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After suffering years of chronic pain, Jill Satterfield healed herself and developed her own unique practice: Vajra yoga and meditation. Sienna Saint-Cyr takes a deeper look at the method and the woman behind it. Most yoga practices involve breathing and movement. Some are body-based and focus little on the mind or proper breathing and movement. My first experience with yoga was this kind: the instructors showed off, while the others in class competed to see who could get into the more difficult pose. This level of competition and showboating didn’t center me, relax me, or bring me any sort of joy. It took years for me to discover that not all yoga was like the showy gym classes I’d taken. In fact, some instructors and practitioners take their methods to new levels by making the practice unique. There are many reasons to make a practice your own. Whether it’s body limitations, personal desire, or simply following your intuition. One woman, Jill Satterfield, created a method called Vajra Yoga & Meditation. In Vajra, she combines mindfulness, meditation, compassion, Buddhist philosophy, psychology, and yoga asana (pose/position of the body). Jill Satterfield: walking a different path Jill Satterfield's journey of discovering her own process began when she was fairly young, around the age of 19. She’d been diagnosed with chronic pain, and for years, doctors were unable to find the cause. She endured multiple surgeries and eventually, a doctor found the problem. Surgery repaired some of the issue — see the interview with Jennifer Raye — but it didn’t get rid of her pain. Later, Jill was told she’d have to live with the pain or take very risky steps to deaden her nerves. Jill had already explored movement and meditation and wasn’t going to take this bad news lying down. So, she decided to work with her mind, since that’s where the pain was being registered. After a few years of meditation and specific yoga practices, she managed to heal parts of herself that the doctors claimed wasn’t possible. This led her down the path of 35 years of what she coins “integrative healthcare”. RELATED: Healing trauma with yoga What Jill Satterfield has done – and continues to do – is combine many methods of yoga, meditation, relaxation, mindfulness, and so forth, to achieve her goals. Jill teaches internationally: she's a wellness program director, speaks and coaches, and is the founder of Vajra Yoga & Meditation and founder and Director of the School for Compassionate Action: Meditation, Yoga and Educational Support for Communities in Need. Indeed, Jill certainly knows her stuff! Shambhala Sun magazine (now Lion's Roar) named her one of the four leading yoga and Buddhist teachers in the United Kingdom. A happy and healthy life has more than one piece While there are many parts to her practice, one of Jill's methods I found helpful is called Checking In. Unlike some practices that have the practitioner focus solely on their breathing and body, during 'check in', Jill has the practitioner focus on the room as well: What temperature is it? Is there sound? What about smell? .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Check out how to check in: Jill Satterfield's yoga © YouTube/Eckhart Yoga Jill's method broadens the space of which we can be aware of our surroundings and present in them while keeping focus inside the body as well. It’s more of a meditation to use throughout the day or right before your yoga session. Combining the meditation and physical yoga movements really assist with balancing the mind and body. “After a few years of meditation and specific yoga practices, Jill Satterfield managed to heal parts of herself that the doctors claimed wasn’t possible.” Jill Satterfield also teaches how to move from the inside out. Rather than the very body-based yoga poses I’d previously tried, Jill teaches how to set the mind and heart straight first, then go into the asanas. The difference is rather than a rigid body pose — a thing I struggle with constantly — the body is much softer. An example of this is in her Heart Opening sequence. The idea is to pull from a place of love within, then carry that into our poses. To push that feeling into our bodies and outward into our surroundings. Trying to feel peace from the actual pose has never worked for me. But beginning in the heart and moving outward into the body gives me the inner calm that leads me to feel filled with joy on a daily basis. The art of heart: Jill's Heart Opening seqeuence © YouTube/Eckhart Yoga Mindfulness practices for yoga and every day Adding in the Buddhist beliefs takes this practice to a place of even higher intent as it involves a lot more mindfulness than typical yoga. Buddhism is a way of living. Not just a belief, but daily actions. Being mindful means being aware of thoughts and actions. Buddha Net has a Five Minute Introduction to Buddhism where they explain some of the basic principles. Again, much of this is about mindfulness. RELATED: Do mindfulness apps work? To fully understand how all of these things work together and make Jill Satterfield’s practice so effective, I did some research on how mindfulness itself helps us achieve happiness. In 2012 Berkeley Science Review did a study on mindfulness and published the results. Once completed, researchers found what connects mindfulness with happiness. In their studies, they discuss something called the 'self-discrepancy gap'. What this gap is, is the space between our actual self and our ideal self. It's in this gap that we fill ourselves with self-judgment. These two views of self tend to contradict one another, thus creating negative emotions because our natural drive is to close the gap between these two selves: we want to be this but we’re really that. After an eight-week mindfulness-based, cognitive therapy (for depression relapse prevention) session, those that completed the mindfulness therapy had fewer discrepancies between their actual self and ideal self. In essence, the gap became smaller. “Being mindful – which includes being present in the mind and body – directly leads to happiness. It shatters this internal conflict of these two aspects of ourselves.” While the review goes into several reasons as to why this happened, it's clear that mindfulness helps us to be present. When we’re present, we’re focused on the here and now. This isn’t to say we can’t have goals, but the practice helps us honor who we are in the moment. It helps us to see that the gap between who we are and who we want to be isn’t as big as we thought. RELATED: Happiness is a journey, not a destination Being mindful — which includes being present in the mind and body — directly leads to happiness. It shatters this internal conflict of these two aspects of ourselves. How your body can teach you to be mindful The Berkeley Science Review brings me back to what Jill Satterfield shared in her interview with Jennifer. Jill knew that she needed to listen to her body and mind. That she needed to honor what her body was telling her it needed. She understood that the true healing would happen in her mind and carry out into her body. If you haven’t tried this type of yoga practice, or if, like me, you were stuck in classes of people showing off, I can’t recommend Jill Satterfield’s practice enough. She is supportive of people making their practices their own. She coaches as needed because she understands that we know what our bodies need. The more present we are in our bodies, the faster we can go about healing ourselves. Jill Satterfield serves as an example of what we can achieve when we honour our needs and use integrative therapy to heal. ● Main photo: Colorbox.com Portrait of Jill Satterfield: vajrayoga.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more.

Looking to develop or improve your mindfulness practice? Tine Steiss reviews Mindfulness Daily, an app that aims to do just that. In Mindfulness Daily, Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach are presenting a 40-day introduction for mindfulness and meditation. You can access the daily lessons via an app or online. Mindfulness Daily app: what is it? The lessons are usually around 10 minutes long and are either taught by Jack or Tara. An explanation about today's subject is followed by a guided meditation to dig deeper into the subject. It's wrapped up with a daily practice to try throughout the day. Finding some space to incorporate your Mindfulness Daily practice during the start of your day could be a great idea. RELATED: Morning meditation – the secret to a great day Once you've completed a lesson you can access the following one the next day. This creates a nice pace and means that you can't rush through the course. You're given the time to explore each lesson throughout your day and you can always revisit the lessons you've already completed. These lessons are currently divided into four main topics: Mindfulness Basics Emotional Intelligence Resilience, Healing and Inner Freedom Mindful Living With the latest update of the Mindfulness Daily app, each lesson also has a name. This makes it much easier to revisit your most influential lessons when you feel like you need them. With this, you can tailor your sittings to your daily needs once you've finished the course by starting out with a subject you'd like to focus on. Which means the app keeps being your little helper, even after having finished the course. “Once you've completed a lesson on Mindfulness Daily you can access the following one the next day. This creates a nice pace and you can't rush through the course.” The course has a great structure that guides you through all the relevant areas of mindfulness without being boring or too demanding. It's suitable for beginners as a first introduction to mindfulness, but if you're more experienced you will still find this course helpful and structured and are likely to discover new aspects of mindfulness for yourself. Get 'appy: Mindfulness Daily offers 40 lessons Going through 40 aspects in 40 lessons you'll most likely encounter some that seem to be an easy ride and some that touch you on a deeper level. So, this is also a great way to explore where to focus on more in your future practice. Pricing and benefits Mindfulness Daily is distributed by Sounds True, an independent multimedia publishing company focusing on spiritual traditions, arts and humanities. I paid $38 for the app, so each lesson came down to less than $1. If you download Mindfulness Daily you also get access to other free Sounds True content. Even its regular newsletters come with free content, so the marketing is actually a win-win deal; they remind you to spend your money with them and give you something nice for free. Fair enough if you ask me. [UPDATE] Mindfulness daily is now available for free! RELATED: The 5 best happiness apps to improve well-being The Sounds True library app is a similar deal. It provides you with easy access to meditations, music, Mindfulness Daily and whatever else you may buy there in the future. It also tracks the time you've been meditating with the app, offers a meditation timer with different bells, and a journal for your experiences. This keeps me from not deleting the app from my phone and even using it on a daily basis. Mindfulness Daily: my personal experience Due to the briefness of each lesson, it's easily incorporated into your morning routine. At least for me, it was easy to sit down for ten minutes each morning and I didn't skip or postpone a single day. Most of the time I'd even revisit a lesson in the evening again to wrap up my day. “The Mindfulness Daily app course has a great structure that guides you through all the relevant areas of mindfulness without being boring or too demanding.” I started with meditation many years ago, but it wasn't until about two years ago that I developed my personal daily routine. Having a structured program is very helpful for me to keep up a daily practice. Even better if it helps me revisit and expand my knowledge and practice. So, the structured daily lessons were really up my alley to start with. I also realized how I got a bit slack after the course had finished. But I started using single lessons matching my needs that day as an intro to my daily practice. High praise: daily meditation using Mindfulness Daily works Furthermore, I admit to being a bit of a Tara Brach fangirl. She has a lot of free content out there that I listen to regularly. Normally it's harder for me to concentrate on a subject if I'm just listening and I prefer reading about it. In her case, it's the other way around. I had some troubles reading her book True Refugee. On the other hand, listening to her talks is a great experience, as the way she explains things really resonates with me. So, that's one of the main reasons I chose this course. If you're unsure about whether or not you like Tara Brach's or Jack Kornfield's style, just check out the free content they provide. Some of it you can also get for free on Sounds True. ● Main photo: colourbox.com Written by Tine Steiss Tine is part of the happiness.com team. She's an artist, meditator, media engineer and MBSR teacher. If she's not traveling she's working on turning her rooftop terrace into a garden paradise. Find out more about her on Instagram.

October may mark the mid-point between summer and winter, but it remains a good one from the point of view of positive news. This October saw many new stories that were full of hope and happiness: here's Ed Gould's round-up of the ten best... 1. Boost your happiness with a short review of your day The BBC reported in October that a simple exercise to appraise your day can improve your happiness and well being. Its report focused on Sandi Mann, a lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire, who suggested that the habit offers a straightforward psychological boost when completed regularly. She suggests conducting a review of your day in which six questions, including what experiences gave you pleasure, are asked. By focusing on your answers you can gradually shift your mindset, no matter how bleak, to a happier one. 2. New hope for fossil fuel free energy A fuel that's packed with energy just like coal would make a huge difference to electrical energy production – if it didn't release so much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and add to global climate change. Incredibly, exactly this could be on the horizon thanks to Spanish company Ingelia. The Valencia-based company has developed an industrial process called hydrothermal carbonisation. Essentially, this means it can make biocarbon named 'biochar', which can be burned with zero emissions. What's more, there should be a plentiful supply of biochar's raw material: it's made from nothing more than sewage, meaning we can all contribute! 3. Toy giant to harness to power of mindfulness You might not put Lego and mindfulness in the same headspace but that may change according to reports in The Daily Telegraph. The Denmark-based toy brand has decided to use a new marketing ploy in which its simple bricks are used to help achieve a sense of inner calm. A spokesperson for the company said that the idea was to highlight the benefits of mindfulness through Lego, since playing with it offered a “challenge that's at once relaxing and creatively stimulating.” The campaign is primarily aimed at young adults rather than Lego's core audience of children: perhaps it's time to break that tub of bricks open! Building blocks of happiness? Lego could help... 4. The era of single-use plastic is coming to an end In more positive news for the environment, the European Union has taken steps to ban the use of plastics which are designed for single use only. Many media outlets reported that MEPs had voted to ban things like plastic cotton buds, knives and forks, drink stirrers and straws. Many such plastic products end up in the ocean and enter the food chain when eaten by fish (which are subsequently caught and consumed by humans). The move is expected to take effect from 2021. 5. French city leads the way in public transport revolution During October, The Guardian reported how the citizens of the coastal city of Dunkirk were taking up public transport in ever greater numbers. Not surprising given that the city's authorities decided to offer all bus services to its community for free. What's newsworthy is the fact that buses have since become places of social interaction, meeting points and even places to get work done: Dunkirk's buses offer complimentary Wi-Fi. Research suggests that as bus use rises, so fewer cars head into the city, freeing it up and generating cleaner air for all: a win-win situation. 6. Could mushrooms treat depression? In America, where the use of substances is regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), permission has been granted into a scientific study into the effects of psilocybin mushrooms. Long known for their psychedelic effect, these fungi may unlock some clues as to how to treat mental health disorders like depression. It took some time for the FDA to come to its final decision, but the path now appears to be clear for researchers to progress with their studies. Mushroom for improvement: fungi could treat depression 7. Cannabis may hold the key to treating Crohn's disease Medical News Today reported a story that should bring some happiness to those with Crohn's disease. A debilitating condition that impacts negatively on the digestion system, people living with Crohn's may soon be able to make use of the properties of cannabis to lessen the severity of symptoms. The medical uses of cannabis are well known, but this Israeli-led research indicates that the drug may soon be widely used to help treat pain caused by the condition. Project lead Timna Naftali, a gastroenterology specialist at Tel Aviv University's Meir Hospital, said it's yet to be determined how a treatment might work but its effects are already there to be seen. 8. Solar farm created on former disaster site Chernobyl may forever be linked with the worrying outcome of a fully-blown nuclear power plant disaster, but it's making power once more. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, the old power plant – which was thought to be completely unusable following its meltdown – has now been converted into a solar energy farm. It still may be too radioactive to live there, but workers can safely set up solar panels which create green electricity. So far, the Ukraine has installed in excess of 3,700 solar panels at the site. 9. UN recognizes Indian state's farming achievement Affording new hope to anyone who believes in the future of an agricultural sector which does not rely on pesticides and antibiotics, the Indian state of Sikkim has officially become 100 per cent organic. Over 60,000 farms have adopted the practice, which, according to Reuters, has boosted tourism in the state, as well as setting an example of what can be achieved with a collective effort. The Food and Agriculture Organization of the UN recognized the achievement by awarding Sikkim with its most prestigious prize. Congratulations! Indian farmer with eggplants © Hari Mahidhar/shutterstock.com 10. Police beat stress with mindfulness techniques Few jobs can be as stressful as working for the police. In response to the needs of officers, the United Kingdom's College of Policing has developed a 'Mindfit Cop' programme to teach officers how to use methods derived from Buddhist meditation to help face up to their work difficulties and anxieties. The eight-week course has already been taken up by officers from South Wales, Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Somerset and Avon. It's hoped the course will see fewer cases of burnout within the service, so that officer retention rates are improved. ● Do you think Lego could help you be more mindful? Have you ever tried an end-of-day appraisal? Share your thoughts on October's positive news stories with the community below... Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

For centuries, people have fasted as a way to cleanse the body and give it chance to heal. Indian spiritual leader KAMLESH D. PATEL aka Daaji explains some of the ancient wisdoms behind the act of temporary withdrawing food from our diet... A few days back, we were having a conversation at the Heartfulness Meditation Center in New Jersey, USA, about the significance of various rituals and customs that have been observed in society since time immemorial. Many of these rituals are followed with rigor and discipline, which is a good thing. What makes them more joyful and impactful, though, is knowing the true significance of the principles behind them. Our conversation touched upon various topics, like the reasons for adorning the red pigment, sindoor, as a dot on the forehead of married women in India, praying before eating, and fasting on special occasions. I would like to share with your some of my thoughts on the concept of fasting. So many traditional rituals are disappearing from modern civilization, but fortunately something is still preserved amongst the innocent people in villages. They may not understand the significance of these rituals, but they have maintained their observance. Among so-called educated people, we have issues when someone asks us why we are doing what we are doing. As a result, when we have no justifiable explanation, we avoid observing rituals for fear of being looked upon as old-fashioned or without real understanding. We need to study and try to find the significance behind most rituals. Fasting and the moon Let’s start with the significance of Ekadashi in the Indian culture. Many people observe a fast on Ekadashi days. It's a widely prevalent ritual, but not deeply understood. Ekadashi is a Sanskrit word for the number 11. It stands for the eleventh day of each half of the month in the lunar calendar. So, there are two Ekadashi days in each month: one is in the first half of the month when the moon is waxing, and the second is when the moon is waning. Not full: fasting on specific days of the lunar cycle is part of Indian culture These days have a very special significance for health, and the practice has been connected with religion for the sole purpose of health and well-being. Had it not been associated with religion, common people would not have followed such dictums. It's good to moderate the intake of food on these days so as to counter the impact of the lunar system on the human body, as our body is 60-70 per cent water. You can see the impact of the moon on the water in the oceans. It is significant. On full moon nights there can be tides rising up to 20 or even 30 feet. Similarly, this has an impact on the human system also. Indeed, especially during the full moon, records show criminal activity is greater than usual on these days. The term ‘lunatic’ actually comes from the lunar effect on the human nervous system. Our elders must have observed this. “It's good to moderate the intake of food on these days so as to counter the impact of the lunar system on the human body.” From the eighth day of the lunar cycle, the effect starts rising and reaches its peak on the fifteenth day. Midway between these two is the eleventh day, Ekadashi. If we moderate our intake on that day, we can neutralize the lunar impact on our system. Liquid lunch: juicing can be employed during fasting from food Training and fasting Closer to home, the great Masters of Sahaj Marg have suggested fasting on certain special occasions. One such occasion is the day when a trainer is given permission to start imparting training to others. You may ask why trainers are asked to fast on the day they are given permission to work? In Sahaj Marg, the special preparation for training a candidate goes on for days, perhaps even years, before the work is complete. On the day when permission is granted, qualitatively the trainer becomes a spiritual conduit of the divine Transmission, and, on this day, most of the yogic chakras of such a person are purified and brought to some sort of opening or blooming. These chakras are also divinely charged, enabling the trainer to become a conduit for the spiritual work. When this happens, the divine charge remains very active for the next few days. This divine charge is so subtle compared to the energy that we derive from solid food that, if we were to eat, the grosser energy from the food would naturally displace the subtle divine charge. On this day, the idea is to tune in, receive and allow the charge to be completely absorbed. Hence it is recommended to fast on this day. I hope you can appreciate the importance of moderation in food on such an important day. Autophagy: healing from inside Earlier this week, I was reading about the fascinating work done by Dr Yoshinori Ohsumi on autophagy, for which he was awarded the Nobel prize in medicine this year. Thanks to Dr Ohsumi and others following in his footsteps, we now know that autophagy controls important physiological functions where cellular components need to be degraded and recycled. Autophagy means to ‘self eat’, and is the process by which the body eats its own damaged cells and unused proteins. After an infection, autophagy can eliminate those cells infected by invading intracellular bacteria and viruses (read more). Now, interestingly, in Ayurveda there is a saying: “starve a cold.” I believe the ancients observed these correlations across a physical, emotional and mental spectrum. Keep hydrated: drinking water while fasting is essential The above examples about Ekadashi and the preparatory work of a trainer in Sahaj Marg illustrate that autophagy may have a role to play also in our emotional and mental well-being, beyond just the physical body. I look forward to further pioneering work by scientists to validate the new frontiers in this field of research. Let me your thoughts on this topic and I look forward to engaging with you all in a dialogue to go deeper into the subject. All the best, Daaji ● This article was first published in Heartfulness magazine. The copyright is owned by Sahaj Marg Spirituality Foundation and it is reproduced here with permission. Other articles by the author and similar articles can be accessed at http://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com Written by Kamlesh Patel Kamlesh Patel is the world teacher of Heartfulness, and the fourth spiritual Guide in the Sahaj Marg system of Raja Yoga. He oversees Heartfulness centers and ashrams in over 150 countries, and guides the thousands of certified Heartfulness trainers who are permitted to impart Yogic Transmission under his care. Known to many as Daaji, he is also an innovator and researcher, equally at home in the inner world of spirituality and the outer world of science, blending the two into transcendental research on the evolution of consciousness. Building on the insights of his first Guide, Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur, he is expanding our understanding of the purpose of human existence to a new level, so necessary at this pivotal time in human history.

When Anastasia Fox's best friend, Wes, committed suicide, her world fell apart. Trying to make sense of why he took his own life has been a long and painful struggle. Now feeling happier and stronger, this is her story of hope. Why do people commit suicide? What drives someone to end their own life? What goes through their mind, their heart, their being, when they make that decision? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss? And how do you cope when a friend commits suicide? How can you deal with that? These are all questions that have run through my head time and time again. In many ways, I can answer most of those questions from my own attempted suicide, but grieving his loss is something I struggle with daily. Why him? Why did HE do it? There are so many things I could write about Wes. I could go on about what an amazing person he was, how much he loved everyone, the fight he put up for his daughter, or how everyone adored him. I could talk about him all day long, laugh about the stupid things we would do and say... but none of it will ever actually convey just what an amazing human being he was and the lives that he touched. It would never do justice to the man that would literally give the shirt off his back for someone he didn’t know. It’s not everyday that someone like this walks into your life, and in the blink of an eye, is taken. Wesley Michael Clarke, the man that no one really knew his age until he passed away, the father that loved his daughter more than life itself, the friend that made everyone laugh even if he hurt inside, and the life that was taken way too soon. All I can ever hope for is that you finally found that inner peace. You’re a legend, babe. And you’ll always be in my heart. “How do you cope when a friend commits suicide? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss?” I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him. We had everything planned out, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Everyone knew how much we loved one another and just how much he meant to me. It didn’t matter the distance between us, the years that past, the people between us; Wes was my Big, and I was his Little. I’m sure on many levels we probably had a pretty toxic relationship, and even I’ll admit, we usually got up to quite a lot of shenanigans, some that were probably quite questionable, but he was my everything. He was the only person that I never questioned if his love for me was real. A loving and well-liked father I met Wes years ago; we had the same group of friends for years. We never really spoke much, but I knew he was really liked and got along with everyone. It wasn’t until my partner and I split and I moved out West, that Wes and I started speaking on a regular basis. He contacted me right away to let me know he would help me out with my kids however he could. He said he would want someone helping with his daughter, too. I knew how much he loved Channel, and not being apart of her life broke him inside. He didn’t want my kids to feel how Channel felt, and even though he wasn’t their father, he played a big role in their lives. Coping with the suicide of a friend: “Wes became my best friend” He would speak of Channel constantly, not just to me, but also told my children about her. He always had photos of her and would take them out for us to see. She was his pride and joy. His eyes would light up so brightly whenever he spoke about her. And when he was with my children, his eyes would also light up. He would always thank me for letting him be apart of their lives and I would always thank him for being apart of mine. “I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him.” I never thought that him helping me with my children would start a ten-year relationship and teach me some of life’s most amazing lessons. As a newly single mom, I was trying to get my life back together and working ridiculously long hours at work. I couldn’t afford the daycare and was left with very few other options for my children. Wes did whatever he could to be there for them, and for me. 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping during emotional times The 8 types of grief explained He would often leave his job early to travel about 45 minutes across the city to come help me out. He would pick my kids up from daycare, cook them dinner, painted their nails, did their hair, took them to their school plays. There were mornings he would get up with them for breakfast, take them to school, and just be there for them when I couldn’t. He stepped into a parent role when I couldn’t. They still spoke with their father often; they missed him a lot and Wes tried to be there for them through that. He explained to them on numerous occasions he was never trying to replace their father, but if they needed anything, he would be there. He often would phone their dad so they could speak with him. Friends for ever Eventually I was working a job that I didn’t need so much help, and by that point, Wes, had become my best friend. He worked in construction, and would often call me about 100 times a day just to see if I was OK or needed something. He would get into quite a lot of trouble for always being on the phone with me, so he would hide somewhere in the building and call me from a closet, or a basement, just to hear my voice. Wes: a big man with an even bigger heart No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. I never would have imagined I would be writing something in his memory, not like this. I could write a book just on the things we would joke about, the never-ending drama between us, the laughs, the arguments, everything. Every day with Wes was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together. There were times we would get into really big fights and stop talking for a few months at a time, instead of making up right away, we’d both write down on paper what we wanted to tell the other one, and as soon as we started speaking again, we’d exchange papers and laugh. It never mattered the amount of time that went by, we would just pick up where we left off. I’m not sure why we never officially dated; I suppose he always had a girlfriend and I always had a boyfriend. We would cheat on our partners to be with one another, but we never wanted to be together, or at least for that moment. Everyone always asked why we weren’t together. We never made our love a secret, we never hid anything, our life was fairly public. We made a pact when I was 22 that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 30, we’d marry one another. I didn’t think that instead of marrying my best friend on my 30th birthday, I’d be saying goodbye. “No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. Every day with him was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together.” “We ride together, we die together” I started dating someone that ended up being one of the most violent people I had ever met. I had a number of hospital stays and Wes was always there when I would wake up; he was always there to ask me what the hell I was doing. I always made light of the situation but I know he knew I was lying. Why didn’t he do more to stop me? I don’t know, some might say that is a bad best friend, I don’t think I really gave him any other option. After one particular hospital stay, Wes brought me home, and I had asked him to stay a bit. It was a rainy day, and we sat on my couch watching TV. I didn’t want to speak, I just lay against him crying, while he held on to me. He was crying too. I loved listening to his heart beat, it reminded me that I was still alive. There were plenty of times that if felt like Wes was my heart beat. He would often tell me that his heart beat for me. The movie Bad Boys II came on and he held on to me tightly and sang the song. I remember giggling about it and just holding on to him tighter. I would give anything to be back at that moment. To feel him close to me, hear his heart beat again. I would give anything to have just one more day with you, Wes. There’s a part of the movie where they say “We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life”. I remember how his face lit up and he whispered it back to me and told me how much he loved me and that he’d always be there for me. That became OUR phrase; no matter where we were, what we were doing, or who we were with. If one of us would say, “We ride together, we die together” the other would always respond with, “Bad boys for life.” Anastasia had her and Wes's saying tattooed as a reminder The years went on and our relationship grew. Not a day went by that he didn’t call me to tell me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and how he wished I saw myself the way he and others did. He was there for me through thick and thin. It didn’t matter what time of night or day it was, he was always there for me. In that time we came up with so many of our own inside jokes, our own plans, our own fantasies, our own world. My friend committed suicide: why? So, where did it go wrong? I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his? When I had tried to commit suicide a few years back, he was so angry with me, he yelled at me, cried, told me how stupid I was for trying, telling me I couldn’t leave him behind. He told me he would fight for me when I couldn’t do it myself, but that I needed to get the idea of death out of my head. So, why did he do it? Why did he leave me behind? It all happened so suddenly. One day we spoke as we normally did and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We finished the conversation with our normal banter. He told me how much he loved me, how he’d always be there for me, reminded me of how we were getting married that year, promised he’d never leave me. I told him how much I hated him, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that he was my best friend. We joked about how we were Bonnie and Clyde... except neither one of us wanted to be Bonnie, so we argued about how we would both be Clyde, and we ended our conversation with “We ride together, we die together... bad boys for life.” And that was the last I ever spoke to him. “I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his?” A couple of days went by and I didn’t hear from him. I thought it was a bit strange but I figured he was just really busy. A few more days went by and I knew something wasn’t right. We hadn’t argued about anything, so I knew there was no reason to not speak. I didn't want to overthink it, but that’s when I got the phone call. A phone call that changed my life and that no one should ever receive. I didn’t want to believe it at first, it just seemed so out of place. I thought for sure this was just a sick joke, but as I signed on to social media, I saw post after post about his passing. I can’t even explain what really went through my mind, what my body felt. There was no way. It was my worst nightmare. I couldn’t even cry. I had so many questions and there was a part of me that didn’t want to hear the answers. The next few days are a complete haze, I just went completely on auto pilot. I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen? Why did he leave me? RELATED: Male loneliness – the ticking time bomb that's killing men I know most of these thoughts were completely selfish, but, at that moment, I felt like a part of my heart and being, died that day along with him. I became super depressed and ended up going on medical leave from work because I couldn’t focus on anything. My heart was completely broken. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid I wouldn’t feel him close to me. “I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen?” My biggest fear was forgetting him. Why did I have that fear? I have no idea. I was terrified of forgetting Wes, of him becoming just another dead person. And I didn’t want that to happen. I had lost so many people in my life, but losing him, shattered me inside. I blamed myself on so many levels and hated myself for not being able to save him. Dealing with the suicide of a friend: Wes loved animals I was also so angry at him for leaving me behind. I was so angry he broke a promise to me. I was so angry he did what he was so angry that I tried. I would lay awake at night in the fetal position, just holding on to my heart crying myself to sleep. How was I supposed to get through this life without him? My whole existence was so engulfed in Wes. Everything I did, wanted to do, he was a part of. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Not that it ever did before, but now, even less. I eventually had to call a suicide hotline and started attending suicide counselling. I remember every time I went, I would just sit in the chair and cry; often times they would just leave me in the room with one person sitting close to me in case I needed the support. My heart was so broken. I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t know how. I had nothing to say. It became one of the darkest times of my life. It’s been a fight ever since. Coping with the suicide of my friend A few months after his death, someone mentioned to me that it may help me getting an emotional support dog as I couldn’t seem to pull myself back up. They said that a dog would give me purpose again, or a different outlook on life. I felt quite alone at the time as most people told me I needed to just get over it, or that I shouldn’t still feel the way I felt. I started to feel like maybe I was going crazy because I couldn’t seem to “feel better”. I decided to look into adopting a dog. I would spend hours just looking through website after website of dog shelters, and none of them seemed to click with me. And then one day I came across an American Staffordshire Terrier that was in a shelter close to me. Something about him called my attention; he seemed to remind me of someone. I called to make an appointment and after a few calls back and forth, I found myself walking up the driveway. When I arrived, there were two big enclosures, one filled with dogs jumping up and down, barking, and in the other one, a calm-looking dog, fairly large in size and uninterested in the world around him, not barking, not making a sound. He looked at me but showed little interest. They let me inside with him and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I fell in love instantly. I knew right away this was MY dog. I could have taken him home that day, but I decided I wanted to have his paperwork first. The 8 types of friends we all need Understanding the power of friendship The 6 qualities of true friendship I came back two weeks later, paperwork in hand, and excited to bring him home. When it came time to fill out the paperwork, they asked me what his name was going to be; Clyde, his name is Clyde. He fits this name perfectly. Clyde was a big boy, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated by him. I didn’t know too much about his life, so didn’t want to force my love on him, I just let him come to me when he was ready. The second day I had him we were sitting on my couch, I sat on one end, and Clyde on the other end. I wasn’t sure what to do with this massive dog, so I just sat there calmly. At one point he lay down beside me with his head on my lap. I was so excited. I started to pet him but trying not to stress him out with my excitement. And then I noticed something on his nose and couldn’t believe my eyes. Clyde had the same heart on his nose that I had tattooed on my face: it was a sign. Anastasia's heart tattoo and the similar marking on Clyde So, rewind a bit. A couple days after Wes had passed away, I tattooed a small heart underneath my eye. I picked a heart because it felt like I was crying my heart out, and I wanted people to ask me why I had a heart of my face; I wanted to tell people about Wes and what an amazing person he was, and Clyde had the same heart on his face. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To me, it was like Wes had sent Clyde to me. And suddenly I knew I was going to be OK and that Wes would always be there looking out for me. “He taught me about love” It’s been three years now since Wes committed suicide, and I can’t say that the pain has gone away, or even subsided. There are still days that coping with the suicide of my best friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself. Most days, I just brush it to the side and try to keep busy. There's a big part of me that still doesn’t understand why it had to be him. I’ve tried to take the good out of this but I also struggle to really understand what can be good about my best friend taking his own life? It’s taken me a long time to accept that he’s gone, and there's still a part of me that hasn’t accepted it. One of the things that helped me a lot, was writing a letter to myself, from him. Maybe it sounds silly, but it brought a lot of closure. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad, I know he definitely wouldn’t want me to cry. It would break his heart. I know he would want me to move on with my life and let myself love again and be loved. And when I wrote that letter to myself, it was as if there was a part of me that was finally able to let go, maybe not 100 per cent, but a lot more than before. It also helped me to see a bit more clearly what I learned from Wes. The greatest lesson he taught me was about love. The love we had for one another is something that not everyone experiences. We built an empire of love. Our love. It didn’t make sense to anyone else, and that didn’t matter, because it didn’t really make sense to us either. And sometimes that’s the best kind. “There are still days that coping with the suicide of my friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself.” Like many things, I didn’t understand what I had right in front of me until it was gone, except this time, it was really gone. All those years I was searching for love. I knew I had love in my ways, but the love that Wes showed me, was unconditional, pure, simple and yet so complex, and it was right in front of me. I took for granted our love and our relationship: I thought it would always be there, I thought he would always be there. I learned about beauty; that even with all my flaws and imperfections, that they were what made me who I was and I could chose to love myself and work on what I needed to. I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things. I learned that it wasn’t worth it to hold a grudge, to stay angry, or be mean to others. We fought like crazy, and about really stupid things, but we always made up. I learned to laugh at myself and not to be so serious. “Wes taught me about love” I learned to love again. He brought me through some really difficult times in my life and there were times I didn’t know how I would stand up again, and not only would he push me to get back up, but how to get up and smile again. He taught me how to keep laughing, even when I felt dead inside. “I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things.” He taught me to find the positive side of life. He taught me that I wasn’t really broken inside, maybe a little bruised, but that I just had to fight a little bit more and that I was going to be fine. He taught me to believe in myself, and when I didn’t, he did. He pushed me in ways that no one else had done before. Maybe I didn’t see these things when he was alive, and unfortunately it took his passing for me to understand them. I will never be able to bring him back, but I know that he still lives on in my heart. The gratitude I have for his life and what he showed me, is overflowing. I still hurt inside, and I don’t know when that will stop. His life and everything that surrounded him was so beautiful, and that beauty lives on. ● If you're struggling to cope with the suicide of a friend, the NHS has a great guide and the APA also has some useful tips. Share your thoughts below on how you are coping and if you have any tips to share... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Friendship | Grief | Loneliness | Trust Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

The authors of a new book, Wired to Create, explore the depths of the creative mind and offer ideas on how to kick-start your own creativity. From daydreaming to having a natural curiosity, here are 10 things the authors believe that great artists, writers and innovators do differently. “In the course of creative endeavours, artists and scientists join fragments of knowledge into a new unity of understanding.” So Vera John-Steiner wrote in her 1985 book: Notebooks of the Mind: Explorations of Thinking. In it, John-Steiner explored the mind of over 100 artists and creatives through interviews. No creative process is the same, and so for a long time this has mystified creativity, and the mind of those whom over the course of history have been known to exercise it. In the book Wired to Create, Dr Kaufman and Carolyn Gregoire research deep into recent findings in neuroscience and psychology to discover and unravel the layers of the creative mind. The book not only offers an informative read but also practical tips on getting the creative juices flowing. “In the course of creative endeavours, artists and scientists join fragments of knowledge into a new unity of understanding.” Dr Scott Barry Kaufmann is a cognitive psychologist, author and speaker known for his research on intelligence and creativity. His co-author Carolyn Gregoire is a journalist who wrote the article “18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently” for the Huffington Post that originated the book. “Is it possible to make sense of something as abstract as creativity?” the writers wondered. Creativity: the four-stage model The book introduces psychologist Graham Wallace’s popular “four-stage model” of creativity. It proposes the following stages: preparation, or acquiring information about a subject incubation, or letting knowledge sit the illumination stage, in which an insight has been found after associating different ideas verification, in which the artist shares the insights found The model, simple and straightforward, reminds me of a list that offers creative boosting tips such as taking a walk or listening to classical music. Even though these tips and models are helpful, they overlook a simple and common finding: creative processes are rarely linear. Indeed, Kaufman shares a post specifically on the messy minds of creative people. Artists: what lies behind their creativity? When we see results in an art exhibit or final pieces that are complete and cohesive, it's easy to forget that the ride to get there is rarely a formula, and that it varies from artist to artist. Wired to Create highlights complexities and goes in depth about the different and opposing ideas that exist within the creators, (play and seriousness, collaboration and solitude, openness and sensitivity) without being dry. In fact, it's rather upbeat, full of memorable quotes and also some practical advice. So, here are the 10 things great artists and other creative types do differently: 1. Imaginative play The book starts by going back to when we were kids. The line “A spirit of childlike curiosity and exploration is palpable in each of his highly imaginative creations” refers to Shigeru Miyamoto, the creator of Super Mario Bros. Miyamoto drew inspiration from his childhood, when he used to wander in the forest and play inside caves. The authors write, "For creative minds, creating itself is an act of play". English professor Brian Boyd puts it this way in his 2009 book, On the Origins of Stories: “A work of art act likes a playground for the mind, a swing or a slide or a merry-go-round of visual or aural or social pattern.” This points out how crucial imaginative play is during childhood, quoting psychologist Sandra Russ, “Pretend play is where many of the cognitive and affective processes important to creativity occur… because the child is making something out of nothing. 2. Passion Systematic studies confirm the importance of passionate focus when it comes to creating, as it helps the creator through challenges and setbacks. 'Follow your passion' is one of the most widely circulating clichés out there (not to mention one of the most unhelpful pieces of career advice). While the latest science supports the importance of passion in achieving any personally meaningful goal, it also suggests that this thinking is far too simplistic. “Mastering the skills necessary to create something valuable takes hard work; passion and effort feed off each other.” Apart from this, the authors make a distinction between different types of passion and its companion, inspiration. The new book Wired to Create investigates the things creative people do differently 3. Daydreaming All those times you let your mind wander at school during class might have been of benefit. Studies such as the one discussed by the Smithsonianmag on The Benefits of Daydreaming suggest that letting your mind go where it wants to go indicates a high functioning memory. Dr Kaufmann and colleague Rebecca McMillan noted mind wandering can be anything but mindless, in fact, it can be suitable for creative incubation: “Many of us know from experience that our best ideas come seemingly out of the blue when our minds are off wandering elsewhere.” Research suggests that an incubation period of mind wandering leads to improvements in creative thinking. The next time you’re working hard on a creative project or work assignment that requires intense focus and creative chops, try taking a five- minute daydreaming break every hour or so and see how it affects your ideas and thinking. During this break, engage in a simple activity that will allow your mind to wander like doodling or cleaning. Daydreaming: letting your mind wander opens it to creative inspiration 4. Solitude It's hard to be alone nowadays, or truly experience solitude when 'connection' seems to be at your fingertips 24/7, and we make our lives public, voluntarily. Even if many celebrated artists and thinkers are an example of somewhat solitary lives and culture tends to underestimate alone time. Of course, meaningful collaboration is important for creativity in many settings, and it’s essential to bring different perspectives together. However, the act of creating requires us to find time to ourselves and slow down enough to hear our own ideas --- both the good and bad ones: “Some degree of isolation is required to do creative work because the artist is constantly working on ideas or projects in his mind – and these ideas need space to be developed.” Taking some time off to recharge on your own can be very productive and prioritising this can lead to many benefits. You don’t need a vast getaway, start by a much needed social media break. Solitude: finding time alone is important for the artists to focus on creative ideas 5. Intuition Intuition. That little voice or 'gut feeling' ready to guide you and make decisions sometimes based on past experiences. Some psychologists refer to it as a 'mental matching game'. People often tend to debate how much of their intuition they should follow or how much or their rational mind should lead. Moreover, Wired to Create considers theories of cognition that suggest we have two mental processes, one that is quick and that drives us to action almost automatically, and one that is more controlled and rational. This chapter is particularly interesting as it discusses in detail how these processes act together and help us assimilate information in different ways. For example: “spontaneous methods are useful when we are coming up with ideas, while refocusing and using our rational mind help us figure out how to make these ideas come to life.” Both processes are valuable at different times in the creative process, and finding a balance is crucial in any creative field. 6. Openness to experience Allan Watts once said, “By replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity, we open ourselves up to an infinite stream of possibility. We can let fear rule our lives, or we can become childlike with curiosity, pushing our boundaries, leaping out of our comfort zones, and accepting what life puts before us.” For his doctoral dissertation, Kaufmann lead a research study with exciting results about “open” personalities: “The desire to learn and discover seemed to have significantly more bearing on creative accomplishments than did cognitive ability. People with high levels of cognitive engagement with imagination, emotions and beauty were more likely to make significant artistic, creative achievements than people with high IQs.” Findings suggested that openness to experience, the drive for exploration, in all its forms, may be the most important personal factor predicting creative achievement. Creative people are naturally curious and open to new experiences, such as traveling 7. Mindfulness By being an observer of our own minds and surroundings, we might answer what it means to be a human being in a moment in time. Artists, innovators and thinkers are inspired by the world around them by paying attention and observing their outer and inner world thoroughly. Ideas, thoughts and emotions are all part of it: “But the capacity to deeply observe (mindfulness) is not only a key attentional skill, but it’s also a distinct creative advantage.” Psychiatrist Norman Rosenthal’s research on Transcendental Meditation – a popular technique that involves the silent repetition of a personal mantra – found that many new meditators reported “flowering of creativity” after beginning their practice; an ability to see from a novel angle, to pursue new directions effectively, to innovate or change – either the world or themselves – in some meaningful way. Some other similar types of meditation such as Open Monitoring activate the imagination network by permitting some mind wandering while also boosting attention. A capacity for mindfulness is a distinct creative advantage 8. Sensitivity “The perception of sensitive minds has created works of art that offer a window to the human condition.” Apart from proposing research that is beginning to understand the neurological basis of high sensitivity, Wired to Create also presents questions to get a sense of where you are on the Hyper Sensitive Narcissism Scale of Jonathan Cheek. 9. Turning adversity into advantage Trauma is not something that should be glorified, yet creative work can be a way of exploring and giving expression to it once it finds meaning: “Adversity in its many forms can become an act of turning challenges into opportunity for creatives.” Nietzsche said that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Apart from idealisms and watered down self-help inspiration, growth after adversity has been thought of from ancient thinkers to recent psychological research in which they called it post-traumatic growth. 10. Thinking differently By challenging traditional ways of thinking, creative work defies the status quo and can pave the way for a change: The creative act itself is one of breaking from tradition and routine to create new patterns, ask new questions, and seek new answers. People who spend more time consciously thinking differently were far more likely to engage in associational thinking, the book says. Drawing from different experiences or knowledge can result in new connections that help creative problem-solving. Light bulb moments: artists often think differently Even if there is more than characteristics to consider when it comes to creating anything, the book’s overview of extended research on the topic is well organised and easy to digest, making it a smooth read. Moreover, it encourages the reader to not only think of it as a means of achieving but to live creatively, as it is not something that belongs just to a select group but to every human being. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Guest Author We are happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you are interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

New research suggests that meaning in life or purpose is related to values and motivation. But do motivations of intimacy and friendship rate higher or lower than financial success? And do men and women have different values when it comes to meaning in life? According to three Polish researchers, the values that we all come to realise in life are drawn from our personal strivings and our own motivations. Their work suggests that as a result, people are able to attain a greater level of meaning in their lives, so long as they remain motivated. For some, this might seem an obvious proposition: being motivated by your values means that you'll achieve a greater sense of meaning in life. However, the hypothesis had not been fully tested until Zuzanna Siwek and her co-authors, Anna Oleszkowicz and Aleksandra Słowińska, first published their research paper into the subject in 2016. Values and motivation: established theories According to Siwek and her colleagues, their work – which was carried out on a sample of Polish university students – started out from the point of view of two commonly accepted theoretical ideas in psychology. The first was developed by Deci and Ryan, which is often referred to as self-determination theory (SDT). Their idea is that motivation in individuals addresses issues of competence, relatedness and autonomy. For psychologists, competence is the term used for our desire to control outcomes. Relatedness is best described as our innate desire to connect and care with others. Finally, autonomy is our desire to be the agents of control in our own lives. You can think of it as the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Both extrinsic and intrinsic motivation is dealt with under SDT. For most psychologists, motivation is not a single concept but something that changes, depending on the situation. What might motivate you at work might not be the same as at home, for example. Your path in life: finding meaning is key to staying motivated Since the 1970s, psychological studies have referred to intrinsic motivation as our natural desire to face new challenges and engage in play with things we are curious about. Conversely, extrinsic motivations are not innate. These are motivations that come from outside of our inner selves, such as rewards for performance or mere praise. To break it down greatly, SDT claims that people will grow and function optimally when competence, relatedness and autonomy are working in harmony. Competence is when we try to control the outcome of something and relatedness is how connected to others we are in our actions. Finally, autonomy describes the degree of agency we have over ourselves. “Being motivated by your values means that you will achieve a greater sense of meaning in life.” Siwek's other theoretical inspiration came from the so-called logotherapy that was first developed by the esteemed psychologist Victor Frankl. His theory is based on the reasonable assumption that human beings are motivated by their search for a sense of life purpose. According to Frankl, logotherapy is merely a word that represents the search for a purposeful meaning in life. RELATED: 11 science-backed truths about finding happiness By building on these theoretical ideas, the three Polish researchers were able to build a study that utilised Personal Striving Assessments (PSAs), a system developed by Robert Emmons, a Professor of Psychology based in the US. Her teams' findings used these theories to demonstrate that meaning in life is indeed closely related to motivation. It is also related, they found, to a number of other personal values that participants responded to in their assessments which were often manifested in their personal strivings in life. Life motivation and values: difference between the sexes The Polish psychologists had a good sample size for their study. No less than 353 students took part, 159 women and 194 men. Interestingly, the study's authors claimed that the meaning in life that men and women reported was important to them was different. Men, for example, were more likely to ascribe financial success as being important in life, an extrinsic motivation, whereas women were more likely to value relationships, both intimate ones and friendships, intrinsic motivations. All of the respondents in the study were under the age of 25 and enrolled in full-time education which, the authors freely admit, means that their research is not a reflection of society as a whole. • JOIN US! Learn more about human connection and psychology • The research paper reported that behaviour and strivings of intrinsically motivated individuals are, more often than not, directed toward their own interests, a significant new finding. As a result, it was found that people are more willing to engage in personal development as a result of their autonomous motivation. Indeed, Siwek et al. claim that such people are characterised by a greater vitality, improved creativity and better levels of happiness. Men and women have different life values and motivation Moreover, Siwek's team found that different values in personal strivings facilitated differing scores for meaning in life, according to their respondents' own assessments. Although personal motivations varied between men and women in the study, the relationship between them and meaning in life was consistent regardless of gender. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) Another extrinsic value, that of physical appearance, appeared to make no difference to meaning in life or to happiness, whichever group was being looked at. As such, it seems that happiness cannot be wrought from a sense of self-worth that is based on looks alone. Summing up, Siwek claimed that meaning in life is most directly associated with the intrinsic motivation of intimacy and friendship although extrinsic factors, such as reward motivation and financial success, also form direct correlations with a sense of life meaning. She went on to add that although these gender differences were notable, no explanation could yet be offered as to why they exist and that further research would be needed to offer one. ● Do you agree with the authors of the study? What motivates you in life? Share your comments below. Written by Guest Author We'e happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

Among the coldest months of the year, February can appear to have little by way of happiness or positive news about it! However, the fact is that February 2018 has been a superb month from a news angle, with plenty of hope and human achievement to warm your heart. Ed Gould rounds up his top ten positive news story from the month. 1. Happiness is up in the UK The Office for National Statistics (ONS) announced a small but discernible amount of increase in happiness in the United Kingdom. According to reports in The Guardian in February, the ONS data – which covers the period up to September 2017 – shows that British people rated their happiness at 7.52 out of 10 on average, a rise from 7.29 in the previous survey, proving that there is hope for us all to feel happier. Where people were asked how 'worthwhile' they felt, the ONS survey revealed another upturn, which is even more positive news for people living in the UK. 2. Excessive supermarket packaging being addressed There's been plenty of media exposure in recent months to the concept that supermarkets are wrapping up our food in too much packaging. The war on excessive packaging in much of the Western world gathered pace in February when a Danish supermarket became the first ever to introduce a plastic-free aisle. Shoppers can now head there and buy wrapped, clean, healthy food, but in a retail environment that is devoid of all plastics. According to The Washington Post, the move was warmly welcomed by environmentalists and it's hoped the idea, which includes no less than 700 different grocery items, will be replicated elsewhere. That's (not) a wrap: a supermarket in Denmark has introduced a plastic-fee aisle 3. Fast food moves away from disposable cups It must be that food packaging became something of a hot topic in February, because one of the globe's largest fast-food suppliers, McDonald's, announced that its foam beverage cups and trays would be replaced in every territory it operates in throughout the world. The giant restaurant business plans to have totally recycled cups in place soon, according to Business Insider. The company's move is widely seen as a response to people power, whereby its own customers and pressure groups have informed the conglomerate's executives of what it should be doing to help protect the environment. 4. Circus animal ban in Wales looks likely According to Wales Online, a move to outlaw the use of circus animals in the region will come into force soon. Similar bans exist in other parts of Europe and, for many, the sight of a circus animal is one that only brings to mind welfare issues. Only travelling circuses operate in Wales, but the Welsh government confirmed in February that it's looking at the legal position that allows for such entertainment. The move follows a similar one put in place by another devolved administration in the UK, in Scotland, and an outright ban on circus animals in Ireland which came into force this year. 5. MIT says volcanoes will solve future construction needs The Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) is one of the world's leading scientific research centres. According to the Journal of Cleaner Production, MIT scientists working in Kuwait have begun developing ways of harnessing the power of volcanoes to make new forms of concrete which will help to build the cities of the future. Their work centres on the 'embodied energy' of volcanic ash which can be fashioned into concrete with much less energy than current methods. The result would be buildings that are constructed with a much lower carbon footprint than ever before. Blowing up: ash from volcanoes could be used to create new forms of concrete 6. Brussels set to improve airborne pollution A busy city in the heart of Europe, Brussels – like many other metropolitan areas – suffers from airborne pollution when there are lots of cars on the road. Add to this the city's inhabitants love of wood burning stoves and there's little positive news for people who are susceptible to particulates in the air. According to The Guardian, city officials will make public transport completely free to use on days when pollution is predicted to be high. The use of stoves may also be restricted on such days, according to the news story. 7. Mindfulness leads to better computer programming According to Science Daily, the practice of mindfulness is not just good for inner well-being and emotional intelligence and overall happiness, it's good for solving computer programming problems, too. Researchers from the University of Seville in Spain have demonstrated that frequent meditation sessions lead to improved performance with a variety of computer programming tasks. Students involved in the study did better with their subsequently set problems and often solved their tasks quicker than those who had not been involved with any meditation sessions. 8. Egypt announces world's most ambitious solar power station Egyptian authorities announced a joint private and public initiative to create the globe's biggest solar power complex in February. Officials said that the Benban Solar Park would create a photovoltaic plant that could generate up to 1.65 gigawatts of electrical energy. According to the Egypt Independent and other media outlets, the plant will boost the renewable energy supply in the country from a small fraction to 37 per cent by 2035. Panel power: the world's biggest solar panel plant looks set to be built in Egypt 9. A pessimistic outlook may be beneficial, study suggests According to a Reader in Health Psychology at the University of Sheffield, there's now an overwhelming body of work in the field of human science that suggests there are advantages to being pessimistic. Strictly speaking, Fuschia Sirois' work focusses on a certain kind of pessimism which harnesses negative thoughts for positive outcomes. She suggests that this is a human strategy that helps people to overcome things like anxiety that would otherwise hold them back. It shouldn't be confused, however, with the sort of pessimism that blames oneself for anything that goes wrong or is negative. Her work suggests that hope is there for all, no matter how you see the half-filled glass. 10. New research into peanut allergies is positive news for sufferers Anyone who has a peanut allergy or knows somebody with one will know just how severe the results can be. New research by an American company, Aimmune Therapeutics, has shown that a treatment may now be on the cards which will be able to help affected people. According to the Financial Times, around two-thirds of those who were involved with the trial responded well to it. More research is required before the programme can be turned into a fully-fledged therapy, but the company concerned is hopeful that one can be developed once the authorities sign off on further field trials. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Have you heard of The School of Life? It's an organization set up by experts in their field dedicated to improving lives, especially when it comes to relationships, careers and emotional well-being. Find out more... The School of Life was founded in 2008 by well-known public philosopher and author Alain de Botton. Alongside colleagues in the arts, education and cultural fields, the group started this London-based global institution dedicated to the pursuit of the better life. The school provides consultations and training for businesses. This includes a range of courses and services for individuals which are aimed at helping clients with relationships, careers advice and emotional well-being. It now has branches in London, Antwerp, Amsterdam, Berlin, Istanbul, Melbourne, México City, Paris, São Paulo, Sydney, Seoul, Taipei, and Tel Aviv. Never board: The School of Life is dedicated to a better life Help comes in the form of face-to-face therapeutic treatments and classroom-based sessions. The School delivers educational material through physical books, online books and films, a YouTube channel, and various educational tools. Many School of Life courses have received accreditation from the Continuing Professional Development Certification Service. The School is a partner in the Knowledge Quarter: a professional association that works towards the sharing and dissemination of ideas and knowledge. The humane spirit of The School of Life The School of Life bases its approach in the arts and humanities. It does this by exploring history, psychology, sociology, economics, politics, ethics and philosophical concepts. Alongside treatment of the inner aspects of the human subject, the School gives orientation in external social matters. These matters include responsible consumerism and entrepreneurship, and how to engage with culture and make one's place in the modern consumer-capitalist world, with all its challenges. “The School of Life bases its approach in the arts and humanities. It does this by exploring history, psychology, sociology, economics, politics, ethics and philosophical concepts.” The courses and therapies on offer encourage a realistic attitude to the concept of happiness. They pursue this and foster a sense of hopefulness and possibility with a humane spirit. Free of dogma and jargon or any particular ideology, they present challenging ideas to the individual. This is at the centre of everything The School of Life does. Down under: the window of the Melbourne branch of the School Aspects of modern living with which The School of Life can help: Improved parenting Being an understanding son or daughter Dealing with fear and anxiety Developing one's capacity for tolerance, forgiveness, appreciativeness and self-insight A more person-centred ethos in business and in the workplace Being comfortable with the acquisition of learning for its own sake, not only for passing examinations. “The courses and therapies on offer encourage a realistic attitude to the concept of happiness. They pursue this and foster a sense of hopefulness and possibility with a humane spirit.” The School of Life: goals The people at The School of Life do not lack ambition. It's their purpose to become a global hub for the promulgation of better emotional health. They employ various media to reach across nations with their philosophy. Which is about personal development and the psychological well-being in personal lives and in the workplace. The School aims to grow and bring its unique approach to finding solutions for emotional pain and confusion worldwide. In their own words, it 'wants to bring collective strength to the field of emotional health.' Check out The School of Life book and its website. ● Images: The book of life, YouTube, Colorbox.com Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

When Princess E started accepting her kinks and desires through exploring her sexual journey, she was well on her way to discovering her inner happiness. As long as I can remember I've had a longing, an appetite for the darkness, for 'forbidden fruit' and the so-called bad. Maybe that's why I got into so much trouble growing up. I met shady guys who took advantage of me and became more and more destructive, until I realized that I didn't even knew who I was anymore. My journey to accepting my sexuality might be dark, but it ended with such a wonderful thing. I was jumping between men, hoping to find something I was longing for, needing, actually. Someone who as good at giving me spankings as well as giving me sweet kisses. Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed – what I was begging for, I just jumped on the next guy. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with doing that if that's your thing, but for me, it only broke me down even more. Until one day, it just clicked. The day when my fiancé came into the picture everything changed. He saw me – through my body – past all the walls that I'd built up. He saw that little girl and nurtured her, took care of her. And that was probably where our fetish for DDlg started – without us even knowing. “Nothing I found was completely right for me. Instead of looking inside, deep down in my soul to find what I needed, I just jumped on the next guy.” Mr. B, as I call him, knows the exact amount of comforting that is needed after a rough night in bed. He understands, and views it as a privilege, that I'm his sub. That I chose to submit only to him. I'd been in the BDSM lifestyle for a while before I met Mr. B. Even still, I never totally understood what aftercare meant until I met him. For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person. Some say that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. For me, it's the exact opposite. Someone loving me has made me look at myself in a different way. And now I'm empowered. I'm strong. And I'm proud of my sexuality. My sexual journey: accepting my kinks At the very beginning of my sexual journey I knew I liked things hard; the 'forbidden fruit' of the bedroom. But I didn't really experiment with it. It was the same thing every time: being tied up, spanked, whipped and once in a while, a slap on the cheek. I liked it, but I didn't really feel satisfied, not completely satisfied. Then I met my fiancé. We lived on different continents and therefore sex became a lot more verbal. We experimented, and still do to this day, without our bodies even touching. Somewhere along the way, I started sorting out what my kinks were, and which were not. Finding our groove... and fetish When we finally met for the first time, after a long period of long-distance dirty talk and sex-cam action, a new journey started – the physical journey. Not until we were secure in our knowledge of each other's bodies and minds did we feel that we were ready to take the next step: master/slave. We made a contract and everything. But we, especially Mr. B, felt a little intimidated by it, like it was too much of a commitment to drop the role-playing and live like this 24/7. In the middle of the situation my fiancé took the infamous 'BDSM test'. “For the first time in my life, I lived out BDSM to please me and my man, not to let other people destroy an already broken person.” I was laying in bed, minding my own business, when he started poking me with his finger. "You've gotta read this!" It was about Daddy Dom/little girl. I read it and halfway through it was like everything was suddenly clear. This! This is what we are. This is what we already live 24/7. From the beginning, I was totally terrified. Fetishes like that are so misconstrued. But the more we talked about it, the more we realized that it wasn't that much of a choice. It's just who we were, we'd started living it freely, naturally. Delicious, forbidden fruit Today I've let my princess side out more and more, which I hid earlier by wearing tom boy clothes and not acting girly at all. That princess in me has come out and is free, and now I'm so happy. It wasn't that much to overcome. It was more like poking at it a bit to come out and play. And if there's one kink that makes you feel complete, makes you feel satisfied in more than the sexual aspect, go for it. After accepting my sexuality I feel free, happy and unstoppable. ● Main image: Colorbox.com Written by Princess E Princess E is a Swedish freelancer who focuses on DDlg, which she's living 24/7. Most of her writings are based on her experiences with her Daddy; Mr. B. Runs a blog and can be found on Twitter.