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Some people resist compassionate support from others. Here’s why — and what they can do about it. By Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, science director of the Greater Good Science Center. What gets in the way of compassion? Many of us aspire to be more compassionate in our own lives, and to build a more compassionate society. In doing so, we work hard to overcome barriers that keep us from being motivated to help those around us — the overwhelm, apathy, and divisions. But we don’t often think about the obstacles that might keep someone from comfortably receiving compassion. Yet research suggests that some people actually fear becoming the targets of compassion, and it may be hurting their mental health. Here’s why some of us resist help — and what we can do to open ourselves up to compassion from other people. What’s scary about compassion? A recent study published in the journal Mindfulness explores how the fear of receiving compassion can affect people’s behavior in difficult times. Researchers surveyed 85 female undergraduates from a large Canadian university about compassion-avoidance, measured in statements like, “If I think someone is being kind and caring to me, I put up a barrier.” Those who reported being more afraid of compassion also said they were less likely to share their struggles with friends and family. Why should this be a problem? Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments. On a practical level, support can help us resolve or correct the circumstances that lead to the difficulties in the first place. One nationwide study found that lack of social support increases vulnerability to psychological disorders and disease, and imposes a risk factor to physical health greater than a lifetime smoking habit. Supportive friends and family also put the brakes on excessive self-criticism. We rely on others to remind us that we are safe, important, and promising — a critical aspect of coping. In fact, studies by the University of Derby’s Paul Gilbert have shown that self-criticism in combination with fear of compassion puts people at a markedly greater risk of depression. Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia: a diminished capacity to recognize emotions within oneself and in other people. Finally, fear of receiving compassion has been tied to lower mindfulness, a characteristic associated with myriad benefits to health and well-being. Given the benefits, why do some people resist receiving compassion? Some worry that the other person will not respond supportively; they’ll reject or dismiss the issue. The situation may also arouse a nascent distress that comes from a person’s formative childhood memories of being ignored or treated with hostility, rather than compassion. For example, some research suggests that people who recall their parents as less warm have a greater fear of receiving compassion. “Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments.” Even if support is offered, it may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even painful to be under the spotlight of compassion. Receiving compassionate support may challenge a person’s sense of alignment with social or cultural norms around keeping a stoic grip on one’s emotions, or being seen as individually self-sufficient, “together,” or “low-maintenance.” Receiving compassion inherently involves an acknowledgment of personal vulnerability, which may make it harder to “hold it together” or (if things get emotional) add shame to the equation. Some may also avoid feeling like a burden, obliging others to waste their precious time and energy. Finally, some people are less inclined to talk about personally humiliating or defeating experiences — times that feel like proof of our absolute failure. For them, disclosing these feelings feels too risky; they fear that sharing personal difficulties is more likely to worsen, rather than improve, how they feel. Do any of these reasons sound familiar to you? Keep reading. The healing power of self-compassion The Mindfulness study identified one way to reduce the fear of compassion from others: kindness toward yourself. The researchers asked participants to write a paragraph about a personally unpleasant experience, one that they remembered as humiliating and shameful, for ten minutes. They were randomly split into three groups. Researchers told the first to think about their experience self-compassionately. Self-compassion involves relating to our own difficult experiences from the outside looking in, extending kindness and support towards ourselves as we might toward a grieving friend. The second group was instructed to think about preserving their own self-esteem as they wrote. The last could write freely, exploring and describing their experience in detail. “Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia.” Participants rated how “upset” and “distressed” they felt before and after this writing exercise. The result? Those who practiced self-compassion seemed to feel better. The self-compassionate writing decreased bad feelings even more among participants with a high fear of compassion, compared to the self-esteem and free-writing approaches. This suggests that writing about a difficult personal experience through a self-compassionate lens may be more emotionally restorative than other approaches, including trying to preserve self-esteem or just letting it all out. Could self-compassion also help people reach out for support, despite their fear of receiving compassion? After the first exercise, researchers asked participants to write something else: a letter about their difficult experience, which they would ultimately share with another participant whom they had never met. Afterward, researchers claimed, participants would be paired up to exchange letters and discuss their experiences together. Before writing the letters, participants reported how risky it felt, in that moment, to share their story. (Despite this forewarning — perhaps as a welcome surprise — the experiment ended at this point: no actual discussion occurred.) In general, the more fearful participants were, the riskier it felt to write and share the letter. But for participants in the self-compassion group, that link diminished. Thus, self-compassion not only lessened participants’ negative feelings in the moment, but also made a subsequent opportunity for self-disclosure seem less risky. “Moreover, as self-compassion has been linked to feeling more secure and connected to others within one’s social world, practicing self-compassion might have led these individuals to feel safer, less threatened, and thereby more trusting of others, loosening the connection between their fears and the perceived risks associated with self-disclosure,” the researchers wrote. To reduce fears around receiving compassion, people who are willing may also benefit from training in offering compassion to others. As former Greater Good Science Center postdoctoral fellow Tristin Inagaki’s 2016 study shows, compassion decidedly rewards the giver, too. For others, treatments like Compassion-Focused Therapy may be the best approach. The bottom line: graciously receiving compassion is a skill, one well worth developing. ● Stop beating yourself up for flaws and mistakes. Try this self-compassion letter from Greater Good In Action Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

If intimacy doesn't come naturally to you, new research suggests ways to improve your romantic relationships. By Elizabeth Hopper on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. When people are uncomfortable with developing intimacy and closeness in their relationships, can they work to overcome this? The tendency to distance yourself from others is characteristic of an “avoidant attachment style,” which research traces back to childhood. When caregivers are available to respond to children’s needs, attachment theory says, children develop a secure attachment style: they trust others and feel comfortable relying on the people they are close to. However, when caregivers fail to meet children’s needs, they can develop insecure attachment: either attachment avoidance or attachment anxiety (the worry that others will fail to be there for them). Together apart: those with attachment issues find it hard to trust Unfortunately for some, attachment style seems to be relatively stable over time. Indeed, research has found that people with secure attachment styles tend to have more stable and long-lasting romantic relationships as adults, whereas people with more avoidant attachment styles tend to experience more negative emotions in social situations and often behave in less constructive ways during conflicts. However, a new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that people can actually start to change their attachment style over time and feel better about their relationships — and it might not be as hard as we think. Secure attachment: a study In one experiment, 70 heterosexual couples completed surveys about their relationship and then participated in a series of brief activities in the lab. Half of the couples completed activities designed to increase closeness and intimacy: they took turns answering questions about themselves (similar to these 36 questions, which other researchers have found to increase feelings of closeness). They also participated in partner yoga, where they held hands or otherwise connected to create poses. (The other half of the couples discussed more impersonal questions and participated in individual yoga). “The tendency to distance yourself from others is characteristic of an 'avoidant attachment style,' which research traces back to childhood.” After the intimacy-building exercises, participants with more avoidant attachment styles rated their relationships as higher-quality than they had beforehand. Meanwhile, participants with more secure or anxious attachment styles did not report increases in relationship satisfaction, nor did the couples who completed the other activities — suggesting that intimacy-building can uniquely benefit people with avoidant attachment. The benefits of connecting through shared activities appeared to be long-lasting, as well: according to a survey of participants, one month later, more avoidant participants who had done intimacy-building had actually decreased in attachment avoidance. Ride forward: connect more through shared activities The researchers found similar benefits for spontaneous interactions that couples had at home. In a different study, 67 heterosexual couples in long-term relationships filled out diaries each night for three weeks about their feelings and their partner’s behaviours towards them. Listen and be loved The researchers found that when participants’ romantic partners acted in positive ways — such as listening to them or making them feel loved — the participants felt more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions, and rated their relationship as higher-quality. These links were most pronounced for participants with more avoidant attachment styles, suggesting (again) that they can especially benefit from good experiences in a relationship. Importantly, the activities that helped people with an avoidant attachment style didn’t require a huge effort or time commitment. The researchers found that even simple things, like taking turns answering thoughtful questions with your partner or trying an activity together, can have benefits. (Another experiment they conducted found that simply reflecting on positive relationship memories could help reduce the elevated negative emotions that avoidantly attached people tend to experience.) Sarah Stanton, assistant professor at the University of Edinburgh and lead author of the paper, explains that changing your relationship can start with straightforward activities like these. As she tells Greater Good, “It really can just be as simple as talking to your partner and opening up a little bit.” ● This article was written by Elizabeth Hopper and originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Elizabeth Hopper, Ph.D., received her Ph.D. in psychology from UC Santa Barbara and currently works as a freelance science writer specializing in psychology and mental health. Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

We spend so much time at work that it's essential to our well-being that it's a happy experience. In fact, positivity in the workplace has been proven to be contagious. Happiness.com takes a look at so-called relational energy... Much has been said and written about the importance of charisma. People who are attractive in terms of physique and behaviour naturally dominate their social groups and seem predestined for success. This view enjoyed widespread popularity until recently. Recent research, however, is ready to turn things on its head. Move over charisma; here comes relational energy! A new concept: relational energy Energy has long been part of our body of knowledge on organisational culture and success, although it has not been studied as extensively as other concepts in the field. Previous research by Baker, Cross, and Wooten (2003) confirmed that, within an organisation, others' positive energy can improve our job performance and knowledge acquisition. The nature and mechanism of this effect, however, remained elusive. A systematic study on the subject by Owens, Baker, Sumpter, and Cameron (2015) brought forth the term 'relational energy' to denote the positively or negatively charged interactions within the work environment that exert measurable effects on workplace performance and personal as well as business success. For the first time ever, the authors operationalized relational energy and conducted a series of studies to ascertain its existence and usefulness in the organizational context. When 'work' works: positive energy on the job What exactly is relational energy? Owens et al. relied on insights from interaction ritual theory (Collins 2014), conservation of resources theory (Hobfoll 1989), and social contagion theories (Hatfield, Cacioppo, and Rapson 1994) to explain our strong motivation to associate with individuals who make us feel more energetic, and the mechanics of energy transfer between people in interaction. “Within an organisation, others' positive energy can improve our job performance and knowledge acquisition.” What the theories above teach us is that people invest significant mental and emotional resources in daily interactions with others, so there is high intrinsic motivation to make such interactions as positive as possible, because both positive and negative emotions have the capacity to spread virally. Therefore, it should be in everyone's interest to maximise positive relational energy transfers in the form of mutually beneficial, satisfying workplace interactions. Relational energy: how happy is your workplace? © Colourbox.com Testing the effects of relational energy optimisation In a series of studies, Owens et al. find qualitative and quantitative support for the existence of relational energy as a distinct concept and ascertain its positive influence on job performance through beneficial leader-member exchanges. Importantly, transferring positive energy to employees increased their job engagement significantly, which in turn produced better results overall. The authors fill an important gap in the research literature on interpersonal energy transfer. More importantly, their findings promise to shake up our understanding of workplace optimisation, employee motivation, and people-driven success in general. What relational energy means for success The findings above have a number of serious implications for harnessing the social capital of the workplace and improving both commercial and personal success therein. Among them, the most important concerns leadership styles and strategies. Unlike charisma, which is largely considered God-given, relational energy can be cultivated, trained, and nurtured. “Transferring positive energy to employees increased their job engagement significantly, which in turn produced better results overall.” This means that leaders and co-workers alike can (and should) learn how to engage with their fellow humans positively and productively in order to direct positive relational energy towards better performance. A kind word, a quick pep talk, or an inclusive fun activity for the whole office crew can go a long way. Desk driven: transferring positive energy increases job engagement Under the relational energy paradigm, leaders are no longer quasi-monarchs blessed with natural charisma. Instead, they become energy brokers who are in charge of identifying and carefully targeting the precious social and emotional resource. This new research development, therefore, offers new channels for improving office environments and increasing engagement with the ultimate goal of professional and personal success. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

The past year wasn't all doom and gloom, even if the mainstream news agenda suggested otherwise. In fact, there were plenty of positive news stories in 2017. Here, Ed Gould picks out his top ten. When looking back over the last calendar year, it's sometimes difficult to pick out those news stories which have offered hope and happiness. There's something intrinsic about human nature that focuses on the negative, and, in 2017, there was more than enough to cause worry and concern. Nevertheless, there were also a huge number of positive news stories out there in the last 12 months. Here's our selection of the top ten positive news stories from 2017. 1. More quality time leads to greater happiness In a scientific study that came out in the summer, researchers found that individuals showed more significant signs of happiness when they opted for saving time on chores in favour of relaxing and enjoying themselves. The psychologist who led the work, Dr Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia in Canada, said that people often carry out lots of tasks themselves rather than paying for them to be done by someone else. Her research suggests that life satisfaction increases when we try not to do everything ourselves and merely pay for specific services, like cleaning around the home, to be done. Crucially, her work points out that such money is well spent and is indeed better for our mental well-being than buying a material product. 2. Rare cats spotted in Eastern Tibet for the first time According to the Xinhua news agency in China, the rare snow leopard has been sighted in Eastern Tibet for the first time, an area that was previously thought to be extinct of such creatures. Officially classed as a vulnerable species by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN), the snow leopards were even filmed roaming in this wild habitat using remote infra-red cameras. Zhao Xiang, head of the Shan Shui Conservation Centre, told the press that their protection efforts had gained positive results. The images include those of baby leopards with their mother which indicates the future of the troubled species may be a little more secure than previously thought. The cat is back: snow leopards in East Tibet have reemerged 3. Nervousness and fatigue lessens when we view nature documentaries In positive news that the likes of David Attenborough can surely feel good about, research published in March showed that people feel greater levels of happiness when they sit down to watch a well-produced natural history programme on TV. In a worldwide study, it was found that women in particular often experienced a dramatic emotional change when viewing the natural world on television. Anyone in the age range of 16 to 24 showed the greatest reduction in nervousness, overburden and even fatigue, according to the research undertaken by the University of California Berkeley. 4. Huge forestation scheme planned in the Amazonian Basin An American environmental organisation has announced plans to plant trees in a huge area of 74,000 acres in Brazil. The scheme will reforest an area which has previously been cleared of its tropical hardwood trees. The not-for-profit organisation, Conservation International, announced in November that it plans to restore a whopping 73 million trees on land close to the Amazon river by 2023. It's hoped that the planting will lead the way in what is known as the 'arc of deforestation' in the region. Deforestation has had a big impact on the flora of Brazilian states such as Amazonas, Acre, Pará and Rondônia. The CEO of Conservation International said that the project was good for “the region's inhabitants, its countless species and [for] the climate of our planet.” 5. Children spend more time with parents, study finds In research undertaken across some Western countries, figures show that children are more likely to spend time in their parents' company than they would have done 50 years ago. According to Giulia Maria Dotti Sani of the European University Institute and Judith Treas of the University of California, children will, on average, spend twice as much time with one or other of their parents than similar research was undertaken in 1965 indicated. Perhaps this study pushes back against the idea that modern children are left to their own devices. The work was conducted with around 68,500 mothers and 53,700 fathers in the USA, Canada, Denmark, Norway, Germany, the Netherlands, France, Italy, Spain, Slovenia and the UK. Family affair: kids are spending more time with their parents 6. Waste plastic to find new use in road building We all know about the huge amounts of plastics that are discarded every day around the world. Unfortunately, much of the rubbish created from plastic products and packaging ends up in the sea, polluting the world's oceans and being ingested by creatures. Thanks to a Dutch company, there are now plans to collect this debris from the oceans and turn it into something useful: roadways in the city of Rotterdam. According to the developers, their plastic roadway will have a higher endurance than other systems and be able to withstand extreme temperatures as low as -40 C. What's more, the manufacturers think their plastic road surface sections will take less time to install. Indeed, they will be capable of including channels in their design so that things like telecommunications cables can be fitted easily beneath them. 7. Man makes children's prosthetics from his garden shed Stephen Davies, a British engineer and charity organiser, realised there was a need for relatively cheap prosthetic limbs for children who often outgrow what can be provided for them as their bodies develop. Rather than turning his 3D printing designs into a business, he opted to give away his work at cost price and to share the details of his designs online. Offering hope to an untold number of children with his brilliant prosthetic arms and legs, the engineer kept costs down by doing all of the work in his humble garden shed. Davies was featured in a Channel 4 awards show for his shed which houses a miniature production line. Modern prosthetic limbs can cost tens of thousands of pounds, but Davies' designs at Team UnLimbited cost as a little as £20, making them ideal for little ones who will soon outgrow theirs. “We’ve produced Iron Man designs, as well as Harry Potter, Lego and Spider-Man,” said the designer. “The key is making something a child actually wants to wear.” 8. Oceans face cleaner future thanks to billionaire philanthropist A Norwegian businessman who started out from humble beginnings as a fisherman to become one of the country's wealthiest men has donated the lion's share of this fortune to clean up the world's oceans. Kjell Inge Røkke had a well-deserved reputation for his hard-nosed approach to business, but his legacy is likely to be in the construction of a 596-foot marine research ship, first announced this year. The so-called Research Expedition Vessel (REV) will learn more about the seas, offering oceanographers a home when they conduct their research. However, that's not all, because the REV will also be designed to capture lots of plastic pollution as it moves around. In what will be the largest private yacht afloat once built, the REV should be capable of collecting up to five tons of plastic per day from the sea and then melt it down for storage until it returns to port. The REV will carry 60 scientists and 40 crew when surveying marine areas. Sea change: cleaner oceans are on the horizon 9. Gene therapy offers many scientific breakthroughs There are some fields of medical science that are offering hope to patients of all kinds at the moment. However, according to Science, the esteemed journal, few have been so prolific in 2017 as the field of gene therapy. Although astronomy was their chosen winner of the '2017 Breakthrough of the Year', the work going on in gene therapy was a runner-up. The journal commended research going on in several fields such as a research project which has shown that intravenous AAV9 gene therapy can prevent spinal muscular atrophy 1. Furthermore, two cancer treatments have been developed this year using similar techniques. In these, a patient’s immune cells are genetically modified outside of their body and then re-injected into them, surely something that can offer renewed hope to thousands of individuals. 10. Successful trial of new drug capable of slowing Huntington's disease In December, scientists announced hopeful news for sufferers of Huntington's disease. In a new study, published by the University College London, a sample group of patients with the debilitating condition were enrolled in the first human trial for a novel drug therapy. Administered through the patients’ spinal fluid, the drug was found to be safe and tolerated by those who received it. Furthermore, it successfully diminished the level of the harmful protein associated with the condition that impacts so negatively on the brain’s nervous system. Professor Tabrizi, who led the work, said the trial was of 'ground-breaking importance' for Huntington’s Disease patients and their families. ● Main image: Jasper Boer on Unsplash Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Rae Bathgate takes a look at a new study focusing around the words associated with happiness. Just what exactly do people relate the word 'happiness' with? The results can teach us how to be more joyful. What does happiness mean to you? Every person is their own world, so every answer is different: you may conjure up a memory, I may think of one person, while some even relate it to a smile or a laugh. But how often does happiness make you think of others? One study asked 521 female participants the following question: what three words come to mind when you think of happiness? While not the most original question, a new study titled “What does happiness prompt in your mind? Culture, word choice, and experienced happiness", conducted between Korea and the United States, shows that it may be worth to sit down and ask ourselves this question more often. The method used in this study was free-association, shown to be an accurate indicator of one’s own self, and in it, evidence surfaced that one type of answer mattered more than others when it comes to happiness. Unsurprisingly, it’s not money, success, fame, glamour, nor is it, sadly, raindrops on roses or warm woollen mittens. Rather, the most revealing words are social words, interpersonal words – in short, those related to other people. Group gains: can friendships boost your happiness? While knowing how often you associate these words with happiness seems to be a telling indicator of how happy you might be, the good news is that you can choose who these other people are (meaning that you can build your own social circle). This phenomenon seems to exist in a positive feedback loop, where fuelling social behaviour – especially helping others – may be the key to a higher life satisfaction. Words associated with happiness The study, conducted by the Yonsei University in Korea and the University of California, Santa Barbara (by researchers Ji-Eun Shin and Eunkook M. Suh, and Kimin Oem and Heejung S. Kim respectively) asked 521 female participants from both countries the following question: “What three words come to mind when you think of happiness?” The test was conducted as a free association task, meaning that subjects were to produce some words (in this case, three) that came to mind related to a prompted cue (in this case, the word “happiness”). Researchers focused on answers they categorised as “social:” These social words, as viewed by the researchers, were ones that simply referred to things like interpersonal relationships. Some examples of the words used were: for abstract values (e.g., “love") specific person (e.g., “friend" or “family") relationships (e.g., “dating”) The ties that bind Out of 1,563 words in total, Koreans wrote down social words more often (42 per cent of the time) as opposed to Americans, who associated social words with happiness only 32 per cent of the time. The most common word among Korean participants was also a social word (“family”) compared to the American words “smile” and “laugh.” Even when looking specifically at Americans’ preferred social words, they tended to be more on chosen social ties, with the words “friends” and “friendship.” This difference between our ideas of happiness is not new and had even been predicted by the researchers. What’s more, the study further mirrored findings that connected loneliness to a lack of family ties in collectivist societies, like in Korea, whereas in America loneliness was more often associated with a lack of friends and confidants. “This phenomenon seems to exist in a positive feedback loop, where fuelling social behaviour – especially helping others – may be the key to a higher life satisfaction.” Rather, the central question to be tested was whether participants who used more social words associated with happiness were, in fact, happier. It turns out the answer is yes. “In both cultures, those who mentioned more social words enjoyed significantly higher life satisfaction,” reported the researchers. This suggests that “defining happiness in social terms is beneficial to happiness in both cultures,” conclude researchers, adding that, “the current finding affirms in a novel way that social experience is indeed a core block of happiness.” RELATED: Money can't buy happiness – except when you spend it like this So, how can we move towards greater social connection (whatever that may mean to you) and consequently, towards a happier life? The answer may be simple. Participants who had a higher incidence of social words and a higher reported level of happiness also reported engaging in activities to help others more often, and previous studies have shown that altruistic activities seem to make us happy. Net gains: group activity, such as fishing, is important While researchers acknowledge that the results of this study are mostly correlative, not causative, they suggest that participating in such activities will start a positive feedback loop, thereby making you happier, teaching you to associate happiness with social connectivity, leading you to seek out and provide social support, causing you to be happier, and so on. Haven't we studied this before? Happiness, its causes, and its components have long been a source of research interest. In academia, there has been extensive documentation and widespread agreement "that positive social experience is one of the most significant predictors of happiness,” as written by Shin, Suh, Oem and Kim. Some researchers even go as far as to suggest that social experience was the only condition for happiness, other than the absence of psychopathology (Diener and Seligman, 2002). “Participants who had a higher incidence of social words and a higher reported level of happiness also reported engaging in activities to help others more often.” Previously used methods have been yes/no questionnaires, or longer, free-form essays; while both accurate to an extent, these methods often proved either too restrictive or not enough so. While seemingly simple, free-association, on the other hand, has yielded powerful results in the world of psychology, proving itself an accurate predictor of personality aspects and demographic characteristics. This, according to researchers, is because, “Words that are called up when we think about happiness are a sort of cognitive 'package,' created based on our upbringing, culture and personal experiences.” Shin, Suh, Oem and Kim’s work also asked participants to report on their level of happiness and social involvement. Global happiness was measured using the most widely used method, the Cantril’s Self-Anchoring Scale, while the rest of the study focused on establishing "the person’s level of interest, desire, and competence for developing a relationship with others,” with concepts like: emotional support belonging loneliness optimism efficacy interpersonal closeness How others make you happier Researchers Shin, Suh, Oem and Kim specify that their study is to be taken as a complement to previous work, noting that the primary objective is to draw a parallel between "beliefs about happiness and how they relate to actual experiences of happiness,” by delving into two countries’ deeply-held beliefs about the subject. So, does linking happiness to social relationships give you a more positive outlook on life? Not necessarily. The study showed that in both ascribed (e.g. “family”) and self-chosen (e.g. “friends”) relationships, there was no difference in optimism by those who used more social words. Better together: social connectivity is one key to happiness However, these subjects reported feeling significantly less lonely, as researchers Shin, Suh, Oem and Kim note: “They believed that their selves overlapped more with others, desired more social belongingness, and presumably as a consequence, were less lonely.” Indeed, this stronger social connection (or, as the researchers put it, the content of happiness) seems to indicate a higher level of happiness: in other words, if your definition of happiness is to spend quality time with others, the chances are that you will be happier. RELATED: Happiness in different cultures This held true for both American and Korean participants, indicating that “holding a socially rich theory of happiness is beneficial to the mental health of both Americans and Koreans,” explain the researchers, who conclude that, “Fulfilment of social need seems to be a universally necessary condition of happiness.” What does it all mean? Social interaction is a tricky thing: for each person, some days and nights lend themselves to picnics, bonfires, dancing and socialising, and days that are fabricated more for some alone time with a book. With their study, Shin, Suh, Oem and Kim aren’t suggesting that the real key to happiness is only through social interaction. Rather, their research supports the idea that those who associate happiness with the notion of strong, reliable social relationships seem to be the happiest. So, how does one change one’s beliefs about what happiness means? Well, apart from continuing to read up on the subject of the key to happiness, you can jump-start a positive feedback loop by engaging in activities that foster strong relationships, preferably ones where you (yes, you!) can help someone else. Cultivating social ties, especially those where you can give back as well are proven to make you happier –or at least, less lonely – which in turn may change your whole perspective on what happiness means. ● Main image: colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Positive psychology | Life purpose | Motivation Written by Rae Bathgate Rae Bathgate is an American journalist based in Barcelona, where she enjoys sunlight, yoga, and bookbinding.

Although Sienna Saint-Cyr tried many types of yoga, she couldn't find her perfect pairing. Then she discovered trauma sensitive yoga and everything clicked into place. Here's her take on this healing practice. After hearing how healing and peaceful yoga can be, I developed a real interest in it. I've spent a lot of time going to different gyms and trying yoga videos I purchased or found on YouTube, but none gave me the peacefulness I was promised. Sure, they stretched my body, but there wasn't the calm afterwards that I desperately desired. It all felt so body-specific. For me, this was a problem, and kept me from fully embracing the healing aspects of having a daily yoga practice. One day I attended a class with a friend while out of town and my entire view on yoga changed. The instructor did a lot more with focusing on proper breath through the movements as opposed to the poses themselves, and I left feeling so euphoric and relaxed. The sensation stuck with me for hours, and as a person with high anxiety and Complex PTSD, this feeling of peace and relaxation was more than welcome. Discovering trauma sensitive yoga I went home and tried to find a class like that in my area, but the price was either too high or I couldn't find what I was looking for. Because of my PTSD, I don’t do well with people touching me or larger classes. So, my therapist suggested I try trauma-sensitive yoga (TSY) — a type of yoga focused on people with mental trauma — created by David Emerson. My therapist sent me to a nearby studio that taught Emerson's methods, then helped me get a scholarship. For the next three months, my world changed for the better. Bend yourself better with trauma-sensitive yoga At first, I thought I’d hate it. But trauma sensitive yoga was different from other types of yoga such as compassion yoga or gratitude yoga. The instructor, Morgan Vanderpool, didn't do fancy poses or show off like other teachers I’d seen. In fact, I learned very few actual yoga poses during the class. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies. One of the ways she’d keep us present is to tell us to focus on how it feels when our palm touches the floor. Or she’d ask us to be aware of what parts of our body were really feeling the pose, then to breath into that area. I learned quickly that much of the reason I’d hated yoga was because I hadn't been truly present. My mind was wandering constantly, so I never practised properly. “Trauma-sensitive yoga was different from other types of yoga. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies.” I also felt no pressure to take part in poses that were triggering for me, a problem I’d had in many other classes. Nor did I feel the need to talk to others. The class I attended had a maximum of eight people per session and we were able to leave at any time if we needed to. My trauma sensitive yoga instructor also had experience working in therapy, so she knew how to respond to my triggers. She was warm, always calm and used a quiet voice, and she kept my focus on listening to my body. Respecting my body and listening to it Respecting my body is difficult for me. I was so used to disassociating from it that I often ignored the pain in my body. I even ignored tiredness, hunger, thirst, and desire. My instructor helped me to be present in my body without fear. In fact, my first class with her helped me realize how little I was present in my body or in the moment. Her constant reminder to feel my contact points — hands on floor, feet on floor, butt on floor, pressure in each location — kept me re-engaging when I’d drift. I remember after the first session, lying back on the floor and as I stared up at the ceiling, I felt like I could drift away in that moment. I’d gone into the class full of tension and fear, and in that moment I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay there and feel all of that release. The feeling was so strong that when I left the studio I called one of my partners because I felt too dizzy to drive! He talked to me about my experience and how I felt after coming through it and all I could do was cry. I had literally released so much that I didn't want to stop. The more I let go of, the lighter I felt. Stretch yourself: trauma sensitive yoga can heal During the session, I let my body do what it needed. I pushed as far as I felt I should, got into positions that my body felt good in, and when I got overwhelmed, I sat in silence until I felt I could rejoin the group. I honoured my body, and in doing so, took my first steps toward respecting my body and healing the trauma that I’d stored there most of my life. The class changed me. Now, I can participate in many types of yoga and feel the benefits in a physical and mentally calming way. I even use the methods when I get triggered or full of stress. I stop, focus on my feet touching the ground, the pressure in my leg muscles, the tension in my back, then I breath it out. The more I've practised this, the more I've come to understand that in order to truly be happy in life, I needed to be present all the time. “I learned very few actual yoga poses during the class. It was all about focusing on breath and being present in our bodies.” Trauma-sensitive yoga started me on my path to finding and creating my own practice. Some days I incorporate gentle dance. Other days I do more meditation than movement. It just depends on the day and what my needs are in that moment. And that’s what being present means. Honouring the moment. Deep stuff: breathe into your bodily tension during trauma-sensitive yoga While I've still had small bouts of depression or moments of stress and anxiety, I now have the tools to release those negative emotions and get back on track with being present. When I'm living in the moment, I'm not stressed. I'm not focused on the tasks that need doing in the following week or the annoying incident that happened last week. I'm focused on the moment. When I'm present, I'm happy. Trauma sensitive yoga helped me achieve this. I can’t recommend it enough, no matter your level of trauma or PTSD. Happiness is achievable regardless of our circumstances when we are in the moment and not allowing ourselves to live elsewhere! ● Images: colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more.

Interested in positive psychology and increasing your own happiness? Then the Science of Happiness course could be right for you. Tine Steiss tried it out – but did it change her? Edx.org offers – among many others – a course by Berkeley X called 'The Science of Happiness'. Being an engineer by training, hence naturally sceptical towards a lot of things that fall into the broad spectrum of 'spirituality', I was intrigued by the title. Of course, I want to be happy and yet I can't just blindly believe anything. So, the word science in this context really got me. The Science of Happiness course claims to be "the first MOOC (massive open online course) to teach positive psychology. Learn science-based principles and practices for a happy, meaningful life." Improving happiness with science: the claims This course is free and you can do it at your own pace. So if you're a sceptic and want some scientific proof why certain habits and behaviours have positive effects on your well-being, sign up for it and give it a try. During the course, I admit that I sometimes got bored with the many studies they quoted to prove a point and be scientifically convincing. It was only because by that point I had developed trust in what they were claiming and I didn't need further convincing and have proof for every single point. I had heard about mindfulness, about the benefits of meditation, but I was never convinced enough to actually sit down myself and give it a proper try. Well, after this course I did and I haven't stopped since. Also, seeing scientific proof of the deep need for social connections, this had a big effect on me. I tend to be an introvert and have the vague idea that I need to surround myself with just a handful of the 'right' people to be happy. “I had heard about mindfulness, about the benefits of meditation, but I was never convinced enough to actually sit down myself and give it a proper try. Well, after this course I did and I haven't stopped since.” This view shifted drastically, by focusing on empathy, compassion and also the will to improve relationships rather than avoiding unpleasant conversations. I still try to avoid conflict, but only to a certain degree, because I've learned to appreciate its potential for growth. It also allows for a deeper connection instead of trying to keep up the status quo. Change – after all – is inevitable. Contents of the MOOC: the science of happiness What you'll learn: Discover what happiness is and why it matters to you Learn how to increase your own happiness Understand the power of social connections and the science of empathy Discover what mindfulness is and applications for the real world Overview of the Science of Happiness course I also appreciated the many practices we did during the course: that way you get to try out what works better for you. You develop a broader idea of what you could focus on in the future to develop resilience, improve your happiness and find meaning and therefore motivation in what you are doing. Happiness practices and course topics Referred to as 'happiness practices,' you'll try 11 different practices throughout this eight-week course. For example, active listening, random acts of kindness, and writing a self-compassionate letter. They are all connected to the topics of the course: The power of social connection Kindness & compassion Cooperation & reconciliation Mindfulness Mental habits of happiness Gratitude Finding your happiness fit and the new frontiers As you can see, the 'Science of Happiness' course covers a broad spectrum that influences our happiness. As I said before it does so by presenting scientific proof for the findings and recommendations on how to improve your happiness. ● Images: edX the Science of happiness Written by Tine Steiss Tine is an artist, meditator, media engineer and student of happiness. If she is not traveling she's working on turning her rooftop terrace into an urban garden paradise. Find out more about her on: Instagram, Facebook