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Ponder. Sounds like u r a good man with a lot of responsibility and stress. I am not if ubwant advice about your predicament since u shared so such and I am not qualified to give it. But I would say that your family should pull together (not saying they dont) and allow you time to have outside time. If you fall ill whose going to be there for them etc. Thanks for your advice I agree resigning to one's predicament does give u a feeling of equanimity but it is hard to stay there because humans are social animals. I wish u all the best and send u positive thoughts thank u for sharing.

I do hope i have added this in correct area of the forum If Admin feel it is in wrong thread it is of course ok to move this thread Brief Introduction to Falun Dafa Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong) is an advanced practice of Buddha school self-cultivation, founded by Mr. Li Hongzhi, the practice’s master. It is a discipline in which “assimilation to the highest qualities of the universe—Zhen, Shan, Ren (Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance)—is the foundation of practice. Practice is guided by these supreme qualities, and based on the very laws which underlie the development of the cosmos.” Master Li’s teachings are set forth in a number of texts, among which are included Falun Gong, Zhuan Falun, The Great Perfection Way of Falun Dafa, Essentials for Further Advancement, and Hong Yin (The Grand Verses). These and other works have been translated into over forty languages, and are published and distributed worldwide. The focus of Falun Dafa practice is the mind, with the cultivation of one’s mind and thoughts, or “Xinxing,” being singled out as the key to increasing Gong energy. The height of a person’s Gong is directly proportionate to that of his Xinxing. The concept of “Xinxing” encompasses the transformation of virtue (a white form of matter) and karma (a black form of matter). It also includes forbearance, discernment, and abandonment—that is, forsaking ordinary human desires and attachments, and managing to endure the most trying of ordeals. Much is encompassed by the concept. Falun Dafa also includes the cultivation of the body, which is accomplished by performing specific exercises. One purpose of the exercises is to strengthen the practitioner’s supernatural abilities and energy mechanisms by means of his or her powerful Gong force. Another purpose is to develop many living entities in the practitioner’s body. In advanced practice, the Immortal Infant will come into being and many abilities will be developed. The exercises of Falun Dafa are necessary for the transformation and cultivation of such things. A comprehensive mind-body cultivation system such as this requires both self-cultivation and physical exercises, with cultivation taking priority over exercises. A person’s Gong simply will not increase if he or she merely does exercises while failing to cultivate Xinxing. The exercises are thus a supplemental means to achieving spiritual perfection. Falun Dafa involves the cultivation of a Falun, or “law wheel.” The Falun is an intelligent, rotating entity composed of high-energy matter. The Falun that Master Li Hongzhi plants in a practitioner’s lower abdomen from other dimensions rotates constantly, twenty-four hours a day. (True cultivators can acquire a Falun by reading Master Li’s books, watching his 9-session lectures on video, listening to recordings of his 9-session lectures, or studying together with students of Falun Dafa.) The Falun helps practitioners to practice automatically. That is, the Falun refines the practitioner at all times, even though he or she isn’t performing the exercises at every moment. Of all practices made public in the world today, only Falun Dafa has managed to achieve a state in which, “the Fa refines the person.” The rotating Falun has the same qualities as the universe, and is the universe’s miniature. The Buddhist Falun, the Daoist Yin-Yang, and everything of the Ten-Directional World are reflected in the Falun. The Falun provides salvation to the practitioner when it rotates inward (clockwise), since it absorbs a great amount of energy from the universe and transforms it into Gong energy. The Falun provides salvation to others when rotating outward (counter-clockwise), for it releases energy that can save any being and rectify any abnormal condition. Being in the presence of someone who practices thus benefits a person. Falun Dafa “brings a person to a state of wisdom and harmonious existence. The movements of the practice are concise, as a great way is extremely simple and easy.” Falun Dafa is unique in eight ways: 1. A Falun is cultivated, rather than an energy elixir. 2. The Falun refines the person even when he or she is not doing the practice’s exercises. 3. One’s primary consciousness is cultivated, such that it is the person him or herself who obtains Gong energy. 4. Both mind and body are cultivated. 5. The practice consists of five exercises, which are simple and easy to learn. 6. The mind is not used to direct anything, there are no associated risks, and Gong energy increases quickly. 7. Location, time, and direction are not of concern when exercising, nor is how one concludes one’s exercise session. 8. Protection is provided by the master's Fashen, so one needn’t fear harm from malevolent entities. The teachings of Falun Dafa are thus completely unlike those of conventional practice methods or those that are based on the development of an internal elixir, or Dan. Falun Dafa practice begins at a high plane right from the outset, thus providing the most expedient, fast, ideal, and precious means of practice for those with a predestined connection or who have been practicing for years using other means but failed to develop Gong. When a practitioner’s Xinxing and the strength of his Gong reach a certain height, he or she can attain an imperishable, adamantine body while still in the secular world. A person can also achieve the “unlocking of Gong,” enlightenment, and ascension of the whole person to higher planes. Those with great determination should study this upright teaching, strive to achieve their ultimate rank, elevate their Xinxing, and forsake their attachments. Only then is spiritual perfection possible. May you cherish it—the Buddha Fa is right before you. Since I, Amanaki adding this info that come from the Falun Gong official site, this thread is not my own Words. and when questions is asked, it would be good if they are asked in a respectful manner, and letting me be able to answer Your question in a respectful manner back to you There are many rummors out there about Falun Gong, But if you want more true answer about this form of practice i would advie to read about Falun Gong or Falun dafa as it is also know as. on this two sites (hope it is ok to add website links here, if not Admin can remove the links) https://en.falundafa.org/index.html https://en.minghui.org/

Als erstes muss ich mich als Gelegenheitsmeditierer outen - wobei mir die Vorteile von Meditation absolut klar und bewusst sind. Und ich auch aus eigener Erfahrung sagen kann, dass jede Meditation sofortige Wirkung zeigte. Warum ich trotzdem nicht regelmäßiger meditiere? Kurioserweise hat mich bisher am meisten Terminstress und meine innere Unruhe davon abgehalten, tägliche Meditation zu lernen und zu praktizieren. Kurios deswegen, weil Meditation mir erfahrungsgemäß großartig dabei hilft, Stress und innere Unruhe abzumildern und gut in den Griff zu bekommen. Nun habe ich vor einigen Tagen damit begonnen, direkt nach dem Aufwachen einige Minuten im Bett sitzend bei geöffnetem Fenster Meditationsmusik oder eine geführte Meditation zu hören. Das bietet sich in meinem Falle an, weil ich ein sehr früher Vogel bin und so die morgendliche Stille, die frische Luft und die langsam schwindende Dunkelheit geniessen kann. Für mich die perfekten Voraussetzungen für eine energetische Aufladung und damit für einen frischen Start in den Tag! Und direkt nach dem Aufwachen haben Unruhe und Stress noch keine Gelegenheit von mir Besitz zu ergreifen. Und nach meiner morgendlichen Meditation bin ich ausreichend gewappnet. ihnen auch den Tag hindurch Paroli zu bieten. Ich kann also allen, denen es ähnlich geht, die sich meistens zu hibbelig fühlen, um die Ruhe in der Meditation zu finden, nur raten: Sucht euch die zu euch passende Umgebung, Zeit, Dauer und Form der Meditation. Ein Setting, das sich natürlich für euch anfühlt und ohne Aufwand geschaffen werden kann. Dann geht's euch vielleicht wie mir und Meditation wird so normal wie Zähneputzen...

In one of the mindfulness courses I took, there was a exercise to identify and bucket your thoughts vs sensations vs emotions (feelings). I am having difficulty differentiating thoughts vs. emotions as they're so tightly intertwined. Any tips or suggestions?

Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad to inform you that I have a new self-help book coming up for 2023, which is a compilation of research-based knowledge on live a healthy and happy life with the help of a chiropractor. And thanks for the offer to share your book, I have added it to my reading list.

Things that really make me happy Things that make me laugh Which helps me to forget the stress I am doing things that give me a reason to live…. listening just my inner voice rather than thinking about society and negative thoughts.

Gratulations! Becoming aware of the monkey mind is such a huge and important lesson. Another one is that thoughts are real but they are not necessarily true. I find that the louder my thoughts claim to tell the truth the more they are based on assumtions which are based on nothing...

I disagree... AND I agree ? Short term stress is energizing and even healthy as it gets the organism going. The problem is when, after a stressful phase, there is no matching recovery phase. Chronic stress is dangerous. As so often drilling deeper, we get a more nuanced picture.

34 "You experience regular stress sometimes maybe even to an unhealthy degree." This was not always the case at my job. I love what I do and that played a big factor in my stress factor. However, with new management and the pandemic this has changed a lot of things. Now I feel like I am feeling stressed out on a regular basis. I have had to figure out how to not bring it home and let it rule my life outside of my work hours.

Hi @Maltija85, I noticed your other post on IBS and thought about the correlation to fibromyalgia regarding the disbiosys of your gut microbiome. A quick research lead me to believe that both issues are related: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325535.php#1 https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/06/190620100043.htm https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31219947 I dont wanna sound overly excited, but having had issues with mild IBS for a long time, I know that the composition of your gut bacteria aka gut microbiome is not a fixed thing, but can change over time. Many scientific papers are indicating that your smyptoms are most likely are result of composition of your gut bacteria. This composition is by no means a fixed thing, but change every hour and day based on your lifestyle and dietary choices. To certain degree, you have been set up for life based on the way you were born (c-section/natural). whether you were fed with breastmilk, where you grew up (country-side/ city), or whether you had a traumatizing childhood or received lots of antibiotics in the last years, but even with many such disturbances to your microbiome, it still has the ability to recover and return to a healthy and normal state with proper care. I would highly encourage you to buy a book or two on the gut microbiome and start reading online to learn what you can do to improve it. It is possible to restore a healthy level. I am quite optimistic that you can achieve a life where your symptoms are drastically decreased to a level that wont inhibit you from taking part in an active social life If you are interested I will write a bit more on my journey and some tips here later? Julius

My understanding of Qi Gong (chee gong) is that it's a Chinese medicinal therapy based on breathing control, and it helps eliminate tension, stress, and brings health and vitality. I suppose they could be categorised into the same healing therapies like tai chi or reiki? They all come from Eastern traditions and support the importance of properly channelling the qi - or vital energy - through the body's meridians. According to these principles, the good state of one's health will depend on our ability to achieve the correct balance between body and mind; thus achieving wellbeing, mainly through meditation and breathing control. Has anyone tried? What are the benefits and how often would one have to practice? Please comment and share your experiences :)

Hi there, Nice list! Hope you'll consider The Language of Mindfulness podcast as well ! https://anchor.fm/languageofmindfulness Best to you.

Almost every morning I dance it out around my apartment to my favorite joyful and empowering songs! It creates so much Seratonin-the feel good chemicals- and it is a really freeing feeling, a great way to “let go” of stress and tension built up in your body, and start the day feeling better. I had almost majored in Dance Therapy in college years back, so I guess that’s what made me start this fun way to create my own joy at home. Also, I recently read and saw YouTube videos that this is also related to what is called “Conscious Movement” or “Conscious Dance”: “Conscious Dance is a movement-based process which leads participants on a journey of physical and emotional transformation. There is no structured choreography. It is lightly guided and free style. It is not about learning steps; it’s about revealing, recovering, and re-discovering of yourself and your natural intuitive flow.“

Wow, thanks Joh. I am learning mindfulness and Practicing letting go, and I do meditate. I am much calmer now than I was 8 months ago. I think it's just a build up of emotions and stress, plus regressing back to how I was before I met my wife. I did live with my mum and late stepfather then, due to a lot of factors. Mental health being one of them. I did have many negative influences in my life then, and they started to resurface in the last 18 months as my happiness deteriorated. I think I may need more counseling sessions and to really Express and have a conversation with my mother.

In connection to my last topic, "To be not neurotypical" I will give you an update. I wrote a blog with over 5000 words and won't translate it manually. This was my first topic: Diagnosis - Dysthymia and APD: what now? sorting and enlightening Important NOTE: I have researched everything to the best of my knowledge and belief and, above all, my own experience has been incorporated. Mental illnesses are as individual as people themselves. I ask you to bear that in mind when reading. I've been reluctant to write a blog about my diagnostic situation lately. The last status for you was that I was looking for a diagnostician. I've written countless emails and also came close to shelling out a lot of money for a private practice. But then a friend came up with “Hey. Look there. Maybe they still have room.” And I also wrote an e-mail there and then waited. A week and I was written to, they called and waited again. Another phone call and then it happened in quick succession. I was immediately given an appointment for the screening and one for the diagnosis and then it was time to wait. I was a total bundle of nerves. As usual for me, I thought everything out. I imagined the worst scenarios. Not about the diagnosis. At least not the actual diagnosis itself. But rather …. that they find nothing and that I remain ignorant. The thought was hell. And at some point the appointment came and unfortunately I had to go there alone, using public transport and was nervous as fuck. And in the end it was all very exhausting. the screening I had to look for the building first. The clinic was huge and the direct route to psychiatric diagnostics was blocked by a construction site (Welcome to Berlin). So I spent 30 minutes looking for it. Luckily I'm so paranoid that I always plan a lot more time for first-time visits. So in the end I was half an hour early. When it was finally my turn, I had to tell almost an hour. And tell. I talked about my childhood, my life, my relationships, jumping back and forth with nervousness. While I lost the thread umpteen times, I watched the psychologist write and write and write and listen. She asked exactly one intermediate question. Then she enlightened me on a thing or two, raised a suspicion that I forgot when I left the room, and basically handed me a laptop on which I had to answer hundreds of questions. The actual screening has started. The questions were strange. Mainly because at first they didn't really match the questions I asked myself. I tried to answer them patiently and then left after three quarters of an hour, totally exhausted. The wait It took 1.5 weeks from the screening to the result. And with each passing day it became somehow harder for me, who is already impatient, to stay patient and strong. Every day I was more exhausted. tired. perplexed? I threw myself into a game, got the job done as best I could, indulged in some beef again. But I wasn't really happy with my overall situation. My husband had to constantly listen to what was going through my head. My friends. Many other people. It helped deflate the head a bit. But the pressure sometimes came back faster than I could talk/write about it. But in the end, and I had to admit it to myself, I had to wait. Whether I like it or not. And then the day came. The diagnosis ... I went with a suspicion (which I will continue to investigate, but only after the move) and this suspicion was ... completely ruled out (I'll get a second opinion there) and I was after I had a few more questions who gave the diagnosis. I suffer from dysthymia (more on that in a moment) and anxious-avoidant personality disorder (AVPD). She tried to explain to me in a very scientific way what it is and my only question was "And this since my earliest childhood?" And she said yes to the dysthymia. My head refused to accept this at first. As I said before, I approached the whole thing with different expectations. After the conversation I went home and talked to my husband. I've exchanged ideas with people a lot and, above all, collected a great deal of information and, now that I've endured the acceptance, I want to start clarifying things immediately. Mainly because I find that important and it also helps me to process things. So let's start with something that hasn't existed since my childhood and that I can even define quite precisely for myself. Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) Anxious-avoidant personality disorder is characterized primarily by the fact that one feels very inhibited, unattractive and inferior and avoids social contacts for fear of (especially negative) criticism or being ridiculed. They often feel incapable of representing their opinion and very often (as with dysthymia) have the problem that they lose themselves even more in these feelings of incompetence because they feel misunderstood. People with AVPD tend to be quiet and withdrawn, even within groups, and they find it very difficult to say no because it could be interpreted negatively. For people with this diagnosis, social contact is very uncomfortable and eye contact is avoided as much as possible in many cases. When social contacts arise, those affected are usually very careful to keep their distance and tend to torment themselves through the conversation. Above all, they often hold back on the flow of speech in (group) discussions. For me it really depends on the topic. The rest I would say, and I have to admit it to myself, actually fits … like Hati's fist on my eye. Self-assessment APD The origin of an APDcannot be fully deduced. There is a lot of speculation that it can also have genetic causes (which would not surprise me at all). In addition, negative influences play a very important role. But I don't want to rattle down Wikipedia or scientific writings. But one thing in advance: APDoccurs in perhaps one percent of the world population and therefore there is very little therapy evidence. Most therapies manage to bring improvement, but do not really reach a normal level of social skills. Now let's really get to the self-assessment. As a child I liked B. still hugs and physical contact. But that decreased slightly early on because I often felt rejected by my own family. So feelings that I have developed. In the course of my youth, that has already changed. I am still “liked” to go away, e.g. E.g. discos, clubs and such, but with as much freedom as possible for me. In the end I would say that many negative experiences have ensured that the APDhas continued to worsen. It has apparently always been there and would probably be easier to treat if I had been diagnosed as a child. I actually still feel the need to go to a club again. But I hate the crowds that are common in Berlin clubs and I would have to get there drunk to have any "fun". Or I would like to go to a pub or bar again. But the discomfort that this disease brings is like an impassable wall. Movie theater. Cinema always works. I'm someone who distances himself because of this illness. This makes people think I'm arrogant or that I'm talking down to them. Mainly because I often avoid eye contact. But there are other reasons for that. If I do something, I want to do it well. I want to prove to myself and (primarily to others) that I can do things. It's a bit... like a compulsion that you can't escape. Especially at work I was often told (after projects or presentations) that I came across as being condescending. But that is never (!) my intention. And I have often tried to work on it. And now I also know why it never really worked out to work on it. While you can at least try to maintain a certain social level in a normal conversation, it's more difficult (for me) with lectures, because you want to present your work, which you've put a lot of time and effort into, and something switches on in the head around. You get more outspoken and often adopt a tone you don't intend and end up being... the arrogant asshole without even realizing it. I've also forced myself to maintain eye contact for years, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. You know that: "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" And so. In addition, society considers it very impolite not to look the other person in the eye. I don't know why, but Corona made me stop forcing myself. I look at someone for a few seconds and then either look past them or pretend to look for something. Or I would do something “important”. Just so people don't see it as rude. I... just don't like it. In the end, the APDexplains a lot in my life. But how do you explain it to other people? And especially those who come up with sentences like “Just socialize more. You'll get used to it." Corrosive. I hate that. And that in combination with what's coming now, it's like winning the lottery. Only … without a payout. Dysthymia - high-functioning depression Similar to APD, this diagnosis is not very common. Around 1.5% of the world's population are diagnosed with it each year. Approximately 3-15% of this is in the USA alone. Depending on when it is recognized, dysthymia is a largely treatment-resistant psychological disorder. Therapy and medication can bring about an improvement, but this is rarely the case and unfortunately a cure is almost impossible (depending on whether you ask a medical specialist or a homeopath). And the most tragic thing about it: it is chronic. But more on that in a moment. In addition, improvement also depends on when it is diagnosed. It's more successful when it's a kid than it is... my age or even later. The symptoms of dysthymia are seen by those affected as "I'm just like that" and also internalized. Correspondingly, pathways are created in the brain that also store this feeling permanently...? There is also evidence (which unfortunately only takes women into account because the disease occurs more frequently in women than in men) that patients with dysthymia have a different form of certain brain structures than mentally healthy people. In the end that means: an improvement is possible, for a cure I would need a new brain. Exaggerated of course. In the end it's something you live with and have to come to terms with, and you have to appeal to your fellow human beings to accept it. do you know that Especially the bad mood question and that with the smile ensures that at some point it occurs reflexively. You smile because you see someone. You smile because it's expected in certain situations. Similar to eye contact. You force yourself to do it. Dysthymia is... persistent depression. Although it is weaker than most other depressions, the duration is often several years or, in my case... forever. People with dysthymia have very low self-esteem, are often exhausted, have very poor sleep, and very little energy and happiness. Even everyday activities don't make you cheer up or anything. It's like a permanent state of sadness. That would be to put it very simply. Those affected with dysthymia often have the following characteristics (thanks to Psych2Go DE on YT for a simplified explanation in a video) and unfortunately all of them apply to me. I will also explain my behavior on the individual points: Worries about time My husband can sing a song about how often I complain about not having time and how everything I do ends up being a waste of time. This is very pronounced for me and there is very little that I don't see as a waste of time. This blog e.g. B. I claim that with this content I can contribute to the enlightenment of many people. But in general, no matter what I do, I see it as a waste of time. Even sleeping is a waste of time for me. If not the biggest. Self-criticism Affected people criticize EVERYTHING they do. I'm z. B. a person who tries things out. Again and again. But I criticize myself so harshly that I hardly get anything done. Or even finish it. It comes from the feeling of not being good enough. Not being what you hope/expect of yourself. This drives many of those affected to unhealthy limits. I'm actually one of those people who just drop things (fortunately, let me say this). Thinking everything through . I've been told this so many times and I often say it to others. But in my case it is very, very good: I think about something for so long, no matter how useful it is, or not that it robs me of my sleep. For example, when Hati first came here, I panicked myself so much that I imagined myself barricaded in the bedroom even before he arrived. “What if… and then if…”. These are trains of thought that create a vortex that is almost impossible to get out of. Feelings of misunderstanding In the video by Psych2Go DE, this is broken down very much into the illness. But it is actually a general problem for those affected. One often and quickly feels misunderstood or misunderstood. Be it in conversations or in actions. I have that e.g. B. more often at work. I explain my view of something and run into blocks or I am made to understand (perhaps unintentionally) that my thinking is wrong. That makes you withdraw even further at some point. Especially in connection with the APD. But more on that later. The Sea of Sadness As a dysthymic sufferer, you are sad most of the time, or almost always in severe cases. While with most other types of depression you can say "The last time I was sad was every now and then" it's more like saying "I don't remember being happy" with people with dysthymia. For me, since I can't remember either, it's like "The last time I was happy was on ... because." It is a never-ending sadness, sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger. A .. grumpy mood that won't go away no matter what you do. Unhealthy coping Sick people naturally try to come to terms with their lives and their (often still unconscious) illness. Nevertheless, those affected try to switch off their heads somehow. As a result, many sufferers become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I have a disturbed (but not pathologically disturbed) eating behavior during worse phases. So-called overappetite. I want greasy food and that's what I do. Also in the knowledge that I have a bad conscience afterwards because I ate greasy food again. It has become less. But unfortunately I can't turn it off completely. But the opposite can also be the case. underappetite. Some sick people stop eating. This over a long period of time, which can also be very unhealthy and even lead to worse diseases. Of course, there are more unhealthy coping methods. However, I have limited myself to those that are most common or concern me. Unhealthy pastimes For sufferers, activities such as watching series, burying themselves in games seem perfectly normal. Just like all the other points mentioned. After all, they live their lives like everyone else. It is their flight from reality that makes life so difficult for them. And most importantly, they try to escape the disease a little. It may seem unhealthy to others. For those affected, however, it is a means of not falling into even deeper depressions. It was well described in the video: Sick people often feel numb and sometimes as if they don't fit into the world because others don't. Others laugh, rejoice, fall in love. And in the end, only the veil remains for those affected, which makes us sad. Associated with dysthymia, as previously mentioned, are (everything in my case) increased appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue and low energy, decreased self-confidence, reduced ability to concentrate (which in my case gets worse the less interested I am), and difficulty making decisions and last but not least often long-lasting hopelessness or pessimism. This is normal … I thought. I really thought what I am was normal. My whole life. And so it is with many sufferers. When it comes to depression, people always thought of these classic descriptions. death unhappy. Often with a tendency to suicide. I hadn't expected that my permanently depressed mood would really be a clinical picture. "I am so." I always thought so, and in the end it is. I am like this and in the end I will stay like this. In the end, Roswitha turned out to be a really existing disease without knowing it beforehand. I also found a few sufferers of dysthymia and I wanted to quote you something that I find very … appropriate in retrospect, especially related to Roswitha. “Yeah, absolutely right…. Dysthymia is a real bitch. Because it's always there, but lets you "Somehow, just about, but never fulfilling or even happy." Additionally, this quote also pretty aptly describes what dysthymia is all about. never to be happy. But what is all this together? I tell you. double depression Dysthymia rarely comes alone. It often occurs together with another psychological clinical picture. The interesting thing is, it can be anything. And that's why every dysthymia is somehow unique. There are days in a year when I can't get up. And even if I make it, I'm then e.g. B. glued to the couch. Nothing could make me do anything these days. I feel weak, useless, unable to do anything. Then one speaks of a double depression. The APDcan indeed be episodic and at the end and in connection with the dysthymia can cause a total knockout. There are years when this happens more often and then there are years when it only happens once or maybe twice. This is also a time when one feels infinitely empty. Not the emptiness I usually wish for because my head is overloaded. But an uncomfortable emptiness. Helplessness hits me pretty well, I think. Rarely, at least for me, does it happen that it takes a longer period of time. My husband also struggles a bit with me because I'm generally listless. And I'm always particularly sorry when we then e.g. B. do something, and I'm rather unsympathetic. And I'm always afraid that this will change something. job loss e.g. B., or that my partner(s) turn away from me. It ends up being a flood of all the fears I've talked about before. I also took the trouble once and created a graphic, which was also shown to me in a less beautiful way, to clarify the whole thing for you: thegreen: The line represents the mood of a mentally healthy person. Sometimes you're in a good mood, sometimes you're not. An up and down with no significant peaks down. theRedLine is the average depression, as it is often described. You have a course like that of a mentally healthy person, but it goes down episodically. As mentioned above, these people can often pinpoint when they have been depressed. theblue-turquoiseLine would be a dysthymia sufferer. A permanent gloomy mood with no upward improvement. And thepurpleLine is... Gerry. This is then a double depression as described above. You always move in the depression and fall into a hole episodically, only to end up in the permanent depression again at the end. There's no way straight up. while e.g. B. Jokes ensure that people can be amused by them for a while, it is a little different with dysthymia sufferers (especially from my own experience): I z. B. can laugh me to death. I can find things hilarious. But that doesn't cheer me up at all. I'm back in my gloom within moments of laughter. And from experience I can say... it's hell. This combination also ensures that small changes in familiar situations throw me off track. I have a small example for this: At work, we work with so-called backends. So desktops where we can do many things. Once an input window was moved. To the right edge of the screen. It blew my mind one day (and I tried my best not to show it). And it took me over a week to get used to it. And it was exhausting. And in the end there is no way out. My combination in particular is really … bad (personal feeling). Both are difficult to treat and cannot be cured. This means …. oh I'll get to that later. But please believe me when I say I hit the jackpot. But I'm sure others fare even worse. But there is more. The samples I once got a funny saying in a different context. But I convert it a bit and pass it on to you. “It's like this with the special issues: It's like being in a perfumery. You buy your depression illnesses and get other little problems as samples in the bag.” At the end, the following flows into the dysthymia. I have increased impulsiveness compared to the average human. This ensures, among other things, that I quickly get upset and mentally get up to 180 very quickly. This is (for me) very difficult to control. In addition, it also takes a lot of strength to keep this impulsiveness in check. Especially when I feel misunderstood and people don't make an effort to understand me. I think I've philosophized enough about my fears and even made huge projects out of them, so I'll just skip that part. A great deal of insecurity in social contact is also one of these little tests. There are actually moments for me where I think, “Are you really texting this person? Would she even be interested in a conversation?”. And only digitally. In real life it's even worse. Other problems such as B. understanding other people (especially facial expressions and gestures) are also present. Or the rendering of one's own inner being to third parties. This also applies to communicating in an understandable way. I'm often bold, forward-thinking and, at least I'm often given the feeling, ambiguous. In the end... I could have done without these samples. How does it go from here? After the diagnosis I was advised to see a therapist. With emphasis on the fact that this / r has a license to practice medicine. Funny. I almost had to laugh. It's hard to find therapists at all. Finding a therapist is more like looking for a needle... in 20 haystacks. At least in Berlin. But I know that I won't do that again in Berlin. We have decided to move this year. And I don't want to put myself through the stress of searching and any therapy per se and having to move with me. Afterwards the boys have to do everything themselves because I can't get up. I'm so scared of this exact situation. In addition, it would be pointless to start therapy here and then start all over again in six months. It's already... very stressful. If it was up to me, I would take some time off. Sleep in (although it's a waste of time, I seem to need it). My energy balance is currently absolutely in the basement. It all cost a lot. The dysthymia is already very energy gluttonous (she is an energy whore). The last few weeks have been exhausting. And the last few days have sucked me dry. And I also dedicated myself to the beef and now this blog with thousands of words. I'm just done. But I'll see if I'm more motivated to draw. Because when I was actively drawing, everything was a little better. I'm trying to optimize my setting a bit to counteract the displeasure and my own laziness. I'll definitely see a therapist at some point, but I've planned other paths for now. The positive side of the coin Much of what is bad often comes with a positive side, which comes to light when you network with people who have similar or even deeper problems. Especially with diagnoses. I have a very strong sense of justice (which sometimes kicks a little...too intensely). Discrimination, disadvantage and such are a red rag for me, which I jump at in 99% of all cases. Like an angry bull. I no longer have to be ashamed of being "ungrateful," "rude," or "antisocial." In the end (and while that sounds like a cheap excuse), it's not my fault. And I've now taken two days to understand that. Of course, the shame will never end. But it doesn't have to make me feel any worse than I already feel. I had given the monster a name in my head. Roswitha. And now the monster has a shape too. And that's reassuring. I finally have a tool to educate people who have issues with me. I can say “Hey. This is due to the following reason…”. Of course, that doesn't make things any easier. I will have the same problems and challenges in the future as I do now. But I can work better with it now. And I solidified other choices. Met new ones and I hope my own urge to drift off into doing nothing doesn't get in the way. It has been very… present in recent years. And what is perhaps also important … Due to the illness, of course I (was) the perfect victim of bullying. I was also able to recognize a lot for myself. However, that does not justify bullying. And never will. But... let's be honest: I was easy prey. But still … past contacts First of all: You don't need to have a guilty conscience. You didn't know. I did not know it. Nobody knew. But I can close some "files" now. I've often asked myself why people left my life. Especially the APDexplains a lot. There are two subtypes in the APD. And I've done both. I used to be pliable-exploitable. I felt taken advantage of by others or was even taken advantage of, which explains the current problem. Because I was blind to those signs. I think it has accompanied me for 25 years to belong to exactly this type. By now I would say I've become the "cool-aloof" subtype. I've become very suspicious. Especially if you want things from me. I don't know if it's common to iterate over both subtypes. That's the way it is with me. People (including very important people who I somehow even still miss) have often turned their backs on me because I'm always so negative. Because I tend to look at everything grey-black instead of white. Because I push forward with my negative thoughts. Because people couldn't accept that dark spot called Gerry in their lives anymore. I even understand that now. Although I continue to believe that toxic positivity is a big problem. There are one or two contacts that I think it would be nice to re-establish and maybe people understand that that's who I am and that can't be changed in the blink of an eye, and maybe never. But I don't believe in it. In addition, the wrong people will also feel addressed by it. So if I don't answer you... you don't belong. What doesn't help? Now how do we deal with this? "I'm sorry for you" ... It's allowed. But... it doesn't help. Expressing sympathy when you don't understand something only serves to make you feel better. It doesn't help those affected at all and in the end you feel bad (in my case at least) because you might have even made someone sad. Also, trying to impose things like positivity or hope is totally unhelpful. This combination of diseases almost does not allow you to absorb hope and positivity. Or even perceive. And no matter how hard a person tries to instill confidence in a hopeful future, it's more likely to result in... reducing and ending the conversation, or in the case of sustained PA, the contact. I've always tried to avoid that. So cut off contact. This often took care of itself (see last section). As hard as it sounds: In view of the facts regarding treatability, let alone a cure, there is no hope. Or I don't see them and I can't either. You're welcome to have hope. Nobody forbids you that. But don't force it on me (and possibly other sufferers you meet). This is a waste of time and energy. Mutually. Also, forcing someone to do something (for example, saying that you should seek treatment immediately) is counterproductive. I have my pace. I want to set my own pace. The "readiness" to do something has to come from me. I have to make the decision to start therapy. to practice a sport. to find a hobby. And and and. I must not be denied the right to make my own decisions on this particular issue. And now? I've done a lot now. In recent years I have tackled many things that were put off for years. I've built up a small but fine group of friends. I changed my name. Official with certificate. And now I have a diagnosis. But now... I'm tired. And somehow I have to manage to gather enough energy in my head for what's still to come. The move first. I would like to let myself rest for now. Spending time with my family and friends. The subject itself will come up many more times in these contacts. And I hope that you all understand that. But I don't want to press any further for changes. i need a break I will read more about the two diseases. Educate myself to maybe find ways to explain it more easily. I'll learn to deal with it. And above all, I will try to approach those around me in a reasonable manner in order to explain and clarify this. I have two diseases that cannot be seen. Externally I am healthy (perhaps a bit too fat). Oh well. Except for little things like my acne or my eczema. But you'll never see my head. The chaos. The fears. The perpetual darkness. I will keep getting up. Carry on doing my steps. No matter how many times I fall. I will live with the diseases and continue to fight my life until maybe one day I can't anymore. And I should be aware of that, and so should my family: it can happen at some point. And it's up to my family and friends if they want to continue with me. You see a Gerry who is grumpy. You like (or hate) him. And now you also know that I'm sick. In the head. With ailments that many people think a little sunshine could cure. Or even refuse to accept them. If you have questions: ask. If you want to talk to me about it, talk to me. Thanks. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me so much over the past few weeks. Gerry

For me, this music is a yoga. Music is really the best way to relieve stress, and yoga is a great skill but it's hard to find the right video, but you can easily find it on your mobile so you can try it too.

I used to be a strong boy who could broke coconut by punch. When I turn 20 (in 2018) from then misery in life started. Middle of 2018 Just finished my diploma engineering degree and it was time for me to start a new life, a new career. But in that time I fell sick so bad for 6 months I couldn't do a thing. Went to few doctors they couldn't help much. Finally found a doctor who could really diagnosed my problem, and it is a bad DNA related rare disease. No I won't die quick but will suffer for rest of my life. Last quarter of 2018 I was getting a little better and felt the same young energy again, I decided to go Russia for higher studies. Did as thought, February 2019 I went to Russia, things were good but for only a little while. I got sick again but this time problem was much worse because I wasn't good at Russian language to explain what was really going on with me and couldn't understand words from my doctor basically lost in translation. I was taking too much pain killer everyday that my condition was getting more bad. Took a leave from university and flee back home for treatment. Good thing I did that if not I could've risk my life. Get treated, get good and get back to Russia again in February 2020. And not long after that corona virus pandemic broke out. I was studying on self finance, but during that time my father's business was at stop, I have a big family so things were little out of control. And things kept getting worse, my father had a brain stroke and got half paralyzed. I was so depressed at that moment I couldn't even came back to see him because of flight restrictions. In August 2020 I quit my studies and came back for good. I stayed almost 18 months in Russia, went to study but couldn't study at all because of all the hardships I was having, wasted time and money. As of today I not fully healthy as I said I'll suffer rest of life, I can't do stressful works, I'm educated enough to do high salary desk jobs either. I'm enduring the pain, the stress but don't know how long I can take it all.

Im Nisha, I have been part of this forum for a while but never posted. I have just completed my Global Certificate in Happiness Coaching and I thought perfect time to get active on this group. I am an International education consultant, I love travelling and Education so its perfect fit. I also trained in Mindfulness and Happiness ... another of my callings I guess. I feel i am happy and content and love mingling with people all over the world. We have such a rich resources that we should share. Love to chat and let's spread a bit of happiness in this world!