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When a relationship ends, our world often falls apart. From fighting isolation to rediscovering your inner 'self', here are ten ideas from Dee Marques on how to get over a break-up, so you can recover and move on with grace. Relationships bring us joy and fulfilment, but their end can also be pretty traumatic. I still remember the day I realized there was nothing more that could be done to patch up a relationship I was heavily invested in: it was the end of the road and it literally felt like it – as if there was nowhere else to go. Break-ups are tough, partly because they bring strong feelings of loneliness and powerlessness, especially when it’s the other half that breaks it off. Or you may be in a so-called situationship, where the commitment isn't clearly defined and you may feel like you're being used or sidelined. Another reason why we don’t know how to get over a break-up is because relationships have us playing multiple roles, from best friends to lovers or housemates. Suddenly, one or more of those roles are gone, and so we end up feeling lost and lonely. So, what are the main causes for romantic splits? A study from 1986 found that relationships end for eight main reasons, ranging from lack of romance and support to infidelity, not having common interests, or wanting more autonomy. Irrespective of what causes a break-up, the pain is real. In fact, a 2018 YouGov survey from the UK found that barely 25 per cent of all breakups are civil, and the rest usually bring strong negative emotions and feelings that we’re unable to cope. Avoid isolation if your heart is broken shutterstock/NeagoneFo So, what to do when a relationship ends? If you’re feeling lonely after a break up, sticking to productive activities can help you handle the heartbreak and fight loneliness. Here are ten suggestions for things that can help you recover and more on with grace after a relationship ends. How to get over a break-up: 10 top tips for coping Not knowing how to get over a break-up is normal, but it’s important to avoid dwelling on feelings of loneliness and rejection for the sake of your physical and emotional health. 
1. Give yourself time Earlier I wrote that break-ups are tough because they involve a loss of roles, and with loss can come feelings of grief. If that happens, allow yourself to go through grief without rushing through the stages or giving yourself deadlines: all humans grieve differently. RELATED: The 8 Types of Grief Explained 2. Out of sight, out of mind We may not know how to get over a break-up, but instinctively we know what not to do: checking your ex’s social media profile, texting them, or calling them may be tempting, but it’s also counter-productive. For now, be brave and cut ties with them so you can focus on yourself and healing. 3. What can be learned? Break-ups are marked by inner conflict. We don’t want to think about things that hurt, but we can’t take our minds off them either. Reflecting on the relationship is OK, and can even be helpful if we do it with a purpose. This reflecting can be made easier when shared: studies show that sharing your thoughts with a friend can bring a sense of relief. That's because verbalising our experiences help us make sense of them. “Break-ups are tough, partly because they bring strong feelings of loneliness and powerlessness, especially when it’s the other half that breaks it off.” 4. Don’t over-analyze Indeed, while it's not wise to bottle up your feelings, don’t overthink or over-analyze what went wrong either. And yes, finding this kind of balance is one of the hardest things to do after a split. A good place to start is fighting off any of those nagging thoughts that begin with “what if?” or “I should have”. That will only deepen the sense of powerlessness of feeling lonely after a break up. 5. Create the soundtrack of your life It’s a stereotype, but who hasn’t given into self-pity after a relationship ended by listening to sad songs about messy break-ups? However, don’t beat yourself up about this: a study found that listening to sad music during hard times can actually stabilize our mood and offer emotional support, or make us think that “someone else gets it”. When I went through a harrowing break-up, I had what I called “my playlist of misery”, and I decided I’d keep listening to it until it stopped hurting. And one day, it did! A break-up soundtrack can help you heal shutterstock/Sketchphoto 6. Don’t fall into isolation When wondering what to do after a break-up, the easiest answer is often to curl up under the blankets and cry. But again, we must be careful with our decisions and avoid those that involve wallowing, or those that may deepen the sense of feeling lonely. Instead, keep yourself busy and distracted, whether it's with old or new friends, doing things you’ve always loved, or picking up new hobbies. RELATED: How to Make New Friends As An Adult 7. Rediscover yourself On that note, is there anything you stopped doing or did less frequently when you were in a relationship? If so, now is the time to revisit it. This is important because it will help you rediscover your personal interests and that, in turn, can help you rediscover your 'self'. “So, how to get over a break-up when a relationship ends? If you’re feeling lonely, sticking to productive activities can help you handle the heartbreak and fight loneliness.” In fact, a study from 2011 suggested that break-ups hurt because we lose part of our identity in them, and that re-organising our sense of self is crucial to recovery. Other research has found that when participants invested in regaining their sense of self, they were able to cope better with negative feelings. 8. Get active, stay active Exercise releases endorphins, hormones that fight stress and depressive symptoms. When you’re feeling down after a relationship break-up, it will take an extra dose of willpower to go for a workout, but one thing's for sure: you’ll feel better afterwards, every time. RELATED: Happiness Hormones: the Neurochemicals of Happiness 9. Don’t rush into dating To avoid feeling lonely after a break-up, some people fall into the trap of getting back into the dating game too soon in an attempt to forget the past lover. As I said before, it’s common to go through a period of mourning, so take your time before starting to date again. Make sure you only get romantically involved with someone after you’ve healed and processed the loss. 10. Learning to forgive When a relationship ends, we’ll go through anger, sadness, frustration, and a mountain of negative feelings that make it unthinkable to consider forgiveness. But don’t rule it out when thinking about recovering after a break-up. The willingness to forgive will not come immediately, and perhaps it will be a long time before you can even consider it, so don’t feel bad if you can’t bear doing it right after the breakup. As Noble Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu once said, “forgiveness says you’re given another chance to make a new beginning”. How to get over a break-up: the takeaway We’re not born knowing how to get over a break-up, and each relationship ending comes with unique challenges. Feeling lonely after a relationship ends is normal, but don’t get stuck on that feeling. Loneliness can be managed, even if it takes going against what you feel or don’t feel like doing. Focus on regaining a sense of self, and if you ever struggle, remember that the solitude you experience now can put you on a path to self-discovery and healing. ● Main image: shutterstock/RawPixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Acceptance | Healthy habits | Managing divorce | Dating Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Working out in any form is not just good for your physical self, it's great for your brain and mind too. Here are five surprising ways exercise can change your brain. By Kelly McGoniga on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. We’ve all heard that exercise is good for us — how it strengthens our hearts and lungs, and helps us prevent diseases like diabetes. That’s why so many of us like to make New Year’s resolutions to move more, knowing it will make us healthier and live longer. But many people don’t know about the other important benefits of exercise — how it can help us find happiness, hope, connection and courage. Around the world, people who are physically active are happier and more satisfied with their lives. They have a stronger sense of purpose and experience more gratitude, love and hope. They feel more connected to their communities, and are less likely to suffer from loneliness or become depressed. These benefits are seen throughout the lifespan, including among those living with serious mental and physical health challenges. That’s true whether their preferred activity is walking, running, swimming, dancing, biking, playing sports, lifting weights, or practicing yoga. Why is movement linked to such a wide range of psychological benefits? One reason is its powerful and profound effects on the brain. Here are five surprising ways that being active is good for your brain — and how you can harness these benefits yourself. 1. The exercise “high” primes you to connect with others Although typically described as a runner’s high, an exercise-induced mood boost is not exclusive to running. A similar bliss can be found in any sustained physical activity. Scientists have long speculated that endorphins are behind the high, but research shows the high is linked to another class of brain chemicals: endocannabinoids (the same chemicals mimicked by cannabis) — what neuroscientists describe as “don’t worry, be happy” chemicals. RELATED: Happiness hormones – the neruochemicals of happiness Areas of the brain that regulate the stress response, including the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, are rich in receptors for endocannabinoids. When endocannabinoid molecules lock into these receptors, they reduce anxiety and induce a state of contentment. Endocannabinoids also increase dopamine in the brain’s reward system, which further fuels feelings of optimism. This exercise high also primes us to connect with others, by increasing the pleasure we derive from being around other people, which can strengthen relationships. Many people use exercise as an opportunity to connect with friends or loved ones. Among married couples, when spouses exercise together, both partners report more closeness later that day, including feeling loved and supported. Another study found that on days when people exercise, they report more positive interactions with friends and family. As one runner said to me, “My family will sometimes send me out running, as they know that I will come back a much better person.” 2. Exercise can make your brain more sensitive to joy When you exercise, you provide a low-dose jolt to the brain’s reward centers — the system of the brain that helps you anticipate pleasure, feel motivated, and maintain hope. Over time, regular exercise remodels the reward system, leading to higher circulating levels of dopamine and more available dopamine receptors. In this way, exercise can both relieve depression and expand your capacity for joy. Physical activity can boost happiness shutterstock/wavebreakmedia These changes can also repair the neurological havoc wreaked by substance abuse. Substance abuse lowers the level of dopamine in your brain and reduces the availability of dopamine receptors in the reward system. As result, people struggling with addiction can feel unmotivated, depressed, antisocial, and unable to enjoy ordinary pleasures. Exercise can reverse this. In one randomized trial, adults in treatment for methamphetamine abuse participated in an hour of walking, jogging, and strength training three times a week. After eight weeks, their brains showed an increase in dopamine receptor availability in the reward system. Jump-starting the brain’s reward system benefits not just those who struggle with depression or addiction. Our brains change as we age, and adults lose up to 13 per cent of the dopamine receptors in the reward system with each passing decade. This loss leads to less enjoyment of everyday pleasures, but physical activity can prevent the decline. Compared to their inactive peers, active older adults have reward systems that more closely resemble those of individuals who are decades younger. 3. Exercise makes you brave Courage is another side effect of physical activity on the brain. At the very same time that a new exercise habit is enhancing the reward system, it also increases neural connections among areas of the brain that calm anxiety. Regular physical activity can also modify the default state of the nervous system so that it becomes more balanced and less prone to fight, flight or fright. The latest research even suggests that lactate — the metabolic by-product of exercise that is commonly, but erroneously, blamed for muscle soreness — has positive effects on mental health. After lactate is released by muscles, it travels through the bloodstream to the brain, where it alters your neurochemistry in a way that can reduce anxiety and protect against depression. “Over time, regular exercise remodels the reward system, leading to higher circulating levels of dopamine. In this way, exercise can both relieve depression and expand your capacity for joy.” Sometimes, the movement itself allows us to experience ourselves as brave, as the language we use to describe courage relies on metaphors of the body. We overcome obstacles, break through barriers, and walk through fire. We carry burdens, reach out for help, and lift one another up. This is how we as humans talk about bravery and resilience. When we're faced with adversity or doubting our own strength, it can help to feel these actions in our bodies. The mind instinctively makes sense out of physical actions. Sometimes we need to climb an actual hill, pull ourselves up, or work together to shoulder a heavy load to know that these traits are a part of us. 4. Moving with others builds trust and belonging In 1912 French sociologist Émile Durkheim coined the term collective effervescence to describe the euphoric self-transcendence individuals feel when they move together in ritual, prayer, or work. Moving with others — for example, in group exercise, yoga, or dance classes — is one of the most powerful ways to experience joy. Psychologists believe the key to producing collective joy is synchrony — moving in the same way, and at the same time, as others — because it triggers a release of endorphins. This is why dancers and rowers who move in synch show an increase in pain tolerance. But endorphins don’t just make us feel good; they help us bond, too. People sharing an endorphin rush through a collective activity like, trust, and feel closer to one another afterward. It’s a powerful neurobiological mechanism for forming friendships, even with people we don’t know. Group exercise has managed to capitalize on the social benefits of synchronized movement. For example, the more you get your heart rate up, the closer you feel to the people you move in unison with, and adding music enhances the effect. Breathing in unison can also amplify the feeling of collective joy, as may happen in a yoga class. “Psychologists believe the key to producing collective joy is synchrony — moving in the same way, and at the same time, as others — because it triggers a release of endorphins.” We were born with brains able to craft a sense of connection to others that is as visceral as the feedback coming from our own heart, lungs, and muscles. That is an astonishing thing! We humans can go about most of our lives, sensing and feeling ourselves as separate, but through one small action — coming together in movement — we dissolve the boundaries that divide us. 5. Trying a new activity can transform your self-image Every time you move your body, sensory receptors in your muscles, tendons, and joints send information to your brain about what's happening. This is why if you close your eyes and raise one arm, you can feel the shift in position and know where your arm is in space. You don’t have to watch what’s happening; you can sense yourself. Synchrony in group dance boosts endorphins shutterstock/Dragon Images The ability to perceive your body’s movements is called proprioception, and is sometimes referred to as the “sixth sense.” It helps us move through space with ease and skill and plays a surprisingly important role in self-concept—how you think about who you are and how you imagine others see you. When you participate in any physical activity, your moment-to-moment sense of self is shaped by the qualities of your movement. If you move with grace, your brain perceives the elongation of your limbs and the fluidity of your steps, and realizes, “I am graceful.” When you move with power, your brain encodes the explosive contraction of muscles, senses the speed of the action, and understands, “I am powerful.” If there is a voice in your head saying, “You’re too old, too awkward, too big, too broken, too weak,” sensations from movement can provide a compelling counterargument. Physical accomplishments change how you think about yourself and what you are capable of, and the effect should not be underestimated. One woman I spoke with shared a story about when she was in her early 20s and found herself severely depressed, with a plan to take her own life. The day she intended to go through with it, she went to the gym for one last workout. She deadlifted 185 pounds, a personal best. When she put the bar down, she realized that she didn’t want to die. Instead, she remembers, “I wanted to see how strong I could become.” Five years later, she can now deadlift 300 pounds. Clearly, we were born to move, and the effects of exercise on our psychological and social well-being are many. So, why not start the new year right and add more movement to your life? No doubt you’ll feel better, be happier, and have better social relationships because of it. ● Main image: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is grateful to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Self-sabotaging behaviour can stop you moving forward in life. Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains why we do it and offers five ways you can learn how to stop self-sabotage. You genuinely desire something. You’ve imagined yourself owning a business on your own, marrying that perfect someone, being healthy and productive. You’ve imagined this over and over again. Yet, when you look back at how far you had got with realising those goals, you have to face the truth – you (delicately) blew it at every step of the way. Rare is a person that doesn’t know this feeling all too well. Self-sabotage – behaving in a way that undermines our achievements and daily living – is a phenomenon most of us will face at some point of our lives. Many, however, struggle with it on a daily basis. Self-sabotage can crawl into our friendships, relationships, academic success, professional advancements, our self-development... to name just a few areas. And although it’s a common nemesis, if you wish to have control over your life, you need to understand your foe and learn how to stop self-sabotaging. Why do we self-sabotage? At first, self-sabotage might seem like the greatest paradox. One wants something so much and works towards it, only then to work against the goal. It’s most apparent in cases when the target is very much achievable, and all it would require is a little extra effort – or even simply not doing anything to ruin it. To the surprise of everyone around the self-saboteur, just when they were about the cross the finish line, they do something that couldn’t be described in any terms other than irrational. Self-sabotaging behaviour can be stopped shutterstock/MAD.vertise And this is precisely where the key to understanding self-sabotage is hidden. A self-saboteur is actually highly successful – in realising the secret (unconscious) goals of not succeeding at something. Why do we do this? Here are a few possible explanations and factors to address if you wish to understand how to limit self-sabotaging behaviour. Evolution and neurological pathways Interestingly, self-sabotage might be imbedded into our genes. Seeking pleasure and avoiding harm are, in a way, two sides of a coin. In simplest terms, they both trigger dopaminergic circuits that make us feel good. This sort of adaptive mechanism was necessary during the evolution of humankind. “Although it’s a common nemesis, if you wish to have control over your life, you need to understand your foe and learn how to stop self-sabotaging.” However, a modern human seeks more than mere survival. Our needs are nuanced, delicate and complex. This intricacy of our inner lives often triggers a imbalance between reward-seeking and avoidance of pain. In other words, when we self-sabotage, we seek the pleasure we get from avoiding harm. However, the irrationality lies in the inflation of the perceived harm, which usually isn’t nearly as threatening as we see it. Self-punishment How to stop self-sabotage has been a subject of psychological research for decades. One of the first paths the study of self-defeating behaviours took was seeking for reasons in our subconscious minds. Psychodynamic approaches argued that self-sabotage comes from a masochistic character that constantly works on ensuring self-punishment. This need may come from one’s ingrained beliefs about their unworthiness, or a conviction that the only way to receive love and gratification is through being the victim. Avoiding threat to self-esteem If you wish to understand how to stop self-sabotaging, you should know that in most cases, especially in academic and professional achievements, self-sabotage is believed to be a manifestation of low self-esteem. Whether it's masked or conscious, low self-esteem causes us to be overly sensitive to the prospect of failing. Which is why we procrastinate, come up with excuses, stop trying, and employ all sorts of rationalisations of why we “had to” not succeed. Control Although it may sound illogical at first, when we sabotage our success, we actually gain control. It’s a bitter-sweet sort of control, as it’s controlled failure. Repeatedly failing romantic relationships are the perfect example of such a motive. Love is potentially painful, unpredictable, and difficult (or impossible) to have power over. Which is why some people embark on ruining the relationship themselves rather than risk being hurt – in this way, they maintain control over what's happening to them. Cut it out: learn how to recognize and stop self-sabotage Fear of success Although we rarely recognise it, many of us fear success. The reason? Success often means having to face new challenges and demands, losing the comfort of the well-known position. However, there’s also a more psychologically subtle reason – success often comes with a threat to one’s identity. People with a shaky identity fear success more than those who have achieved and foreclosed it already. Therefore, they avoid achieving a goal that comes with new roles, as it might add too much of a burden to their self-concept. How to stop self-sabotage: 5 techniques Self-sabotage can range from avoiding a test by faking an illness to a life-long fight with addictions. In any case, it's an unhealthy mode of existence. To liberate yourself, you need to undertake proactive measures to abandon this habit. Here are five ways you can learn to stop the pain of self-sabotaging behavior. 1. Becoming aware of self-sabotage As with other matters of the human psyche, recognising that you need a change is the first step towards it. Even when it’s entirely obvious to those around you, you might not be aware of what you’ve been doing. Examine your behaviour. Analyse your past actions. Acquire a habit of awareness. Have you been preventing yourself from realising your full potential? Developing and practising conscious focus on such behaviours is an essential tool towards defeating the underlying cause. 2. Developing a growth mindset In many instances, self-sabotage is caused by insecurity, and we do it to avoid jeopardising our self-esteem. One possible solution is to develop a growth or abundance mindset. This means believing that our inborn abilities are merely a starting point, not something that’s set in stone. With practice, we develop. Acquiring this sort of self-perception results in minimising fear of failure. Failure isn’t a signal of our lacking capacity anymore; it’s a part of the growth process. Therefore, we don’t need self-sabotage to protect us from it. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “In many instances, self-sabotage is caused by insecurity, and we do it to avoid jeopardising our self-esteem. One solution is to develop a growth mindset 3. Being honest with yourself There are many possible reasons as to why you could be engaging in self-sabotage. The ones we listed above are merely options. To fight this nasty habit, you need to dig deep and understand why it is that you, personally, do it. Be painfully honest to yourself – no one’s listening and no one’s judging. You need to be true about your desires and goals. Do you really want that promotion, or to get married, and do you want it for the right reasons? What it is that you’re truly seeking in your goals? Know yourself. Unless you do so, you’ll be a puppet of your subconscious strivings and desires. 4. Face your fears As you now know, most self-sabotaging behaviour comes from some sort of fear. Be it fear of losing control, shaking one’s identity up, not being up to a challenge, or ready for responsibility or a change – fears drive us to self-destruction. Instead of being inert, take a moment each day to look your demon in the eye. With time, you’ll realise that the only thing you need to fear is spending your life being chased around by your fears, instead of running towards your freedom. 5. Practise self-compassion Self-saboteurs often feel that they need to linger in a state of constant hurt and failure. They feel that they deserve it for they are unworthy of anything else. If you think such belief is in the roots of your self-defeating behaviour, explore ways to introduce self-compassion into your life: psychotherapy, meditation, or simply rethinking your embedded convictions about who you are, can liberate you from constant self-destruction. Self sabotage: the takeaway Living life means getting scars and experiencing pain. However, it also means that with every second, we get a chance to change. We pick a path with every decision we make. Let the next one be that you’ll stop the self-sabotage, and you’ll live a brave life full of passion and purpose. ● Main image: shutterstock/jtanki Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. During her early career, she gained several certifications (life coach, assertive communication trainer, peer educator, fitness instructor). Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and wellbeing.

The death of parent is often devastating and can lead to both physical and mental health issues for the child. But, as Dee Marques writes, there are ways of dealing with the pain. Here, she shares six ideas on how to cope after the loss of a parent. American poet Maya Angelou once said, “I can accept the idea of my own demise, but I’m unable to accept the death of anyone else”. Most of us can empathise with this, especially when it comes to losing a parent. Indeed, the death of a parent is surely one of the most stressful events we can experience, and although it's an inevitable fact of life, this doesn’t minimise the impact when it comes to dealing with it. This traumatic experience of parental loss can cause disruption to our lives in ways we never imagined, leaving us feeling vulnerable and unsure how to act and cope. Grieving is a profound experience involving feelings of shock, numbness, denial, anger, sadness, and despair that sometimes come together creating a hurricane of strong emotions that may last for months. As harrowing as this can be, there are some positive steps you can take when dealing with the death of a parent. RELATED: 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire Quoted on fatherly.com, psychiatrist Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi says, “In the best-case scenario, the death of a parent is anticipated and there’s time for families to prepare, say their goodbyes, and surround themselves with support. In cases where a death is unexpected, such as with an acute illness or traumatic accident, adult children may remain in the denial and anger phases of the loss for extended periods of time… [leading to] diagnosis of major depressive disorder or even PTSD, if trauma is involved.” Losing a parent: what research says Researchers have discovered that dealing with the grief of losing a parent is so hard because the feelings of loss affect the brain directly. The grieving process sends the amygdala (the part of the brain that regulates emotions of distress) into overdrive, and makes the brain release stress hormones, including cortisol. This interferes with thinking and acting, making grief exhausting and overpowering. A few studies have even linked unresolved grief with cardiac events, hypertension, immune disorders, and even cancer. Photo scrapbooks can help when dealing with parental loss shutterstock/LightField Studios Other research show that grieving over a parent's death can lead to increased risks of long-term emotional and mental health issues. Losing a parent has been linked to higher rates of depression, low confidence, anxiety, low academic performance, and addiction problems. And, according to psychologists, these risks can be higher if loss happens during childhood or before reaching adulthood. RELATED: The 8 types of grief explained Quoted in the Los Angeles Times, David Kessler, the founder of grief.com, believes many adults — regardless of their age — struggle with feeling like an orphan following the death of a parent. He said: “I try to remind them that you still stay connected with that person even in death.” It’s also worth mentioning that the emotional storm caused by grief can happen irrespective of the type of relationship we had with our parents – good or bad. Indeed, the impact is bound to be strong because of the nature of the parent-child bond, which is one of the most fundamental aspects of human experience. “Losing a parent has been linked to higher rates of depression, low confidence and anxiety.” Additionally, researchers have found that gender influences the impact of parental death due to attachment between fathers and sons and mothers and daughters. Several studies suggest that daughters and sons process the loss of a parent differently, with daughters reporting more upsetting emotions and being more likely to experience the physical symptoms of grief. Parental death: coping strategies for grief After losing a parent, it’s normal to feel that you can’t cope. Here are six suggestions on how to navigate this difficult time and find direction when dealing with the grief of losing a parent. 1. Avoid comparing yourself to others One of the most important things to remember is the uniqueness of grief. Some people may not express their emotions openly; others may look as if they’ve recovered faster than you, but that doesn’t mean they’re not grieving – perhaps they're just doing it in a different way. 2. Anticipate the process Grief from losing a parent doesn’t have a beginning and an end: it comes with many ups and downs. Certain days, names, or places may arise a wave of sorrow, but that doesn’t mean you’re failing to heal. Also, remember that if you feel the intensity of grief decreasing, this doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your parent or are dishonouring their memory in any way. 3. Don’t isolate yourself There will be times when you may want to be alone and that’s OK, but try not to make a habit of isolation. Remember that people are there for you, whether they’re neighbours, friends, relatives or counsellors. Reach out: when you lose a parent, seek a helping hand 4. Explore ways to find meaning After losing a parent, you’ll probably search for answers or try to explain why this had to happen. There may not be a definite answer, but the journey of exploration is part of the healing process. Meaning-making can come from religious beliefs or other forms of understanding spirituality. 5. Try journaling Journaling is another way of finding meaning and making sense of what the experience means to you. Writing is a powerful tool that can help you work through your emotions instead of bottling them up. RELATED: Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping 6. Commemorate their life One of the reasons why grief is so overpowering is that we tend to perceive it as the end of the road. While the parent you’ve lost is no longer with you physically, their legacy lives on and it’s worth finding productive ways of honouring your parent and commemorating their lives. Debra J. Umberson, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, says: “Having a place that reminds the child of the parent and going to that place to talk things through with the parent can be very comforting. Consider planting a tree in their memory, so you can visit it. If that's not possible, try creating a virtual space online or creating a photo and memory scrapbook you can look at whenever you want to be close to your parent. Losing a parent: the takeaway The emotional impact of grief can make it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, you should know that you’re not alone in this experience. Self-care and strong bonds with others are more important than ever when dealing with the loss of loved ones. Try to put in practice some of the suggestions we’ve offered to cope with the grieving process and find a way to keep purpose in your life even after losing a parent. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pixel-Shot If you're struggling with the death of a parent or have some ideas on how to cope with the loss, our community would love to hear from you. Head over to our Forum post on the loss of a loved one and get the conversation started. Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

National Adoption Day is 17 November. To adopt a child is usually a chance to change its life for the better, but this isn't always the case, as Anastasia Fox can contest. Problems from her own adoption led to rehab and life on the streets before coming out the other side a proud mother herself. Here's her story. I can’t remember how old I was when Rose and Roy told me, but from as far back as I can remember, I’ve always known I was adopted. To be fair, I don’t think I really understood what it meant. I just know that it was something that happened when I was a baby. Rose and Roy had been living in the Philippines for a few years doing some missionary work and I suppose they believed that adopting foreign children would be a good idea and make them look better to their Christian organization. Roy's from the UK and Rose is South African. They had adopted my older brother five years before me and always had the desire for a big family. When they decided to adopt another child, they took my brother with them to the orphanage and asked him who he would like as a little sister. He ran up to me and said, “This one, I want her to be my sister.” I don’t remember much about our time in the Philippines: I only have vague memories and can really only go off of photos. I spent most of my time with my nanny – who I loved dearly – and the rest of the time, I spent with our dog. We left the Philippines when I was just three and the family was moved to the UK. However, we didn’t spend much time there and very shortly after, we moved on to Canada. I don’t have many memories of speaking about adoption. I knew it upset my brother quite a bit, and maybe that’s why we never spoke more about it. He always seemed to be angry, and whenever the word “adoption” was mentioned, he would explode. I couldn’t understand that reaction, as I didn’t really have any feelings about it. On the move I can’t say I had the happiest childhood, and most of it I blocked out. I spent a lot of time alone in my closet. I couldn’t take the fighting that went on in our house. Once in a while memories come back to me, but for the most part, most of it’s a blur. When I think back now, I find it quite strange that we didn’t speak more about adoption. I don’t really remember talking about how anything made us feel. Rose and Roy always would say, “You’re too young to know how you feel.” or, “God wants us to do this, so it’s right.” And being that young, I went along with it. I figured feelings weren’t something I had the right to feel. Happier times: Anastasia, her brother and adoptive parents, Rose and Roy I didn’t notice for years that I had a different skin color to everybody else in their family. To me, we were all the same skin color. I can’t even remember the first time it was brought to my attention that my brother and I were different. It’s interesting how no one is born racist, or born judging others because they look different; it’s something that’s taught. Unfortunately, it took years in the adopted “family” for everyone to show their true colors, and see that racism is actually quite big. It ultimately became the dividing factor in their family. We did a lot of moving around when I was younger, and because they had a lot of family in South Africa, we spent a fair amount of time there as well. I don’t remember too much racism when I was younger; it wasn’t till I was older that it started to become apparent. As I mentioned earlier, as Rose and Roy are missionaries, we started moving around a lot, which meant moving countries quite often. That also meant leaving behind our friends, our animals, our schools… our whole lives. It was something that I hated so much, but I had to get used to. “I didn’t notice for years that I had a different skin color to everybody else in their family. To me, we were all the same skin color.” Deep inside I started to become angry and resentful. All I wanted was a family, a real family, and one that stayed in one place long enough to have a real life. I started to see why my brother was so angry all the time. It wasn’t just the adoption, it was the instability, the never knowing, the rejection from the family. By the time I was 11, we had been living in South America for a few years, and I was beyond miserable. I had never wanted to leave Canada, but like everything else, I was told I was too young to know how I felt about leaving everything behind. “I wanted the pain to go away” By this point, Rose and I didn’t get along whatsoever. She would get so frustrated with me for small things, and take it all out on me. She would often tell me she wished she had never adopted me, or that she isn’t surprised that I was given up for adoption. She even went as far to say that if she ever committed suicide, it would be my fault. That’s when I started really resenting the fact that I'd been adopted. Rose would always combat what she said by telling me I should be grateful to her because life in the Philippines would be a million times worse. At that point, I doubted it so much and said I would prefer to die on the streets there with my biological family than be in the same house as her. Andy, Anastasia's birth father It wasn’t till I was about 17 that my brother told me the reason Rose hated me so much. Roy had cheated on her with my nanny; the nanny I was so close to. In the end we left the Philippines because of that, but Rose and Roy decided to stay together. That’s when Rose started to take it out on me. We finally moved back to Canada after five years in Central and South America. Aside from the culture shock I went through, and the fighting at home, I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I didn’t understand what was going on in my life. I was miserable from Rose, and all I wanted was the pain to go away. I was diagnosed with PTSD at a young age, and no one knew how to help me as they had never heard of someone so young living through such violence. I kept it all inside, because the more I spoke, the worse it made it at home. I started drinking and using drugs at 13: I just wanted everything to end and constantly hearing about how I screwed up everything by being adopted didn’t help. Every day that I had to see Rose made me hate my life even more and resent the fact that I was adopted. I just wanted my mother. My real one. I didn’t care if she had no money or lived in a shack: at least I’d be able to be with her. I couldn’t understand why they gave me up. All the anger inside started to turn to rage. I started to believe everything Rose said to me; started to see myself as not good enough for anyone and that no one would ever want me. But in the same breath, I wouldn’t say anything because she always told me that I should just be grateful. But for what exactly? “Every day that I had to see Rose made me hate my life even more and resent the fact that I was adopted. I just wanted my mother. My real one.” I can’t remember how old I was the first time Rose and Roy went back to the Philippines, or if it was that they contacted the orphanage I was from and they were sent information. Either way, I remember one day being handed some papers with no explanation, no talking about how I felt. It was all the information on my biological family. It broke my heart once again and left me with even more questions than before. My 'real' family My biological parents are Andy Rumeral and Susan Miguel. They had me when they were really young. My dad was 13 and my mum was 15. They had seven kids together and then my mum left my dad, married someone else, and had four more children. My sister Sandy and I, we’re the oldest. It really hurt me a lot when I saw that I had a twin sister, and that I was the one given up for adoption. Why me? Why didn’t they keep us both? Why did they keep having babies after us? Why wasn’t I good enough to stay? The paper had all our names and birthdates on it. Things kind of went downhill from there. I would obsess about my family. Every time Rose would say something to me, I would bite my tongue, and inside I would scream at my biological mum for leaving me. I guess it was true; not even my mum wanted me and that piece of paper was proof. I was kicked out of Roy and Roses’ house when I was 16 and for the next year it was a bit of a tornado. I moved in for a short amount of time with my then boyfriend. Things were really great when I wasn’t living with him, and when I moved into his place, life did a complete 180. He turned into the biggest monster I had ever met. All of a sudden my nightmares became a reality. I just wanted out, but had nowhere to go. Roy would come and pick me up once in a while and it was as if he had turned a blind eye. I clearly had bruises and black eyes, and he would never bat an eyelash. It was as if he didn’t want to be confronted with reality, so I played along. “It really hurt me a lot when I saw that I had a twin sister, and that I was the one given up for adoption. Why me? Why didn’t they keep us both?” Eventually the beatings and raping from my boyfriend became too much for me. By this point he'd threatened my life a few times and I was so afraid I just left. I couldn’t go back to Rose and Roy’s house as they didn’t want me there, so the next few months became living for myself. Life on the streets... and pregnant I bounced around from various shelters, to the street. I would usually stay the amount of time allowed in a shelter, sleep on the street a few nights, go to another shelter and so on. I met a lot of different people in that time: there were a lot of really difficult times, but there were also a lot of really happy times. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose (or so I thought). Roy told me years later he didn’t mind me living on the street, because at least he knew he could always find me. He would make it a point to find me once a week for food. Other than that I relied on busking, dumpster diving, and shelters. In fact, it was while living on the street that I found out I was pregnant. Not what I imagined or what I hoped for. I realised I had to get off the street, but had nowhere to go. How could I have a baby? I was only 16 and on the run from my ex. The police had been involved various times but they couldn’t do much, and as I lived on the street, there wasn’t too much they could do to protect me. I was always asked why I didn’t have an abortion or put my baby up for adoption. Both options had gone through my mind. I did have an abortion booked, but when they did the ultrasound to see how far along I was, I saw my baby on the screen. I could see this little alien-looking bean moving around; I could see the form of fingers and toes. I couldn’t go through with it. Susan: Anastasia's birth mother I then looked into the option of adoption. I had the family picked out, and the paperwork ready. The day I went to sign the last bit of paperwork, the lady at the centre asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. She knew what I had gone through and my feelings of being adopted. She told me that ultimately it was my choice but that she wanted to make sure that I was really positive this is what I wanted to do. She left the room for a minute and left me sitting there. How could I do this to my child? Did I really want her to feel what I felt? It isn’t her fault. I ripped up the paperwork and walked out. I knew I had to change my life, but there was a part of me didn’t really care. Becoming a mum I was usually on the run from the father of my child, and was still using quite a lot of drugs and drinking heavily. It seemed to make my situation better. I lived on the streets and in shelters until I was about seven months pregnant. The government eventually housed me. It wasn’t till I was about eight months pregnant that I decided to get clean. By that point my doctor had told me I needed to brace myself for a child with disabilities. I gave birth on 8 November 8, 2001, to a very healthy baby girl. She far surpassed the doctors’ expectations. But I can’t say that I was thrilled. I was only 16; still a child myself. Being a mum to my daughter wasn’t easy at all. I had never wanted children, I didn’t see the point in having them. And as my daughter was a result of rape, I didn’t bond with her. Every time I looked at her, I saw him. It took me years to see her as a true gift. I tried hard to love her, and when I really struggled, I would remember what I felt like being rejected by my parents, and that would help me a bit more. “How could I do this to my child? Did I really want her to feel what I felt? It isn’t her fault. I ripped up the paperwork and walked out.” When I was 18, I gave birth to my other daughter. I didn’t even know how to be a mother, I didn’t even know what a mother was. To me, a mother, was someone that rejected her children, or told them ugly things and made them feel unwanted. Did I want that for my children? Did I even deserve to have children? These are questions that have haunted me for years. Not so much anymore, but definitely as I was growing up with my kids. I still don’t fully understand what a mother is, and perhaps I never will. Adoption: my 'real' family revealed It wasn’t till I was 18 that my adopted parents went back to the Philippines. They'd asked me before they left if I wanted to find out more info about my family. I told them it wasn’t necessary but if they happened to find anything out, that was fine too. They came back with an envelope, handed it to me and left. It had a letter from my natural dad, photos of my parents, my brothers and sisters, and an address of a family member that lived in the US. I can’t explain what went through my head as I was looking through the photos. I was a part of her and a part of him, and yet I knew nothing about them. There in front of me, were photos of my brothers and sisters, all together. Why were they all together, and I was on the other side of the world? I stared at those photos for hours, so much went through my head. I don’t think I even cried, I was just so amazed and yet disgusted. Anastasia and her two daughters, Mariah and Thalya Rayne I saw the letter from my dad: yellow paper with green lines and messy handwriting. I had waited for this my whole life. I finally had something in my hands from my dad. It took me a few days to open it. I was terrified of what I might read inside. When I finally did, I think I started crying even before starting it. “My daughter…” that’s how it started. How could he call me his daughter? He didn’t even know me. He was the one that gave me up. YOU GAVE ME UP, YOU CAN’T CALL ME YOUR DAUGHTER NOW. He spoke about how he regretted giving me away, how it was my mother who did it, how he would do anything to have me back. He said he'd been looking for me for years, but didn’t know where to search. All he knew was that I had been adopted into a white family and left for a better life. A better life? How would you know? You don’t know what it’s been like. You can’t act like all of a sudden I matter to you. He asked me about my life, about my children, about my adopted “parents”. He just kept telling me he loved me and asking me for forgiveness. How does that work? I don’t even know you, you can’t suddenly come into my life and write me all these things and think it’s going to be better. I hate you. He'd left his address and also a contact for one of my cousins in the Philippines. He said that my cousin was the one that wrote most of the letter as my dad doesn’t speak much English. I didn’t do anything for about a year, I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to feel. I was so hurt by this point. I finally worked up enough courage to get ahold of my cousin. It all happened fairly quickly. It seemed like one day he was just a man I knew I was apart of, and the next day, I was waiting to speak to him for the first time. This was way back when we had Yahoo messenger for video calling. Meeting dad I’ll never forget that day. It was about 02:00 a.m. in Canada. Everyone had gone to bed and I didn’t want to turn on my webcam. I knew on the other side was Andy, the man that was biologically my father. I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes and turned it on. When I opened them, there he was. He had a big smile on his face and eyes filled with tears. “My daughter” was the first thing out of his mouth. I didn’t move a muscle: I don’t think I even took a breath. There he was. I had waited 20 years, and there he was. My cousin was sitting beside him and I don’t think he knew what to say either. My dad just started to say “I love you, I love you, my daughter, Rodelia.” He kept calling me my birth name, which makes sense, as he had no idea they had changed my name. It was a really powerful experience. I had no idea what to say; I didn’t want to say anything, I just wanted to stare at him and for him to speak to me. I just wanted to hear his voice. I didn’t care that he couldn’t speak English. I just wanted my dad to hold me. The video chats became a weekly thing. I would chose a couple of nights a week, and “speak” with my dad and cousin online. Most of the time it was just me sitting there crying, and staring at him, but it was just the fact that he was there, and I could see him. Sandy: the twin sister Anastasia had trouble forgiving However, I was also drinking a lot at this time. I loved seeing him, but also hated it. I felt dead inside. This went on for about six months. I thought I was coping well with it. And then one day, I exploded. What the hell was this? He can’t be out of my life for 20 years and then just suddenly come into it and think this is all OK. That’s not how it works. And just as quickly as it started, I ended it. I didn’t want to talk to them anymore. I didn’t want to hear anything about him. Any of them. I tried to block it all out, and for years I wouldn’t speak of them. I suddenly understood why my brother was always so angry. I started drinking a lot and taking opiods. Anything to numb how I felt inside. Almost everything I did, I was completely high. In my head, I was a better mother while high. I would laugh more and didn’t feel so dead inside. My life became consumed with numbing the pain I felt. I gave my children everything. I didn’t want them to know what it was like to feel like I felt. I gave them everything, except a lot of affection. I loved my children, I gave them hugs, I cuddled them, but from a distance. I didn’t baby them. “He can't be out of my life for 20 years and then just suddenly come into it and think this is all OK. That's not how this works.” Eventually my niece and my partner’s son was also living with us. We had a full house of children: exactly what I didn’t want in life. As hard as it was, I gave all those children the love I felt I never had. But how could I, if I didn’t love myself? After a year of all these children, I eventually gave my niece back to my brother, and my step son went back to his mother. I really struggled as a mother. I loved my children, and always made sure to tell them that, but I didn’t know how to love. Addiction, rehab and mum I struggled with addiction for years. It eventually got so bad that I went to rehab. My body had become so physically dependent on alcohol, my organs were failing, and I was drinking to die. I prayed that every sip I took would kill me, that I wouldn’t wake up. And every time I would wake up, I would be so angry. My doctors had already told me when I was 20 that I wouldn’t live to see 30 if I didn’t get my addiction under control… but I didn’t care. I wanted the pain to end. What would it matter anyways? Rehab helped change my life. If it wasn’t for that one year away, I wouldn’t be alive today. It was by far the hardest year of my life, but so worth it. It took a few years even after rehab to be “OK” with being sober. When I was about 28, I had another life-changing event. It was early in the morning and my phone kept going off. It was notifications from Facebook. I didn’t recognize the name, and logged on. All I remember reading was “sis, it’s me, your younger sis. I’m with mom. She want say hi [sic].” I froze. Who are you? What do you mean, you’re my sister? When I looked at her photo, I recognized her from the photos I had. I responded right away and said I wanted to speak to my mom. She said OK and gave me her Skype name. “My body had become so physically dependent on alcohol, my organs were failing, and I was drinking to die.” I sat on my bed in the dark. I called my partner and told him I was about to speak with my mum for the first time and that I was scared. I sat in my bed, crying, for about half an hour before turning on my computer. This again. I had been waiting for this moment for 28 years. I turned on my camera and waited for hers to come on. When it finally came on, there were about 15 people sitting down, all smiling and waving at me: I knew none of them were my mom. And then suddenly I saw her. She was sitting in the middle of everyone. Not smiling, not waving, just sitting there. I burst into tears, and so did she. I just said, “Mama, I need you.” I didn’t care that she couldn’t speak English. She was my mother. She was the woman that could make everything all better. She just kept saying “I love you, I’m so sorry. I love you.” And then I just started asking her “WHY?” WHY ME?” “WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?” Rhea: Anastasia's little sister My little sister then had to step in and translate for me. The first thing she asked me was if I had seen my adoption papers. I said I had. She said that she never signed them, that she didn’t know about the adoption until I was already in the orphanage and someone else wanted to adopt me. She told me to look and tell me if her signature was there, or if it was a fingerprint. I already knew it was a fingerprint. It was his fingerprint. She said that on the third piece of paper, it’ll show that she didn’t know about the adoption until a few months later. My parents hadn’t been living together, and my mum was in and out of the hospital, so it was quite normal for things like this to happen. Quite normal? I don’t know what it was inside of me that told me she was telling the truth. But somehow her story made a lot more sense then the one my dad had told me. I stared at my mum on the screen for about two hours. Just listened to her sing to me. Ask me questions. Look at me. This was my mum. The lady that gave me life. The lady I loved, and yet didn’t know why. The lady I also blamed for not knowing how to love my own children. The lady that brought me into this world, but also felt like she took my life from me. She eventually had to go, and we hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her. I sat there completely numb. I didn’t know how to feel at this point. I couldn’t numb myself even more with any kind of substance. Like most things, I put it to the side, and kept on going. I don’t know why that was the last time I spoke to my mom. I wasn’t angry at her. I was extremely hurt. It brought up even more questions, but I didn’t feel towards her like I do with my dad. “I stared at my mum on the screen for about two hours. Just listened to her sing to me. Ask me questions. Look at me. This was my mum. The lady that gave me life. The lady I loved, and yet didn’t know why.” I often think about her, all of them. Most of my biological family don’t accept me as one of their own. They all know that I was adopted into a white family, and so to them, I’m a bank account. Ironic how I was adopted into a racist white family, and my biological family doesn’t see me as family as I was adopted into a white family. Adoption: forgiveness and healing It wasn’t until I was 31 that I met Lilly Pretorius. I was in South Africa for an emergency and needed somewhere to stay. She took me in under her wing, and for three weeks stood by my side. She stood up against my adopted “parents” and fought with me. Lily became my mother; she became the woman that finally loved me for who I was, and cared for me without there being stipulations. She finally gave me unconditional love. We have spoken many times about finding a way for her to legally adopt me. Until that day, I’m just blessed to have her in my life. I’m grateful for the love she shows me and to be able to fall back on her. I never in a million years expected to have a mother figure like her. I felt like I had one more step in leaving that part of my life behind. I legally changed my name, realizing I didn’t want to have anything to do with Rose and Roy. I wanted my life to be filled with positivity. I was tired of always being told I needed help, that I was exaggerating, that it was always in God's plan. I was tired of the arguing, and feeling worthless. The day I received my new passport with my new name was one of the best days of my life. It was like a dark chapter had finally closed, and life, my life, could really begin. They were gone. I’ve had to learn to forgive my biological parents for what I felt was abandonment. I don’t know if I’ll ever know the real reason why or who actually made the decision. In some ways I’d prefer to just think they both genuinely had my best interest at heart, but that would be living a lie. I’ve had to learn to be thankful for the life they gave me, and the opportunities I have had. Without them, I wouldn’t be alive today. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to help others. I’ve had to forgive my biological family for not accepting me as one of their own. We share the same DNA and features, yet because I was adopted into a white family, I am not considered one of them. I’ve had to forgive my brothers and sisters for being a family, having one another, and having what I’ve always wanted. I had to work through that resentment I’ve held against them all this time, one that they’ve had no idea about. For years they wished they were me; thinking I had it all, that I’m happy, that I have lots of money, and a great life. In reality, they had no idea what I went through and what I felt all these years without them. “The day I received my new passport with my new name was one of the best days of my life. It was like a dark chapter had finally closed, and life, my life, could really begin.” I’ve had to learn to forgive my twin sister for being the one they chose to keep and living a life that she may consider poor and disgraceful. I’ve had to learn to be thankful that I have a sister, and not just one, but many. I’ve had to be grateful that after all these years I was able to speak with her and know more about her and her life. I’ve had to forgive my mum and Rose for not teaching me or showing me a mother’s love. I never knew how to be a mom; I didn’t want to be one. My children both know that I’d do anything for them but that I didn’t find motherhood or parenthood easy. They know that I won’t ever stop fighting for them. They know I love them, I don’t always show it the same way a typical mother might, but I show them in ways they understand. I know I’m by far a great mother, but my kids know that I’ll be there for them, no matter what. I wasn’t a natural born mother, but I was born to be a mother to them. I’ve had to learn to forgive my dad for giving me away. I’ve had to forgive him for not being that father figure I wanted and needed. I had to forgive him for not being there for me and doing what fathers do with their little girls. I wish he would have warned me about boys, about life, things every little girl wants from her dad. I’ve had to forgive Roy for being too much like my best friend and not enough like a dad, for never saying ‘no’, and not setting any boundaries. I’ve had to forgive him for cheating on Rose and her taking her anger out on me. I’ve had to forgive him for not believing me when I needed him the most, and for leaving me in situations that a father should be there for his daughter. I’ve had to forgive him for letting me do what I want, when I wanted, and instead of telling me something wasn’t right, encouraging me to keep going. And, finally, I’ve had to forgive myself for not letting myself be happy, loved, and free. ● Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

Barcelona has a vibrant yoga community with hundreds of studios to choose from. So, which are the best? Here are eight that we rate. By Calvin Holbrook. Looking for a cool space to do the Cobra or the perfect place to do the Plank? The Catalan capital has so many yoga studios and classes it can be hard to know where to start. So, here – in no particular order – are our pick of some of the best yoga studios in Barcelona. Not a Spanish speaker? No problem. Many of these schools and studios offer some yoga classes in English. Namasté! 1. Yoga Studio Barcelona One of Barcelona’s oldest and most-established studios, Yoga Studio Barcelona is found in the heart of the city at Plaza Universidad. It’s great for busy working people, as it offers one of the best and fullest yoga schedules during the week, with classes going up until 22:00pm. Yoga Studio Barcelona also regularly organise courses and workshops, in everything from beginner’s yoga to Kundalini. Additionally, for those with a real desire to progress with yoga, Yoga Studio Barcelona offer teaching training courses. Yoga Studio Barcelona, Plaza Universidad 4 2. The Garage by Verónica Blume One of Barcelona’s most beautiful yoga studios, The Garage by Verónica Blume is housed in a converted warehouse in the peaceful foothills of Poble Sec. The project of model-slash-actress Véronica Blume – who also teaches – the studio is naturally stylish, with exposed brick, pastels and parquet flooring. The classes on offer include ashtanga, vinyasa and yin yoga, but The Garage also regularly organise specialised short courses and events. Luckily, there are many classes and events that are also explicitly taught in English. A calm and beautiful space in which to exercise, The Garage is definitely one of Barcelona’s best (and most beautiful!) yoga studios. The Garage by Verónica Blume, c/ de Magalhães, 2 3. Espai Yoga Barcelona If the mantras and breathing exercises involved in Kundalini yoga are your preference, one of the best yoga studios in the Catalan capital for Kundalini is Espai Yoga Barcelona. Kundalini Yoga classes at Espai Yoga Barcelona aim to provide you with stress relief, relaxation, and help you to achieve a greater sense of well-being. They also offer yoga training for families. Espai Yoga Barcelona, c/ Provença 196 4. Yoga Bindu Like flexibility in your schedule as well as your body? Then Yoga Bindu in Barcelona is a great option. This studio offers an extensive weekly schedule, with classes including many different styles of yoga: Ashtanga, Acroyoga, Hatha Vinyasa, Yin Yang flow, Nidra and Yin. Also Pilates and meditation. Prices start from €8 for drop-ins, or you can buy discounted 10-pass packs, which you can use across all the different styles. The studios at Yoga Bindu have plenty of natural light, plus there are decent changing rooms, showers, a therapy room, and a café. Yoga Bindu also give teacher training in Barcelona for new teachers. Yoga Bindu, c/ Arco de Santa Eulalia, 1 5. Bikram Yoga Barcelona The only Bikram yoga studio in Barcelona officially certified by style-founder Bikram Choudhury himself, Bikram Yoga Barcelona is clearly the best choice in the city for those who like to sweat during their asana. Each Bikram yoga session is done over 90 minutes, and takes in 26 postures and two breathing exercises. It’s practised in a room with a temperature of 40-42ºC. Bikram Yoga Barcelona has two studio centres in the city and sessions take place in large, modern rooms with underfloor heating. Both centres boast spacious locker rooms and showers.The best news? If you’re a resident of Barcelona, Bikram Yoga offers a 10-day Bikram yoga pass for €25, where you can try as many classes as possible. Bikram Yoga Barcelona, c/ Pau Claris 97 pral and c/ de la Caravel·la la Niña, 18 6. Yogaia Barcelona What makes Yogaia one of the best places for yoga in Barcelona? As well as its two very bright practice rooms that look out to a gorgeous interior garden patio, Yogaia Bacelona is a social studio with a great entrance area where you can take a snack or tea. It also has a fantastic yoga-related shop attached, full of clothing and books and more. Yogaia Barcelona offer a wide range of yoga sessions for all levels, from beginners right through to advanced. When it comes to prices, this centre offers flexible ways to pay for your yoga sessions: there are drop-in prices, 10- and 20-class packs, as well as unlimited one, three, six and 12-month options, too. Yogaia Barcelona, Passieg de San Juan 121 7. La Shala Located right in the heart of Barcelona, La Shala is more than just a yoga studio; it's a space to share, to experience, explore, and work on personal development together. You practice in a large, 70 m2 room with lots of natural light. The schedule at La Shala is vibrant, offering various kinds of yoga and other activities every day of the week. Indeed, what makes La Shala one of the best studios in Barcelona are its events outside of the regular schedule including weekend yoga events and live concerts. La Shala also offer free tea and water before and during each class and every teacher manages their prices differently, meaning this studio has more of a co-operative, community feeling, which makes it special. La Shala, Plaza Ramon Berenguer 2 8. Glow If you can’t speak Spanish, Glow might be one of your best yoga options while in Barcelona. That’s because all of its classes are taught in English! Hidden away in a secret garden passage in the heart of El Borne, Glow offers a myriad of yoga classes and styles to calm the mind, exercise the body, and nourish the soul. The studio at Glow is large, with lots of natural light, and there are 30 weekly yoga classes to choose from, a great variety of teachers and many flexible pricing options. Get ready to glow! ● Glow, c/ Volta de la Perdiu 2 Have you tried any of these yoga studios in Barcelona? Which one did you enjoy the best? Let the happiness.com community know below. Liked this article? You may also enjoy: What I learned from my first time at Barcelona Yoga Conference Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness.com magazine, as well being an artist and travel lover. He also loves hiking, nature, swimming, yoga, sweaty dancing, and all things vintage!

When Paula Stephens struggled with grief following the death of her son, relief came from an unexpected source – essential oils. Here she suggests six essential oils that can relieve the depression and anxiety attached to grief, and that can boost your well-being and focus. Sometimes, the universe conspires in the strangest of ways. Shortly prior to my son Brandon dying, I became the proud owner of a natural and organic body and bath company. I started to learn so much about natural body products and reveled in putting the products together from scratch myself. Part of my new education was about essential oils, which I hadn't had much experience with previously. I found myself drawn to these scents after Brandon passed. Creating products became my sanctuary from the weight of my grief. Indeed, using essential oils for grief became an unexpected tool in my coping. One of my strongest memories to date of healing scents is of taking a buttermilk bath with a blend of rose, vanilla and grapefruit – heaven! The warm bath water had blended into a delicious mix of buttermilk, Epsom salts and scents. This bath released so much emotional tension from inside me I could almost feel it leave my body. Heaven scent: essential oils can help during grief Sometimes I'd go down to my basement with the essential oils and just start to smell whatever scent called to my emotional needs at the time. I began to notice trends in what I was drawn to and how it made me feel. Indeed, when it came to help healing my grief, there was definitely some mystic magic happening between me and my essential oils. Essential oils: the short and smelly version There's so much I could tell you about the healing power of essential oils and the many ways you can use them. Additionally, there’s the whole blending of them to create even more magic! But for now I will share a short version of what you need to know to start using these essential oils to help with your grief and healing. Essential oils are derived from plants, bark, leaves and other plant/trees preserving their essence, scent and healing properties. The best and easiest way to use them is to either inhale them or rub them on the skin. Only a small amount is required. “I found myself drawn to these scents after Brandon passed. Using essential oils for grief became an unexpected tool in my coping.” When we do this, essential oils combine with our bodies' natural processes to enhance our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Quality matters with essential oils, so buy the good stuff. Luckily, they are generally not very expensive. You should purchase oils that are pure and all natural with no synthetic scents added. The essential essential oils for grief I could give you dozens of options to start exploring, but for now I'm going to stick with some basic oils that should be easily available from any natural grocery store. Additionally, to keep it simple, I'll only list them individually and unblended with other essential oils. But keep in mind that there are many great blends that are packaged for a particular emotion, such as grief. 1. Essential oils for depression and anxiety These two oils are both calming essences. Bergamot Known to reduce tension and help with sleeplessness, bergamot is also an emotional powerhouse helping to release fear, anxiety, depression and support self-love. Lavender This essential oil for grief is one of the most well-known and popular essential oils and one of the few that truly has lots of scientific data backing up its calming effects. Be sure to use natural lavender, not a man-made synthetic. You can apply drops directly to pulse points and put a few drops on your pillow case before you go to bed to help if you can't sleep. Purple reign: lavender is the king of relaxing plants and oils 2. Essential oils for focus and clarity These two oils will help to clear your mind and focus. Peppermint Known for its uplifting properties, peppermint also clears the mind and increases focus. It's ideal for when you can’t let your grief stop you completing an important task. Rosemary This is a popular essential oil right now and for good reason. Rosemary increases both mental function and clarity. Some studies have shown that when it's combined with lavender it can reduce cortisol – the stress hormone. The 8 types of grief explained Holiday grief: 10 tips for coping What is disenfranchised grief? 3. Essential oils to lift spirits These essential oils will help to boost your well-being and manifest joy. Mostly any citrus Grapefruit is my favourite, but you can also use lime, sweet orange or lemon! Citrus is emotionally uplifting and produces positive outward energy. Rosewood Rosewood is known for its anti-depressive qualities and it's also used to reduce headaches and lift mood. On a side note, rosewood trees have been over harvested, so please use with a conscious spirit. Using essential oils for grief In the future I will most likely do a second post listing additional essential oils for grief. The fun part of using essential oils for grief is that you can play around with the oils to find out which work best with your own emotions and body. Enjoy trying these out and let us know in the comments below what works well for you! ● If you're struggling with grief, head over to our forum on grief to chat directly with other members of the community for support. Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organization that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She's the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.