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The ringing in the ears associated with tinnitus can dramatically impact on a person's quality of life. However, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, there are many ways you can cope with tinnitus. Here are ten practical ideas based on his own experience. Writing this now, with my Spotify Peaceful Piano Playlist gently playing soothing background music, I can still hear a high-pitched hissing noise in both of my ears. It's there all of the time; never goes away. Usually, it's a single, constant whirring noise. At other times it changes pitch or other sounds pop in and fade out again. And while the ringing in my ears often varies, currently my ability to cope with tinnitus largely remains unchanged. But it wasn't always like this. Rewind one year ago and things were very different. I'd had temporary bursts over tinnitus over the past decade: I'd suddenly hear high-pitched noises but they would then fade down to zero again within a few seconds. However, one day, that familiarly shrill noise came in but didn't stop: I was now living with chronic tinnitus and would (probably) have to learn how to cope with it for the rest of my life. I can clearly still recall the fresh hell of developing chronic tinnitus after a period of extended stress: the realization it will probably never go away; trying everything to drown out the sound; the sleepless nights, trying (yet failing) to focus on work. Unfortunately, in addition to developing tinnitus I also experienced hyperacusis, a condition in which your ears become super sensitive to sound. Listening to someone handle cutlery or plates was enough to send me over the edge. When tinnitus first becomes chronic, your brain immediately switches into alarm mode, imaging the internal noise as harmful or dangerous. Furthermore, focusing on anything else apart from the ringing seems like an impossible task. Like me, you may experience panic, anxiety, depression and anger as you try to cope with tinnitus symptoms. You may think to yourself: ’why me?’ And you will probably ask yourself many other questions about your tinnitus too: ‘Will it ever stop?’ ‘Will it get louder?’ ‘Am I going deaf?’ ‘Am I stuck with this for the rest of my life?’ Tinnitus: things will get better While it all feels pretty dark in the beginning, I'm here to tell you that there is hope on the horizon and that living with tinnitus is possible. Indeed, if you've recently been struck down with tinnitus and are struggling to cope, please be assured: you should see improvements with time and start to feel better mentally about it. However, if you're currently feeling like it’s an emergency or having dark/suicidal thoughts, please seek help ASAP from your healthcare provider. You can learn techniques to help you cope with tinnitus The hyper-alert state you experience with tinnitus can last many weeks or months. However, day by day your brain begins to get used to the strange new sounds you're hearing and will gradually begin to get used to them. This process is called 'habituation' and just knowing that it will happen naturally can help you to learn to deal with your tinnitus. Indeed, I – and millions others across the world – are proof of that. A year after being diagnosed with chronic tinnitus I am coping with it much better. Of course, like everyone else I have good and bad days (so-called tinnitus 'spikes' – increases or drastic changes in pitch/loudness – can be a challenge), but my condition currently doesn’t impact on my happiness to a great extent. Coping with tinnitus: 10 techniques It's important to point out that the internal sounds those of us living with tinnitus experience are all different. Although the level of my ringing is bothersome, it is not unbearable. This may change in the future. I've read stories of people that experience ringing at extremely high sound levels: that, of course, must make the condition more challenging and impact on a person's ability to cope with tinnitus. However, whatever type of tinnitus you are experiencing, there are many practical steps you can take to cope with tinnitus and make it less intrusive in your life. Here are 10 tips to get you started. 1. Accept it The first step in coping with tinnitus lies in acceptance of the condition. However, this is often easier said than done in the beginning. As much as you may want to fight against the ringing in your ears – especially during those first traumatic weeks or months – doing so will only lead to disappointment and frustration. While some people experience temporary tinnitus because of trauma to the head or an ear infection, those of us with chronic tinnitus are usually stuck with the noises for life (saying that, there have been cases where people's tinnitus appears to have vanished). Accepting your condition is essential for you to be able to deal with tinnitus. Essentially, you first need to know if your tinnitus is temporary or chronic and if you have any hearing damage. Visit a high street ophthalmologist or ask your GP to refer you to an ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist. 2. Relaxation The anxiety you feel when first getting tinnitus is to be expected but it will only make you feel more stressed, and, in turn, exacerbate tinnitus. Indeed, it's believed that stress really impacts on tinnitus, so it’s important that you reduce any stressors in your life to keep tinnitus levels in check. In fact, many people living with tinnitus use their condition as a barometer of their stress levels – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something in their life is out of balance. “Many people coping with tinnitus use it as a barometer of stress – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something is out of balance.” Relaxation is obviously a key way to combat stress and therefore improve how you deal with tinnitus. Practising meditation and conscious breathing exercises are practical and simple tools you can use to immediately reduce anxiety and stress. Incorporate both into your daily routine to feel the benefits. Also, be sure to spend as much time in nature as possible. As well as the relaxation and proven mental health benefits of forest bathing, the sounds of nature help to soothe that pesky tinnitus ringing. The crashing of waves; the rustling of branches and leaves, bird song – the many noises of nature offer your ears and brain a calming distraction. Sea sounds help to mask tinnitus noise shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 3. Practising mindfulness Making mindfulness a part of your daily routine is one of the best things you can do when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Mindfulness won't make tinnitus go away, but it aims to make it less intrusive. Indeed, mindfulness teaches us how to live with difficulties such as tinnitus, without having to fight or change them. Practising mindfulness can help us help us to develop a better relationship with our tinnitus, aiding the habituation process. RELATED: Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools In 2017 the British Tinnitus Assoctiation published two research papers that showed that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is an effective treatment for those people living with distressing tinnitus. The results showed that tinnitus patients undergoing MBCT were associated with significant, reliable and ongoing improvements in their tinnitus-related and emotional distress. Luckily, mindfulness is something we can all practise by ourselves and for free. It involves paying complete and mindful attention to whatever we're doing in the moment: breathing, eating, showering, walking or noticing the physical sensations in our body, for example. We have some great mindfulness tips you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you to become less focused on your tinnitus. 4. Finding your flow Personally, experiencing ‘flow’ is the most efficient way to cope with my own tinnitus. 'Flow' is that state in which you are so totally absorbed and engaged in an activity that you enjoy that time seems to stand still. For example, I find my flow when I'm making an artwork or editing an article. RELATED: Flow state and happiness Sometimes my attention is so focused in the state of flow that it can seem like my tinnitus has stopped (for a while at least!). Flow is really an act of mindfulness, and as outlined above, mindfulness is one of the scientifically-proven best ways to deal with tinnitus. 5. Staying busy Finding your flow is one of the best ways to deal with your tinnitus as it helps to shift your awareness to something other than the internal noises you are dealing with. Similarly, I find that staying busy – in a non-stressful way of course – keeps my focus off of my tinnitus so it’s easier to cope with. Sitting around in silence is when tinnitus may start to bother you the most, so staying active and on-the-go helps to keep it stop dominating your mind. 6. Exercising with yoga OK, we all know the drill about exercise: it boosts your physical and mental health, helping to lift depression and anxiety (which you could be more vulnerable to if you are living with tinnitus). Exercise also combats against stress which, as explained above, is a major influencing factor when it comes to tinnitus levels. Yoga, in particular, is an exercise that has been found to help people cope better with tinnitus. A small 2018 study from Mersin University in Turkey indicated that practising yoga may reduce life stress and symptoms of tinnitus. Researchers followed 12 participants who practised guided yoga over three months involving poses, breathing exercises and meditations. The researchers hypothesized that because tinnitus symptoms are often linked to stress, and because yoga is stress-relieving, yoga may help decrease symptoms for patients living with chronic tinnitus. “Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest my tinnitus always seems louder the following day.” Elsewhere, Polish researchers conducted a similar study in 2019. It followed 25 patients with chronic tinnitus through 12 weeks of yoga training. The researchers identified that participants benefitted most from improved sense of control over tinnitus, lessened intrusiveness, improved quality of life and better sleep. The last point of improved sleep is important (as we shall see next). Importantly, whatever exercise you choose to do, working out will help to tire your body and lead to an increased chance of falling asleep quickly. Yoga is a perfect way to shift awareness shutterstock/Ulza 7. Prioritising good sleep Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest, my tinnitus always seems louder the following day. However – as you will no doubt know – sometimes falling asleep can be difficult for those of us with chronic tinnitus. That’s because tinnitus appears to sound worse at night – there are fewer external noises to mask the internal sounds, so we may have 'external' silence but have to put up with our 'internal' noises. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest One thing I love to do to help shift awareness from my tinnitus when going to bed is follow a body scan meditation script. Gradually tensing and releasing different body parts and feeling the sensations it brings directs your thoughts away from your tinnitus and to those other places in your body. You can also find ways to externally ‘mask’ your tinnitus sounds at night to help you drift off more easily. In my first few months of living with chronic tinnitus, I used mobile apps such as the excellent T-Minus to play 'white noise' such as rain sound, which works wonders balancing out my high-pitched tinnitus. There are also plenty of great YouTube videos of rain sounds that you can play in the background while you're in bed. 8. Exploring masking Sound-masking devices such as the apps mentioned above provide an external noise that partially drowns out the internal ringing of tinnitus. As well as using apps you can also try: having calming piano music on in the background leaving a fan or the TV on opening a window to let in some external noise Practise sound bathing Furthermore, if you have hearing loss in addition to tinnitus, there are now hearing aids with inbuilt white noise generators which help many with the condition cope with tinnitus symptoms. Whatever masking method you choose, always set the volume of the device a notch lower than the perceived sound of your tinnitus – you don’t want to drown out the sound completely or you may find it harder to habituate. 9. Talking to someone It’s important to remember that you don’t have to cope with tinnitus alone. As the number of people who live with persistent tinnitus is thought to be around 13 per cent, there’s a chance someone in your close circle is going through the same thing. Open up to family members and friends, or put your thoughts out on social media if you feel comfortable sharing your tinnitus story – you may be surprised by the responses. However, friends and family may not be able to support you unless they have experienced tinnitus themselves, so they may not realise how distressing tinnitus can be (or even know what it is). If this is the case, do connect with someone who has dealt with tinnitus themselves in order to get the help you need. In the UK there are tinnitus support groups up and down the country where you can meet in person to discuss living well with tinnitus. “Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it.” The internet is also full of tinnitus support groups and forums such as the excellent TinnitusTalk forum which is full of useful and insightful threads. However, do so with caution! Be careful when browsing for tinnitus help online as you will come across many dubious ads for methods or items claiming to stop or cure tinnitus. Unfortunately there is no cure for tinnitus, so please don't waste your money. Finally, if you prefer a friendly voice in real time, the British Tinnitus Association offers a confidential tinnitus helpline. You can call its team for support. 10. Exploring your tinnitus This final suggestion may seem like the last thing you want to do, but it actually brings us right back to the first tinnitus coping tip of 'acceptance'. Depending on your personal tinnitus noise level, you may find it beneficial to employ some mindfulness techniques and simply sit with your tinnitus for a while. Try to listen to it with curiosity and without judgement. Take some time to observe your tinnitus and ask yourself some questions about it. Does your tinnitus noise level stay the same or does it get louder or quieter? Does it stay at the same pitch or do you hear new sounds come in and out? Does it sound the same in your left and right side? If you feel comfortable and ready for this type of exercise, you can even sit and meditate on your tinnitus, bringing all your attention to the sounds and your breathing. Exploring your tinnitus in this way may seem difficult if you've bee recently diagnosed with the condition, but realizing that tinnitus is just 'there' and cannot harm you can help you to cope with its day-to-day symptoms. The takeaway: dealing with tinnitus Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it. If we fight against our tinnitus, we are more likely to struggle. But, if we learn to accept it and live with it, habituation to tinnitus can become easier. Whatever type of sounds you experience – hissing, whistling, humming or buzzing – by following the ten tips above, coping with tinnitus should become easier. Hopefully, as is the case with myself, tinnitus will just become another part of your life, and not a dominating factor. • Main image: shutterstock/aleks333 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Gratitude | Self-care Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes gay artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

If you regularly struggle with making choices, you could be living with so-called 'decision fatigue'. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains how to tackle indecisiveness with seven practical techniques, so you can move forward with your life. It’s normal to be indecisive every once in a while, especially if you’re about to make a meaningful, life-changing decision. However, if you find yourself frequently agonising over the most straightforward choice such as picking spaghetti or pizza, there might be something else lurking behind your indecisiveness. I bought my apartment without even seeing it in person. I was simply too psychologically exhausted from unrelated demands and decisions I was making each day. I couldn’t bring myself to ponder over what’s nearby, whether there’s an elevator in the building, and which side of the world the bedroom is facing. So, I went for the first ad I came across that seemed remotely fine and fitted my budget. True story. Luckily, it’s a great apartment, and I didn’t regret it. However, it might have also been one of the worst decisions I had made in years. How is this relevant? When you can’t make decisions (or can’t be bothered to), there is likely to be a hidden reason behind it. The good news is that there are also ways you can overcome it. This article will help you understand indecision, why it happens, and how to try and avoid making bad choices. Struggle with indecisiveness? You could have decision fatigue There are plenty of reasons why a person might be indecisive. Some are related to the decision itself, such as a lack of information. However, many are not. We’ll concentrate on the latter because that are the reasons that could, ironically, make decisions about your life for you. The path to freedom: learn how to be less indecisive Emotional disturbances Indecision could be a symptom of an emotional disturbance. Depression, in particular, is tied with a negative outlook on the future, our own worth, and the intentions and character of others. Additionally, motivation is often non-existent. A depressive person will, therefore, have a hard time making any choice whatsoever – or wanting to make one. RELATED: The time is now: how to stop worrying about the future Indecision can also stem from anxiety. An anxious person might be at an advantage in terms of making sure that they have enough information before deciding on something. However, anxiety (and, similarly, high neuroticism) mostly results in being unable to make up one’s mind beyond any practical reason. It causes overwhelming fear of making the wrong choice and not being capable of coping with it. The dread of hurting, alienating, and disappointing others could also be too much to bear. So, indecision becomes a sort of a defence mechanism. Dysfunctional beliefs We’re all tangled up in a myriad of beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. Some are accessible to our conscious examination. However, some escape our critical analysis. Those are usually the ones we embraced as a part of ourselves when we were very young and never got to question them again. Dysfunctional beliefs meddle with our career choice, romantic relationships, or any other decision, for that matter. Convictions about how things should be could make us either procrastinate or, on the other hand, make rash decisions. Perfectionism is a textbook example of a creed that often causes severe indecisiveness. “There are plenty of reasons why a person might struggle with indecisiveness. Some are related to the decision itself, such as a lack of information. However, many are not.” Nowadays, we have more options than ever before in human history. We get to pick (or be a part of the decision about) almost every aspect of our day-to-day living. In fact, researchers at Cornell University found that we are making an average of 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day. That’s a lot of opportunities to get it wrong. And it’s exhausting. With this, we reach an interesting source of wavering or being paralysed when we stand facing a decision. When we are indecisive, we might be ego-depleted. According to Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist who extensively examined this phenomenon, our willpower comes in limited supply. With each choice we make, we drain a bit of this resource. Bear in mind that we’re not only making choices between different meals, careers, or towns to live in. We are, daily, also choosing to suppress our basic, low-lying urges. We decide to replace them with higher-order, more responsible choices favouring long-term benefit. Yet, as a result, we end up experiencing decision fatigue. We then tend to procrastinate, go for the easiest option, act impulsively, or rely on rules of thumb. Can’t make decisions? Here are 7 strategies that work The consequences of being indecisive often go beyond missing a train because you weren’t sure if you wanted to go left or right. They stretch much further and can cause innumerable trouble. Indecision could make you act irrationally. Your career, personal relationships, health, and your overall well-being could suffer. So, discover these seven tried and tested ways you can overcome indecision and avoid its adverse consequences. 1. Make important decisions early in the day Decision fatigue usually happens at the end of a decision-riddled day. You probably know the horror of deciding what to have for dinner after you’ve spent ten hours at work, making critical judgments. Now, a dinner choice is a relatively insignificant matter. However, if it were the ruling on whether to move, marry, or change a career, decision fatigue could, potentially, mess up your life. So, make sure that you leave the (expected) significant decision-making for the morning, when you’re rested and clear-minded. 2. Routinize the banal choices Some of the most successful people have a curious habit. You might have noticed that Obama, Zuckerberg, or Steve Jobs wear (wore) pretty much the same clothes. They've all explained that they need not waste their time and energy on deciding what to eat or wear every day. So, take a page out of their book. Routinise the unimportant decisions as much as you can. Commit time to make healthy choices just once, such as which food you’ll eat, what clothes you’ll wear and when you’ll exercise. Then make them a routine. That way, you leave plenty of willpower and psychological energy for the important and less routine decisions. Can't decide? Go with your gut! shutterstock/Taisiya Kozorez 3.Don’t make decisions on an empty stomach It may sound odd, but there’s scientific proof of this old decision-making wisdom: don’t make big decisions on an empty stomach. The appetite-increasing hormone ghrelin can hinder your ability to make a right call. Findings from several experiments revealed that we’re better equipped to make (proper) decisions when we’re not low on glucose levels. Simply put, with every decision we make, we use some of our energy. And it needs to be replenished if you want to make judgements with your full capacity. 4. Pros and cons lists and other tools A tested way of analysing your options is to make a pros and cons list. It’s a simple but effective means of taking control of the chaos in your mind when facing a decision. It’s also an excellent way to make sure you’ve covered it all and get rid of the anxiety. In addition to this technique, you can also utilise other tools, such as SWOT analysis, or journaling, to address the unhelpful beliefs you may have. 5. Go with your gut Even though it might sound irrational, intuition may, in some cases, be your go-to method of making a choice. Intuition, as a psychological construct, is nothing ethereal or mystical. It’s also not to be confused with impulsiveness, which is guided by an urge for immediate satisfaction of emotional or other needs. Intuition is based on expertise and can be a great way of making decisions when speed is crucial, such as in business or healthcare. “Recognize that some decisions you will make may not work out, and that's OK. You will manage. Get support when you need it – and keep moving forward.” 6. The 10/10/10 rule The 10/10/10 rule, proposed by Suzy Welch, a business writer, is a fast and effective tool to use when you need to put your decision into perspective. So, when you can’t tell if your decision is the right one, simply ask yourself these three simple but insight-evoking questions: How will I feel about it 10 minutes from now? How about 10 months from now? How about 10 years from now? Your answers should help you get a feel for making a well-informed choice. 7. Face your fears and move forward Yes, life is daunting. And yes, we’re often burdened with unhelpful beliefs about it. However, most of our concerns are irrational. And we also have a much greater capacity to overcome problems than we realise. So, recognize that some decisions you make may not work out, and that's OK. You will manage. Get support when you need it – and keep moving forward. Decide not to be indecisive Indecision doesn’t merely affect you before the decision is made. It was found to cause post-decision dysfunctional behaviour, such as worry, as well. In other words, the effects of being indecisive don’t end with you picking an option. It can linger with you much longer than that. You might also get used to giving the power to others, or become a conformist, which are rarely optimal options. Break free from indecisiveness and its influence on your life. Start by making this resolution – not to be indecisive anymore! ● Main image: shutterstock/fran–kies Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. During her early career, she gained several certifications (life coach, assertive communication trainer, peer educator, fitness instructor). Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Breathing is essential and something we do without thinking. But a new book suggests that we should pay it more attention as we can use the power of the breath to heal emotional and physical symptoms. Jacqui Paterson digs deeper. Breathing. It’s the most natural thing in the world, right? Controlled by the medulla oblongata – one of the most primitive parts of our brain – that automatically starts the moment we enter the world and take our first tremulous, wailing breaths. We rarely pay attention to this essential biological process where, very simplistically, air is pulled into the lungs, where oxygen is extracted and dispersed around our body, and the waste product – carbon dioxide – is exhaled out. In fact, probably the only time many of us really think about breathing is when we’re having trouble doing so –when we’re puffed from exerting ourselves, or when panic attacks cause us to hyperventilate. But, perhaps, we should be a lot more conscious of the healing power of the breath on a day-to-day basis. That’s because when we don’t give our breathing enough focus, it defaults to its basic auto-pilot function. Yes, it’s enough to keep us alive, but it’s usually shallow and erratic and doesn’t allow us access to the huge array of additional healing benefits breathing can provide. The healing power of the breath In fact, abdominal breathing techniques have been used for centuries, especially through the practise of yoga. Indeed, so-called breathwork makes up a huge component of this ancient Indian practice, which unites mind, breath and body to improve fitness, health and well-being. RELATED: Conscious Breathing: What Is It and How Do We Benefit From It? But, in fact, there are so many ways breathwork can be used to our benefit. Our breath is an endless resource we can call on at any time; a fact well known to psychotherapist and breathwork expert, Oliver James, who has used breathing techniques to totally transform his life. Can we use our breath to heal? shutterstock/LumineImages Five years ago, at the tail-end of his psychotherapy training, James came to the realisation that breathing wasn’t just an unconscious reflex, but something that united every living person on the planet. He devoted the next year to studying breathing techniques, soaking up all the published works he could find, but also exploring, reflecting and experimenting with his own breath. What he discovered was there was a style of breath to lessen or relieve multiple situations, from cravings and insomnia, to public speaking and nausea. This realisation changed his life, and compelled him to share what he’d learned in his book, 21 Breaths (Breathing Techniques to Change Your Life). There is a breath for everything, he states confidently. Before you dismiss the words as a bit ‘out there’, James backs it up with biological fact, explaining how each of the individual parts and systems of our body rely on breathing and the absorption of oxygen, and how we can improve each function simply by making our intake of air more purposeful and efficient. RELATED: Tummo Breathing and Meditation: a Guide Think of it like putting fuel in a car – the basic version will allow it to run, but the enhanced version helps it run more smoothly and efficiently and will better protect all the components of the engine. Breathwork works in the same way – except the engine is your body. How to breathe properly James starts by asking a simple question – are we breathing properly? The best way is to use the diaphragm, a muscle that separates the chest from the stomach, for abdominal breathing. According to the British Lung Foundation, this is the main breathing muscle and works by contracting when you breathe in, pulling the lungs downwards, stretching and expanding them. When you breathe out, it relaxes back into a dome shape, and helps push the carbon-dioxide heavy waste air out. “We should be a lot more conscious of the healing power of the breath on a day-to-day basis. That’s because when we don’t give our breathing enough focus, it defaults to its basic auto-pilot function.” Your stomach muscles also come into play while exercising, pushing air out of the lungs in a process called forced expiration, AKA the heavy breathing that happens when you exert yourself! Finally, there are also muscles between the ribs that also assist breathing, the intercostal muscles. When they all work together, the gas exchange process (converting oxygen into carbon dioxide) works smoothly to keep our bodies fit and healthy. However, modern life is more sedentary than ever, with many of us sat working at a desk and failing to move around much during the day. This means we often default to chest breathing, where we’re only using the upper chest muscles to activate our lungs. Obviously, this is adequate at keeping us alive, but activating the chest muscles – more typically used when we exercise or during emergency situations – can make the body tense up. Then we take rapid, shallow breaths, which can increase feelings of anxiety. From here, the chain of events continues – if your body detects a stress response, it can activate your fight-or-flight, quickening your pulse and giving you a burst of adrenalin. If it continues to gather pace, it can develop into a panic attack. RELATED: How To Help Someone Having a Panic Attack: 7 Key Tips James has a simple test to find out whether you’re relying on chest or abdominal breathing – lie flat on the ground with your knees bent and lay one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Which hand feels the most movement? This is where you’re breathing from on a daily basis. Breathing exercises can help with emotional and physical health So, your first task is to ensure you’re breathing smoothly and deeply from your diaphragm. Breathing is something we do without thinking, but abdominal breathing requires us to override that basic functional breath and consciously work to improve its quality. In time, you can reset your body and the better quality breathing will be your norm. From here, you can begin to explore James' 21 Breaths and discovering the healing power of breath. Breathing exercises you can try Here are four of the 21 healing breath techniques from James' book you can practise. 1. 'The Rising Tide': for insomnia After this last year of fear and uncertainty it’s hardly surprising insomnia has been on the rise; arguably one of the most helpful breaths James suggests is the ‘Rising Tide’ – the Breath to Sleep. Lying on your back with your eyes closed and breathe deeply into your lower belly. Hold your breath and tense your entire body until you feel the need to exhale. The next inhale is longer and slower until it reaches to your collarbones, then imagine it going further up into your skull. Again, squeeze your entire body and hold the breath, then allow all the tension to drain from your body as you exhale. After 10 breaths, return to normal; repeat the cycle for a total of three times. 2. 'The Star': for posture For all those inadvertent home workers who’ve spent the past year hunched over laptops on sofas and kitchen tables, ‘The Star’ – a healing breath to improve posture – is another gem. It uses the breath to concentrate on elongating the spine, creating space between those scrunched up vertebrae and encouraging the shoulders backwards. With consistent practise you can calm your breathing, release muscle tension, and improve your posture. Stand with your back against a wall, palms facing outwards. Step your feet out around 15cm and make sure your head, shoulders and buttocks are flat against the surface of the wall. Inhale and exhale slowly and deeply, using all your abdominal muscles, and feel how the breath lifts and lengthens your spine. Pause for a few seconds at the bottom of your breath, and continue pulling up from the head and spine as you press backwards with your head and buttocks. Enjoy that delicious stretch! 3. 'Diaphragmatic Breathing': for heartburn Acid reflux is a common partner of stress, and can cause a lot of discomfort. If you want to avoid going down the medication route, ‘Diaphragmatic Breathing’ – the Breath for Heartburn, might be your answer. “Breathing is something we do without thinking, but abdominal breathing requires us to override that basic functional breath and consciously work to improve its quality.” In 21 Breaths, James points out there are many contributing factors for heartburn, but the right breathing techniques can help to release tension in the diaphragm and calm the digestive system. Start by sitting in a comfortable positive, with the knees below the hips. With both hands resting on the lower abdomen, shut your eyes and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, making sure the breath stays relaxed and effortless. Inhale until you can feel your abdomen fill and inflate beneath your hands. Pause for a moment at the top of the breath, then slowly exhale. Continue for 15 to 20 minutes. This should be carried out half an hour before eating, or any time you feel that uncomfortable twinge of heartburn. 4. 'The Hum': for public speaking fears If Zoom calls fill you with dread, ‘The Hum’ – a breath to help public speaking – could be your saviour. Yoga practitioners might find this breath familiar, as it follows a similar principal to Bhramari, or the ‘Bee Breath’; both use the vibrations created by humming to release tension in the body. Begin with 10 deep abdominal breaths Continue with 10 breaths while humming. Close your eyes to concentrate more clearly on all the sensations the sound creates. Try stretching your body in different directions during the practise to discover what feels most calming. At the end of your breathwork you’ll feel more focused and relaxed, and ready to tackle that video conference with confidence! 21 Breaths also features healing breath to calm a nervous flyer, one to increase confidence, one to help lower blood pressure and even a breath that teams with self-reflection to help heal a relationship. The takeaway: healing power of breath Breathing is an automatic and essential function but we need to pay more attention to it and its potential to heal or help certain health conditions or situations. Whatever your ailment, you could have the remedy right under your nose – literally! • 21 Breaths: Breathing Techniques to Change Your Life, by Oliver James, is published by Unify Books. Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Astrology | Spirituality Written by Jacqui Paterson Jacqui has been a true-life and travel journalist for over 25 years and has travelled all over the world telling people's stories. Originally from New Zealand, she's now based in the UK, where she also wrangles two pre-teen daughters, and runs her lifestyle blog, Jacqui Paterson.com

Shadow work involves examining our personality flaws in an attempt to understand ourselves better. It's tough work but hugely beneficial. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 31 shadow work prompts you can ask yourself to get started with the practice. The Shadow is the part of ourselves, according to K. G. Jung, that represents our dark side. It holds all the morally reprehensible tendencies we wish we did not have. However, it also hides many of our qualities, capacities and potential. Shadow work means increasing awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Moreover, it requires you to become brutally honest with yourself and not criticize or condemn. You will need to practise self-compassion and learn to own your weaknesses, not project them onto others. Therefore, even though it may sound simple at first, shadow work is a quite psychologically challenging journey. For this reason, we may need some shadow work prompts to help us out on this road. This article will explain why you need them and what you get from shadow work prompts. We will talk about how to use these shadow work prompts and offer a few possibilities you might want to pick from when embarking on your psychological journey to self-awareness. Why do we need shadow work prompts? First, let us be clear on why we need to travel to the dark caves of our subconsciousness and search for the monsters there in the first place. Since you are reading this, I will assume you do have a desire to understand yourself better. You want to be a complete person. And to be one, you need to embrace all of your sides — the good and the bad. In Jung’s words, we may not become enlightened by imagining figures of light. We become enlightened by making the darkness conscious. “Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind.” And precisely here lies the reason why we need shadow work prompts. Our subconsciousness is uncharted territory for us. Scientific research demonstrated that our unconscious mind guides our perceptions, evaluation, and motivation. Even though others may notice the Bad and the Ugly in our actions, as a rule, we remain ignorant of what we hid from our consciousness. So, you need guidance on the path of personal investigation. Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind. How to use these shadow work prompts Shadow work is as distinctive as every individual. That is, there are no absolute rules you need to follow. It is your personal journey. You will do best if you follow the unique guides that appear on this path. Nonetheless, you should consider a few valuable tips for using shadow work prompts. First, take it slow. Shadow work prompts will take you into rather heavy topics. Remember, the Shadow is the side of yourself you are not keen on. So, to avoid ruminating for hours about what you discover about yourself, think about writing or meditating about one shadow work prompt at a time. Explore shadow work prompts with journaling At the same time, make shadow work a regular practice. Similarly to psychotherapy, this form of self-exploration requires commitment. Indeed, research shows that regularity is a necessary element of therapeutic growth. You may want to come up with a centring ritual as a beginning of your shadow work for the day. It can be anything from taking a walk, meditating, doing yoga, having a quiet cup of tea, or lighting a candle and saying an affirmation. Finally, trust your psyche to take you where you need to go. Shadow work prompts are likely to take you places you have tried to avoid for your entire life. Still, remember — to be whole, you need to recognise and accept every corner of your psychological existence. So, let the thoughts and words come to you. Write or think freely, without censorship. Things to hold onto while reflecting Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others. Such knowledge could shake your self-image, at least at the beginning of the process. Because shadow work is supposed to take you on a path of psychological growth (and not be an arena for self-loathing), remember to lean into these three core principles: • Self-compassion Be kind to yourself. What you are really learning is that you are a human, nothing more. No one person is perfect. Embrace the fact that you have flaws, and applaud your courage to look them square in the eye. • Passive observation Do not judge what you are learning about yourself. Simply recognize the thoughts and insights that are coming to you after you employ the shadow work prompts below. You are here to explore, not to moralise. It is precisely your attempt to comply with cultural, social and moral norms that caused the creation of the Shadow. • Honest reflection/documentation All the work you are about to do is not worth the time if you are not honest. Indeed, make sure you are completely honest. It will be a bit ugly at times. But the only way to make shadow work truly worthwhile is if you are frank with yourself. Answering shadow work prompts will reveal the devil inside shutterstock/ra2 studio 31 shadow work prompts At this point, decide if you are going to journal (which I recommend) or merely reflect on these shadow work prompts. Pick the time and the settings in which you will commit to shadow work. “Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others.” When you're ready, go ahead and delve into these shadow work prompts. Also, feel free to journal in freestyle whenever you feel like it. These prompts are meant to trigger your reflection and help you notice the areas in which the “monsters under your bed” might be hiding. So, a river of thoughts and associations may follow. Note down whatever you notice and let the process of self-discovery evolve on its own terms. Family and childhood shadow work prompts How are you similar to your mother, father and family members/caregivers? How does this make you feel? How did your caregivers comfort you when you were upset as a child? Do you do something similar when you or someone close to you is upset? What irritates you the most about your mother/father? Do you manifest the same trait, and when? Remember an event from your childhood that made you feel insecure, unloved or scared. In which situations do you feel similar, now as an adult? What is your most traumatic experience from childhood? How has this experience affected your actions and perceptions as an adult? Romantic relationships shadow work prompts Do you have patterns in your romantic relationships? Are/were you in a relationship that seemed familiar to that between your parents? Which of your father’s/mother’s traits do you expect from your romantic partners? Do you behave like your mother/father in romantic relationships? What do you not forgive in romance? Why? How do you behave when there is a conflict in your romantic relationship? Friendship and social relationships shadow work prompts What is your best friend like? Why did you pick them to be your best friend? What irritates you about others the most? What do others say about you that is not flattering? How much truth there is in that? In which situations are you misunderstood/disregarded/ignored? What valuable traits do others have, and you do not? What emotions are you afraid to show to others? Who do you hate to disappoint? Why? Self-image and behaviours shadow work prompts When did you not act like yourself? What made you act that way? When were you most embarrassed about yourself? Why? When were you in denial? What was the biggest lie you ever told? Why? What triggers you to act aggressively, to act out, to become disproportionally sad, to act impulsively? Do you feel like an imposter? In which situations? What is the worst thing you have done? Why? How do you feel about it now? When are you most envious? Why? Takeaway: freedom through self-acceptance Let me return to Jung’s quote at this point. In Modern Man in Search of a Soul, he wrote: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work prompts are there to take you to the place of wholeness and freedom. They may not be pleasant to go over. Still, know that no alive person is immaculate. Remember the other quote from Jung? To paraphrase — you will not become enlightened by ignoring the darkness. You need to bring the hidden monsters to light. Only then can you address what you do not like about yourself. Only then can you make choices to do better or to change. Freedom will come with the acceptance of who you are as a whole person. Learn the good, the bad and the ugly truths about yourself. Accept them and be free to be whoever you now choose to be. • Main image: shutterstock/Juice Flair happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Coaching | Self-help | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Holidays aren't always a time of cheer: especially if you've lost a loved one and are grieving. Paula Stephens knows this feeling all too well. Here she shares 10 practical tips for coping with holiday grief. I lost my Dad on Christmas Eve when I was just 16. The next year my Mom, Grandma and I took our holiday grief on vacation and found ourselves on a beach in Hawaii for the entire festive season. It was a great way to break with the traditions and memories none of us wanted to face. My most vivid memory of that Hawaiian vacation was sitting next to an older gentleman at dinner on Christmas Eve and noticing he was wearing the exact same sweater my Dad would’ve been wearing. Well, this brought my grief right back up to the surface and I left the dinner to go down to the beach and cry. 10 tips for coping with holiday grief Needless to say, it’s been a long time since I felt untarnished joy and happiness during the holiday season. But, I believe that we are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply. In my book, From Grief to Growth, I talk about an essential element of healing that is learning to hold both joy and sadness in the same moment. There is no more challenging time to do this than during the holidays. This is why I've put together these ten easy-to-follow tips that will support you as you navigate coping during the holiday season. I don’t like to say ‘survive the holidays,’ because I want to encourage you to have the mindset that you're always fully capable of more than survival. These are simple, practical tips that don’t require a lot on your part, but are focused to help you the most this time of year. 1. List the events you're most worried about Often, much of our holiday grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one. So, take some quiet time to think through what specific traditions you're most concerned about. The best way to do this is to find some time to sit quietly and connect with your breath. Once you’ve centered yourself, ask yourself the question: “What events or traditions are creating the most anxiety for me right now?” Your inner knowing has the answer. You might immediately be pulled to an event or activity. Notice how your body feels, the sensations and energy around the activity. Coping with loss during the holidays is a challenge shutterstock/Zivica Kerkez If nothing comes up immediately then begin to bring your thoughts to various holiday activities. Check in with each one – tree decorating, cookie exchange, for example. How does each one feel; what comes up? You might find some are more emotionally charged than others. 2. Consider which events/traditions you want to keep Be open to the idea that some traditions you will want to wrap in love and keep, while others will need to be shelved for a while (and maybe for ever). Recognize the traditions you keep will never be the same, but keeping them honors the love you feel for the person you lost. Every year will be a little bit different, and what feels right this year might not feel the same in the coming years. Grief is a process and you must be willing to evolve with it. Always be open to what will help you move forward in your grief… and sometimes we need to go backwards to go forward! Get out your list from tip one. Now, let’s take the next steps: • Which events do you want to keep this year? • Which events are too painful this year or don’t feel right? • What or how can you modify an event? If you're undecided on some, come back to your list again later or sit with the idea of doing that event and see what comes up. I know we can’t always control everything about the holiday seasons with family being involved, etc, but don’t worry. 3. Brainstorm how you want to honor your loved one Even if you decide to escape the entire holiday season and fly away to Hawaii for the holidays (been there, done that!), it’s important that you take time to honor your loved one. It could be with a donation of time or money, or by creating a sacred space or a new tradition. No matter what you decide, be mindful about setting time aside to actively honor your loss. What would you like to do this year to include your loved one in the holiday season? What do you need to do to make this come to fruition? 4. Let the tears flow Quite simply, cry. Don’t be the tough guy or girl who pretends it’s all good – because it's probably not. You’re going through a season or anniversary without someone who was a very important part of your life and coping with holiday grief is part of that. By yourself or with your besties, it doesn’t matter, just let it happen. "Much of our holiday grief comes from not knowing what’s going to happen or how traditions and events are going to feel differently after the loss of a loved one.” Another way to look at this is: are you checking in with yourself to know what’s going on emotionally and physically? Are you filling your days with busy activity to disconnect from the emotional heartache you would feel if you had a moment of downtime? Or, perhaps, you're withdrawing from friends, family and social activities. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with holiday grief, but we need to be aware of our tendencies to protect ourselves or how we might fall into negative coping strategies. Sometimes a good cry is a better reset than the work we put into avoiding our reality. So, if you need a good cry, have one. 5.Tell friends and family how you're feeling Family and friends might not know exactly which activities you’ll struggle with: what might be hard and/or memorable to them might not be the same for you. Generally speaking, they will want to support you, especially with managing your grief during the holiday season. But, you're the only one who knows what you need and how you're feeling, so don’t make it harder for them by expecting them to guess what this is like for you. Tree of knowledge: dealing with holiday grief We all experience grief differently, so share your fears, concerns and desires. Express what’s important to you or how you would like to handle a specific event. It doesn’t mean you'll always get what you want or need, but it means that you have given voice to your grief and honored your process. 6. Prioritize your self-care There's no more important time to focus your energy on self-care than during the holidays. Lack of sleep, poor food choices, increased alcohol consumption, decreased exercise and increased stress all add up to a massive grief hangover! The 8 types of grief explained 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire How to help a grieving friend Your emotional self is already on overdrive and this will leave your immune system susceptible to illness and your physical body exhausted. Make hydration, sleep, whole foods, stress management and exercise a priority leading up to and including any seasonal events. Care for yourself by: eating a healthy breakfast, drinking more water, going to bed 30 minutes early, journaling, being outside, connecting with nature, and skipping that second (or third) drink at a party! 7. Manage your energy This is a continuation of the last tip. Even if you are taking care of yourself, notice when your tank is getting close to empty. This is especially important if you're the type of person who likes to stay busy to keep their mind off things. Exhaustion (physical and emotional) is often the root cause of emotional meltdowns. And, as you know, grieving is emotional exhausting by itself, then you add the emotional stress of the holidays and your tank is already half empty! So, remember that it’s OK to say ‘no’ to events, or change your ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ at the last minute if you notice you're not feeling up to the task. List three ways you know you’re getting low on energy (ie, irritable, fatigue, craving sugar/caffeine). Now list three ways you can fill your tank (ie: nap, take a bath, journal, read a book). 8. Prioritize work/social events The holidays are an especially busy time of year for extra parties and events – work, neighborhood and family are examples. Take time to choose only one or two events that are important for you to attend. These might be required for your job or things you just simply don’t want to miss. Be mindful about your selection and take your time to RSVP. For social events that you might have attended with your loved one, ask yourself if you're ready for that situation. Imagine yourself in that environment. Who will be at the event? What will it be like to attend? “We are deserving of joy during the holidays, even if it comes balanced with the heartache and longing for the person we love and are missing deeply.” Then, have an exit strategy! If it’s required that you attend, or you feel like you ‘should’ go, make sure you have a plan for getting out if things get too difficult. This might be driving a separate car or letting the host know you will be not be staying long. 9. Build time in for you As you're planning your social events, make sure you put ‘me time' on the calendar. Whether that's to get out into nature and hike, get a massage, read a book, take a bath, it doesn’t matter – just build in time to recharge your batteries. This could also include making time to be with close friends or family that help you feel connected and loved. Be sure to reach out to these people and let them know you might need some support during the holiday season. Write a list of the people you can connect with and/or activities that soothe your soul. And, again, since people aren’t mind readers, let people know you're taking care of yourself by scheduling time to reflect and recharge. 10. Give back One of the most amazing ways to cope with your grief during an anniversary or holiday season is to make it a little better for someone else. Unfortunately, there's so much suffering around the holidays – in this we are not alone. Donate to a charity in your loved one’s name. Give your time to helping others. Buy a gift for someone in a hospital or nursing home. Pay for the person behind you at Starbucks. Volunteer your time. The options for random acts of kindness are endless. Honestly, nothing soothes and heals our own wounds more than helping someone else. How can you help someone else feel comforted this holiday season? Giving doesn’t have to be financial – you can give of your time, you can donate clothes or other items you no longer use. I hope my tips will hope you manage and cope with grief this holiday season and that you enjoy this time. You deserve it! ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Friendship | Mindfulness | Vulnerability | Burnout Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organization that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She is the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.

When a friend is grieving, it's not always easy to know what to say or do to try and help them. Paula Stephens shares seven suggestions on how you can support a friend who is experiencing grief by showing compassion and kindness. Few things make us feel more helpless than watching someone we love and care about suffer. When my son Brandon died, I remember my best friend coming into my bedroom, where I was curled up on the bed, and just sitting there for a long time. When I peeked out from the bedsheets, I saw in her face how helpless she felt. Her hands were shaking, and I could see she wanted to say or do something, but at the same time, she had no idea how to help her grieving friend. And, to be honest, as the months into my grief journey unfolded, my friend and I struggled. She didn’t know how to support or comfort me, and I was often an angry, grieving mess of a person. Weeks after my son died, my friend went on a holiday for some R&R: I was furious with her! I felt so betrayed that her life was going on and I felt stuck in a swamp of messy grief. It wasn’t easy, but I can say that she and I are now closer than we’ve ever been and she really did rise to the occasion and was able to help me grieve and mourn. Helping a grieving friend is complicated by the fact that each person grieves or mourns differently, just as each loss we experience is different. Often, we are so afraid of doing the wrong thing that we do nothing. Or we fall back into trite words that feel empty. I like to think the best way to help a grieving friend is to think of it as a practice, much like a yoga or meditation practice. We know it will never be perfect and instead, we focus on consistently showing up, rather than being too worried about getting it right every time. How to help a grieving friend: 7 ways Below I’ve shared seven of the ways my friend was able to support me while I was grieving my son’s death. If you're wondering how you can be there for a friend is battling grief, these ideas may help you to communicate more easily and with compassion. 1. Admit you don’t know what to say or do When you see your friend, maybe for the first time after his/her loss, it’s OK to own that you don’t know what to do to help them. In fact, when we show up with the most open and honest version of ourselves, it gives others permission to do the same. It also lets the other person know that we're here to help and have the courage to stay with them, but we don’t know what to do. Simply listening with an open heart can help a grieving friend You can also say something like, “Hey, I have no idea what this is like for you, but I care about you and want to help”. Keeping it honest and simple allows us freedom from trying to say the right thing and instead, being able to show up wholeheartedly. 2. Just listen So often we feel like we need to have an answer or say something wise that will make everything better. Your friend’s not broken; he/she is grieving, and grieving is a normal and natural part of the human experience. Listening with an open heart that isn’t calculating the next best thing to say is a beautiful gift. Stay open to what’s being said and allow silence to create sacred space between you. In my work as a chaplain, I’m often amazed at how deep someone is willing to go when they’re allowing to reflect on their own story and hear themselves without being cut off. 3. Don’t have an agenda One of my friends would send beautiful, short text messages that would simply say, “Hey, thinking of you today!”. She never asked for anything, offered any advice or even expected me to reply. But there was more than one occasion when I was grateful to know someone was thinking of my son and me. Her messages would often come on days that were difficult, like Mother’s Day, birthdays or the anniversary of Brandon’s death. “Helping a grieving friend is complicated by the fact that each person grieves differently, just as each loss we experience is different.” How she showed up without an agenda made her feel more accessible to me when I did need something. Text messages, cards, emails are all great ways to help a grieving friend without making it look like you have an agenda. 4. Make your offer to help specific So many of my friends said to me, “Let me know what you need – seriously – ANYTHING. I would love to help.” But this was, one, not helpful, as often I didn’t even know what I needed, and two, worthless, because by the time I figured out what I needed I couldn’t remember who said what or they were long gone. Be specific with a grieving friend about how you can help shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Consider what will really serve. Does your friend need you to pick up the kids, go to the grocery store, pick up the dry cleaning, or walk the dog? Sometimes the best way to figure out how to help a friend who is grieving is to start with listening (tip #2). Is your friend talking about feeling exhausted or overwhelmed? Then step in with a specific request like, “I have some free time tomorrow night: what two things would be most helpful to take off your plate?”. I had one friend who showed up at my house every Saturday morning to go for a run. It helped me physically, and I knew I could always count on her to show up. 5. Be in it for the long haul Grief is a long journey that doesn’t end after a few weeks or months. Many of the people I’ve worked with who are going through a bereavement say that the second year is worse than the first. That’s partly because friends and family expect them to ‘get over it’ and people just sort of forget about it. For the person who is grieving, this can feel like a second loss; the loss of friends and family who – until now – have shared a tender grief with them. Even if you have to put it on your calendar as a reminder, continue to check in on holidays, birthdays and any random day after the first year to let your friend know you remember their loss and continue to stand by their side. 6. Don’t be afraid to speak the name of the loved one To this day, nine years later, I love it when someone says they thought of Brandon, or something reminded them of him. Often we’re afraid to speak the dead person’s name because we’re afraid of reminding the grieving person of the sad event. I guarantee you, the friend hasn’t forgotten about their loss, and they will be happy to know you’ve remembered. “Listening with an open heart that isn’t calculating the next best thing to say is a beautiful gift to a friend who is grieving.” The other aspect of comforting a grieving friend is to be sensitive to events that might make them uncomfortable. For example, if a spouse dies and you invite them to a couple’s party. Depending on many factors, they may or may not feel ready to attend. But you can always extend the invitation and express awareness they might not be ready but wanted to include them regardless. 7. Don’t take it personally No matter what you do or how much you want to be the perfect friend, you’re not in charge of your friends’ experience. He or she has their own path to travel. This might include bouts of isolation, depression, anger, or denial. And, unfortunately, these might be directed at you. Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping The 8 types of grief explained 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire It may sound strange, but you should actually feel lucky if you get some of these feelings directed at you. That’s because it means your friend feels safe enough to show their true self to you and trusts you to hold space for the myriad of emotions they will experience. Be patient and don’t take it personally if your friend says or does things that might hurt your feelings. Try to remember that emotions are temporary and your friend will cycle through and come back to the wonderful person you love. Helping a grieving friend: the takeaway Helping a friend who is experiencing grief can feel overwhelming, but mourning, grief and loss are part of the human experience. We can all learn to cultivate compassion and empathy in these moments. Often the best way to help a friend who is grieving is to let go of any pressure you’re putting on yourself to get it perfect. After experiencing my own deep grief and loss, the friends who weathered the storm with me never got it right all the time. But they were real and vulnerable, without an agenda, and made it a point to stick around – no matter what for, and as long as it took. ● Main image: shutterstock/Prostock-studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Deep Listening | Empathy | Friendship Written by Paula Stephens Paula Stephens, M.A. is the founder of Crazy Good Grief, an organisation that teaches positive growth and resilience after the loss of a loved one. Her work is inspired by the personal loss of her oldest son who passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the Army. Paula is a speaker, yogi and life coach. She's also the author of From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements to Give your Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience. Paula is a practicing Buddhist and recently became the first Buddhist Chaplain to work at the county jail where she lives. She's the mother of four boys and lives in Littleton, Colorado.

Restorative yoga is a type of yoga that encourages deep relaxation, calm, and better sleep. Yoga teacher Jacqui Gibbons outlines more of the benefits it offers, plus explains a full restorative yoga sequence and suggests the props you need to practise it safely and securely. Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do, designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation. For a start, unlike other yoga, it’s done mostly lying down. Props are used to support the body, so that it can fully relax and lie in the various positions for 12-15 minutes each, while the muscles are passively stretched. Props include bolsters, yoga blocks, cushions and blankets. Two things in particular make restorative yoga very different to other styles of yoga. The first is holding the body in each position for 12 or more minutes. It takes this long for the nervous system to move out of a frazzled state – the fight-flight-freeze reaction – into a deep relaxation response. The second is that the body is fully supported and comfortable, so that you can let go of tension in your muscles, breath and mind. It is staying in the postures for this length of time – which means you only do four or five postures in a one-hour class – that helps to passively release chronic muscular tension, and soften and relax the body. It allows the natural breath to become very soft and subtle, and soothes the nervous system until it deeply relaxes. Restorative yoga takes you into a state of relaxed awareness. It is not meant to make you sleep (though it can prepare you for better sleep later). While it is deeply restful, you are at the same time aware of your body, breath and surroundings. It’s a soft awareness, sensing that all those things are there, but without getting caught up in thinking about them. You still stretch the muscles – with forward folds, backbends and spinal rotations, as other forms of yoga also have – but in a restorative yoga sequence these are passive, relaxed, supported stretches, unlike active and dynamic forms of yoga such as hatha, ashtanga and vinyasa flow. A restorative yoga sequence encourages a state of deep relaxation Done correctly, with the guidance of an experienced, knowledgeable and supportive teacher who is specifically trained in restorative yoga, it is deeply comforting and is more than just relaxation of the body; it uses the physical body to also access the mental, energetic and nervous systems, to have a deeply restorative effect and nurture you at all levels of your being. The benefits of restorative yoga You can benefit from restorative yoga if you want to feel less tense or stressed and want to deeply let go and relax – both physically and mentally. The primary focus of restorative yoga is the breath. When we’re stressed, we switch to short shallow chest breathing rather than full breathing using the diaphragm (the main breathing muscle). It’s a normal part of the short-term nervous system response to danger. However, it’s not sustainable. It can become a pattern – along with other unhelpful patterns such as holding our breath or reverse breathing (not taking in enough oxygen when we inhale) – and this can become chronic, which is a vicious cycle as it then keeps the mind stressed and the nervous system aggravated. 1) Breathing Restorative yoga allows the breath to become naturally slower, deeper and more relaxed, as we allow the body to be completely still. This not only benefits the mind and nervous system during the session, but if repeated regularly over time can help to correct unhelpful breathing patterns so that our involuntary day-to-day breath becomes more optimal. “Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do. It's designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation.” The breathe is the foundation of our life, and how we breathe reflects how we are living – holding, tense, restricted and unaware or free, yielding, open and soft, and all shades in between. The breath can guide us to the core of our being – the essence of who we are. 2) Restorative yoga helps to release tension As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing, rather than an active stretch or forcing. It can help you to overcome the disconnection many of us have with our bodies (where, for example, we ignore stiff shoulders and continue hunching over a laptop until it becomes chronic and painful), and instead develop a respect, understanding and connection with your body. 3) Restorative yoga can improve the health of the nervous system and relieve stress When we do more in life than the nervous system can cope with, or are dealing with personal and environmental stressors, the sympathetic nervous system is activated and we go into survival mode. This system has evolved to keep us alive, so when it perceives something as a dangerous situation it releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to help us run from it or fight it. But this level of response is meant to be short-term, to keep us safe. It takes a lot of energy and is not sustainable long term if we’re regularly, perhaps almost constantly, in survival mode. If we are, this can then compromise other systems, such as digestion and immunity. Stress is the main cause of long-term illness. 4) Restorative yoga slows us down Many of us do too much in life; working long hours, working too hard, not taking breaks, or trying to fit too many tasks and calls into our day. We don’t allow ourselves space and silence. When we slow down and quieten the noise, we can appreciate the beauty of space, silence and simplicity, and reset our minds to enjoy each moment with full awareness. Life is made up of small moments and details, and becomes more meaningful and fulfilling when we are present for them. Let tension melt away through restorative yoga shutterstock/ESB Basic 5) Restorative yoga can help us to sleep better All of the benefits above contribute to another one: better sleep. Over time, restorative yoga creates the conditions – deeply rested, more relaxed, a nervous system that’s not consistently aggravated, breathing more optimally, holding less tension, giving ourselves more space and silence – that guide us into deeper, better quality sleep. Then we wake up refreshed and can greet the day with more energy and joy. Best props for restorative yoga This is a list of everything you need for restorative yoga. The most essential prop is a yoga bolster. All these can be substituted with things you have at home. However, I recommend you buy a specific yoga bolster, as it’s the right shape and firmness, and easier to use. 1 yoga mat – or lie on a non-slip rug 1 or 2 yoga bolsters – or rolled-up yoga mat and blanket (see below) 4 yoga blocks (the flat-ish ones) – or lots of cushions and pillows 1 yoga brick (the brick-shaped one) – or use the cushions 1 yoga strap – or dressing gown belt 1 large blanket, to fold and place on your mat for extra comfort 1 small blanket, towel or throw, to roll into a mini-bolster or for under the head 1 eye bag or folded scarf to cover your eyes If it’s not possible to buy a purpose-made bolster, tightly wrap a folded blanket around a rolled yoga mat. It must be firm, the shape of a bolster, smooth (rolled with no wrinkles), and tied securely at both ends so that it doesn’t unroll (dressing gown belts work well). However, this is more faff and it’s not as easy to move around between postures. The second bolster is not essential but is useful for some poses, and a good idea if you have a stiff or painful lower back or hips. Different types of bolsters are available but I recommend a regular, rounded bolster (compare different types here). Try this one by Yogamatters or the more environmentally sustainable hemp bolster filled with organic buckwheat hulls. Being in a yoga studio equipped with all the right props makes setting up the postures a lot easier. The teacher can help you with them, and can skilfully guide you into the relaxation state, which can work better than being at home surrounded by distractions. On the other hand, it means you get into a very relaxed state then have the disruption of travelling home. A restorative yoga sequence It is not always possible to get to a yoga studio, so here is a simple restorative yoga sequence you can do at home, using one bolster and your cushions and pillows. If you’re new to restorative yoga, have several lessons in-person with an experienced teacher (or on Zoom, in a very small class size so that you’re seen). At the beginning, you need a teacher to give you instructions and small individual adjustments that make it more comfortable; to clarify things you’re not sure about; and to guide you into relaxation (rather than leaving the mind to its own devices). With their words they can skillfully guide you into deep stillness, relaxation and silence. They create a safe, comfortable and nurturing space. This is preferable to a recording, where the teacher cannot see you and you may have to disturb yourself to adjust your computer screen or volume. Videos can be helpful so that you can follow the teacher’s cues, see what to do, and relax without looking at the time. However, looking at a screen or using the keyboard to adjust volume, view etc are the antithesis of everything described above. Never crane your neck to see the screen, don’t open your eyes once you’re in the posture, and set the volume and place the screen where you won’t need to adjust them. “As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing.” Here is a simple 75-minute home restorative yoga sequence. Print it, so you don’t look at a screen during your session. This is no substitute for personal teaching and is done at your own risk. Do not do anything that’s uncomfortable, unpleasant or aggravates injuries. If you don’t know what something means, don’t do it. Attend some classes first, or see below for video links instead. 1. Savasana – initial relaxation. Lie on your mat with a widthways bolster under your knees, your knees and feet apart, a thinly rolled blanket under the backs of the ankles, 1 or 2 cushions under the head (but not the shoulders) and an eye bag over closed eyes. 12 minutes. 2. Reclined Easy Pose – hip opening. From here, draw the bolster nearer your bum, cross your legs at the shins or ankles (as when sitting cross-legged) and allow the hips to open, supported by the bolster. If they’re not supported, put yoga blocks on the bolster under the hips until they are and you can fully relax. 12 minutes. Eye bag over eyes. Halfway through, with minimal disturbance, swap to the opposite ankle in front. 3. Reclined Spinal Twist. From here, place the hands on the outer thighs and support your legs as you uncross them and bring the knees together. Rest your feet on the bolster for a minute. Then drop both knees to the right and rest them on the bolster. Position the feet comfortably and securely (not sliding off). Keep the backs of both shoulders in contact with the ground, so that you’re rotating the spinal muscles. Only turn the head the opposite way to the knees (as in the active version) if it feels relaxing. 8-10 minutes, then change sides for 8-10 minutes, then untwist and lie on your back. 4. Reclined Backbend. Slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and place the bolster behind you, lengthways on the mat. Place a block or cushions at the far end (your head will rest on these). Sit on your mat facing forwards with your knees bent and bolster behind you. Pull it close to your sacrum. Slowly lie back over it. Adjust the block so it’s under your head. If the backbend is too much, come up, put a second bolster on top of the first, staggered, and try again. Once in position, straighten your legs along the mat. If that’s uncomfortable, bend the knees, place your soles on the mat, separate the feet and let the knees rest on each other. Hands rest wherever is comfortable. Eye bag on the eyes. 12-15 minutes. 5. Supported Forward Fold. From above, slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and turn round to kneel in front of the bolster (omit this posture if kneeling is uncomfortable or you can’t sit on your heels). Remove the block. Separate the knees and pull the bolster(s) closer in to you. Lean forward and rest the front of your torso and head on the bolster. Rest the hands and arms wherever is comfortable. Have the forehead on the bolster, or turn the head to one side. Have a cushion under the head if you want to. 12-15 minutes. To end, lift up slowly with closed eyes and sit for a few moments before you open your eyes and end the session. Best restorative yoga classes on YouTube Many videos on YouTube with the title ‘restorative yoga’ are not restorative yoga. They are quiet, slow yoga sequences with deep active stretches (often for highly flexible bodies) but are not true restorative yoga, as described here, and do not have its benefits. It is not restorative yoga if it includes unsupported postures, use of strength, active stretches, postures that are held for only a few breaths, or more than five postures in an hour. It’s not Pigeon Pose without bolsters, Downward Dog or Ardha Matsyendrasana (seated twist) – all things that are on YouTube labelled restorative yoga. Here are three of the best restorative yoga sequences on YouTube: .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga for hips and back opening Focuses on opening your hips and lower back. Four postures in 45 minutes, allowing time for the benefits described above. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 40 minutes. A varied selection of postures for opening different parts of the body. However, they are only held for around four minutes, so use this video as an introduction to them, then do them on your own, staying in them for 12 minutes. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 60 minutes. Clear explanations and set-ups, staying in the postures for several minutes. There is talking and music all the way through so it doesn’t have the deep benefits described above (the mind cannot fully turn inward when it’s being directed to external sounds), but if your mind wanders a lot you might like this. Summary of restorative yoga Restorative yoga benefits us not by challenging us or powering our way to health but by slowing down, being gentle and nurturing ourselves. As a yoga teacher, and someone who has done yoga for 20 years, I know it can be tempting to always do our more dynamic practice. But once we allow ourselves to slow down and regularly take a restorative yoga class, we realise how much we needed it – especially if we’re living a busy life, working, studying or looking after a family. It is a therapeutic practice, developed in the 20th century by BKS Iyengar (one of the most influential yoga teachers of the modern age) to help people who couldn’t do a more active physical yoga practice because of injury, illness or chronic health conditions. However, don’t reserve it only for these times. Build it into your week as a counterbalance to a strong physical practice, to a busy stressful life, or for any and all of its multiple wellbeing benefits. To learn more, three of the leading teachers in restorative yoga to look for are Judith Hanson Lasater (a pioneer in this field), her daughter Lizzie Lasater, and Anna Ashby, who teaches online and trains yoga teachers in restorative yoga (she taught me). In summary, the key features of restorative yoga are: The body is supported by yoga bolsters and other props You stay in the positions for 12 or more minutes It involves surrendering, relaxing, stillness and quiet It doesn’t involve strength, active stretching, movement, pushing or resisting It releases stress and tension, in the physical body and in the mind The primary focus is the breath, guiding us out of our mind and grounding us in the body It relaxes the sympathetic nervous system (fight-flight-freeze) and activates the parasympathetic (resting state) Live lessons with a teacher are more helpful than videos, especially for beginners It has a deeply restorative effect on the body, mind, nervous system, energy and emotions Main image: shutterstock/Koldunov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Motivation | Yin yoga Written by Jacqui Gibbons

Slowing down helped Radha Ruparell figure out what really mattered to her. On April 5, 2020, I started to feel tired in the middle of the day. A couple of days later, I found myself trying to catch my breath on a conference call. It was then that I first suspected I might have this new virus that everyone was talking about, COVID-19. Six months later, I am still in the battle. The first few weeks of this illness were a rollercoaster. In the early days, I felt like I had been drugged with sleeping pills and couldn’t even muster energy to get out of bed. At nights, I faced explosive headaches and fevers that brought haunting hallucinations. I would fall asleep for a couple of hours, often to be jolted awake gasping for air. Unable to hold down food, I shed ten pounds in a month. Soon my symptoms progressed to a point where I was truly scared for my life. I went to doctors looking for answers, but even they were uncertain. My heart sank when, after discovering a lesion in my brain, a neurologist told me: “I’m sorry. We can try some things and see if they work, but we just don’t know enough yet.” Fortunately, I made it through those harrowing first weeks. Yet in the weeks that followed, I discovered that I had become a “long-hauler” facing a long-lasting post-viral syndrome. Months later, I still face waves of fatigue where my body shuts down if I don’t get enough rest. Prior to this virus, I was healthy in mind and body. I meditated, surfed, played tennis, and walked around Manhattan with a New Yorker’s hurried gait. I lived a fast-paced life. And then COVID-19 hit me. Now, I have been forced to slow down. Slowing down has been tough — and it has also been an incredible gift. Noticing what’s right there In the early part of this illness, I was in isolation alone at home. With constant physical pain, fatigue and brain fog, I was unable to work. I didn’t have energy to do anything else, either. I could not read, watch TV, exercise, or do other normal activities. Sitting in isolation with zero distraction was unnerving because then I had no choice other than to really be with everything that was unfolding. As I lay bedridden, I found myself reflecting on my life, pondering not what I had accomplished but who I had been along the way. Had I been kind to my family and friends? Had I taken full responsibility for my mistakes? Had I expressed myself fully and let the world see who I really am? Slowing down helps you focus on what really matters (posed by model) shutterstock/insta_photos On day 14, I finally broke down and admitted to a friend that I had never been more scared in my life. For two weeks, I had been resisting my fear. My fear of dying. My fear of losing loved ones to this illness. But finally, when I was able to let go and just be with that fear, suddenly it wasn’t as terrifying anymore. My friend couldn’t take away my pain, but she created a safe space for me to share what I was feeling. Sometimes, all we need in difficult times is to be witnessed and heard. I also discovered that when I started slowing down and allowing myself to embrace all my emotions, it wasn’t just fear, angst, or sadness that arose. I started opening up my heart in new ways to love, connection, and all the beauty that surrounded me. As one example, seven weeks into my fight, I celebrated my 40th birthday. On paper, that day might have sounded like a disaster. There was no big celebration. And yet, it was the most beautiful birthday ever. As I received warm notes from friends and family around the world, something amazing happened. Instead of the day whizzing by, as it usually does, I was able to really sit with all the love that was pouring in. I soaked it all in. It was a deeply moving experience. “Sitting in isolation with zero distraction was unnerving because then I had no choice other than to really be with everything that was unfolding.” Slowing down also helped me rediscover things I had taken for granted. When I left my apartment after 27 days in isolation, the first thing I noticed were the beautiful tulips growing in a little patch outside of my building. I have lived in this apartment for five years. Why had I never really noticed these flowers before in springtime? Oh, and the feeling of a breath of fresh air, a gust of wind, and the first time seeing trees again after a month indoors. It was as if I were a kid experiencing these things for the first time. What would life feel like if we always approached the world with childlike wonder? What if we soaked in the magic of each moment like it was our first and last one on earth? Instead of taking these simple pleasures for granted, what if we were truly present in our lives? This might sound sappy, but learning to savor and appreciate good experiences in life is one of the most important keys to well-being. And it gives us more energy and strength to face the difficult experiences. But busyness has become a normal way of life. In fact, we often wear it as a badge of honor. We are so busy running on autopilot, often in triggered states, that we can easily miss what’s right in front of us. We miss the magic that exists simply in taking a walk outside or sharing a meal with loved ones. Slowing down helped me pause and notice. I am now so much more aware of what’s been right in front of me all along. Unlearning bad habits Slowing down didn’t just help me savor the little things in life. It also forced me to recognize the importance of rest. In battling post-viral fatigue syndrome, I learned that if I didn’t pause and rest regularly, I would quickly relapse. So, when I returned to work, I had to learn entirely new ways of operating. I had to say no to meetings and projects that I would have otherwise taken on. I had to rest in the middle of the day to avoid waves of pain and fatigue from escalating. I had to learn that while I was brimming with ambition around things I wanted to accomplish, not everything had to get done that day. And, mostly, I had to learn to let go of any guilt associated with operating slowly, because the guilt just made the mental and physical pain worse. On my fridge, I put a Post-it note — “Be gentle with yourself” — as a daily reminder to practice self-compassion. Soon I discovered that when I was kind and respectful to myself, I was also much more grounded and generous in my interactions with others around me. For example, when a coworker showed up stressed to a meeting one day, I reminded myself that “just like me, they, too, are dealing with difficult things.” Rather than getting triggered and adding to the stress, I tried to listen without judgment. In these times of collective trauma, we all deserve a bit of compassion. There’s a myth that self-compassion means letting yourself off the hook. But, as I experienced, practicing self-compassion actually makes you more motivated to improve and resilient to setbacks — without the procrastination, stress, and rumination we get from being self-critical. Take time to appreciate friendships shuttertsock/rawpixel.com Slowing down is hard for so many of us “achievers” because our default norms are set otherwise. Initially, I tried to power through the fatigue and pain. But for the first time in my life, that strategy did not work. What I discovered about slowing down is that it’s not really about learning a new skill; rather, it’s about unlearning. When our routines are turned upside down, it can be daunting, that’s for sure. Yet disruptive moments like the pandemic are also a perfect time to break free of default ways of being. We can start questioning the things we do on autopilot and focus on what really matters. For me, I realized that what really matters is connection — from family to close friends to communities where I feel belonging. I have a newfound desire to be more intentional and fully present in all these interactions. What a shame it would be to come to the end of our lives and discover that we missed appreciating the “little things” that feel so ordinary at times — like a daily embrace with a child or partner — to later realize that these actually were the “big things” after all. Time for a collective pause When we slow down collectively, we create space to connect with one another more deeply. As the pandemic unfolded across the world, I first experienced it at my workplace, Teach For All, a global network of organizations in 58 countries working to develop collective leadership so that all children have the opportunity to fulfill their potential. In the early days of the pandemic, we hosted Zoom video calls where colleagues from around the world would get together. At the beginning of these calls, we would take a few minutes to check in with one another personally in small groups. In these moments, I learned that some colleagues had family members afflicted with COVID-19. Others were struggling with working from home while parenting young children. Many were facing the daunting challenge of reimagining education in their countries in the wake of indefinite school closures. These precious spaces to pause and be with one another were a chance to bear witness to each other’s raw realities. “I discovered that when I started slowing down and allowing myself to embrace all my emotions, it wasn’t just fear, angst, or sadness that arose. I started opening up my heart in new ways to love, connection, and all the beauty that surrounded me.” In these moments, we also discovered our deep interconnectedness. While the exact nature of our challenges differed, what we had in common was that all of us faced some upheaval and uncertainty, and that meant that we could also learn from one another. For example, soon after the pandemic unfolded, hundreds of teachers in communities around the world with limited internet access came together on a WhatsApp group (now known as the Teaching Without Internet Alliance) to share ideas for how to support student learning during school closures. Slowing down also created an opportunity to pause and ask the bigger questions. Many nights, as I was lying ill in bed, I would hear chants of “Black Lives Matter” as protestors marched down my street. As I listened, so many questions emerged: “Why is it that we have been quiet as a society for so long to the horrible treatment of our fellow human beings? In what ways have I been complicit through my silence and inaction? And what is possible now that more people are waking up?” While these questions have been alive in certain communities for a long time, without a collective slowdown, we might not have reached this tipping point where the conversation has finally permeated more broadly. Other questions that occupy my mind are around education. As more parents now get involved in their kids’ education, and as teachers reimagine remote learning, I wonder: “What is the purpose of education? What is most important for kids to learn? How do we nurture curiosity, compassion, and consciousness in kids? How can we use this moment to reimagine education to enable more equitable outcomes for all kids?” Similar reckonings may be happening in other fields around the world, from health care to food systems to our workplaces. As this global pandemic touches everyone, we have a unique opportunity to pause, connect with ourselves and one another, and ask the questions that really matter. And in this wide open space, perhaps we might unlock our imagination and collective responsibility and find new ways to tackle our greatest societal challenges. I have (un)learned so much personally by slowing down. Now, I wonder, what would be possible for humanity if we all slow down just a little? If we purposefully choose not to return to our hectic lives as if nothing happened? What beauty, connection, meaning, and joy might we find waiting for us right there in plain sight? • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Resilience | Kindness Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Meditation and mindfulness are becoming increasingly popular for kids, with schools incorporating them into classes. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak looks at the benefits for children and explains three great meditation techniques you can practise with your own kids. Have you noticed that meditation and mindfulness courses for kids are starting to pop up everywhere? In schools and in programs devoted to children? In the same way meditation for adults has seen an explosion in the West over the last 30 years, educators and psychologists are now sending a clear message: meditation for kids is a powerful life skill. And when children learn mindfulness at a young age, we can plant seeds that grow and bear fruit throughout their whole life. What is meditation? There are so many styles of meditation it can sometimes be confusing. But meditation for kids can be put into two basic categories: mindfulness and imagination. The definition of mindfulness I like to use teaching kids is this: paying attention to the present moment, right now, with kindness and curiosity. I explain all the terms in ways they can easily understand: “paying attention,” “right now” and, most importantly, “with kindness and curiosity.” There’s a lot in that simple definition for kids to understand and to practice. Meditation for kids is a powerful life tool shutterstock/vectorfusionart There are many mindfulness-based practices for kids, many of which use the senses and the breath, to help them explore this definition of mindfulness. And imagination-based meditations use kids’ amazing power of imagination to take journeys into their body, to relaxing places or to experience different qualities like the strength and safety of the Earth. I’ll take you through an imagination exercise on grounding in the earth later in this article. Kids are very good – usually much better than adults – at really feeling what they imagine, taking in those qualities and making them their own. Why are schools integrating meditation? Ideally, schools are places where kids learn a lot about life: about different subjects from math to art; about achievement and evaluation; about friendship, peer pressure and conflict – and much more. RELATED: 7 of the best mindfulness books for kids And it’s not news that these things can be stressful for people of any age. It’s sobering to know that more kids than ever are experiencing anxiety and depression. According to the CDC, in the USA, 7 per cent of children aged between three and 17 have diagnosed anxiety (approximately 4.4 million kids), and just over 3 per cent in the same age range (approximately 1.9 million) have diagnosed depression. Research shows that at younger and younger ages, children are feeling the pressure to excel at school or to be accepted by schoolmates. So, schools are an ideal place to introduce meditation for kids. They can learn how meditation can help them cope with life challenges. There are two key reasons that meditation has become a favourite tool to build these kinds of skills. “Meditation for kids is a powerful life skill. And when children learn mindfulness at a young age, we can plant seeds that grow and bear fruit throughout their whole life.” Firstly, because over the past few decades researchers have become very interested in studying meditation in general and for kids in particular. We have many studies now that show the proven psychological, emotional and physical benefits of meditation. There's one school in the US – Patterson High School in Baltimore – that is successfully using meditation as a “time out” activity for kids if they're acting out. Called the Mindful Moment Program, this innovative idea gives kids the skills to be with themselves and calm down through meditation and yoga – and with great results. Since launching the program, suspensions for fighting have dropped, and both attendance figures and the average GPA of first time ninth graders has increased. Secondly, meditation for kids has become so valued because of the wide and varied range of those benefits. Here are just some of the strengths and skills kids can build when they practice simple, non-religious meditation practices. They have been shown to: 1. Foster self-compassion and compassion for others Remember the definition of mindfulness earlier in this article? The part about kindness and curiosity? Observing yourself, and others, with kindness (rather than criticism or judgement) builds a caring relationship with yourself and empathy for others. 2. Improve focus and concentration Many meditation for kids exercises involve paying attention to something in particular and learning what to do when your mind wanders from your task. 3. Reduce stress, anxiety and depression Meditation exercises that show kids how to connect with their bodies, breath and senses calm their nervous system. They learn how to trigger this physiological healing and, again, to treat themselves with kindness while they practice and sometimes experience difficult emotions. Meditation in schools is proving successful for kids 4. Help kids make better decisions When kids are more calm and focused, and practicing self-care, they’re better able to make good choices. 5. Enhance creativity Meditation activates and integrates many areas of the brain. Creativity is powered up! 6. Self-regulate their emotions and behavior There are meditation exercises specifically for handling tough emotions, like sadness or anger or frustration. Kids can learn powerful ways have their emotions, rather than their emotions having them. Teaching meditation to your child at home Whether or not your child’s school has meditation or mindfulness programs, you can teach them meditation at home. And one of the great things is that you will also benefit from the practice. Indeed, it’s a great way to learn together, share experiences and strengthen your relationship with your children. “Schools are an ideal place to introduce meditation for kids. They can learn how meditation can help them cope with life challenges.” So, what do meditation practices for kids look like? Here are a few simple ones you can try – two mindfulness based and one imagination-based. Try them yourself a few times before you teach them. Keep the practices short – about one minute per year of age: five minute exercises with five year olds, and so on. And keep these things in mind for all the exercises: To begin, find a comfortable position either sitting up or lying down. Take a couple of deep relaxing breaths. When your mind wanders away from the particular exercise, that’s totally fine. That’s what your mind does! Just bring it back gently to the exercise. Know these exercises have two basic purposes: to help kids strengthen their attention and to guide them toward a particular positive experience. Ask them about their experiences and share what you experienced, too. Mindfulness-based exercises 1. Swing with your breath Paying attention to the breath is a great way to soothe the nervous system and bring some calm. Start paying attention to your breath in your chest. Feel your chest moving up and down. And feel how the movement of your breath is like being on a swing. There’s an upswing and a slight pause, then the downswing and a slight pause. Then the movement starts again. The goal of the exercise is to pay attention to and feel this whole movement – including the small quiet pauses – for as long as you can. Staying close to physical sensations helps kids relax and feel grounded in their bodies. Practising meditation at home is a great way to connect with your kids shutterstock/fizkes 2. Sounds and silence This is an example of a meditation exercise that uses kids’ sense of sound. Sensory-based practices are a great way for them to become present and calm. For this exercise, you'll need some sort of chime or bell. If you don’t have one, you can experiment with a glass or bowl that makes a ringing sound when you hit it with a spoon, for example. The sound should last 10 seconds or more. Tell your child that the purpose of the exercise is to listen to the whole sound – from the time you strike the chime until the sound disappears into silence. And when they can’t hear the sound, they raise their hand. Repeat this several times. You can quietly ask your child questions before each chime. “See if you can hear the sound even longer this time.” Or, “What do you hear after the sound is gone?” Imagination-based exercise 1. Your grounding cord In this exercise, kids imagine being connected to the whole planet earth, and all the strength and safety that brings. This exercise is done best in a sitting position, on the floor or on a chair. Guide your child to feel their tailbone and where it meets the floor or chair. Ask them to imagine a cord going from the tip of their tailbone down into the earth. Start at about five feet and progressively go deeper and deeper, until their grounding cord goes right to the centre of the earth. As you go, guide the child to feel the solidity and safety of the Earth, and how they are connected to all that strength through their cord. Use your imagination, too! Create a journey of exploration about the qualities of the earth and the child’s ability to really feel them. To finish, bring the grounding cord slowly up again, right up to your child’s tailbone. Ask them to enjoy how they feel and, if they like, to describe it to you. For example, how their body felt, what they saw or heard – leave the door open to hear their experience. It will help them to imprint the experience. Takeaway: meditation for kids We’re living in a wonderful time for meditation for kids. There are many programs and resources online and maybe even in your community that offer ways to bring meditation into your lives. I’ve given you a few links to explore at the bottom of this article. Plant the seeds of meditation for your child and watch them take root. ● Main image: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

When you're feeling lonely it can be easy to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, try one of these 11 ideas from Calvin Holbrook to relieve the pain of loneliness and isolation. Loneliness sucks. I've been there and maybe you have too: stuck alone at home wishing you were out having fun with friends. Instead, for whatever reason, you're inside feeling lonely and wondering how and why you ended up in that position. However, feeling lonely isn't your fault and can often be a result of life circumstances: perhaps you've just moved to a new town/city and are struggling to make new friends. Maybe you've just come out of a relationship – or all your friends are suddenly getting into relationships. Or perhaps you've been struggling with depression or anxiety and can't face seeing your social network right now. Whatever the reason, science says that feeling alone for long periods of time is bad for your mental – and physical – health. In fact, studies show that a lack of social connections could be as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The same research suggests that loneliness increases the likelihood of mortality by a staggering 26 per cent. So, friendships can be powerful tools for staying well and healthy. But not all of us have a large circle of buddies. In the UK, 1.9 million older people often feel ignored or invisible. But contrary to popular opinion, it's not just the elderly that have feelings of loneliness: over 40 per cent of Britons say the TV or a pet is their main source of company. Similarly, in the US, nearly half of all Americans claim to feel lonely. Indeed, social isolation can touch us at any age, and can be affected by our personality, motivation and physical location. Feeling lonely? Here's what you can do Developed countries are clearly going through a loneliness epidemic. So, what can you do if you are one of those affected? Well, there are plenty of ways you can make new friends as an adult, such as joining social groups or developing bonds with colleagues, but if you're feeling lonely at home right now and are seeking ways to cope with negative feelings, here are 11 practical ideas to help you feel better and combat the pain of loneliness. 1. Welcome an old friend: loneliness First of all, even though it may not be welcome, treat loneliness as an old friend that’s just popped by for a visit. That's because resisting loneliness only makes it worse, so accept how you feel in this moment. Do not blame yourself. Instead of fighting against lonely feelings, accept these painful emotions into your heart with self-compassion and it will help ease the pain a little. Accept your loneliness and make friends with it. 2. Get creative If you're feeling lonely it can be easy to start ruminating over how you’re in that position and whether you could have done things differently to avoid it. Getting creative is a simple and fun way to take your mind off of your thoughts and engaged in something more productive. You could try mandala coloring, making a collage out of magazines, drawing, or writing, for example. Being creative will keep your mind busy and provide you with a sense of satisfaction and achievement. Colour your life when you're feeling lonely © shutterstock/Serhii Krot 3. Write a gratitude journal Accept your feelings of loneliness and instead of dwelling on them, shift your consciousness to all the great things in your life that you're grateful for. Take ten minutes to write everything down in a gratitude journal. Journals help us to know ourselves better by clarifying our thoughts, emotions and feelings. In fact, a 2015 study published in Europe’s Journal of Psychology suggested that practising gratitude may help decrease feelings of loneliness, and, in turn, possibly improve our health, well-being and happiness. 4. Give your brain a puzzle Use your alone time positively to boost your brainpower by doing a jigsaw or crossword. When solving a jigsaw, we must look at different pieces to figure out where they fit within the larger picture. Doing this improves our visual-spatial reasoning. As well as helping to relieve loneliness, studies show that doing puzzles can help delay the symptoms of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Completing a jigsaw also reduces stress by occupying and engaging the mind to create a sense of calm. As a puzzle is pieced together, external worries and stress decrease as the mind focuses on a task that is both meditative and satisfying. “Whatever the reason, science says that feeling alone for long periods of time is bad for your mental – and physical – health.” 5. Get out of the house Unless you’re keeping occupied with some of the loneliness-busting tips above, staying inside alone will only mean you concentrate more on those feelings of isolation. Simply going outside for a walk outside changes your environment and thoughts. Take a stroll and practise mindfulness, taking in all that is around you: the smells, sounds and sights. Or, try something cultural: pop to an exhibition or treat yourself to a film and get engrossed in something other than loneliness: see it as a personal date night! Alternatively, if you have green space nearby, have a walk in a park or do some forest bathing – the benefits of connecting with nature are proven by science. If you're feeling alone, take a mindful walk in nature 6. Get active Doing physical exercise is a great way to take your mind off your situation if your feelings of loneliness are taking over. Instead of mulling over things inside, head outside for a jog or run and boost your happiness hormones. Better still, head to the gym and try a new group class – you're more likely to strike up a conversation with someone. And if you do find yourself chatting with someone new and hit it off, don’t be afraid to ask for their number or ask them to go for a coffee together. You never know; they may be feeling just as lonely as you. 7. Sing out loud Singing is another proven way to fight the feeling of being alone, so blast out some of your favourite tracks and get those vocal chords warmed up. In fact, singing is a natural anti-depressant as it’s known to release mood-boosting endorphins. It's also been shown to boost our immune system, reduce stress levels and, according to a report published in the Journal of Music Therapy in 2004, help patients cope with chronic pain. Joining a choir is a great way to reap the benefits of singing and combat feelings of loneliness as you meet many new people at once. The Community of Voices research study (2012–2018) found that singing in a community choir for six months reduced the participants’ feelings of loneliness and also increased their interest in life. Singing in a choir can combat loneliness © shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 8. Share your skills with others Getting involved as a volunteer is a fantastic practical way to reduce feelings of loneliness. Volunteering for at least two hours a week may go a long way toward helping to ease feelings of loneliness and isolation, according to research published in Journals of Gerontology: Social Sciences. Volunteering almost always involves interacting with others, hence helping to build social connections and reduce isolation. In fact, the benefits of volunteering are many. If you're feeling alone, think about possible volunteering ideas and start researching what you can do in your local community. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? 9. Check in with yourself It’s OK to feel alone sometimes. Remind yourself that life isn't always fun and games and that there are plenty of ups and downs. Indeed, your circumstances will not always be the same and nothing last for ever – good or bad. Try to be patient with your loneliness, and with time and effort, it will ease. Remember that tomorrow is a new day when you can consider working on alleviating your loneliness and making new friends – if you're ready. 10. Consider getting a pet If you have the space and time, think about welcoming a pet into your home. The companionship that a pet offers is scientifically-proven to reduce loneliness, anxiety and stress, whether it’s a cat, bird, gerbil or iguana. However, dogs are the clear winners when it come to loneliness-busting pets: they force you to get out of the house and connect with other dog-loving humans. The healing power of pets is real. Animals, especially dogs, help to relieve loneliness 11. Use compassionate visualization As I wrote at the start of this article, perhaps you're feeling lonely while other friends are having fun while you're left alone. You could even feel jealous and envious of these people who are sharing good times together and seemingly not living with loneliness. Perhaps you weren't invited to a party or group holiday and feel upset about it. However, instead of carrying negative thoughts about those involved, show compassion. Try to visualize them at whatever event it may be and feel happy for them regardless. Feeling happy for others despite your sorrow can be healing and actually make you feel happier too. ● Main image: shutterstock/Antonio Guillem How do you deal with feeling of loneliness? Do you have any other ideas to add to the list? I'd love to read your suggestions below! Head over to the Forum to share more ideas on combating loneliness. Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and travel lover. He also enjoys hiking, nature, swimming, yoga, sweaty dancing, and all things vintage!

From expressing emotions to making sense of the world, seven artists explain why they write, rap, take photos, draw, dance and make movies. One thing they have in common is that the choice to make art isn't really a choice: it's something they were born to do. By JEREMY ADAM SMITH and JASON MARSH on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Why do you make art? That’s the simple question Greater Good posed to seven artists. Their answers are surprising and very diverse. They mention making art for fun and adventure; building bridges between themselves and the rest of humanity; reuniting and recording fragments of thought, feeling, and memory; and saying things that they can’t express in any other way. All their answers are deeply personal. In this issue of Greater Good, we explore the possible cognitive and emotional benefits of the arts, and yet these artists evoke a more fundamental benefit: they are just doing what they feel they’re born to do. 1. Gina Gibney: Giving power to others Gina Gibney is the artistic director of the New York-based Gina Gibney Dance Company, which was founded in 1991 to serve a dual mission: to create and perform contemporary choreography that draws upon the strength and insights of women and men, and to enrich and reshape lives through programs that give voice to communities in need, especially survivors of domestic abuse and individuals living with HIV/AIDS. “I make art for a few reasons. In life, we experience so much fragmentation of thought and feeling. For me, creating art brings things back together. In my own work, that is true throughout the process. In the beginning, developing the basic raw materials for the work is deeply reflective and informative. Later, bringing those materials together into a form — distilling and shaping movement, creating a context, working toward something that feels cohesive and complete. That’s incredibly powerful for me — something that really keeps me going. © Andrzej Olejniczak/Gina Gibney “Interestingly, the body of my work is like a catalogue of the events and thoughts of my life. For me, making work is almost like keeping a journal. Giving that to someone else — as a kind of gift through live performance — is the most meaningful aspect of my work. “I make art for a few reasons. In life, we experience so much fragmentation of thought and feeling. For me, creating art brings things back together.” “Dance is a powerful art form for the very reason that it doesn’t need to explain or comment on itself. One of the most amazing performances I have ever seen in my life was of a woman — a domestic violence survivor — dancing in a tiny conference room in a domestic violence shelter for other survivors. She was not a professional dancer. She was a woman who had faced unbelievable challenges and who was living with a great deal of sadness. She created and performed an amazing solo — but to have described her performance as “sad” would have been to diminish what we experienced. “That’s the power of dance. You can feel something and empathize with it on a very deep level, and you don’t have to put words to it.” 2. Judy Dater: I like expressing emotions Judy Dater has been making photographs for more than 40 years and is considered one of America’s foremost photographers. The recipient of a Guggenheim and many other awards, her books include Imogen Cunningham: A Portrait, Women and Other Visions, Body and Soul and Cycles. “I like expressing emotions — to have others feel what it is I’m feeling when I’m photographing people. “Empathy is essential to portraiture. I’ve done landscapes, and I think they can be very poetic and emotional, but it’s different from the directness of photographing a person. I think photographing people is, for me, the best way to show somebody something about themselves — either the person I photograph or the person looking — that maybe they didn’t already know. Maybe it’s presumptuous, but that’s the desire. I feel like I’m attending to people when I’m photographing them, and I think I understand people better because I’ve been looking at them intensely for 40-some years.” A portrait by Judy Dater 3. Pete Docter: It’s fun making things Pete Docter has been involved in some of Pixar Studio’s most popular and seminal animated features, including Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Cars, and Wall-E, but he is best known as the director of the Academy-Award-winning Monsters, Inc. Docter is currently directing Up, set for release in May of 2009. “I make art primarily because I enjoy the process. It’s fun making things. And I’m sure there is also that universal desire to connect with other people in some way, to tell them about myself or my experiences. RELATED: The Life Cube – changing the world through art “What I really look for in a project is something that resonates with life as I see it, and speaks to our experiences as humans. That probably sounds pretty highfalutin’ coming from someone who makes cartoons, but I think all the directors at Pixar feel the same way. We want to entertain people, not only in the vacuous, escapist sense (though to be sure, there’s a lot of that in our movies too), but in a way that resonates with the audience as being truthful about life — some deeper emotional experience that they recognize in their own existence. “I make art primarily because I enjoy the process. It’s fun making things. And I’m sure there is also that universal desire to connect with other people in some way.” “On the surface, our films are about toys, monsters, fish or robots; at a foundational level, they’re about very universal things: our own struggles with mortality, loss and defining who we are in the world. As filmmakers, we’re pretty much cavemen sitting around the campfire telling stories, only we use millions of dollars of technology to do it. By telling stories, we connect with each other. We talk about ourselves, our feelings, and what it is to be human. Or we just make cartoons. Either way, we try to have a good time, and we hope the audience does too.” 4. Harrell Fletcher: Anything anyone calls art is art Harrell Fletcher teaches in the art department at Portland State University. He has exhibited at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, the Berkeley Art Museum, Socrates Sculpture Park in New York, and in numerous other museums and galleries around the world. In 2002, Fletcher started Learning To Love You More, a participatory website with Miranda July, which they turned into a book, published in 2007. Fletcher is the recipient of the 2005 Alpert Award in Visual Arts. “The question of why I make art needs to be broken down a bit before I can answer. First of all, what is art? The definition of art that I have come up with, which seems to work best for me, is that anything anyone calls art is art. This comes from my belief that there is nothing intrinsic about art. We cannot do a chemical analysis to determine if something is art or not. Instead, I feel like calling something “art” is really just a subjective way of indicating value — which could be aesthetic, cultural, monetary and so on. © Harell Fletcher. An image from "The Problem of Possible Redemption 2003" “If we look at other kinds of creative activity we can see how various forms can all exist and be valid at the same time. I’ve made what I think of as art since I was a child, initially drawings, then photographs, paintings, videos, and so on. By the time I got to graduate school, I was not so interested in making more stuff, and instead started to move into another direction, which these days is sometimes called “Social Practice.” “This is sort of a confusing term since it is so new and undefined. In a broad way, I think of it as the opposite of Studio Practice — making objects in isolation, to be shown and hopefully sold in a gallery context. Most of the art world operates with this Studio Practice approach. In Social Practice, there is more of an emphasis on ideas and actions than on objects; it can take place outside of art contexts, and there is often a collaborative or participatory aspect to the work. “So, back to the question why I make art. In my case, the projects that I do allow me to meet people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet, travel to places I wouldn’t normally go to, learn about subjects that I didn’t know I would be interested in, and sometimes even help people out in small ways that make me feel good. I like to say that what I’m after is to have an interesting life and doing the work that I do as an artist helps me achieve that. 5. Kwame Dawes: An environment of empathy Kwame Dawes, Ph.D., is Distinguished Poet in Residence at the University of South Carolina. He is the author of 13 books of verse, most recently Gomer’s Song, and a novel, She’s Gone, which won the 2008 Hurston/Wright Legacy Award for Best First Novel. “I write in what is probably a vain effort to somehow control the world in which I live, recreating it in a manner that satisfies my sense of what the world should look like and be like. I’m trying to capture in language the things that I see and feel, as a way of recording their beauty and power and terror, so that I can return to those things and relive them. In that way, I try to have some sense of control in a chaotic world. © Rachel Eliza Griffiths “I want to somehow communicate my sense of the world — that way of understanding, engaging, experiencing the world — to somebody else. I want them to be transported into the world that I have created with language. “And so the ultimate aim of my writing is to create an environment of empathy, something that would allow the miracle of empathy to take place, where human beings can seem to rise out of themselves and extend themselves into others and live within others. That has a tremendous power for the human being. And I know this because that is what other people’s writing does to me when I read it.” 6. James Sturm: The reasons are unimportant James Sturm is a cartoonist and co-founder of the Center for Cartoon Studies in White River Junction, Vermont. He is the author of the best-selling and award-winning graphic novel The Golem’s Mighty Swing, chosen as the Best Graphic Novel of 2000 by Time magazine. In 2007, his trilogy of historical graphic novels was collected in a volume entitled James Sturm’s America: God, Gold, and Golems. “I like the question “Why do you make art?” because it assumes what I do is art. A flattering assumption. The question also takes me back to my freshman year of college, where such questions like “What is nature?” and “Is reality a wave or a circle?” were earnestly debated (usually late at night and after smoking too much weed). “Twenty-five years later I’d like to think I am a little more clear-headed regarding this question. Perhaps the only insight I’ve gained is the knowledge that I have no idea and, secondly, the reasons are unimportant. Depending on my mood, on any given day, I could attribute making art to a high-minded impulse to connect with others or to understand the world or a narcissistic coping mechanism or a desire to be famous or therapy or as my religious discipline or to provide a sense of control or a desire to surrender control, etc., etc., etc. “Whatever the reason, an inner compulsion exists and I continue to honour this internal imperative. If I didn’t, I would feel really horrible. I would be a broken man. So, whether attempting to make art is noble or selfish, the fact remains that I will do it nevertheless. Anything past this statement is speculation. I would be afraid that by proclaiming why I make art would be generating my own propaganda.” 7. KRS-One: Hip-hop is beyond time, beyond space Lawrence Krisna Parker, better known by his stage name KRS-One, is widely considered by critics and other MCs to be one of hip-hop’s most influential figures. At the 2008 Black Entertainment Television Awards, KRS-One was the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award for his rapping and activism. “I was born this way, born to make art, to make hip-hop. And I think I’m just one of the people who had the courage to stay with my born identity. Hip-hop keeps me true to myself, keeps me, human. “Hip-hop is the opposite of technology. Hip-hop is what the human body does: Breaking, DJing, graffiti writing. The human body breakdances, you can’t take that away. DJing is not technology; it’s human intelligence over technology: cutting, mixing, scratching. It’s physical. The manipulation of technology is what humans do, that’s art. “I was born this way, born to make art, to make hip-hop. And I think I’m just one of the people who had the courage to stay with my born identity.” “Or take graffiti writing. Put a writing utensil in any kid’s hand at age two or three. They will not write on a paper like they’ll later be socialized to do, they will write on the walls. They’re just playing. That’s human. Graffiti reminds you of your humanity when you scrawl your self-expression on the wall. Hip-hop helps us to see the things in the world in new ways. “That’s why hip hop has kept me young. It doesn’t allow you to grow up too fast. Hip hop is beyond time, beyond space. That’s why I make hip-hop.” ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Film | Poetry | Crafts | Literature Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Like most of us, Dee Marques spent more time inside at home in 2020. It gave her the opportunity to discover the power of pottering – leisurely carrying out small tasks and activities without pressure. Here she shares the benefits it can bring to you... This year’s lockdowns have seen many of us spending time indoors and trying to keep ourselves entertained at home. This can be a challenge for those who are used to an active or outdoorsy lifestyle spent in nature, as it can be tough to find meaningful things to do. I struggled with this too, until a friend said she kept herself occupied by simply pottering around her house most of the day. I tried it, and found it too rewarding to keep it all to myself! What exactly is pottering? Pottering around is all about keeping busy at a leisurely pace, without feeling the need to have specific plans for things that need to be achieved. It’s about letting your eyes wander and finding things that could be done, instead of having a pre-planned list of tasks in your mind. So, in my case, I started by sorting my fabric stash by colour and then moved onto my button stash. Next, I went to the kitchen to make myself a coffee and put all the bagged spices into glass jars, then picked some rosemary from the garden and set it to dry. That’s what it’s like to potter: finding enjoyable tasks that don’t feel like a chore; little jobs you want to do, not tasks that you have to do. Tidying your wardrobe is a perfect pottering task shutterstock/Kostikova Natalia Pottering around is also about choosing activities that you can look back on and admire or enjoy, and about allowing yourself to jump from one thing to another without feeling guilty about it. However, scrolling down your phone or sitting in front of the TV doesn't count as pottering! Indeed, keep your pottering digital free as much as possible and you’ll find it much more rewarding this way. So, why give pottering a go? I’ve come to think of pottering as a coping strategy. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, busy, or anxious, and please raise your hand if you haven’t felt any of these emotions this year! There’s no right way of dealing with these feelings, so the more tools we have, the better our ability to weather any storm will be. In fact, pottering can really help when we feel outside of our comfort zone. How? Here are a few examples: - Pottering about includes some elements of mindfulness, such as the commitment to be intentional and aware of the present. It’s also similar to mindfulness in that it’s a conscious way of using our time, encourages relaxation and non-striving. indeed, there’s enormous freedom in realizing that we don’t always have to fill our spare time trying to achieve something. Potter around for a while and you’ll start to discover pleasure and beauty in small things. In my case, I realised how rewarding it was to arrange fabric by colour; how delightful it was to find little differences in colour shade or intensity. It’s something I’d probably have never experienced if I hadn’t decided to potter about, and for that I am grateful. It can help you learn to pace your routine and slow down a notch. It’s so relieving to finally understand that we don’t always have to be speeding onto the next thing and running from deadline to deadline. Time is a luxury, so treat yourself by learning to take things slowly. Pottering isn’t goal-oriented and so it can be considered part of slow living, which has multiple benefits, from better digestive health to a more positive mindset. Linked to this is the fact that pottering can help us re-assess what it means to be productive. You can say there’s 'normal' (or productive) time and time to potter about. Both have their own advantages, but the thing with productive time is that we can only keep at it for so long before fatigue or burnout set in. This is why it’s important to balance it with time to just potter around. I’ve already said that pottering isn't doing nothing at all, it’s an active pursuit that entails movement without the rush we usually associate with 'being on the move'. There’s plenty of evidence confirming the benefits of controlled and slow-paced physical movement. For example, practices like tai chi are sometimes described as 'medication in motion' that can reduce stress and improve cardiovascular health. You can jump straight into pottering, since you don’t need anything special to get started and it’s not like taking up a hobby that requires specific gear or tools. If you want to potter about, just look around and you’ll find plenty of simple things you can do with what you already have. “Potter around for a while and you’ll discover pleasure and beauty in small things. Pottering helps you learn to pace your routine and slow down a notch. You may want to have a look at this article, where Anna McGovern describes the benefits of pottering. She found herself overwhelmed by that familiar feeling of everything happening at the same time, struggling with a busy schedule, with personal and professional disappointment, and emotional exhaustion. To cope with the situation, she decided to set aside one day a week to just potter around. And, in her own words, making that decision changed her life, and in the end she published a book about it. Some ideas for potterers If you need some inspiration to get you started with pottering, here's a list of ideas to get you kick-started into action: Gardening or landscaping – without any pressure! It can be as simple as watering the plants, cutting a few herbs to use in the kitchen, or gathering a few evergreen branches to make a Christmas wreath. Going for a mindful walk. Writing a thank you note to a friend. Sorting out your fabric or yarn stash. Grinding favourite coffee beans. Neatly folding the clothes in your dresser. Organising your tool box. Decluttering. Cleaning and sorting the cutlery drawer. Hanging a bird feeder in your balcony or patio. Making some DIY potpourri. Enjoying your very own tea ceremony or ritual. Reorganising book shelves. Going through recipe books and finding new dishes to try. Polishing jewellery. Polishing wooden surfaces. Oiling those squeaky door hinges. Tackling “the bag of bags”: that plastic bag full of plastic bags we all have at home! Creating a music playlist for working, relaxing, or reading. Pottering around in the garden shutterstock/goodluz One last suggestion is to keep track of all the good things that happen once you allow yourself time to potter. This will generate awareness and appreciation for this way of using time, and you may discover something new about yourself too. Conclusion: the power of pottering Pottering around is a great coping strategy that you can turn into healing self-care sessions where you experience time without pressure and learn to just be. So, are you ready to become a potterer? Give it a try, discover the magic of pottering about, and find peace, contentment and happiness. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Healthy habits | Living Simply Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Accepting our mortality helps us let go of busyness and focus on what’s most important to us in order to live a happier, more meaningful life. By OLIVER BURKEMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly finite. If you’re lucky and you live to 80, you will have lived about 4,000 weeks. This truth, which most of us ignore most of the time, is something to wrestle with if we want to spend our limited time on this earth well. Given that, it follows that time management, broadly defined, should be everyone’s chief concern. Yet the modern discipline of time management (or productivity) is depressingly narrow-minded, focused on devising the perfect morning routine or trying to crank through as many tasks as possible, while investing all your energy on reaching some later state of well-being and accomplishment. It ignores the fact that the world is bursting with wonder — and that experiencing more of that wonder may come at the cost of productivity. As a recovering “productivity geek,” I know how it feels to become swept up in the idea of discovering the perfect system of time management. But I was eventually forced to accept that my struggles to achieve a sense of perfect control or mastery of my time were counterproductive, leading not to a life of more meaning but one of more overwhelm and stress. I came to see that I needed to give up the quest for that kind of control, letting go of the impossible goal of becoming perfectly efficient and embracing my limitations instead, so as to make more time for what was really valuable. Part of that embrace of limitation involves facing the anxiety that comes with acknowledging mortality. When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters. Rather than succumbing to the mentality of “better, faster, more,” we can embrace being imperfect, and be happier for it. Here are 10 suggestions I make in my book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, about how to live with your limited time in mind. 1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity We all need to make tough choices about what we can realistically get done, so that we can prioritize the activities that matter most, instead of reacting to a constant barrage of demands. One way is to keep two to-do lists — one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items. A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work — for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m. — and to make sure you stop when time’s up. 2. Serialize Focus only on one big project at a time. Though it’s alluring to try to alleviate the anxiety of having too many responsibilities or ambitions by getting started on them all at once, you’ll make little progress that way. Multitasking rarely works well — and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety. Forget multitasking: tackle one project at a time 3. Decide in advance what to fail at You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. But strategic underachievement — nominating in advance areas of your life in which you won’t expect excellence — helps you focus your time and energy more effectively. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children. “When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters.” To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance. 4. Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to do Since the quest to get everything done is interminable by definition, it’s easy to grow despondent and self-reproachful when you can’t get through your whole to-do list. One counter-strategy is to keep a “done list,” which starts empty first thing in the morning, but which you can gradually fill in throughout the day as you get things done. It’s a cheering reminder that you could have spent the day doing nothing remotely constructive… yet you didn’t. 5. Consolidate your caring Social media is a giant machine for getting you to spend your time caring about the wrong things — and too many of them at once. We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices, each of which might have a legitimate claim on our time and our charitable donations, but which add up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism and politics — and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out. 6. Embrace boring and single-purpose technology Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply: scrolling idly around online, you need never feel bored or constrained in your freedom of action, which isn’t the case when it comes to doing work that matters. You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader. Otherwise, temptations will be only a swipe away, and you’ll feel the urge to check your screens anytime you’re bored or facing a challenge in your work. 7. Seek out novelty in the mundane Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate. RELATED: Mindful minutes - 10 small practices that make a big difference The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life. Try going on unplanned walks to see where they lead you, taking up drawing or birdwatching, or playing “I Spy” with a child — whatever draws your attention into the moment more fully. Spend more time on simple pleasures shutterstock/Just dance 8. Be a researcher in relationships The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships, resulting not only in controlling behavior, but also commitment-phobia, the inability to listen, boredom, and missing out on the richness of communal experiences with others. “Pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life.” When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike — whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated. 9. Cultivate instantaneous generosity Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind, give in to it right away rather than putting it off. Don’t wait to figure out if the recipient deserves your generosity or if you really have the time to be generous right now (with all of the work you have left to do!). Just do it. The rewards are immediate, too, because generous action reliably makes you feel much happier. 10. Practise doing nothing When it comes to the challenge of using your 4,000 weeks well, the capacity to do nothing is indispensable, because if you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter. RELATED: How to practise Niksen – the art of doing nothing Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You can try the “do-nothing” meditation, where you set a timer for 5-10 minutes and then try doing nothing; if you catch yourself doing something — thinking, say, or even just focusing on your breath — gently let go of doing it. As you keep letting go, you’ll increase your ability to do nothing, and gradually regain your autonomy. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices with your brief allotment of life. • Main image: shutterstock/Syda Productions This essay is adapted from Four Thousand Weeks, published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux. Copyright © 2021. All rights reserved. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Gratitude | Friendship Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

The three so-called ‘happiness hormones’ are serotonin, dopamin and oxytocin. But how do they influence your mood and how can you boost them naturally to increase your happiness levels? Rae Bathgate investigates. Everybody who’s gone through puberty – especially those in the midst of it – can tell you that hormones play a large part in how we feel. Most women, for one, are particularly aware of this, some even tracking the subtleties caused by the ebb and the flow of oestrogen and progesterone. However, not as much conversation exists about how so-called 'happiness hormones', and neurotransmitters affect everyone’s mood and well-being. And yes, we do mean everyone, including animals, men, children, your next door neighbour, and especially you. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today Hormones and neurotransmitters are molecules that act as chemical messengers. The main difference between the two is that hormones are released by the endocrine system as chemical impulses, while neurotransmitters are released by the central nervous system as electrical impulses. The two systems work together, so the line between the two becomes blurred, some molecules even acting as both (oxytocin, for example). Happiness hormones: what exactly are they? Human hormones tally at about 50, while known neurotransmitters have been estimated to be at around 100. The main ones associated with feelings of happiness are: Serotonin Dopamine Oxytocin Other influential factors are adrenalin and cortisol, melatonin, GABA, endorphins and norepinephrine. Researchers also agree that many other factors influence happiness, such as economic stability and relationships, to name just two. It's important to remember then that while the effects of increasing happiness hormones and neurotransmitters are being researched, no neurochemical alone is a quick fix for happiness, as they act in lockstep with each other. So, let's take a closer look at the three main happiness hormones: 1. Serotonin: happiness and satisfaction Also known as 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT), serotonin is a complex neurotransmitter. Serotonin could be thought of, simply, as bringing about feelings of confidence and self-esteem. For example, serotonin has been shown to be at higher levels when you feel significant and like you're part of a group. Conversely, feelings of loneliness and depression are usually associated with low serotonin levels. You may recognize the name from Serotonin-Specific Reuptake Inhibitors (or SSRIs), a popular type of medication taken against depression, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, PTSD and eating disorders. While a breakthrough in mental health medicine, depression has been associated with various potential causes – not only low levels of serotonin. • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • Still, even if the key to a sunny outlook isn't simply just more of the neurotransmitter, research seems to indicate that to feel happier, it's good to try and avoid the happiness hormone serotonin dipping too low. Luckily, there's a wide variety of ways to give yourself a boost, now and then. Higher serotonin activity allows people to put themselves in situations that will bolster self-esteem and increase one’s self-worth and sense of belonging; in turn, this ups your serotonin levels. “While the effects of increasing happiness hormones are being researched, no neurochemical is a quick fix for happiness.” To get this serotonin positive feedback loop going, challenge yourself as much as you can to accomplish activities that will reinforce your sense of self-worth, purpose and belonging. For example, try volunteering (which has also shown to strengthen social ties and to make you even happier), becoming involved in a cause you believe in or joining a sports team. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? How to increase serotonin levels naturally Studies have shown that athletes have higher levels of serotonin. Indeed, exercise – such as riding a bike or mindful running – has been shown to increase serotonin, along with getting some sun, or a well-deserved massage. Another way to up your serotonin is by reflecting on what you have in your life, for example, experiences, people, and things that make you feel grateful, loved and important. Your brain will produce serotonin regardless of whether a situation is imagined or is recalled as a memory. Focusing on the positive – while it may not solve your problems – may help you feel better (and also help you to stop ruminating). Some ways to do this include taking the time to do positive affirmations, reflect, or writing a gratitude journal about all the things you appreciate – even looking back through old pictures of a great night out will make you smile and get that serotonin going. Bike yourself better: cycling boosts serotonin, a happiness hormone 2. Dopamine: love and passion Like serotonin, dopamine is a neurotransmitter. Often painted as the neurochemical most strongly associated with happiness, it might be more precise to say that dopamine is responsible for reward-driven behaviour and pleasure-seeking activities. You get a rush of it when you feel proud of yourself, when you eat comfort food, when it's pay day, and, of course, when you win. Some studies indicate that those with more extroverted and outgoing personality types may have higher levels of dopamine than their introverted counterparts, and it could be one of the main driving forces behind pursuing goals, as procrastination and self-doubt have been linked to low levels of dopamine. As with serotonin, this neurotransmitter's success in regulating our emotions hangs in a delicate balance: if too few dopamine molecules are released, Parkinson’s disease may develop (incidentally, dopamine levels also play a large part in motor reactions), defined by a slow loss of motor skills and mood and sleep disorders. On the other hand, too high of a dopamine level can lead to symptoms like mania, hallucinations, and it also appears to increase impulsive behaviour. How to increase dopamine levels While many highly addictive substances act on the dopamine system, by feeling success (however you may define it), you can increase your dopamine activity. For example, set a goal and achieve it. For overachievers, this may sound stressful, but there are healthy ways to organize goal setting. For example, break down one big goal into several smaller ones, and pause to acknowledge each success. Then, you can try to set a new (realistic) goal while you're still working on your current objective. In short, more dopamine rewards beget more motivation to seek more dopamine, so, without going overboard, nurture that feedback loop. Also, listen to music: music that makes you feel good, music that moves you, music that gives you chills! One study analysed levels of dopamine when participants listened to music that gave them these musical sense and concluded that, when it did, dopamine transmission was higher: music is inextricably linked with our deepest reward systems. Feeling sound: listening to music boosts dopamine Yet another study showed that exercise may also increase dopamine, as do tangible rewards, like food or money. So, find that one physical activity that motivates you to exercise regularly, try saving money (having money left at the end of the month is the reward!), and learning how to cook food that's delicious and healthy. 3. Oxytocin: intimacy and bonding Oxytocin is a peptide hormone composed of nine amino acids, released from the pituitary gland, most notably controlling uterine spasms and breastfeeding stimulus. It's active during childbirth and physical contact, and it's been found to cause behavioural and physiological effects “such as maternal, sexual and social behaviours.” • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • In other words, it facilitates social interaction and is (mostly) associated with positive social behaviour. Due to the significant correlation between social bonding and life satisfaction, then indeed, oxytocin levels could lead to a happier life. Because oxytocin levels go up with breastfeeding between mother and child, hugging, intercourse, orgasm and skin-to-skin contact, it's often referred to as the 'hug hormone' or the 'bonding hormone.' Indeed, some studies have shown that an increase in oxytocin also increases trust. “Exercise, like riding a bike or running has been shown to increase serotonin, along with getting some sun, or a well-deserved massage.” However, this happiness hormone has other, more complicated effects. According to Ed Yong on Slate, oxytocin "fosters trust and generosity in some situations, but envy and bias in others.” Indeed, one study found that oxytocin uptake increased feelings of envy and schadenfreude (the pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune), while another suggested that while it increased a sense of closeness in one’s clique, in some individuals, it increased mistrust in strangers. In other words, the trust and bonding that it offers may only extend to those that you trust and feel open to bonding with, to begin with (and there may be deep seated evolutionary origins in this reaction). The hug drug: skin contact boosts oxytocin, a hormone of happiness Be that as it may, while oxytocin may not be solely responsible for positive human bonding, it still plays a large part in how we interact with others. Oxytocin is released during moments of shared intimacy: be it familial, platonic, romantic or sexual. How to increase oxytocin levels There are a few ways you can naturally boost your levels of this hormone of happiness: Take part in group activities (and if they’re physical, even better!) Make sure to take the time to cuddle your loved ones Get a dog (or another pet) In fact, if you own a dog, chances are your oxytocin levels (and his, or hers, for that matter) are the last thing you need to worry about. Studies have shown that not only does petting and spending time with your dog raise oxytocin levels in both, but simply gazing at each other sends oxytocin levels soaring. The other neurochemicals of happiness • Endorphins The name translates as "self-produced morphine" for a reason: it's widely known for its analgesic (pain-relieving) properties. This neurotransmitter is present in large quantities during high-intensity cardio, strength training, sexual intercourse, orgasm, and most strenuous physical exertion. Exercise will increase your endorphins, as does acupuncture and laughter (even the anticipation of laughter raises endorphin levels). • GABA This is an inhibitory molecule that slows down the firing of neurons, making you calmer. You can increase GABA by doing meditative activities, like gardening, knitting, mandala colouring, different types of yoga (such as gratitude yoga), and, of course, meditation. The benefits of meditation are many and proven. • Adrenalin (Epinephrine) and cortisol A hormone/neurotransmitter and a glucocorticoid respectively, these two are released from the adrenal glands: they regulate stress (think of an adrenalin rush). Through more studies are needed, it appears that subjects with lower levels of salivary cortisol and urinary adrenaline levels report higher levels of happiness; while the results could be correlative and not causative, it's never a bad idea to try to reduce your stress levels. • Melatonin Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland as is most commonly associated with regulating sleep. However, it's also been shown to affect our overall well-being and feelings of happiness (sleep patterns are often disrupted as a symptom of a larger mood disorder). To keep your melatonin balanced, get a good night's rest, and make sure to turn off your electronic devices well before you head to bed. Norepinephrine Similar to dopamine, low norepinephrine (AKA noradrenaline) levels have been linked to depression, while further research has indicated that selective norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor antidepressants "induce a positive emotional, perceptual bias in healthy subjects.” There are many ways to increase your norepinephrine levels, for example, taking a cold shower or a quick nap. Win with a grin: laughter boosts happiness hormones All in all, happiness hormones and neurotransmitters aren't as simple as we sometimes wish they were. One neurochemical isn't responsible for a single function, and a happier life isn't as simple as raising each level as much as we can. Indeed, like most things in life, it relies on a delicate balance. The good news is that the more you take care of yourself, the better the balance will be, and the happier you will feel. After all, "our brain has evolved to make things that are necessary for our survival feel good," as one Guinness World Record holder speculated: spend time with friends get enough sleep avoid stress (perhaps through the benefits of MBSR) laugh often cuddle your loved ones get a dog work towards your goals practise gratitude exercise often. Luckily, many of these tips to boost our happiness hormones and neurotransmitters are relatively easy to put into place with just a little effort from ourselves! ● Main picture: colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Nature | Meditation Written by Rae Bathgate Rae Bathgate is an American journalist based in Barcelona, where she enjoys sunlight, yoga, and bookbinding.