8 Different Types of Grief Explained

While we will all deal with grief at some point, you may not even realise you're experiencing the emotion, as it's usually only connected with death. In fact, as Dee Marques explains, there are many different types of grief – such as anticipatory and absent – related to all types of loss. 

 

Grief is perhaps one of the most misunderstood emotions: we tend to think of it as something related to the death of a loved one, but, in fact, it can appear as a reaction to many different types of loss. 

Grief is also misunderstood in that people seem to have an expectation of how it should be experienced. However, although we’re all likely to experience grief at some point in our lives, we’ll also all have different ways of dealing with it. Understanding different grief types is important so we’re better prepared when we have to face it – and so we can help a grieving friend or family member when they're dealing with a loss.

 

What is grief, exactly?

Grief is a strong emotion that appears when we face loss, whether that loss is of a person, animal, or 'thing' that’s important to us. You can experience grief as a result of losing your home, a job, or even the sense of freedom after a sabbatical or a long trip. In short, grief can appear when we lose anything we form a strong emotional connection to, and is linked to losing identity, freedom, or expectations. 

The emotion of grief itself is a natural response and part of the process we must go through to get used to a new situation, but it’s often felt as a roadblock in our path to happiness.
Bereavement and grief is unique 

 

It’s often said that the stages of grief go from denial to acceptance, but some claim this only applies to the types of grief linked to the death of a loved one. The truth is that grief can be messy, and doesn’t necessarily follow a clear path. According to psychological studies, in some cases it may even come and go in cycles, and be anything but an orderly linear process.

The way we experience grief is unique to each one of us and can depend on factors like beliefs, background, personality, age, support network, and health – both mental and physical. All these factors contribute to the uniqueness of each grief experience, and can derive into any of the main types of grief described below.

 

The 8 Types of Grief Explained

These are the main types of grief that exist. We may experience one or more of them while dealing with a loss. Here are eight of the most common grief types that will likely affect you during your lifetime.

 

1. Anticipatory grief

This is one of the least well-known types of grief but also one of the most common. Anticipatory grief is when you feel grief before a physical loss actually happens. For example, if you're caring for someone who has a terminal illness, the emotion of anticipatory grief may start to creep in before your loved one passes away. 

Furthermore, anticipatory grief can be complex, as seeing someone suffer and finally letting go may bring a feeling of relief, for which people feel guilty. Those feelings of guilt may have already begun while a loved-on was alive, as people experiencing anticipatory grief means giving up on hope. And while some say that anticipatory grief lessens the impact or loss after the person passes away, in other cases it doesn’t always work that way.

 

2. Normal or common grief

Some people carry on with their normal routine despite feelings of grief. From the outside it may seem as if the person has not been affected by their bereavement, but pain, numbness, and other feelings are still present under the ‘normal’ surface.

With this type of grieving, it’s common for acute feelings of grief to come in bursts, so they may not be obvious to everyone unless they’re with the griever 24/7. The intensity of feelings gradually lessens over time until we find ‘the new normal’.
 

3. Complicated grief

Next in the list of grief types is complicated grief, which is experienced by around 10 per cent of people dealing with loss. Here, the pain following bereavement is so overwhelming that it actually prevents them from going about their daily lives. 
 

“Understanding the different types of grief is important so we’re better prepared for it – and so we can help a grieving friend or family member.”

Complicated grief is characterised by irrational thoughts and may also be expressed as avoidance behaviour (for example, by avoiding things that remind the griever of the person or situation that have been lost). Unlike common grief, this doesn’t happen in bursts, but rather as a constant feeling that makes the person feel trapped with no end in sight. This is one of the types of grief that may develop into self-harm or acute depression if the griever doesn’t get the support they need.

From anticipatory to absent, there are many different grief types 

 

4. Delayed grief

Sometimes, feelings linked to grief don’t appear immediately after losing someone or something valuable. For some people delayed grief shows up whereby the feelings grow stronger with time, or they find it harder to cope months down the line, rather than in the initial aftermath of the event (which is typical).

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Delayed grief is more common when losing a loved one happens alongside other significant changes, such as losing a job or a house, developing health problems, or when the griever feels they are the strong family member and must focus on caring for others. 

 

5. Inhibited grief

Inhibited grief appears when the griever avoids facing the realities of losing something or someone by turning their attention to other things. People may put all their time and energy into something that will keep them distracted, so they bury their feelings in the hopes of avoiding the related pain. 

 

“Anticipatory grief is when you feel grief before a physical loss actually happens. For example, if you're caring for someone who has a terminal illness.”

However, inhibited grief can lead to exhaustion and manifest itself in physical symptoms like migraines, digestive issues, nausea, etc. Sometimes it can lead to one of the other grief types discussed above, ie, delayed grief.

 

6. Disenfranchised grief

Unlike with the other types of grief mentioned above, people experiencing disenfranchised grief usually get little support or acceptance. Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that may happen after losing a pet, a non-family member, or a part of ourselves (such as losing function of a body part after an accident).

The loss isn’t often recognised by society as being ‘worthy of grief’, which puts even more pressure on grievers, as they feel that no one else understands them. They may struggle, believing that they must suppress their emotions.

Ups and downs: loss and grief affect us differently 

 

7. Absent grief

This is similar to inhibited grief in that the person silences their feelings and carries on as if nothing has happened. However, absent grief is a more extreme version that revolves around complete avoidance or denial. Indeed, there are reports of extreme cases of absent grief, such as an 80-year lady whose grief was absent for 30 years after losing a son, as she refused to believe her son had passed away.  
 

8. Exaggerated grief

Last in the list of common types of grief is exaggerated grief. This similar to complicated grief in that sorrow and the inability to function don’t improve over time. This may be the result of experiencing several losses at the same time or over a short period of time, so the griever feels lost and unable to cope. Similarly to complicated grief, if not resolved, exaggerated grief can easily turn into depression.

 

Takeaway: What Can We Learn About Different Grief Types

Grief is a universal emotion, but the way we experience it isn’t. When learning to live with grief, it’s essential to understand that there’s no standard formula and we need to find the best ways of processing it for our particular circumstances. Understanding and recognising these common different types of grief can get us one step closer to happiness, and will also help us be a source of support to others who are grieving. •

Images shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/fizkes, shutterstock/Antonio Guillem

Are you struggling with grief or have some useful tips on how to deal with it? Then head over to our forum and share your thoughts with the community. 

 

Written by Dee Marques

A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.