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Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) methods help you to spot and change negative thought patterns, assumptions and processes. Try these four NLP techniques from Dee Marques to reframe how you think and embrace feeling more positively about yourself. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is often used to improve interpersonal dynamics. It also has applications in personal growth and development. Several NLP techniques can help you live a more enjoyable and meaningful life. Indeed, NLP underscores the importance of mastering higher self-awareness methods to spot patterns, thoughts, and assumptions that can be preventing you from finding happiness in your life. Here are four valuable NLP techniques that you can use and the science behind them. 1. Anchoring Anchoring is one of the most common NLP techniques. The goal of this method is to elicit positive responses at will by associating a particular mental and emotional state to an anchor. This anchor is set by you and can be an image, a word or a gesture. Anchoring improves our ability to control emotions and to take an active role in self-management. It enables us to be less prone to feeling powerless and overwhelmed. How to use the anchoring NLP technique: Elicit a time when you experienced the intense positive feeling you want to trigger in other situations (e.g. feeling achievement the moment you got a promotion). Bring in sensory cues associated with that state (e.g. what you saw, felt, smelt, heard). Bring the memory to its most intense point and then associate your feelings to an anchor (e.g. twist a ring on your finger, pinch your earlobe). Take a short break and repeat the steps above. Test the anchor (e.g. pinch your earlobe) to elicit the intense feeling of achievement. NLP techniques reframe negative thoughts into positive ones shutterstock/Odua Images You can then use the anchoring method whenever you need an emotional pick-me-up, either on its own or alongside the other neuro-linguistic programming techniques outlined below. Anchoring is based on the psychological concept of conditioning, whereby a stimulus triggers certain responses. Anchoring helps you elicit the response you want through repetition. It benefits you by putting you in charge of your emotions. Moreover, some studies suggest that when coupled with other techniques and interventions, anchoring can even work to help overcome phobias and irrational fears. 2. Reframing Next on the list of NLP techniques is 'reframing', or viewing adverse events from a different 'frame'. This NLP method allows you to open up your mind to opportunities that may be lying ahead instead of dwelling on the negatives. In short, reframing changes the focus from negative and overpowered to positive and empowered. How to reframe a thought, feeling or behaviour: Identify the thought, feeling or behaviour you want to change. Establish contact with the innermost part of yourself that is triggering the negative mood. This could be an image, voice, an expression, etc. Find the positive intention behind that part. Let's say you have a fear of flying. The sound of a plane's engine taking off triggers anxiety because it wants to protect you. This intention is good, but the response is inadequate. Focusing on the positive intention, try two or three ways of responding that will help you realise such intention. For example, acknowledge the protection and self-preservation, which is why you choose the safest way of travelling (flying vs. driving). Ensure your subconscious is fully committed to trying alternative responses, and that it won't sabotage your reframing efforts. Check for conflicting beliefs, and if you find yourself making excuses, go back to the previous step and find alternative ways of responding. Reframing is used as a therapeutic technique for its ability to modify perceptions. Different parts of the brain trigger memories and emotions: memories are stored in the hippocampus, whereas the amygdala mainly controls emotions. “Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) improves interpersonal dynamics. NLP techniques can help you to live a more enjoyable and meaningful life.” When recalling past events, the amygdala responds by triggering an emotion that replicates the original one. However, reframing reminds us that the nature of that emotion isn't fixed and that we can break automatic patterns and prioritise rational responses over knee-jerk reactions. Indeed, reframing is a NLP technique that proves it's possible to break free from the so-called amygdala hijack. RELATED: Changing perspective 3. Meta-modelling Meta-modelling is one of the most powerful NLP techniques. It gives you the ability to help identify self-imposed constraints that may be preventing you from finding happiness and questioning them. The easiest way to meta-model is by looking at the language you use in everyday life, paying attention to these three types of patterns: Generalisations Evidenced in thoughts along the lines of, “I'm always so unlucky” or “all men/women are the same.” Distortions Mind reading (e.g. “John didn't greet me today, he must be upset with me”) or cause-effect statements (e.g. “if I don't lose weight, I will feel like a failure”). Deletions aka cherry-picking your understanding of reality to confirm pre-existing beliefs. For instance, someone with poor self-esteem would ignore compliments and pay undue attention to critiques, leading to thoughts like “people don't find me attractive.” How to use the meta modelling LNP technique Identify which category your thoughts belong to, then start the exploratory process of questioning the negative thought pattern. For example, if you catch yourself in a deletion like “people don't find me attractive”, meta-modelling questions to ask would be, “which people specifically?” and “how exactly do you know that?”. • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • The chances are that your answers will include a generalised statement with the words “always” or “never”. Then it's time to ask yourself whether you are realistic by claiming that things are always this way and never that way. When meta-modelling, it's also useful to ask about alternative courses of action. For example, in the statement “if I don't lose weight, I'll feel like a failure”, ask yourself whether feeling like a failure is your only option. Use these NLP techniques to change negative thoughts into positive ones Meta-modelling works because it forces you to challenge ingrained response patterns that can evolve into what psychologists call excessive avoidance behaviour. This is unhelpful because it limits your ability to learn from new experiences. The effectiveness of this technique is also linked to pattern separation. When faced with a new situation, we tend to compare with previous ones, but if pattern separation is active, you will understand that different scenarios require different responses. RELATED: The amazing effects of MBSR – backed up by science Meta-modelling can prompt you to develop healthy habits such as listening to yourself and challenging limiting thoughts. This can help you become more resilient to cognitive distortions, and more skilled at challenging deep fears, lessening anxiety and tension. 4. The Swish Method This is one of the NLP techniques that emphasize the severely limiting effect of negative thoughts. The goal of the Swish method is to identify mental and emotional triggers of negativity and replace them with an ideal response. When using the Swish technique, you don't have to take any action, but become aware of the alternatives available. You thereby train your brain to set off a “happier mode” whenever negative thoughts and emotions begin to overpower you. How to use the Swish NLP technique: Identify the feeling that triggers anxiety. Example: you may be anxious about exam performance even though you've done your best to prepare for it. In this case, the trigger feeling would be nervousness. Next, know how your mind and body react to such feelings (e.g. nail biting, knots in the stomach, etc.) Create a visual image of the context in which this happens (e.g. as you walk into the exam room). Think about how you would ideally like to respond as you physically enter the context in which the negative thoughts take place (e.g. confident, well-prepared, optimistic, etc.). This is called the replacement thought. In your mind, visualize the negative state and figuratively place the replacement thought over it. Make sure it appears bigger, stronger, and more vibrant, while making the negative emotion appear in black and white or blurry. Regular practise is essential for NLP techniques shutterstock/Shift Drive As it happens with all the other NLP techniques for happiness, you need to practise the Swish Method a few times to ensure the replacement thought becomes the default response. So, do it at least five times and speed up the visualization with each round. To check for effectiveness, evoke the trigger thought/feeling and its context, and see how you feel about it. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • This NLP method is a visualization technique driven by the principle that seeing is believing. In fact, research studies have shown that the brain does not differentiate between real and visualized events, as they both activate the same parts of the brain. “Meta-modelling is a powerful NLP technique that can help you to identify self-imposed constraints that may be preventing you from finding happiness.” Other studies have shown that the type of mental rehearsal involved in visualization has a direct effect on fundamental cognitive skills, including memory, attention, and perception. The benefits of mastering this technique include improved emotional performance and a calm and confident approach knowing that you don't need to let negative thoughts dominate your life. Summary: NLP techniques Neuro-linguistic programming can help you tap into the resources and skills needed to you train your brain and take control of thoughts and beliefs, facilitating the achievement of a fulfilling life. Anchoring, reframing, meta-modelling and the Swish Method are four key NLP techniques for happiness and personal empowerment that are worth putting in practice. ● Main image: shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Self care | Neuroscience | Positive psychology Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

With age comes wisdom and experience, but also the possibility of cognitive impairment such as memory loss and poor judgement. But, as Ed Gould writes, there are five key ways to fight off these problems and boost your brain matter. Although the brain isn't a muscle, exercise can stimulate its growth and regeneration in a similar way to a physical workout, providing greater muscularity. Research in the field of neuroplasticity has shown that many aspects of the brain can be altered, even into adulthood. Indeed, by building new brain tissue, it's possible to overcome cognitive impairment. Recent studies have shown that physical exercise can improve brain functions. In one research paper published by Elsevier Inc., it was discovered that a key player in intracellular proteolysis – Cathepsin B – was found to be secreted in the body in greater quantities in runners than in people who had taken no exercise. Put simply, this means that the memory function of the human brain is improved by simply taking exercise. Psychologists including Dr Matthew Edlund, who has published books such as Designed to Last, have pointed out that similar restorative effects on the brain which have been derived from physical activity have been found in other species, too. So, should we work our brains like a muscle if we want to feel higher happiness in some cognitive training programme? Well, yes. But that's not the full story. For anyone wishing to overcome cognitive impairment, then other things, such as social activities, are just as important. Five ways to fight cognitive impairment In all, there are five different categories to consider if you want to be happier in yourself and to avoid the sort of cognitive impairment problems such as memory loss and poor judgement that are all too prevalent in older age. Let's examine what we can all do to keep our brains in good condition so that we feel better about ourselves right now and in the future. 1. Cognitive training and new learning In fact, as far as your brain function is concerned, it matters little what you learn, so long as you keep engaging in learning itself. According to the Alzheimer's Association, a body which knows a thing or two about cognitive impairment, there are plenty of tasks we can give our brains which will guard against the condition in the future. According to the Association, formal education is known to reduce the risk of cognitive decline and dementia. Crucially, this is the case, no matter when it's taken in life. If you think that attending classes is for children or for people who need to upskill during the early part of their career, then you're right. However, that learning is also for middle-aged people and recently retired folk is equally as valid. Regarding happiness and fighting off cognitive impairment, there can be few better tactics than learning about something you're already interested in a formal way. Picture perfect: learning a new skill can help reduce cognitive impairment Cognitive training might take the form of learning a foreign language ahead of an overseas holiday, or studying a little art history to make that next trip to the gallery a more informed experience. However, if a classroom environment is not for you, then why not consider other methods of engaging your brain with new skills. Meditation, bridge classes or logic puzzles will train your brain to work in new ways, especially games which need you to think strategically. Such activities have been widely researched in study programmes – many of them indicating clear beneficial outcomes for the brain. 2. Social activities Selfless though it might seem, joining a local community volunteer group might be the best thing you ever do for yourself. Like cognitive training, being social creates better brain functions because it forces the brain to work in specific ways. If you're locked away from the world to an extent, then not being sociable can become a habit. It may lead to the brain's neural pathways shifting over time to the extent that you never feel like engaging in social activities again. To prevent this, take affirmative steps to ensure you're not cut off from your neighbours, family and friends. “Regarding happiness and fighting off cognitive impairment, there can be few better tactics than learning about something new you're interested in.” Taking a role in your local community does not merely derive benefits for those around you; it will help your brain to remain active in a meaningful way, which will help to prevent neural problems in future. Of course, just being around people is often enough to induce the brain's chemicals that make us feel better about ourselves, so-called happiness hormones. Chatting, interacting, learning and teaching are all things that will help to keep your brain active, too. Throwing yourself into a new group is an excellent way of proceeding but – let's be honest – this isn't for everyone. Some of us are shy, and this great leap can seem too much, to begin with, anyway. If you want to take care of your brain, then take smaller steps to start with. Why not pick up the phone to a friend you haven't spoken to in a while and just ask them how they are? It's a great way to get the ball rolling, and strong social connections are a main ingredient for a good life. Get chatty: reduce cognitive impairment through being social 3. Nutritional intake Like any part of our bodies, brains are made of the matter we consume. Without the right ingredients, it's hard for the body to make the right proteins and enzymes for regeneration. In other words, the brain needs you to eat healthily for it to continue functioning correctly as you age and avoid cognitive impairment. On the face of it, eating healthily for a part of the body to remain healthy is obvious, right? However, you should bear in mind that a healthy brain is also likelier to mean a happier life, so it's not just about your physical well-being, but your mental well-being, too. RELATED: Good mood food According to a study by Martha Clare Morris, et al, of the Department of Internal Medicine at the Rush University Medical Centre in Chicago, a hybrid of a Mediterranean and a so-called stop hypertension diet will slow down cognitive decline. Morris' work dealt with 923 participants who were aged from 58 to 98 years and engaged in what is often referred to as a DASH diet. Essentially, such a diet is low in trans fats, rich in potassium and calcium, and requires a smaller salt intake. By limiting dairy and meat in favour of vegetables, whole grains and fruit, you can eat your way to a healthier brain. “The brain needs you to eat healthily for it to continue functioning correctly as you age and avoid cognitive impairment.” Long considered to be good for the brain, the consumption of fish is also useful. According to a 2014 paper in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, baked or broiled fish eaten on a weekly basis will mean you have more grey matter – on average – compared with people who don't have this level of consumption. Bear in mind that fried fish did not make up any part of the research, however. Also, the fatty acids, like omega-3, found in fish seem to work better when consumed as food rather than as a dietary supplement, as reported in Time magazine. Perhaps this suggests fish have some unknown improving effect on brains? Dish the fish: it's a great brain-boosting food 4. Physical activity People who are physically active tend to have better brain health. As mentioned already, recent scientific studies have shown the connection between running and brain regeneration, but that's far from the full story. Of course, activities like swimming, dancing or even brisk walking will all release endorphins into the body. Not only is it good for the brain to become a little breathless due to exercise, it makes you feel happier due to the release of these endorphins. Some scientists have suggested that the body functions this way because the build-up of carbon dioxide in the body caused by exercise is balanced by the kick of natural opioids. In other words, your body rewards you with a natural high if you exercise. Few people who take regular exercise would argue that they don't feel better as a result of working out, not just while they do it, but for a significant time afterwards. “Activities like swimming, dancing or even brisk walking will all release endorphins into the body.” It's important to note that exercise is not just about maintaining good cognitive abilities. It can help the brain recover where it might have been going into decline. According to research by Elise Wogensen, et al., of the Department of Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark, exercise in a large number of cases can promote cognitive recovery after an injury that the brain has sustained. Although there are some factors which are still to be established as to how this works, Wogensen's work indicates strongly that physical activity and restoring brain functions are linked, and that the rehabilitation of 'lost' brain functions is possible. Work out wonder: exercise releases endorphins, your 'happy' hormones 5. Management of heart health risk factors According to the Alzheimer's Association, the factors that are already known to impact on heart health and which combat heart disease are also fully linked to delaying or even preventing the onset of dementia. One of these is taking frequent exercise. Other measures include stopping smoking and reducing stress. Heart health can also be maintained better by keeping on top of obesity levels and of reducing blood cholesterol, both important to future brain health, too. Lastly, it should be said that anyone who has diabetes should manage this in a way that is conducive to good heart health. If so, then the brain is likely to be kept in good condition as well. ● Main image: colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy CBT | Friendship | Family activities | Positive thinking | Forgiveness Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

During times of economic hardship, how is happiness affected? Arlo Laibowitz examines how social contacts, religiosity and political confidence helps people to stay cheerful when facing financial pressures. The novel A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens opens with a famous quote which is useful to think about when considering economic hardship. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity. It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us.” In the book, one of the characters, Doctor Manette, ends up in prison during the French Revolution. Debilitated by his unfair imprisonment, Doctor Manette tries to stay sane against the odds. A subject loosely taken from Dickens' biography, as during his youth he unsuccessfully tried to keep his father John out of jail, when he was sentenced for falling to repay a debt. But what does this have to with happiness? Well, there's a growing body of scientific studies that examine the relationship between money and happiness or well-being. On one hand, these studies focus on the positive effects of [increased] income. On the other, they focus on the ways in which we deal with economic hardship to maintain our sense of happiness and well-being. A study by Reeskens and Vandecasteele found that there are three factors that can soften, or as they call it, 'cushion', people facing economic hardship: Informal social contacts Religiosity Confidence in politics Money and happiness: some basic notions In their article, Reeskens and Vandecasteele firstly discuss some of the common sense notions of happiness and well-being. The most basic one is that more money makes us happier. In a famous study by Princeton University, a magic number was put on the relation between happiness and income: $75,000 (€65,000). RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) According to this Princeton study, people that earn less than this sum, report lower happiness and emotional well-being than people that make $75,000 or more. As their income increased to this amount, respondents reported an increase in their sense of happiness. But the study found that an income increase above this figure does not lead to an increase in self-reported feelings of happiness and well-being. Cash for questions: how do people cope with economic hardship? So, does that mean that we should all aim to make $75,000 to be happy? No. In fact, a recent study by the London School of Economics, Origins of Happiness, has shown that most human misery can be attributed to failed relationships and mental and physical illness, not to money problems and poverty. Indeed, social and psychological factors are more important to the well-being of individuals than income levels. As that study’s lead researcher, Lord Richard Layard stated: “Having a partner is as good for you as being made unemployed is bad for you.” “Most human misery can be attributed to failed relationships and mental and physical illness, not to money problems and poverty.” Reeskens and Vandecasteele focused their research on some of these social and psychological factors, in studying what happens because of the negative effect on subjective well-being caused by poverty and [economic] deprivation. Here again, we find some common sense notions. The most basic one is that a negative effect on subjective well-being is caused by poverty and [economic] deprivation. But there are studies like Social comparisons of income in one’s community, that show that some people are more severely affected by economic hardship than others. How come? But money does matter. Doesn't it? Jumping forward to some of Reeskens and Vandecasteele’s conclusions: income does matter. According to their findings, up to 45 per cent of our sense of happiness, or lack thereof, can be explained by our economical situation. Economic hardship does decrease our sense of well-being. But economic situation is more than just our annual income. Factors that are important as well include: Employment status If we have to draw on our savings or get into debt to cover ordinary living expenses If we have to cut back on things like holidays or new household equipment In a glass-half-full-half-empty analogy, we can also conclude that if 45 per cent of our sense of happiness is material, economic, then 55 per cent is not. It's in this 55 per cent that three main immaterial factors come into play: social contacts, religious practice and confidence in politics. 1. Social contacts What makes informal social contacts so important? According to a study by Halliwell and Putnam, The social context of well-being, social interactions, amongst others: Reduce stress. Enable material and immaterial resources. Improve access to health care. Enable social control to discourage behaviour that might be harmful for your well-being. As Putnam famously put it: “Your chances of dying over the course of the next year are cut in half by joining one group, and cut to a quarter by joining two groups.” In it together: social contact helps you forget economic hardship Reeskens and Vandecasteele show, by examining survey responses taken in more than 25 European countries, that having frequent contact with family, friends and colleagues strongly cushions the effect of [economic] deprivation on happiness. The difference in happiness levels between people with higher incomes and those with economic deprivation dramatically drops when we look at people with frequent informal contacts. In other words: lonely affluent people are comparatively happier than lonely deprived people. Whereas socializing affluent people are still happier, but comparatively less happier than socializing deprived people. “Having frequent contact with family, friends and colleagues strongly cushions the effect of [economic] deprivation on happiness.” When facing economic hardship, we should try to maintain our social network, meet our friends, and go and see our family (although research shows this might be harder to do than when we have no financial concerns). 2. Religiosity The second factor researched by Reeskens and Vandecasteele, religiosity, can also cushion the negative impact of economic hardship on our sense of happiness and well-being. There are two effects happening here. The first one is the social aspect of religion. Interaction with like-minded churchgoers through the support, companionship and sense of belonging that we can find in informal social contacts as well. But with religion, this effect is “supercharged”, as Lim and Putnam describe in Religion, Social Networks, and Life Satisfaction. Supercharged, because the effect is bigger than with regular [non-religious] friends or family. In this study by Lim and Putnam, it was also found that the other effect is a “private tie to God”, since religiosity offers “a comprehensive framework for the interpretation of world events”. Since religious people have a stronger sense that something outside of them controls things, they are also more likely to believe that their economic hardship will be alleviated by something external. “Religiosity can also cushion the negative impact of economic hardship on our sense of happiness and well-being.” When looking at the results in Reeskens’ and Vandecasteele’s research, taken from the same survey responses of 25 European countries, the effect of religiosity is relatively the smallest of the three factors, in “cushioning” the effect of economic hardship. There's still a measurable, statistically significant increase in feelings of happiness and well-being between frequent church-going deprived people, and those that do not go to church, when comparing both of these groups with affluent people. Praise be: religion brings companionship and belonging It must be noted, as Reeskens and Vandecasteele do, that this might be partially explained by cultural differences [the role of religiosity in Europe compared to the United States, for example]. When facing economic hardship, being religious or maintaining our religious practices helps in alleviating the effect of that hardship on our well-being. 3. Confidence in politics Similar to the external effect that religiosity has on the deprived, believing that politicians can alter and influence their situation is also beneficial to a sense of well-being during economic hardship. A study by Catterberg and Moreno, The Individual Bass of Political Trust, has shown that in general, the [economic] deprived have a lower level of faith and confidence in politics. But Reeskens and Vandecasteele argue that among these economic deprived, the ones that do keep faith and confidence in politics, are happier than those that don’t. Their results back up this claim. In the European survey responses the deprived respondents that had confidence in their governments, were happier than those deprived respondents who did not have that confidence. The differences are sharp. Pro-politics deprived people are only slightly less happy than their affluent counterparts. But negative-towards-politics deprived people are strongly less happy than their affluent counterparts. When faced with economic hardship, people that have confidence in politics and government show more resilience against the negative psychological effects on happiness and well-being, than people that turn away from politics. What to do in times of economic hardship So, where do these studies leave us? First of all: money can make us happy – but only up to a certain point. How we spend money is also key to deriving happiness from it. And in times of economic hardship, there are certain factors that can help us cushion its effect. The most prominent ones are having informal social contacts, and keeping faith in politics. Being religious does help as well, but not as much. For a totally different perspective on all of this, we can also start with the premise of psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness. In it, she states, backed by other research, that 50 per cent of our happiness level is genetically determined [based on twin studies], 10 per cent is affected by life circumstances and situation, and 40 per cent is subject to self control and manipulation. When looked at it from that perspective, our economic circumstances are part of the 10 per cent that also include physical health, love relationships, feelings of safety, etc. RELATED: Is happiness genetic? In that case, during periods of economic hardship it might be wise to focus more on the 40 per cent of things that we can change and manipulate, such as some of the strategies that Lyubomirsky proposes: cultivating optimism, to stop ruminating and to develop coping strategies. And also to start counting your blessings or carrying out gratitude practice, as hard as it may be when faced with the next bill or credit card statement! ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

As parents or future parents, we want nothing more than for our kids to be happy. But can we guide our children into a more joyful way of being? Mother and teacher Molly Scanlan believes we can by introducing them early on to happiness habits. Read her six secrets to raising happier and contented children that appreciate life. Whatever hopes and goals we have for our children, we all want them to be joyful and experience happiness. The encouraging news is that, just like good manners, you can teach the habits that lead to happy children. As parents, we hope to impart the beliefs and good habits that we want our kids to carry into adulthood. And, interestingly, a German study from 2013 found that parents do indeed transmit values and behaviours to their children. The researchers also concluded that the life satisfaction of kids continues to be influenced by that of their parents (and vice versa) throughout life. So, parents have a powerful role to play in the production of happy children. As both a parent and teacher, I know that the early years are a prime time for learning. But as well as academic, social and physical skills, you can also pass on the keys to developing a satisfying and happier life. Secrets to raising happy children In your own quest for happiness, you may have already come across habits that you've started to build into your life. Indeed, you may have realised that this can take a lot of time and effort (and that happiness is a journey and not a destination). So, if you're a parent, do your children a favour and install them with these happiness habits as they grow up. Even if you're not a parent, this advice is also relevant for those of us with younger family members in our lives, perhaps a niece or nephew. Tip 1: Exercise Regular physical exercise has a host of health benefits. As well as keeping our bodies functioning better for longer, it positively affects memory, concentration and academic performance. Exercise has also consistently been shown to combat the symptoms of depression and anxiety. We’ve all experienced a lack of motivation for getting off the couch and getting moving. Young, happy children naturally run, climb and dance – they certainly don’t seem to suffer from lack of energy or desire! But somewhere along the line, many of us become more sedentary. But studies indicate that if we use self-control we can turn exercise into a regular habit. So, how can we make sure our children grow up with exercise as part of their routine? A recent study found that ‘controlled motivation’ for physical activity when younger led to a negative effect on their participation in exercise at age 11. This means we cannot force our kids to exercise. Like us adults, children want to do things if they’re fun. Partaking in active pursuits as a family will teach them that this is a joyful and standard building block of life. So, your kids need to see you enjoying exercise, too. As I have a toddler, we spend a lot of time in the park. I encourage him to challenge himself when climbing and jumping, giving him absolute freedom unless it’s dangerous. Also, support your children to find a team sport they enjoy: scheduled practice and forming friendships should help them continue to love it and participate in the long-term. Tip 2: Get out in nature If you can, do plenty of those physical activities outside. We’ve all seen happy children running around in the fresh air and felt better ourselves after a long walk in a park or along a trail. Indeed, there's a growing body of evidence showing that simply connecting with nature has a positive impact on our mental health. Forest bathing as a practice began in Japan but has gained popularity as a therapeutic method across the globe. If you want your children to feel less stressed and more mindful, get them into the habit of spending time near trees and green spaces. A study of nearly 300 children in Mexico revealed a link between feeling more connected with nature, demonstrating sustainability-related behaviours and self-perceived happiness. In our family, we love getting out into the countryside by train or walking to the woods. My son can name different types of birds and trees and asks lots of questions. Like a lot of kids, he adores muddy puddles and collecting sticks and stones! Nature = happy and contented kids! If you and your family regularly spend time in natural surroundings, this gives your children an opportunity to feel more connected with the landscape. Carrying this feeling into adulthood, they can give their happiness a boost each time they venture outside. Ttip 3: Find their passion Finding and pursuing a passion in life is great for our well-being. Indeed, having a sense of purpose and knowing which activities that bring us joy lead to greater happiness. The best way you can support your child in this quest is by opening up their horizons. Give them opportunities to try a range of things – even things you may not enjoy yourself! Follow their lead and listen when they tell you what they do and don’t enjoy. They will then naturally narrow down to the pursuits that bring them the most happiness. Given a chance to practise regularly and see improvements, they are more likely to continue this hobby past adolescence. “Parents have a powerful role to play in the production of happy children. As a parent and teacher, I know that the early years are a prime time for learning.” However, no one likes a pushy parent and it seems children themselves agree! Do not force your kids into activities – simply support them in making choices. Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, warns against pushing your child towards one specific skill or activity. She told Psychology Today: “When parents support instead of push, kids find their passions and interests and learn to follow their own paths toward success and happiness.” Tip 4: Journaling There are many different forms of journaling, and it has recently become a popular tool specifically for supporting good mental health. Practising gratitude, including on paper, can promote happiness, mindfulness and clarity. And science shows it can help in creating contented kids. A gratitude practice was linked to happiness in a study of 5-year-olds. Another study looking at teenagers found a positive association between gratitude, life satisfaction and optimism. So whatever age your child is, they can benefit. Start simply by introducing the concept of gratitude to children at a young age. Asking questions such as “what was your favorite thing you did today?” and modelling statements such as “we are so lucky to get to see this view” will encourage them to do the same. We do this at home and I can already see that our toddler has taken it on board. The other day he got an ice cream and as he sat down to lick it he said, “I’m a lucky pup!”. Journaling fosters happiness in kids shutterstock/Syda Productions Once kids have the habit of expressing gratitude verbally, as they get older they can graduate to writing it down. You can give them ideas, but it will work best if they discover a way of journaling that they find most helpful. As your kids enter adolescence, they may choose not to share this process and document with you but you can rest easy in the knowledge that processing their emotions on paper and feeling grateful for all they have is boosting their happiness. Buy your happy children a new notebook today to start a positive habit that could help them stay that way for years to come. Tip 5: A sound sleeping routine Sleep is a hot topic in the parenting world! For those of use who are up multiple times in the night, we are well aware of how disturbed sleep affects parents. But the gift of consistently good sleep might be the most powerful gift we can give our children. Getting a good night’s rest benefits us in lots of ways. Repeated insufficient sleep has been linked to diabetes, heart disease and even lower life expectancy. It can also correlate with depression and anxiety. Happy children are those that get enough good quality sleep. “When parents support instead of push, kids find their passions and interests and learn to follow their own paths toward success and happiness.” This is not to say that you need to sleep train your baby: that is a personal choice families make. Rather, as your child grows, help form the habit of a good bedtime routine and teach them what constitutes a suitable sleeping environment. There are lots of ways to promote good sleep. Provide your child with a comfy, safe bed and a room that isn’t too hot (about 20 degrees celsius). Keep a consistent bedtime routine. Wind down with quiet activities, put away electronics and give your child a bath. Reading a bedtime story has educational as well as sleep-related and emotional benefits. When your child is older, you can talk to them about the effects of caffeine and alcohol and encourage them to keep their phone outside of their room at night (though that last one might be impossible!). Tip 6: Don't praise too much This might be surprising, but you should avoid over-praising your child. This can turn happy children into frustrated adults. This doesn't mean you should never tell them they’ve done a great job – you just need to praise the right things in the right way. Liberally piling on the positive feedback can create what’s known as a ‘fixed mindset’ in your child. They will incorporate the idea that (for instance) “I’m good at maths” into their identity. Then when they encounter a challenge or make a mistake, they will be devastated, as this doesn’t tally with their sense of self. Learn more about instilling a ‘growth mindset’ in your child and they should become more resilient and determined. Teach them that mistakes are not to be avoided at all costs. In fact, they are a vital part of the learning process. This is something I do with my own son. I’ll admit I sometimes sound a bit silly praising a 6-month-old for their effort but I’m expecting this to pay off in the long run! I look for opportunities to comment on the way he solves a problem or how he shows perseverance rather than simply tell him he is great at something. The wrap: raising happy kids The gift you have been given yourself is being in the position to help your child start a lifetime of happiness. While no one is blissfully happy all of the time, you can provide your child with the habits that promote robust mental health and chances for joy. Many of the ways in which we, as adults, try and pursue happiness can start almost from birth. Model these behaviours in front of your children and explain them explicitly when they're older. The great news is, that well-being is ‘contagious’ within families. A study has shown that positive aspects of well-being are transmitted between all members of a household. So, working on your child’s happiness habits as well as your own will benefit everyone in your family. ● Main image: shutterstock/Jacob Lund happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Family activities | Nature | Sports & physical activities Written by Molly Scanlan Molly Scanlan is a freelance writer, parent and teacher from London, UK. She writes about health, science, education and parenting. Connect with her on Twitter and find out more on her website.