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Interviewer Veronika Eicher still had the distant flavor of raisins in her mouth – from finishing the 'raisin meditation' on Dave Potter’s MBSR course – when the pair sat down to talk. She asked him about his background in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, the motivation behind his free course, dealing with chronic pain, and meditation. When was the last time you ate mindfully? Dave Potter, fully-certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) instructor and retired psychotherapist, laughs before answering: “Well, it’s all a matter of degree. Even though I'm a mindfulness teacher, there are times when I’m not eating very mindfully. For instance, last night my wife and I talked continuously through dinner, and I was not at all mindful of what I was eating. In a previous life as a marketing manager at Intel, many of our meetings were over meals and we were expected to do business and eat at the same time. I used to tell people that I didn’t progress any higher than I did on Intel’s corporate ladder because I never learned to eat and talk at the same time.” Although Dave didn’t stay at Intel for long, he spent over 20 years in the computer industry, first as a free-ance computer consultant and later founding a software company that grew to a dozen employees and customers all over the world. At age 51, although he loved technology, he came to realize that he was far more interested in people than computers, and he went back to school to get a graduate degree in counseling and became a psychotherapist. It was then that he started teaching mindfulness, which led me to my next question: How did you first get to know MBSR? “I found MBSR about the time I began working as a therapist, but I was not new to meditation, having meditated since I was in high school. Even though I was already a long-term meditator and didn’t think I had much to learn, after taking a training class from Jon Kabat-Zinn, I was impressed with MBSR and how teachable it was. MBSR, as Jon Kabat-Zinn taught it, is neither full of esoteric terms, nor religious. Instead, the language Jon used was so simple that wasn’t until Dave saw Jon teach the MBSR course that he understood the tremendous power of MBSR and this particular way of teaching meditation. “The language is very simple: ‘Pay attention to your experience while you are having it’, but embedded in the MBSR course was such depth and meaning that I wanted to share it with others, so I became certified to teach by the University of Massachusetts Medical School, where Jon Kabat-Zinn founded MBSR,” Dave explained. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged Eating mindfully can be one of many daily opportunities to practice mindfulness Many people take the course to reduce the level of stress in their lives. You say that when you tell new students that they will need to dedicate 30 minutes a day to meditation, they often say: “Where will I find the time? This will make me more stressed, not less!” Isn’t that ironic? “In the beginning, many people do feel that it is more stressful, that’s true. This is because they are now paying closer attention to what is happening inside them, and they have begun to notice things that were there all along, but under the surface. But, typically, after about three or four weeks, things settle down. What most people discover by that point is that although their day is technically 30 minutes shorter, the rest of the day is more productive and much less stressful than it was before. So people do see the fruits of the practice, but often not until three or four weeks into the course. That's one of the reasons the course is eight weeks long and not three.” Discover more about Dave Potter's free MBSR course What can participants of the course expect to happen? “At first, it feels as if nothing is happening. You sit in meditation, your mind wanders, you pull it back, your mind wanders again, you pull it back again, and on and on, in a seemingly endless cycle. It looks like nothing productive is happening. But there is magic in this process that is not at all apparent while it’s happening. The point of the meditation is not to stop thoughts, but to change your relationship to them, and the critical place in which that relationship can change is when you notice your mind has been wandering. What people typically say in the beginning is, “I’m no good at this, my mind is wandering all the time, I can’t do this.” They're frustrated that they can’t get their mind to stay in one place and beat themselves up about it. But it's not about keeping the mind in one place: it's about what happens in that moment when you discover that you mind has wandered. It’s about accepting that fact and being kind to yourself at that moment.” RELATED: 9 science-backed benefits of meditation Jack Kornfield often tells a story about training a puppy to fetch. In the beginning, you throw the stick and the puppy doesn’t bring it back. But you don’t give up, and you throw the stick many, many times until finally, almost unexpectedly, the puppy brings the stick back to you. At that point you don’t say, “Bad dog!! Why didn’t you bring the stick back before now?!?”. You say, “GOOD BOY!!! GOOD JOB!” and give the puppy a treat. This encourages the puppy to do it again and strengthens your good relationship with your puppy. “It’s the same with our mind. We train our students to recognize that those moments when they notice their mind has wandered are moments of awakening. These moments of awakening are cause for celebration, not self-criticism. Every single time you notice your mind has been wandering, you have just broken a life-long habit. This is what we aim for in our meditation.” Train your meditative mind like a puppy: with patience and treats! I must admit, I thought that when you meditate long enough – perhaps like you as a life-long meditator – that at some point your mind doesn’t wander anymore. Is that incorrect? “It’s not true that advanced meditators have learned to stop their thoughts entirely. Eliminating thoughts is actually not the goal of this type of meditation. Thinking is not a function we aim to eliminate. We need thinking to plan, to organize, to build, to create. Thoughts are important, but they are not the most important aspect of our experience, and, in fact, the thoughts we do have are often untrue or misleading. Tara Brach often says, ‘thoughts are real, but not true.’ RELATED: Tara Brach – psychologist, meditation author and teacher It’s true that there are types of meditations designed to perfect concentration but this type of meditation, when combined with a single-minded goal of achieving states of absorption and bliss, don’t address the realities of day-to-day life. There's a story about a monk who goes up to a mountain cave to meditate in isolation. After years of practice, he perfects his concentration to the point where he is in almost continuous bliss and decides he is ready to come down from the mountain. Five minutes after arriving to town, one of the vendors at the market makes an insulting comment and he blows up in anger, seemingly undoing his years of practice in just moments. “People do see the fruits of MBSR, but often not until three or four weeks into the course. That's one of the reasons the course is eight weeks long and not three.” The type of meditation taught in MBSR includes both concentrative meditation and a more open-ended meditation that can be accessed in the midst of daily life, in which the meditator is fully aware of what’s happening around him and in him, on a moment-to-moment basis.” Your MBSR instructor: Dave Potter Dave Potter and I are talking more about the power of our minds. He shares the example of a Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard, who's had 50,000 hours of meditation practice over 30 years (that’s five hours a day – every day!) and who has been extensively studied by psychologists and neuroscientists. Paul Ekman, a University of California psychologist, suspected that Ricard would have a very low “startle response”, which has been shown to correspond to anxiety; the more anxious a person is, the stronger the physiological response to being startled. In this laboratory test, the subject is wired up to instrumentation and the physiological response to a very loud sound, similar to a gun-shot, is measured. When Ekman tested Ricard, he had to do it a second time because he couldn’t believe what his instruments were telling him about Ricard’s reaction. Ricard’s physiological response was lower than any subject he’d ever tested. In fact, it was lower than medical science had up to that point thought possible. When he asked Ricard how he did that (expecting he would say he brought his attention to a single point and blocked everything else out), Ricard said he did the opposite – he said that instead of narrowing his attention, he widened it, imagining himself to be as big as the universe, so large that it could easily absorb any sound or disturbance. He said he heard the sound very clearly, but it wasn’t bothersome to him due to his having widened his perspective to include and accept absolutely everything that came into awareness. Could this technique also be a way that MBSR participants learn to deal with discomforting feelings or chronic pain? By imagining the biggest pain and experience as less painful within the practice? The course doesn’t eliminate pain. For instance, people who have a chronic pain condition have typically tried everything and there is nothing doctors can prescribe that is safe that would eliminate the pain. In the MBSR course we aren’t working on eliminating the pain, but changing our relationship to it. We teach our students to work with difficult emotions and physical pain in a paradoxical way, something we introduce in Week 5, in a practice called “Turning Towards”. Students learn through this practice, building on skills they’ve learned in the first four weeks, that they can be with difficult feelings or sensation without being alarmed. RELATED: Mindfulness quotes – 10 sayings to inspire and ground you In the case of chronic pain, instead of trying to make it go away, which of course doesn't work, we ask students to get curious about it. Without labeling the discomfort as “pain”, we have them investigate the actual physical sensations. For instance, is it sharp or throbbing, large or small, precisely where is it located, what are its boundaries? By examining it closely, in a curious, non-fearful way, they discover that their “pain” is not a static thing, that their experience of it shifts when they're curious about it in this way. “Through MBSR we aren’t working on eliminating the pain, but on changing our relationship to it.” Then, after exploring the difficult area, we ask them to move their attention to a part of the body that is relatively relaxed, and stay there for a moment, noticing what kind of sensations they have there, maybe warmth or softness, or simply freedom from pain. This can look like we’re asking them to distract themselves, but we are simply having them shift attention to another part of their body, one that is actually connected to the difficult area. Then, after spending a few minutes there, they go back to the difficult area, and back and forth. By doing this a few times, the students experience the discomfort as only part of them, and that it’s not fixed and unchangeable. In this way, the student learns to see and experience the difficult area in a larger context, similar to the way that Matthieu Ricard did with the loud sound in the “startle” test. So, in that sense, it is a widening of awareness and perspective that makes the pain less difficult. Probably the most gifted and skilled meditation teacher for dealing with chronic pain is Vidmayala Burch. She is founder of Breathworks in the UK and understands chronic pain because she has dealt with serious, debilitating pain she has had her entire adult life, including now. She is a gifted teacher and role-model for those dealing with chronic pain. Vidyamala often uses pillows to demonstrate how we compound physical (or emotional) pain with fear and worry, having a student sit in the center of the room with a pillow on their lap, saying that the pillow represents the physical pain, the difficult sensations themselves (or problematic life event). Then, on top of this pillow, another is added, representing a fear or worry they have about the pain, such as the fear that the pain will get worse. Then they add another, maybe about the worry that if it keeps up they won’t be able to work and support themselves, and another, and another, each one representing a specific worry or fear, until the pillows are stacked so high they are higher than the student’s head. Then Vidmayala would ask them to remove the pillows of worry and fear one by one, letting go of each one until all that remains in their lap is the first pillow representing the actual physical sensations. That pillow is still there, but much less troublesome than it was when buried under all the other pillows of fear and worry that were added to the actual physical pain (or problematic life event). Pillow practice for pain: MBSR was originally designed for pain patients The 'Pillow Practice' with Vidyamala Burch was mind-opening for me, as a chronic pain patient. Is this what mindfulness is about? Exactly. Being mindful is about realizing what is actually happening as well as noticing that we are compounding the situation with our fears and worries. In Buddhist terms you would say there is the first arrow which is the difficulty itself and the second arrow is all the worries and fears we have about that. We can’t always do anything about the first arrow, but the second arrow that is magnifying the difficulty can be removed. You were one of the first teachers to provide us with your MBSR course for free in our happiness academy and you also provide the course on your website palousemindfulness.com free of charge. What was your motivation for this? “There are a couple of answers to that. The first is: “Why not?”. The fact that I can even say this is because I’m retired and don’t need extra income and because of the efficiencies and reach of the internet. But, most importantly, I knew there are people who cannot afford to pay for a mindfulness course, and in many parts of the world there is no access to an in-person MBSR class. My intention was to make mindfulness as widely available as possible, no matter what the financial situation or geographic location. I’m fortunate that this is also the intention of most of the other teachers of mindfulness, even those who are well-known and can command high fees for their teaching. World-renowned mindfulness teachers such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Vidyamala Burch and Tara Brach have given me their written permission to use their videos and writings without any fee so that mindfulness can be more widely available. “The course does not make life perfect. It's about being at peace with not feeling peaceful.” As a former psychotherapist, it makes me happy to know that, through the Palouse Mindfulness course, people are being helped. Every day, I get letters from people who say the course has changed their lives. As a retired therapist whose work was about helping people, what could be better? RELATED: Meditation vs mindfulness – what's the difference? The course does not make life perfect. It’s not about being peaceful all the time. Not even the Dalai Lama is peaceful all the time. It's about being at peace with not feeling peaceful. When I hear from my students that this is what they’ve learned and that they are happier and more resilient than they were before, this is worth more to me than any monetary compensation.” Finally, do you still meditate on a daily basis? “I do. I’ve had a few periods in my life when I didn’t maintain a formal sitting practice, figuring that if I just lived my life mindfully, letting 'life' itself be my meditation, that would be enough. While that might be true, in principle, because any experience can be made into a mindful experience, during those periods without a formal practice, much of my life wasn’t very mindful. So, about 30 years ago, after being an on-again, off-again meditator, I committed to a regular, daily meditation practice of half an hour every morning and haven’t stopped since, except for a handful of days during that 30-year period. I don’t meditate to have some peace experience while I’m meditating, although that can be pleasant; I do it because of how it affects the rest of my day. My morning meditation creates a resilience and aliveness during the rest of the day that wouldn’t be there if I didn’t have this practice. My morning practice is actually fairly simple, similar to what in Soto Zen is called “zazen” or “just sitting”, a time that I don’t have to be anywhere else or doing anything else, a time that is just for me. Years ago, when my daughter was young, we took a parenting course from Barbara Coloroso and at the end of the course, she said, “I want you to spend 30 minutes a day with the person you are going to be with for the rest of your life with… and I don’t mean your spouse, because they may go before you. I mean you.” ● Thank you Dave, for the talk and for your work. Enroll here for the free MBSR course at the happiness academy. And don't forget to join in the MBSR course discussion in the forum: share your experiences and ideas with other members. Watch the full interview with Dave Potter: Interview by Veronika Eicher Veronika is a freelance writer. She likes to spend her free time working on her dream of a farm. On Instagram she writes about climate crises, nature and sustainable living.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why what other people think of you is really none of your business, and how imbibing this revolutionary truth can change your outlook on life, for the better. While the age-old idiom urges that it isn’t fair or wise to ‘judge a book by its cover’, humans are inherently programmed to do just that. And, surprisingly, this tendency continues even after we get to know others relatively better. Our relentless fixation with how others perceive us is further intensified in the online world. Social media implores us to constantly upload snippets of our lives: to be witnessed, judged, interpreted, and opined about in a myriad of ways and by people that we’ve often never even met! It seems like the more we reveal about ourselves, the more people have to say about us. The constant judgement and prying also creates a perceived need for people to seem ideal and likeable, which can often leave them struggling to cope with uncertainty regarding feedback from others. The fear of people’s opinions is an unreasonable obsession, especially predominant in the modern world, and what’s worse, it may be holding you back from performing at your best level. Tell yourself: “what other people think of me is none of my business.” As a compulsive people-pleaser, I used to worry about what people thought of me constantly, only to realize eventually that I could not possibly be liked by every single person. And, although I understood the logic underlying the lesson “what other people think of me is none of my business”, the difficult part was to internalize the message and implement it consciously in day-to-day functioning. Why humans love to judge The ability to infer the intentions of others from something as basic as motion cues alone is one of the basic cognitive adaptations deeply rooted in human behavior. Detecting danger and making quick decisions was deemed essential for reproduction, survival and evolution. Thus, we learned to interpret, label, and file our assessments about others, so we can retrieve and utilize the information when needed. 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you Finding your tribe – the 7 steps you need to take Are you being used? 12 signs to look out for Extensive studies by Susan T Fiske et al revealed that warmth and competence are the two fundamental dimensions used by people to perceive others, and the combinations of these result in generating emotions like admiration, envy, indifference etc. “What other people think of you really isn’t any of your business: it’s best to not let other people’s opinions prevent you from being the authentic version of yourself.” People habitually make important decisions based on their assessment of other people’s facial features, posture, behavioral cues and personality traits. Researcher Tessa E.S. Charlesworth found that even children as young as three regularly evaluate adults for personality traits such as trustworthiness, authority and expertise by focusing on their facial features. Indeed, we face judgement from varying ages and by different groups, i.e. family, faith, school, friends, workplace, etc. As a result, we become hard-wired to make snap judgments as we grow, which instils the need to be liked by everyone and the fear of other people’s opinions. Why what other people think of you is none of your business Although it might sound confusing, what others think about you really doesn’t matter. In fact, what really matters is what you think of yourself. Here are five reasons why: 1. You can’t read people’s minds Assumptions aside, we actually have no idea what others people are thinking. Indeed, we often assume what other people are thinking about us, but unless they actually verbalize it and tell us what it is exactly they’re thinking, then we really cannot be sure what they are thinking. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • For example, if you believe that your co-workers are discussing your dress sense or work ethics, it's only you who is deciding so, and you cannot be certain this is actually happening. Since we cannot read people’s minds, we should consciously stop making assumptions and rely purely on the actual events and accurate information as the basis for our thought patterns and resulting behavior. 2. You cannot control what others think of you Every person has their own unique perspective and a way of gauging others that has absolutely nothing to do with you, as pointed out in The Four Agreements by author Don Miguel Ruiz. What’s more, it’s likely to be an ongoing process that you cannot possibly control. Indeed, you’ll continue to be judged and held in a certain regard by others, regardless of how many times you interact with them and whether you’re warm and friendly or cold and distant. A study by Cornell University revealed that people continue to judge others according to their appearance and implied behavioral cues, even after interacting with them in person. It was concluded that first impressions last even after several face-to-face interactions, and that instead of doubting at least some of our initial perceptions after these interactions, we continue to believe them to be accurate and valid. Thus, what other people think of you really isn’t any of your business: it’s best to not let other people’s opinions prevent you from being the authentic version of yourself. 3. If a person is judging you, they’re probably judging themselves We judge and ascertain people by our own standards. Some of us measure our lives in terms of achievements and fame. Others value friendships and relationships the most. And, interestingly, one’s perceptions of others can reveal a lot about their own personality. If someone is judging you, they are also judging themselves shutterstock/SpeedKingz In fact, the standards you employ to measure your self-worth is essentially the same yardstick you use to size-up others around you. Understanding what other people think of you is none of your business is key to relieving yourself of the responsibility to please everyone around. Indeed, you cannot fulfil one’s idea of perfection, owing to the simple fact that their values and belief systems may be entirely different than yours. 4. Replacing constant worrying with positive emotions could make you happier Very often, judgments require us to retrieve crucial bits of information from our memories, and we often resort to recollecting negative feelings about others quicker than the positive ones. There is ample scientific evidence to suggest that not all emotions are created equal, and that as we grow older we tend to pay more attention to negative emotions such as jealousy, hatred, anger, sadness etc., as compared to positive emotions like joy, hope and love. “Accepting what other people think of you is none of your business can lead to a stress-fee life and happy state of mind.” We also tend to assume negative feedback and perspectives about ourselves on the behalf of other people, sometimes even without any prior reason. A review study by Roy F Baumeister et al found that this ‘negativity bias’ is a far more impactful and basic underlying psychological condition that creates self-doubt and reduces life satisfaction. Accepting what other people think of you is none of your business can lead to a stress-free life and a happy state of mind. 5. Genuine feedback about what people think of you is useful Even though it's good to ignore what people think of you, it may benefit you to take a break from this lesson periodically and take constructive feedback from the people you trust about so-called ‘blind areas’ or unknown aspects of your personality. According to the Johari Window Model – a useful psychological tool created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham – seeking feedback with an open mind may help you uncover the hidden or unacknowledged facets of your personality, like a natural talent, a repressed feeling from childhood, or a certain hard-wired behavior that you may want to address. The takeaway In truth, you cannot change how others perceive you, or even predict how they’ll react around you. Realizing that you really cannot control how others think of you can be utterly liberating and cathartic. Being self-aware, challenging negative self-talk and reviewing your perception of yourself consciously is the key to ingraining this lesson. • Main image: shutterstock/pathdoc happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Letting go | Authenticity | Acceptance | Self care Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Can friendship goals help us create and maintain longstanding, enriched friendships? Sonia Vadlamani shows how to set and achieve best friend goals with the help of some examples. We meet different people along the journey called life, and while some leave, some stay in our lives as a part of the sojourn. However, not everyone we interact with on a daily basis can be considered a friend. Indeed, most of us have close associations that we classify further into groups as per their significance in our lives, like high-school and college friends, work-friends, hobby-friends, and then the chosen few who we consider as our “squad”; members of our core friendship group. Sadly, sometimes we tend to ignore our closest friends for far too long or end up taking their presence for granted. Indeed, friends are the family we choose willingly. A study conducted on nearly 280,000 individuals by Michigan State University in the US revealed that over time friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain friendships that matter to us. And friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish these crucial relationships. What are friendship goals? We’re social beings for the most part, and researchers agree we need closely bonded relationships – like friendships – to thrive. There’s no denying that our friends form a vital part of our lives. In addition to playing a larger role in boosting our well-being and happiness, friends also influence the way we perceive everyday situations, make decisions and our worldview. How to be a better friend: 9 ways to improve your relationship 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you How to be your own best friend: 8 ideas Indeed, there are different types of friends one can and should ideally have. But, it’s also true that we attach certain core values to our associations and seek friendships which best fulfill these values or ideals. Friendship goals comprise of ideals, values, activities or experiences that help us govern our relationships. In fact, the lack of clearly established friendship goals can result in estranged or strained relationships, because one or both the friends felt ignored or isolated. Why set friendship goals? Some of us believe that only romantic relationships in our lives require sustained efforts, and that maintaining friendships is practically effortless. No matter how easily we may make friends, and how easy these friendships may seem, all friendships require some degree of effort to sustain. Friendship goals: travel can reinforce friendship bonds Setting friendship goals can help you foster true friendships that can enrich your life, boosting your well-being and happiness levels. Furthermore, Robert Faris, professor at University of California highlights the role of stable friendships for fulfilment of one’s life goals, suggesting that those with reliable relationship networks are more motivated towards realizing their goals. Examples of friendship goals Friendship goals can vary for everyone, and there is no “one size fits all” approach possible that you can apply to all your friendships. However, the following examples can be used as a broad benchmark for formulating your own best friend goals. 1. Friendship goals for good friends “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant,” as the eminent philosopher Socrates stated. Though we may feel that we already know our friends inside out since forever, even the most enduring friendships are a result of continued efforts to uphold the relationship. “Friendships are more accurate predictors of one’s health and personal happiness than their family members. Therefore, it’s important to sustain them – friendship goals can help us strengthen and cherish crucial relationships.” Here are some examples of friendship goals you can set for your close friends, with the intent of maintaining the relationship forever: Take a keen interest in their lives – Taking your friends for granted and not being attentive to their needs can ruin the friendship. Inquiring about their day, remembering their birthdays and other important milestones, bearing their needs and preferences in mind are some of the ways to show that you care about your friends. Listen without criticism or judgment – Remember to listen mindfully as they discuss their dreams, struggles, hopes and aspirations and refrain from offering unsolicited advice. While constructive criticism on certain occasions can be helpful, avoid the temptation to shout “I told you so” too often. Instead, trust them to learn from their setbacks on their own, while offering constant support and encouragement. Show your appreciation – Be sure to appreciate every gesture and effort – grand and modest ones alike – that your friends have extended towards you. A simple acknowledgment in the form of “thank you” goes a long way to help build a lasting friendship. Spend quality time together – Yes, time is a sacred commodity which we seemingly can’t have enough of, given our fast-paced lives. Be that as it may, take the time to indulge in common interests or hobbies with your friends, like knitting, gardening, cooking or even exercising together. Make time for a movie night, chat over a cup of tea every so often or catch up over drinks and dinner regularly. Attending events that you find interesting together is also a great way to spend time together. Travel together – A 2019 analysis by researchers Xavier Matteucci et al revealed that traveling together can help reinforce close friendships through bonding and intimacy, quality time as well as “relational realizations” or a sense of learning through shared experiences. Traveling together can prove to be one of the most effective and enjoyable friendship goals. Improve and enrich with new knowledge – Learning new things together and helping each other discover new interests or skills can help foster stronger friendships. Additionally, setting academic achievements, personal milestones or just learning a new hobby together prevents the interactions from becoming monotonous or boring. Allow them their space – Lastly, while it may sound counterintuitive, being close friends doesn’t require you to be overly imposing or inseparable at all times. Researchers Helen Owton et al suggest that good friends can stand to benefit from being close but not too close and letting go periodically. Setting this friendship goal may require you to devise a careful balance between always being there for your friends yet allowing them to recharge in solitude as well as focus on their needs and priorities. The amount of space you allocate to each other will depend on your personalities, socializing needs and “me-time” requirements. 2. Friendship goals for long-distance friendships Here’s how you can prevent the physical distance from affecting your friendship: Keep each other updated – You may be living in different cities or continents apart. Still, it’s possible to keep in touch by taking an active interest in the various events in each other’s lives, new developments, goals, interests, etc. It's important to update each other regularly to feel connected with each other, no matter the physical distance. Utilize technology – A definite upside of the digital era is that we can stay connected with our friends with ease, thus furthering our friendship goals. In fact, a study by Karen L. Fingerman revealed the positive role of technology in aiding social connectedness and higher happiness levels. While it may not be practical or advisable to call your faraway friends every day, keeping in touch with the help of technology could help evoke a sense of connectedness and dissipate the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Videochat with faraway friends to maintain connection shutterstock/insta_goals Meet up whenever possible – Try to visit your friend or invite them to your place whenever possible. Alternately, you could chalk up travel plans for a favorite destination and bond as you continue to make new memories along the journey. 3. Friendship goals for colleagues/ work-friends Finding a friend in a co-worker can be a difficult task, especially in a competitive atmosphere. However, it is possible for workplace friendships to blossom with the help of some skillfully strategized friendship goals. Uphold their trust – Workplace environments can be competitive. It’s nice to know when you and your colleagues have each other’s backs. Indeed, you may even make new work-besties with this supportive attitude. Motivate and inspire each other to aim higher and succeed together for nurturing a longstanding relationship. Help each other set and fulfill goals – Instead of harboring negative feelings like jealousy and resentment, encourage mutual growth by recognizing each other’s unique strengths, and set growth goals accordingly. Sit down with your workplace buddies to track and review these goals together on a weekly, monthly, and annual basis. Socialize after work – Friendship goals can extend beyond routine workplace interactions. Meeting up after work to discuss your day over a drink or socializing with each other’s families can cement the friendship further. How to set friendship goals Before you set out to draw elaborate plans or strategies for setting your friendship goals, it's important to understand which values, ideals or experiences matter the most to you. Start by determining what you look for in your friendships, and what makes a friendship goal ideal for you. For example, do you seek friendships with like-minded individuals and those with shared interests, as opposed to those who have extremely diverse interests than you? Once you have your preferences figured out, proceed to set actionable, timebound goals. Be sure to involve your friends in this process and take their inputs as well. After all, friendship is a two-way street built upon mutual efforts. Be sure to make these friendship goals specific and realistic as well, as it’s easy to get carried away or overwhelmed in the process. Resist the temptation to go overboard – it’s wiser to opt for practicality over thoroughness. RELATED: Goal setting – using SMART goals for motivation and success It's essential that you review your goals periodically, in order to track and measure your progress. These goals can be further categorized into daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals, to enable hassle-free tracking. Attaching a deadline for each of these categories may sound strict but it can keep you more accountable and driven towards acting upon them. Takeaway: friendship goals Indeed, friendships are unusual, voluntary relationships that we enter willingly, and hence we also need to put in the efforts required on our behalf to maintain these relationships. Setting friendship goals in place can enable us to treasure and benefit from these relationships for the foreseeable future, through consistent efforts. • Main image: shutterstock/Cookie Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Empathy | Communication skills | Loneliness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

How can you measure happiness when it means different things to different people? As Ed Gould explains, it is possible. Here are the techniques used in mapping and measuring happiness and well-being, and the reasons why it's important. Measuring happiness is becoming an important tool. Economic growth, physical health and confidence in the future prospects of a person or country are all important factors when assessing and comparing them. However, no institution, nation or group of people can really be properly understood without also factoring in a number of other elements. And one of those key elements that is becoming increasingly looked upon by academics is happiness. Nevertheless, measuring happiness presents certain challenges. Indeed, how and why should we bother with it at all? Measuring happiness is tricky because it relies on mapping subjective well-being. Of course, subjective well-being is just that: an idea that will vary from person to person. In other words, measuring happiness in one individual could mean that their subjective well-being is recorded at a much higher level than another. Who could tell if this is truly accurate? Who's to say that the answer given is in any sense 'wrong'? Shouldn't we abandon the idea of measuring happiness as too complex or too nuanced? Different strokes: happiness means different things to us all Well, no. This is because refraining from measuring happiness with the best tools available will result in a gap in scientific knowledge. Without some form of assessment of happiness and well-being, it would be impossible to compare the outcomes of certain long-term policy decisions, for example. RELATED: Happiness – what is it exactly, anyway? One could not compare the differences between two countries undergoing different economic circumstances fully, either. From a political, sociological and from a sheer interest in humanity point-of-view, measuring happiness has never been so important. Let's examine how to measure happiness and delve into the methodologies on offer in a little greater depth. Happiness: how to measure it According to Mark K Setton, D.Phil, the CEO and founder of The Pursuit of Happiness, leading positive psychologists are focussing on the cultivation of positive emotions with a variety of techniques nowadays. The trouble is that well-being and happiness cannot be measured in a single snapshot to determine which of those techniques are most effective. “Refraining from measuring happiness with the best tools available will result in a gap in scientific knowledge.” Setton argues that happiness is rather like physical well-being: multiple measurements and assessments must be made to understand the body's well-being in the round. Likewise, just asking someone how happy they feel would be overly simplistic. As such, his organisation backs the questionnaire approach whereby multiple questions are put to participants in study programmes. • SIGN UP! Join our curious and caring community • As data from these subjective well-being surveys is collated, so spikes and anomalies are evened out. Ideally, discrete data is collected which can then be quantified. Therefore, questionnaires should not ask open questions, such as “How happy are you?” Instead, they should ask participants to score themselves with an instruction to score their happiness level on a scale, for example, between one and ten. How to measure happiness: questionnaires There are now many questionnaires that are widely used by academics and scientific researchers to assess happiness levels across the globe. Here are four of the most important: The Panas Scale (Watson, Clark, Tellegen) The Oxford Happiness Inventory (Argyle and Hill) Subjective Happiness Scale (Lyubomirsky & Lepper) Satisfaction With Life Scale (Deiner, Emmons, Larsen and Griffin) According to Todd B Kashdan of the Department of Psychology at the University of Buffalo, the 29-question Oxford Happiness Inventory, which was developed for use back in 2002, overlays some of the important factors involved in assessing oneself in terms of happiness. How to measure happiness? Start with a questionnaire Kashdan argues that measures like self-esteem and sense of purpose are taken in the survey but that they're not properly differentiated from one another, leading to an overly ambitious correlation between them. In spite of the criticism of the particular ways in which questionnaires are put together, few psychologists today would argue that they constitute the best way we currently have of quantifying the qualitative assessments needed to measure subjective well-being. RELATED: The World Happiness Report While the academic debate rages on about the best way of measuring happiness in various questionnaire forms, the scientific community continues to make these assessments in order to better understand happiness and how it impacts on both the individual and society as a whole. Measuring happiness: unifying the methodologies Of course, if one academic study into subjective well-being uses a particular questionnaire, then the results found in that sample group can only inform us of that group of people and of other groups which have been subject to assessments using the same methodology. If academics use their own questionnaires, then no matter how carefully the data they collate has been analysed, it's not possible to pool such datasets. Therefore, relatively simple questionnaire formats have been developed so that researchers can use the same scales and the same form of wording around their questions in order to obtain results which can be used together. • JOIN US! Find new friends from different cultures around the world! • The Subjective Happiness Scale is a good example of this sort of approach. The questionnaire can be downloaded by anyone so long as it's for academic research and not commercial use. It uses a simple scoring system of one to seven which cleverly allows people to place themselves in the middle of the scale, at number four, if they feel that's appropriate for them – not all scales allow for this. Additionally, it allows researchers to ask negative questions, like those about being unhappy. All the researcher needs to do is to reverse the scoring system to continue to obtain viable and simple-to-understand results. Another questionnaire that does this is the Better Life Index, the sophisticated survey from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). For a more detailed look at the questions it uses to measure happiness, do explore the OECD Guidelines on Measuring Subjective Well-being. “Happiness is rather like physical well-being: multiple measurements and assessments must be made to understand the body's well-being in the round.” With small sample groups, this approach works very conveniently. For mass observations surveys, such as those which measure and compare happiness in every country of the world, it's essential. The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) has now developed academic guidelines so that data of a similar nature can be gathered. As such, if you want to know how happy women in South Africa rate themselves compared to retired men in Canada, it should be possible. The OECD is charged with bringing about worldwide progress in 11 areas of well-being, such as employment, health, housing and civic engagement. It needs to understand happiness on a global scale, therefore. Hence the need for a consistent and unified methodology. Since 2011, when the OECD published its 'How's Life' report, it has been involved with standardising the ways in which the statistical data in many areas are collected, including those devoted to measuring happiness. As such the OECD has made great strides in helping us to understand human happiness around the world. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

Restorative yoga is a type of yoga that encourages deep relaxation, calm, and better sleep. Yoga teacher Jacqui Gibbons outlines more of the benefits it offers, plus explains a full restorative yoga sequence and suggests the props you need to practise it safely and securely. Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do, designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation. For a start, unlike other yoga, it’s done mostly lying down. Props are used to support the body, so that it can fully relax and lie in the various positions for 12-15 minutes each, while the muscles are passively stretched. Props include bolsters, yoga blocks, cushions and blankets. Two things in particular make restorative yoga very different to other styles of yoga. The first is holding the body in each position for 12 or more minutes. It takes this long for the nervous system to move out of a frazzled state – the fight-flight-freeze reaction – into a deep relaxation response. The second is that the body is fully supported and comfortable, so that you can let go of tension in your muscles, breath and mind. It is staying in the postures for this length of time – which means you only do four or five postures in a one-hour class – that helps to passively release chronic muscular tension, and soften and relax the body. It allows the natural breath to become very soft and subtle, and soothes the nervous system until it deeply relaxes. Restorative yoga takes you into a state of relaxed awareness. It is not meant to make you sleep (though it can prepare you for better sleep later). While it is deeply restful, you are at the same time aware of your body, breath and surroundings. It’s a soft awareness, sensing that all those things are there, but without getting caught up in thinking about them. You still stretch the muscles – with forward folds, backbends and spinal rotations, as other forms of yoga also have – but in a restorative yoga sequence these are passive, relaxed, supported stretches, unlike active and dynamic forms of yoga such as hatha, ashtanga and vinyasa flow. A restorative yoga sequence encourages a state of deep relaxation Done correctly, with the guidance of an experienced, knowledgeable and supportive teacher who is specifically trained in restorative yoga, it is deeply comforting and is more than just relaxation of the body; it uses the physical body to also access the mental, energetic and nervous systems, to have a deeply restorative effect and nurture you at all levels of your being. The benefits of restorative yoga You can benefit from restorative yoga if you want to feel less tense or stressed and want to deeply let go and relax – both physically and mentally. The primary focus of restorative yoga is the breath. When we’re stressed, we switch to short shallow chest breathing rather than full breathing using the diaphragm (the main breathing muscle). It’s a normal part of the short-term nervous system response to danger. However, it’s not sustainable. It can become a pattern – along with other unhelpful patterns such as holding our breath or reverse breathing (not taking in enough oxygen when we inhale) – and this can become chronic, which is a vicious cycle as it then keeps the mind stressed and the nervous system aggravated. 1) Breathing Restorative yoga allows the breath to become naturally slower, deeper and more relaxed, as we allow the body to be completely still. This not only benefits the mind and nervous system during the session, but if repeated regularly over time can help to correct unhelpful breathing patterns so that our involuntary day-to-day breath becomes more optimal. “Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do. It's designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation.” The breathe is the foundation of our life, and how we breathe reflects how we are living – holding, tense, restricted and unaware or free, yielding, open and soft, and all shades in between. The breath can guide us to the core of our being – the essence of who we are. 2) Restorative yoga helps to release tension As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing, rather than an active stretch or forcing. It can help you to overcome the disconnection many of us have with our bodies (where, for example, we ignore stiff shoulders and continue hunching over a laptop until it becomes chronic and painful), and instead develop a respect, understanding and connection with your body. 3) Restorative yoga can improve the health of the nervous system and relieve stress When we do more in life than the nervous system can cope with, or are dealing with personal and environmental stressors, the sympathetic nervous system is activated and we go into survival mode. This system has evolved to keep us alive, so when it perceives something as a dangerous situation it releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to help us run from it or fight it. But this level of response is meant to be short-term, to keep us safe. It takes a lot of energy and is not sustainable long term if we’re regularly, perhaps almost constantly, in survival mode. If we are, this can then compromise other systems, such as digestion and immunity. Stress is the main cause of long-term illness. 4) Restorative yoga slows us down Many of us do too much in life; working long hours, working too hard, not taking breaks, or trying to fit too many tasks and calls into our day. We don’t allow ourselves space and silence. When we slow down and quieten the noise, we can appreciate the beauty of space, silence and simplicity, and reset our minds to enjoy each moment with full awareness. Life is made up of small moments and details, and becomes more meaningful and fulfilling when we are present for them. Let tension melt away through restorative yoga shutterstock/ESB Basic 5) Restorative yoga can help us to sleep better All of the benefits above contribute to another one: better sleep. Over time, restorative yoga creates the conditions – deeply rested, more relaxed, a nervous system that’s not consistently aggravated, breathing more optimally, holding less tension, giving ourselves more space and silence – that guide us into deeper, better quality sleep. Then we wake up refreshed and can greet the day with more energy and joy. Best props for restorative yoga This is a list of everything you need for restorative yoga. The most essential prop is a yoga bolster. All these can be substituted with things you have at home. However, I recommend you buy a specific yoga bolster, as it’s the right shape and firmness, and easier to use. 1 yoga mat – or lie on a non-slip rug 1 or 2 yoga bolsters – or rolled-up yoga mat and blanket (see below) 4 yoga blocks (the flat-ish ones) – or lots of cushions and pillows 1 yoga brick (the brick-shaped one) – or use the cushions 1 yoga strap – or dressing gown belt 1 large blanket, to fold and place on your mat for extra comfort 1 small blanket, towel or throw, to roll into a mini-bolster or for under the head 1 eye bag or folded scarf to cover your eyes If it’s not possible to buy a purpose-made bolster, tightly wrap a folded blanket around a rolled yoga mat. It must be firm, the shape of a bolster, smooth (rolled with no wrinkles), and tied securely at both ends so that it doesn’t unroll (dressing gown belts work well). However, this is more faff and it’s not as easy to move around between postures. The second bolster is not essential but is useful for some poses, and a good idea if you have a stiff or painful lower back or hips. Different types of bolsters are available but I recommend a regular, rounded bolster (compare different types here). Try this one by Yogamatters or the more environmentally sustainable hemp bolster filled with organic buckwheat hulls. Being in a yoga studio equipped with all the right props makes setting up the postures a lot easier. The teacher can help you with them, and can skilfully guide you into the relaxation state, which can work better than being at home surrounded by distractions. On the other hand, it means you get into a very relaxed state then have the disruption of travelling home. A restorative yoga sequence It is not always possible to get to a yoga studio, so here is a simple restorative yoga sequence you can do at home, using one bolster and your cushions and pillows. If you’re new to restorative yoga, have several lessons in-person with an experienced teacher (or on Zoom, in a very small class size so that you’re seen). At the beginning, you need a teacher to give you instructions and small individual adjustments that make it more comfortable; to clarify things you’re not sure about; and to guide you into relaxation (rather than leaving the mind to its own devices). With their words they can skillfully guide you into deep stillness, relaxation and silence. They create a safe, comfortable and nurturing space. This is preferable to a recording, where the teacher cannot see you and you may have to disturb yourself to adjust your computer screen or volume. Videos can be helpful so that you can follow the teacher’s cues, see what to do, and relax without looking at the time. However, looking at a screen or using the keyboard to adjust volume, view etc are the antithesis of everything described above. Never crane your neck to see the screen, don’t open your eyes once you’re in the posture, and set the volume and place the screen where you won’t need to adjust them. “As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing.” Here is a simple 75-minute home restorative yoga sequence. Print it, so you don’t look at a screen during your session. This is no substitute for personal teaching and is done at your own risk. Do not do anything that’s uncomfortable, unpleasant or aggravates injuries. If you don’t know what something means, don’t do it. Attend some classes first, or see below for video links instead. 1. Savasana – initial relaxation. Lie on your mat with a widthways bolster under your knees, your knees and feet apart, a thinly rolled blanket under the backs of the ankles, 1 or 2 cushions under the head (but not the shoulders) and an eye bag over closed eyes. 12 minutes. 2. Reclined Easy Pose – hip opening. From here, draw the bolster nearer your bum, cross your legs at the shins or ankles (as when sitting cross-legged) and allow the hips to open, supported by the bolster. If they’re not supported, put yoga blocks on the bolster under the hips until they are and you can fully relax. 12 minutes. Eye bag over eyes. Halfway through, with minimal disturbance, swap to the opposite ankle in front. 3. Reclined Spinal Twist. From here, place the hands on the outer thighs and support your legs as you uncross them and bring the knees together. Rest your feet on the bolster for a minute. Then drop both knees to the right and rest them on the bolster. Position the feet comfortably and securely (not sliding off). Keep the backs of both shoulders in contact with the ground, so that you’re rotating the spinal muscles. Only turn the head the opposite way to the knees (as in the active version) if it feels relaxing. 8-10 minutes, then change sides for 8-10 minutes, then untwist and lie on your back. 4. Reclined Backbend. Slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and place the bolster behind you, lengthways on the mat. Place a block or cushions at the far end (your head will rest on these). Sit on your mat facing forwards with your knees bent and bolster behind you. Pull it close to your sacrum. Slowly lie back over it. Adjust the block so it’s under your head. If the backbend is too much, come up, put a second bolster on top of the first, staggered, and try again. Once in position, straighten your legs along the mat. If that’s uncomfortable, bend the knees, place your soles on the mat, separate the feet and let the knees rest on each other. Hands rest wherever is comfortable. Eye bag on the eyes. 12-15 minutes. 5. Supported Forward Fold. From above, slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and turn round to kneel in front of the bolster (omit this posture if kneeling is uncomfortable or you can’t sit on your heels). Remove the block. Separate the knees and pull the bolster(s) closer in to you. Lean forward and rest the front of your torso and head on the bolster. Rest the hands and arms wherever is comfortable. Have the forehead on the bolster, or turn the head to one side. Have a cushion under the head if you want to. 12-15 minutes. To end, lift up slowly with closed eyes and sit for a few moments before you open your eyes and end the session. Best restorative yoga classes on YouTube Many videos on YouTube with the title ‘restorative yoga’ are not restorative yoga. They are quiet, slow yoga sequences with deep active stretches (often for highly flexible bodies) but are not true restorative yoga, as described here, and do not have its benefits. It is not restorative yoga if it includes unsupported postures, use of strength, active stretches, postures that are held for only a few breaths, or more than five postures in an hour. It’s not Pigeon Pose without bolsters, Downward Dog or Ardha Matsyendrasana (seated twist) – all things that are on YouTube labelled restorative yoga. Here are three of the best restorative yoga sequences on YouTube: .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga for hips and back opening Focuses on opening your hips and lower back. Four postures in 45 minutes, allowing time for the benefits described above. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 40 minutes. A varied selection of postures for opening different parts of the body. However, they are only held for around four minutes, so use this video as an introduction to them, then do them on your own, staying in them for 12 minutes. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 60 minutes. Clear explanations and set-ups, staying in the postures for several minutes. There is talking and music all the way through so it doesn’t have the deep benefits described above (the mind cannot fully turn inward when it’s being directed to external sounds), but if your mind wanders a lot you might like this. Summary of restorative yoga Restorative yoga benefits us not by challenging us or powering our way to health but by slowing down, being gentle and nurturing ourselves. As a yoga teacher, and someone who has done yoga for 20 years, I know it can be tempting to always do our more dynamic practice. But once we allow ourselves to slow down and regularly take a restorative yoga class, we realise how much we needed it – especially if we’re living a busy life, working, studying or looking after a family. It is a therapeutic practice, developed in the 20th century by BKS Iyengar (one of the most influential yoga teachers of the modern age) to help people who couldn’t do a more active physical yoga practice because of injury, illness or chronic health conditions. However, don’t reserve it only for these times. Build it into your week as a counterbalance to a strong physical practice, to a busy stressful life, or for any and all of its multiple wellbeing benefits. To learn more, three of the leading teachers in restorative yoga to look for are Judith Hanson Lasater (a pioneer in this field), her daughter Lizzie Lasater, and Anna Ashby, who teaches online and trains yoga teachers in restorative yoga (she taught me). In summary, the key features of restorative yoga are: The body is supported by yoga bolsters and other props You stay in the positions for 12 or more minutes It involves surrendering, relaxing, stillness and quiet It doesn’t involve strength, active stretching, movement, pushing or resisting It releases stress and tension, in the physical body and in the mind The primary focus is the breath, guiding us out of our mind and grounding us in the body It relaxes the sympathetic nervous system (fight-flight-freeze) and activates the parasympathetic (resting state) Live lessons with a teacher are more helpful than videos, especially for beginners It has a deeply restorative effect on the body, mind, nervous system, energy and emotions Main image: shutterstock/Koldunov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Motivation | Yin yoga Written by Jacqui Gibbons

Taking 10 minutes to meditate in the morning can set you up for a calm, compassionate and productive day ahead. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak explains why and discusses some morning meditations you can try out. Imagine what you could accomplish if you started your day alert, content and creative. On the other hand, imagine going out the door feeling overwhelmed, ungrounded and unhappy. If you find yourself stressed and rushed even before you get out of bed, morning meditation may be the perfect medicine for you. You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation. And you don’t need an hour or even 30 minutes to do it. Setting aside as little as ten minutes, you can bring these qualities with you into your day. The importance of morning meditation In fact, many people specifically choose mornings for their meditation practice. Why? Because mornings are special. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Firstly, you’re in a unique state when you first wake up. Your body, mind and soul are relaxed and receptive. Whatever you do first thing in the morning has a greater impact than at others time of day. Which do you think will lead you into a happier day? Listening to stressful world news and scrolling through your newsfeed or taking time to immerse yourself in self-care, quiet and acceptance? Also, many of us seem to wake up immediately into our to-do lists and our worries. That’s stressful. A short morning meditation will create a space for you to recognize and rest in your 'being' rather than in 'doing.' You will connect with being aware, being present; with whatever is here now for you. “You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation.” Finally, on the practical side of things, mornings are often quieter. It can be a wonderful time to sit and rest in the silence inside you, free from distractions. The benefits of morning meditation A morning meditation routine will bring you all the usual benefits of meditation: Increasing self-awareness and self-compassion Strengthening empathy Decreasing anxiety and depression Rediscovering the spiritual dimension in your life Boosting well-being and happiness Improving concentration and attention Expanding creativity and problem-solving Increasing equanimity and fair-mindedness Quiet quality: peaceful mornings are great for meditation Furthermore, a meditation routine in the morning will give you these added, special benefits: Starting the day with compassion People don’t meditate to become good meditators, they meditate to become more self-aware, compassionate and happy, and to share these gifts with the people they care about most. When you start your day with these qualities, you’ll automatically bring them into your conversations with friends and family, your responses to things not going your way, your tasks at work and how you 'talk' to yourself. Starting the day calm and rejuvenated Meditation is like a massage for your nervous system. The calming and rejuvenating effects of meditation are now well proven. You can begin your day relaxed and content, focused and ready to meet whatever comes your way. Instead of your usual morning stresses, you can start your day with a positive, empowering experience. Tips for morning meditation Sounds good, right? If you’d like to give morning meditation a try, here are some tips to get started. Where and when With a bit of thought, you can easily find 10 minutes in your morning, wither by skipping your morning social media surfing habit or setting your alarm that little bit earlier. Depending on the type of meditation you choose, you can do your morning meditation routine almost anywhere: In bed Sitting in a quiet space in your home. On the train or bus on your morning commute .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } A sample 10 minute meditation YouTube/Goop Types of meditation There are many different types of meditation you can choose from to start with first thing to begin your day. There are practices that use your breath, concentration, body awareness, thought and emotions, as well as exploring your deepest sense of self. In fact, any practice that appeals to you can become your morning meditation. Here are a few of the most popular morning meditations. 1) Mindfulness meditation The core practice of meditation, mindfulness, can be a wonderful way to start your day. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, as fully as you can, with kindness and curiosity. With mindfulness, you start your day with an openness and acceptance about whatever you’re experiencing: worry, happiness, planning or physical discomfort. Everything becomes part of a practice of simply being with yourself, in an accepting and caring way. 2) Body scan/embodiment meditations Body scan practices are a lovely way to rise up through sleep to wakefulness. You can, of course, do a body scan while you’re still in bed – you just need a bit of extra attention not to fall back to sleep! RELATED: Does meditation really work? Here's what science says Body scan practices guide you through sensing each part of your body in a sequence, from your fingertips, to your stomach, to your toes. Your body is more open in the morning, so this practice can be a great way to let your awareness soak into all parts of your body to feel energized and deeply present, while your mind takes a break. Watch our body scan meditation script video below to get started or click through to read more about this powerful and popular technique. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } 3) Breath meditations Breathwork is a powerful choice for meditations in the morning. And there are a whole range of breath meditations, from those that create relaxation – such as conscious breathing – to those that increase mental focus and energy. So, you can choose one that best fits your needs in the morning: Equalized breath: sample morning meditation I’d like to show you how to do a simple breathing practice you can do at home or on your morning commute. The Equalized Breath will relax your nervous system and give you a stable 'home base' to come back to when your mind wanders. Don’t worry, everyone gets distracted. It’s not ‘wrong,’ it’s a key part of meditation practice. Find a comfortable sitting position and, if you can, let your eyes gently close. Take a minute to allow your body to really relax and take a few deep breaths. For this practice, adjust your breath so all four parts are of equal length. You count to four during your in breath, hold your breath to a count of four, exhale for four, and hold your breath out to a count of four. Then hold for four again. It’s really important not to strain. If four seconds feels too long, reduce it to three. And, if you can comfortably do longer, try for six seconds. The important things are: not to strain and to keep all four parts equal in length. And, when a thought, feeling or sensation distracts you, that’s OK. Just start again, breathing and counting, focusing on your breath. Do your best to be non-judgmental with yourself if your mind wanders off. Remember: mindfulness is watching ‘with kindness and curiosity.’ Kindness encourages you to open. Judgement closes you down. Morning meditations sets you up for the day shutterstock/Ekaterina Iatcenko Morning meditation may be the most powerful place for you to start exploring meditation. And, with ten (or more!) minutes of meditation during the AM, you will rest in a sense of being and presence, be kind and more accepting with yourself, and connect with silence and strength. Find a practice that appeals to you and try it for a week. Start your day with more calm, clarity and compassion and see how it makes you – and those around you – feel. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pro-stock studio Liked this? Then check out 5 strategies to help you develop a regular meditation practice. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude meditation | 6 phase meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

The benefits of Vedic meditation are multiple: better sleep, relaxation and lower stress. Meditation practioner Ann Vrlak explains how to practise this ancient meditative form and guides you on the power of the Vedic mantra... Vedic meditation is an ancient form of meditation practice – in fact, it’s the very first. The many styles of meditation that you see today all originated from this original practice. The source of Vedic meditation is the Vedas, a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and the science of Ayurvedic medicine. For centuries, all three of these disciplines have had an enormous impact on people’s health and well-being around the world. The Vedas lay out a comprehensive path to a happy and meaningful life through experiential learning. When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living. So, what is Vedic meditation? This form of meditation is centered on a mantra – a phrase that is repeated either out loud or silently in your mind. “Mantra” is made up of two Sanskrit words: “man” which means mind, and “tra” which means vehicle or transport. Vedic meditation uses mantras and can be done at home shutterstock/fizkes So, a mantra is a vehicle to take your mind from one place to another: perhaps from the busy activity of your day-to-day mind to a deeper, quieter place that is often covered up by that activity. The most ancient mantras are in the Sanskrit language because Sanskrit is what’s known as a ‘vibrational’ language. What does that mean exactly? It means that the sound of the words, their vibrations, create the experience of the words’ meaning. • JOIN US! Discover more about meditation at happiness.com. • For example, the Sanskrit word for peace is “shanti.” It’s said that when “shanti” is repeated, the sound itself invokes the feeling of peace. Or when the word for compassion, “karuna,” is repeated, you will be filled with a feeling of compassion. “When you practise Vedic meditation, you will go on a journey of self-discovery and apply what you learn to all aspects of your daily living.” And you have probably already had experiences of how relaxing sounds can be. The sound of a running river. Or birds singing. In fact, you don’t relax through thinking about the river or the bird, but from the sounds themselves. Similarly, mantra meditation gives your mind something innately healthy to do – a break from a busy mind. It’s worth pointing out that Vedic meditation also helps you to be more mindful and do one thing at a time (something which is deeply calming). Indeed, studies have shown that multitasking is actually stressful for our minds and bodies and, in fact, it may not even be possible. What are the benefits of Vedic meditation? Before explaining how to practise Vedic meditation, let’s take a look at itsmain benefits. If you feel you are healthy, what would that look like? A generally healthy person would: Sleep well Vedic meditation nurtures a healthy nervous system. It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body that governs relaxation and rejuvenation. Additionally, it helps to reduce stress chemicals that accumulate in your body, and allows a deeper, more restful sleep. Feel relaxed and be able to relax when needed Anxiety and stress are epidemics in our modern world. The relaxing effects of Vedic meditation can be used any time you’re aware of being anxious or stressed. And the healing, anti-anxiety effects build over time and lower your overall stress level. Think clearly and creatively Have you ever noticed that when you’re anxious it’s hard to think? The ability to relax in the moment and have a generally low stress level allows your brain to work better. Areas across your brain work together more efficiently so you are more creative and productive. When your nervous system is rejuvenated, you have more resources at your fingertips to respond to your life wisely and compassionately. Be emotionally balanced and calm Your emotions have physical and mental components that can become a vicious cycle, creating upset or even intense suffering. Just as you’re thinking becomes clearer and more holistic through Vedic meditation, your emotions also become clearer and more grounded. Have all the energy you need Because Vedic meditation activates the rest and rejuvenate part of your brain, because you’re sleeping well, and because you’re reducing your stress level, your energy levels should soar. Be content Taken all together, doesn’t this sound like a recipe for contentment? You are physically rested and relaxed, and your thinking and emotions are clear and calm, supporting you in your best intentions. All of these things make your connections and relationships with people easier and more fulfilling. And, you have energy for the things that matter to you most. How to practise Vedic meditation First, it’s important to know you don’t need any religious or spiritual belief to do Vedic meditation. All you need is a mantra, a few minutes of quiet and a spirit of adventure. As I mentioned earlier in this article, traditional mantras are in Sanskrit. Give one of the mantras below a try. If for any reason you’re not comfortable with them, you can use words in your own language like “peace” or “compassion.” Vedic meditation: step-by-step instructions Decide on a length of time to practice and do your best to stick to it. You can start with 10 minutes and build up to 40. 1. Choose your mantra. Here are a few traditional Sanskrit mantras. OM. The primordial mantra, the sound of the universe or, in Indian philosophy, the sound of pure consciousness. Repeating this mantra can help you let go of personal worries and connect with the universal sound. SO HUM is another ancient mantra which means I AM THAT. Not only can you connect with pure consciousness, you can experience yourself as that consciousness. OM MANI PADME HUM is a lovely mantra meaning “the jewel in the lotus.” Lotus flowers grow in mud. This mantra invokes your power of transformation, your ability to overcome and find the jewel in difficulty. 2. Find a quiet space When you’re first learning any kind of meditation, it’s best to take time away from your usual daily activities in a quiet space. It can be as simple as a comfortable cushion or chair in the corner of a room. As you become more experienced, it will be easier to close your eyes for a few minutes of practice wherever you are. Find a quiet spot to practise Vedic meditation 3. Sit and connect with your body Take a comfortable sitting posture, physically relax as much as you can, and let your attention gently scan your body. Take a few deep breaths, letting go a bit of any tension or stress each time you exhale. 4. Use your mantra Bring your mantra to mind and, if you like, its meaning as well. Know there’s nothing you need to do or create, you’re just repeating your chosen mantra. Start by repeating it softly, out loud. Focus on the feeling of the sound, how the vibrations feel in your throat, your heart, your stomach – wherever you feel it most. “Vedic meditation nurtures a healthy nervous system and helps to reduce stress chemicals. It also allows a deeper, more restful sleep.” When you find that your attention has drifted to a memory or a plan or anything else, that’s all part of the practice. Notice where your attention is and gently come back to repeating your mantra. After a moment or two, start to repeat the mantra more and more quietly, until you are repeating it silently inside. If you like, you can lengthen the silence between the repetitions, with the mantra coming out of and going back in to silence. If you find you become distracted in longer silences, come back to repeating the mantra more often. 5. Returning to body awareness When your practice time is almost done, let go of the mantra and bring your attention back to the physical sensations in your body. Again, gently scan your body and notice if areas of your body feel different than before. Also, notice the state of your mind and your emotions just for a moment. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, just notice what is here for you. 6. Close with a breath When you’re ready, end with another few deep relaxing breaths. The wrap: Vedic meditation Just like any other activity or skill you learn, getting the full benefits of Vedic meditation does take time. However, by practising it you will become sensitive to subtle body, mind and emotional states – becoming a keen observer of yourself. So, you may notice quite quickly small shifts in your stress level, mood and well-being as you practice. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to happiness.com community to share your story and challenges • And, you may find, like so many people do, that the act of meditation itself creates an oasis where you experience just a little more relaxation, a little more contentment and a little more joy. A little of any of these experiences goes a long way. ● Main image: shutterstock/Zdenka Darula If you liked this you may also want to read: Turning pain into compassion: Tonglen meditation 9 science-backed benefits of meditation Does meditation really work? Here's what science says happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why friendships matter, how to sustain them, and gives nine simple ways for us to become better, more dependable friends. Friendships are some of the most unique and fulfilling formative relationships we enter voluntarily and experience in our lives. Research suggests that friendships play a vital role in our quest to lead a happy, purpose-driven life. Indeed, having fulfilling friendships can mean better overall health, greater life satisfaction and higher happiness levels. Building and maintaining robust social connections can also keep loneliness at bay, making us less vulnerable to conditions such as stress, depression and anxiety. However, despite our best efforts, some friendships may fail if we begin to suspect that a friend doesn’t really care about us. Sometimes, we may get caught up with our own lives and forget to check up on our friends. At other times, we may have known some friends for such a long time that we may end up taking them for granted. Or, if you’re anything like me, you may be an introvert who feels awkward about expressing how much your friends mean to you. In fact, friendships cannot sustain themselves while being overlooked or taken for granted. Indeed, healthy friendships are a result of careful nurturing with consistent, conscious efforts on our behalf. Furthermore, if you find it difficult to make new friends as an adult, then having a sparse buddy count may hamper your quality of life. So, discovering how to be a better friend is really important for our well-being and happiness. How to be a better friend: 9 tips There's a popular saying that goes: “In order to have friends, you must first be one”. If you’re thinking that perhaps you're not always the best buddy and are wondering how to be a better friend, cultivating these nine habits on a regular basis will help you get closer to your goal. 1. Prioritize and be attentive Given the hectic pace of life for most of us nowadays, time is one of the greatest gifts we possess. So, making time for those who matter to us is one of the most fundamental ways to be a better friend. Despite busy schedules, caring friends always make time to catch up with their pals and keep track of new developments in their lives, moods, thoughts, hopes and dreams. It’s OK to want to meet even without a specific agenda sometimes, even if it’s just to spend some time together over a cuppa or a movie. One-sided friendships are really not healthy, so learn to take an active interest in your friends’ lives. If they have an important event coming up, remind yourself to send them a message wishing them good luck on the day. Bringing thoughtful gifts from your travels, dropping homemade meals when they’re feeling a bit under the weather, and making sure to ask back “how about you?” when they’re checking in on you are some ways to show that you value their friendship and care for their well-being. How to be a better friend? First, listen more 2. Master the art of mindful listening One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations. When you find your friend struggling with a problem, your first instinct may be to urge them to cool down or indicate that the problem isn’t worth getting upset about. However, this instinct of yours may make your friend feel unsupported or ignored. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • “When people are upset, it matters less what you tell them than what you enable them to tell you,” reveals Mark Goulston, business psychiatrist and the author of Just Listen. Simply ask your friend clearly if they need to vent out or if they need your advice. Next, listen with complete attention, while withholding your judgment. Offer constructive advice or work together towards a solution only after your friend is done getting their feelings off their chest. While this approach may seem challenging at first, your friends will feel validated and appreciate you for listening mindfully. 3. Empathize more Practising empathy is a surefire way to be a better friend, according to research. Our fast-paced lives and the social distancing norms triggered by the coronavirus may leave us increasingly stressed and detached from others around us. However, having empathic friends can help relieve stress to a great extent, according to a study by Sylvia A. Morelli et al at Stanford University. “One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations.” While empathy is largely an intuitive trait, it can be inculcated by picking up visual cues as well. Developing the skill to look at the world around us from multiple perspectives and respecting the standpoint of others – even if it’s completely contrary to ours – can actually help us empathize better with others. RELATED: Radical empathy – what is it and what are the benefits? 4. Be honest and trustworthy While we will always have different types of friends in our lives, we all appreciate having a “tell it like it is” kind of friend. Being genuine and standing up behind your promises and commitments is markedly one of the ways to be a better friend. Indulge in honest, positive communication, albeit tactfully and with kindness. At the same time, trust that your friends have your back when you need them. If you ever feel the need to correct your friend regarding a decision or action of theirs, try being honest while respecting their boundaries. A good friend will appreciate your honesty and understand the trust you place in the relationship by expressing your reservations. 5. Celebrate their wins Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend. After all, we all love it when people we value and care about the most stand along with us to celebrate our triumphs. Sometimes, others’ wins may cause us to evaluate where we stand in regard to our goals and accomplishments in life. As tempting as that may seem, shrug away any misgivings and resentment you may feel, avoid falling into the comparison-trap and choose to revel in the accomplishments of your friends. Celebrate when a friend has success shutterstock/Lucky Business 6. Be supportive and open-minded If we review our relationships, we’ll find that our most-valued friendships always offer plenty of room to accommodate the various challenges in our lives. Showing up in support for your friends when they’re facing a bump in the road is one of the most caring ways to be a better friend. DISCUSS: Qualities of a best friend – what's most important? “Good friends support us, give us space to be ourselves and make mistakes, and they respect boundaries,” suggests therapist Jinnie Cristerna. Being open-minded and remaining unbiased also communicates that you trust your friend’s decision-making abilities enough to not cloud their judgment with your reservations. 7. Encourage and challenge One of the greatest ways to be a better friend is to offer your pal genuine encouragement towards achieving their dreams. In addition to backing their goals, don’t be afraid to throw in an occasional challenge, if you feel that it would offer them a push in the right direction. “Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend.” I’m thankful to a dear friend of mine who once challenged me to document my healthy eating journey in a way that was helpful for others who mistook that being healthy required them to eat boring meals. This is how my food and fitness blog started, as she recognized my ability to inspire others to lead a healthy, happy life without facing burnout. At the same time, I understood that her advice had originated from a place of love and respect and that she genuinely wanted me to succeed. 8. Don’t shy away from saying ‘I’m sorry’ While admitting a mistake is sometimes incorrectly thought of as admitting weakness, owning up to one’s mistake is actually a sign of strength and emotional maturity. It means that you have the humility and courage to admit that you messed up and value the friendship enough to make amends. Possessing the ability to admit your mistake and apologizing when you’re in the wrong is undoubtedly one of the most effective ways to be a better friend. 9. Express your gratitude more often Studies show that gratitude can play a key role in keeping us more invested in our relationships, thus strengthening our friendships. Life can be a rough ride sometimes, and we often realize the true power of friendship when we’re going through a difficult patch. Indeed, my struggle with COVID-19 made me realize just how important it was to always have close, reliable friends who always look out for you no matter what and that always have your best interests in mind. Developing an attitude of gratitude can help us find joy in every gift that life offers us, including our enriching friendships. Never miss an opportunity to tell your friends how grateful you feel about having them in your life, and how they enhance your life in several ways. Round-up: how to be a better friend It’s true that being a good friend requires some focused work and dedication on our behalf. However, the perks of finding your tribe and maintaining friendships are worth the effort. Keep working on the ways to be a better friend, and you may find significant improvement in your quality of life and happiness levels. • Main image: shutterstock/HIV in view happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, introvert hangovers are a real thing. Sonia Vadlamani discusses ideas on how to recognize introvert burnout and explains six ways to avoid it happening in the first place. If you’re an introvert, you're likely to have experienced the so-called introvert hangover at least once in your life, even if you didn’t realize you were dealing with it. Also referred to as a social hangover, an introvert hangover is a result of an excessive dose of socializing. Sometimes even a few hours of socializing, like a lunch date with friends in a noisy restaurant or attending a large social event, can leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, even though the people around you show no signs of slowing down. Indeed, you are not alone, and most introverts, including me, experience this feeling. Although social hangover can happen to anyone, introverts are particularly susceptible to it as they reach their dopamine threshold relatively easily when compared to extroverts. Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover. What is an introvert hangover? An introvert hangover can be described as that tired, drained, foggy and overwhelmed state we experience when we’ve overdone socializing and feel the need for some alone-time for recharging. Introvert hangover can happen due to overstimulation from a series of closely-timed events that you were a part of, like weddings or a concert, a group activity, or even a Zoom call. A common misconception about introverts is that they’re shy, or they don’t like people. This simply isn’t true, as introverts do crave human connection as well. “Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert – but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world,” explains psychologist Mike Dow. Too much social time may lead to an introvert hangover As an introvert, while I feel the need for meaningful interactions with friends and family, I do find myself getting quickly saturated and mentally exhausted if there’s too much noise, or if the group suddenly gets bigger, leading to too many conversations to keep a track of. In midst of the socializing if I’m finding myself growingly irritable, or plain zoned-out and retreating into a quiet corner, I know it’s proving too much for me in the moment. Some key signs that you’re experiencing social exhaustion can be: Feeling detached from ongoing conversations around you Feeling numb or dejected Developing a headache or a migraine Growing irritability as time progresses Having trouble concentrating Fatigue and tiredness Experiencing conditions like stress, anxiety and depression Prolonged social hangover can result in a following introvert burnout, which can leave one feeling drained for longer periods… hours even, or sometimes for several days in a row. Avoiding introvert hangovers An introvert burnout can be a terrible phenomenon to experience. Fortunately, it is possible to avoid the fatigue you may experience after a social event with these simple steps: 1. Accept who you are Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes that it’s essential for introverts to embrace their true selves and be confident about the same. This will help introverts to reach out and interact with others from a place of acceptance, instead of a societal compulsion that they should socialize more often. 2. Identify your triggers There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to combating an introvert hangover, as every individual has their own triggers and socializing capacity. While a single virtual work meeting can end up triggering introvert burnout in some, others may feel exhausted from attending several social events back-to-back. “Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover.” Observing what your triggers are and the pace at which your energy levels deplete each time you socialize is key. It can enable you to customize your social engagements and plan social events when you’re energized and ready to handle them. 3. Customize your social events Sometimes, you could have had a busy day and then have events and activities lined up later that you genuinely want to be a part of or can’t back out of. Consider altering your plans in a way that allows you to derive the maximum value from the events without draining your mental batteries. For example, attending a concert a bit later after the opening act is over, or leaving a party early could prevent an introvert burnout later. I love visiting art galleries and museums when I travel, but I don’t like crowds. So, I schedule these visits for weekdays or early hours when there are fewer visitors. This gives me the freedom to spend more time gazing at the exhibitions and learning about the artist’s process, without needing to stand in a queue for hours or putting up with noisy crowds. 4. Balance socializing with alone-time “Company and solitude are like nutrients: we all need both of them, but in varying amounts,” explains Martha Beck, sociologist, life coach and the author of The Way of Integrity. Like everyone, introverts feel the need for meaningful relationships and nurturing friendships. However, it’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and their recharge-time, so that they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout. Choosing quality over quantity could prove to be a wiser approach instead of saying ‘yes’ to every social event, as cramming your schedule with too many social events could leave you exhausted. Prioritize interactions which are more important to you and avoid the social events that are likely to drain your energy reserve at a faster pace. Introverts need to balance social time with alone time shutterstock/Galyna Andrushko 5. Be honest and specific with people As the old saying goes, honesty is always the best policy. Communicate your need to recharge yourself, or the preference for number of people you’re meeting, the location etc, in a specific albeit constructive manner. Instead of saying “I can’t talk right now” or “umm, let’s meet some other day”, convey your needs and feelings more coherently like, “I’m on recharge mode and would like to be alone today”, or “I realize this group hangout has now shaped into a full-blown party. I’ll have to leave a bit earlier as it’s too much for me”. Indeed, positive communication ensures that others understand your socializing preferences and needs and try to accommodate these to the best of their ability. However, if you don’t tell your friends about how over socializing burns you out, they may think you are being rude or difficult if you vanish from an event or keep turning down invitations, so make sure that doesn’t happen. 6. Take timely micro-breaks Sometimes it may be difficult for you to back out from a social event, like an office party or a vacation with several family members or friends. Similarly, you may not want to miss out on important social commitments, such as a friend’s wedding. Opt for periodic, small breaks in scenarios where you need to attend numerous events within a short span. For example, you could find a quieter spot nearby to practise some conscious breathing alone to soothe your nerves, or take a short stroll near the event venue to clear your mind. How to recover from introvert burnout Recovering from an introvert hangover is possible, even though it may seem at the time like you’ve hit a brick wall and there simply isn’t possible to pave your way back to socializing. Here are some ideas to offer you much-needed relief: Tell yourself it’s OK An introvert hangover can last anywhere between few hours to few days, depending on the severity of the exhaustion and it’s okay. There is no need to feel guilty or apologetic about your need for some solitude. After all, introverts are at their optimal best when they’ve taken the time to recharge with some alone-time and introspection. Prioritize your alone-time “Feelings are information,” says Dow. Experiencing the signs of introvert hangover denotes that you may have overdone socializing and haven’t spent time alone with your thoughts for a long time. An introvert recharge-mode consisting of some quiet self-reflection can go a long way to heal your social burnout, as well as to ready you for your next social engagement. Jenn Granneman, founder of IntrovertDear.com, a community for introverts, and author of The Secret Lives of Introverts refers to the introvert-reward connection established by researchers, emphasizing the importance of spending some time alone for introverts. Devise a downtime schedule Indulging in hobbies like knitting, painting or fishing, or immersing yourself in your favorite self-care activity, can help speed-up the recovery from a social hangover. Try a DIY spa treatment – a luxury facial or a manicure may lift your spirits with ease. Grab your favorite book and read through your favorite parts again. For me, it’s a warm cup of a soothing tea, a cozy spot where no one can disturb me much, and curling up with one of the Harry Potter titles that does the trick. The key here is to create a calming and low-stimulus environment so you can recharge your mental batteries. Rewatching your all-time favorite movie, a comforting bowl of ice cream, or playing with your furry friends to channel the healing power of pets can also help you achieve this goal. Meditate Meditation helps you shake off the anxiety of socializing by enabling you to slow down, clear your mind and relieve stress. There are several skills you can learn through meditation, like cultivating silence, physical relaxation, and self-compassion, which can bolster your ability to combat introvert burnout in the longer run. “It’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and recharge, so they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout.” Introverts may benefit from meditating more often than once, even for durations as less as 5 minutes, as this can keep them focused and grounded. There are different types of meditation from which you choose a form that suits your needs and lifestyle the best. Sweat it out Exercise can be an effective coping tool for introverts. Research shows that introverts are more prone to mental stress and anxiety, and researchers agree upon regular exercise as an effective strategy for stress management. Working out can help you relax and unwind, in addition to offering you some much-needed ‘me-time’ following an introvert hangover. Exercise need not be boring: taking long walks or a hike along the woods, engaging in wild swimming, jogging or running at the park or lifting weights at the gym are some ways to sweat it out and benefit from the happiness hormones resulting from your workout. Takeaway: avoiding introvert hangover While introverts do enjoy the company of others, they can find socializing for long hours at a stretch challenging and overstimulating. Avoiding overbooking your social calendar, taking mini-breaks between stretches of vigorous social activity, and communicating your recharge-time needs in an honest manner can go a long way towards preventing social hangover. Research shows that introverts appreciate the time to reflect and thrive when they get the time to recharge their mental batteries. Thus, indulging in rejuvenating activities such as meditation, spending time in nature with activities like forest bathing, unwinding with a restorative yoga practice, etc, are some ways to create some much-needed downtime after an introvert burnout. • Main image: shutterstock/Motortion Films happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Friendship | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Meditation and mindfulness are becoming increasingly popular for kids, with schools incorporating them into classes. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak looks at the benefits for children and explains three great meditation techniques you can practise with your own kids. Have you noticed that meditation and mindfulness courses for kids are starting to pop up everywhere? In schools and in programs devoted to children? In the same way meditation for adults has seen an explosion in the West over the last 30 years, educators and psychologists are now sending a clear message: meditation for kids is a powerful life skill. And when children learn mindfulness at a young age, we can plant seeds that grow and bear fruit throughout their whole life. What is meditation? There are so many styles of meditation it can sometimes be confusing. But meditation for kids can be put into two basic categories: mindfulness and imagination. The definition of mindfulness I like to use teaching kids is this: paying attention to the present moment, right now, with kindness and curiosity. I explain all the terms in ways they can easily understand: “paying attention,” “right now” and, most importantly, “with kindness and curiosity.” There’s a lot in that simple definition for kids to understand and to practice. Meditation for kids is a powerful life tool shutterstock/vectorfusionart There are many mindfulness-based practices for kids, many of which use the senses and the breath, to help them explore this definition of mindfulness. And imagination-based meditations use kids’ amazing power of imagination to take journeys into their body, to relaxing places or to experience different qualities like the strength and safety of the Earth. I’ll take you through an imagination exercise on grounding in the earth later in this article. Kids are very good – usually much better than adults – at really feeling what they imagine, taking in those qualities and making them their own. Why are schools integrating meditation? Ideally, schools are places where kids learn a lot about life: about different subjects from math to art; about achievement and evaluation; about friendship, peer pressure and conflict – and much more. RELATED: 7 of the best mindfulness books for kids And it’s not news that these things can be stressful for people of any age. It’s sobering to know that more kids than ever are experiencing anxiety and depression. According to the CDC, in the USA, 7 per cent of children aged between three and 17 have diagnosed anxiety (approximately 4.4 million kids), and just over 3 per cent in the same age range (approximately 1.9 million) have diagnosed depression. Research shows that at younger and younger ages, children are feeling the pressure to excel at school or to be accepted by schoolmates. So, schools are an ideal place to introduce meditation for kids. They can learn how meditation can help them cope with life challenges. There are two key reasons that meditation has become a favourite tool to build these kinds of skills. “Meditation for kids is a powerful life skill. And when children learn mindfulness at a young age, we can plant seeds that grow and bear fruit throughout their whole life.” Firstly, because over the past few decades researchers have become very interested in studying meditation in general and for kids in particular. We have many studies now that show the proven psychological, emotional and physical benefits of meditation. There's one school in the US – Patterson High School in Baltimore – that is successfully using meditation as a “time out” activity for kids if they're acting out. Called the Mindful Moment Program, this innovative idea gives kids the skills to be with themselves and calm down through meditation and yoga – and with great results. Since launching the program, suspensions for fighting have dropped, and both attendance figures and the average GPA of first time ninth graders has increased. Secondly, meditation for kids has become so valued because of the wide and varied range of those benefits. Here are just some of the strengths and skills kids can build when they practice simple, non-religious meditation practices. They have been shown to: 1. Foster self-compassion and compassion for others Remember the definition of mindfulness earlier in this article? The part about kindness and curiosity? Observing yourself, and others, with kindness (rather than criticism or judgement) builds a caring relationship with yourself and empathy for others. 2. Improve focus and concentration Many meditation for kids exercises involve paying attention to something in particular and learning what to do when your mind wanders from your task. 3. Reduce stress, anxiety and depression Meditation exercises that show kids how to connect with their bodies, breath and senses calm their nervous system. They learn how to trigger this physiological healing and, again, to treat themselves with kindness while they practice and sometimes experience difficult emotions. Meditation in schools is proving successful for kids 4. Help kids make better decisions When kids are more calm and focused, and practicing self-care, they’re better able to make good choices. 5. Enhance creativity Meditation activates and integrates many areas of the brain. Creativity is powered up! 6. Self-regulate their emotions and behavior There are meditation exercises specifically for handling tough emotions, like sadness or anger or frustration. Kids can learn powerful ways have their emotions, rather than their emotions having them. Teaching meditation to your child at home Whether or not your child’s school has meditation or mindfulness programs, you can teach them meditation at home. And one of the great things is that you will also benefit from the practice. Indeed, it’s a great way to learn together, share experiences and strengthen your relationship with your children. “Schools are an ideal place to introduce meditation for kids. They can learn how meditation can help them cope with life challenges.” So, what do meditation practices for kids look like? Here are a few simple ones you can try – two mindfulness based and one imagination-based. Try them yourself a few times before you teach them. Keep the practices short – about one minute per year of age: five minute exercises with five year olds, and so on. And keep these things in mind for all the exercises: To begin, find a comfortable position either sitting up or lying down. Take a couple of deep relaxing breaths. When your mind wanders away from the particular exercise, that’s totally fine. That’s what your mind does! Just bring it back gently to the exercise. Know these exercises have two basic purposes: to help kids strengthen their attention and to guide them toward a particular positive experience. Ask them about their experiences and share what you experienced, too. Mindfulness-based exercises 1. Swing with your breath Paying attention to the breath is a great way to soothe the nervous system and bring some calm. Start paying attention to your breath in your chest. Feel your chest moving up and down. And feel how the movement of your breath is like being on a swing. There’s an upswing and a slight pause, then the downswing and a slight pause. Then the movement starts again. The goal of the exercise is to pay attention to and feel this whole movement – including the small quiet pauses – for as long as you can. Staying close to physical sensations helps kids relax and feel grounded in their bodies. Practising meditation at home is a great way to connect with your kids shutterstock/fizkes 2. Sounds and silence This is an example of a meditation exercise that uses kids’ sense of sound. Sensory-based practices are a great way for them to become present and calm. For this exercise, you'll need some sort of chime or bell. If you don’t have one, you can experiment with a glass or bowl that makes a ringing sound when you hit it with a spoon, for example. The sound should last 10 seconds or more. Tell your child that the purpose of the exercise is to listen to the whole sound – from the time you strike the chime until the sound disappears into silence. And when they can’t hear the sound, they raise their hand. Repeat this several times. You can quietly ask your child questions before each chime. “See if you can hear the sound even longer this time.” Or, “What do you hear after the sound is gone?” Imagination-based exercise 1. Your grounding cord In this exercise, kids imagine being connected to the whole planet earth, and all the strength and safety that brings. This exercise is done best in a sitting position, on the floor or on a chair. Guide your child to feel their tailbone and where it meets the floor or chair. Ask them to imagine a cord going from the tip of their tailbone down into the earth. Start at about five feet and progressively go deeper and deeper, until their grounding cord goes right to the centre of the earth. As you go, guide the child to feel the solidity and safety of the Earth, and how they are connected to all that strength through their cord. Use your imagination, too! Create a journey of exploration about the qualities of the earth and the child’s ability to really feel them. To finish, bring the grounding cord slowly up again, right up to your child’s tailbone. Ask them to enjoy how they feel and, if they like, to describe it to you. For example, how their body felt, what they saw or heard – leave the door open to hear their experience. It will help them to imprint the experience. Takeaway: meditation for kids We’re living in a wonderful time for meditation for kids. There are many programs and resources online and maybe even in your community that offer ways to bring meditation into your lives. I’ve given you a few links to explore at the bottom of this article. Plant the seeds of meditation for your child and watch them take root. ● Main image: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.