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No direction in life? We've got you. From exploring your curiosity to visualizing the possibilities, Sonia Vadlamani explains 8 ways to start silencing those ruminating 'I don't know what I want to with my life' thoughts. And it all starts with asking yourself more questions. It’s 2 a.m. You have an early start, yet here you are, scrolling mindlessly through social media, wondering how everyone else has their life figured out. Their perfectly curated Instagram feeds showcase them thriving at their dreams jobs and living in their dream homes, while you’re haunted by the thought that keeps going around in your head: “I don’t know what to do with my life.” While this feeling may seem exclusive to you, the truth is that it’s far more common. A 2021 Oracle and Workplace Intelligence survey of almost 15,000 employees across 13 countries showed that about 75% people feel “stuck” in their professional lives, while 76% felt the same about their personal lives. Here’s the thing – feeling directionless and not knowing what comes next isn’t a permanent roadblock, but instead, it should be seen as a starting point for something new. It’s a chance for you to pivot, explore new possibilities and carve out a path that can alter your life – if you’re willing to embrace the uncertainty and push through it with intention. What Should I Do With My Life? Many of us experience periods of feeling of lost and directionless in life. While this uncertainty can feel disconcerting at the time, it may indicate the need for personal growth. Indeed, a 2023 study of 309 participants revealed that although uncertainty is often accompanied by psychological distress, individuals with higher Personal Growth Initiative (PGI) are better able to take charge of their own progress. Feeling lost in the dark? Find your direction by asking questions In other words, feeling lost or wondering, “what should I do with my life” is common, especially during big life transitions. However, those who actively seek change or growth through such uncertainty by learning, pivoting, experimenting, or planning tend to cope better than those with a lower tolerance for ambiguity. Questions to Ask Yourself Asking yourself better questions – rather than simply pondering over the possible correct answers – can help steer you in the right direction. In fact, renowned developmental psychologist James Marcia, in his identity development theory – and especially the “identity moratorium” status – proposed that active exploration during uncertain times is key to personal growth. This exploration can happen through strategic self-inquiry – a keen observation of your goals, values, interests, passions, and behavioral patterns can help you gather useful data. Some questions to ask yourself when you catch yourself thinking “I don’t know what I want to do with my life” can include: What did the “child me” want to do before the “adult me” or others decided what I should be doing? What would I do in a day if money weren’t a concern? What activities make me lose track of time? If I could, what are some problems in the world that I really wish to solve? Which activities help me feel genuinely aligned with my authentic self? Who are my role models, and why do I admire them? If failure was out of question, what would I love to do? What are some of my skills that make people say, “Wow, you’re really good at that!” Which activities make the day truly meaningful? What do I want to be remembered for when I’m gone? What are the top three skills I’d like to master next year? Eight Strategies to Work Out What to Do With Your Life While these questions help you to contemplate, the science-backed strategies below help you take necessary action and find your footing when that “I don’t know what to do with my life” feeling is taking over. 1. Pay attention to your natural gifts and interests The answers you uncover through reflection may have helped you realize your natural talents and gifts. What comes easily to you that others struggle with? What do people often compliment you for? It might be your ability to manage people well, or perhaps your analytical brain that offers solutions more readily. “Feeling lost or wondering, “what should I do with my life” is common, but it may indicate the need for personal growth.” Pay close attention to your innate strengths and natural talents, as these can serve as useful clues toward a path that aligns with who you really are. 2. Follow what sparks your curiosity “Follow your passion,” they say, but what if you don’t know what your passion is? Exploring your curiosity can be the key to unlocking what sparks joy and can sustain your interest over time. Indeed, a study published in Journal of Educational Sciences & Psychology also found that in addition to grit and determination, curiosity is a primary predictor for leading fulfilling and satisfying lives. 3. Learn to embrace the unknown It’s true that the human mind dislikes uncertainty. Research also shows that perceived threat and uncertainty can trigger neurological stress and anxiety, often negatively impacting decision-making in adverse situations. However, here’s the contradicting truth – learning to tolerate ambiguity better can spark creativity and boost resilience, making way for personal growth. Make it a conscious practice to sit with ambiguity instead of fumbling for certainty. Remind yourself: “This is temporary and I’m equipped to deal with it until the answer comes to me.” 4. Experiment with new choices The sheer amount of choices available in this technology-driven era is crazy, and decision-fatigue can literally tire us. It’s therefore often impractical to simply think to gain clarity – you need to take action to get there by experimenting with various options. Avoid overcommitting to something on a whim – opt for a short-term contract instead. Try volunteering or shadowing someone in a role that inspires you. These experiments can help you gather essential insights into what excites and fulfils you. They’re breadcrumbs that may lead you to something more meaningful, energizing, and lasting. Volunteering, for example, at an animal shelter, opens up new experiences 5. Reflect on your purpose We often confuse purpose with happiness – indeed, chasing happiness may seem more important than finding one’s purpose. However, research suggests that living a purpose-driven, meaningful life is a fundamental human need that influences our psychological and physical well-being, in addition to serving as a driving force. RELATED: Power of Purpose: Rediscover Your True Role In Life What's the Point of Life? The 3 Questions You Must Ask Yourself The 7 Steps to Take When Nothing Makes You Happy Anymore Ask yourself: What would make me feel that my time mattered here? What would I like to be known for, say 10 years from now? While this probing may feel uncomfortable at first, it can help you cut through the noise and arrive at a clear, actionable answer for the persistent thought: “I don’t know what to do with my life.” 6. Seek inspiration Look at people who inspire you and motivate you towards a path that can fulfil your purpose or desire to make a difference. Whether it’s public figures, your contemporaries or mentors, engaging with them or learning their journey can provide you valuable insights and direction. Their lessons can help you gain clarity and take action to overcome the uncertainty of what to do with your life. 7. Visualize the possibilities Creating a vision board to reflect your aspirations, feelings, values, and experiences is a practical and fun way to recenter yourself when feeling directionless. In fact, an experiment conducted on 65 tennis players concluded that adding imagery and visualization practices substantially improved performance and chances of success. “Pay close attention to your innate strengths and natural talents, as these can serve as useful clues toward a path that aligns with who you really are.” Visualization can help you explore your potential life path that’s best aligned with your authentic self. Imagine the day-to-day experience of different life paths that appeal to you. Break it down further into daily and hourly visual accounts – do you like what you see well enough to pursue this path? Unsure what to do with your life? Start with a vision board 8. Surround yourself with positive people Life will always throw you unexpected twists and curveballs. However, research points that people with an optimistic attitude tend to be more resilient and “bounce back” easily from negative experiences. RELATED: Bored With Life? Re-engage Yourself With These 8 Ideas Also, positivity begets positivity – sometimes the most difficult phases in life become easier to navigate with the help of the right support group. Surrounding yourself with more positive-minded people can help you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, perspective, and grace. What Happens to a Person With No Purpose? People who find themselves thinking, “I have no idea what I’m doing” for an extended period may begin to feel like they’re drifting through life aimlessly. The lack of a unique purpose may make you feel unfulfilled, empty, and dissatisfied with life. Research indicates that the frustration arising from a lack of fulfillment can result in conditions like depression and anxiety, and can potentially lead to avoidance behaviors that steer you further away from positive goals and outcomes. However, not knowing the point of life doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re living your life without purpose. Taking a step back because you refuse to settle for a life that feels hollow, reflecting on your values and goals, and seeking meaning with renewed perspective is, in itself, a purposeful direction. Takeaway: What Should I Do With My Life? It’s important to remember that finding purpose in life can look different for everyone – there is no specific roadmap to follow. But it’s never too late to start. Feeling offtrack or lost in life isn’t a dead end, but a path to keen exploration and self-discovery. Applying the strategies mentioned here can help you gain insights to unlock holistic, strategic, and sustainable answers to one of the most unsettling questions we all face in life at some point at another. • Images pathdoc, andysanchevko, New Africa happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free and enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Mental Health | Self Care | Stress Management Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Ibogain, from the iboga shrub, is a psychedelic compound used mainly in addiction and trauma therapy treatment. Rhianna Quanstrom explores the benefits and risks of iboga and ibogain, considers iboga vs ayahuasca, and examines the legalities of ibogaine treatment centers around the world. Iboga, also known as Tabernanthe iboga, is a medicinal shrub native to West Central Africa. It is commonly known for its active constituent, ibogaine. The iboga tree has ancient roots as a spiritual and healing plant for the Indigenous people of its native region. While it is still used in that context, it has also caught the attention of Western society due to its incredible potential as a treatment for addiction, traumatic brain injuries, and other psychological conditions. To better understand what Tabernanthe iboga is, we’ll discuss its history, effects and benefits, potential side effects and safety concerns, as well as where to find traditional iboga ceremonies and ibogaine treatment centers. We’ll also take a brief look at iboga vs ayahuasca to understand the similarities and differences of the two medicinal plants. The History of Iboga The root bark of the iboga shrub has been used for thousands of years by the Babongo peoples and other Indigenous tribes in West Central Africa, specifically Cameroon, Gabon, and the Republic of the Congo. From the iboga tree came the Bwiti tradition, an oral tradition and animistic spiritual path that holds the belief that there is life and spirit within all things. Bwiti essentially means “The School of Life,” and its focus is on discovering the truth both within and without. In the Bwiti tradition, Tabernanthe iboga is considered a master teacher, healer, and sacred guide. It is used for seeking higher wisdom and connecting with ancestry, nature, and the Great Spirit. It is used in high doses for ceremonial and initiatory rites of passage. The fruit of the iboga shrub In the 1900s, the active constituent of iboga’s root bark, ibogaine, was studied as a potential drug for low energy and the cardiovascular system. The isolated extract was introduced as the drug Lambarene and became popular among athletes for its stimulant effect. However, ibogaine products were later taken off the market because of their psychoactive properties. It became a Schedule I controlled substance in the United States and much of Europe. It wasn't until the 1960s that ibogaine was brought back to the attention of Western medicine after Howard Lotsof, a heroin addict, discovered its seemingly miraculous potential to treat substance abuse. After using it, he was relieved of his addiction and the withdrawal symptoms. He brought this experience to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, which sparked decades of research exploring ibogaine’s anti-addictive properties. While still a lesser-known substance and plant among Western society, the iboga tree and its active constituent, ibogaine, are becoming more widely recognized as a promising therapy for substance abuse. Today, research is exploring its potential as a medicine not just for addiction, but also traumatic brain injuries, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and childhood trauma. Effects and Benefits of Iboga Much of the research on iboga focuses on its active constituent, ibogaine. As such, how an isolated extract interacts with the body is not the same as how the whole plant does. While these studies show promising benefits for mental health and addiction, it’s important to note that traditional use of iboga involves consuming the ground root, which contains numerous other plant constituents besides ibogaine. Thus, it will have slightly (or significantly) different effects on the body – an area with little scientific research to date. According to the National Library of Medicine (NIH), “The mechanisms by which ibogaine exerts its psychoactive effects in the brain are only poorly understood, which is attributable to the alkaloid’s complex pharmacology.” “Iboga, also known as Tabernanthe iboga, is a medicinal shrub native to West Central Africa. It is commonly known for its active constituent, ibogaine.” Nevertheless, studies show that it affects several neurotransmitters in the central nervous system, including opioid, sigma, glutamate, and nicotinic receptors, as well as serotonin transporters. It also affects dopamine release and increases GDNF and BDNF, which are brain growth proteins. These receptors are related to the neural pathways associated with addiction and withdrawal; as such, ibogaine can help “reset” or disrupt these signals in the brain. Because it also affects dopamine release and increases brain growth proteins, it inhances neuroplasticity, which is the brain's ability to form new neural pathways. It does this in specific parts of the brain – the VTA, nucleus accumbens, and the prefrontal cortex (PFC) – that are related to the brain’s reward system (VTA), the processing of pleasure signals and cravings (nucleus accumbens), and decision-making and impulse control (PFC). Essentially, ibogaine targets numerous neurotransmitters, proteins, and regions of the brain associated with addiction, belief patterns, and trauma. Because it provides such a strong “reset,” it can dissolve addictive patterns and ease withdrawal symptoms within a single treatment. Along with substance abuse, ibogaine is shown to effectively treat traumatic brain injuries. According to Stanford Medicine, “[ibogaine] safely and effectively reduces PTSD, anxiety and depression, and improves functioning in veterans with TBI.” Ibogaine, the active constituent of iboga, is found in the shrub's bark Research shows that ibogaine helps increase a brain wave known as theta rhythms and reduces activity in the cortex. The article states, “Stronger theta rhythms may encourage neuroplasticity and cognitive flexibility, while less complex cortical activity may lower the heightened stress response seen in PTSD.” These are some of the most astounding benefits of ibogaine. However, there are many other potential benefits to experiencing an ibogaine journey. Let us not forget that iboga/ibogaine is a psychedelic medicine with spiritual significance. Any psychedelic “trip” will open one’s mind to “the other side,” leading to spiritual awakening and expanded consciousness. MORE LIKE THIS: What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? Microdosing 101 What is the Peyote Cactus and is it Legal? Iboga is considered one of the most intense psychedelic experiences because it lasts for about 24 to 48 hours, with a heightened visual experience that can last anywhere from 5 to 14 hours. The second half of the journey is more reflective, often with heightened mental clarity, peace, and energy. This can benefit anyone who feels called to take this medicine, as it leads you on an immensely healing and awakening journey where you connect with a much deeper wisdom within. Many people report addressing childhood traumas, purging old fears and wounds, communicating with ancestors and loved ones who have passed on, and experiencing profound revelations about the meaning of existence. Here are some quotes from people sharing their firsthand experience of taking iboga/ibogaine: “My body feels washed in a cleansing energetic blanket that completely removes the physical discomfort I’m feeling after 36 hours without heroin. In my mind there’s a vision like I’m being launched through a worm-hole which spits me out in what looks like outer space. I’m having a very rapid succession of incredibly insightful thoughts and ideas, and I’m broadly contemplating various abstract concepts such as relativity theory, evolution, and photosynthesis.” Kevin Franciotti, A New Perspective: My Experience with Ibogain Treatment “Soon the trip starts: images of the solar system punctuated by clips of my younger self laughing, then a bizarre internal reel made up of Jesus Christ, an alien and an image of a bush – seemingly the one from which the medicine derived. These eventually give way to a pounding narrative of negative thoughts known as a “mind-purge”. Mattha Busby, I Tried Ibogaine, the Psychedelic Anti-Addiction Drug “The highest spiritual truth is the gift of life, the medicine tells me. The Bwiti have only one prayer, I learned during fire talk: 'thank you for this day'. And so, gratitude washes over me as it fills every inch of my body with brilliant white light. At last, I find gratitude – real gratitude – for all the struggle. Struggle which has granted me this miracle of a life, which I now understand is a free life, thanks to the experience the medicine gifted me: feeling safe and free in the now. Just being is the gift, I understand. The beauty of the present moment and experiencing it with loving awareness through our senses – that is the meaning of life.” Julia Christina, The Journey Potential Side Effects of Iboga Iboga/ibogaine is a powerful substance and can have adverse, sometimes fatal, effects. There have been a few deaths reported with ibogaine due to cardiac arrhythmia, or irregular heartbeat. According to an Ibogaine fact sheet, “The majority of the ibogaine-related deaths occurred in unsafe settings that did not have access to proper medical monitoring or cardiac life support capabilities, including unregulated ibogaine treatment facilities outside of the United States. Most of the individuals who died were at an increased risk of adverse events due to the presence of heart disease, a history of taking certain heart medications, and polydrug use. Furthermore, some of the individuals were using impure or adulterated ibogaine products.” “In the Bwiti tradition, Tabernanthe iboga is considered a master teacher, healer, and sacred guide. It is used for seeking higher wisdom and connecting with ancestry, nature, and the Great Spirit.” It is unclear whether the whole-plant extract carries the same potential for severe side effects. However, because the iboga root contains 80% ibogaine, it should still be used with caution and only in safe, medically monitored environments. These fatal outcomes are rare. The most common side effects include: Nausea Dizziness Vomiting Tremors Less commonly, it can cause mania, seizures, and psychosis. Considering this, it’s important to speak with your doctor and have a full health evaluation before consuming iboga or ibogaine. Neither of these substances should be taken if you have a history of heart problems or are on heart medication. Most importantly, iboga and ibogaine should only be consumed in safe, reputable, and medically supervised ibogaine retreat centers. Iboga Ceremonies and Retreats In the United States, iboga and ibogaine are classified as Schedule I controlled substance at the federal level. However, regulations can vary state to state. For example, in the state of Colorado, ibogaine is recognized as a “natural medicine,” allowing for its use in licensed healing centers as well as for personal use and cultivation. Other states are introducing legislation to shift their legal status due to its therapeutic potential. Still, for most people in the U.S., attending an ibogaine retreat center requires traveling abroad. Fruits from the iboga tree In the UK, ibogaine is illegal to use or possess, and legal restrictions vary across Europe. Currently, ibogaine treatment centers are most commonly found in the following countries: Australia Canada Costa Rica Mexico Netherlands New Zealand Additionally, it is legal in its native countries, such as Gabon and Cameroon, where traditional ceremonies are still practiced, and a few retreat centers are open to the public. Iboga vs Ayahuasca Both iboga and ayahuasca are powerful psychedelic plant medicines with deep cultural and spiritual significance to the Indigenous peoples of the regions where they grow. As such, both should be approached with respect, reverence, clear intention, and caution. While each medicine produces profound visionary states, iboga is generally considered more intense and longer-lasting than ayahuasca. They are both rooted in ceremony and tradition, and should be used in a safe container with trained facilitators. RELATED: Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey Beyond the Experience What is Ego Death? Meaning, Symptoms, and Causes Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect Interestingly, these medicines both have an affinity for breaking addiction and forming new neural pathways. However, they are different in how they interact with the body and the overall psychedelic experience they produce. As discussed, the main active constituent of iboga is ibogaine, while ayahuasca’s is DMT. If you’re drawn to exploring one of these medicines, it’s essential to do thorough research and listen to your intuition. Often, the right medicine for you at this time will make itself known. Takeaway: Iboga and ibogaine The iboga tree is a sacred psychedelic plant medicine at the heart of the Bwiti tradition of West-Central Africa. Today, it is also used by people around the world seeking spiritual awakening and healing from addiction and trauma. Its active constituent, ibogaine, is increasingly recognized as a promising therapeutic substance in modern Western medicine. This will pave the way for further research and clinical trials for its treatment of substance abuse and mental health conditions. Whether approached for healing, spiritual insight, or addiction treatment, iboga will have a profound and life-long impact on all who seek its guidance. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Herbalism | CBD | Alternative medicine Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

A lack of self-awareness is a personality trait that negatively affects you and those around you. Dee Marques explains how to spot the signs of poor self-awareness – such as blaming others and failing to handle feedback – as well as offering tips on how to change this behaviour. What’s one thing that most people think they have, but few actually do? According to psychologist and best-selling author Tasha Eurich, it’s self-awareness. Her research has revealed that although 95% of people claim to be self-aware, only 10% to 15% actually are. And, in all honesty, when I look back over the past 15 years and compare the old me with the current me, the biggest difference I find is by far related to my level of self-awareness. In fact, becoming more self-aware has massively improved my quality of life, brought me emotional stability, and helped me feel strongly connected to life. But the truth is, nobody is born with self-awareness. Let's take a look at how to detect when we’re lacking in this crucial skill and what we can do to improve self-awareness. What does it mean to lack self-awareness? Psychologists say that there are two types of self-awareness: internal self-awareness refers to knowing your values, emotions, strengths, and blind spots. When we lack internal self-awareness, we’re out of tune with our emotions, motivations, and patterns. Then there’s external self-awareness, which is the ability to understand how others perceive us and the impact we make on them. If we lack external self-awareness, we’ll most likely have poor boundaries, and either be people-pleasers or find ourselves involved in interpersonal conflict more often than not. The good news is that like all other life skills, self-awareness can be developed. But first, let’s explore some of the tell-tale signs of poor self-awareness. Not listening to others is a sign of no self-awareness 10 signs someone has low self-awareness Due to the nature of poor self-awareness, it's usually hard for those that have it to even entertain the idea of it, let alone become fully conscious of it. Knowing these symptoms or signs is a useful place to become aware of your – or someone else's – possible lack of self-awareness. 1. They’re blind to their blind spots One of the clearest signs of having no self-awareness is a lack of personal reflection. People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes – and blaming others for poor outcomes – because they’ve never examined the root of their actions or the role they played in keeping unhealthy patterns alive. And when someone isn’t aware of their blind spots, they’re creating barriers to their own growth. 2. They act first, regret later Impulsivity tends to be high when self-awareness is low, as people with no self-awareness are usually driven by temporary emotions, without considering long-term consequences or the bigger picture. “People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes because they’ve never examined the root of their actions.” These individuals often live in reaction mode rather than in intention mode, which over time can create a cycle of impulsivity, frustration, and pattern repetition – as well as collateral damage. 3. They respond defensively to feedback While emotionally mature people see feedback as fuel for growth, emotionally unaware individuals feel threatened by it. Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject. This is because lack of self-awareness usually goes hand-in-hand with a fragile self-concept, where feedback is seen as a judgement on personal worth and value. 4. They frequently blame others People with a lack of self-awareness often externalise blame. When things go wrong, they quickly find the cause in someone else’s incompetence or bad intentions. This mindset keeps people stuck in a victim narrative, which makes it difficult to access real empowerment. 5. They can’t read social cues Social interactions are filled with subtle signals that guide respectful communication, but those with no self-awareness often miss these cues. They may interrupt others, misread the mood or tone of the conversation, or fail to notice discomfort in others. In short, lack of self-awareness is a sign of underdeveloped social intelligence. 6. Constantly seeking the spotlight Poor self-awareness can show as steering every conversation back to oneself or undervaluing other people’s experiences and achievements. This reflects a need for validation as well as a disconnection from the deeper self, which makes people mistake external recognition for internal value. Those who lack self-awareness have controlling tendencies 7. They’re stuck in their comfort zone There’s no way around it: growth requires discomfort, and those unaware of their fears or unconscious patterns often prefer to stay safe and comfortable. Instead of seeking new learning opportunities, people with a lack of self-awareness stick to what they know and resist anything that challenges their self-concept and/or status. 8. They lack emotional regulation Emotional regulation is a skill built on self-awareness. Without it, people may lash out when stressed, overreact to small frustrations, or shut down when conflict appears. This lack of regulation is often tied to not recognising emotions and internal triggers early enough to address them and to respond to with intention. 9. They have controlling tendencies Controlling habits like micro-managing people or situations often disguise themselves as “helpfulness” or “efficiency,” but they reflect a lack of trust in one’s own and in other people’s abilities. “Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject.” What’s more, low self-awareness makes it hard to recognise how this behaviour undermines other people’s autonomy, perpetuating the pattern and damaging relationships. 10. They frequently offend or upset others People who have a lack of self-awareness fail to distinguish honesty from bluntness. They may boast about being “brutally honest” or say they “tell it like it is”, but without considering timing, tone, or context, these unfiltered remarks create emotional distance and even resentment in others. Truth can be expressed with compassion – but only when we’re self aware. RELATED: How to Let Go of Resentment and Bitterness in 7 Steps Causes of low self-awareness Here are a few reasons why someone may have a lack of self-awareness – people that have little or no self-awareness may have been exposed to one or more of these causes: • Defence mechanisms Self-awareness brings us face-to face with some uncomfortable truths. To avoid the discomfort, some people may prefer to avoid the revelations that come with stronger self-awareness. • Privilege When people are shielded from adversity, they may never feel called to explore their inner world and to work on their internal self-awareness, as they assume “all is well and it will always be”. • Poor modelling We’re not born being self-aware, so if our upbringing or culture didn’t encourage reflection or introspection, we might grow up lacking in this respect. • Busy or disorganised lifestyle When daily life is stressful or chaotic, it’s easier to live on auto-pilot than to set time aside to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and reactions. How to improve self-awareness Luckily, self-awareness is a like muscle that can be trained. Here are some great starting points: Find out where you are currently. Take the self-awareness test developed by Dr. Tasha Eurich. Try journaling techniques. Write about your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to events. Here are some prompts you could use: “What triggered me today?” “What could I have done differently?” “How did my actions today align (or not) with my values?”. You can also try shadow work journaling. Ask for feedback. Choose a friend or relative you trust and ask: “What’s one thing I do that you appreciate, and what’s one thing I do that sometimes rubs you the wrong way?” Go into these conversations to listen and to accept the responses, not to defend yourself. The next point is also essential if you do this. Work on your listening skills. Whenever you talk to someone, focus on active listening by giving them your full attention instead of disconnecting to mentally rehearse your reply or steering the conversation towards yourself. This may seem obvious, but research shows that less than 2% of the global population knows how to listen effectively. Deep listening is one step to becoming more self-aware Socialise from a place of curiosity. Ask open-ended questions about other people’s opinions, feelings, and experiences (“What was that like for you?” or “How did you come to that conclusion?”). After, reflect on what this teaches you, how it makes other people valuable, and where it challenges your own assumptions. Think before you act. Before letting unconscious mechanisms dictate your reactions, pause to unpack your thought process step-by-step. Ask yourself the following questions: “What did I actually see or hear – just the facts?” “How am I interpreting this, and why?” “What assumptions am I making about intent or outcome?” “What conclusions am I jumping to?” “What other explanations could there be?” “How will I respond?”. Dealing with someone with low self-awareness Since limited self-awareness is so common, you’re bound to have someone in your social or professional circle who isn’t self-aware. According to a Harvard Business Review survey of different workplaces, 99% of people interviewed said at least one of their colleagues showed lack of self-awareness. Although you can’t do the inner work for others, there are some things you can do to keep the interactions as harmonious as possible. MORE LIKE THIS How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques 9 Tips For Constructive Criticism at Work How to Find Yourself Again: 10 Steps in Creating Clarity For example, to minimise defensiveness and encourage introspection, approach with curiosity and avoid direct judgment. Instead of saying “you’re so harsh”, ask open-ended questions like “what exactly would you like to transmit with this?”, “do you think there could be another way to express this?”, or “how would you like other people to think about you?”. Timing is important, so ideally you want to start this type of conversation once the person has shown some frustration at a situation or interaction where they’ve shown no self-awareness. Lastly, know your boundaries. If interacting with someone who has no self-awareness becomes draining, tell them, “I need a moment to process this”. A firm but polite boundary protects your energy while signalling the impact without blame. Takeaway: Self-awareness can be trained Self-awareness isn’t a gift — it’s a skill we can all develop by cultivating curiosity, courage, and compassion. Every intentional check-in and every honest reflection counts when it comes to improving our levels of internal and external self-awareness. And although it’s true that the work needed to develop better self-awareness can expose some uncomfortable truths about ourselves, the rewards are well worth it. As Dr. Eurich says, “developing self-awareness is linked to greater confidence, increased creativity, better decision-making, stronger relationships, and more effective communication.” So, if you live with a lack of self-awareness and you’d like to be more aligned with your truest self and enjoy more grounded living, start by knowing yourself at a deeper level, one day at the time. ● Images: shutterstock/mentalmind, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Communication Skills | Positive Psychology | Self care | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Sonia Vadlamani explores why making yourself a priority is an essential form of self-care. Learn how to put yourself first guilt-free with these 6 science-backed methods. Plus, get inspired for self-prioritization with some well-known 'put yourself first' quotes. For me, the need to put myself first began with a late-night phone call from a panicked former boss. It was close to 11pm on one of my leave days. I answered reluctantly, only to hear my ex-boss shouting about an incomplete presentation that wasn’t my responsibility – for a client meeting I wasn’t even a part of. “They left it incomplete,” she barked, “and I need your help right now to finish it. My meeting depends on this.” For context, I’d worked on the initial presentation that had helped bring this client in, but not since. Despite my will, my first instinct was to say, “Yes, of course! What do you need?” However, I stopped halfway through to ask myself: 'What’s compelling me to say yes when all I want to do is curl up in bed with a book? ' The answer was shockingly plain – I’d fallen into the habit of putting the needs of others before prioritizing myself. This often left me with burnout and exhaustion, not to mention the frustration and resentment of letting myself down. So, I mustered the courage and told my power-hungry former-boss: “Sorry, I can’t help you. I was just about to head to bed. All the best with your presentation, though.” Prioritize Yourself: Self-care and practice self-compassion While saying this wasn’t easy, it helped me identify an unhelpful pattern I'd carried for years. As I noticed the different scenarios where I put others first – often at the cost of my mental and emotional wellbeing – it became painfully clear that I needed to build healthy boundaries, not just at the workplace but in my personal life as well. The other surprising lesson: it’s important to consider your own needs and put yourself first sometimes in order to be more genuinely helpful for others. The oxygen mask analogy from airline safety makes complete sense in this context – you can only assist others after your own oxygen supply is secured! Similarly, we’re better equipped to care for others only once our own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing are in check. Indeed, prioritizing yourself is essential. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha Yet, many of us have somehow convinced ourselves that going above and beyond to fulfill others’ needs is what makes us “better” humans. Experts caution, however, that selflessness can turn into self-sabotage if left unchecked. What is Healthy Selfishness? Contrary to the common perception, healthy selfishness isn’t about neglecting your loved ones or abandoning responsibilities in a narcissistic pursuit. Rather, it’s about realizing that making yourself the priority forms the foundation for everything else in life to function smoothly. You can envision this concept as the difference between a vessel that is replenished and overflowing versus one that’s been drained of its essence. MORE LIKE THIS: When to End a Friendship and How to Do it With Kindness Self-Validation: How to Validate Yourself in 5 Steps I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? Interestingly, psychology experts describe healthy selfishness and pathological altruism as the two paradoxical forms of selfishness, underlining that not all selfishness is necessarily bad, and not all altruism is essentially good. Practicing healthy selfishness, in fact, plays a key role in shaping our sense of self and helping us determine our preferences for people and activities we prefer to engage with (or step away from). “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Jack Kornfield, Buddhist teacher and author As Dr Scott Barry Kaufman, professor of psychology at Columbia University and host of The Psychology Podcast, suggests, “Loving people have love toward themselves, and it is precisely this affirmation of their own unique self, happiness, growth, and freedom that allows them to love others.” Why is making yourself a priority important? Indeed, it’s true that selflessness – through acts of kindness, radical empathy, and volunteering – can boost happiness. A comprehensive study by psychologists from four universities across Canada revealed that generosity can even improve resilience during challenging times. Put yourself first by setting healthy boundaries However, healthy selfishness isn’t about halting acts of kindness or withdrawing care from others. It simply means prioritizing your own well-being by extending the same kindness and care to yourself first so that you can be in a better position - physically, mentally, and emotionally – to help others. Prioritizing yourself in healthy ways ensures that you feel more fulfilled and happier overall, more present in your relationships, more productive at work, and more resilient during tough times. How to Put Yourself First: 6 Strategies Psychologist Ronald Stolberg describes healthy selfishness as taking charge of meeting your physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. Here are some practical ways I’ve learnt to put myself first without feeling guilty, and you should try them too. 1. Cultivate self-compassion Developing empathy and a kind relationship with yourself is one of the most crucial aspects of putting yourself first. Research even suggests that self-compassion is a strong indicator of overall wellbeing. Practicing self-compassion involves: Acknowledging the myriad emotions you experience, without rushing to fix them. Accepting that mistakes make us human. Speaking to yourself with the same kindness you’d show a loved one. Forgiving yourself for past mistakes. 2. Set and maintain healthy boundaries Establishing clear limits across different aspects of your life – and communicating the same to those around you – is essential for wellbeing. According to Lydia Hall, the eminent nursing theorist who developed Care, Cure, Core, it’s important to regard healthy boundaries as “fences, not walls” – that enable connection while “protecting your personal space.” Here’s what healthy boundaries can look like: Communicating your needs and preferences clearly with romantic partners, family, or friends. Conveying the need for maintaining individual interests and friendships to your romantic partner so that neither partner feels they’ve lost their identity in the relationship. At the workplace, defining your work hours and refraining from checking emails when not at work. Learning to delegate tasks, which a study of almost 11,000 leaders worldwide found to be a gamechanger for reducing stress and preventing burnout. Taking regular breaks from work and daily chores to indulge in activities that you enjoy. 3. Master the art of saying no While saying no can seem daunting, it’s an effective way to create boundaries to stop feeling overwhelmed and emotionally overloaded. Remember, disappointing someone temporarily by saying no is far healthier than burning yourself out trying to accommodate everyone else’s needs. “Self-love is an ocean, and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.” Beau Taplin, Author The reality is that by making yourself a priority, each “no” now means saying “yes” to something you appreciate more. For instance, declining a social event or turning down a coffee invite from an energy vampire helps you create space for doing what you love instead. MORE LIKE THIS: 8 Essential Life Lessons From RuPaul Charles How to Find Happiness Within: 5 Ways to Build Inner Joy Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity 4. Make self-care a part of your daily routine There’s more to self-care than bubble teas, face masks, and spa days. It’s a vital part of putting yourself first without feeling guilty, given that a lack of self-care has been shown to cause burnout and compassion fatigue. Including self-care in your daily routine can look like: Including ten minutes of conscious breathing exercises or mindful meditation in your day. Taking care of your physical health through regular exercise, nutritious meals, and restful sleep of at least 7 hours. Sparing a few minutes for gratitude journaling to appreciate everything you have going for you. Stepping out for short strolls during a hectic workday. Setting aside time for hobbies like gardening, knitting, or anything else that sparks joy. Spending time with friends who uplift and energize you. Checking in with your mental health regularly and asking for help when needed. 5. Seek balance Indeed, acts of kindness and volunteering for causes you care about can boost happiness and make life more meaningful. However, helping others should never happen at the cost of your peace of mind, strain your closest relationships, or hinder your work. The key is to find balance – devise a win-win approach where your generosity results in positive experiences for everyone while leaving you fulfilled; not weighed down. All smiles: make yourself a priority 6. Invest in your future self Investing in your personal growth and goals is a fundamental aspect of healthy selfishness. While there's no magic recipe to ensure all your goals are achieved with ease, you can begin by setting so-called SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound). “You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” Eleanor Brown, Author Indeed, goal setting isn’t the end of the story but an ongoing process. Review your progress periodically and revisit the ones you couldn’t focus on earlier. Don’t forget to celebrate small wins and any milestones along the way. Takeaway: How to Put Yourself First Shifting your perspective to healthy selfishness and self-prioritization is the first step toward putting yourself first. Know that looking after your interests should be instinctive, not a luxury. Remember, healthy selfishness is all about being self-focused, not “self-absorbed.” Putting yourself first doesn’t harm others or halt progress. Instead, it simply means that you’re pausing to recharge so you can bring your A-game to everything you do and be your best, authentic self. Find inspiration from our words and 'put yourself first' quotes and start prioritizing yourself! ● Images ShotPrime Studio, Nadia Snopek, Dima Berlin happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self care | Empathy | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Failure to self-validate can lead to problems such as impulsive behaviour and the inability to manage emotional responses. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explores why many of us fail at it and explains how to validate yourself successfully in 5 steps. Most of us are great at validating others. We acknowledge their emotions, recognize effort and success, and support individualism and self-expression. However, the majority of us are equally lousy at self-validation. We all get angry, disappointed, sad, jealous, scared, demotivated. Ideally, one would accept and be able to regulate these emotions. Instead, many people immediately think: “I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m being ridiculous!” As a result, coping with different experiences becomes exceptionally challenging. Reactions seem to be out of control. If you struggle with similar issues, you probably haven’t mastered the art of self-validation. The ability – or inability – to validate ourselves intertwines with much of what we go through in life. In this article, we'll give you five ways to develop self-validation, so you can get to grips with this essential skill. Why self-validation is essential In simple terms, self-validation is accepting your own internal experience: your thoughts and feelings. Validation and self-validation are widely acknowledged problems in psychology, philosophy , and sociology. The roots of the problem of self-validation lie in the vital human need to be recognized and supported. According to Iser’s work in The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, recognition has critical psychological importance. Others’ feedback is essential for one’s practical identity to form. We could also touch upon Hegel’s concept of ‘struggle for recognition’. In its simplest, it points us towards understanding the source of our need to be validated. When we are misrecognized by others, our relationship with ourselves is hindered, or even destroyed. Self-validation means accepting your thoughts and feelings Such strength of humans’ need to be validated by others led many thinkers to voice the significance of self-validation. Rare is a psychologist or a philosopher that would dispute the ultimate value of autonomy and authenticity. The independence that comes with the capacity to be one’s own judge could be expressed with a quote by Fromm: “Obedience to my own reason or conviction (autonomous obedience) is not an act of submission but one of affirmation. My conviction and my judgment, if authentically mine, are part of me. If I follow them rather than the judgment of others, I am being myself.” - Erich Fromm, On Disobedience. What happens if I lack self-validation skills? In slightly more practical terms, the inability to self-validate can lead to a range of adverse outcomes: negating your thoughts and emotions can lead to a paradoxical effect in which you become even more affected by them, as research has demonstrated. When you deny and suppress your inner experiences, you lose control over them. You could think of it as an instruction to not think about a pink elephant. Your cognition still rests on the negated content. You could face many adversities in your personal and professional life because a lack of self-validation can cause impulsive behaviour and emotional dysregulation. You could be more prone to risky behaviours, addictions, eating disorders, to name a few. “Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged. That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed.” Your interpersonal skills could also suffer, leading to a range of other problems in your career or relationships. Your love life and friendships could be chaotic, codependent, and intensely challenging for everyone involved. Finally, you might be vulnerable to depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, PTSD, and other emotional disturbances. When you cannot validate yourself, you are driven to maladaptive coping. This, however, eventually leads you far away from well-being and mental health. Why do we have a hard time to self-validate? There is no definitive response to the question above. If you don't know how to validate yourself, a few things could have happened: i) Attachment styles If the inborn need to be safe, cared for, and recognized was unfulfilled, we might have become unable to self-validate. For example, you might have developed an anxious attachment style. How your parents interacted with you as a child serves as a blueprint for your adult relationships. MORE LIKE THIS: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds Radical Self Care: 8 Ways to Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work You might not have learned to be self-sufficient and recognize your worth. As children, we need adequate support from our caregivers to develop a sense of security about our emotions, decisions and actions. Research reveals that people with an anxious attachment style have a strong need for social approval. In other words, they need others to validate them. ii) Modelling Another option was that your caregivers did not make it possible for you to mimic self-validation. When we are children, we acquire many traits and habits by modelling. If your primary attachment figure invalidated themselves, you probably learned to do the same. Research shows that emotional and behavioural self-validation and self-regulation are skills that are transferred from parent to child. iii) Adult trauma You might also have started doubting yourself due to a traumatic experience at any point in your life. Both anecdotal reports and scientific studies confirm that being a victim of abuse, for example, could make you doubt your self-efficacy and self-worth. Most importantly, your readiness to accept, experience and address your emotions could have been disturbed. When one is in an abusive relationship, for example, they gradually lose their sovereignty. Self-validation becomes a distant memory. How to Self-Validate: 5 Steps Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged: That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed. Even if your early experience geared you towards invalidating yourself, you now have the opportunity to change that. Try these 5 techniques to develop self-validation. 1. Practise mindfulness Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen, to validate them. Being present is the first level of validation. This means acknowledging your inner experience without avoidance or distraction. Mindfulness will help you regain grasp over your emotions and build up strength to cope with them. It's possible to develop self-validation skills Evidence from fMRI studies supports this argument. Individuals who were grieving a loss of a loved one were taught mindfulness techniques for eight weeks. When they were tested afterwards, their scores revealed a significantly better ability to regulate emotions. They also had fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and grief. fMRI suggested that the participants learned to gain cognitive control over their feelings. They were no longer overwhelmed by them. 2. Be brutally honest with yourself Being imperfect stings, we know. Indeed, accepting imperfection is difficult for most people, especially so if they were taught that being great at something equals being worthy. If your parents and social environment were too demanding, it might have resulted in unhealthy perfectionism. Such a form of perfectionism has adverse effects on mental health, as confirmed in empirical research. If your sense of self-worth is equated to being flawless, you might have a tough time even noticing (let alone accepting) your blemishes. Nonetheless, when you want to learn the art of self-validation, you need to be brutally frank with yourself. MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques Notice the emotions and thoughts you don’t feel proud of. Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Own up to your genuine reactions and experiences. Yes, there will be many unpleasant facts. It’s alright – no one is watching! 3. Develop your emotional intelligence Although there are a few relevant emotional intelligence (EI) models, psychologist Daniel Goleman’s work is among the most popular. He proposes that EI consists of five constructs: self-awareness, self-regulation, social skill (being able to get along with others), empathy, and motivation. You can notice how EI is necessary for your ability to self-validate. With EI comes the ability to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Luckily, EI is a skill that can be learned. Therefore, learning how to validate yourself means you must also start developing your EI. “Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen.” When you can accurately name what you're feeling, you can then start to acknowledge and accept your emotional response. As a result, you will build healthy relationships with others without needing their recognition to feel good or motivated. You will build emotional autonomy. 4. Connect with your body’s responses Some people have grown so detached from their inner world that they need to tap into their bodily reactions first. In this regard, some elements of body-centred psychotherapies could be used. According to this group of approaches to psychotherapy, the body is not just something we have. We are our bodies. This means we live as a whole, as an inseparable totality of body and mind. When we learn to validate who we are and what we experience, we should include our body’s responses into the equation. Where are your emotions? What does your body do when you feel in a certain way? How does it respond to people and events? What is it trying to tell you about yourself? You could try a body awareness meditation to help you get started. A combination of body awareness with mindfulness and accurate, honest reflection we suggested above will help you develop a sense of being rooted inside of your own experience. Use meditation to connect with body's responses 5. Self-validate by acknowledging your past experiences The final piece of advice in developing self-validation skills is to learn how to validate yourself by acknowledging your past experiences. They fused within yourself and made you into who you are now. You need to practise recognizing both positive and adverse experiences – and their consequences. How will this help you practise self-validation? Let's say that you had an intense reaction to your partner’s criticism of something you did. Try not to think: “You acted like a madman there!” You could self-validate this reaction by saying: “It’s understandable that you felt this way. Your mother/father would punish you harshly for failures, and you are still overly sensitive to criticism”. Such a validation does not mean that you condone erratic behaviour. It means that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. You also name the emotion and understand its cause. These are the first steps to get into a self-validating mindset. Additionally, these are the first steps towards growing as a person. These five steps build up towards self-validation development as taught in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). According to DBT, there are three steps to validate yourself and your emotions – acknowledge, accept and understand. This worksheet could help you practice self-validation in everyday situations, as well as with more intense or past emotions. The Takeaway: Self-validate to Autonomy Self-validation is freedom. Freedom to experience life as it is: both the beautiful and the ugly. It gives you self-determination in picking your path. You get to do it independently of others’ influence, be it conscious or subconscious. When you learn to rely on yourself for validation, you gain the liberty to be genuine and own your experiences. Therefore, in the spirit of autonomy that we are propagating here, we invite you – acknowledge yourself and allow your authentic Self to exist! • Images: shutterstock/Victoria Chadinova, shutterstock/G-Stock Studio, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Anatoliy Karlyuk happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Chi (qi) energy is our essential flow of life force energy. Rachel Markowitz explores the signs of imbalance and ways to restore chi balance through traditional techniques, including qigong, acupuncture, massage, and breathwork. “Feel your chi between your hands and begin to shape it into a ball,” instructed a young, short, bubbly woman to a room full of skeptical students, including myself, who inadvertently ended up in her 'Intro to Tai Chi' workshop. After self-consciously glancing around the room, I rubbed my hands together as shown to create heat and friction. With closed eyes, I guided my palms together and then apart, noticing a perceivable stretchiness or magnetism between them. Then, I imagined forming a ball – and, to my shock, felt a tangible sphere of energy between my hands. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, this workshop served as a doorway – not only to learn about chi energy, but also to connect to the physical world in a way I had never experienced. More importantly, it gave me the confidence that we can all learn to sense chi. Let’s begin together by learning about the basics of chi energy and how to feel and balance this vital current. What is Chi? Chi, or qi, is the name given to an essential flow of life force energy that permeates our bodies and the world that surrounds us. In the body, chi energy flows through channels called meridians. Each meridian line is related to certain aspects of ourselves. Thus, through various practices and habits to cultivate and balance chi, we can promote a healthy flow of energy and overall well-being. RELATED: The Essentials of Energy Healing: 10 Techniques 5 Techniques to Balance Chakras and Unblock Energy Flows Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect The concept of chi is firmly rooted in Chinese culture and plays a major role in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and martial arts. However, the presence of an all-pervading energy linked to holistic well-being runs as a common thread through most ancient cultures. Chi energy: our essential flow of life force For example, the same energy that the Chinese call chi is known in yogic philosophy as prana and in Japanese as ki (as in Reiki). In ancient Egypt, it was known as ka; Polynesian culture calls this force mana, and some simply refer to it as Spirit. Regardless of name, chi is the energy found in all of existence; it’s the age-old mysterious miracle that gives us breath and, therefore, life. By learning to feel and move chi, we cultivate a better connection to ourselves, others, and the universe. The Benefits of Balancing Chi Balancing chi energy can help with a variety of ailments in the body. However, we don’t need to wait until we’re sick to work towards a healthy flow of chi. Benefits of balanced chi energy include: Physical Strength Working with chi helps us distribute our life force power in an efficient way and feel fully embodied. Balancing chi can remedy physical ailments and injuries by supporting the body’s immune system and natural healing abilities. Mental Clarity When chi is blocked, we may feel mentally foggy or lethargic. Balanced chi manifests as a focused, attentive, and non-distracted mind. Emotional Stability In Chinese medicine, emotional balance is connected to physical and mental health, as all are a reflection of balanced chi. Furthermore, medical research has found that chi-based movement practices can ease depression and anxiety, amongst other mood-enhancing benefits. Connection to the Elements Chi is the invisible force that connects us to the natural world and our place within it. When chi is balanced, we feel comfortable in our surroundings. Connection to a Higher Power When we begin to feel and perceive chi, our awareness opens to a space beyond the physical body and the individual “I,” enhancing spiritual well-being. Signs Your Chi is Out of Balance Essentially, any physical, emotional, or recurring challenge in life could be attributed to unbalanced chi energy. According to TCM, chi manifests in various forms, and is closely associated with two opposite yet interconnected complementary forces – yin and yang. When yin – associated with femininity, darkness, and contraction, –is balanced with yang – associated with masculinity, lightness, and expansiveness – we experience harmony in life. “Chi, or qi, is the name given to an essential flow of life force energy that permeates our bodies and the world that surrounds us.” That being said, yin and yang are constantly fluctuating and changing in a dance of balance versus imbalance. Fortunately, our bodies and minds signal to us when something is not quite right. Signs that your chi energy may be out of balance include: Physical weakness or low stamina Allergies, a poor immune system, or the tendency to catch common colds and flus Poor digestion, IBS Emotional instability, insecurity, or self-doubt Disconnection from others or from nature An overall sense that something feels “off” How Can I Balance My Chi? 5 Traditional Techniques If you feel like you might be experiencing symptoms of unbalanced yin and yang, the following practices, based in TCM, work to regulate and manipulate the flow of chi energy, increasing health and vitality. 1. Qigong Qigong (also written as chi gong) encompasses a variety of techniques intended to harness chi and distribute it throughout the body. Qigong practices incorporate movement, breath, and concentration. While some types of qigong focus on healing the physical body, others promote spiritual wholeness. Tai chi, another closely related body-mind practice, is a martial art that originates from Qigong. Qigong is an ancient chi-balancing practice 2. Acupuncture Acupuncture works by stimulating acupressure points that relate to different parts of the body, using thin needles. An acupuncturist will identify chi imbalances and release blockages or increase energetic flow to certain meridians or body parts through these points. 3. Breathing Techniques Since our breath is our life force, we work directly with chi by controlling the breath. As previously mentioned, breathing is an integral part of a qigong practice. “Balancing chi energy can help with a variety of ailments in the body. However, we don’t need to wait until we’re sick to work towards a healthy flow of chi.” However, qigong breathing exercises on their own, or any other pranayama or conscious breathing techniques, can help to balance and regulate chi. If you’re new to intentional breathing, a good place to begin is with diaphragmatic breathing – slowly taking full, deep ”belly breaths,” with fixed length inhalations and exhalations. 4. Massage Like a trained acupuncturist, a skilled massage therapist will be able to read your body, identify energetic patterns that might be causing imbalance, and help increase or redirect chi. TCM massage techniques include: Tui Na: A traditional therapeutic massage that targets acupressure points in the body to improve circulation of blood and chi. Cupping: Using cups to create a vacuum seal on the skin, increasing blood flow and detoxifying the body, moving blocked chi energy. Reflexology: Stimulating acupressure points, primarily in the feet, hands, and ears, that correspond to certain body organs or health systems Cupping therapy is used to balance chi energy 5. Lifestyle Adjustments Along with physical exercises, our eating habits, living environments (feng shui), and maintaining healthy sleep patterns contribute to balanced chi energy. Furthermore, TCM specialists often recommend herbal medicines to improve deficiencies or excesses of certain qualities in the body. How to Balance Chi at Home If you’re curious about understanding or balancing chi and are not inclined to see a specialist, the following practices you can do by yourself can help you connect. Experiment with feeling your own energy. Take an introductory qigong or tai chi class, in person or online. Once you learn a few basic exercises, you can continue a daily practice on your own, cultivating a relationship with chi in your body and the environment. Practice meditation. By committing a small amount of time each day to breathing intentionally while simply doing “nothing,” we relax the mind, calm the nervous system, and coax the body to come to a space of natural peace and balanced energy. Eat, sleep, and exercise regularly – with moderation. According to Daoism, an ancient system of Chinese spiritual and philosophical belief, the key to a healthy, balanced life is taking “the middle way.” Thus, if you’re inclined towards laziness or extreme intensity, keep in mind that even small, intentional changes in daily habits help us to cultivate chi flow and become aware of its presence. Takeaway: What is Chi Energy? Chi is the link between our internal and external environments, the microcosm and the macrocosm, and our worldly and spiritual experiences. When our chi energy is unbalanced, we often experience ailments or challenges. By learning how to balance chi through intentional practices, personal habits, and therapies, we can experience physical health, mental clarity, emotional stability, and the interconnectedness of all aspects of life. ● Images: Sasha.shine.bright, Nikki Zalewski, Andrey_Popov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Energy Healing | Western Medicine | Holistic Medicine Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Being your authentic self can feel risky in our current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s essential to let go of the fear of being judged in order to be yourself. Learn how to be authentic with these 8 techniques. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability for authenticity. Luckily, there are techniques you can learn how to be more authentic, which we will explore later. Why is it Difficult to Overcome Inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviours which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. RELATED: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. Authentic Self Meaning “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. How to be authentic: embrace who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. How to be Authentic: 8 Techniques Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. So, here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity and learn how to be your authentic self more easily. 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for finding our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which values make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening, and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviours and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously said. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, learning how to be authentic is not always easy when it comes to the practicalities; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship. RELATED: 'Who Am I?' A Practical Guide to Self-Inquiry Radical Self Care: 8 Ways To Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically Uncomfortable Truths – How to Say 'No' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who share the same values, and those who you feel comfortable with. Cultivate authenticity by setting boundaries 4. Instill mindfulness If you're curious how to find happiness, mindfulness can help you find contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall joy levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Learning how to be authentic is not always easy; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a job switch, or even ending a friendship.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 6. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Furthermore, practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion cultivates authenticity 7. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 8. Set goals for constant learning Staying curious, developing a growth mindset, and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals should not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – research shows that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness more than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. The Takeaway: How To Be Authentic While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. ● Images: shutterstock/ESB Basic, shutterstock/imtmphoto, shutterstock/GoodStudio Looking how to find your authentic self? Try the 8 techniques above and let us know in the comments below how it goes or if you have any other suggestions. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Moral Courage | Mediation | Coaching Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Many energy-based healing therapies – such as acupuncture and reflexology – originate from ancient Eastern traditions and have been increasingly incorporated into Western medicine, despite scepticism. Rachel Markowitz explores 10 popular energy healing techniques that aim to restore balance, reduce stress, and support holistic well-being. Energy healing techniques are based on the principle that physical and mental complications in the body are manifestations of restricted, blocked, or unbalanced energy. Although the Western medical community often shows skepticism towards energy healing, many of these practices originated in ancient times and are still widely accepted and integrated into modern medicine worldwide. Let’s explore the idea of energy healing and examine some well-established, time-tested energy medicine practices. Energy Healing: Definition The term energy healing, also known as energy medicine or energy therapy, encompasses a variety of healing techniques that strengthen and balance the energetic body to achieve holistic well-being. According to the U.S. National Institute of Health’s Library of Medicine, energy healing is defined as a “complex intervention” that serves to enhance a patient’s wholeness. Although we sometimes categorize energy healing as an alternative to allopathic medicine, healthcare options don’t necessarily fall into “either/or” categories. For example, the National Cancer Institute (NCI) defines energy healing not only as alternative medicine, but also as complementary medicine to support well-being alongside conventional medical treatment. Energy medicine helps maintain the body’s natural state, contributing to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Therefore, even without specific health problems, we can include energy healing practices in a proactive, overall wellness plan. The History of Energy Healing Energy-based healing practices date back thousands of years, and the first well-documented traditions and practices originate from Eastern traditions – most notably, Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and Ayurveda, ancient India’s science of holistic health. Qigong is an energy healing practice derived from Traditional Chinese Medicine Although energy points, pathways, and therapies vary between these two systems and other Indigenous traditions, energy medicine practices from around the world suggest that a being’s overall health is strongly linked to a field of vital energy in and around the body. In fact, most modern-day energy healing practices are rooted in ancient knowledge and integrate the energetic concepts and maps outlined by our ancestors into modalities that feel relevant today. Energy Healing Techniques The field of energy medicine is vast and growing, and energy healers use techniques ranging from crystal healing and aromatherapy to aura cleansing and quantum healing. That being said, if you’re curious about energy healing, the following list provides an overview of the more traditional and well-known therapies for further research and exploration. Despite energy’s inability to be seen or scientifically measured, medical studies and patient reports suggest that energy therapies can help reduce physical pain and stress while promoting mental and emotional clarity. 1. Traditional Chinese Medicine According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), energy – called qi or chi – flows through channels in the body called meridians, and energetic (acupressure) points in the body correspond to different organs and systems. Based on these lines and points, we can move and balance chi for optimal health. Healing techniques originating from TCM include: Qigong (Chi Gong A variety of practices intended to increase and move energy (qi or chi) in the body. Traditions of qigong are extensive and include medical qigong, martial arts, and spiritual practices. Acupuncture: Lightly inserting small needles into specific points to balance energy and clear blockages. An accepted healing practice in the West, research at Harvard Medical School links acupuncture’s healing ability to neuroanatomy. Reflexology and Massage: Applying pressure to specific points on the hands, feet, and ears, which, according to TCM, contain maps of body parts and internal organs. 2. Ayurvedic Therapies In India, Ayurveda, which translates to the “the science of life,” is still commonly practiced today alongside conventional medicine. Similar to TCM, in Ayurveda, energy (called prana) moves through channels in the body (called nadis). “Energy healing techniques are based on the principle that physical and mental complications in the body are manifestations of restricted, blocked, or unbalanced energy.” According to Ayurveda, each individual has a unique energetic composition, and ayurvedic practices like marma therapy (stimulating energetic points), Ayurvedic massage, and personalized practices can help provide balance to an individual’s unique constitution. Acupuncture is one of the most popular energy healing techniques in the West 3. Pranic Healing The term pranic healing can refer to two distinct, but related concepts: According to Indian philosophy, we can harness and balance prana through yoga and meditation practices, breathing techniques, and mudras (energetic seals), per traditional yogic teachings. Pranic Healing is also the name given to a specific set of no-touch energy healing practices developed in the late 1980s by a Filipino spiritual teacher. These practices promote physical and mental health, along with spiritual growth, and are influenced by in Indian, Chinese, and Tibetan traditions. 4. Shamanic Healing Shamanism, typically associated with Indigenous cultures, facilitates healing by inducing a trance state that allows a person to connect to spiritual realms and guides. Shamanic healing often takes place through ceremonies or guided journeys, which could include drumming, breathwork, song, or plant medicine. Shamanic healing, like other energy medicine traditions, sees spiritual health and physical health as deeply integrated. RELATED: What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey What is the Peyote Cactus and is it Legal? 5. Reiki Reiki, which translates to “universal life force energy,” originated in Japan in the early 1900s and is amongst the most popular energy healing methods practised today. A Reiki healer becomes attuned to Reiki energy passed down through direct lineage. In a session the healer uses their hands, on or off a patient’s body, to encourage an inherent self-healing ability. Reiki is a popular energy medicine, despite uncertainty about its benefits Different lineages of Reiki offer slightly different healing protocols that may utilize symbols, mantras, meditations, or other practices to offer healing. This can be facilitated directly or from a distance. Despite criticism over patients’ reported benefits of Reiki, it has become a complementary therapy in health clinics and hospitals. 6. Healing Touch Like Reiki, Healing Touch is a hands-based energy healing practice, rooted in the idea that each individual has the power to naturally restore a healthy state. It was developed by a Western nurse in the 1980s based on various energy medicine traditions and her professional experience. “Energy-based healing practices date back thousands of years, and the first well-documented traditions and practices originate from Eastern traditions.” In Healing Touch therapy, energy healers use intention, visualization of chakras and auras, and specific procedures to work with a patient’s energy field. Healing Touch is used within the medical community as complementary therapy for physical and psychological treatments, including PTSD. 7. Craniosacral Therapy In craniosacral therapy, practitioners use gentle touch around a patient’s head, neck, and spinal column to balance the energy of the central nervous system. By working with a spinal membranes and fluids, along with subtle rhythms, craniosacral therapy relaxes fascia (connective tissue) and releases tightness around the head, spine, and pelvis. Craniosacral therapy has been demonstrated to relieve pain, as well as enhance the emotional, mental, and overall well-being of patients. 8. Sound Healing The ability to heal ourselves through sound frequency is based on the principle of entrainment – essentially, that we can use sound vibration to alter the length of our brainwaves. Modern-day sound healing sessions often take the form of private or group sound baths using singing bowls, gongs, and/or tuning forks. RELATED: How to Protect Your Enegy – 7 Science-Backed Techniques Unlike many of the techniques listed, experiencing healing through sound doesn’t necessarily require an energy healer. To experiment with self-healing through sound, an online search for binaural beats or isochronic tones will provide a variety of brainwave-altering frequencies to calm the mind, heal the body, or alter states of consciousness. Sound healing employs vibrations to alter brainwave length 9. Emotional Freedom Techniques Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a tapping therapy that uses gentle pressure on points from TCM while focusing on emotions. EFT practitioners help patients in this process, but EFT can also be used for self-healing. Clinical studies have found that EFT positively affects emotional and psychological conditions and also relieves stress and burnout. 10. Chakra Healing Chakra healing includes all practices that work with chakras, a system of concentrated energetic vortexes in the body, to cleanse and balance energy. Since each chakra serves to distribute energy to certain aspects of our physical body, mental attributes, and spiritual pursuits, chakras can serve as gateways to working with practical and intuitive healing methods. Chakra-based healing techniques may include visualization, meditation, and yoga exercises. However, healing based on the chakra system is often incorporated into other energy healing practices such as Reiki and sound healing. Takeaway: Energy Healing Techniques Energy healing methods from across time and space can enhance our inherent ability to restore balance to the body and mind. Although science is not yet able to explain the efficacy of energy medicine, these practices are slowly being integrated into our healthcare system alongside medical healing plans because of their apparent benefits. If you’re curious about utilizing your own life force energy to improve an existing condition or your overall health, learning more about energy medicine or experimenting with the methods above may offer the healing you’re seeking with minimal risk. ● Images antoniodiaz, Microgen, Ulza, People Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Herbalism | Reflexology | Stress Management | Chronic Pain Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Being a perfectionist may make you ambitious, but constantly striving for excellence can lead to anxiety and burnout. Sonia Vadlamani explains why embracing your flaws and accepting imperfections actually allows us to lead happier and more authentic lives. Each one of us has a personality trait or a physical feature that doesn't sit well with us. You may always find yourself inadequately prepared for the big interview, you may feel you’re too curvy to carry off that ‘Gram-worthy outfit, or you may feel your shyness stops you striking up interesting conversations. Seem relatable? Social media spouts perfectionism as an ideal state and our rising social presence may make us believe that we need to be always at our best. By definition, perfectionism is a personality feature that requires one to be or appear perfect, for their own selves or to be perceived by others. It can be identified by the need to set unrealistic expectations, strict self-evaluation, denial regarding one’s flaws in personality or appearance, and an overpowering desire to leave no scope for errors or failure. The idea of embracing your flaws and accept imperfections is seen as an alien concept for perfectionists. Indeed, researcher Karen Horney described perfectionism more simplistically as ‘the tyranny of the should’s’, referring to how it tends to make one extremely critical of their own performance or abilities. The Perilous Side of Perfectionism Perfectionism is often seen as a positive – even desirable – trait, that can lead to growth and success in personal and professional areas. However, in fact, science shows that perfectionism can give rise to stress, anxiety and depression. Furthermore, socially prescribed and self-oriented kinds of perfectionism can even result in self-harm. Learn to embrace your imperfections as part of your uniqueness Being a writer, I understand the perils of constantly chasing perfection. I recognize the pattern now: I’d start by opening multiple tabs containing seemingly crucial bits of information and research, which I felt absolutely needed to be included in an article. Then I’d proceed towards creating a comprehensive piece of writing, entirely ignoring the assigned word-limit and specific outline I needed to adhere to. Halfway through, I’d notice that the article just can’t be an all-encompassing guide, so I’d procrastinate and avoid writing altogether, ultimately feeling like an imposter. RELATED: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope It took utmost dedication on my part to draw awareness towards this problematic routine – until it became clear to me that I was stuck in a perfectionism trap. Over time I trained my subconscious mind to not procrastinate endlessly in the desire for a written piece that’s perfect to the tee. Instead, I eased my standards to fit the client’s requirements and feedback, rather than resorting to my preconceived ideas of perfection. “The first step towards accepting imperfections is to be mindful and shift your perspective regarding how you perceive yourself.” Perfectionism can have detrimental effects on developmental outcomes in individuals of all age groups, warns Katie Rasmussen, a child development and perfection researcher. “As many as two out of five kids and adolescents exhibit the traits of perfectionism”, she says, emphasizing how prevalent the phenomenon currently is in our society. In fact, the idea that sublime excellence and perfection will lead us towards success and happiness might be ingrained into our minds from a young age, and hence letting go of this tendency requires determination and persistence. 6 Ways to Embrace Your Flaws So, how can we how to accept imperfections and flaws? “Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat pretending to be elegant when actually it's just terrified”, says Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the bestselling book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Accepting our fears, flaws, and insecurities as we pursue our dreams can help us carve out an accomplished and meaningful life. Here are six steps you can take towards embracing your imperfections – even celebrating them! 1. Find the positive side in your flaws The first step towards accepting imperfections is to be mindful and shift your perspective regarding how you perceive yourself. Stop viewing yourself as insufficient or lacking in certain areas, and start seeing yourself as a whole being, albeit flawed. Moreover, upon reflection, you may find that your flaws or imperfections offer you a unique edge. MORE LIKE THIS: Positive Body Image: 8 Steps For Developing It Nudism: How it Can Boost Positive Body Image Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques For example, my obsession with writing a perfectly researched article made me aware of my tendency to procrastinate if I don’t find the final written piece to be up to my standards. Instead, now I try to focus on the task at hand by being mindful, while reaffirming to myself that I create good-quality work, otherwise I wouldn’t have had long-term clients. Learning to embrace your flaws and see them as strengths can be a gradual process, but you’ll be able to see yourself in a better perspective by developing self-validation. David Richo, renowned psychotherapist, and author of Wholeness & Holiness recommends including affirmations in one’s daily routine that pertain to letting go of notions of perfection. To begin embracing imperfections, try telling yourself, “I let go of my need to be in control” and “I let go of my need to be correct, first and perfect all the time.” 2. Realize that imperfections make you human Imperfections give you character and make you authentic. Whenever you find yourself getting swayed anew by the portrayal of someone who’s perfectly put-together and efficient, try imagining that individual as a friend, and part of your daily life. You may be surprised by the revelation that their flawlessness might begin to annoy or bore you in no time. In the quest for perfection, many of us try to erase our peculiarities and hide our quirks rather than accept them as a vital part of our personalities. In reality, your sense of being flawed or imperfect may be stemming from self-perception that may highlight only one facet of your personality. Embrace your flaws: imperfections make you human Indeed, you may be completely unaware about how your so-called flaws may offer a sense of wholeness to your persona in the eyes of others. Accepting imperfections by practising self-acceptance allows you to let go of the need to conform to the unrealistic standards you set for yourself, and to be free to lead a meaningful life. 3. Take inspiration from art Letting go of notions of inadequacy or imperfection does not come easy. Which is why we can take inspiration from the art forms around the world, and creators who wished to glorify the transient and erroneous nature of humans. In fact, the concept of ‘perfectly imperfect’ has been propagated in cultures across the world, wherein mistakes are deliberately introduced in artistic works. RELATED: Why We Make Art Turkish carpet weavers leave unidentical patterns in painstakingly handwoven rugs, whereas Indian sculpturers put small dents or slightly misshapen features, all with the belief that true perfection is solely the privilege of the Creator. And the traditional Japanese art of Wabi-Sabi is centered around the philosophy of beauty comprising of impermanence and imperfection, which is why potters consciously introduce asymmetry and unidentical patterns in their works. Similarly, Kintsugi, or the ‘art of golden joinery’ involves mending cracks in pottery with brushed gold instead of hiding them, thus coaxing us to spot beauty in unexpected places by embracing imperfections. 4. Focus on flow state instead of perfection We often mistakenly assume that perfection is a prerequisite for fulfilment of goals. Indeed, goals help us move forward, but they shouldn’t serve as impediments that remind us of what we lack. A Harvard Business Review study concluded that while perfectionism can improve performance, it can also result in elevated anxiety and stress levels, as perfectionists often latch their self-worth to their ability to perform perfectly. “Embracing flaws by practising self-acceptance allows you to let go of the need to conform to the unrealistic standards you set for yourself.” Thus, perfection need not be a grueling punishment or an obsessive behavior that makes us rigid and devoid of fluidity or expression. Instead, we need to embrace our flaws and endeavor to fulfil our goals while still feeling great about ourselves. Setting SMART goals and developing your flow state or rhythm to achieve these goals can ensure greater success – without the need for you to fall into the perfection trap. 5. Surround yourself with positive voices The company we keep and the people we interact with can affect our thought processes and decisions, and hence it’s advisable to surround ourselves with positive minded people who truly accept us, including our flaws and shortcomings. MORE LIKE THIS: What is Shadow Work? 5 Ways to Get Started 31 Shadow Work Prompts For Your Psychological Journey Try These 5 Intimacy Exercises to Deepen Connection Find forums and groups with like-minded individuals, make it a habit to listen to inspiring podcasts, and follow bloggers or websites which keep you bustling forward with accountability, without having to resort to the trappings of perfectionism. 6. Use your imperfections to help others "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places", noted Ernest Hemingway, the renowned novelist. Once you realize that brushing your insecurities aside and accepting your true self makes you authentic, you can also help others understand. Revelling in your vulnerabilities and continuing to put your best work forward by accepting imperfections can inspire others that are feeling impaired by their imperfections. Reaching out to others who may be struggling with accepting their flaws and sharing your experience with them will also help reinforce your learnings towards embracing imperfections. The Takeaway: How to Accept Your Flaws It’s important to understand that your flaws and imperfections make you human. Some of these flaws you may be able to rectify to fulfil your vision or to evolve into a better version of yourself, while some shortcomings are meant to remain a part of you for ever. Indeed, accepting imperfections and embracing your flaws is one of the keys to leading a fulfilling and authentic life! ● Main image: shutterstock/Nat Ulrich, shutterstock/Koldunov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Letting go | Acceptance | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

A wandering mind isn’t necessarily a happy mind. Sonia Vadlamani explores science-backed strategies to help you get out of your head and reconnect with the present. It happened again as I sat by the beach on a work retreat, supposedly enjoying the sunset, but instead replaying the meeting earlier, dissecting every small detail. Did I get to lead the event by fluke? Was my joke really funny or inappropriate? What if I fail everyone by tanking the project? And then I noticed a pattern – this repetitive analysis left me mentally drained, yet I couldn’t stop rehashing the event, even at the cost of losing out on the present, ie, the gorgeous sunset. The reminder was clear: I needed to get out of my head to be able to enjoy the present. If my experience sounds familiar, and you often find yourself stuck in relentless mental replay of past events as well as future worries, you might be part of the vast club of over-thinkers. What Does it Mean to Be in Your Head? Being in your head usually refers to overthinking or over-analyzing a situation. While overthinking isn’t a mental health condition itself, it can stem from one’s negative emotions. Indeed, it can be mentally exhausting, lessen attention span, and impair decision-making if left unchecked. When it spirals beyond control, overthinking can also contribute to anxiety and depression. Learn how to get out of your head and into the present In fact, a study of 2250 volunteers by Harvard psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert found that people spend about 47% of their waking ours thinking about something that isn’t actually happening in the present moment – and this mind-wandering comes with an emotional cost. The conclusion from the study is profound: a wandering mind isn’t a happy mind. Being in your head isn’t just mindless daydreaming – the persistent cycle of scrutinizing every thought, second-guessing each gesture, and predicting every outcome can leave you utterly drained. 7 Science-Backed Ways to Get Out of Your Head The good news is that it’s possible to break free from the mental prison and get out of your head using simple, research-backed techniques. Here are seven effective tools to ground yourself in the present and reclaim your mental peace. 1.Get your body moving Granted, exercise is often viewed as the foundation for a healthier lifestyle and prevention against chronic health problems such as depression and anxiety. But research shows that a vigorous exercise routine can also help you get out of your head: a meta-analysis of 34 studies revealed that regular physical activity reduces the incidence of a sympathetic nervous system, making people more adept at handling stress and anxiety. “Being in your head usually refers to overthinking or overanalyzing a situation. While overthinking isn’t a mental health condition itself, it can stem from one’s negative emotions.” Therefore, an intense workout can act as a “reset” button by drawing your attention away from rumination and toward external stimuli. The logic is simple: intense activities like sprinting or lifting heavy weights are bound to demand your complete attention, leaving little room for distractions. The key is to choose physical activities that demand intensity and your complete focus, such as: Strength training High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) Dance workouts, like Zumba Swimming laps Boxing or mixed martial arts Boxing requires total focus, taking your out of your head 2. Practise thought-labeling Thought-labeling is a research-backed cognitive diffusion technique that helps combat overthinking by distancing you from your thoughts, so you’re not consumed by them. You can also practise thought-labeling as a guided meditation by allocating a specific time and duration. Here’s how you can practise this approach: Observe, don’t judge: Start with 2-3 deep breaths to calm your mind and gently observe your thoughts without judgment or the urge to change them. Label or categorize the thought: Assign a label to each thought as accurately as possible. The labels could be “planning,” “daydreaming,” or “worrying.” Repeat the process: As you continue to take deeper breaths, you’ll notice some of the labeled thoughts fading away, while others reappear. These recurring thoughts may form the root cause of your overthinking. Keep labeling them and try to note which ones surface more often. Labeling your thoughts in this manner can also help you recognize them as temporary mental events rather than absolute truths, which makes getting out of your head easier. Research also shows that categorizing thoughts activates the prefrontal cortex – the brain’s center for executive functions – while reducing the load on the amygdala, where the fight-or-flight response originates. 3.Talk to strangers more often For chronic overthinkers and especially introverts, the idea of striking up conversations with complete strangers may seem daunting. Their need to form meaningful connections, combined with pessimistic expectations and fear of the vulnerability hangover can prevent them from even trying. However, research suggests that talking to strangers can help you get out of your head. A study by psychologists at University of Essex, UK, found that the unpredictable and evolving nature of conversations with strangers makes it nearly impossible to predict or overanalyze the outcome of such encounters, thus compelling us to be present as our authentic selves. MORE LIKE THIS: 7 Strategies to Beat the Habit of Indecisiveness Quotes About Worrying: 6 Powerful Sayings to Free Your Mind How to Stop Overthinking: 9 Steps to Take Start small to not get overwhelmed: pass a compliment, be courteous, smile at people passing by, or make small talk while waiting in line. See where the conversation takes you! Speaking with strangers opens new conversations and 4. Ground yourself with the “5-4-3-2-1” technique This simple yet powerful mindfulness exercise helps anchor your focus remarkably quickly in the present moment. Especially effective when your mind is bouncing, here’s how it works: Look around and name five things you see (the bookshelf, coffee table, a steaming cup of tea, a plant, the cat snoozing nearby, or a crack in the wall). Feel or touch four things around you. This can be your feet on the grass (if you’re outdoors), the breeze, pages of a book, or the cool surface of your phone. Three sounds you can hear (clicks of a mouse, the fan whirring nearby, your own breathing). Two scents you can smell (fresh coffee, your perfume or shampoo). One thing you can taste (mints, coffee, or just the taste in your mouth right now). Researchers Josefsson et al. suggest that interventions with mindfulness exercises can reduce rumination and enhance one’s ability to process negative emotions. By engaging your five senses – sight, touch, hearing, smell, and taste – this exercise helps interrupt the endless loop of intrusive thoughts, drawing your attention firmly to the present. 5. Engage in more “flow” activities Immersing yourself in activities that completely absorb your attention can help you enter a state of flow – an innately positive experience that respected psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi decribes as essential for a sense of control and overall happiness. “The STOP technique is a practical answer to how to get out of your head. It disrupts the train of involuntary thoughts, making way for calm, deliberate action.” Researchers also consider flow state the antidote to overthinking – when you’re fully engaged in an activity, there’s simply no mental space left for distracting thoughts or rumination. The key to obtaining flow is to choose activities that are exciting and challenging enough to demand your complete focus, but not so intimidating that they trigger overthinking or anxiety. Find your flow: completing a jigsaw pulls you into the present What sparks flow can differ one from person to another – some ideas include learning to play a musical instrument, knitting, gardening, baking, or solving a jigsaw puzzle. 6. Shift your perspective with “self-distancing” technique Self-distancing is an impactful way to step back, see the bigger picture, and stop the incessant train of thought. Remind yourself that our life experiences, cultural beliefs, values, and expectations shape our world view, and thus there are alternate ways to analyze every situation. Getting out of your head is easier by asking yourself questions like: Is there a way I can introduce a fresh perspective here? What advice would I give to a friend in this situation? Will this matter in five years, and if so, how? Shifting your perspective and imagining things from a novel vantage point can definitely help you cut through the mental noise and get clarity. RELATED: How to Stop Thinking About Something: 9 Strategies 11 Life Coaching Techniques and Tools Remember: You Are Not Your Thoughts 7. Master the STOP mindfulness technique The STOP technique serves as a four-step mental checklist that helps you pause and respond to things calmly, rather than reacting on impulse. Here’s what the acronym stands for: S – Stop: Press pause on your thoughts and physical movement. Don’t judge or fight your thoughts – simply prepare to shift your focus elsewhere. T – Take a breath: Breathe mindfully to recenter your attention to the present. O – Observe: Notice how the situation is affecting you to get a better grip on reality. Observe the physical sensations – are you tense or perhaps fidgety? What can you see, hear, feel, smell or taste? Check on your emotional and mental state as well. P – Proceed: Move forward with a response that feels appropriate for the current situation. The STOP technique is a practical answer to how to get out of your head, as it disrupts the train of involuntary thoughts and emotions, making way for calm, deliberate action. Takeaway: Getting Out of Your Head It’s unrealistic to expect your mind to always be perfectly quiet and calm. Getting out of your head doesn’t mean avoiding deep thought or deliberate analysis. Instead, it’s about consciously choosing where to direct your mental energy. Overthinking is a subconscious habit – but one that can be changed with intention and practise. As the Harvard research reminds us, happiness is found in savoring the present moment, not in endless loops of thought. ● Images Marjan Apostolovic, Iryna Inshyna, Roman Samborskyi, LightField Studios happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self Care | Positive Psychology | Stress Management | Mental Health Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Radical self care is about making decisions that honour our true selves. From setting uncompromising boundaries to nurturing your authentic self, Dee Marques explores 8 radical self care examples you can incorporate into your life to gain stability and happiness. What comes to your mind when you hear the term “radical self care”? For some people, they may it associate with taking time out to pamper themselves, but this type of self care goes way beyond scented candles and relaxing bubble baths. And although these smaller acts of physical self care have their place, radical self care involves a much deeper level of attention and consideration for our mind, body and spirit. A good example of radical self care is the decision taken by US gymnastics champion Simone Biles, who bravely withdrew from Tokyo Olympics in 2021 to prioritise her mental health. Reflecting on her decision, she said that "we have to protect our minds and our bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants us to do”, emphasising that this type of choice isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Indeed, radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing. Radical Self Care: the History While the volume of Google searches for “radical self care” has boomed from 2015 onwards, the origins of this concept go way back to the 1960s and 1970s. In fact, radical self care has always had a revolutionary flair to it. Starting in the 1960s, activists within the Black Power movement, including the Black Panthers and writers like Audre Lorde, affirmed that self care was crucial when it came to survival under oppression. Practicing radical self care can be life-changing These revolutionary voices understood that radical self care meant attending to their bodies and minds on a daily basis, as they battled with systemic injustice, whether that meant being diligent with nutrition, meditation, or yoga. Not only that, but radical self care also had a community focus, as many of these activists created wellness and social service programmes targeting groups affected by inequality, and turning self care into a form of activism. So, What is Radical Self Care Exactly? The full extent of radical self care is perfectly described by Audre Lorde, when she said: “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”. Nowadays, we’re used to thinking about self care as those Instagrammable moments of pampering, quiet, and relaxation, but there’s so much more to radical self care than me-time. “Radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing.” To understand what radical self care really means, it helps to look at the origin of the word “radical”, meaning “root”. Radical self care isn’t about masking problems with comfort, trying endless yoga programmes or the latest fad in self care routines. Instead, it’s about going to the root, tending to the source. We’re talking about the type of care that tackles burnout, systemic pressures, and emotional labour with proactive healing, and not just with generic rest. RELATED: Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance Self Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It This means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. Just like fellow sports star Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka gave an outstanding example of this at the 2021 French Open. She refused to talk to the media as she felt mentally fragile and subsequently withdrew from the competition, all in the face of considerable pressure and coercion. Radical self care also means creating the space to live authentically and connect with your true self, aligning your choices with your coping, social, creative, and physical needs. Essentially, radical self care is about care with conviction – a transformational practice that recognises your well-being is non-negotiable. Making time for physical wellness is another radical self care example What are Some Examples of Radical Self Care? Because radical self care isn’t only radical at the root, but in its reach, it’s vital to ensure all areas of your life are covered by this commitment to prioritising your well-being. So, how does this look like in real life? Here are some examples: Leaving a pressured social role or job that doesn’t align with your needs and values. Declining an invitation if it disrupts your energy, even if it involves people you care about. Prioritising therapy, coaching, or community healing circles over mindless distraction. Speaking up about unrealistic expectations, even if that goes against the majority’s opinion. Ending toxic relationship dynamics or unhealthy communication loops. Taking meal planning seriously to ensure your meals are nutritious and honour your body. How Do You Practice Radical Self Care? Here are eight ways you can decide to make changes that honour your true self, cultivating radical self care. 1. Cultivate Relationships That Expand You The more seriously you take your well-being, the more sensitive you become to anything that drains your energy – and that includes people. If there are toxic people in your circle, or anyone who drags you down, radical self care demands you let go and focus on connections full of respect, reciprocity, and depth. 2. Set Uncompromising Boundaries One of the starting points of radical self care is realising you can’t give your 100% to everything at the same time. To protect your energy, be selective with your boundaries at work and at home, making sure your needs are clearly expressed (for example, “I’m unavailable after 6pm” or “I can’t handle extra projects right now.”) Protect your energy by setting uncompromising boundaries 3. Say “No” Cutting obligations may disappoint others, but each “no” frees space for your mental and emotional health. Saying “no” also includes refusing to give into distraction (such as mindless scrolling), when you could be using that time on activities that bring you tangible benefits. “Radical self care means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. That often means saying 'no'.” Studies have shown that children who say “no” and delay gratification did better socially and academically later in life – and as writer and psychotherapist Bryan Robinson says – “saying no more than you say yes is a trait of healthy and successful people”. 4. Make Time For Physical Wellness Although radical self care is much more than taking a relaxing bath or doing yoga, attending to the body is an important aspect. Make time every day for activities that respect your body’s levels energy, such as a fitness or exercise routine like mindful running, and complement this with conscious eating choices. 5. Nurture Your Authentic Self Find opportunities to voice your truths, stand by your values, and celebrate your cultural, spiritual, or political identity. To cultivate your authentic self, you may want to explore rituals that reaffirm who you are or ancestral healing practices. 6. Practice Creative Expression Your authentic self has a creative side, and research across different cultures and age ranges shows that creative activities like writing, making art, and singing are correlated to higher levels of autonomy, empowerment, and stress relief. How to practice radical self cafe? Try creative expression 7. Embrace Rest As Resistance Review your routines often and realign them around rest. This could mean anything from taking a whole day to yourself, to making 15-minute appointments with yourself. Pausing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a choice you make out of self-love. As author Ivory Bennett said about Simone Biles’ act of rest as resistance: “Biles is a bold and beautiful example of duality. You can be strong and choose rest”. 8. Swap Guilt For Trust Statistics show that 1 in 4 Americans feel guilty for investing in self care. When you feel guilty about attending to your well-being, you’re more likely to be inconsistent with your radical self care practice. It’s much more beneficial to approach every act of self care with complete trust in your choices and regards the benefits of these self-priority actions. Takeaway: Radical Self Care is Your Foundation Ultimately, radical self care is an act of total self-respect. It asks us to show up consistently for ourselves and reconnects us to our worth beyond productivity or performance – just like Simone Biles said: “I’m more than my accomplishments”. Embracing radical self care as a way of being roots us in our values, protects our energy, and restores our autonomy. What’s more, it invites us to honour our energy, trust our needs, and protect our peace without apology. Whether it’s saying no, resting without guilt, or expressing your truth, each radical choice is a step towards living more intentionally and authentically. Remember that your well-being isn’t a luxury: it’s your foundation. So, take the time and create the space for it. Why not start right now, finding one radical way of caring for and respecting yourself today? ● Images: shutterstock/GoodStudio, shutterstock/Julia Zavalishina, shuttertstock/Josep Suria, shutterstock/Toffee Photo happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Goal setting Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

At its core, self-inquiry is the persistent introspection on the question “Who am I?” to discover the source of the Self. Rachel Markowitz explores the fuller meaning of self inquiry, and shares steps to start practicing it. About 12 years ago, towards the end of a month-long program at a yoga retreat center in Central America, I was paired with a coursemate for an “authentic relating” exercise. Our facilitator instructed us to take turns asking each other one question. However, unlike in a typical conversation, the person answering the question was required to speak for five minutes non-stop; and, the person listening would do nothing but listen mindfully – no nodding, no uh-huh-ing, no reactions whatsoever – while keeping their eyes fixed on the speaker. This particular workshop is particularly memorable to me because of its provided prompt: “Who are you?” Like most people in the room, I was caught off guard by this provoking question, unsure how to answer. Yet, with a timer ticking away and my heart open and vulnerable from a month of living in community, I began to fill the silence by voicing streams of thoughts. At first, my answers felt shallow – a list of pronouns, roles, and qualifications about my past and present life. However, as I continued to sort through my initial impressions, my answers became more profound until, suddenly, I realized that my real response was beyond words. Self-inquiry is a practice of looking within with questions So, although my introduction to self-inquiry – sometimes written as self-enquiry – was not through a traditional method, it brought me clarity about something I had never considered before – that I am not my body, not my emotions, and, as confusing as it was to me at that point in life, that I am also not my mind or a mere soul on some journey. Personal experiences aside, self-inquiry is known throughout spiritual traditions as a powerful method for bringing about paradigm-shifting changes to constructs about life and Self. So, let's take a deeper look at the meaning of self-inquiry, its origins, and how you can begin to practice self-inquiry with questions. What is the Meaning of Self-Inquiry? Self-inquiry, or atma vichara in Sanskrit, is a practice of looking within for the source of the Self. This inquiry most commonly takes the form of a simple question directed at ourselves: “Who am I?” Unlike my introduction to self-inquiry, the practice is not actually to answer this question or contemplate it with the mind – it’s simply to ask and observe. Teachings revolving around self-inquiry suggest that when we directly question “I,” (also known as the ego), the construct of “I” has nowhere to hide. “Self-inquiry is a practice of looking within for the source of the Self. This usually takes the form of a simple question directed at ourselves: “Who am I?.” Thus, with repeated interrogation and sustained introspection, our sense of “I” eventually subsides, revealing our true nature. When “I” falls away, we are left with pure awareness because every thought we could possibly have depends on the existence of “I.” Is Self-Inquiry Meditation? Although many people label self-inquiry as “meditation,” this can be a bit misleading. In meditation, there is an object upon which we are meditating (the breath, a mantra, an energetic sensation, etc.) Alternatively, with inquiry, the focus is inward on the self as a subject. When we question ourselves, we begin to see that this subject, “I,” is based on the false assumption that our mind is real! Thus, successful inquiry leads to a lack of separation between subject and object. “Who am I?” is the key self-inquiry question On a similar note, it’s important to mention that when we practice self-inquiry, the question “Who am I?” is repeated frequently – but not as a mantra (commonly used in meditation). If “Who am I?” becomes a mantra, there is separation between the meditator and the object of meditation; thus, we lose focus on the Self. One of the benefits of self-inquiry is that you don’t need to sit and close your eyes to practice. While it certainly helps to devote a set time to doing this, you’ll find that eventually, your inquiry will happen naturally and spontaneously throughout daily activities. Self-Inquiry as a Path to Liberation According to Advaita Vedanta, or the path of nonduality, the practice of self-inquiry is a direct method to experience self-realization. Atma (self) vichara (inquiry) as a path to liberation is encouraged and explained throughout ancient texts including, amongst many others, the Bhagavad Gita, Ribhu Gita, and Yoga Vashishta. However, self-inquiry “meditation” is practiced today largely due to the influence of Sri Ramana Maharshi, an Indian sage or jnani, who realized the Self through a lucid experience of death as a teenager. “Self-inquiry is a powerful and straightforward technique for disidentifying with the typical moment-to-moment mental chatter of the Egoic mind.” Although Ramana Maharshi is primarily known for his silent presence, he often referenced the scriptures above as validation of his own experiential teachings and, furthermore, provided clear instructions for self-inquiry. These basic steps are outlined in the pamphlet “Who Am I?”, and are also described in more detail in the book “Maha Yoga,” which, by its translation, identifies self-inquiry as the “Great” yoga. In fact, in Sri Ramana’s own words, “Self-enquiry is the one infallible means, the only direct one, to realize the unconditioned, absolute Being that you really are.” However, even if your spiritual path is unclear and self-realization is not your intention, questioning your self-nature can provide balance, clarity, and authenticity in all areas of life. How To Practice Self-Inquiry According to Ramana Maharshi’s teachings, self-inquiry is an advanced practice. However, in this case, “advanced” refers to mature spiritual seekers. Thus, if you’re called to investigate the nature of Self through inquiry, this curiosity is likely credential enough. Ramana Maharshi celebrated on an Indian stamp Nevertheless, to begin to practice, you’ll need to learn to calm your mind! You can do this by following your breath, focusing on your heart center, or any other concentration method that works for you. Once your mind feels peaceful and present, you can begin to inquire: When a thought arises, ask yourself, “To whom is this thought?” (Your answer will likely be something like, “To Me.”) Ask yourself, “Who Am I?” (This question will confound your rational mind and direct it to the source of “I,” extinguishing all other thoughts, which cannot exist without the “I-thought.”) When another thought comes, repeat this process. With practice, you’ll find that your mind will begin to rest, effortlessly and thoughtlessly, in the spiritual heart center – the source, according to Ramana Maharshi’s teachings, of the “I-thought.” In other words, the spiritual heart is the place from which the ego arises. Once you can fix your mind in this space of pure awareness, you can stop your inquiry and remain as you are, free of “I.” “According to Advaita Vedanta, or the path of nonduality, the practice of self-inquiry is a direct method to experience self-realization.” These steps are merely the beginning of a self-inquiry journey. For further instructions and inspiration, I recommend consulting the link to “Maha Yoga” in the previous section or reading other works from the Maharshi’s devotees. As Sri Ramana points out in a poetic verse of Upadesa Undiyar, “The Essence of Instruction”: “When one turns within and searches whence this I-thought arises, the “I” vanishes – and wisdom’s quest begins.” Other Self-Inquiry Questions and Methods Throughout the past century, followers of Ramana Maharshi have adapted his teachings and created variations to his “Who am I?” approach. For example, spiritual teacher Robert Adams offered alternative questions for self-inquiry, including: What is this “I” that exists at all times? Where does this “I” come from? Who am I that slept last night? Who am I that has just awakened? Who am I that exists now? Additionally, spiritual seekers often benefit from contemplation or meditation on self-inquiry using partners or groups, like the exercise I described in the introduction to this article. RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? What is Enlightenment In Buddhism? Feeling Lost in Life? Move On In 7 Steps According to Daniel Schmidt, founder of the Awaken the World Initiative, who facilitates self-inquiry dyads, holding oneself accountable to a witness creates “conditions of no escape for the ego structure and for the awakening of the realization of your true nature.” In these dyads, instead of asking partners a question, one person prompts another in a statement, “Tell me who you are.” Takeaway: What is Self-Inquiry? Self-inquiry is a powerful and straightforward technique for disidentifying with the typical moment-to-moment mental chatter of the Egoic mind. Ancient and modern-day spiritual teachers alike suggest that “Who am I?” is the ultimate question along the path to spiritual wisdom. With patience, perseverance, and sincerity, this simple method of introspection can guide us towards an all-pervading sense of peaceful, everlasting presence. Images: shutterstock/rdonar, Wikimedia Commons, shutterstock/JLco Julia Amaral happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Acceptance | Letting go | Happiness | Learning Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Are chakras real? While not tangible, the importance of chakras within multiple traditions suggests they are. Rachel Markowitz explains the meaning, locations and colors of the seven main chakras, plus the mantras and yoga asanas that activate these unique energy centres. I was introduced to chakras during a yoga teaching training class when a teacher instructed me to chant “ham” repeatedly while inverted in a shoulder stand. This, the instructor said, would open my throat chakra, which was linked to my insecurities, and radically improve my life. At the time, this seemed odd; I didn’t know what a throat chakra was, why it might be closed, how opening it would be helpful, or how chanting upside-down might facilitate this! However, I can now admit that, as a yoga instructor myself, I’ve suggested similar practices to students for a multitude of reasons. Since chakras are not part of the physical body, they often remain a mystery. However, a basic understanding of energetic anatomy is a powerful tool for harmonizing body, mind, and spirit. Let's explore the chakra system together and discover some tips to help ensure your energy flows freely. What are Chakras? Chakras are moving centers of concentrated energy located in the subtle (energetic) body. In Sanskrit, chakra translates to wheel, which serves as an appropriate visual representation of these spinning energy disks. Chakras were first mentioned in the Vedas thousands of years ago – a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and Ayurvedic medicine – and were later described in the Upanishads, Yoga Sutras, and Tantric texts. There are numerous systems for identifying and classifying these energetic vortexes, and most traditions suggest that we have over 100 chakras throughout the subtle body. It' possible to work on activating chakras during yoga However, according to most modern-day yoga teachings, seven chakras are particularly significant. These major chakras are located along our main energetic channel, Sushumna Nadi, ascending from the base of the spine to slightly above the crown of the head. Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities. Each chakra also has a corresponding bija, or seed, mantra. Furthermore, the first five chakras are linked to an element (the last two chakras relate to existence beyond the elements). In an ideal state of being, all chakras are open and aligned. Other healthy-chakra descriptions include “activated,” “balanced,” or “unblocked.”) Why Learn About Chakras? Understanding each chakra and its role in our composition can help us see patterns in our overall well-being, identify and heal imbalances and chakra blockages, and strengthen the body, mind, and aura. RELATED: Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude Yoga Kundalini Meditation: 4 Key Benefits and How to Practise It Fasting and Autophagy: Ancient Wisdom Chakras also offer a unique perspective on the connection between our internal and external worlds. Used as an energy healing therapy, we can work to clear and balance energy in the entire body or focus on each chakra individually. Either way, when we take the time to ensure that prana (AKA chi or ki) or life-force energy, is moving without constrictions or resistance in the energetic body, we encourage optimal health – from the inside out. Exploring the Major Chakras The seven main energy centers are divided into three lower chakras, which relate to the Earth and the individual self, and three higher chakras, which connect us to the universe and spirit. The higher and lower chakras come together at the heart chakra, located in the center of the chest, at the level of our anatomical heart. “Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities.” Below is a description of each of the seven major chakras, including location, associations, symbol, color, and mantra – along with a short list of suggested yoga practices that promote chakra health. For strengthening, unblocking, or healing an ailment related to a certain chakra, you can visualize a light at its location, focus on its symbol, chant its mantra, incorporate its color in your daily life, or practice the postures or breathing techniques listed in each section. The 7 main chakras, colors and locations within the human body 1. Root (Muladhara) Chakra The root chakra governs the health of the lower body, from the feet to the hips. In life, it’s connected to basic survival, primal instincts, and foundational physical and material needs. Location: Base of the spine; pelvic floor Color and Symbol: Red lotus flower with four petals Element: Earth Mantra: Lam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Warrior poses, lunges, balancing postures, seated positions 2. Sacral (Svadisthana) Chakra In the physical body, the sacral chakra energetically controls our hips, sexual organs, and reproductive health. It’s also connected to desire, emotional stability, sexuality, pleasure, and anything we create. Location: Below the navel Color and Symbol: Orange lotus flower with six petals Element: Water Mantra: Vam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Happy Baby pose, Goddess pose, hip openers 3. Solar Plexus (Manipura) Chakra The solar plexus chakra is related to the core of our body and our digestive system. Mentally and emotionally, this chakra governs strength, confidence, willpower, ego, and the way we assimilate or “digest” information. It’s strongly linked to the concept of tapas in yoga, our inner fire. Location: Center of the body; near the abdomen and below the ribcage Color and Symbol: Yellow lotus flower with 10 petals Element: Fire Mantra: Ram. Recommended Yoga Practices: Boat pose, twists, Breath of Fire 4. Heart (Anahata) Chakra As mentioned earlier, Anahata chakra is the place where the upper and lower chakras join together at the heart center. In our bodies, this chakra governs the area around the chest, anatomical heart, and lungs. In our lives, the heart chakra is related to love (of self and others), relationships, trust, and compassion. Location: Center of the chest at heart level Color and Symbol: Green lotus flower with 12 petals Element: Air Mantra: Yam Recommended Yoga Practices: Camel pose, Bow pose, Puppy pose 5. Throat (Vishuddha) Chakra The throat chakra governs the throat and neck area, as well as the thyroid gland, and is linked to our sense of speech, creativity, and ability to communicate authentically. Vishuddha chakra is also significant as our center of energetic purification. Location: Throat Color and Symbol: Blue lotus flower with 16 petals Element: Ether (Space) Mantra: Ham. Recommended Yoga Practices: Shoulder Stand, Fish pose, Lion’s Breath, chanting 6. Third Eye (Ajna) The third eye center is closely linked to our pineal gland, nervous system, and sense of intuition and perception. Thus, we often look to ajna chakra for relaxation and visions during spiritual practice. Location: Center of the brain; between the eyebrows Color and Symbol: Violet or indigo lotus flower with two petals Mantra: Om Recommended Yoga Practices: Child’s pose, meditation, Shambhavi Mudra (directing gaze at the third eye) 7. Crown (Sahasrara) The crown chakra connects the individual self to the greater Self. It’s related to cosmic consciousness, self-awareness, and the interconnectedness of all that is. Location: Slightly above the crown of the head Color and Symbol: White, Light, or Violet thousand-petal lotus flower Mantra: Aum (or silent aum) Recommended Yoga Practices: Headstand, Savasana, meditation Are Chakras Real? Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence. One indicator of the validity of the concept of chakras is their appearance throughout various traditions and time. In addition to the yogic systems of chakras, Buddhist, Jain, and other healing modalities also visualize and work with chakras (or similar locations of concentrated energy, such as meridians/Dan Tien in Chinese medicine) as points of focus for meditation and healing. Chakras can be used as focal points during meditation Although science has yet to prove the existence of chakras, research is on the way to doing so. Recent technology is now able to measure the electromagnetic radiance of auras and the energetic body, indicating that our energetic presence, particularly energy emanating from the heart, extends far beyond our physical bodies. “Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence.” That being said, the purpose of this article is not to convince you that chakras are real, but rather to serve as an introduction to those who would like to explore deeper aspects of self-awareness. Yoga is a science of getting to know your true self through experimentation and introspection. So, for those of you questioning the nuances of your subtle body and the reality of the chakra system, I urge you to experiment with the basic visualization techniques and contemplation methods indicated above. Takeaway: Yoga Chakras, Colors and Locations According to the science of yoga, chakras are powerful vortexes of moving energy located along our major energetic channel, that govern different aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. By understanding the role of the major chakras in our bodies and lives, we can begin to identify and balance each aspect of our energetic composition to embark on the path of holistic healing and well-being. ● Images: shutterstock/May_Chanikran, shutterstock/E.Va, shutterstock/New Africa happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Resilience | Self care Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

True happiness comes from within, but it takes work. The good thing is, all of us can learn how to develop it. From cultivating resilience to showing gratitude, Sonia Vadlamani explores five science-backed techniques that build lasting inner happiness and joy. For the longest time, I believed happiness to be something that came from outside – like getting a promotion at work, traveling to a dream destination with my partner, or purchasing something from my wishlist. And yes, indeed, these events do make me happy. But in reality I find I’m actually much happier on the days I have some quality “me time” to enjoy all my favourite leisure activities and connect with the people I love. This observation, coupled with research on happiness, helped me understand the simple and profound truth: happiness comes from within – happiness is an inside job. This holds true for most of us: while external events can definitely make us joyful, we also have inherent values and needs that we derive happiness from just the same. The best part? We don’t need to wait for external outcomes to feel content; we just need to learn how to tap into these sources of lasting happiness. Indeed, happiness is a choice, and science shows that true happiness comes from within, consistently and reliably, when we take small, intentional steps to achieve it, every single day. What does it mean to find happiness within? When we talk about finding inner happiness, we refer to what researchers in positive psychology call “internal happiness”, or a steady sense of well-being and contentment that stems from within and doesn’t rely on external circumstances. Unlike the fleeting happiness that we experience from external events like winning some money on the lottery or attending a concert, intrinsic happiness isn’t temporary, but rather a stable foundation for contentment and peace of mind. Where does happiness come from? Start the search within... In contrast, external happiness relies heavily on outside events, possessions and achievements. While these are undeniably necessary for life satisfaction, they only tend to boost our mood and improve happiness levels temporarily. In fact, a study of Stanford student-athletes living under immense pressure revealed that intrinsic factors like mindfulness, self-restraint, and self-esteem were stronger predictors of happiness than external factors such as playing time and scholarships. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Find Happiness: 11 Science-Backed Tips What is Happiness Exactly, Anyway? Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Another study by researchers Christopher P Niemiec et al. suggests that while the quest for external happiness alone can adversely impact well-being, focusing on intrinsic happiness benefits one’s psychological health, emphasizing the need for balance between external and internal forms of happiness. “Developing mindful awareness is key to finding happiness within yourself, as savoring the 'now' requires us to pay attention to events unfolding around you.” These findings highlight the need to develop traits that can help us find true happiness from within, enabling us to navigate life’s uncertainties better and build resilience. It’s also important to know that happiness can’t always stem entirely from within, especially for someone with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety, who may need to seek professional help for managing their condition and finding relief. How to Find Happiness Within Yourself The quest for finding happiness within yourself doesn’t mean ignoring external events and life milestones, but rather developing skills and practices that help maintain a sense of peace and inner contentment even through challenging times. So, here are five science-backed ways to help you learn how to find happiness within yourself. Incorporate them into your life one at a time to help build long-lasting joy and contentment. 1. Learn to live fully in the present A Harvard study that tracked the thoughts and moods of 2,250 participants found that humans spend nearly 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing, and that this impacts happiness. Published in Science, this research corroborated a profound truth: the human capacity to capture joy depends largely on being present in the moment. Indeed, research suggests that ruminating over the past or worrying about the future can fuel negativity and reduce life satisfaction. On the other hand, immersing ourselves fully in the present – wholly engaging with the task at hand – regulates our nervous system and enables a flow state characterized by complete absorption. This can further help instill a sense of control, putting a stop to repetitive thoughts. Develop mindful awareness (and increased happiness) through breathwork Indeed, developing mindful awareness is key to building inner happiness, as savouring the “now” requires us to pay attention to the events unfolding around you. Simple mindfulness practices that can help improve your mood and elevate inner happiness levels include: focusing on your breathing. tuning into what you see, hear and feel at the moment, like eating, walking and doing daily chores. gently bringing your attention back to the present moment when it wanders (it will). setting time aside for mindfulness meditation. 2. Practice radical acceptance If being mindful pertains to developing awareness, acceptance is how we process and respond to this awareness, especially when faced with failure, loss or imperfections. Indeed, a comprehensive review of six correlated studies by researchers Daniel T Cordaro et al. suggests that inner contentment is a distinct positive emotion that is central to overall well-being and happiness. Embracing life as it is, therefore, is a crucial requirement for how happiness comes from within. This endeavor requires us to be aware of and accept the various emotions, imperfections, fears, and desires that make us all essentially human. MORE LIKE THIS: Happiness is a State of Mind: 8 Ways to Develop It Is Happiness Genetic? Here's What Science Says How Can Happiness Be Measured? Radical acceptance relies on practicing self-compassion, which means treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a good friend during a difficult time. It also involves understanding that errors and failure are a part of being human, not personal flaws. Here are some ways to practice radical awareness and self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Evaluate your feelings with a gentle approach, not harsh self-judgment. When you notice a mistake or flaw, approach the emotions with kind observance and speak to yourself with genuine warmth. Remember that you’re not alone in your struggles – everyone faces challenge in their lives. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and limitations. 3. Cultivate inner resilience Resilience, or the capacity to recover from difficult situations and adapt to life's challenges, is a key predictor for finding happiness within yourself. In fact, a study by researchers Steven M. Southwick et al. revealed that resilient individuals don’t encounter fewer challenges in life; they simply react to them differently. Therefore, your ability to adapt to adversities and overcome challenges can be the answer to how to find inner happiness and well-being. The first step toward developing resilience is reframing your perspective about life’s uncertainties and embracing the unknown. Resilient people look at difficulties as opportunities to learn, not threats to their happiness, and are adept at ‘lemonading’ – making the best of the situation at hand. “Individuals who understand that true happiness comes from within are also more resilient and more capable of bouncing back from life’s trials.” Adopting a growth mindset is another crucial aspect of resilience. Challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone and attempting something that feels uncomfortable. Also, remember to celebrate small wins by tuning your mind to recognize and enjoy the smallest efforts and progress, instead of waiting to celebrate loftier milestones. 4. Develop a gratitude routine There’s more to gratitude than just saying thanks – emerging research suggests it’s a powerful practice that can help rewire our brains to weed out toxic emotions and significantly improve our happiness levels. How to find happiness from within? Keep a gratitude journal A study at University of California, Berkeley, involving 300 participants seeking mental health counseling revealed that the mental health benefits of gratitude practice can be experienced even when it's not communicated to others. While the benefits of gratitude – like improved inner happiness, reduced mental stress, and an optimistic outlook – take time to emerge, they create a positive snowball effect with consistent practice. To cultivate an attitude of gratitude, try these things daily: Write down three things you’re grateful for in your gratitude journal. Express gratitude to people you’re thankful for having in your life. Acknowledge moments of kindness and beauty throughout the day. Set time aside to practice gratitude meditation to truly appreciate all the things you’re thankful for. 5. Nurture meaningful connections While true happiness comes from within, we’re essentially social beings, and having close relationships is a fundamental need for a long, healthy life. Spending time with those you care for helps release happiness hormones, namely serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. These are also released when you exercise, so in a way, spending quality time with your loved ones is almost as beneficial as getting a workout. To strengthen your relationships: Practice mindful listening and empathy. Really hear others out without judgment or bias. Trust your close friends and family enough to share your authentic self, and avoid the vulnerability hangover trap. Show up consistently, whether to celebrate their wins or be a shoulder to lean on during tough times. Connect over activities you collectively enjoy, like hiking, volunteering or joining a book club. Where does happiness come from? Friends are a key source Inner Happiness: Clear Health Benefits The happiness derived from savoring life’s small joys is also associated with several other positive outcomes considered the “hallmarks of a happy person”, such as long-lasting relationships, more successful careers, and better health. Individuals who understand that true happiness comes from within are also more capable of bouncing back from life’s trials and uncertainties with better stress-management and decision-making abilities. In essence, the ability to tap into inner happiness helps us experience more positive emotions and achieve more favorable outcomes in terms of success and improved life satisfaction. Takeaway: Happiness Comes From Within Happiness is a journey, and while the path to inner happiness isn’t easy, it is accessible to everyone. As demonstrated by the ample research above, everyone has the ingredients necessary to cultivate lasting joy within ourselves – the practices discussed here simply help you uncover and nurture the happiness that already exists within you. Indeed, in a world that constantly tells us happiness is bound to result from the next purchase or milestone, finding happiness within yourself is a practical and responsible step towards ensuring your well-being. ● Images: feodorina, Peopleimages.com - Yuri A, Oksana Klymenko, Jacob Lund happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self care | Empathy | Letting go | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

If you're lacking fulfilment or direction in life, spiritual coaching can help you align your beliefs and values with purpose. Sonia Vadlamani explores how spiritual coaching can change your life’s course for the better, and what sets it apart from life coaching. In today’s competitive, success-obsessed world, many of us reach a point where we feel something is missing from our lives – a deeper sense of connectedness, a purpose beyond worldly pursuits, or a spiritual hunger that no amount of goal setting and accomplishments can seem to fulfil. This is where spiritual coaching can become incredibly helpful. What is Spiritual Life Coaching? Spiritual coaching aims to help individuals connect with their spiritual goals by aligning their values and beliefs to a purpose greater than themselves. While researchers agree that spirituality and wellbeing are interlinked, emerging studies suggest that spirituality also helps mediate the fear arising from uncertainty or challenging times, thus safeguarding one’s mental health and fostering emotional resilience. A spiritual coach acts as a guide or companion on your journey toward spiritual growth. Freud’s renowned Iceberg Theory is useful here: it uses an iceberg as the metaphor for the human mind, where the vast submerged part of the iceberg signifies the human unconscious mind, which has the largest impact on one’s personality and behavior, even though it’s more inaccessible than the visible ‘tip’ of the iceberg which represents the conscious mind. The role of a spiritual coach is to work with both – the visible or external aspects of your life, like your goals, setbacks, and daily activities, as well as underlying, deeper aspects that influence everything you do. 7 Ways a Spiritual Coach Can Help You Simply put, the role of a spiritual advisor is to provide the support and guidance you need to access your inner gifts to create a meaningful, authentic life that reflects who you truly are. Here are some ways spiritual life coaching can help you: 1. Navigate life transitions with ease Handling major transitions in life – whether a career change, moving to a new area, relationship shift, losing a parent and working through the stages of grief, or a health challenge – isn’t easy alone. Whether by choice or unexpected, such life changes can trigger existential questions and a need for expert guidance. This is where a spiritual coach can offer perspective and wisdom, helping you realize that life changes can also serve as stepping stones to personal growth. A spiritual coach will help you tap into your inner resources and overcome challenges and move forward in life. 2. Overcome fear and mental blocks Sometimes we subconsciously carry self-limiting thoughts and patterns that may hold back our growth. These may include ingrained beliefs about self-worth, fears about our capabilities, or doubts about success in career and relationships. Spiritual life coaching can help identify and address these blocks using techniques like energy cleansing, inner child work, and developing a growth or abundance mindset, thus enabling you to realize your fullest potential and live a fulfilled life. Spiritual coaches act as a guide to align your passions with purpose 3. Trust your intuition Each of us has, at some point, experienced a “hunch”, an inner voice, or a “gut feeling” about a decision or circumstance. This “ability to understand something instinctively, without any need for conscious reasoning or an explanation” is what we know as intuition, according to Dr Thomas R. Verny, clinical psychiatrist and author of the blog Explorations of the Mind. While this intuition is often accurate, we tend not to trust the feeling, given our majorly analytical, logic-driven minds. We fail to realize that intuitive thinking isn’t about unlocking psychic powers but about learning to recognize and trust the subtle signs from your body, your environment, and the knowledge accumulated from your past experience. Dismissing intuition sometimes makes us lose out on valuable guidance from our subconscious learning and prior experience. A spiritual coach can help you tap into your intuition and reinforce your connection with inner guidance, so that you can make better, more informed decisions. 4. Strengthen relationships and build community The power of community in creating a happy life can’t be ignored - research agrees that growth thrives when we’re surrounded by like-minded people who uplift us. In fact, studies show that relationships and spirituality are intertwined, suggesting that spirituality boosts the health of relationships, while healthy relationships aid one’s wellbeing and spiritual growth in turn. “Spiritual coaching aims to help individuals connect with their spiritual goals by aligning their values and beliefs to a purpose greater than themselves.” Indeed, a spiritual advisor can help you attract and develop relationships that aid your personal and spiritual development, helping you overcome loneliness, feel valued, and lead a meaningful life. 5. Find your life’s purpose At some point, all of us find ourselves questioning what we’re here to do, what’s the point of life, and where it’s taking us. While pondering about life’s purpose can help us to review their goals and improvise our next moves, it can also lead to confusion, feeling lost, and loneliness, sometimes resulting in depression and anxiety. Spiritual coaching can help you explore the answer to “Who am I?” by encouraging introspection and helping you uncover your unique gifts and strengths. Often this guided exploration goes beyond traditional career choices, enabling you to focus on showing up as the best version of yourself in every area of life. 6. Work through past trauma There’s a growing body of research highlighting the role of spirituality when it comes to healing from past trauma and developing a healthy outlook and building emotional resilience for the future. In her book Traumatic Stress and Long-Term Recovery, author Anna R Harper discusses how spirituality and religion influence how one perceives trauma, as well as the post-traumatic recovery process. Indeed, a spiritual coach can help you process your trauma better, in addition to helping you understand that while your trauma is painful, it’s also your gateway to growth and greater strength. Spiritual coaching helps you to overcome fears and addictions Interestingly, a study of 529 care leavers – or young individuals separated from parental care and placed in alternative care settings – from 11 nations revealed a strong connection between spirituality, well-being, and resilience, even when accounting for challenging life circumstances. Thus, building inner strength and emotional resilience to face life’s storms and uncertainties is another area a spiritual advisor can help with. 7. Overcome addiction One of the most practical ways spiritual coaching can benefit someone is addressing compulsive behaviors and addiction – not only by identifying the addiction itself but also the underlying triggers. In fact, research shows that religious faith and spirituality can play an active role in recovery from substance abuse. “A spiritual coach can offer perspective and wisdom, helping you realize that life changes can also serve as stepping stones to personal growth.” A spiritual coach can help clients realize that their addiction is often an unconscious effort to numb emotional pain or escape reality. Through this awareness, and by incorporating helpful techniques like conscious breathwork, meditation, and journaling, they can help connect individuals to a greater purpose, putting them on the path to a purpose-driven life. Spiritual Coach Vs Life Coach At first glance, spiritual coaching and life coaching can seem similar, as both serve to bring a positive change in individuals. However, they different in the aspects they focus on and their approach. Life coaching typically focus on: Setting, tracking, reviewing definite goals. Devising client-specific productivity hacks Performance and accountability reviews External behaviors and conscious thoughts Spiritual coaching explores deeper with: Exploring and examining your belief systems, thought patterns and values without judgment. Incorporating new perspectives and spiritual practices like meditation, energy work and journaling. Aligning your inner values and beliefs with your life purpose. Addressing your soul’s needs, not just your extrinsic goals. How Do You Become a Spiritual Coach? While the spiritual coaching training space is largely unregulated, some respected certification programs accredited by organizations like the International Coach Federation (ICF) offer training in necessary skills like the tutoring methodology, spiritual advancement techniques, and fair practices. Becoming a spiritual coach involves lifelong learning Most reputed spiritual coaches also study various spiritual practices like meditation and dream interpretation extensively on their own and with the help of their spiritual mentors. Developing core spiritual competencies in aspects like mindful compassion, active listening, radical acceptance, and cultivating safe spaces is helpful as well. Above all, effective spiritual coaching training involves lifelong learning – the best spiritual coaches continue to expand their study and skills through workshops, events, mentorships, and in their personal spiritual practices. Takeaway: Spiritual Coaching In a world driven by achievements and competition, spiritual coaching can guide you toward finding what matters most – living with purpose as your most authentic self, in alignment with your deepest values and goals. In essence, spiritual coaching shows us that there’s more to us than our to-do lists, professional achievements and materialistic pursuits – it’s about finding a purpose greater than ourselves and leading a meaningful life. ● Images: insta_photo, KieferPix, Lopolo happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Coaching | Leadership | Motivation | Assertiveness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Journaling isn’t just for teenagers. As Arlo Laibowitz explains, jotting down your thoughts, plans and reflections helps with self-development and is scientifically-proven to prevent depression. Try these seven creative journaling ideas and discover the multiple benefits these techniques will bring to your life. Many of us have started writing a diary or journal at some points in our lives. And many of us have also stopped writing in them not that much later! Indeed, many famous artists, writers, entrepreneurs, inventors, and thinkers keep – or have kept – journals, and there are many different journaling techniques and ideas you can try. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For some, it's a place for exploration, and yet for others, journaling is an art form in itself. In fact, journaling can be enriching and fulfilling on many levels. It can lead to insights, personal growth, and setting and achieving goals. Journals record our ideas, thoughts, feelings and reflections. In doing so, they create a through-line in our life; a place of refuge and reflection, that we can visit and revisit. Keeping a journal is a proven technique to develop personal growth Personally, I started journaling years ago, as part of the Morning Papers practice of The Artist’s Way. I've written notebooks full of journal entries related to personal growth, gratitude, creative development, project ideas, personal insecurities, blocked traumas, to-do-lists, goals, dreams and much more. Indeed, I've tried types of journaling for weeks or months at a time – and have also not journaled for weeks in between entries. Every time I come back to the practice and sustain it on a regular basis, I feel I can go deeper; explore things more explicitly, and in the process, experience a wonderful journey to my interior. “There are many journaling techniques and ideas you can try. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For others, it's an art form in itself.” So, what are the benefits of journaling? What different journaling ideas and techniques can we employ? And how do we go about starting and – more importantly – sustaining a daily journaling habit? What are the benefits of journaling? Journaling has been identified as a so-called 'keystone habit' – a habit that is defining and catalyses more habits – in multiple studies. As Charles Duhig writes in The Power of Habit, these keystones are “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives.” Furthermore, the benefits of journaling are emotional, cognitive, creative, and possibly even spiritual. Using creative journaling techniques helps us to: Clarify our thoughts and feelings, reducing internal conflict Release thoughts and emotions, by recognizing and tracking them Increase focus while deepening our learning and problem solving Boost stability and help us let go of the past. Resolve disagreements with others, by detaching ourselves from the conflict and reflecting on it Furthermore, studies show that specifically keeping a gratitude journal offers some added benefits. In fact, people that keep a gratitude journal have been shown to be happier, healthier, more balanced, and generally more optimistic. Furthermore, they are less self-centered, less susceptible to feelings of envy, more relaxed, and better in decision-making. Journaling Techniques: 6 Ideas to Try There are many different methods of journaling you can benefit from. Here are six creative journaling ideas to get you started. You can always try more than one technique at a time and discover what suits you best. 1. Ten Minute Routine An easy creative journaling technique to begin with is practising the Ten Minute routine. Before going to bed, ask yourself so-called “requests” – the things that you're trying to accomplish currently in life – and write them down. Then, in the morning, write down your answers and thoughts on these questions. This way of journaling is especially efficient to review and sharpen your to-do-list and life vision, as they become forged in your subconscious mind. 2. Stream of Consciousness Another tried and tested creative journaling idea is writing daily in a stream of consciousness. Note down any thought, memory, to-do-list, feeling, drawing, or whatever else pops up. Just let it flow as you write, without trying to censor or edit yourself. Keep going until everything in your 'stream of consciousness' is on the page. Start your day with journaling and a clearer mind 3. Morning Memories Another different journaling technique is writing 'morning memories daily'. Schedule your journaling session each morning, before you start your day. Use the same journal every day, sit in the same spot, and when you’re done writing, take time to reflect on what you've written and accomplished in that session. RELATED: Morning Meditation: The Secret To A Great Day 5 Reasons to Make Your Bed Every Day The 7 Steps to Take When Nothing Makes You Happy Anymore 4. Gratitude Journaling Probably the most researched journaling technique is the gratitude journal, as mentioned earlier. For maximum benefit, take 15 minutes per day, three to four times a week, to journal about what you're grateful for on that day. Be specific, choose depth of gratitude over breadth, and try to get personal (being thankful to people is more efficient than to things). Make a note of seeing good things as a gift, as well as savouring surprises and unexpected events. 5. Intensive journal A comprehensive method of journaling is using the intensive journal process. This copyrighted process, which can be learned in specialised workshops, enables the person journaling to get to know themselves on profound levels. The Intensive Journal Workbook is a large notebook filled with paper and divided into four dimensions of human experience: Life/Time, Dialogue, Depth and Meaning. Each of these aspects is divided into several subsections to work through in the path that the method prescribes. Some of these paragraphs are used to write about our memory of the events of our lives as well as dreams and images. Others are more geared towards stimulating insights and creative activity. 6. Ensō drawing There are various techniwues of journaling. We can choose a traditional way, with pen and paper, or write in an electronic journal, or even add art practices to our journaling, such as drawings or collages, or even specialised forms like ensō drawing. “People that keep a gratitude journal are happier, healthier, more balanced, and generally more optimistic.” Ensō originated in the Japanese Zen Buddhist tradition and these circles are considered sacred symbols that represent infinity and enlightenment, emptiness, balance and harmony. Made with one breath and one continuous movement of a brush or pen, the ensō represents the oneness of life and impermanence of the moment. Our vulnerabilities and strengths are all wrapped up in that circle. As drawing an ensō only takes a moment, you could incorporate this practice alongside one of the other journaling techniques listed. 7. Future Self Journaling Future self journaling is one of the newest journal techniques to gain attention. The practice essentially entails getting in touch with your inner self and manifesting the future you want. It works with employing a positive outlook, which helps you overcome creative blocks and navigate life in a more focused way. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Let Go of the Past: 9 Techniques to Try 7 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuition 31 Shadow Work Prompts For Your Psychological Journey Future self journaling involves focusing on your behavior and creating affirmations and strategies to make real changes to them to propel you to a better place. How to Journal Daily There are an endless list of things to journal about and sometimes it can be hard to sustain this healthy practice. Likewise, there are as many ways to initiate and maintain your journaling as there are different forms of journaling. Here are some ideas to keep you at it: A simple way to start journaling is by starting every day with writing down tasks and goals that you have for that day. Only write a few items, to make it easy to start and make progress. It's useful to mix personal and professional things. By keeping each journal entry short in the beginning, it's easy to do. At the end of each day, look back at what you've accomplished, what you've learned, what you want to explore further, and what you want to pursue the next day. Journaling techniques: start putting pen to paper Once you've developed a basic journaling practice, you can dig deeper and expand on it. Some commonly held beliefs and ‘best practices’ include: Writing about where you are in your life at this moment, and building on that in subsequent journal entries. Starting a dialogue with your inner child by writing in your non-dominant hand, and switching back to your dominant hand. For sustaining your gratitude practice, maintaining a daily list of things you appreciate. Starting a journal of self-portraits; draw, write, or collage who you are today, and learn to appreciate and develop yourself. Keeping a nature diary to connect with the natural world: record what you experience in looking at the sky, experiences and how you feel in different weather, or walks in nature. Maintaining a log of successes, starting with big ones that you remember, and then add them as they occur. This can be strengthening to go back to when you are feeling low. Keeping a playlist of your favourite songs. Write about the moods and memories they trigger. If there’s something you're struggling with or an event that’s disturbing you, write about it in the third person to create distance and perspective. Journal Techniques: Travels to Our Interior Journaling is a powerful habit that enables us to get a more in-depth and clearer understanding of the thoughts, feelings and issues we're working through. Whether we use journaling to accompany our meditation, forgiveness, or gratitude practices, or to work through emotional trauma or creative stumble blocks, a daily practice enables us to focus and develop further. Trying different creative journaling techniques and ideas has given me many benefits in life. I wish you the same journey as you explore your journaling practice. ● Images: Rawpixel.com, dekazigzag, Vergani Fotografia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Inner child therapy focuses on accessing and rectifying unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood that may be negatively affecting your life as an adult. Discover how to heal your inner child with this advice from psychologist Stanislava Puač J. Inner child work or inner child healing is a notion you probably stumbled upon if you ever tried to understand why certain emotions or behaviours seem to come from a child-like, vulnerable place inside you. The term gets tossed around quite a lot, so it may sound like a feel-good phrase at times. Nonetheless, it is a valid therapeutic path for those of us who hear our inner child’s voice echoing beneath the surface. I, for example, still get scared like I did as a little girl when someone gets angry or shouts (as if I weren’t nearly 40 and accomplished in all crucial areas of life). And it is that hurt little girl who needs (and deserves) the care and safety she has necessitated all along. Let’s unpack what healing your inner child means – and how to connect with your inner child so you can become all you can be. What Is Inner Child Work and Therapy? Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood. Moments of unmet needs, trauma, adversity, abuse, or even seemingly minor events that felt unsafe or shameful when you were a child lie buried deep inside your psyche. Unfortunately, they are not always integrated and overcome, especially if you didn’t receive psychotherapy or counselling as a child. These past injuries change a child’s neural system and profoundly affect their development. Self-reflect on adult behaviour and start healing your inner child Indeed, a 2017 study published in the International Journal of Play Therapy concluded that: “chronic and highly stressful environments and experiences, occurring during early development, have a strong negative impact on the neural architecture and overall brain development in young children.” It's no wonder many adults feel a need to address these past hurts and learn to respond to life from the present, not from the survival scripts of the past. A Brief History of Inner Child Therapy The idea of an inner child that carries vast wisdom is ancient. However, in modern seminal literature, two authors’ concepts seem to lie at the basis of inner child healing. In the first half of the 20th century, Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi identified a phenomenon where young children who had been traumatized acquire wisdom beyond their years. He characterized them as ‘wise’ babies. Similarly, Carl Jung, in collaboration with Karl Kerenyi, explored the concept of the ‘divine child’ – a mythological archetype believed to spark healing and intuitive insight in both children and adults. Yet, strictly speaking, it was John Bradshaw in the 1990s who popularized the term inner child in self-help and recovery circles. “Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood.” Nowadays, there isn’t a single therapeutic approach when you wonder how to heal your inner child. It's widely integrated into various therapy modalities, including psychodynamic approaches, schema therapy, IFS (Internal Family Systems), and somatic psychology. Signs Your Inner Child Needs Healing So, how to connect with your inner child and know they need healing in the first place? Well, there are specific signals your inner child may be sending your way, even if you’re not aware of their meaning yet. Here are some common examples: People-pleasing Your fear of disappointing others compels you to bend over backwards for them, neglecting your needs. Difficulty setting boundaries You struggle to assert boundaries and say “no”, or feel guilty when you do. Self-sabotage You carry a deep-seated sense of unworthiness that unconsciously undermines your own goals or relationships. Emotional outbursts or shutdowns Small triggers evoke intense reactions, reflecting unprocessed feelings from childhood. Fear of abandonment or rejection You have a strong urge to protect yourself, so you seek excessive reassurance or avoid closeness altogether. Perfectionism You try to be flawless to avoid criticism or earn affection. Shame and self-criticism Your inner critic works overtime. Addictive behaviours You use food, work, substances, shopping, or screens excessively. Seemingly inexplicable medical concerns A 2015 study from Arizona State University concluded that “childhood trauma may lead to poorer health in midlife through disturbances in the patterns of everyday life events and responses to those events”. Disconnection from joy You find it hard to relax, be spontaneous, or experience awe. These behaviors are coping mechanisms, not flaws or weaknesses. Your inner child adopted them to feel safe, at one point. Now comes the time for inner child healing, because, as you will soon learn, it is a vital element of you realizing your healthy potential. Why Is Inner Child Healing Important? Research supports the idea that experiencing childhood trauma can lead to long-term negative effects in individuals, such as impacting our physical health later in life, be less responsive to coping tools, and making our emotional reactions swing more intensely. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life Healing your inner child isn’t about wallowing in the past, though. Think about it as updating your emotional operating system. Now, as an adult, you get an opportunity to choose how you will respond, instead of falling right into that vulnerable state of mind. Self.compassion is essential in inner child work and healing Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self. So, how to connect with your inner child and start healing? Let’s dive right in. How Can I Begin Healing My Inner Child? Healing your inner child usually means revisiting very hurtful experiences: a counsellor or therapist can help if you need professional support. With dedication and patience, you will start to see some of the signs that your inner child is healing. Nonetheless, if you want to start on your own and are wondering how to heal your inner child without a therapist – or as a complement to therapy – here are seven powerful steps grounded in psychological evidence and therapeutic practice. 1. Reconnect Through Visualization One of the most commonly used tools is a gentle meditation where you visualize yourself meeting your child Self in a safe place. What are they feeling? What do they need? Offer comfort and reassurance. If you find it challenging to create that emotional bridge, looking at your childhood photos can help. They will likely spark the connection. 2. Write Letters to Your Inner Child Letter-writing is used in inner child therapy to promote inner dialogue with parts of yourself that might otherwise feel overwhelming. First, write from your adult perspective to your inner child. Then switch – write from your inner child. You might start to notice the needs and past hurts you weren’t aware of. 3. Identify and Reframe Core Beliefs Schema therapy identifies patterns like “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll be abandoned” as emotional schemas (also known as early maladaptive schemas). Gently challenge these beliefs. Ask: Whose voice is this? When did this belief come to be? Is this true today? MORE LIKE THIS: How To Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques Self-Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself in 7 Steps How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 4. Track Emotional Triggers Whenever you have a disproportionate emotional reaction, note it down. Ask: How old do I feel in this moment? Keeping a journal of these moments helps you spot patterns and develop more adult responses over time. 5. Reparent Yourself Daily Healing your inner child often involves so-called reparenting – intentionally offering yourself the care and love you needed but didn’t receive as a child. “Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses. In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self.” Depending on what you need, reparenting could mean setting healthy boundaries, creating healthy life habits, or affirming your emotions instead of dismissing them. The result? Your basic sense of trust (re)built. 6. Play, Create, and Be Silly You can help heal your inner child by playing and being creative. Part of connecting with your inner child means tapping into your child-like energy. Make space for joy, spontaneity, and curiousity. Draw, dance, build something silly. Healing isn’t all heavy lifting. 7. Seek Out Safe Relationships How to connect with your inner child? Sometimes, the answer is in connection with others. Safe attachment can offer corrective experiences – be it with a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend. Learning it’s safe to be your true Self in front of others is a cornerstone of inner child healing. Takeaway: How to Heal Your Inner Child? Inner child work is about freeing your present Self from invisible strings that formed through childhood adversities. And when you embark on the journey of healing that broken part of your being, you begin to meet your own emotional needs in ways that your childhood Self couldn’t. So, if you’re noticing painful patterns repeating in your life, or feel stuck in ways you can’t explain, chances are your inner child is still waiting to be heard. The good news? You are safe now. You can begin to heal. ● Images: shutterstock/Favebrush, shutterstock/dot.studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Authenticity | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Healing your wounded inner child takes dedicated work and patience. So, how can you tell if you're succeeding? Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explains the key signs that your inner child is healing, from choosing healthier relationships to responding instead of reacting. Healing the child within can feel elusive and vague at first. Even a little scary. Yet, as you move through the inner child work of listening to and caring for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge. It is rarely a dramatic overnight transformation – more of a rewiring behind the scenes. The inner tension starts to soften. Old triggers lose their grip. Bit by bit, you realize that inside of you, there’s now a healed inner child. So, how do you know if it’s working? And how long does it take to heal your inner child? Before we dive in, let’s pause to remember what healing the child within actually means and why it's important to embark on this journey. Healing the Child Within Healing your inner child involves reconnecting with the parts of yourself shaped by childhood experiences — especially painful or unmet emotional needs — and offering them the care they needed but didn’t receive. But why dig out past hurts in the first place? According to psychological research and practice, unhealed childhood wounds tend to cause extensive adversities in adult life. They affect our mental well-being, relationships, and even physical health and longevity. There are many signs your inner child is being healed Luckily, as a recent study by Trivedi, et al published in The International Journal of Regression Therapy shows, an intervention aimed at healing your inner child, “effectively improves participants’ mental health [...]. Moreover, the data show that the positive effects tend to be more pronounced with a longer duration of the intervention”. Whether your inner child work involves therapy, journaling techniques, or using visualization and reparenting techniques, the path is rarely linear. But progress does leave footprints: here are some of the signs your inner child is healed. 9 Signs You’re Healing Your Inner Child A healed inner child doesn’t come to you with a memo saying: “Woohoo, everything’s perfect!” Nonetheless, if you have walked the path for a while, you will start noticing the signs your inner child is healed (or getting there). For me, it was when I realized I wasn’t entering a full panic mode when a man sitting next to me in public transportation started shouting (which would typically be a massive trigger). My healed inner child entered the stage as quietly as that. If you notice some of these signs your inner child is healed, take heart: change is unfolding. 1. You Respond Instead of Reacting Like my personal example above, specific triggers used to make you spiral into shame or lash out. Yet, now, you manage to pause before reacting. You recognize where the emotion comes from, accept it’s there, and choose how to respond. This is one of the most prominent sings your inner child is healed, because it means your childhood hurts no longer take over whenever you hit a bump on the road. 2. You No Longer Abandon Yourself to Keep Peace The moment you choose yourself over what others (or internalized others) expect you to be, everything changes. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychotherapist and psychologist, spoke about this. “Healing the child within can feel elusive at first. Yet, as you listen to and care for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge.” And a key marker of a healed inner child is precisely the ability to honour your needs and peculiarities. You are no longer willing to disappear just to keep the peace and avoid making waves. 3. You Feel Comfortable with Healthy Boundaries A natural continuation of the previous sign your inner child is healed is setting healthy boundaries. Your boundaries no longer resemble walls – nor are they non-existent. Nowadays, you have doors with locks you choose to open (or not). When you’re healing the child within, you begin to set boundaries from a place of self-respect. 4. You Can Self-Soothe Instead of Spiral Another vital sign your inner child is healed is when you stop spiralling into ruminating thoughts. Instead of incessantly asking yourself: “Did I do something wrong? Will they still like me if I say no?”, you now reach out for comforting behaviors, such as journaling, conscious breathing, music, and movement. You can now soothe your inner child from the position of a kind, attuned caregiver. A healed inner child will sooth instead of spiral 5. You Reclaim Joy and Playfulness When we live as adults with a hurt inner child, we tend to be overly adapted and efficient. In a sense, we’re a bit too adult. There’s little room for spontaneity. RELATED: What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship The moment you start letting yourself be silly and creative, you probably carry a healed inner child inside. Why? That freedom to play signals that the inner child feels safe enough to come out again. 6. You Sit Happily With Your Feelings Healing doesn’t mean you stop feeling sad or angry. But, unlike before, when you wouldn’t trust your emotions, you start acknowledging and validating them. You no longer feel the need to either suppress or dramatize your feelings to be taken seriously. 7. You Attract (or Choose) Healthier Relationships We tend to repeat the patterns from our family of origin. Unfortunately, if these were unhealthy, you have likely picked the wrong people to surround yourself with. Nonetheless, as you start healing your inner child, you begin to expect kindness and honesty from others. And you grow the capacity to give and receive healthy love. “The most profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval.” What's more, a 2024 study by Loo Yee Hing from the International Grafinity Association of Malaysia revealed that such healing can be built upon further. A program aimed at healing the inner child among parents resulted in “transformation [that] was characterized by heightened self-awareness, improved emotional regulation, improved parenting skills and strategies, strengthened parent-child relationship that foster a suitable relationship”. 8. You Let Go of Harsh Self-Criticism Your inner critic’s voice has softened. Instead of cruel remarks about how incompetent you are when you make a mistake, you catch yourself offering self-compassion. That shift from punishment to patience and understanding signals your adult Self is making decisions about who and how worthy you are — and not the people who hurt you when you were a child. Dropping self-criticism: one sign your inner child is healing 9. You Know You’re Worthy – Even When You Struggle Finally, the most subtle yet profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval. You now judge your worth and have integrity and an identity grounded in self-awareness and recognition of both your strengths and weaknesses. How Long Does It Take to Heal Your Inner Child? If you’re wondering how long it takes to heal your inner child, you’re not alone. It’s a common question, and a fair one. Unfortunately, you’re not going to receive a definite response. As with any self-development work, the road you need to travel before you live with a healed inner child varies. It is your personal path, and it's impossible to say what to expect in general. One friend told me he felt a massive improvement after only two therapy sessions. Most people begin to feel major shifts in a matter of months. Others walk this path for years. It all depends, among other factors, on: The severity of childhood trauma and adverse experiences you’re trying to heal Your current support system Consistency of your healing practices So, rather than aiming for a finish line, it’s more helpful to think in terms of layers. For example, you may heal the outer layer rather quickly, one that is tied to your self-confidence. And then, you might discover a deeper layer around trust or intimacy. Therefore, think about moving in an upward spiral, and peeling one layer after the other. Takeaway: Signs Your Inner Child is Healing Healing the child within is one of the most powerful journeys you can take. It’s as close as you can get to changing your past. No, wrongdoings won’t get undone. But you will transform how your past lives in you. And no, the transformation most likely won’t feel dramatic. Yet, you will wake up one morning, realizing that you have quietly become less anxious, kinder, and more in touch with the world and yourself; that you have shown up for yourself in ways no one else could. ● Images: shutterstock/Undry, shutterstock/dot.studio, shutterstock/Edge Creative happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Sometimes the obstacles we face in life paralyze us, leaving us trapped. Stanislava Puač J. shares 8 tips on overcoming challenges and restarting our lives. Even though many of us hope for a carefree life, it just will not happen. Challenges will always be on our path. Sometimes, it may seem as if the walls ahead are simply too high to surmount. Yet, overcoming challenges is a part of how we learn and grow. Indeed, obstacles give us an opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. History is filled with examples of people who learned how to trounce impediments and develop psychologically from the process. Take Demosthenes, for example. He is now recognised as the greatest of ancient Greek orators. Nonetheless, when he was young, he had a severe speech impediment. He overcame this barrier through a self-designed, disciplined practice. Einstein is another famous example of how overcoming obstacles can result in greatness. Apart from not speaking until he was three, he constantly faced doubt and under-appreciation by adults throughout his childhood and youth. Still, he found a way to develop his talents and become one of the most recognised names in human history. In this article I'll explain how you can perceive overcoming challenges as a means of psychological growth. I'll explain why we need to fight the obstacles we face — and why we need to do it adaptively. Finally, I'll give you eight science-based tips for overcoming obstacles in a way that helps you grow and become braver and more confident. Why you need to overcome obstacles The examples from the introduction illustrate something that is called overcompensation in psychology. When we have an actual or perceived deficit of a sort, we will usually try to offset it by developing it into a particular forte. This strong point will then serve as a counterweight to the shortfall. Overcompensation means going above and beyond what is necessary. Demosthenes could have merely fixed the speech impediment and lived an average life. But no. He became the greatest orator. Dismantling self-doubt is a key step in overcoming challenges Examples of overcompensation reveal how overcoming challenges opens the path to psychological growth in life. Albeit going that far is not necessary for every obstacle we face, we must say that avoidance is usually unhealthy. When we face hurdles, we are presented with a choice. We can either commit to overcoming challenges — or to failing or stagnating. Here’s why. When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions. Some of the most common ones are anger (for your aspirations remaining unfulfilled), guilt (because you know that you did not try hard enough), or envy (when you witness others getting what they want). You are also bound to become stressed because problems rarely just disappear. A 2016 study from the University of Amsterdam found that avoidance of difficulties leads to a diminishing sense of control. In turn, psychological well-being and mental health declines as rumination takes over. “When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions, such as anger, guilt or envy.” Self-doubt, anxiety and depression could come as a result of continual failure to achieve goals. Even though it might feel good to rationalise the reasons why you did not realise your dreams at first, empirical findings reveal that this defence mechanism is associated with emotional disorders. Therefore, even though overcoming challenges may feel scary at times, it is vital for your well-being. As you progress through hurdles on your path towards attaining goals, you are simultaneously growing as a person. You develop self-confidence, learn to move beyond self-indulgence, and develop adaptive responses to whatever life throws your way. Overcoming challenges: 8 tips How we respond to complications is highly individualised. It could be affected by our past experiences, mental habits, as well as our personalities. Seeking and overcoming challenges seems embedded in some people’s temperament and personality structure. Nonetheless, whether we are naturally geared towards adventure or not, we will hit an impediment here and there. Overcoming obstacles will be easier if you incorporate some of the following tips on productive coping with challenges. 1. Analyse the problem well It may seem obvious, but the first step to overcoming challenges without difficulty is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically. You may be amazed by how often we succumb to apprehension, avoidance — or daydreaming and unsubstantiated optimism, on the other hand — instead of scrutinising the problem critically. Therefore, examine where the problem truly lies. Is it a real or perceived obstacle? Which aspect is the most important one? In what order do you need to tackle the elements of the difficulty? What is it that you can and cannot impact? What resources do you need — new knowledge and skills, others’ help, time, or determination? 2. Consider it an opportunity, not a threat A common obstacle to successfully overcoming challenges is our mindset. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the type of person who goes about looking for challenges and adventures. Even more concretely, I used to feel threatened by any new and tricky situation. Still, what I found very useful is changing my perspective. What may not come naturally to you could be developed through practice. RELATED: Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity Those who enjoy challenges — and thrive facing hitches — see every obstacle as an opportunity to become greater, better, different. You, too, can train your mind to think of hindrances as a chance to learn something new and evolve rather than to suffer. 3. Examine and dismantle your self-doubts Overcoming obstacles is often made more difficult by your own unhelpful thoughts, especially if you're used to avoiding facing challenges. When you look at your records and see but a few instances in which you fought a problem head-on, it's easy to succumb to self-doubt. Doubting your abilities, or even loathing yourself for lack thereof, will get you nowhere. What you need to do is to examine and knock down your lack of faith in your skills. Where does it come from? What thought comes to your mind when you anticipate trouble? How does it make you feel? How realistic is such a belief? Could you think about the situation differently (hint — yes, you could)? Support from friends is a key factor in overcoming obstacles 4. Keep a record of your past successes One helpful way to deal with self-doubt more effectively is to document one’s successes. Studies show that many people tend to overestimate their shortcomings. At the same time, they underestimate how well they can address problems. As a result, their self-perception gets distorted, making them blind to their abilities. Make a CV of your past accomplishments. Do not hold back but praise yourself for everything you have achieved so far. Remember the times when you overcame snags with triumph. What qualities did you need to mobilise to overcome challenges? Write them all down. And then, come to this “CV” whenever you feel a lack of confidence creeping on you. 5. Make a solid plan Once you are clearer on where the problem lies, what unhelpful thoughts might be hindering your success, and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it. In other words, you are highly unlikely to accomplish your goals if you do not combine a belief in yourself with a solid action plan. “The first step to overcoming challenges is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically.” Define the goal and communicate it to those who need to be involved. Make a step-by-step map of action that is clear and easy to follow. Make sure there are tangible steps and smaller objectives on the way to the final goal. Measure the results — and celebrate them, too. 6. Assemble a circle of support Overcoming obstacles is much easier when you have someone to lean on. Science has shown that social support has been confirmed to be one of the crucial factors in psychological well-being over and over again. Somehow, life problems tend to seem much bigger when you feel alone in dealing with them. RELATED: 7 Ways Spiritual Coaching Could Transform Your Life So, ask for support from the right people. Seek out those who will be supportive, accepting and realistic. Whether it's your friends and family, a support group, or a psychotherapist, an encouraging social environment can do wonders for your self-esteem. It will highlight and nurture your ability to overcome any issue ahead. A helping hand from friends is essential for overcoming challenges and difficulties 7. Meditate Meditation is a technique that can help you integrate the tips we have spoken about above. Meditative practice teaches you to calm your mind and free it from ruminative apprehensions and adverse emotions. It gives you the mental flexibility and physical tranquillity you need for overcoming obstacles with success. Finally, after meditation, you will notice greater clarity in understanding the problem ahead and how you can tackle it. 8. Pledge to self-care Let me be straight — overcoming challenges can be hard work. It's easy to disregard healthy habits when you are entangled with problems. This is why you should commit to a self-care practice and ensure you are well cared for. Broadly speaking, all the tips here can be seen as a form of self-care. When you perceive a problem rationally, address unhelpful beliefs and develop a growth mindset and self-confidence, you care for yourself. The same goes for gathering support or meditating. “Once you're clear on where the problem lies and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it.” However, what we have in mind here is more specific. It's a well-known set of recommendations to make sure you do not neglect to care for your mental and physical needs. Therefore, eat healthily and regularly. Set up a better sleep routine to ensure both the quality and quantity of sleep you need. Exercise to release some of the accumulated stress. Socialise with the right people and consume quality media content. Finally, pamper yourself and treat yourself to something pleasant and healthy, like a relaxing massage. You will find your mental batteries charged as a result of such a self-care routine, and you will be much more willing to embrace the opportunity to grow from overcoming challenges. Takeaway: Embrace overcoming challenges It's perfectly natural to feel anxiety — dread, even — when facing major challenges in our life. The more important the goal, the graver the fear of not attaining it. You may even feel totally paralyzed. However, obstacles tend not to go away just because we look the other way. So, take the challenges life throws at you head-on. This will show you a doorway to an unbounded field for psychological growth. Embrace the hurdles and snags. Be courageous and believe in yourself. Even though overcoming challenges and difficulties may feel like you are in freefall at times, be at ease. There is a new 'you' that will catch you on the other side of the obstacle you're facing. • Main image: shutterstock/Maridav, shutterstock/Viktoria Kurpas, Hitdelight happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Self-help | Authenticity | Coaching Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Ego death – also known as ego dissolution or ego loss – is a complete loss of subjective self-identity. Rhianna Quanstrom explores some of the common triggers, such as psychedelic experiences, as well as the signs, symptoms, and full meaning of ego death. The first time I experienced an ego death or dissolution was when I took psychedelics at a party. At the time, I was living a very unhealthy lifestyle and making a lot of poor choices. In fact, I think I was in total self-destruct mode. Why? Because I was fully identified with my mind, thoughts, trauma, and wounds. When I took the psychedelics, it was like the blinders came off. For the first time, I could clearly see that who I was “acting” as was not who I truly was. However, this was not an enjoyable experience. In fact, it was terrifying. I could see the darkness of my life surrounding me like a black cloud. Despite it being a “bad trip,” my life completely changed after that experience. I stopped partying, made new friends, and started living a completely different lifestyle. That pivotal moment launched me onto the path of becoming who I am today. This moment was what's known as an ego death, the first of many I have experienced as I continue to walk a path of healing and awakening. An ego death is a transformative experience in this journey we call life. It can be difficult to understand and even harder to describe. If you’re curious about ego death or perhaps believe you may be going through one yourself, keep reading to understand the symptoms of ego dissolution and the ultimate gift that it can offer. What is an Ego Death? To understand the ego death meaning, we must first understand what the ego even is. The ego represents our concept of self, of who we think we are. It contains our identities, beliefs, desires, wounds, conditioning, and worldviews. The ego is represented by "I am" statements, such as "I am (my name)," "I am a (role or gender)," "I believe (in this)," "I enjoy (this)," and "I think (this)." I like to think of it as a mental structure encompassing who we are in this form. It is a normal part of our psychology and human makeup. It helps us present ourselves, participate in the community, and share our unique gifts. Ego death meaning: loss of subjective self-identity The problem is that almost everyone completely identifies with this mental structure as who they truly are. They are their gender, role in society, accomplishments, thoughts, titles, personality, “things,” and income. By completely identifying with our ego structure, we also affirm the illusion of separateness. The ego, by nature, defines how we are separate from others. But this is just the “outward” structure, and there is an essence within this structure that is witnessing and bringing life-force consciousness to it all. Eckhart Tolle relates to this inner essence as our “Being.” Writing inThe Power of Now – his landmark book – Tolle states: “Being is eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature.” “An ego death or ego dissolution is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting.” I like to relate to it as my true Divine nature, which is part of and connected to all of life. This essence in me is the same essence within you and within all beings. From this place of knowing, we understand that our mental structures aren’t who we truly are; they are simply the lens or filter through which our true self shines through. As such, an ego death is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting. This is because one of the main purposes of the ego is to keep us alive and safe! Indeed, we build these egoic structures and beliefs to keep our inner, true self “safe.” So, when we go through a process of realizing that who we think we are isn’t truly who we are, it can feel like we’re literally dying. However, it’s really just the ego going through a death phase. MORE LIKE THIS: Nonduality: What it Is, What it Isn't, and Basic Teachings What is Soul Loss and Retrieval? Healing Through a Shamanic Lens What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Of course, the ego doesn’t truly “die.” Rather, an ego dissolution is more of a death for a rebirth process – a transformational rewiring that brings our ego structures into better alignment with our true, Divine self. Ego deaths also help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs. Even if we go through an ego death, we still have our thoughts, personality, and roles; however, those aspects of self might change or evolve to better reflect our true Being. The History of Ego Death While the term “ego death” is more recent, the concept of egotism and ego dissolution has been part of mystical traditions for millennia. This concept is found in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christian mysticism, Sufism, and shamanism. Buddhists believe the path of enlightenment involves the dissolution of the self. In Hinduism, there is the concept of the “false self,” which relates to the ego. Through meditation, yoga, and devotion, the devotee can let go of their false self and realize their true nature. Dissolution of the self This same concept stretches into Christian mysticism and Sufism, with both traditions emphasizing “dying to self” to experience union with God. The idea is to strip away illusions and egoic desires so that their singular focus is on the Divine. In shamanism, there is an interesting practice called dismemberment that is a form of ego death. People on a shamanic journey have experienced their spirit guide or power animal attacking them and ripping them apart. Their helping spirit then puts them back together, while leaving out energy, illness, beliefs, or limitations that are not serving that person. Dismemberment can happen spontaneously in a shamanic journey, or it can be experienced intentionally. “Ego deaths help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs.” More recently, the term ego death has been connected to psychedelic experiences. The term was actually coined in the 1960s by Timothy Leary in his book The Psychedelic Experience. In it, he explored how psychedelics played a key role in the spiritual journey and initiated ego deaths. Signs and Symptoms of Ego Death Ego death can occur within a single psychedelic or meditation experience, and it can be a slow process over weeks or months. When occurring over some time, ego death is commonly referred to as a “dark night of the soul.” While in an altered state of consciousness, such as on a psychedelic or shamanic journey, ego death symptoms may be entirely unique to you. It may feel scary, disorienting, liberating, peaceful, enlightening, or joyful. Here are some common signs and symptoms of ego death: Loss of identity You may not feel like you know who you are or why you’re here. Your current roles may not feel like they “fit” anymore. Confusion You may feel cloudy, disoriented, and not know what is “real” anymore. There could be emotions rising to the surface that don’t have an obvious source. Dissolving into nothingness An experience of completely letting go to the point where you feel like you are no one and no-thing, like you’re floating in space as pure consciousness. You may also experience sinking into the earth and dissolving into the soil. Becoming one with everything Alternatively, when the illusion of self strips away, one may feel like they are connected and one with everything around them. They are one with the tree in their yard, the wind in the sky, the bird flying high, and the clouds passing by. Detachment from the mind You may experience becoming the observer of yourself, like you are watching your mind from a distance. When there’s space between yourself and your thoughts, you can clearly see your thought patterns and emotions from a non-judgmental, unattached way. Intense fear During a psychedelic experience, it’s normal to go through phases of intense fear or panic. It may feel like you’re dying, and you may have visions of death or darkness. While scary, these are typical symptoms of ego death, especially on psychedelics. What Causes Ego Death? There are many ways that an ego death can be triggered. Substances – such as mescaline (found in the Peyote and Wachuma cacti) psilocybin, ayahuasca, LSD, and DMT – commonly cause ego deaths. These are typically intense and transformational, resulting in a sudden change in one’s life going forward. Psilocybin, found in mushrooms, can lead to ego dissolution experiences Devotion to a spiritual and awakening path will eventually lead to ego death. The longer one walks this path, the more experiences of ego death they will go through. This is because as one walks a healing and awakening path, there is a natural purification process. All that is not true and no longer serves comes to the surface and is released over time. Aside from psychedelic experiences, here are some other common causes of ego death: Sudden spiritual awakenings Near-death experiences Childbirth Intense grief or trauma Deep, unconditional love Lucid dreaming Consistent and long meditations Shamanic journey meditations Is Ego Death Good? Ego death has the potential to be a truly rewarding experience, depending on how well the experience is integrated. It can lead to a deeper connection to one’s own true, Divine nature, and to the world around them. It can help bring one closer to their true purpose, help release emotional trauma, heal old wounds, and let go of belief systems or conditioning that no longer serve. For example, a 2023 study conducted led by Johns Hopkins University and published in Front Psychiatry found that naturalistic use (non-research-based) of psilocybin showed: “persisting reductions in anxiety, depression, and alcohol misuse, increased cognitive flexibility, emotion regulation, spiritual wellbeing, and extraversion, and reduced neuroticism and burnout.” This is just one study of many that show the positive implications of psychedelic integration, in which ego deaths are common. Ego deaths are profound and monumental, but they can also be frightening and disorienting. It’s important to integrate the process and seek support when you need it. Takeaway: What is an Ego Death? An ego death is a transformational experience. While scary, it can help us come into deeper alignment with our true essence and change the course of our lives. These intense initiations help us realize and remember that we are so much more than who we think we are. I’m so thankful for the intense and dark psychedelic experience I had. That ego death helped me realize that the path I was heading down was not where I wanted to go. It helped remove the illusions and beliefs clouding my mind so that I could clearly see that the life I was living wasn’t in alignment with my true, Divine nature. Whether you’re currently experiencing symptoms of an ego death or you’re curious about the psychedelic experience, be sure to have people around to support you. The key is integration and trusting that this experience is part of your liberation and healing. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/Room27 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Purpose of Life | Letting Go | Mindfulness Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

From meditation to yoga to conscious breathing, discover 5 ways to balance chakras, unblock bodily energy flows, realigning body and mind. By Rachel Markowitz. A few years ago, while working at a yoga retreat center, a guest approached me with concern. An energy healer had told her that her sacral chakra was the size of a peanut, and she felt helpless and upset. Whether the healer truly believed this or not, the incident sticks with me as an example of how chakra-based healing can be confusing, vague, or distorted. This woman’s “healing” session gave her the sense that something was wrong. However, chakra blockages and imbalances are common and often easy to remedy. Signals from the chakras serve as a gateway to understanding our health from a holistic perspective. Thus, by exploring chakra balancing (or realignment) and how to unblock chakras, we can take control of our own healing. What Are the 7 Chakras? Before we discuss specific balancing techniques, it's important to understand the basics of the major chakras and their qualities. Chakras are centers of life-force energy located in the subtle (energetic) body. They are not visible or measurable in the physical world. Although different philosophies use various theories to classify and explain these energetic vortexes, most teachings today focus on seven main chakras. These energy centers ascend from the base of the spine to slightly above the crown of the head along our main energetic channel, Sushumna Nadi. Learn how to unblock chakras and balance bodily energy flow Each of the major chakras controls the flow of life-force energy (or prana) to specific aspects of our physical, mental, and energetic constitution. Accordingly, balancing the chakra system is believed to create an energetic environment conducive to a healthy, peaceful, joyful life. What is Chakra Alignment? Chakra alignment refers to a state of balance where each of the main centers is an open, spinning disk of energy serving its purpose to absorb and distribute prana. When our chakras are aligned, each is functioning optimally, and energy can flow without blockages. MORE LIKE THIS: Balancing the 5 Pillars of Life for Lasting Well-Being Understanding the Different Types of Karma What is Chi? A Guide to Feeling and Healing Life Force Energy In an energetic body with blockages, chakras can end up overactive or deficient. In this case, various practices and methods can assist with overall chakra realignment. Furthermore, if a specific energy center is blocked with stagnant energy, these same methods can be used to heal energy centers individually. How to Unblock and Realign Chakras: 5 Techniques Methods for balancing chakras include traditional practices, self-care routines, and professional healing modalities. Even without specific health issues, these techniques promote well-being by harmonizing energy movement throughout the body. 1. Chakra Meditation Each chakra is associated with a specific location, color, symbol, mantra, sound frequency, and musical note, as follows: Root (Muladhara) – Base of the spine; Red; Lotus flower with 4 petals; Lam; 396 Hz; C Sacral (Swadhistana) – Below the navel; Orange; Lotus flower with 6 petals; Vam; 417 Hz; D Solar Plexus (Manipura) – Core, above the navel; Yellow; Lotus flower with 10 petals, Ram; 528 Hz; E Heart (Anahata) – Center of the chest at heart level; Green; Lotus flower with 12 petals, Yam; 639 Hz; F Throat (Vishuddha) – Throat; Blue; Lotus flower with 16 petals; Ham; 741 Hz; G Third Eye (Ajna) – Center of the brain, between the eyebrows; Indigo; Lotus flower with 2 petals; Om; 852 Hz; A Crown (Sahasrara) – Slightly above the crown of the head; Violet or White; Lotus flower with 1,000 petals; Aum or silence; 963 Hz; B To focus on unblocking or strengthening an individual chakra as part of a meditation practice, we can visualize its symbol, chant its mantra (or its Sanskrit name) silently or aloud, imagine clear light (or a light of its color) radiating throughout your body, or use tuning forks, singing bowls, or digital sound frequencies corresponding to that chakra. “Balancing the chakra system is believed to create an energetic environment conducive to a healthy, peaceful, joyful life.” For overall chakra balancing and realignment, visualize each chakra as a clear white light (or a light of its color) radiating throughout the body. Work your way up from the root to the crown, and end with a visualization of your spine as a column of pure, bright light. 2. Yoga Asana Although typically associated with the physical body, the practice of yoga asana (postures) was originally developed to balance, strengthen, and cleanse the energetic body as preparation for meditation. Essentially, by forming intentional shapes with the body, we can manipulate pranic flow to harness and redirect energy. Carry gemstones which align with the chakra that needs realignment A quick online search will provide asana classes targeted towards aligning the chakras. However, if you are experienced with basic yoga positions, you can practice on your own by following or adapting the following sequence, holding each posture for about a minute with long, deep breathing. Yoga Practices For Chakra Balancing Standing Postures Mountain Pose (Root) Goddess Pose (Sacral) Sitting Postures Boat Pose (Manipura) Camel Pose (Heart) Reclined Postures Plow Pose or Shoulderstand (Throat) Resting postures Child’s Pose (Third Eye) Savasana (Crown) 3. Pranayama Conscious breathing practices, called pranayama in yoga, also work to balance and cleanse the subtle body. Two simple pranayama techniques that can assist with overall balancing of the chakras are Spinal Breathing and Nadi Shodana. You can practice each for a few minutes, as often as feels right. Spinal Breathing Inhale slowly, imagining your breath, or life-force energy, rising from the base of your spine to the crown of your head. Exhale completely, visualizing this energy as it returns from the crown of your head to the base of your spine. Keep your inhalations and exhalations of equal length and intensity if possible. Nadi Shodana (alternate nostril breath) Inhale slowly through your left nostril, using your right thumb to block your right nostril. Pause for a moment and naturally exhale through your right nostril, using your right ring finger to block your left nostril. Continue by inhaling through your right nostril and exhaling through the left to complete a full round. Repeat for several rounds of equal-length breaths to purify nadis (energetic channels). .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } XX How to practise Nadi Shodana for chakra and energy balancing 4. Intuitive Experimentation Along with the qualities of each chakra mentioned above, fragrances, herbs, foods, and objects that correspond with a chakra’s color can also realign or unblock chakras. With a basic knowledge of these associations, we can integrate practical chakra healing into daily life. MORE LIKE THIS: Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect How Can Dream Analysis Therapy Benefit Mental Health Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey Beyond the Experience Since most of us aren’t attuned to visualizing or feeling energy, the best way to identify chakra imbalances or blockages is to look at the consistent or recurring aspects of our health that we would like to improve. For example, let’s say you experience feeling ungrounded, frequently stub your toes, and struggle with feeling at home in your body – symptoms indicative of an underactive or blocked root chakra. A healing plan for you might include walking barefoot in nature, eating root vegetables, using sandalwood or cedarwood incense or oils, meditating with a chunk of obsidian, or placing a small piece of garnet in your pocket. “In an energetic body with blockages, chakras can end up overactive or deficient. Various practices can assist with chakra realignment.” Essentially, the body’s wisdom combined with the mind’s creativity can provide limitless opportunities for self-awareness, healing, and growth. 5. Professional Chakra Healing Although we recommend using discernment when choosing healers, professional healers who truly see and understand the subtle body can identify energetic blockages, balance chakras, and give advice on realigning them in the future. RELATED: Tummo Breathing a Meditation: A Guide Kundalini Meditation: 4 Key Benefits and How to Practise It Yoga For Happiness: Compassion Yoga A gifted healer will be able to read your energy and may even be able to suggest how to best balance chakras through intuitive or visionary gifts. Professional chakra healing practices often consist of energy work (such as Reiki), but could also include massage, guided meditations, aromatherapy, or sound-based healing. Takeaway: Balancing Chakras Everything in life is a manifestation of energy, and the chakras serve to balance and direct our unique energetic flow. When we attune to our inner environment, we begin to understand how the health of each chakra plays a role in our personal strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, by learning how to unblock and balance chakras through practices and therapies, we become aware of how to heal integral aspects of our physical health, mental tendencies, and spiritual journey. Images: ArtNebula86, vetre happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Herbalism | Healing crystals | Reflexology | Acupuncture Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Feeling off-track in life can make us unhappy and unfulfilled, but we should take it as an opportunity for self-discovery. Dee Marques explains how you can help to find yourself and your true purpose again through 10 steps, from journal prompts to embracing solitude. There are moments in life when we feel lost and unsure of who we are or where we're heading. Perhaps it's following a significant life change, such as the loss of a loved one, a change in your professional life, or the disintegration of a meaningful relationship. If you’ve been there, you know that these seasons in life can be tough and uncomfortable – and you’re not alone. Feeling lost isn't uncommon. In the UK, nearly 90% of Brits aged between 16 and 29 say they lack meaning and direction in their lives. Similarly, in the US, a study by Harvard found that nearly 60% of young adults had felt a “void in their lives” within the last 30 days. But built into this lack of clarity and direction there’s also an invitation to go on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. If you’re wondering how to find happiness from within or how to go about finding yourself again, you’re in the right place. Let's look at what finding yourself truly means, the benefits of starting off in this journey, and 10 suggestions on how to find yourself – including some journal prompts for self discovery. Start self-discovery and find your path to success What does it mean to really 'find yourself'? Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like. Also, this journey can be continuous. After a period of soul-searching, we can get some insights into who we are and what our next step is, but these revelations won't necessarily be valid for the rest of our lives. As we age and face new experiences, our perspectives evolve, making self-discovery an ongoing process. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Indeed, the self-discovery journey isn't about reaching a final destination but about embracing the process of becoming. It's about understanding who you are, which are your true values, the passions that drive you forward, your strengths, and the unique combination of accumulated experiences that make you who you are. Finding yourself means recognising that change is constant and that self-awareness helps you navigate the ups and downs in life with clarity and purpose. Benefits of finding yourself Sometimes, we may be tempted to postpone the self-discovery journey. Perhaps at a subconscious level, we know that truly finding ourselves is going to require radical honesty. But if you push past the initial resistance, finding yourself can be transformative and liberating. The commitment to cultivating self-awareness offers many rewards, including: A better sense of direction Our thoughts and emotions impact our choices and behaviours, so increased self-awareness can help us make decisions and develop habits that get us closer to where we want to be in life. Improved mental health Studies show that Self-awareness influences our levels of emotional regulation and emotional intelligence, so we become better at monitoring our emotional reactions and modulating them so they don’t hijack our mental well-being. In other words, we’re more in control of our internal states. High-quality relationships A UK study found that self-awareness was closely linked to improved social interactions. The reason? Probably because through self-discovery, we learn to develop healthy boundaries, as well as compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others. Increased resilience As we move through self-discovery journey, we become more aware of our strengths and we learn new coping tools. This is helpful when things are tough, as we’re better equipped to move forward with ease. Greater life satisfaction Knowing that you’re living in alignment with your values and goals is one of the most rewarding experiences. Authentic living is the antidote to that existential void that so many people experience. How to find yourself So, if you're feeling stuck in life, here are 10 steps you can take to find clarity about who you really are and what you want your life to mean. But remember; our goals and visions constantly change, so be prepared to repeat these steps at various stages of your life journey. 1. Practice self-reflection Set aside time regularly to reflect on your experiences, emotions, and reactions. Journaling can be a powerful tool, allowing you to track patterns and gain insights into your inner world. Finding yourself is made easier with journal prompts for self discovery 2. Explore your energy sources Make a list of the actions and interactions that fill your physical and emotional energy deposit. Then, make a list of the things that drain your energy. This helps you make choices aligned with your passions and create sustainable habits – protecting your energy is essential to your well-being. 3. Reconnect with your hobbies Hobbies aren’t just things we do to fill time – they can help express your true self better and reveal aspects of yourself that may have been dormant. Consider trying a new activity every month to discover what resonates with you, or revisit anything you once used to loved but stopped doing. 4. Practice mindfulness Through mindfulness, you become more attuned to your thoughts and feelings, which helps cultivate a stronger sense of ownership and presence throughout your life. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Incorporate as many as our mindfulness tips for staying engaged into your daily routine, from something as simple as mindful showering to something that require a bit more effort and thought on your behalf, such as mindful appreciation. 5. Reflect on your values Identifying your core values shows you what matters most to you and is essential to ensure your actions and decisions are a reflection of your true identity. This exercise is a personal favourite on how to find yourself through your values. 6. Archetype work Archetypes are universal characters (like the Hero, the Rebel, or the Caregiver) that represent parts of our psyche. Exploring which ones resonate with you through journaling, creative writing, or the PMAI assessment can help you understand your deeper drives in a powerful and symbolic way. MORE LIKE THIS: 'Why Do I Hate My Life?' 10 Ways To Start Loving It Again Discover the 10 Keys To Happier Living How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 7. Dare to be uncomfortable Finding yourself isn’t just about theoretical exploration – it’s important to take aligned action, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. New experiences challenge you, offer fresh perspectives, and can lead to personal growth. 8. Embrace solitude Finding yourself can only happen when you make time and space for it, away from digital distractions and external influences. Moments of solitude are perfect to tune into your thoughts and feelings with greater clarity. How to find yourself again? Solitude can help you clarify feelings 9. Set personal goals Create a weekly or monthly action plan with specific goals that matter to you. For example, you could choose to experiment with new ways of practising a character strength, or ensure that every choice you make in the next 7 days reflects one of your core values. 10. Seek support Finding yourself doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. Mentors, coaches, and therapists can guide and support you with different tools and frameworks that can broaden your self-discovery journey. Journal prompts for self discovery To get you started in this journey, here are some self discovery questions that can help uncover more about your true self. Ask yourself them and keep a note of the answers in a journal and reflect on them. • If fear weren’t a factor, what choice would I make today? • What patterns keep repeating in my life — and what might they be trying to teach me? • When do I feel most alive and engaged? • What things I couldn’t live without? • What are my greatest strengths and how do I use them? • What fears are holding me back from pursuing my passions? • Who inspires me and why? • What does success look like to me? • What’s my biggest learning experience in life so far? • What part of myself have I silenced to fit in? • What legacy do I want to leave behind? Takeaway: finding yourself again The journey to finding yourself requires courage and patience, but it’s the path to a more meaningful life. While the journey may be challenging at times, the rewards – a clearer sense of identity, purpose, and fulfilment – are invaluable. As Carl Jung said, “who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”. Remember that it's OK to feel lost in life while you explore how to find yourself. Just take it one step at the time, using the suggestions in this article to navigate the depths of your inner world. So why not start today, maybe with one of the self discovery questions above? ● Images: shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Daniel Hoz, PeopleImages - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Purpose of life | Healthy habits | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Microdosing the party drug MDMA – AKA Molly or Ecstasy – can lead to increased mood and sociability while lowering feelings of depression and anxiety. But, with limited scientific evidence, is attempting to microdose MDMA in this way safe? Rhianna Quanstrom investigates. MDMA, also known as Molly or Ecstasy, is a recreational or “party” drug. In recent years, psychologists have explored its potential therapeutic uses for mental illness and chronic pain. Now, there is the question of whether or not microdosing MDMA is safe and has therapeutic value. As such, we’ll discuss what MDMA is, what microdosing is, and what the science says. What is MDMA? MDMA (3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine) is a synthetic pharmaceutical drug first developed in Germany in 1912. It was created when German chemists were developing drugs to reduce bleeding. In their experiments, they found that it had psychoactive properties. In the 1980s, MDMA became a popular party drug as a stimulant and psychedelic. It is still used in this way today and enhances energy and feelings of euphoria. This includes increased sensory perception, happiness, emotional warmth and openness, sexual arousal, and sociability. MDMA is typically used as a party drug, but can it be safely microdosed? MDMA alters perception by increasing the release of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters influence mood, energy, behavior, sensory awareness, and sleep. At higher doses, they can lead to hallucinations. MDMA is often distributed as colorful pills with a stamped logo or cartoon image on them. It is also found in powder, capsule, and liquid forms. What is Microdosing? Microdosing involves taking a psychedelic substance at very low doses (about 1/10th of a normal dose) for a prolonged period of time. These doses are low enough that they do not produce a full psychedelic experience. Rather, they are more subtle and do not interfere with daily activities. People microdose for therapeutic benefits, including improving mood and cognitive function, as well as reducing depression, anxiety, stress, and chronic pain. LSD and psilocybin (“magic” mushrooms) are the most common psychedelics used for microdosing. Why Do People Try Microdosing MDMA? The main idea behind microdosing MDMA — or any psychedelic — is to receive its mental and emotional benefits without a full psychedelic experience. MDMA differs from other psychedelics in that it doesn’t commonly produce hallucinations. Instead, it’s considered an empathogen, which increases feelings of empathy, connection to others, and emotional openness. As such, microdosing MDMA could stimulate these feelings more subtly. It could potentially help with sociability and reduce depression and PTSD. However, these are just theories, and there is very little scientific research on the potential benefits and risks of microdosing MDMA. Let's examine what evidence we do have. Microdosing MDMA or Molly: What Science Says Psychologists have been investigating the therapeutic potential of MDMA for a few decades. Most studies and clinical trials use moderate to high doses of MDMA. There is one study from the University of Basel, Switzerland, where one subject microdosed MDMA to relieve chronic pain. The study – published in Frontiers – aimed to explore the potential analgesic effects of MDMA, since individuals with PTSD who participated in MDMA trials reported a reduction in chronic pain. “The main idea behind microdosing MDMA — or any psychedelic — is to receive its mental and emotional benefits without a full psychedelic experience.” In this case study, the subject first went through several sessions of LSD at moderate to high doses. Following those sessions, he microdosed MDMA every other day for four months. The subject reported “sustained improvement in neuropathic pain.” Besides this case study, there doesn’t appear to be any published research on the benefits and potential risks of microdosing MDMA. However, there is substantial, research-backed evidence of the therapeutic benefit of full-dose MDMA for people with severe PTSD. More scientific research is needed into microdosing MDMA (Molly) A 2021 clinical study found that MDMA reduces activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain where fear responses are stored. As such, patients can revisit traumatic experiences without the accompanying fear. The study states: “MDMA-assisted therapy may facilitate recall of negative or threatening memories with greater self-compassion and less PTSD-related shame and anger. … Indeed, clinicians have suggested that 'MDMA may catalyze therapeutic processing by allowing patients to stay emotionally engaged while revisiting traumatic experiences without becoming overwhelmed.'“ Because MDMA increases serotonin and oxytocin, patients feel safer and more emotionally connected to themselves and the therapist. This allows them to explore their traumatic history from a more stable place. RELATED: Happiness Hormones: the Neurochemicals of Joy Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey Beyond the Experience What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? Furthermore, research shows that MDMA increases neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to change, adapt, and form new neural pathways. In the case of treating PTSD with MDMA, it helps the brain form new memories and connections so that the original trigger does not affect the individual in the same way. The study above found that MDMA treatment helped the individuals reduce their anxiety and depression. It also helped improve their relationships and overall quality of life. According to the report, “In summary, MDMA-assisted therapy induces rapid onset of treatment efficacy, even in those with severe PTSD, and in those with associated comorbidities including dissociative PTSD, depression, history of alcohol and substance use disorders, and childhood trauma. Not only is MDMA-assisted therapy efficacious in individuals with severe PTSD, but it may also provide improved patient safety. Compared with current first-line pharmacological and behavioral therapies, MDMA-assisted therapy has the potential to dramatically transform treatment for PTSD and should be expeditiously evaluated for clinical use.” “There is no clear evidence of the risks associated with microdosing MDMA. That said, there are several concerns related to the prolonged use of microdosing it.” Because of the positive effects MDMA has on PTSD, there is the potential for it to become an FDA-approved drug in controlled environments. Given these findings, there is also the possibility that microdosing MDMA could improve chronic pain, PTSD, social anxiety, depression, and emotional availability. However, there is still not enough research on the subject, nor on the long-term safety of microdosing MDMA. Possible Risks of Microdosing MDMA There is no clear evidence of the risks associated with microdosing MDMA. That said, there are several concerns related to the prolonged use of microdosing it. These include: Neurotoxicity: because of MDMA’s release of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and norepinephrine, it could cause long-term imbalances affecting sleep, mood, and the nervous system. Anxiety: Some reports state that low doses of MDMA may actually be anxiety-inducing. Tolerance: The body quickly becomes tolerant to MDMA, potentially making microdoses ineffective in the long term. Cardiovascular Health: MDMA raises heart rate and blood pressure, which can put a strain on the heart over long periods of time. Side effects: Dizziness, headache, lack of appetite, fatigue, and nausea have been reported with low-dose MDMA. It’s important to note that the beneficial effects of MDMA found in the studies above were in controlled, safe, and monitored environments. MDMA shouldn’t be taken recreationally or purchased without a medical license. In fact, much of the MDMA sold recreationally and illegally is found to be laced with other drugs, including methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin, ketamine, caffeine, and cathinones. These other substances significantly increase the risk of harmful and potentially fatal side effects of MDMA. Is MDMA Legal? MDMA is not legal in the United States. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), MDMA is a “Schedule I drug under the Controlled Substances Act, meaning it has a high potential for abuse, no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States, and a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision.” Psychologists and psychedelic researchers have been pushing for the FDA to approve MDMA as a therapeutic drug in the treatment of PTSD. This would change its legal status for medical use. However, in 2024 the FDA rejected its approval and requested additional clinical trials. While MDMA is illegal, even for medical use, there is still potential that it will become medically legal in the future and could be used to microdose. Takeaway: Microdosing MDMA While it’s commonly known as an illegal street drug, Molly, or MDMA, also has therapeutic benefits. In controlled environments, MDMA has been shown to significantly reduce chronic pain, depression, and PTSD. While most findings are based on full doses, there is reason to believe microdosing MDMA could also have similar benefits. However, more research is needed to further explore the potential benefits and risks of microdosing MDMA before it can be legally used in such a manner. ● Images: BLACKDAY, luckakcul happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Alternative medicine | Herbalism | CBD Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure. I hate my life." Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. RELATED: Inner Child Work: How to Heal Past Wounds Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Curious about cacao? Cacao ceremonies are grounded in intention and can benefit the mind, body, emotions, and spirit. Rhianna Quanstrom explores the power of ceremonial cacao and the history of this ancient practice. Gathered in a circle with a steaming cup of cacao, you enter a transformative experience. The cacao opens your heart and elevates your mind, helping you connect with those around you and to the light within. A cacao ceremony is grounded in intention, and with it come many benefits. Ceremonial cacao benefits all aspects of self, including the spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional. To better understand these benefits, let’s dive into what a cacao ceremony is, including its history, what cacao is, what you can expect during a ceremony, and how you can participate in one yourself. What is a Cacao Ceremony? A cacao ceremony is typically a communal gathering where people come together to receive the medicine of cacao. At its root, it is a spiritual experience that opens the heart and brings people together in harmony. Every cacao ceremony is unique, and traditional ceremonies can differ significantly from modern Western ceremonies. In both settings, there's usually a guide or shaman who leads the ceremony and directs the flow of activities. A cacao ceremony is not limited to a group setting and can be performed by individuals in their home. In essence, it's about receiving the medicine of cacao, which is ultimately a deeply personal experience. Cacao Ceremony History Cacao is deeply rooted in ancient (and modern) Mesoamerican cultures and history. Its use as a ceremonial plant dates back to the Aztecs and Mayans, who revered it as the “food of the gods.” They used cacao in spiritual ceremonies and rituals to unite the community and to honor important life initiations. For example, it was used in ceremonies for births, marriages, baptisms, and funerals. It was also used regularly by the temple leaders as an aid in communing with the Divine. Interestingly, it played an important role in sacrifices to the gods. Candles help create an intentional atmosphere during a cacao ceremony Cacao was sacred to these people and was woven into their culture, mythology, healing practices, and spiritual traditions. As such, their ceremonies held a more religious focus, with cacao serving as a vessel for honoring and communicating with their deities. In Western cultures today, cacao is not used in the same religious ways, though it remains a deeply spiritual experience when used with intention. Its history and cultural significance, however, should still be honored and respected. When participating in a cacao ceremony, it is respectful to acknowledge its origins and the people who have held this wisdom for centuries. As such, this wisdom helps us distinguish what ceremonial cacao is compared to modern chocolate. What is Ceremonial Cacao Exactly? Ceremonial cacao is quite different from the chocolate we know (and love!). Their differences lie in how they are processed and used. High-quality ceremonial cacao comes from native cacao plants in Central and South America. The beans are harvested from these native (and sometimes wild) plants before being minimally processed for consumption. “Ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being.” The beans are first fermented and sun-dried, then sometimes lightly roasted before being stone-ground into a paste. This process retains cacao's natural compounds, which are highly beneficial for the body, making cacao a modern-day “superfood.” Furthermore, the cacao butter and solids are not separated in this phase, which is common for modern chocolate. The cacao paste is then simmered in hot water to make the thick beverage used for ceremonies. This drink doesn’t taste like a normal hot chocolate; it's much more bitter and earthy tasting. To enhance its flavor and potency, spices, natural sweeteners, and milk are sometimes added to the simmering cacao. For instance, a pinch of cayenne may be used to help “activate” cacao’s medicinal and spiritual properties. The cacao used in ceremonies is bitter and earthy tasting In contrast, modern chocolate is moderately to highly processed and is usually made from hybrid cacao varieties grown on large-scale monoculture farms. It's processed differently from ceremonial cacao and does not retain the same level of nutrients. Moreover, chocolate is enjoyed as a sweet treat, whereas ceremonial cacao is consumed with intention as a plant medicine supporting one’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. What Happens During a Cacao Ceremony? As mentioned above, every cacao ceremony is slightly different depending on the guide and setting. Even so, you can expect an intentional atmosphere — perhaps with cushions on the ground, candles, incense, or crystals — whether outside or inside. Once the participants of the ceremony have settled, the facilitator opens the space with welcoming words. During this phase, there may be discussion about the history and traditional uses of cacao. Each participant may be invited to set an intention for the ceremony, either inwardly or aloud. After the space is set, the cacao is served. The participants are invited to sit with the energy of the beverage, hold it to their heart, and drink the warm, thick liquid slowly. MORE LIKE THIS: Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect Psychedelic Integration What is Ego Death? Meaning, Symptoms and Causes Once the cacao is finished, the ceremony moves into other activities, and it's here that they can vary greatly. There is typically some sort of movement, such as dance or yoga, conscious breathwork, and meditation. There can also be sound healing (crystal singing bowls, gongs, etc.), group sharing, or creative expression through song, art, or writing. While the outward activities unfold, you may notice a shift occurring within. Cacao naturally increases blood flow and softly opens the heart. You may feel emotions stirring and an easeful receptiveness towards those around you. When the heart softens and opens, love flows more freely and gracefully, and this is the energy that surrounds the sacred cacao ceremony. The Benefits of a Ceremonial Cacao Benefits Along with the love that holds the group together, ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being. 1. Physical Benefits Research by the National Library of Medicine confirms that cacao is rich in nutrients and antioxidants, which help prevent and combat oxidative stress. The numerous flavonoids (plant compounds) in cacao have also been shown to improve cardiovascular health, reduce cholesterol levels, regulate inflammation, and support metabolism. Furthermore, cacao contains theobromine, which is a gentle stimulant that increases blood flow. This is what contributes to the heart-opening experience in the cacao ceremony. 2. Mental Benefits The compound theobromine also increases blood flow and oxygenation to the mind, enhancing clarity, focus, and memory. Another study by the National Library of Medicine found that cocoa-rich products improved participants' moods while lowering depression and anxiety. In addition, the practices woven into a cacao ceremony, such as meditation, movement, and breathwork, support mental calm and elevate one’s mood and happiness. 3. Emotional Benefits Energetically, cacao softens and opens the heart. While studies show the physical effects of this, there are also the emotional/energetic effects. When one’s heart opens and softens, emotions can move more freely. Whatever is just beneath the surface can start to rise, which is why it’s normal for emotions to become heightened during a cacao ceremony. It is simply energy moving. “Ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being.” Because of cacao’s mood-boosting properties and the energy of the group container, there are typically feelings of joy and happiness during the ceremony. However, there can also be grief, sadness, or anger that rises to the surface for release. In essence, a cacao ceremony creates a safe space for emotional expression, helping one feel lighter and clearer. 4. Spiritual Benefits With the support of the community and cacao’s physical, mental, and emotional effects, one’s energy begins to harmonize. This allows for a deeper connection to self and the light within. This is amplified with the guided meditation and intentional movement that most ceremonies include. When one’s heart and mind are open and receptive, inner wisdom can more easily reveal itself to our consciousness. As such, there is a high possibility for one to leave a cacao ceremony with clarity on their path forward, insight into their healing journey, or peace with the feeling of being at home within themselves. The community of ceremonies brings people together Can I Do My Own Cacao Ceremony? It's possible. One can lead a self-guided ceremony and experience the profound healing, clarity, and sacredness of cacao in the comfort of their own home. However, if you’ve never participated in a guided ceremony, we highly recommend starting with a group cacao ceremony. When people gather together with the same intention and focus, the energy — and the potential for healing and insight — is amplified. Plus, you'll have the experience of working with cacao with a guide before doing it on your own. RELATED: What is the Peyote Cactus and Is It Legal? Microdosing 101: A Modern Phenomenon Rooted in Ancient Times What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? If you’re interested in ceremonial cacao training, we recommend checking out local or online training. Ceremonial cacao training will equip you with the knowledge and confidence to lead a group and help others experience the transformational healing available in a cacao ceremony. Takeaway: Ceremonial Cacao A cacao ceremony is a powerful, unifying experience that is all about connection — connection to self, community, and the spirit of cacao. With its gentle, heart-opening effects, a cacao ceremony helps one deepen into the love within and to the love of those around them. Along with cacao’s superfood benefits, it's a sacred plant long revered by the people who tend it. It should be treated with respect, and its ancient history should be remembered and honored with each sip. More than just a beverage, cacao is a bridge that connects us to a tradition of seeking the light within and connecting with the harmony of love. Whether you join a group, create an at-home ritual, or begin ceremonial cacao training, you can experience the healing, clarity, and sense of purpose that working with cacao has to offer. ● Images: shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca, shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca, shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Herbalism | CBD | Energy healing | Alternative medicine Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.