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The three so-called ‘happiness hormones’ are serotonin, dopamin and oxytocin. But how do they influence your mood and how can you boost them naturally to increase your happiness levels? Rae Bathgate investigates. Everybody who’s gone through puberty – especially those in the midst of it – can tell you that hormones play a large part in how we feel. Most women, for one, are particularly aware of this, some even tracking the subtleties caused by the ebb and the flow of oestrogen and progesterone. However, not as much conversation exists about how so-called 'happiness hormones', and neurotransmitters affect everyone’s mood and well-being. And yes, we do mean everyone, including animals, men, children, your next door neighbour, and especially you. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today Hormones and neurotransmitters are molecules that act as chemical messengers. The main difference between the two is that hormones are released by the endocrine system as chemical impulses, while neurotransmitters are released by the central nervous system as electrical impulses. The two systems work together, so the line between the two becomes blurred, some molecules even acting as both (oxytocin, for example). Happiness hormones: what exactly are they? Human hormones tally at about 50, while known neurotransmitters have been estimated to be at around 100. The main ones associated with feelings of happiness are: Serotonin Dopamine Oxytocin Other influential factors are adrenalin and cortisol, melatonin, GABA, endorphins and norepinephrine. Researchers also agree that many other factors influence happiness, such as economic stability and relationships, to name just two. It's important to remember then that while the effects of increasing happiness hormones and neurotransmitters are being researched, no neurochemical alone is a quick fix for happiness, as they act in lockstep with each other. So, let's take a closer look at the three main happiness hormones: 1. Serotonin: happiness and satisfaction Also known as 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT), serotonin is a complex neurotransmitter. Serotonin could be thought of, simply, as bringing about feelings of confidence and self-esteem. For example, serotonin has been shown to be at higher levels when you feel significant and like you're part of a group. Conversely, feelings of loneliness and depression are usually associated with low serotonin levels. You may recognize the name from Serotonin-Specific Reuptake Inhibitors (or SSRIs), a popular type of medication taken against depression, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, PTSD and eating disorders. While a breakthrough in mental health medicine, depression has been associated with various potential causes – not only low levels of serotonin. • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • Still, even if the key to a sunny outlook isn't simply just more of the neurotransmitter, research seems to indicate that to feel happier, it's good to try and avoid the happiness hormone serotonin dipping too low. Luckily, there's a wide variety of ways to give yourself a boost, now and then. Higher serotonin activity allows people to put themselves in situations that will bolster self-esteem and increase one’s self-worth and sense of belonging; in turn, this ups your serotonin levels. “While the effects of increasing happiness hormones are being researched, no neurochemical is a quick fix for happiness.” To get this serotonin positive feedback loop going, challenge yourself as much as you can to accomplish activities that will reinforce your sense of self-worth, purpose and belonging. For example, try volunteering (which has also shown to strengthen social ties and to make you even happier), becoming involved in a cause you believe in or joining a sports team. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? How to increase serotonin levels naturally Studies have shown that athletes have higher levels of serotonin. Indeed, exercise – such as riding a bike or mindful running – has been shown to increase serotonin, along with getting some sun, or a well-deserved massage. Another way to up your serotonin is by reflecting on what you have in your life, for example, experiences, people, and things that make you feel grateful, loved and important. Your brain will produce serotonin regardless of whether a situation is imagined or is recalled as a memory. Focusing on the positive – while it may not solve your problems – may help you feel better (and also help you to stop ruminating). Some ways to do this include taking the time to do positive affirmations, reflect, or writing a gratitude journal about all the things you appreciate – even looking back through old pictures of a great night out will make you smile and get that serotonin going. Bike yourself better: cycling boosts serotonin, a happiness hormone 2. Dopamine: love and passion Like serotonin, dopamine is a neurotransmitter. Often painted as the neurochemical most strongly associated with happiness, it might be more precise to say that dopamine is responsible for reward-driven behaviour and pleasure-seeking activities. You get a rush of it when you feel proud of yourself, when you eat comfort food, when it's pay day, and, of course, when you win. Some studies indicate that those with more extroverted and outgoing personality types may have higher levels of dopamine than their introverted counterparts, and it could be one of the main driving forces behind pursuing goals, as procrastination and self-doubt have been linked to low levels of dopamine. As with serotonin, this neurotransmitter's success in regulating our emotions hangs in a delicate balance: if too few dopamine molecules are released, Parkinson’s disease may develop (incidentally, dopamine levels also play a large part in motor reactions), defined by a slow loss of motor skills and mood and sleep disorders. On the other hand, too high of a dopamine level can lead to symptoms like mania, hallucinations, and it also appears to increase impulsive behaviour. How to increase dopamine levels While many highly addictive substances act on the dopamine system, by feeling success (however you may define it), you can increase your dopamine activity. For example, set a goal and achieve it. For overachievers, this may sound stressful, but there are healthy ways to organize goal setting. For example, break down one big goal into several smaller ones, and pause to acknowledge each success. Then, you can try to set a new (realistic) goal while you're still working on your current objective. In short, more dopamine rewards beget more motivation to seek more dopamine, so, without going overboard, nurture that feedback loop. Also, listen to music: music that makes you feel good, music that moves you, music that gives you chills! One study analysed levels of dopamine when participants listened to music that gave them these musical sense and concluded that, when it did, dopamine transmission was higher: music is inextricably linked with our deepest reward systems. Feeling sound: listening to music boosts dopamine Yet another study showed that exercise may also increase dopamine, as do tangible rewards, like food or money. So, find that one physical activity that motivates you to exercise regularly, try saving money (having money left at the end of the month is the reward!), and learning how to cook food that's delicious and healthy. 3. Oxytocin: intimacy and bonding Oxytocin is a peptide hormone composed of nine amino acids, released from the pituitary gland, most notably controlling uterine spasms and breastfeeding stimulus. It's active during childbirth and physical contact, and it's been found to cause behavioural and physiological effects “such as maternal, sexual and social behaviours.” • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • In other words, it facilitates social interaction and is (mostly) associated with positive social behaviour. Due to the significant correlation between social bonding and life satisfaction, then indeed, oxytocin levels could lead to a happier life. Because oxytocin levels go up with breastfeeding between mother and child, hugging, intercourse, orgasm and skin-to-skin contact, it's often referred to as the 'hug hormone' or the 'bonding hormone.' Indeed, some studies have shown that an increase in oxytocin also increases trust. “Exercise, like riding a bike or running has been shown to increase serotonin, along with getting some sun, or a well-deserved massage.” However, this happiness hormone has other, more complicated effects. According to Ed Yong on Slate, oxytocin "fosters trust and generosity in some situations, but envy and bias in others.” Indeed, one study found that oxytocin uptake increased feelings of envy and schadenfreude (the pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune), while another suggested that while it increased a sense of closeness in one’s clique, in some individuals, it increased mistrust in strangers. In other words, the trust and bonding that it offers may only extend to those that you trust and feel open to bonding with, to begin with (and there may be deep seated evolutionary origins in this reaction). The hug drug: skin contact boosts oxytocin, a hormone of happiness Be that as it may, while oxytocin may not be solely responsible for positive human bonding, it still plays a large part in how we interact with others. Oxytocin is released during moments of shared intimacy: be it familial, platonic, romantic or sexual. How to increase oxytocin levels There are a few ways you can naturally boost your levels of this hormone of happiness: Take part in group activities (and if they’re physical, even better!) Make sure to take the time to cuddle your loved ones Get a dog (or another pet) In fact, if you own a dog, chances are your oxytocin levels (and his, or hers, for that matter) are the last thing you need to worry about. Studies have shown that not only does petting and spending time with your dog raise oxytocin levels in both, but simply gazing at each other sends oxytocin levels soaring. The other neurochemicals of happiness • Endorphins The name translates as "self-produced morphine" for a reason: it's widely known for its analgesic (pain-relieving) properties. This neurotransmitter is present in large quantities during high-intensity cardio, strength training, sexual intercourse, orgasm, and most strenuous physical exertion. Exercise will increase your endorphins, as does acupuncture and laughter (even the anticipation of laughter raises endorphin levels). • GABA This is an inhibitory molecule that slows down the firing of neurons, making you calmer. You can increase GABA by doing meditative activities, like gardening, knitting, mandala colouring, different types of yoga (such as gratitude yoga), and, of course, meditation. The benefits of meditation are many and proven. • Adrenalin (Epinephrine) and cortisol A hormone/neurotransmitter and a glucocorticoid respectively, these two are released from the adrenal glands: they regulate stress (think of an adrenalin rush). Through more studies are needed, it appears that subjects with lower levels of salivary cortisol and urinary adrenaline levels report higher levels of happiness; while the results could be correlative and not causative, it's never a bad idea to try to reduce your stress levels. • Melatonin Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland as is most commonly associated with regulating sleep. However, it's also been shown to affect our overall well-being and feelings of happiness (sleep patterns are often disrupted as a symptom of a larger mood disorder). To keep your melatonin balanced, get a good night's rest, and make sure to turn off your electronic devices well before you head to bed. Norepinephrine Similar to dopamine, low norepinephrine (AKA noradrenaline) levels have been linked to depression, while further research has indicated that selective norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor antidepressants "induce a positive emotional, perceptual bias in healthy subjects.” There are many ways to increase your norepinephrine levels, for example, taking a cold shower or a quick nap. Win with a grin: laughter boosts happiness hormones All in all, happiness hormones and neurotransmitters aren't as simple as we sometimes wish they were. One neurochemical isn't responsible for a single function, and a happier life isn't as simple as raising each level as much as we can. Indeed, like most things in life, it relies on a delicate balance. The good news is that the more you take care of yourself, the better the balance will be, and the happier you will feel. After all, "our brain has evolved to make things that are necessary for our survival feel good," as one Guinness World Record holder speculated: spend time with friends get enough sleep avoid stress (perhaps through the benefits of MBSR) laugh often cuddle your loved ones get a dog work towards your goals practise gratitude exercise often. Luckily, many of these tips to boost our happiness hormones and neurotransmitters are relatively easy to put into place with just a little effort from ourselves! ● Main picture: colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Nature | Meditation Written by Rae Bathgate Rae Bathgate is an American journalist based in Barcelona, where she enjoys sunlight, yoga, and bookbinding.

Following a body scan meditation script allows your nervous system to heal and helps to reduce anxiety and stress. Meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak shares an easy-to-follow 10-minute body scan meditation script and explores more of the benefits of this practice. Body scan meditations have become one of the most popular meditation exercises. In this article, I’d like to talk with you about why these simple exercises are often recommended for anxiety, relaxation and insomnia, among other benefits. The basic practice is simple to describe. You close your eyes and direct your attention to your body, moving from your head to your toes (or reverse), feeling as many sensations as closely as you can. Some people find it easiest to picture parts of their body, like what their hand looks like, for example. The most powerful benefits happen when you feel or sense that part of your body from the inside. You do your best to feel sensations in your body, like warmth, tingling or pressure. There are two main benefits when you use a body scan meditation script. First, this kind of sustained attention to your body has a profoundly relaxing effect on your nervous system. Your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and rejuvenation, is activated by this practice. All kinds of relaxing, healing chemicals and processes are set in motion. It’s like an internal spa day! The second benefit is that paying precise attention to your body sensations starts to bring your mind and body into sync. It’s a unifying, grounding experience that you can feel for yourself in the practice I’ll describe below. So, let’s look in a bit more detail at the benefits of following a body scan meditation script. 1. Allows your nervous system to heal Doctor and psychologist Rick Hanson has written several fascinating and accessible books about how our body and brains have evolved. For example, he describes life when we were a young species on the planet. Being alert to physical dangers like a tiger in the grass was a crucial survival skill. So, our brains became oriented toward potential external threats. Without an actual threat, however, this brain mechanism can become a recipe for the anxiety or stress so many of us experience today. We can become overly vigilant and never actually relax. Body scans are incredibly relaxing shutterstock/wavebreakmedia A body scan practice, Hanson says, is powerful because it reverses this mechanism. Paying attention to what’s happening internally, rather than externally, is a signal to our ancient nervous system that says, “Well, if I’m paying attention inside, I guess there’s no tiger out there!” Then your brain starts to do all kinds of wonderful things to relax and heal from the wear and tear of being vigilant at other times. 2. Reduces anxiety and stress I know, I already mentioned this in the last bullet. But, it's worth repeating because anxiety, stress and their common companion depression, are at epidemic proportions in our world. You don’t have to have high levels of anxiety or depression to feel less joyful, less connected or less capable. Even low levels can affect you in all these ways. • JOIN US! Discover more about meditation at happiness.com. Belong to a community that cares • When you use a body scan meditation script, especially if you do it regularly, you’ll start to disrupt the cycle of unease: stressful thoughts causing tension in your body, causing more anxiety, causing poor sleep, causing depression, and on and on. 3. Clears and calms your mind As you are probably aware, your mind needs something to do! A good body scan meditation script will help you with that because it’s restful for your mind. It doesn’t have to work hard at thinking and analyzing. A body scan practice shifts your mind into a relaxing state of simply noticing sensations, taking you away from any negative thinking you may have. It also strengthens your ability to focus. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } XX XX Try out our relaxing bodyscan meditation script here 4. Helps you get in touch with your body Our bodies carry a lot of stress and physical tension that we're often not even aware of. All the little daily stresses, as well as any older psychological wounds, leave a residue in your body. This residue holds crucial information about your well-being and healing. RELATED: What Is a Sound Bath Meditation and What Are Its Benefits? Becoming aware of it can be challenging, but a body scan practice strengthens your ability to be with whatever you experience kindly. And, you begin to recognize the intelligence in the body. Did you know there are brain neurons that extend throughout your body? Your body has a lot to tell you. 5. Trains you in self-care Self-care is another benefit of listening to a body scan meditation script. Slowing down enough to inhabit your body and your emotions is an act of self-care. It’s one concrete way you can practice caring about your own experience, listening to your own wisdom, and treating yourself with curiosity and respect. Body scan tips Firstly, be precise. As you’re listening to a body scan meditation script, do your best to really feel each area before moving on to the next. Even pause the recording if you need to. If you rush the practice, your body will know you’re not really paying attention! For example, it might take you ten minutes or even more to really connect with your shoulder. And that’s OK. This can happen no matter how much experience you have! On the other hand, if you start to feel stuck, move on to the next area and come back to it later on in the practice. You can also make any difficult areas an area of specific focus for the next time you follow the body scan meditation script. “Self-care is another benefit of listening to a body scan meditation script. Slowing down enough to inhabit your body and your emotions is an act of self-care.” Secondly, don’t judge. I’m going to give you different instructions and suggestions in the body scan meditation script below. But don’t judge your own experience by any guidance I give you, for example, naming a sensation like tightness or cold. It’s important that you name and connect with your experience whatever it is. That’s the purpose of this exercise. Body scan meditation script You should set aside at least ten minutes to do this practice. You can do it either lying down or sitting up. Take a few full breaths to help your body and mind begin to relax. Feel the sensations where your body connects with the floor or surface under you. Feel your body getting heavy. Starting by sensing your head. Sense your forehead and the area around your eyes. This is an area lots of us hold tension. There’s no right or wrong thing to feel. Just notice and gently name any sensations silently like warmth, tingling or pressure. Let your attention move to the top of your head, to your scalp, and down the sides and back of your head. And feel your neck, the muscles along the back and sides, and even sense inside your neck and throat. • WANT MORE ON MEDITATION? Sign-up free to happiness.com • Now sense your shoulders, the large heavy muscles of your shoulders and shoulder blades. If you notice any tension or discomfort here, it’s not anything you need to change, just be aware of it. If you like, you can breathe into any area that feels some discomfort. This just means that you imagine your breath is moving in and out of the area, instead of your nose. Let your attention move slowly down your arms, sensing your upper arms, elbows and lower arms. Sense the muscles and bones here. Feel the bones of your wrist and the softness of your palms. Our hands are a centre of so much activity and expression. Feel all the sensations in your palms, fingers and fingertips. Now shift your attention to your chest around your heart and solar plexus. What do you notice there? Breathe and feel it. It may be different in the next moment. You’re just tuning in right now to your body to these precise physical sensations. And remember: be patient. Your body moves at a slower pace than your mind. Body scan meditation helps you get in touch with your body Now allow your attention to move into your stomach and hips. Let your attention rest here for a few breaths. Continue down your upper legs, knees and lower legs, taking as much time as you need to feel the sensations and awareness there. Remember that there’s no right or wrong experience, only to be as present and caring as you can. Then move down into your feet, ankles, the soles of your feet and all ten toes. Your feet work so hard all day long: really feel all the muscles and tendons and tissues there. Now, take a big breath and see if you can feel your whole body all at once sitting or lying here, breathing. From the tips of your toes, up through your legs, your torso, your arms, into your head and face. Feel your body as one, whole field of sensation and energy. Keep breathing and finish the practice. And when you’re ready, slowly open your eyes. How to end your practice How did it go? When you’ve finished the body scan meditation script, take a moment to notice any sense of freshness, relaxation or groundedness. Take a moment to observe and feel your body and mind, before you return to your day. Once you have used this body scan meditation script a few times, try doing the practice in your own way. Move your attention through your body at your own pace, in any way you like, following the tips in this article and, most important, being curious and kind. You may find that going solo allows you to be even more attentive to what is going on for you, and to connect more deeply with your inner world. • Main image: shutterstock/Mark Nazh happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Better sleep | Breathwork | Happiness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why what other people think of you is really none of your business, and how imbibing this revolutionary truth can change your outlook on life, for the better. While the age-old idiom urges that it isn’t fair or wise to ‘judge a book by its cover’, humans are inherently programmed to do just that. And, surprisingly, this tendency continues even after we get to know others relatively better. Our relentless fixation with how others perceive us is further intensified in the online world. Social media implores us to constantly upload snippets of our lives: to be witnessed, judged, interpreted, and opined about in a myriad of ways and by people that we’ve often never even met! It seems like the more we reveal about ourselves, the more people have to say about us. The constant judgement and prying also creates a perceived need for people to seem ideal and likeable, which can often leave them struggling to cope with uncertainty regarding feedback from others. The fear of people’s opinions is an unreasonable obsession, especially predominant in the modern world, and what’s worse, it may be holding you back from performing at your best level. Tell yourself: “what other people think of me is none of my business.” As a compulsive people-pleaser, I used to worry about what people thought of me constantly, only to realize eventually that I could not possibly be liked by every single person. And, although I understood the logic underlying the lesson “what other people think of me is none of my business”, the difficult part was to internalize the message and implement it consciously in day-to-day functioning. Why humans love to judge The ability to infer the intentions of others from something as basic as motion cues alone is one of the basic cognitive adaptations deeply rooted in human behavior. Detecting danger and making quick decisions was deemed essential for reproduction, survival and evolution. Thus, we learned to interpret, label, and file our assessments about others, so we can retrieve and utilize the information when needed. 7 Signs Your Friend Doesn't Care About You How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work Are You Being Used? 12 Signs to Look Out For Extensive studies by Susan T Fiske et al revealed that warmth and competence are the two fundamental dimensions used by people to perceive others, and the combinations of these result in generating emotions like admiration, envy, indifference etc. “What other people think of you really isn’t any of your business: it’s best to not let other people’s opinions prevent you from being the authentic version of yourself.” People habitually make important decisions based on their assessment of other people’s facial features, posture, behavioral cues and personality traits. Researcher Tessa E.S. Charlesworth found that even children as young as three regularly evaluate adults for personality traits such as trustworthiness, authority and expertise by focusing on their facial features. Indeed, we face judgement from varying ages and by different groups, i.e. family, faith, school, friends, workplace, etc. As a result, we become hard-wired to make snap judgments as we grow, which instils the need to be liked by everyone and the fear of other people’s opinions. Why what other people think of you is none of your business Although it might sound confusing, what others think about you really doesn’t matter. In fact, what really matters is what you think of yourself. Here are five reasons why: 1. You can’t read people’s minds Assumptions aside, we actually have no idea what others people are thinking. Indeed, we often assume what other people are thinking about us, but unless they actually verbalize it and tell us what it is exactly they’re thinking, then we really cannot be sure what they are thinking. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • For example, if you believe that your co-workers are discussing your dress sense or work ethics, it's only you who is deciding so, and you cannot be certain this is actually happening. Since we cannot read people’s minds, we should consciously stop making assumptions and rely purely on the actual events and accurate information as the basis for our thought patterns and resulting behavior. 2. You cannot control what others think of you Every person has their own unique perspective and a way of gauging others that has absolutely nothing to do with you, as pointed out in The Four Agreements by author Don Miguel Ruiz. What’s more, it’s likely to be an ongoing process that you cannot possibly control. Indeed, you’ll continue to be judged and held in a certain regard by others, regardless of how many times you interact with them and whether you’re warm and friendly or cold and distant. A study by Cornell University revealed that people continue to judge others according to their appearance and implied behavioral cues, even after interacting with them in person. It was concluded that first impressions last even after several face-to-face interactions, and that instead of doubting at least some of our initial perceptions after these interactions, we continue to believe them to be accurate and valid. Thus, what other people think of you really isn’t any of your business: it’s best to not let other people’s opinions prevent you from being the authentic version of yourself. 3. If a person is judging you, they’re probably judging themselves We judge and ascertain people by our own standards. Some of us measure our lives in terms of achievements and fame. Others value friendships and relationships the most. And, interestingly, one’s perceptions of others can reveal a lot about their own personality. If someone is judging you, they are also judging themselves shutterstock/SpeedKingz In fact, the standards you employ to measure your self-worth is essentially the same yardstick you use to size-up others around you. Understanding what other people think of you is none of your business is key to relieving yourself of the responsibility to please everyone around. Indeed, you cannot fulfil one’s idea of perfection, owing to the simple fact that their values and belief systems may be entirely different than yours. 4. Replacing constant worrying with positive emotions could make you happier Very often, judgments require us to retrieve crucial bits of information from our memories, and we often resort to recollecting negative feelings about others quicker than the positive ones. There is ample scientific evidence to suggest that not all emotions are created equal, and that as we grow older we tend to pay more attention to negative emotions such as jealousy, hatred, anger, sadness etc., as compared to positive emotions like joy, hope and love. “Accepting what other people think of you is none of your business can lead to a stress-fee life and happy state of mind.” We also tend to assume negative feedback and perspectives about ourselves on the behalf of other people, sometimes even without any prior reason. A review study by Roy F Baumeister et al found that this ‘negativity bias’ is a far more impactful and basic underlying psychological condition that creates self-doubt and reduces life satisfaction. Accepting what other people think of you is none of your business can lead to a stress-free life and a happy state of mind. 5. Genuine feedback about what people think of you is useful Even though it's good to ignore what people think of you, it may benefit you to take a break from this lesson periodically and take constructive feedback from the people you trust about so-called ‘blind areas’ or unknown aspects of your personality. According to the Johari Window Model – a useful psychological tool created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham – seeking feedback with an open mind may help you uncover the hidden or unacknowledged facets of your personality, like a natural talent, a repressed feeling from childhood, or a certain hard-wired behavior that you may want to address. The takeaway In truth, you cannot change how others perceive you, or even predict how they’ll react around you. Realizing that you really cannot control how others think of you can be utterly liberating and cathartic. Being self-aware, challenging negative self-talk and reviewing your perception of yourself consciously is the key to ingraining this lesson. • Main image: shutterstock/pathdoc happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Letting go | Authenticity | Acceptance | Self care Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Can friendship goals help us create and maintain longstanding, enriched friendships? Sonia Vadlamani shows how to set and achieve best friend goals with the help of some examples. We meet different people along the journey called life, and while some leave, some stay in our lives as a part of the sojourn. However, not everyone we interact with on a daily basis can be considered a friend. Indeed, most of us have close associations that we classify further into groups as per their significance in our lives, like high-school and college friends, work-friends, hobby-friends, and then the chosen few who we consider as our “squad”; members of our core friendship group. Sadly, sometimes we tend to ignore our closest friends for far too long or end up taking their presence for granted. Indeed, friends are the family we choose willingly. A study conducted on nearly 280,000 individuals by Michigan State University in the US revealed that over time friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain friendships that matter to us. And friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish these crucial relationships. What are friendship goals? We’re social beings for the most part, and researchers agree we need closely bonded relationships – like friendships – to thrive. There’s no denying that our friends form a vital part of our lives. In addition to playing a larger role in boosting our well-being and happiness, friends also influence the way we perceive everyday situations, make decisions and our worldview. How to be a better friend: 9 ways to improve your relationship 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you How to be your own best friend: 8 ideas Indeed, there are different types of friends one can and should ideally have. But, it’s also true that we attach certain core values to our associations and seek friendships which best fulfill these values or ideals. Friendship goals comprise of ideals, values, activities or experiences that help us govern our relationships. In fact, the lack of clearly established friendship goals can result in estranged or strained relationships, because one or both the friends felt ignored or isolated. Why set friendship goals? Some of us believe that only romantic relationships in our lives require sustained efforts, and that maintaining friendships is practically effortless. No matter how easily we may make friends, and how easy these friendships may seem, all friendships require some degree of effort to sustain. Friendship goals: travel can reinforce friendship bonds Setting friendship goals can help you foster true friendships that can enrich your life, boosting your well-being and happiness levels. Furthermore, Robert Faris, professor at University of California highlights the role of stable friendships for fulfilment of one’s life goals, suggesting that those with reliable relationship networks are more motivated towards realizing their goals. Examples of friendship goals Friendship goals can vary for everyone, and there is no “one size fits all” approach possible that you can apply to all your friendships. However, the following examples can be used as a broad benchmark for formulating your own best friend goals. 1. Friendship goals for good friends “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant,” as the eminent philosopher Socrates stated. Though we may feel that we already know our friends inside out since forever, even the most enduring friendships are a result of continued efforts to uphold the relationship. “Friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain them – friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish crucial relationships.” Here are some examples of friendship goals you can set for your close friends, with the intent of maintaining the relationship forever: Take a keen interest in their lives – Taking your friends for granted and not being attentive to their needs can ruin the friendship. Inquiring about their day, remembering their birthdays and other important milestones, bearing their needs and preferences in mind are some of the ways to show that you care about your friends. Listen without criticism or judgment – Remember to listen mindfully as they discuss their dreams, struggles, hopes and aspirations and refrain from offering unsolicited advice. While constructive criticism on certain occasions can be helpful, avoid the temptation to shout “I told you so” too often. Instead, trust them to learn from their setbacks on their own, while offering constant support and encouragement. Show your appreciation – Be sure to appreciate every gesture and effort – grand and modest ones alike – that your friends have extended towards you. A simple acknowledgment in the form of “thank you” goes a long way to help build a lasting friendship. Spend quality time together – Yes, time is a sacred commodity which we seemingly can’t have enough of, given our fast-paced lives. Be that as it may, take the time to indulge in common interests or hobbies with your friends, like knitting, gardening, cooking or even exercising together. Make time for a movie night, chat over a cup of tea every so often or catch up over drinks and dinner regularly. Attending events that you find interesting together is also a great way to spend time together. Travel together – A 2019 analysis by researchers Xavier Matteucci et al revealed that traveling together can help reinforce close friendships through bonding and intimacy, quality time as well as “relational realizations” or a sense of learning through shared experiences. Traveling together can prove to be one of the most effective and enjoyable friendship goals. Improve and enrich with new knowledge – Learning new things together and helping each other discover new interests or skills can help foster stronger friendships. Additionally, setting academic achievements, personal milestones or just learning a new hobby together prevents the interactions from becoming monotonous or boring. Allow them their space – Lastly, while it may sound counterintuitive, being close friends doesn’t require you to be overly imposing or inseparable at all times. Researchers Helen Owton et al suggest that good friends can stand to benefit from being close but not too close and letting go periodically. Setting this friendship goal may require you to devise a careful balance between always being there for your friends yet allowing them to recharge in solitude as well as focus on their needs and priorities. The amount of space you allocate to each other will depend on your personalities, socializing needs and “me-time” requirements. 2. Friendship goals for long-distance friendships Here’s how you can prevent the physical distance from affecting your friendship: Keep each other updated – You may be living in different cities or continents apart. Still, it’s possible to keep in touch by taking an active interest in the various events in each other’s lives, new developments, goals, interests, etc. It's important to update each other regularly to feel connected with each other, no matter the physical distance. Utilize technology – A definite upside of the digital era is that we can stay connected with our friends with ease, thus furthering our friendship goals. In fact, a study by Karen L. Fingerman revealed the positive role of technology in aiding social connectedness and higher happiness levels. While it may not be practical or advisable to call your faraway friends every day, keeping in touch with the help of technology could help evoke a sense of connectedness and dissipate the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Videochat with faraway friends to maintain connection shutterstock/insta_goals Meet up whenever possible – Try to visit your friend or invite them to your place whenever possible. Alternately, you could chalk up travel plans for a favorite destination and bond as you continue to make new memories along the journey. 3. Friendship goals for colleagues/ work-friends Finding a friend in a co-worker can be a difficult task, especially in a competitive atmosphere. However, it is possible for workplace friendships to blossom with the help of some skillfully strategized friendship goals. Uphold their trust – Workplace environments can be competitive. It’s nice to know when you and your colleagues have each other’s backs. Indeed, you may even make new work-besties with this supportive attitude. Motivate and inspire each other to aim higher and succeed together for nurturing a longstanding relationship. Help each other set and fulfill goals – Instead of harboring negative feelings like jealousy and resentment, encourage mutual growth by recognizing each other’s unique strengths, and set growth goals accordingly. Sit down with your workplace buddies to track and review these goals together on a weekly, monthly, and annual basis. Socialize after work – Friendship goals can extend beyond routine workplace interactions. Meeting up after work to discuss your day over a drink or socializing with each other’s families can cement the friendship further. How to set friendship goals Before you set out to draw elaborate plans or strategies for setting your friendship goals, it's important to understand which values, ideals or experiences matter the most to you. Start by determining what you look for in your friendships, and what makes a friendship goal ideal for you. For example, do you seek friendships with like-minded individuals and those with shared interests, as opposed to those who have extremely diverse interests than you? Once you have your preferences figured out, proceed to set actionable, timebound goals. Be sure to involve your friends in this process and take their inputs as well. After all, friendship is a two-way street built upon mutual efforts. Be sure to make these friendship goals specific and realistic as well, as it’s easy to get carried away or overwhelmed in the process. Resist the temptation to go overboard – it’s wiser to opt for practicality over thoroughness. RELATED: Goal setting – using SMART goals for motivation and success It's essential that you review your goals periodically, in order to track and measure your progress. These goals can be further categorized into daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals, to enable hassle-free tracking. Attaching a deadline for each of these categories may sound strict but it can keep you more accountable and driven towards acting upon them. Takeaway: friendship goals Indeed, friendships are unusual, voluntary relationships that we enter willingly, and hence we also need to put in the efforts required on our behalf to maintain these relationships. Setting friendship goals in place can enable us to treasure and benefit from these relationships for the foreseeable future, through consistent efforts. • Main image: shutterstock/Cookie Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Empathy | Communication skills | Loneliness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

At the outset, future self journaling might just seem like writing letters to your future self, but science shows it's more than a 'feel-good hack' if done correctly. Sonia Vadlamani walks us through how starting a future self journal could help you to build the future you envision. Journaling can be an enriching experience, with benefits like stress management, improved focus and enhanced productivity. Studies have also found journaling to be an effective Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) tool for preventing depression. There are many different journaling techniques – such as the ten minute routine or gratitude journal – and each method has been found to allow us to become more aware of our thoughts and actions. Future self journaling is one of the newest forms to gain attention. Shortly after I started journaling in 2018, I noticed a shift in how I perceive potentially stressful situations and negative feelings, and how my reactions to these stimuli stem from a place of awareness, rather than from the ‘autopilot’ mode. I began to visualize my future plans and strategized supportive, time-bound goals: develop an attitude of gratitude, up my personal-growth game, build a fitter and stronger me, expand my knowledge about nutrition and well-being, to name a few. Future self journaling focuses on this positive shift you hope to bring in your life by guiding attention towards your current behavior and thoughts. What exactly is a future self journal? Journaling is not a modern-era practice by any means – for years people have found it useful to document their feelings, emotions, and dreams. Future self journal essentially involves getting in touch with your inner self and manifesting the future you desire. It works with using a positive outlook, which can help you overcome any creative blocks and navigate your life in a more focused direction. Take note: future self journaling focuses on positive changes Let’s take a deeper look at how it can help you attain the future goals you set for yourself for months or years from now. The subconscious vs. conscious mind A study by the National Science Foundation revealed that our brain can process 12,000 – 70,000 thoughts every day, 80 per cent of which tend to be negative. Robert L Leahy, the renowned researcher behind the emotional schema theory, found in a study that nearly 85 per cent of our worries do not come to realization, and that most of our fears and negative thoughts stem from the patterns of behavior we’ve subconsciously ingrained over several years. This means that even though we’re not aware of all the thoughts and feelings we experience, our subconscious mind still attaches meaning to these, thus altering how the conscious mind reacts towards future decisions and experiences. Our negative reactions – like cynicism, skepticism, anger, frustration, and other self-sabotaging tendencies – could be stemming from the patterns and habits shaped by the subconscious mind. RELATED: Learn how to stop overthinking with these 9 tips The vicious cycle continues, until we decide to become aware of our thoughts and make active modifications to the way our subconscious mind processes various thoughts. Future self journaling can make you more conscious of how you react to the stimuli around you, empowering you with a potent tool – the choice of response. “Future self journaling can make you more conscious of how you react to the stimuli around you, empowering you with a potent tool – the choice of response.” Deborah Ross, a certified journal therapist, explains that the negativity bias of our subconscious mind can be countered with constant efforts to rewire its connections through expressive journaling. The brain is like plastic, wherein neuroplasticity – or the ability to recreate neural pathways in the brain – occurs through consistent repetition of intentional acts. Therefore, future self journaling needs to be purposefully carried out as a daily task to reinforce newer connections in our brains. Starting a future self journal The subconscious mind may resist these changes in its patterns that future self journaling encourages. You may find it ridiculous or uncomfortable at first to take a hard look at your subconscious patterns, and to jot down your innermost thoughts. However, each time you fight the resistance and still choose to journal, you’re a step closer to overcoming this mental resistance barrier. There’s no set 'right' time to journal but many people find it helpful to approach future self journaling first thing in the morning, when its quieter. Others find it easier to compose their thoughts right before going to bed, as they relive their experiences through the day. You may need to experiment a bit with different timings to find what suits you best. Here are some further tips to help you gradually build the habit of future self journaling: 1. Observe your current behaviors Knowing what you’d like to change requires considerable introspection – observe the reactions and behaviors that you think are preventing you from attaining your highest potential. List down all the aspects you wish were different about you, and how changing these will have a positive impact on your future. 2. Focus on one behavior Trying to change all the behaviors you don’t like about yourself could be overwhelming and you may give up fast. It’s wiser to target just one behavior at a time, even if it’s something simple like, “I would like to procrastinate less” or “I would like to change how defensive I get when contradicted”. 3. Create affirmations to encourage this change Affirmations are positive statements that help inspire a change. These also help you to feel confident about your ability to change, especially if you’re targeting a very core pattern. For example, if you’re targeting your tendency to procrastinate, you can make affirmations centered on this, like “I’m capable of avoiding non-supportive actions and distractions” and “I will focus on the task at hand and give it everything I’ve got”. Regular future self journaling can rewire our brains shutterstock/Peshkova 4. Build strategies and an action plan While affirmations can keep you motivated, your dreams will become a reality only when you put in the work needed. Creating strategies to support the change you desire and breaking your goals into small, everyday actionable plans with due accountability will put you on the fast-track to achieving your dreams. 5. Develop the gratitude attitude Being grateful for the smallest blessings and documenting the same in your journal can create a lasting impact and accelerate the process. 6. Develop a template Creating a framework for your future self journaling process can help you achieve lasting results in several areas of your life. It’s also helpful in maximizing results, especially if you can dedicate limited time to journaling daily. “Knowing what you'd like to change requires considerable introspection – observe the behaviors that you think are preventing you from attaining your highest potential and note them in your future self journal.” A simple template is preferable to an overly complicated one which may leave you struggling for adherence. Some future self journaling templates are available online, but you can also customize your own. An ideal template consists of: questions you’d want to ask yourself everyday regarding the behavior you wish to change affirmations towards the same actions taken to support this what you’re grateful for, and the timeframe you’ve allocated to achieve this goal. Tips for when the words won’t flow There are times when you may feel stuck or when your mind is resisting change, so you may be tempted to quit future self journaling. Here are some tips that could help you to carry on: 1. Ignore the mental chatter Recognize the fact that even by acknowledging your subconscious behavior and resolving to change how you react, you’re taking a giant leap ahead towards creating a future you envisioned. 2. Overcome the ‘perfection trap’ Some days it’s enough to simply get the job done, instead of not doing anything at all while waiting for inspiration to strike. 3. Avoid self-blame Sticking to a schedule helps immensely, but refrain from attaching too much meaning to the days you might’ve missed. Instead, try looking at each day as a chance to unleash your unlimited potential. Future self journaling: the takeaway Future self journaling teaches us that to realize our goals, we need to stay in touch with who we currently are. This can ultimately aid in the expansion of our consciousness and shape us into more accountable, self-aware, and determined individuals. As with most keystone habits, journaling will be an effective practice if you do it daily and dedicate the same amount of time to it each day, without any shortcuts. • Main image: shutterstock/Ivan Kruk happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Gratitude | Motivation | Authenticity | Success | Goal setting Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Taking 10 minutes to meditate in the morning can set you up for a calm, compassionate and productive day ahead. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak explains why and discusses some morning meditations you can try out. Imagine what you could accomplish if you started your day alert, content and creative. On the other hand, imagine going out the door feeling overwhelmed, ungrounded and unhappy. If you find yourself stressed and rushed even before you get out of bed, morning meditation may be the perfect medicine for you. You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation. And you don’t need an hour or even 30 minutes to do it. Setting aside as little as ten minutes, you can bring these qualities with you into your day. The importance of morning meditation In fact, many people specifically choose mornings for their meditation practice. Why? Because mornings are special. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Firstly, you’re in a unique state when you first wake up. Your body, mind and soul are relaxed and receptive. Whatever you do first thing in the morning has a greater impact than at others time of day. Which do you think will lead you into a happier day? Listening to stressful world news and scrolling through your newsfeed or taking time to immerse yourself in self-care, quiet and acceptance? Also, many of us seem to wake up immediately into our to-do lists and our worries. That’s stressful. A short morning meditation will create a space for you to recognize and rest in your 'being' rather than in 'doing.' You will connect with being aware, being present; with whatever is here now for you. “You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation.” Finally, on the practical side of things, mornings are often quieter. It can be a wonderful time to sit and rest in the silence inside you, free from distractions. The benefits of morning meditation A morning meditation routine will bring you all the usual benefits of meditation: Increasing self-awareness and self-compassion Strengthening empathy Decreasing anxiety and depression Rediscovering the spiritual dimension in your life Boosting well-being and happiness Improving concentration and attention Expanding creativity and problem-solving Increasing equanimity and fair-mindedness Quiet quality: peaceful mornings are great for meditation Furthermore, a meditation routine in the morning will give you these added, special benefits: Starting the day with compassion People don’t meditate to become good meditators, they meditate to become more self-aware, compassionate and happy, and to share these gifts with the people they care about most. When you start your day with these qualities, you’ll automatically bring them into your conversations with friends and family, your responses to things not going your way, your tasks at work and how you 'talk' to yourself. Starting the day calm and rejuvenated Meditation is like a massage for your nervous system. The calming and rejuvenating effects of meditation are now well proven. You can begin your day relaxed and content, focused and ready to meet whatever comes your way. Instead of your usual morning stresses, you can start your day with a positive, empowering experience. Tips for morning meditation Sounds good, right? If you’d like to give morning meditation a try, here are some tips to get started. Where and when With a bit of thought, you can easily find 10 minutes in your morning, wither by skipping your morning social media surfing habit or setting your alarm that little bit earlier. Depending on the type of meditation you choose, you can do your morning meditation routine almost anywhere: In bed Sitting in a quiet space in your home. On the train or bus on your morning commute .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } A sample 10 minute meditation YouTube/Goop Types of meditation There are many different types of meditation you can choose from to start with first thing to begin your day. There are practices that use your breath, concentration, body awareness, thought and emotions, as well as exploring your deepest sense of self. In fact, any practice that appeals to you can become your morning meditation. Here are a few of the most popular morning meditations. 1) Mindfulness meditation The core practice of meditation, mindfulness, can be a wonderful way to start your day. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, as fully as you can, with kindness and curiosity. With mindfulness, you start your day with an openness and acceptance about whatever you’re experiencing: worry, happiness, planning or physical discomfort. Everything becomes part of a practice of simply being with yourself, in an accepting and caring way. 2) Body scan/embodiment meditations Body scan practices are a lovely way to rise up through sleep to wakefulness. You can, of course, do a body scan while you’re still in bed – you just need a bit of extra attention not to fall back to sleep! RELATED: Yes, You Can Meditate Lying Down. Here's How and Why Body scan practices guide you through sensing each part of your body in a sequence, from your fingertips, to your stomach, to your toes. Your body is more open in the morning, so this practice can be a great way to let your awareness soak into all parts of your body to feel energized and deeply present, while your mind takes a break. Watch our body scan meditation script video below to get started or click through to read more about this powerful and popular technique. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } 3) Breath meditations Breathwork is a powerful choice for meditations in the morning. And there are a whole range of breath meditations, from those that create relaxation – such as conscious breathing – to those that increase mental focus and energy. So, you can choose one that best fits your needs in the morning: Equalized breath: sample morning meditation I’d like to show you how to do a simple breathing practice you can do at home or on your morning commute. The Equalized Breath will relax your nervous system and give you a stable 'home base' to come back to when your mind wanders. Don’t worry, everyone gets distracted. It’s not ‘wrong,’ it’s a key part of meditation practice. Find a comfortable sitting position and, if you can, let your eyes gently close. Take a minute to allow your body to really relax and take a few deep breaths. For this practice, adjust your breath so all four parts are of equal length. You count to four during your in breath, hold your breath to a count of four, exhale for four, and hold your breath out to a count of four. Then hold for four again. It’s really important not to strain. If four seconds feels too long, reduce it to three. And, if you can comfortably do longer, try for six seconds. The important things are: not to strain and to keep all four parts equal in length. And, when a thought, feeling or sensation distracts you, that’s OK. Just start again, breathing and counting, focusing on your breath. Do your best to be non-judgmental with yourself if your mind wanders off. Remember: mindfulness is watching ‘with kindness and curiosity.’ Kindness encourages you to open. Judgement closes you down. Morning meditations sets you up for the day shutterstock/Ekaterina Iatcenko Morning meditation may be the most powerful place for you to start exploring meditation. And, with ten (or more!) minutes of meditation during the AM, you will rest in a sense of being and presence, be kind and more accepting with yourself, and connect with silence and strength. Find a practice that appeals to you and try it for a week. Start your day with more calm, clarity and compassion and see how it makes you – and those around you – feel. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pro-stock studio Liked this? Then check out 5 strategies to help you develop a regular meditation practice. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude meditation | 6 phase meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why friendships matter, how to sustain them, and gives nine simple ways for us to become better, more dependable friends. Friendships are some of the most unique and fulfilling formative relationships we enter voluntarily and experience in our lives. Research suggests that friendships play a vital role in our quest to lead a happy, purpose-driven life. Indeed, having fulfilling friendships can mean better overall health, greater life satisfaction and higher happiness levels. Building and maintaining robust social connections can also keep loneliness at bay, making us less vulnerable to conditions such as stress, depression and anxiety. However, despite our best efforts, some friendships may fail if we begin to suspect that a friend doesn’t really care about us. Sometimes, we may get caught up with our own lives and forget to check up on our friends. At other times, we may have known some friends for such a long time that we may end up taking them for granted. Or, if you’re anything like me, you may be an introvert who feels awkward about expressing how much your friends mean to you. In fact, friendships cannot sustain themselves while being overlooked or taken for granted. Indeed, healthy friendships are a result of careful nurturing with consistent, conscious efforts on our behalf. Furthermore, if you find it difficult to make new friends as an adult, then having a sparse buddy count may hamper your quality of life. So, discovering how to be a better friend is really important for our well-being and happiness. How to be a better friend: 9 tips There's a popular saying that goes: “In order to have friends, you must first be one”. If you’re thinking that perhaps you're not always the best buddy and are wondering how to be a better friend, cultivating these nine habits on a regular basis will help you get closer to your goal. 1. Prioritize and be attentive Given the hectic pace of life for most of us nowadays, time is one of the greatest gifts we possess. So, making time for those who matter to us is one of the most fundamental ways to be a better friend. Despite busy schedules, caring friends always make time to catch up with their pals and keep track of new developments in their lives, moods, thoughts, hopes and dreams. It’s OK to want to meet even without a specific agenda sometimes, even if it’s just to spend some time together over a cuppa or a movie. One-sided friendships are really not healthy, so learn to take an active interest in your friends’ lives. If they have an important event coming up, remind yourself to send them a message wishing them good luck on the day. Bringing thoughtful gifts from your travels, dropping homemade meals when they’re feeling a bit under the weather, and making sure to ask back “how about you?” when they’re checking in on you are some ways to show that you value their friendship and care for their well-being. How to be a better friend? First, listen more 2. Master the art of mindful listening One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations. When you find your friend struggling with a problem, your first instinct may be to urge them to cool down or indicate that the problem isn’t worth getting upset about. However, this instinct of yours may make your friend feel unsupported or ignored. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • “When people are upset, it matters less what you tell them than what you enable them to tell you,” reveals Mark Goulston, business psychiatrist and the author of Just Listen. Simply ask your friend clearly if they need to vent out or if they need your advice. Next, listen with complete attention, while withholding your judgment. Offer constructive advice or work together towards a solution only after your friend is done getting their feelings off their chest. While this approach may seem challenging at first, your friends will feel validated and appreciate you for listening mindfully. 3. Empathize more Practising empathy is a surefire way to be a better friend, according to research. Our fast-paced lives and the social distancing norms triggered by the coronavirus may leave us increasingly stressed and detached from others around us. However, having empathic friends can help relieve stress to a great extent, according to a study by Sylvia A. Morelli et al at Stanford University. “One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations.” While empathy is largely an intuitive trait, it can be inculcated by picking up visual cues as well. Developing the skill to look at the world around us from multiple perspectives and respecting the standpoint of others – even if it’s completely contrary to ours – can actually help us empathize better with others. RELATED: Radical empathy – what is it and what are the benefits? 4. Be honest and trustworthy While we will always have different types of friends in our lives, we all appreciate having a “tell it like it is” kind of friend. Being genuine and standing up behind your promises and commitments is markedly one of the ways to be a better friend. Indulge in honest, positive communication, albeit tactfully and with kindness. At the same time, trust that your friends have your back when you need them. If you ever feel the need to correct your friend regarding a decision or action of theirs, try being honest while respecting their boundaries. A good friend will appreciate your honesty and understand the trust you place in the relationship by expressing your reservations. 5. Celebrate their wins Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend. After all, we all love it when people we value and care about the most stand along with us to celebrate our triumphs. Sometimes, others’ wins may cause us to evaluate where we stand in regard to our goals and accomplishments in life. As tempting as that may seem, shrug away any misgivings and resentment you may feel, avoid falling into the comparison-trap and choose to revel in the accomplishments of your friends. Celebrate when a friend has success shutterstock/Lucky Business 6. Be supportive and open-minded If we review our relationships, we’ll find that our most-valued friendships always offer plenty of room to accommodate the various challenges in our lives. Showing up in support for your friends when they’re facing a bump in the road is one of the most caring ways to be a better friend. DISCUSS: Qualities of a best friend – what's most important? “Good friends support us, give us space to be ourselves and make mistakes, and they respect boundaries,” suggests therapist Jinnie Cristerna. Being open-minded and remaining unbiased also communicates that you trust your friend’s decision-making abilities enough to not cloud their judgment with your reservations. 7. Encourage and challenge One of the greatest ways to be a better friend is to offer your pal genuine encouragement towards achieving their dreams. In addition to backing their goals, don’t be afraid to throw in an occasional challenge, if you feel that it would offer them a push in the right direction. “Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend.” I’m thankful to a dear friend of mine who once challenged me to document my healthy eating journey in a way that was helpful for others who mistook that being healthy required them to eat boring meals. This is how my food and fitness blog started, as she recognized my ability to inspire others to lead a healthy, happy life without facing burnout. At the same time, I understood that her advice had originated from a place of love and respect and that she genuinely wanted me to succeed. 8. Don’t shy away from saying ‘I’m sorry’ While admitting a mistake is sometimes incorrectly thought of as admitting weakness, owning up to one’s mistake is actually a sign of strength and emotional maturity. It means that you have the humility and courage to admit that you messed up and value the friendship enough to make amends. Possessing the ability to admit your mistake and apologizing when you’re in the wrong is undoubtedly one of the most effective ways to be a better friend. 9. Express your gratitude more often Studies show that gratitude can play a key role in keeping us more invested in our relationships, thus strengthening our friendships. Life can be a rough ride sometimes, and we often realize the true power of friendship when we’re going through a difficult patch. Indeed, my struggle with COVID-19 made me realize just how important it was to always have close, reliable friends who always look out for you no matter what and that always have your best interests in mind. Developing an attitude of gratitude can help us find joy in every gift that life offers us, including our enriching friendships. Never miss an opportunity to tell your friends how grateful you feel about having them in your life, and how they enhance your life in several ways. Round-up: how to be a better friend It’s true that being a good friend requires some focused work and dedication on our behalf. However, the perks of finding your tribe and maintaining friendships are worth the effort. Keep working on the ways to be a better friend, and you may find significant improvement in your quality of life and happiness levels. • Main image: shutterstock/HIV in view happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member?Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, introvert hangovers are a real thing. Sonia Vadlamani discusses ideas on how to recognize introvert burnout and explains six ways to avoid it happening in the first place. If you’re an introvert, you're likely to have experienced the so-called introvert hangover at least once in your life, even if you didn’t realize you were dealing with it. Also referred to as a social hangover, an introvert hangover is a result of an excessive dose of socializing. Sometimes even a few hours of socializing, like a lunch date with friends in a noisy restaurant or attending a large social event, can leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, even though the people around you show no signs of slowing down. Indeed, you are not alone, and most introverts, including me, experience this feeling. Although social hangover can happen to anyone, introverts are particularly susceptible to it as they reach their dopamine threshold relatively easily when compared to extroverts. Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover. What is an introvert hangover? An introvert hangover can be described as that tired, drained, foggy and overwhelmed state we experience when we’ve overdone socializing and feel the need for some alone-time for recharging. Introvert hangover can happen due to overstimulation from a series of closely-timed events that you were a part of, like weddings or a concert, a group activity, or even a Zoom call. A common misconception about introverts is that they’re shy, or they don’t like people. This simply isn’t true, as introverts do crave human connection as well. “Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert – but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world,” explains psychologist Mike Dow. Too much social time may lead to an introvert hangover As an introvert, while I feel the need for meaningful interactions with friends and family, I do find myself getting quickly saturated and mentally exhausted if there’s too much noise, or if the group suddenly gets bigger, leading to too many conversations to keep a track of. In midst of the socializing if I’m finding myself growingly irritable, or plain zoned-out and retreating into a quiet corner, I know it’s proving too much for me in the moment. Some key signs that you’re experiencing social exhaustion can be: Feeling detached from ongoing conversations around you Feeling numb or dejected Developing a headache or a migraine Growing irritability as time progresses Having trouble concentrating Fatigue and tiredness Experiencing conditions like stress, anxiety and depression Prolonged social hangover can result in a following introvert burnout, which can leave one feeling drained for longer periods… hours even, or sometimes for several days in a row. Avoiding introvert hangovers An introvert burnout can be a terrible phenomenon to experience. Fortunately, it is possible to avoid the fatigue you may experience after a social event with these simple steps: 1. Accept who you are Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes that it’s essential for introverts to embrace their true selves and be confident about the same. This will help introverts to reach out and interact with others from a place of acceptance, instead of a societal compulsion that they should socialize more often. 2. Identify your triggers There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to combating an introvert hangover, as every individual has their own triggers and socializing capacity. While a single virtual work meeting can end up triggering introvert burnout in some, others may feel exhausted from attending several social events back-to-back. “Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover.” Observing what your triggers are and the pace at which your energy levels deplete each time you socialize is key. It can enable you to customize your social engagements and plan social events when you’re energized and ready to handle them. 3. Customize your social events Sometimes, you could have had a busy day and then have events and activities lined up later that you genuinely want to be a part of or can’t back out of. Consider altering your plans in a way that allows you to derive the maximum value from the events without draining your mental batteries. For example, attending a concert a bit later after the opening act is over, or leaving a party early could prevent an introvert burnout later. I love visiting art galleries and museums when I travel, but I don’t like crowds. So, I schedule these visits for weekdays or early hours when there are fewer visitors. This gives me the freedom to spend more time gazing at the exhibitions and learning about the artist’s process, without needing to stand in a queue for hours or putting up with noisy crowds. 4. Balance socializing with alone-time “Company and solitude are like nutrients: we all need both of them, but in varying amounts,” explains Martha Beck, sociologist, life coach and the author of The Way of Integrity. Like everyone, introverts feel the need for meaningful relationships and nurturing friendships. However, it’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and their recharge-time, so that they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout. Choosing quality over quantity could prove to be a wiser approach instead of saying ‘yes’ to every social event, as cramming your schedule with too many social events could leave you exhausted. Prioritize interactions which are more important to you and avoid the social events that are likely to drain your energy reserve at a faster pace. Introverts need to balance social time with alone time shutterstock/Galyna Andrushko 5. Be honest and specific with people As the old saying goes, honesty is always the best policy. Communicate your need to recharge yourself, or the preference for number of people you’re meeting, the location etc, in a specific albeit constructive manner. Instead of saying “I can’t talk right now” or “umm, let’s meet some other day”, convey your needs and feelings more coherently like, “I’m on recharge mode and would like to be alone today”, or “I realize this group hangout has now shaped into a full-blown party. I’ll have to leave a bit earlier as it’s too much for me”. Indeed, positive communication ensures that others understand your socializing preferences and needs and try to accommodate these to the best of their ability. However, if you don’t tell your friends about how over socializing burns you out, they may think you are being rude or difficult if you vanish from an event or keep turning down invitations, so make sure that doesn’t happen. 6. Take timely micro-breaks Sometimes it may be difficult for you to back out from a social event, like an office party or a vacation with several family members or friends. Similarly, you may not want to miss out on important social commitments, such as a friend’s wedding. Opt for periodic, small breaks in scenarios where you need to attend numerous events within a short span. For example, you could find a quieter spot nearby to practise some conscious breathing alone to soothe your nerves, or take a short stroll near the event venue to clear your mind. How to recover from introvert burnout Recovering from an introvert hangover is possible, even though it may seem at the time like you’ve hit a brick wall and there simply isn’t possible to pave your way back to socializing. Here are some ideas to offer you much-needed relief: Tell yourself it’s OK An introvert hangover can last anywhere between few hours to few days, depending on the severity of the exhaustion and it’s okay. There is no need to feel guilty or apologetic about your need for some solitude. After all, introverts are at their optimal best when they’ve taken the time to recharge with some alone-time and introspection. Prioritize your alone-time “Feelings are information,” says Dow. Experiencing the signs of introvert hangover denotes that you may have overdone socializing and haven’t spent time alone with your thoughts for a long time. An introvert recharge-mode consisting of some quiet self-reflection can go a long way to heal your social burnout, as well as to ready you for your next social engagement. Jenn Granneman, founder of IntrovertDear.com, a community for introverts, and author of The Secret Lives of Introverts refers to the introvert-reward connection established by researchers, emphasizing the importance of spending some time alone for introverts. Devise a downtime schedule Indulging in hobbies like knitting, painting or fishing, or immersing yourself in your favorite self-care activity, can help speed-up the recovery from a social hangover. Try a DIY spa treatment – a luxury facial or a manicure may lift your spirits with ease. Grab your favorite book and read through your favorite parts again. For me, it’s a warm cup of a soothing tea, a cozy spot where no one can disturb me much, and curling up with one of the Harry Potter titles that does the trick. The key here is to create a calming and low-stimulus environment so you can recharge your mental batteries. Rewatching your all-time favorite movie, a comforting bowl of ice cream, or playing with your furry friends to channel the healing power of pets can also help you achieve this goal. Meditate Meditation helps you shake off the anxiety of socializing by enabling you to slow down, clear your mind and relieve stress. There are several skills you can learn through meditation, like cultivating silence, physical relaxation, and self-compassion, which can bolster your ability to combat introvert burnout in the longer run. “It’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and recharge, so they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout.” Introverts may benefit from meditating more often than once, even for durations as less as 5 minutes, as this can keep them focused and grounded. There are different types of meditation from which you choose a form that suits your needs and lifestyle the best. Sweat it out Exercise can be an effective coping tool for introverts. Research shows that introverts are more prone to mental stress and anxiety, and researchers agree upon regular exercise as an effective strategy for stress management. Working out can help you relax and unwind, in addition to offering you some much-needed ‘me-time’ following an introvert hangover. Exercise need not be boring: taking long walks or a hike along the woods, engaging in wild swimming, jogging or running at the park or lifting weights at the gym are some ways to sweat it out and benefit from the happiness hormones resulting from your workout. Takeaway: avoiding introvert hangover While introverts do enjoy the company of others, they can find socializing for long hours at a stretch challenging and overstimulating. Avoiding overbooking your social calendar, taking mini-breaks between stretches of vigorous social activity, and communicating your recharge-time needs in an honest manner can go a long way towards preventing social hangover. Research shows that introverts appreciate the time to reflect and thrive when they get the time to recharge their mental batteries. Thus, indulging in rejuvenating activities such as meditation, spending time in nature with activities like forest bathing, unwinding with a restorative yoga practice, etc, are some ways to create some much-needed downtime after an introvert burnout. • Main image: shutterstock/Motortion Films happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Friendship | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.