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Tine

Week 6 informal practice: Communication Calendar

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Tine
Posted
18 hours ago, KKPinkowski said:

We really connected in that moment.

@KKPinkowski  Thank you for sharing that.
I used to think the connection comes from interaction, but it is rooted in presence, and that presence doesn't need words to unfold.
What a beautiful moment for you both. You gave her the gift of really being seen and heard.

Borahbestie
Posted

So I've noticed I listen better. I listen to understand the person rather than find what I'm going to say next. I still use old habits of not completely listening sometimes. But then I catch myself and just direct my mind to hear the person. Much like I focus on the breath when my mind wanders in meditations. So this week taught me valuable skills.

jolaine
Posted

I could share a lot of things, but I feel the need to start with what seems more prominent in my life these last few years, and I welcome all insights. Sometimes it feels as if my growth, on which I've always diligently worked at, has led to me being able to 'provide' in ways of being a good & genuine listener, for example, but not having the thoughtfulness reciprocated, I find myself dealing with anger, and wondering what I receive for all my work other than helping my fellow man. It can feel lonely... 

That said, I am benefitting from this week's practices & readings, of course, and I hope always to continue learning & growing. It just seems, in my world, that benefitting from mutual relationships is extremely evasive. Any thoughts/sharings of your own?

 

 

Tine
Posted

@jolaine what you wrote brought up an old story that I think of often:
In a group sitting with a zen monk many years ago, another participant asked how to get his friend to grow. He can see so many patterns where his friend has potential where he could overcome self-made obstacles and move forward. Sometimes he just wants to shake him. The monk answered: "All you can do is work on yourself and your ability to hold space for others to grow. When and how they grow is up to them alone. All you can do is work on yourself and hold space for the ones around you."
This story is soothing, but I also sometimes feel the loneliness you referred to, and it's in the story as well. I guess that's why a shanga of some sort - even online here on happiness.com - is so essential for us - to recharge, connect, exchange, open up about our struggles and learn.

jolaine
Posted

Guess I'll be looking up 'shanga' ;-) 

Thanks for sharing, Tine.

jolaine
Posted

Aha! A buddhist community... I appreciate Buddha's teachings & find him to be a very important philosopher, however, I stay away from all religion. I'm just a human on her journey.

Tine
Posted

@jolaine I can relate 🙂
I am entirely comfortable replacing "shanga of some sort" with "community" - maybe "supportive community."

Udumbara
Posted

It seems that the course is so well timed with what’s going on in my life.  This last week or so (I’m moving through the course slowly) has been filled with challenging interactions and a gratefulness for the resources.   I mentioned at the beginning not liking being told what to do and having somewhat of an aversion to guided meditations, but I actually enjoyed them this week.  I did the lake one first and was so happy to be told to lie down for the practice.  The imagery of nature is something I related to the most so I appreciated the guidance and appreciated that there was only guidance for half the mediation and there was quiet space to observe at the end.  I was a little disappointed to not be given the option to lie down for the mountain meditation but it made sense considering the nature of the meditation.  I especially found it helpful when my sister called to vent about her frustrating experience with Centrelink (our welfare system in Australia).  Even though I had suggestions it would have been pointless to any anything until she had finished because she needed to be heard and to have the chance to let everything out, so I listened and told her I could hear and understand how frustrated she was and when she had finished totalling I made 1 suggestion which she thought made sense.  While I was listening I was imaging the mountain with passing seasons and just watching them and I really did observe my sister go from frustration to exhaustion and then a kind of calm in having been heard.   I find one on one conversations easier than group conversations as everyone seems so quick to throw in their opinion or knowledge and I never seem to find the right space to enter the conversation.  Sometimes I retreat that as I think that I could have shared something useful and other times I just sit back and save my energy and realise that it’s not that important.  Focusing on communication has been a good practice this week to observe my reactions and responses internally rather than acting out external responses.  The focus on what is being said has also helped me to hear what is underneath what people are actually saying :)

Tine
Posted

After this part of the course, I started working on my communication style. I now try to listen until the person venting asks me for feedback or some advice.


More importantly, I also very clearly feel that sometimes I want to talk about what is happening and not get suggestions on how to solve something. With more awareness, I realize that I do not feel taken seriously because while it's well-meaning, I think it's rare that someone knows and understands the situation much better and has the one great tip that I have overseen. Even if it is like that unless I am asking for help, feedback, suggestions, I am not ready to listen to them. As a result, I find myself in the even more draining position having to justify why things are the way they are, which makes me feel even more down and less open to suggestions.


Experiencing this from my perspective it makes it much easier for me to listen patiently and wholeheartedly. Often the speaker sees a possible solution or switches their perspective while talking out loud. Our thoughts can lure us into the feeling that they are true while they are just assumptions, and when we speak to someone else, we can easier become aware of that.

CRMcCann
Posted

I have really felt the usefulness of this practice this last week.  I have 3 small boys and have been feeling unwell, meaning my emotional state has been quite irregular.  To be able to stop, sit with the uncomfortable feelings, and then allow myself to respond, has been an eye opener; rather than just reacting.  And, of course, there were the times when I didn't STOP- also good learning opportunities.

NowHereaIsOlly
Posted
7 hours ago, waihong said:

There is this person who always come to me during my quiet moments. He talks a lot, but I don't really understand what he says. Hence I always try to be just a listener and appreciates what he has to say. As moments passed by, I started to grasp the meaning of his words. Eventually I became a good listener, staying to the moment and not loosing of what he had said.

He is.. my body.

Have you missed listening to your body? 😊

Your Felt Sense waihong 

waihong
Posted
On 3/6/2020 at 5:05 AM, NowHereaIsOlly said:

Your Felt Sense waihong

Yup, it sure is.

hdanielsuk
Posted

The Sacred Art of Listening - Tara Brach

 I found this so profound. Stunned. 

Temjen
Posted

I have learned about being mindful in communication, after doing this course. 

The other day I was with a friend, discussing on youth entrepreneurship in our town. As we go on exchanging views, I just realized that I had used the word 'Negative' while referring to our youth shortcomings. There and then, I felt uncomfortable that I used the word 'Negative' which wasn't right and it also brings in negativity into our discussion. I'm grateful that I have become aware of what I speak out and I have again reaffirmed that i will listen attentively to what the other person had to say without any impatient and hurry to reply.

I must be mindful of what word I use while speaking to others. 

Tine
Posted

@Temjen This is beautiful, mindfulness in action.

It doesn't always work and yet each time we are aware and manage to execute the freedom do choose our response we add to a better world for everyone.

mrperkins
Posted

Since starting mindfulness I can listen to others.  Really listen.  Not perfect but better.  Also, as somebody else noted, I can listen to myself.  My mind and body.  I may still get an amygdala hijack but I can put out that forest fire pretty quick.

Love the course and am delighted for the opportunity.

 

Mike


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