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True happiness comes from within, but it takes work. The good thing is, all of us can learn how to develop it. From cultivating resilience to showing gratitude, Sonia Vadlamani explores five science-backed techniques that build lasting inner happiness and joy. For the longest time, I believed happiness to be something that came from outside – like getting a promotion at work, traveling to a dream destination with my partner, or purchasing something from my wishlist. And yes, indeed, these events do make me happy. But in reality I find I’m actually much happier on the days I have some quality “me time” to enjoy all my favourite leisure activities and connect with the people I love. This observation, coupled with research on happiness, helped me understand the simple and profound truth: happiness comes from within – happiness is an inside job. This holds true for most of us: while external events can definitely make us joyful, we also have inherent values and needs that we derive happiness from just the same. The best part? We don’t need to wait for external outcomes to feel content; we just need to learn how to tap into these sources of lasting happiness. Indeed, happiness is a choice, and science shows that true happiness comes from within, consistently and reliably, when we take small, intentional steps to achieve it, every single day. What does it mean to find happiness within? When we talk about finding inner happiness, we refer to what researchers in positive psychology call “internal happiness”, or a steady sense of well-being and contentment that stems from within and doesn’t rely on external circumstances. Unlike the fleeting happiness that we experience from external events like winning some money on the lottery or attending a concert, intrinsic happiness isn’t temporary, but rather a stable foundation for contentment and peace of mind. Where does happiness come from? Start the search within... In contrast, external happiness relies heavily on outside events, possessions and achievements. While these are undeniably necessary for life satisfaction, they only tend to boost our mood and improve happiness levels temporarily. In fact, a study of Stanford student-athletes living under immense pressure revealed that intrinsic factors like mindfulness, self-restraint, and self-esteem were stronger predictors of happiness than external factors such as playing time and scholarships. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Find Happiness: 11 Science-Backed Tips What is Happiness Exactly, Anyway? Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Another study by researchers Christopher P Niemiec et al. suggests that while the quest for external happiness alone can adversely impact well-being, focusing on intrinsic happiness benefits one’s psychological health, emphasizing the need for balance between external and internal forms of happiness. “Developing mindful awareness is key to finding happiness within yourself, as savoring the 'now' requires us to pay attention to events unfolding around you.” These findings highlight the need to develop traits that can help us find true happiness from within, enabling us to navigate life’s uncertainties better and build resilience. It’s also important to know that happiness can’t always stem entirely from within, especially for someone with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety, who may need to seek professional help for managing their condition and finding relief. How to Find Happiness Within Yourself The quest for finding happiness within yourself doesn’t mean ignoring external events and life milestones, but rather developing skills and practices that help maintain a sense of peace and inner contentment even through challenging times. So, here are five science-backed ways to help you learn how to find happiness within yourself. Incorporate them into your life one at a time to help build long-lasting joy and contentment. 1. Learn to live fully in the present A Harvard study that tracked the thoughts and moods of 2,250 participants found that humans spend nearly 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing, and that this impacts happiness. Published in Science, this research corroborated a profound truth: the human capacity to capture joy depends largely on being present in the moment. Indeed, research suggests that ruminating over the past or worrying about the future can fuel negativity and reduce life satisfaction. On the other hand, immersing ourselves fully in the present – wholly engaging with the task at hand – regulates our nervous system and enables a flow state characterized by complete absorption. This can further help instill a sense of control, putting a stop to repetitive thoughts. Develop mindful awareness (and increased happiness) through breathwork Indeed, developing mindful awareness is key to building inner happiness, as savouring the “now” requires us to pay attention to the events unfolding around you. Simple mindfulness practices that can help improve your mood and elevate inner happiness levels include: focusing on your breathing. tuning into what you see, hear and feel at the moment, like eating, walking and doing daily chores. gently bringing your attention back to the present moment when it wanders (it will). setting time aside for mindfulness meditation. 2. Practice radical acceptance If being mindful pertains to developing awareness, acceptance is how we process and respond to this awareness, especially when faced with failure, loss or imperfections. Indeed, a comprehensive review of six correlated studies by researchers Daniel T Cordaro et al. suggests that inner contentment is a distinct positive emotion that is central to overall well-being and happiness. Embracing life as it is, therefore, is a crucial requirement for how happiness comes from within. This endeavor requires us to be aware of and accept the various emotions, imperfections, fears, and desires that make us all essentially human. MORE LIKE THIS: Happiness is a State of Mind: 8 Ways to Develop It Is Happiness Genetic? Here's What Science Says How Can Happiness Be Measured? Radical acceptance relies on practicing self-compassion, which means treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a good friend during a difficult time. It also involves understanding that errors and failure are a part of being human, not personal flaws. Here are some ways to practice radical awareness and self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Evaluate your feelings with a gentle approach, not harsh self-judgment. When you notice a mistake or flaw, approach the emotions with kind observance and speak to yourself with genuine warmth. Remember that you’re not alone in your struggles – everyone faces challenge in their lives. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and limitations. 3. Cultivate inner resilience Resilience, or the capacity to recover from difficult situations and adapt to life's challenges, is a key predictor for finding happiness within yourself. In fact, a study by researchers Steven M. Southwick et al. revealed that resilient individuals don’t encounter fewer challenges in life; they simply react to them differently. Therefore, your ability to adapt to adversities and overcome challenges can be the answer to how to find inner happiness and well-being. The first step toward developing resilience is reframing your perspective about life’s uncertainties and embracing the unknown. Resilient people look at difficulties as opportunities to learn, not threats to their happiness, and are adept at ‘lemonading’ – making the best of the situation at hand. “Individuals who understand that true happiness comes from within are also more resilient and more capable of bouncing back from life’s trials.” Adopting a growth mindset is another crucial aspect of resilience. Challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone and attempting something that feels uncomfortable. Also, remember to celebrate small wins by tuning your mind to recognize and enjoy the smallest efforts and progress, instead of waiting to celebrate loftier milestones. 4. Develop a gratitude routine There’s more to gratitude than just saying thanks – emerging research suggests it’s a powerful practice that can help rewire our brains to weed out toxic emotions and significantly improve our happiness levels. How to find happiness from within? Keep a gratitude journal A study at University of California, Berkeley, involving 300 participants seeking mental health counseling revealed that the mental health benefits of gratitude practice can be experienced even when it's not communicated to others. While the benefits of gratitude – like improved inner happiness, reduced mental stress, and an optimistic outlook – take time to emerge, they create a positive snowball effect with consistent practice. To cultivate an attitude of gratitude, try these things daily: Write down three things you’re grateful for in your gratitude journal. Express gratitude to people you’re thankful for having in your life. Acknowledge moments of kindness and beauty throughout the day. Set time aside to practice gratitude meditation to truly appreciate all the things you’re thankful for. 5. Nurture meaningful connections While true happiness comes from within, we’re essentially social beings, and having close relationships is a fundamental need for a long, healthy life. Spending time with those you care for helps release happiness hormones, namely serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. These are also released when you exercise, so in a way, spending quality time with your loved ones is almost as beneficial as getting a workout. To strengthen your relationships: Practice mindful listening and empathy. Really hear others out without judgment or bias. Trust your close friends and family enough to share your authentic self, and avoid the vulnerability hangover trap. Show up consistently, whether to celebrate their wins or be a shoulder to lean on during tough times. Connect over activities you collectively enjoy, like hiking, volunteering or joining a book club. Where does happiness come from? Friends are a key source Inner Happiness: Clear Health Benefits The happiness derived from savoring life’s small joys is also associated with several other positive outcomes considered the “hallmarks of a happy person”, such as long-lasting relationships, more successful careers, and better health. Individuals who understand that true happiness comes from within are also more capable of bouncing back from life’s trials and uncertainties with better stress-management and decision-making abilities. In essence, the ability to tap into inner happiness helps us experience more positive emotions and achieve more favorable outcomes in terms of success and improved life satisfaction. Takeaway: Happiness Comes From Within Happiness is a journey, and while the path to inner happiness isn’t easy, it is accessible to everyone. As demonstrated by the ample research above, everyone has the ingredients necessary to cultivate lasting joy within ourselves – the practices discussed here simply help you uncover and nurture the happiness that already exists within you. Indeed, in a world that constantly tells us happiness is bound to result from the next purchase or milestone, finding happiness within yourself is a practical and responsible step towards ensuring your well-being. ● Images: feodorina, Peopleimages.com - Yuri A, Oksana Klymenko, Jacob Lund happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self care | Empathy | Letting go | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Inner child therapy focuses on accessing and rectifying unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood that may be negatively affecting your life as an adult. Discover how to heal your inner child with this advice from psychologist Stanislava Puač J. Inner child work or inner child healing is a notion you probably stumbled upon if you ever tried to understand why certain emotions or behaviours seem to come from a child-like, vulnerable place inside you. The term gets tossed around quite a lot, so it may sound like a feel-good phrase at times. Nonetheless, it is a valid therapeutic path for those of us who hear our inner child’s voice echoing beneath the surface. I, for example, still get scared like I did as a little girl when someone gets angry or shouts (as if I weren’t nearly 40 and accomplished in all crucial areas of life). And it is that hurt little girl who needs (and deserves) the care and safety she has necessitated all along. Let’s unpack what healing your inner child means – and how to connect with your inner child so you can become all you can be. What Is Inner Child Work and Therapy? Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood. Moments of unmet needs, trauma, adversity, abuse, or even seemingly minor events that felt unsafe or shameful when you were a child lie buried deep inside your psyche. Unfortunately, they are not always integrated and overcome, especially if you didn’t receive psychotherapy or counselling as a child. These past injuries change a child’s neural system and profoundly affect their development. Self-reflect on adult behaviour and start healing your inner child Indeed, a 2017 study published in the International Journal of Play Therapy concluded that: “chronic and highly stressful environments and experiences, occurring during early development, have a strong negative impact on the neural architecture and overall brain development in young children.” It's no wonder many adults feel a need to address these past hurts and learn to respond to life from the present, not from the survival scripts of the past. A Brief History of Inner Child Therapy The idea of an inner child that carries vast wisdom is ancient. However, in modern seminal literature, two authors’ concepts seem to lie at the basis of inner child healing. In the first half of the 20th century, Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi identified a phenomenon where young children who had been traumatized acquire wisdom beyond their years. He characterized them as ‘wise’ babies. Similarly, Carl Jung, in collaboration with Karl Kerenyi, explored the concept of the ‘divine child’ – a mythological archetype believed to spark healing and intuitive insight in both children and adults. Yet, strictly speaking, it was John Bradshaw in the 1990s who popularized the term inner child in self-help and recovery circles. “Inner child therapy is a healing path focused on accessing and rectifying the unconscious emotional experiences and beliefs formed during childhood.” Nowadays, there isn’t a single therapeutic approach when you wonder how to heal your inner child. It's widely integrated into various therapy modalities, including psychodynamic approaches, schema therapy, IFS (Internal Family Systems), and somatic psychology. Signs Your Inner Child Needs Healing So, how to connect with your inner child and know they need healing in the first place? Well, there are specific signals your inner child may be sending your way, even if you’re not aware of their meaning yet. Here are some common examples: People-pleasing Your fear of disappointing others compels you to bend over backwards for them, neglecting your needs. Difficulty setting boundaries You struggle to assert boundaries and say “no”, or feel guilty when you do. Self-sabotage You carry a deep-seated sense of unworthiness that unconsciously undermines your own goals or relationships. Emotional outbursts or shutdowns Small triggers evoke intense reactions, reflecting unprocessed feelings from childhood. Fear of abandonment or rejection You have a strong urge to protect yourself, so you seek excessive reassurance or avoid closeness altogether. Perfectionism You try to be flawless to avoid criticism or earn affection. Shame and self-criticism Your inner critic works overtime. Addictive behaviours You use food, work, substances, shopping, or screens excessively. Seemingly inexplicable medical concerns A 2015 study from Arizona State University concluded that “childhood trauma may lead to poorer health in midlife through disturbances in the patterns of everyday life events and responses to those events”. Disconnection from joy You find it hard to relax, be spontaneous, or experience awe. These behaviors are coping mechanisms, not flaws or weaknesses. Your inner child adopted them to feel safe, at one point. Now comes the time for inner child healing, because, as you will soon learn, it is a vital element of you realizing your healthy potential. Why Is Inner Child Healing Important? Research supports the idea that experiencing childhood trauma can lead to long-term negative effects in individuals, such as impacting our physical health later in life, be less responsive to coping tools, and making our emotional reactions swing more intensely. Healing your inner child isn’t about wallowing in the past, though. Think about it as updating your emotional operating system. Now, as an adult, you get an opportunity to choose how you will respond, instead of falling right into that vulnerable state of mind. Self.compassion is essential in inner child work and healing Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self. So, how to connect with your inner child and start healing? Let’s dive right in. How Can I Begin Healing My Inner Child? Healing your inner child usually means revisiting very hurtful experiences: a counsellor or therapist can help if you need professional support. With dedication and patience, you will start to see some of the signs that your inner child is healing. Nonetheless, if you want to start on your own and are wondering how to heal your inner child without a therapist – or as a complement to therapy – here are seven powerful steps grounded in psychological evidence and therapeutic practice. 1. Reconnect Through Visualization One of the most commonly used tools is a gentle meditation where you visualize yourself meeting your child Self in a safe place. What are they feeling? What do they need? Offer comfort and reassurance. If you find it challenging to create that emotional bridge, looking at your childhood photos can help. They will likely spark the connection. 2. Write Letters to Your Inner Child Letter-writing is used in inner child therapy to promote inner dialogue with parts of yourself that might otherwise feel overwhelming. First, write from your adult perspective to your inner child. Then switch – write from your inner child. You might start to notice the needs and past hurts you weren’t aware of. 3. Identify and Reframe Core Beliefs Schema therapy identifies patterns like “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll be abandoned” as emotional schemas (also known as early maladaptive schemas). Gently challenge these beliefs. Ask: Whose voice is this? When did this belief come to be? Is this true today? MORE LIKE THIS: How To Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques Self-Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself in 7 Steps How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 4. Track Emotional Triggers Whenever you have a disproportionate emotional reaction, note it down. Ask: How old do I feel in this moment? Keeping a journal of these moments helps you spot patterns and develop more adult responses over time. 5. Reparent Yourself Daily Healing your inner child often involves so-called reparenting – intentionally offering yourself the care and love you needed but didn’t receive as a child. “Inner child work helps you break cycles of emotional reactivity and create space for healthy adult responses. In short: healing your inner child liberates your adult self.” Depending on what you need, reparenting could mean setting healthy boundaries, creating healthy life habits, or affirming your emotions instead of dismissing them. The result? Your basic sense of trust (re)built. 6. Play, Create, and Be Silly You can help heal your inner child by playing and being creative. Part of connecting with your inner child means tapping into your child-like energy. Make space for joy, spontaneity, and curiousity. Draw, dance, build something silly. Healing isn’t all heavy lifting. 7. Seek Out Safe Relationships How to connect with your inner child? Sometimes, the answer is in connection with others. Safe attachment can offer corrective experiences – be it with a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend. Learning it’s safe to be your true Self in front of others is a cornerstone of inner child healing. Takeaway: How to Heal Your Inner Child? Inner child work is about freeing your present Self from invisible strings that formed through childhood adversities. And when you embark on the journey of healing that broken part of your being, you begin to meet your own emotional needs in ways that your childhood Self couldn’t. So, if you’re noticing painful patterns repeating in your life, or feel stuck in ways you can’t explain, chances are your inner child is still waiting to be heard. The good news? You are safe now. You can begin to heal. ● Images: shutterstock/Favebrush, shutterstock/dot.studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Authenticity | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Healing your wounded inner child takes dedicated work and patience. So, how can you tell if you're succeeding? Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explains the key signs that your inner child is healing, from choosing healthier relationships to responding instead of reacting. Healing the child within can feel elusive and vague at first. Even a little scary. Yet, as you move through the inner child work of listening to and caring for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge. It is rarely a dramatic overnight transformation – more of a rewiring behind the scenes. The inner tension starts to soften. Old triggers lose their grip. Bit by bit, you realize that inside of you, there’s now a healed inner child. So, how do you know if it’s working? And how long does it take to heal your inner child? Before we dive in, let’s pause to remember what healing the child within actually means and why it's important to embark on this journey. Healing the Child Within Healing your inner child involves reconnecting with the parts of yourself shaped by childhood experiences — especially painful or unmet emotional needs — and offering them the care they needed but didn’t receive. But why dig out past hurts in the first place? According to psychological research and practice, unhealed childhood wounds tend to cause extensive adversities in adult life. They affect our mental well-being, relationships, and even physical health and longevity. There are many signs your inner child is being healed Luckily, as a recent study by Trivedi, et al published in The International Journal of Regression Therapy shows, an intervention aimed at healing your inner child, “effectively improves participants’ mental health [...]. Moreover, the data show that the positive effects tend to be more pronounced with a longer duration of the intervention”. Whether your inner child work involves therapy, journaling techniques, or using visualization and reparenting techniques, the path is rarely linear. But progress does leave footprints: here are some of the signs your inner child is healed. 9 Signs You’re Healing Your Inner Child A healed inner child doesn’t come to you with a memo saying: “Woohoo, everything’s perfect!” Nonetheless, if you have walked the path for a while, you will start noticing the signs your inner child is healed (or getting there). For me, it was when I realized I wasn’t entering a full panic mode when a man sitting next to me in public transportation started shouting (which would typically be a massive trigger). My healed inner child entered the stage as quietly as that. If you notice some of these signs your inner child is healed, take heart: change is unfolding. 1. You Respond Instead of Reacting Like my personal example above, specific triggers used to make you spiral into shame or lash out. Yet, now, you manage to pause before reacting. You recognize where the emotion comes from, accept it’s there, and choose how to respond. This is one of the most prominent sings your inner child is healed, because it means your childhood hurts no longer take over whenever you hit a bump on the road. 2. You No Longer Abandon Yourself to Keep Peace The moment you choose yourself over what others (or internalized others) expect you to be, everything changes. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychotherapist and psychologist, spoke about this. “Healing the child within can feel elusive at first. Yet, as you listen to and care for that younger Self, the signs your inner child is healed begin to emerge.” And a key marker of a healed inner child is precisely the ability to honour your needs and peculiarities. You are no longer willing to disappear just to keep the peace and avoid making waves. 3. You Feel Comfortable with Healthy Boundaries A natural continuation of the previous sign your inner child is healed is setting healthy boundaries. Your boundaries no longer resemble walls – nor are they non-existent. Nowadays, you have doors with locks you choose to open (or not). When you’re healing the child within, you begin to set boundaries from a place of self-respect. 4. You Can Self-Soothe Instead of Spiral Another vital sign your inner child is healed is when you stop spiralling into ruminating thoughts. Instead of incessantly asking yourself: “Did I do something wrong? Will they still like me if I say no?”, you now reach out for comforting behaviors, such as journaling, conscious breathing, music, and movement. You can now soothe your inner child from the position of a kind, attuned caregiver. A healed inner child will sooth instead of spiral 5. You Reclaim Joy and Playfulness When we live as adults with a hurt inner child, we tend to be overly adapted and efficient. In a sense, we’re a bit too adult. There’s little room for spontaneity. RELATED: What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship The moment you start letting yourself be silly and creative, you probably carry a healed inner child inside. Why? That freedom to play signals that the inner child feels safe enough to come out again. 6. You Sit Happily With Your Feelings Healing doesn’t mean you stop feeling sad or angry. But, unlike before, when you wouldn’t trust your emotions, you start acknowledging and validating them. You no longer feel the need to either suppress or dramatize your feelings to be taken seriously. 7. You Attract (or Choose) Healthier Relationships We tend to repeat the patterns from our family of origin. Unfortunately, if these were unhealthy, you have likely picked the wrong people to surround yourself with. Nonetheless, as you start healing your inner child, you begin to expect kindness and honesty from others. And you grow the capacity to give and receive healthy love. “The most profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval.” What's more, a 2024 study by Loo Yee Hing from the International Grafinity Association of Malaysia revealed that such healing can be built upon further. A program aimed at healing the inner child among parents resulted in “transformation [that] was characterized by heightened self-awareness, improved emotional regulation, improved parenting skills and strategies, strengthened parent-child relationship that foster a suitable relationship”. 8. You Let Go of Harsh Self-Criticism Your inner critic’s voice has softened. Instead of cruel remarks about how incompetent you are when you make a mistake, you catch yourself offering self-compassion. That shift from punishment to patience and understanding signals your adult Self is making decisions about who and how worthy you are — and not the people who hurt you when you were a child. Dropping self-criticism: one sign your inner child is healing 9. You Know You’re Worthy – Even When You Struggle Finally, the most subtle yet profound sign your inner child is healed comes with a quiet sense of worth that doesn’t waver based on productivity, appearance, or approval. You now judge your worth and have integrity and an identity grounded in self-awareness and recognition of both your strengths and weaknesses. How Long Does It Take to Heal Your Inner Child? If you’re wondering how long it takes to heal your inner child, you’re not alone. It’s a common question, and a fair one. Unfortunately, you’re not going to receive a definite response. As with any self-development work, the road you need to travel before you live with a healed inner child varies. It is your personal path, and it's impossible to say what to expect in general. One friend told me he felt a massive improvement after only two therapy sessions. Most people begin to feel major shifts in a matter of months. Others walk this path for years. It all depends, among other factors, on: The severity of childhood trauma and adverse experiences you’re trying to heal Your current support system Consistency of your healing practices So, rather than aiming for a finish line, it’s more helpful to think in terms of layers. For example, you may heal the outer layer rather quickly, one that is tied to your self-confidence. And then, you might discover a deeper layer around trust or intimacy. Therefore, think about moving in an upward spiral, and peeling one layer after the other. Takeaway: Signs Your Inner Child is Healing Healing the child within is one of the most powerful journeys you can take. It’s as close as you can get to changing your past. No, wrongdoings won’t get undone. But you will transform how your past lives in you. And no, the transformation most likely won’t feel dramatic. Yet, you will wake up one morning, realizing that you have quietly become less anxious, kinder, and more in touch with the world and yourself; that you have shown up for yourself in ways no one else could. ● Images: shutterstock/Undry, shutterstock/dot.studio, shutterstock/Edge Creative happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Sonia Vadlamani explores why making yourself a priority is an essential form of self-care. Learn how to put yourself first guilt-free with these 6 science-backed methods. Plus, get inspired for self-prioritization with some well-known 'put yourself first' quotes. For me, the need to put myself first began with a late-night phone call from a panicked former boss. It was close to 11pm on one of my leave days. I answered reluctantly, only to hear my ex-boss shouting about an incomplete presentation that wasn’t my responsibility – for a client meeting I wasn’t even a part of. “They left it incomplete,” she barked, “and I need your help right now to finish it. My meeting depends on this.” For context, I’d worked on the initial presentation that had helped bring this client in, but not since. Despite my will, my first instinct was to say, “Yes, of course! What do you need?” However, I stopped halfway through to ask myself: 'What’s compelling me to say yes when all I want to do is curl up in bed with a book? ' The answer was shockingly plain – I’d fallen into the habit of putting the needs of others before prioritizing myself. This often left me with burnout and exhaustion, not to mention the frustration and resentment of letting myself down. So, I mustered the courage and told my power-hungry former-boss: “Sorry, I can’t help you. I was just about to head to bed. All the best with your presentation, though.” Prioritize Yourself: Self-care and practice self-compassion While saying this wasn’t easy, it helped me identify an unhelpful pattern I'd carried for years. As I noticed the different scenarios where I put others first – often at the cost of my mental and emotional wellbeing – it became painfully clear that I needed to build healthy boundaries, not just at the workplace but in my personal life as well. The other surprising lesson: it’s important to consider your own needs and put yourself first sometimes in order to be more genuinely helpful for others. The oxygen mask analogy from airline safety makes complete sense in this context – you can only assist others after your own oxygen supply is secured! Similarly, we’re better equipped to care for others only once our own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing are in check. Indeed, prioritizing yourself is essential. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha Yet, many of us have somehow convinced ourselves that going above and beyond to fulfill others’ needs is what makes us “better” humans. Experts caution, however, that selflessness can turn into self-sabotage if left unchecked. What is Healthy Selfishness? Contrary to the common perception, healthy selfishness isn’t about neglecting your loved ones or abandoning responsibilities in a narcissistic pursuit. Rather, it’s about realizing that making yourself the priority forms the foundation for everything else in life to function smoothly. You can envision this concept as the difference between a vessel that is replenished and overflowing versus one that’s been drained of its essence. MORE LIKE THIS: When to End a Friendship and How to Do it With Kindness Self-Validation: How to Validate Yourself in 5 Steps I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? Interestingly, psychology experts describe healthy selfishness and pathological altruism as the two paradoxical forms of selfishness, underlining that not all selfishness is necessarily bad, and not all altruism is essentially good. Practicing healthy selfishness, in fact, plays a key role in shaping our sense of self and helping us determine our preferences for people and activities we prefer to engage with (or step away from). “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Jack Kornfield, Buddhist teacher and author As Dr Scott Barry Kaufman, professor of psychology at Columbia University and host of The Psychology Podcast, suggests, “Loving people have love toward themselves, and it is precisely this affirmation of their own unique self, happiness, growth, and freedom that allows them to love others.” Why is making yourself a priority important? Indeed, it’s true that selflessness – through acts of kindness, radical empathy, and volunteering – can boost happiness. A comprehensive study by psychologists from four universities across Canada revealed that generosity can even improve resilience during challenging times. Put yourself first by setting healthy boundaries However, healthy selfishness isn’t about halting acts of kindness or withdrawing care from others. It simply means prioritizing your own well-being by extending the same kindness and care to yourself first so that you can be in a better position - physically, mentally, and emotionally – to help others. Prioritizing yourself in healthy ways ensures that you feel more fulfilled and happier overall, more present in your relationships, more productive at work, and more resilient during tough times. How to Put Yourself First: 6 Strategies Psychologist Ronald Stolberg describes healthy selfishness as taking charge of meeting your physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. Here are some practical ways I’ve learnt to put myself first without feeling guilty, and you should try them too. 1. Cultivate self-compassion Developing empathy and a kind relationship with yourself is one of the most crucial aspects of putting yourself first. Research even suggests that self-compassion is a strong indicator of overall wellbeing. Practicing self-compassion involves: Acknowledging the myriad emotions you experience, without rushing to fix them. Accepting that mistakes make us human. Speaking to yourself with the same kindness you’d show a loved one. Forgiving yourself for past mistakes. 2. Set and maintain healthy boundaries Establishing clear limits across different aspects of your life – and communicating the same to those around you – is essential for wellbeing. According to Lydia Hall, the eminent nursing theorist who developed Care, Cure, Core, it’s important to regard healthy boundaries as “fences, not walls” – that enable connection while “protecting your personal space.” Here’s what healthy boundaries can look like: Communicating your needs and preferences clearly with romantic partners, family, or friends. Conveying the need for maintaining individual interests and friendships to your romantic partner so that neither partner feels they’ve lost their identity in the relationship. At the workplace, defining your work hours and refraining from checking emails when not at work. Learning to delegate tasks, which a study of almost 11,000 leaders worldwide found to be a gamechanger for reducing stress and preventing burnout. Taking regular breaks from work and daily chores to indulge in activities that you enjoy. 3. Master the art of saying no While saying no can seem daunting, it’s an effective way to create boundaries to stop feeling overwhelmed and emotionally overloaded. Remember, disappointing someone temporarily by saying no is far healthier than burning yourself out trying to accommodate everyone else’s needs. “Self-love is an ocean, and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.” Beau Taplin, Author The reality is that by making yourself a priority, each “no” now means saying “yes” to something you appreciate more. For instance, declining a social event or turning down a coffee invite from an energy vampire helps you create space for doing what you love instead. MORE LIKE THIS: 8 Essential Life Lessons From RuPaul Charles How to Find Happiness Within: 5 Ways to Build Inner Joy Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity 4. Make self-care a part of your daily routine There’s more to self-care than bubble teas, face masks, and spa days. It’s a vital part of putting yourself first without feeling guilty, given that a lack of self-care has been shown to cause burnout and compassion fatigue. Including self-care in your daily routine can look like: Including ten minutes of conscious breathing exercises or mindful meditation in your day. Taking care of your physical health through regular exercise, nutritious meals, and restful sleep of at least 7 hours. Sparing a few minutes for gratitude journaling to appreciate everything you have going for you. Stepping out for short strolls during a hectic workday. Setting aside time for hobbies like gardening, knitting, or anything else that sparks joy. Spending time with friends who uplift and energize you. Checking in with your mental health regularly and asking for help when needed. 5. Seek balance Indeed, acts of kindness and volunteering for causes you care about can boost happiness and make life more meaningful. However, helping others should never happen at the cost of your peace of mind, strain your closest relationships, or hinder your work. The key is to find balance – devise a win-win approach where your generosity results in positive experiences for everyone while leaving you fulfilled; not weighed down. All smiles: make yourself a priority 6. Invest in your future self Investing in your personal growth and goals is a fundamental aspect of healthy selfishness. While there's no magic recipe to ensure all your goals are achieved with ease, you can begin by setting so-called SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound). “You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” Eleanor Brown, Author Indeed, goal setting isn’t the end of the story but an ongoing process. Review your progress periodically and revisit the ones you couldn’t focus on earlier. Don’t forget to celebrate small wins and any milestones along the way. Takeaway: How to Put Yourself First Shifting your perspective to healthy selfishness and self-prioritization is the first step toward putting yourself first. Know that looking after your interests should be instinctive, not a luxury. Remember, healthy selfishness is all about being self-focused, not “self-absorbed.” Putting yourself first doesn’t harm others or halt progress. Instead, it simply means that you’re pausing to recharge so you can bring your A-game to everything you do and be your best, authentic self. Find inspiration from our words and 'put yourself first' quotes and start prioritizing yourself! ● Images ShotPrime Studio, Nadia Snopek, Dima Berlin happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Self care | Empathy | Acceptance Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future-self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Journaling isn’t just for teenagers. As Arlo Laibowitz explains, jotting down your thoughts, plans and reflections helps with self-development and is scientifically-proven to prevent depression. Try these seven creative journaling ideas and discover the multiple benefits these techniques will bring to your life. Many of us have started writing a diary or journal at some points in our lives. And many of us have also stopped writing in them not that much later! Indeed, many famous artists, writers, entrepreneurs, inventors, and thinkers keep – or have kept – journals, and there are many different journaling techniques and ideas you can try. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For some, it's a place for exploration, and yet for others, journaling is an art form in itself. In fact, journaling can be enriching and fulfilling on many levels. It can lead to insights, personal growth, and setting and achieving goals. Journals record our ideas, thoughts, feelings and reflections. In doing so, they create a through-line in our life; a place of refuge and reflection, that we can visit and revisit. Keeping a journal is a proven technique to develop personal growth Personally, I started journaling years ago, as part of the Morning Papers practice of The Artist’s Way. I've written notebooks full of journal entries related to personal growth, gratitude, creative development, project ideas, personal insecurities, blocked traumas, to-do-lists, goals, dreams and much more. Indeed, I've tried types of journaling for weeks or months at a time – and have also not journaled for weeks in between entries. Every time I come back to the practice and sustain it on a regular basis, I feel I can go deeper; explore things more explicitly, and in the process, experience a wonderful journey to my interior. “There are many journaling techniques and ideas you can try. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For others, it's an art form in itself.” So, what are the benefits of journaling? What different journaling ideas and techniques can we employ? And how do we go about starting and – more importantly – sustaining a daily journaling habit? What are the benefits of journaling? Journaling has been identified as a so-called 'keystone habit' – a habit that is defining and catalyses more habits – in multiple studies. As Charles Duhig writes in The Power of Habit, these keystones are “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives.” Furthermore, the benefits of journaling are emotional, cognitive, creative, and possibly even spiritual. Using creative journaling techniques helps us to: Clarify our thoughts and feelings, reducing internal conflict Release thoughts and emotions, by recognizing and tracking them Increase focus while deepening our learning and problem solving Boost stability and help us let go of the past. Resolve disagreements with others, by detaching ourselves from the conflict and reflecting on it Furthermore, studies show that specifically keeping a gratitude journal offers some added benefits. In fact, people that keep a gratitude journal have been shown to be happier, healthier, more balanced, and generally more optimistic. Furthermore, they are less self-centered, less susceptible to feelings of envy, more relaxed, and better in decision-making. Journaling Techniques: 6 Ideas to Try There are many different methods of journaling you can benefit from. Here are six creative journaling ideas to get you started. You can always try more than one technique at a time and discover what suits you best. 1. Ten Minute Routine An easy creative journaling technique to begin with is practising the Ten Minute routine. Before going to bed, ask yourself so-called “requests” – the things that you're trying to accomplish currently in life – and write them down. Then, in the morning, write down your answers and thoughts on these questions. This way of journaling is especially efficient to review and sharpen your to-do-list and life vision, as they become forged in your subconscious mind. 2. Stream of Consciousness Another tried and tested creative journaling idea is writing daily in a stream of consciousness. Note down any thought, memory, to-do-list, feeling, drawing, or whatever else pops up. Just let it flow as you write, without trying to censor or edit yourself. Keep going until everything in your 'stream of consciousness' is on the page. Start your day with journaling and a clearer mind 3. Morning Memories Another different journaling technique is writing 'morning memories daily'. Schedule your journaling session each morning, before you start your day. Use the same journal every day, sit in the same spot, and when you’re done writing, take time to reflect on what you've written and accomplished in that session. RELATED: Morning Meditation: The Secret To A Great Day 5 Reasons to Make Your Bed Every Day The 7 Steps to Take When Nothing Makes You Happy Anymore 4. Gratitude Journaling Probably the most researched journaling technique is the gratitude journal, as mentioned earlier. For maximum benefit, take 15 minutes per day, three to four times a week, to journal about what you're grateful for on that day. Be specific, choose depth of gratitude over breadth, and try to get personal (being thankful to people is more efficient than to things). Make a note of seeing good things as a gift, as well as savouring surprises and unexpected events. 5. Intensive journal A comprehensive method of journaling is using the intensive journal process. This copyrighted process, which can be learned in specialised workshops, enables the person journaling to get to know themselves on profound levels. The Intensive Journal Workbook is a large notebook filled with paper and divided into four dimensions of human experience: Life/Time, Dialogue, Depth and Meaning. Each of these aspects is divided into several subsections to work through in the path that the method prescribes. Some of these paragraphs are used to write about our memory of the events of our lives as well as dreams and images. Others are more geared towards stimulating insights and creative activity. 6. Ensō drawing There are various techniwues of journaling. We can choose a traditional way, with pen and paper, or write in an electronic journal, or even add art practices to our journaling, such as drawings or collages, or even specialised forms like ensō drawing. “People that keep a gratitude journal are happier, healthier, more balanced, and generally more optimistic.” Ensō originated in the Japanese Zen Buddhist tradition and these circles are considered sacred symbols that represent infinity and enlightenment, emptiness, balance and harmony. Made with one breath and one continuous movement of a brush or pen, the ensō represents the oneness of life and impermanence of the moment. Our vulnerabilities and strengths are all wrapped up in that circle. As drawing an ensō only takes a moment, you could incorporate this practice alongside one of the other journaling techniques listed. 7. Future Self Journaling Future self journaling is one of the newest journal techniques to gain attention. The practice essentially entails getting in touch with your inner self and manifesting the future you want. It works with employing a positive outlook, which helps you overcome creative blocks and navigate life in a more focused way. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Let Go of the Past: 9 Techniques to Try 7 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuition 31 Shadow Work Prompts For Your Psychological Journey Future self journaling involves focusing on your behavior and creating affirmations and strategies to make real changes to them to propel you to a better place. How to Journal Daily There are an endless list of things to journal about and sometimes it can be hard to sustain this healthy practice. Likewise, there are as many ways to initiate and maintain your journaling as there are different forms of journaling. Here are some ideas to keep you at it: A simple way to start journaling is by starting every day with writing down tasks and goals that you have for that day. Only write a few items, to make it easy to start and make progress. It's useful to mix personal and professional things. By keeping each journal entry short in the beginning, it's easy to do. At the end of each day, look back at what you've accomplished, what you've learned, what you want to explore further, and what you want to pursue the next day. Journaling techniques: start putting pen to paper Once you've developed a basic journaling practice, you can dig deeper and expand on it. Some commonly held beliefs and ‘best practices’ include: Writing about where you are in your life at this moment, and building on that in subsequent journal entries. Starting a dialogue with your inner child by writing in your non-dominant hand, and switching back to your dominant hand. For sustaining your gratitude practice, maintaining a daily list of things you appreciate. Starting a journal of self-portraits; draw, write, or collage who you are today, and learn to appreciate and develop yourself. Keeping a nature diary to connect with the natural world: record what you experience in looking at the sky, experiences and how you feel in different weather, or walks in nature. Maintaining a log of successes, starting with big ones that you remember, and then add them as they occur. This can be strengthening to go back to when you are feeling low. Keeping a playlist of your favourite songs. Write about the moods and memories they trigger. If there’s something you're struggling with or an event that’s disturbing you, write about it in the third person to create distance and perspective. Journal Techniques: Travels to Our Interior Journaling is a powerful habit that enables us to get a more in-depth and clearer understanding of the thoughts, feelings and issues we're working through. Whether we use journaling to accompany our meditation, forgiveness, or gratitude practices, or to work through emotional trauma or creative stumble blocks, a daily practice enables us to focus and develop further. Trying different creative journaling techniques and ideas has given me many benefits in life. I wish you the same journey as you explore your journaling practice. ● Images: Rawpixel.com, dekazigzag, Vergani Fotografia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

From meditation to yoga to conscious breathing, discover 5 ways to balance chakras, unblock bodily energy flows, realigning body and mind. By Rachel Markowitz. A few years ago, while working at a yoga retreat center, a guest approached me with concern. An energy healer had told her that her sacral chakra was the size of a peanut, and she felt helpless and upset. Whether the healer truly believed this or not, the incident sticks with me as an example of how chakra-based healing can be confusing, vague, or distorted. This woman’s “healing” session gave her the sense that something was wrong. However, chakra blockages and imbalances are common and often easy to remedy. Signals from the chakras serve as a gateway to understanding our health from a holistic perspective. Thus, by exploring chakra balancing (or realignment) and how to unblock chakras, we can take control of our own healing. What Are the 7 Chakras? Before we discuss specific balancing techniques, it's important to understand the basics of the major chakras and their qualities. Chakras are centers of life-force energy located in the subtle (energetic) body. They are not visible or measurable in the physical world. Although different philosophies use various theories to classify and explain these energetic vortexes, most teachings today focus on seven main chakras. These energy centers ascend from the base of the spine to slightly above the crown of the head along our main energetic channel, Sushumna Nadi. Learn how to unblock chakras and balance bodily energy flow Each of the major chakras controls the flow of life-force energy (or prana) to specific aspects of our physical, mental, and energetic constitution. Accordingly, balancing the chakra system is believed to create an energetic environment conducive to a healthy, peaceful, joyful life. What is Chakra Alignment? Chakra alignment refers to a state of balance where each of the main centers is an open, spinning disk of energy serving its purpose to absorb and distribute prana. When our chakras are aligned, each is functioning optimally, and energy can flow without blockages. MORE LIKE THIS: Balancing the 5 Pillars of Life for Lasting Well-Being Understanding the Different Types of Karma Exploring the 4 Main Branches of Buddhism In an energetic body with blockages, chakras can end up overactive or deficient. In this case, various practices and methods can assist with overall chakra realignment. Furthermore, if a specific energy center is blocked with stagnant energy, these same methods can be used to heal energy centers individually. How to Unblock and Realign Chakras: 5 Techniques Methods for balancing chakras include traditional practices, self-care routines, and professional healing modalities. Even without specific health issues, these techniques promote well-being by harmonizing energy movement throughout the body. 1. Chakra Meditation Each chakra is associated with a specific location, color, symbol, mantra, sound frequency, and musical note, as follows: Root (Muladhara) – Base of the spine; Red; Lotus flower with 4 petals; Lam; 396 Hz; C Sacral (Swadhistana) – Below the navel; Orange; Lotus flower with 6 petals; Vam; 417 Hz; D Solar Plexus (Manipura) – Core, above the navel; Yellow; Lotus flower with 10 petals, Ram; 528 Hz; E Heart (Anahata) – Center of the chest at heart level; Green; Lotus flower with 12 petals, Yam; 639 Hz; F Throat (Vishuddha) – Throat; Blue; Lotus flower with 16 petals; Ham; 741 Hz; G Third Eye (Ajna) – Center of the brain, between the eyebrows; Indigo; Lotus flower with 2 petals; Om; 852 Hz; A Crown (Sahasrara) – Slightly above the crown of the head; Violet or White; Lotus flower with 1,000 petals; Aum or silence; 963 Hz; B To focus on unblocking or strengthening an individual chakra as part of a meditation practice, we can visualize its symbol, chant its mantra (or its Sanskrit name) silently or aloud, imagine clear light (or a light of its color) radiating throughout your body, or use tuning forks, singing bowls, or digital sound frequencies corresponding to that chakra. “Balancing the chakra system is believed to create an energetic environment conducive to a healthy, peaceful, joyful life.” For overall chakra balancing and realignment, visualize each chakra as a clear white light (or a light of its color) radiating throughout the body. Work your way up from the root to the crown, and end with a visualization of your spine as a column of pure, bright light. 2. Yoga Asana Although typically associated with the physical body, the practice of yoga asana (postures) was originally developed to balance, strengthen, and cleanse the energetic body as preparation for meditation. Essentially, by forming intentional shapes with the body, we can manipulate pranic flow to harness and redirect energy. Carry gemstones which align with the chakra that needs realignment A quick online search will provide asana classes targeted towards aligning the chakras. However, if you are experienced with basic yoga positions, you can practice on your own by following or adapting the following sequence, holding each posture for about a minute with long, deep breathing. Yoga Practices For Chakra Balancing Standing Postures Mountain Pose (Root) Goddess Pose (Sacral) Sitting Postures Boat Pose (Manipura) Camel Pose (Heart) Reclined Postures Plow Pose or Shoulderstand (Throat) Resting postures Child’s Pose (Third Eye) Savasana (Crown) 3. Pranayama Conscious breathing practices, called pranayama in yoga, also work to balance and cleanse the subtle body. Two simple pranayama techniques that can assist with overall balancing of the chakras are Spinal Breathing and Nadi Shodana. You can practice each for a few minutes, as often as feels right. Spinal Breathing Inhale slowly, imagining your breath, or life-force energy, rising from the base of your spine to the crown of your head. Exhale completely, visualizing this energy as it returns from the crown of your head to the base of your spine. Keep your inhalations and exhalations of equal length and intensity if possible. Nadi Shodana (alternate nostril breath) Inhale slowly through your left nostril, using your right thumb to block your right nostril. Pause for a moment and naturally exhale through your right nostril, using your right ring finger to block your left nostril. Continue by inhaling through your right nostril and exhaling through the left to complete a full round. Repeat for several rounds of equal-length breaths to purify nadis (energetic channels). .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } XX How to practise Nadi Shodana for chakra and energy balancing 4. Intuitive Experimentation Along with the qualities of each chakra mentioned above, fragrances, herbs, foods, and objects that correspond with a chakra’s color can also realign or unblock chakras. With a basic knowledge of these associations, we can integrate practical chakra healing into daily life. MORE LIKE THIS: Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect How Can Dream Analysis Therapy Benefit Mental Health Psychedelic Integration: Honoring the Journey Beyond the Experience Since most of us aren’t attuned to visualizing or feeling energy, the best way to identify chakra imbalances or blockages is to look at the consistent or recurring aspects of our health that we would like to improve. For example, let’s say you experience feeling ungrounded, frequently stub your toes, and struggle with feeling at home in your body – symptoms indicative of an underactive or blocked root chakra. A healing plan for you might include walking barefoot in nature, eating root vegetables, using sandalwood or cedarwood incense or oils, meditating with a chunk of obsidian, or placing a small piece of garnet in your pocket. “In an energetic body with blockages, chakras can end up overactive or deficient. Various practices can assist with chakra realignment.” Essentially, the body’s wisdom combined with the mind’s creativity can provide limitless opportunities for self-awareness, healing, and growth. 5. Professional Chakra Healing Although we recommend using discernment when choosing healers, professional healers who truly see and understand the subtle body can identify energetic blockages, balance chakras, and give advice on realigning them in the future. RELATED: Tummo Breathing a Meditation: A Guide Kundalini Meditation: 4 Key Benefits and How to Practise It Yoga For Happiness: Compassion Yoga A gifted healer will be able to read your energy and may even be able to suggest how to best balance chakras through intuitive or visionary gifts. Professional chakra healing practices often consist of energy work (such as Reiki), but could also include massage, guided meditations, aromatherapy, or sound-based healing. Takeaway: Balancing Chakras Everything in life is a manifestation of energy, and the chakras serve to balance and direct our unique energetic flow. When we attune to our inner environment, we begin to understand how the health of each chakra plays a role in our personal strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, by learning how to unblock and balance chakras through practices and therapies, we become aware of how to heal integral aspects of our physical health, mental tendencies, and spiritual journey. Images: ArtNebula86, vetre happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Herbalism | Healing crystals | Reflexology | Acupuncture Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

When we are stuck making a decision, inner turmoil or internal conflict often arises, leading to both mental and physical health issues. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains the meaning of inner turmoil, why it develops, and five steps you can take to move past it. For most of my adolescence and adulthood, I felt internal conflict about where to live. My mother is from one country, and my father was from another. When I was 14, they divorced. Suddenly, my family was scattered across Europe. So, my inner turmoil started. Where – or rather with whom – to live was a burning question during the period of my parent’s divorce. The same issue arose when I had to pick a high school, then college — and after graduation, when I was supposed to get a job. In fact, battling these internal conflicts and turmoil didn’t truly leave my side until recently. And I do not exclude the option of it becoming current again at some point in the future! Inner turmoil AKA internal conflict is everyone’s known (and rather unpleasant) companion. It does not matter if you are picking a shirt or a spouse. Internal conflicts are usually inseparable from the decision-making process. Therefore, we have little choice but to accept their presence. We can, however, understand inner turmoils and learn how to resolve the chaos they tend to cause. In this article, I'll explain: What inner turmoil is and what adversities may come with it What causes internal conflict How to move past it First, let us get to know inner turmoil and why it might be the wrong place for you to stay for too long. What is inner turmoil and why is it bad? Inner turmoil is not, strictly speaking, a phrase that psychologists would use. However, it describes the experience very well. As already mentioned, the term that is used in academic psychology is inner or internal conflict. Internal conflict is one of the prime notions of psychoanalysis. Sigmund Freud described conflicts as a consequence of the coexistence of two or more incompatible elements in a person’s psyche. These elements can be your needs, wants, beliefs, expectations, actions — conscious or unconscious. Simply put, two forces are clashing inside of you. Inner turmoil or internal conflicts cause mental and physical health issues It could be that there are two (or more) options that seem alluring. This is the “easiest” of the conflicts. For example, you could be courted by two people who both attract you. However, by virtue of the situation, when you pick one, you lose the other. Adding to the ordeal is a common effect — the option you dismissed will start looking more appealing. Double-avoidance conflict is a more difficult one because you must choose between two unfavourable options. For example, you might need to decide if you want to be unemployed and broke or accept a job you hate. RELATED: 7 Ways To Develop A Can-Do Attitude Quotes About Worrying: 6 Powerful Sayings To Free Your Mind Discover The 10 Keys To Happier Living Approach-avoidance conflict is something you experience when one option has qualities that both attract and repel you. Moving to a city that you do not like but that offers a better professional outlook is a good example. Or dating someone who you are physically attracted to but whose personality you are unsure of. The problem with this sort of inner turmoil is that the more you approach the option, the more the anxiety grows. On the other hand, the more you move away from it, the more you start to desire it. Why is internal conflict bad for you? As I said before – inner turmoils are not something we can avoid. They are a part of our lives. However, staying in one for too long can be bad for you. Why? When you are not at peace with yourself and do not understand your preferences, you will probably have a hard time getting along with others. Inner conflicts and ambivalent desires transfer to your close relationships. “Moving past inner turmoil and internal conflict means making a move. Whether it's a psychological change or an enacted decision, something has to happen.” Inner turmoil or internal conflict in which you are not clear about your role and identity, as this theoretical paper demonstrated, can make you underperform in negotiations in business. Any other sort of negotiations, it may be added, can be affected by your inability to decide which position and role you are taking. When dealing with internal conflicts and battles, you might find yourself unable to move forward. Research confirms that when you are ambivalent, regardless of how much power in a situation you may have, you will probably remain inert and avoid action. Furthermore, inner turmoil can lead to a range of emotional and physical disturbances. Irritable bowel syndrome, for example, has been found to be associated with internal conflicts. In particular, you may be at risk of the syndrome if you feel uneasy about being emotionally open and expressing your feelings. What causes inner turmoil and internal conflict? Remember my example from the beginning of the article? As I was born and spent most of my life in my father’s homeland, I felt more at home there. On the other hand, it was wiser to move to my mother’s homeland as it has incomparably better living standards. Not to mention wanting to be with my little sister, who was 4-years-old at that point. Understandably so, a long list of problems and issues (logistical and emotional) intertwined with the whole situation. In short, it was a hot mess. And, my inner turmoil was equally as intense. What caused it was too many elements of the situation that did not align with each other. Conflicting needs, beliefs, actions and expectations cause internal turmoil and inner battles. According to the classic psychoanalytic theory, our Ego has to serve three masters. It has to find a way to reconcile the external world’s demands, instinctual needs and desires (Id), and the ethical and moral principles we acquired growing up (Super-Ego). Needless to say, there is rarely harmony between these masters. Internal conflict: our ego has to serve three masters So, inner turmoil arises. You simultaneously want and do not want something. Your longings might clash with your principles. You know that one option is rational, but your heart desires another. Many elements interweave, and you end up in a state of internal chaos. It is an entirely natural position, a part of being a human. You could, for example, be in an utterly unhappy marriage. However, you were raised to consider a divorce as something outright wrong. Your need to feel psychologically well and your ethical beliefs oppose each other. You might long to do something creative in life and be an artist, but you feel pressured to meet your family’s hopes and find an office job. Your true desires and wish to please your loved ones’ expectations clash. Or, you have needs that do not match social norms in your culture, like sexual orientation. The authentic You is not in line with society’s standards, and an inner turmoil and conflict is born. “Once you have committed to leaving the state of turmoil, help yourself decide what you want and what you will do.” You might find yourself falling for your friend or a coworker. You yearn to make a move, but it poses a risk of losing them and destroying the existing relationship. Your feelings conflict with your desire to maintain the safety of what you have now. You may be torn between your roles of an individual, child, parent, friend, professional, spouse, and the desires and expectations that come with those roles. How to move past internal conflict If you're wondering how I resolved the conflict of where to live — I had to make a choice. I was compelled to do so when external circumstances called for it (the divorce, the schooling). But, the time came when I did not have to make a choice — I could merely succumb to inertia and avoid making any commitment. And I did for a long time. Nonetheless, I could not keep dodging a decision forever. Because moving past inner turmoil and internal conflict means making a move. Whether it is a psychological change or an enacted decision, something has to happen. Otherwise, you remain stuck within the whirlpool of conflicting needs and perspectives. So, here are 5 steps you need to take to start dealing with internal conflict: 1. Understand the turmoil Clinical practice shows that you need to explore the symptoms of the conflict — how is it manifested and in what situations do you notice it? What emotions and beliefs are keeping it alive? What rigidities in your mind are preventing you from leaving the conflict behind you? How do you usually try to cope with it? Knowing your most profound traits and desires (even the dark ones) is a must of authentic living and a prerequisite for resolving any inner conflict. 2. Make a decision As I've explained, one of the adversities of inner turmoils is a tendency for inertness they may throw you into. Give yourself enough time to contemplate — but do not procrastinate. Bring yourself to make a move. Fear of change, dread of making a wrong choice, feeling lost in life, or undefined anxiety are perfectly understandable reactions. However, putting a decision off is a kind of self-sabotage. So, promise yourself you are going to move ahead — and do so. Making a choice is essential to escape inner conflict 3. Facilitate the choice Once you have committed to leaving the state of turmoil, help yourself decide what you want and what you will do. Talk to friends, a psychotherapist or a coach, make pros and cons lists — whatever works. 4. Stop feeding the conflict When you have deciphered what has caused your inner turmoil and what you want to do about it, stop adding to the anxiety it causes. For example, if you want to get a divorce, stop evoking the thoughts of how “wrong” it is to do so that your parents or culture imposed on you. 5. Believe in yourself We often feel hindered by self-doubt. You might want to apply for your dream job but are reluctant because you believe you are not good enough. Give yourself plenty of self-love and practise self-compassion. You can do it. Even if you make a wrong choice, you are capable of mending the damage. Takeaway: see inner turmoil as a hint Internal conflicts are anything but a pleasant experience. A quote from Søren Kierkegaard’s ‘Either/Or’ illustrates the anguishing nature of human lives: “Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will also regret that; hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both.” Now, Kierkegaard was a philosopher, hence the hanging. Yet, if you translate the idea to any other choice, the message is clear. Whatever we choose and do, we will probably end regretting it and up believing that the other option was better. However, it does not mean that we are doomed to despair about missed opportunities and errors we made. Instead, approach your inner turmoil as a hint. Meaning that something is going on inside of you, and you need to figure it out. Embrace internal conflicts as a call from your unconscious mind to explore your soul. Use it as a beacon. Let it guide you towards knowing yourself — and making decisions that follow your authentic nature and needs. • Images: shutterstock/ArtFamily, shutterstock/Pixel4Images, shutterstock/ESB Professional happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Self-help | Coaching | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Many of us have been touched by suicide and the loss of a loved one, family member or friend. Ahead of World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10), Calvin Holbrook has put together these eight powerful suicide prevention quotes to offer hope to anyone in need. It’s estimated that around 15 per cent of the adult population will experience depression at one point or another throughout life. And, accordingly to the World Health Organization, that means there are currently over 300 million people in the world currently living with depression. Whatever the cause, for some of these people, the emotional pain will become too much and they will consider suicide as an option of escape. In fact, around 800,000 people go through with suicide every year, and for each of those, there are around 25 times more suicide attempts. There are many factors alongside and including depression and mental illness that influence a person’s decision to go through with suicide: chronic ill health, guilt, trauma, substance abuse or loss, for example. The tragic thing is that many of those who consider suicide don’t really want to die; they just don’t know how to deal with the pain they’re experiencing. • JOIN US! In need of support? Sign-up free and join a community that cares • If you’ve ever been suicidal or know someone that has, you’ll know that without help, escaping that feeling of wanting to end it all is difficult. If you’re having difficulty opening up to others about your problems, sometimes searching for inspirational words online can offer some psychological comfort and help to get you through the day. We've put together these suicide prevention quotes to give anyone who is considering ending their life a chance to stop, reflect and reevaluate their situation. Inspirational quotes can’t take the pain away, but they may allow someone the chance to shift their perspective just enough to give them a little bit of hope and get through another day. Please feel free to share these powerful messages of hope. Suicide prevention quotes: 8 powerful sayings 1. “Soak up the views. Take in the bad weather and the good weather. You are not the storm.” Matt Haig Author Matt Haig – who lives with depression and has written widely on it – cleverly compares the ever-changing weather to our mental health. Haig himself came close to suicide aged 24 while living in Ibiza, so this suicide prevention quote is particularly poignant. What Haig is saying is that although depression comes and goes, it is not who we are and should not define us. In his best-selling book, Reasons to Stay Alive, he writes: “Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.” His inspirational quote suggests that we should be mindful of our depressive thoughts and recognize that they can – and will – pass. 2. Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. – Unknown Those who are deeply depressed and considering suicide usually have difficulty realizing that their life can get better. The aforementioned author Matt Haig is a great example: he was about to kill himself, but now has a successful career and a loving family. If you choose suicide, then you're eliminating future hope and the possibility of finding happiness and enjoyment. When the mind is so dark, it can be hard to see any possibility for future happiness, but it can – and often does – get better. Whether it’s through taking medication, counselling, exercise, eating well, getting into a routine, or setting goals, these steps will help you on your path. Know that it is possible to recover from feelings of depression, pain, and suicidal thoughts. 3. “Never, never, never give up.” Winston Churchill Some people with depression may have been fighting against the illness and/or suicidal tendencies for many months or years. Many of these people don’t actually want to stop living, but they cannot see a way through their despair. Indeed, the act of suicide is often associated with giving up on life. • CONNECT WITH OTHERS Sign-up to happiness.com to openly discuss and prevent suicide • This quote from the British Prime Minister – known for his strong resilience – is a signal to keep fighting. If you have depression and/or suicidal thoughts, you may be in so much pain that you don’t know how you’re going to survive, but if you can just push through each day, it gives hope that things can get better in the future. One day a time, or even one hour at a time. By never giving up you’re quietly building an inner strength and resilience that will fortify you. 4. “If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it.” – Unknown If you’re thinking about suicide and looking for a sign to stay alive, consider this quote your sign. Whether you realize it or not, you have the opportunity to make a positive difference in this world. Somebody out there can benefit from your unique talents and gifts. Sometimes all you may need to keep going is a simple sign letting you know that someone cares and wants you to keep living. This quote is your sign. 5. “The person who completes suicide, dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand… why?” – Clark Sometimes people who commit suicide are not fully aware – or are in such a dark place – that they don’t consider that taking their own life will create a huge amount of pain for their loved-ones left behind. Imagine how you would feel if a person you care deeply about took their own life. It's difficult to recover from the death of a loved one, but it’s usually harder if the individual committed suicide. The act of suicide leaves people behind with unanswered questions and feelings of confusion and shame, as well as the guilt around being able to prevent the suicide. RELATED: How to Be Your Own Best Friend: 8 Ideas This suicide prevention quote is realistic because although a suicide may end an individual’s internal pain, the friends and family who loved the person will continue to suffer as a result of their loss. In fact, on average, every suicide leaves an estimated six or more "suicide survivors" — those who've lost someone they care about deeply and are left to struggle with their grief. Furthermore, people who've recently lost someone through suicide are themselves at an increased risk of thinking about, planning, or attempting suicide, further exacerbating the ripple effect of pain and suffering. 6. “If you want to show me that you really love me, don’t say that you would die for me, instead stay alive for me.” – Unknown This suicide prevention quote shows deep sentiment from a friend, family member or a partner in a close relationship. People who are feeling suicidal can often feel like they are a burden to their loved ones, which is not the case. This quote serves as a personal reminder from your loved ones that they would much prefer you to stay in their lives than to leave. If you really want to sacrifice your life, do it by living and contributing to make someone’s else’s life better – rather than eliminating your existence. “Inspirational quotes around suicide prevention can’t take the pain away, but they may allow you to shift your perspective just enough to give yourself a little bit of hope and to get through another day.” 7. “Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.” – Unknown Sometimes suicidal people want to die simply because they believe they have no reason to continue living. It may sound simple, but the fact that you’re alive and your heart is still beating and pumping blood around your body can be reason enough to keep living. Many depressed people are struggling because they're unhappy with life and work and cannot find a specific life purpose. But, in reality, you don’t need a purpose or reason for being alive. However, if you are alive, you still have the opportunity to do whatever you want in life. Although you may not have awakened to a specific life mission yet, while your heart is still beating you have time to explore what your life purpose could be and find happiness. 8. “When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long.” – Unknown This is a powerful suicide prevention quote that challenges a person considering ending their life to stop and reconsider the reasons why they’ve continued to stay strong and fight up until now. Most people have powerful reasons – such as their children, family and loved ones – for fighting through their pain and anguish. This quote helps you to think about the parts of your life that hold significant meaning for you and that force you to push through the day and keep going – even when you don’t feel like it. So, whether you want to keep fighting to provide for your family, to be there for your partner or to find your purpose in the the world and make a difference, chances are you do have a reason to keep living. • Main image: shutterstock/Jannarong If you're in a dark place and considering suicide, please reach out to someone you know or through one of these global helplines. You can also discuss suicide, depression, anxiety and other challenges over in our forum on suicidal thoughts. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Anxiety | Loneliness | Abuse | Male loneliness Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Are chakras real? While not tangible, the importance of chakras within multiple traditions suggests they are. Rachel Markowitz explains the meaning, locations and colors of the seven main chakras, plus the mantras and yoga asanas that activate these unique energy centres. I was introduced to chakras during a yoga teaching training class when a teacher instructed me to chant “ham” repeatedly while inverted in a shoulder stand. This, the instructor said, would open my throat chakra, which was linked to my insecurities, and radically improve my life. At the time, this seemed odd; I didn’t know what a throat chakra was, why it might be closed, how opening it would be helpful, or how chanting upside-down might facilitate this! However, I can now admit that, as a yoga instructor myself, I’ve suggested similar practices to students for a multitude of reasons. Since chakras are not part of the physical body, they often remain a mystery. However, a basic understanding of energetic anatomy is a powerful tool for harmonizing body, mind, and spirit. Let's explore the chakra system together and discover some tips to help ensure your energy flows freely. What are Chakras? Chakras are moving centers of concentrated energy located in the subtle (energetic) body. In Sanskrit, chakra translates to wheel, which serves as an appropriate visual representation of these spinning energy disks. Chakras were first mentioned in the Vedas thousands of years ago – a series of texts that form the basis of Indian philosophy, all branches of yoga, and Ayurvedic medicine – and were later described in the Upanishads, Yoga Sutras, and Tantric texts. There are numerous systems for identifying and classifying these energetic vortexes, and most traditions suggest that we have over 100 chakras throughout the subtle body. It' possible to work on activating chakras during yoga However, according to most modern-day yoga teachings, seven chakras are particularly significant. These major chakras are located along our main energetic channel, Sushumna Nadi, ascending from the base of the spine to slightly above the crown of the head. Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities. Each chakra also has a corresponding bija, or seed, mantra. Furthermore, the first five chakras are linked to an element (the last two chakras relate to existence beyond the elements). In an ideal state of being, all chakras are open and aligned. Other healthy-chakra descriptions include “activated,” “balanced,” or “unblocked.”) Why Learn About Chakras? Understanding each chakra and its role in our composition can help us see patterns in our overall well-being, identify and heal imbalances and chakra blockages, and strengthen the body, mind, and aura. RELATED: Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude Yoga Kundalini Meditation: 4 Key Benefits and How to Practise It Fasting and Autophagy: Ancient Wisdom Chakras also offer a unique perspective on the connection between our internal and external worlds. For healing, we can work to clear and balance energy in the entire body or focus on each chakra individually. Either way, when we take the time to ensure that prana, or life-force energy, is moving without constrictions or resistance in the energetic body, we encourage optimal health – from the inside out. Exploring the Major Chakras The seven main energy centers are divided into three lower chakras, which relate to the Earth and the individual self, and three higher chakras, which connect us to the universe and spirit. The higher and lower chakras come together at the heart chakra, located in the center of the chest, at the level of our anatomical heart. “Chakras govern certain aspects of our physical body, mind, and spiritual path. Each of the seven main chakras corresponds to a color and is depicted by a lotus flower with specific geometrical and symbolic qualities.” Below is a description of each of the seven major chakras, including location, associations, symbol, color, and mantra – along with a short list of suggested yoga practices that promote chakra health. For strengthening, unblocking, or healing an ailment related to a certain chakra, you can visualize a light at its location, focus on its symbol, chant its mantra, incorporate its color in your daily life, or practice the postures or breathing techniques listed in each section. The 7 main chakras, colors and locations within the human body 1. Root (Muladhara) Chakra The root chakra governs the health of the lower body, from the feet to the hips. In life, it’s connected to basic survival, primal instincts, and foundational physical and material needs. Location: Base of the spine; pelvic floor Color and Symbol: Red lotus flower with four petals Element: Earth Mantra: Lam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Warrior poses, lunges, balancing postures, seated positions 2. Sacral (Svadisthana) Chakra In the physical body, the sacral chakra energetically controls our hips, sexual organs, and reproductive health. It’s also connected to desire, emotional stability, sexuality, pleasure, and anything we create. Location: Below the navel Color and Symbol: Orange lotus flower with six petals Element: Water Mantra: Vam. Recommended Yoga Practices: Happy Baby pose, Goddess pose, hip openers 3. Solar Plexus (Manipura) Chakra The solar plexus chakra is related to the core of our body and our digestive system. Mentally and emotionally, this chakra governs strength, confidence, willpower, ego, and the way we assimilate or “digest” information. It’s strongly linked to the concept of tapas in yoga, our inner fire. Location: Center of the body; near the abdomen and below the ribcage Color and Symbol: Yellow lotus flower with 10 petals Element: Fire Mantra: Ram. Recommended Yoga Practices: Boat pose, twists, Breath of Fire 4. Heart (Anahata) Chakra As mentioned earlier, Anahata chakra is the place where the upper and lower chakras join together at the heart center. In our bodies, this chakra governs the area around the chest, anatomical heart, and lungs. In our lives, the heart chakra is related to love (of self and others), relationships, trust, and compassion. Location: Center of the chest at heart level Color and Symbol: Green lotus flower with 12 petals Element: Air Mantra: Yam Recommended Yoga Practices: Camel pose, Bow pose, Puppy pose 5. Throat (Vishuddha) Chakra The throat chakra governs the throat and neck area, as well as the thyroid gland, and is linked to our sense of speech, creativity, and ability to communicate authentically. Vishuddha chakra is also significant as our center of energetic purification. Location: Throat Color and Symbol: Blue lotus flower with 16 petals Element: Ether (Space) Mantra: Ham. Recommended Yoga Practices: Shoulder Stand, Fish pose, Lion’s Breath, chanting 6. Third Eye (Ajna) The third eye center is closely linked to our pineal gland, nervous system, and sense of intuition and perception. Thus, we often look to ajna chakra for relaxation and visions during spiritual practice. Location: Center of the brain; between the eyebrows Color and Symbol: Violet or indigo lotus flower with two petals Mantra: Om Recommended Yoga Practices: Child’s pose, meditation, Shambhavi Mudra (directing gaze at the third eye) 7. Crown (Sahasrara) The crown chakra connects the individual self to the greater Self. It’s related to cosmic consciousness, self-awareness, and the interconnectedness of all that is. Location: Slightly above the crown of the head Color and Symbol: White, Light, or Violet thousand-petal lotus flower Mantra: Aum (or silent aum) Recommended Yoga Practices: Headstand, Savasana, meditation Are Chakras Real? Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence. One indicator of the validity of the concept of chakras is their appearance throughout various traditions and time. In addition to the yogic systems of chakras, Buddhist, Jain, and other healing modalities also visualize and work with chakras (or similar locations of concentrated energy, such as meridians/Dan Tien in Chinese medicine) as points of focus for meditation and healing. Chakras can be used as focal points during meditation Although science has yet to prove the existence of chakras, research is on the way to doing so. Recent technology is now able to measure the electromagnetic radiance of auras and the energetic body, indicating that our energetic presence, particularly energy emanating from the heart, extends far beyond our physical bodies. “Chakras are not physical or tangible, but that doesn’t make them less real than other aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, or energetic existence.” That being said, the purpose of this article is not to convince you that chakras are real, but rather to serve as an introduction to those who would like to explore deeper aspects of self-awareness. Yoga is a science of getting to know your true self through experimentation and introspection. So, for those of you questioning the nuances of your subtle body and the reality of the chakra system, I urge you to experiment with the basic visualization techniques and contemplation methods indicated above. Takeaway: Yoga Chakras, Colors and Locations According to the science of yoga, chakras are powerful vortexes of moving energy located along our major energetic channel, that govern different aspects of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. By understanding the role of the major chakras in our bodies and lives, we can begin to identify and balance each aspect of our energetic composition to embark on the path of holistic healing and well-being. ● Images: shutterstock/May_Chanikran, shutterstock/E.Va, shutterstock/New Africa happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Resilience | Self care Written by Rachel Markowitz Rachel recently found herself over a decade deep in a worldwide wander guided by what she feels to be true. She’s been facilitating classes and workshops on yoga, meditation, self-exploration, and alternative ways of living since 2012, mostly in Latin America and Asia. These days, she spends most of her time looking at, walking around, or singing to a sacred mountain in southern India. Read more of her words at her to those who wonder blog.

Failure to self-validate can lead to problems such as impulsive behaviour and the inability to manage emotional responses. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explores why many of us fail at it and explains how to validate yourself successfully in 5 steps. Most of us are great at validating others. We acknowledge their emotions, recognize effort and success, and support individualism and self-expression. However, the majority of us are equally lousy at self-validation. We all get angry, disappointed, sad, jealous, scared, demotivated. Ideally, one would accept and be able to regulate these emotions. Instead, many people immediately think: “I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m being ridiculous!” As a result, coping with different experiences becomes exceptionally challenging. Reactions seem to be out of control. If you struggle with similar issues, you probably haven’t mastered the art of self-validation. The ability – or inability – to validate ourselves intertwines with much of what we go through in life. In this article, we'll give you five ways to develop self-validation, so you can get to grips with this essential skill. Why self-validation is essential In simple terms, self-validation is accepting your own internal experience: your thoughts and feelings. Validation and self-validation are widely acknowledged problems in psychology, philosophy , and sociology. The roots of the problem of self-validation lie in the vital human need to be recognized and supported. According to Iser’s work in The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, recognition has critical psychological importance. Others’ feedback is essential for one’s practical identity to form. We could also touch upon Hegel’s concept of ‘struggle for recognition’. In its simplest, it points us towards understanding the source of our need to be validated. When we are misrecognized by others, our relationship with ourselves is hindered, or even destroyed. Self-validation means accepting your thoughts and feelings Such strength of humans’ need to be validated by others led many thinkers to voice the significance of self-validation. Rare is a psychologist or a philosopher that would dispute the ultimate value of autonomy and authenticity. The independence that comes with the capacity to be one’s own judge could be expressed with a quote by Fromm: “Obedience to my own reason or conviction (autonomous obedience) is not an act of submission but one of affirmation. My conviction and my judgment, if authentically mine, are part of me. If I follow them rather than the judgment of others, I am being myself.” - Erich Fromm, On Disobedience. What happens if I lack self-validation skills? In slightly more practical terms, the inability to self-validate can lead to a range of adverse outcomes: negating your thoughts and emotions can lead to a paradoxical effect in which you become even more affected by them, as research has demonstrated. When you deny and suppress your inner experiences, you lose control over them. You could think of it as an instruction to not think about a pink elephant. Your cognition still rests on the negated content. You could face many adversities in your personal and professional life because a lack of self-validation can cause impulsive behaviour and emotional dysregulation. You could be more prone to risky behaviours, addictions, eating disorders, to name a few. “Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged. That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed.” Your interpersonal skills could also suffer, leading to a range of other problems in your career or relationships. Your love life and friendships could be chaotic, codependent, and intensely challenging for everyone involved. Finally, you might be vulnerable to depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, PTSD, and other emotional disturbances. When you cannot validate yourself, you are driven to maladaptive coping. This, however, eventually leads you far away from well-being and mental health. Why do we have a hard time to self-validate? There is no definitive response to the question above. If you don't know how to validate yourself, a few things could have happened: i) Attachment styles If the inborn need to be safe, cared for, and recognized was unfulfilled, we might have become unable to self-validate. For example, you might have developed an anxious attachment style. How your parents interacted with you as a child serves as a blueprint for your adult relationships. MORE LIKE THIS: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds Radical Self Care: 8 Ways to Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work You might not have learned to be self-sufficient and recognize your worth. As children, we need adequate support from our caregivers to develop a sense of security about our emotions, decisions and actions. Research reveals that people with an anxious attachment style have a strong need for social approval. In other words, they need others to validate them. ii) Modelling Another option was that your caregivers did not make it possible for you to mimic self-validation. When we are children, we acquire many traits and habits by modelling. If your primary attachment figure invalidated themselves, you probably learned to do the same. Research shows that emotional and behavioural self-validation and self-regulation are skills that are transferred from parent to child. iii) Adult trauma You might also have started doubting yourself due to a traumatic experience at any point in your life. Both anecdotal reports and scientific studies confirm that being a victim of abuse, for example, could make you doubt your self-efficacy and self-worth. Most importantly, your readiness to accept, experience and address your emotions could have been disturbed. When one is in an abusive relationship, for example, they gradually lose their sovereignty. Self-validation becomes a distant memory. How to Self-Validate: 5 Steps Although the potential outcomes of a lack of self-validation sound rather bleak, you should not feel discouraged: That's because learning how to validate yourself is a skill that can be developed. Even if your early experience geared you towards invalidating yourself, you now have the opportunity to change that. Try these 5 techniques to develop self-validation. 1. Practise mindfulness Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen, to validate them. Being present is the first level of validation. This means acknowledging your inner experience without avoidance or distraction. Mindfulness will help you regain grasp over your emotions and build up strength to cope with them. It's possible to develop self-validation skills Evidence from fMRI studies supports this argument. Individuals who were grieving a loss of a loved one were taught mindfulness techniques for eight weeks. When they were tested afterwards, their scores revealed a significantly better ability to regulate emotions. They also had fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and grief. fMRI suggested that the participants learned to gain cognitive control over their feelings. They were no longer overwhelmed by them. 2. Be brutally honest with yourself Being imperfect stings, we know. Indeed, accepting imperfection is difficult for most people, especially so if they were taught that being great at something equals being worthy. If your parents and social environment were too demanding, it might have resulted in unhealthy perfectionism. Such a form of perfectionism has adverse effects on mental health, as confirmed in empirical research. If your sense of self-worth is equated to being flawless, you might have a tough time even noticing (let alone accepting) your blemishes. Nonetheless, when you want to learn the art of self-validation, you need to be brutally frank with yourself. MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope I Feel Unheard: Why Does Nobody Listen To Me? How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques Notice the emotions and thoughts you don’t feel proud of. Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Own up to your genuine reactions and experiences. Yes, there will be many unpleasant facts. It’s alright – no one is watching! 3. Develop your emotional intelligence Although there are a few relevant emotional intelligence (EI) models, psychologist Daniel Goleman’s work is among the most popular. He proposes that EI consists of five constructs: self-awareness, self-regulation, social skill (being able to get along with others), empathy, and motivation. You can notice how EI is necessary for your ability to self-validate. With EI comes the ability to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Luckily, EI is a skill that can be learned. Therefore, learning how to validate yourself means you must also start developing your EI. “Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. You cannot validate what you don’t recognize. You need to develop a non-judgmental awareness of your experiences, as they happen and when they happen.” When you can accurately name what you're feeling, you can then start to acknowledge and accept your emotional response. As a result, you will build healthy relationships with others without needing their recognition to feel good or motivated. You will build emotional autonomy. 4. Connect with your body’s responses Some people have grown so detached from their inner world that they need to tap into their bodily reactions first. In this regard, some elements of body-centred psychotherapies could be used. According to this group of approaches to psychotherapy, the body is not just something we have. We are our bodies. This means we live as a whole, as an inseparable totality of body and mind. When we learn to validate who we are and what we experience, we should include our body’s responses into the equation. Where are your emotions? What does your body do when you feel in a certain way? How does it respond to people and events? What is it trying to tell you about yourself? You could try a body awareness meditation to help you get started. A combination of body awareness with mindfulness and accurate, honest reflection we suggested above will help you develop a sense of being rooted inside of your own experience. Use meditation to connect with body's responses 5. Self-validate by acknowledging your past experiences The final piece of advice in developing self-validation skills is to learn how to validate yourself by acknowledging your past experiences. They fused within yourself and made you into who you are now. You need to practise recognizing both positive and adverse experiences – and their consequences. How will this help you practise self-validation? Let's say that you had an intense reaction to your partner’s criticism of something you did. Try not to think: “You acted like a madman there!” You could self-validate this reaction by saying: “It’s understandable that you felt this way. Your mother/father would punish you harshly for failures, and you are still overly sensitive to criticism”. Such a validation does not mean that you condone erratic behaviour. It means that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. You also name the emotion and understand its cause. These are the first steps to get into a self-validating mindset. Additionally, these are the first steps towards growing as a person. These five steps build up towards self-validation development as taught in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). According to DBT, there are three steps to validate yourself and your emotions – acknowledge, accept and understand. This worksheet could help you practice self-validation in everyday situations, as well as with more intense or past emotions. The Takeaway: Self-validate to Autonomy Self-validation is freedom. Freedom to experience life as it is: both the beautiful and the ugly. It gives you self-determination in picking your path. You get to do it independently of others’ influence, be it conscious or subconscious. When you learn to rely on yourself for validation, you gain the liberty to be genuine and own your experiences. Therefore, in the spirit of autonomy that we are propagating here, we invite you – acknowledge yourself and allow your authentic Self to exist! • Images: shutterstock/Victoria Chadinova, shutterstock/G-Stock Studio, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Anatoliy Karlyuk happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Empathy | Resilience | Stress Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Peyote (lophophora williamsii) is a small, round cactus well known for its psychedelic effects. But what are the benefits and risk of this mescaline-containing cactus, and is it legal to consume? Rhianna Quanstrom explores the power, potential and drawbacks of peyote. Peyote is a small, round, spineless cactus famously known for its psychedelic effects. It is native to parts of Mexico and the southwestern United States. While it is commonly referred to as a hallucinogen and even a drug, peyote is a sacred ceremonial plant for the Indigenous peoples of North America. To them, it is not a recreational drug, but a living spirit who opens them to communion with the Divine. Given its cultural complexity, let's explore its origins, benefits, risks, and what to expect if you decide to journey with peyote. Origins of Peyote Peyote (lophophora williamsii) is a native cactus of the desert, with most species growing in Northern Mexico from Chihuahua to Nuevo León and south to San Luis Potosí. In the United States, it grows in a limited range in southwestern Texas. Despite its geographic range, peyote is used as a sacred ceremonial plant by Indigenous tribes throughout Mexico, the United States, and Canada. It is one of the oldest known hallucinogens, and its use dates back to prehistoric times. The people of Mesoamerica have been using peyote for more than 5,000 years. Sacred cactus: flowering peyote Peyote has a rich history filled with myth and spiritual symbolism that is still honored today. It’s believed that a sacred blue deer led the people to the peyote medicine. Traditionally, harvesting peyote is referred to as “the hunt,” and the first peyote cactus found is shot with an arrow. Because of this symbolism, peyote is strongly associated with deer, and hoof rattles and antlers are common aspects of a peyote ceremony. RELATED: What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? Historically, it was used by the Aztecs and Mayans, and is currently used in rituals and ceremonies by the Tarahumara, Tepehuán, and Huichol peoples of Mexico. In the United States, it is most commonly used by the Navajo and Comanche peoples. That said, it is also a significant part of the Native American Church (NAC), which uses peyote for religious purposes. Peyote is protected under the American Indian Religious Freedom Act, so it is legal for Indigenous peoples and members of the NAC to use peyote. Outside of those limitations, peyote (and its active constituent mescaline) is a Schedule I drug according to the DEA. As such, it is illegal for non-Indigenous people in the United States to use peyote. How Do You Take Peyote? Peyote is traditionally harvested and eaten fresh or dried and brewed as a tea. When dried, it is ground down into a powder before steeping. Some people also microdose it. Peyote contains more than 60 hallucinogenic alkaloids of the phenylethylamine family, including the active constituent mescaline. According to the study Hallucinogenic drugs in pre-Columbian Mesoamerican cultures, “Mescaline is found within mescal buttons [peyote] at concentrations ranging from 1% to 6% and the minimum hallucinogenic dose is between 0.3 and 0.5g, equivalent to 5g of dried peyote. The typical dose is 4-12 buttons that are extracted from the main stem and cut into slices.” “Peyote is a small, round, spineless cactus famously known for its psychedelic effects. It is native to parts of Mexico and the southwestern United States.” Because of the limited studies available on peyote, it is not fully understood how it affects the body, especially when taken as the whole plant rather than an isolated compound. However, studies do show that the active constituent mescaline affects the body by interacting with the 5-HT2A receptors in the brain. According to Medical News Today, these receptors are involved in how the body uses serotonin. Because other hallucinogens (LSD and psilocybin, for example) also target those receptors, it is likely that they are responsible for the psychedelic experience. How Long Does Peyote Last? After ingestion, it can take about 30 minutes to an hour before peyote starts to take effect and can last up to 12 hours. How peyote affects an individual depends on many factors, including how much they consumed, how they ingested it, their constitution, whether other substances were ingested (such as tobacco), and what they ate beforehand. What to Expect When Taking Peyote While every psychedelic experience is unique, there is the possibility of hallucinations and seeing visions, both inwardly and outwardly. Many journeyers report colorful kaleidoscopic visions; altered perceptions of reality, including time and space; as well as sensations of weightlessness. While hallucinations and visions are common, they are not guaranteed, as it depends on the dose and that individual's unique experience. For example, author Tash Doherty, who took peyote in the Mexican desert, claimed that her journey focused on her ancestral line and that she cried through most of the night. This is one of the realizations she came to during her experience: “I got a very strong sense that right now, each of us that is alive is the sharpest point in the spear. We are the pinnacle of the culmination of everything that our ancestors have lived through and experienced and survived before us, which is an astounding and incredible thing. And soon, we will no longer be the sharpest point in the spear. But we will have carried the energy forward, and we will have been grateful that we were able to live at all.” MORE LIKE THIS: Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect Psychedelic Integration What is Ego Death? Meaning, Symptoms and Causes Similarly, another woman named Anna Heimkreiter, artist and editor of Where Wonder Waits, who took peyote in the Mexican wilderness, shared: “That time, a way stronger Peyote experience than the ones before, was when I truly understood what the medicine was trying to tell me. Underneath a sky full of stars that felt so close as if we could touch them, I felt my inner light as I never had before. "I started to comprehend that there was no darkness within me that I needed to fear. What I discovered underneath the worries of my mind was a soul full of joy. And it was that pure joy and light that streamed from my chest into every last corner of my body that night. The message had come home. I am light and I am here to share it with the world.” “Peyote is traditionally harvested and eaten fresh or dried and brewed as a tea. When dried, it is ground down into a powder before steeping.” Any psychedelic experience you have with the peyote cactus is likely to be powerful and potentially transformative. Because of this, it’s important to approach such experiences with respect, honor, and intention. Peyote (Lophophora williamsii) contains the active compound mescaline Not all psychedelic experiences are enjoyable, and there’s potential to have a “bad trip” on peyote. Like other hallucinogens, it will show you what you need to see — no matter how difficult that may be. Because of this, it’s essential to experience a medicine as powerful as this in a ceremonial way. It is best to be in a safe, well-held container with an experienced facilitator who can help guide and support you if your journey turns difficult. Risks of Peyote The most common side effects of peyote are nausea and vomiting. Additionally, it has also been reported to temporarily cause: Pupil dilation Excessive sweating High blood pressure Increased heart rate Trembling or shivering Headaches Chills Fever Muscle weakness Tension If you’re considering taking peyote, you should talk to your doctor beforehand, especially if you’re on medication, have high blood pressure, or have a history of heart problems. Because peyote is classified as an illegal substance in the United States, many reports incorrectly claim that peyote is unsafe. Some articles say that it can cause persistent psychosis or that people can become dependent on it. However, the National Library of Medicine states: “Most peyote intoxications appear to be mild in nature and are unlikely to produce life-threatening symptoms.” This report also stated that “no evidence of long-term psychological or cognitive problems related to peyote use among the Native American Church ceremonies, [and] peyote use in a religious context does not appear to be associated with hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (i.e., “flashbacks”), dependence, or addiction. “Any psychedelic experience you have with the peyote cactus is likely to be powerful and potentially transformative. Because of this, it’s important to approach such experiences with respect, honor, and intention.” Furthermore, recreational use of peyote is rare. A report found that only 1-2% of the non-Indigenous population in the United States has used peyote. Most peyote is consumed in a ceremonial setting, which helps prevent overdosing or extreme reactions. In addition, studies show that many people have positive experiences with peyote when it is held in a spiritual container. Benefits of Peyote Because of peyote’s psychedelic effects, there is potential for deep healing, insights, and spiritual awakening during a journey. Powerful plant medicines like peyote can completely transform someone's life for the better. Besides the spiritual benefits, studies show that mescaline – the active constituent of peyote – is useful for the treatment of: Depression Anxiety Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Headaches Alcoholism A study by the National Library of Medicine reported that peyote has been used successfully in alleviating alcohol withdrawal symptoms and helps prevent alcohol relapse. Physically, peyote is commonly used by Indigenous peoples to support and treat: Pain during childbirth Toothaches Breast pain Rheumatism Skin diseases Diabetes Colds The legality of peyote depends on where you live in the world Is Peyote Legal? As mentioned above, peyote is illegal in the United States, except for religious use by Native Americans. Peyote is legal elsewhere in the world, but there may still be restrictions in place. Here are the countries where it is legal: Canada Czech Republic Germany Netherlands Peru Portugal Slovenia Sweden Thailand Ukraine United Kingdom Takeaway: Using the Peyote Cactus Peyote is a sacred plant medicine that has been used in ceremony for thousands of years. It is a culturally significant plant to the Indigenous peoples of Mexico and the United States, who use it for healing and communing with the Divine. While modern science is beginning to uncover its therapeutic potential, the ancient peoples of Mesoamerica and modern Indigenous tribes know how truly valuable and healing peyote is. Whether it be spiritually or physically, this small and unassuming cactus has the potential to transform your life and shift your perception of reality. If you are curious about trying peyote, we recommend seeking out a ceremonial container so that the medicine can be used appropriately and respectfully. ● Images: shutterstock/Raul Luna, shutterstock/jiraporn Suhom, shutterstock/Gleti Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

A lack of self-awareness is a personality trait that negatively affects you and those around you. Dee Marques explains how to spot the signs of poor self-awareness – such as blaming others and failing to handle feedback – as well as offering tips on how to change this behaviour. What’s one thing that most people think they have, but few actually do? According to psychologist and best-selling author Tasha Eurich, it’s self-awareness. Her research has revealed that although 95% of people claim to be self-aware, only 10% to 15% actually are. And, in all honesty, when I look back over the past 15 years and compare the old me with the current me, the biggest difference I find is by far related to my level of self-awareness. In fact, becoming more self-aware has massively improved my quality of life, brought me emotional stability, and helped me feel strongly connected to life. But the truth is, nobody is born with self-awareness. Let's take a look at how to detect when we’re lacking in this crucial skill and what we can do to improve self-awareness. What does it mean to lack self-awareness? Psychologists say that there are two types of self-awareness: internal self-awareness refers to knowing your values, emotions, strengths, and blind spots. When we lack internal self-awareness, we’re out of tune with our emotions, motivations, and patterns. Then there’s external self-awareness, which is the ability to understand how others perceive us and the impact we make on them. If we lack external self-awareness, we’ll most likely have poor boundaries, and either be people-pleasers or find ourselves involved in interpersonal conflict more often than not. The good news is that like all other life skills, self-awareness can be developed. But first, let’s explore some of the tell-tale signs of poor self-awareness. Not listening to others is a sign of no self-awareness 10 signs someone has low self-awareness Due to the nature of poor self-awareness, it's usually hard for those that have it to even entertain the idea of it, let alone become fully conscious of it. Knowing these symptoms or signs is a useful place to become aware of your – or someone else's – possible lack of self-awareness. 1. They’re blind to their blind spots One of the clearest signs of having no self-awareness is a lack of personal reflection. People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes – and blaming others for poor outcomes – because they’ve never examined the root of their actions or the role they played in keeping unhealthy patterns alive. And when someone isn’t aware of their blind spots, they’re creating barriers to their own growth. 2. They act first, regret later Impulsivity tends to be high when self-awareness is low, as people with no self-awareness are usually driven by temporary emotions, without considering long-term consequences or the bigger picture. “People with a lack of self-awareness often move through life repeating the same mistakes because they’ve never examined the root of their actions.” These individuals often live in reaction mode rather than in intention mode, which over time can create a cycle of impulsivity, frustration, and pattern repetition – as well as collateral damage. 3. They respond defensively to feedback While emotionally mature people see feedback as fuel for growth, emotionally unaware individuals feel threatened by it. Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject. This is because lack of self-awareness usually goes hand-in-hand with a fragile self-concept, where feedback is seen as a judgement on personal worth and value. 4. They frequently blame others People with a lack of self-awareness often externalise blame. When things go wrong, they quickly find the cause in someone else’s incompetence or bad intentions. This mindset keeps people stuck in a victim narrative, which makes it difficult to access real empowerment. 5. They can’t read social cues Social interactions are filled with subtle signals that guide respectful communication, but those with no self-awareness often miss these cues. They may interrupt others, misread the mood or tone of the conversation, or fail to notice discomfort in others. In short, lack of self-awareness is a sign of underdeveloped social intelligence. 6. Constantly seeking the spotlight Poor self-awareness can show as steering every conversation back to oneself or undervaluing other people’s experiences and achievements. This reflects a need for validation as well as a disconnection from the deeper self, which makes people mistake external recognition for internal value. Those who lack self-awareness have controlling tendencies 7. They’re stuck in their comfort zone There’s no way around it: growth requires discomfort, and those unaware of their fears or unconscious patterns often prefer to stay safe and comfortable. Instead of seeking new learning opportunities, people with a lack of self-awareness stick to what they know and resist anything that challenges their self-concept and/or status. 8. They lack emotional regulation Emotional regulation is a skill built on self-awareness. Without it, people may lash out when stressed, overreact to small frustrations, or shut down when conflict appears. This lack of regulation is often tied to not recognising emotions and internal triggers early enough to address them and to respond to with intention. 9. They have controlling tendencies Controlling habits like micro-managing people or situations often disguise themselves as “helpfulness” or “efficiency,” but they reflect a lack of trust in one’s own and in other people’s abilities. “Even constructive criticism feels uncomfortable for those people with a lack of self-awareness, and they will get defensive or change the subject.” What’s more, low self-awareness makes it hard to recognise how this behaviour undermines other people’s autonomy, perpetuating the pattern and damaging relationships. 10. They frequently offend or upset others People who have a lack of self-awareness fail to distinguish honesty from bluntness. They may boast about being “brutally honest” or say they “tell it like it is”, but without considering timing, tone, or context, these unfiltered remarks create emotional distance and even resentment in others. Truth can be expressed with compassion – but only when we’re self aware. RELATED: How to Let Go of Resentment and Bitterness in 7 Steps Causes of low self-awareness Here are a few reasons why someone may have a lack of self-awareness – people that have little or no self-awareness may have been exposed to one or more of these causes: • Defence mechanisms Self-awareness brings us face-to face with some uncomfortable truths. To avoid the discomfort, some people may prefer to avoid the revelations that come with stronger self-awareness. • Privilege When people are shielded from adversity, they may never feel called to explore their inner world and to work on their internal self-awareness, as they assume “all is well and it will always be”. • Poor modelling We’re not born being self-aware, so if our upbringing or culture didn’t encourage reflection or introspection, we might grow up lacking in this respect. • Busy or disorganised lifestyle When daily life is stressful or chaotic, it’s easier to live on auto-pilot than to set time aside to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and reactions. How to improve self-awareness Luckily, self-awareness is a like muscle that can be trained. Here are some great starting points: Find out where you are currently. Take the self-awareness test developed by Dr. Tasha Eurich. Try journaling techniques. Write about your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to events. Here are some prompts you could use: “What triggered me today?” “What could I have done differently?” “How did my actions today align (or not) with my values?”. You can also try shadow work journaling. Ask for feedback. Choose a friend or relative you trust and ask: “What’s one thing I do that you appreciate, and what’s one thing I do that sometimes rubs you the wrong way?” Go into these conversations to listen and to accept the responses, not to defend yourself. The next point is also essential if you do this. Work on your listening skills. Whenever you talk to someone, focus on active listening by giving them your full attention instead of disconnecting to mentally rehearse your reply or steering the conversation towards yourself. This may seem obvious, but research shows that less than 2% of the global population knows how to listen effectively. Deep listening is one step to becoming more self-aware Socialise from a place of curiosity. Ask open-ended questions about other people’s opinions, feelings, and experiences (“What was that like for you?” or “How did you come to that conclusion?”). After, reflect on what this teaches you, how it makes other people valuable, and where it challenges your own assumptions. Think before you act. Before letting unconscious mechanisms dictate your reactions, pause to unpack your thought process step-by-step. Ask yourself the following questions: “What did I actually see or hear – just the facts?” “How am I interpreting this, and why?” “What assumptions am I making about intent or outcome?” “What conclusions am I jumping to?” “What other explanations could there be?” “How will I respond?”. Dealing with someone with low self-awareness Since limited self-awareness is so common, you’re bound to have someone in your social or professional circle who isn’t self-aware. According to a Harvard Business Review survey of different workplaces, 99% of people interviewed said at least one of their colleagues showed lack of self-awareness. Although you can’t do the inner work for others, there are some things you can do to keep the interactions as harmonious as possible. MORE LIKE THIS How to Find Your Authentic Self: 8 Techniques 9 Tips For Constructive Criticism at Work How to Find Yourself Again: 10 Steps in Creating Clarity For example, to minimise defensiveness and encourage introspection, approach with curiosity and avoid direct judgment. Instead of saying “you’re so harsh”, ask open-ended questions like “what exactly would you like to transmit with this?”, “do you think there could be another way to express this?”, or “how would you like other people to think about you?”. Timing is important, so ideally you want to start this type of conversation once the person has shown some frustration at a situation or interaction where they’ve shown no self-awareness. Lastly, know your boundaries. If interacting with someone who has no self-awareness becomes draining, tell them, “I need a moment to process this”. A firm but polite boundary protects your energy while signalling the impact without blame. Takeaway: Self-awareness can be trained Self-awareness isn’t a gift — it’s a skill we can all develop by cultivating curiosity, courage, and compassion. Every intentional check-in and every honest reflection counts when it comes to improving our levels of internal and external self-awareness. And although it’s true that the work needed to develop better self-awareness can expose some uncomfortable truths about ourselves, the rewards are well worth it. As Dr. Eurich says, “developing self-awareness is linked to greater confidence, increased creativity, better decision-making, stronger relationships, and more effective communication.” So, if you live with a lack of self-awareness and you’d like to be more aligned with your truest self and enjoy more grounded living, start by knowing yourself at a deeper level, one day at the time. ● Images: shutterstock/mentalmind, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Communication Skills | Positive Psychology | Self care | Kindness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Being your authentic self can feel risky in our current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s essential to let go of the fear of being judged in order to be yourself. Learn how to be authentic with these 8 techniques. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability for authenticity. Luckily, there are techniques you can learn how to be more authentic, which we will explore later. Why is it Difficult to Overcome Inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviours which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. RELATED: Inner Child Work and Therapy: How to Heal Past Wounds However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. Authentic Self Meaning “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. How to be authentic: embrace who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. How to be Authentic: 8 Techniques Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. So, here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity and learn how to be your authentic self more easily. 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for finding our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which values make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening, and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviours and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously said. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, learning how to be authentic is not always easy when it comes to the practicalities; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship. RELATED: 'Who Am I?' A Practical Guide to Self-Inquiry Radical Self Care: 8 Ways To Put Your Well-Being First, Unapologetically Uncomfortable Truths – How to Say 'No' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who share the same values, and those who you feel comfortable with. Cultivate authenticity by setting boundaries 4. Instill mindfulness If you're curious how to find happiness, mindfulness can help you find contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall joy levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Learning how to be authentic is not always easy; living fully by your principles may require difficult conversations, a job switch, or even ending a friendship.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 6. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Furthermore, practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion cultivates authenticity 7. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 8. Set goals for constant learning Staying curious, developing a growth mindset, and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals should not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – research shows that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness more than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. The Takeaway: How To Be Authentic While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. ● Images: shutterstock/ESB Basic, shutterstock/imtmphoto, shutterstock/GoodStudio Looking how to find your authentic self? Try the 8 techniques above and let us know in the comments below how it goes or if you have any other suggestions. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Moral Courage | Mediation | Coaching Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Curious about cacao? Cacao ceremonies are grounded in intention and can benefit the mind, body, emotions, and spirit. Rhianna Quanstrom explores the power of ceremonial cacao and the history of this ancient practice. Gathered in a circle with a steaming cup of cacao, you enter a transformative experience. The cacao opens your heart and elevates your mind, helping you connect with those around you and to the light within. A cacao ceremony is grounded in intention, and with it come many benefits. Ceremonial cacao benefits all aspects of self, including the spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional. To better understand these benefits, let’s dive into what a cacao ceremony is, including its history, what cacao is, what you can expect during a ceremony, and how you can participate in one yourself. What is a Cacao Ceremony? A cacao ceremony is typically a communal gathering where people come together to receive the medicine of cacao. At its root, it is a spiritual experience that opens the heart and brings people together in harmony. Every cacao ceremony is unique, and traditional ceremonies can differ significantly from modern Western ceremonies. In both settings, there's usually a guide or shaman who leads the ceremony and directs the flow of activities. A cacao ceremony is not limited to a group setting and can be performed by individuals in their home. In essence, it's about receiving the medicine of cacao, which is ultimately a deeply personal experience. Cacao Ceremony History Cacao is deeply rooted in ancient (and modern) Mesoamerican cultures and history. Its use as a ceremonial plant dates back to the Aztecs and Mayans, who revered it as the “food of the gods.” They used cacao in spiritual ceremonies and rituals to unite the community and to honor important life initiations. For example, it was used in ceremonies for births, marriages, baptisms, and funerals. It was also used regularly by the temple leaders as an aid in communing with the Divine. Interestingly, it played an important role in sacrifices to the gods. Candles help create an intentional atmosphere during a cacao ceremony Cacao was sacred to these people and was woven into their culture, mythology, healing practices, and spiritual traditions. As such, their ceremonies held a more religious focus, with cacao serving as a vessel for honoring and communicating with their deities. In Western cultures today, cacao is not used in the same religious ways, though it remains a deeply spiritual experience when used with intention. Its history and cultural significance, however, should still be honored and respected. When participating in a cacao ceremony, it is respectful to acknowledge its origins and the people who have held this wisdom for centuries. As such, this wisdom helps us distinguish what ceremonial cacao is compared to modern chocolate. What is Ceremonial Cacao Exactly? Ceremonial cacao is quite different from the chocolate we know (and love!). Their differences lie in how they are processed and used. High-quality ceremonial cacao comes from native cacao plants in Central and South America. The beans are harvested from these native (and sometimes wild) plants before being minimally processed for consumption. “Ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being.” The beans are first fermented and sun-dried, then sometimes lightly roasted before being stone-ground into a paste. This process retains cacao's natural compounds, which are highly beneficial for the body, making cacao a modern-day “superfood.” Furthermore, the cacao butter and solids are not separated in this phase, which is common for modern chocolate. The cacao paste is then simmered in hot water to make the thick beverage used for ceremonies. This drink doesn’t taste like a normal hot chocolate; it's much more bitter and earthy tasting. To enhance its flavor and potency, spices, natural sweeteners, and milk are sometimes added to the simmering cacao. For instance, a pinch of cayenne may be used to help “activate” cacao’s medicinal and spiritual properties. The cacao used in ceremonies is bitter and earthy tasting In contrast, modern chocolate is moderately to highly processed and is usually made from hybrid cacao varieties grown on large-scale monoculture farms. It's processed differently from ceremonial cacao and does not retain the same level of nutrients. Moreover, chocolate is enjoyed as a sweet treat, whereas ceremonial cacao is consumed with intention as a plant medicine supporting one’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. What Happens During a Cacao Ceremony? As mentioned above, every cacao ceremony is slightly different depending on the guide and setting. Even so, you can expect an intentional atmosphere — perhaps with cushions on the ground, candles, incense, or crystals — whether outside or inside. Once the participants of the ceremony have settled, the facilitator opens the space with welcoming words. During this phase, there may be discussion about the history and traditional uses of cacao. Each participant may be invited to set an intention for the ceremony, either inwardly or aloud. After the space is set, the cacao is served. The participants are invited to sit with the energy of the beverage, hold it to their heart, and drink the warm, thick liquid slowly. MORE LIKE THIS: Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect Psychedelic Integration What is Ego Death? Meaning, Symptoms and Causes Once the cacao is finished, the ceremony moves into other activities, and it's here that they can vary greatly. There is typically some sort of movement, such as dance or yoga, conscious breathwork, and meditation. There can also be sound healing (crystal singing bowls, gongs, etc.), group sharing, or creative expression through song, art, or writing. While the outward activities unfold, you may notice a shift occurring within. Cacao naturally increases blood flow and softly opens the heart. You may feel emotions stirring and an easeful receptiveness towards those around you. When the heart softens and opens, love flows more freely and gracefully, and this is the energy that surrounds the sacred cacao ceremony. The Benefits of a Ceremonial Cacao Benefits Along with the love that holds the group together, ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being. 1. Physical Benefits Research by the National Library of Medicine confirms that cacao is rich in nutrients and antioxidants, which help prevent and combat oxidative stress. The numerous flavonoids (plant compounds) in cacao have also been shown to improve cardiovascular health, reduce cholesterol levels, regulate inflammation, and support metabolism. Furthermore, cacao contains theobromine, which is a gentle stimulant that increases blood flow. This is what contributes to the heart-opening experience in the cacao ceremony. 2. Mental Benefits The compound theobromine also increases blood flow and oxygenation to the mind, enhancing clarity, focus, and memory. Another study by the National Library of Medicine found that cocoa-rich products improved participants' moods while lowering depression and anxiety. In addition, the practices woven into a cacao ceremony, such as meditation, movement, and breathwork, support mental calm and elevate one’s mood and happiness. 3. Emotional Benefits Energetically, cacao softens and opens the heart. While studies show the physical effects of this, there are also the emotional/energetic effects. When one’s heart opens and softens, emotions can move more freely. Whatever is just beneath the surface can start to rise, which is why it’s normal for emotions to become heightened during a cacao ceremony. It is simply energy moving. “Ceremonial cacao benefits the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Both the cacao itself and the community have been shown to improve one’s well-being.” Because of cacao’s mood-boosting properties and the energy of the group container, there are typically feelings of joy and happiness during the ceremony. However, there can also be grief, sadness, or anger that rises to the surface for release. In essence, a cacao ceremony creates a safe space for emotional expression, helping one feel lighter and clearer. 4. Spiritual Benefits With the support of the community and cacao’s physical, mental, and emotional effects, one’s energy begins to harmonize. This allows for a deeper connection to self and the light within. This is amplified with the guided meditation and intentional movement that most ceremonies include. When one’s heart and mind are open and receptive, inner wisdom can more easily reveal itself to our consciousness. As such, there is a high possibility for one to leave a cacao ceremony with clarity on their path forward, insight into their healing journey, or peace with the feeling of being at home within themselves. The community of ceremonies brings people together Can I Do My Own Cacao Ceremony? It's possible. One can lead a self-guided ceremony and experience the profound healing, clarity, and sacredness of cacao in the comfort of their own home. However, if you’ve never participated in a guided ceremony, we highly recommend starting with a group cacao ceremony. When people gather together with the same intention and focus, the energy — and the potential for healing and insight — is amplified. Plus, you'll have the experience of working with cacao with a guide before doing it on your own. RELATED: What is the Peyote Cactus and Is It Legal? Microdosing 101: A Modern Phenomenon Rooted in Ancient Times What is Huachuma, the San Pedro Cactus? If you’re interested in ceremonial cacao training, we recommend checking out local or online training. Ceremonial cacao training will equip you with the knowledge and confidence to lead a group and help others experience the transformational healing available in a cacao ceremony. Takeaway: Ceremonial Cacao A cacao ceremony is a powerful, unifying experience that is all about connection — connection to self, community, and the spirit of cacao. With its gentle, heart-opening effects, a cacao ceremony helps one deepen into the love within and to the love of those around them. Along with cacao’s superfood benefits, it's a sacred plant long revered by the people who tend it. It should be treated with respect, and its ancient history should be remembered and honored with each sip. More than just a beverage, cacao is a bridge that connects us to a tradition of seeking the light within and connecting with the harmony of love. Whether you join a group, create an at-home ritual, or begin ceremonial cacao training, you can experience the healing, clarity, and sense of purpose that working with cacao has to offer. ● Images: shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca, shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca, shutterstock/Jozef Klopaca happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Herbalism | CBD | Energy healing | Alternative medicine Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure. I hate my life." Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. RELATED: Inner Child Work: How to Heal Past Wounds Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Feeling off-track in life can make us unhappy and unfulfilled, but we should take it as an opportunity for self-discovery. Dee Marques explains how you can help to find yourself and your true purpose again through 10 steps, from journal prompts to embracing solitude. There are moments in life when we feel lost and unsure of who we are or where we're heading. Perhaps it's following a significant life change, such as the loss of a loved one, a change in your professional life, or the disintegration of a meaningful relationship. If you’ve been there, you know that these seasons in life can be tough and uncomfortable – and you’re not alone. Feeling lost isn't uncommon. In the UK, nearly 90% of Brits aged between 16 and 29 say they lack meaning and direction in their lives. Similarly, in the US, a study by Harvard found that nearly 60% of young adults had felt a “void in their lives” within the last 30 days. But built into this lack of clarity and direction there’s also an invitation to go on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. If you’re wondering how to find happiness from within or how to go about finding yourself again, you’re in the right place. Let's look at what finding yourself truly means, the benefits of starting off in this journey, and 10 suggestions on how to find yourself – including some journal prompts for self discovery. Start self-discovery and find your path to success What does it mean to really 'find yourself'? Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like. Also, this journey can be continuous. After a period of soul-searching, we can get some insights into who we are and what our next step is, but these revelations won't necessarily be valid for the rest of our lives. As we age and face new experiences, our perspectives evolve, making self-discovery an ongoing process. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Indeed, the self-discovery journey isn't about reaching a final destination but about embracing the process of becoming. It's about understanding who you are, which are your true values, the passions that drive you forward, your strengths, and the unique combination of accumulated experiences that make you who you are. Finding yourself means recognising that change is constant and that self-awareness helps you navigate the ups and downs in life with clarity and purpose. Benefits of finding yourself Sometimes, we may be tempted to postpone the self-discovery journey. Perhaps at a subconscious level, we know that truly finding ourselves is going to require radical honesty. But if you push past the initial resistance, finding yourself can be transformative and liberating. The commitment to cultivating self-awareness offers many rewards, including: A better sense of direction Our thoughts and emotions impact our choices and behaviours, so increased self-awareness can help us make decisions and develop habits that get us closer to where we want to be in life. Improved mental health Studies show that Self-awareness influences our levels of emotional regulation and emotional intelligence, so we become better at monitoring our emotional reactions and modulating them so they don’t hijack our mental well-being. In other words, we’re more in control of our internal states. High-quality relationships A UK study found that self-awareness was closely linked to improved social interactions. The reason? Probably because through self-discovery, we learn to develop healthy boundaries, as well as compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others. Increased resilience As we move through self-discovery journey, we become more aware of our strengths and we learn new coping tools. This is helpful when things are tough, as we’re better equipped to move forward with ease. Greater life satisfaction Knowing that you’re living in alignment with your values and goals is one of the most rewarding experiences. Authentic living is the antidote to that existential void that so many people experience. How to find yourself So, if you're feeling stuck in life, here are 10 steps you can take to find clarity about who you really are and what you want your life to mean. But remember; our goals and visions constantly change, so be prepared to repeat these steps at various stages of your life journey. 1. Practice self-reflection Set aside time regularly to reflect on your experiences, emotions, and reactions. Journaling can be a powerful tool, allowing you to track patterns and gain insights into your inner world. Finding yourself is made easier with journal prompts for self discovery 2. Explore your energy sources Make a list of the actions and interactions that fill your physical and emotional energy deposit. Then, make a list of the things that drain your energy. This helps you make choices aligned with your passions and create sustainable habits – protecting your energy is essential to your well-being. 3. Reconnect with your hobbies Hobbies aren’t just things we do to fill time – they can help express your true self better and reveal aspects of yourself that may have been dormant. Consider trying a new activity every month to discover what resonates with you, or revisit anything you once used to loved but stopped doing. 4. Practice mindfulness Through mindfulness, you become more attuned to your thoughts and feelings, which helps cultivate a stronger sense of ownership and presence throughout your life. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Incorporate as many as our mindfulness tips for staying engaged into your daily routine, from something as simple as mindful showering to something that require a bit more effort and thought on your behalf, such as mindful appreciation. 5. Reflect on your values Identifying your core values shows you what matters most to you and is essential to ensure your actions and decisions are a reflection of your true identity. This exercise is a personal favourite on how to find yourself through your values. 6. Archetype work Archetypes are universal characters (like the Hero, the Rebel, or the Caregiver) that represent parts of our psyche. Exploring which ones resonate with you through journaling, creative writing, or the PMAI assessment can help you understand your deeper drives in a powerful and symbolic way. MORE LIKE THIS: 'Why Do I Hate My Life?' 10 Ways To Start Loving It Again Discover the 10 Keys To Happier Living How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 7. Dare to be uncomfortable Finding yourself isn’t just about theoretical exploration – it’s important to take aligned action, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. New experiences challenge you, offer fresh perspectives, and can lead to personal growth. 8. Embrace solitude Finding yourself can only happen when you make time and space for it, away from digital distractions and external influences. Moments of solitude are perfect to tune into your thoughts and feelings with greater clarity. How to find yourself again? Solitude can help you clarify feelings 9. Set personal goals Create a weekly or monthly action plan with specific goals that matter to you. For example, you could choose to experiment with new ways of practising a character strength, or ensure that every choice you make in the next 7 days reflects one of your core values. 10. Seek support Finding yourself doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. Mentors, coaches, and therapists can guide and support you with different tools and frameworks that can broaden your self-discovery journey. Journal prompts for self discovery To get you started in this journey, here are some self discovery questions that can help uncover more about your true self. Ask yourself them and keep a note of the answers in a journal and reflect on them. • If fear weren’t a factor, what choice would I make today? • What patterns keep repeating in my life — and what might they be trying to teach me? • When do I feel most alive and engaged? • What things I couldn’t live without? • What are my greatest strengths and how do I use them? • What fears are holding me back from pursuing my passions? • Who inspires me and why? • What does success look like to me? • What’s my biggest learning experience in life so far? • What part of myself have I silenced to fit in? • What legacy do I want to leave behind? Takeaway: finding yourself again The journey to finding yourself requires courage and patience, but it’s the path to a more meaningful life. While the journey may be challenging at times, the rewards – a clearer sense of identity, purpose, and fulfilment – are invaluable. As Carl Jung said, “who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”. Remember that it's OK to feel lost in life while you explore how to find yourself. Just take it one step at the time, using the suggestions in this article to navigate the depths of your inner world. So why not start today, maybe with one of the self discovery questions above? ● Images: shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Daniel Hoz, PeopleImages - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Purpose of life | Healthy habits | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Ego death – also known as ego dissolution or ego loss – is a complete loss of subjective self-identity. Rhianna Quanstrom explores some of the common triggers, such as psychedelic experiences, as well as the signs, symptoms, and full meaning of ego death. The first time I experienced an ego death or dissolution was when I took psychedelics at a party. At the time, I was living a very unhealthy lifestyle and making a lot of poor choices. In fact, I think I was in total self-destruct mode. Why? Because I was fully identified with my mind, thoughts, trauma, and wounds. When I took the psychedelics, it was like the blinders came off. For the first time, I could clearly see that who I was “acting” as was not who I truly was. However, this was not an enjoyable experience. In fact, it was terrifying. I could see the darkness of my life surrounding me like a black cloud. Despite it being a “bad trip,” my life completely changed after that experience. I stopped partying, made new friends, and started living a completely different lifestyle. That pivotal moment launched me onto the path of becoming who I am today. This moment was what's known as an ego death, the first of many I have experienced as I continue to walk a path of healing and awakening. An ego death is a transformative experience in this journey we call life. It can be difficult to understand and even harder to describe. If you’re curious about ego death or perhaps believe you may be going through one yourself, keep reading to understand the symptoms of ego dissolution and the ultimate gift that it can offer. What is an Ego Death? To understand the ego death meaning, we must first understand what the ego even is. The ego represents our concept of self, of who we think we are. It contains our identities, beliefs, desires, wounds, conditioning, and worldviews. The ego is represented by "I am" statements, such as "I am (my name)," "I am a (role or gender)," "I believe (in this)," "I enjoy (this)," and "I think (this)." I like to think of it as a mental structure encompassing who we are in this form. It is a normal part of our psychology and human makeup. It helps us present ourselves, participate in the community, and share our unique gifts. Ego death meaning: loss of subjective self-identity The problem is that almost everyone completely identifies with this mental structure as who they truly are. They are their gender, role in society, accomplishments, thoughts, titles, personality, “things,” and income. By completely identifying with our ego structure, we also affirm the illusion of separateness. The ego, by nature, defines how we are separate from others. But this is just the “outward” structure, and there is an essence within this structure that is witnessing and bringing life-force consciousness to it all. Eckhart Tolle relates to this inner essence as our “Being.” Writing inThe Power of Now – his landmark book – Tolle states: “Being is eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature.” “An ego death or ego dissolution is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting.” I like to relate to it as my true Divine nature, which is part of and connected to all of life. This essence in me is the same essence within you and within all beings. From this place of knowing, we understand that our mental structures aren’t who we truly are; they are simply the lens or filter through which our true self shines through. As such, an ego death is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting. This is because one of the main purposes of the ego is to keep us alive and safe! Indeed, we build these egoic structures and beliefs to keep our inner, true self “safe.” So, when we go through a process of realizing that who we think we are isn’t truly who we are, it can feel like we’re literally dying. However, it’s really just the ego going through a death phase. MORE LIKE THIS: Nonduality: What it Is, What it Isn't, and Basic Teachings What is Soul Loss and Retrieval? Healing Through a Shamanic Lens What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Of course, the ego doesn’t truly “die.” Rather, an ego dissolution is more of a death for a rebirth process – a transformational rewiring that brings our ego structures into better alignment with our true, Divine self. Ego deaths also help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs. Even if we go through an ego death, we still have our thoughts, personality, and roles; however, those aspects of self might change or evolve to better reflect our true Being. The History of Ego Death While the term “ego death” is more recent, the concept of egotism and ego dissolution has been part of mystical traditions for millennia. This concept is found in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christian mysticism, Sufism, and shamanism. Buddhists believe the path of enlightenment involves the dissolution of the self. In Hinduism, there is the concept of the “false self,” which relates to the ego. Through meditation, yoga, and devotion, the devotee can let go of their false self and realize their true nature. Dissolution of the self This same concept stretches into Christian mysticism and Sufism, with both traditions emphasizing “dying to self” to experience union with God. The idea is to strip away illusions and egoic desires so that their singular focus is on the Divine. In shamanism, there is an interesting practice called dismemberment that is a form of ego death. People on a shamanic journey have experienced their spirit guide or power animal attacking them and ripping them apart. Their helping spirit then puts them back together, while leaving out energy, illness, beliefs, or limitations that are not serving that person. Dismemberment can happen spontaneously in a shamanic journey, or it can be experienced intentionally. “Ego deaths help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs.” More recently, the term ego death has been connected to psychedelic experiences. The term was actually coined in the 1960s by Timothy Leary in his book The Psychedelic Experience. In it, he explored how psychedelics played a key role in the spiritual journey and initiated ego deaths. Signs and Symptoms of Ego Death Ego death can occur within a single psychedelic or meditation experience, and it can be a slow process over weeks or months. When occurring over some time, ego death is commonly referred to as a “dark night of the soul.” While in an altered state of consciousness, such as on a psychedelic or shamanic journey, ego death symptoms may be entirely unique to you. It may feel scary, disorienting, liberating, peaceful, enlightening, or joyful. Here are some common signs and symptoms of ego death: Loss of identity You may not feel like you know who you are or why you’re here. Your current roles may not feel like they “fit” anymore. Confusion You may feel cloudy, disoriented, and not know what is “real” anymore. There could be emotions rising to the surface that don’t have an obvious source. Dissolving into nothingness An experience of completely letting go to the point where you feel like you are no one and no-thing, like you’re floating in space as pure consciousness. You may also experience sinking into the earth and dissolving into the soil. Becoming one with everything Alternatively, when the illusion of self strips away, one may feel like they are connected and one with everything around them. They are one with the tree in their yard, the wind in the sky, the bird flying high, and the clouds passing by. Detachment from the mind You may experience becoming the observer of yourself, like you are watching your mind from a distance. When there’s space between yourself and your thoughts, you can clearly see your thought patterns and emotions from a non-judgmental, unattached way. Intense fear During a psychedelic experience, it’s normal to go through phases of intense fear or panic. It may feel like you’re dying, and you may have visions of death or darkness. While scary, these are typical symptoms of ego death, especially on psychedelics. What Causes Ego Death? There are many ways that an ego death can be triggered. Substances – such as mescaline (found in the Peyote and Wachuma cacti) psilocybin, ayahuasca, LSD, and DMT – commonly cause ego deaths. These are typically intense and transformational, resulting in a sudden change in one’s life going forward. Psilocybin, found in mushrooms, can lead to ego dissolution experiences Devotion to a spiritual and awakening path will eventually lead to ego death. The longer one walks this path, the more experiences of ego death they will go through. This is because as one walks a healing and awakening path, there is a natural purification process. All that is not true and no longer serves comes to the surface and is released over time. Aside from psychedelic experiences, here are some other common causes of ego death: Sudden spiritual awakenings Near-death experiences Childbirth Intense grief or trauma Deep, unconditional love Lucid dreaming Consistent and long meditations Shamanic journey meditations Is Ego Death Good? Ego death has the potential to be a truly rewarding experience, depending on how well the experience is integrated. It can lead to a deeper connection to one’s own true, Divine nature, and to the world around them. It can help bring one closer to their true purpose, help release emotional trauma, heal old wounds, and let go of belief systems or conditioning that no longer serve. For example, a 2023 study conducted led by Johns Hopkins University and published in Front Psychiatry found that naturalistic use (non-research-based) of psilocybin showed: “persisting reductions in anxiety, depression, and alcohol misuse, increased cognitive flexibility, emotion regulation, spiritual wellbeing, and extraversion, and reduced neuroticism and burnout.” This is just one study of many that show the positive implications of psychedelic integration, in which ego deaths are common. Ego deaths are profound and monumental, but they can also be frightening and disorienting. It’s important to integrate the process and seek support when you need it. Takeaway: What is an Ego Death? An ego death is a transformational experience. While scary, it can help us come into deeper alignment with our true essence and change the course of our lives. These intense initiations help us realize and remember that we are so much more than who we think we are. I’m so thankful for the intense and dark psychedelic experience I had. That ego death helped me realize that the path I was heading down was not where I wanted to go. It helped remove the illusions and beliefs clouding my mind so that I could clearly see that the life I was living wasn’t in alignment with my true, Divine nature. Whether you’re currently experiencing symptoms of an ego death or you’re curious about the psychedelic experience, be sure to have people around to support you. The key is integration and trusting that this experience is part of your liberation and healing. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/Room27 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Purpose of Life | Letting Go | Mindfulness Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

The growing scientific interest and use of psychedelics in treating mental health issues is testament to their possible benefits. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. explains why psychedelic integration via a coach or therapist should be an essential part of the journey. The use of psychedelic substances is one of those topics that few people are neutral about. Depending on the culture, context, and personal upbringing, these substances are either seen as gateways to deeper insight – or as a doorway to doom. The proponents argue that psychedelic experiences bring forth insights, emotional breakthroughs, or even profound spiritual awakenings. However, speaking from the perspective of psychology and psychiatry, the actual self-development work may only begin after the experience. This is where proper psychedelic integration comes in – a process that helps individuals weave newfound awareness into the fabric of their everyday lives. While psychedelic integration is gaining visibility in mental health, it is essential to acknowledge that the use of psychedelic substances remains legally restricted in many countries. In discussing the use of psychedelics we are not promoting or encouraging the use of such substances. Instead, we are investigating the integration of psychedelic experiences for those who have already had them — whether through legal therapeutic programs, clinical trials, or culturally sanctioned practices. Let’s dive into the world of post-journey transformation and explore the intricacies of making sense of altered states of consciousness. What Is Psychedelic Integration? Psychedelic integration is the process of understanding and assimilating the insights, emotions, and revelations that emerge during a psychedelic journey. It’s about finding a place for those extraordinary experiences in your life and your perception of the world. Psychedelic integration involves assimilating the insights that emerge from a psychedelic journey Additionally, it is more than just reflection. When you undergo psychedelic integration therapy, you embark on a guided journey of: processing your emotions making behavioural changes using your insights for therapeutic growth In recent years, psychedelic integration therapy has gained recognition as an essential part of the healing journey. Even more so, psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (“professionally supervised use of ketamine, MDMA, psilocybin, LSD, and ibogaine as part of elaborated psychotherapy programs”) is considered a paradigm shift that might assist diagnostics and therapy of even “treatment-resistant” conditions. Psychedelic integration therapy is an essential aspect of these approaches. “Psychedelic integration is the process of understanding and assimilating the insights, emotions, and revelations that emerge during a psychedelic journey.” However, the idea of psychedelic integration is not new. For longer than we remember, indigenous traditions and shamanic cultures have emphasized post-ceremony rituals. The lessons believed to be received during altered states were placed within a broader life narrative with the help of a shaman (which, in the modern Western world, would be a psychedelic integration coach). In many Amazonian cultures, for instance, ayahuasca ceremonies are followed by periods of rest, reflection, and special regimes. RELATED: What is a Shaman and What Does a Shaman Do? What is Soul Loss and Retrieval? Healing Through a Shamanic Lens Exploring Shamanic Healing: What to Expect Today, a psychedelic integration coach and therapist draws from similar principles. The integration process itself can take many forms, depending on the nature of the experience and the individual’s specific needs. This brings us to the different types of psychedelic integration. Types of Psychedelic Integration The process of psychedelic integration should always be highly individualized. Yet, it usually incorporates three main dimensions: physical/somatic, psycho-spiritual, and emotional: 1. Physical or Somatic Integration The body often carries residue from psychedelic experiences. Some people find that the body “remembers” more than the mind, especially when they are new to psychedelic experiences. For this reason, somatic (or physical) integrations are essential. Bodywork, yoga, breathwork, or movement practices can all be used to release tension or even traumatic memories brought forth during the psychedelic journey. Another part of the mix is paying attention to sleep, nutrition, and rest. 2. Psycho-Spiritual Integration Many psychedelic experiences come with ego dissolution, unity consciousness, or encounters with archetypal imagery. Such powerful and extraordinary incidents require sensitive integration, as they can be disorienting as much as they are illuminating. Psychedelic integration therapy may use frameworks such as transpersonal psychology or mindfulness practices to explore these states. The goal is for the client to develop curiosity rather than fear. A coach or therapist should be used with psychedelic integration And in spiritual integration, a psychedelic integration coach helps the individual respond to questions like: “What does this mean for how I live?” or “How does this experience reshape my beliefs?” 3. Emotional Integration One of the most commonly reported effects of psychedelic journeys is the surfacing of buried emotions. Intense grief, rage, love, or vulnerability tend to burst out, and it becomes vital to work on their integration. “One of the most commonly reported effects of psychedelic journeys is the surfacing of buried emotions. Intense grief, rage, love, or vulnerability tend to burst out, and it becomes vital to work on their integration.” Therefore, the emotional dimension of psychedelic integration is about creating space to process these feelings gently and safely. A psychedelic integration coach guides the client through naming and exploring their feelings, identifying patterns, and maintaining a sense of grounding. Some of the techniques used are journaling or creative expression. Why Is Psychedelic Integration Important? Psychedelic integration is vital because it can mean the difference between a fragmented, overwhelming experience and one that becomes a gateway to profound growth. As authors who give practical guidelines on psychedelic integration for mental health specialists argue, psychedelic experiences might be translated as “mind-manifesting experiences”. In other words, the term “refers to the phenomenon of pulling the unconscious material to the conscious surface, allowing it to be accessed and processed”. Psilocybin, found in mushrooms, is a popular psychedelic Therefore, given the depth and intensity of what may emerge – unconscious material appearing in symbolic, emotional, or sensory form – psychedelic integration becomes essential. It is what transforms the experience into a healing one: It helps insights take root and transform one’s psyche. Psychedelic experience therapy helps work through emotional overwhelm, unsettling visions, or unresolved questions. A psychedelic integration coach or therapist provides compassion and structure so that a psychedelic journey can become restorative. It is a vital factor in extending the insights into everyday behaviour, relationships, and a sense of purpose. Without all of this, a psychedelic journey might remain a disconnected and confusing memory. How Long Does Psychedelic Integration Take? Once again, as with any growth process, there is no fixed timeline for psychedelic integration. It can unfold over weeks, months, or even years. Therefore, you’d do best not to be set on any specific “deadline”. You may require ongoing work with a coach or therapist to integrate the insights you received fully. A single session of psychedelic therapy may start a ripple effect that will put everything in its place over time. Or, you may find clarity within days as you experience an “A-ha!” moment explaining the meaning behind your experience. These differences are why you need the help of a psychedelic integration coach. They will help set a pace and guide you through the process. Initially, you may need to focus on grounding techniques and establishing emotional safety. Later, you may be ready for more in-depth work, such as identity shifts, making life changes, or exploring spiritual meaning. “Psychedelic integration is vital because it can mean the difference between a fragmented, overwhelming experience and one that becomes a gateway to profound growth.” Similar to mainstream psychotherapy (especially depth psychotherapies), not everything you will go through during the psychedelic integration will feel comfortable. Integrating these new insights and emotions might require you to grieve old patterns, let go of narratives, or make difficult decisions. Be self-compassionate and take as much time as you need. Where Can I Find a Psychedelic Integration Coach? As psychedelic-assisted therapies begin to enter the mainstream mental health field in some parts of the world, more professionals are receiving training in guiding the integration process. RELATED: What is the Peyote Cactus and Is it Legal? Microdosing 101: A Modern Phenomenon Rooted in Ancient Times Given the delicacy of the process, when seeking a psychedelic integration coach or therapist, look for individuals with a license in mental health, trauma-informed care, or spiritual counselling. The person serving as a guide on this path must have training in ethical support practices because integration often brings up vulnerable material that needs to be held safely and ethically. Principal qualities to look for include: Certification in relevant coaching or therapeutic fields Familiarity with psychoactive substances and their psychological effects A non-judgmental attitude towards non-ordinary experiences A grounding presence that helps you feel safe and supported In addition to these qualities, it would be ideal for the coach or therapist to view integration as a process of co-creation and cooperation. They should be the guide, but not dictate the process, as psychedelic insights are non-linear—and your post-experience growth should be the same. Takeaway: Psychedelic Integration Psychedelic integration is the vital piece in the transformation puzzle. Think about it not as a luxury or a bonus part of the psychedelic experience. It is a necessary continuation of the journey. Traditionally, shamans were the guides. Nowadays, more and more mental health professionals are becoming interested and trained in supporting psychedelic integration. However, from ancient times to the present, the message remains consistent: the experience is just the beginning. Actual change occurs when you walk the path after the vision fades. ● Images: shutterstock/agsandrew, shutterstock/Rumka vodki, shutterstock/Rooom27 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills | Balancing Chakras Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Radical self care is about making decisions that honour our true selves. From setting uncompromising boundaries to nurturing your authentic self, Dee Marques explores 8 radical self care examples you can incorporate into your life to gain stability and happiness. What comes to your mind when you hear the term “radical self care”? For some people, they may it associate with taking time out to pamper themselves, but this type of self care goes way beyond scented candles and relaxing bubble baths. And although these smaller acts of physical self care have their place, radical self care involves a much deeper level of attention and consideration for our mind, body and spirit. A good example of radical self care is the decision taken by US gymnastics champion Simone Biles, who bravely withdrew from Tokyo Olympics in 2021 to prioritise her mental health. Reflecting on her decision, she said that "we have to protect our minds and our bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants us to do”, emphasising that this type of choice isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Indeed, radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing. Radical Self Care: the History While the volume of Google searches for “radical self care” has boomed from 2015 onwards, the origins of this concept go way back to the 1960s and 1970s. In fact, radical self care has always had a revolutionary flair to it. Starting in the 1960s, activists within the Black Power movement, including the Black Panthers and writers like Audre Lorde, affirmed that self care was crucial when it came to survival under oppression. Practicing radical self care can be life-changing These revolutionary voices understood that radical self care meant attending to their bodies and minds on a daily basis, as they battled with systemic injustice, whether that meant being diligent with nutrition, meditation, or yoga. Not only that, but radical self care also had a community focus, as many of these activists created wellness and social service programmes targeting groups affected by inequality, and turning self care into a form of activism. So, What is Radical Self Care Exactly? The full extent of radical self care is perfectly described by Audre Lorde, when she said: “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”. Nowadays, we’re used to thinking about self care as those Instagrammable moments of pampering, quiet, and relaxation, but there’s so much more to radical self care than me-time. “Radical self care is about making choices that honour our true selves. It's about taking a stand for our inner stability – something that can be life-changing.” To understand what radical self care really means, it helps to look at the origin of the word “radical”, meaning “root”. Radical self care isn’t about masking problems with comfort, trying endless yoga programmes or the latest fad in self care routines. Instead, it’s about going to the root, tending to the source. We’re talking about the type of care that tackles burnout, systemic pressures, and emotional labour with proactive healing, and not just with generic rest. RELATED: Be Good to Yourself: 8 Self-Love Techniques 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance Self Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It This means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. Just like fellow sports star Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka gave an outstanding example of this at the 2021 French Open. She refused to talk to the media as she felt mentally fragile and subsequently withdrew from the competition, all in the face of considerable pressure and coercion. Radical self care also means creating the space to live authentically and connect with your true self, aligning your choices with your coping, social, creative, and physical needs. Essentially, radical self care is about care with conviction – a transformational practice that recognises your well-being is non-negotiable. Making time for physical wellness is another radical self care example What are Some Examples of Radical Self Care? Because radical self care isn’t only radical at the root, but in its reach, it’s vital to ensure all areas of your life are covered by this commitment to prioritising your well-being. So, how does this look like in real life? Here are some examples: Leaving a pressured social role or job that doesn’t align with your needs and values. Declining an invitation if it disrupts your energy, even if it involves people you care about. Prioritising therapy, coaching, or community healing circles over mindless distraction. Speaking up about unrealistic expectations, even if that goes against the majority’s opinion. Ending toxic relationship dynamics or unhealthy communication loops. Taking meal planning seriously to ensure your meals are nutritious and honour your body. How Do You Practice Radical Self Care? Here are eight ways you can decide to make changes that honour your true self, cultivating radical self care. 1. Cultivate Relationships That Expand You The more seriously you take your well-being, the more sensitive you become to anything that drains your energy – and that includes people. If there are toxic people in your circle, or anyone who drags you down, radical self care demands you let go and focus on connections full of respect, reciprocity, and depth. 2. Set Uncompromising Boundaries One of the starting points of radical self care is realising you can’t give your 100% to everything at the same time. To protect your energy, be selective with your boundaries at work and at home, making sure your needs are clearly expressed (for example, “I’m unavailable after 6pm” or “I can’t handle extra projects right now.”) Protect your energy by setting uncompromising boundaries 3. Say “No” Cutting obligations may disappoint others, but each “no” frees space for your mental and emotional health. Saying “no” also includes refusing to give into distraction (such as mindless scrolling), when you could be using that time on activities that bring you tangible benefits. “Radical self care means prioritising yourself, even when putting your needs first disappoints other people. That often means saying 'no'.” Studies have shown that children who say “no” and delay gratification did better socially and academically later in life – and as writer and psychotherapist Bryan Robinson says – “saying no more than you say yes is a trait of healthy and successful people”. 4. Make Time For Physical Wellness Although radical self care is much more than taking a relaxing bath or doing yoga, attending to the body is an important aspect. Make time every day for activities that respect your body’s levels energy, such as a fitness or exercise routine like mindful running, and complement this with conscious eating choices. 5. Nurture Your Authentic Self Find opportunities to voice your truths, stand by your values, and celebrate your cultural, spiritual, or political identity. To cultivate your authentic self, you may want to explore rituals that reaffirm who you are or ancestral healing practices. 6. Practice Creative Expression Your authentic self has a creative side, and research across different cultures and age ranges shows that creative activities like writing, making art, and singing are correlated to higher levels of autonomy, empowerment, and stress relief. How to practice radical self cafe? Try creative expression 7. Embrace Rest As Resistance Review your routines often and realign them around rest. This could mean anything from taking a whole day to yourself, to making 15-minute appointments with yourself. Pausing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a choice you make out of self-love. As author Ivory Bennett said about Simone Biles’ act of rest as resistance: “Biles is a bold and beautiful example of duality. You can be strong and choose rest”. 8. Swap Guilt For Trust Statistics show that 1 in 4 Americans feel guilty for investing in self care. When you feel guilty about attending to your well-being, you’re more likely to be inconsistent with your radical self care practice. It’s much more beneficial to approach every act of self care with complete trust in your choices and regards the benefits of these self-priority actions. Takeaway: Radical Self Care is Your Foundation Ultimately, radical self care is an act of total self-respect. It asks us to show up consistently for ourselves and reconnects us to our worth beyond productivity or performance – just like Simone Biles said: “I’m more than my accomplishments”. Embracing radical self care as a way of being roots us in our values, protects our energy, and restores our autonomy. What’s more, it invites us to honour our energy, trust our needs, and protect our peace without apology. Whether it’s saying no, resting without guilt, or expressing your truth, each radical choice is a step towards living more intentionally and authentically. Remember that your well-being isn’t a luxury: it’s your foundation. So, take the time and create the space for it. Why not start right now, finding one radical way of caring for and respecting yourself today? ● Images: shutterstock/GoodStudio, shutterstock/Julia Zavalishina, shuttertstock/Josep Suria, shutterstock/Toffee Photo happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Goal setting Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Think you can only meditate in lotus position? Wrong! If you have mobility or pain issues – or are simply restless – you may be better suited to meditating while lying down flat on your back. Our meditation expert Ann Vrlak shows you, including a full inner body guided meditation. One of the many myths about meditation practice is that it must be done in a sitting posture, crossed-leg, and with an elongated, straight back. You can probably imagine that posture right now or may have tried it yourself in the past. And while there are good reasons why this traditional meditation posture is used, there are also many benefits to practising meditation lying down. So, if you’ve ever asked, “Can you meditate lying down?” The answer is: yes, you most definitely can! Why Would You Practice Meditation Lying Down? How do you meditate if you have an injured knee? Or, if you’re a senior and find it difficult to sit for long periods of time? Does that mean you can’t meditate? No, because meditation is for everyone. No physical issue, age, injury or even just fatigue should keep someone from enjoying the benefits of meditation. You can meditate in any position, including lying on the floor Consider this. Have you ever been to any yoga classes? If you have, you know that teachers offer different versions of a pose, for people with different levels of experience or ability. Indeed, there's always more than one way to practise a pose. The same is true for meditation. For example, Vidyamala Burch, a meditation teacher and recipient of the Order of the British Empire, has lived her whole adult life with chronic pain. She offers options in her guided practices for people to meditate in any position, including standing. “While there are good reasons why this traditional meditation posture is used, there are also many benefits to practising meditation lying down.” Knowing you can meditate lying down also sends a message: meditation can be a natural, adaptable part of everyday life. You can meditate before sleep or when you need a quality break in your day. The Key Benefits of Meditation Lying Down Here are three main benefits to practise meditation while lying down: 1. It’s restful For most people, lying down is a restful position that is easy to maintain for short or long periods of time. It allows your body to really relax, which is a great start for any meditation practice. 2. It’s accessible We have already mentioned that this position makes meditation accessible to anyone who finds sitting difficult because of an injury or an ongoing limitation. 3. It supports healthy posture Because your body is fully supported while lying down, gravity helps your spine to move into proper alignment. A Guided Practice Script This guided practice for meditation lying down is a variation of a body scan meditation practice called inner body meditation. Follow this script when preparing to practise a lying-down meditation. It can be practised as a morning meditation or at any time during your day. Get comfortable. Take as long as you need to find a supported position on your bed or floor. Try to ensure you will be warm and cosy for the duration of the practice. RELATED: How to Meditate in Bed For Beginners Once you’re settled, close your eyes if that is comfortable for you and begin to notice the sensations of your breath – in your nose, chest and belly. Inner body meditation connects you deeply to yourself The first step of the inner body meditation is to notice the inside of your hands, without moving them or looking at them. The idea is to locate your hands only using sensation. You might notice a buzzing or tingling in your palms. Or, a sensation of pulsing or flow. There isn’t any right thing to notice. Just let your attention settle into your hands, as best you can. There's no rush. If and when you notice your attention moving away, into thinking for example, that's totally OK and to be expected. Simply notice that you have drifted off and bring your attention kindly back to the sensations inside your hands, without any judgement. Just begin again. “Lying down is a restful position, easy to maintain for long periods. It allows your body to really relax, which is a great start for any meditation practice.” When you feel ready to move on, shift your attention into your arms – your forearms, elbows and upper arms. What sensations are you having that tell you: “arms.” You are an inner explorer, noticing with deep attention what is happening in your body, right now. Stay as long as you like here, noticing as much as you can. Then let your attention move up into your shoulders, front and back. This area often holds a lot of tension for many of us. Just pay attention here, as if shining a light inside your shoulders. What do they feel like? How do you know you have shoulders? MORE LIKE THIS: Deep Sleep Meditation: the Benefits You Can Bring to Bed Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Now, pay attention to your torso: your chest, solar plexus and belly, your upper back. Continue noticing the subtle sensations in this central part of the body. Go slowly. Take your time. And your hips and lower back. Feel into this stabilizing part of your body, front and back. What do you feel here? Space, coolness, tightness? Now, let your attention move down into your legs and feet. Without moving, ask yourself: how do I know I have legs? What can I feel, right here and now, inside of my legs? You are almost done. Bring your attention now up to your head – to your neck, cheeks, forehead and scalp. This part of the body is so much a focus of our day to day experience. What is present here in your inner body? Notice as many sensations as you can. Meditation laying down supports a healthy posture Finally, experience your body as one whole energy field. From the top of your head, to the tips of your toes, feel all the sensations at once. Fill your body with awareness. Be present in your body. Stay with this final step as long as you like: experiencing yourself fully in your body. RELATED: How to Do Yoga Nidra: 4 Steps and Script When you're ready to finish, make any gentle movements that you like holding your attention in your body a bit longer as you do. Slowly let your eyes open and finish. Carry this inner body awareness with you into the remainder of your day. A Few Tips to Meditate While Lying Down Three extra tips on how to maximise your meditation while lying down. Think Big. Use the support of the surface under you to open your body. Keep your arms a comfortable distance from your sides to open your chest. Let your feet flop open to the sides. Slightly stretch your height from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Think Cosy. Watch for any slight strain on your lower back or knees, for example. Use bolsters, cushions, blankets or other props so you’re comfortable and not tensing any muscles to avoid discomfort. Think Heavy. As you get settled, imagine your body getting heavier and heavier. You may find that it takes a few moments to truly relax and allow your body to completely let go. Sometimes we hold ourselves up, even when lying down! Takeaway: Meditation Lying Down So, can you meditate lying down? Yes, and in fact, it can be a great way to expand your idea of what meditation is and integrate it into your day in different ways. If you’ve had a tough week, are down with a cold or just want to take a rejuvenating break before getting back to work, try this inner body meditation. Meditation practice is versatile and meant to meet you wherever you are in your day – or in your life. • Images: shutterstock/Max Kegfire, shutterstock/Ben Molyneux, shutterstock/A.Azarnnikova happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Stress management | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Most of us have probably asked ourselves 'what is the point of life'? Indeed, sometimes our time on Earth can seem futile. However, Dee Marques argues that finding meaning in your existence is key, and explores the 3 essential questions you should ask yourself to help find it. There comes a point in our lives where, no matter how successful we think we are, we’re bound to question why we’re here, what we're doing, and where we’re going. Sometimes, posing these questions can help us evaluate our goals and lifestyle and improve them for better physical and mental health. In other cases – perhaps when we're feeling low or vulnerable – wondering what the point of life is can amplify feelings of depression, anxiety and emptiness. As humans, we’re unique in the animal kingdom; among many other reasons because of our quest for finding fulfilment and happiness in life. We aim to do more than eat, sleep, reproduce, and stay safe. This quest for meaning has characterised humans since the beginning of times and it’s a central question in every culture. And, according to scientists, the search for meaning seems to be coded into our nature: our brains are larger and with this comes the ability to appreciate things beyond meeting our basic needs. MORE LIKE THIS: Feeling Defeated By Life? Here's How To Take Back Power Why Do I Hate My Life? 10 Ways to Start Loving It Again Feeling Lost in Life? Move On In 7 Steps And we can do more than appreciate the positive and joyful aspects of life. Trying to find meaning in negative experiences is also an ability that’s unique to humans, and that’s precisely what leads us to ask, 'what is the point of life'. So, how can we go about finding an answer? Let’s look at some practical ideas. What's the point of life? What if the purpose of life is finding a way to forget about the question 'what Is the point of life? Maybe there’s no single thing that brings meaning per se, but the journey itself may be what helps us find purpose. And when we talk about the journey, we mean every aspect of it, from savouring the pleasant experiences to learning from mistakes. Feel life is pointless? It's essential to find meaning and purpose But for the journey to be meaningful, it must be the result of your own choices. Some people try to find meaning in wealth and fame, but this doesn’t have to be your story. As a living being, you’re in a unique position to decide what your purpose should be. We didn’t choose to be born, but we can choose how to live our lives and how to enjoy it. “What if the purpose of life is finding a way to forget about the question 'what is the point of life?'” To do that, it helps focusing on being consciously grounded in the present. Practising mindfulness creates a greater awareness of what it means to be alive. It helps your mind get more in touch with your emotions, reactions, and with your five senses. This type of clarity can open your eyes to things or experiences that help you to live your life with purpose. And mindfulness is not the only thing that can bring us clarity: there are some questions you can ask yourself to inspire your search for purpose. The 3 questions to help you find meaning The quest for meaning in life is so vast that the very thought of getting started can make you feel overwhelmed. Discovering what the point of life is remains a lifelong journey, and the steps and stages won’t be the same for everyone. However, there are three key questions that can put you on the right track to begin the journey of discovery: 1. What would you like to be remembered for? As humans, we tend to focus on the present and the future. If you examine your ambitions, you may find that they’re limited to what you want to achieve this year, next year, on in the next decade. But have you thought about what you’d want to be remembered for? MORE LIKE THIS: How to Find Yourself Again: 10 Steps in Creating Clarity Bored With Life? Here Are 8 Ways to Shake Things Up When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading The answer to this question is usually related to career or spiritual goals rather than material ones, and thinking about it can help bring into focus the true essence of your being. If you're feeling lost in life, writing your obituary can be a great exercise in confirming what you'd like to be remembered for. 2. If you had super-powers, which problem would you solve first? There’s no shortage of serious problems in the world, and while it’s not always in our hands to single-handedly solve them, thinking about which problem you’d give priority can hint at where your main concerns are. Once you know that, you can start looking for ways of doing your part. For example, if you find that you’d want to end world hunger, you may want to spend some time volunteering at a soup kitchen, or creating a community food garden. 3. What’s the one activity that makes you lose track of time? We all know that time drags when we’re doing something we dislike. But the opposite is also true: there are some activities that make time fly because they get our full attention and bring us a sense of fulfilment. Losing track of time when doing something is known as finding your flow, and it's a clear sign that the activity taps into the things that make us come alive. So, spending more time in those activities can help you enjoy a more meaningful life. These thee questions are a great starting point if you are feeling the pointlessness of life. Our guide to searching for meaning in life has even more suggestions to guide you to clarity in what brings What is the point of life? Being enough There’s no doubt that knowing what your purpose in life is can bring you closer to happiness. But if you’ve been trying to find out what your life role is and haven't found an answer, don’t torture yourself. People’s experiences are different and not everyone will find the right answer at the same time. Gratitude: having enough can be enough What’s more, rushing into finding an answer will only put you under pressure and cause stress. Instead, try to see it from a different perspective: if you haven’t found an answer yet, simply “being” should be enough for now. Here are four suggestions on how to make that work: 1. Find abundance in having enough The powers of gratitude are proven by science. Make a list of things you already have in your life that make you feel blessed and grateful. Through mindfulness practice, you can find abundance in these things, and you may find that having enough is, well, enough! 2. Get comfortable with discomfort Life can feel like an uphill battle sometimes, and it's at those times when we might wonder what the point of life is. However, discomfort in life is unavoidable and trying to find meaning in those experiences often leads to frustration. So, try to accept life for what it is and know that the hard times won't last for ever. So called tragic optimism acknowledges adversity while holding space for hope. “Discovering what the point of life is remains a lifelong journey and the steps and stages won’t be the same for everyone.” 3. Let your intuition guide you Finding the meaning of life requires some analytical thinking, but sometimes logical reasoning doesn’t have all the answers. The key is to balance rational thoughts with intuition, which sometimes will contradict all logical arguments. Listen and trust that inner voice because it usually knows what’s good and right for you. 4. Forget what others think or are doing Some people seem to have their life’s purpose figured out, but comparing yourself to them isn’t helpful. The point of life is to live it in your own terms and at your own pace, and that should be the main focus. For the same reason, don’t let other people’s opinions affect you when it comes to what you find meaningful or how you go about finding your ambition, role or purpose. The Takeaway: Avoiding Pointlessness in Life So, what is the point of life? If there’s one thing that holds true for most of us, it's that the point of life is to live and experience things to the fullest, whatever that “fullest” means for you right now. Don’t rush your quest for meaning. Instead, make a point of finding joy in what you already have and try your best to feel grounded in the present. At some point, you’ll find the answer you’re looking for, and in the meantime, enjoy the journey! • Main image: shutterstock/Song_about_summer, shutterstock/WAYHOME studio Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Equanimity is a state of holding mental and emotional stability and calmness, especially during stressful situations. Dee Marques explores 7 key benefits of this superpower emotion and tells us how we can all become more equanimous... We all go through moments that test our patience. Maybe it's the driver who cuts you off in traffic, the colleague who takes credit for your work, or the neighbour who keeps leaving piles of boxes and packaging in the landing. We may start our day with the best intentions, but sometimes, these situations get the best of us, leaving us agitated and on edge. If you’re reading this article, you’re someone committed to personal growth and self-improvement, so chances are you’ve been thinking about what’s the best way to respond to this type of events. And while there’s no shortage of advice on stress management and emotional regulation, there's a crucial quality that often goes unmentioned: equanimity. So, what is equanimity exactly? Let's explore the essence of this trait, looking at its true meaning, its profound benefits, and some practical strategies to cultivate it. What is equanimity? Definition and meaning of equanimity The word "equanimity" comes from the Latin aequanimitas, which combines aequus (meaning "even" or "level") and animus (meaning "mind" or "spirit"). Essentially, it refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance. Equanimity meaning: undisturbed internal stability in the face of stress This is also an important concept in Buddhism, where equanimity is referred to as upekkha. This word is formed from the Pali prefix upa, which means “over” or “all around,” and the root ikh, meaning “to look” or “to see.” So upekkha is the capacity to see the full picture, of being inclusive in our vision, embracing many perspectives without taking sides. Equanimity is gaining recognition in the field of mental health. For example, in personality psychology there’s a link between equanimity and resilience, as the intentional practice of this trait can counter high neuroticism and strengthen the ability to cope with stressful situations. “What is equanimity? It refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance.” Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings that make it difficult to handle stress effectively. But although equanimity involves maintaining a balanced and non-reactive approach, it doesn't imply a lack of care or being emotionally cold. As meditation teacher Jack Kornfield notes, “True equanimity is not a withdrawal; it is a balanced engagement with all aspects of life. It is opening to the whole of life with composure and ease of mind, accepting the beautiful and terrifying nature of all things.” Benefits of equanimity Now we understand the meaning of equanimity, let's see how cultivating more of it does wonders for us. 1. Enhanced emotional resilience Equanimity improves the ability to recover from emotional setbacks. Research suggests that people with higher levels of equanimity have greater resilience, as they minimise both the magnitude and the duration of their response to events perceived as negative or unpleasant. 2. Stronger self-regulation There’s also evidence that equanimity helps control disruptive emotions and improve emotional regulation. This trait “tempers” both behavioural and cognitive responses to life experiences, so that we’re not constantly thrown into emotional ups and downs. 3. Improved stress management Sometimes, we can’t help but feel stressed. Equanimity can reduce the impact of stressors by helping us return to a balanced state faster. In turn, this can help reduce the allostatic load of stress (the cumulative effect of stress on body and mind), making us less likely to develop associated conditions, ranging from heart disease to Type 2 diabetes or depressive disorders. Cultivate equanimity with conscious breathing and meditation 4. Reduction in anxiety and depression Since equanimity is about achieving higher levels of emotional stability, its practice can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression and gradually lead to fewer mood disturbances. 5. Increased self-awareness Responding to life with composure requires monitoring our reactions, so the regular practice of equanimity promotes self-awareness and leads to a deeper understanding of our thoughts and emotions. 6. Better decision-making We can all remember that decision we made from a place of emotional reactiveness –as well as its negative consequences. RELATED: Inner Peace: 3 Key Techniques to Finding It Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? 5 Skills You'll Learn Through Meditation Since equanimity keeps us disengaged from emotional fluctuations, it facilitates a clearer assessment of situations, so our mind is less likely to be clouded by impulses, helping us make more rational and thoughtful decisions. 7. Quality relationships There’s no doubt that emotional balance contributes to more harmonious interactions. Not only that, but in reducing our judgements towards others, we can build connections based on greater empathy, compassion, and understanding, reducing conflict and fostering healthier relationships. Examples of equanimity Here are some situations from daily life that can easily pile up and where equanimity can be of great help: • Interpersonal conflicts This trait can help us remain calm during disagreements with friends or family members. • Receiving criticism A composed spirit makes it easier to accept feedback without becoming defensive. • Daily annoyances Being equanimous can take the edge off daily hassles, such as dealing with bad drivers, people jumping the queue, or inconsiderate neighbours. • Unexpected changes This trait is key in helping us adapt gracefully to sudden alterations to our plans or to interferences with our daily routines. • Technological frustrations An equanimous approach is a must in the digital era, as it allows us to keep our cool when we are repeatedly asked for passwords/pin codes, devices malfunction, or internet connections are slow. Cultivating equanimity: meditation and more Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to cultivate equanimity because it helps us develop the ability to observe our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without letting them control our narrative. In mindfulness meditation, we’re invited to observe what arises with curiosity and non-judgement. Through meditation, we train ourselves to react with equanimity, and over time this can even change our brain. Studies show that mindfulness practice reduces the amygdala’s size (the brain’s fear centre), and improves density in parts of the brain that manage emotional regulation and executive functioning. “Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings.” Meditation isn’t the only way to build equanimity. Slow, conscious breathing sends signals to the nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Cognitive reframing can also help: when you feel your balance is getting disrupted, ask yourself “how is this reaction helping me?”. This makes you aware of the fact that you have a choice when it comes to your reactions. From this point, you can choose to interpret events in a less catastrophic way, responding with intention instead of reacting automatically. What is equanimity? Keeping calm and composure amid chaos Other helpful actions include spending time in nature, journaling, and even cultivating a daily gratitude habit, which can rewire our emotional responses, gradually replacing reactivity with calm and groundedness. Takeaway: equanimity is your superpower Equanimity isn’t something reserved for monks who live isolated from the world or for people who never lose their temper. The beauty of equanimity lies in its everyday power. Indeed, it’s not about pretending things don’t affect you or about shutting down emotionally. It’s about choosing how to respond, and about becoming the kind of person who can sit with discomfort without needing to fix it or escape it. As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh said, upekkha is “the ability to let go, not to abandon”. More importantly, this is a quality you can build. Daily practices like meditation, journaling, and reframing your thoughts can help you become more aware of your patterns, giving you a starting point to develop a stronger inner balance. So next time you find yourself on the brink, remember: this is the perfect moment to remember the meaning of equanimity and to practise it: breath, and meet your feelings with presence and steadiness. With time and intention, equanimity will become your natural superpower. ● Images: shutterstock/4 PM Productions, shutterstock/KOTOIMAGES, shutterstock/Bagus Production happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Acceptance | Internal conflict Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Sometimes the obstacles we face in life paralyze us, leaving us trapped. Stanislava Puač J. shares 8 tips on overcoming challenges and restarting our lives. Even though many of us hope for a carefree life, it just will not happen. Challenges will always be on our path. Sometimes, it may seem as if the walls ahead are simply too high to surmount. Yet, overcoming challenges is a part of how we learn and grow. Indeed, obstacles give us an opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. History is filled with examples of people who learned how to trounce impediments and develop psychologically from the process. Take Demosthenes, for example. He is now recognised as the greatest of ancient Greek orators. Nonetheless, when he was young, he had a severe speech impediment. He overcame this barrier through a self-designed, disciplined practice. Einstein is another famous example of how overcoming obstacles can result in greatness. Apart from not speaking until he was three, he constantly faced doubt and under-appreciation by adults throughout his childhood and youth. Still, he found a way to develop his talents and become one of the most recognised names in human history. In this article I'll explain how you can perceive overcoming challenges as a means of psychological growth. I'll explain why we need to fight the obstacles we face — and why we need to do it adaptively. Finally, I'll give you eight science-based tips for overcoming obstacles in a way that helps you grow and become braver and more confident. Why you need to overcome obstacles The examples from the introduction illustrate something that is called overcompensation in psychology. When we have an actual or perceived deficit of a sort, we will usually try to offset it by developing it into a particular forte. This strong point will then serve as a counterweight to the shortfall. Overcompensation means going above and beyond what is necessary. Demosthenes could have merely fixed the speech impediment and lived an average life. But no. He became the greatest orator. Dismantling self-doubt is a key step in overcoming challenges Examples of overcompensation reveal how overcoming challenges opens the path to psychological growth in life. Albeit going that far is not necessary for every obstacle we face, we must say that avoidance is usually unhealthy. When we face hurdles, we are presented with a choice. We can either commit to overcoming challenges — or to failing or stagnating. Here’s why. When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions. Some of the most common ones are anger (for your aspirations remaining unfulfilled), guilt (because you know that you did not try hard enough), or envy (when you witness others getting what they want). You are also bound to become stressed because problems rarely just disappear. A 2016 study from the University of Amsterdam found that avoidance of difficulties leads to a diminishing sense of control. In turn, psychological well-being and mental health declines as rumination takes over. “When you avoid dealing with difficulties you risk experiencing a range of adverse emotions, such as anger, guilt or envy.” Self-doubt, anxiety and depression could come as a result of continual failure to achieve goals. Even though it might feel good to rationalise the reasons why you did not realise your dreams at first, empirical findings reveal that this defence mechanism is associated with emotional disorders. Therefore, even though overcoming challenges may feel scary at times, it is vital for your well-being. As you progress through hurdles on your path towards attaining goals, you are simultaneously growing as a person. You develop self-confidence, learn to move beyond self-indulgence, and develop adaptive responses to whatever life throws your way. Overcoming challenges: 8 tips How we respond to complications is highly individualised. It could be affected by our past experiences, mental habits, as well as our personalities. Seeking and overcoming challenges seems embedded in some people’s temperament and personality structure. Nonetheless, whether we are naturally geared towards adventure or not, we will hit an impediment here and there. Overcoming obstacles will be easier if you incorporate some of the following tips on productive coping with challenges. 1. Analyse the problem well It may seem obvious, but the first step to overcoming challenges without difficulty is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically. You may be amazed by how often we succumb to apprehension, avoidance — or daydreaming and unsubstantiated optimism, on the other hand — instead of scrutinising the problem critically. Therefore, examine where the problem truly lies. Is it a real or perceived obstacle? Which aspect is the most important one? In what order do you need to tackle the elements of the difficulty? What is it that you can and cannot impact? What resources do you need — new knowledge and skills, others’ help, time, or determination? 2. Consider it an opportunity, not a threat A common obstacle to successfully overcoming challenges is our mindset. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the type of person who goes about looking for challenges and adventures. Even more concretely, I used to feel threatened by any new and tricky situation. Still, what I found very useful is changing my perspective. What may not come naturally to you could be developed through practice. RELATED: Tragic Optimism: An Antidote to Toxic Positivity Those who enjoy challenges — and thrive facing hitches — see every obstacle as an opportunity to become greater, better, different. You, too, can train your mind to think of hindrances as a chance to learn something new and evolve rather than to suffer. 3. Examine and dismantle your self-doubts Overcoming obstacles is often made more difficult by your own unhelpful thoughts, especially if you're used to avoiding facing challenges. When you look at your records and see but a few instances in which you fought a problem head-on, it's easy to succumb to self-doubt. Doubting your abilities, or even loathing yourself for lack thereof, will get you nowhere. What you need to do is to examine and knock down your lack of faith in your skills. Where does it come from? What thought comes to your mind when you anticipate trouble? How does it make you feel? How realistic is such a belief? Could you think about the situation differently (hint — yes, you could)? Support from friends is a key factor in overcoming obstacles 4. Keep a record of your past successes One helpful way to deal with self-doubt more effectively is to document one’s successes. Studies show that many people tend to overestimate their shortcomings. At the same time, they underestimate how well they can address problems. As a result, their self-perception gets distorted, making them blind to their abilities. Make a CV of your past accomplishments. Do not hold back but praise yourself for everything you have achieved so far. Remember the times when you overcame snags with triumph. What qualities did you need to mobilise to overcome challenges? Write them all down. And then, come to this “CV” whenever you feel a lack of confidence creeping on you. 5. Make a solid plan Once you are clearer on where the problem lies, what unhelpful thoughts might be hindering your success, and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it. In other words, you are highly unlikely to accomplish your goals if you do not combine a belief in yourself with a solid action plan. “The first step to overcoming challenges is understanding the problem ahead. Still, many of us fail to approach the issue analytically.” Define the goal and communicate it to those who need to be involved. Make a step-by-step map of action that is clear and easy to follow. Make sure there are tangible steps and smaller objectives on the way to the final goal. Measure the results — and celebrate them, too. 6. Assemble a circle of support Overcoming obstacles is much easier when you have someone to lean on. Science has shown that social support has been confirmed to be one of the crucial factors in psychological well-being over and over again. Somehow, life problems tend to seem much bigger when you feel alone in dealing with them. So, ask for support from the right people. Seek out those who will be supportive, accepting and realistic. Whether it's your friends and family, a support group, or a psychotherapist, an encouraging social environment can do wonders for your self-esteem. It will highlight and nurture your ability to overcome any issue ahead. A helping hand from friends is essential for overcoming challenges and difficulties 7. Meditate Meditation is a technique that can help you integrate the tips we have spoken about above. Meditative practice teaches you to calm your mind and free it from ruminative apprehensions and adverse emotions. It gives you the mental flexibility and physical tranquillity you need for overcoming obstacles with success. Finally, after meditation, you will notice greater clarity in understanding the problem ahead and how you can tackle it. 8. Pledge to self-care Let me be straight — overcoming challenges can be hard work. It's easy to disregard healthy habits when you are entangled with problems. This is why you should commit to a self-care practice and ensure you are well cared for. Broadly speaking, all the tips here can be seen as a form of self-care. When you perceive a problem rationally, address unhelpful beliefs and develop a growth mindset and self-confidence, you care for yourself. The same goes for gathering support or meditating. “Once you're clear on where the problem lies and which talents you can rally to help you in overcoming challenges, it's time to plan how to do it.” However, what we have in mind here is more specific. It's a well-known set of recommendations to make sure you do not neglect to care for your mental and physical needs. Therefore, eat healthily and regularly. Set up a better sleep routine to ensure both the quality and quantity of sleep you need. Exercise to release some of the accumulated stress. Socialise with the right people and consume quality media content. Finally, pamper yourself and treat yourself to something pleasant and healthy, like a relaxing massage. You will find your mental batteries charged as a result of such a self-care routine, and you will be much more willing to embrace the opportunity to grow from overcoming challenges. Takeaway: Embrace overcoming challenges It's perfectly natural to feel anxiety — dread, even — when facing major challenges in our life. The more important the goal, the graver the fear of not attaining it. You may even feel totally paralyzed. However, obstacles tend not to go away just because we look the other way. So, take the challenges life throws at you head-on. This will show you a doorway to an unbounded field for psychological growth. Embrace the hurdles and snags. Be courageous and believe in yourself. Even though overcoming challenges and difficulties may feel like you are in freefall at times, be at ease. There is a new 'you' that will catch you on the other side of the obstacle you're facing. • Main image: shutterstock/Maridav, shutterstock/Viktoria Kurpas, Hitdelight happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Self-help | Authenticity | Coaching Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be our default setting, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani suggests 7 ways in which we can always be kind towards others – and ourselves, too. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone, or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. Some of us may have been bullied online or received a harsh response to a genuine query, and at times we’ve regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others. With the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why we should always choose kindness It's fair to wonder why we should have to 'choose' kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. For instance, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must have had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches on my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson! Does this line of thinking seem familiar to you? Donating goods – or time – to a food bank is one way to choose kindness Indeed, choosing kindness can bring about a much-needed shift in the way we judge. Always being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. How to Always Be Kind “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To cultivate kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: how can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli. Always be kind.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort on our part. The process of always being kind may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks in others. How Does Choosing Kindness Benefit Us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner from the University of Exeter revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed. In turn, this promotes tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. 7 ways to choose kindness every day Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. So, here are seven ways in which we can try to choose to be kind and considerate every day: 1. Create a kindness plan It's possible to choose kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a good-natured manner. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness: inviting them for a chat over a coffee. Supporting local businesses by buying their products. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness. Remember, it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we listen compassionately. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A 2010 survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others resulted in improved emotional well-being. RELATED: Money Can't Buy Happiness (Except When You Spend it Like This!) Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, etc. are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A litter pick shows kindness to the planet 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying, and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs, etc. RELATED: Adult Bullying And How to Deal With It We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it's always possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It's important to remember that your employees and coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost productivity and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember forever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it's probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Choose to be kind to yourself Always being kind towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling low. After all, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light”, or, “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you centre your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The takeaway: choosing kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness rendered to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Deciding to always be kind – especially in situations where our inner voice is telling us to escalate conflict – may take some practice, but it can also create long-lasting happiness for others, as well as ourselves. ● Images: shutterstock/BAZA Production, shutterstock/Dragon Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Altruism | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Unlike toxic positivity – where the only acceptable response to hardship is to smile through it – tragic optimism acknowledges adversity while holding space for hope. Dee Marques explores the meaning of tragic optimism and offers five ways to find meaning during challenging times. Do you remember the last time you tried to cheer someone up by telling them “stay positive” or – the current mantra of our times – “you've got this!”? Or maybe you say these things to yourself to pep yourself up while you're going through difficult days while trying to navigate through life. Although the intention behind these expressions comes from a place of kindness, reinforcing words such as these can sometimes miss the mark. That's because we live in a culture that often pushes us towards forced optimism; a mindset where every cloud must have a silver lining and must be met with a smile. This kind of toxic positivity comes with its downsides. As best-selling author Margie Warrell puts it: “The over-generalization of ‘think positive’ to all situations can be harmful, as it denies the full human experience”. However, there’s also a very real and valid longing behind toxic positivity: to find hope in difficulty and to trust that life is meaningful, even when it’s hard. So, how do we meet that need without bypassing our emotional truth? That’s where so-called tragic optimism comes in. What is the meaning of tragic optimism? The concept of tragic optimism was first developed by Austrian psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. He defined it as, “an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential”. It asserts that even in the face of suffering, individuals can find purpose and meaninf in life, maintaining optimism and hope, even in the most challenging circumstances. Tragic optimism: finding the light while accepting the darkness Challenging circumstances and tragedy is something that were close to Frankl. During the three years he and his family spent in various concentration camps, his father died while both his mother and brother were murdered in gas chambers. By holding on to hope and meaning, Frankl managed to survive this terror and work within psychology. Tragic optimism vs toxic positivity Unlike toxic positivity – which suggests that the only acceptable response to pain is to smile through it – tragic optimism recognises that suffering is part of life. Its strength lies in embracing life as it is, as a way to cultivate emotional honesty and fortitude. This concept is completely at odds with toxic positivity, which leaves little room for anger, grief, fear, or despair. In this mindset, people are often asked to “look on the bright side” instead of acknowledging pain. In real life, this can play out in small but painful ways: a friend brushing off your heartbreak with “you’ll find someone better”, a colleague minimising your burnout with “at least you have a job”, or even the inner voice that tells you “you don’t have a right to feel sad or unhappy – others have it worse”. “Tragic optimism recognises that suffering is part of life. Its strength lies in embracing life as it is, as a way to cultivate emotional honesty and fortitude.” Science shows that toxic positivity can, as.the name suggests, be harmful. Research confirms that dismissing negative emotions through suppression or experiential avoidance actually heightens distress. Moreover, the emotional suppression that characterises toxic positivity can leave us feeling more alone and ashamed, and has even been linked to anxiety and depressive disorders. A 2011 study from the University of Bielefeld, Germany, found that this avoidance doesn’t only lead to increased suppression of negative emotions, but also to the suppression of positive emotions, suggesting that toxic positivty can even impair our ability to enjoy the good things in life. Finding Meaning in Hardship Frankl believed that meaning is the antidote to suffering. Building on philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche’s idea that "if we have our own why in life, we shall get along with almost any how", Frankl observed this to be true under gruelling circumstances, and noted how some of his fellow prisoners in a concentration camp made it through simply because they were able to find meaning in their experience. MORE LIKE THIS: The Attitude of Gratitude: 6 Ways it Can Change Your Life How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Strategies Values and Motivation: Essential For Meaning in Life Although traumatic events mark us, we always have the option to weave them into our life narrative and see them as growth points, rather than as endings. This integration work to overcome challenges is crucial, because otherwise we would be left with multiple disconnections between different events and stages of life, which would make it difficult to understand how difficult experiences can lead to growth. Tragic Optimism: Growth From Hardship Of course, unproblematic situations and joyful life stages are important and we should enjoy them to the best of our ability. Enjoyment is important to life! But growth rarely comes from those moments. Instead, it often emerges as we carve our way through hardship. This is what researchers have called post-traumatic growth – and real-life examples are plentiful. For instance, a 2021 study from the University of California and Eastern Washington University of over 500 participants during COVID-19 found that 56% felt increased gratitude amid suffering. Brighter days can lie ahead when you hold on to meaning Similarly, a 2011 study from George Mason University found that people experiencing traumatic events such as natural disasters or the death of loved ones without falling into experiential avoidance reported high levels of growth and meaning – in fact, the greater the distress, the greater their growth. 5 Meaning-Making Strategies Tragic optimism – making meaning through hardship – is about staying with what hurts and choosing to move forward regardless. Here are five strategies to help you turn adversity into understanding, strength and growth. 1. Name What You Feel Instead of brushing aside emotional discomfort saying “it could be worse” or “stay positive”, allow your emotions to surface and acknowledge their nature and where you feel them in your body. A 2007 study from UCLA found that labelling emotions combined with mindfulness reduced activity in the brain’s threat response centre, helping participants feel calmer and more in control. 2. Find Your ‘Why’ One of the most powerful strategies during periods of hardship is to identify a sense of purpose. Your ‘why’ doesn’t have to be huge or dramatic, but to be meaningful, it needs to feel true to you. Here are some examples: Caring for someone you love Advocating for an issue close to your heart Using your experience to support others going through similar challenges Committing to become the person you needed when you were at your lowest Achieving all the life goals you still aim for The point of tragic optimism isn’t to erase pain, but to anchor yourself in something worth enduring it for. As research has shown, purpose is linked to greater emotional resilience, decreased depression and anxiety, and even to a longer lifespan and fewer risk of heart conditions. 3. Reframe Suffering Into Growth Tragic optimism involves approaching hardship as part of your evolution. So, instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?", ask "What might change because of this?" or "What kind of person do I want to become because of this?" Changing your perspective like this isn’t about forcing silver linings, but about reinterpreting life events so you can move from helplessness to agency. Change your perspective and reframe suffering into growth 4. Practise ‘honest gratitude’ Forcing yourself to “be grateful” doesn’t help. Even gratitude researcher Robert Emmons says: “To deny that life has its share of disappointments, frustrations, losses, hurts, setbacks and sadness would be unrealistic and untenable. Life is suffering. No amount of positive thinking exercises will change this truth.” “While toxic positivity offers comfort at the cost of emotional authenticity, tragic optimism acknowledges adversity while holding space for meaning, hope and growth.” Honest gratitude is a more nuanced and grounded perspective that simply invites you to notice what remains steady or meaningful as you experience pain. That might be a friend who checks in, a tree you pass on your daily walk to work that reminds you of continuity, or the feeling of a warm cup of tea on a hard day. 5. Take one meaningful action Sometimes, meaning is not found through thought, but through action. Ask yourself: What is one small thing I can do today that aligns with my values? Maybe that means writing a note of encouragement to someone else, or volunteering in a way that feels manageable. These choices say: “I can respond to pain in meaningful ways”, which is the basis of tragic optimism. Takeaway: Tragic Optimism While toxic positivity offers comfort at the cost of emotional authenticity, tragic optimism acknowledges adversity while holding space for meaning, hope, and growth. This is a gentler, wiser alternative that makes space for both hardship and growth. Tragic optimism isn’t just an antidote to toxic positivity: it’s an invitation to embrace every part of the human journey, and to emerge with deeper strength, meaning, and love for life. If you’re going through something difficult, try to stay open to life, even when it hurts. ● Images: PHOTOCREO Michal Bednarek, Perfect Wave, Good Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Stress management | Resilience Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.