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A lack of self-awareness is a personality trait that negatively affects you and those around you. Dee Marques explains how to spot the signs of poor self-awareness – such as blaming others and failing to handle feedback – as well as offering tips on how to change this behaviour. What’s one thing that most people think they have, but few actually do? According to psychologist and best-selling author Tasha Eurich, it’s self-awareness. Her research has revealed that although 95% of people claim to be self-aware, only 10% to 15% actually are. And, in all honesty, when I look back over the past 15 years and compare the old me with the current me, the biggest difference I find is by far related to my level of self-awareness. In fact, becoming more self-aware has massively improved my quality of life, brought me emotional stability, and helped me feel strongly connected to life. But the truth is, nobody is born with self-awareness. Let's take a look at how to detect when we’re lacking in this crucial skill and what we can do to improve self-awareness. What does it mean to lack self-awareness? Psychologists say that there are two types of self-awareness: internal self-awareness refers to knowing your values, emotions, strengths, and blind spots. When we lack internal self-awareness, we’re out of tune with our emotions, motivations, and patterns. Then there’s external self-awareness, which is the ability to understand how others perceive us and the impact we make on them. If we lack external self-awareness, we’ll most likely have poor boundaries, and either be people-pleasers or find ourselves involved in interpersonal conflict more often than not. The good news is that like all other life skills, self-awareness can be developed. But first, let’s explore some of the tell-tale signs of poor self-awareness. Not listening to others is a sign of no self-awareness 10 signs someone has low self-awareness Due to the nature of poor self-awareness, it's usually hard for those that have it to even entertain the idea of it, let alone become fully conscious of it. Knowing these symptoms or signs is a useful place to become aware of your – or someone else's – possible lack of self-awareness. 1. They’re blind to their blind spots One of the clearest signs of having no self-awareness is a lack of personal reflection. People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes – and blaming others for poor outcomes – because they’ve never examined the root of their actions or the role they played in keeping unhealthy patterns alive. And when someone isn’t aware of their blind spots, they’re creating barriers to their own growth. 2. They act first, regret later Impulsivity tends to be high when self-awareness is low, as people with no self-awareness are usually driven by temporary emotions, without considering long-term consequences or the bigger picture. “People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes because they’ve never examined the root of their actions.” These individuals often live in reaction mode rather than in intention mode, which over time can create a cycle of impulsivity, frustration, and pattern repetition – as well as collateral damage. 3. They respond defensively to feedback While emotionally mature people see feedback as fuel for growth, emotionally unaware individuals feel threatened by it. Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject. This is because lack of self-awareness usually goes hand-in-hand with a fragile self-concept, where feedback is seen as a judgement on personal worth and value. 4. They frequently blame others People with a lack of self-awareness often externalise blame. When things go wrong, they quickly find the cause in someone else’s incompetence or bad intentions. This mindset keeps people stuck in a victim narrative, which makes it difficult to access real empowerment. 5. They can’t read social cues Social interactions are filled with subtle signals that guide respectful communication, but those with no self-awareness often miss these cues. They may interrupt others, misread the mood or tone of the conversation, or fail to notice discomfort in others. In short, lack of self-awareness is a sign of underdeveloped social intelligence. 6. Constantly seeking the spotlight Poor self-awareness can show as steering every conversation back to oneself or undervaluing other people’s experiences and achievements. This reflects a need for validation as well as a disconnection from the deeper self, which makes people mistake external recognition for internal value. Those who lack self-awareness have controlling tendencies 7. They’re stuck in their comfort zone There’s no way around it: growth requires discomfort, and those unaware of their fears or unconscious patterns often prefer to stay safe and comfortable. Instead of seeking new learning opportunities, people with a lack of self-awareness stick to what they know and resist anything that challenges their self-concept and/or status. 8. They lack emotional regulation Emotional regulation is a skill built on self-awareness. Without it, people may lash out when stressed, overreact to small frustrations, or shut down when conflict appears. This lack of regulation is often tied to not recognising emotions and internal triggers early enough to address them and to respond to with intention. 9. They have controlling tendencies Controlling habits like micro-managing people or situations often disguise themselves as “helpfulness” or “efficiency,” but they reflect a lack of trust in one’s own and in other people’s abilities. “Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject.” What’s more, low self-awareness makes it hard to recognise how this behaviour undermines other people’s autonomy, perpetuating the pattern and damaging relationships. 10. They frequently offend or upset others People who have a lack of self-awareness fail to distinguish honesty from bluntness. They may boast about being “brutally honest” or say they “tell it like it is”, but without considering timing, tone, or context, these unfiltered remarks create emotional distance and even resentment in others. Truth can be expressed with compassion – but only when we’re self aware. RELATED: How to Let Go of Resentment and Bitterness in 7 Steps Causes of low self-awareness Here are a few reasons why someone may have a lack of self-awareness – people that have little or no self-awareness may have been exposed to one or more of these causes: • Defence mechanisms Self-awareness brings us face-to face with some uncomfortable truths. To avoid the discomfort, some people may prefer to avoid the revelations that come with stronger self-awareness. • Privilege When people are shielded from adversity, they may never feel called to explore their inner world and to work on their internal self-awareness, as they assume “all is well and it will always be”. • Poor modelling We’re not born being self-aware, so if our upbringing or culture didn’t encourage reflection or introspection, we might grow up lacking in this respect. • Busy or disorganised lifestyle When daily life is stressful or chaotic, it’s easier to live on auto-pilot than to set time aside to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and reactions. How to improve self-awareness Luckily, self-awareness is a like muscle that can be trained. Here are some great starting points: Find out where you are currently. Take the self-awareness test developed by Dr. Tasha Eurich. Try journaling techniques. Write about your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to events. Here are some prompts you could use: “What triggered me today?” “What could I have done differently?” “How did my actions today align (or not) with my values?”. You can also try shadow work journaling. Ask for feedback. Choose a friend or relative you trust and ask: “What’s one thing I do that you appreciate, and what’s one thing I do that sometimes rubs you the wrong way?” Go into these conversations to listen and to accept the responses, not to defend yourself. The next point is also essential if you do this. Work on your listening skills. Whenever you talk to someone, focus on active listening by giving them your full attention instead of disconnecting to mentally rehearse your reply or steering the conversation towards yourself. This may seem obvious, but research shows that less than 2% of the global population knows how to listen effectively. Deep listening is one step to becoming more self-aware Socialise from a place of curiosity. Ask open-ended questions about other people’s opinions, feelings, and experiences (“What was that like for you?” or “How did you come to that conclusion?”). After, reflect on what this teaches you, how it makes other people valuable, and where it challenges your own assumptions. Think before you act. Before letting unconscious mechanisms dictate your reactions, pause to unpack your thought process step-by-step. Ask yourself the following questions: “What did I actually see or hear – just the facts?” “How am I interpreting this, and why?” “What assumptions am I making about intent or outcome?” “What conclusions am I jumping to?” “What other explanations could there be?” “How will I respond?”. Dealing with someone with low self-awareness Since limited self-awareness is so common, you’re bound to have someone in your social or professional circle who isn’t self-aware. According to a Harvard Business Review survey of different workplaces, 99% of people interviewed said at least one of their colleagues showed lack of self-awareness. Although you can’t do the inner work for others, there are some things you can do to keep the interactions as harmonious as possible. MORE LIKE THIS How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques 9 Tips For Constructive Criticism at Work How to Find Yourself Again: 10 Steps in Creating Clarity For example, to minimise defensiveness and encourage introspection, approach with curiosity and avoid direct judgment. Instead of saying “you’re so harsh”, ask open-ended questions like “what exactly would you like to transmit with this?”, “do you think there could be another way to express this?”, or “how would you like other people to think about you?”. Timing is important, so ideally you want to start this type of conversation once the person has shown some frustration at a situation or interaction where they’ve shown no self-awareness. Lastly, know your boundaries. If interacting with someone who has no self-awareness becomes draining, tell them, “I need a moment to process this”. A firm but polite boundary protects your energy while signalling the impact without blame. Takeaway: Self-awareness can be trained Self-awareness isn’t a gift — it’s a skill we can all develop by cultivating curiosity, courage, and compassion. Every intentional check-in and every honest reflection counts when it comes to improving our levels of internal and external self-awareness. And although it’s true that the work needed to develop better self-awareness can expose some uncomfortable truths about ourselves, the rewards are well worth it. As Dr. Eurich says, “developing self-awareness is linked to greater confidence, increased creativity, better decision-making, stronger relationships, and more effective communication.” So, if you live with a lack of self-awareness and you’d like to be more aligned with your truest self and enjoy more grounded living, start by knowing yourself at a deeper level, one day at the time. ● Images: shutterstock/mentalmind, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Communication Skills | Positive Psychology | Self care | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Failure to self-validate can lead to problems such as impulsive behaviour and the inability to manage emotional responses. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explores why many of us fail at it and explains how to validate yourself successfully in 5 steps. Most of us are great at validating others. We acknowledge their emotions, recognize effort and success, and support individualism and self-expression. However, the majority of us are equally lousy at self-validation. We all get angry, disappointed, sad, jealous, scared, demotivated. Ideally, one would accept and be able to regulate these emotions. Instead, many people immediately think: “I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m being ridiculous!” As a result, coping with different experiences becomes exceptionally challenging. Reactions seem to be out of control. If you struggle with similar issues, you probably haven’t mastered the art of self-validation. The ability – or inability – to validate ourselves intertwines with much of what we go through in life. In this article, we'll give you five ways to develop self-validation, so you can get to grips with this essential skill. Why self-validation is essential In simple terms, self-validation is accepting your own internal experience: your thoughts and feelings. Validation and self-validation are widely acknowledged problems in psychology, philosophy , and sociology. The roots of the problem of self-validation lie in the vital human need to be recognized and supported. According to Iser’s work in The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, recognition has critical psychological importance. Others’ feedback is essential for one’s practical identity to form. We could also touch upon Hegel’s concept of ‘struggle for recognition’. In its simplest, it points us towards understanding the source of our need to be validated. When we are misrecognized by others, our relationship with ourselves is hindered, or even destroyed. Self-validation means accepting your thoughts and feelings Such strength of humans’ need to be validated by others led many thinkers to voice the significance of self-validation. Rare is a psychologist or a philosopher that would dispute the ultimate value of autonomy and authenticity. The independence that comes with the capacity to be one’s own judge could be expressed with a quote by Fromm: “Obedience to my own reason or conviction (autonomous obedience) is not an act of submission but one of affirmation. My conviction and my judgment, if authentically mine, are part of me. If I follow them rather than the judgment of others, I am being myself.” - Erich Fromm, On Disobedience. What happens if I lack self-validation skills? In slightly more practical terms, the inability to self-validate can lead to a range of adverse outcomes: negating your thoughts and emotions can lead to a paradoxical effect in which you become even more affected by them, as research has demonstrated. When you deny and suppress your inner experiences, you lose control over them. You could think of it as an instruction to not think about a pink elephant. Your cognition still rests on the negated content. You could face many adversities in your personal and professional life because a lack of self-validation can cause impulsive behaviour and emotional dysregulation. You could be more prone to risky behaviours, addictions, eating disorders, to name a few. “Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged. That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed.” Your interpersonal skills could also suffer, leading to a range of other problems in your career or relationships. Your love life and friendships could be chaotic, codependent, and intensely challenging for everyone involved. Finally, you might be vulnerable to depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, PTSD, and other emotional disturbances. When you cannot validate yourself, you are driven to maladaptive coping. This, however, eventually leads you far away from well-being and mental health. Why do we have a hard time to self-validate? There is no definitive response to the question above. If you don't know how to validate yourself, a few things could have happened: i) Attachment styles If the inborn need to be safe, cared for, and recognized was unfulfilled, we might have become unable to self-validate. For example, you might have developed an anxious attachment style. How your parents interacted with you as a child serves as a blueprint for your adult relationships. MORE LIKE THIS: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds Radical Self Care: 8 Ways to Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work You might not have learned to be self-sufficient and recognize your worth. As children, we need adequate support from our caregivers to develop a sense of security about our emotions, decisions and actions. Research reveals that people with an anxious attachment style have a strong need for social approval. In other words, they need others to validate them. ii) Modelling Another option was that your caregivers did not make it possible for you to mimic self-validation. When we are children, we acquire many traits and habits by modelling. If your primary attachment figure invalidated themselves, you probably learned to do the same. Research shows that emotional and behavioural self-validation and self-regulation are skills that are transferred from parent to child. iii) Adult trauma You might also have started doubting yourself due to a traumatic experience at any point in your life. Both anecdotal reports and scientific studies confirm that being a victim of abuse, for example, could make you doubt your self-efficacy and self-worth. Most importantly, your readiness to accept, experience and address your emotions could have been disturbed. When one is in an abusive relationship, for example, they gradually lose their sovereignty. Self-validation becomes a distant memory. How to Self-Validate: 5 Steps Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged: That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed. Even if your early experience geared you towards invalidating yourself, you now have the opportunity to change that. Try these 5 techniques to develop self-validation. 1. Practise mindfulness Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen, to validate them. Being present is the first level of validation. This means acknowledging your inner experience without avoidance or distraction. Mindfulness will help you regain grasp over your emotions and build up strength to cope with them. It's possible to develop self-validation skills Evidence from fMRI studies supports this argument. Individuals who were grieving a loss of a loved one were taught mindfulness techniques for eight weeks. When they were tested afterwards, their scores revealed a significantly better ability to regulate emotions. They also had fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and grief. fMRI suggested that the participants learned to gain cognitive control over their feelings. They were no longer overwhelmed by them. 2. Be brutally honest with yourself Being imperfect stings, we know. Indeed, accepting imperfection is difficult for most people, especially so if they were taught that being great at something equals being worthy. If your parents and social environment were too demanding, it might have resulted in unhealthy perfectionism. Such a form of perfectionism has adverse effects on mental health, as confirmed in empirical research. If your sense of self-worth is equated to being flawless, you might have a tough time even noticing (let alone accepting) your blemishes. Nonetheless, when you want to learn the art of self-validation, you need to be brutally frank with yourself. MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques Notice the emotions and thoughts you don’t feel proud of. Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Own up to your genuine reactions and experiences. Yes, there will be many unpleasant facts. It’s alright – no one is watching! 3. Develop your emotional intelligence Although there are a few relevant emotional intelligence (EI) models, psychologist Daniel Goleman’s work is among the most popular. He proposes that EI consists of five constructs: self-awareness, self-regulation, social skill (being able to get along with others), empathy, and motivation. You can notice how EI is necessary for your ability to self-validate. With EI comes the ability to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Luckily, EI is a skill that can be learned. Therefore, learning how to validate yourself means you must also start developing your EI. “Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen.” When you can accurately name what you're feeling, you can then start to acknowledge and accept your emotional response. As a result, you will build healthy relationships with others without needing their recognition to feel good or motivated. You will build emotional autonomy. 4. Connect with your body’s responses Some people have grown so detached from their inner world that they need to tap into their bodily reactions first. In this regard, some elements of body-centred psychotherapies could be used. According to this group of approaches to psychotherapy, the body is not just something we have. We are our bodies. This means we live as a whole, as an inseparable totality of body and mind. When we learn to validate who we are and what we experience, we should include our body’s responses into the equation. Where are your emotions? What does your body do when you feel in a certain way? How does it respond to people and events? What is it trying to tell you about yourself? You could try a body awareness meditation to help you get started. A combination of body awareness with mindfulness and accurate, honest reflection we suggested above will help you develop a sense of being rooted inside of your own experience. Use meditation to connect with body's responses 5. Self-validate by acknowledging your past experiences The final piece of advice in developing self-validation skills is to learn how to validate yourself by acknowledging your past experiences. They fused within yourself and made you into who you are now. You need to practise recognizing both positive and adverse experiences – and their consequences. How will this help you practise self-validation? Let's say that you had an intense reaction to your partner’s criticism of something you did. Try not to think: “You acted like a madman there!” You could self-validate this reaction by saying: “It’s understandable that you felt this way. Your mother/father would punish you harshly for failures, and you are still overly sensitive to criticism”. Such a validation does not mean that you condone erratic behaviour. It means that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. You also name the emotion and understand its cause. These are the first steps to get into a self-validating mindset. Additionally, these are the first steps towards growing as a person. These five steps build up towards self-validation development as taught in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). According to DBT, there are three steps to validate yourself and your emotions – acknowledge, accept and understand. This worksheet could help you practice self-validation in everyday situations, as well as with more intense or past emotions. The Takeaway: Self-validate to Autonomy Self-validation is freedom. Freedom to experience life as it is: both the beautiful and the ugly. It gives you self-determination in picking your path. You get to do it independently of others’ influence, be it conscious or subconscious. When you learn to rely on yourself for validation, you gain the liberty to be genuine and own your experiences. Therefore, in the spirit of autonomy that we are propagating here, we invite you – acknowledge yourself and allow your authentic Self to exist! • Images: shutterstock/Victoria Chadinova, shutterstock/G-Stock Studio, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Anatoliy Karlyuk happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Radical self care is about making decisions that honour our true selves. From setting uncompromising boundaries to nurturing your authentic self, Dee Marques explores 8 radical self care examples you can incorporate into your life to gain stability and happiness. What comes to your mind when you hear the term “radical self care”? For some people, they may it associate with taking time out to pamper themselves, but this type of self care goes way beyond scented candles and relaxing bubble baths. And although these smaller acts of physical self care have their place, radical self care involves a much deeper level of attention and consideration for our mind, body and spirit. A good example of radical self care is the decision taken by US gymnastics champion Simone Biles, who bravely withdrew from Tokyo Olympics in 2021 to prioritise her mental health. Reflecting on her decision, she said that "we have to protect our minds and our bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants us to do”, emphasising that this type of choice isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Indeed, radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing. Radical Self Care: the History While the volume of Google searches for “radical self care” has boomed from 2015 onwards, the origins of this concept go way back to the 1960s and 1970s. In fact, radical self care has always had a revolutionary flair to it. Starting in the 1960s, activists within the Black Power movement, including the Black Panthers and writers like Audre Lorde, affirmed that self care was crucial when it came to survival under oppression. Practicing radical self care can be life-changing These revolutionary voices understood that radical self care meant attending to their bodies and minds on a daily basis, as they battled with systemic injustice, whether that meant being diligent with nutrition, meditation, or yoga. Not only that, but radical self care also had a community focus, as many of these activists created wellness and social service programmes targeting groups affected by inequality, and turning self care into a form of activism. So, What is Radical Self Care Exactly? The full extent of radical self care is perfectly described by Audre Lorde, when she said: “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”. Nowadays, we’re used to thinking about self care as those Instagrammable moments of pampering, quiet, and relaxation, but there’s so much more to radical self care than me-time. “Radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing.” To understand what radical self care really means, it helps to look at the origin of the word “radical”, meaning “root”. Radical self care isn’t about masking problems with comfort, trying endless yoga programmes or the latest fad in self care routines. Instead, it’s about going to the root, tending to the source. We’re talking about the type of care that tackles burnout, systemic pressures, and emotional labour with proactive healing, and not just with generic rest. RELATED: Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance Self Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It This means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. Just like fellow sports star Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka gave an outstanding example of this at the 2021 French Open. She refused to talk to the media as she felt mentally fragile and subsequently withdrew from the competition, all in the face of considerable pressure and coercion. Radical self care also means creating the space to live authentically and connect with your true self, aligning your choices with your coping, social, creative, and physical needs. Essentially, radical self care is about care with conviction – a transformational practice that recognises your well-being is non-negotiable. Making time for physical wellness is another radical self care example What are Some Examples of Radical Self Care? Because radical self care isn’t only radical at the root, but in its reach, it’s vital to ensure all areas of your life are covered by this commitment to prioritising your well-being. So, how does this look like in real life? Here are some examples: Leaving a pressured social role or job that doesn’t align with your needs and values. Declining an invitation if it disrupts your energy, even if it involves people you care about. Prioritising therapy, coaching, or community healing circles over mindless distraction. Speaking up about unrealistic expectations, even if that goes against the majority’s opinion. Ending toxic relationship dynamics or unhealthy communication loops. Taking meal planning seriously to ensure your meals are nutritious and honour your body. How Do You Practice Radical Self Care? Here are eight ways you can decide to make changes that honour your true self, cultivating radical self care. 1. Cultivate Relationships That Expand You The more seriously you take your well-being, the more sensitive you become to anything that drains your energy – and that includes people. If there are toxic people in your circle, or anyone who drags you down, radical self care demands you let go and focus on connections full of respect, reciprocity, and depth. 2. Set Uncompromising Boundaries One of the starting points of radical self care is realising you can’t give your 100% to everything at the same time. To protect your energy, be selective with your boundaries at work and at home, making sure your needs are clearly expressed (for example, “I’m unavailable after 6pm” or “I can’t handle extra projects right now.”) Protect your energy by setting uncompromising boundaries 3. Say “No” Cutting obligations may disappoint others, but each “no” frees space for your mental and emotional health. Saying “no” also includes refusing to give into distraction (such as mindless scrolling), when you could be using that time on activities that bring you tangible benefits. “Radical self care means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. That often means saying 'no'.” Studies have shown that children who say “no” and delay gratification did better socially and academically later in life – and as writer and psychotherapist Bryan Robinson says – “saying no more than you say yes is a trait of healthy and successful people”. 4. Make Time For Physical Wellness Although radical self care is much more than taking a relaxing bath or doing yoga, attending to the body is an important aspect. Make time every day for activities that respect your body’s levels energy, such as a fitness or exercise routine like mindful running, and complement this with conscious eating choices. 5. Nurture Your Authentic Self Find opportunities to voice your truths, stand by your values, and celebrate your cultural, spiritual, or political identity. To cultivate your authentic self, you may want to explore rituals that reaffirm who you are or ancestral healing practices. 6. Practice Creative Expression Your authentic self has a creative side, and research across different cultures and age ranges shows that creative activities like writing, making art, and singing are correlated to higher levels of autonomy, empowerment, and stress relief. How to practice radical self cafe? Try creative expression 7. Embrace Rest As Resistance Review your routines often and realign them around rest. This could mean anything from taking a whole day to yourself, to making 15-minute appointments with yourself. Pausing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a choice you make out of self-love. As author Ivory Bennett said about Simone Biles’ act of rest as resistance: “Biles is a bold and beautiful example of duality. You can be strong and choose rest”. 8. Swap Guilt For Trust Statistics show that 1 in 4 Americans feel guilty for investing in self care. When you feel guilty about attending to your well-being, you’re more likely to be inconsistent with your radical self care practice. It’s much more beneficial to approach every act of self care with complete trust in your choices and regards the benefits of these self-priority actions. Takeaway: Radical Self Care is Your Foundation Ultimately, radical self care is an act of total self-respect. It asks us to show up consistently for ourselves and reconnects us to our worth beyond productivity or performance – just like Simone Biles said: “I’m more than my accomplishments”. Embracing radical self care as a way of being roots us in our values, protects our energy, and restores our autonomy. What’s more, it invites us to honour our energy, trust our needs, and protect our peace without apology. Whether it’s saying no, resting without guilt, or expressing your truth, each radical choice is a step towards living more intentionally and authentically. Remember that your well-being isn’t a luxury: it’s your foundation. So, take the time and create the space for it. Why not start right now, finding one radical way of caring for and respecting yourself today? ● Images: shutterstock/GoodStudio, shutterstock/Julia Zavalishina, shuttertstock/Josep Suria, shutterstock/Toffee Photo happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Goal setting Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Being your authentic self can feel risky in our current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s essential to let go of the fear of being judged in order to be yourself. Learn how to be authentic with these 8 techniques. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability for authenticity. Luckily, there are techniques you can learn how to be more authentic, which we will explore later. Why is it Difficult to Overcome Inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviours which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. RELATED: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. Authentic Self Meaning “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. How to be authentic: embrace who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. How to be Authentic: 8 Techniques Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. So, here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity and learn how to be your authentic self more easily. 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for finding our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which values make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening, and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviours and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously said. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, learning how to be authentic is not always easy when it comes to the practicalities; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship. RELATED: 'Who Am I?' A Practical Guide to Self-Inquiry Radical Self Care: 8 Ways To Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically Uncomfortable Truths – How to Say 'No' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who share the same values, and those who you feel comfortable with. Cultivate authenticity by setting boundaries 4. Instill mindfulness If you're curious how to find happiness, mindfulness can help you find contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall joy levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Learning how to be authentic is not always easy; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a job switch, or even ending a friendship.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 6. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Furthermore, practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion cultivates authenticity 7. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 8. Set goals for constant learning Staying curious, developing a growth mindset, and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals should not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – research shows that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness more than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. The Takeaway: How To Be Authentic While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. ● Images: shutterstock/ESB Basic, shutterstock/imtmphoto, shutterstock/GoodStudio Looking how to find your authentic self? Try the 8 techniques above and let us know in the comments below how it goes or if you have any other suggestions. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Moral Courage | Mediation | Coaching Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Becoming a volunteer is an important and meaningful way to help individuals and communities. And, as Calvin Holbrook discovers, the benefits of volunteering to the person giving – such as improved self-esteem and reduced loneliness – are proven by science. With lots of us leading incredibly busy lives, the idea of volunteering – giving your time and energy to a cause without financial compensation – may seem an impossible task. Our time is precious; once gone, we can't get it back. I mean, how can we fit anything else into our already jam-packed schedules? However, in reality, volunteering is important for many reasons and doesn't have to take up a huge chunk of your time. Plus, as well as the obvious benefits of volunteerism to the community, individual or organization receiving assistance, there are lot of benefits – physical and mental – for the volunteer. It's these benefits that could partly explain the rise in popularity of volunteering over the past few years. Post-pandemic, during 2022-3, 34% of adults in England, UK, said they'd formally volunteered at least once a month. And the figure in the United States is not far off, at around 28%. Promisingly, an increasing number of these people are young adults. More young people – especially Millennials and Gen Z – are getting involved. Over half of them report volunteering for non-profits, far surpassing older generations. For example, 54% of Gen Z adults have volunteered recently, while 73% claim to seek easy ways to volunteer online. Volunteering is an important tool to connect communities So, why do people volunteer in the first place? The Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that the essence of life is “to serve others and do good,” and it seems an increasing number of us are starting to wake up and see why volunteering is important, and that serving and helping different communities also benefits ourselves, too. Why is Volunteering Important? Volunteering is important as it offers essential help to worthwhile causes, people in need, and the wider community. Indeed, many organziations and charities rely on the generosity of volunteers as they’re only part-funded through government or local councils, and cannot afford to pay salaries for all their staff. In fact, many companies depend almost solely upon teams of volunteers to help them thrive and do their work. What Are the Benefits of Volunteering? Of course, the benefits of volunteering for those receiving help are clear. Whether it’s providing kids in a Third World country with free English classes or litter picking at your local beach, the benefits to the receiver and the wider community are usually part of the reason why you decide to volunteer in the first place. “Volunteering is important as it offers essential help to worthwhile causes, people in need, and the wider community.” But did you realise just how important volunteering can be for the person doing it? In fact, volunteering is beneficial to the doer for a whole host of reasons, including stress reduction, combating depression and providing a sense of purpose. And while studies show that the more you volunteer, the more benefits you’ll experience, volunteering doesn’t have to involve a long-term commitment. Even giving in simple ways can help those in need and improve your overall health and happiness. So, let’s take a closer look at just why volunteerism is valuable with these seven key benefits of this altruistic act. 1. Volunteering Connects You With Others If you’re feeling lonely, isolated, or simply want to widen your social circle, volunteering in your local community is an important – and often fun – way to meet new people. In fact, one of the best ways to make new friends and strengthen existing relationships is to commit to a shared activity together, and volunteering lets you do just that. If you’ve recently moved to a new city or country, volunteering is an easy way to meet new people, strengthening your ties to the local community and broadening your own support network. Furthermore, it connects you to people who have common interests, who could go on to become great friends. RELATED: The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits Happy Habits: 12 Ways to Boost Joy Levels Daily Finding Your Tribe: The 7 Steps You Need to Take In fact, volunteering is an important and interesting way to meet people who you might not normally connect with: people from different age groups, ethnicities or social groups. Because volunteering is open to everyone, it allows you to meet a wide variety of people from all sorts of walks of life, something that can only broaden your life experience further. 2. Volunteerism Builds Self-Confidence and Self-esteem Doing good for others and the community helps to create a natural sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Working as a volunteer can also give you a sense of pride and identity, helping to boost your confidence further by taking you out of your comfort zone and environment. Indeed, volunteering helps you to feel better about yourself, which you can then take back to your ‘regular’ routine, hopefully creating a more positive view of your own life and future goals. Volunteerism builds self-confidence and reduces loneliness If you’re naturally shy or fearful of new experiences, cultures and travel, volunteering overseas could be an important and insightful way to help you build self-confidence in this area (not forgetting the other benefit of this type of volunteering – a chance to see a bit of the world at the same time!). Furthermore, research shows that volunteering could be particularly useful in boosting the self-esteem and confidence of adolescents who are just starting their life journey. A 2017 study from the University of Missouri and Brigham Young University examined how sharing, helping and comforting others affected self-confidence. The study found that altruistic behaviors raises teens' feelings of self-worth, and that adolescents who assisted strangers reported higher self-esteem one year later. RELATED: What Teens Gain When They Contribute to Their Social Groups A National Youth Agency report seemed to corroborate this evidence. In it, young people aged 11 to 25 “repeatedly stressed that volunteering had increased their self-confidence, self-esteem and self-belief.” This self-confidence boost was shown to be strongly linked to improved communication skills, especially amongst young volunteers who were previously nervous about meeting new people. 3. Volunteerism is Important For Physical Health Interestingly, volunteering has distinct health benefits that can boost your mental and – perhaps surprisingly – physical health. Indeed, a growing body of evidence suggests that people who give their time to others might benefit from lower blood pressure and a longer lifespan. “If you’re feeling lonely or simply want to widen your social circle, volunteering in your local community is an important – and fun – way to meet new people.” A 1999 study showed that so-called ‘high volunteers’ (helping out at two or more organizations) had a 63% lower mortality rate than non-volunteers. And more recent research (2013) from Carnegie Mellon University found that adults over 50 who volunteered regularly were less likely to develop hypertension compared to non-volunteers. Lead study author Rodlescia Sneed said that carrying out volunteer work can increase physical activity among those who aren’t normally very active, and that it could also reduce stress: “Many people find volunteer work to be helpful with respect to stress reduction, and we know that stress is very strongly linked to health outcomes.” Importantly, volunteers seem to notice these health benefits too. Indeed, a 2013 study from UnitedHealth Group and the Optum Institute of over 3,300 adults revealed that 76% of those in the United States who volunteer said it makes them feel physically healthier. Also, around 25% said that volunteering had been important in helping them manage a chronic health condition. 4. Volunteerism Improves Mental Health When it comes to volunteering being important for mental health, the benefits are clear. Being altruistic can help counteract the effects of stress, depression and anxiety. Indeed, the social contact aspect of helping others can have a profound effect on your overall psychological well-being. Volunteering keeps you in regular contact with others and helps you develop a solid support system, which in turn combats feelings of loneliness and depression. Volunteering with animals has also been shown to improve mood while reducing stress and anxiety. Volunteering can improve your physical health Finally, volunteering boosts mental health simply because carrying out an altruistic act simply makes you happier; the so-called 'helper's high'. Human beings are hard-wired to give to others, and by measuring so-called brain activity and happiness hormones, researchers know that being helpful delivers great pleasure. RELATED: How to Be Nicer: 9 Ways to Show Kindness Shared Humanity: Why it Matters Human Kindness: Why We Need it More Than Ever A 2008 study from the London School of Economics examined the relationship between volunteering and happiness in a large group of American adults. They found that the more people volunteered, the happier they were. Compared with people who never volunteered, the odds of being ‘very happy’ rose 7% among those who volunteer monthly and 12% for those who volunteer every two-to-four weeks. 5. Volunteering is Important For a Purpose Because volunteering means choosing to work without reward, people often choose to give their time to issues or organisations they have a special connection to. For example, if you're a big animal lover you may want to volunteer at a pet shelter. Or, perhaps you’ve living with or have recovered from an illness and want to dedicate some of your spare time to a charity that helps others living with the same condition. Volunteering like this helps address a social problem that is meaningful to you and in turn helps to build a sense of purpose, which further boosts your own happiness levels. “When it comes to volunteering being important for mental health, the benefits are clear. It can help counteract the effects of stress, depression and anxiety.” You can try volunteering at any age to help build a sense of purpose, but it’s often particularly common in older adults – those that have retired or maybe lost a partner of friends. Whatever your age of life story, volunteering can be an important technique to help give your life new meaning and direction. 6. Volunteering Helps You Forget Your Own Problems People also volunteer because focusing on others can give us a deeper sense of perspective and help distract us from negative thoughts and rumination. Volunteerism often involves helping those in need and can be useful in showing us that, in fact, our own lives are not as bad as we thought they were. RELATED: Volunteering at Samaritans 7. Volunteering Is Important For Your Career In an increasingly competitive job market, volunteering experience is incredibly useful. It shows potential employers that you take initiative and are willing to give your own time to improve the world for others. Furthermore, volunteering gives you the opportunity to practice important common skills used in the workplace, such as communication, teamwork, problem solving, planning, and organization. Indeed, if you haven’t had a full-time job before, volunteering is a great way to prove your skills during interviews. Boost future job prospects through volunteerism Also, if you’ve just graduated or are looking for your first job, volunteering is an important and relatively easy way to get a foot in the door of a company you’d like to work with. Even if there's no immediate chance of employment afterwards, volunteering can help you to make connections for the future. Furthermore, if you’ve already had jobs and are considering a change of direction, volunteering is an important and fun way to try out different career options, especially if you’re not quite sure of where you want to go next. Indeed, volunteering offers you the chance to try out a new career without making a long-term commitment. Takeaway: Why Do People Volunteer? It's clear the benefits of volunteerism are huge – improved physical and mental health, reduced loneliness, clearer sense of purpose, and deeper self-confidence. In turn, these things combined will help to boost your overall happiness: a win-win situation for all involved. If you're considering volunteering, ask yourself a few questions before taking the plunge. Firstly, think about which causes you're passionate about – it means you're more likely to enjoy and stay committed to the work. Secondly, are you looking for regular volunteering opportunities or a one-off project? Thirdly, what skill set can you offer and what can you hope to gain from volunteering? Good luck when you finally get going, and make sure you have fun – volunteering is important, but it's important to enjoy it too! • Images shutterstock/Dragon Images, /ESB Professional, /PeopleImages, /Monkey Business Images Do you volunteer? What are the benefits for you? Share in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Kindness | Motivation | Learning | Altruism Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our online magazine, makes art and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage!

At its core, self-inquiry is the persistent introspection on the question “Who am I?” to discover the source of the Self. Rachel Markowitz explores the fuller meaning of self inquiry, and shares steps to start practicing it. About 12 years ago, towards the end of a month-long program at a yoga retreat center in Central America, I was paired with a coursemate for an “authentic relating” exercise. Our facilitator instructed us to take turns asking each other one question. However, unlike in a typical conversation, the person answering the question was required to speak for five minutes non-stop; and, the person listening would do nothing but listen mindfully – no nodding, no uh-huh-ing, no reactions whatsoever – while keeping their eyes fixed on the speaker. This particular workshop is particularly memorable to me because of its provided prompt: “Who are you?” Like most people in the room, I was caught off guard by this provoking question, unsure how to answer. Yet, with a timer ticking away and my heart open and vulnerable from a month of living in community, I began to fill the silence by voicing streams of thoughts. At first, my answers felt shallow – a list of pronouns, roles, and qualifications about my past and present life. However, as I continued to sort through my initial impressions, my answers became more profound until, suddenly, I realized that my real response was beyond words. Self-inquiry is a practice of looking within with questions So, although my introduction to self-inquiry – sometimes written as self-enquiry – was not through a traditional method, it brought me clarity about something I had never considered before – that I am not my body, not my emotions, and, as confusing as it was to me at that point in life, that I am also not my mind or a mere soul on some journey. Personal experiences aside, self-inquiry is known throughout spiritual traditions as a powerful method for bringing about paradigm-shifting changes to constructs about life and Self. So, let's take a deeper look at the meaning of self-inquiry, its origins, and how you can begin to practice self-inquiry with questions. What is the Meaning of Self-Inquiry? Self-inquiry, or atma vichara in Sanskrit, is a practice of looking within for the source of the Self. This inquiry most commonly takes the form of a simple question directed at ourselves: “Who am I?” Unlike my introduction to self-inquiry, the practice is not actually to answer this question or contemplate it with the mind – it’s simply to ask and observe. Teachings revolving around self-inquiry suggest that when we directly question “I,” (also known as the ego), the construct of “I” has nowhere to hide. “Self-inquiry is a practice of looking within for the source of the Self. This usually takes the form of a simple question directed at ourselves: “Who am I?.” Thus, with repeated interrogation and sustained introspection, our sense of “I” eventually subsides, revealing our true nature. When “I” falls away, we are left with pure awareness because every thought we could possibly have depends on the existence of “I.” Is Self-Inquiry Meditation? Although many people label self-inquiry as “meditation,” this can be a bit misleading. In meditation, there is an object upon which we are meditating (the breath, a mantra, an energetic sensation, etc.) Alternatively, with inquiry, the focus is inward on the self as a subject. When we question ourselves, we begin to see that this subject, “I,” is based on the false assumption that our mind is real! Thus, successful inquiry leads to a lack of separation between subject and object. “Who am I?” is the key self-inquiry question On a similar note, it’s important to mention that when we practice self-inquiry, the question “Who am I?” is repeated frequently – but not as a mantra (commonly used in meditation). If “Who am I?” becomes a mantra, there is separation between the meditator and the object of meditation; thus, we lose focus on the Self. One of the benefits of self-inquiry is that you don’t need to sit and close your eyes to practice. While it certainly helps to devote a set time to doing this, you’ll find that eventually, your inquiry will happen naturally and spontaneously throughout daily activities. Self-Inquiry as a Path to Liberation According to Advaita Vedanta, or the path of nonduality, the practice of self-inquiry is a direct method to experience self-realization. Atma (self) vichara (inquiry) as a path to liberation is encouraged and explained throughout ancient texts including, amongst many others, the Bhagavad Gita, Ribhu Gita, and Yoga Vashishta. However, self-inquiry “meditation” is practiced today largely due to the influence of Sri Ramana Maharshi, an Indian sage or jnani, who realized the Self through a lucid experience of death as a teenager. “Self-inquiry is a powerful and straightforward technique for disidentifying with the typical moment-to-moment mental chatter of the Egoic mind.” Although Ramana Maharshi is primarily known for his silent presence, he often referenced the scriptures above as validation of his own experiential teachings and, furthermore, provided clear instructions for self-inquiry. These basic steps are outlined in the pamphlet “Who Am I?”, and are also described in more detail in the book “Maha Yoga,” which, by its translation, identifies self-inquiry as the “Great” yoga. In fact, in Sri Ramana’s own words, “Self-enquiry is the one infallible means, the only direct one, to realize the unconditioned, absolute Being that you really are.” However, even if your spiritual path is unclear and self-realization is not your intention, questioning your self-nature can provide balance, clarity, and authenticity in all areas of life. How To Practice Self-Inquiry According to Ramana Maharshi’s teachings, self-inquiry is an advanced practice. However, in this case, “advanced” refers to mature spiritual seekers. Thus, if you’re called to investigate the nature of Self through inquiry, this curiosity is likely credential enough. Ramana Maharshi celebrated on an Indian stamp Nevertheless, to begin to practice, you’ll need to learn to calm your mind! You can do this by following your breath, focusing on your heart center, or any other concentration method that works for you. Once your mind feels peaceful and present, you can begin to inquire: When a thought arises, ask yourself, “To whom is this thought?” (Your answer will likely be something like, “To Me.”) Ask yourself, “Who Am I?” (This question will confound your rational mind and direct it to the source of “I,” extinguishing all other thoughts, which cannot exist without the “I-thought.”) When another thought comes, repeat this process. With practice, you’ll find that your mind will begin to rest, effortlessly and thoughtlessly, in the spiritual heart center – the source, according to Ramana Maharshi’s teachings, of the “I-thought.” In other words, the spiritual heart is the place from which the ego arises. Once you can fix your mind in this space of pure awareness, you can stop your inquiry and remain as you are, free of “I.” “According to Advaita Vedanta, or the path of nonduality, the practice of self-inquiry is a direct method to experience self-realization.” These steps are merely the beginning of a self-inquiry journey. For further instructions and inspiration, I recommend consulting the link to “Maha Yoga” in the previous section or reading other works from the Maharshi’s devotees. As Sri Ramana points out in a poetic verse of Upadesa Undiyar, “The Essence of Instruction”: “When one turns within and searches whence this I-thought arises, the “I” vanishes – and wisdom’s quest begins.” Other Self-Inquiry Questions and Methods Throughout the past century, followers of Ramana Maharshi have adapted his teachings and created variations to his “Who am I?” approach. For example, spiritual teacher Robert Adams offered alternative questions for self-inquiry, including: What is this “I” that exists at all times? Where does this “I” come from? Who am I that slept last night? Who am I that has just awakened? Who am I that exists now? Additionally, spiritual seekers often benefit from contemplation or meditation on self-inquiry using partners or groups, like the exercise I described in the introduction to this article. RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? What is Enlightenment In Buddhism? Feeling Lost in Life? Move On In 7 Steps According to Daniel Schmidt, founder of the Awaken the World Initiative, who facilitates self-inquiry dyads, holding oneself accountable to a witness creates “conditions of no escape for the ego structure and for the awakening of the realization of your true nature.” In these dyads, instead of asking partners a question, one person prompts another in a statement, “Tell me who you are.” Takeaway: What is Self-Inquiry? Self-inquiry is a powerful and straightforward technique for disidentifying with the typical moment-to-moment mental chatter of the Egoic mind. Ancient and modern-day spiritual teachers alike suggest that “Who am I?” is the ultimate question along the path to spiritual wisdom. With patience, perseverance, and sincerity, this simple method of introspection can guide us towards an all-pervading sense of peaceful, everlasting presence. Images: shutterstock/rdonar, Wikimedia Commons, shutterstock/JLco Julia Amaral happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Acceptance | Letting go | Happiness | Learning Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

How do you know you need a spiritual detox? Sonia Vadlamani explores the signs and shares nine practical purification techniques that will help reset your energy and mind. Often, we find ourselves moving through life on autopilot, never quite grasping fully what’s happening around us, until our mind and body screams for a reset – not just in the form of a break from the daily routine, but cleansing on a deeper level. If you feel disconnected from your core, weighed down by stress and negativity, and going through the motions without any meaning or heart, you may be in need for a spiritual cleanse. While this may not mean leaving everything to join a guru’s ashram, but rather taking time to deliberately clear the emotional and mental baggage that prevents you from living your life to the fullest. What is Spiritual Cleansing? A 2021 study published in World Journal of Clinical Cases found a strong positive correlation between spirituality or religiousness and physical and mental health. However, the spiritual cleansing being referred to here isn’t really linked to religion or belief system. Instead, it’s about clearing space in your life by removing thought patterns and emotional baggage that doesn’t serve you, and making space for clarity, growth, and a life that is aligned with your values. Spiritual purification rituals can incorprate crystals, candles, and herbs It helps to think of spiritual cleaning as a detox – only instead removing toxins from your body, you’re removing excess baggage from your emotional and mental channels. The goal here is to eliminate negativity and imbalances to make space so you can breathe more easily, expand your awareness, and reconnect with what supports your mental health and overall wellbeing. Signs You Need a Spirit Cleanse Your body and mind often signal the need for a spiritual purification – sometimes with subtle indications, but often in the form of glaring signs that are hard to ignore. Some physical, mental, and relational tell-tale signs that you need a spiritual reset include: Chronic fatigue despite adequate rest Physical tension, especially in your shoulders and back Brain fog and confusion without any evident reason Feeling hopeless and distraught, like nothing makes you happy any longer Feeling “off”, weighed down, or overwhelmed easily Struggling to make decisions due to inner conflict or turmoil Feeling lost in life and navigating on autopilot Attracting toxic people and draining interactions Difficulty setting healthy boundaries and saying ‘yes’ to things that do not resonate with you Relentless negative self-talk and criticism that often clouds your perspective Heightened sensitivity to your environment and others’ moods around you How to Cleanse Yourself Spiritually: 9 Rituals That Work There is no one-size-fits-all approach to a spiritual detox. Start by implementing a method below that resonates most with you. Notice how renewed and grounded you feel, and add more steps gradually as you progress. Here are nine spiritual purification approaches that blend both ancient practices with modern research: 1. Meditate Daily Meditation is often the most effective tool when learning how to cleanse yourself spiritually, as it actively helps purify your emotional and mental landscape. In fact, a study published in Neural Plast suggests that including a mindfulness meditation consistently in your routine for as short a duration as 2-4 weeks – even under 10 cumulative hours – can promote grey matter plasticity in the brain, thus improving self-awareness, emotional regulation and mood, while preventing age-related cognitive decline. “Think of spiritual cleaning as a detox: only instead removing toxins from your body, you’re removing excess baggage from your emotional and mental channels.” The key is to start slowly and meditate for shorter duration – say 5 minutes – and increase the duration as you progress. Sit in a quiet space, focus on your breath, notice your thoughts without judgment, and let them pass. With consistent practice, meditation reduces mental chatter, eliminates negativity, and improves your ability to focus on what’s truly important for your personal growth. Meditation purifies your emotional and mental landscape 2. Use Mantras For Intention Setting Mantras – or affirmations rooted in intention and devotion – have been a fundamental aspect in most religions to cultivate peace and overcome obstacles. Indeed, modern research also agrees that encouraging implementational intentions can promote healthy habits and goal achievement. For spiritual purification, form intentions or mantras centered on release and renewal, such as: “I let go of what doesn’t serve me and welcome happiness and growth.” “I let go of my insecurities and embrace my imperfections.” “I invite authenticity how I lead my life.” “I’m aligned with my potential and purpose.” “I’m grateful for everything I have and lessons I’ve learned today.” RELATED: What is Vedic Meditation? The Mantras You Need to Know 3. Try Spiritual Detox With Crystals While the healing or cleansing benefits of crystals aren’t fully understood by Western science, shamanic healer and crystal expert Sarah Balmer advocates the use of crystals for improved wellbeing and spiritual ascension. “Because of how they are formed and structured at a molecular level, [crystals] provide a consistent energetic vibration that helps to bring us into balance. The result is often a feeling of relaxation and calming,” she states. “Meditation is often the most effective tool when learning how to cleanse yourself spiritually, as it actively helps purify your emotional and mental landscape.” Every crystal or gemstone has varying properties and benefits – so start with crystals that align with your needs and include them in your meditation and visualization practices to fully understand their effect. 4. Try Ritual Bathing With Essential Oils A spiritual bath can be your answer to how to do a spiritual cleanse, since water is considered a powerful purifier in several cultures and religion, from baptism in Christianity, purification ritual in Hinduism, or the Japanese Shinto. Ritual bathing: water can be a powerful purifier Fill the tub with warm water, add Epsom salts, a calming essential oil like lavender or chamomile, or herbs like rosemary or eucalyptus. You can add an intention like “I cleanse myself of [a negative emotion or thought] and welcome peace.” Or, visualize negativity and anxiety draining from your body and mind as you soak in a warm, comforting light to make it a more effective spiritual purification ritual. 5. Incorporate Yoga The benefits of a regular yoga practice are well documented – it’s known to elicit a relaxation response, alleviate stress and anxiety, and regulate our emotional wellbeing. Indeed, a systematic review of 15 studies, published in Aging and Mental Health, analyzed various interventions and relaxation techniques for depression and anxiety in older adults, and found that yoga and music offered the most effective and long-lasting benefits. MORE LIKE THIS: 14 Different Types of Reiki: Which is Right For Me? How to Cleanse Your Energy: 8 Way to Remove Negative Vibes Guide to Healing Touch Therapy and Massage If you’re too busy to fit in a full yoga session, try restorative yoga to release physical tension and notice your outlook improve significantly. 6. Spend Time in Nature Nature immersion is one of the simplest methods for spiritual cleansing. Indeed, spending time outdoors is clinically proven to improve mood, emotional regulation, mental health, and other cognitive functions. Reconnecting with nature – whether through green-space activities like forest bathing or hiking, or blue-space options like wild swimming or living by the sea – is also known to reduce stress and boost empathy. Being in nature is proven to boost mood and mental health 7. Reset Your Energy Field With Breathwork Breathing is intimately linked to the conscious mind and the nervous system, which makes it a trusted method for spiritual detox. A systematic review study in Brain Health and Clinical Neuroscience found that controlled breathing exercises can help improve emotional regulation while keeping stress and anxiety at bay. RELATED: Conscious Breathing – What Is It And How Do We Benefit From It Combined with yoga practices, breathwork can also help rebalance chakras and expand consciousness, thus supporting your emotional and mental wellbeing. 8. Sweat With Intentional Movement The adverse effects of a lack of physical activity are well-documented, including diminished quality of life and increased risk of chronic health conditions like coronary heart disease and diabetes. But did you know that physical inertia can also result in stagnation of spirit? “A spiritual bath can be your answer to how to do a spiritual cleanse, since water is considered a powerful purifier in several cultures and religions.” Indulge in any form of physical activity that requires intentional movement – whether it’s tai chi, mindful running, or even brisk walking. Conscious movement with focus on breath, rather than exercising on autopilot, is key to making it effective. In addition to enabling spiritual purification, tuning into your body can boost resilience and help you cultivate a more positive outlook. 9. Start a Daily Journal The simple act of putting pen to paper can help you process thoughts and emotions that would otherwise circle endlessly in your mind, preventing you from being fully present. Journaling helps you externalize the emotions and patterns you’ve internalized, allowing you to observe and let go of what no longer serve you. Some effective ways to use journaling for spiritual cleansing are: Writing letters to your future self or others to express your thoughts and offer forgiveness, even if you never send them. Gratitude journaling to list everything you’re grateful for. Stream of consciousness for self-validation and processing your thoughts and feelings without censorship or judgement. FAQs: Spiritual Self-Cleansing How Do You Know If You Need a Spiritual Detox? If you feel persistently drained, disconnected, emotionally heavy, or stuck in negative thought loops despite resting and “doing all the right things,” it may signal a build-up of mental and emotional clutter that needs clearing. Is Spiritual Cleansing the Same as Religion or Belief? No. Spiritual cleansing isn’t tied to religion or faith systems; it’s a reflective, self-care practice focused on releasing emotional baggage, reducing mental noise, and reconnecting with your values and sense of purpose. Does Spiritual Cleansing Actually Work? Spiritual cleansing practices like meditation, breathwork, journaling, and time in nature are linked to improved emotional regulation, reduced stress, and greater mental clarity, even when viewed through a psychological or neuroscientific lens. How Often Should You Do a Spiritual Cleanse? There’s no fixed schedule, but many people benefit from small, daily practices combined with deeper resets during periods of stress, emotional overwhelm, or major life transitions. What Is the Easiest Way to Start a Spiritual Detox? Begin with just five minutes a day of intentional stillness — meditation, mindful breathing, or journaling — and build from there based on what feels most grounding and sustainable for you. Takeaway: Spiritual Cleansing In today’s world that constantly demands your time, attention and energy, learning how to cleanse yourself spiritually isn’t a luxury, but a fundamental act of self-care. The beautiful thing about spiritual cleansing is that you don’t need any expensive equipment or membership, as the primary tools are your body, time and your attention. The key is to show up for yourself with honesty and intention, integrating these methods into your daily routine, and consistent practice. Remember, spiritual purification is ultimately about prioritizing yourself and living a purpose-driven, meaningful life. ● Images shutterstock/Tatayna Sores, shutterstock/Rawpixel.com, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com, shutterstock/PeopleImages happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Sonia Vadlamani explores why making yourself a priority is an essential form of self-care. Learn how to put yourself first guilt-free with these 6 science-backed methods. Plus, get inspired for self-prioritization with some well-known 'put yourself first' quotes. For me, the need to put myself first began with a late-night phone call from a panicked former boss. It was close to 11pm on one of my leave days. I answered reluctantly, only to hear my ex-boss shouting about an incomplete presentation that wasn’t my responsibility – for a client meeting I wasn’t even a part of. “They left it incomplete,” she barked, “and I need your help right now to finish it. My meeting depends on this.” For context, I’d worked on the initial presentation that had helped bring this client in, but not since. Despite my will, my first instinct was to say, “Yes, of course! What do you need?” However, I stopped halfway through to ask myself: 'What’s compelling me to say yes when all I want to do is curl up in bed with a book? ' The answer was shockingly plain – I’d fallen into the habit of putting the needs of others before prioritizing myself. This often left me with burnout and exhaustion, not to mention the frustration and resentment of letting myself down. So, I mustered the courage and told my power-hungry former-boss: “Sorry, I can’t help you. I was just about to head to bed. All the best with your presentation, though.” Prioritize Yourself: Self-care and practice self-compassion While saying this wasn’t easy, it helped me identify an unhelpful pattern I'd carried for years. As I noticed the different scenarios where I put others first – often at the cost of my mental and emotional wellbeing – it became painfully clear that I needed to build healthy boundaries, not just at the workplace but in my personal life as well. The other surprising lesson: it’s important to consider your own needs and put yourself first sometimes in order to be more genuinely helpful for others. The oxygen mask analogy from airline safety makes complete sense in this context – you can only assist others after your own oxygen supply is secured! Similarly, we’re better equipped to care for others only once our own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing are in check. Indeed, prioritizing yourself is essential. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha Yet, many of us have somehow convinced ourselves that going above and beyond to fulfill others’ needs is what makes us “better” humans. Experts caution, however, that selflessness can turn into self-sabotage if left unchecked. What is Healthy Selfishness? Contrary to the common perception, healthy selfishness isn’t about neglecting your loved ones or abandoning responsibilities in a narcissistic pursuit. Rather, it’s about realizing that making yourself the priority forms the foundation for everything else in life to function smoothly. You can envision this concept as the difference between a vessel that is replenished and overflowing versus one that’s been drained of its essence. MORE LIKE THIS: When to End a Friendship and How to Do it With Kindness Self-Validation: How to Validate Yourself in 5 Steps I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? Interestingly, psychology experts describe healthy selfishness and pathological altruism as the two paradoxical forms of selfishness, underlining that not all selfishness is necessarily bad, and not all altruism is essentially good. Practicing healthy selfishness, in fact, plays a key role in shaping our sense of self and helping us determine our preferences for people and activities we prefer to engage with (or step away from). “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Jack Kornfield, Buddhist teacher and author As Dr Scott Barry Kaufman, professor of psychology at Columbia University and host of The Psychology Podcast, suggests, “Loving people have love toward themselves, and it is precisely this affirmation of their own unique self, happiness, growth, and freedom that allows them to love others.” Why is making yourself a priority important? Indeed, it’s true that selflessness – through acts of kindness, radical empathy, and volunteering – can boost happiness. A comprehensive study by psychologists from four universities across Canada revealed that generosity can even improve resilience during challenging times. Put yourself first by setting healthy boundaries However, healthy selfishness isn’t about halting acts of kindness or withdrawing care from others. It simply means prioritizing your own well-being by extending the same kindness and care to yourself first so that you can be in a better position - physically, mentally, and emotionally – to help others. Prioritizing yourself in healthy ways ensures that you feel more fulfilled and happier overall, more present in your relationships, more productive at work, and more resilient during tough times. How to Put Yourself First: 6 Strategies Psychologist Ronald Stolberg describes healthy selfishness as taking charge of meeting your physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. Here are some practical ways I’ve learnt to put myself first without feeling guilty, and you should try them too. 1. Cultivate self-compassion Developing empathy and a kind relationship with yourself is one of the most crucial aspects of putting yourself first. Research even suggests that self-compassion is a strong indicator of overall wellbeing. Practicing self-compassion involves: Acknowledging the myriad emotions you experience, without rushing to fix them. Accepting that mistakes make us human. Speaking to yourself with the same kindness you’d show a loved one. Forgiving yourself for past mistakes. 2. Set and maintain healthy boundaries Establishing clear limits across different aspects of your life – and communicating the same to those around you – is essential for wellbeing. According to Lydia Hall, the eminent nursing theorist who developed Care, Cure, Core, it’s important to regard healthy boundaries as “fences, not walls” – that enable connection while “protecting your personal space.” Here’s what healthy boundaries can look like: Communicating your needs and preferences clearly with romantic partners, family, or friends. Conveying the need for maintaining individual interests and friendships to your romantic partner so that neither partner feels they’ve lost their identity in the relationship. At the workplace, defining your work hours and refraining from checking emails when not at work. Learning to delegate tasks, which a study of almost 11,000 leaders worldwide found to be a gamechanger for reducing stress and preventing burnout. Taking regular breaks from work and daily chores to indulge in activities that you enjoy. 3. Master the art of saying no While saying no can seem daunting, it’s an effective way to create boundaries to stop feeling overwhelmed and emotionally overloaded. Remember, disappointing someone temporarily by saying no is far healthier than burning yourself out trying to accommodate everyone else’s needs. “Self-love is an ocean, and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.” Beau Taplin, Author The reality is that by making yourself a priority, each “no” now means saying “yes” to something you appreciate more. For instance, declining a social event or turning down a coffee invite from an energy vampire helps you create space for doing what you love instead. MORE LIKE THIS: 8 Essential Life Lessons From RuPaul Charles How to Find Happiness Within: 5 Ways to Build Inner Joy Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity 4. Make self-care a part of your daily routine There’s more to self-care than bubble teas, face masks, and spa days. It’s a vital part of putting yourself first without feeling guilty, given that a lack of self-care has been shown to cause burnout and compassion fatigue. Including self-care in your daily routine can look like: Including ten minutes of conscious breathing exercises or mindful meditation in your day. Taking care of your physical health through regular exercise, nutritious meals, and restful sleep of at least 7 hours. Sparing a few minutes for gratitude journaling to appreciate everything you have going for you. Stepping out for short strolls during a hectic workday. Setting aside time for hobbies like gardening, knitting, or anything else that sparks joy. Spending time with friends who uplift and energize you. Checking in with your mental health regularly and asking for help when needed. 5. Seek balance Indeed, acts of kindness and volunteering for causes you care about can boost happiness and make life more meaningful. However, helping others should never happen at the cost of your peace of mind, strain your closest relationships, or hinder your work. The key is to find balance – devise a win-win approach where your generosity results in positive experiences for everyone while leaving you fulfilled; not weighed down. All smiles: make yourself a priority 6. Invest in your future self Investing in your personal growth and goals is a fundamental aspect of healthy selfishness. While there's no magic recipe to ensure all your goals are achieved with ease, you can begin by setting so-called SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound). “You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” Eleanor Brown, Author Indeed, goal setting isn’t the end of the story but an ongoing process. Review your progress periodically and revisit the ones you couldn’t focus on earlier. Don’t forget to celebrate small wins and any milestones along the way. Takeaway: How to Put Yourself First Shifting your perspective to healthy selfishness and self-prioritization is the first step toward putting yourself first. Know that looking after your interests should be instinctive, not a luxury. Remember, healthy selfishness is all about being self-focused, not “self-absorbed.” Putting yourself first doesn’t harm others or halt progress. Instead, it simply means that you’re pausing to recharge so you can bring your A-game to everything you do and be your best, authentic self. Find inspiration from our words and 'put yourself first' quotes and start prioritizing yourself! ● Images ShotPrime Studio, Nadia Snopek, Dima Berlin happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self care | Empathy | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Can our childhood experiences with caregivers shape the relationships we form as adults? Sonia Vadlamani explores what emotional abandonment looks like and how to recognize the signs of abandonment trauma. Being left behind entails a distinct kind of pain – it’s unlike the expected heartache of loss or the closure at the end of a relationship. The trauma stemming from emotional abandonment isn’t always obvious. Its subtle presence influences every decision you make, relationships you build, and even your self-worth – yet you may not identify it as trauma at all. What is Abandonment Trauma? Abandonment trauma is a profound psychological wound that occurs when the consistent care necessary for a person’s emotional and physical well-being is withdrawn during their childhood or later in life. It can arise due to mental or physical abuse, neglect, rejection, loss of a caregiver or partner, or divorce. People struggling with fear of abandonment may develop destructive behaviors, low esteem and chronic self-doubt. They may sabotage relationships by reacting with anxiety or mistrust, creating challenging patterns that are difficult to break without intentional effort and support. Types of Abandonment Trauma Abandonment trauma doesn’t manifest the same way for every individual. In 1969, British psychologist John Bowlby proposed the “attachment theory”, defining attachment as “the lasting psychological connection between two human beings.” He emphasized that the quality of our relationships with our caregivers significantly influences our cognitive and behavioral development, as well as our social connectedness in life. Abandonment issues often stem from childhood neglect or abuse Based on their experiences through childhood and growing years, individuals may develop secure or insecure attachment styles. Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to be responsive, warm, and capable of forming healthy, fulfilling relationships since they can trust others with greater ease. Conversely, children and young adults who don’t receive conscious, consistent caregiving often develop insecure attachment styles – namely anxious, avoidant and disorganized: Anxious attachment style This is often observed in individuals who are clingy, needy and co-dependent in relationships. According to a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, almost 20 percent of adults form anxious attachment patterns in their relationships. Adults with anxious attachment usually latch on closely in relationships – whether friendships or romantic partnerships – and can be emotionally reactive, fearing every conflict as a threat of being left behind. They may seek constant reassurance of love, be hypervigilant to behavioral changes or withdrawal, and ignore their own needs to make room for others, consequently struggle to live an authentic life. Avoidant attachment style This pattern often develops when children or young adults are repeatedly dismissed, ignored or rejected emotionally by their caregivers. Individuals who learn that expressing their needs or feelings result in criticism or indifference often adapt by suppressing their needs altogether to avoid disappointment. “Abandonment trauma is a profound psychological wound that occurs when the consistent care necessary for a person’s emotional and physical well-being is withdrawn during their childhood or later in life.” These individuals may appear self-reliant and independent as adults, but often feel uncomfortable showing emotional intimacy, conflict or vulnerability, tending to withdraw when they get “too close” in relationships. Adults with avoidant attachment style due to abandonment may also emotionally stonewall their partners, even in committed relationships. Disorganized attachment style This is considered the most complex and damaging attachment style, typically arising in adults who received fearsome or distressing experiences from their caregivers, often in the form of abuse or neglect. Adults with disorganized attachment tend to struggle with emotional regulation, chaotic relationship patterns, and contradictory behaviors such as simultaneously pursuing intimacy yet dreading closeness. In fact, a study published in Archives of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy found a positive correlation between disorganized attachment style and mental health conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Signs of Abandonment Trauma If you’ve ever wondered, “Do I have abandonment issues?”, you already may have noticed patterns and behaviors that don’t always make logical sense. Whether it’s the disproportionately intense reactions, the recurrent relationship cycles, or the hypersensitive feeling that you’re just one mistake away from being abandoned – over time, these reactions don’t sit quite right, prompting you to question these patterns. A keen look at the signs of abandonment issues can help you recognize these unhealthy patterns – for after all, awareness is the first step toward healing. 1. Difficulty Regulating Emotions A breakthrough study by Center on the Developing Child at Harvard revealed that the absence of “serve and return interaction” – or consistent care by a caregiver to a child – can disrupt their brain development, potentially leading to serious physiological problems with their learning, behavior and health. MORE LIKE THIS: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds What is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder Recognizing and Overcoming Emotional Dependency As adults, those with insecure attachment styles may struggle with regulating their emotions in a healthy manner, swinging between intense expressions and emotional numbness. Consequently, emotional instability and insecurity are some of the most prominent traits in individuals with abandonment trauma, owing to neglect or inconsistent caregiving in their childhood. 2. Fear of Intimacy and Commitment Building close, healthy, and intimate relationships is often a challenge for those with abandonment trauma. Indeed, research published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that attachment style plays a key role in shaping romantic relationships. For adults with avoidant dismissive attachment, the fear of being hurt or left again can cause them to avoid deep emotional connections altogether. Abandonment trauma can lead to trust issues in relationships 3. Experiencing Trust Issues “Children and adults may manifest similar emotions and concerns with regard to abandonment trauma, but because of different phases of development, they may contrast with behaviors. Common themes for both can include mistrust of others and feeling inadequate or ashamed within relationships,” explains Elizabeth Keohan, a licensed certified social worker. “Even when their intellect recognizes someone as trustworthy, individuals with signs of abandonment issues often have difficulty quelling feelings of mistrust.” A 2023 study published in Personality and Social Psychology revealed that individuals with insecure attachment styles show significantly lower ability to develop trust in relationships. Indeed, even when their intellect recognizes someone as trustworthy, individuals with signs of abandonment issues often have difficulty quelling feelings of mistrust. 4. Being Hypervigilant Abundance trauma from childhood can trigger the brain to stay on a high alert to adapt to a potentially threatening environment, also known as hypervigilance. The constant lookout for perceived signs of rejection or loss makes such individuals hypersensitive to conflict or disagreement. In fact, a study in Journal of Social Psychology found that individuals with rejection sensitivity exhibit heightened physiological stress responses such as an elevated heart rate, even toward mild criticism or constructive feedback. 5. Experiencing Chronic Loneliness People with emotional abandonment issues – especially those with an anxious attachment style – tend to view loneliness as not just an uncomfortable condition, but a threatening one. A study by researcher Luke Norman and colleagues found increased amygdala activation in response to loneliness in adults with an insecure attachment style, compared to those with a secure attachments. Chronic loneliness is a sign of abandonment issues This fear of loneliness can result in forming unhealthy connections simply to avoid solitude, seeking constant company, and making major life decisions driven by the need to avoid loneliness, rather than by genuine will. 6. Being a People-Pleaser Individuals with history of emotional abandonment often feel the compulsive need to please others, sometimes at the cost of their own values and boundaries. This trait is especially common among adults with anxious attachment styles, who go the extra mile to accommodate others while ignoring their own needs. RELATED: 9 Signs Your Inner Child is Healing The underlying belief here is often: If I’m accommodating and indispensable enough, I will not be left behind. Sadly, this tendency can result in taking responsibility for others’ feelings and emotions, losing touch with one’s own “sense of being” and authentic self over time. 7. Experiencing Physical Health Issues Abandonment trauma doesn’t just affect our mind, but takes a toll on our bodies as well. Research from The Lancet Public Health showed increased risk of mental and physical health problems like cancer, heart disease, and respiratory disease for adults who experienced trauma in their childhood. “Those with a history of emotional abandonment often feel the compulsive need to please others, sometimes at the cost of their own values and boundaries.” Emotional abandonment can also manifest as higher dependance on alcohol, low physical activity, chronic pain, stress-induced digestive issues, and frequent panic attacks – all in response to unresolved emotional trauma. 8. Struggling to Find the Meaning of Life Research suggests that adults with history of childhood trauma often struggle with spirituality or faith later in their lives, often experiencing detachment with their purpose in life. Abandonment issues can also emerge in the form of dissatisfaction and questioning what’s the point of life. Treating Abandonment Issues Healing from abandonment issues starts with self-awareness. Understanding what triggers you and consciously working through those feelings requires support and patience. Some effective approaches include: Seeking therapy to explore your triggers and address your attachment patterns. Trauma-focused methods like somatic experiencing address and resolve your stored stress responses, while attachment-based therapy helps you understand and reshape your attachment patterns in relationships. Breaking your insecure attachment patterns by accepting that it’s OK to be vulnerable and stay in discomfort rather than fleeing or clinging when conflicts happen. Asking for help, building boundaries instead of people-pleasing, and tolerating time alone instead of giving in to fear of abandonment are some ways to consciously move toward secure attachment styles. Developing self-compassion by incorporating mindfulness practices, meditation, or breathwork exercises to stay grounded in the present moment and avoid reacting to triggers. Improving your emotional regulation with clearer understanding of your triggers and patterns. Creating newer neural pathways with these practices, despite setbacks and challenges. Remember, consistent effort in this direction can help you loosen the grip of your abandonment issues and reaffirm that you’re worthy of secure love. Takeaway: Recognizing Abandonment Trauma The trauma of emotional abandonment is often the most painful yet invisible wound we carry through life. It pervades through how we view ourselves and shapes our relationships – often without us even noticing its influence. Indeed, while the signs of abandonment issues such as the fear of intimacy, heightened sensitivity to conflict or disagreement, or difficulty trusting others aren’t character flaws, they actively prevent us from building meaningful connections and leading a purpose-driven life. Recognizing the signs of abandonment trauma from the lens of attachment patterns helps us understand our behaviors and make course-corrections – without self-blame and within a supportive environment. ● Images: F01 Photo, Ministocker, Srdjan Randjelovic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free and enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Assertiveness | Conscious Living | Letting Go Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be humanity's default setting, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani suggests 7 ways in which we can always be kind towards others – and ourselves, too. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of choosing kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone, or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. For example, we may have regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others, and some of us may have been abused or bullied as adults. In situations such as these, letting go of resentment doesn't come naturally. So, with the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we even need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why Choose Kindness? It's fair to wonder why we should have to 'choose' kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. MORE LIKE THIS: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? How to Forgive Someone: the Benefits of Letting Go of Grudges How to Be Nicer: 9 Ways to Show Kindness to Others For example, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must have had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches on my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson! Does this line of thinking seem familiar to you? Donating to a food bank is one way to choose kindness Indeed, choosing to be kind can bring about a much-needed shift in the way we judge. Always being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. How to Always Be Kind “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To cultivate kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: how can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving, in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort. The process of always showing graciousness and tolerance to others in this way may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks. How Does Adopting Kindness Benefit Us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner from the University of Exeter revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed. In turn, this promotes tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. Choosing Kindness: 7 Ways Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. Here are seven ways in which we can try to do just that. 1. Create a kindness plan It's possible to adopt kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a friendly way. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness: inviting them for a chat over a coffee or sparking a conversation at the bus stop. Supporting local businesses by buying their products instead of shopping online. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness. Remember, it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we listen compassionately. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A 2010 survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others, resulted in improved emotional well-being. RELATED: Money Can't Buy Happiness (Except in These 3 Ways!) Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A volunteer litter pick shows kindness to the planet 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs, etc. We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it's always possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It's important to remember that coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost workplace productivity, and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness requires us to be compassionate, considerate, and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in the service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember for ever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it's probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Be kind to yourself Always being kind towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling blue. After all, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. RELATED: Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Self-Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself in 7 Steps Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light”, or, “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you centre your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The Takeaway: Choosing Kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness shown to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Deciding to always be kind – especially in situations where our inner voice is telling us to escalate conflict – does take practice, but it can also create long-lasting happiness for others, as well as ourselves. ● Images: shutterstock/BAZA Production, shutterstock/Dragon Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Altruism | Empathy | Gratitude | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

For many of us, the January blues set in once the festive holiday season ends. But there are ways you can fight back and feel better. Dee Marques shares seven ideas on beating those blues – from holiday planning to embracing winter activities. The January blues and new year period can be particularly tough on our mental health and lead to feelings of depression. After the excesses typical of the festive season, going back to the usual daily routine can be overwhelming. Personally, I've always thought about this time of the year as an expanded version of the Monday blues – something many of us go through on a weekly basis! Furthermore, during the new year, most of us also tend to take stock of our lives. This sometimes means realising that things haven't turned out as we expected or hoped. Perhaps we look back on past resolutions to find out that we weren’t able to maintain them, or we’re saddened by memories of people who are no longer with us. Also, a season of treats, big dinners and high alcohol consumption usually means we end up with a few extra inches or pounds and a negative body image. Having friends or relatives visiting can be lovely, but it can also drain our energy and lead to confrontations or fall-outs. Added to that, intense gift-buying sessions may have left us with an empty bank account. In fact, research shows that the January blues and new year depression are a very real thing. Suicides peak on New Year’s day, considered the deadliest 24 hours of the year. Also, there are links between low morale at this time of the year and an increased number of extramarital affairs. In fact, 65 per cent of all relationship break-ups happen in January. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Strategies The 4 Signs That Distinguish Feeling Blue From Depression 8 Powerful Suicide Prevention Quotes New year depression is so prevalent that it's led to the term Blue Monday being coined. This refers to the most depressing day of the year, and it’s calculated using a formula that takes into account three things: the weather, motivation levels and debt. 7 Strategies to Beating the January Blues In 2026, Blue Monday will fall on 16th January. So, in preparation for this dreaded day and the month beyond, here are seven scientifically-proven ideas on how to beat those January blues. 1. Embrace Winter Activities Physical activity is a great mood booster that is proven to help fend off depression. And although exercising is probably the last thing you feel like doing at this time of the year, the benefits are so worth it that once you get going, you’ll want to keep going! Snow limit: wrap-up and embrace a winter walk Indeed, recent studies claim that both short sessions of high-intensity exercise or longer sessions of low-intensity activity are effective at keeping the blues at bay. And the season itself offers opportunities to try something new, whether it's snow sports like skiing, going for countryside or coastal walk in nature, or ice skating. The strong-willed among you may even want to consider a dose of winter wild swimming! But there are still options if you don’t feel like braving the cold: saunas, steam baths and hot yoga are all excellent for well-being and beating the misery January brings. 2. Take a Trip Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues and new year depression, especially if it’s somewhere sunny. That's because our bodies create Vitamin D from sunlight, and this vitamin is directly linked to our mood. You don’t need to go on a long trip – even a weekend getaway can make a difference. “Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues, especially if it's somewhere sunny.” But what if your finances are tight after the holiday season? Fear not. Interestingly, the simple fact of just planning or researching a trip can improve your mood. Studies have found that pre-trip happiness acts as a mood booster, as it fills us with anticipation of good things to come. So, even though many of us may not be able to travel to sunny climes to avoid the January blues right now, we can at least get on the net and start researching where we want to go next. 3. Skip Resolutions and Take Up a New Hobby New Year resolutions can be a double-edged sword: on the one hand, they can motivate us, but since only 8 per cent of people follow them through, failing to achieve them can make us feel inadequate. To take the pressure off and still work towards something meaningful, why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through January. If you find yourself really enjoying it, you can then continue it for the rest of the year. 4. Warm Up Never underestimate the healing effect of warmth, especially during the coldest months of the year. In fact, our bodies are meant to be comforted by warmth – this is why we seek the sun or find so much pleasure in our favourite cup of tea, coffee or chocolate. A hot choc can help beat the January blues If you’re feeling down with the January blues, take your time to enjoy a long soak in a warm, relaxing bath (even better if you add some warming essential oils like rosemary, ginger or cardamom). According to researchers, even just touching something warm can give us a little happiness boost. 5. Find Something Fun to Do With Friends January’s bleak weather and lack of funds can make it very tempting to stay home and veg out all day. But instead of giving in to staying in, it’s worth finding ways of staying active and sociable. For example, collective plans or resolutions can help you stay accountable and motivated, making you more resilient to New Year depression. “Why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through the January blues. If you find yourself really enjoy it you can carry it on for the rest of the year.” And there are tons of activities you can enjoy with others without spending a lot of money. For example, you could gather at a friend’s home and learn a new dance using YouTube videos, organize healthy and budget-friendly cooking competitions, have a wardrobe clear out and swap session, or even have a go at geocaching. 6. Eat Well When it comes to our diet, Christmas and New Year are usually synonymous with excess. Some of us love to indulge in mince pies, Christmas pudding, and other high-carb and high-sugar treats, but overeating these foods can lead to low energy and a dark mood typical of the January blues. To counter this, include nourishing good mood foods in every meal, especially those rich in omega-3 oils, which according to some studies can help fight pessimism and sadness. 7. Check for SAD If you're really struggling to keep a positive mindset or if your health is negatively affected every time January arrives, you may be suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). This condition affects 10 million people in the US and 1 in 3 in the UK. The symptoms include irritability, tearfulness, low self-esteem, high stress, lethargy, and a loss of interest in things that we’d normally find enjoyable. It’s important to speak to your doctor if you suspect you may have SAD, since in some people this can evolve into depressive symptoms. You should know that treatment is available and you don’t need to let this type of January blues or depression take over. Your doctor may recommend Vitamin D supplements, using a light therapy box, going for walks whenever there’s sunlight, or in some cases, medication. Takeaway: You Can Beat the January Blues This winter, don’t let the January blues spoil your mood and well-being. Use the suggestions above to prevent the symptoms from developing, and if you find yourself struggling despite your best efforts, seek help. You’re not alone and every step you take to beat the winter blues will be a worthwhile investment in your overall physical and mental health. ● Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic, shutterstock/Nik Hoberg, shutterstock/igorstevanovic Do you struggle with the January blues? If so, head over to our forum on depression. What do you to fight back against depressive symptoms over winter? Share your ideas below! happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Self-care | Goal setting | Anxiety Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Being a perfectionist may make you ambitious, but constantly striving for excellence can lead to anxiety and burnout. Sonia Vadlamani explains why embracing your flaws and accepting imperfections actually allows us to lead happier and more authentic lives. Each one of us has a personality trait or a physical feature that doesn't sit well with us. You may always find yourself inadequately prepared for the big interview, you may feel you’re too curvy to carry off that ‘Gram-worthy outfit, or you may feel your shyness stops you striking up interesting conversations. Seem relatable? Social media spouts perfectionism as an ideal state and our rising social presence may make us believe that we need to be always at our best. By definition, perfectionism is a personality feature that requires one to be or appear perfect, for their own selves or to be perceived by others. It can be identified by the need to set unrealistic expectations, strict self-evaluation, denial regarding one’s flaws in personality or appearance, and an overpowering desire to leave no scope for errors or failure. The idea of embracing your flaws and accept imperfections is seen as an alien concept for perfectionists. Indeed, researcher Karen Horney described perfectionism more simplistically as ‘the tyranny of the should’s’, referring to how it tends to make one extremely critical of their own performance or abilities. The Perilous Side of Perfectionism Perfectionism is often seen as a positive – even desirable – trait, that can lead to growth and success in personal and professional areas. However, in fact, science shows that perfectionism can give rise to stress, anxiety and depression. Furthermore, socially prescribed and self-oriented kinds of perfectionism can even result in self-harm. Learn to embrace your imperfections as part of your uniqueness Being a writer, I understand the perils of constantly chasing perfection. I recognize the pattern now: I’d start by opening multiple tabs containing seemingly crucial bits of information and research, which I felt absolutely needed to be included in an article. Then I’d proceed towards creating a comprehensive piece of writing, entirely ignoring the assigned word-limit and specific outline I needed to adhere to. Halfway through, I’d notice that the article just can’t be an all-encompassing guide, so I’d procrastinate and avoid writing altogether, ultimately feeling like an imposter. RELATED: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope It took utmost dedication on my part to draw awareness towards this problematic routine – until it became clear to me that I was stuck in a perfectionism trap. Over time I trained my subconscious mind to not procrastinate endlessly in the desire for a written piece that’s perfect to the tee. Instead, I eased my standards to fit the client’s requirements and feedback, rather than resorting to my preconceived ideas of perfection. “The first step towards accepting imperfections is to be mindful and shift your perspective regarding how you perceive yourself.” Perfectionism can have detrimental effects on developmental outcomes in individuals of all age groups, warns Katie Rasmussen, a child development and perfection researcher. “As many as two out of five kids and adolescents exhibit the traits of perfectionism”, she says, emphasizing how prevalent the phenomenon currently is in our society. In fact, the idea that sublime excellence and perfection will lead us towards success and happiness might be ingrained into our minds from a young age, and hence letting go of this tendency requires determination and persistence. 6 Ways to Embrace Your Flaws So, how can we how to accept imperfections and flaws? “Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat pretending to be elegant when actually it's just terrified”, says Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the bestselling book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Accepting our fears, flaws, and insecurities as we pursue our dreams can help us carve out an accomplished and meaningful life. Here are six steps you can take towards embracing your imperfections – even celebrating them! 1. Find the positive side in your flaws The first step towards accepting imperfections is to be mindful and shift your perspective regarding how you perceive yourself. Stop viewing yourself as insufficient or lacking in certain areas, and start seeing yourself as a whole being, albeit flawed. Moreover, upon reflection, you may find that your flaws or imperfections offer you a unique edge. MORE LIKE THIS: Positive Body Image: 8 Steps For Developing It Nudism: How it Can Boost Positive Body Image Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques For example, my obsession with writing a perfectly researched article made me aware of my tendency to procrastinate if I don’t find the final written piece to be up to my standards. Instead, now I try to focus on the task at hand by being mindful, while reaffirming to myself that I create good-quality work, otherwise I wouldn’t have had long-term clients. Learning to embrace your flaws and see them as strengths can be a gradual process, but you’ll be able to see yourself in a better perspective by developing self-validation. David Richo, renowned psychotherapist, and author of Wholeness & Holiness recommends including affirmations in one’s daily routine that pertain to letting go of notions of perfection. To begin embracing imperfections, try telling yourself, “I let go of my need to be in control” and “I let go of my need to be correct, first and perfect all the time.” 2. Realize that imperfections make you human Imperfections give you character and make you authentic. Whenever you find yourself getting swayed anew by the portrayal of someone who’s perfectly put-together and efficient, try imagining that individual as a friend, and part of your daily life. You may be surprised by the revelation that their flawlessness might begin to annoy or bore you in no time. In the quest for perfection, many of us try to erase our peculiarities and hide our quirks rather than accept them as a vital part of our personalities. In reality, your sense of being flawed or imperfect may be stemming from self-perception that may highlight only one facet of your personality. Embrace your flaws: imperfections make you human Indeed, you may be completely unaware about how your so-called flaws may offer a sense of wholeness to your persona in the eyes of others. Accepting imperfections by practising self-acceptance allows you to let go of the need to conform to the unrealistic standards you set for yourself, and to be free to lead a meaningful life. 3. Take inspiration from art Letting go of notions of inadequacy or imperfection does not come easy. Which is why we can take inspiration from the art forms around the world, and creators who wished to glorify the transient and erroneous nature of humans. In fact, the concept of ‘perfectly imperfect’ has been propagated in cultures across the world, wherein mistakes are deliberately introduced in artistic works. RELATED: Why We Make Art Turkish carpet weavers leave unidentical patterns in painstakingly handwoven rugs, whereas Indian sculpturers put small dents or slightly misshapen features, all with the belief that true perfection is solely the privilege of the Creator. And the traditional Japanese art of Wabi-Sabi is centered around the philosophy of beauty comprising of impermanence and imperfection, which is why potters consciously introduce asymmetry and unidentical patterns in their works. Similarly, Kintsugi, or the ‘art of golden joinery’ involves mending cracks in pottery with brushed gold instead of hiding them, thus coaxing us to spot beauty in unexpected places by embracing imperfections. 4. Focus on flow state instead of perfection We often mistakenly assume that perfection is a prerequisite for fulfilment of goals. Indeed, goals help us move forward, but they shouldn’t serve as impediments that remind us of what we lack. A Harvard Business Review study concluded that while perfectionism can improve performance, it can also result in elevated anxiety and stress levels, as perfectionists often latch their self-worth to their ability to perform perfectly. “Embracing flaws by practising self-acceptance allows you to let go of the need to conform to the unrealistic standards you set for yourself.” Thus, perfection need not be a grueling punishment or an obsessive behavior that makes us rigid and devoid of fluidity or expression. Instead, we need to embrace our flaws and endeavor to fulfil our goals while still feeling great about ourselves. Setting SMART goals and developing your flow state or rhythm to achieve these goals can ensure greater success – without the need for you to fall into the perfection trap. 5. Surround yourself with positive voices The company we keep and the people we interact with can affect our thought processes and decisions, and hence it’s advisable to surround ourselves with positive minded people who truly accept us, including our flaws and shortcomings. MORE LIKE THIS: What is Shadow Work? 5 Ways to Get Started 31 Shadow Work Prompts For Your Psychological Journey Try These 5 Intimacy Exercises to Deepen Connection Find forums and groups with like-minded individuals, make it a habit to listen to inspiring podcasts, and follow bloggers or websites which keep you bustling forward with accountability, without having to resort to the trappings of perfectionism. 6. Use your imperfections to help others "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places", noted Ernest Hemingway, the renowned novelist. Once you realize that brushing your insecurities aside and accepting your true self makes you authentic, you can also help others understand. Revelling in your vulnerabilities and continuing to put your best work forward by accepting imperfections can inspire others that are feeling impaired by their imperfections. Reaching out to others who may be struggling with accepting their flaws and sharing your experience with them will also help reinforce your learnings towards embracing imperfections. The Takeaway: How to Accept Your Flaws It’s important to understand that your flaws and imperfections make you human. Some of these flaws you may be able to rectify to fulfil your vision or to evolve into a better version of yourself, while some shortcomings are meant to remain a part of you for ever. Indeed, accepting imperfections and embracing your flaws is one of the keys to leading a fulfilling and authentic life! ● Main image: shutterstock/Nat Ulrich, shutterstock/Koldunov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Letting go | Acceptance | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

The Christmas holidays aren't always a time of cheer: especially if you've lost a loved one and are grieving. Paula Stephens knows this feeling all too well. Here she shares 10 practical tips for coping with holiday grief. I lost my Dad on Christmas Eve when I was just 16. The next year my Mom, Grandma and I took our holiday grief on vacation and found ourselves on a beach in Hawaii for the entire festive season. It was a great way to break with the traditions and memories none of us wanted to face. My most vivid memory of that Hawaiian vacation was sitting next to an older gentleman at dinner on Christmas Eve and noticing he was wearing the exact same sweater my Dad would’ve been wearing. Well, this brought my grief right back up to the surface and I left the dinner to go down to the beach and cry. Christmas Grief: 10 Tips For Coping Needless to say, it’s been a long time since I felt untarnished joy and happiness during the holiday season. But, I believe that we are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply. In my book, From Grief to Growth, I talk about an essential element of healing that is learning to hold both joy and sadness in the same moment. There is no more challenging time to do this than during the holidays. This is why I've put together these ten easy-to-follow tips that will support you as you navigate coping during the holiday season. I don’t like to say ‘survive the holidays,’ because I want to encourage you to have the mindset that you're always fully capable of more than survival. These are simple, practical tips that don’t require a lot on your part, but are focused to help you manage your Christmas grief and make the most of the festive season. 1. List the events you're most worried about Often, much of our Christmas and holiday grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one. So, take some quiet time to think through what specific traditions you're most concerned about. The best way to do this is to find some time to sit quietly and connect with your breath. Once you’ve centered yourself, ask yourself the question: “What events or traditions are creating the most anxiety for me right now?” Your inner knowing has the answer. You might immediately be pulled to an event or activity. Notice how your body feels, the sensations and energy around the activity. Coping with loss during the holidays is a challenge If nothing comes up immediately then begin to bring your thoughts to various holiday family activities. Check in with each one – tree decorating, cookie exchange, for example. How does each one feel; what comes up? You might find some are more emotionally charged than others. 2. Consider which events/traditions you want to keep Be open to the idea that some traditions you will want to wrap in love and keep, while others will need to be shelved for a while (and maybe for ever). Recognize the traditions you keep will never be the same, but keeping them honors the love you feel for the person you lost. RELATED: Sustainable Christmas: Trees, Decorations, and Gifts That Give Back Every year will be a little bit different, and what feels right this year might not feel the same in the coming years. Grief is a process and you must be willing to evolve with it. Always be open to what will help you move forward in your grief… and sometimes we need to go backwards to go forward! Get out your list from the first tip. Now, let’s take the next steps: • Which events do you want to keep this year? • Which events are too painful this year or don’t feel right? • What or how can you modify an event? If you're undecided on some, come back to your list again later or sit with the idea of doing that event and see what comes up. I know we can’t always control everything about the holiday seasons with family being involved, etc, but don’t worry. 3. Brainstorm how you want to honor your loved one Even if you decide to escape the entire holiday season and fly away to Hawaii for the holidays (been there, done that!), it’s important that you take time to honor your loved one during the Christmas season. It could be with a donation of time or money, or by creating a sacred space or a new tradition. No matter what you decide, be mindful about setting time aside to actively honor your loss. What would you like to do this year to include your loved one in the holiday season? What do you need to do to make this come to fruition? 4. Let the tears flow Quite simply, cry. Don’t be the tough guy or girl who pretends it’s all good – because it's probably not. You’re going through a season or anniversary without someone who was an important part of your life, and coping with holiday grief is part of that. By yourself or with your besties, it doesn’t matter, just let it happen. “Christmas grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one.” Another way to look at this is: are you checking in with yourself to know what’s going on emotionally and physically? Are you filling your days with busy activity to disconnect from the emotional heartache you would feel if you had a moment of downtime? Or, perhaps, you're withdrawing from friends, family and social activities. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with Christmas grief, but we need to be aware of our tendencies to protect ourselves, or how we might fall into negative coping strategies. Sometimes a good cry is a better reset than the work we put into avoiding our reality. 5.Tell friends and family how you're feeling Family and friends might not know exactly which activities you’ll struggle with: what might be hard and/or memorable to them might not be the same for you. Generally speaking, they will want to support you, especially with managing your grief during the holiday season. But, you're the only one who knows what you need and how you're feeling, so don’t make it harder for them by expecting them to guess what this is like for you. Tree of knowledge: dealing with Christmas holiday grief We all experience grief differently, so share your fears, concerns and desires. Express what’s important to you or how you would like to handle a specific event. It doesn’t mean you'll always get what you want or need, but it means that you have given voice to your grief and honored your process. 6. Prioritize your self-care Putting yourself first is essential. There's no more important time to focus your energy on self-care than during the Christmas holidays. Lack of sleep, poor food choices, increased alcohol consumption, decreased exercise and increased stress all add up to a massive grief hangover! RELATED: 7 Healing Quotes on Grief to Inspire Essential Oils For Grief: 6 Aromatherapy Ideas How to Help a Grieving Friend Your emotional self is already on overdrive and this will leave your immune system susceptible to illness and your physical body exhausted. Make hydration, sleep, whole foods, stress management, and exercise a priority leading up to and including any seasonal events. Care for yourself by eating a healthy breakfast, drinking more water, going to bed 30 minutes early, journaling, being outside, connecting with nature, and skipping that second (or third) drink at a party! 7. Manage your energy This is a continuation of the last tip. Even if you are taking care of yourself, notice when your tank is getting close to empty. This is especially important if you're the type of person who likes to stay busy to keep their mind off things. Exhaustion (physical and emotional) is often the root cause of emotional meltdowns. And, as you know, grieving is emotional exhausting by itself, then you add the emotional stress of the Christmas holidays and your tank is already half empty. RELATED: How to Protect Your Energy: 7 Science-Backed Techniques So, remember that it’s OK to say ‘no’ to events, or change your ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ at the last minute if you notice you're not feeling up to it. List three ways you know you’re getting low on energy (ie, irritable, fatigue, craving sugar/caffeine). Now list three ways you can fill your tank (ie: take a cat nap, indulge in a bath, journal, read a book). Family matters: pick the events that matter most 8. Prioritize work/social events The Christmas holidays are an especially busy time of year for extra parties – work, neighborhood, and family events are examples. Take time to choose only one or two that are important for you to attend. These might be required for your job or things you just simply don’t want to miss. Be mindful about your selection and take your time to RSVP. For social events that you might have attended with your loved one, ask yourself if you're ready for that situation. Imagine yourself in that environment. Who will be at the event? What will it be like to attend? “We are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply.” Then, have an exit strategy! If it’s required that you attend, or you feel like you ‘should’ go, make sure you have a plan for getting out if things get too difficult. This might be driving a separate car or letting the host know you will be not be staying long. 9. Build time in for you As you're planning your social events, make sure you put ‘me time' on the calendar. Whether that's to get out into nature and hike, get a massage, take a bath – it doesn’t matter. Just build in time to recharge your batteries. This could also include making time to be with close friends or family that help you feel connected and loved. Be sure to reach out to these people and let them know you might need some support during the holiday season. Write a list of the people you can connect with and/or activities that soothe your soul. And, again, since people aren’t mind readers, let people know you're taking care of yourself by scheduling time to reflect and recharge. 10. Give back One of the most amazing ways to cope with your Christmas grief during holiday season is to make it a little better for someone else. Unfortunately, there's so much suffering around the holidays – in this we are not alone. So, donate to a charity in your loved one’s name. Give your time to helping others. Buy a gift for someone in a hospital or nursing home. Pay for the person behind you at Starbucks. Volunteer your time. The options for random acts of kindness are endless. Honestly, nothing soothes and heals our own wounds more than helping someone else. How can you help someone else feel comforted this holiday season? Giving doesn’t have to be financial – you can give of your time, you can donate clothes or other items you no longer use. Takeaway: Coping With Holiday Grief Christmas can intensify the weight of grief and loss, making familiar traditions and festive expectations overwhelming. But you can find a gentler way to get through the season — one that honors both your memories and present emotional needs. By acknowledging which Christmas rituals feel comforting and which ones feel too painful, and by giving yourself permission to adapt or let go, you create room for healing amid the holiday bustle. Ultimately, this approach offers a path toward a more compassionate Christmas. Through intentional self-care, honest conversations with loved ones, mindful pacing of events, and small acts of kindness, it becomes possible to find moments of peace even in the midst of grief. I hope my tips will hope you manage and cope with grief this holiday season and that you enjoy this time. You deserve it! ● Images shutterstock/Dusan Petkovic, shutterstock/Zivica Kerkez Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organization that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She is the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.

Sometimes the obstacles we face in life paralyze us, leaving us trapped. Stanislava Puač J. shares 8 tips on overcoming challenges and restarting our lives. Even though many of us hope for a carefree life, it just will not happen. Challenges will always be on our path. Sometimes, it may seem as if the walls ahead are simply too high to surmount. Yet, overcoming challenges is a part of how we learn and grow. Indeed, obstacles give us an opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. History is filled with examples of people who learned how to trounce impediments and develop psychologically from the process. Take Demosthenes, for example. He is now recognised as the greatest of ancient Greek orators. Nonetheless, when he was young, he had a severe speech impediment. He overcame this barrier through a self-designed, disciplined practice. Einstein is another famous example of how overcoming obstacles can result in greatness. Apart from not speaking until he was three, he constantly faced doubt and under-appreciation by adults throughout his childhood and youth. Still, he found a way to develop his talents and become one of the most recognised names in human history. In this article I'll explain how you can perceive overcoming challenges as a means of psychological growth. I'll explain why we need to fight the obstacles we face — and why we need to do it adaptively. Finally, I'll give you eight science-based tips for overcoming obstacles in a way that helps you grow and become braver and more confident. Why you need to overcome obstacles The examples from the introduction illustrate something that is called overcompensation in psychology. When we have an actual or perceived deficit of a sort, we will usually try to offset it by developing it into a particular forte. This strong point will then serve as a counterweight to the shortfall. Overcompensation means going above and beyond what is necessary. Demosthenes could have merely fixed the speech impediment and lived an average life. But no. He became the greatest orator. Dismantling self-doubt is a key step in overcoming challenges Examples of overcompensation reveal how overcoming challenges opens the path to psychological growth in life. Albeit going that far is not necessary for every obstacle we face, we must say that avoidance is usually unhealthy. When we face hurdles, we are presented with a choice. We can either commit to overcoming challenges — or to failing or stagnating. Here’s why. When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions. Some of the most common ones are anger (for your aspirations remaining unfulfilled), guilt (because you know that you did not try hard enough), or envy (when you witness others getting what they want). You are also bound to become stressed because problems rarely just disappear. A 2016 study from the University of Amsterdam found that avoidance of difficulties leads to a diminishing sense of control. In turn, psychological well-being and mental health declines as rumination takes over. “When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions, such as anger, guilt or envy.” Self-doubt, anxiety and depression could come as a result of continual failure to achieve goals. Even though it might feel good to rationalise the reasons why you did not realise your dreams at first, empirical findings reveal that this defence mechanism is associated with emotional disorders. Therefore, even though overcoming challenges may feel scary at times, it is vital for your well-being. As you progress through hurdles on your path towards attaining goals, you are simultaneously growing as a person. You develop self-confidence, learn to move beyond self-indulgence, and develop adaptive responses to whatever life throws your way. Overcoming challenges: 8 tips How we respond to complications is highly individualised. It could be affected by our past experiences, mental habits, as well as our personalities. Seeking and overcoming challenges seems embedded in some people’s temperament and personality structure. Nonetheless, whether we are naturally geared towards adventure or not, we will hit an impediment here and there. Overcoming obstacles will be easier if you incorporate some of the following tips on productive coping with challenges. 1. Analyse the problem well It may seem obvious, but the first step to overcoming challenges without difficulty is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically. You may be amazed by how often we succumb to apprehension, avoidance — or daydreaming and unsubstantiated optimism, on the other hand — instead of scrutinising the problem critically. Therefore, examine where the problem truly lies. Is it a real or perceived obstacle? Which aspect is the most important one? In what order do you need to tackle the elements of the difficulty? What is it that you can and cannot impact? What resources do you need — new knowledge and skills, others’ help, time, or determination? 2. Consider it an opportunity, not a threat A common obstacle to successfully overcoming challenges is our mindset. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the type of person who goes about looking for challenges and adventures. Even more concretely, I used to feel threatened by any new and tricky situation. Still, what I found very useful is changing my perspective. What may not come naturally to you could be developed through practice. RELATED: Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity Those who enjoy challenges — and thrive facing hitches — see every obstacle as an opportunity to become greater, better, different. You, too, can train your mind to think of hindrances as a chance to learn something new and evolve rather than to suffer. 3. Examine and dismantle your self-doubts Overcoming obstacles is often made more difficult by your own unhelpful thoughts, especially if you're used to avoiding facing challenges. When you look at your records and see but a few instances in which you fought a problem head-on, it's easy to succumb to self-doubt. Doubting your abilities, or even loathing yourself for lack thereof, will get you nowhere. What you need to do is to examine and knock down your lack of faith in your skills. Where does it come from? What thought comes to your mind when you anticipate trouble? How does it make you feel? How realistic is such a belief? Could you think about the situation differently (hint — yes, you could)? Support from friends is a key factor in overcoming obstacles 4. Keep a record of your past successes One helpful way to deal with self-doubt more effectively is to document one’s successes. Studies show that many people tend to overestimate their shortcomings. At the same time, they underestimate how well they can address problems. As a result, their self-perception gets distorted, making them blind to their abilities. Make a CV of your past accomplishments. Do not hold back but praise yourself for everything you have achieved so far. Remember the times when you overcame snags with triumph. What qualities did you need to mobilise to overcome challenges? Write them all down. And then, come to this “CV” whenever you feel a lack of confidence creeping on you. 5. Make a solid plan Once you are clearer on where the problem lies, what unhelpful thoughts might be hindering your success, and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it. In other words, you are highly unlikely to accomplish your goals if you do not combine a belief in yourself with a solid action plan. “The first step to overcoming challenges is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically.” Define the goal and communicate it to those who need to be involved. Make a step-by-step map of action that is clear and easy to follow. Make sure there are tangible steps and smaller objectives on the way to the final goal. Measure the results — and celebrate them, too. 6. Assemble a circle of support Overcoming obstacles is much easier when you have someone to lean on. Science has shown that social support has been confirmed to be one of the crucial factors in psychological well-being over and over again. Somehow, life problems tend to seem much bigger when you feel alone in dealing with them. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life So, ask for support from the right people. Seek out those who will be supportive, accepting and realistic. Whether it's your friends and family, a support group, or a psychotherapist, an encouraging social environment can do wonders for your self-esteem. It will highlight and nurture your ability to overcome any issue ahead. A helping hand from friends is essential for overcoming challenges and difficulties 7. Meditate Meditation is a technique that can help you integrate the tips we have spoken about above. Meditative practice teaches you to calm your mind and free it from ruminative apprehensions and adverse emotions. It gives you the mental flexibility and physical tranquillity you need for overcoming obstacles with success. Finally, after meditation, you will notice greater clarity in understanding the problem ahead and how you can tackle it. 8. Pledge to self-care Let me be straight — overcoming challenges can be hard work. It's easy to disregard healthy habits when you are entangled with problems. This is why you should commit to a self-care practice and ensure you are well cared for. Broadly speaking, all the tips here can be seen as a form of self-care. When you perceive a problem rationally, address unhelpful beliefs and develop a growth mindset and self-confidence, you care for yourself. The same goes for gathering support or meditating. “Once you're clear on where the problem lies and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it.” However, what we have in mind here is more specific. It's a well-known set of recommendations to make sure you do not neglect to care for your mental and physical needs. Therefore, eat healthily and regularly. Set up a better sleep routine to ensure both the quality and quantity of sleep you need. Exercise to release some of the accumulated stress. Socialise with the right people and consume quality media content. Finally, pamper yourself and treat yourself to something pleasant and healthy, like a relaxing massage. You will find your mental batteries charged as a result of such a self-care routine, and you will be much more willing to embrace the opportunity to grow from overcoming challenges. Takeaway: Embrace overcoming challenges It's perfectly natural to feel anxiety — dread, even — when facing major challenges in our life. The more important the goal, the graver the fear of not attaining it. You may even feel totally paralyzed. However, obstacles tend not to go away just because we look the other way. So, take the challenges life throws at you head-on. This will show you a doorway to an unbounded field for psychological growth. Embrace the hurdles and snags. Be courageous and believe in yourself. Even though overcoming challenges and difficulties may feel like you are in freefall at times, be at ease. There is a new 'you' that will catch you on the other side of the obstacle you're facing. • Main image: shutterstock/Maridav, shutterstock/Viktoria Kurpas, Hitdelight happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Self-help | Authenticity | Coaching Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Inner child therapy focuses on accessing and rectifying unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood that may be negatively affecting your life as an adult. Discover how to heal your inner child with this advice from psychologist Stanislava Puač J. Inner child work or inner child healing is a notion you probably stumbled upon if you ever tried to understand why certain emotions or behaviours seem to come from a child-like, vulnerable place inside you. The term gets tossed around quite a lot, so it may sound like a feel-good phrase at times. Nonetheless, it is a valid therapeutic path for those of us who hear our inner child’s voice echoing beneath the surface. I, for example, still get scared like I did as a little girl when someone gets angry or shouts (as if I weren’t nearly 40 and accomplished in all crucial areas of life). And it is that hurt little girl who needs (and deserves) the care and safety she has necessitated all along. Let’s unpack what healing your inner child means – and how to connect with your inner child so you can become all you can be. What Is Inner Child Work and Therapy? Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood. Moments of unmet needs, trauma, adversity, abuse, or even seemingly minor events that felt unsafe or shameful when you were a child lie buried deep inside your psyche. Unfortunately, they are not always integrated and overcome, especially if you didn’t receive psychotherapy or counselling as a child. These past injuries change a child’s neural system and profoundly affect their development. Self-reflect on adult behaviour and start healing your inner child Indeed, a 2017 study published in the International Journal of Play Therapy concluded that: “chronic and highly stressful environments and experiences, occurring during early development, have a strong negative impact on the neural architecture and overall brain development in young children.” It's no wonder many adults feel a need to address these past hurts and learn to respond to life from the present, not from the survival scripts of the past. A Brief History of Inner Child Therapy The idea of an inner child that carries vast wisdom is ancient. However, in modern seminal literature, two authors’ concepts seem to lie at the basis of inner child healing. In the first half of the 20th century, Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi identified a phenomenon where young children who had been traumatized acquire wisdom beyond their years. He characterized them as ‘wise’ babies. Similarly, Carl Jung, in collaboration with Karl Kerenyi, explored the concept of the ‘divine child’ – a mythological archetype believed to spark healing and intuitive insight in both children and adults. Yet, strictly speaking, it was John Bradshaw in the 1990s who popularized the term inner child in self-help and recovery circles. “Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood.” Nowadays, there isn’t a single therapeutic approach when you wonder how to heal your inner child. It's widely integrated into various therapy modalities, including psychodynamic approaches, schema therapy, IFS (Internal Family Systems), and somatic psychology. Signs Your Inner Child Needs Healing So, how to connect with your inner child and know they need healing in the first place? Well, there are specific signals your inner child may be sending your way, even if you’re not aware of their meaning yet. Here are some common examples: People-pleasing Your fear of disappointing others compels you to bend over backwards for them, neglecting your needs. Difficulty setting boundaries You struggle to assert boundaries and say “no”, or feel guilty when you do. Self-sabotage You carry a deep-seated sense of unworthiness that unconsciously undermines your own goals or relationships. Emotional outbursts or shutdowns Small triggers evoke intense reactions, reflecting unprocessed feelings from childhood. Fear of abandonment or rejection You have a strong urge to protect yourself, so you seek excessive reassurance or avoid closeness altogether. Perfectionism You try to be flawless to avoid criticism or earn affection. Shame and self-criticism Your inner critic works overtime. Addictive behaviours You use food, work, substances, shopping, or screens excessively. Seemingly inexplicable medical concerns A 2015 study from Arizona State University concluded that “childhood trauma may lead to poorer health in midlife through disturbances in the patterns of everyday life events and responses to those events”. Disconnection from joy You find it hard to relax, be spontaneous, or experience awe. These behaviors are coping mechanisms, not flaws or weaknesses. Your inner child adopted them to feel safe, at one point. Now comes the time for inner child healing, because, as you will soon learn, it is a vital element of you realizing your healthy potential. Why Is Inner Child Healing Important? Research supports the idea that experiencing childhood trauma can lead to long-term negative effects in individuals, such as impacting our physical health later in life, be less responsive to coping tools, and making our emotional reactions swing more intensely. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life Healing your inner child isn’t about wallowing in the past, though. Think about it as updating your emotional operating system. Now, as an adult, you get an opportunity to choose how you will respond, instead of falling right into that vulnerable state of mind. Self.compassion is essential in inner child work and healing Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self. So, how to connect with your inner child and start healing? Let’s dive right in. How Can I Begin Healing My Inner Child? Healing your inner child usually means revisiting very hurtful experiences: a counsellor or therapist can help if you need professional support. With dedication and patience, you will start to see some of the signs that your inner child is healing. Nonetheless, if you want to start on your own and are wondering how to heal your inner child without a therapist – or as a complement to therapy – here are seven powerful steps grounded in psychological evidence and therapeutic practice. 1. Reconnect Through Visualization One of the most commonly used tools is a gentle meditation where you visualize yourself meeting your child Self in a safe place. What are they feeling? What do they need? Offer comfort and reassurance. If you find it challenging to create that emotional bridge, looking at your childhood photos can help. They will likely spark the connection. 2. Write Letters to Your Inner Child Letter-writing is used in inner child therapy to promote inner dialogue with parts of yourself that might otherwise feel overwhelming. First, write from your adult perspective to your inner child. Then switch – write from your inner child. You might start to notice the needs and past hurts you weren’t aware of. 3. Identify and Reframe Core Beliefs Schema therapy identifies patterns like “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll be abandoned” as emotional schemas (also known as early maladaptive schemas). Gently challenge these beliefs. Ask: Whose voice is this? When did this belief come to be? Is this true today? MORE LIKE THIS: How To Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques Self-Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself in 7 Steps How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 4. Track Emotional Triggers Whenever you have a disproportionate emotional reaction, note it down. Ask: How old do I feel in this moment? Keeping a journal of these moments helps you spot patterns and develop more adult responses over time. 5. Reparent Yourself Daily Healing your inner child often involves so-called reparenting – intentionally offering yourself the care and love you needed but didn’t receive as a child. “Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses. In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self.” Depending on what you need, reparenting could mean setting healthy boundaries, creating healthy life habits, or affirming your emotions instead of dismissing them. The result? Your basic sense of trust (re)built. 6. Play, Create, and Be Silly You can help heal your inner child by playing and being creative. Part of connecting with your inner child means tapping into your child-like energy. Make space for joy, spontaneity, and curiousity. Draw, dance, build something silly. Healing isn’t all heavy lifting. 7. Seek Out Safe Relationships How to connect with your inner child? Sometimes, the answer is in connection with others. Safe attachment can offer corrective experiences – be it with a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend. Learning it’s safe to be your true Self in front of others is a cornerstone of inner child healing. Takeaway: How to Heal Your Inner Child? Inner child work is about freeing your present Self from invisible strings that formed through childhood adversities. And when you embark on the journey of healing that broken part of your being, you begin to meet your own emotional needs in ways that your childhood Self couldn’t. So, if you’re noticing painful patterns repeating in your life, or feel stuck in ways you can’t explain, chances are your inner child is still waiting to be heard. The good news? You are safe now. You can begin to heal. ● Images: shutterstock/Favebrush, shutterstock/dot.studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Authenticity | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Feeling off-track in life can make us unhappy and unfulfilled, but we should take it as an opportunity for self-discovery. Dee Marques explains how you can help to find yourself and your true purpose again through 10 steps, from journal prompts to embracing solitude. There are moments in life when we feel lost and unsure of who we are or where we're heading. Perhaps it's following a significant life change, such as the loss of a loved one, a change in your professional life, or the disintegration of a meaningful relationship. If you’ve been there, you know that these seasons in life can be tough and uncomfortable – and you’re not alone. Feeling lost isn't uncommon. In the UK, nearly 90% of Brits aged between 16 and 29 say they lack meaning and direction in their lives. Similarly, in the US, a study by Harvard found that nearly 60% of young adults had felt a “void in their lives” within the last 30 days. But built into this lack of clarity and direction there’s also an invitation to go on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. If you’re wondering how to find happiness from within or how to go about finding yourself again, you’re in the right place. Let's look at what finding yourself truly means, the benefits of starting off in this journey, and 10 suggestions on how to find yourself – including some journal prompts for self discovery. Start self-discovery and find your path to success What does it mean to really 'find yourself'? Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like. Also, this journey can be continuous. After a period of soul-searching, we can get some insights into who we are and what our next step is, but these revelations won't necessarily be valid for the rest of our lives. As we age and face new experiences, our perspectives evolve, making self-discovery an ongoing process. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Indeed, the self-discovery journey isn't about reaching a final destination but about embracing the process of becoming. It's about understanding who you are, which are your true values, the passions that drive you forward, your strengths, and the unique combination of accumulated experiences that make you who you are. Finding yourself means recognising that change is constant and that self-awareness helps you navigate the ups and downs in life with clarity and purpose. Benefits of finding yourself Sometimes, we may be tempted to postpone the self-discovery journey. Perhaps at a subconscious level, we know that truly finding ourselves is going to require radical honesty. But if you push past the initial resistance, finding yourself can be transformative and liberating. The commitment to cultivating self-awareness offers many rewards, including: A better sense of direction Our thoughts and emotions impact our choices and behaviours, so increased self-awareness can help us make decisions and develop habits that get us closer to where we want to be in life. Improved mental health Studies show that Self-awareness influences our levels of emotional regulation and emotional intelligence, so we become better at monitoring our emotional reactions and modulating them so they don’t hijack our mental well-being. In other words, we’re more in control of our internal states. High-quality relationships A UK study found that self-awareness was closely linked to improved social interactions. The reason? Probably because through self-discovery, we learn to develop healthy boundaries, as well as compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others. Increased resilience As we move through self-discovery journey, we become more aware of our strengths and we learn new coping tools. This is helpful when things are tough, as we’re better equipped to move forward with ease. Greater life satisfaction Knowing that you’re living in alignment with your values and goals is one of the most rewarding experiences. Authentic living is the antidote to that existential void that so many people experience. How to find yourself So, if you're feeling stuck in life, here are 10 steps you can take to find clarity about who you really are and what you want your life to mean. But remember; our goals and visions constantly change, so be prepared to repeat these steps at various stages of your life journey. 1. Practice self-reflection Set aside time regularly to reflect on your experiences, emotions, and reactions. Journaling can be a powerful tool, allowing you to track patterns and gain insights into your inner world. Finding yourself is made easier with journal prompts for self discovery 2. Explore your energy sources Make a list of the actions and interactions that fill your physical and emotional energy deposit. Then, make a list of the things that drain your energy. This helps you make choices aligned with your passions and create sustainable habits – protecting your energy is essential to your well-being. 3. Reconnect with your hobbies Hobbies aren’t just things we do to fill time – they can help express your true self better and reveal aspects of yourself that may have been dormant. Consider trying a new activity every month to discover what resonates with you, or revisit anything you once used to loved but stopped doing. 4. Practice mindfulness Through mindfulness, you become more attuned to your thoughts and feelings, which helps cultivate a stronger sense of ownership and presence throughout your life. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Incorporate as many as our mindfulness tips for staying engaged into your daily routine, from something as simple as mindful showering to something that require a bit more effort and thought on your behalf, such as mindful appreciation. 5. Reflect on your values Identifying your core values shows you what matters most to you and is essential to ensure your actions and decisions are a reflection of your true identity. This exercise is a personal favourite on how to find yourself through your values. 6. Archetype work Archetypes are universal characters (like the Hero, the Rebel, or the Caregiver) that represent parts of our psyche. Exploring which ones resonate with you through journaling, creative writing, or the PMAI assessment can help you understand your deeper drives in a powerful and symbolic way. MORE LIKE THIS: 'Why Do I Hate My Life?' 10 Ways To Start Loving It Again Discover the 10 Keys To Happier Living How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 7. Dare to be uncomfortable Finding yourself isn’t just about theoretical exploration – it’s important to take aligned action, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. New experiences challenge you, offer fresh perspectives, and can lead to personal growth. 8. Embrace solitude Finding yourself can only happen when you make time and space for it, away from digital distractions and external influences. Moments of solitude are perfect to tune into your thoughts and feelings with greater clarity. How to find yourself again? Solitude can help you clarify feelings 9. Set personal goals Create a weekly or monthly action plan with specific goals that matter to you. For example, you could choose to experiment with new ways of practising a character strength, or ensure that every choice you make in the next 7 days reflects one of your core values. 10. Seek support Finding yourself doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. Mentors, coaches, and therapists can guide and support you with different tools and frameworks that can broaden your self-discovery journey. Journal prompts for self discovery To get you started in this journey, here are some self discovery questions that can help uncover more about your true self. Ask yourself them and keep a note of the answers in a journal and reflect on them. • If fear weren’t a factor, what choice would I make today? • What patterns keep repeating in my life — and what might they be trying to teach me? • When do I feel most alive and engaged? • What things I couldn’t live without? • What are my greatest strengths and how do I use them? • What fears are holding me back from pursuing my passions? • Who inspires me and why? • What does success look like to me? • What’s my biggest learning experience in life so far? • What part of myself have I silenced to fit in? • What legacy do I want to leave behind? Takeaway: finding yourself again The journey to finding yourself requires courage and patience, but it’s the path to a more meaningful life. While the journey may be challenging at times, the rewards – a clearer sense of identity, purpose, and fulfilment – are invaluable. As Carl Jung said, “who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”. Remember that it's OK to feel lost in life while you explore how to find yourself. Just take it one step at the time, using the suggestions in this article to navigate the depths of your inner world. So why not start today, maybe with one of the self discovery questions above? ● Images: shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Daniel Hoz, PeopleImages - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Purpose of life | Healthy habits | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure. I hate my life." Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. RELATED: Inner Child Work: How to Heal Past Wounds Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

We’ve all heard karma quotes such as “what goes around comes around” and “you reap what you sow,” but does karma truly exist? Sonia Vadlamani explores the beliefs and psychological impact of karma and benefits of reflecting on quotes about karma in daily life. For most of us, karma is an intriguing notion, something that pertains to the belief that our actions – good and bad – boomerang back to us eventually. Others question if karma is real and if doing good deeds in hope of future rewards really makes any difference. Indeed, karma as a concept is integral to several religions, especially Hinduism and Buddhism. According to these, karma is considered a universal principle of cause and effect, wherein every action creates energy, which returns to us – whether in this life or the next. Though rooted in religion, karma has transcended as a widely recognized and accepted concept. From a Western perspective, karma closely resembles the law of reciprocity, or the idea that kindness is likely to be extended back to you when you help others. Believing in karma thus serves as a reminder to practice compassion, mindfulness, and honesty. Classical religious scriptures refer to different types of karma, including: Sanchita karma, referring to the karma accumulated from our past lives. Prarabdha karma, or the portion of the accumulated karma we’re living through right now. Kriyamana karma, or the karma we’re creating now through our thoughts, choices, and actions. These categories offer an interesting perspective: we’re constantly living with the consequences of our past actions, while also shaping our future with the decisions we make today. Powerful Karma Quotes While science can’t determine whether karma is real, researchers agree that one’s belief in karma influences their behavior. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals who believe in karma engage more often in prosocial acts, like kindness and generosity. Moreover, evidence suggests that kindness creates a ripple effect in the community – helping others not only makes the recipients happy but also boosts the giver’s wellbeing. Karma can be observed in action here in the phenomenon the researchers call “prosocial loops,” or ongoing sequences of generosity. MORE LIKE THIS: Resilience Quotes: 7 Powerful Sayings to Inspire You 10 Mindfulness Quotes to Inspire and Ground You 7 Healing Grief Quotes to Soothe Your Soul Here’s where quotes about karma can prove to be more than merely “aesthetic” Instagram forwards. They can act as an anchor when you’re struggling with a challenging situation, dealing with loss – or worse – witnessing a toxic person “living their best life” on social media. Karma quotes remind you of the larger forces in play by reconnecting you with your principles and values when emotions threaten to cloud your perspective. Even the lighthearted, funny karma quotes can offer you a laugh and help you look at the bigger picture with a fresh standpoint! Karma Life Lessons Quotes Understanding karma isn’t about waiting for it to catch up with someone else’s wrongdoings. It’s about acknowledging that you influence your present and future experiences through every choice you make. Quotes on karma can help you navigate through life and consciously take charge of your actions and decisions. “Karma quotes remind you of the larger forces in play by reconnecting you with your principles and values when emotions threaten to cloud your perspective.” Depending on the situation you find yourself in, these karma quotes can offer a novel yet grounded perspective to help you handle life’s challenges: Karma Greed Quotes In a world driven by ambition and materialistic pursuits, it’s easy to lose sight of your values and allow greed to take the wheel. These karma greed quotes can serve as gentle reminders to reconnect with your purpose in life and build a life of giving, not merely taking: “Greed, in the end, fails even the greedy.” — Cathryn Louis “Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.” — Elbert Hubbard “There’s a natural law of karma that vindictive people, who go out of their way to hurt others, will end up broke and alone.” — Sylvester Stallone "Karma is a tricky thing. To serve your own interest is bad karma. To serve the interest of others is good karma.” – M.R. Mathias “Manipulation, fueled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician's karmic calamity.” — T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph over Death and Conscious Encounters With the Divine Presence Karma Cheating Quotes Sometimes, betrayal may feel like an apt response – especially if you’ve been wronged or believe it gives you an edge. However, deception inevitably creates complications and chaos, denting your relationships as well as your sense of integrity for ever. Some karma cheating quotes to remind you why deceit ultimately returns to haunt the deceiver include: “A relationship built on deceit cannot last. Karma always collects the rent for borrowed trust.” — Unknown “By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.” — David Mitchell “Karma is justice. It does not reward or punish, because we have to earn all that we receive.” — Mary T. Browne “Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” — Jessica Brody, The Karma Club “Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent, and the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.” — Arthur Conan Doyle Karma Gossip Quotes The words we speak about others reflect our inner feelings and eventually shape our own social standing and experiences. Indeed, gossiping and putting others down reflect an underlying lack of empathy and can result in social isolation over time for those engaging in it. These karma gossip quotes act as reminders that you can alter your karma by choosing not to spread negativity: “Gossip is a powerful beast, yet karma tames it eloquently.” — Unknown “The sort of words a man says is the sort he hears in return.” — Homer, The Iliad “Gossip is the spark; karma is the flame that burns it.” — Unknown “With karma, the arrow of rumor loses its sting.” — Unknown “What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.” — Jewish Proverb Karma Narcissist Quotes Dealing with narcissism can be draining – after all, nobody likes to engage willingly with emotional or energy vampires. Interestingly, a narcissist’s karma often feels poetic: the more they expect the world to revolve around them, the more likely they are to be deserted and left wondering why they’re alone. These karma narcissist quotes offer insight into how narcissists function and the consequences of self-absorption: “Narcissists don’t believe in bad karma, they truly believe they are somehow exempt.” — Melanie Tonia Evans, Founder – Quanta Freedom Healing “Narcissists are unable to sustain relationships in a healthy kind of way … that becomes its own form of karma.” — Dr. Les Carter, Clinical Psychologist “When we don’t put the brakes on our self-absorption, we have nothing stopping us from total self-destruction. We become the fruits of our actions.” — Zeena Schreck, Beatdom #11: The Nature Issue “They hate the fact that their actions have consequences, that their choices have adverse outcomes, that punishment is coming, that karma is ineluctable.” — Prof. Sam Vaknin, Author, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited “Seed of karma is ego.” —Yoga Vasistha (Attributed), Classical Text “Narcissists experience criticism as injury; retaliation is swift, but the long-term karma is isolation as people recognize the pattern.” — Dr. Craig Malkin, Clinical Psychologist Karma Buddha Quotes In Buddhism, karma is viewed as a natural unfolding of cause and effect, instead of a system for rewards and punishments. These karma Buddha quotes offer valuable insight into karma as a spiritual guiding force: “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh “Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.” — Buddha “From the Buddhist perspective, it is impossible to build personal happiness on the sufferings of others.” —Daisaku Ikeda “The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” — Gautama Buddha, Buddha - The Gospel “Karma is ego intention, done by an ego we identify with.” — Dolpopa Sherab Gyaltsen, Tibetan Buddhist Master Funny Karma Quotes Sometimes all you need is a good laugh to regain your courage and get back on track after a major setback. These funny karma quotes help you get out of your head and gain a fresh perspective about a difficult situation: “Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point.” — Ottilie Weber “It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced ha ha.” — Unknown “I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for karma to hate me this much.” — Katie McGarry "Instant karma is just the universe proving it still has Wi-Fi everywhere.” — Unknown “I heard that karma is vengeful and is also a light sleeper.” — Rudy Francisco “If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.” — Kurt Cobain “You made your own bed, and now curse others for putting you there.” — Wesley Chu, The Lives of Tao Takeaway: Quotes on Karma Karma is much more than a cosmic accounting system – it’s about accepting that your thoughts, beliefs, and actions carry significance and that you hold absolute authority over the karma you create every moment. Ultimately, karma quotes serve as a medium for letting go of negative feelings – whether it’s narcissism, a desire to seek revenge, greed, or the urge to gossip – and redirecting your attention toward what’s truly in your control. ● Image: shutterstock/mohamed_hassan happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free and enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Spirituality | Conscious Living | Altruism Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Ego death – also known as ego dissolution or ego loss – is a complete loss of subjective self-identity. Rhianna Quanstrom explores some of the common triggers, such as psychedelic experiences, as well as the signs, symptoms, and full meaning of ego death. The first time I experienced an ego death or dissolution was when I took psychedelics at a party. At the time, I was living a very unhealthy lifestyle and making a lot of poor choices. In fact, I think I was in total self-destruct mode. Why? Because I was fully identified with my mind, thoughts, trauma, and wounds. When I took the psychedelics, it was like the blinders came off. For the first time, I could clearly see that who I was “acting” as was not who I truly was. However, this was not an enjoyable experience. In fact, it was terrifying. I could see the darkness of my life surrounding me like a black cloud. Despite it being a “bad trip,” my life completely changed after that experience. I stopped partying, made new friends, and started living a completely different lifestyle. That pivotal moment launched me onto the path of becoming who I am today. This moment was what's known as an ego death, the first of many I have experienced as I continue to walk a path of healing and awakening. An ego death is a transformative experience in this journey we call life. It can be difficult to understand and even harder to describe. If you’re curious about ego death or perhaps believe you may be going through one yourself, keep reading to understand the symptoms of ego dissolution and the ultimate gift that it can offer. What is an Ego Death? To understand the ego death meaning, we must first understand what the ego even is. The ego represents our concept of self, of who we think we are. It contains our identities, beliefs, desires, wounds, conditioning, and worldviews. The ego is represented by "I am" statements, such as "I am (my name)," "I am a (role or gender)," "I believe (in this)," "I enjoy (this)," and "I think (this)." I like to think of it as a mental structure encompassing who we are in this form. It is a normal part of our psychology and human makeup. It helps us present ourselves, participate in the community, and share our unique gifts. Ego death meaning: loss of subjective self-identity The problem is that almost everyone completely identifies with this mental structure as who they truly are. They are their gender, role in society, accomplishments, thoughts, titles, personality, “things,” and income. By completely identifying with our ego structure, we also affirm the illusion of separateness. The ego, by nature, defines how we are separate from others. But this is just the “outward” structure, and there is an essence within this structure that is witnessing and bringing life-force consciousness to it all. Eckhart Tolle relates to this inner essence as our “Being.” Writing inThe Power of Now – his landmark book – Tolle states: “Being is eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature.” “An ego death or ego dissolution is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting.” I like to relate to it as my true Divine nature, which is part of and connected to all of life. This essence in me is the same essence within you and within all beings. From this place of knowing, we understand that our mental structures aren’t who we truly are; they are simply the lens or filter through which our true self shines through. As such, an ego death is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting. This is because one of the main purposes of the ego is to keep us alive and safe! Indeed, we build these egoic structures and beliefs to keep our inner, true self “safe.” So, when we go through a process of realizing that who we think we are isn’t truly who we are, it can feel like we’re literally dying. However, it’s really just the ego going through a death phase. MORE LIKE THIS: Nonduality: What it Is, What it Isn't, and Basic Teachings What is Soul Loss and Retrieval? Healing Through a Shamanic Lens What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Of course, the ego doesn’t truly “die.” Rather, an ego dissolution is more of a death for a rebirth process – a transformational rewiring that brings our ego structures into better alignment with our true, Divine self. Ego deaths also help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs. Even if we go through an ego death, we still have our thoughts, personality, and roles; however, those aspects of self might change or evolve to better reflect our true Being. The History of Ego Death While the term “ego death” is more recent, the concept of egotism and ego dissolution has been part of mystical traditions for millennia. This concept is found in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christian mysticism, Sufism, and shamanism. Buddhists believe the path of enlightenment involves the dissolution of the self. In Hinduism, there is the concept of the “false self,” which relates to the ego. Through meditation, yoga, and devotion, the devotee can let go of their false self and realize their true nature. Dissolution of the self This same concept stretches into Christian mysticism and Sufism, with both traditions emphasizing “dying to self” to experience union with God. The idea is to strip away illusions and egoic desires so that their singular focus is on the Divine. In shamanism, there is an interesting practice called dismemberment that is a form of ego death. People on a shamanic journey have experienced their spirit guide or power animal attacking them and ripping them apart. Their helping spirit then puts them back together, while leaving out energy, illness, beliefs, or limitations that are not serving that person. Dismemberment can happen spontaneously in a shamanic journey, or it can be experienced intentionally. “Ego deaths help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs.” More recently, the term ego death has been connected to psychedelic experiences. The term was actually coined in the 1960s by Timothy Leary in his book The Psychedelic Experience. In it, he explored how psychedelics played a key role in the spiritual journey and initiated ego deaths. Signs and Symptoms of Ego Death Ego death can occur within a single psychedelic or meditation experience, and it can be a slow process over weeks or months. When occurring over some time, ego death is commonly referred to as a “dark night of the soul.” While in an altered state of consciousness, such as on a psychedelic or shamanic journey, ego death symptoms may be entirely unique to you. It may feel scary, disorienting, liberating, peaceful, enlightening, or joyful. Here are some common signs and symptoms of ego death: Loss of identity You may not feel like you know who you are or why you’re here. Your current roles may not feel like they “fit” anymore. Confusion You may feel cloudy, disoriented, and not know what is “real” anymore. There could be emotions rising to the surface that don’t have an obvious source. Dissolving into nothingness An experience of completely letting go to the point where you feel like you are no one and no-thing, like you’re floating in space as pure consciousness. You may also experience sinking into the earth and dissolving into the soil. Becoming one with everything Alternatively, when the illusion of self strips away, one may feel like they are connected and one with everything around them. They are one with the tree in their yard, the wind in the sky, the bird flying high, and the clouds passing by. Detachment from the mind You may experience becoming the observer of yourself, like you are watching your mind from a distance. When there’s space between yourself and your thoughts, you can clearly see your thought patterns and emotions from a non-judgmental, unattached way. Intense fear During a psychedelic experience, it’s normal to go through phases of intense fear or panic. It may feel like you’re dying, and you may have visions of death or darkness. While scary, these are typical symptoms of ego death, especially on psychedelics. What Causes Ego Death? There are many ways that an ego death can be triggered. Substances – such as mescaline (found in the Peyote and Wachuma cacti) psilocybin, ayahuasca, LSD, and DMT – commonly cause ego deaths. These are typically intense and transformational, resulting in a sudden change in one’s life going forward. Psilocybin, found in mushrooms, can lead to ego dissolution experiences Devotion to a spiritual and awakening path will eventually lead to ego death. The longer one walks this path, the more experiences of ego death they will go through. This is because as one walks a healing and awakening path, there is a natural purification process. All that is not true and no longer serves comes to the surface and is released over time. Aside from psychedelic experiences, here are some other common causes of ego death: Sudden spiritual awakenings Near-death experiences Childbirth Intense grief or trauma Deep, unconditional love Lucid dreaming Consistent and long meditations Shamanic journey meditations Is Ego Death Good? Ego death has the potential to be a truly rewarding experience, depending on how well the experience is integrated. It can lead to a deeper connection to one’s own true, Divine nature, and to the world around them. It can help bring one closer to their true purpose, help release emotional trauma, heal old wounds, and let go of belief systems or conditioning that no longer serve. For example, a 2023 study conducted led by Johns Hopkins University and published in Front Psychiatry found that naturalistic use (non-research-based) of psilocybin showed: “persisting reductions in anxiety, depression, and alcohol misuse, increased cognitive flexibility, emotion regulation, spiritual wellbeing, and extraversion, and reduced neuroticism and burnout.” This is just one study of many that show the positive implications of psychedelic integration, in which ego deaths are common. Ego deaths are profound and monumental, but they can also be frightening and disorienting. It’s important to integrate the process and seek support when you need it. Takeaway: What is an Ego Death? An ego death is a transformational experience. While scary, it can help us come into deeper alignment with our true essence and change the course of our lives. These intense initiations help us realize and remember that we are so much more than who we think we are. I’m so thankful for the intense and dark psychedelic experience I had. That ego death helped me realize that the path I was heading down was not where I wanted to go. It helped remove the illusions and beliefs clouding my mind so that I could clearly see that the life I was living wasn’t in alignment with my true, Divine nature. Whether you’re currently experiencing symptoms of an ego death or you’re curious about the psychedelic experience, be sure to have people around to support you. The key is integration and trusting that this experience is part of your liberation and healing. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/Room27 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Purpose of Life | Letting Go | Mindfulness Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

Healing your wounded inner child takes dedicated work and patience. So, how can you tell if you're succeeding? Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explains the key signs that your inner child is healing, from choosing healthier relationships to responding instead of reacting. Healing the child within can feel elusive and vague at first. Even a little scary. Yet, as you move through the inner child work of listening to and caring for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge. It is rarely a dramatic overnight transformation – more of a rewiring behind the scenes. The inner tension starts to soften. Old triggers lose their grip. Bit by bit, you realize that inside of you, there’s now a healed inner child. So, how do you know if it’s working? And how long does it take to heal your inner child? Before we dive in, let’s pause to remember what healing the child within actually means and why it's important to embark on this journey. Healing the Child Within Healing your inner child involves reconnecting with the parts of yourself shaped by childhood experiences — especially painful or unmet emotional needs — and offering them the care they needed but didn’t receive. But why dig out past hurts in the first place? According to psychological research and practice, unhealed childhood wounds tend to cause extensive adversities in adult life, leading to issues such as abandonment trauma. They affect our mental well-being, relationships, and even physical health and longevity. There are many signs your inner child is being healed Luckily, as a recent study by Trivedi, et al published in The International Journal of Regression Therapy shows, an intervention aimed at healing your inner child, “effectively improves participants’ mental health [...]. Moreover, the data show that the positive effects tend to be more pronounced with a longer duration of the intervention”. Whether your inner child work involves therapy, journaling techniques, or using visualization and reparenting techniques, the path is rarely linear. But progress does leave footprints: here are some of the signs your inner child is healed. 9 Signs You’re Healing Your Inner Child A healed inner child doesn’t come to you with a memo saying: “Woohoo, everything’s perfect!” Nonetheless, if you have walked the path for a while, you will start noticing the signs your inner child is healed (or getting there). For me, it was when I realized I wasn’t entering a full panic mode when a man sitting next to me in public transportation started shouting (which would typically be a massive trigger). My healed inner child entered the stage as quietly as that. If you notice some of these signs your inner child is healed, take heart: change is unfolding. 1. You Respond Instead of Reacting Like my personal example above, specific triggers used to make you spiral into shame or lash out. Yet, now, you manage to pause before reacting. You recognize where the emotion comes from, accept it’s there, and choose how to respond. This is one of the most prominent sings your inner child is healed, because it means your childhood hurts no longer take over whenever you hit a bump on the road. 2. You No Longer Abandon Yourself to Keep Peace The moment you choose yourself over what others (or internalized others) expect you to be, everything changes. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychotherapist and psychologist, spoke about this. “Healing the child within can feel elusive at first. Yet, as you listen to and care for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge.” And a key marker of a healed inner child is precisely the ability to honour your needs and peculiarities. You are no longer willing to disappear just to keep the peace and avoid making waves. 3. You Feel Comfortable with Healthy Boundaries A natural continuation of the previous sign your inner child is healed is setting healthy boundaries. Your boundaries no longer resemble walls – nor are they non-existent. Nowadays, you have doors with locks you choose to open (or not). When you’re healing the child within, you begin to set boundaries from a place of self-respect. 4. You Can Self-Soothe Instead of Spiral Another vital sign your inner child is healed is when you stop spiralling into ruminating thoughts. Instead of incessantly asking yourself: “Did I do something wrong? Will they still like me if I say no?”, you now reach out for comforting behaviors, such as journaling, conscious breathing, music, and movement. You can now soothe your inner child from the position of a kind, attuned caregiver. A healed inner child will sooth instead of spiral 5. You Reclaim Joy and Playfulness When we live as adults with a hurt inner child, we tend to be overly adapted and efficient. In a sense, we’re a bit too adult. There’s little room for spontaneity. RELATED: What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship The moment you start letting yourself be silly and creative, you probably carry a healed inner child inside. Why? That freedom to play signals that the inner child feels safe enough to come out again. 6. You Sit Happily With Your Feelings Healing doesn’t mean you stop feeling blue or angry. But, unlike before, when you wouldn’t trust your emotions, you start acknowledging and validating them. You no longer feel the need to either suppress or dramatize your feelings to be taken seriously. 7. You Attract (or Choose) Healthier Relationships We tend to repeat the patterns from our family of origin. Unfortunately, if these were unhealthy, you have likely picked the wrong people to surround yourself with. Nonetheless, as you start healing your inner child, you begin to expect kindness and honesty from others. And you grow the capacity to give and receive healthy love. “The most profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval.” What's more, a 2024 study by Loo Yee Hing from the International Grafinity Association of Malaysia revealed that such healing can be built upon further. A program aimed at healing the inner child among parents resulted in “transformation [that] was characterized by heightened self-awareness, improved emotional regulation, improved parenting skills and strategies, strengthened parent-child relationship that foster a suitable relationship”. 8. You Let Go of Harsh Self-Criticism Your inner critic’s voice has softened. Instead of cruel remarks about how incompetent you are when you make a mistake, you catch yourself offering self-compassion. That shift from punishment to patience and understanding signals your adult Self is making decisions about who and how worthy you are — and not the people who hurt you when you were a child. Dropping self-criticism: one sign your inner child is healing 9. You Know You’re Worthy – Even When You Struggle Finally, the most subtle yet profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval. You now judge your worth and have integrity and an identity grounded in self-awareness and recognition of both your strengths and weaknesses. How Long Does It Take to Heal Your Inner Child? If you’re wondering how long it takes to heal your inner child, you’re not alone. It’s a common question, and a fair one. Unfortunately, you’re not going to receive a definite response. As with any self-development work, the road you need to travel before you live with a healed inner child varies. It is your personal path, and it's impossible to say what to expect in general. One friend told me he felt a massive improvement after only two therapy sessions. Most people begin to feel major shifts in a matter of months. Others walk this path for years. It all depends, among other factors, on: The severity of childhood trauma and adverse experiences you’re trying to heal Your current support system Consistency of your healing practices So, rather than aiming for a finish line, it’s more helpful to think in terms of layers. For example, you may heal the outer layer rather quickly, one that is tied to your self-confidence. And then, you might discover a deeper layer around trust or intimacy. Therefore, think about moving in an upward spiral, and peeling one layer after the other. Takeaway: Signs Your Inner Child is Healing Healing the child within is one of the most powerful journeys you can take. It’s as close as you can get to changing your past. No, wrongdoings won’t get undone. But you will transform how your past lives in you. And no, the transformation most likely won’t feel dramatic. Yet, you will wake up one morning, realizing that you have quietly become less anxious, kinder, and more in touch with the world and yourself; that you have shown up for yourself in ways no one else could. ● Images: shutterstock/Undry, shutterstock/dot.studio, shutterstock/Edge Creative happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Marma massage is an ancient, touch-based Ayurvedic therapy that works with the body’s vital energy points to rebalance prana, release tension, and restore whole-body harmony. Rachel Markowitz explores the benefits of marma, and why this timeless healing method is gaining fresh modern appeal. Marma therapy, a method of touch-based energy healing, is an integral component of the age-old Indian science of health, Ayurveda. Known as the “sister science” of yoga, Ayurveda encompasses traditional philosophies and practices that support our holistic wellness – health of the body, mind, and spirit. According to Ayurveda, a person’s physical, mental, or emotional state is seen as a reflection of how prana, our life force energy, flows or stagnates in the body. Marma therapy, or marma chikitsa in Sanskrit, is a practice based on anatomical points of vital energy called marmas. Marmas serve as a link between the physical body and the subtle (energetic) body. Through marma therapy, we can harness these points to stimulate energy centers, release blockages, and balance prana for optimal health. History of Marma Therapy Marma therapy is more than a bodywork session; it’s a comprehensive practice for balancing the three “humors,” or doshas, that underpin Ayurvedic science. The doshas are related to our elemental composition – vata (air and ether), pitta (fire and water), and kapha (earth and water) – and each person is comprised of a unique ratio of these distinctive energies. Marma Chikista is a touch-based Ayurvedic therapy The background of marma therapy, which dates back thousands of years (at least since 1500-2000 B.C.), might seem surprising: marma points and marma healing were originally used in ancient martial arts and warfare. History suggests that these points were first discovered through the practice of Kalari, a traditional martial art from Kerala in southern India. MORE LIKE THIS: Guide to Healing Touch Therapy and Massage The Essentials of Energy Healing: 10 Techniques 14 Different Types of Reiki: Which is Best For Me? According to references throughout Vedic scriptures, ancient warriors utilized marma points for attack (piercing some marmas inevitably leads to unconsciousness or death!), trained to protect their own vital marmas, and learned to use these points for combat-related healing and recovery. “Marma therapy, a method of touch-based energy healing, is an integral component of the age-old Indian science of health, Ayurveda.” However, the foundations of using marmas for medical and therapeutic purposes were first documented in the Sushruta Samhita, a 4th-century scripture that identified, classified, and standardized marma points and their healing qualities. In modern day, these points, identified and mapped thousands of years ago, still play an integral role in most Ayurvedic healing practices. What are Marma Points? According to Marma science, using marma points to balance our internal elements is the key to unlocking health and vitality. The Sushruta Samhita identifies and maps out 107 points (although Tamil tradition cites 108 locations, and others many more). These points are identified on the surface of the body at meeting places of bones, muscle tissues, joints, ligaments, blood vessels, and energetic pathways. These junctions are located throughout the body, with a majority in the head and neck area. Location and name of marma points for massage Note that although these points are located on the physical body, they are, more importantly, energy centers that can be used to redirect and store prana and balance the three doshas. In fact, Vedic scholar and teacher Maharishi Mahesh Yogi called these points a “cosmic switchboard,” serving as a bridge between the energy of the individual and that of the Universe. Essentially, by touching or pressing marmas, we trigger changes in our biochemical composition, allowing for transformation in our physical and neurological makeup. Thus, marma chikitsa involves stimulating or manipulating these points through massage or pressure – either by hand or with a special tool called a Kansa wand. “By touching or pressing marmas, we trigger changes in our biochemical composition, allowing for transformation in our physical and neurological makeup.” Marma points are often compared to the acupressure points of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). However, there are significant differences between these two systems. Whereas acupressure and marma points both exist along energetic channels (known as meridians in TCM and nadis in Ayurveda), marma points are relative to an individual’s body, measured by finger-widths. The size and location of marma points differ from person to person, and are more precise than acupressure points. Benefits of Marma Massage Marma therapy is a non-invasive practice that can improve holistic well-being and our connection to the elements, within us and around us. It’s accessible to anyone and demonstrates our natural ability to heal through touch. Unlike conventional massage, marma massage therapy not only ameliorates or remedies ailments, but also allows us to survey our current state of being to achieve overall balance. Marma massage is unique to each individual, and its benefits encompass all levels of being: Physical: Marma massage is particularly useful for pain management and muscle tension, and studies cite evidence-based relief for lower back and knee pain-related issues, tension headaches, and arthritis. It also enhances the immune system, increases circulation, detoxifies the body through lymphatic drainage, and improves the functioning of internal organs and organ systems. Mental/emotional: Marma massage facilitates self-awareness, improves sleep, and promotes positive mood shifts. Research published in the Integrative Ayurvedic Medical Journal concludes that marma therapy encourages emotional healing, reduces stress, and improves cognitive abilities. Energetic/spiritual: Marma points help us identify and release energetic blockages, increasing and sustaining our vital energy. They encourage us to explore the energetic dimensions of our well-being and the connection between the physical and subtle body. Marma point massage can release blockages and stimulate life force energy Integrating Marma Therapy With Other Modalities Marma therapy can be performed on its own or incorporated into other practices or treatments to enhance their effectiveness. For example: Marma points are naturally integrated into full-body Ayurvedic massage (abhyanga) to affect internal organs. In fact, most Ayurvedic massages reference marma points to balance and heal. Marma science can guide yoga therapy sessions, employing particular physical postures and breathwork practices to stimulate or unblock certain energetic points. Marma massage is often combined with aromatherapy or herbal medicine for comprehensive healing treatments. The practice of applying an herbal paste on a marma point or area, typically to reduce pain or swelling or promote joint health, is called lepa chikitsa. Marma therapy helps detoxify the body and is often used before and during complete Ayurvedic cleanses, known as Panchakarma treatments. With a basic understanding of marmas, we can take advantage of their healing benefits – as part of a daily self-care ritual or in moments of discomfort or stress. FAQs: Marma Therapy What Is Marma Therapy And How Does It Work? Marma therapy is an Ayurvedic healing method that stimulates approximately 107 vital energy points (marmas) to balance prana, enhance circulation, calm the nervous system, and support whole-body wellness. Is Marma Therapy Safe For Everyone? Marma therapy is generally safe when performed by a trained Ayurvedic practitioner. People who are pregnant, have serious injuries, uncontrolled health conditions, or are recovering from surgery should seek medical advice before trying it. What Does A Typical Marma Therapy Session Involve? A session marma therapy session includes gentle pressure or massage on marma points using fingers or a Kansa wand. Practitioners may incorporate warm oils, aromatherapy, or herbal pastes, depending on your dosha and wellness goals. How Much Does Marma Therapy Cost? Pricing varies by country, practitioner, and session length, but typically ranges from €40–€120 ($45–$140) per session. Specialist Ayurvedic clinics or combined treatments (like Panchakarma) may cost more. What Are The Benefits Of Marma Therapy? Marma therapy may help relieve pain and stiffness, reduce stress, improve sleep, support emotional balance, boost circulation, and encourage energetic flow. Many people use it alongside yoga, meditation, or Ayurvedic massage for deeper benefits. The Takeaway: Marma Chikitsa Marma therapy, or marma chikitsa, is an ancient touch-based Ayurvedic therapy, derived from points of vital energy in the body. These points, which unblock, increase, and stabilize energy, are an essential component of the foundation of Ayurveda. Marma massage is an easily accessible bodywork practice that leads to holistic balance of the three doshas and a better understanding of our connection to nature. ● Images: shutterstock/Microgen, shutterstock/Microgen happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Acupuncture | Holistic Medicine | Reflexology Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

The rise of psilocybin microdosing through “magic mushrooms” blends ancient wisdom with modern science. Rhianna Quanstrom explores the growing scientific research into mushroom microdosing and how they may improve mood, clarity, and creativity. Learn about the effects, benefits, and where they're legal. The use of psychedelics for therapeutic purposes is on the rise. One of the main trailblazers in this frontier is psilocybin, commonly known as “magic mushrooms.” Scientific research is exploring the exciting possibility of using psilocybin as an effective treatment for psychological conditions, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and addiction. With psilocybin’s growing popularity, microdosing has entered the mainstream conversation. Many people are now exploring the potential healing benefits of taking mushrooms in tiny doses. Let's take a look at the science, benefits, risks, and legality of microdosing mushrooms. But first, let’s discuss what psilocybin and microdosing are. What is Psilocybin? Psilocybin is the active compound found in several mushrooms belonging to the Psilocybe genus. Psilocybin mushrooms, as well as other psychedelic mushroom species, have been used for thousands of years in shamanic cultures worldwide. One of the most prominent historical records of its use comes from the Aztec and Maya cultures of Mesoamerica (Stamets, 1996). In these cultures, the psilocybin-containing mushrooms were considered sacred and were used in spiritual ceremonies for healing, divination, and divine communion. Psilocybin is the active compound found in "magic mushrooms" While psychedelic mushrooms are still used in sacred ceremonies and rituals by Indigenous Peoples of North and South America, they are more commonly known as a “party drug” in Western society. Of course, this has led to a widespread prejudice against mushroom use. However, this attitude is evolving with emerging research and anecdotal reports of psilocybin's transformative healing potential. When ingested at a moderate-to-high dose, psilocybin alters consciousness and produces what is commonly known as a “trip.” In other words, journeyers may experience hallucinations, closed-eye visuals, deep introspection, emotional release, and spiritual insight. One of the main reasons for psilocybin’s psychedelic effects is its interaction with the 5-HT2A serotonin receptor. This is the most widely expressed serotonin receptor in the body, and it modulates mood, perception, and cognition. It is through this effect, as well as many others, that psilocybin improves mental well-being. While most studies examine psilocybin’s effects in moderate to large doses, there is a growing body of research dedicated to exploring the potential benefits of microdosing psilocybin. What is Microdosing? Microdosing involves taking a psychedelic substance at very low doses (about 1/10th of a normal dose) for a prolonged period of time. These doses are low enough that they do not produce a full psychedelic experience. Rather, they are more subtle and do not usually interfere with daily activities. Why Do People Try Microdosing Mushrooms? People often microdose mushrooms to receive their therapeutic benefits, as it’s believed that the benefits achieved at a full dose can also be experienced with consistent microdoses. The benefits of ingesting psilocybin are numerous, and many of these benefits result from how psilocybin interacts with the brain. One of the well-researched benefits is its ability to reduce depression in both the short and long term. “The benefits of ingesting psilocybin are numerous. One of the well-researched benefits is its ability to reduce depression in both the short and long term.” A 2025 report in the journal Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment explains how psilocybin binds to and activates serotonin receptors in the brain (much like typical antidepressant medications) while also lowering inflammation. Inflammation in the brain is linked to mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Because psilocybin increases serotonin activity (which helps regulate mood) and decreases inflammation, it may be highly beneficial for those experiencing depression. Along with these effects, psilocybin also increases neuroplasticity and lowers activity in the default mode network (DMN). Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to form new neural pathways. We all have “mental grooves” that we “fall into” based on our childhood, societal conditioning, and psychological issues. In a sense, we are “programmed” to respond in specific ways to certain memories or triggers. Because psilocybin enhances neuroplasticity, it facilitates the formation of new thought patterns and beliefs. In this way, it can be incredibly healing for trauma and PTSD, as it helps us face difficult memories and form new beliefs around them. This also relates to its ability to lower activity in the DMN. MORE LIKE THIS: MDMA Microdosing: Is it Legal and What Are The Risks? What is Ego Death? Meaning, Symptoms, and Causes Microdosing 101: A Modern Phenomenon Rooted in Ancient Times According to the study mentioned above, “the DMN is typically active when an individual is in a task-free, resting state; eg, during self-referential thinking, rumination, or daydreaming. Anxiety and depressive disorders are associated with abnormal activity of the DMN, which can lead to excessive rumination, negative thought patterns, and impaired emotional regulation… The capacity of psilocybin to reduce excess activity in the DMN may be a significant mechanism whereby psilocybin exerts its long-lasting antidepressant action, allowing relief from negative thought patterns and emotional biases. Reduced DMN activity can result in profound alterations in consciousness and is likely responsible for the mystical-type experiences reported by Griffiths et al, with decreased self-other discrimination and even complete ego dissolution.” Additionally, along with its ability to significantly improve anxiety and depression, many self-reports claim that microdosing psilocybin improves memory, mental clarity, focus, concentration, and creativity. As such, microdosing mushrooms may help people focus at work, be more present in conversations, and engage more deeply with creative projects. People often try microdosing psilocybin to improve mental health issues The main attraction to microdosing psilocybin is that it presents an easier way to receive its benefits without undergoing a full hallucinogenic journey. People can still live their normal lives while addressing underlying psychological and emotional patterns and improving mental focus and clarity. Furthermore, it is more economical and easier to obtain. What Science Says: Mushroom Microdose There’s no doubt that psilocybin in moderate to large doses is beneficial, but the science on microdosing mushrooms is still lacking. Many studies attribute the psychological benefits of microdosing psilocybin to a placebo effect. For example, a self-blinding citizen science research report found “no significant differences between the placebo and microdose groups” and stated, “Our study validates the positive anecdotal reports about the psychological benefits of microdosing (significant improvements from baseline in a broad range of psychological measures); however, our results also suggest that these improvements are not due to the pharmacological action of microdosing, but are rather explained by the placebo effect (lack of significant between-groups differences).” “Microdosing mushrooms may help people focus at work, be more present in conversations, and engage more deeply with creative projects.” This is just one of many studies that come to a similar conclusion. However, a 2024 review from two Australia universities published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology claimed that the research is lacking, and that any conclusions that microdosing mushrooms is predominantly a placebo “are premature and possibly wrong.” The authors, Vince Polito and Paul Liknaitzky, evaluated all available and published research on microdosing psilocybin and LSD. Based on their findings, they determined that microdosing does have a pharmacological effect. Specifically, microdosing produced neural changes in the brain, with increased neuroplasticity and decreased activity in the default mode network (DMN). They also found microdosing psilocybin (or LSD) increased pain tolerance, subtly altered consciousness, and had positive effects on mood. MORE LIKE THIS: What is the Peyote Cactus and s it Legal? Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey Beyond the Experience What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? The main conclusion of the report is that current science is still limited. The authors state that more long-term studies with larger clinical populations are needed. Additionally, in many of these research articles, psilocybin and LSD have essentially been categorized as the same substance. Furthermore, some of the psilocybin-specific studies used a synthetic version of the compound; to be clear, how a natural, non-isolated, or non-synthesized mushroom affects the body and brain is different from how LSD, an isolated extraction, or a synthetic version, will. More scientific evidence is needed into microdosing mushrooms As such, the research remains inconclusive, and people’s personal experiences may still be the best source of understanding. One of the greatest challenges to studying the effects of microdosing is that the level of psilocybin in a mushroom depends on the species and how it’s grown. That makes controlled studies even more difficult, because you can have two mushrooms of the same species that differ in potency based on growing conditions. Nevertheless, numerous firsthand reports praise the benefits of microdosing mushrooms. We’ll just have to wait for the science to catch up and (most likely) confirm what many people already know to be true: microdosing mushrooms improves mood, cognition, and overall well-being. Possible Risks of Microdosing Psilocybin Because there have not been any long-term studies on the effects of microdosing psilocybin, the possible risks are still unknown. There is some concern that microdosing mushrooms may negatively affect the cardiovascular system over time because of chronic serotonin activation. “Many self-reports claim that microdosing psilocybin improves memory, mental clarity, focus, concentration, and creativity.” According to a 2025 report published in the journal Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, “Adverse side effects of microdosing psilocybin are uncommon and limited to short-term anxiety, impaired cognition, and physical discomfort. Psilocybin does not show evidence of addiction potential, and in fact is anti-addictive in that daily intake leads to loss of therapeutic benefits.” Is Psilocybin Legal? In the United States, psilocybin’s legal status depends on the state. At the federal level, psilocybin is classified as a Schedule I substance under the Controlled Substances Act. However, because of its therapeutic potential, the legal landscape is changing rapidly. In some states, including Colorado, Oregon, and New Mexico, it is legal for supervised therapeutic use. In California and Washington, it has been decriminalized in several cities. It is also decriminalized in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Across the globe, psilocybin’s legal status varies from legal to completely illegal to legal for medical treatment. The only countries where it is fully legal include Nepal, the Netherlands, Jamaica, Brazil, and the Bahamas (except for sale). Takeaway: Microdosing Mushrooms Psilocybin, or “magic mushrooms,” has been shown to significantly improve psychological and emotional well-being. It can potentially help treat depression, anxiety, PTSD, and chronic pain while improving cognitive function and neuroplasticity. While the science around microdosing is limited and somewhat conflicting, hopefully the coming years will bring research that validates may of the positive personal experiences shared. In doing so, the legal status is likely to change so that more people have access to the healing benefits of microdosing mushrooms. ● Images Cannabis_Pic, Cannabis_Pic, Cannabis_Pic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Alternative medicine | Herbalism | CBD Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

Sonia Vadlamani explores a mix of ancient and science-backed ways to remove negative energy from yourself and your environment. From smudging to salt cleansing, here are eight energy cleansing techniques that bolster your overall well-being. Sometimes we walk into a room, and something just feels off – not necessarily in a dramatic, haunted-house kind of way – but as if the air is stale, tense, or heavy. It could be your home, your workspace, or a place where past conflicts once erupted, and the discomfort still lingers. In short, you feel ill at ease there. Call it bad juju, an off vibe or simply feeling stuck, it’s true that our surroundings affect us in multiple ways. In fact, researchers agree that negative energy perpetuates more negativity. Energy cleansing is therefore essential for safeguarding both our mental and physical health, as well as our overall happiness levels. Signs You Need to Clear Negative Energy We may lack the technology to measure negative energy, but we can often notice the need for energy cleansing by simply listening to our body and our environment. Some of the physical symptoms include: Feeling exhausted even after adequate sleep. Persistent headaches as soon as you enter a place. Prolonged physical or mental strain without evident reason. Irritability, defensiveness, excess complaining, or a negative shift in your mood in certain spaces. Trouble falling asleep or a disturbed sleep cycle. Experiencing health issues such as digestive problems and hormonal imbalances. Struggling to find motivation or channel creativity. Similarly, some indicators that you need to clear the negative energy in your physical surroundings can be: Cluttered spaces that feel constrained despite adequate room. Lasting staleness in the air despite ventilation. Spaces where arguments and disagreements tend to occur frequently. Rooms that make you feel unsettled and nervous for no evident reason. Struggling to relax in places designed for rest. How to Get Rid of Negative Energy Toxic energy can build up in any environment and affect you adversely, and hence it’s important to know how to cleanse your energy. Here are some simple, practical ways for it: 1. Try Smudging and Cleansing With Smoke Smudging or burning dried sage or other herbs like cedar, frankincense, or palo alto is an ancient practice prevalent in several cultures across the world. A 2007 study published in the Journal of Ethnopharmacology found that the medicinal smoke from Havan or a Hindu ceremonial fire lowered the airborne bacteria in a confined space for up to 24 hours. So, burning aromatic herbs and incense can be an effective answer to how to get rid of negative energy – the act of smudging itself and the pleasant scent can be a calming activity that can instantly lift your spirits and perk you up. Remove negative energy through smudging 2. Inspect and Improve Light and Air Circulation A UK study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders that analyzed data from over 400,000 men and women found that spending more time outdoors or in ample natural light could mean improved mood, better sleep quality, lower chances of long-term depression, and higher overall happiness levels. “Learning how to cleanse your energy also means setting healthy boundaries to shield yourself from negative influence.” So, take a keen look at the places where you spend the most time, like your workspace, home, or relaxation areas. Drawing the shades to allow natural light in and opening your windows to let fresh air circulate may be the easiest way to remove negative energy and create movement in a place that otherwise feels “stuck.” 3. Incorporate essential oils and aromatherapy “Our sense of smell is deeply tied to our cognitive centers, our emotional centers, and our memory centers,” says Sandeep Robert Datta, a professor of neurobiology at Harvard Medical School. “We’re dependent on [scent] for a sense of well-being and centeredness in the world.” RELATED: Essential Oils For Grief: 8 Aromatherapy Ideas Aromatherapy using essential oils such as lavender and chamomile has been linked to improved sense of wellbeing and lower risk of depression and anxiety. Add essential oils of your choice to a diffuser or make a simple room mist by adding few drops with distilled water in a spray bottle for easy energy cleansing. Aromatherapy oils act as an energy cleanser 4. Practice Visualization Visualization exercises are a great energy cleansing practice, given that you can practice them almost anywhere, even when you’re waiting at the train station or bus stop! Combine them with a visualization meditation practice to make it more effective. MORE LIKE THIS: What is Chi? A Guide to Feeling and Healing Life Force Energy Reiki: Principles, Benefits, and Costs 5 Techniques to Balance Chakras and Unblock Energy Flows Begin by setting an intention for your practice, something that protects you from others’ negative vibes, like: “I repel all the negative energy from others,” or “I release all energy that doesn’t serve me.” Now, close your eyes and focus on your intention as you take slow, deep breaths. Imagine a white light of goodness expanding from your heart, moving through your body, encompassing you and your loved ones, protecting your energy. Practicing daily can help you feel calmer, less reactive, and more emotionally resilient. 5. Choose the right crystal or stone for you While there’s no conclusive scientific evidence for crystal healing, using crystals as a medium for manifestation or meditation can amplify your focus, help balance your chi, and can also be an aesthetic addition to your surroundings. Every crystal is believed to carry unique cleansing and healing properties, so find the right one using your instinct and objective. 6. Remove negative energy with salt cleansing Salt cleansing has been a preferred purification method for centuries. Taking salt baths 1-2 hours before bedtime have been found to lower cortisol and relax the nervous system. Also, indulging in some quiet, intentional self-care by taking a salt bath makes it easier for you to release any negativity you’ve accumulated through the day. “Drawing the shades to allow natural light in and opening your windows to let fresh air circulate may be the easiest way to remove negative energy.” You can also use salt within the home. Pour it into the four corners of a negative-feeling room and leave it for 48 hours. Some cultures believe that salt absorbs the negative energy present in your surroundings. After 48 hours, throw the salt away. 7. Try Sound Cleansing Sound – whether from bells, Buddhist singing bowls, gongs, or even hands clapping – has long been used for energy cleansing across several cultures. In a 2023 study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, researchers found that the sounds from singing bowl can help one’s brain waves enter the theta state, helping the brain relax and soothing the nervous system. RELATED: Spiritual Cleansing: 9 Detox and Purification Techniques Thus, installing wind chimes or bells near relaxation areas, indulging in sound baths, or playing soft music can break up the stagnant air and help you feel centered. Wind chimes are used to keep negative energy at bay 8. Cut ties with unhelpful people and patterns Learning how to cleanse your energy also means setting healthy boundaries to shield yourself from negative influence. Some ground rules you can reinforce to make this possible are: Limiting time with energy vampires who consistently drain you. Breaking free from unproductive patterns that do not serve your growth. Saying no to commitments that leave you depleted. Creating tech-free, interruption-free routines to spend quality time with loved ones. Setting a fixed time for cleaning and decluttering your home and workspace. Making time for regular exercise and hobbies that nourish you. Takeaway: Energy Cleansing Learning how to get rid of negative energy may seem simple, but it requires you to consciously identify the negative forces in your surroundings and intentionally keep them at bay. There’s no one-time fix that works for all, so start with the approach that resonates the most, notice how it affects your mood and spaces, and build from there. Remember, the goal here isn’t perfection, but to create practices and environments conducive to your well-being, rather than depleting it. ● Images: shutterstock/Daniel Hoz, shutterstock/Pixel-Shot, shutterstock/Elizaveta Galitckaia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Mental Health | Self Care | Positive Psychology Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Are chakras real? While not tangible, the importance of chakras within multiple traditions suggests they are. Rachel Markowitz explains the meaning, locations and colors of the seven main chakras, plus the mantras and yoga asanas that activate these unique energy centres. I was introduced to chakras during a yoga teaching training class when a teacher instructed me to chant “ham” repeatedly while inverted in a shoulder stand. This, the instructor said, would open my throat chakra, which was linked to my insecurities, and radically improve my life. At the time, this seemed odd; I didn’t know what a throat chakra was, why it might be closed, how opening it would be helpful, or how chanting upside-down might facilitate this! However, I can now admit that, as a yoga instructor myself, I’ve suggested similar practices to students for a multitude of reasons. Since chakras are not part of the physical body, they often remain a mystery. However, a basic understanding of energetic anatomy is a powerful tool for harmonizing body, mind, and spirit. Let's explore the chakra system together and discover some tips to help ensure your energy flows freely. What are Chakras? Chakras are moving centers of concentrated energy located in the subtle (energetic) body. In Sanskrit, chakra translates to wheel, which serves as an appropriate visual representation of these spinning energy disks. Chakras were first mentioned in the Vedas thousands of years ago – a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and Ayurvedic medicine – and were later described in the Upanishads, Yoga Sutras, and Tantric texts. There are numerous systems for identifying and classifying these energetic vortexes, and most traditions suggest that we have over 100 chakras throughout the subtle body. It' possible to work on activating chakras during yoga However, according to most modern-day yoga teachings, seven chakras are particularly significant. These major chakras are located along our main energetic channel, Sushumna Nadi, ascending from the base of the spine to slightly above the crown of the head. Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities. Each chakra also has a corresponding bija, or seed, mantra. Furthermore, the first five chakras are linked to an element (the last two chakras relate to existence beyond the elements). In an ideal state of being, all chakras are open and aligned. Other healthy-chakra descriptions include “activated,” “balanced,” or “unblocked.”) Why Learn About Chakras? Understanding each chakra and its role in our composition can help us see patterns in our overall well-being, identify and heal imbalances and chakra blockages, and strengthen the body, mind, and aura. RELATED: Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude Yoga Kundalini Meditation: 4 Key Benefits and How to Practise It Fasting and Autophagy: Ancient Wisdom Chakras also offer a unique perspective on the connection between our internal and external worlds. Used as an energy healing therapy, we can work to clear and balance energy in the entire body or focus on each chakra individually. Either way, when we take the time to ensure that prana (AKA chi or ki) or life-force energy, is moving without constrictions or resistance in the energetic body, we encourage optimal health – from the inside out. Exploring the Major Chakras The seven main energy centers are divided into three lower chakras, which relate to the Earth and the individual self, and three higher chakras, which connect us to the universe and spirit. The higher and lower chakras come together at the heart chakra, located in the center of the chest, at the level of our anatomical heart. “Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities.” Below is a description of each of the seven major chakras, including location, associations, symbol, color, and mantra – along with a short list of suggested yoga practices that promote chakra health. For strengthening, unblocking, or healing an ailment related to a certain chakra, you can visualize a light at its location, focus on its symbol, chant its mantra, incorporate its color in your daily life, or practice the postures or breathing techniques listed in each section. The 7 main chakras, colors and locations within the human body 1. Root (Muladhara) Chakra The root chakra governs the health of the lower body, from the feet to the hips. In life, it’s connected to basic survival, primal instincts, and foundational physical and material needs. Location: Base of the spine; pelvic floor Color and Symbol: Red lotus flower with four petals Element: Earth Mantra: Lam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Warrior poses, lunges, balancing postures, seated positions 2. Sacral (Svadisthana) Chakra In the physical body, the sacral chakra energetically controls our hips, sexual organs, and reproductive health. It’s also connected to desire, emotional stability, sexuality, pleasure, and anything we create. Location: Below the navel Color and Symbol: Orange lotus flower with six petals Element: Water Mantra: Vam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Happy Baby pose, Goddess pose, hip openers 3. Solar Plexus (Manipura) Chakra The solar plexus chakra is related to the core of our body and our digestive system. Mentally and emotionally, this chakra governs strength, confidence, willpower, ego, and the way we assimilate or “digest” information. It’s strongly linked to the concept of tapas in yoga, our inner fire. Location: Center of the body; near the abdomen and below the ribcage Color and Symbol: Yellow lotus flower with 10 petals Element: Fire Mantra: Ram. Recommended Yoga Practices: Boat pose, twists, Breath of Fire 4. Heart (Anahata) Chakra As mentioned earlier, Anahata chakra is the place where the upper and lower chakras join together at the heart center. In our bodies, this chakra governs the area around the chest, anatomical heart, and lungs. In our lives, the heart chakra is related to love (of self and others), relationships, trust, and compassion. Location: Center of the chest at heart level Color and Symbol: Green lotus flower with 12 petals Element: Air Mantra: Yam Recommended Yoga Practices: Camel pose, Bow pose, Puppy pose 5. Throat (Vishuddha) Chakra The throat chakra governs the throat and neck area, as well as the thyroid gland, and is linked to our sense of speech, creativity, and ability to communicate authentically. Vishuddha chakra is also significant as our center of energetic purification. Location: Throat Color and Symbol: Blue lotus flower with 16 petals Element: Ether (Space) Mantra: Ham. Recommended Yoga Practices: Shoulder Stand, Fish pose, Lion’s Breath, chanting 6. Third Eye (Ajna) The third eye center is closely linked to our pineal gland, nervous system, and sense of intuition and perception. Thus, we often look to ajna chakra for relaxation and visions during spiritual practice. Location: Center of the brain; between the eyebrows Color and Symbol: Violet or indigo lotus flower with two petals Mantra: Om Recommended Yoga Practices: Child’s pose, meditation, Shambhavi Mudra (directing gaze at the third eye) 7. Crown (Sahasrara) The crown chakra connects the individual self to the greater Self. It’s related to cosmic consciousness, self-awareness, and the interconnectedness of all that is. Location: Slightly above the crown of the head Color and Symbol: White, Light, or Violet thousand-petal lotus flower Mantra: Aum (or silent aum) Recommended Yoga Practices: Headstand, Savasana, meditation Are Chakras Real? Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence. MORE LIKE THIS: 14 Different Types of Reiki: Which is Best For Me? Understanding the Different Types of Karma Reiki: Principles, Benefits, and Costs One indicator of the validity of the concept of chakras is their appearance throughout various traditions and time. In addition to the yogic systems of chakras, Buddhist, Jain, and other healing modalities also visualize and work with chakras (or similar locations of concentrated energy, such as meridians/Dan Tien in Chinese medicine) as points of focus for meditation and healing. Chakras can be used as focal points during meditation Although science has yet to prove the existence of chakras, research is on the way to doing so. Recent technology is now able to measure the electromagnetic radiance of auras and the energetic body, indicating that our energetic presence, particularly energy emanating from the heart, extends far beyond our physical bodies. “Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence.” That being said, the purpose of this article is not to convince you that chakras are real, but rather to serve as an introduction to those who would like to explore deeper aspects of self-awareness. Yoga is a science of getting to know your true self through experimentation and introspection. So, for those of you questioning the nuances of your subtle body and the reality of the chakra system, I urge you to experiment with the basic visualization techniques and contemplation methods indicated above. Takeaway: Yoga Chakras, Colors and Locations According to the science of yoga, chakras are powerful vortexes of moving energy located along our major energetic channel, that govern different aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. By understanding the role of the major chakras in our bodies and lives, we can begin to identify and balance each aspect of our energetic composition to embark on the path of holistic healing and well-being. ● Images: shutterstock/May_Chanikran, shutterstock/E.Va, shutterstock/New Africa happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Resilience | Self care | Reiki Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Although there is currently limited scientific evidence about its efficacy, Reiki has become an increasingly popular hands-on energy medicine practice. Rachel Markowitz explores Reiki principles, the benefits and costs of treatment, and how to become a practitioner. I learned about Reiki and experienced my first healing session in 2012 from a dreadlocked European traveler who wanted some practice. During the treatment, I focused intently on trying to feel energetic sensations but was continually distracted by discomfort in my left arm. It felt like the surface below me was tilted, that my elbow was compensating for the slanted massage table, and that my misaligned body was ruining my Reiki experience. However, I eventually relaxed, forgot about my arm, and finished the session feeling surprisingly refreshed. When I asked my newly initiated healer if he had noticed anything about my body, he told me that he perceived an energetic blockage in my left elbow but felt like he had released it. Convinced of Reiki’s healing power and curious to learn more, I sought out my first Reiki teacher shortly thereafter and have been experimenting with energy healing techniques ever since. Throughout the years, I’ve found Reiki to be a simple, straightforward energy therapy that anyone can experience or experiment with. What is Reiki? The word Reiki is a combination of two Japanese characters, or kanji: rei, symbolizing the universe, and ki, representing life energy. However, Reiki refers not only to the concept of life force energy (called prana or chi by other traditions), but also to the practice of using this energy for healing purposes. Healing with hands: a typical Reiki session Connecting with Reiki energy, either on our own or through a Reiki healer, promotes the body’s natural, energetically-balanced state. Though Reiki is a common hands-based energy medicine practice around the world, it was traditionally developed to connect to universal source energy for the purpose of spiritual growth and self-healing. A Brief History of Reiki Reiki dates back to the early 1900s as a documented concept in Japan, and its corresponding healing practice is often accredited to Mikao Usui, who received a spontaneous transmission of Reiki energy during a mystical healing experience in 1922. Usui’s system of Reiki healing, which he called Usui Reiki Ryoho, is the direct lineage that spread throughout the world and popularized Reiki. However, though most modern-day Reiki practices stem from Usui’s teachings, Reiki healing was actually developed, named, and written about in Japan several years before Usui’s discovery. Since its journey to the West in the 1930s, many healers have channeled or developed adaptations and additions to traditional Reiki practices, resulting in what we often classify as “Western Reiki.” There are now a multitude of styles and types of Reiki that can be practised. What are the Reiki Principles? Along with Reiki healing methods, Usui developed a system of five principles (gokai) that give Reiki a moral and spiritual foundation. These principles, also known as “precepts” or “admonitions,” are guidelines that a Reiki practitioner recites at the beginning and end of each day, and before healing sessions. Each Reiki principle begins with “just for today,” giving the practitioner both a manageable obligation and the incentive to repeat the precepts regularly. The Reiki principles are: Just for today, do not anger. Just for today, do not worry. Just for today, be grateful. Just for today, be humble (also interpreted as “work honestly”) Just for today, be kind/compassionate towards others and myself. The Reiki principles, when practiced faithfully, benefit the holistic wellness of a Reiki practitioner even without a hands-on healing practice. According to Usui, authentically contemplating and abiding by these principles is a spiritual medicine that leads to health and happiness. What Happens During a Reiki Session? In a Reiki session, a healer (someone connected to a direct lineage of Reiki energy, by means of a formal initiation process) channels Reiki energy to another being through their hands. This works because the healer becomes a conduit of life force energy, enabling a patient to receive and distribute it in an optimal way. “Reiki is a well-established energy medicine practice that enhances a person’s natural ability to heal. A Reiki practitioner offers hands-on healing to clients.” Reiki sessions typically last 30 to 75 minutes. They usually consist of a pre-session consultation, hands-on healing treatment, and post-session discussion. For those new to Reiki, a healer will provide background information, give an overview of what to expect during the session, and allow time for questions. During a treatment, the patient lies down on a cushioned surface, fully clothed, with closed eyes. While the patient relaxes, the healer lightly places their hands in specific positions on the patient’s body. They may also use various healing techniques, including: Energy Clearing – A Reiki healer begins a session by cleansing their energetic field and the healing space, either before the client arrives or once their eyes are closed. This process involves using Reiki techniques, and perhaps incense, tools, or personal practices to clear and release unwanted energy from a space or person. Invoking – Depending on a Reiki healer’s lineage, they will recite the Reiki principles mentally and perhaps invoke the energy of spiritual guides, ascended masters, or other beings to help with the healing process. The healer may also voice an intention for the session. Scanning – To begin a Reiki session, a healer typically guides their hands over a patient’s body from head to toe, without direct hands-on contact. During this process, the practitioner scans for energetic blockages, places where energy needs balancing, or any other noticeable energetic or intuitive sensations about their patient’s healing needs. This technique, known as Byosen Scanning, helps a healer know where to place their hands during treatment. Symbols and Kotodama – The use of Reiki symbols and the “spirit” of their names (kotodama) are part of a healer’s training and are often employed during treatments. According to traditional teachings, these symbols and their usage should be kept secretively. Beaming – In Western Reiki, “beaming” refers to a particular technique for healing from a short distance. Using this practice, a healer can beam energy to a client several meters away using their hands or eyes, along with intention. Infusing – A healer who practices a modern-day form of Reiki might infuse objects (such as crystals, candles, jewelry, food, water, or oils) with Reiki to charge them with healing energy. “Reiki-infused” can also describe a space, event, or work of art that is intentionally filled with energy and sealed. Meditation – A Reiki practitioner might begin or end a session with a short meditation or several minutes of silence. They may also invite a patient to set an intention or self-reflect to integrate a session’s benefits. Benefits of Reiki One unique quality of Reiki healing is that it involves minimal work on the part of the practitioner; Reiki energy knows where to flow in order for a recipient’s body to heal naturally. Accordingly, the benefits of Reiki healing extend to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, as well as overall relaxation. Although it’s unlikely that the patient will feel the exact process going on during their session, it’s typical that a Reiki treatment leaves a person with a sense of calm and inner peace. Reiki involves the channeling of energy to another person Because of its widespread reach, Reiki is becoming a well-known complementary medicine in hospitals and health clinics – with practitioners offering relief and relaxation to cancer patients, children, and others experiencing pain, anxiety, and stress. This list of research findings, published by the International Center for Reiki Training (ICRT), references many of the suggested healing benefits of Reiki. Furthermore, Dr. Ann Baldwin’s book, Reiki in Clinical Practice: A Science-Based Guide, outlines the physical and psychological benefits of Reiki throughout medical studies and public research, through the time of its publication in 2020. What Are the Risks of Reiki? Reiki is generally considered safe. A Reiki practitioner who follows the five principles of Reiki imparts no real risks during treatments, and there are no reported contraindications of Reiki healing. In fact, according to William Lee Rand, founder of the International Center for Reiki Training, one of Reiki’s defining characteristics is that it can do no harm. MORE LIKE THIS: 5 Techniques to Unblock Chakras and Energy Flows 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Can Transform Your Life The 7 Chakras: Locations, Colors, and Use Within Yoga With this in mind, people experimenting with Reiki or any other natural healing method might experience what is known as a healing crisis – a stirring up and releasing of toxins or impurities in the body or mind that could manifest as negative side effects of a treatment. To mitigate the risk of a healing crisis, it’s helpful to move through healing sessions slowly and intentionally, listen to the body, and maintain consistent eating, sleeping, and exercise habits. How Much Does a Reiki Session Cost? The cost of a professional Reiki session varies widely, depending on the length of the session, treatment setting, and healer’s experience. In the USA and UK, a private Reiki session at a wellness-related establishment or hospital ranges from $30 to 100 USD, with an average cost of $60 to 70 USD per hour. However, some Reiki healers offer sessions for much less. Depending on where you live, you might even find Reiki healing for free, as an exchange, or by donation. Furthermore, those with limited financial resources could consider seeking out new practitioners, Reiki groups, or healing sessions through religious or spiritual communities. “The Reiki principles, when practiced faithfully, benefit the holistic wellness of a Reiki practitioner even without a hands-on healing practice.” Reiki sessions are not typically covered by health insurance, although some medical facilities may include Reiki as a free treatment alongside conventional practice. The best way to find a legitimate Reiki healer within your budget is by recommendation, personal research, or through a feeling of connection to a specific lineage or person. How to Become a Reiki Healer or Master A person becomes a Reiki healer through formal initiations, called attunements, from a certified Reiki Master/Teacher. These days, most lineages of Reiki require one attunement for each of three levels (Shoden – Level 1, Okuden – Level 2, and Shinpiden – Master/Teacher). Reiki attunements not only include an energetic transmission of Reiki energy from Master to student, but also teachings, symbols, mantras, hand positions, meditations, and practical healing procedures that correspond to each level. Therefore, a Reiki Master refers to anyone attuned to Reiki at the Master level – though different traditions of Reiki have respective guidelines or prerequisites for moving from one level to the next. Although some lineages of Reiki will attune students to all three levels in one or two short courses, most would suggest or require new healers to move through each attunement separately, taking time for self-practice between each level. Furthermore, many schools of Reiki require certain levels of experience before an initial attunement or to work professionally as a healer in that lineage. If you’re curious about practicing Reiki on your own, the first step is to find a Reiki Master, healer, or teacher of a tradition that you resonate with and inquire about attunement dates and requirements. Takeaway: What is Reiki? Reiki is a well-established energy medicine practice that enhances a person’s natural ability to heal. A Reiki practitioner offers hands-on healing to clients, and Reiki is also helpful for self-healing and healing from a distance. Like other methods of energy therapy, Reiki is a minimal-risk therapy for improving physical ailments, promoting emotional and mental well-being, and enhancing our connection to life force energy and the spiritual path. We can all awaken the ability to channel Reiki energy and heal with our hands through a direct transmission from a Reiki Master. ● Images shutterstock/Dragon Images, shutterstock/LightField Studios happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Acupuncture | Reflexology | Holistic Medicine | Chi Gong Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.