an increase in quality of life. The results of the pilot study tested the effectiveness of six different therapeutic touch treatments and strongly suggests that therapeutic touch may be an effective treatment for relieving pain and improving quality of life in those with fibromyalgia and, perhaps, other pain-causing conditions. 6. Enhanced communication When learning about the benefits of hugging, we cannot forget that this action is also an alternative form of communication. As humans, and whether we realise it or not, we rely enormously on body language and non-verbal communication. The psychology of hugging only shows positive benefits to embrace Some studies have found that strangers were able to accurately communicate emotions ranging from fear to gratitude just by using different types of touch. Imagine the all positive emotions that can be communicated with the power of a hug! 7. Oxytocin release Last but not least, one of the benefits of hugging is that it increases the production of oxytocin, one of the happiness hormones responsible for creating that warm fuzzy feeling. The levels of oxytocin in our body rise when we touch or are physically close to someone, and this has been shown to prompt bonding and make us more trusting. Research is still ongoing on the powerful effect of oxytocin in our body, mind and emotions. For now, why not enjoy that oxytocin rush that comes after giving a hug? The takeaway: Embracing National Hug Day In an increasingly touch-averse world, physical contact is a fantastic mood booster. The benefits of hugs range from better heart health to a higher ability to cope with pain, stress, low mood and disease.Hugs also communicate positive emotions and contribute to our happiness by strengthening our bonds with others. The power of human touch is backed by science and, best of all, giving or receiving hugs are free; so, embrace more this National Hug Day and beyond! ● Images: shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/De Visu, shutterstock/Tint Media happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Compassion | Friendship Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Don't always have the words to say you love someone? Then 'pebbling' – a gesture originating from penguins – could work for you. As Dee Marques explains, pebbling is the act of sending loved-ones small tokens of affection to let them know you're thinking of them, often used by people who struggle to verbalise their feelings. Chances are you’ve come across a meme, video or image that reminded you of someone dear to you, and you couldn’t help but sharing it with them. Likewise, you’ve probably also been the one receiving an Instagram Reel or pic with the caption: “this is so you :-)”. This seemingly trivial act is known as pebbling, a trend that is making the rounds in social media as a way to show appreciation and build stronger connections through small and thoughtful gestures. What’s fascinating is that many of us may already be pebbling – or being pebbled – without even realising it, whether we’re doing it online or in the real world. So, what is pebbling exactly, what do penguins have to do with pebbling, and how can you use it to nurture personal relationships and strengthen your bonds with others? So, what is pebbling exactly? Pebbling involves offering small gestures to others to show you care for that person. But what do pebbles have to do with it? Well, the expression 'pebbling' comes from a charming practice observed in nature between penguins in Antartica. Here, male gentoo penguins court their potential mates by presenting them with the most perfect pebbles they can find. These function as simple gifts that symbolise their affection and commitment to building a nest together. Nature and nurture: male gentoo penguins court mates by gifting perfect 'nesting' pebbles Penguin pebbling also happens between people: think about all the thoughtful acts of kindness that can communicate love and appreciation. Unlike traditional gift-giving – which often involves a lot of planning or considerable expenses – pebbling thrives on simplicity. Whether it’s sending a random “thinking of you” text or making someone a cup of tea, the magic lies in the gesture’s small but heartfelt nature. Ultimately, this ritual is not about material wealth, but about intention and connection. Pebbling as a love language Because pebbling is subtle and doesn’t require elaborate gestures or speeches, it’s included within the five neurodivergent love languages, alongside: parallel play/body doubling, info-dumping, support swapping, and deep pressure. For neurodivergent individuals, traditional expressions of affection like overt romantic gestures or spoken declarations of love can feel challenging or uncomfortable. “Pebbling involves offering small gestures to others to show you care. Unlike traditional gift-giving – which often involves a lot of planning or considerable expenses – pebbling thrives on simplicity.” The beauty of penguin pebbling is that it doesn’t require fancy words or actions. Small but meaningful gestures can also speak volumes, and are a much more accessible way of communicating for people from neurodivergent communities. For many, pebbling bridges the gap between wanting to show love and finding a comfortable way of expressing it. Pebbling in friendships and other personal relationships In romantic relationships, pebbling can be a game-changer. During the early stages of dating or courting, small gestures are a way of showing attentiveness and of building intimacy. Even in long-term relationships, penguin pebbling helps keep the connection alive by reaffirming with your partner that they’re often in your thoughts. MORE LIKE THIS: Random Acts of Kindness: 22 Acts to Spread Happiness Why Can't I Make Friends: 7 Self-Limiting Patterns The Power of Kindness: The Ripple Effects of Being Nice Similarly, in platonic friendships, small and thoughtful acts can strengthen bonds and show your buddies that they're valued. For instance, sharing a Spotify playlist that reminds you of your best mate or surprising them with their favourite cake on a tough day can go a long way in showing that you care, while also building a history of shared memories. Digital dating: Sending memes, playlists or Reels is a form of pebbling Furthermore, giving and receiving “pebbles” can also strengthen parent-child relationships, especially if the kids are digital natives. Children might pebble their parents by drawing a picture or sharing a silly video that made them laugh, and parents can pebble their kids by putting a favourite treat into their lunchbox or sending a text of encouragement before an exam. Five benefits of pebbling Pebbling might consist of small gestures, but it has a powerful impact. Here are some of the key benefits of giving symbolic pebbles: 1. Strengthens relationships Thoughtful gestures build trust and connection. When you pebble someone, you’re sending a clear message: “I’m thinking about you”. These acts of care create a sense of security and warmth in relationships, which reinforce emotional bonds and make relationships stronger. And, as some studies have found, the positive impact of acts of kindness can last up to three months. 2. Boosts feel-good hormones Acts of kindness like those involved in pebbling trigger the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. This creates the so-called “Helper’s High” effect, where the brain rewards kind behaviour with a rush of happiness chemicals, which – according to some studies – can have a similar effect to a mild morphine high. 3. Promotes emotional well-being Feeling cared for and appreciated has a profound effect on emotional health. For the receiver, pebbling can reduce feelings of loneliness, replacing them with joy and gratitude. “The expression 'pebbling' comes from a charming practice observed in nature between penguins. Male gentoo penguins court their mates by presenting them with the most perfect pebbles they can find.” Some studies report that more than 50% of people receiving a token of kindness say they experience increased happiness and gratefulness. 4. Encourages mindfulness Pebbling requires you to stop and think about the important people in your life, what makes them happy, and what might brighten their day. Taking time to consider other people’s needs and wishes can help you become more mindful of your connections, making it easier to stay present and appreciative. Sticky and sweet: Post-it pebbling is a simple way to show affection 5. Accessibility Unlike grand gestures that require significant time, money, or planning, penguin pebbling is simple and inclusive. Because it’s a low-cost way of expressing love and kindness, it's accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds. Anyone can pebble, and that’s the beauty of it. Pebbling: Ideas and inspiration Most of us are already pebbling or being pebbled in the digital world. But if you want to get more actively involved in this relationship ritual inspired by penguins, here are some ideas to get you going: Digital pebbling Share a funny meme or TikTok video that made you think of someone. Send a “just checking in” message to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Create a digital photo album of your favourite memories with a friend. Send a cute emoji for no reason (yes, it can be as simple as that!). Real-world pebbling Pick up your coworker’s favourite snack or drink “just because”. Leave a handwritten note on your partner’s bathroom mirror, fridge, or pillow. Bring an actual pebble with some special feature from a meaningful location. Find a pretty tree leaf and give it as a keepsake. For parents and kids Prepare a surprise breakfast with your child’s favourite foods. Kids can make a DIY “I love you” card or bracelet for their parents. Have a “pebble jar” where family members leave notes of gratitude for one another. Create a family Messenger group and be active sharing and responding to messages and images. Takeaway: What is Pebbling? What started as a charming behaviour in penguins has evolved into a powerful practice for building and maintaining meaningful connections. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a close friend, or a family member, the small and thoughtful acts of kindness involved in pebbling remind us that expressions of love and care don’t have to be fancy to be meaningful. So, next time you a family member or friend enters your thoughts, why not pebble them? A simple action can brighten their day, make your relationship more authentic, and spread positivity in ways you never imagined. • Images: shutterstock/evenfh, shutterstock/shurkin_son happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Friendship | Compassion | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.