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Friendships are a powerful aid in maintaining both mental and physical health, as well as our happiness. Dee Marques explores why nurturing friends throughout our life is essential to our well-being – understand the science-backed power of friendship. A few weeks ago I met a 97-year-old lady and asked her what it’s like to reach such an age. Her reply surprised me: “Well, my body isn’t what it used to be, but I've gotten used to that. What I can’t get used to is realising that all my friends have passed away.” This got me thinking about the power of friendship, and why friend relationships are so important to humans. In fact, research shows that we’re designed to exist in groups. For early humans, isolation meant death, and social bonds increased the chances of protection, finding food and survival. In short, there was safety in numbers. Today, the power of friendship isn’t directly linked to survival, but it’s still an essential aspect of human existence. The power of friendship: what happens when we feel lonely? Humans are designed to thrive in the company of others, yet many people say they often experience loneliness. In fact, in the US, it’s estimated that 50 per cent of all Americans feel lonely. And in the UK, a study found that 9 million people (14 per cent of the population ) said they were lonely either always or most of the time. Furthermore, a UK YouGov poll from 2019 found that an incredible 22 per cent of millennials felt that they had no friends at all. The power of friendship: having close friends is important for mental health The power of friendship is such that lacking meaningful social bonds can negatively affect our physical health as well as our mental health. In fact, loneliness causes an increase in stress hormones, which send white blood cells into overdrive and wreak havoc in the immune system. Additionally, feeling isolated can put us at a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems, ranging from depression to stroke or heart disease. And it’s even been suggested that loneliness-related sleep problems may be caused by an ingrained mechanism that dates back to our early ancestors, who didn’t feel safe when alone, so they had to keep their guard up and actually avoid falling asleep! What are the benefits of powerful friendships? So, not being able to experience the power of friendship can be harmful to our health. But what are the benefits of friendships? In fact, the simple action of sharing thoughts, emotions, and activities with others reinforces positive feelings and makes good memories easier to remember. Sharing also reveals the authenticity in us, allowing us to know ourselves better and to find insights in our friends’ points of view. There are also health benefits involved: some studies found that seniors with large network of friends were more likely to outlive those without social support. “The power of friendship is such that lacking meaningful social bonds can negatively affect our health. Feeling isolated can put us at a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems.” We are social beings, so friendships are key to happiness. There’s relief and strength in knowing that you don’t have to handle the ups and downs of life on your own. And it seems that what we do now with regards to friendship will be reflected later in life. • JOIN US! Join the caring happiness.com community and make new friends • Researchers at Harvard University followed up on a group of 700+ people as they went through different stages of their lives and consistently found that people who felt isolated experienced a decline in physical and mental health towards mid-life, whereas those who were happy with the quality of their relationships when they were 50 were healthier and happier in their 80s than those who didn’t. Friends: quality vs. quantity If the power of friendship is so great, does that mean that the more friends we have the better we’ll feel? Not necessarily. Isolation has never been as widespread as it is today, despite the popularity of social media. This is called the social media paradox. Depression and anxiety are on the rise (especially among teenagers) and researchers have linked this to the increased use of social media, which often results in unrealistic comparisons with other people thinking their lives are better. This causes feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection and unhappiness (and may help to account for those lack-of-friends stats in millennials mentioned earlier). Friendships are powerful but must be nurtured © shutterstock/Flamino Images As plentiful as they might be, the reality is online friends aren’t enough, and real-world connections will always be more powerful. Indeed, although social media offers the possibility to stay in touch with friends and even to make new connections, it shouldn’t be seen as a replacement for real-life friendships. In fact, what really makes a difference is the depth of the connections we have with others. Some psychologists claim that just having one meaningful friendship can make a world of a difference. Additionally, variety within friendships is also important. It’s natural to look for people who are 'like us', but it’s helpful to expand our circle of friends to include people with different backgrounds, interests, etc. Age-gap friendships are also beneficial. Each of them will bring something new into our lives, making for a richer social experience. • CONNECT DEEPLY Make connections with like-minded and inspirational people • Interestingly, the founder of a friendship site said we tend to replace half our close friends every seven years. As we go through different stages in life, our needs and interests change, so we’re more likely to be drawn to different types of people. Nurturing friendships Friendships have to be nurtured so they can grow healthily. Just like a plant, putting the seeds in alone is not enough. Ongoing care and attention are needed, so it’s crucial to make a conscious effort to invest time in our friendships. We can’t expect relationships to survive without investing in them. So, always aim to be there for your friends (both new and old), be a mindful listener, prove they can trust you, praise them, write or tell them what their friendship means, and spend time doing things together. Of course, sometimes friendships break down for different reasons and it may be that at some point you need to think about when (and how) to end a friendship. “Developing and nurturing meaningful social bonds can help you live a richer life. Take your time to invest in making new friends and nurturing existing ones.” And yes, making and nurturing friendships gets harder as we get older. Remember how easy it was to make friends as a child? Try to approach relationships as you did when you were younger: being less self-conscious, more open, and generous with your time. Volunteering is an important and fun way of making friends as an adult, as you’re likely to find people who share your concerns and values. Conclusion: the power of friendships Developing and nurturing meaningful social bonds with others can help you live a richer life, both physically and emotionally. While it’s unfortunate to see how widespread loneliness and isolation are, there is an upside to it: there are many people out there who may be feeling as lonely and in need of support as you are. So, why not do something about it? Take your time to invest in making new friends and nurture existing ones. You will all feel the benefits for years to come as the true power of friendships is real and proven by science! ● Main image: shutterstock/Olena Yakobchuk What does friendship mean to you? And what are the qualities of a best friend in your opinion? Have your say in our fourm. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Intimacy | Attachment styles Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Here are some research-based guidelines to help people overcome their vaccine hesitancy. By JILL SUTTIE on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. People are lining up to be vaccinated against COVID-19 – and they’re looking forward to resuming a normal life. However, not everyone is on board with vaccination. Though the number of vaccine hesitaters may be diminishing in the United States, it’s still relatively high compared to many other countries. Vaccine hesitaters are not a monolith, but a diverse group with many reasons for avoiding vaccination. Some are concerned the COVID-19 vaccines aren’t safe or that potential side effects aren’t worth the risk of taking them. Others think the risk of getting COVID themselves is low; so, why bother? Still others have a resistance to government intervention and see taking the vaccine as capitulation to government overreach and a bane to personal freedoms. A small number are simply opposed to all vaccines. The fact that people have varying reasons for not getting vaccinated can make it more difficult to get everyone one board, and that affects us all. Without sufficient numbers of people becoming vaccinated, we won’t reach “herd immunity.” That means the pandemic could continue indefinitely. So, how can we help people overcome their resistance to being vaccinated? While science has no sure-fire answer to this dilemma, research suggests that some approaches may be better than others and could be worth trying – especially if people are on the fence rather than anti-vaccines, in general. Here is some of what the science says about approaching someone who is vaccine-hesitant. 1. Listen to their concerns – and empathize While our first inclination to vaccine resistors may be to chastise them or come at them with an arsenal of facts, that’s likely to be ineffective. Instead, we should first listen to people’s concerns without judgment, so we can better address their needs, says Heidi Larson, founding director of the Vaccine Confidence Project at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. “If you make a lot of assumptions about what people are thinking, then people get annoyed, because your intervention is not relevant to them,” she says. “It’s important to really listen and understand, because maybe somebody has a very reasonable concern and just needs some clear information.” Vaccinations are on the rise but some people are still uncertain Research in health care settings suggests that showing empathy can help encourage vaccine adherence, because it increases trust in the messenger. In Larson’s recent book, Stuck: Why Vaccine Rumors Start and Why They Won’t Go Away, she advises a more understanding view around vaccine hesitancy. Approach people with respect and dignity, even if you disagree with them. To express empathy, you might say something like this: “It’s understandable that you would have questions about the vaccines. There’s a lot of conflicting information out there. What have you heard?” Making people feel like their concerns matter and are not being dismissed can lower their defenses and help them to listen better themselves. 2. Supply clear information relevant to people’s concerns… but not too much In some cases, it may help to provide information addressing someone’s concerns from an unbiased resource, such as the Centers for Disease Control or the World Health Organization. Though not everyone will be open to that, those who are may appreciate the straightforward information. Alternatively, if you feel your friend or family member trusts you to give them the straight story, you may want to summarize findings rather than provide detailed studies. For example, a relative of mine recently expressed concern about the vaccine being “fast-tracked” without sufficient testing of its safety. For her, it made sense to explain why the vaccines were developed so quickly (because of prior work creating vaccines for similar viruses and international cooperation) as well as how safe they are – something many people may not know. “Vaccine hesitaters are a diverse group. The fact that people have varying reasons for not getting vaccinated can make it more difficult to get everyone one board, and that affects us all.” However, overwhelming them with too much information could backfire. When presented with multiple counterarguments to their strongly held views, people tend to take on an adversarial stance, spending energy poking holes in your thesis, says researcher Adam Grant. It’s probably better to point someone to one strong argument rather than a slew of scientific studies. Still, people tend to pay attention to information that supports their preconceived notions and ignore contrary information (what researchers call confirmation bias) or give negative news more credence than good news (negativity bias). While helping people understand how these biases work can sometimes make them more open to changing their views, this might be hard to get across in an everyday conversation about vaccines. Instead, it might help to simply acknowledge how hard it is to sort through new information when dealing with fear and anxiety, while still reinforcing the importance of vaccines. “This is a dynamic and changing space, and we don’t have all the answers; so, we need to be understanding about the uncertainty people feel,” says Larson. “At the same time, we need to remind people COVID is not over, and if you’re vaccinated, you’re clearly in a better place than if you’re not.” 3. Consider finding a better messenger When faced with disaster, many of us will tend to cling to our identity groups for a sense of safety and support. Unfortunately, that can lead to “groupthink,” where people discredit information from someone outside of their group – even if it’s true – helping to spread vaccine hesitancy within groups. In the United States, larger percentages of Republicans, white evangelical Christians, and people of colour remain unvaccinated, in part because of group distrust of government or science – or because they lack concern about the virulence of COVID-19. If you are not a member of one of these groups, and you’re trying to convince people who are to take the vaccine, you might be doing them a disservice trying to convey pro-vaccine messages. Vaccine hesitaters are a diverse group shutterstock/Prostock-studio For example, one recent study found that Republicans who were hesitant about vaccinations were more willing to change their minds if they heard pro-vaccine messaging from Republican figures – and were less willing if the message came from Democrats. Large-scale surveys of Black and Latino communities suggest it may be better to point people of color to pro-vaccine messengers within their social-identity groups – a trusted doctor, pastor, or public figure within that community, who likely understands their worldview and has some clout. Larson mentions that, in Britain, Bangladeshi chefs and restaurant owners got involved in putting out pro-vaccine messages to increase vaccination rates in their community. In the U.S., group influencers, including African American barbers and health professionals, have been encouraging Black people to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump has become a pro-vaccine messenger. Pointing to influential others may help people overcome their resistance, if they relate to the messenger. 4. Appeal to people’s altruism and common humanity Some of the unvaccinated are afraid or balk at being told what to do, but appealing to their care for others may help overcome their hesitancy. In a study by Larson and colleagues, researchers interviewed 8,000 people in the USA and UK to better understand their views on the vaccine. While the study focused primarily on the influence of misinformation on vaccination rates – and, sadly, showed that it increased hesitancy – the researchers also found that people were 6 per cent more willing to get vaccinated if they were told it protected others in addition to protecting themselves. This mirrored earlier studies that found considering others’ safety increased willingness to wear masks and take health precautions. “When presented with multiple counterarguments to their strongly held views, people tend to take on an adversarial stance. It’s probably better to point someone to one strong argument rather than a slew of scientific studies.” Appealing to our shared vulnerability may also be important, says Larson, as a continuing pandemic thwarts goals everyone shares – like reopening businesses and strengthening our weakened economy. If we can tie mass vaccination into people’s sense of unity and common purpose, it could make a dent in vaccine resistance. “One of the things about COVID vaccines, which is very different from childhood vaccines, is that it matters to everybody,” says Larson. “It’s not just about you. We’ve got to do this together.” 5. If nothing works, set boundaries Given the importance of getting everyone vaccinated, it’s not surprising that people find it hard to talk to someone who resists. Even following Larson’s and others’ advice, you may not be able to move someone you care about, and that could cause bad feelings between you. For example, John (an alias) got vaccinated as soon as he was eligible, but members of his extended family refused the vaccine. When many of them became sick and his vaccine-resistant uncle died from COVID-19, John felt both grief and fury at his family. “I flat-out refused to attend my uncle’s wake and service because there would be so many unvaccinated, mask-resisting people flying there from all over the country,” he says. While his stance may not have moved any of his relatives to change their minds, it was self-protective, and that’s important, too, says Larson. When you’re in a highly emotional state, that may not be the best time to talk to someone about their hesitancy in an open, neutral way, or to present them with facts and figures. Also, if unvaccinated friends and family ask you to be in their company, for whatever reason, you should feel perfectly fine refusing, says Larson. “I wouldn’t be shy about saying, ‘It’s your choice about vaccinating, but for me, I don’t want to take the risk,’” she says. On the other hand, she says, we can take hope in the fact that people may change their minds on their own. As unvaccinated people face more restrictions – or find friends and relatives leaving them out of activities – that may be more impactful than any particular message you can give them. “We’re going to get to a point where there will be things that people can’t do if they’re not vaccinated,” she says. “People may get so frustrated they’ll just want to go around whatever is preventing them from getting vaccinated – without worrying about explanations.” • Main image: flickr/Phil Roeder happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Deep listening | Altruism | Communication skills Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Imagine a world with fairly distributed wealth and a happy, enriched workforce. These are two of the aims of Buddhist economics. Ed Gould delves into the background of this economic model and asks whether it can ever become a reality. Economic life may be something that seems out of our control. Indeed, the forces of macroeconomics can appear akin to a tsunami that individuals can do little about. And yet, even an enormous wave is made up of single drops of water. Individuals can decide how they spend, save and deal with the world from a financial point of view. Essentially, Buddhist economics looks at finances from a spiritual and ethical angle. Economics is studied from the standpoint of human psychology and how natural emotive reactions can direct a range of economic activities. So, what exactly is Buddhist economics? One Sri Lankan economist has described a Buddhist economic system as something that “has its foundations in the development of a co-operative and harmonious effort”. Writing in 1976, Neville Karunatilake said that the ideal place to operate in this way was within a “group living” setting. Perhaps building on the ashram idea of communal living espoused by Gandhi, Tolstoy and others, this approach would lead to a diminished level of “selfishness and acquisitive pursuits” which might have been seen in the days the Buddhist king Ashoka's rule. Referring back to a pre-industrial time, many classically trained economists might easily miss the point of what Buddhist economics can mean for the 21st-century world. However, as we shall see, Buddhist ideas about economics have developed throughout the world over the last few decades. This is partly because people are increasingly aware of the fragility of the global financial system and because of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet. In an attempt to address these issues, some economists have tried to look at the principles behind Buddhist ethical teachings and apply them to areas like work, productivity, commerce and even concepts such as ownership. After all, it was the ethical nature of Buddhism that led Ashoka to invest in public works programmes such as those which built hospitals, hostels and parks. “Buddhist ideas about economics have developed over the last few decades partly because people are increasingly aware of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet.” Building interest in the ethical dimension of Buddhist economics, the first international conference of its type was held in the city of Budapest in 2007. Further such conventions, which look into all aspects of Buddhist economic thought, from increasing happiness to facing up to the economic challenges of Western economies, have since taken place. How did Buddhist economics get to this level of acceptance among modern academics? Not child's play: Buddhist economics isn't easy to implement The development of Buddhist economics According to the Buddhist writer, P A Payutto, the traditional study of economics has avoided vital questions about human morality and ethical considerations. However, as ecological concerns have become more critical in the eyes of many people around the globe, so ever-increasing growth – something that most capitalist economies rely upon – has become seen as negative. Therefore, alternatives economic views have become increasingly mainstream. Both right and left wing economic views have, according to the zero-growth economic models espoused by certain green politicians, got little to offer regarding preserving the world's resources. Buddhist economics fits into that tradition and has been gaining more significant attention since Payutto started publishing in the 1990s. RELATED: Spending money – can you buy yourself happiness? The idea of Buddhist economics was first espoused in the 20th century by E F Schumacher, a German statistician, who came up with his ideas while travelling through southeast Asia. Schumacher ended up being an economic advisor to Prime Minister U Nu of what was then Burma. His idea was to reject the economic theories of both Karl Marx and Adam Smith, both of whom focussed on units of labour as being the primary economic drivers in any economic model. Instead, Schumacher espoused a view of economics from a Buddhist point of view. Essentially, Schumacher opted to redefine work from something that could be sold, for example to employers, or exploited, through slavery or unpaid labour, as well as choosing to view it as something that did not necessarily need to be conducted most efficiently. In other words, his view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one. When work works: we should be enriched by our labour efforts Let's look at what Schumacher means by taking an example. In a factory, the most efficient way of making an item for sale into the wider economy might be to divide the labour up so that each worker does a repetitive task over and over. This simplifies their job function, makes the production method more predictable and lowers costs, especially if production is speeded up significantly. The outcome might be that the factory owner makes more money with such a system. Henry Ford, the American car maker, is often cited as a pioneer of these sorts of workplace practices which were developed for economic reasons. Schumacher turns that idea on its head. He put forward the idea that work should not be measured by economic output. “In other words, Schaumacher's view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one.” Indeed, according to his Buddhist principle, work is there to offer a worker the chance to utilise and develop all of his faculties, not just one or two key skills. Also, this will enable a worker to overcome egocentric ideas, mainly when work is conducted with other people in a common task, for example, building a house together. Crucially, Schumacher stated that work should “bring forth the goods and services needed for a becoming existence”. In other words, work ought to create enough economic output to sustain life but no more. Working just to accumulate more and more wealth is pointless from a spiritual perspective. Being rich is, in other words, counterproductive. Economic problems and Buddhist solutions Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all. If the system could crash and the money supply seize up once, then could it do so again? In addition, the rise of China as a global economic force – a country that does not run on liberal economic models – has caused some people to think that the way things have been done does not mean that is the way they must continue. The world becomes more global in its inter-connectedness, so goods move more rapidly and resources are used up. Some see the emergence of nationalism in recent years as a direct result of global economic trends over which local communities have little control. Global economic challenges like these can be met by Buddhist teachings. Not only do they convey the idea that man is interdependent on his fellow man, but that overproduction for the sake of economic growth is undesirable. “Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all.” According to Clair Brown, an economics professor at UC Berkeley and the director of the Center for Work, Technology and Society, students she teaches are focussed on the tremendous economic inequalities that globalization has produced. In a world where the richest one per cent of the population own half of all the wealth, it's clear that inequality – and abject poverty – is rife. Rise above? Buddhist economics could challenge poverty Brown teaches that happiness, founded on less inequality, and the simple act of helping each other with compassion is the answer to these undeniable economic challenges. She puts forward the idea that economists must let go of the principle that people are fundamentally selfish and that they will always choose the best economic outcome for themselves. By studying cities in the so-called Rust Belt of America, she points out that economists must work in a way that is “compatible with what neuroscientists are finding out about people’s well-being and the way minds work.” How can mankind and our planet benefit? The economic challenges of poverty, inequality, globalization and ecology can all be met by adopting a Buddhist approach to economics, so its proponents claim. On ecology, for example, Professor Brown cites the withdrawal by the US from the Paris Accords as something that does not ascribe to Buddhist teachings of being mindful of others. RELATED: Six science-backed benefits of living a simple life Man can benefit from adopting Buddhist economics because of self-interest, so inherent in Western economic models, is illusory. Instead of bartering for the best deal, the approach should be to adopt an economic model of mutual reciprocity. Why? Because we feel negative about ourselves and others in the former model and a higher degree of happiness and inner peace with the latter. Imagine what could be achieved by humans if everyone just got on better with one another because they felt less pressured to make a few pounds? From a global point of view, this would bring about a deceleration in the exploitation of the Earth's valuable resources, helping to make economic life sustainable not just for today but for future generations. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Work life balance | Biology | Community living Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

This year the mainstream media has been full of stories about climate emergency, political scandal, crime increases, and other less-than-positive events. But, if you scratched below the surface, there were plenty of great feel-good news items to feel excited about. Ed Gould shares his top 19 positive news stories of 2019 to inspire and uplift you! 1. Over half of millennials eat in an environmentally-friendly way According to the New York Post, a large survey conducted in the United States found that millennials have made significant changes to their diets in order to benefit the environment. The August poll, commissioned by Sweet Earth Foods, found that nearly 60 per cent of millennials had a low carbon footprint diet, including veganism and eating less red meat. Of these, most said they were motivated by climate change. RELATED: Eat these 8 good mood foods 2. Eating greens really is good for you Continuing the food theme, research published in May suggested that certain greens – in particular, broccoli and kale – contain compounds that are great at suppressing the growth of tumours and other cancerous cells. A team from Harvard Medical School in Boston spent time researching prostate tumours and their reaction to compound indole-3-carbinol (which appears naturally in green vegetables). Known as a suppressor protein, the compound could be used as a way to treat tumours and even prevent them from occurring in the first place, according to Medical News Today. Mother always said “eat your greens”... and she was right! shutterstock/RossHelen 3. Breakthrough technology allows blind people to perceive light In September, a novel technology was demonstrated in the US which allows blind people to gain more visual perception. A research team from UCLA Health used surgical implants in four blind patients to allow them to perceive light and dark. A wireless device 'looks' at objects which then sends signals to the implant. The brain is then able to perceive the implant's stimulation as patches of light and dark. In some cases, blind people have been able to sense individual objects and even movement. 4. Kayak across Europe for free In May, a scheme was announced whereby tourists can kayak the great waterways of Europe without charge. Rather than paying to rent a kayak for a day or two during their stay, people will now be able to obtain them without cost. The catch? You have to collect rubbish from the canals in urban centres. The initiative is up and running in Denmark thanks to an organisation called GreenKayak but it's hoped the scheme will spread to other big cities with man-made waterways. Seems like a win-win situation! Paddle power: clean up by kayaking 5. Free sanitary products for schools Back in March, a pilot scheme offering free sanitary products for children and teens in England's secondary schools was announced, hoping to provide support for the 10 per cent of young women who cannot afford to buy menstrual products each month. This follows Scotland's lead. In 2017 the country became the first globally to provide free sanitary products to all females in schools, colleges and universities. UK activists hope the new scheme will be equally expanded. 6. The world is getting greener If you think the planet is becoming more and more deforested you’re not alone. However, NASA brought a little happiness to this gloomy view. Its satellite imagery has shown that there are actually more trees, not fewer, than a few years ago. As reported by CNN in February, the US space agency has noted that both India and China have been planting trees and agricultural crops that have created more vegetation overall. Since 2000, it’s estimated that leaf-covered spaces of the planet have risen by some 2,000,000 square miles. Green is go: there are more trees than ever before shutterstock/DugDax 7. A healthy gut can lower anxiety The benefits of healthy gut bacteria have long been known to medical science as helping with digestion and all-round physical health. According to several reports back in May, Chinese researchers found that a healthy gut may also lead to better mental well-being. A team at the Shanghai Jiao Tong University School of Medicine discovered that consumption of foodstuffs containing probiotics – which help to promote a healthy gut – could lead to lower anxiety levels. In fact, the researchers said their work demonstrated that it was a good idea to treat anxiety symptoms by regulating a patient's intestinal microbiota. RELATED: Panic attacks – 12 tips on what to do when anxiety hits hard 8. Hugging is great for mental health You may have known it all along but hugging really is good for you – and a group of researchers believe they've proved it. In a study of over 400 individuals, people who hugged were shown to feel less negative responses throughout their entire day after they'd received one. People who had been hugged showed lower blood pressure as well as augmented levels of happiness hormone oxytocin. Interestingly, single people and those in partnerships were found to demonstrate the same sorts of responses within this study from November. A hug a day keeps the demons away! shutterstock/sebra 9. Playing games helps thinking, study finds Scientific research conducted over decades found that playing board games which involve memory and problem solving can help you to retain thinking skills in old age. Psychologists from the University of Edinburgh studied over 1,000 people in their 70s to come up with the findings which focussed on non-digital games such as bingo, chess, cards and crosswords. In November, University of Edinburgh's Dr Drew Altschul said: “These latest findings add to evidence that being more engaged in activities during life might be associated with better thinking skills in later life.” RELATED: Cognitive impairment - 5 key ways to reduce the risk as you age 10. Saunas may help reduce heart disease risk According to The Independent, a study found that regularly taking saunas can help to prevent heart disease. The work, published in the BMC Medicine journal in September, claimed that cardiovascular disease is less common among the over-50s age group if they enjoy saunas on a frequent basis. The research was conducted in Finland over the course of a 15-year period. It's not yet known why saunas seem to be so beneficial for heart health in older age. However, one researcher said that it could be tied up with the fact that taking saunas is a relaxing activity that may help to lower blood pressure. Saunas could reduce heart disease shutterstock/Med Photo Studio 11. Wind energy study states Europe could power the world In reports made in The Independent in August, an academic study calculated that Europe has sufficient space and the right meteorological conditions to supply enough electrical energy to meet the whole world's needs. By 2050, 497 exajoules of power could be derived from wind in the continent, which is more than enough to go around. The study said that a mixture of both onshore and offshore would be needed to meet this, especially as global demand rises. Turkey and Norway were singled out as countries which were particularly suited to wind energy. 12. Liver transplants could be revolutionised According to a report on the BBC, scientists have developed a new procedure for conducting liver transplants. This, it's hoped, will help to speed up the rate at which they can be transplanted, helping to slash waiting times. Donated livers are normally chilled, which mean they can degrade. The new idea is to use perfusion machines in order to keep livers in good condition for longer, offering greater flexibility for finding suitable recipients. 13. The tiger population is on the up In July, The Daily Telegraph reported that the numbers of tigers roaming around India may have risen by as much as 30 per cent since 2014. Back then, new measures were brought in to protect these big cats. This means that well over two-thirds of the wild tiger population now lives within India's borders. The country is now on track to meet its internationally agreed commitments to improve global tiger numbers by creating safer habitats for these impressive creatures. The cat's back: there are more tigers in Nepal than previously thought 14. Paper recycling receives a boost In September, The Week reported that a clever new technique for 'unprinting' paper had been developed at Rutgers University in the USA. Scientists there have created a way of erasing black, blue, red and green ink from printed pages, meaning already-printed documents can be erased and then reused (up to five times). As its done locally, this eliminates the costs and energy consumption associated with transporting office paper to reprocessing centres. 15. Survey revealed what really makes us happy A study reported in the Metro revealed the keys to happiness in June. The survey, commissioned by private healthcare group Bupa, showed that having a loving relationship and being close to family was most important when it came to what make us feel happy. Other things that made the Top Ten included getting at least eight hours of sleep, regular exercise, owning a pet, connecting with nature, and – crucially, perhaps – laughing frequently. The study asked 2,000 UK-based adults aged 55 what they though the secrets to a long and happy life were. Interestingly, the average age respondents said they finally realised what the secrets to happiness were was 49! A giggle is good: laughter is a key happiness provider 16. New technique could make chemotherapy more bearable In January, a team of American medical researchers revealed how chemotherapy can be made more effective by concentrating it in the parts of the body. The idea is to insert tiny sponge-like materials into the patient's bloodstream so that the chemicals used in the therapies cannot pass through. The technique has been referred to as a 'chemofilter' and is something that could potentially improve the lives of many cancer sufferers. The study was conducted by Professor Nitash Balsara from the University of California at Berkley. 17. Marijuana may be more potent than aspirin According to Sky News in July, a scientific study into anti-inflammatories found that certain molecules in cannabis plants could be up to 30 times stronger than common drugs like aspirin. The work, undertaken in Canada, builds an even stronger case for the use of certain therapies derived from cannabis plants. According to the lead researcher, Professor Tariq Akhtar, the molecule in question has no psychoactive effect, potentially making it ideal for a new medicine. 18. Poaching of African elephants in decline Thanks to successful anti-poaching initiatives in much of central and southern Africa, the number of elephants there falling prey to ivory hunters has fallen over the last six years by up to 50 per cent. In fact, CBS reported that one reserve in Mozambique had seen no elephants lost to poachers over the course of an entire 12-month period – remarkable given the number of animals that used to be hunted. Specialists claim the real driver in this success has been lowering global demand for ivory which, in turn, disincentives the practices of poachers in the first place. Tusk luck: poaching of African elephants is in decline 19. Breakthrough found in the fight against Parkinson's disease Scientists at the University of Ontario in Canada found a way to restore movement to patients with advanced stages of this debilitating condition. According to reports from the BBC in April, the team's brain implantation method has produced results which exceeded all expectations. They hope to turn their approach into a full treatment which will restore both mobility and confidence to sufferers. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

By balancing our physiology and nervous systems, body-based practices can help us through hard times. By Linda Graham on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Stuff happens. Another car suddenly swerves into your lane on the freeway. You misplace your keys and wallet two minutes before you need to catch your bus to work. You shred the wrong client file at the office. These mini-disasters create quite a startle in your nervous system — a rush of adrenaline that helps ready your body for “fight or flight,” our natural defense against perceived danger. But if your body is hit with adrenaline for every little thing that goes wrong in life, it can tax your capacity to cope, making recovery from future setbacks like these even more difficult. Luckily, it’s possible to strengthen your own body-based somatic intelligence to quickly respond to and recover from any sense of threat to your safety or well-being. What is somatic intelligence? It’s understanding how your body responds to danger and using that knowledge to support your body as you go through life — which, if you’re human, is bound to be filled with at least some adversity. In my new book, Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster, I explain many of the resources we have within us to build up our resilience. While the book outlines several resilience tools — including those aimed at improving emotional, relational, and reflective intelligence — building somatic intelligence is key to all of these. Without it, it’s difficult to engage in any of the other practices available to you. “Luckily, it’s possible to strengthen your own body-based somatic intelligence to quickly respond to and recover from any sense of threat to your safety or well-being.” To better support our natural somatic intelligence, we need to soothe our nervous system through body-based practices that steady our brain’s perceptions of and responses to danger and help us retain a sense of safety. Once we master some of these techniques, we are prepared for more resilient coping, learning, and growth. Here are some simple practices I recommend in my book, each of them grounded in neurophysiology. 1. Breathing To breathe is to be alive. Every inhalation you take activates the sympathetic branch of your nervous system a little bit (a lot when you overreact to something and hyperventilate), while every exhalation activates the parasympathetic branch a little bit (a lot when you feel scared to death and faint). That means that your breath goes through natural cycles of energizing you and relaxing you. We can intentionally use this rhythm of gently breathing in and out to reliably regulate the revving up and shutting down of our nervous system. Simply pause for a moment and focus your attention on your breathing. Notice where it’s easiest to sense the sensations of your breath flowing in and out — your nostrils, your throat, in the rise and fall of your chest or belly. Take a moment to experience some gratitude for the breath that sustains your life, every moment of your life. Breathing, with one hand on the heart, can soothe you 2. Deep sigh A deep sigh is your body-brain’s natural way to release tension and reset your nervous system. Simply breathe in fully, then breathe out fully, longer on the exhale. Studies have shown that a deep sigh returns the autonomic nervous system from an over-activated sympathetic state to a more balanced parasympathetic state. Even as what you’re coping with becomes more challenging, you can deliberately pair any moment of tension or frustration with a sigh to shift your physiology into a relieved and more relaxed state, thereby enhancing your chances of seeing clearly and choosing to respond wisely to what’s happening. 3. Touch To soothe the nervous system and restore a sense of safety and trust in the moment, it helps to use the power of touch. Warm, safe touch activates the release of oxytocin — the “tend and befriend” hormone that creates pleasant feelings in the body and is the brain’s direct and immediate antidote to the stress hormone cortisol. Oxytocin is one of a cascade of neurochemicals that are part of the brain-body social engagement system. Because being in the presence of other people is so critical to our well-being and safety, nature has provided this system to encourage us to reach out to others and connect. That’s why touch, along with physical proximity and eye contact, evokes a viscerally felt sense of reassurance that “everything is OK; you’re fine.” 4. Hand on the heart Research has shown that placing your hand over your heart and gently breathing can soothe your mind and your body. And experiencing the sensations of touch with another safe human being, even recalling memories of those moments, can activate the release of oxytocin, which evokes a feeling of safety and trust. This is a practice that takes advantage of breath and touch, but also memories of feeling safe with another person. Here's how it’s done: Place your hand on your heart. Breathe gently, softly, and deeply into the area of your heart. If you wish, breathe a sense of ease or safety or goodness into your heart center. Remember one moment, just one moment when you felt safe, loved, and cherished by another human being. Don’t try to recall the entire relationship, just one moment. This could be with a partner, a child, a friend, a therapist, or a teacher; it could be with a spiritual figure. Remembering a loving moment with a pet can work very well, too. As you remember this moment of feeling safe, loved, and cherished, let yourself savor the feelings of that moment. Let yourself stay with these feelings for 20 to 30 seconds. Notice any deepening in a visceral sense of ease and safety. “Placing your hand over your heart and gently breathing can soothe your mind and body.” Repeat this practice many times a day at first, to strengthen the neural circuitry that remembers this pattern. Then practice this exercise whenever you experience the first signal of a startle or an upset. With practice, it will enable you to back out of a difficult emotional reaction before it hijacks you. Make a move: placing hands on your hips can make you feel confident 5. Movement Any time you move your body and shift your posture, you shift your physiology, which, in turn, shifts the activity of your autonomic nervous system. Therefore, you can use movement to shift your emotions and your mood. For example, if you're feeling scared or nervous, research has shown that taking a pose that expresses the opposite of that — putting your hands on your hips, your chest out, and your head held high — will make you feel more confident. Yoga poses can increase your confidence, too — perhaps even more so than poses associated with social dominance. So, if you're experiencing any state of fear, anger, sadness, or disgust, try shifting your posture. Let your body move into a posture that expresses the emotional state you want to develop in yourself to counteract what you’re feeling. I’ve found that working with my clients on this technique can sometimes really shift something for them, as they discover that they actually have the means inside of themselves to deal with these difficult emotions. There are many more practices outlined in my book that you can use to cultivate more calm in the body, restore your natural physiological equilibrium, and access a deeper sense of safety and well-being that primes your brain for more resilient learning and coping. By practicing these tools, you will not only cope better with any upset or catastrophe and bounce back better from any adversity, you will also learn to see yourself as someone who can cope. And that sense of being able to soothe yourself after setbacks is the beginning of developing true resilience. ● This essay is adapted from Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster (New World Library, 2018, 304 pages) by Linda Graham, MFT. Subscribe to her newsletter and learn more about her work. Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.org is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

New research suggests that meaning in life or purpose is related to values and motivation. But do motivations of intimacy and friendship rate higher or lower than financial success? And do men and women have different values when it comes to meaning in life? According to three Polish researchers, the values that we all come to realise in life are drawn from our personal strivings and our own motivations. Their work suggests that as a result, people are able to attain a greater level of meaning in their lives, so long as they remain motivated. For some, this might seem an obvious proposition: being motivated by your values means that you'll achieve a greater sense of meaning in life. However, the hypothesis had not been fully tested until Zuzanna Siwek and her co-authors, Anna Oleszkowicz and Aleksandra Słowińska, first published their research paper into the subject in 2016. Values and motivation: established theories According to Siwek and her colleagues, their work – which was carried out on a sample of Polish university students – started out from the point of view of two commonly accepted theoretical ideas in psychology. The first was developed by Deci and Ryan, which is often referred to as self-determination theory (SDT). Their idea is that motivation in individuals addresses issues of competence, relatedness and autonomy. For psychologists, competence is the term used for our desire to control outcomes. Relatedness is best described as our innate desire to connect and care with others. Finally, autonomy is our desire to be the agents of control in our own lives. You can think of it as the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Both extrinsic and intrinsic motivation is dealt with under SDT. For most psychologists, motivation is not a single concept but something that changes, depending on the situation. What might motivate you at work might not be the same as at home, for example. Your path in life: finding meaning is key to staying motivated Since the 1970s, psychological studies have referred to intrinsic motivation as our natural desire to face new challenges and engage in play with things we are curious about. Conversely, extrinsic motivations are not innate. These are motivations that come from outside of our inner selves, such as rewards for performance or mere praise. To break it down greatly, SDT claims that people will grow and function optimally when competence, relatedness and autonomy are working in harmony. Competence is when we try to control the outcome of something and relatedness is how connected to others we are in our actions. Finally, autonomy describes the degree of agency we have over ourselves. “Being motivated by your values means that you will achieve a greater sense of meaning in life.” Siwek's other theoretical inspiration came from the so-called logotherapy that was first developed by the esteemed psychologist Victor Frankl. His theory is based on the reasonable assumption that human beings are motivated by their search for a sense of life purpose. According to Frankl, logotherapy is merely a word that represents the search for a purposeful meaning in life. RELATED: 11 science-backed truths about finding happiness By building on these theoretical ideas, the three Polish researchers were able to build a study that utilised Personal Striving Assessments (PSAs), a system developed by Robert Emmons, a Professor of Psychology based in the US. Her teams' findings used these theories to demonstrate that meaning in life is indeed closely related to motivation. It is also related, they found, to a number of other personal values that participants responded to in their assessments which were often manifested in their personal strivings in life. Life motivation and values: difference between the sexes The Polish psychologists had a good sample size for their study. No less than 353 students took part, 159 women and 194 men. Interestingly, the study's authors claimed that the meaning in life that men and women reported was important to them was different. Men, for example, were more likely to ascribe financial success as being important in life, an extrinsic motivation, whereas women were more likely to value relationships, both intimate ones and friendships, intrinsic motivations. All of the respondents in the study were under the age of 25 and enrolled in full-time education which, the authors freely admit, means that their research is not a reflection of society as a whole. • JOIN US! Learn more about human connection and psychology • The research paper reported that behaviour and strivings of intrinsically motivated individuals are, more often than not, directed toward their own interests, a significant new finding. As a result, it was found that people are more willing to engage in personal development as a result of their autonomous motivation. Indeed, Siwek et al. claim that such people are characterised by a greater vitality, improved creativity and better levels of happiness. Men and women have different life values and motivation Moreover, Siwek's team found that different values in personal strivings facilitated differing scores for meaning in life, according to their respondents' own assessments. Although personal motivations varied between men and women in the study, the relationship between them and meaning in life was consistent regardless of gender. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) Another extrinsic value, that of physical appearance, appeared to make no difference to meaning in life or to happiness, whichever group was being looked at. As such, it seems that happiness cannot be wrought from a sense of self-worth that is based on looks alone. Summing up, Siwek claimed that meaning in life is most directly associated with the intrinsic motivation of intimacy and friendship although extrinsic factors, such as reward motivation and financial success, also form direct correlations with a sense of life meaning. She went on to add that although these gender differences were notable, no explanation could yet be offered as to why they exist and that further research would be needed to offer one. ● Do you agree with the authors of the study? What motivates you in life? Share your comments below. Written by Guest Author We'e happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

Fulfilling relationships are about all good communication, and as kink or BDSM relationships are very much based around talking, Kayla Lords suggests we look at them deeper to learn more about developing long-lasting and honest relationships... Ask someone what they think of when you say “kink” or “BDSM” and, even if they’re not into kink at all, it’ll be something about pain or rope or leather. You’ll also talk about sex and fetishes. A lot of people focus on what makes kink stand out from non-kink. That’s the fun part for a lot of us, but there’s another level to many kinky and fulfilling relationships that anyone can benefit from doing in their own relationship. Kink and BDSM don’t work unless both parties are willing to communicate with each other. And you don’t have to be kinky for that to be good for your relationship. It’s both as simple as and as hard as doing very specific things: Say what you feel – good or bad Communicate your desires, even the ones that are new to you or you’re ashamed of Share your fears – about sex, relationships, and everything else Listen to each other – without thinking of what you’re going to say next Reserve judgement It’s important not to be judgmental about what the other person is telling you. They may admit to a curious desire to something you find repulsive. Instead of judging them based on how you feel about it, let them know it’s safe to talk to you. We have a saying in BDSM: Your kink isn’t my kink, but your kink is okay. The same is true outside of kink. You don’t have to want something for yourself for it to be okay for your partner. Undress the truth: fulfilling relationships are based around honesty Communication isn’t only about sex, though. Sharing fears, concerns, and worries that you have at work, at school, in your relationship, and in life bring you closer to each other. You’ll develop a trust and a bond that comes with knowing each other intimately. Be open to new things In a BDSM relationship, we discuss both hard and soft limits, as well as our desires. A hard limit is something you have no desire to try; it may even disgust you to imagine it. A soft limit is something that you’re unsure of, maybe even nervous about, but you would try it – at least once. This works when you’re not kinky, too. “Communication isn’t only about sex, though. Sharing fears, concerns, and worries that you have at work, at school, in your relationship, and in life bring you closer to each other.” Fulfilling relationships aren't always about sex. You may have a no-pet policy in your relationship, but you’d be willing to consider a goldfish. You may say you hate to travel, but if your partner was with you, you’d consider a road trip. The growth of a relationship is proportional to the growth of the people in that relationship. When you try new things, whether it’s a new sexual position or you ride a roller coaster for the first time, you learn something about yourself, and you grow. Successful relationships, kinky or not, thrive on trying new things. It fosters communication, experimentation, new ideas, and new opinions. Every relationship can benefit from that. Understanding consent The quickest way to break someone’s trust is to violate their consent. Most of the time, we’re talking about sex when we discuss consent. In a kinky relationship, not everything we do is sexual. Sometimes it’s about the kinky play – being tied up, being blindfolded, or anything not directly related to sexual intercourse. When you say no, whether it’s a clear, “No!” or a safeword like, “Purple banana!” or you don’t enthusiastically say yes to any activity, that lack of consent must be respected. Behind the sheets: don't be afraid to talk about what you want in sex It’s important to understand consent on a deeper level, for both parties. If you’re going to try something new, you’ll want to be able to give informed consent. This means that you have some idea of what to expect, what will happen, and what it will feel like. Your “new thing” could be a new restaurant, meeting someone new, or a new vibrator. We feel more at ease about our decisions when we have an idea of what to expect. Saying yes to something blindly can lead to bad surprises. And having someone ignore you when you say no will too. It will also create a crack in your relationship that can be hard to repair, and may break your relationship. Consent should be informed, understood, clear, and, above all, respected. Taking care of each other In BDSM, there's always a top and a bottom or a dominant and a submissive. One controls, the other gives up control. One has the power, the other consents to that power. What most people don’t realize, however, is that in the best BDSM relationships, each person takes care of the other. We fulfill each other’s needs as much as we can. We help each other. We build each other up, care for each other, and nurture our passions and goals. Every relationship can benefit from a bit of care. Even if your relationship isn’t one you expect to last forever, while you’re together, genuinely try to make that person’s life a little better. It may only be better while you’re in each other’s presence, and it should never violate your own ethics and morals, but asking how their day went, giving them a hug, encouraging them in their goals – these are all ways to easily take care of someone. Celebrate your differences Yes, compatibility is important in any relationship. If you didn’t have a single thing in common, things could get awkward and boring quickly. That being said, where you’re different there are opportunities to learn and grow as individuals. “In the best BDSM relationships, each person takes care of the other. We fulfill each other’s needs as much as we can. We help each other.” Don’t shame or allow yourself to be shamed for wanting or liking something different than your partner. Instead, use it as a place to begin a new journey for yourself, with your partner, or, if you’re interested in a more open relationship, with someone new. An open relationship won’t work without openness, honesty, integrity, trust, and constant communication in your relationship. When people think about BDSM or kink, sex and fetish are usually the first things that come to mind. It’s what excites some people and turns others off. But there’s much more to kinky relationships than that. Look beneath the surface, and you’ll find bonds that run deep. Everyone can benefit and find satisfaction from the things that really make fulfilling relationships work. Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Kayla Lords Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. She hosts a weekly podcast, Loving BDSM, where she and her Dominant talk about loving BDSM in a loving D/s relationship and share what they've learned and experienced as a kinky couple.

Whether it’s a friend, colleague or a family member that's having it, panic attacks are scary to witness. Calvin Holbrook explains how you can support someone who is having a panic attack while also keeping yourself calm, too. As someone that lives with anxiety and has had many panic attacks in the past, believe me when I say that panic attacks can be truly terrifying events when you are going through one. However, panic attacks can also be equally as frightening for anyone that is witnessing somebody have one – especially if it's a particularly bad episode. Furthermore, the feeling of fear for those watching someone having a panic attack can be heightened if they’ve never witnessed somebody having one before. That's because during a panic attack, the physical symptoms may be so intense that the person suffering it feels like they're having a heart attack or are about to die. Panic attacks will also often come totally out of the blue. So, for a friend, colleague or family member observing what seems like an emergency room moment, this can, of course, cause great alarm, upset and confusion as to how to help exactly. Indeed, during some of my most powerful panic attacks I’ve asked family members to call me an ambulance as the tightening chest pain, shortness of breath and palpitations has convinced me that I’m going into cardiac arrest. How to help someone having a panic attack: first, stay calm While it can clearly be unsettling and difficult when someone you care about is going through a panic attack or a related anxiety episode, there are things you can do to assist them to get them through it. How do you know if it's a panic attack? It can be useful to learn anxiety attack warning signs if you're unfamiliar with them. That way you can be prepared for when someone develops an episode. Panic attacks commonly begin with: hyperventilation and/or shortness of breath tingling in hands or feet chest/arm pain a feeling of terror or dread a pounding heart dizziness and/or shaking dry mouth sweating However, as all of these symptoms could also suggest a possible heart attack, this can sometimes increase the anxiety of the person having the panic attack and also add to confusion about the best way you can help. I'll discuss when to call for medical assistance later, but one key point to remember is that with a heart attack chest pain usually continues to get worse and/or radiates to someone's arm or jaw. How to help someone having a panic attack If you know that a friend or colleague lives with anxiety and regularly lives with panic attacks, the situation should be easier to handle – for both of you. However, if you’re witnessing someone have their first panic attack, the person going though it is likely to be just as alarmed as you are. Here are seven suggestions for how to help someone when they are having a panic attack. 1. Stay calm yourself Watching someone going through a panic attack can be frightening, but it won’t help if you start to panic, too. Be assured that if it’s definitely a panic attack, then your friend is at no physical risk. Panic attacks normally don’t last too long – with the most intense feelings lasting around 10-15 minutes – so be assured this uncomfortable situation will come to an end sooner or later. 2. Use a calm voice to reassure them If speaking with the person having a panic attack seems to help them, try telling them these things in a calm voice: that they’re safe reassuring them that you won’t leave them reminding them the panic attack will pass 3. Ask how you can help Many people who regularly experience panic attacks have developed their own go-to coping methods. For example, I usually prefer to be left alone to do some deep breathing and listen to calming music. So, when offering support, bear in mind that if they are used to having attacks, your loved one will know best when it comes to receiving any help or not. Indeed, don’t be offended if your friend asks you to be quiet or leave them in peace: sometimes those experiencing an anxiety attack just want to be left alone to ride it out. Moreover, the fight-or-flight stress response affects a person’s ability to think and behave logically, so you may even receive a curt response! Please, try not take it personally. “When someone you care about is going through a panic attack or other anxiety issues, there are things you can do to help them.” If the person having a panic attack does want you to leave, take a few steps away and give them the space they need. If possible try to stay nearby to at least keep an eye on them. Let them know that if they do change their mind, you can come right back to them to help out. 4. Encourage them to breathe deeply If your friend is receptive to help, encouraging them to take deep breaths is one of the most useful things you can deal to assist them in dealing with their panic attack. It may even help to calm you down too if you do them together. During a panic attack, breathing becomes shallow which results in a person not getting enough oxygen into their blood. In turn, this increases the anxiety. Slow, controlled breathing is proven to bring the body back to its regular state by bringing oxygen levels back to normal and reducing anxiety. RELATED: Conscious breathing – what is it and how do we benefit from it? Encourage your friend to breathe through their nose deep into their abdomen for four seconds, hold for a second, then breath out through the nose for four seconds, before repeating. They should keep doing this until they start to feel calmer. 5. Encourage them to sit somewhere quietly This tip may be difficult to follow, depending on where you are when someone is having their panic attack. If you’re together outside in a busy area, try to find a quiet, less busy place to sit together – some steps or a green area – while you work through the breathing exercises. If you're close to home or already inside, guide your friend to a quiet, dimly lit room and sit them on a bed or sofa. Playing some calming music (Moby’s Long Ambients is a great example) can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Sit in a quiet place while having a panic attack shutterstock/Waraporn Wattanakul However, in either situation, don’t be surprised (or alarmed) if your friend suddenly dashes off and needs to be by themselves. One of the main symptoms of panic attacks is also the desire to run away, so they might want to be alone while they deal with their heightened anxiety. Also, sometimes just walking or moving might help someone to feel like they're coping with the attack. 6. Help them stay grounded Using grounding techniques can help contain panic attacks after they begin. These techniques take a person out of their head and push them to focus on what’s really happening, instead of the danger their brain perceives. If the person is responsive to help, try: holding their hand encouraging them to stretch or move body parts passing them a textured object to play with suggesting they repeat a helpful phrase, such as “this is just a panic attack. It will pass. It cannot hurt me.” 7. After the attack: respecting their needs Trust me; it’s common to feel completely wiped out after a panic attack. If I’ve had a particularly powerful one, I need to rest for hours afterwards before I start to feel better. Indeed, after an extreme fear response, your body has to slowly return to normal. This may mean your friend just wants to get home alone and rest. “Don't be offended if your friends asks you to be quiet or leave them in peace: sometimes those experiencing an anxiety attack just want to be left alone.” On a few occasions I've been out with friends and, after having a panic attack, simply had to leave what we were doing and go straight home to bed. This can be upsetting for the friend but it is also often upsetting –not to mention embarrassing – for the person having the panic attack. They may feel terrible about ruining any plans you had together, so help them to feel better about the situation be reassuring them that you understand and that it's OK. Realise that sometimes anxiety episodes can be so triggering that a person just has to get up and leave – no matter where or what you are doing together! How not to help someone having a panic attack As we've already established, witnessing someone going through a severe anxiety episode can be upsetting and overwhelming – especially if it's new to you. However, our tips above should explain to you how to help someone having a panic attack. Likewise, there are a couple of things you should definitely try to avoid doing: Do not tell the person to relax or to calm down. Unfortunately, the person going through the panic attack has little control over their symptoms. If they could calm down, they certainly would. Saying this phrase is only likely to agitate them more. Do not encourage them to breathe into a paper bag. This technique is often suggested to try and get a person's breathing back to normal. However, this might not be safe. Instead, encourage the deep breathing method outlined above. When to seek medical help If you haven't experienced a panic attack yourself, it can be hard to know what to do for the best. So, when should you call for additional help? There isn't an easy answer. On more than a few occasions I've ended up in ER and have called out the ambulance service as I thought I was having a heart attack. However, in fact, it was just down to an extreme episode of panic. RELATED: Panic attacks – 12 tips on what to do when anxiety hits hard In the midst of an attack, telephoning the local emergency number may seem like the safest way to help a friend having a panic attack, but this can often exasperate an already stressful situation. If a friend is used to having panic attacks they can hopefully recognize the symptoms. In this case, simply sticking around with your friend or nearby until they feel better might be all you need to do. However, you should call for medical assistance if: symptoms deteriorate and persist for longer than 20-30 minutes shortness of breath doesn’t improve chest pain feels like squeezing and moves to arms/shoulders To make matters even more confusing, even if you are with someone who has had loads of panic attacks, they may still ask you to call an ambulance as they feel the one they're experiencing is different or a heart attack. In any case – as I've often been told by paramedics – you should never feel bad if you've made use of emergency services because you thought someone's life may be in danger. After all, that's what they are there for. Panic attacks can be terrifying to witness, but with time you can learn how to identify when someone is having one and how to help them. ● Chat with other community members about how to help someone with anxiety in our forum. Main image: shutterstock/Antonio Guillem happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our Academy Self-help | Empathy | Kindness | Trust Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our magazine and is a lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage. Find out more.