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Sonia Vadlamani discusses why longstanding social connections matter for our well-being and happiness, and the key qualities that true friendship encompasses. Most of us will agree that friendships enrich our lives and make us happier. Additionally, research shows a positive correlation between intensity and quality of friendships and life-satisfaction, suggesting that we tend to benefit more from close associations and active social relationships that we can rely on. Conversely, researchers also agree that a lack of close social ties can impact our well-being and life-satisfaction. As social beings, we clearly feel the need to find our tribe, since we crave human connection and the sense of belonging that we derive from true friendships. So, how does one make the cut, as it might be, to become a true friend and not just a mere acquaintance? What makes a true friend? Most of us consider true friends as people who we can trust and rely on. Indeed, when I was down with COVID-19, some of my closest friends made it a point to supply fresh, homemade meals and remedies for me and my family members – regardless of their own shortcomings and personal situations – until I regained my strength well enough to be able to cook again. Clearly, this is not the sole criteria for the way I define my close friendships. Some of my strongest friendships were struck in the oddest of situations, like when an acquaintance offered me timely advice during a spontaneous emotional outburst, or when I met a knowledgeable and supportive fitness enthusiast at the gym. Over time and after extensive bonding, I began to consider these individuals as my real friends as well. Indeed, not all friendships are the same, and true friendships take shape in different ways for different people. We often attract friendships based on core traits which are important to us, like trustworthiness, honesty, etc. Jamie Gruman, author of Boost: The Science of Recharging Yourself in an Age of Unrelenting Demands describes this phenomenon as ‘relationship attraction’, wherein individuals choose their relationships based on common interests and core traits that they value the most. True friends will show unwavering support While there is a distinct set of qualities that we inherently seek from close social connections, most of us have never really taken a moment to consider what these are. Chances are, you’ve also sometimes wondered if you possess the qualities to build and maintain true friendships with like-minded individuals around you. 6 qualities of true friendship There are several characteristics that can help us distinguish close friendships from casual social ties. Identifying the essential traits of true friendship can also help you determine the social connections that are important to you and enable you to nurture lasting friendships. So, a true friend: 1. Prioritizes spending time together There’s no denying that we lead busy lives, and that the demands of our fast-paced lifestyle can leave us with too little time to be able to connect with friends. However, true friendships are based on the mutual desire to share experiences and spend quality time together. Close friends take a keen interest in each other’s lives. If you’re wondering if someone is a true friend, observe if they exhibit similar interest by asking questions about your day or following up on the topics discussed in previous meetings. “True friendships are based on the mutual desire to share experiences and spend quality time together. Close friends take a keen interest in each other’s lives.” Even if they haven’t met up in a while, real friends keep in touch via social media or messages in an effort to keep up to date regarding events in their lives. If a friend tries to maintain a close relationship with you despite the physical distance, and makes you feel heard and appreciated, they’re undoubtedly a true friend of yours. However, remember that it’s not their responsibility alone, and you should reciprocate the efforts as well to sustain the friendship. 2. Accepts you for who you are True friends will respect your choices and judgement even when they do not necessarily agree with you, since they trust your decision-making process. If they were to disagree with you, a true friend would offer constructive criticism objectively and gracefully. Furthermore, they will refrain from taking offense or exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior if you reject their advice. True friends accept you the way you are, and even encourage you to embrace your imperfections by bolstering your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. They believe in your wisdom and stand behind your decisions, instead of pushing you to think and act in the manner they want you to. How to be a better friend – 9 ways to improve your relationship The 8 types of friends we all need Understanding the power of friendship 3. Offers unwavering support While all of us may have traversed a rough patch at some point in our lives and no one is exempt from difficult times, how your friends react in such situations is a great way to identify true friendship. Real friends stay with you through difficult situations like trauma, setbacks, illnesses and grief. Contrary to fair-weathered friends who tend to be around only when you’re prospering in life, a real friend is always supportive and has got your back no matter what. A true friend will always tell you how it really is! shutterstock/CREATISTA “Good friends show up for the tough times,” reveals Varsha Mathur, a dating and relationship coach. While it’s easy for us to count on our friends to show up for the happy occasions and milestone events like birthdays and weddings, real friends also show up for the tough times. It could mean that their presence is warranted during a funeral, the search for a lost pet, a medical appointment that’s making you anxious, or simply to clean up after everyone has left the party. In fact, the lack of steadfast support could very well be one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. 4. Encourages you to be your best self A true friend takes interest in your personal growth and success. What's more, they encourage you to unleash your fullest potential and achieve your goals, even in the times when you don’t fully believe you’re capable of the same. While they accept you for the way you are, they’re also your biggest cheerleaders when you succeed. Instead of trapping you in constant criticism or negativity, real friends keep you accountable along the journey towards your goals and celebrate your accomplishments – big and modest ones alike. 5. Is honest and trustworthy True friendships are based on honest communication and mutual trust. Good friends not only listen mindfully without judgment, but also believe in open, positive communication when their advice is sought. They also offer their unbiased perspective to help one view a situation from a different vantage point, albeit with kindness and while being objective. “True friendships are based on honest communication and mutual trust. Good friends not only listen mindfully but also believe in open, positive communication when their advice is sought.” Real friendships require us to be our authentic selves and confide in each other – even if it makes us feel vulnerable. If your friend shares their personal feelings or thoughts with you, it means that they hold you in high regard and trust your integrity. Being a true friend requires you to be able to confide in your friend as well, as this shows that you place trust in the friendship too. 6. Can always bring some cheer and positivity An easy way to identify true friendship is to gauge how you feel when you spend time with a person. Real friends always make us feel special and valued. If you consistently feel good in their company, leave aflush with good vibes and a jovial mood after hanging out, and look forward to meeting them soon again, you likely have a true friend. In addition to supporting each other through difficult times, true friends also help us see the positive side of an adversity, by even adding in a little humour at times. Their cheerful disposition and positive outlook can help us deal with the curveballs life tosses along our way with greater ease. Takeaway: qualities of true friendship It’s important to bear in mind that everybody exhibits varying levels of these qualities in their relationships. Indeed, true friendships bring in a generous abundance of these qualities, thus enriching our lives and boosting our happiness levels and well-being. However, cultivating and exhibiting the characteristics stated above can help you identify your true friends and hone yourself into becoming a real friend as well. Being self-aware and taking some time for some honest introspection can help you examine your own behaviors, and actions, thus enabling you to decide if you need to up your ‘friendship quotient’ to nurture true friendships. • Main image: shutterstock/Giulio_Fornasar Do you agree with Sonia's list of qualities of true friendship? Is there any she missed? What would you add to the list? Let us know in the comments below. If you're interested in discussing friendship issues further, check out our forum on friendship, love and relationships. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Empathy | Communication skills | Loneliness | Trust Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press in April, but you may not have spotted them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. April was a month that featured many feel-good news stories, but not all of the following items made it to the front pages. So, what were some of the more positive stories that deserved greater attention than they received? Here are ten of the best... 1. Vision could be improved by ultrasound Ultrasound techniques may be deployed soon to help people with vision impairments. According to a story in News Nine Live, the idea is to use ultrasound frequencies to stimulate the nerves of people who cannot see. Although ultrasound is common for seeing inside the body – typically to assess the healthiness of unborn babies – it hasn't been used for sight therapy before. Researchers are working on animals and hope the technique will be able to help people with a range of nerve-related, degenerative vision conditions. 2. Leisure activities help to reduce loneliness According to Penn State University, undertaking leisure activities is one of the best ways we have to combat social exclusion. A report in Science Daily made use of two recent scientific studies to show that meaningful and challenging activities were ideal for helping to deal with the feelings associated with loneliness. The researchers found that doing something that activated the brain meant that time seemed to drag less between social interactions, thereby lessening the effects of loneliness people would otherwise have felt. Leisure activities have been shown to lower loneliness shutterstock/Robert Kneschke 3. Mindfulness helps people to cope with guilt Feelings of guilt are not uncommon but, according to a report in PsyPost, numerous studies into mindfulness have now shown that people who practise meditation and other mindfulness techniques are better able to cope with it. In cases where people are feeling guilty when they shouldn't necessarily, this can help them to continue with their lives. RELATED: Mindful behavior – 13 practical mindfulness tools However, one recent piece of research also suggests that mindfulness can help to buffer people against the guilt they ought to feel. In the latest research, led by Andrew Hafenbrack, an assistant professor who works at the University of Washington, loving-kindness meditation was found to offer the best balance between helping people to cope with their guilt whilst not dissuading people from engaging in 'reparative behaviour'. 4. Hydrogen fuel cell technology takes step forward Hydrogen fuel cells are a clean way of making energy and only produce water as a waste product. However, they rely on precious white metals to cause the chemical reaction they need to produce electricity. In fact, most require platinum to run. Nevertheless, as numerous online press outlets picked up on, Imperial College in London has produced a new method for making hydrogen fuel cells that relies on iron instead, a much more common metallic element. According to Professor Anthony Kucernak, who led the research, the change in catalyst still means the energy produced will be just as green. Doing away with platinum will mean this form of energy may soon become much more economically viable. 5. New transistors could lower energy demands In other energy news, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley have come up with a new type of transistor design that could lower the energy consumption of nearly all appliances. The idea makes use of what the team call an ultra-thin super-lattice heterostructure for transistors which means that voltage could be dropped by about a third. Their transistors contain alternating layers of ferroelectric and anti-ferroelectric materials and such a super-lattice could be integrated into existing electrical component designs with ease, they claim. According to Physics World, this breakthrough is likely to have a big effect on the future electrical consumption of computers. 6. Rare Australian tree frogs set for new lease of life One of the world's rarest species of frog was on the face of extinction a few years ago. However, thanks to a successful breeding programme in captivity, the spotted tree frog will be released back into the wild in New South Wales, Australia. A report in the Guardian stated that around 80 of these creatures would be set free following devastating bushfires that affected the frogs' natural habitat. It's thought that at the time they were taken into captivity to protect them only about a dozen individual tree frogs of this species existed in the world. Australian tree frog shutterstock/reptiles4all 7. Cannabis combats pancreatic cancer cells According to the Daily Star, a new study into cannabis consumption found that the plant was an effective tool in the fight against pancreatic cancer. Its story was based on Israeli research into the effects of cannabis on the body. The medical science company that conducted the research found that certain chemicals in the plant – when combined with medicinal mushrooms – were effective in combatting cancer cells in the pancreas. As a result, patients required lower dosages of chemotherapy. The research's team's work is now being extended to breast and colon cancers, too. 8. Solar energy can now be stored for almost two decades Storing energy is one of the big challenges for the world as we produce more than we need. However, many storage systems, like batteries, come with their own environmental costs. Nevertheless, as a report in the Independent made clear, solar energy could now be stored efficiently for up to 18 years and used when needed. Swedish researchers at the Chalmers University of Technology (as well as counterparts in China) have developed a system that contains molecules that react when exposed to sunlight. They store the energy they've received from the sun and can be easily transported. The idea is to now deploy the system in self-charging electrical devices. 9. Nasal spray could alter the way coronavirus affects people Clinical trials of a nasal spray designed to stop COVID-19 from spreading have begun, according to a report in iNews. The UK-based research team behind the project reckon that their nasal spray could be a highly effective means of preventing people from catching airborne coronaviruses, in particular helping those who cannot have the vaccine for whatever reason. It's also hoped that a low-cost nasal spray will help those in many of the world's poorest countries, which have relatively low vaccine uptake figures. The use of nasal sprays to stop the virus from spreading should also help to prevent further mutations and, thereby, protect vaccinated people, too. Nasal spray for COVID? shutterstock/MYDAYcontent 10. New treatment for alopecia sufferers A report in the Daily Express stated that a drug therapy that had been used to help treat arthritis is also beneficial for treating alopecia-related hair loss. Indeed, one in three people who tried the treatment found that it was effective. Work on the new treatment method is ongoing at Yale University in the United States but it's hoped that it will bring a new sense of optimism to many people living with from alopecia, as no previous treatment methods have proven to be successful for so many. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Master manipulators often use techniques which – over time – make it hard to spot when you are being used. If you believe you may be being manipulated by a friend, partner or family members, Dee Marques shows you 12 signs to look out for plus offers tips on how to deal with being used. We all have certain expectations when it comes to our interactions with friends and romantic partners. This can include expectations about the needs we want met and in which way. But there’s a difference between expecting relationships to fulfil some needs, and using relationships to that end. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the difference between both concepts, which is why it’s so devastating to find yourself in a relationship where you’re being used for certain purposes or needs. In this article I’ll discuss several ways you can recognize when you are being used in any kind of friendship or relationship. I’ll also offer some ideas on how to deal with a relationship where you’re clearly being used. The impact of being used We tend to assume that we know people close to us, such as family members, partners and friends. So, realising that you’re being used by one of these people can come as a huge shock, because the idea is so far removed from what we had imagined our relationship to be. And understandably so, because you have probably invested a lot in a relationship in good faith. RELATED: 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety. Being used impacts on mental health and happiness It can also create a tendency to become hyper-vigilant to avoid being used again and experiencing the same pain. Indeed, because being used puts us in a vulnerable situation, this can trigger mental or emotional health issues we may have had in the past, anything from eating disorders to depression. • JOIN US! Sign up free today and find true connection at happiness.com • This situation can also affect our confidence in our ability to accurately judge others. You may come to think that you’ve been taken advantage of because 'you didn’t see it coming and you should have seen it', and then conclude that you can’t trust your own judgement when getting into other relationships. In some cases, this can lead to emotional isolation and to mistrusting others by default. 12 signs you’re being used So, how exactly do you know if you’re being used? The signs can be more or less subtle, so it’s important to be familiar with them. 1. You’re not equal players An unequal relationship is one of the most common signs that you’re being used. A caring relationship is a space where both parties pull their weight emotionally, financially and physically. You may suspect that you’re being used if the other person always seems to take but they don’t give back, or if they do give back but it feels as if they were doing you a favour. You can tell their attitude is not genuine and it’s not a one-off. 2. One-way boundaries Similar to the above, or another version of it, is when you feel that boundaries only seem to work one way in the relationship. For example, the other person doesn’t really disclose much about previous romantic partners, but expects to know everything about yours. “The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety.” Or it could be a friend who always finds a way to be unavailable when you need them, but then expects you to be “on call” for them all the time. This can be a clear sign that you’re being used, because genuine friendships and relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect. 3. They 'show you off', but something feels wrong Real friends or partners will appreciate you enough to sing your praises in front of others and it will come out as something genuine. However, people who see relationships as a way to use others may only show you off when it suits them, and it may be obvious enough to make you feel something is wrong. For example, it could be a partner who only takes you out on business dinners because they know you’ll make an impression on the people they’re trying to impress. But any activities strictly between you and them are few and far in between or they do so after much insisting on your part. 4. They don’t listen We can all be distracted from time to time or too absorbed in our own problems, but in true and equal relationship we always try our best to make time for the other person. RELATED: Mindful listening – 6 ways to improve conversational skills With manipulators, you may feel they’re never really 'present' when you’re together. Or they could seem present, but later on you realise they have tuned you out the entire time. For example, they forget important dates such as an exam, your birthday, or never follow-up on conversations where you've told them something important or that's bothering you. 5. You feel bad saying “no” Some people are expert emotional manipulators to the point that they’ll make you feel uncomfortable saying “no” to them. For example, when they ask you for money it feels like you’re obligated and you can’t quite explain why. Or, you may feel pressured to do things their way, even though you don’t really want to. There’s always some give and take in relationships, but you should be able to say “yes” or “no” freely and without fearing potential consequences, whether that's the silent treatment or other forms of emotional blackmail. Users are master manipulators that play people shutterstock/SvetaZi 6. They keep tabs on favours Manipulators are known for not offering to do you any favours unless they want something in return. In those situations, there’s a ring of “you owe me” to the whole interaction. In many cases, you will even be reminded of what they did for you and how much of a big deal it is. • SIGN UP! Join our caring community and make new friends • You may also feel as if they write down every single thing they do for you in a little notebook so they can refer back to it. That’s not altruism – it’s called being used. 7. They take things for granted Manipulators may take you and your relationship for granted if they never say thank you or show any gratitude. Instead, it’s as if that aspect of the relationship was exclusively your responsibility. 8. They never apologise Their behaviour causes you pain and yet they never seem to apologise. Somehow, if you feel hurt it’s your fault for doing this or for not doing that. RELATED: The 6 steps to an effective apology 9. Money issues Be wary of being used to meet the manipulator’s emotional or financial needs. There’s nothing wrong or unusual in lending or borrowing money from friends or relatives, but you should see a red flag if they’re always asking for money or expecting you to pay for all the bills, outings, etc. “The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety.” Another version of being used financially is if you’re in a romantic relationship or live together and the manipulator pushes you to accept higher-paying jobs to cover costs – even if they’re not what you want to do or are detrimental to your health. 10. They don’t keep their promises... …or their appointments. Users can pull a no-show after agreeing to do something, or find excuses to get out of activities and plans. Even worse, you don’t feel comfortable confronting them about their wrongdoings. 11. Something doesn’t feel right Nowadays, we’re all a bit disconnected from powerful and useful primal instincts, such as our gut feeling. So when something doesn’t feel right, we don’t know how to interpret it or we may even mislabel it as a positive emotion. For example, a manipulator can make you jittery or nervous and you could confuse the feeling with being “in love”. 12. The language they use This seems a trivial point, but language can tell you a lot about how a person really feels about you. There’s a big difference between saying “I took you out” and “we went out”. The first implies you don’t really count and you’re being used, whereas the second suggests you’re both in the relationship as equal partners. 3 tips on how to avoid being used Strengthen your self-esteem This is the first and most important step because otherwise you won’t be able to apply any of the remaining suggestions. Learn how to develop self-love and be good to yourself at all times. Set healthy boundaries Build up the courage to say what you can and cannot tolerate in a relationship, and explain why. Something along the lines of “when you do XXX it makes me feel,” and, “I can’t accept that because...” Get your intuition back and learn to trust it again This will help stay open to other relationships instead of isolating yourself for fear of being used again. Discover how to better tap into your intuition. Learn to be your own best friend, without giving up on the idea of finding your tribe. Seek help If you can’t overcome the pain of being used, seek help from a trusted counsellor or therapist. Takeaway: being used hurts, but you can get over it Realising you’re being used can be painful, especially if you were deeply invested in the relationship. But after experiencing it – and if you keep in mind the points raised above – you’ll be more equipped to detect future attempts of manipulation. Even better, you could even use that experience to help others overcome the pain of going through the same experience of being used. • Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Loneliness | Empathy Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Sonia Vadlamani explains why friendships matter, how to sustain them, and gives nine simple ways for us to become better, more dependable friends. Friendships are some of the most unique and fulfilling formative relationships we enter voluntarily and experience in our lives. Research suggests that friendships play a vital role in our quest to lead a happy, purpose-driven life. Indeed, having fulfilling friendships can mean better overall health, greater life satisfaction and higher happiness levels. Building and maintaining robust social connections can also keep loneliness at bay, making us less vulnerable to conditions such as stress, depression and anxiety. However, despite our best efforts, some friendships may fail if we begin to suspect that a friend doesn’t really care about us. Sometimes, we may get caught up with our own lives and forget to check up on our friends. At other times, we may have known some friends for such a long time that we may end up taking them for granted. Or, if you’re anything like me, you may be an introvert who feels awkward about expressing how much your friends mean to you. In fact, friendships cannot sustain themselves while being overlooked or taken for granted. Indeed, healthy friendships are a result of careful nurturing with consistent, conscious efforts on our behalf. Furthermore, if you find it difficult to make new friends as an adult, then having a sparse buddy count may hamper your quality of life. So, discovering how to be a better friend is really important for our well-being and happiness. How to be a better friend: 9 tips There's a popular saying that goes: “In order to have friends, you must first be one”. If you’re thinking that perhaps you're not always the best buddy and are wondering how to be a better friend, cultivating these nine habits on a regular basis will help you get closer to your goal. 1. Prioritize and be attentive Given the hectic pace of life for most of us nowadays, time is one of the greatest gifts we possess. So, making time for those who matter to us is one of the most fundamental ways to be a better friend. Despite busy schedules, caring friends always make time to catch up with their pals and keep track of new developments in their lives, moods, thoughts, hopes and dreams. It’s OK to want to meet even without a specific agenda sometimes, even if it’s just to spend some time together over a cuppa or a movie. One-sided friendships are really not healthy, so learn to take an active interest in your friends’ lives. If they have an important event coming up, remind yourself to send them a message wishing them good luck on the day. Bringing thoughtful gifts from your travels, dropping homemade meals when they’re feeling a bit under the weather, and making sure to ask back “how about you?” when they’re checking in on you are some ways to show that you value their friendship and care for their well-being. How to be a better friend? First, listen more 2. Master the art of mindful listening One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations. When you find your friend struggling with a problem, your first instinct may be to urge them to cool down or indicate that the problem isn’t worth getting upset about. However, this instinct of yours may make your friend feel unsupported or ignored. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • “When people are upset, it matters less what you tell them than what you enable them to tell you,” reveals Mark Goulston, business psychiatrist and the author of Just Listen. Simply ask your friend clearly if they need to vent out or if they need your advice. Next, listen with complete attention, while withholding your judgment. Offer constructive advice or work together towards a solution only after your friend is done getting their feelings off their chest. While this approach may seem challenging at first, your friends will feel validated and appreciate you for listening mindfully. 3. Empathize more Practising empathy is a surefire way to be a better friend, according to research. Our fast-paced lives and the social distancing norms triggered by the coronavirus may leave us increasingly stressed and detached from others around us. However, having empathic friends can help relieve stress to a great extent, according to a study by Sylvia A. Morelli et al at Stanford University. “One of the best ways to be a better friend is to listen more and talk less. We often make the mistake of assuming what our friends need and go on to venture our opinions about their problems or frustrations.” While empathy is largely an intuitive trait, it can be inculcated by picking up visual cues as well. Developing the skill to look at the world around us from multiple perspectives and respecting the standpoint of others – even if it’s completely contrary to ours – can actually help us empathize better with others. RELATED: Radical empathy – what is it and what are the benefits? 4. Be honest and trustworthy While we will always have different types of friends in our lives, we all appreciate having a “tell it like it is” kind of friend. Being genuine and standing up behind your promises and commitments is markedly one of the ways to be a better friend. Indulge in honest, positive communication, albeit tactfully and with kindness. At the same time, trust that your friends have your back when you need them. If you ever feel the need to correct your friend regarding a decision or action of theirs, try being honest while respecting their boundaries. A good friend will appreciate your honesty and understand the trust you place in the relationship by expressing your reservations. 5. Celebrate their wins Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend. After all, we all love it when people we value and care about the most stand along with us to celebrate our triumphs. Sometimes, others’ wins may cause us to evaluate where we stand in regard to our goals and accomplishments in life. As tempting as that may seem, shrug away any misgivings and resentment you may feel, avoid falling into the comparison-trap and choose to revel in the accomplishments of your friends. Celebrate when a friend has success shutterstock/Lucky Business 6. Be supportive and open-minded If we review our relationships, we’ll find that our most-valued friendships always offer plenty of room to accommodate the various challenges in our lives. Showing up in support for your friends when they’re facing a bump in the road is one of the most caring ways to be a better friend. DISCUSS: Qualities of a best friend – what's most important? “Good friends support us, give us space to be ourselves and make mistakes, and they respect boundaries,” suggests therapist Jinnie Cristerna. Being open-minded and remaining unbiased also communicates that you trust your friend’s decision-making abilities enough to not cloud their judgment with your reservations. 7. Encourage and challenge One of the greatest ways to be a better friend is to offer your pal genuine encouragement towards achieving their dreams. In addition to backing their goals, don’t be afraid to throw in an occasional challenge, if you feel that it would offer them a push in the right direction. “Backing your friends unconditionally, trusting their capabilities and applauding their achievements is one of best ways to be a better friend.” I’m thankful to a dear friend of mine who once challenged me to document my healthy eating journey in a way that was helpful for others who mistook that being healthy required them to eat boring meals. This is how my food and fitness blog started, as she recognized my ability to inspire others to lead a healthy, happy life without facing burnout. At the same time, I understood that her advice had originated from a place of love and respect and that she genuinely wanted me to succeed. 8. Don’t shy away from saying ‘I’m sorry’ While admitting a mistake is sometimes incorrectly thought of as admitting weakness, owning up to one’s mistake is actually a sign of strength and emotional maturity. It means that you have the humility and courage to admit that you messed up and value the friendship enough to make amends. Possessing the ability to admit your mistake and apologizing when you’re in the wrong is undoubtedly one of the most effective ways to be a better friend. 9. Express your gratitude more often Studies show that gratitude can play a key role in keeping us more invested in our relationships, thus strengthening our friendships. Life can be a rough ride sometimes, and we often realize the true power of friendship when we’re going through a difficult patch. Indeed, my struggle with COVID-19 made me realize just how important it was to always have close, reliable friends who always look out for you no matter what and that always have your best interests in mind. Developing an attitude of gratitude can help us find joy in every gift that life offers us, including our enriching friendships. Never miss an opportunity to tell your friends how grateful you feel about having them in your life, and how they enhance your life in several ways. Round-up: how to be a better friend It’s true that being a good friend requires some focused work and dedication on our behalf. However, the perks of finding your tribe and maintaining friendships are worth the effort. Keep working on the ways to be a better friend, and you may find significant improvement in your quality of life and happiness levels. • Main image: shutterstock/HIV in view happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Confidence | Authenticity | Resilience Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, introvert hangovers are a real thing. Sonia Vadlamani discusses ideas on how to recognize introvert burnout and explains six ways to avoid it happening in the first place. If you’re an introvert, you're likely to have experienced the so-called introvert hangover at least once in your life, even if you didn’t realize you were dealing with it. Also referred to as a social hangover, an introvert hangover is a result of an excessive dose of socializing. Sometimes even a few hours of socializing, like a lunch date with friends in a noisy restaurant or attending a large social event, can leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, even though the people around you show no signs of slowing down. Indeed, you are not alone, and most introverts, including me, experience this feeling. Although social hangover can happen to anyone, introverts are particularly susceptible to it as they reach their dopamine threshold relatively easily when compared to extroverts. Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover. What is an introvert hangover? An introvert hangover can be described as that tired, drained, foggy and overwhelmed state we experience when we’ve overdone socializing and feel the need for some alone-time for recharging. Introvert hangover can happen due to overstimulation from a series of closely-timed events that you were a part of, like weddings or a concert, a group activity, or even a Zoom call. A common misconception about introverts is that they’re shy, or they don’t like people. This simply isn’t true, as introverts do crave human connection as well. “Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert – but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world,” explains psychologist Mike Dow. Too much social time may lead to an introvert hangover As an introvert, while I feel the need for meaningful interactions with friends and family, I do find myself getting quickly saturated and mentally exhausted if there’s too much noise, or if the group suddenly gets bigger, leading to too many conversations to keep a track of. In midst of the socializing if I’m finding myself growingly irritable, or plain zoned-out and retreating into a quiet corner, I know it’s proving too much for me in the moment. Some key signs that you’re experiencing social exhaustion can be: Feeling detached from ongoing conversations around you Feeling numb or dejected Developing a headache or a migraine Growing irritability as time progresses Having trouble concentrating Fatigue and tiredness Experiencing conditions like stress, anxiety and depression Prolonged social hangover can result in a following introvert burnout, which can leave one feeling drained for longer periods… hours even, or sometimes for several days in a row. Avoiding introvert hangovers An introvert burnout can be a terrible phenomenon to experience. Fortunately, it is possible to avoid the fatigue you may experience after a social event with these simple steps: 1. Accept who you are Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes that it’s essential for introverts to embrace their true selves and be confident about the same. This will help introverts to reach out and interact with others from a place of acceptance, instead of a societal compulsion that they should socialize more often. 2. Identify your triggers There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to combating an introvert hangover, as every individual has their own triggers and socializing capacity. While a single virtual work meeting can end up triggering introvert burnout in some, others may feel exhausted from attending several social events back-to-back. “Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover.” Observing what your triggers are and the pace at which your energy levels deplete each time you socialize is key. It can enable you to customize your social engagements and plan social events when you’re energized and ready to handle them. 3. Customize your social events Sometimes, you could have had a busy day and then have events and activities lined up later that you genuinely want to be a part of or can’t back out of. Consider altering your plans in a way that allows you to derive the maximum value from the events without draining your mental batteries. For example, attending a concert a bit later after the opening act is over, or leaving a party early could prevent an introvert burnout later. I love visiting art galleries and museums when I travel, but I don’t like crowds. So, I schedule these visits for weekdays or early hours when there are fewer visitors. This gives me the freedom to spend more time gazing at the exhibitions and learning about the artist’s process, without needing to stand in a queue for hours or putting up with noisy crowds. 4. Balance socializing with alone-time “Company and solitude are like nutrients: we all need both of them, but in varying amounts,” explains Martha Beck, sociologist, life coach and the author of The Way of Integrity. Like everyone, introverts feel the need for meaningful relationships and nurturing friendships. However, it’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and their recharge-time, so that they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout. Choosing quality over quantity could prove to be a wiser approach instead of saying ‘yes’ to every social event, as cramming your schedule with too many social events could leave you exhausted. Prioritize interactions which are more important to you and avoid the social events that are likely to drain your energy reserve at a faster pace. Introverts need to balance social time with alone time shutterstock/Galyna Andrushko 5. Be honest and specific with people As the old saying goes, honesty is always the best policy. Communicate your need to recharge yourself, or the preference for number of people you’re meeting, the location etc, in a specific albeit constructive manner. Instead of saying “I can’t talk right now” or “umm, let’s meet some other day”, convey your needs and feelings more coherently like, “I’m on recharge mode and would like to be alone today”, or “I realize this group hangout has now shaped into a full-blown party. I’ll have to leave a bit earlier as it’s too much for me”. Indeed, positive communication ensures that others understand your socializing preferences and needs and try to accommodate these to the best of their ability. However, if you don’t tell your friends about how over socializing burns you out, they may think you are being rude or difficult if you vanish from an event or keep turning down invitations, so make sure that doesn’t happen. 6. Take timely micro-breaks Sometimes it may be difficult for you to back out from a social event, like an office party or a vacation with several family members or friends. Similarly, you may not want to miss out on important social commitments, such as a friend’s wedding. Opt for periodic, small breaks in scenarios where you need to attend numerous events within a short span. For example, you could find a quieter spot nearby to practise some conscious breathing alone to soothe your nerves, or take a short stroll near the event venue to clear your mind. How to recover from introvert burnout Recovering from an introvert hangover is possible, even though it may seem at the time like you’ve hit a brick wall and there simply isn’t possible to pave your way back to socializing. Here are some ideas to offer you much-needed relief: Tell yourself it’s OK An introvert hangover can last anywhere between few hours to few days, depending on the severity of the exhaustion and it’s okay. There is no need to feel guilty or apologetic about your need for some solitude. After all, introverts are at their optimal best when they’ve taken the time to recharge with some alone-time and introspection. Prioritize your alone-time “Feelings are information,” says Dow. Experiencing the signs of introvert hangover denotes that you may have overdone socializing and haven’t spent time alone with your thoughts for a long time. An introvert recharge-mode consisting of some quiet self-reflection can go a long way to heal your social burnout, as well as to ready you for your next social engagement. Jenn Granneman, founder of IntrovertDear.com, a community for introverts, and author of The Secret Lives of Introverts refers to the introvert-reward connection established by researchers, emphasizing the importance of spending some time alone for introverts. Devise a downtime schedule Indulging in hobbies like knitting, painting or fishing, or immersing yourself in your favorite self-care activity, can help speed-up the recovery from a social hangover. Try a DIY spa treatment – a luxury facial or a manicure may lift your spirits with ease. Grab your favorite book and read through your favorite parts again. For me, it’s a warm cup of a soothing tea, a cozy spot where no one can disturb me much, and curling up with one of the Harry Potter titles that does the trick. The key here is to create a calming and low-stimulus environment so you can recharge your mental batteries. Rewatching your all-time favorite movie, a comforting bowl of ice cream, or playing with your furry friends to channel the healing power of pets can also help you achieve this goal. Meditate Meditation helps you shake off the anxiety of socializing by enabling you to slow down, clear your mind and relieve stress. There are several skills you can learn through meditation, like cultivating silence, physical relaxation, and self-compassion, which can bolster your ability to combat introvert burnout in the longer run. “It’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and recharge, so they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout.” Introverts may benefit from meditating more often than once, even for durations as less as 5 minutes, as this can keep them focused and grounded. There are different types of meditation from which you choose a form that suits your needs and lifestyle the best. Sweat it out Exercise can be an effective coping tool for introverts. Research shows that introverts are more prone to mental stress and anxiety, and researchers agree upon regular exercise as an effective strategy for stress management. Working out can help you relax and unwind, in addition to offering you some much-needed ‘me-time’ following an introvert hangover. Exercise need not be boring: taking long walks or a hike along the woods, engaging in wild swimming, jogging or running at the park or lifting weights at the gym are some ways to sweat it out and benefit from the happiness hormones resulting from your workout. Takeaway: avoiding introvert hangover While introverts do enjoy the company of others, they can find socializing for long hours at a stretch challenging and overstimulating. Avoiding overbooking your social calendar, taking mini-breaks between stretches of vigorous social activity, and communicating your recharge-time needs in an honest manner can go a long way towards preventing social hangover. Research shows that introverts appreciate the time to reflect and thrive when they get the time to recharge their mental batteries. Thus, indulging in rejuvenating activities such as meditation, spending time in nature with activities like forest bathing, unwinding with a restorative yoga practice, etc, are some ways to create some much-needed downtime after an introvert burnout. • Main image: shutterstock/Motortion Films happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Friendship | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.