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On Reclusion


Ra****
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Posted
The question is how do you feel about it? Would you like friends? Is it the social preassure of fitting in?
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Posted
13 hours ago, Ravenlike said:

Can we live without friends? I am not social, a bit due to intolerance a bit by destiny.

Hmmm. I would say we can't. We need socializing even with just one person. In Reallife I'm not a socializer. I'm very introvert and don't like new people. But in a time, long time ago, I was friendless and even I don't like people (mostly) I missed social interactions. I know some misanthropists and there too need from time to time social interactions with people they can trust.
Can you define

Quote

... a bit due to intolerance ...

a bit more maybe? I'm curious.

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Posted
16 hours ago, Ravenlike said:

Can we live without friends?

Yes - At least for a while.
When I moved to a new town, I didn't know anyone. I shared an appartment with other people and I had colleagues at work, but we didn't to anything after work.

So I would say, it is possible but life can be better with friends.

 

I think it is better to have no friend at all than having a wrong friend, who you don't really like.

 

But many things in life work with a community and with teamwork. And if you have friends, you are more familiar with the way, social interactions work.

Also friends can help you if you want to move to a new appartment, or other things, which are hard to do alone.

Friends can also help you keeping up self-reflection because they will tell you if you do something wrong.

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Posted
1 minute ago, suedseefrucht said:

I think it is better to have no friend at all than having a wrong friend, who you don't really like.

That's right. I would agree. In my experience is it a long way to find a true friend. But being alone, even someone is a misanthropist, is hard for anyone. In my opinion everyone need just one friend. And until someone finds it, we have to take care to bad signals (like lending money without paying back and smth like that).
 

  • Members
Posted
12 minutes ago, Gerry said:

like lending money without paying back

Yeah, I will never do that again. I will make signed agreements only.

In this shared appartment, we had to pay energy costs monthly, of course.

One of us (me) collected the money from the others and wired it to the energy provider.

The problem appeared when one of my appartment mates just stopped paying.

I had no agreement about this, because the usual rental agreement doesn't include this and so I had to pay for him for 9 months.

It was horrible. And I couldn't even stop paying, because if the provider shuts down the energy, I wouldn't have any too.

Fortunately, his parents paid the money a few months after he moved out.

Since then, I don't lend any money without a signed agreement and I trust no one.

  • Moderators
Posted
7 minutes ago, suedseefrucht said:

Yeah, I will never do that again. I will make signed agreements only.

In this shared appartment, we had to pay energy costs monthly, of course.

One of us (me) collected the money from the others and wired it to the energy provider.

The problem appeared when one of my appartment mates just stopped paying.

I had no agreement about this, because the usual rental agreement doesn't include this and so I had to pay for him for 9 months.

It was horrible. And I couldn't even stop paying, because if the provider shuts down the energy, I wouldn't have any too.

Fortunately, his parents paid the money a few months after he moved out.

Since then, I don't lend any money without a signed agreement and I trust no one.

I feel you. Made the same bad experiences. And now I've to pay smth until 2026. Since then I'm really careful to new people. And ... generally.

  • Moderator
Posted

I am hearing a new and important conversation here: trust

Real friendship is with someone you really trust and this trust needs to be build up and maintained. It's different with each person and it's a process. Especially if trust is lost - rebuilding it with someone after being disappointed requires real long-term commitment on both sides.

 

On the other hand we can't walk through the world mistrusting everybody by default. So I choose to be trusting but not utterly naive. I get disappointed occasionally and learn my lessons quickly, but working with the assumption that everybody is pretty much ok is a good way to start the day.

 

And about the question of whether or not we need friends: I guess it's up to you and up to where you are in life. Your path and your needs are unique and changing. Speaking for humans in general I'd say yes, we are social animals and thrive through collaboration.

  • Members
Posted
Yes we can live without friends if we have spirit like animal behaviour but a real 'live' means engagement with society and their structure like friends.
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Members
Si****
Posted
I too can be considered antisocial. I prefer solitude. My reasons are due to intolerance and the fact that I have a very hard time trusting people. To many times I've trusted in the past I've been severely burned. This leads to problems mainly in the work place.
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su****
Posted
13 hours ago, Silverker said:

I too can be considered antisocial. I prefer solitude. My reasons are due to intolerance and the fact that I have a very hard time trusting people. To many times I've trusted in the past I've been severely burned. This leads to problems mainly in the work place.

When I was alone and when I couldn't trust most people, I asked myself, why I am afraid of trusting someone. The problem was: When I got to know someone, I expected too much and I tried too hard to make it work, because I was afraid to be alone again.

 

The solution was to put all this effort into myself. I made myself happy by finding out, what I like, by improving my favorite things (like getting a nice monitor for my gaming setup) and by cooking for myself even when I thought it's not worth the effort for a single person.
This was the beginning of a whole new feeling. I knew, I could be happy alone and enjoy life without anyone else. And with this base as the lowest level to fall to, it became easier to get to know people. If they disappoint me, I can feel free to go back to my happy base level, so I don't need to be afraid.

 

And when people find out, you don't need them to be happy and you are not afraid to say your opinion because the base level gives you self-confidence, they start respecting you and they want to be with you. Because they get jealous and they want to be happy and confident like you.

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