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Tine

Week 5 formal practice: "turning towards" (formerly "Soften, Soothe, Allow")

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KKPinkowski
Posted

I did the first day of week 5 today.  Turning towards emotional pain.  I think I was overly prepared for some kind of tidal wave of emotions, I had a box of Kleenex on standby, but it didn’t come.  I think the critical lesson for me was changing the language from “I am” to noticing instead where the emotion was coming from.  In my case, it’s a series of emotions that surround this holiday season.   I can cry at the drop of a hat.  As for the meditation practice, I need to keep trying with it, because it went so quickly and I was really just overcome with not feeling overcome.  Really has me thinking now though.

Borahbestie
Posted

I push away feelings of shame. I can look at anxiety and fear. I can even tolerate sadness. But shame tears me apart. I hide from it. I tried to do the meditation on shame. I realized that others in that moment around the world felt shame too. It helped. Thank you

Tine
Posted

Negative feelings like shame hold much wisdom and the possibility for growth when we allow them to speak to us when we allow ourselves to feel them. Looking at them closely is maybe our only way to dissolve/ resolve them, but it takes strength, and we need to be brave and not every day is a day we have those available.

Be brave but also be kind to yourself.

I go through the steps of RAIN again and again. Some days the thoughts of not being good enough are still very loud but only looking them straight in the eye shows me the amount of truth they hold.

jolaine
Posted

So, this fifth week was the most important, most meaningful to me. I've never been shy about looking at myself closely, but the idea of counterbalancing all of it, much like Tine, has been a new idea that I'm in much need of. ...phew

WavyyNavyy
Posted

Hello! Have you ever heard of the emotion code? I would look into it! It’s all about the meridians in our body and self healing. It’s one of the most powerful healing techniques I’ve found yet. If your interested, look up Bradley Nelson’s video on The emotion code or message me for more info. Have a wonderful day! 

RichieA
Posted

The turning toward was a little more difficult for me. I have a history of turning away.  But I found this to be educational in how I see things 

waihong
Posted

When dealing with difficult emotions, our ever rational mind tends to persuade ourselves that things are ok. Even if I'm able to truly accept it mentally, my body would sometimes just screamed "Nope.. I just don't like it. Feels bad on me.. It's stuck on me..". At this moment, I finds the "Soften, Soothe, Allow" exercise helps a lot to relax and re-aligns both the body and mind. Yes, this re-alignment is very important to me. It keeps the internal fighting or imbalance out, allowing me to come back to myself again.

 

hdanielsuk
Posted

This was the most unpleasant and difficult for me.  I need to get over the fact I am just a worthy as anyone else.

Jen84
Posted

I loved this week.  Something about affirming to myself that it would be hard for anyone to hold allowed me to feel connected to the human experience and allow it to be just that.

mrperkins
Posted

The video by Robert Sapolsky was outstanding. I am ordering his book, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers  now.

Tough week.  Things just piled up and now I have to get back to basics. PRACTICE!

 

Mike

 

 

mrperkins
Posted

I am a therapist and have a particular interest in this.  Especially the possibilities in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training and it's cousin radical acceptance.

I ordered the book Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers.  Outstanding.  BUT,... he is going to have to rewrite some stuff to include the pandemic.

 

Mike

Tine
Posted
On 6/25/2020 at 5:12 AM, mrperkins said:

I ordered the book Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers.  Outstanding.  BUT,... he is going to have to rewrite some stuff to include the pandemic.

The pandemic add a lot of new, different and maybe also long forgotten or ignored perspective to how we look at the world.

deboflan
Posted

I can understand how this works - yes through life we will always encounter different emotions and the 'turning toward' practice can help us recognise the emotion. Yes make it softer inside. The different types of pain, guilt, grief, anger can overtake your mind and physical being and if you let your thoughts turn into a big snowball of frustration you can in fact create more unnecessary unwanted emotion. 

Berta
Posted

Recognizing emotions, thoughts and sensations for what they are could be called "literacy". We learn to read ourselves.

An example from my own life is that I used to believe what my mind told me, and then I would snap into blame/defence mode when I felt something unpleasant. "You made me feel bad; you are bad!" This happened either in my head or in person.

These days I get to look at the same experience like this "I feel this, you did that, I expected something else/ this is waht I am looking to archive".

Looking at it in a more nuanced way, I can take responsibility for my feelings, not blame the other person but show the interconnectedness and say what my need is. This opens the playfield for a conversation with yourself or the other person.

ias206
Posted

Hi, I'm getting a little lost with the course now and I thought I should check-in to clarify. I was finding the STOP informal practice last week a little difficult to ingrain into my daily life (without a specific time of day in which to do it, I often forget to do it at all). I managed this by setting alarms throughout the day to remind me to do it, if I didn't naturally come across a good moment. I always did my formal practice in an allotted time in the morning.

I'm not really sure how I'm meant to be organising myself this week or where in my day to fit in the informal practice, and I've now missed a couple of days of the formal practice, too. This is my understanding of the suggested schedule:

Formal practice (30mins-1hr in the morning for me, before beginning the day): 2 days of 'Turning Towards', then 5 days choosing whichever formal practice suits best each day.

Informal practice: Filling in the grid at the end of each day like I did with pleasant/unpleasant events calendar? Or do I also need to find a slot to repeat the 'Turning Towards' meditation at the end of the day when doing this too? Or am I meant to pause my day and do the RAIN process whenever I encounter difficulty, in place of STOP? How long is this meant to take, am I meant to use one of the guided recordings for it?

Thank you for any guidance you can provide!  Grateful this forum exists to stop me from getting totally lost and floating away!

Tine
Posted

Thank you for pointing this out @ias206! I read through the section, and it is quite confusing. I'll reorganize it, and I am sure the students following you will benefit from the clarity your question brought to the instructions :-) So here's the "todo list" for week 5: Turning toward

Read both "Turning toward difficult emotions" and "Turning toward physical pain" first.

Formal Practice: once a day for 6 out of 7 days in week 5:

Informal Practice: It is a bit more formal this week. Once a day sit down and "turn towards" either a difficult emotion or physical pain with the two texts you read at the beginning as guidelines and take notes. Ideally, when a matching situation like bodily pain or a difficult emotion is occurring/ just occurred. Still, as we are training to become more aware, it is also quite common to not be mindful of them and instead be on autopilot when they occur. So it's ok to sit down and go through the steps later on. This is all part of our Practice. :-)

 

ias206
Posted

Thank you so much for clarifying that, Tine! I feel a lot more confident about what I'm meant to be doing now.

 

I think I'm going to attempt the week again starting today. I'll set an alarm to go through the informal practice in the evening (with the shorter recordings?) so it gets done even if I forget during the day.

Adriango2
Posted
On 11/16/2020 at 6:32 PM, Tine said:

Thank you for pointing this out @ias206! I read through the section, and it is quite confusing. I'll reorganize it, and I am sure the students following you will benefit from the clarity your question brought to the instructions :-) So here's the "todo list" for week 5: Turning toward

Read both "Turning toward difficult emotions" and "Turning toward physical pain" first.

Formal Practice: once a day for 6 out of 7 days in week 5:

Informal Practice: It is a bit more formal this week. Once a day sit down and "turn towards" either a difficult emotion or physical pain with the two texts you read at the beginning as guidelines and take notes. Ideally, when a matching situation like bodily pain or a difficult emotion is occurring/ just occurred. Still, as we are training to become more aware, it is also quite common to not be mindful of them and instead be on autopilot when they occur. So it's ok to sit down and go through the steps later on. This is all part of our Practice. :-)

 

Thank you @ias206 for your experience you shared, thank you Tine  for this clarifying informations! It was very helpful for me. 🤗

ias206
Posted

Just checking in so I feel like I'm still participating!

 

After missing quite a few days of informal practice and formal practice this week, I was going to re-do Week 5.

 

The prospect seemed a little daunting as I've been feeling exhausted lately. I was explaining this to a friend and I realised that Week 5 had landed on a very challenging week for me: I lost my grandfather and had to attend a socially-distanced funeral, a job offer was retracted and I started on a new medicine which only seemed to have negative effects. I also had to undergo a very uncomfortable 24hr procedure and on another day get my flu jab - both of which were physically exhausting as well as mentally exhausting, as I was deliberately going into a healthcare setting in an area where infection levels are very high after months of extreme care and isolation. I had initially thought of this week/2 weeks as providing plenty of material to 'turn towards' and examine, but I think I underestimated the effect it would have on me.

 

There have also been positive things recently. The results of my procedure mean I am closer to getting a chronic physical issue solved. And I've had another - better - job offer.

 

I think I'm going to go back to a week that felt more 'refreshing', maybe Week 2, and just try to recuperate and celebrate the victories this week. Then return to Week 5 the week after, having properly planned and set all my reminder alarms! 

 

I hope this is me taking care of myself, and not wasting an opportunity to grow.


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