When they never tell you why

[Guest User]

Last year around August I met a man online through a dating site. We originally agreed to be friends with benefits, but after a few months things started getting intimate. I started to develop feelings for him and he seemed to have also been feeling the same way. Aside from meeting for sex we would have very deep conversations.

Around the holidays my fwb asked me to do him a favor and marry him. I was very open to the idea as I felt strong attachment to him and it seemed he felt the same. After New Years I told him I was falling in love with him (it was true then and still true to this day), however he said he was not looking to fall in love or for anything serious at the moment. He just needed to be married so he can get citizenship and keep custody of his daughter.

I spent months trying to convince him that marrying for love would be best. He’d have his citizenship, his daughter, and love. This led to a falling out for a little while. He never came back to physically see me anymore (not since Christmas). I recently had a little incident a few months ago in which he came to my rescue (by calling the police for me).

For a short period of time we were actually talking on the phone instead of texting and started to bond again. I felt love from him, but suddenly he distanced himself from me after promising to take care of me. After saying our friendship might blossom into something.

Lately I am initiating all of the conversations over text. He refuses to have phone conversations or to even visit me. Says he’s busy and doesn’t have time, but as soon as he needs a shoulder to cry on or to try and ask for a loan he reaches out.

It is now clear to me that he has no love or respect for me. He doesn’t really want to be my friend judging by his actions. Every time I ask him if he still wants to be friends or if he ever wants to meet again for sex he tells me yes, but continues to act disinterested. We used to talk about deep stuff and exchange information about each other’s lives, but now he gives me brief answers or ignores me and doesn’t inquire about me or my life anymore. Asking him direct questions is pointless because he won’t give me an honest answer.

This hurts so bad because I love him. I really do. The chemistry is (or at least was) there. Not sure if I should just delete him from my phone and move on. What’s the point in keeping him around if he neither wants to be my platonic friend or possible boyfriend. At this point I’m just wasting energy. I don’t understand what is so hard about just confessing that he is no longer interested in associating with me. Something caused him to have a change of heart and that is fine, but don’t leave me hanging as I continue to pour my heart out.

This sucks so much. Sorry for long post. Just really heartbroken over this whole ordeal.

[zy****]

vor 15 Stunden, schrieb PigsandRainbows82:

He just needed to be married so he can get citizenship and keep custody of his daughter.

That's what he wants. That's all of it. Nothing else.
 

vor 15 Stunden, schrieb PigsandRainbows82:

just delete him from my phone and move on

Yes.

 

vor 15 Stunden, schrieb PigsandRainbows82:

I don’t understand what is so hard about just confessing that he is no longer interested in associating with me.

That way he would throw away his chance to get what he wants. So he wouldn't do it.

Love makes blind sometimes. Don't let people use you. Sorry for your situation.

[Guest User]

I believe you are right. I know deep down, but love him so much. I’m still thinking about it.

[Guest User]

6 hours ago, suedseefrucht said:

That way he would throw away his chance to get what he wants. So he wouldn't do it.

Love makes blind sometimes. Don't let people use you. Sorry for your situation.

Thank you. I’m trying.