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Meditation doesn't have to be done sat inside on a mat. Ann Vrlak explores the science-backed benefits of meditating in nature and suggests 5 ways of practising it outdoors. Among the many myths about meditation that exist is that it has to happen in a quiet room with your eyes shut. However, taking your practice outside can actually deepen your connection with nature, engage your senses, and bring a fresh perspective to what meditation is all about. In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further, building on the instinctual connection humans have with the natural environment. Meditating in nature is a sensory, calming experience The benefits of meditation in nature The value of spending time in nature is woven into many cultures. indeed, it's now generally accepted that it's one of the healthiest things we can do for our body, mind and spirit. Here are just a few of the further benefits you enjoy when you do simple meditation practices outdoors: Being in a forest or park, or by the ocean, all have a soothing effect on your nervous system. Add in the benefits of meditation practice on stress relief, and outdoor meditation becomes an enjoyable, powerful tool to bust stress. Nature meditation is a rich, sensory experience. Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself in the present moment. Most of us live in a fast-paced world of electronic devices and multitasking. Meditation in nature supports you in settling into a quieter, simpler space where you can turn your attention inward. Finally, time in nature has been shown to be profoundly helpful for our mental health and mental clarity. Nature meditation multiplies these many healthy effects that help us to give our minds much-needed rest and rejuvenation. 5 ways to practise meditation in nature Here are five nature meditation practices. For each one, whenever you notice that you're lost in a train of thought, that is part of the exercise. It is totally natural. Just gently return your attention to the focus of the practice. 1. Sound meditation One main meditation myth is that the practice requires silence, but it doesn’t. In fact, paying attention to sensory information, especially sound, is one of the oldest forms of meditation. “In some places around the world, doctors now actually prescribe time in nature as a tool for health and well-being. Nature meditation goes one step further.” Meditation in nature, focusing on as many sounds around you as you can, is a wonderful, relaxing practice you can do while walking or sitting. But don’t go looking for sounds; let them come to you. Notice the different kind of sounds you can hear when you're outside – birds, other animals, wind in the trees, running water or rain –whatever you notice. Listen to the birds through sound meditation Benefits This meditation trains you to focus your attention in the moment, on your direct sensory experience. And, this focus on your senses, helps to calm your mind and nervous system. 2. Observing nature Choose an object — a tree, a flower, a rock, a bird, a cloud — and observe it. Look at it as if you have never seen this thing before. Notice as many things about it as you can – its texture, colour, movement and shape. You will probably want to name it or remember information about it. “Oh, that’s a woodpecker. They are common…” That’s OK, but do your best to let go of what you know about it and just observe it as it is, and, if you can, connect with it. MORE LIKE THIS: 4 Ways Nature Can Protect Your Well-Being Gazing At The Stars: Replace Your Worries With Wonder 4 Science-Backed Benefits of Living By The Sea Benefits This outdoor meditation is a practice of 'beginner’s mind': an exercise to let things be just as they are without the weight of our expectations and knowledge. It is also a practice of appreciation, of seeing the wonder and infinite variety in nature. 3. Grounding meditation If it’s possible for you to sit and be warm and dry, sit on the ground, a rock, or a fallen tree. Focus your attention on the places you contact the earth: under your feet or the weight of your body on the ground. Make slight movements to settle fully on the earth, to feel that connection as vividly as you can. Benefits Grounding meditation is another ancient meditation practice. It fosters a deep sense of stability and safety, experiencing the solidity of the earth beneath you. Meditation in nature, directly feeling this connection with the earth, helps to ground you in your body and soothe a busy mind. Direct contact with the earth helps to ground yourself 4. Walking meditation As you walk, focus your attention on the sensation of your feet contacting the earth. If you like, you can walk slowly at first to connect with this practice, but it can be done at any speed. “Being outdoors is an ever-changing experience of sights, sounds, smells and sensations that you can immerse yourself in to ground yourself.” See if you can pay attention to every part of the walking movement: your heel touching down, your weight moving to the front of your foot, your leg moving forward – the whole movement of walking and connecting with the ground. RELATED: What is Forest Bathing? Discover 6 Key Health Benefits Benefits Walking meditation is a wonderful way to understand a key thing about meditation: you don’t have to be sitting on a cushion to do it. You can do this practice in a park or forest, or walking to the train or bus on your way to work. It integrates mindfulness into everyday living and movement. 5. Breath awareness This practice can be done sitting still or when walking. Start paying attention to the sensations of your breath: in your nose, chest or belly, wherever you notice it most clearly. Do you notice coolness or warmth? Is the air damp or dry? Are there any scents, like pine trees or roses? Notice as much as you can about the richness of your breath. Soothe your nervous system meditating by water Benefits The traditional practice of breath awareness is also enhanced by outdoor meditation. Focusing on your breath is deeply soothing to your nervous system and breathing in nature, noticing the sensory environment, connects you to your surroundings and the present moment. Takeaway: outdoor meditation techniques You can think of meditation in nature as a way to multiply the many wonderful effects of simply being in the natural environment. Meditation in nature allows you to engage with the world in a mindful, meaningful way. Whether you sit, walk, listen, or simply breathe, the outdoors offers endless opportunities to slow down and reconnect — with yourself and the world around you. • Images: shutterstock/Air Images, shutterstock/RealPeopleStudio, shutterstock/Massoon, shutterstock/GRJPride happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Stress Management | Gratitude | Simple Living Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Meditation before bed helps us to wind down our bodies and mind after a long day, encouraging restful and peaceful sleep. This 'how to meditate in bed for beginners' guide from Ann Vrlak will teach you all you need to know, including a simple 3-step practice. If you've ever tried meditation, you may know that one of the big challenges for many people is not falling asleep. So, it’s understandable that you might see falling asleep during a meditation practice as proof that you are “doing it wrong.” However, there are times when falling asleep during or right after meditation is actually proof you’re “doing it right!” Welcome to our short guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners. Our focus is how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this guide whenever you want are seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation in your day. Meditation before bed helps you wind down for sleep While it’s true that most meditation practices are centered around paying attention and staying alert, meditation is also uniquely suited to help you transition from a busy day, to a relaxed state, and then into a restful sleep. In fact, lying down while meditating or the traditional practice of yoga nidra have benefits that sitting meditations don’t. As you're probably aware, insomnia and poor sleep are worldwide problems. Tools that help you to fall asleep easily and have quality sleep are invaluable for your health and well-being. The benefits of meditating in bed Let’s look first at some of the many mental, physical and emotional benefits to learning how to meditate in bed. From Activity to Sleep The overall benefit is enabling the transition we have mentioned from your daily level of activity, into a state that is conducive to sleep. Because you can’t make yourself sleep! You need to create the conditions that activate your body’s natural sleep mechanisms. You may already have noticed that winding down at the end of a stressful day is not always easy. “Our focus here is on how to use meditation before sleep, but please use this this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners whenever you're seeking a period of calm or rejuvenation during your day.” Meditation in bed is a perfect practice for this transition. You are lying down, able to relax physically and mentally. You turn your attention inward away from external responsibilities to your body and breath–something that can be impossible to do in the middle of a busy day. A Signal to Relax When you meditate in bed, it’s a clear signal to your body that your intention is to prepare for sleep. Studies have shown that a familiar sleep routine is a key support for your body to fall asleep easily. Your body “remembers” this is the time to let go and sets your sleep mechanisms in motion. When you meditate in bed with some regularity, this will create a powerful sleep signal for both your body and mind. Not All Sleep is Created Equal Have you ever woken up from a night’s sleep feeling more tired than when you lay down? There can be a lot of reasons for a poor sleep, but the takeaway is that, just because you had 8 hours of sleep, it doesn’t mean it was quality, restorative sleep. MORE LIKE THIS: Deep Sleep Meditation: the Benefits You Can Bring to Bed 14 Sleep Hacks to Get a Good Night's Rest Cat Naps: 5 Benefits of Taking a Siesta One of the most common obstacles to quality sleep is a busy, worried mind. If you meditate in bed, before trying to fall asleep, you are training your mind to move into a quieter state first. This can make the quality of your sleep deeper and more restful. Making Bedtime a Time for Reflection Meditation in bed is also a way to end your day with some quiet reflection, before going to sleep. A few minutes of kind, compassionate reflection on your day can be a wonderful way to let go of any worry that may be lingering in your mind. You can use meditation to consciously relax your body and mind, and do your best to let worry go – just for now. Reflect kindly and compassionately on your day before resting You’re in a Receptive State When you’re winding down after a tiring day, your body and mind are ready to relax! You’re in a receptive state for slowing down your thinking, letting go of emotions and relaxing your body. How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Here is our step-by-step guide for how to meditate in bed. We’re going to describe two classic meditation practices designed to connect you with your body and help you relax, bit by bit: a body scan and a progressive relaxation practice. Simply follow our three-step guide: 1. Begin Take a few minutes to get as comfortable and cosy as you can. Use blankets and pillows to warm and support your body in whatever ways feel best to you. When you're comfortable, let your eyes gently close. Allow your body to rest completely on the bed and begin to pay attention to the movements of your breath. 2. Do a Body Scan Beginning at the top of your head, pay attention to the sensations in your body. What do you feel in your scalp? Is it warm or cold, tight or relaxed? Whatever you notice is good. When you feel you have made connection with the sensations in your scalp, move into your forehead and cheeks. What do you notice here? Let your attention move gradually down through all parts of your body from your head to your toes – from your shoulders and arms, your torso, your legs and feet. Notice, quietly to yourself, whatever you sense in each part. Are there aches or pains? Can you feel your pulse in any of these body parts? Take notice and be in the moment with these bodily sensations you may not recognise during the day. When you’ve reached your toes, rest for a moment. Feel the weight of your body sinking into the bed. Focus on the contact of your body on the mattress. Enjoy the quiet and stillness. Notice your body as a whole field of sensation and energy, lying here, resting. 3. Do a Progressive Relaxation Practice This practice is a similar movement of your attention through your body. The difference is you consciously tense and relax each part of your body. Many people find this practice is easier to do with larger parts of the body, rather than very specific parts. For example, trying tensing your whole arm vs just your forearm. Mediating in bed needs no experience: beginner's welcome! Starting with your face, tense up your forehead, eyes and cheeks. Tighten all the muscles as best you can. Then, let the whole area relax, feeling the muscles all letting go. Imagine your facial skin drooping downwards to the mattress. Notice the difference between the tension and the release. Continue this progressive relaxation practice all the way down your body to your feet and toes. Notice how your body feels when you complete the practice. Is it lighter or heavier? And how does your mind feel? Are you aware of any changes in your body or mind from before you began these two practices? It’s really important to notice the effects of your practice – it can boost your motivation to make it a regular habit. When you are ready, gently congratulate yourself for trying these practices. And let yourself relax even more, until sleep comes. Takeaway: how to meditate in bed We hope you’ve enjoyed this guide on how to meditate in bed for beginners and feel excited to give it a try! In the multitasking, speed-oriented world we live in, it is not so surprising that slowing down into sleep is not always as easy as it sounds. Meditation in bed is a simple, safe, healthy way for you to help your body make a restful descent into sleep. You can create a space between your day and sleep where you turn your attention inward and reflect gently on – and let go of – your day. A healthy sleep routine is one of the best ways to reset your body’s natural sleep clock, and meditation can be a powerful, safe part of that routine. Sweet dreams! • Images: shutterstock/Dzmitryieu Dzmitry, shutterstock/ArtOfPhotos, shutterstock/shurkin_son happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Mindfulness | Stress Management | Gratitude Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Both external and internal distractions can leave us unable to concentrate on the task at hand. So, if you regularly asks yourself 'why can't I focus?', these 8 tips from Sonia Vadlamani will teach you how to avoid distractions, concentrate better, and get that to-do list blitzed! Picture this: It’s a new working day and you’re determined to be productive. You sit at your desk, open the laptop, and review your schedule when suddenly your phone buzzes. A flood of app and social media notifications pulls your attention away from getting stuck in. You start working through your emails when someone pings you with a question on the work chat channel. Before you know it, you're being sucked away from your goals and failing to tackle your to-do list. Frustrated, you wonder, “Why do I get distracted easily?” Digital distractions such as these above plague us all in the age of smartphones, social media and remote working.There's no one-size-fits-all reason for why we get distracted, but understanding our individual triggers and personality types can help us understand how to avoid distractions. Why can’t I focus? Internal vs external issues Distractions come in different forms. Some distractions are internal – racing thoughts, lingering feelings, unresolved issues, etc – that arise from within. Such internal distractions stem from our state of mind and physical well-being also – stress, anxiety, hunger, lack of sleep, and illness can weaken focus, leaving us to ponder how to avoid distractions. External distractions, on the other hand, come from the world around you. Technology is a major culprit here – social media, shopping portals, and streaming services can consume precious hours even before you realize it. However, if used correctly, technology can also help you maximize your time, boost productivity and ensure you get shit done. Other external distractions stem from your surroundings, such as work environments, family responsibilities, and background noise, all of which can weaken focus and impact productivity. Hands free? Multitasking doesn't help you to focus better However, while distractions affect everyone, their impact varies from person to person. For example, researchers Furnham and Bradley studied how distractions like music or noise impact the retention ability in a group of extroverts and introverts. The study revealed that introverts retained more information and could recall greater detail in silence but performed substantially worse when exposed to music or noise from, say, a television in the background. In contrast, extroverts scored higher for recall ability with background music. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet When wondering “why do I get distracted easily,” you also need to factor in the role task enjoyment plays, which is a key factor in maintaining focus. Naturally, our interests vary – what appeals to one person may feel tedious to another. However, researchers agree that task enjoyment plays a crucial role in helping individuals self-regulate their focus and resist distractions to finish a task, particularly if the task involves a reward or advancement upon completion. How to avoid distractions Indeed, living in an interruption-heavy environment can affect our ability to concentrate on the task at hand, leaving us frustrated over stalled progress. Fortunately, there are strategies you can utilize to stay focused if you’re easily distracted: 1. List your distractions – then avoid them The most effective way to tackle the question “Why do I get distracted easily” is to start identifying the common interruptions in your environment and compile a list. You can use this knowledge to your advantage by removing these disturbances from your environment or at least limiting the interruptions for the window when you’re working or studying. “In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve focus.” For instance, social media notifications appear high on my list of distractions, so my answer to “how to not get distracted” is to simply disable them when I’m working on an important project. Avoiding these notifications significantly improves my ability to concentrate on the task at hand. 2. Avoid multitasking Juggling multiple assignments can quickly become overwhelming and stressful, especially if you tackle them all at once. While multitasking can make you seem superhuman, frequent task-switching actually undermines productivity. A study by Nick Yeung et al. revealed that multitasking places a heavy cognitive load on the brain. Avoid distractions and keep mobiles at a distance Each time you switch tasks, your mind must recalibrate the settings of the task – remembering where you left off previously, refocusing on the new task, and repeating this process over and over. Rather than being a time-saver, this constant shifting weakens your focus and turns into a major distraction. 3. Improve your sleep cycle and lifestyle An unhealthy lifestyle, irregular sleep, poorly timed meals, and inadequate hydration can create internal distractions, often leaving you wondering “Why can’t I focus?”. Indeed, there is mounting evidence that hunger, thirst, and sleep deprivation can impair attention and decision-making. Prioritize your wellbeing – maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating a nutrient-rich diet, and regular exercise – can significantly enhance focus. Researchers Y.K. Chang et al. found that even short bursts of physical activity, such as a quick stroll, hike, or a 20-minute jog can improve concentration and uplift mood. 4. Cultivate mindfulness The question “Why can’t I focus?” has bugged me several times, even outside of work or study sessions. If you’ve ever found yourself zoning out during conversations with friends or family movie nights, lost in thoughts of deadlines and to-do lists, mindfulness can be your answer to how not to get distracted and stay in the present. “If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: we focus better when we don’t work incessantly.” Mindfulness is the anchor that helps expand our awareness of the present moment by focusing on our thoughts, feelings, and emotions at a given point. Practising mindfulness can be your answer to how to not get distracted so often, by training your attention to stay in the present moment. This, in turn, can increase your chances to power through your to-do list at the desired pace with fewer distractions and thus greater efficiency. 5. Try meditation to improve your focus When wondering “why can’t I focus,” meditation can be your means to cultivate a sense of inner stillness and train the mind to resist distracting thoughts. In his book, The Art of Stillness, Pico Iyer, the eminent travel writer says, “The idea behind Nowhere – choosing to sit still long enough to turn inward – is at heart a simple one. If your car is broken, you don’t try to find ways to repaint its chassis; most of our problems – and therefore our solutions, our peace of mind – lie within.” Can't focus? Meditation can help build concentration skills In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve our ability to focus on the task at hand, much like repairing the engine rather than repainting the car. 6. Set helpful boundaries The simplest answer to how to avoid distractions at work is to set healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers, the endless slew of notifications on co-working apps, and background chatter. RELATED: ‘I Hate My Job!’ Cultivate These 6 Traits and Love Your Work Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips If you’re wondering how to stay focused while studying, the same principle applies. By taking simple yet effective measures – muting phone notifications, clearly communicating your availability to others, and saying 'no' to responsibilities you can’t handle – you’ll find your distractions dwindling and your productivity soaring. 7. Take regular breaks We often develop a skewed perception of productivity, so much so that we consider a break from work or studying as “unproductive” or unhelpful. However, I’ve noticed that working longer stretches sometimes leads to a creative impasse, whereas stepping away – in the form of making a cup of tea or a short stroll just outside – often has enabled me to come up with creative solutions with greater ease. “Avoid distractions at work by setting healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers and background chatter.” Indeed, research consistently shows that taking regular breaks during work-days can enhance productivity as well as employees’ ability to innovate. Another study by DeskTime revealed that most productive people found it ideal to take a 17-minute break after working for 52 minutes in a stretch. If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: you may realize that we focus better when we don’t work incessantly. The takeaway: avoiding distractions Learning how to avoid distractions needs time and patience. Indeed, not all distractions are within our control, but we can choose how we respond to them and manage their impact. As you become aware of the time sinks specific to your environment, you’ll gradually develop a rhythm that enhances focus and allows for deep work, thus helping you achieve the desired results. While the tips above will help you minimize distractions, true focus arises from cognitive control – the ability to align your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours with the demands of the current task while consciously suppressing disruptive impulses. Ultimately, how to not get distracted is a matter of self-regulation. • Images: shutterstock/Andrey_Popov, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Nature | Self care | Retreats Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Neurodivergent individuals express and receive affection differently to the majority. So, from info dumping to parallel play, discover the five distinct neurodivergent love languages and learn how to effectively express affection to those with neurodiversity. By Dee Marques. When it comes to love, we all have a unique way to express it and experience it. The concept of love languages – our preferred way to show and receive love – can help improve the quality of our relationships. But what about those who think and feel differently, such as neurodivergent individuals? After all, if neurodivergence can shape how someone interacts with the world, it can also influence how they express and receive love. Before exploring the unique love languages of neurodivergent people, let’s revisit the original concept of love languages. This was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. According to Chapman, the five standard love languages are: Words of affirmation Expressing affection through spoken or written words such as compliments, encouragement, or written reminders of appreciation. Acts of service Showing love by doing helpful things, whether they’re small gestures like making a cup of coffee, or practical actions like running errands or helping with chores. Gifts Demonstrating love with tangible tokens of affection (big or small). Quality time Spending time together without distractions, focusing on creating shared moments that strengthen the connection. Physical touch Showing care through touch, like hugging, holding hands, or kissing. Neurodivergence refers to differences in how the brain works, which may affect the way a person thinks, learns, and communicates. It encompasses conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. What's more, neurodiversity is more common than you may think; in the UK, approximately 15% of people are estimated to be neurodivergent, while in the USA, the figure is around 20%. Deep pressure AKA Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body Standard love languages don’t always align with how neurodivergent individuals express and experience affection. So, let's look at neurodivergent love languages and some tips on how to create opportunities for deeper understanding and connection in your relationships. Neurodivergent Love Languages Explained Neurodivergent love languages expand on the original concept to reflect the unique needs and expressions of individuals who experience the world differently. These languages recognise the sensory preferences, emotional processing, and communication styles that are more common and natural among neurodivergent people. RELATED: Mindful Listening – 6 Ways to Improve Conversational Skills Neurodivergent love languages don’t replace the original five, but rather offer a complementary framework to understand the diversity of human experiences like love. They do so by drawing attention to non-neurotypical emotional bids, the gestures and behaviours that “put up a call” for attention and connection. Understanding how neurodivergent people bid can help us respond in a way that’s meaningful for them. The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages The five neurodivergent love languages are: info-dumping, parallel play, support swapping, Deep Pressure AKA Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and Penguin Pebbling. Let’s look in detail at the five specific neurodivergent or ADHD love languages: 1. Info Dumping First in this list of neurodivergent love languages is info dumping, which involves passionately talking about a favourite topic, sometimes in great detail. For neurodivergent individuals, sharing their “spins” or special interests can be a profound way to connect, since sharing interests invites the listener into the speaker’s inner world, fostering connection. “Neurodivergent love languages recognise the sensory preferences, emotional processing, and communication styles that are more common and natural among neurodivergent people.” Info dumping is especially meaningful for non-neurotypical people, since their interests can be incredibly specific or obscure. Because of this, sometimes they assume that others will not be interested and they keep it to themselves, so sharing is a sign of trust. 2. Parallel Play Also known as body doubling or being alone together, parallel play in adults means spending time together doing separate activities side by side. Examples of parallel play in adults include reading different books in the same couch or one partner doing sudoku while the other knits. Neurodivergent individuals often value presence over direct interaction. Don’t assume that lack of conversation equals disconnection: parallel play in adults removes the pressure of constant communication that can be overwhelming to neurodivergent people. Sharing silence is still sharing a meaningful moment, not to mention that being the body double serves as a physical anchor to a neurodivergent partner. Parallel Play is one of the ADHD love languages 3. Support Swapping Support swapping is about offering practical help, focusing on specific needs related to sensory or emotional regulation. Examples include offering to handle overwhelming tasks, like making phone calls or paying bills. Support swapping is related to spoon theory, which claims that neurodivergent people have limited or inconsistent energy reserves (aka spoons) available to get through the day. When running low on “spoons”, getting practical support can mean a lot to a neurodivergent person, as it demonstrates understanding of their unique challenges and willingness to ease their burdens. 4. Deep Pressure/Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body Deep pressure, the fourth of the ADHD love languages, recognises the needs of those with different sensory profiles. This type of stimulation provides a sense of calm and emotional connection, since some non-neurotypical people intentionally seek strong sensory input, like heavy blankets or tight hugs. RELATED: National Hug Day – 7 Reasons to Embrace More Deep pressure is also known as Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body. A firm and prolonged hug during a stressful moment can make your partner feel grounded, centred, and held. This helps regulate their nervous system, offering both physical and emotional comfort. 5. Penguin Pebbling Penguin pebbling, inspired by the behaviour of penguins offering pebbles to their mates, expresses love through small and thoughtful gestures. For neurodivergent individuals, these acts of kindness can carry significant emotional weight, offering a subtle but powerful way to express affection without needing overwhelming emotional displays. Pebbling demonstrates care through intentional everyday actions that are meaningful to the recipient. It can be as simple as sharing a favourite meme, making a cup of herbal tea, sending a comforting playlist, or leaving a loving handwritten note. Finding your Neurodivergent Love Language Understanding your and your partner’s love languages can help build better relationships. If you or your loved one are neurodivergent, it can be helpful to explore which expressions of affection resonate better. You can do this by asking yourselves questions such as: What makes me feel most appreciated in a relationship? What comes easy or naturally to me when it comes to showing love to others? When I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed, what kind of support do I find most comforting? Are there sensory preferences that shape how I express or receive affection? Are there specific actions that irritate or alienate me, even if intended to show love? What actions or behaviours from others make me feel safe and understood? Nurturing Neurodivergent Relationships Building strong relationships with neurodivergent individuals requires empathy, adaptability, and open communication. Challenges like sensory differences, different communication styles, or different ways of handling and expressing emotional intimacy can arise and cause frustration to both parties. “Neurodivergent individuals often value presence over direct interaction. Don’t assume that lack of conversation equals disconnection: parallel play in adults removes the pressure of constant communication.” But there are practical things that can help nurture these relationships and minimise misunderstandings. Part of it involves learning to speak the same love language, as well as keeping in mind the following tips: Practice active listening Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues to understand preferences and boundaries when expressing affection. Be patient Give your partner time to process emotions and thoughts, especially during high-stress situations. Communicate clearly Use direct language to minimise misinterpretation, especially when discussing complex or emotional topics, and avoid assuming or mind-reading. Respect sensory needs Be mindful of sensory sensitivities and try to create environments that feel safe and comfortable. Celebrate differences Don’t forget to reflect on the uniqueness and strengths that neurodivergence brings to a relationship, and create spaces to celebrate it. Takeaway: Neurodivergent Love Languages Love languages can help us build and nurture more satisfying relationships, and neurodivergent love languages take this a step further by recognising the diverse ways in which people connect. Expressions of affection like info dumping, parallel play, support swapping, deep pressure, and penguin pebbling, highlight the beauty of individuality in relationships. By embracing neurodivergent love languages, you can foster deeper connections and do your part to create a world where love is as diverse as the people who experience it. ● Images: shutterstock/Srdjan Randjelovic, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Friendship | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Exhausted by that ever-growing to-do list? These productivity hacks from Sonia Vadlamani will teach you how to get shit done by avoiding distractions and improving your ability to focus. Life can get overwhelmingly busy as we navigate a whirlwind of jobs and responsibilities each day, often leaving us feeling stretched too thin. Indeed, the daily grind can be exhausting, especially in a challenging economy, wherein many of us are forced to juggle multiple jobs just to stay afloat. Adding to this strain is the constant deluge of notifications on your phone and laptop – often distracting us from the task at hand and ultimately leaving us feeling guilty about our mounting workload. Reclaiming your focus back to your goals, responsibilities, and pending tasks can be the biggest hurdle to, well, getting shit done and feeling a feeling of achievement. The benefits of productivity hacks Most of us wish to be more productive, given that our list of to-dos and pending tasks often feels never-ending. With this in mind, productivity hacks are reliable and easily applicable methods to help us get more done in a day. What’s more, finding the right productivity tool that works for you can foster a sense of accomplishment, and the autonomy resulting from this can enhance your overall well-being and happiness levels. Productivity hacks: firstly, clear the clutter! Indeed, figuring out the right productivity hacks to bring some order to chaos can seem challenging. The answer lies in self-awareness and a bit of experimentation until you find the approach that suits you best. How to get shit done: 8 tips to boost productivity Boosting productivity doesn’t have to be complicated: it’s often about making intentional, small changes repeatedly. So, here are eight productivity hacks that can work wonders if applied to your daily life. 1. Organize your day into time blocks A study that researched over 100 productivity hacks declared time-blocking as one of the most effective. That’s because this technique helps you prfioritize your daily tasks with intention, enabling you to choose clarity over chaos. Most of us juggle different roles – such as worker, parent, carer – each day, which is exactly why dividing the day into multiple time blocks can aid us in getting shit done at a more efficient pace. “Use the time-blocking method to allocate specific slots and then batch all the similar or connected tasks together to make it easier to get shit done.” For instance, I currently balance blogging and creating food content part-time with freelance writing. I also volunteer at a local non-profit, take care of household chores, and try to exercise daily. To manage everything better, I use time blocking, dividing my week into manageable slots for personal and work-related tasks. This helps me stay organized, and I find that I’m able to tackle tasks without burnout, context-switching, or guilt about what's left undone. RELATED: Why is Volunteering Important? Here Are 7 Benefits it Offers In addition to simply getting my shit done, time-blocking also allows me to slot in some ‘me-time,’ which usually involves playing with my pets, catching up with a friend, reading a book or working on a jigsaw puzzle. 2. Plan your day the night before Deciding which tasks to tackle for the day and in what order can turn out to be a dreaded procrastination trap best avoided. In contrast, planning your day in advance enables you to get stuff done with intention and efficiency, eliminating any scope for decision fatigue and impulsiveness. Overwhelmed? Solid organization is crucial to get shit done Spend around 15 minutes each night planning your schedule for the next day. If appropriate, use the time-blocking method to allocate specific slots and then batch all the similar or connected tasks together to make it easier to get shit done. Known as task batching, this approach can help you stay focused, minimizing time wasted on unplanned activities. 3. Maintain a backlog of to-dos For long-term tasks or ideas you plan to work on in the foreseeable future, keep a backlog list. Instead of mindlessly inundating this backlog to-do list with tasks in a random manner, organize them by projects and sub-projects to manage your list with greater ease. Alternatively, you can also prioritize tasks daily, weekly, monthly, or beyond. Then each new week, bring forward tasks from your long-list into the daily or weekly one so you can focus on those. Make it a habit to review these projects and track their progress while planning your schedule for the next day. Adjust and revise as needed. As you may already know, getting things crossed off your to-do list creates a feeling of intense satisfaction! 4. Eliminate distractions Dstractions can be costly, especially if you’re trying to get stuff done on a tight schedule. Observe your surroundings and list out the usual disruptors that prevent you from getting shit done more often than you like. Research implies that in addition to killing the momentum and hampering our progress, frequent interruptions can be exhausting, stress-inducing, and increase the chances of you making errors with your work. MORE LIKE THIS: Why Can't I Focus? 8 Tips on How to Avoid Distractions ‘I Hate My Job!’ Cultivate These 6 Traits and Love Your Work Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It For example, simple changes like putting your phone on silent, disabling notifications to avoid constant distraction, avoiding places with noise and movement etc., can improve your ability to concentrate entirely on the present task and head into that flow state – essential for getting shit done. 5. Declutter your workspace Whether you work from home or the office, excessive clutter can indisputably hinder your performance, thus impacting your ability to complete your tasks. In addition to boosting your productivity, decluttering your workspace can improve your mood, lower stress levels, and combat anxiety. If you do work from home, maintaining a designated workspace can help create a clear boundary between work and personal life. Home workers should create a designed workspace 6. Get a quick start with the 2-Minute rule The 2-minute rule is a simple technique to essentially stave off procrastination by reducing the decision-making time toward an important goal, action or milestone by just springing into action. In his renowned book Getting Things Done, David Allen suggests the underlying principle for the 2-Minute Rule: “If an action will take less than two minutes, it should be done at the moment it’s defined.” “In our fast-paced world, productivity hacks are a game-changer. Organizing your day and planning effectively are key drivers to getting more done.” Allen rationalizes the first two minutes as the ‘efficiency cutoff’ for the pile of small tasks that all of us often find piled up on our to-do list. So, instead of putting off these small tasks, simply switch into 'action' mode and address them head-on. You will notice the difference. 7. Utilize the Pomodoro Technique The Pomodoro technique is a useful time-management system if you – like myself – find yourself getting derailed by small distractions throughout the day, or feel overwhelmed by the amount of work still pending. It involves setting a timer to alternate focused time sessions with frequent microbreaks to enable prolonged concentration and keep mental exhaustion at bay. RELATED: 7 Ways to Develop a Can-Do Attitude Set your timer to 25 minutes and start working on the tasks you’ve set for the day, allowing yourself a 5-minute productive break. Repeat this cycle four times, or ‘Pomodoro’ rounds, to earn a longer restorative break lasting 15-30 minutes. You can use the breaks to get a snack, take a short stroll, or refresh with a brief meditation session. 8. Take ample breaks While productivity hacks work wonders and can be the key to getting shit done, as the Pomodoro technique suggests, the importance of taking breaks in between cannot be ignored. A survey study by Sooyeol Kim et al found that engaging in microbreaks can boost productivity significantly by improving work engagement and lowering fatigue rates in employees. So, whether you're implementing the Pomodoro technique or not, be sure to include plenty of breaks, with the goal of disconnecting briefly from work and returning refreshed to tackle the work head-on. Instead of planning a specific activity for the break time, follow your instinct and indulge in whatever feels right in that moment: listen to music, work on your knitting project, or simply practise Niksen, the art of doing nothing, and stare out the window! The takeaway: how to get shit done Productivity hacks are a game-changer, especially in today’s fast-paced world. Organizing your day and planning effectively are key drivers to getting stuff done. However, resist the urge to over-plan or schedule each activity down to every minute, as this can lead to further procrastination, stress, and burnout. By gauging your needs carefully and testing out different approaches, you can identify the ideal productivity hacks to help you regain control of your time and get shit done! • Images: shutterstock/Cardlrin, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/Stokkete happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Don't always have the words to say you love someone? Then 'pebbling' – a gesture originating from penguins – could work for you. As Dee Marques explains, pebbling is the act of sending loved-ones small tokens of affection to let them know you're thinking of them, often used by people who struggle to verbalise their feelings. Chances are you’ve come across a meme, video or image that reminded you of someone dear to you, and you couldn’t help but sharing it with them. Likewise, you’ve probably also been the one receiving an Instagram Reel or pic with the caption: “this is so you :-)”. This seemingly trivial act is known as pebbling, a trend that is making the rounds in social media as a way to show appreciation and build stronger connections through small and thoughtful gestures. What’s fascinating is that many of us may already be pebbling – or being pebbled – without even realising it, whether we’re doing it online or in the real world. So, what is pebbling exactly, what do penguins have to do with pebbling, and how can you use it to nurture personal relationships and strengthen your bonds with others? So, what is pebbling exactly? Pebbling involves offering small gestures to others to show you care for that person. But what do pebbles have to do with it? Well, the expression 'pebbling' comes from a charming practice observed in nature between penguins in Antartica. Here, male gentoo penguins court their potential mates by presenting them with the most perfect pebbles they can find. These function as simple gifts that symbolise their affection and commitment to building a nest together. Nature and nurture: male gentoo penguins court mates by gifting perfect 'nesting' pebbles Penguin pebbling also happens between people: think about all the thoughtful acts of kindness that can communicate love and appreciation. Unlike traditional gift-giving – which often involves a lot of planning or considerable expenses – pebbling thrives on simplicity. Whether it’s sending a random “thinking of you” text or making someone a cup of tea, the magic lies in the gesture’s small but heartfelt nature. Ultimately, this ritual is not about material wealth, but about intention and connection. Pebbling as a love language Because pebbling is subtle and doesn’t require elaborate gestures or speeches, it’s included within the five neurodivergent love languages, alongside: parallel play/body doubling, info-dumping, support swapping, and deep pressure. For neurodivergent individuals, traditional expressions of affection like overt romantic gestures or spoken declarations of love can feel challenging or uncomfortable. “Pebbling involves offering small gestures to others to show you care. Unlike traditional gift-giving – which often involves a lot of planning or considerable expenses – pebbling thrives on simplicity.” The beauty of penguin pebbling is that it doesn’t require fancy words or actions. Small but meaningful gestures can also speak volumes, and are a much more accessible way of communicating for people from neurodivergent communities. For many, pebbling bridges the gap between wanting to show love and finding a comfortable way of expressing it. Pebbling in friendships and other personal relationships In romantic relationships, pebbling can be a game-changer. During the early stages of dating or courting, small gestures are a way of showing attentiveness and of building intimacy. Even in long-term relationships, penguin pebbling helps keep the connection alive by reaffirming with your partner that they’re often in your thoughts. MORE LIKE THIS: Random Acts of Kindness: 22 Acts to Spread Happiness Why Can't I Make Friends: 7 Self-Limiting Patterns The Power of Kindness: The Ripple Effects of Being Nice Similarly, in platonic friendships, small and thoughtful acts can strengthen bonds and show your buddies that they're valued. For instance, sharing a Spotify playlist that reminds you of your best mate or surprising them with their favourite cake on a tough day can go a long way in showing that you care, while also building a history of shared memories. Digital dating: Sending memes, playlists or Reels is a form of pebbling Furthermore, giving and receiving “pebbles” can also strengthen parent-child relationships, especially if the kids are digital natives. Children might pebble their parents by drawing a picture or sharing a silly video that made them laugh, and parents can pebble their kids by putting a favourite treat into their lunchbox or sending a text of encouragement before an exam. Five benefits of pebbling Pebbling might consist of small gestures, but it has a powerful impact. Here are some of the key benefits of giving symbolic pebbles: 1. Strengthens relationships Thoughtful gestures build trust and connection. When you pebble someone, you’re sending a clear message: “I’m thinking about you”. These acts of care create a sense of security and warmth in relationships, which reinforce emotional bonds and make relationships stronger. And, as some studies have found, the positive impact of acts of kindness can last up to three months. 2. Boosts feel-good hormones Acts of kindness like those involved in pebbling trigger the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. This creates the so-called “Helper’s High” effect, where the brain rewards kind behaviour with a rush of happiness chemicals, which – according to some studies – can have a similar effect to a mild morphine high. 3. Promotes emotional well-being Feeling cared for and appreciated has a profound effect on emotional health. For the receiver, pebbling can reduce feelings of loneliness, replacing them with joy and gratitude. “The expression 'pebbling' comes from a charming practice observed in nature between penguins. Male gentoo penguins court their mates by presenting them with the most perfect pebbles they can find.” Some studies report that more than 50% of people receiving a token of kindness say they experience increased happiness and gratefulness. 4. Encourages mindfulness Pebbling requires you to stop and think about the important people in your life, what makes them happy, and what might brighten their day. Taking time to consider other people’s needs and wishes can help you become more mindful of your connections, making it easier to stay present and appreciative. Sticky and sweet: Post-it pebbling is a simple way to show affection 5. Accessibility Unlike grand gestures that require significant time, money, or planning, penguin pebbling is simple and inclusive. Because it’s a low-cost way of expressing love and kindness, it's accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds. Anyone can pebble, and that’s the beauty of it. Pebbling: Ideas and inspiration Most of us are already pebbling or being pebbled in the digital world. But if you want to get more actively involved in this relationship ritual inspired by penguins, here are some ideas to get you going: Digital pebbling Share a funny meme or TikTok video that made you think of someone. Send a “just checking in” message to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Create a digital photo album of your favourite memories with a friend. Send a cute emoji for no reason (yes, it can be as simple as that!). Real-world pebbling Pick up your coworker’s favourite snack or drink “just because”. Leave a handwritten note on your partner’s bathroom mirror, fridge, or pillow. Bring an actual pebble with some special feature from a meaningful location. Find a pretty tree leaf and give it as a keepsake. For parents and kids Prepare a surprise breakfast with your child’s favourite foods. Kids can make a DIY “I love you” card or bracelet for their parents. Have a “pebble jar” where family members leave notes of gratitude for one another. Create a family Messenger group and be active sharing and responding to messages and images. Takeaway: What is Pebbling? What started as a charming behaviour in penguins has evolved into a powerful practice for building and maintaining meaningful connections. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a close friend, or a family member, the small and thoughtful acts of kindness involved in pebbling remind us that expressions of love and care don’t have to be fancy to be meaningful. So, next time you a family member or friend enters your thoughts, why not pebble them? A simple action can brighten their day, make your relationship more authentic, and spread positivity in ways you never imagined. • Images: shutterstock/evenfh, shutterstock/shurkin_son happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Friendship | Compassion | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

For many of us, once the festive holiday season is over the January blues start to set in. But there are ways you can fight back and feel better. Dee Marques shares seven ideas on beating those blues – from holiday planning and embracing winter activities to finding new hobbies. The January blues and new year period can be particularly tough on our mental health and lead to feelings of depression. After the excesses typical of the festive season, going back to the usual daily routine can be overwhelming. Personally, I've always thought about this time of the year as an expanded version of the Monday blues – something many of us go through on a weekly basis! Furthermore, during the new year, most of us also tend to take stock of our lives. This sometimes means realising that things haven't turned out as we expected or hoped. Perhaps we look back on past resolutions to find out that we weren’t able to maintain them, or we’re saddened by memories of people who are no longer with us. We've all had a few couple of years due to the pandemic, and this challenging period is likely to continue, perhaps intensifying the January blues. Also, a season of treats, big dinners and high alcohol consumption usually means we end up with a few extra inches or pounds and a negative body image. And having friends or relatives visiting can be lovely but it can also drain our energy and lead to confrontations or fall-outs. Added to that, intense gift-buying sessions may have left us with an empty bank account. In fact, research shows that the January blues and new year depression are a very real thing. Suicides peak on New Year’s day, considered the deadliest 24 hours of the year. Also, there are links between low morale at this time of the year and an increased number of extramarital affairs. In fact, 65 per cent of all relationship break-ups happen in January. How to find meaning in life: 7 strategies The 4 signs that distinguish feeling blue from depression 8 powerful suicide prevention quotes New year depression is so prevalent that it's led to the term Blue Monday being coined. This refers to the most depressing day of the year, and it’s calculated using a formula that takes into account three things: the weather, motivation levels and debt. 7 strategies to beating the January blues In 2023, Blue Monday will fall on 16th January. So, in preparation for this dreaded day and the month beyond, here are seven scientifically-proven ideas on how to beat those January blues. 1. Embrace winter activities Physical activity is a great mood booster that is proven to help fend off depression. And although exercising is probably the last thing you feel like doing at this time of the year, the benefits are so worth it that once you get going, you’ll want to keep going! Snow limits: wrap-up and embrace a winter walk shutterstock/Nik Hoberg Indeed, recent studies claim that both short sessions of high-intensity exercise or longer sessions of low-intensity activity are effective at keeping the blues at bay. And the season itself offers opportunities to try something new, whether it's snow sports like skiing, going for countryside or coastal walk in nature, or ice skating. The strong-willed among you may even want to consider a dose of winter wild swimming! But there are still options if you don’t feel like braving the cold: saunas, steam baths and hot yoga are all excellent for well-being and beating the misery January brings. 2. Take a trip Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues and new year depression, especially if it’s somewhere sunny. That's because our bodies create Vitamin D from sunlight, and this vitamin is directly linked to our mood. You don’t need to go on a long trip – even a weekend getaway can make a difference. “Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues, especially if it's somewhere sunny.” But what if your finances are tight after the holiday season? Fear not. Interestingly, the simple fact of just planning or researching a trip can improve your mood. Studies have found that pre-trip happiness acts as a mood booster, as it fills us with anticipation of good things to come. So, even though many of us may not be able to travel to sunny climes to avoid the January blues right now, we can at least get on the net and start researching where we want to go next. 3. Skip resolutions and take up a new hobby New Year resolutions can be a double-edged sword: on the one hand, they can motivate us, but since only 8 per cent of people follow them through, failing to achieve them can make us feel inadequate. To take the pressure off and still work towards something meaningful, why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through January. If you find yourself really enjoying it, you can then continue it for the rest of the year. 4. Warm up Never underestimate the healing effect of warmth, especially during the coldest months of the year. In fact, our bodies are meant to be comforted by warmth – this is why we seek the sun or find so much pleasure in our favourite cup of tea, coffee or chocolate. A hot choc can help beat the January blues shutterstock/igorstevanovic If you’re feeling down with the January blues, take your time to enjoy a long soak in a warm, relaxing bath (even better if you add some warming essential oils like rosemary, ginger or cardamom). According to researchers, even just touching something warm can give us a little happiness boost. 5. Find something fun to do with friends January’s bleak weather and lack of funds can make it very tempting to stay home and veg out all day. But instead of giving in to staying in, it’s worth finding ways of staying active and sociable. For example, collective plans or resolutions can help you stay accountable and motivated, making you more resilient to New Year depression. “Why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through the January blues. If you find yourself really enjoy it you can carry it on for the rest of the year.” And there are tons of activities you can enjoy with others without spending a lot of money. For example, you could gather at a friend’s home and learn a new dance using YouTube videos, organize healthy and budget-friendly cooking competitions, have a wardrobe clear out and swap session, or even have a go at geocaching. 6. Eat well When it comes to our diet, Christmas and New Year are usually synonymous with excess. Some of us love to indulge in mince pies, Christmas pudding, and other high-carb and high-sugar treats, but overeating these foods can lead to low energy and a dark mood typical of the January blues. To counter this, include nourishing good mood foods in every meal, especially those rich in omega-3 oils, which according to some studies can help fight pessimism and sadness. 7. Check for SAD If you're really struggling to keep a positive mindset or if your health is negatively affected every time January arrives, you may be suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). This condition affects 10 million people in the US and 1 in 3 in the UK. The symptoms include irritability, tearfulness, low self-esteem, high stress, lethargy, and a loss of interest in things that we’d normally find enjoyable. It’s important to speak to your doctor if you suspect you may have SAD, since in some people this can evolve into depressive symptoms. You should know that treatment is available and you don’t need to let this type of January blues or depression take over. Your doctor may recommend Vitamin D supplements, using a light therapy box, going for walks whenever there’s sunlight, or in some cases, medication. Conclusion: you can beat the January blues This winter, don’t let the January blues spoil your mood and well-being. Use the suggestions above to prevent the symptoms from developing, and if you find yourself struggling despite your best efforts, seek help. You’re not alone and every step you take to beat the winter blues will be a worthwhile investment in your overall physical and mental health. ● Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic Do you struggle with the January blues? If so, head over to our forum on depression. What do you to fight back against depressive symptoms over winter? Share your ideas below! happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Self-care | Goal setting | Anxiety Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Learning how to talk to a parent with dementia takes both resilience and time. Dee Marques shares eight key strategies to help you deal with the communication process more easily. Dementia is an incredibly cruel syndrome, and is equally hard for both the person affected by the disease and their carers. The term dementia covers a broad range of brain diseases – such as Alzheimer's – that can lead to a long-term and gradual decrease in a person's ability to think and remember things. Other symptoms include emotional problems, decreased motivation and language difficulties. Indeed, when it comes to knowing how to talk to a parent with dementia, it can be both frustrating and painful. Unfortunately, global dementia diagnoses are on the rise. According to Alzheimer’s Disease International, there’s a new dementia case diagnosed approximately every three seconds. Furthermore, the organisation estimates that the number of people affected by dementia is likely to double by the year 2050. This comes at a tremendous economic and personal cost, potentially affecting millions of families. RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 key ways to reduce the risk Dealing with dementia is particularly hard when your parents are involved. Dementia symptoms put an enormous strain on the parent-child relationship, and can wreak havoc in the happiness of your family life. Unlike other serious diseases where the ability to talk and feel close to the person affected remains untouched, dementia takes away the chances of sharing, communicating and being together in a meaningful way. Maintain eye contact when talking to a parent with dementia shutterstock/Photographee.eu Learning how to deal with talking to a parent with dementia takes time and resilience, but it can be done. Here are eight suggestions on how to improve communication with parents affected by this difficult condition. How to talk to a parent with dementia: 8 top tips Being able to communicate with others is essential for every human being. Evolutionary psychologists say that the development of spoken communication played a key role in the success and survival of our species. So, since this is something deeply ingrained in us, it’s normal to feel that something important has been taken away when communication breaks down. “Learning how to talk to a parent with dementia takes time and resilience, but it can be done.” If you’re dealing with dementia in your household and feel lost, remember that we’re not born knowing how to talk to a parent with dementia. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do about it: talking to a parent with dementia doesn’t get easier, but there are certain skills and strategies that can improve communication. 1. Eliminate distractions When talking to a parent with dementia, do your best to get their full attention. People affected by dementia are easily distracted by background noise, people coming and going, etc. Moreover, moving objects can not only take their attention away but can also cause agitation. Turn off any devices – radio, TV, music – and move to a quieter place. Avoid sudden movements or changes in your tone of voice. 2. Keep it simple Keep conversations around one idea only to make things easier to process for your parent. If you need to repeat yourself, stick to the same wording. Studies on how to talk to a parent with dementia suggest you use one verb per sentence and ask yes/no questions whenever possible. Otherwise, as this nurse says, “it becomes very hard for them to follow a complex conversation”. 3. Non-verbal communication When talking to a parent living with dementia, one of the most important things to remember is that communication doesn’t only depend on spoken language. In fat, people with dementia are receptive to other ways of communicating, such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and physical contact. However, they are still sensitive to non-verbal communication, so make sure you’re not “contributing to the situation by telegraphing your anger, resentment, and frustration through your body language”. Consider physical contact when talking to a parent with dementia 4. Be specific One of the most common signs of dementia is the inability to remember the names of people and places. Make it easier for a parent with dementia and always spell out the name of the people or places you talk about, instead of using vague words that may confuse them (he, she, here or there). Also, depending on the level of their dementia, consider using your parent’s name and start the conversation telling them your name and who you are. 5. Anticipate Watch out for gestures that could come across as intimidating or threatening. Avoid talking with a parent with dementia from a position where they can’t see you. Make sure lighting is good enough so that your face isn’t obscured. It’s always a good idea to position yourself at their eye level, sitting in front or next to them (but not too close) and maintaining good eye contact throughout the conversation. “Talking to a parent with dementia doesn’t get easier, but there are certain skills and strategies that can improve communication.” 6. Give them time It takes longer for a person with dementia to process information, so speak at a slower pace than normal and pause between sentences. Another important aspect of how to talk to a parent with dementia is to give them plenty of time to respond without showing impatience. 7. Use visual cues Visual cues can help when figuring out how to talk to a parent with dementia, as they simplify the decision-making process. For example, instead of asking which coat they want to wear or what they’d like to eat, show them the options. It’s also important to limit the choices to avoid your parent becoming overwhelmed. As the Mayo Clinic staff recommends, "simplify the decisions you expect him or her to make”. 8. Try again later Knowing what to do when things get tough is one of the challenges when learning how to talk to a parent with dementia. If your parent is struggling to communicate, it’s best to pause and try again in 20-30 minutes, instead of insisting or creating confrontation. Talking to a parent with dementia: what not to say Knowing what not to say to a parent with dementia is just as important as knowing what to say. Avoid saying these things at all cost, however frustrated you may get: “I’ve just told you that” or “you've already said that”. “You’re wrong” or anything that challenges them. “(someone) is dead”. “You can’t do that” or anything that questions their abilities. “Do you know who I am?” or “do you remember X”? “What did you do today?” or any question that requires a long-winded or detailed account. Sentences that may look harmless to us may take on a different meaning and could cause negative reactions when talking to a parent with dementia. Conclusions Communicating with a parent who has dementia is often stressful and heartbreaking, but it can be as frustrating for the parent as it is for you. Sometimes, you may feel out of depth figuring how to talk to a parent with dementia, but it’s still possible to find moments of joy and happiness. The main points to remember are avoiding confrontation and distraction, making conversation easier by keeping things short and simple, and supporting what you say with visual cues and positive body language. Patience and empathy are key when talking to a parent with dementia. And remember: you’re not alone in dealing with this. ● Looking for advice or support from other happiness.com members around dealing with dementia in a parent? Search our forum to look for a discussion, and if there isn't one, take the first step and start one. Main image: shutterstock/Monkey Business Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Parenting | Acceptance | Family activities | Empathy | Forgiveness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

After being pictured knitting at the Olympics, champion diver Tom Daley put crochet and yarn back in the public eye. Keen knitter Dee Marques looks at the health benefits of this popular pastime – from reducing anxiety to improving cognitive function. Two years ago, I was browsing a crafts store website when something caught my eye. All I saw was a beautifully vibrant teal colour, and then I realised it was yarn. I really wanted to have that colour in my life, so I thought that if that meant learning to knit, so be it! I ordered the yarn, found some YouTube tutorials, and haven’t stopped knitting since. In fact, it turns out that my experience of falling in love with yarn and knitting is quite common. Indeed, knitting is going through quite a revival, with people of all ages turning to the craft and discovering the benefits it brings to their mental health. Let's look at why this traditional skill is so popular again and at some of the interesting health advantages knitting can bring you. Knitting: how it became hip When people think about knitting, they usually picture an old lady sitting in a rocking chair and making a pair of thick and furry socks! Well, although old ladies do, of course, still knit, this old-fashioned stereotype is gradually being replaced by a new reality: knitting is no longer just a 'housewifey' thing to do. The health benefits of knitting include reducing stress and anxiety Indeed, knitting is fast-shedding its fuddy-duddy image. Over the past few years it's gone from being seen as something traditional to something radical. Now, knitting is no longer associated with domesticity, but rather with a creative activity for men and women of all ages. For example, Facebook is full of knitting groups for guys, such as Men Who Knit. And the list of celebrities who are into knitting includes Russell Crowe, Christina Hendricks, and, more recently, Olympic bronze medallist Tom Daley – you may have spotted him in the crowd recently darning away during a swimming competition. “Knitting is going through a revival, and people of all ages are turning to the craft and falling in love with it – and the benefits it brings to their health.” A quick online search reveals lots of knitting clubs, as well as an endless Instagram feed where people from all over the world show off their skills and new creations. Some designers have started featuring incredibly creative knit garments that show how knitting is a match for unconventional personalities. Diver Tom Daley and one of his creations Instagram/madewithlovebytomdaley Furthermore, knitting has experienced a huge surge in popularity since the start of the pandemic. As millions of us found ourselves stuck at home with nothing to do due to lockdowns, knitting became a great way to learn a new skill and pass the time while doing something both creative and productive. In fact, during the past 18 months knitting stores have experienced a massive increase in sales and a surge in social media followers! Practical advantages of knitting So, before getting into the health benefits of knitting, here are some other reasons why it's such a cool hobby to indulge in: It’s affordable. You can get started with just a few knitting needles, yarn, and a couple of stoppers. If you don’t want to buy them new, charity shops have tons of knitting goodies at low prices. In fact, I was able to get started by spending just £5! I found a few used needles at a second-hand store, and a neighbour gave me her kit, which she didn’t use anymore due to arthritis. You can knit at home – and everywhere else you want. I made myself a pouch for my knitting tools and I make sure to always have it in my bag. That way, I can make progress on whatever I’m working on when I’m waiting at the GP surgery or at any other place where I know I have a long wait ahead of me. You don't need much space. When you start knitting, you’ll need to follow patterns. Unlike sewing patterns, which can be huge and take up a lot of space, knitting patterns can be easily downloaded from websites and they barely cover more than an A4-sized piece of paper. There are plenty of free patterns, too. Knitting is useful. Fancy a pair of fingerless gloves in your favourite colour? You can make them in one day. Want to make someone a handmade gift? Then knit a scarf, a beanie, or a wash cloth. When it comes to the practical side of knitting, nothing beats knowing that you can make your own clothes and accessories. The knitting community is friendly and supportive. Everyone knows what it’s like to be a beginner and the community if full of people offering help and support to newbies. Six key health benefits of knitting The health benefits of knitting are mostly linked to mental health. But since mind and body are closely connected, the health benefits of knitting could also extend to physical well-being. Here are six potential advantages: 1. Reduced stress and anxiety This is one of the greatest health benefits of knitting and the first to be noticed. Once you get 'in the flow' (and you will know when this happens!), knitting grabs all your attention and you become so absorbed in working row after row, that it takes your mind away from other worries. For me, knitting is synonymous with serenity, reducing both my anxiety and stress. 2. Improved cognitive function At first sight, it may seem that knitting is a simple and repetitive activity. But alternating your knit and purl stitches stimulates brain function. Studies carried out in older adults have shown that this type of productive mental engagement can benefit cognitive skills, including memory and reasoning. Linked to this, some research suggests that the cognitive demands of knitting can also reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer’s and dementia, as it keeps the brain cells fired up. More men than ever are discovering the health benefits of knitting shutterstock/Elmur 3. Improved self-confidence Knitting means creating something, and it’s empowering to go from being a consumer to being a producer. This gives knitters a boost of confidence and a feeling of accomplishment when seeing their work progress. Indeed, there’s a feeling of fulfilment involved in being able to wear or use what you made – doing something with your hands has healing power! And while we all know clinical depression requires professional support, studies have shown that knitting has can take negative thoughts off the mind and release serotonin, which helps fight depressive states. 4. A lesson in mindfulness Knitting requires focus and concentration in the present, one stitch at the time. This craft has been called 'the new yoga', since every knitting session is a great opportunity to disconnect from the outside world, slow down, and focus. Does this sound familiar? Yes, it’s similar to mindfulness, and so the health benefits of knitting are linked. “Studies have shown that knitting can take negative thoughts off the mind and release serotonin, which helps fight depressive states.” In fact, some people compare knitting to meditation and have even coined a new term for it: medknitation. Instead of repeating a mantra or focusing on their breathing, some knitters concentrate on the repetitive flow of knitting and are able to achieve a similar meditative state. The teacher of happiness.com's MBSR course, Tine Steiss, is an avid knitter and keen proponent of the hobby due to its many benefits: "Knitting keeps my hands busy and this is beneficial in two situations: I can listen more deeply, be it in a meeting, in a conversation or with an audio book or podcast. I don't then reach for my mobile phone, a snack, or some other form of distraction. RELATED: How to Practise Niksen – the Art of Doing Nothing “But knitting also helps me relax, or in other words, it's an excuse to relax. When my hands are busy, the brain no longer searches for things that need to be done. Unlike mindfulness meditation, where I'm actively exercising the brain in a form of focused stillness, when I'm knitting, the brain is casually chilling on the couch.” Happy knits from designer Lizzie Kaya Instagram/gimme_kaya 5. It boosts dopamine and a feel-good effect Knitting can be frustrating when you’re a beginner. It took me a while to figure out how to undo mistakes, and until that happened, I was annoyed every time I got a stitch wrong. But it’s also incredibly rewarding. Seeing the progress of your work, gaining self-confidence, and being relaxed are all states that trigger dopamine. This substance is known as the feel-good hormone, and it has a beneficial effect on body and mind. The release of dopamine can help regulate mood, sleep, digestion, blood flow, and many other important functions that contribute to the fabulous health benefits of knitting. RELATED: Happiness Hormones – the Neurochemicals of Happiness 6. A sense of control Most of us have felt things getting out of control over the past year or so. Instead of dwelling on the negative state of things, choosing to spend time doing something over which you do have control can help improve your well-being. Start with an easy project so that you can experience that wonderful feeling of being in control of what can be controlled. To sum up, knitting is another coping tool you can add to your arsenal. Emotional well-being is one of the health benefits of knitting that everyone should experience. The takeaway: why knitting benefits your health The therapeutic effects of knitting range from reduced stress to better cognitive functioning, self-confidence, and the ability to focus on the present moment. You can experience the health benefits of knitting whether your knit alone or as part of a group. It doesn’t take much to get started, and once you get hooked, you’ll never look back! ● Main image: shutterstock/Samo Trebizan Are you a keen knitter? What health benefits does it give you? Share your thoughts and designs with the happiness.com community in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Stress management | Sculpturing | Dementia | Painting Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

We all get down sometimes, but if you're stuck in a rut and thinking 'why do I hate my life', it's time to take action. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 10 practical ideas to help put your life in perspective and turn things around so you can start loving living again. 'I hate my life!' Does this statement (or, rather, exclamation bellowed in agony) resonate with you now or in the past? Then you are not alone. Life can be joyous, exhilarating and breathtaking. However, it is also unpredictable. Challenges arise, we make poor decisions, difficulties get hurled our way. A part of life is to dislike some of it. You might have married the wrong person, and now you loathe your time together. Maybe you were hit by an economic crisis and cannot make ends meet. You may hate your job or have a terrible work life balance. Sometimes it seems only logical to hate your life. I lived in that state for many years. And I do not mean a teenage 'I hate my life!' exclamation when you embarrass yourself in front of the entire class. I'm talking about the darkest loathing of every waking moment. I know how your soul grows black when you feel inescapably hopeless and helpless. Why did I share that with you? Because I want you to know that what you will read is not empty talk. I have travelled the path, and I did so very recently. You, too, can swim back to the surface. How? Read on for some ideas on how to fight the antipathy you nurture towards your own life — and fall back in love with it. What to do when you hate your life: reclaim it Hating your life is not a pretty state to be in. Wrong choices and regret tend to put you off course. I remember when I noticed my life suddenly starting to lose all its colours. I felt lost. I was paralysed by the revulsion when I catalogued all my failures that made my life unenjoyable, to say the least. So, if you have had enough of loathing, start reclaiming your life. It may be a long road to travel. Still, you are bound to become sager afterwards — not to mention happier. If you are wondering what to do when you hate your life, here are the 10 steps you owe it to yourself to take: 1. Take time to reflect The first essential step you need to take is to understand why you're unhappy with your life. It may be obvious, like having a job that drains your energy and has no higher purpose whatsoever. In other instances, the source of your hatred may not be so obvious. It could be a group of aspects of your life, like an unsupportive family, lack of time for hobbies, overly expensive apartment, wrong profession, and so on. What to do when you hate your life? Reclaim it! Take some time to reflect on the topic and write down your thoughts. What it is exactly that you want out of your life? It would be best if you determined exactly where the loathing comes from. Because unless you know why you hate your life, it will be challenging to come up with how to find yourself again and start feeling more positive. 2. Determine what's in your power to change When you're done with the soul-searching from the first step, you should analyse the situation. What is it that you can control and change? And what is out of your hands? For example, if you're in an abusive relationship, there's little point in trying to make the abuser change. However, you can transform your perspective on things. You can gradually start refusing to think about your life and yourself as they dictate. Their insults do not have to be the building blocks of your identity. MORE LIKE THIS: Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Feeling Blue Or Clinically Depressed? 4 Things You Should Look Out For How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed: 8 Strategies The Serenity Prayer, regardless of your religion, speaks about a pearl of universal and timeless wisdom: Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other 3. Remove unhelpful automatic thoughts Whatever your situation may be, chances are, the previous step led you to realise your thoughts are always in your hands. Indeed, it's the one thing we can always control, although this is a challenge in itself. We all have many automatic thoughts. Unfortunately, they are often unhelpful. Such maladaptive thinking patterns cause numerous disturbances and difficulties, as a cross-cultural study found. A straightforward example: if you keep thinking “why do I hate my life” then you are gearing your mind towards negativity. “If you're in a situation that makes you unhappy with your life, take time to work on forgiveness. If we replace our unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal.” Work on removing such maladaptive thoughts. Challenge them, search for counterarguments. Come up with alternative statements, and start thinking them instead of the negative ones. For example, replace “I hate my life” with “It is in my power to create the life I want”. Remember: you are not your thoughts. Furthermore, a systematic review of nearly 70 scientific papers confirmed the power of self-talk. Positive self-talk can improve our performance, help with depression or anxiety symptoms, and increase our confidence. 4. Forgive and self-forgive If you're in a situation that makes you unhappy with your life, take time to work on forgiveness. An extensive review of studies on forgiveness found that if we find it in ourselves to replace the unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal. And what about self-forgiveness? When you forgive yourself, you open the doors to growing as a person, a study revealed. According to Stanford University’s summary of recent findings in the field, self-forgiveness leads to: Wisdom Increased ability to focus, success, and higher productivity Better emotional health More quality relationships A sense of happiness and gratitude So, whether you’re feeling guilty for hurting another person, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for failing to stick to healthy habits, let go of self-hate. Letting go of loathing will help you release your energy for a fresh start and a new, happier life. It's time to be your own best friend and stop self-flagellation. 5. Practise gratitude When you are dissatisfied with your life, you probably have a bias towards seeing the negatives. It may be a strong mental habit, making you blind to the opportunities that are still there for you. However, if you're fed up with the hatred of your life, start practising gratitude. Focus on all of the good things in your life. Indeed, even in the darkest moments, there is something to be grateful for. Unhappy with life? Practise gratitude and enjoy the simple things It may be your memories and the wonderful moments you've had in the past. It could be your inner strength and perseverance. Look at nature and cherish its beauty. Take a moment to watch the morning and be thankful for seeing it. Savour. Then move gradually towards recognising other positives in your life — friends, family, your home, your job... find the good in everything you can. In that way, you train your mind to stop focusing on the loathsome aspects of your life. Scientific research has confirmed the benefits of gratitude on life satisfaction and happiness. Suddenly, you will start seeing the opportunities to turn things around. 6. Avoid comparisons Comparing yourself to others can make you vulnerable to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. We're naturally inclined to compare ourselves to others. Social media makes it very difficult not to. However, what people showcase online is carefully corrected and selected to display only the best features. Trying to keep up with those fake standards is bound to make you hate your life. Even when you know images and posts are edited, they can still make you feel inadequate. “If you're fed up with the hatred of your life, start practising gratitude. Even in the darkest moments, there is something to be grateful for.” So, do not compare yourself. Direct your energy towards your authentic needs and wishes instead. Ask yourself — what would I want if I was not trying to keep up? What would I do if I did not care about praise, money, accomplishments, recognition? 7. Explore your passions Try to remember the last time you felt on top of the world. You were likely living in line with your principles and passions at that time. Now that you are not, you probably feel lost and 'I hate my life' has become your mantra. Therefore, venture on to explore and (re)discover your interests. Ask yourself: “What is it that I used to love doing and believed in?” “What would I want to do if I did not have to care about money or anything else?” MORE LIKE THIS: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today Search for the activities that give you something called flow state, a phrase coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is a state in which you get lost in an activity. You stop noticing time passing and you're 100% absorbed in what you're doing. Csikszentmihalyi’s research concluded that the more ‘flow’ you have in your life, the more resilience, well-being, and fulfilment you will enjoy. So, when you are feeling unsatisfied with life, remember what you used to love doing, or try new hobbies: maybe you will find something that reignites your flame. 8. Get support (and input) from your friends and family Hating your life puts you in a dark and, often, lonely place. You may be living under circumstances that isolate you. The heaviness of the feeling might be too much to hide or to share with others. Yet, being alone is a stressor on its own. It can make it too easy to ruminate about what you loathe about your life. Try to “prescribe” yourself socialising with people. Enjoy a casual coffee with friends or a heart-to-heart conversation about what worries you. Studies revealed that social support could help you step out of your head and gain a fresh perspective on things. Embrace family and friends when you're feeling unhappy with life 9. Look after yourself When you're in a state of hating your life, it often becomes difficult to take good care of yourself. However, the mind-body connection goes two ways. When you're sleep-deprived, sick, and physically weak, you become psychologically vulnerable, too. “Come up with alternative statements and start thinking them instead of negative ones. Replace 'I hate my life' with, 'It's in my power to create the life I want.” So, start looking after yourself. Sleep, exercise, get enough fresh air, eat healthy food. Scientific research has proven that physical activity helps lower the levels of stress hormones in your body. It also increases your ability to focus and use your intellectual skills better. As a result, you will gain clarity and better control over your emotions. Same goes for other acts of self-care. Give yourself plenty of self-love, even when you do not feel like it. Your future self will thank you. 10. Make a plan of action After all of the steps above, you're probably ready to make an action plan. Identify what makes you unhappy. Commit to making small steps to improve things. Each day, ask yourself: “What is it that I can do to move closer to my goal today?” The 'why do I hate my life' monster might raise its ugly head a few more times. However, stop sabotaging yourself. Do not allow it to stay in your head for too long. Remember — our time on this planet is limited. You do not want to spend whatever time you have left hating your life — you want to change it while you can. Takeaway: what to do when you hate your life Yes, you only get to live once. So, does it make any sense to hate your life? Is it not wiser to try and change it around? It may take some time, but if you use the rock bottom you're at right now to push yourself back to the surface, you will be able to say: “I survived”. You will start to love living again and enjoy every moment of it. • Images: shutterstock/Srdjan Randjelovic, shutterstock/Serhii Yurkiv, shutterstock/AlessandroBiascioli If you continue to feel low about life, this could be a symptom of clinical depression. If you experience any of the signs of this emotional disorder, make sure to reach out to your local mental health services. In the US, you can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline for free and confidential support. Use Lifeline Chat or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). In the UK, call 116 123 to talk to Samaritans, or email: [email protected] for a reply within 24 hours. You can also text “SHOUT” to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line, or text “YM” if you're under 19. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting in our happiness forum Authenticity | Power of Purpose | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Many of us have been touched by suicide and the loss of a loved one, family member or friend. Ahead of World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10), Calvin Holbrook has put together these eight powerful suicide prevention quotes to offer hope to anyone in need. It’s estimated that around 15 per cent of the adult population will experience depression at one point or another throughout life. And, accordingly to the World Health Organization, that means there are currently over 300 million people in the world currently living with depression. Whatever the cause, for some of these people, the emotional pain will become too much and they will consider suicide as an option of escape. In fact, around 800,000 people go through with suicide every year, and for each of those, there are around 25 times more suicide attempts. There are many factors alongside and including depression and mental illness that influence a person’s decision to go through with suicide: chronic ill health, guilt, trauma, substance abuse or loss, for example. The tragic thing is that many of those who consider suicide don’t really want to die; they just don’t know how to deal with the pain they’re experiencing. • JOIN US! In need of support? Sign-up free and join a community that cares • If you’ve ever been suicidal or know someone that has, you’ll know that without help, escaping that feeling of wanting to end it all is difficult. If you’re having difficulty opening up to others about your problems, sometimes searching for inspirational words online can offer some psychological comfort and help to get you through the day. We've put together these suicide prevention quotes to give anyone who is considering ending their life a chance to stop, reflect and reevaluate their situation. Inspirational quotes can’t take the pain away, but they may allow someone the chance to shift their perspective just enough to give them a little bit of hope and get through another day. Please feel free to share these powerful messages of hope. Suicide prevention quotes: 8 powerful sayings 1. “Soak up the views. Take in the bad weather and the good weather. You are not the storm.” Matt Haig Author Matt Haig – who lives with depression and has written widely on it – cleverly compares the ever-changing weather to our mental health. Haig himself came close to suicide aged 24 while living in Ibiza, so this suicide prevention quote is particularly poignant. What Haig is saying is that although depression comes and goes, it is not who we are and should not define us. In his best-selling book, Reasons to Stay Alive, he writes: “Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.” His inspirational quote suggests that we should be mindful of our depressive thoughts and recognize that they can – and will – pass. 2. Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. – Unknown Those who are deeply depressed and considering suicide usually have difficulty realizing that their life can get better. The aforementioned author Matt Haig is a great example: he was about to kill himself, but now has a successful career and a loving family. If you choose suicide, then you're eliminating future hope and the possibility of finding happiness and enjoyment. When the mind is so dark, it can be hard to see any possibility for future happiness, but it can – and often does – get better. Whether it’s through taking medication, counselling, exercise, eating well, getting into a routine, or setting goals, these steps will help you on your path. Know that it is possible to recover from feelings of depression, pain, and suicidal thoughts. 3. “Never, never, never give up.” Winston Churchill Some people with depression may have been fighting against the illness and/or suicidal tendencies for many months or years. Many of these people don’t actually want to stop living, but they cannot see a way through their despair. Indeed, the act of suicide is often associated with giving up on life. • CONNECT WITH OTHERS Sign-up to happiness.com to openly discuss and prevent suicide • This quote from the British Prime Minister – known for his strong resilience – is a signal to keep fighting. If you have depression and/or suicidal thoughts, you may be in so much pain that you don’t know how you’re going to survive, but if you can just push through each day, it gives hope that things can get better in the future. One day a time, or even one hour at a time. By never giving up you’re quietly building an inner strength and resilience that will fortify you. 4. “If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it.” – Unknown If you’re thinking about suicide and looking for a sign to stay alive, consider this quote your sign. Whether you realize it or not, you have the opportunity to make a positive difference in this world. Somebody out there can benefit from your unique talents and gifts. Sometimes all you may need to keep going is a simple sign letting you know that someone cares and wants you to keep living. This quote is your sign. 5. “The person who completes suicide, dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand… why?” – Clark Sometimes people who commit suicide are not fully aware – or are in such a dark place – that they don’t consider that taking their own life will create a huge amount of pain for their loved-ones left behind. Imagine how you would feel if a person you care deeply about took their own life. It's difficult to recover from the death of a loved one, but it’s usually harder if the individual committed suicide. The act of suicide leaves people behind with unanswered questions and feelings of confusion and shame, as well as the guilt around being able to prevent the suicide. RELATED: How to Be Your Own Best Friend: 8 Ideas This suicide prevention quote is realistic because although a suicide may end an individual’s internal pain, the friends and family who loved the person will continue to suffer as a result of their loss. In fact, on average, every suicide leaves an estimated six or more "suicide survivors" — those who've lost someone they care about deeply and are left to struggle with their grief. Furthermore, people who've recently lost someone through suicide are themselves at an increased risk of thinking about, planning, or attempting suicide, further exacerbating the ripple effect of pain and suffering. 6. “If you want to show me that you really love me, don’t say that you would die for me, instead stay alive for me.” – Unknown This suicide prevention quote shows deep sentiment from a friend, family member or a partner in a close relationship. People who are feeling suicidal can often feel like they are a burden to their loved ones, which is not the case. This quote serves as a personal reminder from your loved ones that they would much prefer you to stay in their lives than to leave. If you really want to sacrifice your life, do it by living and contributing to make someone’s else’s life better – rather than eliminating your existence. “Inspirational quotes around suicide prevention can’t take the pain away, but they may allow you to shift your perspective just enough to give yourself a little bit of hope and to get through another day.” 7. “Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.” – Unknown Sometimes suicidal people want to die simply because they believe they have no reason to continue living. It may sound simple, but the fact that you’re alive and your heart is still beating and pumping blood around your body can be reason enough to keep living. Many depressed people are struggling because they're unhappy with life and work and cannot find a specific life purpose. But, in reality, you don’t need a purpose or reason for being alive. However, if you are alive, you still have the opportunity to do whatever you want in life. Although you may not have awakened to a specific life mission yet, while your heart is still beating you have time to explore what your life purpose could be and find happiness. 8. “When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long.” – Unknown This is a powerful suicide prevention quote that challenges a person considering ending their life to stop and reconsider the reasons why they’ve continued to stay strong and fight up until now. Most people have powerful reasons – such as their children, family and loved ones – for fighting through their pain and anguish. This quote helps you to think about the parts of your life that hold significant meaning for you and that force you to push through the day and keep going – even when you don’t feel like it. So, whether you want to keep fighting to provide for your family, to be there for your partner or to find your purpose in the the world and make a difference, chances are you do have a reason to keep living. • Main image: shutterstock/Jannarong If you're in a dark place and considering suicide, please reach out to someone you know or through one of these global helplines. You can also discuss suicide, depression, anxiety and other challenges over in our forum on suicidal thoughts. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Anxiety | Loneliness | Abuse | Male loneliness Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes gay artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

If you have trouble drifting off at night, these 14 sleep hacks from Dee Marques will help you on the way to the land of nod more easily. Tossing and turning will soon be a thing of the past... Sleep problems can be incredibly disruptive to daytime activities and have a negative impact on our health and happiness. But, fortunately, if you can't rest well on a regular basis, there are many sleep hacks you can put into practice to improve the quality of your rest time. Some sleep problems are typically associated with the aging process. Older adults often report that both the quality and quantity of their sleep is affected. They become more sensitive to their environment, are more likely to take medication that interferes with sleep, and more likely to experience other age-related conditions, such as producing less melatonin, the hormone responsible for regulating sleep. RELATED: How to Do Yoga Nidra For Sleep: 4 Steps and Script Other common problems include insomnia, multiple waking during the night, restless leg syndrome, and a reduction in the total number of sleep hours, as well as sleep apnea, whereby breathing gets blocked during sleep. 14 sleep hacks for a good night's rest Developing better sleep has a positive effect on our health, and scientific studies prove that some age-related conditions improve when we get enough restful sleep. Indeed, this is the case of inflammation, heart disease, and depression. RELATED: How to Stop Thinking About Something: 9 Strategies There’s also a direct link between sleep and cognitive function, as older adults with sleep problems report poor memory, attention span issues, and higher stress levels. By contrast, good sleep brings benefits ranging from increased emotional well-being to better concentration, higher tolerance for pain, and a stronger immune system. So, if you can't sleep well, follow these 14 science-backed sleep hacks and learn how to fall asleep quicker today. 1. Bedtime ritual We're creatures of habit, and as we age, our threshold for changes in our daily routine becomes lower. Consistency in our bedtime routine helps set our brains in the right mood and sends the signal that it’s time to switch off for the day. Plus, an unwinding routine can help counter any triggers that cause us to stay awake, so do whatever helps your body and mind relax, whether it's listening to music, aromatherapy, writing in your journal, meditation or self-massage. Writing a journal is a ritual sleep hack shutterstock/WAYHOME studio 2. No electronics in the bedroom It's hard now so many of us are currently working from home, but our next sleep hack is to try not to use the bedroom as a second living room or office. Instead, keep it for the purpose for which it is intended: sleep! Indeed, studies have shown that exposure to blue light (light given off by electronic devices) interferes with our ability to get a good night's rest, so if you’ve grown used to reading on your e-reader, phone or tablet before bed, consider switching back to printed books. If you must use your electronic devices, change the brightness settings or use a blue-light blocking app. 3. Avoid other bright lights In addition to blue light, bright light from regular light bulbs can also disrupt sleep patterns. Studies have found that bright home lighting interferes with melatonin and disrupts the circadian rhythm (our internal body clocks), making our bodies believe that the day is still young and delaying sleep onset. “If you can't rest well on a regular basis, there are many sleep hacks you can put into practice to improve the quality of your rest time.” So, for better rest, or next sleep solution is to use dimmers or avoid bright light for at least one hour before bedtime, although some researchers recommend a longer window of up to three hours. 4. Beware of caffeine Yep, this is one sleep hack we know you're already aware of. But caffeine is not only present in coffee or tea (including decaf varieties), but also in chocolate, energy bars, some soft and diet drinks and ice cream that contains chocolate or coffee. Stimulants cause an increase in blood pressure and stress hormones, which is not what you want right before going to bed. It’s important to find out what your “cut-off” time for caffeine is. Be aware that it may change as you get older, as some studies report that caffeine sensitivity changes as we age. You should also take into account that caffeine interacts with certain medications that are usually prescribed to older adults. So, if you've recently started taking drugs to treat asthma or respiratory disease, antibiotics, estrogen, thyroid medication, or any drugs that slow down blood clotting, talk to your doctor about possible interactions. Watch yourself: find out what your cut off time for caffeine is shutterstock/Dragon Grkic 5. Eat a light dinner When planning your dinner, it’s best to avoid eating spicy, salty or oily foods. Also, try to reduce or avoid foods that contain starches and simple carbs, such as pasta or bread. These are hard to digest, can induce heartburn, and cause insulin levels to spike, meaning you may experience a sugar crash in the middle of the night. 6. Remove diuretics Keeping on the diet sleep hacks, be careful of consuming food and drink that might have you waking to head to the bathroom in the night. Tea and fruit juices are common diuretics (foods that makes us urinate), but you should also be aware of less obvious culprits such as celery, cucumber, watermelon, ginger, asparagus, lemon, beetroot, cabbage and pineapple. Plan your dinner so that there’s only a small amount of any foods that contain a high amount of water, which may wake you up in the night. 7. Increase activity levels Physical activity such as mindful running and swimming can help you fall asleep, as long as you find the right time to exercise. Indeed, working out right before bed may not be not be the ideal sleep hack since exercise increases the heart rate and releases stress hormones like adrenaline. Generally speaking, avoid exercising within three hours of bedtime. An afternoon jog can prepare you for rest shutterstock/Rido 8. The right temperature If you can't sleep well, it could be that your bedroom is too warm. Your sleeping space needs to be set up in a way that helps you unwind and fall asleep easily. One sleep hack is to pay special attention to temperature, because as we age, circulation to hands and feet lessens, and it’s easier to feel cold. “If you can't sleep well, it could be that your bedroom is too warm. Your sleeping space needs to be set up in a way that helps you unwind and fall asleep easily.” A study found that having warm feet helped people fall asleep faster, so use an electric blanket, socks, or even a hot water bottle to warm up. And although everyone is different, research points at the ideal bedroom temperature is somewhere around 20°C. 9. Don’t postpone bedtime Most of us rely on an alarm clock to wake up, but setting an alarm to remind you it’s time to go to bed may be useful if you find yourself postponing your bedtime again and again. This sleeping hack will help you establish a routine and train your body and mind to go to bed at the same time every night. 10. Choose quality mattress and pillows The aging process changes our bodies, and having good support for the spine and neck becomes particularly important. If you have trouble falling asleep or wake up feeling tired and achey, it may be time to replace your mattress and pillows. Scientists found that a medium-firm mattress can help with back pain, which is common in older adults. And less pain equals better sleep. Choosing quality pillows is another sleep solution 11. Daytime naps Naps can help us feel more alert and rested, but try not to do so for more than 30 minutes, and do it at the same time every day (not in the evenings, however). In fact, naps should not replace lost sleep at night, otherwise you will be aggravating sleep problems and making it harder to get into a regular night-time sleep routine. MORE LIKE THIS: Cat Naps – 5 Health Benefits of Taking a Siesta Deep Sleep Meditation – the Benefits You Can Take to Bed Feel Stress-Free Fast – 11 Science-Backed Techniques 12. Learn how to disconnect It’s easy to use the time we have before we fall asleep to go over our day in our heads, but this can easily turn into a formula for worry. Instead, stop ruminating and replace this habit with something that sets your mind on a positive note, such as writing a gratitude journal or meditating. “Keeping on the diet sleep hacks, be careful of consuming food and drink that might have you waking to head to the bathroom in the night. Tea and fruit juices are common diuretics.” Also, choose your bedtime reading materials carefully, since anything intellectually demanding or even a highly-engaging thriller may cause your brain to go into alert mode. RELATED: How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners 13. Don’t toss and turn Being aware of the fact that 'sleep is not happening' may cause you to feel stressed and anxious, creating a catch-22 situation that will not help you get further shut-eye. If you can’t sleep, get out of bed and read, write, or do any other soothing activity that’s part of your night-time ritual until you feel sleepy again. 14. Vitamins and good sleep Our final sleep hack concerns vitamins. Vitamin deficiency is one of the causes of insomnia, since some B-group vitamins play a key role in the production of melatonin. But at the same time, taking certain vitamins right before going to bed can be counter-productive. A study from the USA revealed that vitamin users were more likely to wake up during the night, and while the exact link between vitamins and sleep quality isn't confirmed, you may want to choose another time to take vitamins and supplements to be on the safe side. Conclusions: sleep hacks and solutions Although the aging process can negatively affect our ability to get a restful night of sleep, you should remember that you’re not powerless. If you're tired (literally!) of asking yourself 'why can't I sleep?', following our 14 sleep hacks should increase your chances of enjoying better sleep and feeling more alert. This will help you to achieve greater happiness and a healthier lifestyle, irrespective of your age. ● Main image: shutterstock/Kamil Macniak happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online Academy classes Gratitude | Nature | Stress Management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

From boosting your mood to lowering stress, the power of kindness is real. In fact, science shows the benefits of being kind are greater for the giver than the receiver. So, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, help others and help yourself, too. Can you remember the last time a stranger was kind to you? Maybe someone held a door open or offered you help with directions in the street? Or, perhaps you can recall the last time you helped somebody. After recently carrying out a few altruistic acts myself, I wanted to find out more about the power and benefits of kindness. Just before Christmas I passed a homeless man sitting outside a London Tube station. Coming out of a nearby coffee shop after paying almost £3 for a flat white, I couldn’t justify spending that on a hot drink while he was sat with nothing. I started a conversation to find out how he was doing and he was thankful when I offered him some change and a banana. However, he seemed most grateful when I simply asked him what his name was. When I got up to leave, he looked directly into my eyes and gave me a genuine ‘thank you.’ Later that week, I spotted an elderly lady hauling a huge suitcase down some stairs – she was clearly struggling. Her face lit up with joy when I offered a hand. She was clearly touched someone had made the effort to assist, and I too walked away with a spring in my step and smile on my face. The power of kindness: a ripple effect In these examples the power of kindness is obvious for the recipient: they were in a moment of need and received assistance. But the power of altruism also extended to me – in fact, one major benefit of kindness is that the love spreads both ways; it’s a win-win situation. A positive sign: showing kindness is easy and free After connecting with these people I felt a sense of happiness and pride to know I'd made a small but meaningful impact on their day. In fact, this feel-good sensation stayed with me for hours afterwards. Experiencing this feeling has also made it more likely that I'll carry out more random acts of kindness in the future. Likewise, I like to think that the power of kindness can potentially rub off on the people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist others. In fact, it turns out that science backs up this kindness 'ripple effect'. “The power of kindness can potentially rub off on other people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist other.” A 2018 study focused on employees at a Spanish company. Workers were asked to either a) perform acts of kindness for colleagues, or b) count the number of kind acts they received from coworkers. The results showed that those who received acts of kindness became happier, demonstrating the value of benevolence for the receiver. RELATED: 5 Ways to Develop Your Moral Courage However, those who delivered the acts of kindness benefited even more than the receivers. That’s because not only did they show a similar trend towards increased happiness, but they also had an boost in life and job satisfaction, as well as a decrease in depression. Furthermore, the effects of altruism were contagious. Those colleagues on the receiving end of the acts of kindness ended up spontaneously paying it forward, themselves doing nice things for other colleagues. This study suggests the ripple effect really is one of the benefits of being nice. Kindness and psychological flourishing Further studies back up the power of kindness. In another, researchers asked members of the public to either perform acts of kindness – such as opening doors for strangers – for one month, or to perform kind acts for themselves, such as treating themselves to a new purchase. The researchers measured the participants’ level of so-called ‘psychological flourishing’ – their emotional, psychological, and social well-being at the start and end of the experiment. By the end, those who had carried out kind acts for others had higher levels of psychological flourishing compared to those who acted kindly towards themselves. Kindly acts also led to higher levels of positive emotions. MORE LIKE THIS: Why is volunteering important? These 7 reasons show the benefits Kindness: a peak inside the power of this simple action Human kindness: why we need it more than ever Meanwhile, another study incorporated cold hard cash to test the powers of altruism. Researchers gave participants either $5 or $20 which they had to spend on themselves or others before the end of the day. They measured the participants’ happiness levels before giving them the money and then called them on the phone in the evening. The results? Those who had spent the money on others were happier than those who'd used the money for their own needs. The physical effects of kindness So, science shows that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act. But what exactly is happening in the body? Here are four ways keys in which the physical benefits of kindness can be felt: 1. Kindness releases feel-good hormones When you do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high'. 2. Kindness can reduce anxiety Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Good to give: kindness benefits both the giver and receiver 3. Kindness may help alleviate certain illness Inflammation in the body is linked to numerous health problems including chronic pain, diabetes, obesity, and migraines. For older generations at least, volunteering as an act of kindness may be of benefit to reduce inflammation. In fact, according to one study of older adults aged 57-85, “volunteering manifested the strongest association with lower levels of inflammation.” Additionally, oxytocin, also released with acts of kindness, reduces inflammation, and it can directly affect the chemical balance of your heart. According to Dr. David Hamilton, “oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and therefore oxytocin is known as a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure).” 4. Kindness can reduce your stress levels Helping others takes you out of your own mind and can potentially help to build relationships with other people. Anything that helps you to build bonds with other people is known as 'affiliative behavior'. And, according to one study on the effects of pro-social behavior — action intended to help others on stress, “affiliative behavior may be an important component of coping with stress and indicate that engaging in pro-social behavior might be an effective strategy for reducing the impact of stress on emotional functioning.” “Science and studies show that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act.” Furthermore, once we establish an 'affiliative connection' with someone — a relationship of friendship, love, or other positive bonding — we feel emotions that can boost our immune system. So, it seems continued altruism can boost your happiness and improve relationships and connections, in turn indirectly boosting your health. Shifting to kindness So, knowing this, why aren't people benefiting from the power of kindness? Why aren’t more people making a conscious effort to change the lives of others? RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? For one, in our fast-paced world, benevolence and compassion often end up taking a back seat to self-interest – and selfies. People don’t seem to take the time to stop and help others or even notice what’s going on as we're often wrapped up in our own lives. Helping hand: the power of kindness is proven Also, some people believe that showing kindness and compassion is a weakness and will only lead to being taken advantage of. But, the truth is, it’s in our human DNA to show kindness. In fact, we’re the only mammals with an extended gestation period, and while other animals rely on support for a short period before becoming self-reliant, we depend on the care of our caregivers to provide our needs. Indeed, kindness is fundamental to the human existence – we're literally wired for it. Kindness is not something that demands hard work or huge amounts of time. It’s something all of us can strive to achieve every day. And, knowing that the power of kindness and its benefits are immense for ourselves and not just the receiver, why wouldn’t you want to help others more? ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin is the happiness.com magazine editor, as well being an artist and lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

The ringing in the ears associated with tinnitus can dramatically impact on a person's quality of life. However, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, there are many ways you can cope with tinnitus. Here are ten practical ideas based on his own experience. Writing this now, with my Spotify Peaceful Piano Playlist gently playing soothing background music, I can still hear a high-pitched hissing noise in both of my ears. It's there all of the time; never goes away. Usually, it's a single, constant whirring noise. At other times it changes pitch or other sounds pop in and fade out again. And while the ringing in my ears often varies, currently my ability to cope with tinnitus largely remains unchanged. But it wasn't always like this. Rewind one year ago and things were very different. I'd had temporary bursts over tinnitus over the past decade: I'd suddenly hear high-pitched noises but they would then fade down to zero again within a few seconds. However, one day, that familiarly shrill noise came in but didn't stop: I was now living with chronic tinnitus and would (probably) have to learn how to cope with it for the rest of my life. I can clearly still recall the fresh hell of developing chronic tinnitus after a period of extended stress: the realization it will probably never go away; trying everything to drown out the sound; the sleepless nights, trying (yet failing) to focus on work. Unfortunately, in addition to developing tinnitus I also experienced hyperacusis, a condition in which your ears become super sensitive to sound. Listening to someone handle cutlery or plates was enough to send me over the edge. When tinnitus first becomes chronic, your brain immediately switches into alarm mode, imaging the internal noise as harmful or dangerous. Furthermore, focusing on anything else apart from the ringing seems like an impossible task. Like me, you may experience panic, anxiety, depression and anger as you try to cope with tinnitus symptoms. You may think to yourself: ’why me?’ And you will probably ask yourself many other questions about your tinnitus too: ‘Will it ever stop?’ ‘Will it get louder?’ ‘Am I going deaf?’ ‘Am I stuck with this for the rest of my life?’ Tinnitus: things will get better While it all feels pretty dark in the beginning, I'm here to tell you that there is hope on the horizon and that living with tinnitus is possible. Indeed, if you've recently been struck down with tinnitus and are struggling to cope, please be assured: you should see improvements with time and start to feel better mentally about it. However, if you're currently feeling like it’s an emergency or having dark/suicidal thoughts, please seek help ASAP from your healthcare provider. You can learn techniques to help you cope with tinnitus The hyper-alert state you experience with tinnitus can last many weeks or months. However, day by day your brain begins to get used to the strange new sounds you're hearing and will gradually begin to get used to them. This process is called 'habituation' and just knowing that it will happen naturally can help you to learn to deal with your tinnitus. Indeed, I – and millions others across the world – are proof of that. A year after being diagnosed with chronic tinnitus I am coping with it much better. Of course, like everyone else I have good and bad days (so-called tinnitus 'spikes' – increases or drastic changes in pitch/loudness – can be a challenge), but my condition currently doesn’t impact on my happiness to a great extent. Coping with tinnitus: 10 techniques It's important to point out that the internal sounds those of us living with tinnitus experience are all different. Although the level of my ringing is bothersome, it is not unbearable. This may change in the future. I've read stories of people that experience ringing at extremely high sound levels: that, of course, must make the condition more challenging and impact on a person's ability to cope with tinnitus. However, whatever type of tinnitus you are experiencing, there are many practical steps you can take to cope with tinnitus and make it less intrusive in your life. Here are 10 tips to get you started. 1. Accept it The first step in coping with tinnitus lies in acceptance of the condition. However, this is often easier said than done in the beginning. As much as you may want to fight against the ringing in your ears – especially during those first traumatic weeks or months – doing so will only lead to disappointment and frustration. While some people experience temporary tinnitus because of trauma to the head or an ear infection, those of us with chronic tinnitus are usually stuck with the noises for life (saying that, there have been cases where people's tinnitus appears to have vanished). Accepting your condition is essential for you to be able to deal with tinnitus. Essentially, you first need to know if your tinnitus is temporary or chronic and if you have any hearing damage. Visit a high street ophthalmologist or ask your GP to refer you to an ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist. 2. Relaxation The anxiety you feel when first getting tinnitus is to be expected but it will only make you feel more stressed, and, in turn, exacerbate tinnitus. Indeed, it's believed that stress really impacts on tinnitus, so it’s important that you reduce any stressors in your life to keep tinnitus levels in check. In fact, many people living with tinnitus use their condition as a barometer of their stress levels – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something in their life is out of balance. “Many people coping with tinnitus use it as a barometer of stress – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something is out of balance.” Relaxation is obviously a key way to combat stress and therefore improve how you deal with tinnitus. Practising meditation and conscious breathing exercises are practical and simple tools you can use to immediately reduce anxiety and stress. Incorporate both into your daily routine to feel the benefits. Also, be sure to spend as much time in nature as possible. As well as the relaxation and proven mental health benefits of forest bathing, the sounds of nature help to soothe that pesky tinnitus ringing. The crashing of waves; the rustling of branches and leaves, bird song – the many noises of nature offer your ears and brain a calming distraction. Sea sounds help to mask tinnitus noise shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 3. Practising mindfulness Making mindfulness a part of your daily routine is one of the best things you can do when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Mindfulness won't make tinnitus go away, but it aims to make it less intrusive. Indeed, mindfulness teaches us how to live with difficulties such as tinnitus, without having to fight or change them. Practising mindfulness can help us help us to develop a better relationship with our tinnitus, aiding the habituation process. RELATED: Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools In 2017 the British Tinnitus Assoctiation published two research papers that showed that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is an effective treatment for those people living with distressing tinnitus. The results showed that tinnitus patients undergoing MBCT were associated with significant, reliable and ongoing improvements in their tinnitus-related and emotional distress. Luckily, mindfulness is something we can all practise by ourselves and for free. It involves paying complete and mindful attention to whatever we're doing in the moment: breathing, eating, showering, walking or noticing the physical sensations in our body, for example. We have some great mindfulness tips you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you to become less focused on your tinnitus. 4. Finding your flow Personally, experiencing ‘flow’ is the most efficient way to cope with my own tinnitus. 'Flow' is that state in which you are so totally absorbed and engaged in an activity that you enjoy that time seems to stand still. For example, I find my flow when I'm making an artwork or editing an article. RELATED: Flow state and happiness Sometimes my attention is so focused in the state of flow that it can seem like my tinnitus has stopped (for a while at least!). Flow is really an act of mindfulness, and as outlined above, mindfulness is one of the scientifically-proven best ways to deal with tinnitus. 5. Staying busy Finding your flow is one of the best ways to deal with your tinnitus as it helps to shift your awareness to something other than the internal noises you are dealing with. Similarly, I find that staying busy – in a non-stressful way of course – keeps my focus off of my tinnitus so it’s easier to cope with. Sitting around in silence is when tinnitus may start to bother you the most, so staying active and on-the-go helps to keep it stop dominating your mind. 6. Exercising with yoga OK, we all know the drill about exercise: it boosts your physical and mental health, helping to lift depression and anxiety (which you could be more vulnerable to if you are living with tinnitus). Exercise also combats against stress which, as explained above, is a major influencing factor when it comes to tinnitus levels. Yoga, in particular, is an exercise that has been found to help people cope better with tinnitus. A small 2018 study from Mersin University in Turkey indicated that practising yoga may reduce life stress and symptoms of tinnitus. Researchers followed 12 participants who practised guided yoga over three months involving poses, breathing exercises and meditations. The researchers hypothesized that because tinnitus symptoms are often linked to stress, and because yoga is stress-relieving, yoga may help decrease symptoms for patients living with chronic tinnitus. “Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest my tinnitus always seems louder the following day.” Elsewhere, Polish researchers conducted a similar study in 2019. It followed 25 patients with chronic tinnitus through 12 weeks of yoga training. The researchers identified that participants benefitted most from improved sense of control over tinnitus, lessened intrusiveness, improved quality of life and better sleep. The last point of improved sleep is important (as we shall see next). Importantly, whatever exercise you choose to do, working out will help to tire your body and lead to an increased chance of falling asleep quickly. Yoga is a perfect way to shift awareness shutterstock/Ulza 7. Prioritising good sleep Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest, my tinnitus always seems louder the following day. However – as you will no doubt know – sometimes falling asleep can be difficult for those of us with chronic tinnitus. That’s because tinnitus appears to sound worse at night – there are fewer external noises to mask the internal sounds, so we may have 'external' silence but have to put up with our 'internal' noises. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest One thing I love to do to help shift awareness from my tinnitus when going to bed is follow a body scan meditation script. Gradually tensing and releasing different body parts and feeling the sensations it brings directs your thoughts away from your tinnitus and to those other places in your body. You can also find ways to externally ‘mask’ your tinnitus sounds at night to help you drift off more easily. In my first few months of living with chronic tinnitus, I used mobile apps such as the excellent T-Minus to play 'white noise' such as rain sound, which works wonders balancing out my high-pitched tinnitus. There are also plenty of great YouTube videos of rain sounds that you can play in the background while you're in bed. 8. Exploring masking Sound-masking devices such as the apps mentioned above provide an external noise that partially drowns out the internal ringing of tinnitus. As well as using apps you can also try: having calming piano music on in the background leaving a fan or the TV on opening a window to let in some external noise Practise sound bathing Furthermore, if you have hearing loss in addition to tinnitus, there are now hearing aids with inbuilt white noise generators which help many with the condition cope with tinnitus symptoms. Whatever masking method you choose, always set the volume of the device a notch lower than the perceived sound of your tinnitus – you don’t want to drown out the sound completely or you may find it harder to habituate. 9. Talking to someone It’s important to remember that you don’t have to cope with tinnitus alone. As the number of people who live with persistent tinnitus is thought to be around 13 per cent, there’s a chance someone in your close circle is going through the same thing. Open up to family members and friends, or put your thoughts out on social media if you feel comfortable sharing your tinnitus story – you may be surprised by the responses. However, friends and family may not be able to support you unless they have experienced tinnitus themselves, so they may not realise how distressing tinnitus can be (or even know what it is). If this is the case, do connect with someone who has dealt with tinnitus themselves in order to get the help you need. In the UK there are tinnitus support groups up and down the country where you can meet in person to discuss living well with tinnitus. “Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it.” The internet is also full of tinnitus support groups and forums such as the excellent TinnitusTalk forum which is full of useful and insightful threads. However, do so with caution! Be careful when browsing for tinnitus help online as you will come across many dubious ads for methods or items claiming to stop or cure tinnitus. Unfortunately there is no cure for tinnitus, so please don't waste your money. Finally, if you prefer a friendly voice in real time, the British Tinnitus Association offers a confidential tinnitus helpline. You can call its team for support. 10. Exploring your tinnitus This final suggestion may seem like the last thing you want to do, but it actually brings us right back to the first tinnitus coping tip of 'acceptance'. Depending on your personal tinnitus noise level, you may find it beneficial to employ some mindfulness techniques and simply sit with your tinnitus for a while. Try to listen to it with curiosity and without judgement. Take some time to observe your tinnitus and ask yourself some questions about it. Does your tinnitus noise level stay the same or does it get louder or quieter? Does it stay at the same pitch or do you hear new sounds come in and out? Does it sound the same in your left and right side? If you feel comfortable and ready for this type of exercise, you can even sit and meditate on your tinnitus, bringing all your attention to the sounds and your breathing. Exploring your tinnitus in this way may seem difficult if you've bee recently diagnosed with the condition, but realizing that tinnitus is just 'there' and cannot harm you can help you to cope with its day-to-day symptoms. The takeaway: dealing with tinnitus Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it. If we fight against our tinnitus, we are more likely to struggle. But, if we learn to accept it and live with it, habituation to tinnitus can become easier. Whatever type of sounds you experience – hissing, whistling, humming or buzzing – by following the ten tips above, coping with tinnitus should become easier. Hopefully, as is the case with myself, tinnitus will just become another part of your life, and not a dominating factor. • Main image: shutterstock/aleks333 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Gratitude | Self-care Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes gay artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Holidays aren't always a time of cheer: especially if you've lost a loved one and are grieving. Paula Stephens knows this feeling all too well. Here she shares 10 practical tips for coping with holiday grief. I lost my Dad on Christmas Eve when I was just 16. The next year my Mom, Grandma and I took our holiday grief on vacation and found ourselves on a beach in Hawaii for the entire festive season. It was a great way to break with the traditions and memories none of us wanted to face. My most vivid memory of that Hawaiian vacation was sitting next to an older gentleman at dinner on Christmas Eve and noticing he was wearing the exact same sweater my Dad would’ve been wearing. Well, this brought my grief right back up to the surface and I left the dinner to go down to the beach and cry. 10 tips for coping with holiday grief Needless to say, it’s been a long time since I felt untarnished joy and happiness during the holiday season. But, I believe that we are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply. In my book, From Grief to Growth, I talk about an essential element of healing that is learning to hold both joy and sadness in the same moment. There is no more challenging time to do this than during the holidays. This is why I've put together these ten easy-to-follow tips that will support you as you navigate coping during the holiday season. I don’t like to say ‘survive the holidays,’ because I want to encourage you to have the mindset that you're always fully capable of more than survival. These are simple, practical tips that don’t require a lot on your part, but are focused to help you the most this time of year. 1. List the events you're most worried about Often, much of our holiday grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one. So, take some quiet time to think through what specific traditions you're most concerned about. The best way to do this is to find some time to sit quietly and connect with your breath. Once you’ve centered yourself, ask yourself the question: “What events or traditions are creating the most anxiety for me right now?” Your inner knowing has the answer. You might immediately be pulled to an event or activity. Notice how your body feels, the sensations and energy around the activity. Coping with loss during the holidays is a challenge shutterstock/Zivica Kerkez If nothing comes up immediately then begin to bring your thoughts to various holiday activities. Check in with each one – tree decorating, cookie exchange, for example. How does each one feel; what comes up? You might find some are more emotionally charged than others. 2. Consider which events/traditions you want to keep Be open to the idea that some traditions you will want to wrap in love and keep, while others will need to be shelved for a while (and maybe for ever). Recognize the traditions you keep will never be the same, but keeping them honors the love you feel for the person you lost. Every year will be a little bit different, and what feels right this year might not feel the same in the coming years. Grief is a process and you must be willing to evolve with it. Always be open to what will help you move forward in your grief… and sometimes we need to go backwards to go forward! Get out your list from tip one. Now, let’s take the next steps: • Which events do you want to keep this year? • Which events are too painful this year or don’t feel right? • What or how can you modify an event? If you're undecided on some, come back to your list again later or sit with the idea of doing that event and see what comes up. I know we can’t always control everything about the holiday seasons with family being involved, etc, but don’t worry. 3. Brainstorm how you want to honor your loved one Even if you decide to escape the entire holiday season and fly away to Hawaii for the holidays (been there, done that!), it’s important that you take time to honor your loved one. It could be with a donation of time or money, or by creating a sacred space or a new tradition. No matter what you decide, be mindful about setting time aside to actively honor your loss. What would you like to do this year to include your loved one in the holiday season? What do you need to do to make this come to fruition? 4. Let the tears flow Quite simply, cry. Don’t be the tough guy or girl who pretends it’s all good – because it's probably not. You’re going through a season or anniversary without someone who was a very important part of your life and coping with holiday grief is part of that. By yourself or with your besties, it doesn’t matter, just let it happen. "Much of our holiday grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one.” Another way to look at this is: are you checking in with yourself to know what’s going on emotionally and physically? Are you filling your days with busy activity to disconnect from the emotional heartache you would feel if you had a moment of downtime? Or, perhaps, you're withdrawing from friends, family and social activities. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with holiday grief, but we need to be aware of our tendencies to protect ourselves or how we might fall into negative coping strategies. Sometimes a good cry is a better reset than the work we put into avoiding our reality. So, if you need a good cry, have one. 5.Tell friends and family how you're feeling Family and friends might not know exactly which activities you’ll struggle with: what might be hard and/or memorable to them might not be the same for you. Generally speaking, they will want to support you, especially with managing your grief during the holiday season. But, you're the only one who knows what you need and how you're feeling, so don’t make it harder for them by expecting them to guess what this is like for you. Tree of knowledge: dealing with holiday grief We all experience grief differently, so share your fears, concerns and desires. Express what’s important to you or how you would like to handle a specific event. It doesn’t mean you'll always get what you want or need, but it means that you have given voice to your grief and honored your process. 6. Prioritize your self-care There's no more important time to focus your energy on self-care than during the holidays. Lack of sleep, poor food choices, increased alcohol consumption, decreased exercise and increased stress all add up to a massive grief hangover! The 8 types of grief explained 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire How to help a grieving friend Your emotional self is already on overdrive and this will leave your immune system susceptible to illness and your physical body exhausted. Make hydration, sleep, whole foods, stress management and exercise a priority leading up to and including any seasonal events. Care for yourself by: eating a healthy breakfast, drinking more water, going to bed 30 minutes early, journaling, being outside, connecting with nature, and skipping that second (or third) drink at a party! 7. Manage your energy This is a continuation of the last tip. Even if you are taking care of yourself, notice when your tank is getting close to empty. This is especially important if you're the type of person who likes to stay busy to keep their mind off things. Exhaustion (physical and emotional) is often the root cause of emotional meltdowns. And, as you know, grieving is emotional exhausting by itself, then you add the emotional stress of the holidays and your tank is already half empty! So, remember that it’s OK to say ‘no’ to events, or change your ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ at the last minute if you notice you're not feeling up to the task. List three ways you know you’re getting low on energy (ie, irritable, fatigue, craving sugar/caffeine). Now list three ways you can fill your tank (ie: nap, take a bath, journal, read a book). 8. Prioritize work/social events The holidays are an especially busy time of year for extra parties and events – work, neighborhood and family are examples. Take time to choose only one or two events that are important for you to attend. These might be required for your job or things you just simply don’t want to miss. Be mindful about your selection and take your time to RSVP. For social events that you might have attended with your loved one, ask yourself if you're ready for that situation. Imagine yourself in that environment. Who will be at the event? What will it be like to attend? “We are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply.” Then, have an exit strategy! If it’s required that you attend, or you feel like you ‘should’ go, make sure you have a plan for getting out if things get too difficult. This might be driving a separate car or letting the host know you will be not be staying long. 9. Build time in for you As you're planning your social events, make sure you put ‘me time' on the calendar. Whether that's to get out into nature and hike, get a massage, read a book, take a bath, it doesn’t matter – just build in time to recharge your batteries. This could also include making time to be with close friends or family that help you feel connected and loved. Be sure to reach out to these people and let them know you might need some support during the holiday season. Write a list of the people you can connect with and/or activities that soothe your soul. And, again, since people aren’t mind readers, let people know you're taking care of yourself by scheduling time to reflect and recharge. 10. Give back One of the most amazing ways to cope with your grief during an anniversary or holiday season is to make it a little better for someone else. Unfortunately, there's so much suffering around the holidays – in this we are not alone. Donate to a charity in your loved one’s name. Give your time to helping others. Buy a gift for someone in a hospital or nursing home. Pay for the person behind you at Starbucks. Volunteer your time. The options for random acts of kindness are endless. Honestly, nothing soothes and heals our own wounds more than helping someone else. How can you help someone else feel comforted this holiday season? Giving doesn’t have to be financial – you can give of your time, you can donate clothes or other items you no longer use. I hope my tips will hope you manage and cope with grief this holiday season and that you enjoy this time. You deserve it! ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Friendship | Mindfulness | Vulnerability | Burnout Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organization that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She is the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.

When a friend is grieving, it's not always easy to know what to say or do to try and help them. Paula Stephens shares seven suggestions on how you can support a friend who is experiencing grief by showing compassion and kindness. Few things make us feel more helpless than watching someone we love and care about suffer. When my son Brandon died, I remember my best friend coming into my bedroom, where I was curled up on the bed, and just sitting there for a long time. When I peeked out from the bedsheets, I saw in her face how helpless she felt. Her hands were shaking, and I could see she wanted to say or do something, but at the same time, she had no idea how to help her grieving friend. And, to be honest, as the months into my grief journey unfolded, my friend and I struggled. She didn’t know how to support or comfort me, and I was often an angry, grieving mess of a person. Weeks after my son died, my friend went on a holiday for some R&R: I was furious with her! I felt so betrayed that her life was going on and I felt stuck in a swamp of messy grief. It wasn’t easy, but I can say that she and I are now closer than we’ve ever been and she really did rise to the occasion and was able to help me grieve and mourn. Helping a grieving friend is complicated by the fact that each person grieves or mourns differently, just as each loss we experience is different. Often, we are so afraid of doing the wrong thing that we do nothing. Or we fall back into trite words that feel empty. I like to think the best way to help a grieving friend is to think of it as a practice, much like a yoga or meditation practice. We know it will never be perfect and instead, we focus on consistently showing up, rather than being too worried about getting it right every time. How to help a grieving friend: 7 ways Below I’ve shared seven of the ways my friend was able to support me while I was grieving my son’s death. If you're wondering how you can be there for a friend is battling grief, these ideas may help you to communicate more easily and with compassion. 1. Admit you don’t know what to say or do When you see your friend, maybe for the first time after his/her loss, it’s OK to own that you don’t know what to do to help them. In fact, when we show up with the most open and honest version of ourselves, it gives others permission to do the same. It also lets the other person know that we're here to help and have the courage to stay with them, but we don’t know what to do. Simply listening with an open heart can help a grieving friend You can also say something like, “Hey, I have no idea what this is like for you, but I care about you and want to help”. Keeping it honest and simple allows us freedom from trying to say the right thing and instead, being able to show up wholeheartedly. 2. Just listen So often we feel like we need to have an answer or say something wise that will make everything better. Your friend’s not broken; he/she is grieving, and grieving is a normal and natural part of the human experience. Listening with an open heart that isn’t calculating the next best thing to say is a beautiful gift. Stay open to what’s being said and allow silence to create sacred space between you. In my work as a chaplain, I’m often amazed at how deep someone is willing to go when they’re allowing to reflect on their own story and hear themselves without being cut off. 3. Don’t have an agenda One of my friends would send beautiful, short text messages that would simply say, “Hey, thinking of you today!”. She never asked for anything, offered any advice or even expected me to reply. But there was more than one occasion when I was grateful to know someone was thinking of my son and me. Her messages would often come on days that were difficult, like Mother’s Day, birthdays or the anniversary of Brandon’s death. “Helping a grieving friend is complicated by the fact that each person grieves differently, just as each loss we experience is different.” How she showed up without an agenda made her feel more accessible to me when I did need something. Text messages, cards, emails are all great ways to help a grieving friend without making it look like you have an agenda. 4. Make your offer to help specific So many of my friends said to me, “Let me know what you need – seriously – ANYTHING. I would love to help.” But this was, one, not helpful, as often I didn’t even know what I needed, and two, worthless, because by the time I figured out what I needed I couldn’t remember who said what or they were long gone. Be specific with a grieving friend about how you can help shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Consider what will really serve. Does your friend need you to pick up the kids, go to the grocery store, pick up the dry cleaning, or walk the dog? Sometimes the best way to figure out how to help a friend who is grieving is to start with listening (tip #2). Is your friend talking about feeling exhausted or overwhelmed? Then step in with a specific request like, “I have some free time tomorrow night: what two things would be most helpful to take off your plate?”. I had one friend who showed up at my house every Saturday morning to go for a run. It helped me physically, and I knew I could always count on her to show up. 5. Be in it for the long haul Grief is a long journey that doesn’t end after a few weeks or months. Many of the people I’ve worked with who are going through a bereavement say that the second year is worse than the first. That’s partly because friends and family expect them to ‘get over it’ and people just sort of forget about it. For the person who is grieving, this can feel like a second loss; the loss of friends and family who – until now – have shared a tender grief with them. Even if you have to put it on your calendar as a reminder, continue to check in on holidays, birthdays and any random day after the first year to let your friend know you remember their loss and continue to stand by their side. 6. Don’t be afraid to speak the name of the loved one To this day, nine years later, I love it when someone says they thought of Brandon, or something reminded them of him. Often we’re afraid to speak the dead person’s name because we’re afraid of reminding the grieving person of the sad event. I guarantee you, the friend hasn’t forgotten about their loss, and they will be happy to know you’ve remembered. “Listening with an open heart that isn’t calculating the next best thing to say is a beautiful gift to a friend who is grieving.” The other aspect of comforting a grieving friend is to be sensitive to events that might make them uncomfortable. For example, if a spouse dies and you invite them to a couple’s party. Depending on many factors, they may or may not feel ready to attend. But you can always extend the invitation and express awareness they might not be ready but wanted to include them regardless. 7. Don’t take it personally No matter what you do or how much you want to be the perfect friend, you’re not in charge of your friends’ experience. He or she has their own path to travel. This might include bouts of isolation, depression, anger, or denial. And, unfortunately, these might be directed at you. Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping The 8 types of grief explained 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire It may sound strange, but you should actually feel lucky if you get some of these feelings directed at you. That’s because it means your friend feels safe enough to show their true self to you and trusts you to hold space for the myriad of emotions they will experience. Be patient and don’t take it personally if your friend says or does things that might hurt your feelings. Try to remember that emotions are temporary and your friend will cycle through and come back to the wonderful person you love. Helping a grieving friend: the takeaway Helping a friend who is experiencing grief can feel overwhelming, but mourning, grief and loss are part of the human experience. We can all learn to cultivate compassion and empathy in these moments. Often the best way to help a friend who is grieving is to let go of any pressure you’re putting on yourself to get it perfect. After experiencing my own deep grief and loss, the friends who weathered the storm with me never got it right all the time. But they were real and vulnerable, without an agenda, and made it a point to stick around – no matter what for, and as long as it took. ● Main image: shutterstock/Prostock-studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Deep Listening | Empathy | Friendship Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organisation that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She's the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.