Given up on finding love

[sa****]

Hello! Thanks for reading :) 

I've been struggling with finding someone suitable as long as I can remember.... The only person who was close to having a serious & committed relationship was my ex from 3 years ago. We were perfect together but I didn't have the strength back then to have a relationship different to what my family had in mind. 

I'm from a strict sri lankan family. My ex, being French, was not accepted by them. He helped me greatly with self development and spirituality. I've become a much stronger person and I feel that I can stand my ground, whereas before, I was hiding many things from my family and didn't have any courage. 

Now I feel totally alone. No one gets me. I feel men my age stressful to deal with, also very hard to meet them because they're addicted to their phones. I can't find someone who is there with me in the present moment. I'm a 30 year old. I dated someone in their 50s and it was magical. But I find older men don't want serious commitment having gone through divorce. 

It just seems that I won't find a partner at this rate. 

 

 

[Pn****]

remove anything pertaining to 20th century in your life. You will find your soulmate.

[Ka****]

I wonder where you are looking? If you're not finding people that you click with where you're currently looking then find somewhere else to go, maybe join clubs that interest you?

If online then make your profile really authentic and then the people you attract will be more on your wavelength.

Fill your life with things you enjoy and the focus on relationships will not be so strong or feel like such a void.

If you are holding your ex on a pedestal then this will be hard to meet someone new because you will be comparing to him, so maybe work through your feelings of loss for the relationship you lost.

 

[Jo****]

I think you are giving up on things (and your happiness) way too soon Sachinthya. 

Firstly; how firm is your 'criteria' for a partner. Could it be too aligned with those of your ex; so that you are actually missing out on decent men that you could build happiness together with? 

Secondly; you have had one serious relationship and now you are giving up?  Many of us try multiple long term relationships and years of dating before we find someone we can love. If you really want this - no giving up so soon girlfriend.  And no giving yourself excuses not to do it either. Dating isn't meant to be all easy. But like most worthwhile things - it will come right in the end and then you can breathe a sigh of relief.

Part of dating and finding a suitable partner goes hand in hand with rejection - which can make us feel more lonely than if we never tried.  It also prepares us for feeling more happy when someone comes along who is a proper fit.  It's temporary is what I'm suggesting. I am single myself and have to come out of the rat race every few months or so - just to settle and recharge my emotional batteries.

As someone else suggests; if you don't like the digital nature of phones/dating. Then maybe an answer would be to join activities where people collect. And embrace new hobbies with dating only as a sideline.

[Bl****]

Hindsight is always 20/20. Is it possible to get back with the ex? Also keep in mind that the male mind is not emotionally mature until after the age of 43.  So you will probably want someone 43 and up thus 'the magic'.  I feel your pain. I haven't given up on love but I have given up on men but I know I am just feeling disgruntled. I might change my mind some day. I do think maybe your screening process needs to be tweaked. Definitely would stay away from divorcees. I'm in a situationship with one  right now and they do not recover! There will always be a distrust and insecurity with them. Don't bother. Maybe look for someone who does a lot of volunteering, mentoring, even fitness, If they are active more than likely they are not strapped to their phone. In the meantime develop yourself,pamper yourself, fix it where you are content being with yourself. That's when he will show up.

[Na****]

Dont give up, I too have struggled with landing a solid relation where anyone was ready to team up and ride this relationship union journey on out for the long haul. I take breaks in between my mismatched connections...but then I give it another go with intentions that I will eventually land the right one. So dont give up just stay strong awake and know what you would like to have in the union when it arrives, be clear on it.

[cr****]

hey ..its not easy to feel connection with all. Sometimes maturity plays the charm in love and maybe u also need some good maturity and wisdom in your man. Dont loose hope as no one is denied love by destiny. You can try contact him again if its possible ...else anything new can also knock ur soul. stay positive and dont rush...:)

[Ko****]

By the way did you try to use some dating app? I know that many people found their love in such way.