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There have been plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during June. Ed Gould rounds up his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. June 2021 was a particularly auspicious month for good news stories. In fact, there were many items that could have made it into this month's Top 10 which didn't. So, what were the most positive and heart-warming stories from the past month? 1. 'Extinct' orchid flowers in London A species of orchid that was once thought to be extinct in the UK was discovered in June in the unlikeliest of places. Rather than being found by researchers deep in the Amazonian basin, the small flower was spotted on the top of an 11-storey building in the City of London. The orchid – known as Serapias parvifloraIt – was spotted high up on the roof of a bank. Usually the plant is most at home in Mediterranean-like conditions and was last seen growing in the wile in the UK over ten years ago in Cornwall. How it made its way to the rooftops of one of the city's biggest investment banks remains a mystery, however. 2. Cure for hiccuping found? It may not be a debilitating ailment but – as we all know – a case of the hiccups can be annoying. But there is some good news for anyone who has to suffer hiccuping on a regular basis. According to Science Alert, a new system has been developed which helps people to stop hiccuping almost immediately. What's more, so far it's thought to never have failed. When people's diaphragms twitch, there are many homespun remedies you can try. However, the HiccAway has been developed by a start-up technology team. The device – which you suck from – causes the diaphragm to contract, thereby preventing people who use it from producing more hiccups. All you need is a glass of water and this straw-like gadget to stop hiccuping ever again! 3. Coffee consumption is good for your liver Most people avoid drinking too much coffee because it's a stimulant and can increase anxiety levels. However, a report in New Scientist suggests that consuming even decaffeinated coffee can help to avoid liver disease from developing. The discovery was made at the UK's University of Southampton where hundreds of thousands of people's drinking habits were taken into account when looking at their medical histories. Over the course of about 11 years, the incidences of chronic liver disease and steatosis were found to be lower among coffee drinkers. Indeed, the associated death rate from liver-related conditions was much better among people who regularly consumed the beverage, too. Coffee could keep liver disease at bay shutterstock/wavebreakmedia 4. Flow activities are best when awaiting news According to a report in the news feed of the University of California Riverside, the best thing you can do when you are anxiously awaiting news is to do something your brain will gain flow from. The idea is that of Kate Sweeny, a professor in psychology, who put together her approach from two different studies with 729 participants. Rather than doing nothing and allowing the mind to worry, Sweeeny's academic paper suggests that meditation is a better activity. However, Sweeny recognises that this is not something everyone can do so she suggests watching an emotional film or listening to some powerful music instead as a way of achieving flow and a less troubled mind. RELATED: Flow state and happiness – how to achieve it 5. Sleeping earlier may help to combat depression According to the New York Times and numerous other media outlets, recent research suggests that going to bed an hour earlier than usual will help to stave off depression. Doing so will move the waking cycle forwards, something that has been found to reduce the likelihood of a major depressive state forming by as much as 23 per cent. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest 6. Mindfulness and birdwatching had positive effects in the pandemic Many people have turned to mindfulness to help them during the current global healthcare crisis. However, a study published in the International Journal of Environment Research and Public Health has demonstrated that when people take part in birdwatching activities in a mindful way, they gain an even more significant boost. According to Psychology Today, birdwatching was one of the few outdoor activities people could do mindfully while maintaining social distancing. Its report suggested that staying closer to home and watching local birds helped many people to connect with nature in a way they might not have usually done, thereby gaining mental health benefits including a sense of inner joy. Birdwatching is both mindful and joyful shutterstock/soft_light 7. Drones help get rid of Galapagos Islands' rat population Famous for the development of Darwin's theory of evolution, the Galapagos Islands have been overrun by invasive rats in some places. However, drone technology has been deployed to defeat the rodents. Officials in the Galapagos National Park now reckon that two islands are completely rat-free for the first time in well over a century, helping native species to thrive, unhindered by the rats' presence. By using drones, the extermination team was able to get bait to the precise locations it was needed to target the creatures without causing damage to the natural inhabitants of the islands. 8. Urban forest announced in Glasgow Scotland's biggest city is due to get a good deal greener thanks to a new initiative that will see tens of millions of trees planted in and around the urban environment. Cowan Park, in Barrhead, and Barwood Park, in Erskine, have already been earmarked for the project already but all of the local authority areas in the city will take part. The idea, according to local councillors, is to make the city more attractive as well as offsetting much of the carbon that the cityscape produces each year. It is expected to take ten years to bring the urban forest to fruition. RELATED: Forest bathing – 6 science-backed benefits 9. The future looks more promising for bees Bees have long been declining in numbers around the world. This is big problem for plants – and humans – as the black and yellow creatures are such efficient pollinators. One of the things that has been making life harder for bees is the widespread use of pesticides in agriculture and horticulture. However, according to a report in New Atlas, bees will be able to gain immunity from such sprays if they consume an antidote. Researchers from Cornell University in the United States have come up with just such a detoxifying formula which bees can pick up as they feed, thereby offering them resistance to the sort of insecticides that might otherwise have caused them to die. Could bees gain immunity to insecticides? shutterstock/Maciej Olszewski 10. Dengue fever infections set to fall According to the BBC, a virus spread among mosquitoes as they interact with one another could cause rates of Dengue disease to fall dramatically. A trial took place in Indonesia whereby the virus was introduced into the mosquito population. During it, the infection rate for the condition was found to drop by well over three-quarters. In recent times there have been as many as 400 million Dengue fever infections each year, so it's hoped the technique will now be used in other locations where outbreaks are common. • What was your favourite story from this month? Share your thoughts with the community in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Biotechnology | Biology | Positive news Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Purposefully examining our personalities for flaws and negative traits can be unsettling but the rewards are many. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains what shadow work is, the benefits it offers, and five ways how you can start doing it. In one of his most famous quotes from Modern Man in Search of a Soul, Carl Gustav Jung said: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work is based on Jung’s concept of the shadow, which, in its simplest, represents the parts of our personalities we would rather not possess. However, we do. Not only possess them – they make up part of who we are. Regardless of how uncomfortable we are with those aspects of our Self, they are here. And, most importantly, they guide our actions from a shadow. That is why shadow work is essential if we are to become fully conscious of why we do the things we do. But, what is shadow work? This article will explain the basic concepts of shadow work, why it is essential and how to do it. What is shadow work? In his uncanny ability to name complex concepts in a way that resonates with everyone, Jung spoke of the shadow. It is the part of ourselves that holds all that a person has no wish to be. However, it also contains all sorts of qualities, capacities and potential. In Jung’s own words, the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part, inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors… If it has been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of evil, it can now be ascertained on a closer investigation that the unconscious man, that is, his shadow does not consist only of morally reprehensible tendencies, but also displays a number of good qualities, such as normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, creative impulses […]“. • INTERESTED IN SELF-GROWTH? Sign-up for free courses in our happiness Academy • The shadow is usually born with our parents’ or society’s disapproval of our impulses. We then learn to block and deny them to ourselves and, simply put, be “good”. But, we do not only change our behaviour. We choose to “forget” those unacceptable impulses. Learn how to do shadow work and unlock potential shutterstock/Douceflour The problem arises when a person represses the shadow – which we invariably most often do. By sweeping parts of our Self we are uncomfortable with under the rug, we expose ourselves to many adversities. Studies on the perils of repression revealed that it can lead to: Loss of energy Increased risk of cancer and cardiovascular diseases Suboptimal interpersonal interactions - we feel threatened (and our physiological responses match that feeling), while others also feel threatened by our suppression of emotions A decline in physical and mental health and the overall well-being Loss of creativity and productivity So, what is shadow work? Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, a laborious endeavour. However, avoiding the adversities of repressing the shadow is well worth the effort. How shadow work can improve your life Living without the shadow, that is, without it in your consciousness, means living an incomplete life. You are not consciously in charge of all your decisions, perceptions and actions. Not convinced? If you take a closer look at your experiences, you will surely notice incidents when you acted “out of character”. Yet, this slip-up did not just come out of nowhere. Your shadow self took over. Indeed, the parts of ourselves that we ignore tend to turn against us eventually. “When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. Shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world.” When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. In response to the question: “What is shadow work?” these benefits offer an answer – shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world. Improved relationships What we perceive as flaws, when repressed, is most often projected onto others. We are judgmental, dismissive, and hypercritical – we hate weaknesses in others. Shadow work makes you more grounded and accepting of others. Increased confidence When you learn to understand and accept your shadow, you can become authentically more confident. You are no longer a captive of your repressed fears of condemnation. You own all your parts and need not frantically hide them from others and yourself. This creates more inner confidence. Enhanced energy and physical health Repressing emotions and thoughts is arduous work. As said before, it takes a toll on your energy levels and has been shown to even lead to a range of diseases, from chronic fatigue to cancer. When you let the dam open, it can be scary at first – but it will release your energy and help you be healthier. Psychological integration and maturity Mature adulthood is not a given. According to some authors, merely 2 per cent of adults reach this psychological development stage. Shadow work brings you closer to authentic maturity and wisdom. Greater creativity Creativity, according to humanistic psychologists such as Maslow and Rogers, is a hallmark of self-actualised, mentally healthy individuals. When you repress your “dark side”, the collateral damage is creativity in all life areas. On the flip side, when you open the gates between all the parts of your psyche, creative impulses will start to flow again. How to practise shadow work If you started reading this article with the question: “What is shadow work?” by now, you are probably wondering, “OK, so how can I do shadow work?” Although completing shadow work usually requires a professional’s help, there are plenty of activities you can do on your own to start communicating with your shadow. Overall, shadow work exercises centre around three basic principles – awareness, honesty and acceptance. Here are five activities to get you started with befriending your shadow. 1. Develop self-awareness The most obvious yet, highly challenging step in shadow work is cultivating awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our shadow, albeit hidden, gives clues of who she/he is. Repressed content appears in our dreams, slip-ups, projections, acting-outs. Learn to observe your experiences. Who makes you particularly angry? Why? What it is in others you cannot stand? What do you dream about that feels foreign when you wake up? In which situations you tend to “lose it”? Meditation can assist you in fostering self-awareness. Mindfulness offers awareness with suspended judgement – just what you need when you do shadow work. 2. Be unswervingly honest Yes, a predictable piece of advice, but a tough one. Most of us spent our entire lives with a strong urge not to let out flaws show. As good we are at hiding imperfections from others – we are masters in hiding them from ourselves. Facing up to all sides of who you are is part of shadow work Nonetheless, what you hide from yourself owns you. So, face the monster. Do not do it in a judgmental way. That would be your Super Ego talking. You want to be unshakably honest but not criticizing or condemning. It will not be comfortable. It will take courage. But, at the end of the road, autonomy and genuine confidence await you. (Also, no one is looking. Nobody is listening. Just be frank.) 3. Be compassionate with yourself The way to avoid rife (unconstructive, to be precise) self-criticism is to practise self-compassion. Become your best friend, unconditionally supportive, and be good to yourself at all times. You will need it once you start facing the skeletons in your psychological closet. According to Kristin Neff, a psychologist researching self-compassion, it has three components: Self-kindness (being supportive, kind, and forgiving towards yourself) Common humanity (understanding that you are not alone in your pain and imperfection) Mindfulness (accepting your experiences without being condemnatory) 4. Recollect your projections As you read above, what we repress about ourselves, we tend to project onto others. Your job now is to recollect those projections. Claim the weaknesses and flaws back. Yes, you are not perfect. But you must come to peace with that, instead of hating, being repulsed by, or fearing others. It is the only way to see yourself, others, and the world realistically. “Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, laborious.” So, the next time you notice that you are possibly overreacting about someone’s actions, ask yourself – what is making me so angry/scared/judgmental? What part of me is hiding behind my reaction? Do this again and again, and respond with the steadfast honesty we spoke of earlier. 5. Keep a shadow journal The final step in shadow work is to keep a journal. The disowned parts of ourselves are tricky. They can still elude you – even after you have noticed them. Your mind will keep trying to repress the darkness for some time. RELATED: Journaling techniques – travels to our interior So, write down your insights regularly. Make sure you come back to your notes from time to time to refresh your memory, in a sense. After a while, they will finally stick in your conscious awareness. The wrap: embrace your wholeness Getting to know anyone’s “dark” side is always an unnerving experience. But when it is your own darkness, it can be downright scary. However, let us channel Socrates to encourage ourselves to do so – “the unexamined life is not worth living”. Indeed, you will never be complete unless you know and accept every nook and cranny of your soul. You will never be the master of your actions unless you learn to look your darkest motives in the eye. So, venture into shadow work as soon as now. You might be amazed by how more vibrant life feels once you dismiss the veil of repression and become accepting of your whole Self. • Main image: shutterstock/Dean Drobot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Self-help | Coaching | Kindness | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

In unserer heutigen betriebsamen, lauten und verunsichernden Welt kann es schwierig sein, inneren (und äußeren) Frieden zu finden. Dee Marques betrachtet drei Schlüsseltechniken, die uns dabei helfen können, einschließlich Achtsamkeit, Schattenarbeit und dem Kultivieren von Gelassenheit. Es stimmt, dass die Geschichte der Menschheit von unschönen Ereignissen geprägt ist. Vielleicht teilst du auch das Gefühl, dass dieser Tage Konflikte, Hass und Gewalt noch zunehmen. Das Gefühl, nicht genau zu wissen, was in der Welt vorgeht, ist zutiefst verunsichernd und kann deine inneren Frieden, Ruhe und Glück gefährden. Es gibt jedoch Dinge, die du tun kannst, um diesen Gedanken und Gefühlen entgegen zu wirken. Hier sind einige Ideen, wie du deinen inneren Frieden – und den anderer – stärken kannst, egal wie unsicher die Welt um uns herum auch sein mag. Wir können wir inneren Frieden finden? Im Umgang mit Hass und Gewalt ist Achtsamkeit nötig, um den inneren Frieden zu stärken. Diese drei Schlüsseltechniken kannst du anwenden, um zu versuchen, innere Ruhe und Gelassenheit zu finden. Innere Ruhe durch Meditation finden 1. Achtsamkeit Unser erster Vorschlag ist, Achtsamkeit zu üben. Nicht nur, weil Mindfulness - wie Achtsamkeit auch genannt wird - dir die Möglichkeit bietet, dein innerstes Selbst zu erkennen, sondern auch, weil es die Wahrnehmung deiner Umwelt weiten kann. Tatsächlich haben wissenschaftliche Studien gezeigt, dass regelmäßige Achtsamkeitsübungen die Amygdala zu verkleinern scheint (den Teil des Gehirns, der Angstgefühle kontrolliert), während es gleichzeitig den präfrontalen Kortex aktiviert, der mit Entscheidungsfindung, Bewusstsein und damit bewussten Handlungen in Verbindung steht. All dies bedeutet, dass Achtsamkeit uns helfen kann, unsere Emotionen zu regulieren, statt einfach nur auf Auslöser zu reagieren. Durch Achtsamkeit kommen wir von reflexartigen Reaktionen zu überlegten Antworten. Mindfulness hilft uns auch dabei, ausgeglichenere Bewertungen darüber zu treffen, was um uns herum vorgeht. Entdecke einige großartige Achtsamkeitsübungen, um öfter im Hier und Jetzt zu leben. Achtsamkeitsübungen für den Alltag wie zum Beispiel achtsames Essen, Duschen, Spaziergänge bei denen du Dankbarkeit kultivierst und die Einführung eines Rituals zum Tagesbeginn. 2. Schattenarbeit Hast du mal versucht dich mit Schattenarbeit zu beschäftigen? Diese transformierende Methode basiert auf der Idee, dass unser Empfinden und Handeln gegenüber anderen davon bestimmt wird, was wir uns selbst gegenüber empfinden und wie wir uns selbst wahrnehmen. Der Schatten ist das “negative ich” oder “unsere dunkle Seite“. Anstatt uns auf diesen Schatten zu fokussieren oder ihn zu unterdrücken (wozu sich die meisten von uns verleitet fühlen) sollten wir ihn behutsam erforschen, um mehr über unsere eigenen Vorurteile und Fehlvorstellungen zu lernen. Wenn wir dunkle Gefühle annehmen, kann der Schatten unsere Lehrer*in sein, statt unser Feind. Wie sieht das Grundprinzip der Schattenarbeit aus? Erkenne die durch manche Menschen, Neuigkeiten oder Ereignisse ausgelösten negativen Gefühle. Stelle eine Verbindung mit deinem Schatten her und führe eine Unterhaltung mit ihm. Um was geht es deinem Schatten? Was versucht er zu erreichen? Ist die Gesamtintention positiv oder negativ? In den meisten Fällen hält dein Schatten an negativen Emotionen fest, um dich vor Schaden zu schützen. Kannst du eine andere Möglichkeit finden, das Gleiche zu erreichen, ohne in einen Kreislauf der Negativität zu geraten oder anderen die Schuld zu geben? Zu guter Letzt: Erinnere dich, dass Frieden kein Ziel ist, das durch bestimmte Mittel erreicht werden kann, sondern, dass Friede selbst sowohl das Mittel als auch das Ziel an sich ist. Anders ausgedrückt: Nutze Frieden, um dir durch Güte und Rücksichtnahme deinem Körper und Geist gegenüber selbst inneren Frieden zu bringen. Liebende-Güte-Meditation zum Beispiel reduziert erwiesenermaßen Selbstkritik, stärkt den Frieden mit uns selbst und anderen und erzeugt positive Gefühle fremden Menschen gegenüber. "Friede selbst ist sowohl der Weg als auch das Ziel an sich." Balance und Ausgeglichenheit hängen mit der inneren Ruhe direkt zusammen 3. Gelassenheit kultivieren Gelassenheit zu kultivieren kann dir ebenfalls helfen, sowohl inneren als auch Frieden mit der Außenwelt zu finden. Gelassenheit, eine der vier edlen Wahrheiten in der buddhistischen Tradition, leitet sich aus einem Wort im Sanskrit ab, das „Sehen ohne Störung“ bedeutet. Gelassenheit ist wird auch als Gleichmut bezeichnet, einer ausgeglichenen Reaktion auf positive und negative Ereignisse oder Gedanken. Es ist die Fähigkeit, einen Geisteszustand zu erreichen, der nicht von Voreingenommenheiten und Vorurteilen beeinflusst werden kann, sondern von Mitgefühl angetrieben wird. “Im Umgang mit Hass und Gewalt ist Achtsamkeit nötig, um den inneren Frieden zu stärken. Im Grunde genommen müssen wir zuerst die Innenwelt entwaffnen, bevor wir die Außenwelt entwaffnen können.“ Gelassenheit zu kultivieren schließt eine Neuverknüpfung deines Gehirns durch Achtsamkeitsübungen ein. Yoga (z.B. Hartha Yoga, Yin Yoga und insbesondere spezielles Dankbarkeitsyoga) bietet die idealen Bedingungen, daran zu arbeiten. Hier ein Beispiel: Finde dein Gelassenheitsmantra (etwas, dass dich daran erinnert, unvoreingenommen zu bleiben), beginne deine Yoga Session und nimm jede negative Reaktion zur Kenntnis, die durch Gedanken oder fürü dich schwierige Personen ausgelöst wird. Halte weiter an deinem Mantra fest, während du akzeptierst, dass du selbst für deine eigene Zufriedenheit und inneren Frieden verantwortlich bist. Frieden in der Außenwelt finden Natürlich sollten wir alle unser Bestes tun, nicht nur inneren Frieden in unserem Geist zu fördern, sondern auch die Aussage des buddhistischen Lehrers und Aktivisten Thich Nhat Hanh befolgen: “Lerne die Kunst, eine Person glücklich zu machen und du wirst lernen, deine Liebe für die gesamte Menschheit und alle Lebewesen auszudrücken.” Hier sind 10 einfach anzuwendende Gesten des Friedens und der Güte: Schicke einer Freund*in oder Verwandten eine von Herzen kommende Karte. Mach einer Kolleg*in ein Kompliment und zeige ihr, wie sehr du sie schätzt. Biete deiner Postbot*in eine kleine Aufmerksamkeit an (z.B.Früchte, Kekse). Spende an einen Wohltätigkeitsladen. Sich ehrenamtlich zu betätigen ist wichtig. Versuche es bei einer Obdachlosenunterkunft oder einer Suppenküche. Biete der Person hinter dir in einer Warteschlange deinen Platz an (oder versuche dich an einer anderen beliebigen Nettigkeit). Mach deiner Lehrer*in oder Universitätsdozent*in ausfindig und schicke ihnen eine Nachricht der Anerkennung ihrer Arbeit und deren Bedeutung für dich. Backe einige Süßigkeiten und nimm sie mit auf die Arbeit, um sie mit deinen Kolleg*innen zu teilen. Lass einen anderen Autofahrende vor. Beginne eine Unterhaltung mit einem obdachlosen Menschen. "Das Ziel ist, Frieden zu spüren, ohne sich friedlich zu fühlen“: Ein Interview über Achtsamkeit mit MBSR-Coach Dave Potter Wenn es darum geht, inneren Frieden in schweren Zeiten zu finden, ist es wichtig, der Isolation zu widerstehen, sogar wenn es unseren Urinstinkten zu widersprechen scheint. Du könntest dich zum Beispiel an gemeinschaftsfördernden Initiativen beteiligen. Dies kann helfen, bedeutsame Konversationen mit Andersdenkenden zu etablieren. Auch kannst du dich einem Verein anschließen, der sich dem Kampf gegen Gewalt verschrieben hat, oder versuchen, besser zu verstehen, wie uns Vorurteile und Stereotype beeinflussen. Dazu kannst du dich online oder in deiner Gegend zu Workshops oder Seminaren gegen Vorurteile anmelden. Zu innerem Frieden finden wir auch durch die Verbundenheit und das Engagement in der Gruppe Fazit zum Finden inneren Friedens Güte und Frieden in dir selbst und der Welt wirst du nicht über Nacht finden, jedoch sind Achtsamkeitsübungen, Schattenarbeit, das Kultivieren von Gelassenheit und der Widerstand gegen Isolation Wegbereiter für Hoffnung und Glück. Um dich in den schweren Zeiten, in denen wir zurzeit leben, zurecht zu finden, wirst du hartnäckig und bereit sein müssen, dein inneres Selbst herauszufordern. Bilder: Johannes Plenio, Katie Jowett, Susanna Marsiglia, Nadin Mario Übersetzt von Friederike Jackmuth Friederike Jackmuth ist 28 Jahre alt und kommt aus Koblenz. Sie ist Autistin, staatlich geprüfte Übersetzerin und übersetzt für das deutsche happiness Magazin seit Anfang 2021 Artikel. Den Ausgangsartikel "Inner peace: the 3 key techniques to finding it" sowie die entsprechenden Quellenangaben findet ihr im englischen happiness Magazin.

With anxiety and depression levels rising in kids, mindfulness and meditation are increasingly being employed by parents. Here are 7 of the best mindfulness books for kids on the market that can instill these two essential life skills, keeping children calm and centered. By Ann Vrlak. Would you like to introduce mindfulness to your child, but aren’t sure where to start? It has been wonderful to see the explosion of interest in mindfulness for kids – in schools and in homes all around the world. There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives, like how to: Self-regulate emotions Improve self-esteem and confidence Relax when you’re stressed or worried Concentrate better Treat yourself with kindness and compassion Increase empathy With this impressive list, it’s no surprise that schools are incorporating some form of mindfulness exercises in elementary and high school classes. Furthermore, many parents want to know how to teach mindfulness themselves, to help their children navigate everyday stresses and conflicts, and to learn tools to relax or take a pause if they feel upset. There are so many books about mindfulness for kids to choose from. I’ve done the work for you by choosing my seven absolute favorites. They’re all also five-star rated by the parents and kids I’ve recommended them to. Storybooks Storybooks are one great style of mindfulness book that explain concepts to children. Here are three of the best that are currently on the market: 1. Moody Cow Meditates | Kerry Lee MacLean Peter the calf has a “stupid, rotten day when everything went wrong.” He woke up with a bad dream, his sister drew on his skateboard, and the day just goes downhill from there. He is so upset and angry his sister names him “Moody Cow” which just makes things worse! Moody Cow Meditates is one of the best mindfulness books for kids because it describes the kind of day we all can have when nothing goes right and no one seems to be on your side! Peter visits his wise grandfather who shows him how to create a mindfulness jar: he adds sparkles to a jar of clear water for each angry thought he has and then shakes the jar. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids His grandfather explains how the agitated, cloudy water is like his agitated mind, full of thoughts. And as the water settles down, and the sparkles settle, it’s just like when you calm down again and can see things more clearly. Grandfather gently takes Peter through the mindfulness jar practice from his upset mind to a quiet place. 2. Visiting Feelings | Lauren Rubenstein Visiting Feelings is a book that also looks at how to be with emotions in a healthy way. Rubenstein encourages kids, through gorgeous illustrations, to treat their feelings like unexpected visitors. How tall is this feeling? What colour and shape is it? Is it warm or cold? By asking these kinds of questions, the author is encouraging kids to observe feelings at arm’s length, to be curious about them, instead of thinking that something is wrong. Make friends with feelings, she says, and listen to what they have to tell you. “There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives.” Rubenstein also gently asks kids to notice where feelings live in their body – another traditional adult practice of noticing the physical qualities of an emotion – like a knot in your stomach, that give you a concrete place to begin exploring the emotion. There is a “Note to Parents” in the back of the book about emotional intelligence and tips on how to help children link mindfulness to emotions. 3. Take the time: Mindfulness for Kids | Maud Roegiers This lovely mindfulness book for children has a powerful message: if you’re feeling bad, do something small to feel better. Be with your friends, feel the cold air on your cheeks, or do something you love. And, whether we’re five years old or 50, when we’re feeling sad or upset, we often feel like we have to fix something or do something complicated to feel better. Focusing instead on small, simple pleasures that are always around us if we take time to look, is a tool of health and well-being your child can nurture throughout their life. The beautiful, heartwarming illustrations in Take the Time... bring the story to life. 4. Zen Shorts | Jon J. Muth This is one of Muth’s delightful mindfulness for children books that features the wise panda, Stillwater. Zen Shorts begins with a large, panda suddenly appearing in Michael, Karl and Addy’s back yard. He’s a mysterious fellow and a storyteller who soon has the children entranced with classic meditation stories put into kids’ language: someone who shows compassion for a robber and the man who says, “Maybe” to a whole series of life events that everyone assumes are “good” or “bad.” Kids also love Zen Happiness, Zen Socks and other books by Muth. Books with mindfulness exercises for kids Each of the following great books has sections explaining the principles and benefits of mindfulness for children, teaching tips and lots of specific mindfulness exercises you can do with your children. 5. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children | Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community This book by beloved Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh shines with love and respect for children, and how to nurture their growth through simple meditation practices. Hanh talks about meditation as a way to plant the seeds of self-awareness, relaxing through breath, recognizing your connection to nature, nurture compassion and community, embrace emotions – and more. All the ideas are accompanied by simple, engaging exercises kids can do on their own or with a guide – and many are included on an accompanying CD. RELATED: Thich Nhat Hanh – his life in quotes and teachings My personal favourite to do with kids is the Pebble Meditation. Kids gather four pebbles to represent a flower, mountain, still water and space, and use them in a meditation to emulate each of their qualities: “Fresh like a flower... Solid like a mountain.” This meditation, and others, builds on kids’ imagination and ability to embody positive and resilient states. Every chapter in Planting Seeds is grounded in caring for children, and encouragement to explore their inner and outer world with kindness for their own sake and the sake of all beings. 6. Child’s Mind: Mindfulness Practices to Help Our Children be More Focused, Calm and Relaxed | Christopher Willard This is an excellent mindfulness book for kids if you would like to know more about the psychological applications of meditation for children – for everyday challenges and for kids who are troubled by chronic anxiety or depression. Willard is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist with a deep experience with mindfulness and meditation. He talks about meditation’s effect on kids’ mental, emotional and physical well-being in easy to understand language, and how parents can use mindfulness to help their children overcome difficulties. “ If you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start.” Child's Mind features a creative range of mindfulness practices like The Universe in a Raisin; Hugging Meditation; Everyday Mindfulness, Everyday Games; and, Homesickness Meditation. All encourage kids to mindfully and gently explore what’s happening for them. I use many of his exercises with my young mindfulness students for the balanced way he shows kids how to accept and honour their own feelings, and how to do mindful things to feel better. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids 7. Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids (and Their Parents) | Eline Snel If you’d like a short, approachable book about why mindfulness is a great skill for kids, read Sitting Still Like a Frog. Each chapter in the book explains a mindfulness concept or skill, and includes one or two exercises for kids to practice with. Some of the concepts Snel explains are Training your Attention Muscle, Weathering the Storm Inside and The Conveyor Belt of Worries. She uses imagery to great effect to help kids relate to their feelings, thoughts and experiences in entertaining, mindful ways. RELATED: 6 secrets to raising happy children Snel also includes short exercises parents can use with everyday routines, like meals and bedtime. She makes all the concepts fun and has a warm way of communicating. This book also includes a CD with many of the best guided practices. There is also an accompanying activity book with 75 mindfulness games. The takeaway: best mindfulness books for kids So, if you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start. The books don’t just talk about mindfulness, they embody mindfulness in the way they talk about children and their needs, and the way they talk to kids in the stories and exercises. Most of these authors have more than one book, so you and your family can enjoy them together for a long time to come. • Main image: shutterstock/Tatiana Bobkova happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Meditation | Family activities Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Confidence is a powerful quality that sometimes slips away from us. But you can rebuild and strengthen it confidence with meditation. Ann Vrlak offers up a meditative practice that you can incorporate into your daily life to build resolution, courage and faith in yourself. Confidence is a quality that pretty much everyone admires and most of us would like to have just a bit more of. It’s a powerful quality that we all define a little differently based on our values and personal history. I’ll talk later about how knowing your definition can help you be more confident. Here are a few of my ideas about what confidence is and why it’s such a great quality to nurture. When you’re confident, you have a simple, unshakeable trust in yourself. You know who you are, what your talents and gifts are, as well as the places you may still want to grow. You know you can handle whatever comes your way, either the expected or the unexpected. You’re not even troubled by what others might think of you because you know yourself. It’s not as if you feel invincible or nothing can hurt you. But you have learned through experience that you’ve made it through challenging situations – some big ones and lots of everyday ones. You know how to problem solve, handle a difficult emotion, resolve a conflict with someone close to you, or take time for healing. Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it? What can you do when you’re confident? First of all, real confidence doesn't mean having a big ego. When you have real confidence, you don’t need to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else. Build confidence through meditation practice shutterstock/Krakenimages.com When you’re confident, other people can feel it. They may not even know why they like you and feel calm around you. You’ll feel like a stable rock in a river: solid and present while events happen all around you. Maybe you already know someone like that. Furthermore, you’re more open and perceptive. You’re not spending energy on self-doubt or wondering what other people might think of you. You’re paying attention to what’s happening and how to respond in a genuine, clear and caring way. What builds confidence? So, how do you build or strengthen your confidence? It happens in two ways: Through responding skillfully to internal and external experiences of different kinds By finding a place of strength at the centre of your being You learn how to respond to the internal experiences we all have: thoughts, physical pain, worries, emotions, stress. And you learn to do the same with external experiences: conflicts with others, financial pressures, challenges at school. How do you learn this? Through practise. You watch for ways to practise confidence: over and over in day-to-day life and through practising meditation for confidence. “Real confidence doesn't mean having a big ego. When you have real confidence, you don’t need to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else.” I’m going to show you a specific meditation for confidence practice. However, any traditional meditation practice can build your confidence: by teaching you, step by step, to meet every inner and outer experience with kindness and curiosity and, in doing this, discovering an unshakeable centre inside you. “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt As you practise these skills, on the quiet of your meditation seat, you’ll automatically see how your confidence with external events changes. You’ll gradually shift from tensing or withdrawing from discomfort, to being more open and curious – and confident. Meditation increases curiosity and confidence shutterstock/New Africa It’s helpful to know that meditation is a life practice that, at first, goes against the grain. When something feels uncomfortable, inside or outside of us, we’re biologically wired to get away from it. It’s a smart and functional survival tool! Most of us have developed a whole range of ways to “get away,” by binge watching media, eating, drinking and other distractions. You might feel temporarily better because you avoided the discomfort. But, you haven’t learned how to handle it any better the next time. And, not only that, you reinforce the belief that you can’t handle it and your confidence takes a dive. Meditation for confidence practice Would you like to try a meditation for confidence practice? Most people find this one really enjoyable, myself included! It’s based on creating a strong visualization of yourself in a confident state. It has three steps. Step 1 Explore and define what confidence means to you. Why? Because confidence probably means something quite different to you than it does to me. And knowing what the confident you looks and feels like will be a guiding star to finding that confidence. Sit or lie down comfortably and close your eyes. Take a minute to breathe and relax. Think about the word confidence and what it means for you. Do you see pictures, images or scenes? Spend a few minutes, enriching this picture and the feeling of confidence. What do you see and hear and feel? What are you doing? Are other people there with you? Who are they? What’s happening? Enjoy and amplify this feeling of confidence for as long as you like. When you’re done, you can journal about your experience for a moment. Jot down what feels most important and meaningful to you about your desire to be confident. What would it enable you to do and be? Step 2 Link these empowering images and feelings to a physical anchor. Choose a part of your body, like an ear lobe or an elbow, that you don’t usually touch in your daily activities. This will be your anchor for the practice. Bring your confidence image to mind and, when it’s at its most vivid peak, touch your chosen anchor. Keep your finger on your anchor, until the image begins to fade. When it does, remove your finger, and reconnect with your picture of confidence. When it feels strong once again, place your finger back on your anchor. Do this for a few rounds. To finish, let go of the images, and relax for a few breaths. Touch your anchor one last time to invoke the feeling of confidence. If you feel confident, wonderful, and if not, don’t worry. Take one more breath to allow it to emerge on its own, don’t chase it. The strength of your anchor will build over time. Feel more confident with this meditation practice Step 3 Use your anchor in a meditation for confidence. Here’s how to do this. Get comfortable again in a seated posture this time. Close your eyes and relax your body. Bring to mind a situation, in the past or future, that makes you feel less confident than you would like. Choose something that triggers some uncertainty or insecurity. Don’t choose anything too serious, maybe a presentation you need to make at work tomorrow or a disagreement last week with your partner where you didn’t speak up for yourself. See and feel the situation for a moment. Then touch your finger to your anchor. Do you feel a bit of confidence infusing the picture? Again, don’t force it. See if you can relax a little and allow some of the confidence to mix with your uncomfortable situation. Release the pressure on your anchor. It’s helpful to do a few repetitions in one session. Imagine the challenging situation, touch your anchor, allow the situation and the confidence to come into contact for as long as feels right, and then release your touch. Take a few breaths and start again. Now you know a complete meditation for confidence practice. You’ll notice it isn’t about convincing yourself you should be confident or criticizing any feelings of insecurity you might have. Instead, you’re creating and embodying a genuine sense of confidence that is much more powerful than any idea. “A confidence meditation practice holds a profound lesson that we can all benefit from: you don't need to make difficult experiences go away to feel better.” Once you’ve strengthened the connection with your anchor, you can use it in any type of meditation practice, like watching your breath or doing a body scan. Whenever you feel something uncomfortable or unpleasant, use your anchor. Stay in meditation, touch your anchor and connect with your felt experience of confidence. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it A confidence meditation practice holds a profound lesson that we can all benefit from: you don’t need to make difficult experiences go away to feel better – and you also don’t need to go away from them through distraction or unhealthy habits. Just add confidence to your experience. Feel your own strength and resourcefulness, and you may be surprised at how much better you feel. It’s like filling a glass: it can be filled with worries and insecurity or it can be filled with confidence. As you connect with and nurture your sense of resourcefulness and strength, your glass will be filled and worries just won’t have anywhere to go. I recommend doing this kind of practice whenever you can. I think you’ll enjoy it. • Main image: shutterstock/mimagephotography happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Is it possible to look at challenges and failures as the foundation to personal growth and excellence? Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s OK to fail sometimes and how to claim back power when you’re feeling defeated by life. Although there are few certainties in this existence, unfortunately we do know this: life can defeat us sometimes. No matter how meticulously we plan things or try to predict every outcome, the possibility of failures and disappointment in life cannot be entirely ruled out. Indeed, all of us find ourselves feeling defeated by life at some point. You may flunk an important exam or interview, a fight may ensue with a best friend who misunderstood your well-intended remark, or your boss may pass up what seemed like a brilliant idea in favor of a seemingly ridiculous suggestion by your colleague. Life is called the school of hard knocks for a reason, after all. I know this from experience. I found myself at the end of my wits during my college years, when I realized the complexity of engineering, which my parents had pressurized me to pursue. No matter how hard I tried, the concepts seemed to elude my grasp and it looked like I’d have to repeat a year. For someone who belongs to a family of academics, being an under-performer was a subject of great humiliation and embarrassment for me and my parents, not to mention the high cost of education itself. Feeling defeated? Break free from the shackles of fear Although I did have to take a re-exam for three subjects, it was actually this setback that helped me realize one of the greatest life lessons of my life. That we are not defined by our failures and defeats, but how we spring back, and the experiences we gather from these setbacks. Consequently, this realization enabled me to excel in my academic subjects as I tried harder and broadened my understanding of the subjects. The result? I passed the final grade with scholastic distinction. RELATED: Sailing the world – 5 lessons I've learned “If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining,” stated Guy Finley, the renowned philosopher and self-help writer. Indeed, if we give up without trying to push beyond our embarrassments or fear of failure, we’d never know what lies outside of our comfort zone and what we could truly achieve. When you’re feeling defeated it is essential to prevail and resume your power. Feeling defeated: 9 ways to take back power Although this may seem unimaginable when you’re feeling defeated, it is possible to overcome this terrible feeling and to reclaim your power. While some of the following ideas may offer instant results in terms of elevated mood and alleviated stress levels, the others require more consistent efforts over a longer duration of time. So, here are nine ways you can take back power and move forward when you are feeling defeated. 1. Acceptance: allow yourself to feel It’s important to lean into your feelings periodically and acknowledge to yourself that you are an ‘emotional creature’. In fact, being aware of your thoughts and labelling your emotions can improve your ability to manage negative emotional experiences, according to a 2007 study by Lieberman et al. Indeed, a proven way to improve your emotional wellness – especially when you’re feeling defeated – is to accept these feelings instead of suppressing or avoiding them, and consciously channel them in a productive and beneficial manner, thus developing emotional agility. Being emotionally agile implies one’s ability to sit with their feelings and thoughts, be they positive (for example, joy, hope, serenity) or negative (fear, anger, sadness). It means accepting feelings in a compassionate manner, without getting derailed or overwhelmed by them. A study by Frank Bond from the Goldsmiths University London revealed that emotional agility can help ease stress, improve accuracy and boost innovation and creativity in individuals. 2. Self-compassion: imagine what you’d say to a friend Most of us readily extend kindness and warmth to others in their times of hardship yet fail to do the same with ourselves when we’re feeling defeated. According to Dr Kristin Neff, the psychologist who first created a scale to measure self-compassion as a construct, humans often mistakenly assume that compassion towards self induces weakness and has an adverse impact on our goals and productivity. “A proven way to improve your emotional wellness – especially when you’re feeling defeated – is to accept these feelings instead of suppressing them.” Dr Neff recommends practising self-compassion by treating oneself as they’d treat a friend. Positive self-talk plays an important role, especially during adverse situations. So, instead of saying “I’m so lame!” or “What an idiot I’ve made of myself” during a setback, instead, practise saying, “I’m so glad I tried my hand at something new” or, I’m proud of myself for doing this wholeheartedly”. 3. Stop catastrophizing Do you often find yourself jumping to wrong conclusions or blaming yourself for something when you really weren’t at fault? As sentient beings we always try to make sense of events around us, but sometimes our brains devise ‘shortcuts’ and create interpretations which are not entirely precise. This tendency to catastrophize or assume the worst in an unpleasant situation is a result of cognitive distortion pattern known as magnification, wherein our brains blow one disturbing event out of proportion, giving rise to unfavorable conditions like depression and anxiety. RELATED: Feeling blue or clinically depressed? The 4 things you should look out for Luckily, it’s possible to avoid this unhelpful thinking style and opt for more balanced ways of evaluating a situation. Instead of obsessing about what happened and what may further go wrong, take stock of the situation by consciously restructuring your thought patterns. Practising mindfulness can help you reframe your thoughts based on factual procession of events, resulting in improved decision-making. 4. Incorporate gratitude Gratitude plays an important role in improving one’s mental health, especially when you are feeling defeated by life. The simple act of listing down things you appreciate in your life in a gratitude journal can boost resilience and prevent toxic emotions, thus reducing the risk of conditions like stress and depression. What’s more, a study by Prathik Kini et al revealed that practising gratitude can have lasting effect on the brain – it can rewire it, equipping you to deal better with adversities in life. Writing a gratitude journal can boost your resilience shutterstock/Sergey Saulyak 5. Shift your mindset/change perspective When you’re feeling defeated by life, you could be misled into believing that you possess limited talents, also known as the fixed mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck contrasted fixed mindset with growth mindset, wherein individuals believe that they can achieve their goals by honing their talents and advancing their skill set. Interestingly, those with growth or abundance mindset tend to achieve more, as they concentrate more on learning and taking action towards their goals. Developing a ‘can-do attitude’ allows you to look at obstacles as steppingstones or necessary doses of personal growth instead of failures. 6. Understand the power of ‘small wins’ It’s understandable that you may want to get back up on your feet and set out to chase lofty goals when you’re feeling defeated. Instead, it would be wiser to set small, incremental goals to ensure you achieve them without getting overwhelmed or frustrated. A study published by Harvard Business Review revealed that the quality of a person’s inner work life – or a mix of their emotions, perceptions, and purpose – was the most important driver of their creative pursuits and productivity. “Most of us readily extend kindness and warmth to others in their times of hardship yet fail to do the same with ourselves when we’re feeling defeated.” Start by asking yourself if you can try breaking your goals into smaller sections called ‘systems’ and further into sets of actionable daily tasks that you can track periodically. Small wins tend to activate your brain’s circuitry, and the constant motivation results in release of dopamine and testosterone, thus boosting your confidence. Indeed, you may be amazed to find that these micro-successes executed daily can lead to major breakthroughs. 7. Take regular breaks While taking time to pause when you’re working on something important may seem counterintuitive, researchers agree that taking regular breaks can improve productivity and prevent stress. A 2016 study by Kim, Park and Niu revealed that even micro-breaks or small interventions can prevent the onset of negative affective state of mind at the end of the workday. Indeed, taking small, regular breaks to chat with someone around or getting yourself a glass of water in midst of a busy day can avert the possibility of you feeling defeated in the long run. 8. Stay healthy with exercise Not only does regular exercise strengthen your heart health and keep diseases at bay, but being physically active can even bring long-lasting change for your brain and mind. Working out regularly can make you more receptive to positive feelings like joy, boost your mood and motivation levels and relieve stress. Indeed, staying healthy through regular exercise and including wholesome, gut-friendly foods in your diet can help you overcome the blues, especially when you’re feeling defeated. Working out makes you more receptive to positive feelings shutterstock/mimagephotography 9. Create your life vision A foolproof way to regain power when you’re feeling defeated by the hardships you’ve faced is to understand your purpose in life and create your life vision accordingly. Jen Sincero, a success coach and the author of bestselling Badass Habits stresses on the importance of living fearlessly by ‘aligning’ one’s actions with their deepest desires and goals. Doing this allows you to make the shift from ‘wanting’ to ‘deciding’ to change your life for the better with utmost tenacity. Takeaway: feeling defeated It’s important to understand that pain and suffering from failures in life don’t define us, and that the ability to claim back power lies within us. Directing consistent efforts towards assuming this inherent power can help you avoid the mental trap of self-blame and frustration, allowing you to grow and realize your true potential. • Main image: shutterstock/Overearth happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Positive psychology | Life purpose | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

If you turn down new opportunities or chances to learn because you have no confidence in your capabilities, it may be time to develop a can-do attitude. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explores 7 ways to get started. A can-do attitude is, simply put, a belief that one can tackle whatever comes their way – and a willingness to do it. Whether you are on the ‘can’ or ‘can’t’ side of things, you probably noticed that how you value yourself and your abilities directly reflects onto how much you can actually do in life. We are, indeed, our best friends or worst enemies. Here I'll explain what a can-do attitude is, where it comes from, and give you seven ways to develop it. What is a can-do attitude? You probably know at least one person with a can-do attitude. They are those people with a conviction that anything can be done once they’ve set their mind to it. It’s more than mere optimism, though. Such a belief is combined with a motivation to work on accomplishing the goal or completing the task. A can-do attitude is a mindset. As such, it is usually deeply ingrained into our psyche. Different factors might contribute to us either being can-doers or doubters, from our temperaments, upbringing, to various experiences we have had throughout our life. Although the can’t-do attitude can be a strong habit of mind, we can also retrain ourselves into a different habit. Indeed, we can learn to change our mindset, believe in ourselves, and – do it! A can-do attitude is responsible for the great deeds and ideas that came to fruition. Heroism, altruism, change, revolution – none of it exists without such a readiness to make it happen. I witnessed many exceptional contributions to the community during my volunteering years. “We can do it” was so contagious that none of us ever even thought those projects might not succeed. Can or can't? The choice is yours! What’s more, technological advancement would have probably ended at just stone tools if it wasn’t for those endowed with a can-do attitude. But you don’t need a can-do attitude just to make the whole world a better or more evolved place. You need it to challenge yourself to be the best version of yourself you can be – in any field. As a mother of a four-year-old, I know it’s safe to say that motherhood is absolutely impossible without such a stance. People who seem to sprint through career advancements, too, are guided by the same attitude: “I can do it!” 7 ways to develop a can-do attitude Everyone’s path towards developing a can-do attitude will differ depending on where you start from. Nonetheless, there are some things everyone can implement to reprogram their mindset. Here are seven ways you can start to develop a can-do attitude. 1. Develop a growth mindset The concept of a growth vs fixed mindset was put forth by Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist. In its simplest, fixed mindset means believing that we have unchanging traits. Those characteristics are dictating what and how we can do in life. Thinking of yourself as stupid (or intelligent) would be an example of a fixed mindset. • LOOKING TO MAKE CHANGES? Join our community for more self-help ideas • A growth mindset, on the other hand, is about believing in the effects of exercise and learning. So, you would not suppose that your intelligence got you through school and into a fulfilling career. You would credit all the hard work and time invested instead. “You don’t need a can-do attitude just to make the world a better place. You need it to challenge yourself to be the best version of yourself you can be.” Why would believing you were intelligent, talented, or good be wrong? The problem with a fixed mindset is that once the trait fails to deliver the results you were after, you feel lost. “This isn’t working! The only explanation is that I’m not clever enough!” See the logic? People with a growth mindset are more resilient to stress and associated adverse outcomes (from academic and career underperformance to depression or substance use). In other words, they believe that anything can be achieved – if the necessary effort and thought are put into them. 2. Accept and learn from your mistakes Whether you like it or not, you will make mistakes. In a way, being alive means erring. However, are you prone to becoming fixated on your errors or beating yourself up? Or, do you tend to cast blame on others for the circumstances? Both habits are probably preventing you from developing a can-do attitude. Accepting responsibility is the first step towards learning from your life experience. Self-forgiveness is the next one. The research revealed the ability to use past mistakes constructively and learn from them results in better individual and group/organisation performance. So, the next time you get it wrong, don’t throw sticks and stones at yourself. Analyze. What happened? And what could be done better the next time? Take a moment to feel bad about it – and then move on. 3. Be mindful of opportunities and take them when they come along One thing that’s usually hard for those who do not have a can-do attitude is to notice and take up new opportunities and chances in life. The comfort of the known feels safe. This is perfectly natural. However, if you aspire to become someone who believes in themselves, goes out, and gets things done – you need to move outside of your comfort zone. It’s not necessary to be extreme and go far beyond what you used to feel comfortable about. Baby steps will get you there, too. Can-doers always grab new opportunities shutterstock/mavo Simply make it your task to start noticing growth opportunities. When you do spot them, ask yourself if maybe you could engage with it? What would feel safe enough, but still bring a bit of change in your life? Do this regularly, and you’ll start noticing a new perspective opening up. 4. Focus on being congruent When we are trying to transform the way we think about ourselves, we need all the support we can get. In this case, you want your thoughts, actions, and emotions to align. What do we mean by that? Although some proponents of affirmations would tell you that repeating “I can do it!” would be enough to conquer the world, the reality isn’t that simple. A failed attempt at affirming ourselves into greatness will likely result in the psychological discomfort reemerging, a study revealed. Feeling lost in life? These 7 steps will help you move on Visualization meditation: 8 ways to practise it How to find meaning in life: 7 strategies We need to work on changing our thoughts, actions, and feelings and make them all congruent. For example, noticing and changing your thought pattern is one step (we’ll get back to it next). However, you need to work out your emotional reactions and understand why you feel the way you do. Is it rational and substantiated, or could you feel in some other way? Finally, the way you act should also support the can-do attitude. The next time you get the opportunity, make yourself respond to it slightly different to what you’re used to. Somewhat more as a can-doer, to be precise. 5. Be mindful of your self-talk We all have an inside voice telling us different things. For many, the voice is the harshest critic one could imagine. For those with a can-do attitude, on the other hand, “You got this” is the mantra they hear repeatedly in their head. A systematic review of nearly 70 scientific papers confirmed the power of self-talk. Positive self-talk can improve our performance, help with depression or anxiety symptoms, and increase our confidence. Reframing your thoughts makes your mind work for you instead of against you. What we think tends to happen. This so-called Pygmalion effect often works both ways. Be mindful of what you tell yourself shutterstock/pathdoc Therefore, the next time you catch yourself thinking “This is too hard”, “It’s impossible”, “I couldn’t possibly do it”, stop. Then, come up with alternative statements. Don’t go for super-hero level right away. In other words, for affirmations to work, they need to be believable for you. Gradually progress towards automatically thinking positive about yourself, your abilities and your outlook. In that way, you will also start believing that you can do it. 6. Unlearn the learned helplessness Psychological experiments have revealed a phenomenon called ‘learned helplessness’. In short, dogs were put in a problem situation. Every attempt to resolve it and run away from an adverse stimulus would result in more adversity. Afterwards, even when they could escape or terminate the shock, they would not even try. They learned that they were helpless. Humans learn this, too, although, thankfully, usually in a much less dramatic manner. Seligman proposed that, in the face of traumatic events that we cannot control, we might become passive, depressive, and stop learning. Such a state could generalise and make us freeze when facing any challenge. Therefore, if you want to change your attitude towards life and challenges, it’s time for you to start unlearning the learned helplessness. How? “One thing that’s hard for those who do not have a can-do attitude is to notice and take up new opportunities in life. The comfort of the known feels safe.” One thing that’s usually hard for those who do not have a can-do attitude is to notice and take up new opportunities and chances in life. The comfort of the known feels safe. With time, you will accumulate too many arguments against helplessness for your mind to oppose them any longer. 7. Change your locus of control One thing that is characteristic of individuals with a can-do attitude is that they have an inner locus of control. Locus of control is a psychological term indicating where you position the power over your experiences. Is it internal or external? In other words, do you feel that a lot of things are outside of your control? Or do you feel in charge of both your reactions and the events that happen in your life? A study revealed that people with an internal locus of control are healthier, more satisfied, and, overall, have higher subjective well-being levels. If you want to become a person who believes in themselves and has the zest to accomplish whatever they set their mind to, try shifting your locus of control. How to do it? The majority of the above tips will result in a gradual shift of the locus. Additionally, try and remember that you always have a choice. Brainstorm your options, talk to people, make lists of pros and cons, whatever works. The choice is always yours. Even when the uncontrollable life events come – you choose how you will see and feel them. Yes, you can! If you don’t possess a can-do attitude just yet, don’t be too harsh on yourself. You’re far from being alone. Nonetheless, if you wish to change things, believe that it can be done. You can become one of those people who seem to have it going for them. Their secret? Allow me to respond with a quote: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning • Main image: shutterstock/IC Production happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Healthy habits | Mindfulness | Self care Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

We often forget to be kind to ourselves, but being good to yourself is essential says psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović. Discover eight self-love techniques – such as forgiveness and setting boundaries – and improve your emotional well-being. 'Please be good to yourself' is something we would like to say to our loved ones when we witness them beating themselves up. Yet, we rarely take our own advice. Unlike compassion, self-kindness often feels unnatural. In today’s society of achievements, we succumb to rationing self-love as if it were something that needs to be painstakingly deserved. However, it is not. Self-love is dynamic and expands as we grow psychologically. It is not something that you can attain through a makeover, inspirational read, career achievements, or a new relationship. It is not simply feeling good or motivated to take on the world. It is knowing and accepting yourself, being comfortable with who you are. Being good to yourself means being autonomous and centred in your life purpose and values. This article will explore the science behind self-love and self-kindness, and give you eight research-based tips on how to be good to yourself. Why being good to yourself is essential Being good to yourself is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions. The reason? It is an essential ingredient of well-being. Through self-love, both our minds and our bodies can function optimally. For a long time, researchers and practitioners were aware of the effects of self-kindness on psychological and physical health. A recent study revealed the mechanism behind its benefits. Being good to oneself switches off our threat response, calms our heart rate, and, overall, enables us to respond flexibly to situations. Be good to yourself: self-love is essential for well-being shutterstock/kues The threat (or, the fight or flight) response to stressful situations is adaptive to a point. However, for a modern human, on most occasions, this reaction is overly intensive. After all, there isn’t a prehistoric carnivore chasing us. So, consistently practising self-love and managing to switch this extreme automatic reaction off boosts our immune system. By doing so, we give ourselves the best chance of healing and prospering. Be good to yourself: 8 self-love techniques For the majority of people, the habit of being unconstructively self-critical is deeply engrained in their psyche. Most of us expect to see results (educational, professional, or social achievements) before we can begin to love ourselves. So, being good to yourself probably won’t become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it. Here are eight techniques you can easily incorporate into your life. Try them and hopefully you will start to see a difference. 1. Practise mindfulness Even though it’s not a panacea, mindfulness remains at the top of the list of beneficial techniques in a variety of situations. It teaches us to observe our inner world without judgement. If you want to be good to yourself, fist yu need to accept whatever it may be that you’re feeling or thinking. Mindfulness gives us the necessary self-esteem and unconditional self-acceptance we need to feel comfortable with ourselves. 2. Be honest about your weaknesses Not being perfect stings. We know. We all have an image of the ideal self in our heads. Looking at the discrepancy between who we are and who we want to be is unpleasant at the very least. Nonetheless, to be good to yourself doesn’t mean lying, flattering, or turning a blind eye to your shortcomings. Self-love means not bashing yourself over your flaws. It means building a healthier response to your failures and imperfections. Accepting that you’re not impeccable will gradually lead you to a realistic image of your self-worth. 3. Speak sincere words of self-acceptance Once you’ve brought your weaknesses and emotions to the light of the day through being mindful and truthful, you can begin to shift your attitude. When you ignore or deny your limitations, you are giving the power away. Because you don’t want that, it’s time to come up with affirmations that will resonate with your true self. “'Be good to yourself' is much more than a phrase. It is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions.” For example, you might be facing a difficult task. Trying to convince yourself that the idea of giving up does not tempt you probably won’t work. Instead, you could try saying: “Even though this feels hard, I will be gentle with myself and simply do my best”. If you’re struggling with creating your genuine self-love statements, try thinking about what you would need to hear from someone else. What kind of supportive sentence would you believe in? 4. Forgive and self-forgive Forgiveness liberates. It’s a pearl of ancient wisdom with strong support in modern-day research. An extensive review of studies on forgiveness found that if we find it in ourselves to replace the unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal. Letting go of resentment means to be good to yourself. And what about self-forgiveness? When you forgive yourself, you open the doors to growing as a person. Whether you’re feeling guilty for hurting another, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for holding on to unhealthy habits, let go of self-hate. Forgiving yourself frees you from unconstructive self-condemnation. 5. Know your values To be good to yourself means more than self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. It means working towards fulfilling your purpose as well. Once you’ve come to peace with who you are and abandoned self-loathing, the need to realise your potentials will naturally come to the front. Forgiveness is a big part of self-love and being good to yourself shutterstock/HBRH This is when you need to be clear on what your core values are. You can try one of the life coaching tools freely available such as the “What I really value in life” or “Values and purpose” exercise to help you define what it is that moves you. 6. Practise good self-care Self-love and good self-care are closely connected. You are more likely to make healthy lifestyle choices when you’re happy with yourself and your life. This association can also work the other way round. If you commit to taking good care of yourself, you will build the basis for loving yourself more. Be good to yourself, eat healthily, exercise, sleep better, surround yourself with well-minded people, and pursue interests. But remember, it’s also very important not to be harsh on yourself when you fail to do those things. Being a perfectionist will only cause you to beat yourself up, instead of making you feel good. 7. Stop comparing yourself In the age of social media and all-around self-promotion, our natural inclination to compare ourselves to others has become enormously amplified. We all know that people carefully edit what they display online (and in person, for that matter). Nonetheless, we are still affected by the contrast between our real lives and what we see out there. “'Being good to yourself probably won't become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it.” Comparing yourself to others can make you vulnerable to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. So, stop doing it. Spend your energy on living intentionally instead. 8. Set boundaries We all do it sometimes – we bend over backwards. We do it for our career, friends, family, or simply because we were raised to do so. Although it is praiseworthy to be selfless, the truth is – you cannot live a healthy life without healthy limits. Well-being depends on feeling like you’re in control and being assertive (among other things, of course). Therefore, you cannot keep pulling out all your stops for every single person or project. You need to set boundaries and protect your integrity. Make your love for yourself a lifelong romance As you might have noticed, we’re not proposing narcissistic self-love based on a delusory image of your saint-like grandness — quite the opposite. The foundation of self-love is authenticity. So, to love yourself, know yourself. Accept, do not judge - but always seek ways to grow and improve. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. Live a life that is in line with your values and work towards your ideal self. In that way, self-love becomes the spring from which your contribution to the world will flow. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online Academy classes Healthy habits | Self care | Quality time Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

November was full of feel-good environmental and health stories – but you may have missed them given all the negative news currently in the press. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten feel-good news stories from the past month to uplift and inspire. The world appears to have been in short supply of happiness in 2020. That said, November was an unusually positive month for the mainstream media with not one but three vaccine trial announcements in the fight against COVID-19. For some, the pharmaceutical companies' successes were the only stories worth talking about but there were plenty of others for those seeking more positivity in their news feeds. 1. Food scientists develop sustainable palm oil A pair of Canadian researchers have announced that they think they have found a sustainable and healthy alternative to palm oil. Widely used in the food manufacturing industry, palm oil is controversial for many reasons, not least because it tends to be grown on land that was formerly devoted to rainforests. According to Professor Alejandro Marangoni of the University of Guelph, adding certain enzymes to ordinary vegetable fat can make an eco-friendly alternative to conventional palm oil. 2. Mindfulness more effective if it's 'warm' Although mindfulness-based stress reduction has been studied for many years by scientists, a recent study review conducted at Harvard University has found that, overall, a 'warm' approach is better than a 'cool' one. According to Dr Zev Schuman-Olivier of the Harvard Medical School, a warm approach to mindfulness includes and element of self-compassion. He contrasts this with a cool approach which cultivates an attitude of greater tolerance to unpleasant situations. He claimed that mindfulness programmes that focus explicitly on cultivating inner-compassion are more likely to help facilitate sustained behavioural changes in people. Show self-compassion with mindfulness shutterstock/ESB Basic 3. New technique developed for safe asbestos disposal Asbestos was widely used in consumer products and buildings for many years before its awful effects on lungs were fully understood. Disposing of it has always been a difficult and expensive business. Sometimes the safest thing to do has been to simply place it into long-term storage. However, a Wolverhampton-based recycling business has found a way to destroy it in kilns such that it will never be harmful to people ever again. The technique can be scaled up to deal with industrial requirements, according to the firm's chairman, Graham Gould. 4. DNA alteration method takes the fight cancer cells A revolutionary technique has been developed by scientists in Israel, according to a report in the Daily Mail. Professor Dan Peer led a team of researchers at the University of Tel Aviv in their gene editing work. They have made use of the so-called CRISPR Cas-9 gene editing system – developed by Jennifer Doudna and Emmanuelle Charpentier, who won a Nobel Prize for their work – to alter the DNA in mice. This meant that the mice were less susceptible to developing cancers. Professor Peer said that he thought the work would be developed into treatments for humans which could then extend the lives of many people who suffer from tumours. 5. Healthy sleeping is good for your heart Getting into better sleeping habits has long been understood to help with chronic conditions such as depression. However, enjoying a restful night's sleep can also help to combat heart disease. A report in Healthline cited a scientific study that was published in the American Heart Association's scholarly journal. It found that people with good sleeping habits were up to 42 per cent less likely to suffer from heart failure than those with poor sleeping patterns. Crucially, this was the case regardless of any other factors involved with heart health, such as how much or little people exercised. RELATED: Can't sleep? 14 fixes to get a good night's rest Better sleep helps fight heart disease shutterstock/SjStudio6 6. NASA sets out to count every tree on the planet Although deforestation is a big problem in the fight against climate change and wildlife habitat preservation, no one knows how many trees there are on Earth. Added to this picture are some very ambitious tree-planting schemes going on around the world. Therefore, NASA is using its satellite technology and some very powerful supercomputers to try and count every single tree (!) on the planet, beginning in Africa. This figure should allow future generations to establish more accurately how good they have been at maintaining or improving tree stock levels. 7. Diabetes cure may be around the corner According to the National Post, scientists at the University of Alberta have been able to cure diabetes in mice. The team developed a new method for treating the disease which involves stem cells turning into pancreatic cells so that they can produce insulin within the body rather than it having to be injected. Dr James Shapiro, who led the research, said that he believes this technique will translate into a functional cure for diabetes for those living with it. 8. Rare Scottish wildcats born thanks to conservation programme A report in the Daily Record announced the arrival of two Scottish wildcat kittens in November. The critically endangered species is thought to number just 35 in the wild which makes the birth of two kittens – one male and one female – big news for conservationists. The kittens were born following efforts of the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland to breed captive wildcats. It's hoped that released wildcats will help to boost numbers in the wild in projects that are run in collaboration with NatureScot and Forestry and Land Scotland among others. The Scottish wildcat shutterstock/Mark Bridger 9. Biodegradable food containers developed from bamboo In an effort to stop using plastic for takeaway containers and other forms of single-use tableware, a team from Northeastern University in the United States has come up with a new material derived from sugar and bamboo. The use of these natural materials is ideal for the levels of hygiene needed for food products but it breaks down quite straightforwardly within 60 days and can be simply composted. What's more, the new material has been shown to work with solid foods as well as drinks. This is important because so-called green alternatives to plastic – such as cardboard – are often found to be flimsy or soggy, especially when they are used to hold hot beverages. According to a report in iNews, the manufacturing processes needed to make the material are less carbon intensive than those currently used for similar plastic products. 10. Three key factors in happiness revealed by academics According to a report in Science Times, being happy is something that can be more readily attained by focusing on three important factors. The report was based on the work of Emiliana Simon-Thomas, an academic who teaches a Science of Happiness course at the University of Berkley. It stated that boosting social connections and showing more gratitude were two of the most important things people can do to make themselves feel happier. According to Simon-Thomas, the third feeling that people she researches need to have if they want to be happy is one of self-compassion. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive news | Mindfulness | Nature | Biology | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Following a body scan meditation script allows your nervous system to heal and helps to reduce anxiety and stress. Meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak shares an easy-to-follow 10-minute body scan meditation script and explores more of the benefits of this practice. Body scan meditations have become one of the most popular meditation exercises. In this article, I’d like to talk with you about why these simple exercises are often recommended for anxiety, relaxation and insomnia, among other benefits. The basic practice is simple to describe. You close your eyes and direct your attention to your body, moving from your head to your toes (or reverse), feeling as many sensations as closely as you can. Some people find it easiest to picture parts of their body, like what their hand looks like, for example. The most powerful benefits happen when you feel or sense that part of your body from the inside. You do your best to feel sensations in your body, like warmth, tingling or pressure. There are two main benefits when you use a body scan meditation script. First, this kind of sustained attention to your body has a profoundly relaxing effect on your nervous system. Your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and rejuvenation, is activated by this practice. All kinds of relaxing, healing chemicals and processes are set in motion. It’s like an internal spa day! The second benefit is that paying precise attention to your body sensations starts to bring your mind and body into sync. It’s a unifying, grounding experience that you can feel for yourself in the practice I’ll describe below. So, let’s look in a bit more detail at the benefits of following a body scan meditation script. 1. Allows your nervous system to heal Doctor and psychologist Rick Hanson has written several fascinating and accessible books about how our body and brains have evolved. For example, he describes life when we were a young species on the planet. Being alert to physical dangers like a tiger in the grass was a crucial survival skill. So, our brains became oriented toward potential external threats. Without an actual threat, however, this brain mechanism can become a recipe for the anxiety or stress so many of us experience today. We can become overly vigilant and never actually relax. Body scans are incredibly relaxing shutterstock/wavebreakmedia A body scan practice, Hanson says, is powerful because it reverses this mechanism. Paying attention to what’s happening internally, rather than externally, is a signal to our ancient nervous system that says, “Well, if I’m paying attention inside, I guess there’s no tiger out there!” Then your brain starts to do all kinds of wonderful things to relax and heal from the wear and tear of being vigilant at other times. 2. Reduces anxiety and stress I know, I already mentioned this in the last bullet. But, it's worth repeating because anxiety, stress and their common companion depression, are at epidemic proportions in our world. You don’t have to have high levels of anxiety or depression to feel less joyful, less connected or less capable. Even low levels can affect you in all these ways. • JOIN US! Discover more about meditation at happiness.com. Belong to a community that cares • When you use a body scan meditation script, especially if you do it regularly, you’ll start to disrupt the cycle of unease: stressful thoughts causing tension in your body, causing more anxiety, causing poor sleep, causing depression, and on and on. 3. Clears and calms your mind As you are probably aware, your mind needs something to do! A good body scan meditation script will help you with that because it’s restful for your mind. It doesn’t have to work hard at thinking and analyzing. A body scan practice shifts your mind into a relaxing state of simply noticing sensations, taking you away from any negative thinking you may have. It also strengthens your ability to focus. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } XX XX Try out our relaxing bodyscan meditation script here 4. Helps you get in touch with your body Our bodies carry a lot of stress and physical tension that we're often not even aware of. All the little daily stresses, as well as any older psychological wounds, leave a residue in your body. This residue holds crucial information about your well-being and healing. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to the happiness.com community and share your story and challenges • Becoming aware of it can be challenging, but a body scan practice strengthens your ability to be with whatever you experience kindly. And, you begin to recognize the intelligence in the body. Did you know there are brain neurons that extend throughout your body? Your body has a lot to tell you. 5. Trains you in self-care Self-care is another benefit of listening to a body scan meditation script. Slowing down enough to inhabit your body and your emotions is an act of self-care. It’s one concrete way you can practice caring about your own experience, listening to your own wisdom, and treating yourself with curiosity and respect. Body scan tips Firstly, be precise. As you’re listening to a body scan meditation script, do your best to really feel each area before moving on to the next. Even pause the recording if you need to. If you rush the practice, your body will know you’re not really paying attention! For example, it might take you ten minutes or even more to really connect with your shoulder. And that’s OK. This can happen no matter how much experience you have! On the other hand, if you start to feel stuck, move on to the next area and come back to it later on in the practice. You can also make any difficult areas an area of specific focus for the next time you follow the body scan meditation script. “Self-care is another benefit of listening to a body scan meditation script. Slowing down enough to inhabit your body and your emotions is an act of self-care.” Secondly, don’t judge. I’m going to give you different instructions and suggestions in the body scan meditation script below. But don’t judge your own experience by any guidance I give you, for example, naming a sensation like tightness or cold. It’s important that you name and connect with your experience whatever it is. That’s the purpose of this exercise. Body scan meditation script You should set aside at least ten minutes to do this practice. You can do it either lying down or sitting up. Take a few full breaths to help your body and mind begin to relax. Feel the sensations where your body connects with the floor or surface under you. Feel your body getting heavy. Starting by sensing your head. Sense your forehead and the area around your eyes. This is an area lots of us hold tension. There’s no right or wrong thing to feel. Just notice and gently name any sensations silently like warmth, tingling or pressure. Let your attention move to the top of your head, to your scalp, and down the sides and back of your head. And feel your neck, the muscles along the back and sides, and even sense inside your neck and throat. • WANT MORE ON MEDITATION? Sign-up free to happiness.com • Now sense your shoulders, the large heavy muscles of your shoulders and shoulder blades. If you notice any tension or discomfort here, it’s not anything you need to change, just be aware of it. If you like, you can breathe into any area that feels some discomfort. This just means that you imagine your breath is moving in and out of the area, instead of your nose. Let your attention move slowly down your arms, sensing your upper arms, elbows and lower arms. Sense the muscles and bones here. Feel the bones of your wrist and the softness of your palms. Our hands are a centre of so much activity and expression. Feel all the sensations in your palms, fingers and fingertips. Now shift your attention to your chest around your heart and solar plexus. What do you notice there? Breathe and feel it. It may be different in the next moment. You’re just tuning in right now to your body to these precise physical sensations. And remember: be patient. Your body moves at a slower pace than your mind. Body scan meditation helps you get in touch with your body Now allow your attention to move into your stomach and hips. Let your attention rest here for a few breaths. Continue down your upper legs, knees and lower legs, taking as much time as you need to feel the sensations and awareness there. Remember that there’s no right or wrong experience, only to be as present and caring as you can. Then move down into your feet, ankles, the soles of your feet and all ten toes. Your feet work so hard all day long: really feel all the muscles and tendons and tissues there. Now, take a big breath and see if you can feel your whole body all at once sitting or lying here, breathing. From the tips of your toes, up through your legs, your torso, your arms, into your head and face. Feel your body as one, whole field of sensation and energy. Keep breathing and finish the practice. And when you’re ready, slowly open your eyes. How to end your practice How did it go? When you’ve finished the body scan meditation script, take a moment to notice any sense of freshness, relaxation or groundedness. Take a moment to observe and feel your body and mind, before you return to your day. Once you have used this body scan meditation script a few times, try doing the practice in your own way. Move your attention through your body at your own pace, in any way you like, following the tips in this article and, most important, being curious and kind. You may find that going solo allows you to be even more attentive to what is going on for you, and to connect more deeply with your inner world. • Main image: shutterstock/Mark Nazh happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Better sleep | Breathwork | Happiness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Mindful parenting is a tool to help you clear your mind and open your heart, says meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak. Discover how to reconnect with yourself and your intentions as a parent by following her tips. You’re making dinner. Your two school-aged children are fighting, the dog just padded through the kitchen with muddy paws, your partner called to say they’ll be late and your teenager is tuning you all out watching something on their iPad. Just another family meal! However, this kind of stressful scenario is many parents’ “normal.” It’s why mindful parenting is very much on many parents’ minds, and even more so during a global pandemic where families are facing unprecedented stresses and uncertainty. Indeed, many parents want to know how mindfulness can help them reduce their own stress, be the good parents they most want to be, and model healthy coping skills for their kids. What is mindfulness? Let’s start with a quick look at two definitions of mindfulness: Paying attention to the present moment with kindness and curiosity. Non-judgemental awareness of your moment-to-moment experience. In its essence, mindfulness is taking a deep pause. Sometimes there isn’t a lot of space between our feelings and thoughts about a situation, and our reactions to it. We literally react without thinking, usually in a habitual way, sometimes making stressful situations worse for ourselves and our loved ones. Mindfulness is a mini reset that lets you see a situation with fresh eyes. To see things as they are with a little less baggage about the past, or worries or hopes about the future. Take a pause for mindful parenting As a parent, mindfulness is a tool to clear your mind and open your heart, to reconnect with your deepest intentions for yourself as a parent. And, at the same time, your mindful parenting shows your child how to better handle their own anxiety. So, you don’t need to understand any philosophy or complicated practices to try mindful parenting. But I wouldn’t be telling you the whole story if I said it’s always easy. What is mindful parenting and how do I do it? Close your eyes for a few seconds. Slow down a bit and pay attention to what is happening in this moment, with kindness and curiosity. Take a few deep breaths, noticing the sensations in your body as you do, letting your thoughts and feelings flow by for just a moment. Not so hard, right? Kind of relaxing. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Now try it again, picturing the dinner scene at the start of this article. A little harder, right? Maybe a little less kind and non-judgemental? Mindful parenting is meant to help us all be more present and resourceful with exactly these busy, stressful realities of life. There are essentially two ways to practice mindfulness: Taking a few quiet minutes away from your daily activities. Inserting small moments of mindfulness in the midst of family life. Both are beneficial and, no matter which you choose, mindful parenting looks like this: Create a pause. Come into the present. Notice with kindness and non-judgement what is happening. Choose your behavior. Mindful parenting exercise So, the next time you’re feeling stressed, try this mindful parenting exercise. And the next time after that. Create a pause. Break into the stress cycle of tension, thoughts, emotions and reactions with a pause. Do something to ground in and soothe your body, like taking two deep breaths. Feel the rising and falling sensations of breath in your body. Come into the present. Are you reliving past instances of the stressful situation or worrying about the future? While this is 100 per cent understandable, it takes you out of the moment where all of your resources and choices are. Do your best to maintain attention on your breath and body sensations, rather than your thoughts and emotions, just for a moment. Body focus helps you stay in the present. Notice with kindness and non-judgement what is happening. As you pay attention, commit to a kind, non-judgmental attitude toward your experiences. Being critical creates more thinking, more worrying, more blaming. Notice, with curiosity, if you are being unkind to yourself or those around you. Noticing without judgement sounds like this: “My partner is late. This may create extra work for me.” Noticing with judgement sounds like this: “My partner is late, again! Why are they so selfish?” Get the idea? When you practice this even a little, you may notice your mind and heart calming down. You feel more inner space. That’s the time to start noticing what your thoughts and emotions are really telling you. “What am I feeling right now? What is my child feeling?” You have created a pause to see beyond the surface and ask, “What is actually going on here? What can I do to help?” You’re not analyzing, just trying to see clearly, with some kindness. Choose your behavior. These steps and attitudes help you to choose behaviour, rather than your behaviour choosing you. Kindness and curiosity, more than anything else, strengthen your ability to self-regulate your emotions, stay with your experience and respond wisely. As a parent, be mindful of your child's moods Not only that, but you will model positive coping for your children. They learn from you how to choose what’s best for them, rather than acting out of fearful feelings and thoughts. Conclusion: mindful parenting One of the most common worries parents talk about in my mindfulness classes is guilt. They snap at their child for something, feel guilty and resolve never to do it again. But, the next time the child acts out, the parent reacts just as they said they wouldn’t. They become demoralized – stuck in a stressed, reactive, regretful cycle. This kind of knee-jerk reaction – that is in conflict with your best intentions – is a hallmark of stress. Don’t underestimate the effect stress has on your body, mind and spirit. The good news is, each time you practise mindfulness, you help to balance and strengthen all three. Your actions automatically start to come more into alignment with your intentions and values. You don’t need to practice for an hour a day. It doesn’t matter how long your periods of mindfulness are, only how often and how sincerely you do them. I hope you’ll try both types of mindful breaks: taking a few minutes in a quiet place and boldly taking a pause in an unquiet situation! If you’d like to go deeper, consider taking a mindful parenting class. This could be a great gift for yourself and your entire family. Stay well. • Main image: shutterstock/Evgeny Atamanenko happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Communication skills | Family activities | Happiness | Meditation | Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Most of us are trying to find greater happiness in our lives. Follow these 11 science-backed tips from Calvin Holbrook every day, and you could naturally boost your well-being. In today's modern and busy world, finding happiness can seem challenging. Our lives are more stressful than ever and we have less time to relax and enjoy life. The recent shift in mainstream media becoming increasingly negative only helps to fuel our anxiety and wider unease, leading to greater misery and unhappiness. Happiness is a state we all want to achieve, but is it even realistically possible to be upbeat and content the whole time? And what exactly is happiness? Would you consider it a way of life, a certain mood, or a state of mind? It's clear happiness levels fluctuate, but is there a way to increase or regulate them? In fact, as most of us have probably realized by now, there’s no magic way to stay joyful all the time. However, there is some science behind the nature of happiness. Furthermore, once we understand this, we can develop our skills to find happiness and remain joyful for longer periods consistently. So, follow these 11 science-backed ways to increase your levels of joy and you should be able to see a positive difference in your daily well-being and discover deeper happiness more easily. Finding happiness: 11 positive changes to make From staying social to practising gratitude: make these 11 changes to your life and start finding more happiness. 1. Stay social and build quality relationships Science is clear on this one: you can find and maintain happiness through developing quality relationships. We humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness and recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But don’t start adding random people on Facebook just yet: simply having many different acquaintances doesn’t lead to a boost in happiness levels: it’s the quality of those relationships that's key. RELATED: How to make new friends as an adult In a landmark 75-year, multigenerational study, Robert Waldinger measured happiness levels in people from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. He found that the most joyful were those with high-quality social connections. Lonely people were less happy and, significantly, had poorer health. Having a relationship with a stable and consistently caring person made the difference. So, take time to nurture more meaningful relationships with the people you love while also eliminating toxic friendships. Build your bliss: find happiness by staying close to great friends 2. Force out a smile Buddhist Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote: “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ In fact, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. Psychological scientists from the University of Kansas conducted a study in which they assessed the impact of smiling on one’s physical and mental state. They came to the conclusion that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down or unhappy can actually makes us feel happier. Furthermore, try smiling at strangers, too: studies shows that happiness really is contagious, so you may just get a friendly grin back that lifts you up! This is an easy practical tip which can help you in finding happiness on a daily basis. 3. Find your 'flow' It sounds simple, but take time to think about what you really love doing in life and make an effort to do more of it. Go for simple things you can fit into your schedule on a daily or weekly basis. Maybe it’s being in nature. Perhaps it’s reading, wild swimming, visiting an art gallery, cooking a delicious meal, or just dancing around the living room. Whatever your daily happy buzz, make time for it in your life and it will help you in discovering greater happiness. Better still, if you can find an activity where your mind is fully immersed in a feeling of focus, involvement and enjoyment, you've probably found your flow. This blissful state, where you're totally 'in the zone' creates true moments of joy and helps your forget any worries. Find your flow: do what you love and find deeper happiness 4. Develop a more meaningful life Meaningfulness is a major happy factor that you can extend into your whole life. Whether it's through gardening, volunteering, or becoming politically active, meaningful activities have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. Indeed, a study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in leisure activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. So, finding meaning can translate to finding happiness. 5. Think positive thoughts Some people seem to live by the ‘glass half full’ and ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdotes, and for good reason. In fact, you can actually increase your happiness levels by focusing on positive things and reducing negative thinking. Here's a simple tip: every time you think a negative thought, try and replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your usual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts into your life. “Science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier.” Likewise, changing your perspective on your situation can help in discovering happiness too. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your successes. Learn more about how to stop ruminating and start living with hope and appreciation. 6. Practise gratitude Showing gratitude is proven to make you feel happier and more humble. We're often focused on what we don't have, but, instead, be grateful for what you do already have: your home, food on the table, clothing, and access to water/electricity. Many millions of people in the world don’t have these things (and, interestingly, many of them are still happy). RELATED: 5 benefits of gratitude practice Moreover, science shows that writing a daily or weekly gratitude journal can make finding happiness easier. The Journal of Happiness Studies published a study that used gratitude letters to test how being grateful can affect our levels of happiness. The researchers concluded that: “Participants included 219 men and women who wrote three letters of gratitude over a three-week period. Results indicated that writing letters of gratitude increased participants' happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms.” So, put pen to paper before going to bed and be grateful for your day. Finding happiness: gratitude journals helps you appreciate life 7. Stop comparing yourself to others In our social media savvy world, flaunting your travels, relationships and purchases on Instagram is all too common. However, comparing yourself to other people will only lead to unhappiness. Indeed, data from a 2010 Europe-wide survey of 19,000 people showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. Furthermore, while other people’s lives may appear ‘perfect’, there’s always a hidden story we’re unaware of. We usually only share our best moments on social media, rather than our darkest fears and anxieties. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on achieving your own dreams by goal setting. If needed, change your social media habits and/or delete accounts. 8. Exercise daily Working out is proven to boost levels of happiness. In fact, exercise has such a profound effect on well-being that it’s an effective strategy for tackling depression. In a study cited in The Happiness Advantage – a book by Shawn Achor – three groups of patients treated their depression with medication, exercise, or a combination of both. All three groups experienced similar improvements in their happiness levels in early days, but the later follow-up assessments proved very different. Six months later the groups were tested to assess their relapse rate. Of those that had taken the medication alone, 38 per cent had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group did a little better, with a 31 per cent relapse rate. But with the exercise group, the relapse rate was just nice per cent, suggesting it really did make a difference to finding happiness. So, make sure you fit some exercise into your daily routine. If you’re struggling to find time to get to the gym, you could try mindful running or forest bathing to connect with nature. Wheel good for happiness: boost your well-being through exercise 9. Get plenty of sleep If you don’t rest well, you won’t be able to function at your best. Regular sleep deprivation breaks down our productivity, alertness and mood. Aim for between seven and nine hours kip a night and this will help keep your happiness levels up. A 2017 study from the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders at Brigham and Women's Hospital, and MIT Media Lab Affective Computing Group, showed that keeping regular sleep patterns contributes to the happiness and well-being of college students. The study looked at 204 students over one month. The results show that higher sleep regularity was significantly related to higher morning and evening happiness, healthiness and calmness during the week. “Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you in finding happiness. Try meditating in the morning, shortly after waking.” “Irregular sleep-wake schedules are common in our modern society," said lead author Akane Sano, PhD. “Our results indicate the importance of sleep regularity, in addition to sleep duration, and that regular sleep is associated with improved well-being.” Follow these 14 science-backed sleep hacks if you're struggling to get a decent night's kip. 10. Practise meditation Starting your day with just five to ten minutes of meditation will help you to find deeper happiness. Try meditating in the morning shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for the rest of the day. In fact, there are many studies that have shown that mediation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice that has the power to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain so you can be happier. Feel the focus: finding deeper happiness through meditation 11. Go outside more often While we can’t control the weather, spending time outside is essential for our well-being. In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor recommends spending time in the fresh air to improve your happiness. “Making time to go outside on a nice day also delivers a huge advantage,” he says. “One study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather not only boosted positive mood, but broadened thinking and improved working memory.” RELATED: Coastal living – 4 benefits of living by the sea Meanwhile, a study from the University of Sussex corroborated the idea that being outdoors made people happier: “Being outdoors, near the sea, on a warm, sunny weekend afternoon is the perfect spot for most. In fact, participants were found to be substantially happier outdoors in all natural environments than they were in urban environments.” So, whatever the weather, make sure you get outside of your four walls to boost your well-being. Finding happiness: the takeaway Finally, one last thing. Science also suggests that some people are simply ‘born happier’. Indeed, we all enter this world with different temperaments and often maintain a certain state of happiness over our lifetimes. In The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that only around 40 per cent of our happiness is under our control (recent life events and biological set points predetermine the other 60 per cent). So, if accurate, this research means only about half of happiness levels can be controlled at any given moment. If you can incorporate as many of these 11 steps into your daily life, you should be able to increase your happiness levels over a period of time. Seeking out a positive state of mind, practising certain actions, and enhancing quality relationships all help: but these habits require consistent work to be successful and help you in finding happiness. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Motivation | Courage | Success Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes gay artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

When Jacqui Paterson started stargazing with her kids during the COVID pandemic, it changed their lives for the better. She explains the power of gazing at the stars and the proven benefits of this awe-evoking (and free!) activity. I’m a glass-half-full girl by nature, but even I was struggling earlier in the year. A terrifying virus was tearing across the planet and the entire world had ground to a halt; I was consumed with worry about my family and paying the bills, and whether life would ever be the same again. Then, one evening I went outside and stopped dead in my tracks. The sky was clear and pitch black, and the stars were shining so brightly I literally gasped. As I stood under that twinkling ceiling, gazing at the stars, I was overwhelmed with wonder. I remembered an app I’d downloaded a couple of months earlier, which identifies all the stars, constellations, satellites and planets. Calling my daughters, aged 10 and 12, we raced upstairs, where we had an unobstructed view across the night sky. Using the app, we were thrilled to discover that bright white star hovering over the horizon was actually Venus. We skimmed past Betelguese – a dying red supergiant star 700 times the size of Earth – and through the constellations of Gemini, Auriga and Perseus. Gazing at the stars has meditative benefits shutterstock/VARUNA In that moment the world no longer seemed like an unfamiliar place. It reminded me that the Earth had been around for 4.5 billion years and had endured things much more dramatic than a virus, which instantly brought my worries into perspective. Plus, that twinkling night sky was just so beautiful – so stop-you-in-your-tracks gorgeous – I felt happier and calmer just looking at it. It became our thing to sit at the window evening, gazing at the stars. Not only did it help us let go of that nervous lockdown energy, for half an hour each day we got to ‘travel’ outside our four walls. What is stargazing? So, what is stargazing? For a start, it’s nothing new; for millennia humans have looked to the skies for guidance and reassurance, and to find meaning and purpose in their existence. “The sky has been a part of human experience since we were able to think, in some form or manner,” says Dr Daniel Brown, Associate Professor in Astronomy and Science Communication for Nottingham Trent University. It’s been used to construct time and mark the passage of it, while celestial navigation – using the stars as reference points – has helped us explore the Earth for over 5,000 years. Astronomy has provided us with that link between sky and Earth; a way for us to understand and engage with the heavens. Constellations have always played their own important role too, Dr Brown says. So much so, rock paintings depicting them have been found dating back over 40,000 years. “The sky was clear and pitch black, and the stars were shining so brightly I literally gasped. As I stood under that twinkling ceiling, gazing at the stars, I was overwhelmed with wonder.” Perhaps surprisingly, the constellations have remained practically unchanged since being deciphered and named by Greek astronomer Ptolemy in the 2nd century AD, even resisting an attempt 1,400 years later, by Julius Schiller, to reimagine the stars into biblical and early Christian figures. Its offshoot, astrology (once an accepted part of astronomy, but now considered a ‘pseudo-science’), is also thought to have played a valuable part by helping society to make sense of different people and personalities. How can I do stargazing? Perhaps the biggest advantage of gazing at the stars is that it’s free and accessible to every person on the planet – regardless of how, or where, you live. It can be carried out with the naked eye; alternatively, there are telescopes to suit all budgets and smartphone apps that bring ancient skies to life with augmented reality technology. The darker the sky the better, as the stars can shine in their full and natural glory. The International Dark Sky Places conservation program has curated a list of parks and reserves that are completely undiluted by light pollution. While these conditions are ideal for gazing at the stars, you can try it anywhere with a view of the clear sky (you might need to focus more in urban areas to block out distracting light and noise). Dress appropriately – you don’t want your meditation cut short because you’re cold – and find yourself a safe, comfortable spot with a clear view of the sky, like open parkland, or your back garden. If you’re planning to stargaze in the city, get as high up as you can; good spots include rooftop gardens, skylights or even looking out of large windows. Turn off all the lights you can, allow your eyes time to adjust to the darkness, then scan the skies for a particular spot or star to concentrate on. Soften your gaze and look slightly away from your target to see it more clearly (this is called averted vision and works because the cells in the sides of our eyes process low light better than the ones in the centre of your eye). Use an app to identify stars and constellations, and even the odd satellite looping overhead, or go ‘old school’ with a penlight and a stargazing guidebook. Alternatively, don’t even try to work out what you’re looking out, just lie back and enjoy the celestial show. While gazing at the stars, be conscious of your breath slowing and your body relaxing. Take in the sights, but also the sounds and sensations. Let your mind drift where it may; if irrelevant thoughts intrude, acknowledge them and let them go. Try not to feel frustrated if your meditation doesn’t go to plan, says Mark Westmoquette, author of Mindful Thoughts for Stargazers – find your inner universe and the recently released Mindful Universe. If the night is overcast, focus instead on the movement of the clouds and the way the stars intermittently peek out, he suggests, and appreciate the sky’s beautiful, changing nature. The benefits of gazing at the stars Westmoquette has a rare insight into both the science of stargazing, and its meditative effects. In 2013 he left a career in astronomy research to become a full-time yoga and meditation teacher. Today he melds both worlds by running monthly stargazing evenings from his home of St Helena, a tiny volcanic island in the South Atlantic. “I began to see how the tools of mindfulness could equally apply to stargazing, and how it could be a very mindful activity,” he explains. “During periods of worry and anxiety, when you find yourself lying awake at night, the familiar constellations and the slow wheeling of the heavens can be a reassuring source of comfort,” says Westmoquette. “Looking up at the stars can become a silent retreat into wonder and awe. I find that considering the enormity of space and time and the existence of our tiny planet within that, always helps put my personal worries into perspective.” RELATED: 8 reasons why awe makes your life better The eternal nature of the heavens can also bring comfort. When we look upwards, we’re essentially seeing the same stars and planets as our ancestors, and their ancestors and their ancestors before them, Westmoquette says. There’s something comforting about having that constant, especially when the world is in a state of flux. Stargazing gets kids used to asking bigger questions shutterstock/KIDSADA PHOTO According to psychologist Dr Katie Sparks, time spent in nature helps our bodies return to a natural rhythm. “We are part of nature, but we have become detached from it,” she says. “The demands on our attention from our fast pace of life are exhausting us both mentally and physically.” When we return to nature – by going for a walk, or gardening, or gazing at the stars – this calming contrast becomes obvious, she says. “The focus is shifted off our minds, which are constantly churning, and into our bodies. This helps to relax us physically, as we can then notice any bodily tension and breathe into it. It also helps us relax mentally by giving ourselves a break from our thoughts.” “While gazing at the stars, be conscious of your breath slowing and your body relaxing. Take in the sights, but also the sounds and sensations. Let your mind drift where it may.” In a year when school has been turned upside down, gazing at the stars is also a fun activity to enjoy with children. When they ask, ‘what is stargazing?’ you can reply by teaching them astronomy, or philosophy (opening up conversations about why we’re here, and whether there is a higher power, or a grand design), or even by discussing legends and folklore. You can even watch the International Space Station arcing across the sky, and imagine what the astronauts are doing as they look back down on the Blue Planet. Learning about the infinite worlds beyond our own can help replace their anxious thoughts with ones of fascination and wonder instead. Studies have shown that experiencing a sense of awe – a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder – prompts us to think outside of our own selfish needs and increases humility, helping us accept and appreciate life. So next time you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed by life, the solution could be, literally, written in the stars. • There are over 130 officially accredited ‘Dark Sky Places’ internationally, including Exmoor National Park, UK, Snowdonia National Park, Wales, Cosmic Campground, New Mexico, US, Death Valley National Park, US, Grand Canyon National Park, US, Warrumbungle National Park, Australia, and Aoraki Mackenzie, New Zealand. Search the International Dark Sky Places website for the full list. Main image: shutterstock/Dudarev Mikhail happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Astrology | Nature | Family activities | Meditation Written by Jacqui Paterson Jacqui has been a true-life and travel journalist for over 25 years, and has travelled all over the world telling people's stories. Originally from New Zealand, she's now based in the UK, where she also wrangles two pre-teen daughters, and runs her lifestyle blog, Jacqui Paterson.com.