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Is it possible to hack happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explores 8 research-backed strategies that can help us intentionally cultivate greater contentment in our daily lives. Happiness can often feel elusive – all of us wish to lead fulfilling, joyful lives, but ironically, the pursuit can be exhausting. The UN-sponsored World Happiness Report mirrors this paradox, with the rankings for the United States dropping sharply from 15th spot in 2023 to 24th in 2025. Emerging issues like loneliness and inflation have been cited as the major contributors to this decline. The happiness rankings for the United Kingdom continue to plummet too, with the plunge to the 23rd place all the way from 20th the year before. Meanwhile, the country that has consistently topped the World Happiness Ranking for the eighth consecutive year is Finland, sparking global intrigue about what makes the Finnish way of life so favourable and if there’s a way to make these principles – or happiness ‘hacks’ – relevant and actionable for the rest of the world. What are happiness hacks? Happiness hacks are simple, effective strategies devised to boost one’s overall wellbeing and enhance levels. You can think of them as psychological tricks to make yourself happy or simply ‘happy habits’ that, when put consistently into practice, can make a long-term impact. Strengthening social connections is a key happiness hack According to Alex Palmer, New York Times-bestselling author of Happiness Hacks: 100% Scientific! Curiously Effective!, “Small changes today can lead to big changes tomorrow. And that’s where happiness starts.” In essence, happiness hacks are small, intentional changes that can result in significant improvements in one’s mood, outlook, and life-satisfaction levels. So, how can I increase my happiness? While your genetic makeup and life circumstances do influence your happiness baseline to a great extent, research suggests that happiness can also be a conscious choice. Boosting happiness levels requires intentional effort on one’s behalf, and the happiness hacks listed here can help improve your wellbeing levels over time. 8 happiness hacks that deliver We’ve gathered some evidence-based insights – some familiar, others unexpected – to make the pursuit of happiness more achievable (and enjoyable). Here are eight happiness hacks or strategies to help you lead a more meaningful, joy-filled life. 1. Strengthen your social connections A groundbreaking Harvard study involving 724 participants over 85 years found that the most important key to a happy life isn’t wealth or success but having strong, healthy relationships. In other words, hacking happiness begins with developing enriching social connections and nurturing relationships that matter to you. RELATED: The 6 Qualities of True Friendship The Importance of Community: 7 Key Benefits No Friends? Here's How to Make New Ones as an Adult To keep these relationships healthy and enriching, experts suggest practicing ‘social fitness,’ which refers to taking stock of one’s friendships and connections, evaluating these social connections and devising a realistic plan to devote time and effort to strengthen them. 2. Spend time in nature Spending time outdoors in nature has been linked to numerous physical and mental health benefits, including better heart health, lesser stress levels, and even lower mortality rates, according to Heather Eliassen, professor of nutrition and epidemiology at Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health. She explains, “Exposure to green space results in mental restoration and increased positive emotions and decreased anxiety and rumination.” “Happiness hacks are simple, effective strategies devised to boost one’s overall wellbeing and enhance happiness levels. You can think of them as psychological tricks to make yourself happy.” Another study links spending 120 minutes a week in nature to wellbeing and happiness. Hacking happiness, therefore, can be as simple as reconnecting with nature by stepping out to soak up some sunshine or taking a peaceful stroll in a park as you breathe fresh air. Take this happiness hack further by incorporating the calming power of meditation and try meditating in nature. 3. Break a sweat Regular physical activity is well-documented for improving overall wellbeing, relieving stress, and alleviating signs of depression. So, if you’re wondering how to hack happiness, get your blood pumping with a form of exercise you enjoy, be it strength training, Zumba, swimming, or dancing. Even a brisk 20-minute walk can elevate your mood by triggering the release of endorphins – your body’s ‘feel-good’ hormones that promote relaxation and a positive attitude. Hike in the hills and combine two happiness hacks at once (nature and exercise) 4. Healthy food, healthy mood A growing body of research supports the idea that you are what you eat. Simply put, since food fuels your brain and body to perform their required functions, the quality and composition of the food determine how you feel and function. What you eat has a direct effect on your brain function and mood. RELATED: The Gut-Brain Axis: Understanding Mood and Food Additionally, studies indicate a strong connection between gut health and emotional wellbeing, with any imbalance in the gut microbiome potentially resulting in low mood and signs of depression. Thus, hacking happiness can begin on your plate, preferably with a balanced diet consisting of lean proteins, green leafy vegetables, legumes and healthy fats. 5. Invest in therapy Sometimes, even with all the psychological tricks to make yourself happy, you may find your inner fears and limiting beliefs holding you back. In such situations, taking the next step toward a fulfilling life may feel challenging without external support, such as good counselling. In fact, a 2009 study by the University of Warwick and the University of Manchester found that therapy could be up to 32 times more effective at making you happier than making more money through a pay raise or a lottery win. While the idea of seeking therapy can feel daunting, understanding that it may help uncover your authentic potential and propel you toward your best self can make it a step worth taking. 6. Minimize your choices Living in the digital age has conditioned us to believe that having more choice means more freedom. However, it can also result in decision fatigue. As a matter of fact, an experiment by Stanford professor Baba Shiv uncovered that facing a constant multitude of choices can place a ‘cognitive load’ on the brain, negatively impacting your decision-making ability and mental peace. Therefore, if you’re wondering how to hack happiness, try narrowing your choices – not by avoiding or delaying decisions, but by streamlining your decision-making process. 7. Experience the magic of novelty often While a set routine can boost productivity, introducing novelty occasionally in your schedule can enhance your wellbeing and spark happiness, according to a 2020 study published in Nature Neuroscience. “People feel happier when they have more variety in their daily routines – when they go to novel places and have a wider array of experiences,” explains Catherine Hartley, assistant professor at New York University's department of psychology and co-author of this study. “Hacking happiness begins with developing enriching social connections and nurturing relationships that matter to you.” So, if you’ve been feeling stuck or bored with life, it may be time to embrace the magic of novelty. Liz Moody, the creator of the viral neuroplasticity hack ‘Novelty Rule,’ emphasizes that these novel experiences don’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Instead, hacking happiness through novelty could be as simple as brushing your teeth with non-dominant hand, a tiny addition in your routine, such as creative journaling, learning a language, or a new experiment in the kitchen. Travel can be a way to welcome novelty as well. “You needn’t even go very far,” Karyn Hall, author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person, explained to Psychology Today: “Even a day trip to a nearby town can offer fresh sights and experiences.” You may be surprised by how many hidden gems exist not far from your doorstep! 8. Practice gratitude Humans are wired for negativity by default, but research suggests that expressing gratitude can help us shift our focus through enhanced neural sensitivity toward positive experiences. Robert Emmons, psychologist and professor at UC Davis, emphasized gratitude's social power in an article for Greater Good Magazine: “I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion, because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.” Daily gratitude journalling can build happiness levels Indeed, daily gratitude journaling can be an effective way to start hacking happiness – take 5 or 10 minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for and one meaningful experience you had the previous day. This happiness hack will gradually train your mind to embrace a positive outlook. What are Helsinki happiness hacks? According to a BBC report, some of the factors contributing to Finland’s robust happiness index can be attributed to the presence of a strong social welfare system, the country’s commitment to equality and well-being for its citizens, and low levels of corruption. “Daily gratitude journaling can be an effective way to start hacking happiness – take 5 or 10 minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for.” In addition to the institutional strengths, Finland’s cultural emphasis on spending more time in its abundance of nature plus the inherent attitude of resilience and strength in the Finnish people – known locally as sisu – are two of the widely-known wellness practices – or the so-called Helsinki happiness hacks – that contribute to their sustained overall happiness levels as well. Takeaway: How can I make myself happy? While happiness hacks are effective tools grounded in psychological research, these strategies may not always guarantee consistent happiness for everyone. In fact, a 2018 study found that the constant pursuit of happiness may sometimes leave you feeling not happy at all – mainly since striving too hard to be happy can ironically consume all the time one can spend being happy. That’s why it’s important to stay connected to your authentic self and understand what fulfills you – this self-awareness can render these happiness hacks more effective. Try being more intentional about living in the present – and make room to focus on the good mood here and now! ● Images: shutterstock/Tint Media, shutterstock/Vergani Fotografia, shutterstock/alexgo. photography happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Neuroscience | Stress management | Nature Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be our default setting, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani suggests 7 ways in which we can always be kind towards others – and ourselves, too. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone, or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. Some of us may have been bullied online or received a harsh response to a genuine query, and at times we’ve regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others. With the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why we should always choose kindness It's fair to wonder why we should have to 'choose' kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. For instance, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must have had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches on my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson! Does this line of thinking seem familiar to you? Donating goods – or time – to a food bank is one way to choose kindness Indeed, choosing kindness can bring about a much-needed shift in the way we judge. Always being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. How to Always Be Kind “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To cultivate kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: how can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli. Always be kind.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort on our part. The process of always being kind may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks in others. How Does Choosing Kindness Benefit Us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner from the University of Exeter revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed. In turn, this promotes tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. 7 ways to choose kindness every day Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. So, here are seven ways in which we can try to choose to be kind and considerate every day: 1. Create a kindness plan It's possible to choose kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a good-natured manner. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness: inviting them for a chat over a coffee. Supporting local businesses by buying their products. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness. Remember, it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we listen compassionately. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A 2010 survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others resulted in improved emotional well-being. RELATED: Money Can't Buy Happiness (Except When You Spend it Like This!) Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, etc. are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A litter pick shows kindness to the planet 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying, and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs, etc. RELATED: Adult Bullying And How to Deal With It We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it's always possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It's important to remember that your employees and coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost productivity and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember forever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it's probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Choose to be kind to yourself Always being kind towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling low. After all, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light”, or, “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you centre your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The takeaway: choosing kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness rendered to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Deciding to always be kind – especially in situations where our inner voice is telling us to escalate conflict – may take some practice, but it can also create long-lasting happiness for others, as well as ourselves. ● Images: shutterstock/BAZA Production, shutterstock/Dragon Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Altruism | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Many of us are trying to find greater happiness in our lives. Learn how to boost your daily joy and well-being with these 11 science-backed tips from Calvin Holbrook. In today's modern and busy world, finding happiness can seem challenging. For the majority of us, our lives are more stressful than ever and we have less time to relax and enjoy life. The recent shift in mainstream media becoming increasingly negative only helps to fuel our anxiety, leading to greater misery and unhappiness. Happiness is a state we all want to live in, but is it even realistically possible to be upbeat and content the whole time? And what exactly is happiness? Would you consider it a way of life, a certain mood, or a state of mind? It's clear happiness levels fluctuate, but is there a way to increase or regulate them? Or is happiness a choice? In fact, as most of us have probably realized by now, there’s no magic way to stay joyful all the time. However, there is some science behind the nature of happiness. Furthermore, once we understand this, we can develop our skills to find happiness and remain joyful for longer periods consistently. So, follow these 11 science-backed ways to increase your levels of joy and you should be able to see a positive difference in your daily well-being and discover deeper happiness more easily. How to find happiness: 11 science-backed tips From staying social to practising gratitude: make these 11 changes to your life and start finding more happiness. 1. Stay social and build quality relationships Science is clear on out first tip on how to find happiness: you can improve well-being through developing quality relationships. We humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness and recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. How to find happiness within yourself? Through others But if you're searching for happiness, don’t start adding random friend requests to people on Insta just yet. Simply having many different acquaintances doesn’t lead to a boost in happiness levels – research shows that it’s the quality of our relationships that's key to boosting our well-being. In a landmark 75-year, multigenerational study, Robert Waldinger measured happiness levels in people from Boston’s poorest neighbourhoods and found that the most joyful were those with high-quality social connections. Furthermore, lonely people were less happy and, significantly, had poorer health. RELATED: How to Make New Friends As An Adult The 6 Qualities of True Friendship How to Be a Better Friend: 9 Ideas So, make sure to nurture more meaningful relationships with the people you already love. And, if you're feeling alone or disconnected from your current friendship group, finding your tribe – people with whom you are likely to get on best with – is a surefire way to finding more happiness. 2. Force a smile Buddhist Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote: “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. “If you're on a quest for how to find happiness within yourself, start by thinking of others first, and begin to lead a more meaningful life.” Psychological scientists from the University of Kansas conducted a study in which they assessed the impact of smiling on one’s physical and mental state. They came to the conclusion that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful times. So, smiling even when we feel down can actually makes us feel happier. Furthermore, try smiling at strangers, too: studies also show that happiness is contagious, so you may just get a friendly grin back that lifts you up. This is an easy practical tip which can help you in finding happiness on a daily basis. 3. Find your 'flow' It sounds simple, but take time to think about what you really love doing in life and make an effort to do more of it. Go for simple things you can fit into your schedule on a daily or weekly basis. Maybe it’s being in nature. Perhaps it’s reading, forest bathing, visiting art galleries, cooking a delicious meal, or just dancing around the living room. Whatever your daily happy buzz, make time for it in your life and it will help you in discovering greater happiness. Maybe you can find your flow on the river? Better still, if you can find an activity where your mind is fully immersed in a feeling of focus, involvement and enjoyment, you've probably found your flow. This blissful state – where you're 100% 'in the zone' – sparks true moments of joy, calm and creativity, as well as helping you find happiness by forgetting any current worries. 4. Think positively Some people seem to live by the ‘glass half full’ and ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdotes, and for good reason. In fact, research has shown that positive thinking can assist in stress management as well as playing an important role in your overall well-being and health. A 2017 study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that positive thinking helps in combating feelings of low self-esteem, improves physical health, as well as helps brighten your general outlook on life. “Science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier.” Here's a simple tip: every time you have a negative thought, try and replace it with a positive one. It's sounds easier said than done, but this practice can help to retrain your usual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts into your life. Likewise, changing your perspective on your current situation can help in discovering happiness too. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your successes. Learn more about how to stop ruminating on past mistakes and start living with hope and appreciation of the present moment. 5. Develop a more meaningful life Meaningfulness is a major happy factor that you can extend into all areas of your life. Whether it's through gardening, volunteering, or becoming politically active, meaningful activities have been shown to boost people's happiness while reducing stress levels at the same time. Add meaning to your life by helping others in need What's more, developing meaning through helping others has been shown to be particularly beneficial. A study from 2017 showed that people who offer care and help to others then become better equipped to handle their own problems. Moreover, the researched showed that participants who engaged more by helping others also showed greater decreases in levels of depression. So, if you're on a quest for how to find happiness within yourself, start by thinking of others first, and begin to lead a more meaningful life. 6. Practise gratitude Our next tip on how to find happiness is to show gratitude. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is proven to make you feel happier and more humble. We often focus on what we don't have, but, instead, we should be grateful for what we already do have: a home, food on the table, clothing, and access to water/electricity. Many millions of people in the world don’t have these things (and, interestingly, many of them are still happy!). RELATED: 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Yoga for Happiness: Gratitude Yoga Moreover, science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier. The Journal of Happiness Studies published a study that used gratitude letters to test how being grateful can affect our levels of happiness. The researchers concluded that: “Participants included 219 men and women who wrote three letters of gratitude over a three-week period. Results indicated that writing letters of gratitude increased participants' happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms.” How to find happiness: gratitude journals helps you appreciate life 7. Stop comparing yourself to others In our social media savvy world, flaunting your travels, relationships and purchases on Insta is all too common. However, comparing yourself to other people only leads to unhappiness. Indeed, data from a 2010 Europe-wide survey of 19,000 people showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. Furthermore, while other people’s lives may appear 'perfect’, there’s always a hidden story we’re unaware of. We usually only share our best moments on social media, rather than our fears and anxieties. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on achieving your own dreams by goal setting. If needed, change your social media habits and/or delete accounts. 8. Exercise daily If you're wondering how to find happiness, exercising is proven to boost levels of happiness. In fact, exercise has such a profound effect on well-being that it’s an effective strategy for tackling depression. In a study cited in The Happiness Advantage – a book by Shawn Achor – three groups of patients treated their depression with medication, exercise, or a combination of both. All three groups experienced similar improvements in their happiness levels in early days, but the later follow-up assessments proved very different. “Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you in finding happiness. Try meditating in the morning, shortly after waking.” Six months later the groups were tested to assess their relapse rate. Of those that had taken the medication alone, 38 per cent had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group did a little better, with a 31 per cent relapse rate. But with the exercise group, the relapse rate was just nine per cent, suggesting it really did make a difference to finding happiness. So, make sure you fit some exercise into your daily routine. If you don't enjoy going to the gym, try mindful running or wild swimming to reconnect with nature. Group sea swimming is a great way to boost happiness levels 9. Get plenty of sleep If you don’t rest well, you won’t be able to function at your best. Regular sleep deprivation breaks down productivity, alertness and mood. Aim for between seven and nine hours kip a night and this will help keep your happiness levels up. A 2017 study from the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders at Brigham and Women's Hospital, and MIT Media Lab Affective Computing Group showed that keeping regular sleep patterns contributes to the happiness and well-being of college students. The study looked at 204 students over one month. The results show that higher sleep regularity was significantly related to higher morning and evening happiness, healthiness and calmness during the week. “Irregular sleep-wake schedules are common in our modern society," said lead author Akane Sano, PhD. “Our results indicate the importance of sleep regularity, in addition to sleep duration, and that regular sleep is associated with improved well-being.” Struggling to get a decent night's rest? Follow our 14 science-backed sleep hacks or try a deep sleep meditation. 10. Practise meditation Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you to find deeper happiness. Try meditating in the morning shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for the rest of the day. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says In fact, there are many studies that have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice that has the power to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 11. Go outside more often While we can’t control the weather, spending time outside is essential for our well-being. In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor recommends spending time in the fresh air to improve your happiness. “Making time to go outside on a nice day also delivers a huge advantage,” he says. “One study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather not only boosted positive mood, but broadened thinking and improved working memory.” Find your flow: do what you love and find deeper happiness Meanwhile, a study from the University of Sussex corroborated the idea that being outdoors made people happier: “Being outdoors, near the sea, on a warm, sunny weekend afternoon is the perfect spot for most. In fact, participants were found to be substantially happier outdoors in all natural environments than they were in urban environments.” So, whatever the weather, make sure you get outside of your four walls to boost your well-being. The takeaway: how to find happiness Finally, one last thing: science also suggests that some people are simply ‘born happier’. In The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that only around 40 per cent of our happiness is under our control (recent life events and biological set points predetermine the other 60 per cent). So, if accurate, this research means only about half of happiness levels can be controlled at any given moment. If you're searching for how to find happiness within yourself, then incorporate as many of our 11 ideas into your daily life – you should be able to increase your happiness levels over a period of time. Seeking out a positive state of mind, regular exercose, and enhancing quality relationships all help: but these habits require consistent work to be successful and help you in finding happiness. In the meantime, if life gives you lemons, choose to make a tasty lemonade! ● Images: shutterstock/Zoran Zeremski, shutterstock/G-Stock Studio, shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/Oksana Klymenko, shutterstock/jax10289 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Authenticity | Motivation | Success Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage!

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or materialism. From choosing gratitude to quality friendships, maintain a happy vibe with these 8 tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful slumber with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice, rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were sending me into a spiral. Choosing kindness is choosing happiness Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, lived through periods of debilitating panic attacks, and dealt with episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa The majority of people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, lots of people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, find things in your life you’re grateful for.” However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! 'Fraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication. In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). Paws for thought: choose meaningful relationships (pets count!) While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear you: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change (and the upheaval it can bring). This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life isn't easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have all of these things. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Gratitude Meditation: 5 Benefits and How to Practise Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Develop an attitude of gratitude and jot down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. “Happiness is a choice, not a result of something else. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Grinning gains: stay smiling and choose happy Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, positivity is contagious. 4. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness, with recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness.” So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, prioritize being nice to people you don't know also: even a short positive interaction with a stranger has been proven to contribute to boosted well-being. 5. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. MORE LIKE THIS: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effects of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need It More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Be kind to others and experience a 'helper's high' 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an great way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for they day ahead. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style Is Best For You? 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Many studies have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend throughout your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others. The takeaway: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or are struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri. A, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych, shutterstock/Personal Belongings Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Unhappy in Life | Gratitude | Lemonading | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

The pandemic put a stop to embracing friends and family. But the power of a hugging is real. With annual National Hug Day on 21 January, Dee Marques explores the psychology of hugging with seven science-backed reasons why we all should embrace, well, embracing more. 'Sometimes, you just need a hug'. This may be one of the most repeated sayings of popular wisdom, but, in fact, the psychology of hugging shows there's much truth in this statement, meaning we should all celebrate National Hugging Day. During the coronavirus pandemic, embracing friends, family or loved-ones was strongly discouraged, contributing to increased levels of depression and anxiety. Post-pandemic, many of us have realised just how important personal affection and touch is. During 'regular' life, in our pursuit of happiness we usually focus on things like personal development, health and relationships with others. But sometimes, we place too much importance on long-term goals, and we overlook the power of smaller but equally effective things. One of those things is the hugging and embrace, and how this gesture contributes to our overall well-being. Hug yourself happy: Never underestimate the power of embrace In fact, science shows that giving or receiving a hug can do wonders for our mood. When stress piles up and life gets tough, the physical embrace of a hug or cuddle can be way more powerful than any words of encouragement. And there’s a reason for that: as humans, we are wired to respond to touch, and there’s a strong connection between touch and emotion. 7 benefits of hugging Embracing friends and family – even strangers – is a powerful healing tool, so we encourage you to enjoy it – not just on National Hugging Day, but every day. 1. Stress and pain reduction One of the most obvious benefits of hugging is stress reduction. You only need to think about how much of a relief you feel when you’re upset and receive a genuine cuddle from a friend. Science confirms this: a 2010 study from the University of California, Los Angeles, found that participants were better able to cope with physical pain and stress related to unpleasant situations if they were arm-in-arm with their partners. MORE LIKE THIS: Feel Stress-Free Fast: 11 Science-Backed Techniques What is Pebbling? What Penguins Can Teach Us About Stronger Relationships Why Does Laughing During Sex Signify a Great Relationship? More recent research from 2018 suggests that hugs act as a buffer against negative experiences. Michael L. M. Murphy, Denise Janicki-Deverts, and Sheldon Cohen from the University of Pittsburgh carried out a study involving around 400 adults. The results showed that unhappy or negative experiences – the kind that might normally ruin our day – actually become much easier to deal with when we receive a hug from a loved one. 2. Reduced anxiety and fear The negative effects of fear, anxiety and low self-esteem can also be reduced by the power of a hug. In fact, research from the VU University Amsterdam has found this to be true even when a hug is reduced to a one-second pat on the back or to touching an inanimate object, such as a teddy bear. “Even fleeting and seemingly trivial instances of interpersonal touch may help people to deal more effectively with existential concern,” explained lead researcher Sander Koole. “The negative effects of fear, anxiety and low self-esteem can also be reduced by the power of a hug. In fact, research has found this to be true even when a hug is reduced to a one-second pat on the back.” Interestingly, some believe that many people are touch-deprived and that’s precisely why they experience low mood or anxiety. In this scenario, the powerful benefits of hugging become obvious. 3. Immunity boost A stronger immune system is one of the more surprising benefits of hugging. Just as stress can wreak havoc with our immune system, science suggests that hugging can strengthen it. For example, a 2014 study from Carnegie Mellon University had around 400 people document their perceived sense of social support (including whether they received hugs) and later exposed them to the common cold virus. Embrace more: on National Hugging Day and beyond Researchers discovered that the risk of infection was lower among those who felt they had strong support and who were hugged often. The study's lead author, psychologist Dr. Sheldon Cohen, told Psychological Science: “We know that people experiencing ongoing conflicts with others are less able to fight off cold viruses. We also know that people who report having social support are partly protected from the effects of stress on psychological states, such as depression and anxiety.” 4. Improved heart health Hugs also reach the heart; quite literally! Scientists from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have found that better cardiovascular health is another powerful benefit of hugging. Their 2003 study showed that even a 20-second hug with a romantic partner had beneficial effects for the heart, including lowering blood pressure and improving the participants’ ability to deal with stress. This is hardly surprising, since hugging is the physical demonstration of affection. There are other studies that already hint at the link between affection and better cardiovascular health. Furthermore, it seems that women’s cardiovascular systems are particularly receptive to hugs. So, hug as many people on National Hugging Day as possible and reach their heart! 5. Pain relief A warm embrace can also act as a pain reliever. In fact, the evidence to date has led researchers to consider hugging as a powerful form of therapeutic touch. In a 2004 study from Wichita State University and the Kansas Heart Hospital, the concept of therapeutic touch was tested on people who suffer from fibromyalgia, a condition that causes pain in bones and muscles. “Embracing friends and family – even strangers – is a powerful healing tool, so we encourage you to enjoy it – not just on National Hugging Day, but every day.” The results, published in Holistic Nursing Practice, were encouraging, as participants reported a statistically significant decrease in pain as well as an increase in quality of life. The results of the pilot study tested the effectiveness of six different therapeutic touch treatments and strongly suggests that therapeutic touch may be an effective treatment for relieving pain and improving quality of life in those with fibromyalgia and, perhaps, other pain-causing conditions. 6. Enhanced communication When learning about the benefits of hugging, we cannot forget that this action is also an alternative form of communication. As humans, and whether we realise it or not, we rely enormously on body language and non-verbal communication. The psychology of hugging only shows positive benefits to embrace Some studies have found that strangers were able to accurately communicate emotions ranging from fear to gratitude just by using different types of touch. Imagine the all positive emotions that can be communicated with the power of a hug! 7. Oxytocin release Last but not least, one of the benefits of hugging is that it increases the production of oxytocin, one of the happiness hormones responsible for creating that warm fuzzy feeling. The levels of oxytocin in our body rise when we touch or are physically close to someone, and this has been shown to prompt bonding and make us more trusting. Research is still ongoing on the powerful effect of oxytocin in our body, mind and emotions. For now, why not enjoy that oxytocin rush that comes after giving a hug? The takeaway: Embracing National Hug Day In an increasingly touch-averse world, physical contact is a fantastic mood booster. The benefits of hugs range from better heart health to a higher ability to cope with pain, stress, low mood and disease.Hugs also communicate positive emotions and contribute to our happiness by strengthening our bonds with others. The power of human touch is backed by science and, best of all, giving or receiving hugs are free; so, embrace more this National Hug Day and beyond! ● Images: shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/De Visu, shutterstock/Tint Media happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Compassion | Friendship Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Could you be stuck in the happiness trap? Trying to pursue joy at all times? If so, it's time to stop. From practising gratitude to reaffirming your values, these five science-backed tips from Ed Gould will help you to become satisfied with how your life already is. Accepting that you feel happy enough, as opposed to constantly pursuing an idea of what happiness might be, is the route many now choose to discover greater well-being. Indeed, this is the key idea behind escaping the so-called 'happiness trap'. Remember that old REM hit, Shiny Happy People? In it, the lyrics encouraged you to put “it in your heart” where “tomorrow” and “gold and silver shine”. OK, let's not set too much store by a pop song, but it illustrates something important about modern culture: happiness seems to be shiny, attractive and – like gold and silver – material. Now, a jangly pop anthem may not be the best route to understanding what happiness is, but it does suggest the way many people still think about it. However, the pursuit of happiness can often lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap. Let's have a look at what it is exactly, how you can identify the extent to which you might have fallen into it and – perhaps most importantly of all – the five main ways you can escape the happiness trap. The misguided pursuit of happiness According to Greek philosopher Aristotle, happiness involves activity and exhibiting virtue, but the word he chose to describe it was 'eudaimonia'. Often translated as 'happiness', this term is probably better described as 'human flourishing'. We seem quite removed from that sentiment when you consider how contemporary mass culture depicts happiness. Think of all the happy messages the mainstream media bombards us with to begin with. Indeed, ask yourself how many times a day that you might hear that you can be happy – will be happy, even – if only you choose these clothes, that form of transportation or those beauty products. Don't shop 'til your drop: escape the consumerism happiness trap There again, the pursuit of happiness might be marketed as being concurrent with the pursuit of other goals. For example, you may have heard you'll be happy if you pursue your youth – with an anti-wrinkle cream, of course. Or that you'll be happy if you pursue greater wealth by choosing one investment product over another. However, eudaimonia has little to do with any of that. Over the ages, spiritual leaders such as the Dalai Lama have taught us to abandon the relationship between happiness and material wealth. Bear in mind that it's not so much that increased material wealth won't bring you some sort of happiness or temporary life improvement, rather than the detriment it can cause to your perception of happiness. “Escape the happiness trap by setting aside time to recall moments of gratitude. Keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness.” And although the current generation of Westerners are, by and large, richer than ever before, the variation of how people perceive their level of happiness is still high, to say the least. The happiness trap: what is it exactly? Feeling unhappy with life is perfectly natural and we all go through ups and downs with our mental health from time to time. However, a general malaise in your sense of happiness may reveal that you are, indeed, stuck in the happiness trap. Furthermore, if you think your personal happiness ties in with the images you might see on TV or in lifestyle magazines, then that's another sure sign. Equally, if you're constantly comparing the level of happiness you feel with that which you perceive in your friends, family, neighbours and colleagues – known as 'keeping up with the Joneses' – then this may also indicate your entrapment of a false perception of happiness. Escaping the happiness trap: 5 strategies Identifying and accepting the state of being happy enough is the key to escaping the happiness trap. If you feel happy enough, then you won't feel the need to carry on pursuing the false idols of materialism. However, deciding to feel happy enough may be easier said than done given our materialistic culture. Indeed, a 2003 psychological study by Schooler, Airey and Loewenstein suggested that pursuing happiness as a goal was doomed to failure anyway. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) Thankfully, Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky and others offer some useful cognitive and behavioural tips that offer you the best chance of avoiding that empty sensation of not feeling happy enough. So, here are five key techniques you can employ to help you escape the happiness trap. 1. Positive mentality strategies Writing can have a beneficial effect on the way we think about a range of circumstances, including the way we feel about happiness. However, it's not the only positive mental strategy that you can use in a self-regulatory manner. Positive thinking about oneself can come in other reflective forms. Take a look back through old photos of heart-warming and cheerful life events. Or you might prefer to talk about your happiest and unhappiest moments in life with a loved one. RELATED: Future self journaling Another possibility is to have a discussion about your life goals for the future with your partner or a trusted friend. By focusing positivity in this way, you naturally engage less with shorter term aspirations and material objectives. Escape the happiness trap with family time shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 2. Set aside time for gratitude With so much that contributes to modern life pointing you towards the happiness trap, it's a good (and simple) idea to set aside time to recall moments of gratitude. By doing this regularly, you're much better positioned to see past the short-term nature of such messages and to keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness. For instance, keep a gratitude journal where you count your blessings, such as the love of people close to you or your general health. In addition, writing letters of gratitude can help to reorientate your perspective on what really counts. There's something about the mental activity that goes on during the act of writing that helps to rebalance our cognitive processes and application of this can shape your feelings surrounding happiness. RELATED: The attitude of gratitude – 6 reasons how it will change your life 3. Be altruistic Studies have shown that practising altruism can help you to feel more satisfied and enable you to find happiness. Helping you to understand what is good about your life, altruistic acts are also of benefit to their recipient. Simply making the decision to be kinder and more understanding in your everyday interactions is a good first step. Once you start practising altruism regularly, you'll soon start feeling the power of kindness. “The pursuit of happiness can lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap.” You might consider doing something practical, too, such as donating your blood. Or, by routinely committing to random acts of kindness or trying to make a loved one happy, you'll end up feeling more empowered about how happy you feel and less reliant on what other people think about you. The happiness trap: evolution of the human mind © YouTube/Dr. Russ Harris 4. Reaffirmation of your values Refocussing on your most important values is another key step in accepting the level of happiness you feel. Think of it like restating your marriage vows – if you ever made them, that is – as a means of getting back to basics. By reaffirming the true person that you are, it becomes possible to shake off sometimes years of misguided happiness that has become more and more reliant on a false idea of perfection: one that's modelled on an 'ideal' life as depicted in modern culture so much. Take a step back to focus on what makes you tick and reaffirm your commitment to it. 5. Savour every moment of life By taking the time to savour positive experiences in life, rather than rushing on hedonistically to the next chance of happiness, you're more likely to enjoy the moment. Think of a greedy diner who, enjoying their food, gulps it all down rapidly only to feel disappointed quickly afterwards, compared with someone who savours every mouthful. Both will consume the same amount of food but gain very different experiences from their meal. So, take your time and slow down. See the whole picture. Be mindful about everything. Focus on the positivity of any given situation in order to feel happier in yourself. The happiness trap: conclusions Modern life and the pursuit of joy makes it easy for humans to get stuck in the happiness trap. And, in this era of social media, it's harder to escape comparing your life, experiences and possessions with that of your friends or complete strangers. But, by following our tips based around CBT, you can start to reframe your thoughts and activities to become more satisfied with what you have in life, and – more importantly – who you are. ● Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Coaching | Acceptance | Learning | Self-care Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

The global pandemic has made many of us re-evaluate our lives and ask ourselves what really makes us happy. If you want to continue the internal conversation, try reading some of the best books on happiness on the market. Ann Vrlak selects her top picks to inspire you further. While the worst part of the Coronavirus pandemic may be behind us, many of us are still reeling from its unprecedented and often heartbreaking disruption of our lives. Indeed, even moving forward, we’re not out of the woods yet, and ‘normal’ may not be a place we can – or should – return to. With so much uncertainty around us – and with some of us having extra time on our hands – I think discussing some of the best books on happiness is something we could all benefit from. Although living through the pandemic has been difficult, it has also provided the space and opportunity to explore what really makes us happy. Now the conversation has started, it's worth checking out some of these books on happiness to understand where joy comes from and how we can maintain it. Best books on happiness: our picks So, how do you define happiness? And has your definition changed over the last couple of years due to the limitations and stresses you’ve experienced? If you’d like help answering these questions and creating a better and brighter year ahead, here's my countdown of the best books on happiness that will help you explore the subject. 1. The Happiness Project | Gretchen Rubin So, this list of the best happiness books inevitably starts with the crazily popular The Happiness Project title which came out of one woman’s random thought on a bus: “I want to be happy.” Gretchen Rubin realized that, beneath all her goals in life, she just wanted to be happy. But, she also realized she didn’t actually know what made her happy! So, Rubin began a year-long happiness project to discover what made her happy and why. The result is a delightful read about Rubin’s day-to-day experiences over one year and how her understanding of happiness became increasingly simple, in spite of her busy and accomplished life. RELATED: Happiness podcasts – 8 that we rate Rubin talks about each month’s “happiness goal” – what she did, what she learned and how you can do the same. You can use her 12-month framework to create your own happiness project and discover more of your unique happiness formula for simple, happiness-generating activities. An engaging, heartwarming read. 2. Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill | Matthieu Ricard If you’d like to read one of the most enlightening books on happiness written by someone with a fascinating life path, try Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill. Matthieu Ricard grew up with philosopher and artist parents, amidst the intellectual and artistic circles of Paris. After earning a PhD in cell genetics, he discovered Buddhism, became a monk and has now lived in the Himalayan region for over 40 years. RELATED: The best books on meditation – our top picks Happiness… is the best known of Ricard’s many books that uses his deep understanding of meditation to describe how we unintentionally make ourselves unhappy. Importantly, he explains what we can do to uncover our innate happiness instead. Ricard has crafted simple lessons and exercises to apply his keys to happiness to your stressful situations, habits and beliefs that make you unhappy, and much more. 3. The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way to Live Well | Meik Wiking Some countries pride themselves on the happiness of their citizens, and Denmark, in particular, claims to be one of the happiest places on Earth. Many Danes believe the practice of hygge (pronounced hoo-guh) is their secret. Hygge doesn’t have a simple definition, but see if you can get a feeling for it from descriptions like this. It’s anything that gives comfort to your soul and allows you to let your guard down. It’s the deep peace you feel looking at the ocean with a loved one beside you. It’s a shared meal with your best friends or sharing a laugh with your child. All these experiences speak to simple, soul-satisfying moments that enrich your life and evoke the feeling, “Yes, this is enough. Just this.” “This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more joy into your life.” The Little Book of Hygge is written by Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more hygge and joy into your life. Wiking writes like he’s talking directly to you, sitting around a fire, sharing a perfect moment of hygge! 4. Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: a 28-Day Program Paperback | Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is a pioneer in the field of meditation and mindfulness, bringing Buddhism to mainstream culture in practical, compassionate and lighthearted books, talks and retreats. Salzberg wants to demystify the practice of meditation and show its relevance to modern life – from day-to-day stresses to deep feelings of depression, disconnection and dissatisfaction. One of my many favourite quotes from this book on happiness is: “Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, stories that get in the way of direct experience. Often such stories treat a fleeting state of mind as if it were our entire and permanent self.” RELATED: Finding happiness – 11 science-backed truths This 28-Day program will help you see some of your stories, and the clarity and happiness that lies in wait for you when you see through them. Real Happiness is full of down-to-earth inspiration, exercises and tips that will help you create your own transformative month of meditation. 5. The Little Book of Mindfulness: 10 minutes a day to less stress, more peace | Patricia Collard If mindfulness is new to you, The Little Book of Mindfulness is another wonderful way to dip your toe into mindfulness and happiness. Collard is a psychotherapist, mindfulness teacher and stress management expert who has put together a library of 5- and 10-minute practices to increase your happiness through reducing stress and negative thinking. RELATED: Mindful minutes – 10 small practices that make a big difference What I particularly like about this book on happiness is that there's no jargon in her definition of mindfulness or her explanations of how you can apply mindfulness practice to situations you face every day. As she says in the book, “Mindfulness is an attitude, rather than a skill.” Indeed, it’s not a complicated discipline you need to learn, you can start by approaching each moment with a mindful attitude. Collard’s exercises provide many ways to let go of stress, so you can rest in the simplicity and happiness present in each moment. 6. Meditation For the Love of It: Enjoying Your Own Deepest Experience | Sally Kempton This is another book on happiness that doesn’t look at meditation from the usual point of view of a “discipline.” Meditation For the Love of It shows you how to find joy in meditation and in yourself. And what could be a better motivator to explore meditation. Kempton’s book is a skillful explanation of how and why “loving yourself” is anything but an empty cliché. Not only accepting, but embracing all parts of your experience in meditation and in your daily life deepens your understanding of your strengths, your vulnerabilities and what truly makes you happy. RELATED: Discover self-love meditation Kempton teaches readers how to connect with the power of their deepest desires which she sees as the path to lasting happiness. Playfulness and devotion are the two attitudes indispensable to your journey of self-knowledge. The book includes over 20 practices to help you bring happiness, insight and self-acceptance into your life through meditation. 7. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life | Jon Kabat-Zinn I’ve chosen this classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn as the ultimate best book on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition: how and why we suffer, and how we can use simple, but potent practices to become happier. Kabat-Zinn is the creator of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program that has become the gold standard in evidence-based, mindfulness programs. RELATED: Best mindfulness books – our Top 10 picks In Wherever You Go, There You Are, the author explains in a non-pretentious style how small, everyday moments are the best places to understand what mindfulness means to you. You don’t need to sit on a meditation cushion for an hour every day or have extraordinary experiences. Growing in emotional, mental and spiritual well-being comes from learning to see everyday experiences and your responses to them through a lens of non-judgment, curiosity and compassion. “This classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of the best books on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition.” The title describes the central premise of the book and of mindfulness in general. “Wherever you go,” you take your strengths, weaknesses, life experiences, beliefs, worries and everything else, with you – for better or worse. And it's all these factors determine your overall life experience, whether you’re living in paradise or living through a global pandemic. When you explore all these aspects of yourself, in a mindful, caring way, you gain the immeasurable power to better understand yourself and others, relieve even long-term anxiety and become more balanced and happier. Round up: best books on happiness If you’ve been reevaluating your life since the pandemic and are key to explore your happiness further, these are the best books on happiness that can help you do just that. Let us know below in the comments which of these books have helped you most. Or, if you think I've missed some essentials from the list, please share below also. Happy reading! • Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Literature | Poetry | Film Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Do you believe the idea that money can’t buy happiness? Think again. Research suggests that cash can improve well-being to a certain level. But, as Dee Marques finds out, essentially, it’s how you spend money that affects your levels of happiness. Money can't buy happiness. Just how many times have you heard that in your life? This old saying reflects the generally accepted belief that happiness is a mindset that cannot be changed by how much – or how little – money we have. But, sometimes, we may feel that that's not completely accurate and that money and happiness are connected in some way. Indeed, at some point or another, we've all thought that we'd be better off with some extra cash in our pocket. When money’s tight, it's only natural to think that having a little more of it would make us feel better, less stressed about the future, and happier overall. • INTERESTED IN SELF-GROWTH? Sign-up for free courses in our happiness Academy • In fact, the link between mental health and financial problems is well documented. So, if that’s the case, why can’t money buy happiness? Let’s take a look at research findings surrounding this long-standing debate, and uncover the connection between money and happiness. Happiness and money: what does research say? According to a report by The Psychological Society, money problems rank eighth in a list of the top 18 most common causes of stress in the United Kingdom. Similar findings have been reported in many other countries, including the United States, Australia and Hong Kong. Take note: money can't buy happiness (but it can buy great Hawaiian shirts!) On the other hand, financial well-being is one of the main factors contributing to quality of life and overall happiness, so the concept of financial wellness is definitely important when looking at why money can or can’t buy happiness. Financial wellness is defined as having enough money so that we don't have to worry about it or let it interfere with our relationships, health and future plans. So, it would seem that the answer to ‘can money buy happiness?’ is yes – at some level – as long as you have enough of it. But how much is enough, and can financial wellness be quantified? According to Nobel Prize winner and economist Angus Deaton, the benchmark can be established at $75,000 per year. In his research, Deaton found that below that amount, stress and negative emotions were reported more frequently. “The link between mental health and financial problems is well documented, so if that’s the case, why can't money buy happiness?” Of course, due to varying incomes around the world, that's not a fixed global figure, as it seems to vary from country to country. For example, studies have found that the amount needed for happiness was set much higher in Australia and New Zealand, but significantly lower in Latin America. Money can't buy happiness: a matter of priorities Although the exact ‘price of happiness’ varies, most studies trying to answer the question ‘can money buy happiness?’ agree on one thing: once our basic needs are meet, the positive effects of money become less important when weighed against the negative aspects. Of course, having enough money can reduce financial anxiety, but researchers have also found that people don't feel happier once they earn over the threshold figure discussed. RELATED: Economic hardship: the 3 things that make people happy when income is low In fact, some studies suggest that making more than $95,000 a year is actually linked to lower life satisfaction. This may be the case because as people earn more money, they develop more materialistic goals and then try to keep up with appearances – and that of their colleagues/friends. Maintaining this costly lifestyle makes it easier to fall into a spiral of dissatisfaction (known as the hedonic treadmill). Money won't buy happiness if you're stressed. © Lyashenko Egor/shutterstock.com Furthermore, often money can’t buy happiness because earning more of it often equates with greater job responsibilities and a lower work-life balance. This can mean working longer hours, having larger responsibilities, and more time in the office – all resulting in less quality time with family and friends. So, the important thing here we can learn here is to be aware of the fine line between having enough and overconsumption, which can never be satisfied, and eventually will make us unhappy. So, when can money buy happiness? Having more money than we need won't necessarily make us happier, but if we use it to do and experience meaningful things it might. Indeed, science shows that happiness is not about how much money you have, but about how you use it. An important part of finding balance between money and happiness entails using cash in a way that provides lasting satisfaction. For example, going on a shopping spree will only offer short-lived excitement, but investing in experiences can create the kind of memories – and joy – that last for ever. Here are three suggestions on when spending money can boost your well-being: 1. Altruism and happiness Studies show a strong connection between altruism and happiness. Some of the world's wealthiest people, like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, donate most of their wealth because that action helps them to find meaning in life. However, you don't need to be a billionaire to experience this: you can carry outs act of kindness that involve small amounts of cash every day, for example, buying a coffee for the person behind you in the queue, setting up a monthly direct debit to your preferred charity, or sponsoring a friend that is raising money for charity. Likewise, being altruistic generally is a great thing for you: the benefits of kindness are huge and proven. 2. Investing in experiences Material possessions still have a high place in many cultures and societies. But ‘stuff’ gets broken, lost or loses it appeal after time. Experiences on the other hand create memories that will always stay with you. Take off: money spent on experiences, such as travel, raises happiness You can travel, take a cooking course, find a hobby you're passionate about, or simply be a tourist in your own town. Whatever brings joy to your heart, do it. In fact, it’s proven that a non-materialistic approach to life is one step to boosting happiness levels. 3. Buying yourself time Use money to buy yourself extra time. This way, you'll have more time to do things that make you happy. If household chores take up too much of your time and if you can afford it, hire a cleaner. If doing your taxes or managing your company's finances takes you hours, let an accountant do it and free up your schedule for more enjoyable things. If you and your partner are always exhausted because of your children, spending a little on a babysitter once a week can buy you precious time to yourselves. RELATED Spending money: how to buy yourself a happier life And you don’t have to be wealthy to benefit from any of these suggestions. A study of 6,000 people in several countries showed that those who spent money on time-saving tasks reported higher life satisfaction, regardless of their income bracket. The takeaway message is that spending money on things we enjoy contributes to our happiness, but also spending it to avoid things we dislike also works. Happiness and money: wealth affects our perception The last thing to consider when examining the connection between well-being and income is that happiness means different things to different people, so it's important to think about what makes you happy. Studies show that happiness is a complex emotion that can be experienced as a result of other positive feelings. For example, according to a study, wealthy people tend to associate happiness with pride, a sense of achievement, and feeling accomplished. Conversely, less well-off people are more likely to experience happiness in connection with emotions like compassion and love. “Often money can’t buy happiness because earning more of it often equates with greater job responsibilities and a lower work-life balance.” So, whatever happiness means to you, don't be afraid of making changes to find it, even if they seem scary at first. To some people, finding happiness meant quitting high-paying corporate jobs to follow their calling. To others, it may mean taking up a less demanding job or arranging to work from home a few days per week, even if that means earning less. Money can’t buy happiness: a quick recap To sum up, it seems clear that there's a connection between money and happiness and between happiness and income, but it's not always a cause-effect situation. Although money matters, it’s far from being the only factor contributing to happiness. Indeed, when trying to answer the question ‘why can't money buy happiness?’, it’s useful to rethink our perception of well-being, avoiding comparisons with others and trying to find out what happiness means to us at an individual level. Moreover, in our pursuit of happiness, it makes sense to focus on meeting our needs and creating a vault of experiences and memories, rather than a life full of material possessions, without forgetting to be appreciative and grateful for what we already have. So, it's clear that money can't buy happiness, except when you flash your cash in very specific ways. Happy spending! ● Main image: Dean Drobot/shutterstock.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Work Life Balance | Freedom | Charity Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) methods help you to spot and change negative thought patterns, assumptions and processes. Try these four NLP techniques from Dee Marques to reframe how you think and embrace feeling more positively about yourself. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is often used to improve interpersonal dynamics. It also has applications in personal growth and development. Several NLP techniques can help you live a more enjoyable and meaningful life. Indeed, NLP underscores the importance of mastering higher self-awareness methods to spot patterns, thoughts, and assumptions that can be preventing you from finding happiness in your life. Here are four valuable NLP techniques that you can use and the science behind them. 1. Anchoring Anchoring is one of the most common NLP techniques. The goal of this method is to elicit positive responses at will by associating a particular mental and emotional state to an anchor. This anchor is set by you and can be an image, a word or a gesture. Anchoring improves our ability to control emotions and to take an active role in self-management. It enables us to be less prone to feeling powerless and overwhelmed. How to use the anchoring NLP technique: Elicit a time when you experienced the intense positive feeling you want to trigger in other situations (e.g. feeling achievement the moment you got a promotion). Bring in sensory cues associated with that state (e.g. what you saw, felt, smelt, heard). Bring the memory to its most intense point and then associate your feelings to an anchor (e.g. twist a ring on your finger, pinch your earlobe). Take a short break and repeat the steps above. Test the anchor (e.g. pinch your earlobe) to elicit the intense feeling of achievement. NLP techniques reframe negative thoughts into positive ones shutterstock/Odua Images You can then use the anchoring method whenever you need an emotional pick-me-up, either on its own or alongside the other neuro-linguistic programming techniques outlined below. Anchoring is based on the psychological concept of conditioning, whereby a stimulus triggers certain responses. Anchoring helps you elicit the response you want through repetition. It benefits you by putting you in charge of your emotions. Moreover, some studies suggest that when coupled with other techniques and interventions, anchoring can even work to help overcome phobias and irrational fears. 2. Reframing Next on the list of NLP techniques is 'reframing', or viewing adverse events from a different 'frame'. This NLP method allows you to open up your mind to opportunities that may be lying ahead instead of dwelling on the negatives. In short, reframing changes the focus from negative and overpowered to positive and empowered. How to reframe a thought, feeling or behaviour: Identify the thought, feeling or behaviour you want to change. Establish contact with the innermost part of yourself that is triggering the negative mood. This could be an image, voice, an expression, etc. Find the positive intention behind that part. Let's say you have a fear of flying. The sound of a plane's engine taking off triggers anxiety because it wants to protect you. This intention is good, but the response is inadequate. Focusing on the positive intention, try two or three ways of responding that will help you realise such intention. For example, acknowledge the protection and self-preservation, which is why you choose the safest way of travelling (flying vs. driving). Ensure your subconscious is fully committed to trying alternative responses, and that it won't sabotage your reframing efforts. Check for conflicting beliefs, and if you find yourself making excuses, go back to the previous step and find alternative ways of responding. Reframing is used as a therapeutic technique for its ability to modify perceptions. Different parts of the brain trigger memories and emotions: memories are stored in the hippocampus, whereas the amygdala mainly controls emotions. “Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) improves interpersonal dynamics. NLP techniques can help you to live a more enjoyable and meaningful life.” When recalling past events, the amygdala responds by triggering an emotion that replicates the original one. However, reframing reminds us that the nature of that emotion isn't fixed and that we can break automatic patterns and prioritise rational responses over knee-jerk reactions. Indeed, reframing is a NLP technique that proves it's possible to break free from the so-called amygdala hijack. RELATED: Changing perspective 3. Meta-modelling Meta-modelling is one of the most powerful NLP techniques. It gives you the ability to help identify self-imposed constraints that may be preventing you from finding happiness and questioning them. The easiest way to meta-model is by looking at the language you use in everyday life, paying attention to these three types of patterns: Generalisations Evidenced in thoughts along the lines of, “I'm always so unlucky” or “all men/women are the same.” Distortions Mind reading (e.g. “John didn't greet me today, he must be upset with me”) or cause-effect statements (e.g. “if I don't lose weight, I will feel like a failure”). Deletions aka cherry-picking your understanding of reality to confirm pre-existing beliefs. For instance, someone with poor self-esteem would ignore compliments and pay undue attention to critiques, leading to thoughts like “people don't find me attractive.” How to use the meta modelling LNP technique Identify which category your thoughts belong to, then start the exploratory process of questioning the negative thought pattern. For example, if you catch yourself in a deletion like “people don't find me attractive”, meta-modelling questions to ask would be, “which people specifically?” and “how exactly do you know that?”. • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • The chances are that your answers will include a generalised statement with the words “always” or “never”. Then it's time to ask yourself whether you are realistic by claiming that things are always this way and never that way. When meta-modelling, it's also useful to ask about alternative courses of action. For example, in the statement “if I don't lose weight, I'll feel like a failure”, ask yourself whether feeling like a failure is your only option. Use these NLP techniques to change negative thoughts into positive ones Meta-modelling works because it forces you to challenge ingrained response patterns that can evolve into what psychologists call excessive avoidance behaviour. This is unhelpful because it limits your ability to learn from new experiences. The effectiveness of this technique is also linked to pattern separation. When faced with a new situation, we tend to compare with previous ones, but if pattern separation is active, you will understand that different scenarios require different responses. RELATED: The amazing effects of MBSR – backed up by science Meta-modelling can prompt you to develop healthy habits such as listening to yourself and challenging limiting thoughts. This can help you become more resilient to cognitive distortions, and more skilled at challenging deep fears, lessening anxiety and tension. 4. The Swish Method This is one of the NLP techniques that emphasize the severely limiting effect of negative thoughts. The goal of the Swish method is to identify mental and emotional triggers of negativity and replace them with an ideal response. When using the Swish technique, you don't have to take any action, but become aware of the alternatives available. You thereby train your brain to set off a “happier mode” whenever negative thoughts and emotions begin to overpower you. How to use the Swish NLP technique: Identify the feeling that triggers anxiety. Example: you may be anxious about exam performance even though you've done your best to prepare for it. In this case, the trigger feeling would be nervousness. Next, know how your mind and body react to such feelings (e.g. nail biting, knots in the stomach, etc.) Create a visual image of the context in which this happens (e.g. as you walk into the exam room). Think about how you would ideally like to respond as you physically enter the context in which the negative thoughts take place (e.g. confident, well-prepared, optimistic, etc.). This is called the replacement thought. In your mind, visualize the negative state and figuratively place the replacement thought over it. Make sure it appears bigger, stronger, and more vibrant, while making the negative emotion appear in black and white or blurry. Regular practise is essential for NLP techniques shutterstock/Shift Drive As it happens with all the other NLP techniques for happiness, you need to practise the Swish Method a few times to ensure the replacement thought becomes the default response. So, do it at least five times and speed up the visualization with each round. To check for effectiveness, evoke the trigger thought/feeling and its context, and see how you feel about it. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • This NLP method is a visualization technique driven by the principle that seeing is believing. In fact, research studies have shown that the brain does not differentiate between real and visualized events, as they both activate the same parts of the brain. “Meta-modelling is a powerful NLP technique that can help you to identify self-imposed constraints that may be preventing you from finding happiness.” Other studies have shown that the type of mental rehearsal involved in visualization has a direct effect on fundamental cognitive skills, including memory, attention, and perception. The benefits of mastering this technique include improved emotional performance and a calm and confident approach knowing that you don't need to let negative thoughts dominate your life. Summary: NLP techniques Neuro-linguistic programming can help you tap into the resources and skills needed to you train your brain and take control of thoughts and beliefs, facilitating the achievement of a fulfilling life. Anchoring, reframing, meta-modelling and the Swish Method are four key NLP techniques for happiness and personal empowerment that are worth putting in practice. ● Main image: shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Self care | Neuroscience | Positive psychology Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

As parents or future parents, we want nothing more than for our kids to be happy. But can we guide our children into a more joyful way of being? Mother and teacher Molly Scanlan believes we can by introducing them early on to happiness habits. Read her six secrets to raising happier and contented children that appreciate life. Whatever hopes and goals we have for our children, we all want them to be joyful and experience happiness. The encouraging news is that, just like good manners, you can teach the habits that lead to happy children. As parents, we hope to impart the beliefs and good habits that we want our kids to carry into adulthood. And, interestingly, a German study from 2013 found that parents do indeed transmit values and behaviours to their children. The researchers also concluded that the life satisfaction of kids continues to be influenced by that of their parents (and vice versa) throughout life. So, parents have a powerful role to play in the production of happy children. As both a parent and teacher, I know that the early years are a prime time for learning. But as well as academic, social and physical skills, you can also pass on the keys to developing a satisfying and happier life. Secrets to raising happy children In your own quest for happiness, you may have already come across habits that you've started to build into your life. Indeed, you may have realised that this can take a lot of time and effort (and that happiness is a journey and not a destination). So, if you're a parent, do your children a favour and install them with these happiness habits as they grow up. Even if you're not a parent, this advice is also relevant for those of us with younger family members in our lives, perhaps a niece or nephew. Tip 1: Exercise Regular physical exercise has a host of health benefits. As well as keeping our bodies functioning better for longer, it positively affects memory, concentration and academic performance. Exercise has also consistently been shown to combat the symptoms of depression and anxiety. We’ve all experienced a lack of motivation for getting off the couch and getting moving. Young, happy children naturally run, climb and dance – they certainly don’t seem to suffer from lack of energy or desire! But somewhere along the line, many of us become more sedentary. But studies indicate that if we use self-control we can turn exercise into a regular habit. So, how can we make sure our children grow up with exercise as part of their routine? A recent study found that ‘controlled motivation’ for physical activity when younger led to a negative effect on their participation in exercise at age 11. This means we cannot force our kids to exercise. Like us adults, children want to do things if they’re fun. Partaking in active pursuits as a family will teach them that this is a joyful and standard building block of life. So, your kids need to see you enjoying exercise, too. As I have a toddler, we spend a lot of time in the park. I encourage him to challenge himself when climbing and jumping, giving him absolute freedom unless it’s dangerous. Also, support your children to find a team sport they enjoy: scheduled practice and forming friendships should help them continue to love it and participate in the long-term. Tip 2: Get out in nature If you can, do plenty of those physical activities outside. We’ve all seen happy children running around in the fresh air and felt better ourselves after a long walk in a park or along a trail. Indeed, there's a growing body of evidence showing that simply connecting with nature has a positive impact on our mental health. Forest bathing as a practice began in Japan but has gained popularity as a therapeutic method across the globe. If you want your children to feel less stressed and more mindful, get them into the habit of spending time near trees and green spaces. A study of nearly 300 children in Mexico revealed a link between feeling more connected with nature, demonstrating sustainability-related behaviours and self-perceived happiness. In our family, we love getting out into the countryside by train or walking to the woods. My son can name different types of birds and trees and asks lots of questions. Like a lot of kids, he adores muddy puddles and collecting sticks and stones! Nature = happy and contented kids! If you and your family regularly spend time in natural surroundings, this gives your children an opportunity to feel more connected with the landscape. Carrying this feeling into adulthood, they can give their happiness a boost each time they venture outside. Ttip 3: Find their passion Finding and pursuing a passion in life is great for our well-being. Indeed, having a sense of purpose and knowing which activities that bring us joy lead to greater happiness. The best way you can support your child in this quest is by opening up their horizons. Give them opportunities to try a range of things – even things you may not enjoy yourself! Follow their lead and listen when they tell you what they do and don’t enjoy. They will then naturally narrow down to the pursuits that bring them the most happiness. Given a chance to practise regularly and see improvements, they are more likely to continue this hobby past adolescence. “Parents have a powerful role to play in the production of happy children. As a parent and teacher, I know that the early years are a prime time for learning.” However, no one likes a pushy parent and it seems children themselves agree! Do not force your kids into activities – simply support them in making choices. Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, warns against pushing your child towards one specific skill or activity. She told Psychology Today: “When parents support instead of push, kids find their passions and interests and learn to follow their own paths toward success and happiness.” Tip 4: Journaling There are many different forms of journaling, and it has recently become a popular tool specifically for supporting good mental health. Practising gratitude, including on paper, can promote happiness, mindfulness and clarity. And science shows it can help in creating contented kids. A gratitude practice was linked to happiness in a study of 5-year-olds. Another study looking at teenagers found a positive association between gratitude, life satisfaction and optimism. So whatever age your child is, they can benefit. Start simply by introducing the concept of gratitude to children at a young age. Asking questions such as “what was your favorite thing you did today?” and modelling statements such as “we are so lucky to get to see this view” will encourage them to do the same. We do this at home and I can already see that our toddler has taken it on board. The other day he got an ice cream and as he sat down to lick it he said, “I’m a lucky pup!”. Journaling fosters happiness in kids shutterstock/Syda Productions Once kids have the habit of expressing gratitude verbally, as they get older they can graduate to writing it down. You can give them ideas, but it will work best if they discover a way of journaling that they find most helpful. As your kids enter adolescence, they may choose not to share this process and document with you but you can rest easy in the knowledge that processing their emotions on paper and feeling grateful for all they have is boosting their happiness. Buy your happy children a new notebook today to start a positive habit that could help them stay that way for years to come. Tip 5: A sound sleeping routine Sleep is a hot topic in the parenting world! For those of use who are up multiple times in the night, we are well aware of how disturbed sleep affects parents. But the gift of consistently good sleep might be the most powerful gift we can give our children. Getting a good night’s rest benefits us in lots of ways. Repeated insufficient sleep has been linked to diabetes, heart disease and even lower life expectancy. It can also correlate with depression and anxiety. Happy children are those that get enough good quality sleep. “When parents support instead of push, kids find their passions and interests and learn to follow their own paths toward success and happiness.” This is not to say that you need to sleep train your baby: that is a personal choice families make. Rather, as your child grows, help form the habit of a good bedtime routine and teach them what constitutes a suitable sleeping environment. There are lots of ways to promote good sleep. Provide your child with a comfy, safe bed and a room that isn’t too hot (about 20 degrees celsius). Keep a consistent bedtime routine. Wind down with quiet activities, put away electronics and give your child a bath. Reading a bedtime story has educational as well as sleep-related and emotional benefits. When your child is older, you can talk to them about the effects of caffeine and alcohol and encourage them to keep their phone outside of their room at night (though that last one might be impossible!). Tip 6: Don't praise too much This might be surprising, but you should avoid over-praising your child. This can turn happy children into frustrated adults. This doesn't mean you should never tell them they’ve done a great job – you just need to praise the right things in the right way. Liberally piling on the positive feedback can create what’s known as a ‘fixed mindset’ in your child. They will incorporate the idea that (for instance) “I’m good at maths” into their identity. Then when they encounter a challenge or make a mistake, they will be devastated, as this doesn’t tally with their sense of self. Learn more about instilling a ‘growth mindset’ in your child and they should become more resilient and determined. Teach them that mistakes are not to be avoided at all costs. In fact, they are a vital part of the learning process. This is something I do with my own son. I’ll admit I sometimes sound a bit silly praising a 6-month-old for their effort but I’m expecting this to pay off in the long run! I look for opportunities to comment on the way he solves a problem or how he shows perseverance rather than simply tell him he is great at something. The wrap: raising happy kids The gift you have been given yourself is being in the position to help your child start a lifetime of happiness. While no one is blissfully happy all of the time, you can provide your child with the habits that promote robust mental health and chances for joy. Many of the ways in which we, as adults, try and pursue happiness can start almost from birth. Model these behaviours in front of your children and explain them explicitly when they're older. The great news is, that well-being is contagious within families. A study has shown that positive aspects of well-being are transmitted between all members of a household. So, working on your child’s happiness habits as well as your own will benefit everyone in your family. ● Main image: shutterstock/Jacob Lund happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Family activities | Nature | Sports & physical activities Written by Molly Scanlan Molly Scanlan is a freelance writer, parent and teacher from London, UK. She writes about health, science, education and parenting. Connect with her on Twitter and find out more on her website.

Understanding that happiness is a state of mind rather than something to be obtained is a key life lesson. Dee Marques outlines eight ways you can consciously choose to be more joyful. Happiness is the ultimate quest; something all humans aspire to. You’d think that after thousands of years, we would've become better at figuring a way to be happy and stay happy. So why is it so hard to achieve, and why does it slip out of our hands so easily? Personally, I’ve always wondered why some people seem happier than others, or why having a more positive mindset seems to come easier to them. As we go through life, we all have positive and negative experiences, so why do we react so differently to that input? As it happens, science shows that happiness is partly determined by our genes. Researchers claim that happiness is 50 per cent dependent on genetics and 10 per cent on personal circumstances (like our financial position, where we live, family ties, etc.). That means that the remaining 40 per cent is down to us, and that happiness is a state of mind that can be reached through the right choices and attitude. • JOIN US! Sign-up free now to access our online courses in happiness in our Academy • As best-selling author and behavioural scientist Steve Maraboli once said, “happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced.” So, let’s look into how you can adjust your way of living and find happiness in things you experience. Happiness is a state of mind: 8 top tips True happiness is not a temporary feeling that comes and goes, but rather something that guides our thoughts and our reactions to what happens in our lives. Many of our choices are automatic. This is how our brains work, and thank goodness for that, because otherwise we wouldn’t be able to function. But it’s in our power to make conscious choices to ensure happiness is a state of mind in our everyday lives. Here are eight ways to make that happen. 1. Trick your brain You can trick your brain into thinking that happiness is a state of mind with one single gesture: a smile. Indeed, there are several studies showing that smiling sends positive feedback to the brain, even when you're forcing it! This is because the brain can pick up cues from our body to generate certain moods by releasing a bunch of feel-good hormones. Other studies show that smiling calms us down by slowing our heart rate. So, simply putting on a grin can improve your mood at times when you need it the most. Stay smiling: happiness is a state of mind 2. Count your blessings When we feel down, it’s easy to focus on what we don’t have and think we’ll be happy when we get it. Instead, think about the things you already have that make life precious. And don’t just think about them, write them down. If you haven’t started a gratitude journal, this is the time to do so. Writing therapy can help solidify your appreciation for the good things in life and make you more aware of thought patterns that interfere with a happy mindset. Happiness is a state of mind when you feed your brain positive thoughts! 3. Start your day the right way Instead of starting the day in a rush, set the alarm 10 or 15 minutes before your usual wake up time and get in the habit of meditating. With some practice, this will give you greater clarity so you can appreciate the best things in life and become stronger in the face of adversity. There are many useful techniques, but mindfulness meditation is particularly good at training your brain to perceive that happiness is a state of mind. • JOIN US! Share your ideas about happiness with our open and inspired community • 4. Change perspective Some years ago, I went through a rough patch and hated everything. The gloomy British weather didn’t make things any easier. The lack of colour and sunlight got the worst of me and magnified other problems I was struggling with. One day I got on a plane to visit relatives, and few minutes after taking off we pushed through clouds and suddenly I was floating in a sunny, peaceful space. All I had to do to be in a different world was gain altitude. “You can trick your brain into thinking that happiness is a state of mind with one single gesture: a smile.” The metaphor is obvious: looking at things from a different “altitude” can make us perceive the world in a different way. It may take lots of practice, but once you get good at it, you’ll realise that happiness is a state of mind that relies on your perspective. RELATED: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! 5. Find and give support Isolation and loneliness are all around us and can make us feel miserable even when we have reasons to be joyful. We may not feel like socialising when we feel down, but don’t shut the doors to those who care about us. Improving the quality of our interactions with others is a crucial step if you want to truly experience how happiness is a state of mind. Sharing feelings can help build stronger bonds and feel supported and creates positive feedback loops in yourself and in others. Why not plan exercise or meditation sessions with friends, or take up a new hobby together? 6. Do a kind act a day A few months ago, a friend of mine was going through a difficult situation, but she didn’t want the circumstances to take over her life. She decided to go out every Tuesday and do something kind for others, even though she didn’t feel like leaving the house. She’s since become known as “Happy Tuesday lady”, and needless to say, her mental health has improved massively! And no wonder. Science shows that the power of kindness is real – being nice is proven to boost your mood, lower stress and reduce anxiety among other benefits. RELATED: Random acts of kindness – 22 ideas to spread happiness Showing kindness boosts happiness levels shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych 7. Find meaning and purpose Many people go through life doing what they’re supposed to be doing. Do the things you do bring a you sense of meaning or purpose? If not, you’re missing out on the path to happiness. One of the biggest joys in life is exploring and discovering what we’re here for and what we can contribute to the world – or at least, to those around us. RELATED: How to find meaning in life: 7 strategies 8. Cut down sources of unhappiness Happiness is a state of mind that must be nourished with good habits, and spending too much time on social media is not one of those. For many people, social networks are a source of unhappiness and insecurity and can contribute to feelings of depression. Research shows that the constant need to compare our lives to other peoples’ lives creates a deep sense of dissatisfaction and makes us lose track of the blessings we already have. Round-up: happiness is a state of mind I won’t deny it: life's not easy and sometimes it’s plain tough and frustrating. The work towards choosing happy is constant. It won’t happen overnight and you should be ready to fight setbacks. Facing obstacles along the way doesn’t mean there’s no hope or you’re losing the battle. Even in tough times, you can build the resources you need to experience that happiness is a state of mind. Like writer and personal development expert Dale Carnegie said, “it isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy, it's what you think about it.” ● Main image: shutterstock/Rido happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Resilience | Nature | Gratitude | Meditation | Self care Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

What is the definition of happiness? Does it involve fancy holidays, flash cars or lavish shopping trips? Well, only if you want a cheap thrill. As Calvin Holbrook discovers, the true meaning of happiness lies in daily pleasure, engagement and life satisfaction. What is happiness? It’s the eternal question that’s been on the lips of philosophers, theologians and regular people like you and I for centuries. Much more recently, this question has received a great deal more attention from the scientific community. But does all the recent research into well-being bring us any closer to a well-rounded definition of happiness? Well, before getting into what science has discovered about what happiness truly is, perhaps it’s first easier to rule out what happiness definitely isn’t. 1. Happiness is not about being wealthy Data from the first half of the 20th century – a period of world wars and depression – indicated that happiness levels increased as household incomes rose. Researchers used to believe that more money made people happier. However, this is not the case nowadays. And while living in poverty surely makes happiness harder to achieve, recent research suggests that after a certain point, money does not buy us any more happiness. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today In a well-cited 2010 study by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton from Princeton University, a magic number was put on the relation between happiness and income: $75,000 (€65,000). The researchers found that money increases happiness up until this amount annually, but exceeding that amount, there is no rise in happiness. What is happiness? Experiences with loved-ones is one of its main elements One key exception to money not leading to happiness is when you choose to spend your cash on experiences, specifically with friends and family. In their book Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending, authors Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton showed that spending our hard-earned cash on experiences or investing it in others does makes us happy. “By giving to another person, you’re… creating a connection and a conversation with that person, and those things are really good for happiness," says Norton, an associate professor of marketing at Harvard Business School. 2. Happiness is not feeling joyful 24 hours a day When trying to answer the question 'What is happiness?', science also suggests that happiness does not come from feeling happy all of the time. Indeed, almost all happy people will experience periods of sadness in their lives. In fact, what researchers have found is that humans have a baseline level or 'set-point' of happiness. This psychological term describes our general level of happiness, and all humans have different set-points: those with higher ones will be happier most of the time compared with those that have a less joyful outlook (and lower set-point). “What is happiness? Science suggests that happiness does not come from feeling happy all the time. Almost all happy people will experience periods of sadness in their lives.”  It follows then that unhappy life events shift happiness levels below their set-point while positive or exciting events boost your happiness levels above your set-point. However, sooner or later, when the life event finishes, happiness levels returns to their natural base level (that's why we often feel the 'holiday blues' when coming down from the high of a recent trip). RELATED: 6 ways travel boosts your mental health and happiness 3. Happiness is not a destination, it's a journey Many people still view happiness as a destination to arrive at after they’ve achieved certain tick-lists: the well-paid job, the partner, the mortgage, the kids, the latest hi-tech gadget or pair of sneakers. Happiness is flow: find what you love to do and do more of it! But often we forget that we're living in the present, and this is key: to experience happiness as journey and not a destination. Likewise, it takes effort to gain and maintain happiness. Indeed, many techniques for becoming happier – such as writing a gratitude journal or exercising – only work if they are regular habits and not one-off events. On the contrary, one-off life events such as getting married or getting a promotion will bring some short-term happiness but this will quickly wear off (remember that set-point?). So, what exactly is a good definition of happiness? Now we know what it isn’t, how can we define happiness? In her well-respected book The How of Happiness, positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky defines happiness as: “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” So, day-to-day pleasure and meaning in life (through job satisfaction, for example) are considered two key factors in defining what happiness is. This resonates with the ancient Greeks who believed happiness consisted of two parts: Hedonia or pleasure, and Eudaimonia or meaning. More recently, positive psychologists – such as Martin Seligman in his 2002 book Authentic Happiness – have added the component of ‘engagement’ or ‘flow’ to the happiness definition. Combining these trio of happiness components – pleasure, meaning and engagement – psychologists have come up with a scientific term for defining happiness: subjective-well being (SWB). What is the definition of happiness? © YouTube/Greater Good Science Center So, your SWB, or happiness, is a combination of how good you feel on a daily basis, how satisfied you are with your life (does your life have meaning?), and how engaged you are with both activities that you love and your network of friends and family. Luckily, aside from our genetics – which determine or set-point of happiness – we can keep working on the happiness variables by enhancing engagement, meaning and purpose in our lives. Indeed, with consistent practice, we can create life-long habits which will ultimately lead to a more satisfying, fulfilling and joyful life. Now that’s our definition of happiness! ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Positive Psychology | Mindfulness | Compassion Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of swimming, yoga, dancing, and all things vintage! Find out more.

From mutual support and solidarity to a sense of belonging, there are many ways 'family' – including our own chosen tribe – can help us. So, if you're asking 'why is family important for happiness?', Dee Marques has six key reasons to explain just that... Family is one of the building blocks of society, and so its structure and role reflect social changes. Over the past 30 years, the traditional family unit has evolved significantly. Right now there isn’t a single concept of family that applies universally. But although family structure may have changed, its importance has not. In fact, there are many reasons why family is important for happiness. Sure, we can’t choose our “blood” family. In most cases, family interactions are a mix of great and not-so-great experiences. But we can make up for that by choosing our “adopted” family members, a tribe of people who aren’t related to us, but who show support and prove they’re there for us so we don’t feel lost in times of need. Indeed, blood isn’t always thicker than water. As someone who spent most of her life away from relatives, I learned that actions speak louder than words (or rather, than blood ties). Over the years I’ve been able to count on the support of people who were unrelated to me, in different countries and through different life stages. My family wasn’t always there, but being close to “my tribe” helped me push through tough times. This has been defining in my own quest for well-being, so in this article we'll look at why family is essential for happiness and the benefits of having a close relationship with our loved ones. Why is family important for happiness: what science says One of the reasons why family is necssary for happiness is because it (usually) provides financial stability in our early years. Having our basic needs covered is crucial when it comes setting the basis for a happy life. But studies show that the link between family and happiness extends beyond money or possessions. Researchers followed up hundreds of families for a decade and found that the quality of family bonds mattered more to overall happiness than income. Family units have evolved shutterstock/wavebreakmedia All over the world, researchers found that support is one of the reasons why family is important for happiness. And this support goes both ways: according to a study, nearly 70 per cent of parents depend on their children for emotional support. And research shows that knowing someone has your back can counter stress, depressive symptoms, and low self-esteem. The sibling relationships is especially important to emotional well-being. In one survey, more than 60 per cent of participants said their sibling was their best friend. Evolutionary biologists say that this could be because we share half our genes, so we’re predisposed to closeness and we respond positively to it. But depending on our background, there could be some differences in how family contributes to happiness. RELATED: Toxic Siblings: How to Recognise and Deal With Them A cultural perspective As I wrote in a previous article, the concept of happiness varies across cultures, and so does the “recipe” for it. Family is a central to happiness in every culture, but in some countries this is more profound. Family ties often have a stronger weight in collectivist cultures, those where the well-being of society is above the individual. For example, in Mexico, a World Values Survey found that nearly 95 per cent of those interviewed considered family very important in life. Mexicans rank family as one of the most trust-inspiring institutions and a source of emotional, financial and practical support. “All over the world, researchers found that support is one of the reasons why family is important for happiness.” In India, also known for its collectivist culture, many important life decisions are taken in consultation with family members. The boundaries between self and relatives are somehow blurred, so the common view is that a happy and complete individual can only exist within the family unit. When answering the question 'why is family important for happiness?', we can also look at Western societies. In the US, a survey showed that more than 70 per cent of participants said family was crucial to their identity. The link between healthy family ties and identity is also strong in Scandinavian countries like Sweden, Denmark, and Norway, where parent-child relationships are meant to facilitate independence, individual responsibility, and promote the development of healthy identities. But, regardless of our cultural background, there are (at least) six reasons why family is important for happiness: 6 reasons why family is important for happiness 1. Mutual support and solidarity The people we consider family foster a sense of reciprocity, dependability and mutual reliance. Caring for our loved ones and being looked after by them brings a rewarding sense of achievement. 2. A shelter from the outside world Healthy families are a place of refuge from problems and offer a safety network when things go wrong. Think about the boost you get when it’s hard to cope with life’s hurdles and you spend time doing something fun with your loved ones. And it’s more than a feeling: studies found that quality leisure time with our family can fight off and manage stress. Support and shelter: two reasons why family is important shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 3. Encouragement A UK study showed that the encouragement of parents and grandparents was the main reason why teenagers got involved in altruistic cases. And the link between altruism and greater well-being is well documented – you probably know that it’s good to be good. RELATED: The Power of Kindness 4. Unconditional love and support Knowing that you have a network of people you can always count on benefits our physical and emotional health. Our “tribe” accepts us for who we are, which is key to a positive self-concept. And research shows that the benefits go both ways, to those giving and those receiving love and support. 5. Shared experiences We’re all in this together, and that helps us build stronger connections and enrich our appreciation for others. Studies show that shared experiences can amplify the effect of positive emotions. Even remembering shared experiences can give a boost to our well-being. 6. A sense of belonging Here’s one last reason why family is important for happiness. Researchers compared people with and without a strong sense of belonging. The results were clear: those who felt they belonged to a supportive group reported being happier. According to psychologists, belonging is a primal need, and meeting this need helps us be more resilient – and happier too. RELATED: Building Resilience: 5 Strategies For Thriving As you can see, there’s much to be won from building strong and meaningful relationships with our loved ones, whether they’re relatives or “adopted” family members. So why not take a minute to think about what can you do today to show them your support? ● Why is your family important to you? We'd love to hear your comments below. Or why not start a thread in our relationships and friendships forum? happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Kindness | Motivation | Learning | Altruism Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

The world's problems may feel overwhelming, but we can nurture our caring spirit so we stay active in solving them. By Tim Desmond on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Looking around today, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that our world is screwed. Of course, there’s a lot of beauty in the world, too; but the sheer magnitude of violence, greed, hatred, and straight-up stupidity can be overwhelming if we pay attention and care about what’s happening around us. What’s more terrifying, though? When good-hearted people get overwhelmed by all of it, lose touch with their humanity, and stop caring. The challenge of staying human in the middle of this comes down to how we respond to the suffering around us and in ourselves. If we despair and give up, that’s not helpful; on the other hand, it also doesn’t help if we allow self-righteousness to poison us with indignation. Whether we are hurting because of our own problems or from witnessing the pain of others, we have to learn how to take care of our compassionate natures, so we don’t get overwhelmed. Sad stories: the news is full of negativity In my book, How to Stay Human in a F*cked-Up World, I write about how a meditation practice can help you to cultivate an open heart in the face of so much suffering. These teachings can be applied to a formal sitting meditation practice, or just used to develop new ways to relate to yourself. Here are some of the things I’ve found helpful — supported by science — that you can do yourself when the world becomes too much. The part of life that’s beautiful When everything around you seems f***ed up, it’s easy to think nothing good exists — or even if it did, it wouldn’t matter. However, if you only pay attention to what’s painful in your life, you will inevitably end up exhausted and overwhelmed. Since we tend to keep bad stuff in our minds more than good stuff, we need to actively seek out what’s beautiful in life to overcome this natural negativity bias. And we should, because experiencing positive emotions — like happiness and awe — can give us the energy we’ll need to be more involved in caring for others. RELATED: 11 science-backed truths about finding happiness One practice I offer in my book is to list all of the conditions for happiness that are present in your life right now — maybe things you take for granted, like having a warm bed or having a close friend. Every moment contains infinite causes for happiness and infinite causes for suffering. The condition of our minds depends on what we’re paying attention to. So, we train ourselves not to forget what’s beautiful.
 The part of life that’s painful Acknowledging what’s beautiful in the world doesn’t mean that we’re ignoring what’s painful. Instead, we learn how to mindfully listen to pain with love and acceptance. We become aware that fear, anger, or grief is present inside of us. Then we can approach our pain with the attitude of “I see that you’re suffering. Everyone suffers sometimes, and you’re allowed to feel what you feel. I am here for you.” This acceptance can help us to manage our stress and have more energy to stay compassionate when faced with the problems of the world. “If you only pay attention to what’s painful in your life, you will inevitably end up exhausted and overwhelmed.” In my own life, there are many moments when I feel like avoiding my suffering. However, I’ve learned that my life can be much better if I do the exact opposite. Instead of running away, I bring a more focused attention to the unpleasant sensations in my body and tell myself, “Whatever you feel in this moment is completely OK.” Resistance may arise in me — I may tell myself that I don’t want to feel like this — but I just shift my attention and acceptance to that voice, saying to myself, “I know you want ease and safety, just like everyone else does. I’m here to listen and help.” This self-compassion soothes me and works much better than trying to transform my pain by ignoring it or berating myself for it. RELATED: How to avoid keep the greater good in mind during the Coronavirus outbreak When I say “like everyone else does,” it helps me to keep in mind our common humanity — particularly the fact that what we do is always motivated by the desire to avoid suffering and find wellness. If you’re angry about a social injustice, the deepest motivation for that anger is your wish to live in a peaceful and just world. If you lost your temper with your child and now feel ashamed, the deepest motivation in your shame is your wish to have the best possible relationship with your child. When we look at our thoughts, feelings, and actions under the light of that understanding, we can more easily forgive ourselves and others when we or they fall short. Stay human, even when other people suck Humans can be pretty terrible at getting along. Whether it’s two people who are in love but can’t stop hurting each other or thousands of people who are trying to build a social movement but can’t agree on anything, it seems like it shouldn’t be this hard. But it is. Forever friends: appreciate the good stuff shutterstock/rawpixel.com When your interaction with someone is derailing, take a minute to consider whether you are criticizing or making a demand of them. Then, check in with yourself: What need is underneath this? What’s my deepest motivation? Maybe you’re yelling at your spouse because she’s late (again) from work and the dinner you made is getting cold. The hidden need might be that you don’t feel respected or appreciated for your efforts… and you’re hungry! When you identify the hidden need, self-compassion becomes easier. In that moment, your practice can sound like, “I’m angry because I want to feel respected and appreciated, just like every other human being. That wish in me is beautiful, and it’s OK for me to feel it.” Breathing like this for a minute or so will usually defuse your frustration. In the light of seeing your own deeper needs, you’ll also feel more curious about the needs motivating the other person. RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Applying the teachings of mindfulness and self-compassion to real-life challenges isn’t easy. My new book tells the story of how I’ve learned to deepen my practice through healing from a difficult childhood, engaging in political organizing, and losing my wife to cancer. I hope it can inspire you to deepen your practice, as well. ● Main image: shutterstock/Dragon Images Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu