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In the new year many of us resolve to break bad habits and replace them with healthy ones. However, we often relapse quickly back into our old behaviour. Arlo Laibowitz explains how you can change this cycle, maintaining those healthy habits for longer and staying happier. Quitting smoking. Keeping a gratitude journal. Developing a mindfulness practice. Whether we want to break certain bad habits or create newer, healthy ones, the process can be complicated. Indeed, most of us have made resolutions to break bad habits in the past only to fall back into old patterns. So, how do we change this cycle? How do habits work? And what are the elements needed to break bad habits and create healthier ones? Well, popular belief has it that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, a study from University College London has shown that, in fact, it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on the complexity of the habit. Check out our video below for an explanation on how to break and create habits and continue reading the article for more tips. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Learn how to create healthy habits... and break destructive ones How are habits formed exactly? Habits are formed by the so-called 'habit loop'. The habit loop consists of: The Reminder (the trigger of the behavior). The Routine (the behaviour itself). The Reward (the benefit of the behaviour). So, to develop a healthy habit, do the following: Identify the routine around the habit. Isolate the cue or reminder that triggers the behaviour. Create behaviour chains and choose a (new) reminder. Create two lists; things you do every day, and things that happen to you each day. These lists will show you where and how to insert a new habit, in an “if-then” plan. Eliminate excessive options. Identify aspects of your life that you consider not that important, and then routinize those aspects, so that you have mental energy left to work on your habits. Choose a healthy habit that's easy to start with. Big changes in life happen as a product of daily habits, not the other way around. RELATED: Happy habits – 12 ways to boost joy daily Experiment with rewards. Create success and positive feedback loops when accomplishing your growing healthy habit for that day. Develop healthier habits with these nine steps shutterstock/becarra Make micro quotas and macro goals. Balance your desire-to-dream-big-goals with your day-to-day activities and possible quotas to get to your goals. When monitoring your habit, consider using tracking apps, or using a simple “yes-no-chart” that tracks how many days you have engaged in the healthy habit. Make a solid plan on how to break bad habits or create healthy ones and how to monitor them. Visualise the process instead of the outcome. Eliminate the “what the hell efect” or “ah-screw-its”. Find where things are susceptible to break down, and consider including an “if-then” plan to mitigate these moments. Studies have shown that certain healthy habits like making your bed, exercising, or keeping a journal, can keystone other habits. So, recognize a keystone habit that works for you, and use it to develop other healthy habits. Avoid falling back into bad habits To avoid falling back into our bad habits, or not succeeding in creating new, healthier ones, it's essential to recognise and counteract loopholes, like false choice loopholes, tomorrow loopholes, this-doesn’t count loopholes, fake self-actualisation loopholes, or one-time loopholes. “Choose a healthy habit that's easy to start with. Big changes in life happen as a product of daily habits, not the other way around.” Recognize these kinds of loopholes and counter them with “if-then” plans to strengthen your automaticity. Ultimately, breaking or creating habits help us in living the life we want to live. As author Gretchen Rubin put it, habits are “the invisible architecture of every life and a significant element of happiness.” Whether it's gratitude, mindfulness, connection, forgiveness, compassion, or any other happiness practice you seek to work on, the key is to form and sustain healthy habits. So, why not start with one today? ● What are the bad habits you want to break and what healthy ones do you want to replace them with? And how have you managed to break any bad habits successfully? Share your ideas with the happiness.com community below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Goal setting | Happiness | Healthy habits Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Many of us tend to shy away from the discomfort of uncertainty. However, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains, embracing the unknown and adapting to new situations often leads to personal growth and increased strength. The art of embracing the unknown should be a mandatory school subject. It is a skill most of us lack – which is only natural – and all of us necessitate. I am not an adventurist. It is probably not cool to admit that about yourself, but that is how it is. I have tried to avoid terrains that were out of my comfort zone for my whole life. Indeed, I am not the kind of person who will leave everything and go to Nepal to see how things will pan out. I do admire those people – but I am not one of them. However, no matter how fond of certainty I may be, life has got it in for me. Yes, it is unpredictable by definition. And always will be. Take the COVID-19 pandemic, for example. No one saw it coming. Many people had to make changes to how they work, socialise, live. It was a great unknown – and still is – but we have had to embrace the changes it has brought. Indeed, there will always be uncertainty in everybody’s life. So, how do we learn to accept and adapt to it? How can we embrace the unknown? Embracing the unknown and personality One of the most well-known, established, and used psychological tests, BIG-5, resides on an empirically confirmed assumption about five broad personality traits. One of those traits is openness to experience. This trait includes the following aspects: active imagination (fantasy) aesthetic sensitivity attentiveness to inner feelings preference for variety (adventurousness) intellectual curiosity challenging authority (psychological liberalism) People who score low on this scale are more conventional in their thinking and behaviour. They are usually closed to the unknown and new experiences. Such an individual prefers regular routines over new experiences. Open new doors and welcome the unknown shutterstock/StunningArt Conversely, according to research, someone who has high openness to experience might have a broader range of interests. They could be more creative and knowledgeable because they are fine with uncertainty. In other words, such a person is not reluctant to jump right into new information and experience. Changing your perspective to welcome the unknown Therefore, some people are simply more open to experiences. That is their personality trait. However, it only means embracing the unknown comes naturally to them. It does not mean you cannot learn to shift your perspective and do the same. Let us explore several argument points that will help you shift your perspective from being afraid of uncertainty to embracing the unknown. 1. Realise that everything is impermanent Obviously, nothing lasts forever. But we secretly hope good things do. This is why we are so afraid of uncertainty. However, when you think about it, you will realise that you have never been one hundred per cent certain about how things will unfold. Also, nothing ever stayed the same. All things pass. When you accept this thought, you might start feeling more confident about facing the unknown. 2. Letting go of attachment is beneficial When we cling to things and people, we suffer. It is one of the four noble truths in Buddhism. Attachment, albeit a natural human feeling, has a dark side to it. When you are attached to something, be it good, bad, or neutral, you become convinced you cannot go on without it. “Embrace the unknown. It is everywhere, whether you like it or not. It is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders.” When you learn to let go of past hurts, hopes or anxieties about the future, you can then go with the flow of life and enjoy it without fear. 3. Every new path and experience means growth You always learn when you try something new, regardless of how successful or not you might have been. And with learning comes growth. It was once believed that we were born with all the neurons we would ever have. Nonetheless, we now know that new neurons get formed during adulthood, too. The same goes for new neural pathways. If your counterargument is: “It might be painful”, remember all the instances in which you endured pain for the sake of growth. Start with teething as an infant, for example. You would not relinquish your teeth because it hurt a little, would you not? Embrace the unknown: every new path means growth 4. Surviving the unknown makes you stronger It may be a cliché but think of the unknown and uncertainty as an opportunity to survive and become stronger because of it. Unpredictable situations will arise, that is certain. They all bear valuable life lessons, no matter how petty or profound they may be. When you overcome obstacles and swim back out to the surface after a storm, you find yourself tougher and wiser than you were before. 5. There is always one thing you can control – your reactions When you fear uncertainty, you fear the loss of control. However, know that you can always control one thing, no matter what happens to you. Your reactions are absolutely in your power. Whatever happens, you will decide how to respond. We may not control much of what occurs to us, but we do choose how to handle the circumstances. So, ultimately, you do have control over uncertainty because you command your thoughts and behaviours. 6. The unknown can make life exciting Embracing the unknown comes with a recognition of the mysteriousness of life. Even though your first response might be: “Yes, I want to know my future!” upon closer introspection, you might be surprised. “To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles.” Indeed, a recent study confirmed that most people do not really want to know what lies ahead. In fact, only 1 per cent of people consistently said they would want to know their future. Between 40-70 per cent of participants in the said study would not want to know about the positive events in their future. The numbers for negative events are even higher – 85-90 per cent would not want to find out ahead about adversities that await them. To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles. Ways you can embrace the unknown So, how can we learn to embrace the unknown if it is not our second skin? How do we learn to accept uncertainty and even enjoy it? Here are some ideas on how to stretch your comfort zone little by little. Stop overthinking and overplanning Trust your ability to land on your feet no matter what happens. The next time you have a decision to make, embrace the unknown and do not try to predict your distant future. Stick with the immediate facts and choices. Learn to live in the present moment Another Buddhistic wisdom we all would benefit from – live in the now. We cannot change the past. We cannot predict the future. While we are trying the latter, we are missing out on the only thing we do have – the present moment. Indulge in spur-of-the-moment experiences I am not propagating recklessness or risky/unhealthy behaviour. However, when things are safe, do allow yourself some impulsiveness. I am talking about an unplanned trip with your friends, for example. Even taking an unplanned route to work or anywhere else could help you practice embracing the unknown. Do not compare your past experiences with what is happening right now. If you do, you might start acting on the basis of what had happened sometime before, not what is going on right now. And you could fear the outcomes that once ensued – but you do not know what will happen this time. Switch fear for curiosity A study from February 2021 revealed that mindfulness truly contributes to meaning in life. However, this relationship is mediated by curiosity and openness to experience. In other words, when you decide to be curious about what happens next, you will learn to embrace the unknown and uncertainty and, at the same time, help other beneficial psychological processes to evolve freely. Exercise gratitude When you develop the habit of being grateful, you also learn to notice how every situation brings something to be thankful for. Such a skill will help you embrace the unknown because you know that every cloud has a silver lining. Takeaway: embracing the unknown Uncertainty will always be a part of life. This is a given. And, paradoxically, the more you try to prepare for the unpredictable, the more surprised you may become. I am not saying you should give up on acquiring information, planning or developing your skill-set. You should always strive to be the most resilient and resourceful version of yourself. However, if you see the unknown as the enemy, chances are, you will not be able to enjoy the variety of life. The unknown comes with both the good and the bad. If you only expect enjoyable experiences and avoid anything new for your fear of adversities, you might miss out on half of life. So, embrace the unknown. It is everywhere, whether you like it or not. When you welcome it into your existence, you will be at peace. Embracing the unknown is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders. • Main image: shutterstock/everst happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Courage Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Extending happiness to those around us is likely to make us happier, too. Sonia Vadlamani explores ideas for spreading love and happiness, and the positive payoff this can deliver. Most of us wait for happiness to chance upon us, be it through a raise at work, finding love or a favorable event. Truth is, happiness is a choice and choosing to maintain a happy vibe constantly takes some dedicated effort and mental training on our behalf. However, what if it were easier to boost your levels of happiness by the way of simply spreading love and happiness around us? Researchers agree that happiness moves in clusters through groups of people and communities. Indeed, in our technology-driven and screen-obsessed era, sometimes we forget that it’s not all about us and that we may need to put back the love and happiness we expect to receive from the world. Therefore, it’s ideal to ingrain the message that happiness begets happiness, as having a more content social circle ensures that our own psychological needs are met with greater ease. Why spread love? “When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace,” said His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Indeed, spreading love and happiness can help us do better and feel better at the same time, as happier people are more helpful. Focusing on creating happiness for others also allows us to attract better outcomes for ourselves, inspiring us to follow our bliss and fulfill our purpose in life. Spreading love to others helps ourselves find peace, too Extending love to others can also aid us in resolving inner turmoil and letting go of resentment and hurt we may have harbored for a long time, enabling us to cultivate our authentic self. Spreading happiness is an effective way to counter negativity, avert hate and overcome prejudice through bridging our differences. 9 ways to spread love and happiness “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier,” advocated Mother Teresa, the Nobel laureate renowned for her missionary work with the underprivileged. Spreading happiness need not call for grand gestures or extravagant effort. In fact, committing to carry out random acts of kindness is one of the easiest ways to increase happiness around you, research suggests. Here are nine more research-backed suggestions for advocating love and happiness. 1. Strike up a conversation Humans are wired to reach out and seek connections, and the inability to form fulfilling social bonds can create ‘social pain’. This can affect our behavior and outcomes in the same capacity as physical pain, according to Matthew Lieberman, scientist and author of the bestseller book Social. Yet, it can be difficult to start a conversation with strangers, even if you’re simply doing it with the intention to be nicer. RELATED: How to keep connecting with strangers during the pandemic Striking a conversation – be it in the form of a casual complement to a stranger or a healthy discussion with a group of like-minded individuals – can be the key to spreading happiness, as it can put others at ease and establish a connection. It can possibly also help you tap into the power of friendship. However, remember to indulge in positive communication and being respectful, especially when conversing with strangers. 2. Listen without judgment Do you remember feeling supported and understood when you could vent your feelings without judgment and distractions from others? Indeed, offering someone our undivided attention and avoiding the temptation to jump in mid-flow to impose our perspectives can be an effective way of spreading love and happiness. “Spreading love and happiness can help us do better and feel better at the same time. Focusing on creating happiness for others also allows us to attract better outcomes for ourselves.” Sometimes, it helps to take a ‘helicopter view’ of a scenario and remind ourselves that everyone around us maybe going through a struggle of their own, unbeknownst to us. A withdrawn neighbor could be overwhelmed at work, a server who seemed preoccupied today could be dealing with adult bullying, or a friend who has lately been seeming reclusive might be trying to deal with their depression. Practising mindful listening enables us to withhold snap judgments and view a situation from a different, more helpful vantage point. Also, nurturing an age-gap friendship can be a great way to broaden our perspectives and drop any unwanted, pre-conceived notions we may have, in addition to building a mutual support system. 3. Express gratitude An attitude of gratitude can change our lives for the better, according to research. Expressing thankfulness and being appreciative of good things in our lives can help improve relationships with others, lower stress levels and enable better decision making. Choosing gratitude also allows us to cultivate an abundance mindset and tap into our intuition with greater ease. There are several effective ways to practise gratitude, which include keeping a gratitude journal, using visual reminders, formulating gratitude affirmations or simply incorporating gratitude yoga into your daily schedule. 4. Be supportive Our encouraging words and supportive behavior can create a butterfly effect on others, highlighting our ability to create a positive impact in their life. Practise offering constructive criticism whenever you wish to offer useful feedback, albeit in a compassionate manner. A simple hug can spread kindness and love shutterstock/BRO.vector Helping someone cope with holiday grief or somebody having a panic attack, being there for someone recovering from addiction are some of the ways of spreading love by being supportive. Indeed, the simple act of hugging can sometimes offer greater mental benefits than words of encouragement. 5. Indulge in small acts of kindness While volunteering and charity require you to offer your skills and resources for furthering a good cause, there are several easy ways to choose kindness every day, most of which don’t demand a lot of time or effort on your behalf. Spreading love is possible through small gestures, like leaving a bigger tip than expected, holding the lift door open for others, or offering a nutritious meal to a lesser-privileged person. 6. Practise self-compassion While we remember to acknowledge others’ needs and successes, we often forget to validate our own accomplishments. Spreading love and happiness becomes easier when you are kind to yourself and recognize your own worth fully well. Learning to embrace your imperfections and practising self-compassion is important for your well-being, as well as for spreading love around. 7. Stop worrying about others Sometimes, we mistakenly identify excessive worrying and attachment to an outcome as love. However, worrying keeps us hyper-alert against signs of threat. Unfortunately, excessive worrying also thwarts creativity, messes with our goals and can possibly result in trust issues. “Spreading love is possible through small gestures, like leaving a tip, holding the lift for others, or offering a nutritious meal to a lesser-privileged person.” I hail from an Indian family with relatively modern values and an independent outlook, yet it was typical for my parents to worry about my future, life-choices, academic performance and career, etc. While they meant well and assumed that all the excessive worrying was a manifestation of their love for me, I noticed that whenever my parents worried over me, my stress levels would rise. The first step in resolving this could be to stop misidentifying worrying as an expression of love, recognizing that it’s counterproductive, and could even lead to self-sabotaging relationships. I had to finally convince my parents that while I appreciated their kindness and caring, the weight of their worrying was far too burdensome and was adversely impacting my mental health. 8. Learn to relax Have you found yourself juggling too many roles, or nearing a burnout, perhaps due to uncertainty fueled by the COVID-19 pandemic? The key to spreading happiness could lie in devising a better work-life balance and making relaxation a part of your daily schedule as well. Introducing mindfulness at work and taking regular short breaks can aid in boosting your productivity levels and enable improved stress management. Reconnecting with nature periodically with something as simple as gazing at the stars, fishing or forest bathing can help you replace your worries with a sense of rejuvenation and wonder. 9. Learn a life skill (and then teach others) Spreading happiness is possible by using learning and teaching to connect with like-minded people. In fact, learning contributes to happiness and is a powerful way to build a strong network of people and resources. Teaching an essential skill like performing first-aid or CPR, or sharing your know-how regarding a simple hobby like gardening or knitting could make you better equipped to seek and provide social support. Takeaway: spreading love and happiness In the words of Buddhist activist Thich Nhat Hanh, “Learn the art of making one person happy, and you will learn to express your love for the whole of humanity and all beings.” Indeed, researchers point out that happiness is a contagion that can pass from one person to another, through large social networks. Since happiness is a collective phenomenon, spreading love and happiness can boost the well-being quotient for others as well as ourselves. • Main image: shutterstock/BRO.image happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Altruism | Compassion | Happiness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Recent studies suggest that experiencing nostalgia about our past can make us happier and more resilient during times of stress. By JILL SUTTIE on behalf of Greater Good Science Center I often find myself nostalgic for days gone by – especially my young adulthood. Thinking about days when I could go backpacking with a friend on a moment’s notice or dance the night away at my wedding, without the constraints of child care or a limited energy supply, gives me a bittersweet feeling – a mixture of joy, sadness and longing. While I find nostalgia pleasant overall and even inspiring, doctors and psychologists did not always consider it a good thing. Staying “stuck in the past” was often associated with being unable to adjust to new realities, like when soldiers were nostalgic for their faraway homes and experienced loneliness and dread. Not that long ago, some considered nostalgia to be a mental illness, akin to melancholy, which could lead to anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders. But more recent findings on nostalgia suggest it can be good for us, increasing our well-being, making us feel connected to other people, and giving us a sense of continuity in our lives. And it seems to come on naturally when we need to weather life’s difficulties. Rather than being a problem, nostalgia can help bring happiness and meaning to our lives. Here are some of the ways nostalgia can benefit us, according to science. 1. Nostalgia makes us feel socially connected Nostalgia about our past often includes recalling important people in our lives – people who cared about us and made us feel like we belonged. Certainly, my own nostalgic musings are centered around times when I was with the people and places I love. So, it’s not too surprising that recalling these special times would make us feel more connected to others, in general. In one study, researchers found that people who were asked to write about an event from their past that made them feel “sentimental longing for the past” felt loved and supported, and this, in turn, helped buffer them against loneliness. Another study found that when people felt nostalgic about times in their lives when they interacted with members of an “out-group” – for example, teenagers recalling fun times with older adults – they felt less prejudice toward that group. Reminiscing with old photos can spark positive nostalgia Nostalgia also seems to help us maintain our relationships. For example, one study found that inducing nostalgia helped people feel more optimistic about relationships in general and more willing to connect with friends. Another study found that when induced to feel nostalgia, people (especially those who find connecting with others easier) felt more able to offer emotional support to the people in their lives. 2. Nostalgia helps us find meaning in life A sense of meaning in life involves knowing that your existence matters and that your life has coherence or purpose. It’s something we all strive for in one way or another. Fortunately, research suggests nostalgia can be an important resource for increasing meaning, by highlighting central moments in our lives and giving us a sense of continuity. In one study, researchers compared nostalgia to two seemingly related forms of thinking about one’s life: recalling a positive past event or imagining a desired future. Focusing on an event that made them nostalgic led people to feel their lives had more meaning compared to imagining a desirable future. And, compared to both other reflections, feeling nostalgic reduced people’s need to search for meaning in their lives – they already felt life had meaning. “More recent findings on nostalgia suggest it can be good for us, increasing our well-being, making us feel connected to other people, and giving us a sense of continuity in our lives.” In another study, people either listened to music that brought them back to a particular time or read lyrics to old songs. These nostalgic activities not only made them feel loved and socially connected but also increased their sense of meaning in life. And, when people read an essay that encouraged them to think that life had no meaning – which said, “There are approximately 7 billion people living on this planet. So take a moment to ponder the following question: In the grand scheme of things, how significant are you?” – they naturally turned to feelings of nostalgia for relief from that sense of meaninglessness. RELATED: How to find meaning in life – 7 strategies These findings and others suggest that nostalgia not only heightens your sense of meaning in life, but can act as a buffer when you experience a loss of meaning. And it may help you move forward in life, too. As one study found, nostalgia can increase your motivation to pursue important life goals, because it increases meaning – not just because it puts you in a better mood. 3. Nostalgia can make us happier Though it does seem to do just that – to boost our mood. Even though nostalgia is by definition a blend of positive and negative emotion, the positive tends to outweigh the negative, meaning we feel happier overall. In one very recent study, 176 university students were randomly assigned to a six-week nostalgia program where they were asked weekly to write about a past event that brought on “a sentimental longing for the past” (while a control group wrote about past events that were ordinary). Afterward, they reported on their levels of positive and negative emotions and how much the writing provided a sense of social connection, meaning or connection to their past self. At different points in time, they also reported on their life satisfaction, feelings of vitality and well-being. Research shows nostalgia can help us find more meaning shutterstock/Protasov AN The researchers found that nostalgia was generally beneficial, leading people to experience more positive emotions, life satisfaction, and well-being, as well as fewer negative emotions – at least three weeks into the program. These benefits mostly disappeared after that – except for people who started the experiment already engaging in nostalgia regularly. For them, going through the nostalgia program brought them greater life satisfaction and fewer negative emotions up to a month later, possibly because the program was a better fit for them. A lot of the benefits on happiness may be connected to nostalgia’s effects on social connection and meaning. But it could also be that nostalgia helps us see ourselves in a truer, more authentic light. 4. Nostalgia puts us in touch with our authentic selves When thinking nostalgically about our past, we are the prime protagonists in our own life stories. Perhaps because of this, nostalgia helps us to see our lives as continuous and coherent, providing us with a sense of authenticity. In one study, when primed to feel nostalgic by writing about a time in their past, people saw their past self as an authentic representation of themselves. This, in turn, reduced their focus on meeting the expectations of others versus following their own, intrinsic expectations of themselves. In other words, it helped them be their authentic selves. The researchers also studied how threats to one’s sense of self might make people engage in more nostalgia. Half of the participants read this text: “Many people feel that they have two sides to themselves. One side is the person that they show to other people; the other side is their true self – that is, the person who they truly are deep down.” Then, they wrote about times in their lives when they’d found it hard to reveal their real selves to others. The other half of the participants wrote about their daily routines and when those routines were disrupted. Then, both groups reported on their positive and negative emotions, as well as feelings of nostalgia. “Many studies have found that nostalgia seems to protect people from negative mind states, bringing about a kind of emotional homeostasis.” 
Findings showed that people who focused on threats to their self-concept experienced more negative emotions, and in turn felt more nostalgic. This suggests that nostalgia helps put us in touch with our “real selves” and protects us against threats to our authenticity. Perhaps for this reason, engaging in nostalgia can lead to personal growth. At least one study found that feeling nostalgia made people feel more positively about themselves, which, in turn, made them more open to experiencing new things, expanding their horizons and being curious – all signs of psychological health. 5. Nostalgia may help people who feel disillusioned or depressed Perhaps because of these potential benefits, people tend to engage in nostalgia when they are feeling down, lonely, or disillusioned. Many studies have found that nostalgia seems to protect people from negative mind states, bringing about a kind of emotional homeostasis. Of course, that doesn’t mean that nostalgia is always good or can’t have a downside. If nostalgia makes us spend too much time thinking about our past, it may prevent us from recognizing the joy in our lives right here and now. And, since we tend to engage in nostalgia when negative things occur, it could become an avoidance strategy that keeps us from dealing with present problems in more effective ways. Encouraging groups of people to feel nostalgic could also have negative consequences. For example, one study found that nostalgia made people more likely to believe political claims, regardless of their veracity. Inducing nostalgia could be an advertising ploy used to affect consumer behavior, which could lead to poor choices, too. Still, chances are that nostalgia is more a blessing than a curse, and a winning strategy for feeling better about ourselves. It can increase our connection to others, our sense of meaning in our lives, our authenticity, and our happiness. So, why not tune into nostalgia now and then? It may just help you meet the challenges of the moment. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Letting go | Trust | Acceptance Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

The dark skies and cold leave many of us struggling to stay upbeat during winter. Discover five ways to boost your mood and lift your spirits during those harsh months. Sponsored content When winter sets in, many of us look forward to the holiday season and seeing loved ones. However, others dread the cold weather, dark nights, and the time of year in general. If you resonate with the latter, your mood can be affected by the season. To help you think and feel more positive during this time, here are five tips that will help to lift your mood during winter. 1. Reach out to loved ones When you’re not feeling yourself during the winter months, you may want to hide away from the world and stay inside alone. However, this won’t do your mood and well-being any favours. So, if you have loved ones nearby, try and make an effort to see them throughout winter. While the idea of being social may fill you with dread, speaking to friends and family is proven to lift your spirits and make you feel less isolated. In fact, staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. However, if you can't face seeing anyone in person, a quick phone call or Zoom/Skype chat can make all the difference to how you feel. And you never know: your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too! 2. Exercise During the chilly winter, you may prefer to snuggle on the couch and use the season as an excuse to put your feet up. However, if you’re feeling down and not like your normal self, staying inside will likely do you more harm than good. Instead, doing some exercise can be a great mood booster. This is because physical activity releases endorphins in the brain which can make you feel happier and healthier. Whatever exercise you like doing, taking 30 minutes out of your day to do some can spark real results. Exercise is a great endorphin boost shutterstock/Halfpoint 3. Eat healthily If you’re the type of person who sees the winter as an opportunity to indulge in comfort food, try and do so in moderation. This is because too much junk food isn’t going to do your mood (or health) any good. Simple measures like eating more good mood foods including fruits and veg can give you more energy and lift your spirits. No one is saying you have to give up the comfort foods you know and love altogether. Instead, be proactive in eating well-balanced meals, and make treats an occasional thing only. “Staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. And your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too!” 4. Try kombucha tea If you haven't already heard of it, kombucha tea is a fermented drink that's made up of tea, sugar, bacteria and yeast. Some scientific evidence suggests that kombucha tea can make you feel better, since the beverage contains probiotics, which can also promote a healthier immune system. RELATED: How to heal your gut – 11 ideas to restore belly health So, if you’re not feeling yourself over the winter months, trying kombucha tea may be the answer. As you learn the basics of kombucha, you will find it may have other surprising benefits too. These include improving digestion, strengthening your immune system and reducing blood pressure. Don’t just take our word for it; instead, pour yourself a cup and you may soon reap all the benefits and lift your spirits at the same time. Kombucha tea can lift your spirits shutterstock/zarzamora 5. Meditate If things are getting too much throughout winter and your mood is spiraling out of control, you may need some time away from the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Something as simple as meditating can do wonders for your mood. Regular meditation is scientifically-proven to reduce your stress levels, so practise regularly and you will start to feel more relaxed, calmer, and hopefully happier. Rather than dreading winter and everything that comes with it, there are lots of minor changes you can make that can boost your mindset and mood during the colder months. Try some of suggestions and hopefully you will be feeling brighter and happier. • Main image: Pexels happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Friendship | Healthy habits | Meditation

Holding on to resentment often feels like a way to punish our aggressor, but, in reality, doing so we only hurts ourselves – mentally and physically. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares her seven-step plan to let go of resentment and move forward. I have been horribly wronged in my life, more than once. So have many of us, for that matter. As you will know, it stings, it aches, and it can make life almost unbearable at times. That is just how it goes. However, at each step of the way, we get to choose one – sometimes, the only – thing: how we react internally. It is our absolute right. Yet, how often do we exercise it? And how many times do we allow circumstances to move us like string puppets? This article speaks about bitterness for being mistreated. More precisely, about how to let go of resentment. Because holding a grudge is our choice — and so is the healthier one of letting it go. Why holding on to resentment is dangerous At one point in my life, I was being repeatedly exposed to hurtful behaviour by a person very close to me. I was also being convinced that it was my fault, and I had to stomach it. It lasted for years, and resentment built up. And, if I'm being completely honest, I have to say I chose to hold on to the umbrage. I was doing so because it was my way of stating: “Look what you are doing to me! You are destroying me! Won’t you stop?” Yet, as I learned, bitterness only poisons the person feeling it. It punishes no one but the one clutching it. It does not make the needed change. All it does is lock you inside of a vicious circle of obsessing over past wrongs you experienced. These are not merely anecdotal observations. Science backs my insights up. The definition of resentment and empirical evidence both speak about the dangers of not letting go of it. What is resentment? Resentment is a “feeling of bitterness, animosity, or hostility elicited by something or someone perceived as insulting or injurious,” according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology. The mere definition highlights one thing — this is not how you want to feel! Although understandable, the emotion itself is extremely unpleasant. But how to let go of resentment and not feel angry all the time? Let resentment go and feel peace shutterstock/NaruFoto Even though we often think we do not have a choice, in fact, we can always pick our emotional reactions. As the research clearly shows, when you develop your emotional intelligence, you can regulate your emotional reactions more wisely. Harms of holding a grudge Indeed, not understanding how to let go of resentment can damage both your physical and mental health. In my case, I developed two stress-related chronic conditions. At least half of the stress I experienced was caused by being caught up in my head with the injury and people causing it. Not to mention being unable to laugh, feel happy, grateful, or be productive. Ruminating about past hurts occupied my mind. As a result, I practically missed years of my life and functioned on autopilot. While I was living in the awfully unpleasant past, the real-time events went by unnoticed. RELATED: How to stop ruminating with these 3 techniques Abundant research confirms the ills of not letting go of resentment. When you do not learn how to let go of resentment, you are exposing yourself to adverse physiological processes that can make you physically unwell. Indeed, according to extensive research, unforgiveness seems to be linked to higher risks of heart attack, high cholesterol, elevated blood pressure and intensified chronic pain. “When you do not learn how to let go of resentment, you are exposing yourself to adverse physiological processes that can make you physically unwell.” Furthermore, people who do not know how to let go of resentment are under greater levels of stress, as a longitudinal study on over 300 participants demonstrated. As you surely know, stress is linked to a wide array of psychosomatic conditions. It may trigger or exacerbate a range of physical illnesses. Finally, not being able to release resentment, according to research, can also make you vulnerable to emotional disturbances, such as anxiety and depression.So, how to let go of resentment and heal from its negative consequences? How to let go of resentment When examining the ways to release resentment, we need to understand one thing first. There are effective — and more effective ways to forgive. Even though holding a grudge is unhealthy in any case, if you truly want to reap the benefits of forgiveness, it should come from your heart. In other words, you need to feel it, not just act by it. Shades of forgiveness Scientific findings reveal which kind of forgiveness is most beneficial. Yes, believe it or not, not all forgiveness is the same. In fact, there are two main forms of forgiveness, and they have different effects, according to one study: Decisional forgiveness is when you intentionally resist an unforgiving stance and respond differently towards the person who wronged you. Emotional forgiveness happens when you replace the negative unforgiving emotions with positive, other-oriented emotions. The same study revealed that emotional forgiveness is the form that leads to more direct health and well-being consequences. It involves psychophysiological changes responsible for the benefits of letting go of resentment. RELATED: How to forgive someone Such conclusions were confirmed in another study from 2016. The findings showed that when we ruminate about past transgressions against us and keep experiencing adverse emotions, we are most vulnerable to the perils of unforgiveness. In other words, when we do not reach emotional forgiveness and release anger and resentment, we open ourselves up to the risk of mental health problems. Letting go of resentment OK, so you are ready to relinquish the bitterness. But how to actually let go of resentment? From personal experiences and of those close to me, I know that parting from the position of the victim may be a challenge. The grudge often seems like the only path towards getting justice. However, remember that it is merely an illusion. Only letting go of resentment will liberate you and honour your worth. Freedom and peace await you at the end of this path. Here are seven steps to take to help you on your way: 1. Remember The first step, unpleasant as it may be, will be to remember the transgressions. Relive the emotions and hark back to all the details. Reflect on how the hurt and the anger have affected you since. It is vital to bring to light what you want to let go. Otherwise, parts of it may stay hidden and keep poisoning you. 2. Summon witnesses to your hurt Remember what I said earlier about not knowing how to let go of resentment because it was my only way of showing the pain I was going through? Instead of doing so, speak about your wounds. Talk to a therapist or a friend. Break the silence. It will be easier to release the bitterness when others witness your hurt. Holding onto resentment can cause mental and physical illness 3. Honour your pain In an effort to escape pain, we may suppress it. Do not minimise the effects of the offence. Negating the damage will not help you heal nor forgive. Acknowledge the extent of the pain and the trauma you may have endured. You will grow from it – do not worry. 4. Explore perspectives Now that you have gotten in touch with the hurt in all of its nastiness, you can start changing things. First, see the bigger picture. As unwilling as you may be to do so, you need to understand and empathise with the other person. Go back to the experiences that made them into who they are. That does not mean that everything is alright if the person has had a traumatic childhood. It merely helps you understand that they, somehow, believe that they were right. RELATED: Changing perspective and gaining happiness 5. Let go of expectations Do not expect the transgressor to apologise. Do not wait for them to change or suddenly grasp the consequences of their actions. They may experience an epiphany and fall to their knees begging for forgiveness (and yes, we all hope for that to happen). “Find it in you to let go of your resentment. Feel it. Let the hurt and the offence float down the river of life and wave it goodbye.” Still, your liberation from resentment ought not to depend on it. You were hurt by another. Do not depend on another to mend it. You are the one doing the healing. So, let go of your expectations of others and focus on yourself. 6. Forgive deeply Remember the part about emotional forgiveness? This is where it comes into play. Letting go of resentment merely because your religion, principles, circumstances or life philosophy requires you to will not be enough. You need to tap into the part of you that feels connected to all living beings. You will need to embrace the fact that life comes with some hurt. Find it in you to let go of your resentment. Feel it. Let the hurt and the offence float down the river of life and wave it goodbye. 7. Forgive yourself Now, there is one last step for you to make. After you have travelled the path above, you may discover that there is one more person you need to forgive. It is yourself. Research reveals that you might be heading for depression if you do not. Therefore, forgive yourself for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, for not seeing the signs of danger or for letting wrong people into your life. The takeaway Resentment is one of the most efficient ways to make your life miserable. Is it not sufficient that you were mistreated? Do you have to keep harming yourself long after the transgression is over? Letting go of resentment does not equal condoning actions that were plain wrong. It does not mean that you accept being abused or insulted. In fact, what letting go of resentment does represent is embracing self-respect and self-love. To let go of resentment is to decide to take care of yourself and not expect others to do it for you. Letting go of resentment means you have become greater than the harm you experienced. • Main image: shutterstock/KieferPix happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Science says that being nicer can boost our physical health as well as psychological well-being. Sonia Vadlamani offers nine suggestions on how to be a nicer person by incorporating more compassion, politeness and kindness into our daily lives. The idea of purposefully trying to be nicer could make some of us cringe, as sometimes we may confuse ‘being nice’ with pretending to be polite or feigning interest for the sake of seeming acceptable. This ‘induced niceness’ may, in fact, get quite burdensome very quickly, as it requires additional effort on one’s behalf to seem something they’re not feeling genuinely. However, in reality, nicer people are easier to be around, as they’re genuinely interested in what you think and do. Being nice translates into treating others as you may want to be treated, being empathic, anticipating and respecting others’ needs and feelings, and being kind. While it may be difficult to exactly define ‘niceness’, psychologists rely on the personality traits that we associate with it, like kindness, politeness, empathy, and thoughtfulness, etc. Researchers also point out that the major personality traits associated with ‘agreeableness’ such as kindness, compassion and politeness are also the aspects that we often consider as ‘being nice’. The benefits of being nice Being a nicer person entails prosocial behaviors such as extending kindness, sharing our happiness, respecting others’ vantage point on different issues, etc., which promote well-being and boost social connections. However, research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity as well. Indulging in acts of kindness results in release of happiness hormones such as oxytocin, which can improve heart health, regulate blood pressure and foster a greater sense of inclusion, according to researcher James Doty, M.D. at Stanford University. How to be nicer: helping with shopping is one easy way Being nice by way of kindness may also alleviate stress and offer faster relief from pain, as research indicates. Furthermore, niceness can also lower anxiety and boost relationship satisfaction for socially anxious individuals. How to be nicer: 9 ideas Indeed, being nice may not always be the easier choice. However, with mindfulness and dedicated practice, it’s possible to learn how to be a friendlier person. Here are some simple ideas that can help us incorporate niceness into our daily life. 1. Have more patience A study by researcher Sarah A. Schnitker suggests that patient people are better friends and neighbours, as they tend to be more impartial, more attentive and have a higher tolerance. Developing mindfulness, or the ability to stay in sync with what is happening in the present moment, can also enable you to reframe a situation, reevaluate your emotions and respond with improved patience, according to research. Practising mindful listening and cultivating patience is therefore one of the surest ways to be a nicer person. 2. Be less judgmental Learning how to be a nicer person may not be the easiest feat, but experts agree that casting judgements aside and learning to transcend our perceived differences through bridging can help us respect other people’s perspectives and acknowledge their viewpoints in a better light. Engaging in deep listening and positive communication, taking care to avoid social media outrage trap, and a regular meditation practice are some of the research-backed ways to cultivate deep empathy and avoid snap judgments. 3. Open up and show vulnerability Sometimes we shun the opportunity to open up and share our feelings with others, owing to the fear of being judged or compared. Researcher Dr Brené Brown describes this feeling as a vulnerability hangover, wherein one may experience regret or ‘emotional cringe’ upon revealing their feelings or thoughts to others. While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage and developing shame resilience can help you learn how to be nicer. “Research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity. Indulging in acts of kindness releases feel-good hormones.” "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences," explains Dr Brown. Being vulnerable enables us to develop radical empathy towards ourselves and others, thus opening us up to the possibility of making new friends and forming meaningful connections. 4. Look for ways to be helpful Reaching out and anticipating someone’s needs is an effective way to work towards being a nicer person. This can involve small gestures that do not cost a lot but can brighten someone’s day, like offering somebody your seat, or helping someone carry their groceries. Offering support or solicited advice to someone who may be feeling lost in life, dealing with depression, or struggling with grief or loneliness are some other ways to help out and show your friendly side. 5. Be polite and respectful Small gestures like being on time, saying “thank you”, being respectful online, or holding the elevator door open for strangers do not involve a lot of effort, but convey a positive tone and genuine interest on your behalf. However, take care to avoid the lure of lying to appear polite, as that would be a violation of trust. Instead, strive towards articulating your thoughts and convey your feelings in an open and honest manner, albeit respectfully. 6. Act with kindness The power of kindness is real, as we seldom forget an act of kindness bestowed on us, even as we may fail to recall other things. Nice people understand the ‘ripple effect’ that kindness creates, wherein the acts of benevolence inspire more people to extend the same kindness to others around them. You need not go out of your way every time to extend kindness. In fact, one can carry out random acts of kindness like running errands for an elderly neighbor or volunteering for a cause you genuinely care about. Don’t forget to choose kindness every day for yourself as well. After all, you can only truly learn how to be a nicer person through practising self-compassion and self-care. Helping out elderly neighbours is one way to be nicer 7. Practise forgiveness Forgiveness as a character strength can help you be a nicer person, in addition to improving overall well-being, as revealed by researcher Kathi L. Norman. Indeed, our inability to forgive can also result in trust issues and a tendency to self-sabotage relationships. Whether you’ve suffered a minor stumble or a major setback due to someone’s actions, words or thoughts, learning to forgive someone who caused you hurt and replacing these feelings with empathy, compassion and kindness can improve your mental and physical health, in addition to strengthening interpersonal relationships. “While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage can help you learn how to be nicer.” “Harboring unforgiveness breads negative thoughts,” says Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist. “Decide to let it go and make a plan to never go to bed angry,” she continues. Forgiving is a process and may not happen in a day but can surely improve our capacity for love and happiness. Setting your intention for forgiveness with a mantra like “I forgive you and release you” or “I forgive everyone for everything” can help you let go of the hurt amassed over time. 8. Share your happiness Happiness is contagious, as proven by research. An evaluation study conducted on 4,739 individuals revealed that our happiness is also determined by the happiness levels of others around us. Sharing our happiness can boost our mood and improve morale, in addition to encouraging fulfilling friendships. It is easier to be a nicer person when you have a positive outlook on life and when you understand that happiness is a choice that you can consciously make each day. 9. Be authentic Authenticity is a valued trait, especially in the current tech-obsessed era where we’re constantly being overwhelmed with the messages of how we ‘ought to’ appear, behave and live in an ideal manner. Cultivating your authentic self by honoring your core values and making your time matter can help you be a nicer person. Being authentic also enables us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Also, embracing our true selves allows us to act gracefully even in the face of criticism or adversity, as we realize our worth fully well. The takeaway: how to be nicer Being a nicer person does not mean encouraging a forcible semblance of it or appearing nice. Niceness also doesn’t require you to tolerate behavior that violates your core values or suppress your true feelings for the sake of seeming kind. On the contrary, people who are genuinely nice enjoy being authentic and showing empathy and compassion towards others. Genuine niceness nurtures a circular relationship with happiness. Being a nicer person can boost our mood and improve well-being, but research also demonstrates that an upbeat state of mind can further enhance our prosocial behavior and help us be nicer and kinder. Indeed, inculcating niceness as a habit is immensely rewarding. • Main image: shutterstock/DGLimages happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Altruism | Compassion | Happiness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There were plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during November. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. There were more than enough news stories to worry about in November, but not everything that made the headlines was troublesome or negative. In fact, there were more than enough positive news items to brighten the month. So, what were some of the most impressive examples of feel-good news? Here's our Top 10 round-up from the past month... 1. Research suggests the best way to avoid procrastinating First up, some interesting news for many of us who struggle to get our to-do list ticked off! According to numerous scientific journals, a researcher from the University of Otago has found the best way to avoid procrastination is to never set deadlines for yourself. Professor Stephen Knowles, from the Otago Business School in New Zealand has found that deadlines tend to make us procrastinate more, not less! He suggests avoiding them completely but, if they are needed, to make them as close to the present moment as is practical. 2. Toronto cools buildings from lake water On the shores of one of the Great Lakes, Toronto is cool during the winter months but becomes very warm in summer. As such, many apartment blocks and office buildings are fitted with air-conditioning. However, according to the Washington Post, a deep water cooling system will soon go into an expanded mode of operation to cool around 100 such buildings, meaning much less reliance on energy consumption. Three pipelines will shift naturally cool water from Lake Ontario and transfer it to the city centre. The system has been in place since 2004 but will now run in many more connected buildings after a large investment. 3. Rare honeybees discovered in England A woodland in Oxfordshire is home to about 800,000 rare honey bees according to a researcher who discovered them on the Blenheim Estate. They appear to be a distinct sub-species that has evolved due to the local habitat conditions, offering scientists a rare insight into the adaptation of bees which have been in decline elsewhere. It's hoped the finding will encourage other conservationists to track down rare or adapted sub-species in other parts of the world. Rare honeybees discovered in Oxfordshire, UK shutterstock/Daniel Prudek 4. Mindfulness could help heart attack victims A study conducted by the American Heart Association has found that people who are recovering from heart attacks are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder if they undergo mindfulness training than those who do not. The study's author, Alex Presciutti of the University of Colorado, said that survival rates among heart attack victims are improving, but mental health problems persist. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged Presciutti went on to say that a non-judgmental awareness of the present moment, as a way of defining mindfulness among heart attack victims, may explain why psychological symptoms in cardiac arrest survivors differ so much when you compare those who practise it and those who do not. 5. Typhoon energy may soon be captured Wind turbines are nothing new but harnessing the power of typhoons is beyond standard designs. However, according to the Japan Times, a Japanese firm is now designing a wind turbine that will be able to capture some of the immense energy generated by these extreme weather phenomenons. According to one of the engineers involved, typhoons shouldn't just be seen as disaster-causing but as a potential new source of renewable energy, too. A demonstration unit that will hopefully prove the potential of the system has already been built in the Philippines. 6. Talking to strangers brings about psychological benefits In a series of experiments, researchers at the University of Texas in Austin have discovered that having deep and meaningful conversations with strangers makes us feel better connected to one another. This is something of a social paradox, according to one of the researchers involved, Amit Kumar, who suggested we tend to stick to shallower subjects with people we don't know as the norm. RELATED: How to keep connecting with strangers during the pandemic The team's work suggests that people tend to feel less socially awkward with one another if they opt for deeper conversations and avoid small talk. Kumar said that overcoming the fear associated with meaningful chats is key to accessing the psychological benefits we will feel from having them more often. Go deep when talking to strangers shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 7. Electrically-powered container ship becomes a reality The Yara Birkeland, developed four years ago as the world's first self-propelled electric container ship, has successfully conducted its maiden voyage to Oslo, the capital of Norway. The majority of container ships in the world are powered by fossil fuels so it's hoped this autonomous means of ocean-going transportation will become the norm for shipping firms that wish to operate more sustainably. The ship's maiden voyage consisted of about 43 miles and was powered by the vessel's 6.8 MWh batteries. It will now be used to move goods around by sea from the port of Brevik. 8. Hot beverages may keep dementia and stroke at bay A British study into dementia and stroke reported in the Guardian found that people who drank tea and coffee as a part of their daily routine were statistically less likely to suffer from dementia and stroke than those who did not. RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 key ways to reduce the risk as you age About 365,000 people between 50 and 74 had their health and habits followed for over a decade in the wide-ranging study. It seems that those involved who were identified as tea and coffee drinkers have suffered less with dementia and stroke. What may be the cause of this phenomenon is not clear at the moment, however. Nevertheless, one researcher said that only those who drank in moderation appeared to get this benefit. 9. New protection for the Galápagos Islands Numerous press outlets reported that an extended marine reserve, along with the larger protective corridor for sea life to move through unhindered by humans, has been announced for the Galápagos Islands. It's hoped this will help to protect a range of migratory species, including hammerhead sharks and leatherback turtles. The expanded reserve will cover the Cocos Ridge, an important migration route for several species which move in and around the islands' waters. Increased protection for animals visiting the Galápagos Islands 10. Protein discovered that can stop prostate cancer A report in the Independent suggested that prostate cancer – a major killer in Western societies – may be able to be better-treated thanks to a particular protein. Professor Nupam Mahajan of the Washington University School of Medicine in St Louis, Missouri, was behind the research. According to Mahajan's work, the so-called super-molecule stops cancer cells in their tracks. This is unlike conventional treatments which tend to stop working the more they are used as resistance builds up. The protein may offer a new and better treatment pathway for those living with the illness. “We'd like to develop new therapies for patients who have developed [drug] resistance,” the professor said. • Main image: shutterstock/npavlov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Biology | Nature | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

With so many books on meditation available, how do you pick the best one to suit your needs? Answer? Just listen to the advice of meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak: she's read them all. Discover the four themes she suggests to help guide you in the right direction. As a lifelong meditator and meditation teacher for ten years, I must have read a small library of books on meditation and spirituality. So, if you ask me, like many of my students have, “What’s the best book on meditation?” I would say, “It depends on why you’re interested in meditation.” Would you like to know how you can make meditation part of a healthy, everyday routine? Are you tired of emotional patterns that hold you back? Do you have a yearning to understand the perennial spiritual questions such as “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” With these questions in mind, I’ve divided this list of the best books on meditation into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you’re currently looking for or interested in. You can come back to reading the other books as you progress on your meditation journey. Lay back and discover the best books on meditation These days there are many apps and podcasts about mindfulness and meditation out there to guide you through exercises step by step. They’re a wonderful way to get a taste of different meditation styles and practices. But if you want to have a fuller picture of meditation – what it is, how it works and how it is relevant to you and your life – books on meditation could be the best place to begin. Firstly, what is meditation exactly? Each of our pick of meditation books in this list will answer this question, in slightly different ways. But don’t let those differing perspectives worry you! The versatility of meditation is one reason it has been an enduring, worldwide practice for hundreds of years. The best definition of meditation is: it's a practice to help you see and understand yourself in an increasingly complete way. It’s a practice, that can have many forms, that invites you to closely and compassionately investigate your body, mind and spirit. “This list of the best books on meditation is divided into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you're interested in.” The central idea is that we are much more than our usual day-to-day stream of activities, plans, thoughts and emotions. Everyday living is always at the centre of true meditation, treated with kindness and respect, while going on a journey to discover what else we are. The journey is a loving, clear-eyed way to answer the age-old questions of your identity and purpose in life. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Big questions, aren’t they? And meditation teachers through the ages, who you can learn from in these books, will tell you it’s possible for each of us to find genuine answers that change us. And, though the journey may not always be comfortable, it is full of rewards. The best books on meditation In a way, I’ve manufactured the following themes. The unique thing about meditation is, when you understand and experience one of these themes in a new way, the others follow automatically. A bit more mental clarity will give you some emotional calm which will help you gain some life balance, and so on. Still, if one of these four themes hits the mark for you, start with one of the books that focuses on your interest: The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices Clear thinking and balanced emotions Life balance and overall health Spiritual meaning and growth • The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices • Even though meditation has become much more mainstream in the last 20 years, it’s still something that causes confusion. Is it about stopping my thoughts? Or, being peaceful all the time? Or, will it conflict with my religious or spiritual beliefs? There are many books written by experienced and caring teachers who can help to demystify meditation and explain how it can help you with the same everyday experiences that have troubled people for hundreds of years: worry, loneliness, depression, lack of meaning, dissatisfaction and more. I wholeheartedly recommend these two books: 1. Meditation for Beginners: Jack Kornfield Jack Kornfield is a gentle, expert guide to meditation. In this book, Kornfield explains the what, how and why of a regular meditation practice in plain language. Meditation for Beginners is a jargon-free book that will take you step-by-step through a range of practices and how they can help you cope with challenging experiences and grow your sense of innate well-being. 2. Real Happiness: Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is another teacher and writer who has a gift for describing meditation in simple, engaging language. Real Happiness... is a comprehensive overview of the principles and practices of meditation, centred around developing three key skills: concentration, mindfulness and loving-kindness. Each chapter offers a short discussion, practices or exercises, and often an answer to a common question about a meditation topic. • Meditation for everyday living and balance • How can meditation help me have a more balanced, healthy and positive life? Here are two books that answer this question in different ways: 3. Making Space: Thich Nhat Hanh Making Space is a short, refreshing read from Thich Nhat Hanh about how to establish a meditation practice. It’s full of tips and insights on how to set up a routine that will be meaningful and inviting for you. I especially love the many creative practices the author includes for “outside of meditation” – a range of things you can do to bring meditative awareness to what you do in your day. These deceptively simple exercises will start to increase your MQ – Meditative Quotient. 4. The Book of Secrets: Deepak Chopra Deepak Chopra has written countless books on meditation, spirituality and health. As a long-time spiritual practitioner and physician, he writes with authority about meditation as a core skill for self-awareness, growth and vibrant health. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Many of Chopra’s books could be on a 'best books on meditation' list, but I chose The Book of Secrets because of its many surprises! Chopra’s choice of topics and the creative ways he writes about them opened by mind to the 'hidden dimensions' of my own life. Chapters like 'What You Seek, You Already Are' and 'You Are Truly Free When You Are Not a Person' had a great influence on me and my teaching. • Clear thinking and emotional balance • Most of us become interested in meditation because we just want to feel better. It seems the same troubling emotions and ways of thinking have been with us our whole lives, and that they will never change. These two books are a great place to learn where and how change is possible: 5. Radical acceptance: Tara Brach, Ph.D. Tara Brach is a popular Buddhist teacher because of her approachable, compassionate teaching. Brach is also a clinical psychologist who uses her in-depth experience with people’s day-to-day struggles to discuss the power of meditation. I recommend her first best-seller Radical Acceptance for its far-reaching look at emotional balance and health. “Each of the meditation books in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands.” The central idea of the book is that many of us have lifelong habits of self-criticism and perfectionism that leave us in a subconscious state of “I’m not OK.” Brach sees the healing of this core “mistake” as the way to release self-harming beliefs and emotions. As the misunderstanding falls away, so does inner conflict which increases our happiness and allows us to connect with others from a place of greater wholeness. 6. When Things Fall Apart: Pema Chödrön Pema Chödrön is a beloved Buddhist teacher who has been writing and teaching for over 40 years. Her humble and humorous approach to teaching comes from a “we’re all in this together” perspective. She is a skilled translator of Buddhist philosophy and practices into understandable modern language. Chödrön is someone who has a deep understanding of unhappiness in all its forms: from day-to-day anxiety, to depression, to despair, and she is a master at kindly meeting you where you are. In When Things Fall Apart there are many times where she describes my own mental or emotional confusion in a way that is so accurate, I know she must have travelled the same road and had found ways to respond and grow through meditation. • Spiritual meaning and growth • Meditation came out of people’s quest for answers to the perennial questions about identity and purpose. Indeed, people’s confusion and unhappiness are the same today as they have always been, as has our desire for clarity and happiness. These two books by modern spiritual masters take in-depth looks at these questions and how we can find the answers ourselves. 7. The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a complete examination of why and how we experience confusion, doubt, fear, disconnection and unhappiness, and how we can uncover the part of us that is free of these difficulties. Eckhart Tolle explains the source of this unhappiness as the forgetting of our true nature, as spiritual beings. He explains how we can all rediscover the true nature, that we all share, by going fully into this moment – the power of now. This book on meditation could easily be in the 'Classics' section below! 8. True Meditation: Adyashanti In a series of simple essays, Western teacher Adyashanti turns around the core misunderstandings about meditation. In True Meditation he describes how true meditation is less a practice of doing various techniques, than allowing who you already are to show itself. Chapters like, 'Allow everything to be as it is,' 'Ending the war with your mind,' and 'Our natural tendency is to awaken' draw a picture of meditating as a letting go of effort – something that's not usually associated with meditation! Adyashanti comes from a Zen Buddhist background, but uses clear, everyday language to invite you to investigate your experience with fresh eyes. The book comes with a CD of three core practices. Bonus 1: books for kids One of my favourite things to do in mindfulness classes with kids is reading a book. There are many wonderful books out there you can use at home with the children in your life. These are a few of my favourites – and kids’ too! Peaceful Piggy Meditation; Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda; and, Moody Cow Meditates by Kerry Lee MacLean. Awesomely cute, funny and heartwarming books with meditation themes. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children by Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community. A children's book on meditation filled with love and respect for kids, and how to nurture them through simple, meditation practices. The paperback comes with a CD of guided exercises. Bonus 2: classics Would you like to read a meditation classic – a book that different teachers, across traditions recommend to students as a comprehensive discussion of meditation? They are written by people who teach from a place of lived knowledge, from embodying a meditative life. Here are five of the best: I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi by David Godman Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu The takeaway: best books on meditation Each of the books on meditation in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands whichever of these reads best suits you most. Remember that a little can go a long way. When an idea or practice grabs you, stay with it, contemplate it and practise it, and notice what changes for you. These best books on meditation will all help you experience meditation for yourself, rather than giving you concepts to believe. So, let these authors guide you to trusting yourself and being in awe of what you find! • Main image: shutterstock/alexandre zveiger happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Vedic Meditation | Gratitude Meditation | 6 Phase Meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Studies suggest that those of us living with purpose live healthier, happier and more meaningful lives. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explores the power of purpose and offers suggestions for how to rediscover what your true role in life is. The power of purpose is a well-known psychological super-tool. In fact, the idea of purpose is so important that an entire school in psychotherapy named logotherapy is based on it. However, you do not need to be a psychologist to recognise how a powerful purpose transforms your life. Having something to live and fight for fills you with vigour and fervour. On the other hand, a lack of purpose can sometimes makes it feel like you are simply stuck on this planet, fiddling around. Yet, it is way too easy to slip into inertia. Indeed, we can often get stuck in a rut before we even realise it. Everyday obligations and chores tend to pile up and steal our time — no matter how trifling they may be. Suddenly, all we do is get up, go to work, shop for groceries, come home, eat, sleep. And repeat. Luckily, you always have the option to make a change in life. One way or an other, you can choose to find meaning in your life. If you are unsure where to start, this article might provide some guidance. The power of purpose: theory, research and practice Having a purpose, according to scholars, means having a clear long-term direction toward which to strive that organises one’s behaviours and sense of self. A powerful purpose can be anything from earning a degree to raising a healthy child, writing a book or changing the world. It can be lifelong or stay with you for a limited time. The crucial aspect of a powerful purpose is that it must make sense to you personally. It can reside in any area of life, such as: Spiritual and personal development Arts and creativity Friends and family Profession and career Contributing to the community Activism, humanitarian work and causes Why living with purpose improves your life The power of purpose is well-documented in theory and empirical research. In the introduction, I mentioned logotherapy. Viktor Frankl, a 20th-century medical doctor, psychiatrist, neurologist and philosophy student, developed this psychological theory shortly before being sent to the concentration camps. There, he was able to test his views under the most trying of circumstances. Feeling lost? Rediscover your purpose and meaning Logotherapy means “healing through meaning” in Greek. It is a school of thought centred around a sense of purpose. It promotes freedom of choice and personal responsibility. One of its basic concepts states that we are motivated to find meaning. When this search is thwarted, we experience existential frustration and feelings of meaninglessness. Although we all intuitively agree with this postulation, empirical studies provide scientific corroboration. Furthermore, according to scientific findings, a sense of meaning in life is closely associated with well-being. The power of purpose is reflected in mental and physical health across a lifespan. A 2018 study showed that a sense of purpose in life correlates with fewer strokes and heart attacks, better sleep, and a lower risk of dementia and disabilities in older adults. “Having something to live and fight for fills you with vigour and fervour. On the other hand, a lack of purpose can sometimes makes it feel like you are simply stuck on this planet, fiddling around.” And a large-scale study in the US from 2008 determined that a sense of purpose combined with a sense of control and a feeling like what you do is worthwhile – known as ‘eudaimonic well-being’ – contributes to a person’s longevity. RELATED: 10 ways to make your time matter Interestingly, research has also shown that a sense of purpose contributes to higher levels of household income and net worth and their greater increase over time. The assumed mechanism through which the power of purpose works is based on transcendence. According to logotherapy, we have the ability and the ultimate necessity to self-transcend in order to improve humanity. In other words, we need to be less self-centred and be a part of something greater than ourselves. By creating, experiencing, and taking a stance, we derive meaning in unavoidable guilt, suffering and death. In other words, we need to have a powerful purpose in order to overcome this trio of ills, named “the tragic triad of life” by Frankl. The other side of the coin: not having a purpose Frankl was unwillingly submitted to the ultimate test of his theory during the three years he was kept in the most infamous Nazi concentration camps. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning (provocatively named Why Haven’t You Killed Yourself? in my country), he witnessed the power of purpose first-hand. The prisoners would expect the end of the war, hoping for it to come, for example, by Christmas. They survived petrifying living conditions in surprisingly good health, living off that conviction. However, when the war did not end when they expected it to, they would suddenly become ill and perish within a few days. Frankl explains that they had lost their sense of purpose. They felt no meaning in living, and their bodies followed. RELATED: How to find meaning in life – 7 strategies Thankfully, most of us are not exposed to circumstances anywhere close to those that were seen in concentration camps. However, the same mechanism is familiar to all of you, I am sure of it. Here is a personal example from when I was a student. When I would pass an exam with the highest marks, one would expect me to feel relieved and exhilarated. And I did — only for the shortest time when I saw the mark. Then, for a few dreadful days that always followed, I used to feel utterly depressed. I felt deflated. I had some spare time between exams, and I could not get myself to do anything. I felt as if the colours in the world had faded. It lasted until I started studying for the next exam. That is, until I found the next purpose. Could your power of purpose lie in activism? shutterstock/Rawpixel.com I know I am not alone in this experience. A close friend of mine was so severely struck by such a deflation that he attempted suicide after passing his bar exam. He worked towards it relentlessly for years. When he finally reached this massive goal, the endless void of a lack of purpose felt like too much to withstand. These examples highlight how the power of purpose is vast and can work in both ways. When you live meaningfully, you thrive. And when you feel your life has no purpose, you dwindle. It is perfectly normal sometimes to feel lost in life. However, if you are ready to find your purpose, there are ways you can go about. Ways to find a powerful purpose Are you ready to draw from the power of purpose to make you healthier and happier? Not knowing where to start to find your purpose can be off-putting. How to navigate through the long and winding road to determine the purpose that will keep you inspired? First, let us move a common obstacle to feel the power of purpose out of the way. Many people object that they are not overly enthused to commit to any great cause. However, that is perfectly fine. This does not prevent you from living a purposeful life. You may remember that we spoke about purpose having to be absolutely personal. “The power of purpose works both ways. When you live meaningfully, you thrive. And when you feel your life has no purpose, you dwindle.” Frankl speaks of an older woman in therapy who felt that, in the end, her long life had no meaning whatsoever. Yet, he helped her realise that she has raised healthy and happy children and is a loving grandmother to her grandchildren. She is loved, and she will be missed. Her life was anything but meaningless. In other words, you do not need to change the world for your existence to be meaningful. Here are a few ideas and questions to ask yourself when you are trying to tap into the power of purpose. Some are rather direct, and others are meant to stimulate the reflection and creativity you need to find and use the power of purpose in your life. Detach. Sometimes we are too close to see the options presented to us. So, create the distance you need. Think of your life as a story. If your life was a novel, what story would it convey? What is the narrative of your life? Meditate. Clear your mind and let the answers come to you with ease. Once the endless jibber-jabber in your head calms down, you will gain the clarity you need to see your driving force. The power of purpose will reveal itself. Ask yourself: “What is it that puts me in a state of ‘flow’? What is it that I used to love doing and believed in? Is there a way to rearrange my life and put such activities and causes at the forefront?” Perhaps your purpose is helping others to help themselves? shutterstock/Mladen Zivkovic Ask yourself: “What is important to me? Why?” Once you respond, ask yourself again: “And why is that important to me?” Maybe repeat the question a few more times. It will help you tap into the most profound reasons you want to do things. Thus, it will reveal the spring from which the power of purpose draws its intensity and help you determine where you want to focus your energy. Think about what you want your legacy to be. How would you like to be described and praised once you are gone? And now think about what it would be at this moment. What would people say at your funeral if you happened to pass away in this instance? Are you happy with that? If you had to choose a single thing/person/idea/activity that you get to work towards your entire life, what would it be? What does not feel like work or an obligation? What would you be doing free of charge? Or, alternatively, what would you be doing if you did not have to think about money at all? What are your values? List them all. Then, make a list of the top five values in your life. All of them can be your purpose. Are you living in accordance with them? Are you interested in volunteering? If so, explore many different organisations and purposes out there — some will speak to you. Takeaway: making your life count Allow me to start this article’s final section with a cliché — you only live once. Yes, I realise it is a turn of phrase that has long lost its potency to move anyone. However, it is an essential notion that deserves a second glance. So, give it a thought as if you were hearing this saying for the first time: you only get to live once. Consider if you want to waste that bewildering opportunity? Spend your days void of meaning? Or do you want to take every breath knowing that it has a powerful purpose? That it bestows you the chance to grow, help, empathise, understand, give, learn, create, feel? Personally, I opt for the latter. And you? • Main image: shutterstock/Song_about_summer happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Altruism | Authenticity | Myers-Briggs Personality Test Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

The global pandemic has made many of us re-evaluate our lives and ask ourselves what really makes us happy. If you want to continue the internal conversation, try reading some of the best books on happiness on the market. Ann Vrlak selects her top picks to inspire you further. While the worst part of the Coronavirus pandemic may be behind us, many of us are still reeling from its unprecedented and often heartbreaking disruption of our lives. Indeed, even moving forward, we’re not out of the woods yet, and ‘normal’ may not be a place we can – or should – return to. With so much uncertainty around us – and with some of us having extra time on our hands – I think discussing some of the best books on happiness is something we could all benefit from. Although living through the pandemic has been difficult, it has also provided the space and opportunity to explore what really makes us happy. Now the conversation has started, it's worth checking out some of these books on happiness to understand where joy comes from and how we can maintain it. Best books on happiness: our picks So, how do you define happiness? And has your definition changed over the last couple of years due to the limitations and stresses you’ve experienced? If you’d like help answering these questions and creating a better and brighter year ahead, here's my countdown of the best books on happiness that will help you explore the subject. 1. The Happiness Project | Gretchen Rubin So, this list of the best happiness books inevitably starts with the crazily popular The Happiness Project title which came out of one woman’s random thought on a bus: “I want to be happy.” Gretchen Rubin realized that, beneath all her goals in life, she just wanted to be happy. But, she also realized she didn’t actually know what made her happy! So, Rubin began a year-long happiness project to discover what made her happy and why. The result is a delightful read about Rubin’s day-to-day experiences over one year and how her understanding of happiness became increasingly simple, in spite of her busy and accomplished life. RELATED: Happiness podcasts – 8 that we rate Rubin talks about each month’s “happiness goal” – what she did, what she learned and how you can do the same. You can use her 12-month framework to create your own happiness project and discover more of your unique happiness formula for simple, happiness-generating activities. An engaging, heartwarming read. 2. Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill | Matthieu Ricard If you’d like to read one of the most enlightening books on happiness written by someone with a fascinating life path, try Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill. Matthieu Ricard grew up with philosopher and artist parents, amidst the intellectual and artistic circles of Paris. After earning a PhD in cell genetics, he discovered Buddhism, became a monk and has now lived in the Himalayan region for over 40 years. RELATED: The best books on meditation – our top picks Happiness… is the best known of Ricard’s many books that uses his deep understanding of meditation to describe how we unintentionally make ourselves unhappy. Importantly, he explains what we can do to uncover our innate happiness instead. Ricard has crafted simple lessons and exercises to apply his keys to happiness to your stressful situations, habits and beliefs that make you unhappy, and much more. 3. The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way to Live Well | Meik Wiking Some countries pride themselves on the happiness of their citizens, and Denmark, in particular, claims to be one of the happiest places on Earth. Many Danes believe the practice of hygge (pronounced hoo-guh) is their secret. Hygge doesn’t have a simple definition, but see if you can get a feeling for it from descriptions like this. It’s anything that gives comfort to your soul and allows you to let your guard down. It’s the deep peace you feel looking at the ocean with a loved one beside you. It’s a shared meal with your best friends or sharing a laugh with your child. All these experiences speak to simple, soul-satisfying moments that enrich your life and evoke the feeling, “Yes, this is enough. Just this.” “This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more joy into your life.” The Little Book of Hygge is written by Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. This beautifully designed book on happiness is full of inspiration for simple changes you can make to bring more hygge and joy into your life. Wiking writes like he’s talking directly to you, sitting around a fire, sharing a perfect moment of hygge! 4. Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: a 28-Day Program Paperback | Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is a pioneer in the field of meditation and mindfulness, bringing Buddhism to mainstream culture in practical, compassionate and lighthearted books, talks and retreats. Salzberg wants to demystify the practice of meditation and show its relevance to modern life – from day-to-day stresses to deep feelings of depression, disconnection and dissatisfaction. One of my many favourite quotes from this book on happiness is: “Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, stories that get in the way of direct experience. Often such stories treat a fleeting state of mind as if it were our entire and permanent self.” RELATED: Finding happiness – 11 science-backed truths This 28-Day program will help you see some of your stories, and the clarity and happiness that lies in wait for you when you see through them. Real Happiness is full of down-to-earth inspiration, exercises and tips that will help you create your own transformative month of meditation. 5. The Little Book of Mindfulness: 10 minutes a day to less stress, more peace | Patricia Collard If mindfulness is new to you, The Little Book of Mindfulness is another wonderful way to dip your toe into mindfulness and happiness. Collard is a psychotherapist, mindfulness teacher and stress management expert who has put together a library of 5- and 10-minute practices to increase your happiness through reducing stress and negative thinking. RELATED: Mindful minutes – 10 small practices that make a big difference What I particularly like about this book on happiness is that there's no jargon in her definition of mindfulness or her explanations of how you can apply mindfulness practice to situations you face every day. As she says in the book, “Mindfulness is an attitude, rather than a skill.” Indeed, it’s not a complicated discipline you need to learn, you can start by approaching each moment with a mindful attitude. Collard’s exercises provide many ways to let go of stress, so you can rest in the simplicity and happiness present in each moment. 6. Meditation For the Love of It: Enjoying Your Own Deepest Experience | Sally Kempton This is another book on happiness that doesn’t look at meditation from the usual point of view of a “discipline.” Meditation For the Love of It shows you how to find joy in meditation and in yourself. And what could be a better motivator to explore meditation. Kempton’s book is a skillful explanation of how and why “loving yourself” is anything but an empty cliché. Not only accepting, but embracing all parts of your experience in meditation and in your daily life deepens your understanding of your strengths, your vulnerabilities and what truly makes you happy. RELATED: Discover self-love meditation Kempton teaches readers how to connect with the power of their deepest desires which she sees as the path to lasting happiness. Playfulness and devotion are the two attitudes indispensable to your journey of self-knowledge. The book includes over 20 practices to help you bring happiness, insight and self-acceptance into your life through meditation. 7. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life | Jon Kabat-Zinn I’ve chosen this classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn as the ultimate best book on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition: how and why we suffer, and how we can use simple, but potent practices to become happier. Kabat-Zinn is the creator of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program that has become the gold standard in evidence-based, mindfulness programs. RELATED: Best mindfulness books – our Top 10 picks In Wherever You Go, There You Are, the author explains in a non-pretentious style how small, everyday moments are the best places to understand what mindfulness means to you. You don’t need to sit on a meditation cushion for an hour every day or have extraordinary experiences. Growing in emotional, mental and spiritual well-being comes from learning to see everyday experiences and your responses to them through a lens of non-judgment, curiosity and compassion. “This classic from Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of the best books on happiness because it is such a comprehensive, practical and compassionate look at the human condition.” The title describes the central premise of the book and of mindfulness in general. “Wherever you go,” you take your strengths, weaknesses, life experiences, beliefs, worries and everything else, with you – for better or worse. And it's all these factors determine your overall life experience, whether you’re living in paradise or living through a global pandemic. When you explore all these aspects of yourself, in a mindful, caring way, you gain the immeasurable power to better understand yourself and others, relieve even long-term anxiety and become more balanced and happier. Round up: best books on happiness If you’ve been reevaluating your life since the pandemic and are key to explore your happiness further, these are the best books on happiness that can help you do just that. Let us know below in the comments which of these books have helped you most. Or, if you think I've missed some essentials from the list, please share below also. Happy reading! • Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ read our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Literature | Poetry | Film Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Making your bed in the morning may seem like a trivial chore, but it's one that many of us don't bother with. But, as Dee Marques explains, taking just a few moments to make your bed could set you up mentally for the rest of the day – and beyond. Many of us can probably remember one not-so-great memory from our childhoods: our parents instructing us to make our beds in the morning! Many years later, some adults still have mixed feelings about this habit. In fact, making or not making the bed seems to be a controversial topic. In some ways, it even defines personalities; you may have heard the tongue-in-cheek expression that there are two types of people in the world – those who make their beds and those who don’t. Of course, whether we make our bed or not is a personal choice, but, interestingly, it can have an impact on our mental well-being. So, which side of the bed-making debate do you lay on? If you're rushing to get to work or take the kids to school, tidying your sleeping space might be the last thing you want to do, but it turns out that taking a minute or two to do just that could have a positive impact on the rest of your day. Why you should make your bed every day Retired US admiral William McRaven once said that “if you want to change the world, start by making your bed”. He even wrote a book about it, the aptly entitled Make Your Bed. But McRaven isn’t the only well-known personality to extol the virtues of this orderly habit. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson also said something along those lines when he wrote that one of the key rules for life is cleaning your room, which, of course, also includes making your bed. When reading these statements, you might wonder what does making your bed have to do with bringing change to the world? Making your bed builds a foundation for other good habits The short answer is that making your bed is a healthy habit that ensures you start your day with an accomplishment. Even if this specific task of bed-making seems small, it can make a big difference to your mindset for the rest of the day. Indeed, your internal dialogue can go from “today I didn’t accomplish much, I didn’t even make my bed!”, to, “even if nothing else goes well today, at least I bothered to make my bed!”. In fact, good habits and the positive attitude they cause are the cornerstones of healthy change – which can start in your own bedroom. Five reasons to make your bed daily There are other benefits to making your bed every day, beyond the powerful impact on habits, daily structure and internal stability. 1. It encourages order and organization There’s something visual about a made (or unmade) bed. The first transmits the idea of order, whereas the second does exactly the opposite. Living in a messy environment has been linked to some mental health conditions, like depression, and it could also suggest that a person is struggling to cope with problems or feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, psychologists believe that organization helps with stress reduction, and that disorganization can impair our ability to focus. The opposite is also true; making your bed is a step towards getting your room or house organized. 2. It improves self-confidence Making your bed every day may seem trivial, but the action can serve as a reminder that you’re in control of at least one thing in your life. Like other habits, making your bed daily requires responsibility and commitment. Knowing that you can set your mind to something and persevere day after day can increase your personal satisfaction levels and improve your confidence in your own abilities. “Making your bed every day may seem trivial, but the action can serve as a reminder that you’re in control of at least one thing. Like other habits, making your bed daily requires responsibility and commitment.” This habit can be 'practice' for other tasks that may lie ahead and make you feel more confident about your ability to tackle them. There’s some pride in saying “I did this today”, or, “I took care of my immediate environment first thing in the morning”. 3. It can help you sleep better Getting better sleep is essential to our mental and physical health, but there are lots of things that can interfere with restorative sleep. The brain controls part of the sleep cycle, so if it detects something uncomfortable, the quality of your sleep may be affected. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest That 'something' can be invisible (like worrying about something before heading to bed) or visible, like the tidy bed you made in the morning. The sight of a made-up bed can send a signal to the brain to make sleep more appealing and less vulnerable to disruption. Making your bed every day could help you to sleep better shutterstock/Prostock-studio 4. It prepares you for bigger challenges One of the reasons behind inaction or demotivation is skipping steps when goal setting. For example, someone who wants to start exercising can frame the goal as, “I want to work out every day”. But if they don’t start by exercising one or two days a week, the whole goal seems unattainable. The same applies to making your bed. By doing this, you’re setting up the basis for adopting bigger goals or routines. And if you’re the type of person who resists the idea of making the bed every morning, knowing you can push past the resistance can prepare you for bigger challenges. 5. It's the foundation of other good habits A survey with 68,000 participants found that people who made their beds daily felt more satisfied with life and felt better physically than those who didn’t. And while we can’t establish a direct causal link between making your bed and being happier, it can be a roundabout way to higher well-being. “When making your bed becomes a daily habit, expect to see improvements in your organization skills, self-confidence and even your sleep quality.” This is mostly because sticking to a productive habit makes it easier to develop other good habits. And the more good habits in our life, the more we are investing in our physical and mental health. Some tips if you struggle making your bed daily If you've decided to be more consistent in making your bed every day, you may face the typical resistance that is felt when adopting new habits. This can materialize in the form of excuses, low motivation, procrastinating, etc. Here are some tips to help you with that: Start with a manageable and specific goal. If you're goal isn’t too overwhelming, you’re more likely to go through with it. For example, instead of saying “I will always make my bed”, start with “I’ll make my bed every day this week”. Connect the new habit to an old habit. This is a useful of way of not conveniently 'forgetting' to make your bed when you’ve decided to do it every day. For example, if you shower every morning, leave the bath towel on your bed, so you’ll have no option but to see the unmade bed when you pick up the towel before showering. Use a visual reminder, like a Post-it note on your mirror or on the kitchen cupboard. You could also set an alarm on your phone. If you're still struggling, get help from a friend or family member. Just letting someone know of what you’re trying to do and asking them to check on you can improve accountability levels. Take 'failure' the smart way. If you don’t make your bed one day, don’t let it become an excuse for not doing it ever again. We all have setbacks when creating new habits. What matters is finding out what causes those setbacks and what we can learn to prevent them from happening again in the future. Takeaway: making your bed Making your bed is a positive habit that takes little effort once you push past the initial resistance. Indeed, when this becomes a daily habit, you can expect to see improvements in your organization skills, your self-confidence, your ability to create other good habits, and even your sleep quality – these are all fantastic benefits for something that only takes a couple of minutes of your day! • Main image: shutterstock/Crime Art happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self Care | Courage | Acceptance Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

We all get down on ourselves sometimes, but if you're stuck in a rut and thinking “I hate my life”, then it's time to take action. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 10 practical ideas to help put your life in perspective and turn things around so you can start loving it again... “I hate my life!” Does this statement (or, rather, exclamation bellowed in agony) resonate with you now or in the past? Then you are not alone. Life can be joyous, exhilarating and breathtaking. However, it is also unpredictable. Challenges arise, we make wrong decisions, difficulties get hurled our way. A part of life is to dislike some of it. You might have married the wrong person, and now you loathe your time together. Maybe you were hit by an economic crisis and cannot make ends meet. You could be chronically overworked, not having the time to do anything else. Sometimes it seems only logical to hate your life. I lived in that state for many years. And I do not mean a teenage “I hate my life!” exclamation when you embarrass yourself in front of the entire class. I'm talking about the darkest loathing of every waking moment. I know how your soul grows black when you feel inescapably hopeless and helpless. Why did I share that with you? Because I want you to know that what you will read is not empty talk. I have travelled the path, and I did so very recently. You, too, can swim back to the surface. How? Read on for some ideas on how to fight the antipathy you nurture towards your own life — and fall back in love with it. Stop hating, start reclaiming Hating your life is not a pretty state to be in. Wrong choices and regret tend to put you off course. I remember when I noticed my life suddenly starting to lose all its colours. I felt lost. I was paralysed by the revulsion when I catalogued all my failures that made my life unenjoyable, to say the least. If you have had enough of loathing, start reclaiming your life. It may be a long road to travel. Still, you are bound to become sager afterwards — not to mention happier. 1. Take time to reflect The very first step you need to take is to understand why you hate your life. It may be obvious, like having a job that drains your energy and has no higher purpose whatsoever. In other instances, the source of your hatred may not be so obvious. It could be a group of aspects of your life, like an unsupportive family, lack of time for hobbies, overly expensive apartment, wrong profession, and so on. If you hate your life, it's time to take steps to change it Take some time to reflect on the topic. Write down your thoughts if you need to. What it is exactly that you want out of your life? It would be best if you determined exactly where the loathing comes from. Because unless you know why you hate your life, it will be challenging to come up with how to change it. 2. Determine what's in your power to change When you're done with the soul-searching from the first step, you should analyse the situation. What is it that you can control and change? What is out of your hands? For example, if you're in an abusive relationship, there's little point in trying to make the abuser change. However, you can transform your perspective on things. You can gradually start refusing to think about your life and yourself as they dictate. Their insults do not have to be the building blocks of your identity. RELATED: Changing perspective and gaining happiness The Serenity Prayer, regardless of your religion, speaks about a pearl of universal and timeless wisdom: Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other 3. Remove unhelpful automatic thoughts Whatever your situation may be, chances are, the previous step led you to realise your thoughts are always in your hands. Indeed, it's the one thing we can always control. We all have many automatic thoughts. Unfortunately, they are often unhelpful. Such maladaptive thinking patterns cause numerous disturbances and difficulties, as a cross-cultural study found. A straightforward example: if you keep thinking “I hate my life” then you are gearing your mind towards negativity. “Come up with alternative statements and start thinking them instead of the negative ones. For example, replace 'I hate my life' with 'It's in my power to create the life I want.” Work on removing such maladaptive thoughts. Challenge them, search for counterarguments. Come up with alternative statements, and start thinking them instead of the negative ones. For example, replace “I hate my life” with “It is in my power to create the life I want”. Remember: you are not your thoughts. A systematic review of nearly 70 scientific papers confirmed the power of self-talk. Positive self-talk can improve our performance, help with depression or anxiety symptoms, and increase our confidence. 4. Forgive and self-forgive If you're in a situation that makes you hate your life, maybe you need to work on forgiveness. An extensive review of studies on forgiveness found that if we find it in ourselves to replace the unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal. And what about self-forgiveness? When you forgive yourself, you open the doors to growing as a person, a study revealed. According to Stanford University’s summary of recent findings in the field, self-forgiveness leads to: Wisdom Increased ability to focus, success, and higher productivity Better emotional health More quality relationships A sense of happiness and gratitude Whether you’re feeling guilty for hurting another person, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for failing to stick to healthy habits, let go of self-hate. Letting go of loathing will help you release your energy for a fresh start and a new, happier life. 5. Practise gratitude When you hate your life, you probably have a bias towards seeing the negatives. It may be a strong mental habit, making you blind to the opportunities that are still there for you. However, if you're fed up with the hatred of your life, start practising gratitude. Focus on all of the good things in your life. Indeed, even in the darkest moments, there is something to be grateful for. Practise gratitude and enjoy the simple things in life shutterstock/Serhii Yurkiv It may be your memories and the wonderful moments you've had in the past. It could be your inner strength and perseverance. Look at nature and cherish its beauty. Take a moment to watch the morning and be thankful for seeing it. Savour. Then move gradually towards recognising other positives in your life — friends, family, your home, your job... find the good in everything you can. In that way, you train your mind to stop focusing on the loathsome aspects of your life. Scientific research has confirmed the benefits of gratitude on life satisfaction and happiness. Suddenly, you will start seeing the opportunities to turn things around. 6. Avoid comparisons Comparing yourself to others can make you vulnerable to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. We're naturally inclined to compare ourselves to others. Social media make it very difficult not to. However, what people showcase online is carefully corrected and selected to display only the best features. Trying to keep up with those fake standards is bound to make you hate your life. Even when you know images and posts are edited, they can still make you feel inadequate. “However, if you're fed up with the hatred of your life, start practising gratitude. Even in the darkest moments, there is something to be grateful for.” So, do not compare yourself. Direct your energy towards your authentic needs and wishes instead. Ask yourself — what would I want if I was not trying to keep up? What would I do if I did not care about praise, money, accomplishments, recognition? 7. Explore your passions Do you remember the last time you felt on top of the world? You were likely living in line with your principles and passions at that time. Now that you are not, you probably feel lost and “I hate my life” has become your mantra. Therefore, venture on to explore and (re)discover your interests. Ask yourself: “What is it that I used to love doing and believed in?” “What would I want to do if I did not have to care about money or anything else?” Search for the activities that give you something called flow, a phrase coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is a state in which you get lost in an activity. You stop noticing time passing, and you're absorbed in what you're doing. Csikszentmihalyi’s research concluded that the more ‘flow’ you have in your life, the more resilience, well-being, and fulfilment you will enjoy. 8. Get support (and input) from your friends and family Hating your life puts you in a dark and, often, lonely place. You may be living under circumstances that isolate you. The heaviness of the feeling might be too much to hide or to share with others. Embrace family when you're feeling low in life shutterstock/AlessandroBiascioli Yet, being alone is a stressor on its own. It can make it too easy to ruminate about what you loathe about your life. Try to “prescribe” yourself socialising with people. Enjoy a casual coffee with friends or a heart-to-heart conversation about what worries you. Studies revealed that social support could help you step out of your head and gain a fresh perspective on things. 9. Look after yourself When you're in a state of loathing your life, it often becomes difficult to take good care of yourself. However, the mind-body connection goes two ways. When you're sleep-deprived, sick, and physically weak, you become psychologically vulnerable, too. RELATED: Feeling blue or clinically depressed? The 4 things you should look out for So, start looking after yourself. Sleep, exercise, get enough fresh air, eat healthy food. Scientific research has proven that physical activity helps lower the levels of stress hormones in your body. It also increases your ability to focus and use your intellectual skills better. As a result, you will gain clarity and better control over your emotions. Same goes for other acts of self-care. Give yourself plenty of self-love, even when you do not feel like it. Your future self will thank you. 10. Make a plan of action After all of the steps above, you're probably ready to make an action plan. Identify what makes you unhappy. Commit to making small steps to improve things. Each day, ask yourself: “What is it that I can do to move closer to my goal today?” The “I hate my life” monster might raise its ugly head a few more times. However, stop sabotaging yourself. Do not allow it to stay in your head for too long. Remember — our time on this planet is limited. You do not want to spend whatever time you have left hating your life — you want to change it while you can. Takeaway: I hate my life Yes, you only get to live once. So, does it make any sense to hate your life? Is it not wiser to try and change it around? It may take some time, but if you use the rock bottom you're at right now to push yourself back to the surface, you will be able to say: “I survived”. You will start to love living again and enjoy every moment of it. • Main image: shutterstock/Srdjan Randjelovic Please note that the “I hate my life” sentiment might be a symptom of clinical depression. If you experience any of the signs of this emotional disorder, make sure to reach out to your local mental health services. In the US, you can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline for free and confidential support. Use Lifeline Chat or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). In the UK, call 116 123 to talk to Samaritans, or email: [email protected] for a reply within 24 hours. You can also text “SHOUT” to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line, or text “YM” if you're under 19. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting in our happiness forum ■ learning with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

A new study finds that feeling uncertain may lead us to savor the small things in life. BY KIRA M. NEWMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Ever since it began, the pandemic has been a crash course in uncertainty. Safe behaviors, school openings, vaccination timelines, the job market, new variants — these have all seemed to change on a weekly basis, threatening our sense of security and stability. Uncertainty is stressful and perhaps even harmful to our health, research suggests, and it can drive us to cling to our social groups to the exclusion of others. But a new study has uncovered a surprising upside to feeling uncertain: It might drive us to appreciate the little things in life. Smell the roses In one experiment, researchers stationed on a sidewalk handed out flyers that said one of two things: “Life is unpredictable: stop and smell the roses” or “Life is constant: stop and smell the roses.” A short distance away was a table with a dozen red roses on it and a sign matching the flyer they’d just received. It's easy to feel uncertain about the future Research assistants hid behind a bush to see who stopped and who didn’t — and it was the people who read that life is unpredictable who buried their noses in the fragrant flowers, 2.5 times more often than the others. Why? Savouring and appreciating the small things in life may be a coping response that our minds activate when we feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of it all. Savouring pulls us out of fears and worries about a fuzzy future and into the clear, pleasurable sensations of right now. “If the world is uncertain, it makes sense to take advantage of what you have now because it may not exist shortly,” explains Andrew L. Gregory, the lead author of the study. “While savouring may happen naturally, it's also something we can practise deliberately when life feels unsettling. For example, you might share your good news or gratitude with others.” The researchers found similar results in another experiment, where, instead of handing out flyers, they recruited nearly 400 people to watch videos. Some saw a video purportedly describing the conclusions from a scientific conference about how unpredictable and random our lives are, accompanied by chaotic graphs and rolling dice. Others saw a similar video, but with the opposite message, about life’s underlying order and structure. A final group saw a video about the history of trains. Compared to the other two groups, those who watched the chaos video reported more intentions to savour life. They said that they should enjoy the present and appreciate simple things, and would linger on good feelings if something wonderful happened to them or a friend. Savouring in real life A final set of findings suggests that this effect does translate to everyday life, even if you don’t happen to come across a video or flyer about uncertainty. Here, researchers recruited over 6,000 people and pinged them up to a dozen times a day, asking how chaotic and unpredictable the world felt in that moment and whether they were savouring the present. It turned out that when the world felt messy, people were more likely to be savouring their lives a few hours later, at the next ping. Stop to appreciate the small things in life shutterstock/Mariia Boiko Of course, the relentless uncertainty of the pandemic doesn’t lend itself to feeling mindful and appreciative all the time. But Gregory suspects that this pattern still holds. Indeed, many people reported feeling grateful early on in the pandemic. One of our Thnx4 members, for example, journaled about missing out on her daily socializing at the neighborhood cafe and instead making small talk with strangers on her morning walk. “It reminded me not only to appreciate but to seek positive experience,” she wrote. “Savouring and appreciating the small things in life may be a coping response that our minds activate when we feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of it all.” While savouring may happen naturally, it’s also something we can practise deliberately when life feels unsettling. For example, you might share your good news or gratitude with others, or tune into the enjoyable sights, sounds and smells around you. When you work on controlling your attention this way, Gregory says, you may feel like you have more control over your life in general. The flyers and videos in these experiments are a good reminder that our sense of uncertainty is changeable. Based on that, it makes sense that reading political news or social media posts from our friends could influence how stable or chaotic our lives feel. Being selective about the media we consume could help. Or, says Gregory, when we’re feeling adrift, we could try reflecting on times in our life when we felt secure and certain. Savouring isn’t the only potential upside to feeling uncertain. For people who are less well off, confronting a chaotic environment can actually drive them to prioritize community. In these ways and perhaps others, our brains try to protect us from the unpleasant but unavoidable uncertainty of life. • Main image: shutterstock/Rido happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Gratitude | Friendship Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

While thinking about past actions can sometimes help you move forward in life, thinking too much can have the opposite effect and lead to depression and anxiety. Dee Marques shares nine steps to take that will show you how to stop overthinking and enjoy your life in the present. As humans, we have the extraordinary ability to constantly reflect on our actions. There’s much to be learned from our decisions, so it can be useful to go over past situations to find the lesson in them. And when it comes to the future, anticipating what’s to come and making plans can also be useful. Doing this can help us grow and be more successful, but it’s also easy to end up overdoing this type of analysis. In fact, overthinking can have precisely the opposite effect, leading to constant worry and a feeling of being stuck or unproductive. If this is the case then you'll need some ideas on how to stop overthinking everything. Overthinking can become a self-destructive behaviour with negative effects on our mental health. Overthinking can become chronic and is the kind of toxic habit that may end up leading to other problems, such as anxiety and depression. • JOIN US! Need support? Sign-up and belong to a community that cares • Because having control over our thought patterns is critical to our well-being, it's important to learn how to avoid the overthinking trap. In this article you'll find a list of practical suggestions on how to stop overthinking and making your overall thought processes more positive. What is overthinking? If we’re to learn how to stop overthinking, learning to identify that we are doing it is essential. As I've outlined above, overthinking usually has two aspects: one is rumination (going over past events) and the other one entails worrying about the future and dwelling on worst possible scenarios. RELATED: Remember – you are not your thoughts In both cases, we almost always focus on the negative aspects of an experience, and also on those aspects that cannot be changed. Common scenarios for people who tend to overthink include worrying about falling ill, losing their job, or not knowing what they want to do with their life. Going over the past and “should have” scenarios are also typical, for example, “I should have said that”, or “I should have done this”. These are common thoughts when reflecting on a relationship that may have ended, a job you may have quit, or the way you handled a friendship that ended badly. Pause for thought: overthinking can lead to anxiety Overthinking is related to anxiety because the focus is often on things we can’t change (such as what has already happened or unknowns in the future). This thought pattern can easily create feelings of powerlessness, which, in turn, generate high anxiety levels. Indeed, overthinking is characterised by a snowball effect that leaves us feeling overwhelmed, helpless and distressed. And as it happens with other harmful thought patterns, it can take over our life, interfere with everyday functioning, and make us lose control over our thoughts. Other dangers of overthinking include mental health issues, increased chances of developing depression, and impaired problem-solving abilities. This happens because overthinkers are under the false belief that they’re working on a problem, when in fact, overthinking actually keeps them from solving the problem. Later, overthinkers realise they can’t find a solution and this creates even more anxiety. “Because having control over our thought patterns is critical to our well-being, it's important to learn how to stop overthinking.” Overthinking is also linked to sleep issues, as people who struggle to stop thinking fail to switch off and can't sleep because of intrusive thoughts. Furthermore, lack of sleep is also connected to depressive symptoms and poor concentration during the day. And there are physical symptoms too, like headaches, muscle aches, digestive issues and fatigue. Moreover, overthinking has even been linked to binge eating or drinking and self-harm. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest Despite the dangers of thinking too much, the number of people affected is substantial enough to take it seriously for us to really learn some techniques on how to stop overthinking. One US study called it a national epidemic, and bestseller books have been written about the subject, suggesting women are more prone to overthink. The female to male ratio of overthinkers is 57-43 per cent, and those aged between 25 and 33 seem more vulnerable too. What causes overthinking? Before we move on to how to stop overthinking, it’s important to understand the mechanism behind this problem. Scientists believe it activates parts of the brain involved in fear or anxious responses. Overthinking begins in the cortex, where memories and future events are processed. As we dwell on things, obsessive thoughts engage the amygdala, the seat of emotional responses. Once the amygdala starts working, it triggers physical responses like a higher heart rate, muscle tension, and feeling paralysed by the negative thought. It’s worth noting that overthinking starts with a good intention, usually problem solving or protecting ourselves, but more often than not, it takes us to a dead end and develops into anxiety. However, it’s possible to fight this habit and learn how to stop overthinking. How to stop overthinking in 9 steps If you struggle with overthinking, these nine tips could help you free your mind and live in the present moment more. 1. Find the trigger Overthinking is a habit, so there’ll be something that sends your brain into overthink mode. It could be at bedtime as you take stock of the day, or it could be asking yourself a “what if?” question, re-reading a journal, looking at family photos, etc. 2. Be aware of your response Recognise anxiety as it appears and ask yourself if this is in your head or how productive these thoughts are. Will this way of thinking help you see things in a new light or are you simply going over the same thing again and again? 3. Identify the positive intention We usually overthink because we want to protect ourselves, so think about what practical measures you need to take to achieve that. Learn how to stop overthinking can improve focus 4. Find useful distractions Telling yourself “you shouldn’t think about that” may have the opposite effect (the “don’t think of an elephant” effect). The more you try to suppress those thoughts, the more nagging they become. So, instead, try to divert attention and give your mind something else to focus on. This could be picking up a creative hobby that has a challenging element, working out, or calling a friend. 5. Dealing with 'what ifs' Train your mind to think 'what if' and create best-case scenarios. Inadvertently, you have trained your mind to think about the worse, so don’t doubt that you can also train it to do the opposite also. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to happiness.com and share your story and challenges • 6. Pay attention to what you consume The information that enters our minds can contribute to the snowball effect of overthinking. It’s important to read/hear positive and constructive information at the start and/or end of the day to counter an overthinking habit. 7. Reflection vs obsession As I said at the beginning of this piece, thinking about the past or future isn’t necessarily bad. But there’s a difference between reflecting and obsessing, and this is an important distinction if you want to learn how to stop overthinking. “Follow a body scan meditation script when going to bed to shift your awareness away from overthinking and into your bodily sensations.” One technique that can help is setting a time to reflect on things that matter to you and not letting your thoughts free rein. For example, tell yourself you can think about what's on your mind for 30 minutes between 17:00 and 17:30pm, but no more after that. You can even set an alarm if necessary so you know when to stop. 8. Relaxation techniques You can try controlled breathing exercises to help your brain slow down and shift your attention somewhere other than your worries. Alternatively, follow a body scan meditation script to shift your awareness away from overthinking and into your bodily sensations. This technique is particularly useful if you want to learn how to stop overthinking just before trying to get to sleep. 9. Live in the present Mindfulness techniques can help you focus on the present and make the most of it, bringing enjoyment instead of the anxiety triggered by overthinking. The takeaway: stop overthinking and live life If you’ve experienced the draining effect of rumination, know that it’s possible to break the cycle and learn how to stop overthinking. Finding triggers, becoming more aware of harmful thought processes, and developing strategies to distract and relax your mind can help you make the switch from passive to active thinking and take control of your thoughts. Don’t let anxiety and irrational negative thoughts interfere with your well-being. Put in practice the suggestions listed here on how to stop overthinking and you’ll realise that you can learn to cope with whatever life throws at you. • Main image: shutterstock/TeodorLazerev happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Mindfulness | Resilience | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Und plötzlich ist alles schwarz. Nicht nur im bildlichen Sinne, sondern tatsächlich. Katrin bricht zusammen, hat ein stundenlanges Blackout. Sie meldet sich krank und denkt, dass nach 1, 2 Wochen Pause alles wieder okay ist. Pustekuchen. Bei ihrer Ärztin bekommt sie die unerwartete Diagnose “Burnout”. Und auf einmal ist alles anders. 2 Jahre Krankschreibung und ein langer Weg zurück ins Licht sind die Folge. Hier erzählt Katrin ihre Geschichte. Burnout: Plötzlich macht das Leben eine Vollbremsung Rien ne va plus Ein toller neuer Job in einer wunderschönen lebendigen Metropole, eine tolle innovative Firma mit Family-Feeling, ein aufregendes anspruchsvolles Projekt, Kolleg*innen, die zu Freund*innen werden. Kurz: Katrin hat das große Los gezogen. Sie kniet sich richtig rein, mischt überall mit und verbreitet gute Laune. Sie bildet sich weiter, lässt ihre Kompetenzen wachsen, hat Erfolge und merkt nicht, dass sie auch mal Zeit braucht, um durchzuatmen und neue Kraft zu tanken. Bis es zu spät ist. Katrin erzählt: Ich war mitten in einem Call mit meinen Teamkolleginnen und von einem Moment zum anderen war ich weg. Ich bin 4, 5 Stunden später wieder zu mir gekommen, zum Glück hatte ich gerade Homeoffice und bin nicht im Büro oder auf der Straße zusammengeklappt. So fand ich mich in meinem Bett wieder und mir fehlte jede Erinnerung an die letzten Stunden. Ein sehr beunruhigendes Gefühl, aber ich war zu verwirrt, um wirklich Angst zu haben. Also hab ich mich früh hingelegt, um mich im Schlaf zu erholen, auch in der Hoffnung, dass am nächsten Morgen alles wie ein schlechter Traum war. Aber es war kein Traum. Ich fühlte mich, als hätte mir jemand den Stecker gezogen und fühlte mich elend und schlapp. Also ging ich zu meiner Ärztin, hab ihr das Erlebte beschrieben und auch meine aktuellen Symptome. Sie war beunruhigter als ich, weil ich immer noch dachte, das ist nur ein kleines Formtief; war stressig in letzter Zeit, aber das wird wieder. Das sah sie anders. Und ihre Diagnose hat mich dann gänzlich umgehauen: Burnout wegen totaler Erschöpfung. Die meisten Menschen, bei denen ein Burnout diagnostiziert wird, haben nicht gemerkt, dass sie geradewegs und schnurstracks auf einen Zusammenbruch zusteuern. Fatalerweise sind es oft die Herzensjobs, für die wir glühen und in die wir unsere Energie und Kraft stecken, die uns letztendlich ausknocken. Dies gilt besonders für den Typus Erschöpfungs-Burnout. Dazu zählen die Personen, die, wie im Fall von Katrin, über lange Zeit Vollgas im Job geben, Schwierigkeiten haben, Aufgaben zu delegieren und quasi auf jeder “Party” mittanzen wollen. Dieser energetische Antrieb funktioniert über lange Distanzen auch für die Firma sehr gut, denn wer bremst schon gerne ein motiviertes Arbeitstier? Eben. Aber irgendwann hat auch der größte Tank keinen Sprit mehr und wir müssen feststellen, dass unsere Energie und Kraft endlich ist, wenn wir keine “innere” Tankstelle haben und nutzen. Typen von Burnout: Bist du überfordert, unterfordert oder erschöpft? Burnout ist nicht gleich Burnout Es gibt neben dem Typus “Erschöpfung” noch 2 weitere Burnout-Persönlichkeiten, wie verschiedene wissenschaftliche Studien1 ergaben: der Überforderungs-Burnout Dieser Burnout-Typus ist dem Erschöpfungs-Burnout sehr ähnlich mit dem kleinen Unterschied, dass hier die aufgewendete Arbeitsenergie zwar auch riesig ist, aber aufgrund innerer oder äußerer Anforderungen verpufft. Nicht jeder ist ein Sisyphos, der klaglos tagein tagaus eine tonnenschwere Steinkugel einen Hügel hinauf wuchtet, nur um zu “guter” Letzt an der Aufgabe zu scheitern, weil die schwere Kugel kurz vorm Gipfel den ganzen Weg wieder hinunter rollt. Die meisten von uns sind unzufrieden, wenn sie ihr Arbeitspensum nicht so erfüllen wie gewünscht und reiben sich an der permanenten Überlastung und den daraus resultierenden Selbstzweifeln auf. Zum Selbstschutz reagieren viele darauf, indem sie diese Unzufriedenheit und Frustration nach außen richten, denn als Ursachen werden vor Allem mangelnde Unterstützung und ineffiziente Strukturen am Arbeitsplatz verortet. Die Folge: Die emotionale Distanzierung vom Job und dem Unternehmen und “die innere Kündigung”2. der Unterforderungs-Burnout (Bore-Out3 und Brown-Out) Die innere Kündigung bzw. die fortschreitende Distanzierung vom Arbeitsplatz kann auch die Folge sein, wenn wir unter dem so genannten Unterforderungs-Burnout (Boreout) zusammenbrechen. Denn genauso wie stete Überlastung führt auch permanente Unterforderung zu Frustration und dem zermürbendem Gefühl der Belanglosigkeit des eigenen Tuns. Viele fühlen sich für ihren Job überqualifiziert und deswegen unterfordert, was dem Gefühl der Wertschätzung abträglich und dem Gefühl der langeweile zuträglich ist. Es ist nachvollziehbar, dass es großen Frust bedeutet, wenn die eigenen Talente und Fähigkeiten nicht gebraucht und erkannt werden. Die Folge: Nur noch der Körper quält sich zur täglichen Routine und täuscht Arbeit vor, Geist und Herz bleiben zu Hause und träumen von einer befriedigenden Tätigkeit. Die Wissenschaft hat einen dem Boreout sehr ähnlichen Typus ausgemacht: der Brownout. Zu dieser Form des Burnouts kommt es, wenn der einstige Spaß am Job und damit das Interesse und der Elan langsam verloren gehen. Meist passiert dies im Umfeld zu vieler Regeln oder durch die Abwesenheit von Kreativität, Eigeninitiative und Sinn in der Arbeit. Ein weiterer Grund für diesen Spannungsabfall (der Begriff Brownout kommt aus der Elektrizitätswirtschaft) sind die voneinander unabhängig wachsenden beruflichen und persönlichen Weiterentwicklungen und der schon beschriebene Erschöpfungs-Burnout, wie ihn auch Katrin erlebt hat. Im Gegensatz zum Überforderungstypus richten sich hier die negativen Gefühle in Form von Resignation und Hilflosigkeit nach innen, die Aufgaben werden zunehmend vernachlässigt, was die betroffenen Menschen zusätzlich belastet und zack - sind wir mitten in einem Teufelskreis. Denn die Ansprüche an sich selbst und die Anforderungen von außen bleiben so wie sie sind und werden bei der dramatisch abnehmenden Energie, Kraft und Leistungsfähigkeit mehr und mehr unerreichbar und sind nicht mehr zu meistern. Übrigens: Unter diesem Burnout - Typus finden sich auch viele Extrem - Multitasker*innen4, die in mehreren Browserfenstern je 20 Tabs geöffnet haben, nebenher To-Do-Listen schreiben und versuchen alles gleichzeitig zu tun, denn sonst überstiege das Arbeitspensum die Arbeitszeit bei weitem. Wir sehen: Auch wenn die Ursachen eines Burnout sehr unterschiedlich sind, das Ergebnis ist das Gleiche: Nichts geht mehr, rien ne va plus… Burnout vermeiden: Aufmerksamkeit, Selbstfürsorge und Achtsamkeit Wehret den Anfängen! Was sich mit der Zeit zu einem ausgewachsenen Burnout entwickelt, hat schon klein damit angefangen, mal ganz groß rauszukommen. Dabei sind manche Menschen eher gefährdet als andere wegen eines Burnout zwangspausieren oder gar den Job wechseln zu müssen. Allergrößte Vorsicht und eine geschärfte Selbstbeobachtung sind ratsam, sollte es uns schwerfallen, Grenzen zu setzen und auch mal “Nein!” zu sagen. Wenn wir in einem Team arbeiten ist Teamwork, also sich gegenseitig zuzuarbeiten und zu unterstützen eine Grundvoraussetzung für effektives und gesundes Arbeiten. Und auch das Delegieren von Aufgaben ist nichts Böses, sondern verteilt die Gesamtheit der Aufgaben gerecht unter allen Beteiligten je nach Verfügbarkeit, Interesse und Fähigkeiten. Ob im Team oder alleine: Wir sollten uns regelmäßig fragen, ob wir mit unserer Arbeit zufrieden und mit unserem Arbeits-Ich im Einklang sind. Oder ob etwas verändert werden sollte. Können wir unsere Freizeit geniessen oder schleppen wir die Arbeitslast 24/7 mit uns herum? Wie sieht es mit der Gesundheit aus? Diese Selbstbeobachtungen können uns davor schützen, uns plötzlich ahnungslos und völlig überraschend am Abgrund stehend wiederzufinden. Katrin erzählt: Im Nachhinein betrachtet gab es genügend Anzeichen dafür, dass mein Arbeitseifer ungesunde Züge angenommen hatte. Ich hab nur noch 4 Stunden geschlafen, zum Abschalten brauchte ich ein Glas Wein, ich hab von der Firma geträumt, ich konnte nichts mehr aus der Hand geben und mein Privatleben war nicht mehr existent. Ich habe es allerdings nicht als das erkennen können, was es war, nämlich zunehmende Überlastung. In meinen Augen war ich einfach sehr engagiert und sehr um den Erfolg des Projektes bemüht. Da war es keine große Sache vor der Fahrt ins Office um 4 Uhr morgens mit dem Team in Shanghai technische Details zu klären. Und weil ich mir immer mehr Aufgaben und Bereiche aneignete haben die vertraglichen 40 Stunden pro Woche nicht mehr ausgereicht, also habe ich Feierabende und Wochenende weitergearbeitet, um alles einigermaßen schaffen zu können und im Urlaub war die Arbeit auch immer dabei. Langsam hatte sich das alles so entwickelt und genauso langsam hab ich mich dabei verändert. Der Druck, den ich mir selber gemacht habe hat sich auf meine Konzentration, meine Energie und vor Allem auf meine Laune ausgewirkt. Die Mißtöne im Team nahmen zu, ich fühlte mich unterschätzt und zweifelte am Vertrauen meiner Kolleg*innen und der Firma. Ich wurde immer häufiger krank, weil mein Magen diesem ungesunden Stress und dem hektischen Alltag nicht mehr gewachsen war. Und genau diese langsame Entwicklung war fatal, denn so bemerkte ich viel zu spät, dass ich nur noch ein trauriger Abklatsch meines früheren Ichs geworden war. Eine wichtige Erkenntnis zur Vermeidung eines Burnout und zum wachsenden Bewusstsein, dass wir auf dem besten Wege sind, auszubrennen: Selbstfürsorge und Selbstachtsamkeit sind keine reine Privatsache und dürfen gedanklich nicht an der Bürotür abgegeben werden. In unserer Freizeit und bei uns daheim achten wir auf uns und unser Wohlbefinden, horchen in uns hinein, ob uns etwas zu viel wird und was uns gut tut. Warum sollte dies unserem Arbeits-Ich nicht gestattet sein? Schließlich ist es unser Arbeits-Ich, das das Geld für unser Leben verdient. Deshalb ist es wichtig, rund um die Uhr auf uns zu achten, Dissonanzen mit schädlichem Potential zu erkennen und damit umzugehen, regelmäßig eine ehrliche Selbstbetrachtung durchzuführen und vor Allem Rücksprache mit Kolleg*innen und/oder Vorgesetzten zu halten. Ein weiterer guter Schutz vor Stress, Belastung und dem täglichen Wahnsinn im Berufsleben ist das kurze Innehalten, ob in Form von Meditation oder einem kleinen Spaziergang um den Block oder ganz einfach das bewusste tiefe Durchatmen: Wenn wir uns für ein paar Minuten vom Stress und Druck verabschieden und ihn von außen betrachten statt uns von ihm mitreißen zu lassen, schöpfen wir neue Kraft für die nächste Runde und bleiben bei uns statt uns im Chaos zu verlieren. Und das Wichtigste ist: Wir brauchen einen ausgleichenden Konterpart für die zuweilen stressige Arbeitswelt und da sind wir auch schon bei der vielzitierten Work-Life-Balance. Die Arbeitswelt hat sich in den letzen Jahrzehnten stark verändert. Neben völlig neuen Jobs und Anforderungen hat sich bei vielen auch die Grenze zwischen Beruf und Privatleben verschoben oder gleich ganz aufgelöst. Diese Entwicklung war zunächst bei jungen Start-Up-Unternehmen zu beobachten, aber durch die Pandemie und den Lockdown haben unzählige Menschen ihre Arbeit mit nach Hause genommen und von da an hieß es erst einmal: Home-Office. Wenn Privatraum und Arbeitsstelle am gleichen Ort sind gehen auch Privatleben und Berufsleben schnell Hand in Hand. Deshalb sollten wir in unseren Köpfen eine klare Grenze ziehen: In der Arbeitszeit wird gearbeitet, in der Freizeit haben wir frei. Besonders für diejenigen unter uns, die größtenteils sitzend ihrer Arbeit nachgehen, ist es unbedingt notwendig, so viel Zeit wie möglich aktiv zu sein. Vom Spaziergang übers Laufen zum Marathontraining, vom Yoga übers Schwimmen bis hin zum Kickboxen - Hauptsache, der Körper kommt so oft wie möglich vom Stuhl hoch und in Wallung. Neben ausreichender Bewegung und Sport hätten wir dann auch noch genug Zeit übrig, um unseren anderen Hobbies zu fröhnen und Familie und Freunde zu treffen (oder wenigstens zu sprechen). So kann eine gesunde Work-Life-Balance aussehen. Work-Life-Blending5 / Work-Life-Integration6 Im Rahmen der sich stetig verändernden Arbeitswelt etablieren sich vermehrt andere Konzepte als z. B. der klassische 9 to 5-Bürojob, mehr zeitliche und örtliche Flexibilität sind erforderlich (beispielsweise wegen unterschiedlicher Zeitzonen und wechselnder Standorte) und so verschwimmen die Grenzen zwischen beruflich und privat mehr und mehr. Mehr Infos gibt es hier. Das Leben nach dem Burnout: Bilanz ziehen, Ausgleich schaffen, Veränderungen schaffen Burnout und dann? Ein Burnout markiert den vorläufigen Endpunkt einer oft jahrelangen Entwicklung zur Selbstausbeutung, zur Hoffnungslosigkeit und zu großen Selbstzweifeln, die in der vollständigen Kapitulation vorm Leben enden können. Dazu drohen Jobverlust, Zukunftsängste, Minderwertigkeitsgefühle und am Allerschlimmsten: Der nachhaltige Verlust der körperlichen und mentalen Gesundheit. Das lässt erahnen, dass es nach einem Burnout nicht mit 2 Wochen Urlaub getan ist. Denn es reicht nicht aus, den Stress für eine gewisse Zeit aus unserem Leben zu verbannen und insgesamt “runterzukommen”. Es geht vor Allem um Ursachenforschung, um einem möglichen Rückfall vorzubeugen. Aber es geht vor Allem darum, unser ganzes Leben, unseren Alltag, unsere Energiequellen und unseren Selbstwert und unsere Selbstliebe unter die Lupe zu nehmen. Was können wir in unserem Wesen und in unserem Leben den kommenden Anforderungen entgegensetzen? Welche Kräfte müssen wir mobilisieren, um nicht nur alltagstauglich, sondern auch ausgeglichen und optimistisch durchs Leben gehen zu können? Kurz gefragt: Wie, was und wieviel müssen wir ändern, um wieder auf die Beine zu kommen und auch langfristig auf den Beinen zu bleiben? Katrin erzählt: Die ersten Monate waren die schlimmsten. Nach der Diagnose hat mein Hirn nur langsam verarbeitet, was mit mir passiert ist. Ich denke, ich stand einerseits unter einer Art Schock, weil mir erst jetzt bewusst wurde, wie schlecht es mir geht. Andererseits hatte ich das beängstigende Gefühl, komplett den Boden unter den Füßen verloren zu haben und habe in mir verzweifelt nach Gedanken und Hoffnungen gesucht, die mir die Kraft für die Zukunft geben können. Da war aber nichts mehr. Aus mir war gänzlichst die Luft raus, alle Energie war restlos ausgesaugt und meine Gefühle & Gedanken waren ein großes lautes Nichts. Von Februar, als alles begann bis Juni habe ich praktisch nur im Bett verbracht, mit geschlossenen Fenstern, heruntergelassenen Jalousien und so gut wie keinem Kontakt zur Außenwelt. Ich war einfach nicht mehr Teil dieser Welt da draussen und ich fühlte mich dumpf und leer. Der erste bewusste Schritt aus meiner persönlichen Dunkelkammer waren die Gespräche mit meiner Psychologin und eine 3-monatige Online-Therapie. Und die tägliche Einnahme eines Psychopharmakas, das ich auch heute, 2 Jahre nach meinem Burnout, noch nehme. Ich habe wenig Vergleichsmöglichkeiten, deswegen kann ich nicht sagen, ob mein Genesungsverlauf typisch oder atypisch ist. Er gleicht in meinem Fall einem Rollercoaster mit langen Anstiegen, Abstürzen, rasanten Talfahrten und einigen Loopings. Mittlerweile rollt meine Bahn aber langsam aus und vielleicht kann ich die ganze Achterbahngeschichte schon bald ganz hinter mir lassen. Zwischenzeitlich habe ich aber oft nicht geglaubt, dass ich da wieder heil herauskomme. Denn so sehr ich versuchte, wieder auf die Füße zu kommen, es kam immer wieder ein Morgen, an dem ich ohne Hoffnung und Lebenslust aufgewacht bin. Einige Monate lang hatte ich das Gefühl, einen Schritt vor aber anschließend wieder 3 zurück zu machen. Was mir sehr dabei geholfen hat durchzuhalten, war die Gewissheit, dass meine Firma und meine Kolleg*innen hinter mir stehen und ich mir keine zusätzlichen Sorgen über Jobverlust und Arbeitslosigkeit machen musste. Und meine Familie ist immer für mich da, obwohl wir weit verstreut leben. Burnout und Depression: Dasselbe, das Gleiche oder ganz unterschiedlich? Burnout vs Depression Ein Burnout ist keine Depression7, obwohl die Anzeichen und Auswirkungen etwas anderes vermuten lassen könnten. Eine (klinische) Depression ist eine sehr ernste psychische Erkrankung, die z. B. aufgrund einer genetischen Prädisposition entstehen und sich durch äußere Einflüsse so verschlechtern kann, dass eine zeitweilige stationäre Behandlung und nicht selten eine lebenslange Medikation notwendig sein kann. Eine Depression kann aber im Gegensatz zu einem Burnout auch kontextfrei in Erscheinung treten, also ohne sichtbaren äußeren Auslöser.Auch ein Burnout ist eine ernste Erkrankung, die häufig depressive Phasen nach sich zieht und viele Symptome aufweist, die einem depressiven Zustand ähneln: Schlaflosigkeit oder ein überhöhtes Schlafbedürfnis, Antriebslosigkeit, Rückzug und Mutlosigkeit gehören dazu. Wegen der Ähnlichkeit der Symptome spricht man an Stelle von Burnout auch von einer “Erschöpfungsdepression”. In der Regel sind hier die auslösenden Faktoren aber weitestgehend extrinsisch (von außen einwirkend) während eine Depression von intrinsischen Faktoren ausgeht.Laut WHO und ICD ist Burnout (noch) nicht als Krankheit oder Syndrom klassifiziert, sondern gehört "nur" zu den stark gesundheitsbelastenden Faktoren. Genesen vom Burnout: Back to business? Stelle wechseln? Kürzer treten? Zurück ins Leben, zurück in den Beruf? Es ist ein gutes Gefühl der Sicherheit, wieder in den Beruf und an den Arbeitsplatz zurückkehren zu können. Ob das immer die beste Lösung ist, darf allerdings bezweifelt werden. Diese Entscheidung ist davon abhängig, wo die Auslöser für den Burnout lagen. Wenn ungesunde Arbeitsumstände, schwelende Konflikte, zu hohes Arbeitspensum oder andere externe Faktoren von Seiten der Firma / dem Arbeitsplatz den Weg zum Burnout bereitet haben, dann ist entweder ein Arbeitsplatzwechsel oder ein anderer Wirkungsbereich und evt. eine Arbeitszeitverkürzung die beste Maßnahme, um einem erneuten Burnout vorzubeugen. Wenn allerdings viele interne Faktoren wie übersteigerter Ehrgeiz, zu hohe Selbstansprüche, die Unfähigkeit zu delegieren oder eine andere persönliche “Schwäche” geradewegs in den Burnout geführt haben, dann liegt der Hauptanteil der Veränderung beim Wiedereinstieg an und in uns selbst. Dazu gehört auch die Offenheit gegenüber den Arbeits- oder Teamkolleg*innen und dem Management und der Wille gegenseitig auf sich aufzupassen, damit sich die eigene Geschichte nicht wiederholt, weder bei dem betroffenen Menschen noch beim Rest der Belegschaft. Denn aus Erfahrung wissen die betroffenen Personen nur zu gut: Oft sehen die Außenstehenden das nahende Unheil viel eher und deutlicher als man selbst. Ein Burnout verändert vieles: Die Sicht aufs Leben, den Freundeskreis und den Alltag Burnout und die Folgen Die gute Nachricht zuerst: Ein Burnout8 kann restlos überwunden werden. Besser noch: Bei einer achtsamen und umfassenden Genesung (die im Extremfall Jahre dauern kann) hat sich der Blick auf das Leben und auf sich und die ganze Umwelt zu Gunsten von Qualität und Intensität so zum Positiven verändert, dass man wie ein neuer Mensch mit offenen Armen und Augen durch das Leben spaziert. Es mag abgedroschen klingen: Aber ja, ein Burnout kann ein Gamechanger sein, und birgt auch die Aussicht auf ein glückliches und zufriedenes Leben danach in sich. Aber ein Burnout kann auch andere Folgen nach sich ziehen, für die wir in der Regel nicht so dankbar sind. Durch den Zusammenbruch und den Rückzug aus der gewohnten Welt verlieren die betroffenen Menschen nicht nur den Kontakt zu sich selbst, sondern auch zu Freunden und Bekannten. Bei manchen manifestieren sich rund um den Burnout Ängste, die vorher nicht zu spüren waren, viele Betroffene greifen zu verschiedensten Substanzen, um mit der Leere und dem Schmerz fertig zu werden. Kurzum: Zum Burnout können sich noch andere Probleme gesellen, die die Genesung begleiten und behindern können. Katrin erzählt: Zu Beginn meiner Heilung habe ich fast nur die negativen Seiten meines Burnouts gesehen: Die Isolation, der Verlust meines Selbstvertrauens, meine Selbstzweifel und meine Angst, dass alles so schlimm bleiben könnte. Aber trotz einiger Aufs und Abs wurde das Gefühl, dass sich etwas in mir zum Guten ändert, langsam immer größer. Viele Veränderungen habe ich mir fast schon aufgezwungen, wie täglich das Haus zu verlassen, denn während meiner Auszeit habe ich zeitweise für mehrere Wochen am Stück ausschließlich in meiner Wohnung gehockt und hatte panische Angst, draussen zu sein. Manche Veränderungen kamen automatisch, denn mit zunehmender Achtsamkeit mir gegenüber wurde mein Blick für meine Umwelt auch wieder klarer. Ich esse mittlerweile nur noch vegetarisch, trinke keinen Alkohol, ich recycle / upcycle alles, was nicht unbedingt entsorgt werden muss und mein Plastikkonsum tendiert gegen Null. Ich bin wesentlich ruhiger als jemals vorher, ich bringe sogar die Ruhe auf, zu meditieren und es gibt nur noch wenige Momente, in denen ich in alte, schlechte Gewohnheiten verfallen möchte. So kitschig es auch klingt: Ich bin meinem Burnout dankbar, denn durch ihn hat sich mein Leben an so vielen Stellen positiv verändert, ich fühle mich wie neugeboren und sicher und stark. Und wegen dieser neuen Wertschätzung meines Lebens und meiner selbst werde ich jetzt gut auf mich aufpassen, regelmäßig zur Ruhe kommen und meine innere Energietankstelle pflegen... Hat dir der Artikel gefallen? Erfahre mehr über das kostenlose Angebot des happiness Projekts: Unsere Mission: Eine sichere und sich gegenseitig unterstützende Gemeinschaft zu ermöglichen, in der Werkzeuge, Praktiken und Erfahrungen ausgetauscht werden, die es jedem ermöglichen, ein glückliches und erfülltes Leben zu führen. Konkret heißt das für dich, dass du als Mitglied der happiness Gemeinschaft kostenlose folgende Vorteile genießt: regelmäßige Tipps zur Stressbewältigung, Meditation, Nachhaltigkeit und vielen anderen spannenden Themengebieten gelebte Inspirationen für ein glücklicheres Leben durch neue, tiefe Freundschaften im happiness Forum Erfahrungen austauschen, anderen auf ihrem Lebensweg beistehen und selbst unterstützt werden spannende, kostenlose Online Kurse in der happiness Academy belegen (aktuell ausschließlich auf englisch) z.B. Achtsamkeitsmeditation/ MBSR wissenschaftlich fundierte Artikel im happiness Magazin über das glücklich sein, zu den Vorteilen der Meditation, ... Du kannst dem Auf- und Ab des Lebens nicht entkommen, aber du kannst lernen bewusster damit umzugehen, es anzunehmen und dadurch innere Freiheit zu erlangen. Werde heute noch Teil der liebevollen Gemeinschaft offenherziger Menschen und melde dich jetzt an. Zu guter Letzt Das Thema Burnout sollte immer ernst genommen werden, es ist keine Zeitgeist-Erkrankung für erfolgsversessene Manager*innen, sondern kann jede*n von uns erwischen. Deshalb ist eine regelmäßige ehrliche Selbstbeschau9 und eine große Aufmerksamkeit des eigenen und des Verhaltens anderer Personen gegenüber so wichtig. Es gibt verschiedene Wege der Genesung, aber am besten ist es, es erst garnicht so weit kommen zu lassen. Denn der Weg aus dem Burnout dauert fast so lange wie der Weg zu ihm hin. Deshalb: Passen wir auf uns und aufeinander auf! Quellen: [1] psylex.de/psychische-probleme/burnout/varianten-copingstrategien [2] www.stepstone.at/Karriere-Bewerbungstipps/innere-kuendigung [3] hellobetter.de/blog/boreout/ [4] www.baua.de/DE/Angebote/Publikationen/Berichte [5] karrierebibel.de/work-life-blending [6] karrierebibel.de/work-life-integration [7] minddoc.de/magazin/unterschied-burnout-depression [8] www.zeit.de/karriere/beruf/2014-06/wichtigste-fragen-burn-out [9] soulsweet.de/bist-du-burnout-gefaehrdet Geschrieben von Nikola Nikola ist als Autorin und Community Managerin Teil des happiness.com Teams. Sie ist Pädagogin, Fachinformatikerin und hat obendrauf Psychologie studiert. Sie liebt Worte und Taten, Schwimmen und Radeln, Nähen und Fotografieren und natürlich ihre Katze. Sie mag Spaziergänge um 5 Uhr morgens, das Meer, im Regen herumhüpfen und alles, was mit Upcycling zu tun hat.