I was jumping between men, hoping to find something I was longing for, needing actually. Someone who as good at at giving me spankings as giving me sweet kisses. Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed - what I was begging for. I just jumped on the next guy. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but for ME, it only broke me down even more.
Until one day it just clicked. The day when my fiancé came into the picture everything changed. He saw me, through my body, passed all the walls I'd built. He saw that little girl and nurtured her. Took care of her. And that was probably where our fetish for DDlg started - without us even knowing.
Mr. B, as I call him, knows the exact amount of comforting that is needed after a rough night in bed. He understands, and views it as a privilege, that I'm his sub. That I chose to submit only to him. I'd been in the BDSM lifestyle for a while before I met Mr. B. Even still, I never totally understood what aftercare meant until I met him. For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person.
Some say that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. For me it's the exact opposite. Someone loving me has made me look at myself in a different way. And now I'm empowered. I'm strong. And I'm proud of my sexuality.
Then I met my fiancé. We lived on different continents and therefore sex became a lot more verbal. We experimented, and still do to this day, without our bodies even touching. Somewhere along the way, I started sorting out what my kinks were, and which were not.
I was laying in bed, minding my own business, when he started poking me with his finger. "You've gotta read this!" It was about Daddy Dom/ little girl. I read it and halfway through it was like everything was suddenly clear. This! This is what we are. This is what we already live 24/7.
From the beginning I was totally terrified. Fetishes like that are so misconstrued. But the more we talked about it, the more we realized that it wasn't that much of a choice. It's just who we are, we'd started living it freely, naturally.
Afer accepting my sexuality I feel free, happy and unstoppable.
Princess E is a Swedish freelancer who focuses on DDlg, which she's living 24/7. Most of her writings are based on her experiences with her Daddy; Mr. B. Runs a blog and can be found on Twitter.
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