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From boosting your mood to lowering stress, the power of kindness is real. In fact, science shows the benefits of being kind are greater for the giver than the receiver. So, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, help others and help yourself, too. Can you remember the last time a stranger was kind to you? Maybe someone held a door open or offered you help with directions in the street? Or, perhaps you can recall the last time you helped somebody. After recently carrying out a few altruistic acts myself, I wanted to find out more about the power and benefits of kindness. Just before Christmas I passed a homeless man sitting outside a London Tube station. Coming out of a nearby coffee shop after paying almost £3 for a flat white, I couldn’t justify spending that on a hot drink while he was sat with nothing. I started a conversation to find out how he was doing and he was thankful when I offered him some change and a banana. However, he seemed most grateful when I simply asked him what his name was. When I got up to leave, he looked directly into my eyes and gave me a genuine ‘thank you.’ Later that week, I spotted an elderly lady hauling a huge suitcase down some stairs – she was clearly struggling. Her face lit up with joy when I offered a hand. She was clearly touched someone had made the effort to assist, and I too walked away with a spring in my step and smile on my face. The power of kindness: a ripple effect In these examples the power of kindness is obvious for the recipient: they were in a moment of need and received assistance. But the power of altruism also extended to me – in fact, one major benefit of kindness is that the love spreads both ways; it’s a win-win situation. A positive sign: showing kindness is easy and free After connecting with these people I felt a sense of happiness and pride to know I'd made a small but meaningful impact on their day. In fact, this feel-good sensation stayed with me for hours afterwards. Experiencing this feeling has also made it more likely that I'll carry out more random acts of kindness in the future. Likewise, I like to think that the power of kindness can potentially rub off on the people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist others. In fact, it turns out that science backs up this kindness 'ripple effect'. “The power of kindness can potentially rub off on other people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist other.” A 2018 study focused on employees at a Spanish company. Workers were asked to either a) perform acts of kindness for colleagues, or b) count the number of kind acts they received from coworkers. The results showed that those who received acts of kindness became happier, demonstrating the value of benevolence for the receiver. However, those who delivered the acts of kindness benefited even more than the receivers. That’s because not only did they show a similar trend towards increased happiness, but they also had an boost in life and job satisfaction, as well as a decrease in depression. Furthermore, the effects of altruism were contagious. Those colleagues on the receiving end of the acts of kindness ended up spontaneously paying it forward, themselves doing nice things for other colleagues. This study suggests the ripple effect really is one of the benefits of being nice. Kindness and psychological flourishing Further studies back up the power of kindness. In another, researchers asked members of the public to either perform acts of kindness – such as opening doors for strangers – for one month, or to perform kind acts for themselves, such as treating themselves to a new purchase. The researchers measured the participants’ level of so-called ‘psychological flourishing’ – their emotional, psychological, and social well-being at the start and end of the experiment. By the end, those who had carried out kind acts for others had higher levels of psychological flourishing compared to those who acted kindly towards themselves. Kindly acts also led to higher levels of positive emotions. MORE LIKE THIS: Why is volunteering important? These 7 reasons show the benefits Kindness: a peak inside the power of this simple action Human kindness: why we need it more than ever Meanwhile, another study incorporated cold hard cash to test the powers of altruism. Researchers gave participants either $5 or $20 which they had to spend on themselves or others before the end of the day. They measured the participants’ happiness levels before giving them the money and then called them on the phone in the evening. The results? Those who had spent the money on others were happier than those who'd used the money for their own needs. The physical effects of kindness So, science shows that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act. But what exactly is happening in the body? Here are four ways keys in which the physical benefits of kindness can be felt: 1. Kindness releases feel-good hormones When you do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high'. 2. Kindness can reduce anxiety Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Good to give: kindness benefits both the giver and receiver 3. Kindness may help alleviate certain illness Inflammation in the body is linked to numerous health problems including chronic pain, diabetes, obesity, and migraines. For older generations at least, volunteering as an act of kindness may be of benefit to reduce inflammation. In fact, according to one study of older adults aged 57-85, “volunteering manifested the strongest association with lower levels of inflammation.” Additionally, oxytocin, also released with acts of kindness, reduces inflammation, and it can directly affect the chemical balance of your heart. According to Dr. David Hamilton, “oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and therefore oxytocin is known as a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure).” 4. Kindness can reduce your stress levels Helping others takes you out of your own mind and can potentially help to build relationships with other people. Anything that helps you to build bonds with other people is known as 'affiliative behavior'. And, according to one study on the effects of pro-social behavior — action intended to help others on stress, “affiliative behavior may be an important component of coping with stress and indicate that engaging in pro-social behavior might be an effective strategy for reducing the impact of stress on emotional functioning.” “Science and studies show that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act.” Furthermore, once we establish an 'affiliative connection' with someone — a relationship of friendship, love, or other positive bonding — we feel emotions that can boost our immune system. So, it seems continued altruism can boost your happiness and improve relationships and connections, in turn indirectly boosting your health. Shifting to kindness So, knowing this, why aren't people benefiting from the power of kindness? Why aren’t more people making a conscious effort to change the lives of others? For one, in our fast-paced world, benevolence and compassion often end up taking a back seat to self-interest – and selfies. People don’t seem to take the time to stop and help others or even notice what’s going on as we're often wrapped up in our own lives. Helping hand: the power of kindness is proven Also, some people believe that showing kindness and compassion is a weakness and will only lead to being taken advantage of. But, the truth is, it’s in our human DNA to show kindness. In fact, we’re the only mammals with an extended gestation period, and while other animals rely on support for a short period before becoming self-reliant, we depend on the care of our caregivers to provide our needs. Indeed, kindness is fundamental to the human existence – we're literally wired for it. Kindness is not something that demands hard work or huge amounts of time. It’s something all of us can strive to achieve every day. And, knowing that the power of kindness and its benefits are immense for ourselves and not just the receiver, why wouldn’t you want to help others more? ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin is the happiness.com magazine editor, as well being an artist and lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Science says that showing kindness to others benefits both the receiver and the giver. With that in mind, Calvin Holbrook shares some great ideas for paying it forward. Spread some joy today and beyond with these 22 random acts of kindness. Daily life presents us with so many opportunities to show random acts of kindness to others. However, for a variety of reasons we often fail to have the awareness to notice the times when we could do so. Whether we are rushing around, staring at our devices, feeling grouchy, or simply not being mindful, we often fail to stop and sense opportunities to show kindness to strangers. A decreasingly kind society was one of the reasons why the Random Acts of Kindness Day takes place on 17 February each year. It's celebrated by individuals, groups and organizations worldwide, to encourage acts of kindness that spread happiness through communities. Indeed, the day represents 24 hours when people have the chance to focus on spreading love and joy to as many people as possible. However, we shouldn't just celebrate kindness on a single day. Incorporating altruism and random acts of kindness into your daily routine should be something which you live by. But why? Random acts of kindness: 22 ideas There are real benefits to showing kindness. Indeed, being kind is not just beneficial to the person on the receiving end of the good deed. In fact, showing kindness leads to scientifically-proven positive feelings for the giver and receiver. Researchers have proven that the power of kindness is potent, releasing happiness hormones that help to reduce stress and anxiety. Furthermore, a two-decade long study from the University of California, San Diego, showed that happiness is contagious. So, if you show one person a random act of kindness, they are likely to then pay it forward to someone else, creating a ripple effect. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Bearing this in mind, why not try to incorporate more altruistic acts into your daily routine? Here are 22 ideas for random acts of kindness you can try out that will help brighten someone else's day and make you feel good at the same time... 1. Compliment a stranger All humans seek connection, but in today's society it’s not easy to strike up a conversation with a total stranger without them doubting your intentions, even if you're just being nice. However, if you spot a someone in the street with a beautiful smile, face or jacket – or anything else that grabs your interest – point it out them in a polite and friendly manner. They’re sure to be flattered by your compliment and it may even lead to a deeper conversation or friendship. 2. Give up your seat on public transport Travelling to or from work on public transport is rarely pleasant, especially if you're stuck on your feet for the journey (or worse still, with someone's stinky armpit in your face). So, on your next bus or metro ride, if you’re lucky enough to have a seat, why not pass it to a stranger who looks like they need it more than you? The happiness you will spread from this random act of kindness will make standing up just that little bit more bearable. 3. Gift a book Do you have a favourite memoir, work of fiction, or self-help book that’s inspired you? Or, perhaps you have some mindfulness books or books on meditation that have helped you through tricky times? If so, instead of letting a great book gather dust on a shelf at home, pass those powerful pages onto someone you think could benefit from them. Also, suggest to your friend that once they’ve finished the book, they pass it on, too, keeping the kindness ripple effect flowing. Words work: gift a book as a random act of kindness shutterstock/Dymtro Zinkevych 4. Share your favorite song on social media Research suggests that listening to the music we love helps us to be kinder, creative and more helpful. In that case, share your favorite track on social media and maybe you can help spread some joy or even introduce your friends to some new sounds they will fall in love with. 5. Call a family member or friend In our increasingly busy world, it seems there’s never quite enough time to keep up with all of our loved-ones. Most of us know rely on instant messages or texts to communicate with friend and family but we should never underestimate the power of talking and listening to each other in an actual live phone call. So, ring or Skype a family member of friend you’ve been meaning to get in touch with for ages. Just pick up the phone and do it. And don't forget to tell them that you love them: hearing those three words will always brighten someone's day. • JOIN US! Find your tribe on happiness.com through shared passions • 6. Leave a sticky note for someone A quick, easy and fun random act of kindness idea is to write an uplifting message on a sticky note and leave it randomly on your travels for someone to discover. You could place it within a book, newspaper or on any public space. You could also try writing out mindfulness quotes or suicide prevention quotes on sticky notes, offering hope to people that might spot them. There are so many people living with anxiety and depression at the moment that it may just help them. “Random acts of kindness lead to scientifically-proven positive feelings, for both the giver and receiver.” Alternatively, get specific and leave a sticky smile or note for someone you already know: a colleague, housemate, partner or a family member. It's quick, cute and fun, and will lift them up. 7. Pick up litter Sadly, some people still think it's OK just to drop their trash on the floor and expect street cleaners to sweep it up. Rubbish is a blight on the neighborhood and a real eyesore, especially when out in nature. So, when you spot some rubbish on the floor, simply pick it up and put it in the nearest bin (followed by applying a spritz of hand sanitizer of course). This small, selfless act of goodwill makes you feel better and help improve the environment for everyone that follows you. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? For a deeper effect, join or set-up a litter-picking group volunteering session at your nearest park or beach. This activity benefits the community as a whole and also provides you with a chance to meet new, like-minded folk – that's a real win-win random act of kindness! Show goodwill by joining a litter-pick session shutterstock/Dragon Images 8. Leave food for a homeless person Lots of us feel misgivings about passing cash to the homeless when they ask for it: we wonder if they use that money for food or shelter or spend it on harmful things. Indeed, sadly, sometimes we now even have to question whether that person begging is really homeless at all. So, as an alternative to giving money, leave some fruit, nuts, or a sandwich – something nutritious. Or, leave some warm clothing, a clean blanket or hygiene supplies. A genuine homeless person will hopefully be full of gratitude for your act of goodwill. RELATED: 7 ways to choose kindness every day 9. Better still, talk with a homeless person Imagine having thousands of people walk past you daily, deliberately avoiding your gaze or looking at you with contempt or disgust. This is what homeless people go through every day. And, without the right safety nets, any one of us reading this could end up in this position, especially in these difficult and challenging times. So, take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity. This random act of kindness will certainly make them feel that little bit more human. 10. Brighten someone’s day with a plant Receiving a bunch of beautiful flowers is a lovely idea, but they die too fast! Instead, gifting a plant can be cheap and very cheerful. Indeed, plants are natural pick-me-ups, and, because they need care to survive, they encourage the nurturing side of humans. And you don't have to go far to find them – the recent trend for houseplants mean they are easier to find than ever, with lots of exotic varieties on offer in your local supermarket. “Take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask them how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity.” So, buy a houseplant for a friend or work colleague, or even give one anonymously by leaving it on someone's doorstep to increase the mystery of this random act of kindness. Or, why not be kind to yourself and treat yourself to a pretty plant: go on, you deserve it! Bloomin' marvellous: be kind and give a plant shutterstock/Beach Creatives 11. Donate to charity As spring approaches, it’s a great chance to have a big clear-out of your closet. So, spend a few hours rifling through your old clothes and donate a bag of your bits to your preferred charity shop. For the full double deed of kindness, while you’re dropping off your donation, consider buying something as well. Buying from charity shops instead of buying new is also great for the environment. 12. Leave some art for someone Another cool random act of kindness idea is to use your creativity to change someone’s day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community and let someone randomly discover and enjoy it. The surprise will be sure to put a grin on their face. • JOIN US! Sign up and join our curious, caring and inspirational online community! • 13. Cakes for colleagues Whip up some sweet treats in the oven and bring them into the workplace to share with your colleagues (yes, even those that you don’t always see eye-to-eye with – showing compassion is good for you). The fact that you’ve personally made something to share will make all the difference, too. Can't cook? Then splurge down the bakery instead as a plan B. The bonus of this random act of kindness is that you will also be able to get to munch on the cakes. 14. Send a postcard to someone you love Remember snail mail? Do you recall the joy of seeing a handwritten letter pop through the letterbox and land on your doormat? In this digital age, handwritten letters have almost been wiped out, so, let's change that. It doesn’t matter if you’re not away on holiday – and let's face it, at the moment that's more and more unlikely – you can still drop someone a handwritten note. “Another cool random act of kindness is to use your creativity to change someone's day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community for people to appreciate.” So, even if you're at home, pop out and buy a nice postcard, a stamp, and spend a couple of minutes penning some loving lines to someone you care about. They're sure to get a buzz when your goodwill wishes land on their mat! Postcard it forward: get crafty to be kind 15. Buy local OK, we've all bought from Amazon to get a cheap deal, and many of us will have gone crazy on it during lockdown. But skip Amazon for the day. Support your nearby community by buying something from a local independent – either in person or through its website. Of course, it may be a little more expensive, but your purchase will help support local businesses and their families, rather than one fat cat receiving all the profits. 16. Have a judgement-free day Many of us tend to judge people instantly. From how they look, what they're wearing, or because of things they've said that we don't agree with or decisions made. Try to live a day free of judgement: in thoughts, words and actions. Don't let your fears or insecurities affect how you're thinking. 17. Connect with those that serve others When buying or ordering something, we often fail to engage fully with those behind the counter. So, next time you stop for gas, coffee or food, chat with your server. Ask them how their day is going, what time they clock off, or compliment them on something. And certainly don't browse the web or chat on your mobile phone while they're serving you: that's just plain rude. 18. Buy energy-efficient lightbulbs Have you seen the light yet? If you haven’t done so already, show some kindness to yourself and the environment by ensuring all your lightbulbs in your home are energy efficient. While they may seem more expensive, switching to energy efficient lighting is one of the best ways to cut your energy bill in the long-run. Plus, you don’t have to replace them so often. 19. Speak with a senior Research suggests that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, if you have some elderly neighbours, pop round to have a chat over a cuppa. Or, if you see a senior in a shop or street and there’s a way to engage with them, do so. Sometimes, the elderly don’t speak to people for days on end and their only contact is through going shopping. Remember: we're all going to get old one day and that you could be you in a similar position in the future. Help the aged: connect with your elders shutterstock/halfpoint 20. Pay it forward with a coffee A tried and tested idea for an act of random kindness, offering to pay for the caffeine fix of someone else in the queue is an inexpensive and easy way of spreading some cheer. It's quick and gets immediate results (mine's a soya flat white, thanks!). 21. Be kind on social media Twitter and Facebook can be full of negativity, bitter trolls and oneupmanship. At the same time, we often get in the habit of breezing through social media posts and articles without actually reading things properly. Change all that by being nice. If you read a social media post or a well-written article that touches you, take a few seconds to leave a positive comment and let the author know. Why not start by telling us what you think of this article below? 22. Our final random act of kindness: share this post! Speaking of sharing, your last act of random kindness could be to share this article on social media and help to spread love and happiness as far and wide as possible. Let's all try to make a difference together! ● Main image: Oksana Mizina/Shutterstock.com How many of these random acts of kindness ideas have you tried? How did they go? Has anyone ever surprised you with one of these tips? happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Altruism | Deep listening | Purpose of life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes collage artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

If you're feeling unhappiness in your work life, there are six things you need to find. Dee Marques explores how you can achieve them, becoming happier in the workplace and your career, while encouraging your colleagues to do the same. Work: we all need it, but given the chance, how many of us would willingly do it if we didn’t? Our work is the place where we often spend one third of our day, so how we feel about it can have a serious impact on our overall psychological well-being. But, as we'll see, unhappiness at work is actually commonplace. So, how we can change that? Studies confirm that being unhappy at work over a period of time is linked to feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, stress and sleep problems, as well as higher chances of developing high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues – so avoiding being miserable at work is a serious matter. However, sometimes we have to accept jobs we’d rather not be doing – the famous “but it pays the bills”. And, truth be told, few people would describe their work environment as being a truly happy place. Indeed, being dissatisfied and unhappy at work has become so common that finding joy in the workplace is almost seen as some sort of luxury. In fact, in the US, nearly half of the workforce claims to be unhappy at work, and the figure is almost identical in the UK, suggesting a happy workplace is uncommon. Unhappy at work? The 6 things you need to find What if achieving happiness at work was more than wishful thinking? If you find the going-back-to-work Monday Blues tends to extend over your entire working week, then read on for our six steps to achieving real happiness in your job. 1. Purpose Purpose is one of the most important factors when it comes to finding happiness at work. Indeed, purpose or meaning ranks high when it comes to achieving a joyful life in general, therefore it’s not surprising that the same applies to finding real happiness in your job, too. In fact, a feeling of purpose of life has been linked to higher motivation, commitment and productivity, all of which are positive emotional states that can contribute to happiness and, by extension, stop you being unhappy in your workplace. Purpose in careers, such as nursing, means happy work You can try to find purpose at work by thinking about what your job means when the greater good comes into the picture. If you're working in the 'helping' or 'saving' professions – a teacher, nurse, doctor, soldier, etc, then this shouldn't be difficult, but meaningful work isn't restricted to these types of professions. Sometimes it's not easy to discover the purpose in your work, but with just a bit of consideration, things become clear. Even work considered menial by others can have a greater purpose. For example, think about the people who built great European monuments, like cathedrals and bridges. Their work would have been physically demanding and they may not have loved it, but they built something that was enjoyed for many generations to come. If you're struggling to find meaning in your work, take some time to consider it more deeply. Furthermore, taking personal responsibility for your professional growth can also help you find meaning and purpose, so set your own goals and make sure they’re aligned with meaningful values. Indeed, if you can find an employer that shares your values, then you're on the way to becoming a happier employee. 2. Engagement Feeling that your work day is plagued by apathy, finding excuses to go on yet another coffee break, arriving late or leaving early, starting a task then jumping away to browse the web… do any of these things sound familiar? These are all signs of disengagement at work and should be addressed as they can lead to unhappiness, depression and even health-related issues. In fact, a 2015 Gallup survey shows that disengagement or feeling disconnected from work can lead to many health issues. For example, comparing engaged and disengaged employees in the United States, 56 per cent of the latter claimed to be stressed every day (compared with 36 per cent of those engaged), 23 per cent were more likely to be in pain (compared to 14 per cent), and 16 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with depression (compared to nine per cent). “A feeling of purpose has been linked to higher motivation, commitment, and productivity, all of which can stop you being unhappy in the workplace.” To stop this from taking away your chance of finding happiness in your career, try to find the source of disengagement. Maybe you feel that your skills are not used to the fullest, or you feel stuck in a rut. Set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager. When you do so, explain that you’d like to be challenged and do more for the company, as this is likely to be well received. 3. Kindness A kind workplace is a happy workplace, or has more chances of being so. Your relationship with coworkers is closely connected to overall job satisfaction, and if that relationship is strained or marked by hostility or competition, it can affect your emotions. This makes sense considering that you’re probably spending 40 hours a week – or more – in close contact. Staying engaged depends on your work satisfaction In fact, poor workplace relationships are one of the most common complaints and a leading cause of work-related stress and unhappiness on the job. It’s also worth mentioning that some studies have found that feeling lonely or isolated at work also has a negative impact on job performance. RELATED: Compassion at work Acts of kindness are an easy and quick way to build a positive work environment. Indeed, small gestures can go a long way. Going to the kitchen to make a drink? Make sure you ask your colleagues if they want anything too (and wipe clean the microwave while you're there, even if you didn't make the mess!). Heading on holiday? Bring a few treats back and leave them in the office kitchen or communal area. Small gestures of kindness create positivity and, in fact, boost productivity. “If you're unhappy at work, set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager.” Indeed, research from the Association of Professional Executives of the Public Service of Canada (APEX) showed that incivility has “profound implications on the level of energy, emotional engagement, and performance of work teams.” Its study found that teams in a respectful environment: Have 26 per cent more energy. Are 30 per cent more likely to feel motivated and enthusiastic about acquiring new skills and being exposed to new ideas. Express 36 per cent more satisfaction with their jobs and are 44 per cent more committed to their companies. 4. Flexibility The working world is becoming increasingly flexible with the growth of options like freelancing, working from home, job sharing, and the compressed working week. Of course, flexi-work comes with its pros and cons: key advantages include reduced commuting expenses and freedom to meet personal/family needs, while common downsides are learning to deal with distractions, isolation, and sticking to a schedule. However, importantly, flexibility at work can help achieve a good work-life balance and contribute to a happy workplace. Indeed, research studies have linked workplace flexibility to individual and team effectiveness, stress reduction, and greater commitment to the job. Balancing act: flexible working is on the up If you think more freedom and flexibility can help you can relieve your unhappiness at work, approach your employer to see how they feel about flexi-work, highlighting the benefits and your willingness to help create a happy workplace that is conducive to productivity. More and more employers are open to flexible working hours and realizing the potential it has for creating happy employees. Indeed, companies are now toying with the idea of introducing four-day working weeks, with some showing positive results in trials. There's emerging evidence that a compressed working week can boost both productivity and happiness in workers. For example, Pursuit Marketing in Glasgow, Scotland, switched 120 people to a four-day week in late 2016 and claims it has been key in a 30 per cent productivity rise. And in January 2019 the Wellcome Trust became the biggest UK employer to jump on the bandwagon when it announced it was considering switching 800 staff to a four-day working week. Let's hope this is one particular fad that catches on! 5. Appreciation Not feeling appreciated is one of the main reasons why people become unhappy and quit their jobs, as it can be both demoralising and frustrating. Not feeling appreciated at work can appear in many ways: your manager not paying attention to you, not being paid what you deserve, or not receiving credit for work (worse still: someone else taking credit for your ideas). Sometimes it can be the case that employers genuinely don't care about their employees, but it's better to first give the benefit of the doubt: often managers are so busy they haven't realised they've been neglecting you. If you're not feeling appreciated, you need to speak with them or human resources directly and ask for regular, six-month reviews to discuss how you're progressing in your role and the company. Kindness pays: be nice to colleagues and create a happy workplace Prepare well for your meeting and draw up a list of what you want to discuss and all your recent achievements (to jog your manager’s memory of your fantastic work), especially if you're going to ask for a pay rise. As well as discussing your strengths, do find out any areas where you can develop further. While you're waiting for your chance to shine, you can still show your appreciation for your coworkers, who may also be wondering how to be happy at work. This can help generate a more positive work atmosphere and create a happy workplace where people feel valued. The link between giving and happiness is well documented, since studies show that being generous increases personal happiness, and this includes giving intangible things like our time or appreciation for others. 6. Resilience Stress, uncertainty and unhappiness cannot be completely avoided in the workplace, so the best thing you can do is grow stronger to cope with professional setbacks. In other words, cultivate resilience. This doesn’t mean putting up with what you dislike, as this would only make you feel more disengaged, but rather to change your mindset. RELATED: Mindfulness at work Instead, focus on being adaptable and start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience. In fact, any stress management technique can help build resilience, as you’ll be in control instead of letting workplace stressors take over your mood. You can also invest in activities that strengthen your inner self, whether than means going on a retreat, taking up yoga, or a creative hobby. Work and career unhappiness: final thoughts If you're struggling with feeling unhappy or miserable on the job, take your time to incorporate these six factors – which are some of the many building blocks of happiness – into your professional life. Take your time to work on purpose, engagement, kindness, flexibility, appreciation and resilience, and your efforts will pay off: finding happiness at work will also reflect in other aspects of your life. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pressmaster happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Stress management | Healthy habits | Burnout Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Imagine a world with fairly distributed wealth and a happy, enriched workforce. These are two of the aims of Buddhist economics. Ed Gould delves into the background of this economic model and asks whether it can ever become a reality. Economic life may be something that seems out of our control. Indeed, the forces of macroeconomics can appear akin to a tsunami that individuals can do little about. And yet, even an enormous wave is made up of single drops of water. Individuals can decide how they spend, save and deal with the world from a financial point of view. Essentially, Buddhist economics looks at finances from a spiritual and ethical angle. Economics is studied from the standpoint of human psychology and how natural emotive reactions can direct a range of economic activities. So, what exactly is Buddhist economics? One Sri Lankan economist has described a Buddhist economic system as something that “has its foundations in the development of a co-operative and harmonious effort”. Writing in 1976, Neville Karunatilake said that the ideal place to operate in this way was within a “group living” setting. Perhaps building on the ashram idea of communal living espoused by Gandhi, Tolstoy and others, this approach would lead to a diminished level of “selfishness and acquisitive pursuits” which might have been seen in the days the Buddhist king Ashoka's rule. Referring back to a pre-industrial time, many classically trained economists might easily miss the point of what Buddhist economics can mean for the 21st-century world. However, as we shall see, Buddhist ideas about economics have developed throughout the world over the last few decades. This is partly because people are increasingly aware of the fragility of the global financial system and because of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet. In an attempt to address these issues, some economists have tried to look at the principles behind Buddhist ethical teachings and apply them to areas like work, productivity, commerce and even concepts such as ownership. After all, it was the ethical nature of Buddhism that led Ashoka to invest in public works programmes such as those which built hospitals, hostels and parks. “Buddhist ideas about economics have developed over the last few decades partly because people are increasingly aware of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet.” Building interest in the ethical dimension of Buddhist economics, the first international conference of its type was held in the city of Budapest in 2007. Further such conventions, which look into all aspects of Buddhist economic thought, from increasing happiness to facing up to the economic challenges of Western economies, have since taken place. How did Buddhist economics get to this level of acceptance among modern academics? Not child's play: Buddhist economics isn't easy to implement The development of Buddhist economics According to the Buddhist writer, P A Payutto, the traditional study of economics has avoided vital questions about human morality and ethical considerations. However, as ecological concerns have become more critical in the eyes of many people around the globe, so ever-increasing growth – something that most capitalist economies rely upon – has become seen as negative. Therefore, alternatives economic views have become increasingly mainstream. Both right and left wing economic views have, according to the zero-growth economic models espoused by certain green politicians, got little to offer regarding preserving the world's resources. Buddhist economics fits into that tradition and has been gaining more significant attention since Payutto started publishing in the 1990s. RELATED: Spending money – can you buy yourself happiness? The idea of Buddhist economics was first espoused in the 20th century by E F Schumacher, a German statistician, who came up with his ideas while travelling through southeast Asia. Schumacher ended up being an economic advisor to Prime Minister U Nu of what was then Burma. His idea was to reject the economic theories of both Karl Marx and Adam Smith, both of whom focussed on units of labour as being the primary economic drivers in any economic model. Instead, Schumacher espoused a view of economics from a Buddhist point of view. Essentially, Schumacher opted to redefine work from something that could be sold, for example to employers, or exploited, through slavery or unpaid labour, as well as choosing to view it as something that did not necessarily need to be conducted most efficiently. In other words, his view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one. When work works: we should be enriched by our labour efforts Let's look at what Schumacher means by taking an example. In a factory, the most efficient way of making an item for sale into the wider economy might be to divide the labour up so that each worker does a repetitive task over and over. This simplifies their job function, makes the production method more predictable and lowers costs, especially if production is speeded up significantly. The outcome might be that the factory owner makes more money with such a system. Henry Ford, the American car maker, is often cited as a pioneer of these sorts of workplace practices which were developed for economic reasons. Schumacher turns that idea on its head. He put forward the idea that work should not be measured by economic output. “In other words, Schaumacher's view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one.” Indeed, according to his Buddhist principle, work is there to offer a worker the chance to utilise and develop all of his faculties, not just one or two key skills. Also, this will enable a worker to overcome egocentric ideas, mainly when work is conducted with other people in a common task, for example, building a house together. Crucially, Schumacher stated that work should “bring forth the goods and services needed for a becoming existence”. In other words, work ought to create enough economic output to sustain life but no more. Working just to accumulate more and more wealth is pointless from a spiritual perspective. Being rich is, in other words, counterproductive. Economic problems and Buddhist solutions Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all. If the system could crash and the money supply seize up once, then could it do so again? In addition, the rise of China as a global economic force – a country that does not run on liberal economic models – has caused some people to think that the way things have been done does not mean that is the way they must continue. The world becomes more global in its inter-connectedness, so goods move more rapidly and resources are used up. Some see the emergence of nationalism in recent years as a direct result of global economic trends over which local communities have little control. Global economic challenges like these can be met by Buddhist teachings. Not only do they convey the idea that man is interdependent on his fellow man, but that overproduction for the sake of economic growth is undesirable. “Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all.” According to Clair Brown, an economics professor at UC Berkeley and the director of the Center for Work, Technology and Society, students she teaches are focussed on the tremendous economic inequalities that globalization has produced. In a world where the richest one per cent of the population own half of all the wealth, it's clear that inequality – and abject poverty – is rife. Rise above? Buddhist economics could challenge poverty Brown teaches that happiness, founded on less inequality, and the simple act of helping each other with compassion is the answer to these undeniable economic challenges. She puts forward the idea that economists must let go of the principle that people are fundamentally selfish and that they will always choose the best economic outcome for themselves. By studying cities in the so-called Rust Belt of America, she points out that economists must work in a way that is “compatible with what neuroscientists are finding out about people’s well-being and the way minds work.” How can mankind and our planet benefit? The economic challenges of poverty, inequality, globalization and ecology can all be met by adopting a Buddhist approach to economics, so its proponents claim. On ecology, for example, Professor Brown cites the withdrawal by the US from the Paris Accords as something that does not ascribe to Buddhist teachings of being mindful of others. RELATED: Six science-backed benefits of living a simple life Man can benefit from adopting Buddhist economics because of self-interest, so inherent in Western economic models, is illusory. Instead of bartering for the best deal, the approach should be to adopt an economic model of mutual reciprocity. Why? Because we feel negative about ourselves and others in the former model and a higher degree of happiness and inner peace with the latter. Imagine what could be achieved by humans if everyone just got on better with one another because they felt less pressured to make a few pounds? From a global point of view, this would bring about a deceleration in the exploitation of the Earth's valuable resources, helping to make economic life sustainable not just for today but for future generations. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Work life balance | Biology | Community living Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

In today's noisy and unsettling world, in can be difficult to find inner peace and tranquility. Dee Marques explores the three key techniques that can help: mindfulness, shadow work and cultivating equanimity. It’s true that human history has always been marked by unsavoury events, but perhaps you share the feeling that these days, conflict, hatred, and violence suddenly seem to be all around us. Feeling you don’t really know what’s happening to the world is deeply unsettling and can threaten your inner peace and happiness. Yet, there are things you can do to counteract these emotions. Here are some ideas on how you can promote inner peace within yourself – and with others – regardless of how uncertain the world around us may be. Finding inner peace When dealing with hatred and violence, finding ways to promote inner peace requires mindful action. Here are the three key techniques you can use to try and find that inner calm and quiet. 1. Mindfulness Our first suggestion is to practise mindfulness. Not just because of its ability to transform your inner self, but because it can change your perception of the world, too. Indeed, scientific studies have shown that regular mindfulness practice appears to shrink the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls feelings of fear), while at the same time activating the pre-frontal cortex, which is associated with decision-making and awareness. All this means that mindfulness can help us regulate our emotions instead of simply reacting to triggers. It also helps us make more balanced judgements about what’s going on around us, as well as inside us. Discover some great mindfulness tips, such as mindful eating and drinking, gratitude walks and creating a start-of-the-day ritual. Finding inner peace through gratitude walks 2. Shadow work When it comes to finding inner peace and calm, our second suggestion is to engage in shadow work. This transformational practice is based on the idea that our feelings and perceptions about ourselves dominate the way we feel and act towards others. The shadow is the “negative you” or “your dark side”. With shadow work, instead of pushing it to the back of your mind or repressing it (as most of us feel tempted to do), you should explore it. This helps you to learn more about your own prejudices and misconceptions. The basic outline of shadow work looks like this: Acknowledge the negative emotions triggered by some people, news or events. Connect with your shadow and establish a conversation with it. What is it trying to achieve? Is its overall intention positive or negative? In most cases, your shadow holds on to negative emotions to protect you from harm. Can you find other ways of achieving the same without getting caught in a negative circle or without blaming others? Last but not least, remember that peace is not a goal that can be reached through certain mediums, but rather peace is the medium itself. In other words, use peace to bring inner peace by showing kindness and consideration towards your body and mind. For example, loving-kindness meditation has been proven to reduce self-criticism, promote peace with ourselves and others, and generate positive feelings towards strangers. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Loving kindness meditation for inner peace YouTube/LovingKindnessMeditation 3. Cultivating equanimity Cultivating equanimity can also help you to find inner peace and also peace with the outside world. Equanimity is one of the Four Sublime States in the Buddhist tradition, and the word derives from Sanskrit expression that means “to see without interference”. Equanimity is also defined as even-mindedness, a balanced reaction to both positive and negative events or thoughts, and the ability to achieve a state of mind that cannot be affected by bias and prejudice, but that's driven by compassion instead. “Finding ways to promote peace requires mindful action. Basically, you’ll need to disarm the inner world first in order to disarm the outer world.” Cultivating equanimity involves re-wiring your brain through conscious practise. Yoga (especially gratitude yoga) provides the ideal conditions to work on this. Find your equanimity mantra (something that reminds you of the need to stay unbiased), start your yoga session, and take note of any negative reactions triggered by thoughts or people you dislike. Keep referring to your equanimity mantra while acknowledging that you are responsible for your own happiness and peace of mind. Finding peace in the outside world Of course, we should all do our best not only to promote inner peace in our minds, but also in the outside world. To do that, you don’t need to make grand gestures. As Buddhist author and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Learn the art of making one person happy, and you will learn to express your love for the whole of humanity and all beings.” So, here are 10 easy-to-put-into-action gestures of peace and kindness: Send a heart-felt handwritten card to a friend or relative Compliment a colleague and express how much you appreciate them Offer a small gift (e.g. fruit, biscuits) to the person who delivers your post Donate to a charity shop Volunteering is important. Try it at a shelter or soup kitchen Offer your place in the queue to the person behind you (or try another random act of kindness) Track down an old teacher or lecturer, and send them a note of appreciation Bake some treats and take them to work to share with colleagues Let another driver into your lane Strike up a conversation with a homeless person Meditation can help you to cultivate inner peace shuttertsock/Jack Frog When it comes to finding inner peace and calm in troubled times, it’s important to resist isolation, even if this seems to go against our most basic instincts. For example, you could get involved in community-building initiatives, as this can help establish meaningful conversations with those who hold different views. You can also join non-violence organizations, or learn more about how prejudice and stereotypes affect us by signing up to prejudice reduction workshops or seminars in your local area or online. Conclusions: finding inner peace Finding kindness and peace within yourself and in the world won’t happen overnight, but mindfulness practise, shadow work, cultivating equanimity, and resisting isolation are within the path to hope and joy. To cope with the troubled times we're currently living in, you’ll need to be persistent and willing to challenge your inner self. ● Main image: shutterstock/marvent happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | | Meditation | Volunteering Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

We often forget to be kind to ourselves, but being good to yourself is essential says psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović. Discover eight self-love techniques – such as forgiveness and setting boundaries – and improve your emotional well-being. 'Please be good to yourself' is something we would like to say to our loved ones when we witness them beating themselves up. Yet, we rarely take our own advice. Unlike compassion, self-kindness often feels unnatural. In today’s society of achievements, we succumb to rationing self-love as if it were something that needs to be painstakingly deserved. However, it is not. Self-love is dynamic and expands as we grow psychologically. It is not something that you can attain through a makeover, inspirational read, career achievements, or a new relationship. It is not simply feeling good or motivated to take on the world. It is knowing and accepting yourself, being comfortable with who you are. Being good to yourself means being autonomous and centred in your life purpose and values. This article will explore the science behind self-love and self-kindness, and give you eight research-based tips on how to be good to yourself. Why being good to yourself is essential Being good to yourself is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions. The reason? It is an essential ingredient of well-being. Through self-love, both our minds and our bodies can function optimally. For a long time, researchers and practitioners were aware of the effects of self-kindness on psychological and physical health. A recent study revealed the mechanism behind its benefits. Being good to oneself switches off our threat response, calms our heart rate, and, overall, enables us to respond flexibly to situations. Be good to yourself: self-love is essential for well-being shutterstock/kues The threat (or, the fight or flight) response to stressful situations is adaptive to a point. However, for a modern human, on most occasions, this reaction is overly intensive. After all, there isn’t a prehistoric carnivore chasing us. So, consistently practising self-love and managing to switch this extreme automatic reaction off boosts our immune system. By doing so, we give ourselves the best chance of healing and prospering. Be good to yourself: 8 self-love techniques For the majority of people, the habit of being unconstructively self-critical is deeply engrained in their psyche. Most of us expect to see results (educational, professional, or social achievements) before we can begin to love ourselves. So, being good to yourself probably won’t become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it. Here are eight techniques you can easily incorporate into your life. Try them and hopefully you will start to see a difference. 1. Practise mindfulness Even though it’s not a panacea, mindfulness remains at the top of the list of beneficial techniques in a variety of situations. It teaches us to observe our inner world without judgement. If you want to be good to yourself, fist yu need to accept whatever it may be that you’re feeling or thinking. Mindfulness gives us the necessary self-esteem and unconditional self-acceptance we need to feel comfortable with ourselves. 2. Be honest about your weaknesses Not being perfect stings. We know. We all have an image of the ideal self in our heads. Looking at the discrepancy between who we are and who we want to be is unpleasant at the very least. Nonetheless, to be good to yourself doesn’t mean lying, flattering, or turning a blind eye to your shortcomings. Self-love means not bashing yourself over your flaws. It means building a healthier response to your failures and imperfections. Accepting that you’re not impeccable will gradually lead you to a realistic image of your self-worth. 3. Speak sincere words of self-acceptance Once you’ve brought your weaknesses and emotions to the light of the day through being mindful and truthful, you can begin to shift your attitude. When you ignore or deny your limitations, you are giving the power away. Because you don’t want that, it’s time to come up with affirmations that will resonate with your true self. “'Be good to yourself' is much more than a phrase. It is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions.” For example, you might be facing a difficult task. Trying to convince yourself that the idea of giving up does not tempt you probably won’t work. Instead, you could try saying: “Even though this feels hard, I will be gentle with myself and simply do my best”. If you’re struggling with creating your genuine self-love statements, try thinking about what you would need to hear from someone else. What kind of supportive sentence would you believe in? 4. Forgive and self-forgive Forgiveness liberates. It’s a pearl of ancient wisdom with strong support in modern-day research. An extensive review of studies on forgiveness found that if we find it in ourselves to replace the unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal. Letting go of resentment means to be good to yourself. And what about self-forgiveness? When you forgive yourself, you open the doors to growing as a person. Whether you’re feeling guilty for hurting another, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for holding on to unhealthy habits, let go of self-hate. Forgiving yourself frees you from unconstructive self-condemnation. 5. Know your values To be good to yourself means more than self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. It means working towards fulfilling your purpose as well. Once you’ve come to peace with who you are and abandoned self-loathing, the need to realise your potentials will naturally come to the front. Forgiveness is a big part of self-love and being good to yourself shutterstock/HBRH This is when you need to be clear on what your core values are. You can try one of the life coaching tools freely available such as the “What I really value in life” or “Values and purpose” exercise to help you define what it is that moves you. 6. Practise good self-care Self-love and good self-care are closely connected. You are more likely to make healthy lifestyle choices when you’re happy with yourself and your life. This association can also work the other way round. If you commit to taking good care of yourself, you will build the basis for loving yourself more. Be good to yourself, eat healthily, exercise, sleep better, surround yourself with well-minded people, and pursue interests. But remember, it’s also very important not to be harsh on yourself when you fail to do those things. Being a perfectionist will only cause you to beat yourself up, instead of making you feel good. 7. Stop comparing yourself In the age of social media and all-around self-promotion, our natural inclination to compare ourselves to others has become enormously amplified. We all know that people carefully edit what they display online (and in person, for that matter). Nonetheless, we are still affected by the contrast between our real lives and what we see out there. “'Being good to yourself probably won't become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it.” Comparing yourself to others can make you vulnerable to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. So, stop doing it. Spend your energy on living intentionally instead. 8. Set boundaries We all do it sometimes – we bend over backwards. We do it for our career, friends, family, or simply because we were raised to do so. Although it is praiseworthy to be selfless, the truth is – you cannot live a healthy life without healthy limits. Well-being depends on feeling like you’re in control and being assertive (among other things, of course). Therefore, you cannot keep pulling out all your stops for every single person or project. You need to set boundaries and protect your integrity. Make your love for yourself a lifelong romance As you might have noticed, we’re not proposing narcissistic self-love based on a delusory image of your saint-like grandness — quite the opposite. The foundation of self-love is authenticity. So, to love yourself, know yourself. Accept, do not judge - but always seek ways to grow and improve. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. Live a life that is in line with your values and work towards your ideal self. In that way, self-love becomes the spring from which your contribution to the world will flow. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online Academy classes Healthy habits | Self care | Quality time Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Practising forgiveness is a key way to cultivate deeper happiness. However, forgiving someone – or yourself – isn't always easy. Here, Arlo Laibowitz shares some great steps on how to make the process easier, enabling you to let go of suffering and move on with your life. To live is to get hurt. We've all been in the situation that we feel that others have done us wrong: by their words, their actions, or even worse, their indifference. And then there are the things we regret doing or saying ourselves. The saying goes, 'to forgive and forget', but in practice, we tend to hold on to our feelings of hurt and resentment. Forgiveness: what exactly is it? How can we forgive others, and ourselves, for good? What is genuine forgiveness? And how does forgiving help us to lead happier and more peaceful lives? Forgiveness is defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to let go of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you. Forgiveness is not forgetting, or condoning or excusing offences. It is what we do for ourselves to get well and move on. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } XX How to practise forgiveness How to forgive someone: 12 steps According to author and Buddhist practitioner Jack Kornfield, we can forgive by following these 12 steps: Understand what forgiveness is and what it is not. Feel the suffering in yourself of holding on to your lack of forgiveness. Reflect on the benefits of a loving heart. Discover that it is not necessary to be loyal to your suffering. Understand that forgiveness is a process. Set your intention for forgiveness. Learn the inner and outer forms of forgiveness. Start the easiest way, by forgiving an ‘easy’ individual. Be willing to grieve. Forgiveness includes all dimensions of life, including the body, mind, emotions, and interpersonal. Forgiveness involves a shift of identity, to our capacity for love, freedom and good. Forgiveness involves perspective. Forgive and forget someone in nine simple steps shutterstock/fizkes The nine-steps forgiveness program On a more practical level, when it comes to knowing how to forgive someone there are clear steps to be followed, as outlined by Fred Luskin of Stanford University. He outlined a forgiveness program that helps us to take things less personally, blaming others less, and offering more understanding and compassion to others, and to ourselves: Know how you feel and be able to express what you do not consider acceptable about the situation or behaviour. Commit yourself to feel better. Forgiveness is a personal process. Forgiveness does not have to mean reconciliation or condoning the actions of the person that has grieved you. Forgiveness is about peace and understanding and taking things less personally. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Practice stress management to soothe flight or fight, by doing mindful breathing exercises, taking a walk, or whatever else works. Give up expecting things from your life or other people that they do not give you. Put your energy into looking for ways to get your positive goals met, instead of focusing on the experience that has hurt you. Remember that a well-lived life is an ultimate revenge: look for love, beauty, and kindness. Put energy into appreciating what you have instead of what you don’t have. Amend the way you look at your past; cherish your forgiveness. Research has shown that as we forgive, we are less susceptible to stress, anger and hurt. Once we have learnt how to forgive, it becomes easier to do that in new situations and induces more optimism. Practising forgiveness is one of the essential ways we can lead more meaningful lives. By gifting ourselves the gift of forgiveness, we can live more loving, more compassionate, and ultimately, happier lives. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Telling your kids 'no' often makes them only rebel more. So, what's the best way to deal with curious children when problems arise? Indian spiritual leader KAMLESH D. PATEL aka Daaji says it's time to stop nagging and start guiding... Parenthood isn't always a walk in the park! Here, spiritual leader and parent Daaji shares his advice on how to deal with a couple of common parenting issues, asked by author and educator Anuradha Bhatua. Anuradha Bhatua: Can we speak about the relationship between parents and teenagers? I have two children, and during their adolescence, they always felt, “We are right, mummy and papa are wrong. We are being curbed.” And this is the age when they are rebellious. For everything, the answer is, “No, I will not do it. My friend’s parents let them do this, you don’t let me do it, you are wrong.” And this is also the age when there is a little separation or distance developing between adolescent children and parents. What is your advice on this, and how do you mend this relationship? Daaji: “You cannot manhandle children at that age. If you are too strong they will break. If you are too weak they will become spoilt. The most important thing is how you prepare them for the future from day one. You cannot expect to see a change in them when they have turned 12 or 13. “There is no easy solution. We have to support them to a certain extent, for example, “I don’t mind you going out, but by this time you should come back.” Does that mean they will postpone or pre-pone the activities which are not so good? We don’t know. We have to trust them also. Have confidence that they will not do anything wrong. Be careful, but not too careful “If you constantly nag them and warn them, it frustrates them. Over carefulness from the parents’ side destroys the relationship. Be careful, but don’t show it. Be very subtle, and share stories with them – beautiful stories, inspiring stories. The problem is that we have stopped reading stories to them at bedtime. Even when they are 13, 14, 15 or 18 – why not even when they are at 30 – share a nice story with them. Share a nice joke with them. That will make them think. This rhythm has to be placed in their hearts from a young age. Daaji: “When they are teenagers, an inner awakening is there in them, and they are slowly shifting mentally and emotionally from their dependence on their parents to their own self.” “When children are awake, we can intensify their observational capacity, starting with how a flower blooms, how the stars shine – keep them busy with inspiring things. Let them count the stars. It is a beautiful moment actually. Let them see the leaves changing colors every day. Take the child every day to the same tree or plant and say, 'Look at this tree. We’ll come back tomorrow and we will see the color.' Continuously keep at these activities. Bring a coffee cup, fill it with soil, put some seeds in the soil, and see how new life sprouts. This training in observation that we give right from the beginning is very important.” Use nature and plants to train your children in the powers of observation Guide them in the right direction “Now, all this is up to a certain age. Afterwards we can teach them regularity in life: to wake up early in the morning, how to sit, how to talk, the kind of music to listen to, etc. This rhythm has to be placed in their hearts from a young age. When they are teenagers, an inner awakening is there in them, and they are slowly shifting mentally and emotionally from their dependence on their parents to their own self. They are searching, and they are discovering things. Our job is to guide them in the right direction. “Don’t be bossy. Don’t lecture them. If your child says, 'I want to try this out,' you can say, 'OK, go ahead. Let’s see what happens.' Don’t always be so negative. Don’t always question, ´What were you doing?´ You're putting your child on the defensive. You are teaching them how to lie. You could say instead, 'I wish I had known; I would have picked you up, my son or my daughter.' “Conversation is important, and communication is very important. Joking is the most important thing. Jokes that you used to share with little children do not need to stop as they become teenagers. Story sharing can continue. When you read a profound philosophical message from any source, share it with them with a lot of joy: 'My child, listen to this, how wonderful it is.'” Mistakes happen: don't worry “And when they do something wrong, it's not the end of the world. Children are not stupid. They know that they have made a mistake, but we make it worse by reminding them, 'You see what you have done? I knew you were going to do this.' Then they rebel. They already know that they have made a mistake and feel bad about it; now you're rubbing salt into the wound. “You have to be sympathetic in a very indirect way also. Behave as though you don’t know anything, because their pride is riding high at that time. They don’t want to show their mistakes to the parents whom they adore so much. Indeed, 'I don’t want to let my parents down' is also there. Even though a child may be going haywire, this inner sense is always prevailing. That is why they lie. That is why they hide. Otherwise, if they were so proud of their actions they would do it right in front of you. Their conscience is still active, still alive. Daaji: “Conversation is important, and communication is very important. Joking is the most important thing.” “But there are many parents these days who rear their children according to their desire and passion. So what is your desire, what is your passion, what do you want to create in your child? How are you going to design the destiny of your child? As your children grow, at every age, your approach to them must change. Once those children become adults and marry, they have their own lives, so why interfere? When they come to you, be the best you can be. Give the best you can, but there is no point interfering. Nagging them does not work: 'You must do this; you must not do that.' Don’t give them the chance to say you are stupid.” Educate yourself and embrace change “Also, be ahead of your children at the technological level, at the knowledge level. We stop learning things, and that is why our children are able to say, 'Oh! You don’t even know this!' At least have some idea about certain advancements, and the changes happening in the world. You cannot insulate yourself from the things that are happening. “Changes and trends need not be bad. They can be very ennobling. Now it has become a much freer society I would say, but we are paying a price for it: we are having a war! I mean there is so much boiling and mixing happening, like never before. I don’t think there was ever a period in the history of the human race like today. It is extremely unique. Extremely intense changes are taking place. At a good level there are intense changes, and at a bad level also there are intense changes. And we must help our children to go in the right direction. “Sometimes they make mistakes, and you are watching. Don’t let them go too far. Keep on showing them sensitively and sensibly about the perils, but not by becoming negative. Then they realise, 'My mom or my papa told me that, but I didn’t listen.' And when such things happen a few times they will have the confidence that, 'They are more experienced than me. Now it's time to listen.' Advise your children but be prepared to let them make mistakes too. “This can happen only when you give them the freedom to do certain things. Let them make mistakes. Let them understand on their own that you advised them correctly. Slowly they will have more confidence that, 'My parents are wise.' Of course, it's not always universal, as exceptions are always there in life situations, but by and large, respect will be greater when you don’t interfere. “You have to be very indirect. You have to play your role in such a way that children don’t feel that you're influencing them in any way. Always be guided by your heart. When you meditate, you will receive the guidance: 'This is what I should be doing or not doing.' Anuradha Bhatua: “Some parents I know were distraught because they found out their teenage son had started smoking and drinking with his friends, and there was a showdown. How does one handle that situation?” Daaji: “Give some level of liberty to your child. Smoking is not the end of the world. Drinking is also not the end of the world. It's not that you're giving them freedom to do all these things, but at times you have to let children learn certain lessons on their own by making mistakes. When you see that he or she is smoking, find some funny stories or movies depicting the negative effects of such a bad habit and share it with them. There is a lot of information available on drugs, drinking, etc. Provide it to them. “Help your children face peer pressure in doing or not doing certain things with their friends. Peer pressure kills them. We have to help them remove the guilt that develops because of such peer pressure. We have to give them the confidence that, “You have the ability to say ‘no’ to certain things. Use your wisdom; guide your friends. They can be foolish but you are wiser. If you go ahead and do it, see the impact of it on your physical system and mental system. “If they still insist, go ahead and give them the freedom. Tell them, 'I will buy you a carton of cigarettes, but see for yourself how it affects your studies and your physical well-being.' Show them all the negative things that can happen because of such indulgence. Daaji: “We have to give them the confidence that, 'You have the ability to say “no” to certain things.' Use your wisdom; guide your friends. They can be foolish but you are wiser.” “I remember in the 80s, when my boys were born one after the other, I used to get a newsletter on how to raise children. The number one suggestion was, 'Never say, “Do this” directly.' It's a beautiful suggestion, beautiful advice. Never force a child and say, 'You must sleep now.' Instead, say something like, 'Let’s make a rule: it's nine o’clock. When this hand comes to this number you must sleep because the clock says so.' Children understand all that. Afterwards, as they grow, they argue differently, and that's a different matter, but when they are young it's a matter of training. Don’t teach them the art of rebelling from an early age. Let them blame the clock!” ● Interviewed by ANURADHA BHATIA. Images: colourbox.com This article was first published in Heartfulness magazine. The copyright is owned by Sahaj Marg Spirituality Foundation and it's reproduced here with kind permission. Other articles by the author and similar articles can be accessed at http://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com Written by Kamlesh Patel Kamlesh Patel is the world teacher of Heartfulness, and the fourth spiritual Guide in the Sahaj Marg system of Raja Yoga. He oversees Heartfulness centers and ashrams in over 150 countries, and guides the thousands of certified Heartfulness trainers who are permitted to impart Yogic Transmission under his care. Known to many as Daaji, he is also an innovator and researcher, equally at home in the inner world of spirituality and the outer world of science, blending the two into transcendental research on the evolution of consciousness. Building on the insights of his first Guide, Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur, he is expanding our understanding of the purpose of human existence to a new level, so necessary at this pivotal time in human history.

We chat with Corey Harnish, co-founder of The Good Cards project, which is changing the world one little act of kindness at a time. This fun and interactive initiative is spreading happiness and touching lives all around the world, and you can take part, too... In the grander scheme of things, we might – at times – feel insignificant, and yet, if we look closely, little things are so important. That grumpy person on the Metro or the friendly smile in the line at the bakery can significantly influence our mood and therefore the rest of our day. Indeed, our reaction to the next person we meet and whether we're annoyed or react with kindness and a smile might then influence their subsequent interaction, and so on. Making use of this so-called 'butterfly effect' and spreading kindness playfully is a mission The Good Cards has set out to achieve. Corey Harnish, CEO of Better World International, and one of the co-founders of The Good Cards project has made the time to answer some of our questions. Learn more about The Good Cards and how to change the world one card and one act of kindness at a time! Hi Corey! So, tell us, what is The Good Cards project exactly? “The Good Cards has been described as the Pokemon Go for doing good! The Good Cards is a digital platform and mobile app that motivates and empowers people to perform real-life acts of kindness and good deeds in a fun and meaningful way.” And how does The Good Cards work? “The Good Cards uses a physical card and a mobile app to engage people in performing acts of kindness - in a way that is easy and fun! Here's how: You start with a physical Good Card. Scan it in The Good Cards app. You receive a mission to do something good for someone else and share the story about your mission. Pass your Good Card on to the next person. Get notified of your ripple effect of kindness! As your Good Card travels from person to person around the globe, you can track it in your Good Card app and get notified of the ripple effect of the kindness and good deeds you’ve inspired around the world. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Right now, The Good Cards is in its early stage, and missions are focused on acts of kindness to ourselves, our social circle, as well as anonymous good deeds. As it continues to grow and develop, it will expand beyond just acts of kindness. There will be missions focused on Sustainable Development Goals and social impact at large. Over time, we will incorporate a model for corporations to easily engage employees and consumers in their Corporate Social Responsibility initiatives.” Sounds great! And what are Dreamers? “Dreamers are those people who want to make a difference in this world and most likely are taking action to make it happen. Our tribe is a community of Dreamers who are active in doing good deeds. We've learned that a lot of Dreamers want to do good but either don't know what to do, or they lose motivation for doing good because they don't believe their small actions have an impact.” So, how do you cater to their needs? “We've created a fun and meaningful experience to solve these concerns! With The Good Cards, Dreamers can get guidance in doing good deeds while seeing the ripple effect of kindness their actions make on others.” The Good Cards successfully spreads happiness through fun interactions Do you think you can transform any person to become a Dreamer? “We believe anyone can become a Dreamer if they personally experience the positive impact of doing good to others. Positive psychologists have proven that altruism and giving have as strong of an impact on the giver as they do on the recipient of kindness. “Dreamers are those people who want to make a difference in this world and most likely are taking action to make it happen.” Corey Harnish “Our goal is to empower people to feel the power of kindness individually because then they will experience transformation on their own, and thus make the world a kinder, happier place.” Why are kindness, love and happiness important, and why gamify it? “In today's world, with the political climate, the amount of negativity, and divide across cultures, people have lost faith in humanity. Something needs to be done to change this. In my opinion, the way to do so is to "kill them with kindness." Rather than fighting back or criticizing others for their wrongdoing, we believe the answer is to give people what they need - kindness, love, and happiness. “These are so important because when we experience kindness, love, or happiness, we want to share it with others. When we look at the research, we see a tremendous social benefit to people and communities when these emotions are common.” RELATED: The power of kindness But does kindness need to be cool and trendy? “For us, there was no other way than to make doing good fun and meaningful. The intention behind 'gamifying' kindness is to create a space and framework that motivates and empowers people to do good. “By doing this, kindness becomes a fun experience to share with others, and something people might be inspired to join and be a part of. Now, when you do a good deed, you literally watch as your Good Card travels the world creating a ripple effect of kindness.” Can you share with us any success stories? “The success stories range from self-care days were people finally are taking time to treat themselves, to fundraising €1,000 to give holiday gifts to a Polish family, to thoughtful anonymous care packages to friends and family.” And what is the global impact up till now? “For us, it's important to recognise each act of kindness rather than get caught up in the global impact, as the global impact will happen from the chain reaction of smaller individual actions. When you focus your attention on the individual lives you touch you begin to truly see and feel the real impact. In less than a year, Good Cards have touched lives in 33 countries, and it's only the beginning; as the project grows and develops, it will continue to expand.” Acts of kindness: with a mobile app and a real Good Card, you can spread the love! What's your envisioned role of companies and brands in the project? “We envision a time when corporations join in the activity. Using our project as a Happiness-as-a-ServiceTM (HaaSTM) platform where they can easily engage their customers and employees in Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) initiatives. “Research significantly shows that millennials, Y & Z Generations buy specifically from brands that are socially responsible and actually participate in giving back to the community. We are developing a new and innovative platform where corporations can increase their social impact, and communicate their social responsibility efforts to consumers in a fun way.” RELATED: Random acts of kindness Can your game actually “build and restore faith in humanity and society?” “Since The Good Cards is still in its first version, it doesn't have the ability to 'restore faith in humanity,' just yet. However, as we continuously develop the platform, it will have the capacity to make a large scale impact. Just think about some of these big brands like Coca-Cola, Nike, or Pokemon Go, and the millions and millions of people all over the world who have interacted with them. “We envision a day when our platform grows this large and millions of people join us in doing good; restoring faith in humanity. Once something like this happens, yes, we totally believe it will 'play' a big role in restoring faith in humanity and society.” ● Main photo: Evan Kirby Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.