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Before discovering sexual submission, Kayla Lords could not find joy in her sexual life, and remained unhappy for many years. But then, after experimenting with something new, it all clicked into place. By virtue of when I was born (1979, if you’re curious), I'm part of a generation of women raised with specific ideas about what it means to be a woman. One of them made me believe I was broken for many years: You don’t need a man for anything. This notion was practically preached at me, not unlike a sermon in church. For years the many women in my family kept telling me: “You can do what you want. You can be anything. Don’t settle. Don’t get married unless that’s what you want. And if you do, remember, you don’t need him.” In fact, I still agree with that entire lesson – most of it. Sexual submission: before There are two distinct parts of my sexual and romantic life: before submission and after submission. Before I discovered BDSM as something more than a strange set of sexual preferences that was incomprehensible to me (at the time), I was your average vanilla heterosexual cis woman. I dated. I had sex. I got married. Of course, I also never had an orgasm, didn’t masturbate, and never watched porn. Trashy romance novels with ripped bodices on the cover were my limit (and I devoured them as fast as I could get my hands on them). Sexual submission shutterstock/Sorbis Before submission, I tried to take care of whoever was in my life that I loved: boyfriends, then my husband, and after him, the men I had sex with. If they needed something: care, an ear, or even a sandwich – I was happy to provide it. It was how I showed my affection. I understood that much about myself at the time. A string of bad luck I had the bad luck to attract and fuck men who didn’t show affection in the same way. They took – but rarely, if ever – gave anything back. Not a phone call, not a hug, and certainly not orgasms – although one man did try. If he’d stuck around longer, he may have been surprised to see how far I (pardon the expression) came. I was incapable of two things in the Before Submission period of my life: articulating what I wanted sexually and allowing anyone to have control over any portion of my life. While I was a fiercely independent woman – just as I’d been raised to be – it was because I was as unsatisfied and unhappy with my life. Taking charge? The only time a man wanted to discuss sex with me was when we were already naked. My mouth would open to say: “I like it when you spank me” or “It’s OK to be a little rough” but no words would come out. Over the years I tried “taking charge” in bed multiple times. It’s what all the magazines said to do – and after a few seconds, I was lost and clueless. Since the men in my life had also been taught to let women take charge, they were of no help. “I was incapable of two things in the Before Submission period of my life: articulating what I wanted sexually and allowing anyone to have control over any portion of my life.” Even as I was grabbing life, and the men I fucked, by the balls, I found myself alone at night, crying. And feeling sorry for myself, then becoming angry at myself. Why? Because deep down, in a private place I couldn’t admit I even had, I desperately wanted someone to take care of me. I wanted someone to tell me to go to bed, to tuck me in at night, to check in on me, to feel as responsible for me as I did for them. I didn’t have a name for what I wanted, and I was deeply ashamed of it. Was I broken? Defective? This isn’t what I’d ever been taught a woman was supposed to want. After sexual submission Every big change in our lives has a catalyst. A central action or moment in time that propels us forward. Even if we don’t know it’s happening. For me, that moment was when the best lover I'd had so far dumped me because I couldn’t orgasm. He was turned off by my inability to let go of control over my own body so that I could experience sexual pleasure. RELATED: The link between sex and happiness I realized later that if we were as “meant to be” as I thought at the time, he would have helped me with this problem. But he was another in a long list that didn’t mind letting me take care of him but wasn’t interested in reciprocating. My lack of orgasms was a problem that needed fixing. On that masturbatory journey, I began to pay attention to what turned me on. I looked for stories, finding and loving Literotica. Image searches brought me falling into the world of Tumblr porn. I was drawn over and over again to the same stories and images: a woman giving up control of her entire being to a man who dominated her and brought them both pleasure. “Every big change in our lives has a catalyst. A central action or moment in time that propels us forward. Even if we don’t know it’s happening.” I was also intrigued by the real life blogs and stories I found about people who lived a BDSM life. The amount of communication required to make it work seemed daunting but it made sense to me. Talking about what you like before you get naked made sense. It wasn’t something I could imagine doing until I got my hands on my first checklist. Now this made sense to my highly organized self. X marks the spot Thinking you enjoy BDSM Dom/Sub relationships is much different than the act of submission. My first dominant partner was a man I met online. We both blogged about our lives. I was beginning to explore my interest in kink and BDSM, specifically submission. The first time I said, “Yes, Sir” to him in response to a command, it happened. RELATED: 9 ways to improve well-being by increasing intimacy The final puzzle piece of who I am as a person clicked into place. Sure, I was still the same person I’d always been. Anyone looking at me would never see the difference. But I knew that a hole I never knew existed had just been filled with my sexual submission. I'm a submissive woman I want a Dominant man to serve and submit to. But I also want a partner who finds pleasure in taking care of me. To help me grow. To make me do the things I easily neglect, as I take care of the people I love. And no, I don’t need just any man, nor do I want one. Yes, I can take care of myself, survive on my own, build a career, and raise children without BDSM. But without it, life loses its colour. It’s not as vibrant or full. Submission to the Dominant I love beyond all measure completes me. In this role, understanding who I am. Loved and cherished as I love and cherish him. I know exactly who I am, and I am complete. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Sexuality | Happiness | Assertiveness | Authenticity | LGBTQ Written by Kayla Lords Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. She hosts a weekly podcast, Loving BDSM, where she and her Dominant talk about loving BDSM in a loving D/s relationship and share what they've learned and experienced as a kinky couple.

Can spicing up your sex life using BDSM techniques promote intimacy between you and your partner, leading to a better relationship and increased happiness? Abi Brown thinks so... 'Kink' and 'BDSM' can seem like intimidating terms for those of us who've never been involved in that type of community. The unknown is always a little scary, after all, and popular media promotes the idea that these lifestyles are strange, mysterious things that go on in grim dungeons between people dressed in latex suits and intimidating leather outfits. Behind all that, though, lies a truth you might be surprised to learn: the true core of BDSM is trust, and trust – as we all know – breeds intimacy and closeness between partners, and is essential to the workings of a healthy and happy relationship. So, what can the rest of us learn from the BDSM community about how this works? Why trust is the core of all good BDSM For people in ongoing kinky relationships, the bond between a dominant partner and their submissive can be one of the strongest and most reliable either of them will ever experience. BDSM takes its practitioners to deep psychological spaces together, and sharing those experiences promotes bonding. It’s also true that you cannot practice safe BDSM with someone you cannot trust, and that every time you give some of your power over to someone and they handle it carefully, they’re proving to you that you can trust them implicitly. For example, when someone is tied up, they’re relying on their partner to set them free again; when someone is being spanked or beaten, they’re counting on their partner to respect their limits and their pain threshold and not to mess it up. All tied up: BDSM play requires trust These practices work like trust exercises; they’re the sexual equivalent of falling backwards into thin air and knowing that your partner will catch you before you hit the ground. Over time, people who engage in these activities together frequently will develop a profound mutual trust that it can be harder to come by in so-called 'vanilla' relationships. Five ways to promote intimacy and trust If all that sounds good to you, don’t worry – nobody is suggesting that you go out and buy yourself a PVC catsuit – unless you think you might enjoy the experience! There’s more than one way to make use of this knowledge. Indeed, you don’t have to be interested in BDSM to be interested in some of the benefits it can bring. “The true core of BDSM is trust, and trust – as we all know – breeds intimacy and is essential to the workings of a healthy and happy relationship.” If you’d like to harness the ability of kink to promote intimacy between you and your partner, why not try out a few of these simple ideas together? You never know: you might discover a whole new world of things that get you both going. 1. Introduce a blindfold to the bedroom Imagine for a moment that you’re experiencing some of the most intense sexual pleasure of your life... but you’re blindfolded. You don’t know exactly what your partner is going to do next, and you’re finding that the physical sensations are heightened by the loss of sight. This is a hugely intense experience for many people, and could completely change the way you feel what’s going on! Almost everyone can enjoy a bit of blindfolded sex: it’s a great way to deepen the sensation of trust between you and your partner. 2. Speak more openly and honestly about your sexual self BDSM encourages people to share their fantasies in ways that other relationship types don’t. There’s a lot to be said for opening up in this way, though. Indeed, there’s nothing more intimate than discovering that your partner is a safe space, to be honest about your deepest desires. After all, and if they’re also interested in trying those things out you might find yourself having some of the best sex you've ever dreamed of. Stay open: discuss your sexual desires and needs 3. Embrace the power of symbols to bring you together We all know what wedding and engagement rings symbolise, but did you know that many people in BDSM relationships have a whole extra symbol that can be equally meaningful to them? Submissive partners will often wear a collar – sometimes a discrete or symbolic one that can be worn all the time – as a reminder of the nature of their relationship. There’s no need to wear a collar unless you happen to want one, of course, but there’s a lot to be said for private symbols that remind you of the bond between you and your beloved – like matching bracelets, for example. 4. Discover the endorphin rush of a light spanking Being spanked causes your brain to produce endorphins, meaning that you can get the same kind of euphoric high from a good spanking as you can from a good workout session. Don’t worry about your pain threshold: ask your partner to start light, and never feel pressured to take anything you’re not comfortable with. In addition to the natural hormonal rush, many people find that spanking is a profoundly intimate activity for both partners and one that can make you feel closer together when you’re done. “There's nothing more intimate than discovering that your partner is a safe space, to be honest about your deepest desires.” 5. Formalize some of your likes, preferences and limits It’s standard practice in the BDSM community to have a list of ‘favourites’ and ‘limits’: things you’re especially keen to do and things that you're not comfortable with doing. This idea has a lot to say for itself in vanilla relationships, too; by being clear and honest with both yourself and your partner about what you like most and what you have no desire to try (or try again). You’ll learn more about your sexual self as well as theirs, and be well on the way to a healthier and happier sex life – complete with all the intimacy that brings. Whatever you choose to do, it’s important to remember that you shouldn't let yourself be pressured into trying things you’re not comfortable with and that trust and safety should be at the forefront of your mind – and your partner’s – at all times. ● Main image: colourbox.com Written by Abi Brown Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery.

After struggling with a divorce and orgasming, Kayla Lords went from writing about her sexual fantasies to teaching BDSM to others. Here's how she did it. How does a single mom, newly divorced, go from zero orgasms and little sexual pleasure to living a kinky BDSM life? A life complete with a 24/7 Daddy Dom and teaching BDSM and talking to thousands of people? Well, that’s an interesting question. It started with a breakup Being dumped because your lover can’t bring you to orgasm may rate as one of the strangest reasons for a breakup. But that was my reality. It bothered me; it hurt. I felt defective. Why couldn't I have an orgasm? And (worse), if I proved to this one guy that I could, would he take me back? Yes, those were my real thoughts. I've changed since then. The me today would tell him good riddance. I would also ask why he wasn't capable of bringing me to a sexual climax. For all my non-orgasmic ways, I’d been a highly sexual woman for most of my adult life, even when I repressed it in a bad marriage and for multiple reasons. Sexy scenes and fantasies played through my head every day. I was probably a little preoccupied with sex. I had no idea how these two separate things would change my life. Writing my truth When those two realities converged – a lack of orgasms and an overabundance of fantasies – I decided to do what I’d done to survive my divorce. I wrote about the journey. But I hadn’t lost my mind. I wasn’t going to blog under my name where my boss or my mom could read all the smutty freaky things in my mind. Thus Kayla Lords was born. Write on: Kayla Lords writes about her sexual journey (model pictured) Truer words have never been spoken. I had no idea what was going to pour forth on this new sex blog I’d begun. One day I wrote about my first orgasm. The next I wrote a fantasy of being watched, subtle shades of the powerlessness I would soon crave. Writing my truth made me want to discover more of my truth. Teaching BDSM: the world opened up By “the world” I mean the sex blogging world. For those who don’t live their life writing, talking, or thinking about sex, it can come as a shock just how many people are willing to bare their sexual soul online. I didn’t see the potential sexual path I could take until I took the first step and wrote the first blog post. “Writing my truth made me want to discover more of my truth.” A door opened. My natural curiosity compelled me to go through it. I found kinksters who fully lived a Master/slave life. Others who loved the sensual side of Dominance and BDSM submission. And, yes, like many others before me, I discovered kinky erotica; dirtier and harsher than anything I would want for myself, but exciting nonetheless. I chronicled my journey From my growing realisations of my submissive self to my first D/s relationship – and subsequent heartrending breakup – I wrote it all – what I thought, what I wanted. Sometimes, I hid my deepest desires in fiction and fantasy. Along the way, people found me, and I found other kinksters. We shared stories. Sent virtual hugs when life got rough. We were all on our journey, but we found common ground. Dominant and submissive, switch and kink-friendly vanillas. They were all out there, rooting for me, supporting me, and cheering me on. In return, I did the same for them. Within a sex blogging community, we were our kinky community. People asked questions Eventually, I found The One. The Dominant who was right for me, who was worth all the sacrifice and fear. My erotic fantasies became deeper, more nuanced. Still hot sex, but plenty of emotion and questions about what it might mean to submit and trust and love again. “A door opened. My natural curiosity compelled me to go through it.” Once I was ready to reveal that I might have found my own happily ever after, the questions began to pour in. How do you meet a Dominant? What do you do when you’re scared? How do you survive the heartbreak? How can I be a better submissive? I did the only thing I could think of. I answered their questions as honestly and openly as I could. Giving back: teaching BDSM I quickly realised that a lot of kinksters, especially those who were new and still single, all had the same questions. Indeed, plenty of people had shared similar experiences: wannabe Dominants who were abusers in disguise breakups that made them feel they’d never be whole again communication problems that followed them from the vanilla life to this kinky one. Part of being a good kinkster, in my opinion, is the responsibility we have to give back to our community. People can get hurt when they’re uneducated when they don’t know the questions to ask, or jump in too fast. We learn best from our experiences. In the first years of my sexual and kinky journey, I felt I’d learn plenty. Not to mention what I learned surviving a harrowing divorce. Writing articles about kinky topics, podcasting about my D/s relationship, answering the countless messages I receive – this is the way I can give back to the community by teaching BDSM. This is how I can help the next 'generation' of kinksters. To play safe, find happiness, and put themselves on a good path for kinky joy and fun. I don’t consider myself a true educator. I have no degrees that certify my expertise. But I’m happy to share what I’ve learned: about BDSM, relationships, and about the kink community. I have a voice. I have a perspective that helps people realise they’re not alone. That demanding honesty, trust and integrity aren't 'asking too much.' It’s my pleasure and my responsibility to help others so they can experience this journey most safely and sanely possible. And it all started with an orgasm and sexual fantasy! Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Kayla Lords Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. She hosts a weekly podcast, Loving BDSM, where she and her Dominant talk about loving BDSM in a loving D/s relationship and share what they've learned and experienced as a kinky couple.

After growing up in a household where sex was shamed, discovering BDSM helped Sienna Saint-Cyr to find self-acceptance and enjoyment when it came to her sexual life. Coming to grips with being kinky when you've been raised in a religious or very conservative household isn't easy. When sex is shamed, let alone any exploration outside of missionary style intercourse, finding out even what's hot can be a challenge. Yet most of the kinkiest people I know have come from these sorts of family and societal dynamics. Indeed, many find self-acceptance through BDSM. So, you’re kinky, now what? You can explore without jumping right in. One thing that helped me — though my fear of exploration came from being abused — was with reading stories and seeing if they turned me on. This meant I explored a lot of topics. Some were more dominant/submissive related, others were about rough sex, some were about bondage... then there’s fetishes… I explored many areas and found that most of them were hot for me in some way or another. Though I didn't always know why they why did appeal to me, they just did. “When sex is shamed, let alone any exploration outside of missionary style intercourse, finding out even what's hot can be a challenge.” I did a lot of reading of both fiction and non-fiction books. Both are important because as I read the fiction and found it hot, a lot of it wasn't realistic. Therefore, the non-fiction came in to explain how things should really happen. It was also helpful in figuring out the 'why' portion. The books that helped me most were The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. As well as SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. For fiction, I suggest going to literotica.com, or one of the other free sites, at least in the beginning. Experimentation and exploration Once you've explored with reading (and/or movies) and are fairly certain that you want to know more, that’s when I suggest asking around. While some venues can offer introductory courses and demonstrations, I've personally found this avenue riskier in the beginning. To start with, try an internet search on kink/BDSM 'munches'. Munches are for meeting people and asking questions. No actual scenes take place. Chances are, you’ll find others there that have been raised in similar environments. Once you've met some good and trustworthy people, then find a venue to watch demos. If you take things slowly and gradually lower into kinky waters, you’re going to have an easier time adjusting and backing out if you feel overwhelmed. When we've been taught — or even brainwashed — to believe that enjoying ourselves sexually is sinful or inappropriate, we have to face our shame and guilt eventually. This is why talking to others that have been through similar situations is helpful. Because this kind of shame and guilt is nonsense and serves no purpose other than to make us feel bad. Open minds lead to self-acceptance Owning who we are is beautiful, and accepting ourselves divine in its own right. So, try not to judge yourself. Instead, remain open to what you feel based on the things you read, discuss, and later witness or take part in. Accepting ourselves means we get to experience a level of joy free of the guilt and shame we’d walked around with previously. This isn't limited to our sexual exploration but can also apply to all areas of our lives. “Owning who we are is beautiful, and accepting ourselves divine in its own right. So, try not to judge yourself. Instead, remain open to what you feel.” When we accept our kinky side and find self-acceptance, it means we get to be conscious about our choices rather than have that side sneak out in non-consensual ways. We get to express ourselves without judgement, have better sex, and more fun. In my experience, I've found almost everyone is kinky in some way. So, be brave, explore, and experience the joy that comes with accepting and loving who you are! And always remember: listen to yourself, explore, and know that it's OK to change your mind at anytime. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more at https://siennasaintcyr.wordpress.com/.

Finding happiness isn't always as simple as opening a box labeled joy. Some people find it in the most unexpected places, like BDSM submission. Sienna Saint-Cyr shares her personal journey of overcoming a troubled past and finding her inner peace... What is happiness? It doesn’t come in a neat little package titled, “open me for joy”. So, I had no idea how to find it. As with many girls I knew growing up, my thoughts of happiness centered on marriage, having kids, and owning a charming house with a white picket fence. Happiness, according to everything I knew at this time, came in the form of having things that other people could see. Happiness was external. Yet as I got older and achieved these goals, I realized that I still wasn’t happy. And this was confusing. My whole life I heard that if I had these things, followed this plan, then everything would be OK. That I would be happy. So I got those things, followed that plan and was most definitely not happy! While I loved my husband dearly and adored my children, the problem was still there, and it wasn't going anywhere. Then I had my 'eureka' moment. I realized this whole time that I had looked outwards for happiness when I should have been looking inwards. But for me, looking inwards caused a problem... inside, I was an emotional mess. “My thoughts of happiness centered on marriage, having kids, and owning a charming house with a white picket fence.” Many years ago I’d experienced a lot of trauma and my inside was not such a happy place. Certainly, not somewhere I'd look for happiness anyway. While in therapy I actively began to deal with my diagnosis of Complex PTSD. We've all heard of soldiers coming back with PTSD, but Complex PTSD is a bit different. It generally starts earlier in life but not always. It's a trauma brought on in the form of a power dynamic struggle between the sufferer from a caregiver (or other interpersonal relationship) and is long-term. Letting go of control To cope with my pain, I kept part of me kept closed off, in order to stay safe. On the other hand, this also cut me off from being able to find joy in life. I was in a constant state of defence, sometimes known as 'fight or flight' mode. This constant state of stress was protecting me from getting better. In order to heal on a fuller and deeper scale, I needed to let down my walls. I understood what I should to do, but I’m stubborn. To be that vulnerable was scary. Not because I didn’t trust the people in my life, but because it meant letting go of my control. Staying in control is what kept me safe, or so I thought. Spelling it out: PTSD Reaching out for help After trying many different approaches and having discussions with my therapist and husband, we decided that sexual submission might be good for me. It would be a way to get me out of my comfort zone and let go of control in a safe and consensual environment. But my husband wasn’t into domination to that extent, so I began looking elsewhere. Since my husband and I are polyamorous (meaning we are in an open relationship), I ended up finding a Dom that I met through networking with others. We began talking, and soon, I was submitting to him full time. My Dom focuses on helping his submissive partners become better versions of themselves. His focus for me was about helping me be the best mom, wife, and friend I could be. While at the same time, helping me to find joy and success in life. My Dom's focus was to help me find the happiness I was missing. To help me overcome my reliance on external things for happiness. He helped me to find the inner happiness I couldn't find through all the external things I'd acquired. My Dom helped me relearn how to find internal happiness. BDSM submission as a tool Without sexual submission, I still wouldn't be happy now. Using it as a tool, I found peace. I found a more fulfilling way to love, that inner happiness I was searching for all those years. Finally, I found joy. And all through BDSM submission. By using it as a tool to heal. In handing over my control to him, I allowed myself to trust others. This external trust is what led to my growth and healing. My Dom created a safe space for me to deal with my trauma— both physically and emotionally. He helped me re-contextualize the horrible memories I had. “Without sexual submission, I still wouldn't be happy now. Using it as a tool, I found peace.” Creating new memories and contexts for the old hurtful ones was only possible through having this safe space. It wouldn’t have been possible without handing over my control to him. Complete submission meant I could get out of my head and allow someone else to take the lead. To help me process and heal. So that, in the end, I could find happiness and learn to trust in others again. This also gave me power. I was choosing to give my control to someone else. This turned things around. It became my choice to allow my Dom to be in control. Submission is a choice. It's never forced, and that is the difference between my past and now. My first steps toward happiness Taking the initial steps wasn’t easy, though. While my husband was supportive, I received a lot of judgment from someone close to me at the time. And criticism came from all around. A lot of people challenged my political beliefs. They told me I wasn’t a feminist anymore. Many claimed that what I was doing wasn’t safe. Mostly because they didn't understand what it was that we were doing. People told me that I wasn’t as powerful if I submitted. And I almost listened. I almost gave in and ran the other way. Overcoming things that certain people said was a big part of what I had to do. I also had to deal with my own self-judgment which came after. Which is often harsher than any external criticism. There were judgements coming at me from all angles. In the end, part of me finding happiness meant accepting who I am fully. A big part of who I am that brings me inner happiness, is as a submissive to my Dom. BDSM submission taught me to let go in a way that I couldn't before. It helped me to release trauma and pain so I could replace it with joy and pleasure. Submission changed my life in many positive and healing ways. It brought me the happiness I sought for so long. Submission allowed me to look inward instead of outward for my joy. I no longer fear the darkness inside me. It’s safe to look inside myself. Through BDSM submission, I’ve learned to be a more supportive and loving wife, a better mom, and a true friend. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more.

My Sexual Journey Has Taught Me Many Things Sexuality is not a black and white field. It's an abstract painting in thousands of colors. The search for happiness can sometimes lead us to places we never thought possible. This personal story of a little's sexual journey reveals a fantastic adventure in acceptance and happiness... At the beginning of my sexual journey, I knew I liked it hard and forbidden. But I didn't really experiment with it, it was the same things all the time, tying up, spanking, whipping and once in a while a slap on the cheek. I liked it but I didn't really feel satisfied, like completely satisfied. Then I met my fiancé. We'd lived on different continents and therefore the sex became a lot more verbal. We experimented and still experiment so much without or bodies even touching. Somewhere there I started sorting out what my kinks were, and which were not. When we finally met for the first time after a long time just dirty talking and sex video-caming a new kind of sexual journey started. The physical. Not until we were pretty good at each other's bodies, each other's minds we felt we were ready to take the next step. Master/slave. We made a contract and all, but we, especially he, felt a little intimidated by it, like it was too much of a commitment to drop the role-playing and live like this 24/7. In the middle of this situation my fiancé took a BDSM test, you know those that everyone is referring to on fetish communities, I was laying in bed minding my own business when he started poking me with his finger. "You've gotta read this!". It was about Daddy dom/ little girl. I read it and halfway through it was like everything got clear. This! This is what we "are". This is what we already live 24/7. Accepting our kinks From the beginning, I was totally terrified. Fetishes like that are so misconceived. But the more we talked about it and the more we realized that it wasn't that much of a choice, it's just who we are, we started living it freely. Today I feel like a little, really feel like it. I've let my princess side out more and more, which I earlier hid with tom boy clothes and not acting girly at all. Today I've let that princess in me come out and be free and I'm so happy. It wasn't that much of an acceptance, it was rather a poking it a little bit to come out and play. And the one kink that makes you feel complete, satisfied in more than the sexual aspect, go for it. I feel free, happy and unstoppable. Written by Princess EPrincess E is a Swedish freelancer who focuses on DDlg, which she's living 24/7. Most of her writings are based on her experiences with her Daddy; Mr. B. Runs a blog and can be found on Twitter.

When Princess E started accepting her kinks and desires through exploring her sexual journey, she was well on her way to discovering her inner happiness. As long as I can remember I've had a longing, an appetite for the darkness, for 'forbidden fruit' and the so-called bad. Maybe that's why I got into so much trouble growing up. I met shady guys who took advantage of me and became more and more destructive, until I realized that I didn't even knew who I was anymore. My journey to accepting my sexuality might be dark, but it ended with such a wonderful thing. I was jumping between men, hoping to find something I was longing for, needing, actually. Someone who as good at giving me spankings as well as giving me sweet kisses. Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed – what I was begging for, I just jumped on the next guy. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with doing that if that's your thing, but for me, it only broke me down even more. Until one day, it just clicked. The day when my fiancé came into the picture everything changed. He saw me – through my body – past all the walls that I'd built up. He saw that little girl and nurtured her, took care of her. And that was probably where our fetish for DDlg started – without us even knowing. “Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed, I just jumped on the next guy.” Mr. B, as I call him, knows the exact amount of comforting that is needed after a rough night in bed. He understands, and views it as a privilege, that I'm his sub. That I chose to submit only to him. I'd been in the BDSM lifestyle for a while before I met Mr. B. Even still, I never totally understood what aftercare meant until I met him. For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person. Some say that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. For me, it's the exact opposite. Someone loving me has made me look at myself in a different way. And now I'm empowered. I'm strong. And I'm proud of my sexuality. My sexual journey: accepting my kinks At the very beginning of my sexual journey I knew I liked things hard; the 'forbidden fruit' of the bedroom. But I didn't really experiment with it. It was the same thing every time: being tied up, spanked, whipped and once in a while, a slap on the cheek. I liked it, but I didn't really feel satisfied, not completely satisfied. Then I met my fiancé. We lived on different continents and therefore sex became a lot more verbal. We experimented, and still do to this day, without our bodies even touching. Somewhere along the way, I started sorting out what my kinks were, and which were not. Finding our groove... and fetish When we finally met for the first time, after a long period of long-distance dirty talk and sex-cam action, a new journey started – the physical journey. Not until we were secure in our knowledge of each other's bodies and minds did we feel that we were ready to take the next step: master/slave. We made a contract and everything. But we, especially Mr. B, felt a little intimidated by it, like it was too much of a commitment to drop the role-playing and live like this 24/7. In the middle of the situation my fiancé took the infamous 'BDSM test'. “For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person.” I was laying in bed, minding my own business, when he started poking me with his finger. "You've gotta read this!" It was about Daddy Dom/little girl. I read it and halfway through it was like everything was suddenly clear. This! This is what we are. This is what we already live 24/7. From the beginning, I was totally terrified. Fetishes like that are so misconstrued. But the more we talked about it, the more we realized that it wasn't that much of a choice. It's just who we were, we'd started living it freely, naturally. Delicious, forbidden fruit Today I've let my princess side out more and more, which I hid earlier by wearing tom boy clothes and not acting girly at all. That princess in me has come out and is free, and now I'm so happy. It wasn't that much to overcome. It was more like poking at it a bit to come out and play. And if there's one kink that makes you feel complete, makes you feel satisfied in more than the sexual aspect, go for it. After accepting my sexuality I feel free, happy and unstoppable. ● Main image: Colorbox.com Written by Princess E Princess E is a Swedish freelancer who focuses on DDlg, which she's living 24/7. Most of her writings are based on her experiences with her Daddy; Mr. B. Runs a blog and can be found on Twitter.