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Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be our default reaction, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani offers seven ways in which we can reconnect with kindness towards others and ourselves as well. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. Some of us have also been bullied online or received a harsh response to a genuine query, and at times we’ve regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others. With the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why we need to choose kindness It is fair to wonder why we should have to “choose” kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. For instance, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must’ve had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches a bit of my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson. Does this line of thought seem familiar to you as well? Donating goods – or time – to a foodbank is one way to choose kindness shutterstock/BAZA Production Indeed, choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. Cultivating kindness as a choice “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To kindle kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: wow can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort on our part. The process of choosing kindness may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks. How does choosing kindness benefit us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner et al revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, thus promoting tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. 7 ways to practise choosing kindness every day Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. Here are seven ways in which we can try to choose kindness – every day: 1. Create a kindness plan It is possible to choose kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a good-natured manner. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness or inviting a senior for a chat over a cuppa. Supporting a local business by buying their products or eating at local restaurants and promoting them via your social media channels. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness too. Remember it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we do so. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study thus revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others resulted in improved emotional well-being. Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, etc. are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A litter pick shows kindness to the planet shutterstock/Dragon Images 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying, and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs etc. We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it is possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. RELATED: Adult bullying and how to deal with it 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It is important to remember that your employees and coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. This is especially true in the current times, with the COVID-19 pandemic disrupting lives at every level, as parents struggle to find a balance between working remotely and homeschooling. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost productivity and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember forever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it is probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Choose to be kind to yourself Choosing kindness towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling low. Afterall, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light.”, or “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you center your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The takeaway: choosing kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness rendered to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Carrying out a series of activities centered on kindness can boost happiness, as revealed by an investigation experiment by Lee Rowland et al. Exercising kindness may take some practice but can also create long-lasting happiness for others as well as ourselves. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Altruism | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Purposefully examining our personalities for flaws and negative traits can be unsettling but the rewards are many. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains what shadow work is, the benefits it offers, and five ways how you can start doing it. In one of his most famous quotes from Modern Man in Search of a Soul, Carl Gustav Jung said: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work is based on Jung’s concept of the shadow, which, in its simplest, represents the parts of our personalities we would rather not possess. However, we do. Not only possess them – they make up part of who we are. Regardless of how uncomfortable we are with those aspects of our Self, they are here. And, most importantly, they guide our actions from a shadow. That is why shadow work is essential if we are to become fully conscious of why we do the things we do. But, what is shadow work? This article will explain the basic concepts of shadow work, why it is essential and how to do it. What is shadow work? In his uncanny ability to name complex concepts in a way that resonates with everyone, Jung spoke of the shadow. It is the part of ourselves that holds all that a person has no wish to be. However, it also contains all sorts of qualities, capacities and potential. In Jung’s own words, the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part, inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors… If it has been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of evil, it can now be ascertained on a closer investigation that the unconscious man, that is, his shadow does not consist only of morally reprehensible tendencies, but also displays a number of good qualities, such as normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, creative impulses […]“. • INTERESTED IN SELF-GROWTH? Sign-up for free courses in our happiness Academy • The shadow is usually born with our parents’ or society’s disapproval of our impulses. We then learn to block and deny them to ourselves and, simply put, be “good”. But, we do not only change our behaviour. We choose to “forget” those unacceptable impulses. Learn how to do shadow work and unlock potential shutterstock/Douceflour The problem arises when a person represses the shadow – which we invariably most often do. By sweeping parts of our Self we are uncomfortable with under the rug, we expose ourselves to many adversities. Studies on the perils of repression revealed that it can lead to: Loss of energy Increased risk of cancer and cardiovascular diseases Suboptimal interpersonal interactions - we feel threatened (and our physiological responses match that feeling), while others also feel threatened by our suppression of emotions A decline in physical and mental health and the overall well-being Loss of creativity and productivity So, what is shadow work? Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, a laborious endeavour. However, avoiding the adversities of repressing the shadow is well worth the effort. How shadow work can improve your life Living without the shadow, that is, without it in your consciousness, means living an incomplete life. You are not consciously in charge of all your decisions, perceptions and actions. Not convinced? If you take a closer look at your experiences, you will surely notice incidents when you acted “out of character”. Yet, this slip-up did not just come out of nowhere. Your shadow self took over. Indeed, the parts of ourselves that we ignore tend to turn against us eventually. “When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. Shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world.” When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. In response to the question: “What is shadow work?” these benefits offer an answer – shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world. Improved relationships What we perceive as flaws, when repressed, is most often projected onto others. We are judgmental, dismissive, and hypercritical – we hate weaknesses in others. Shadow work makes you more grounded and accepting of others. Increased confidence When you learn to understand and accept your shadow, you can become authentically more confident. You are no longer a captive of your repressed fears of condemnation. You own all your parts and need not frantically hide them from others and yourself. This creates more inner confidence. Enhanced energy and physical health Repressing emotions and thoughts is arduous work. As said before, it takes a toll on your energy levels and has been shown to even lead to a range of diseases, from chronic fatigue to cancer. When you let the dam open, it can be scary at first – but it will release your energy and help you be healthier. Psychological integration and maturity Mature adulthood is not a given. According to some authors, merely 2 per cent of adults reach this psychological development stage. Shadow work brings you closer to authentic maturity and wisdom. Greater creativity Creativity, according to humanistic psychologists such as Maslow and Rogers, is a hallmark of self-actualised, mentally healthy individuals. When you repress your “dark side”, the collateral damage is creativity in all life areas. On the flip side, when you open the gates between all the parts of your psyche, creative impulses will start to flow again. How to practise shadow work If you started reading this article with the question: “What is shadow work?” by now, you are probably wondering, “OK, so how can I do shadow work?” Although completing shadow work usually requires a professional’s help, there are plenty of activities you can do on your own to start communicating with your shadow. Overall, shadow work exercises centre around three basic principles – awareness, honesty and acceptance. Here are five activities to get you started with befriending your shadow. 1. Develop self-awareness The most obvious yet, highly challenging step in shadow work is cultivating awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our shadow, albeit hidden, gives clues of who she/he is. Repressed content appears in our dreams, slip-ups, projections, acting-outs. Learn to observe your experiences. Who makes you particularly angry? Why? What it is in others you cannot stand? What do you dream about that feels foreign when you wake up? In which situations you tend to “lose it”? Meditation can assist you in fostering self-awareness. Mindfulness offers awareness with suspended judgement – just what you need when you do shadow work. 2. Be unswervingly honest Yes, a predictable piece of advice, but a tough one. Most of us spent our entire lives with a strong urge not to let out flaws show. As good we are at hiding imperfections from others – we are masters in hiding them from ourselves. Facing up to all sides of who you are is part of shadow work Nonetheless, what you hide from yourself owns you. So, face the monster. Do not do it in a judgmental way. That would be your Super Ego talking. You want to be unshakably honest but not criticizing or condemning. It will not be comfortable. It will take courage. But, at the end of the road, autonomy and genuine confidence await you. (Also, no one is looking. Nobody is listening. Just be frank.) 3. Be compassionate with yourself The way to avoid rife (unconstructive, to be precise) self-criticism is to practise self-compassion. Become your best friend, unconditionally supportive, and be good to yourself at all times. You will need it once you start facing the skeletons in your psychological closet. According to Kristin Neff, a psychologist researching self-compassion, it has three components: Self-kindness (being supportive, kind, and forgiving towards yourself) Common humanity (understanding that you are not alone in your pain and imperfection) Mindfulness (accepting your experiences without being condemnatory) 4. Recollect your projections As you read above, what we repress about ourselves, we tend to project onto others. Your job now is to recollect those projections. Claim the weaknesses and flaws back. Yes, you are not perfect. But you must come to peace with that, instead of hating, being repulsed by, or fearing others. It is the only way to see yourself, others, and the world realistically. “Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, laborious.” So, the next time you notice that you are possibly overreacting about someone’s actions, ask yourself – what is making me so angry/scared/judgmental? What part of me is hiding behind my reaction? Do this again and again, and respond with the steadfast honesty we spoke of earlier. 5. Keep a shadow journal The final step in shadow work is to keep a journal. The disowned parts of ourselves are tricky. They can still elude you – even after you have noticed them. Your mind will keep trying to repress the darkness for some time. RELATED: Journaling techniques – travels to our interior So, write down your insights regularly. Make sure you come back to your notes from time to time to refresh your memory, in a sense. After a while, they will finally stick in your conscious awareness. The wrap: embrace your wholeness Getting to know anyone’s “dark” side is always an unnerving experience. But when it is your own darkness, it can be downright scary. However, let us channel Socrates to encourage ourselves to do so – “the unexamined life is not worth living”. Indeed, you will never be complete unless you know and accept every nook and cranny of your soul. You will never be the master of your actions unless you learn to look your darkest motives in the eye. So, venture into shadow work as soon as now. You might be amazed by how more vibrant life feels once you dismiss the veil of repression and become accepting of your whole Self. • Main image: shutterstock/Dean Drobot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Self-help | Coaching | Kindness | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Many of us show compassion easily to others but struggle when it comes to ourselves. Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains why self-compassion is essential to our well-being and offers six practical steps on practising it. When things go wrong, some of us will be able to support ourselves with warmth and self-compassion. However, many of us tend to do quite the opposite. We beat ourselves up. How did it come to be that we accepted to live our lives burdened with (unconstructive) self-criticism? As with anything else about the human psyche, the overly criticizing mindset is also a multilayered phenomenon. However, one of the most common causes are the beliefs and values we’ve developed during our childhood. And, although we still may show compassion to others during their times of need, we fail to do the same when we’re struggling. Strange? This lack of compassion for ourselves has deep-seated roots. And they’re not always entirely logical. For that reason, it’s so difficult to overcome it. However, it can be done: read on to discover six proven ways to develop self-compassion. What exactly is self-compassion? Self-compassion is a concept that counteracts the adverse beliefs we have about ourselves. In most cases, whether we’ll be able to comfort ourselves through the tough times gets decided in our childhood. We learn from our parents. Be it through direct or indirect messages we receive, we absorb those ideas. They become blueprints of our future world. Whether your parents were harsh and criticizing, or they were self-destructive and self-criticizing, you probably introjected such an attitude toward yourself into your core. Be kind to yourself and practise self-compassion Self-criticism is rife. And it’s a nasty enemy to have. Research has demonstrated over and over again that it’s closely associated with a range of emotional disturbances. Depression, anxiety and eating disorders are merely a few of the consequences of unrealistic negative images people hold about themselves. Even if you don’t develop a mental health disorder, living your life fraught with self-condemnation isn’t the right way. It will make you utterly unhappy, unproductive, and vulnerable. “Although we may show compassion to others during their times of need, we fail to do the same when we’re struggling. Strange? This lack of compassion for ourselves has deep-seated roots.” The most vicious aspect of self-criticism is that it mostly occurs out of our conscious awareness. We can access the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, but we rarely do it. Even more seldomly do we question these core ideas. This elusive nature of self-criticism is one more reason why you should wholeheartedly practice self-compassion. RELATED: How to stop ruminating with these 3 techniques Studies have shown that the ruminating self-loathing doesn’t get resolved with classic self-help cognitive intervention. What is more, it gets even worse. Moreover, those who are depressed as a result of self-criticism also have trouble imagining positive scenes and self-supporting images. In other words, when you’re failing at being self-compassionate, you can’t even imagine a bright future for yourself. So, the cycle continues. Unless you put a stop to it. Three components of self-compassion Psychologist Kristin Neff was the first to measure self-compassion. She explained that having compassion for oneself means offering self warmth and unconditional acceptance. That doesn’t mean being selfish and egocentric. It does not condone engaging in self-pity or self-indulgence. And, we might add, it doesn’t exclude constructive criticism. When you're self-compassionate, you recognize the difference between making bad choices and being a thoroughly appalling person. Simply put, when you’re compassionate to yourself, you won’t keep telling yourself all those nasty things you usually do if you’re not. And you won’t stagnate or suffer as a result. Neff has explained the three components of self-compassion: Self-kindness The ability to be supportive, kind, and forgiving toward yourself. Common humanity Realizing that part of the nature of human existence is to experience pain, loss, failure, and make mistakes. You’re not alone in your struggles; there’s always someone somewhere who has been through the same (or worse). Mindfulness Practising awareness of your experiences without judging them. Self-compassion is about the acceptance of upsetting thoughts without letting them overtake your entire life. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Kristin Neff's self-compassion theory © YouTube/Greater Good Science Center Six ways to practise self-compassion The good news is that self-compassion can be learned. It takes practice, but most good things require some effort. Here are six ways to practice self-compassion in your day-to-day life. 1. Practice self-forgiveness The very first step of self-compassion is to forgive yourself. And keep doing so every day. There's no point in punishing yourself for your past mistakes. What makes sense is learning from them and growing as a person. You will never be flawless and faultless – because no one is. Yet, your most profound worth doesn’t come from being perfect, successful, recognized, famous, or whatever your poison may be. With self-compassion, you’ll learn to allow yourself to be imperfect – and love yourself as such. 2. Treat yourself as you would a loved-one or child The next time you’re about to tell yourself how stupid or incompetent you are, ask yourself: “Would I speak this way to my child (or anyone whom you love dearly)?” You probably wouldn’t. Because you do know how destructive it is. You just need to learn not to be such a molesting “parent” to yourself. “The very first step of self-compassion is to forgive yourself. There's no point in punishing yourself for your past mistakes. What makes sense is learning from them and growing as a person.” In most cases, we don’t even repeat the messages we heard from our parents – they weren’t this harsh. What we do incorporate into our self-expectations are our childish interpretations of our parents’ words and values. That’s one more reason for you to revise your beliefs about how you should be. 3. Practice mindfulness and mindful meditation As it is one of the components of self-compassion, incorporate mindfulness into your life. Be in the present moment, be lovingly kind, and observe the world (both external and internal) without judgment. If you need help mastering the skill, sign up for mindful meditation classes, listen to some mindfulness podcasts, and check out these mindfulness tips. With time, you’ll notice how self-criticizing thoughts come, but they don’t stick and loop in your head anymore. 4. Watch out for automatic thoughts and language It’s precisely these thoughts that tend to make us incapable of self-compassion. To regain control, keep an eye on them and bring them to your consciousness. You can keep an automatic thoughts journal in which you’ll note down the original thought and how it made you feel. Then, analyze it to see if it can hold out against logical questioning. Spoiler alert – it can’t. Self-love and compassion is possible with practice shutterstock/KieferPix So, replace such thoughts – and your language – with positive, compassionate versions. Once you retrain your mind to go for the affirmation, you’ll notice how much more encouraging and warm you are to yourself – and how much better you feel as a result. 5. Remember: you’re not alone in your imperfection When we suffer, we tend to feel as if we were the only ones who were going through such an ordeal. However, chances are someone somewhere already experienced it (and survived). Learn to recognize that those feelings of disappointment, incompetence, or self-repugnance are shared across the human race. By doing so, it will become easier to overcome obsessing about and being enslaved by them. Instead, learn from your failures and grow as a person. 6. Work with a psychotherapist or a life coach Finally, we appreciate how difficult it may be to develop self-compassion. Especially for those with a lifelong history of knocking themselves down. It just doesn’t come naturally. So, seek professional support. Reach out to an expert who will work with you until you become wholly and unconditionally self-compassionate. Round-up: self-compassion Developing self-compassion takes time and practice. Yet, this isn’t a reason to give up. After all, your relentless self-criticism also wasn’t built in a day. However, let a simple thought guide you through the process – you’re not a child anymore. You have the power to reassess and change your convictions now. Be a kind and supportive parent to yourself. Teach your inner child (and your self-criticizing adult) to be compassionate to the person you’re bound to spend your entire life with – yourself. Main image: shutterstock/HBRH Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

The final month of the year is a time for happiness, hope and reflection on the 12 months that have just passed. In his final installment for the year, here are Ed Gould's Top 10 positive news stories from December... 1. US takes a big step for a renewable energy future The United States may be seen on the international stage as a country that's not fully lined up with climate change policies, but that hasn't stopped the country from announcing its largest federal wind farm plans. No less than 390,000 acres of government waters are to be set aside for wind turbines close to the coast of Rhode Island. Several energy companies will now bid for the right to use the area for sustainable energy production. The deal has been reported to be worth an astonishing $405 million. 2. Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) can help back pain Scientific research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association has made the claim that MBSR can help the body handle a range of pain symptoms including those that impact on the lower back. The study involved eight two-hour sessions per week. As a result of following an MBSR programme, around 60 per cent of participants found that they gained some relief from the pain they'd been feeling. MBSR can help back pain © shutterstock/F8 studio 3. University of New South Wales develops winning solar car While car makers the world over are offering hope of a fossil fuel free future with the development of electric car technology, student designs are continuing to break new ground. A team from the University of New South Wales set a world record for their solar-powered car for driving across the country with the lowest ever use of energy. The university reported in December that its team had covered the 4,100km trip without any problems, even arriving in Sydney two days ahead of schedule! 4. Scientists develop anti-cancer spray In news that made headlines around the globe, research undertaken at UCLA in California has led to the development of a treatment which is applied to cancer sufferers post surgery. When a tumour is removed by a surgical procedure, all too often there can be a recurrence of the condition. Now, a biodegradable gel has been made which, in tests, has shown to reduce the risk of post-operative complications. It's simply sprayed on and helps to boost the body's own immune system. 5. Yoga's benefits for older people to be studied According to associate professor of Exercise and Health Sciences, Garry Tew, at Northumbria University, yoga has many benefits for older people. They include better strength, flexibility, balance, and the overall happiness one feels due to improved quality of life. In order to prove it, Tew's team of researchers have secured funding worth £1.4 million, which will allow them to probe further into yoga's impact on those suffering from long-term conditions into older age. It's hoped the research will help to save the UK's National Health Service money in the long run. Yoga has lots of benefits for seniors © shutterstock/vectorfusionart 6. Plastic bag usage drops dramatically in Australia It's one of those things that is so easily done: turning up at the shop to buy groceries without bags to take them home in. To encourage shoppers to consume fewer bags, two large supermarket chains in Australia banned single-use plastic bags. In positive news for the environment, it was announced in December that the use of such bags had dropped by 80 per cent across the country over the last quarter. In fact, the country's National Retail Association said that in some areas of Australia, use of these bags had by up to 90 per cent in that time period. 7. Shrinkable technology may be with us soon Research undertaken at MIT in Boston has moved into the realm of science fiction after academics there announced they were working on systems which could reduce objects to a thousandth of their original size. Lasers are used to shrink items down to what's known as the nanoscale and it's hoped that there will be many industrial applications for the technique. Likely ones include several medical techniques which could be used in the brain without surgery, and even in areas like DNA therapy. 8. Mindfulness may help boost weight loss The widely respected Nursing Times reported in December that adopting mindfulness techniques could help a range of public health programmes that focus on weight loss. Ongoing research is being undertaken in the UK by the Warwickshire Institute for the Study of Diabetes Endocrinology and Metabolism, as well as at the University of Warwick. It aims to augment weight loss programmes in the UK with elements of mindfulness, so that people undergoing them are able to manage their conduct in improved ways. Mindfulness could help weight loss 9. Shipping company commits to a carbon-free future The world's biggest shipping company, Maersk, says it wants the whole industry to go carbon-free. According to CNN, the freight business is aiming to stop using unsustainable fuels by 2050. The CEO of Maersk, Soren Toft, has called on competitors in the sector to make similar changes. The shipping industry currently accounts for about the same level of carbon release from its fuel usage as the international aviation sector. 10. Free public transportation for all in Luxembourg In a world's first, the Benelux country of Luxembourg has announced that it will provide public transport without any cost throughout the entire state. As reported in The Guardian, the country's authorities hope the decision will help in the fight against global warming as well as being a positive way to improve air quality and to reduce congestion. Charges for using trains, trams and buses will all be done away with by the summer of 2019 under the scheme. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Can tapping into your intuition help you create the life you want? Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s beneficial to hone our intuitive sense to make better decisions and lead a happier, meaningful life. Many of us have frequently encountered an ‘inner voice’ or a ‘gut feeling’ guiding us along in a tricky situation. Perhaps in a meeting regarding a potential collaboration or business association that appeared fruitful, but a nagging feeling told you to exercise caution; or at a first date with a seemingly polite person, yet something bothered you about their behavior. Very often, this intuitive sense ends up being accurate, and even helpful for avoiding unnecessary disappointment due to potentially poor choices. However, what exactly powers this gut emotion, and how do you tap into your intuition to make it a reliable source of guidance? Intuition is often typecast as an impulsive force or instinct that drives our decisions on certain occasions, or a mysterious ‘hunch’ that we sometimes get regarding an experience. However, intuition is neither an impulse nor an instinct, but “our mind’s ‘automated response’ to various situations,” based on our conscious and subconscious learnings, says Dr. Seana Moran, who specializes in developmental psychology at Clark University, Massachusetts. What is intuition? While the term intuition is often used in varying contexts in different fields, in a general sense it refers to the ability to know something immediately without the need to resort to conscious reasoning. According to Dr Moran, “Intuition is, [the feeling of] ‘I just know.’ It’s involved in the ‘aha!’ moment when a good idea suddenly comes to mind.” Intuition is often interchangeably called gut feeling, thus validating every time that you’ve “gone with your gut”, asserts Jay Pasricha, MD, director of Johns Hopkins Center for Neurogastroenterology. Pasricha further explains that our gut comprises of an entire microbial ecosystem that acts as a network of neurotransmitters, deeming that the gut essentially acts as a second brain. Indeed, this recent discovery of the gut-brain axis offers crucial insight into how our digestion and food choices affect our emotions, mood, health and thoughts. You can learn to tap into your intuition shutterstock/Triff Being able to tap into your intuition is essential for beating indecisiveness, as studies point out. In fact, there is substantial research that establishes that intuition or sixth sense powers our thoughts and decisions by influencing our ideas and feelings. Studies indicate that intuitive reasoning often results in right choices regarding complex purchases like cars and houses. Interestingly, researchers reveal that women tend to access their intuition more often than men. Dr. Judith Orloff MD, professor of psychiatry at UCLA, points out that women have a thicker corpus collosum or the connective matter that links the left and right hemispheres in the brain. This thicker structure boosts their ability to access and integrate emotions and gut feelings from the right hemisphere with the logical reasoning of the left hemisphere of the brain for a more balanced decision-making. “While tapping into your intuition may seem like an intangible concept, it is possible to build and strengthen our intuitive sense, just like a muscle.” “Women are also psychologically more in touch with their emotions and are more likely to integrate hunches, emotional ‘hits’ about people and logic,” states Dr Orloff. He further explains that men are less inclined to shift gears between logical thinking and intuition due to the thinner structure of their corpus collosum, which supports more compartmentalized thinking. RELATED: How can intuitive thinking help us make better decisions? Fortunately, tapping into your intuition doesn’t require you to deny logic or facts. In addition to the input provided by the rational brain, tapping into your intuition requires you to tune into various forms of intelligence – your subconscious mind, the heart as well as the body. In fact, combining logic-based intelligence with your intuitive reasoning enables you to take a comprehensive view of a scenario, without restricting you to utilize your conscious thought-process alone. Ways to tap into your intuition While tapping into your intuition may seem like an intangible concept, it is possible to build and strengthen our intuitive sense, just like a muscle, states Katrine Kjaer in her TED Talk centered on The Power of Intuition. We can learn to fine-tune these intuitive responses based on our experiences and lessons over time, and with the help of the right input from our environment. Here are seven scientifically-proven ways to access your intuition readily and with greater accuracy over time. Try them and see if you notice a difference. 1. Cultivating a meditation routine There is ample research to prove the various benefits of meditation, including the important role it plays in honing your intuitive thinking. In addition to reducing stress, combating depression and boosting productivity, a regular meditation practice can improve our self-awareness by reducing mental chatter. Getting your Om on with morning meditation is a great way to start your day, since it enables you to remain calm and rejuvenated as your day progresses. There are many different types of meditation to choose from, so you can pick the right one for you according to the skills you wish to learn from meditation and the style that suits you best. For instance, while gratitude meditation allows you to recognize the various gifts you’re bestowed with in life, Tonglen meditation enables you to transform your pain into compassion for yourself and others. It’s important here to recognize that a daily meditation routine can help you tap into your intuition and improve your ability to trust it as well. 2. Staying engaged Psychologists agree that existential boredom or one’s inability to find joy or interest in anything in life can impact mental health and well-being. By being more interested in the world around, you are less likely to feel bored with life and more inclined to learn new things. Planning your day ahead of time and including at least one interesting activity every week can help incorporate awe into your daily life. This can make the process of tapping into your intuition easier, especially since deeper knowing arises from our learnings. 3. Practising mindful listening Mindful listening entails paying attention and being free of prejudice or resistance. Focusing on the conversation by removing all distractions and allowing the speaker to express their opinions and experiences freely will improve the quality of any communication. Additionally, deep listening allows you to consciously gather useful information, making it possible to tap into your intuition when needed. Intuition means paying attention to the present shutterstock/sun ok 4. Learning to go with the flow Sometimes we end up feeling lost in life if we are not in control, or if our plans are not working out exactly the way we envisioned. Listening to your gut feeling and doing what feels right, or in other words, following your bliss instead of mindlessly chasing goals at breakneck speed can prevent burnout and enable you to be more self-aware. Living in the moment as you absorb yourself in activities you’re passionate about, like volunteering or campaigning for climate change awareness, etc. can help expand your intuitive sense. 5. Journaling daily Journaling is recognized as a ‘keystone habit’, wherein small, conscious changes or habits bring about a dramatic transformation if carried out as a routine. Jotting down your thoughts and feelings can help you travel into your interiors, bringing awareness to unresolved emotions and deepening your learnings, thus helping you tap into your intuition with ease. 6. Paying attention to your body People with heightened internal awareness are more in tune with their body, and often have heightened mind-body connection. Focusing-oriented psychotherapist Eugene Gandlin describes this bodily awareness as the ‘felt sense’, which involves emotional and intuitive awareness. Mental health practitioners recommend focusing on the felt sense, or checking in with your inner-self to improve your ability to tap into your intuition. “Tapping into your intuition is essential for beating indecisiveness. There is substantial research that establishes that intuition or sixth sense powers our thoughts and decisions by influencing our ideas and feelings.” Observing your emotions and pinpointing the location where the emotion arises from in your body helps you identify when your intuition is in action. Combining this focusing process with conscious breathing or body scan meditation can help calm your mind and help you get in touch with your body more effectively. 7. Being present “Intuition is nothing more and nothing less than recognition,” states renowned psychologist and Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman. In his book Thinking Fast and Slow, Kahneman indicates that our brain is conditioned to take note of and store all our experiences and thoughts, be it first-hand or something that we ingrained subconsciously. When you find yourself in a situation that resembles this ingrained learning, your brain recognizes the stored information, thus tapping into your intuition. Kahneman asserts that our intuitive sense may prove to be accurate more often in the longer run, and with sufficient practice. Learning to live life in the present moment can help us take notice and improve our retention abilities, thus enhancing our mental recognition blocks. Indulging in activities like gardening, knitting or pottering, etc, can help us stay in the present. Takeaway: tapping into your intuition There’s more to intuition than just helpful inputs for small decisions or impulsive changes. “Intuition gives us detailed, targeted, and proactive information about anything and anyone,” states Laura Day, author of Practical Intuition and an intuitive healer by profession. Indeed, tapping into your intuition can be the key to living a meaningful life and finding happiness. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive Psychology | Breathwork | Dream Interpretation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

As well as the usual physical and mental benefits, practising yoga can be a useful tool in healing trauma and PTSD. Sienna Saint-Cyr tried out trauma sensitive yoga and Neurogenic Yoga™ and shares her experience. According to Yoga Journal, there are 38 health benefits to having a daily yoga practice. There are the potential physical gains, such as increased flexibility, lymph node drainage, boosted circulation and lowered blood pressure. And then there's the mental aspects of health such as increased focus and the relief of anxiety and depression. Healing trauma through yoga is also something that can be achieved, using the practice of trauma sensitive yoga. The Yoga Journal isn’t alone in its claims. Organizational bodies including the American Osteopathic Association share its views on yoga in relation to physical and mental health. With the benefits of yoga become increasingly clear, it's no surprise that in recent years there has been a massive surge in interest in yoga within Western culture. However, while this 'yoga boom' was a positive step, there are now so many types and styles that it can often be difficult to find one that works well for you. Healing trauma with yoga I have a saying: “Yoga is as personal as underwear.” It either fits us and our needs or it doesn’t. For most folks, exploring various YouTube channels or videos is enough. For others, it's going to gym classes or local yoga studios. But for anyone with trauma, especially if it’s something like PTSD, these methods of exploration become intolerable, if not impossible. For many people, it's difficult to find peace while being constantly worried about the people in the room who might potentially touch them or when it's suddenly becomes too loud. Or when getting too close is anything but relaxing: having a panic attack in the middle of class isn’t the desired effect! With trauma sensitive yoga, you can leave the class without fear Trauma sensitive yoga: what is it? Thankfully, in 2002, a man named David Emerson discovered he could treat trauma using yoga. He reached out to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk about his findings and desire to do more in the field. Together, they created a platform that would later become trauma sensitive yoga (TSY), specifically used to help people with trauma and PTSD. Over the course of several years, Emerson brought in different yoga instructors with varying expertise to assist in the development of the program. The National Institutes of Health even funded their trial. RELATED: Compassion yoga Trauma sensitive yoga is different from other yoga practices in many ways. Depending on the studio, the methods will vary, but usually, the classes are small. And, unlike traditional yoga classes where you might get some serious side eye for leaving mid-session and disturbing the peaceful atmosphere, anyone can quietly come and go as they need during trauma sensitive yoga. There's an understanding when you come to class about the sensitive nature of what's about to happen. “For many people with PTSD, it's difficult to find peace while being constantly worried about the people in the room who might potentially touch them.” The studio I tried, Samdhana-Karana Yoga, was very low pressure. The instructor was also a therapist and had worked with trauma patients before. She also had my therapist’s number and emergency contacts in case of triggering. The prep work that went into the class even before I began was like nothing I’d experienced before. This encouraged me to feel like I was in a safe space. Normally you can just show up at a studio or gym pay the fee and take the class. It's all quite impersonal for someone with trauma, in need of assurance that if something goes wrong, they're still in a safe space. Your body, your practice There's a lot of focus on ‘your body, your practice’. That helps the practitioner remember to honor their needs because it’s ‘their’ practice. Rather than performing traditional yoga poses, trauma sensitive yoga encourages people to move as they need to, with minimal and gentle hands-on guidance. Group gains: use yoga to help heal trauma Attendees are asked to pay attention to contact points, i.e. the point where your back touches the ground, or your feet or hands, how much pressure there is, and so on. There are often no hard yoga moves or poses because the focus is on making it a safe space for those with trauma to heal and experience mindfulness with yoga. There are some great videos on the TSY website that give brief examples of what trauma based yoga looks like. What is Neurogenic Yoga™? Trauma sensitive yoga isn’t the only option for trauma sufferers either. Another is Neurogenic Yoga™. While similar in many ways, Neurogenic Yoga™ stands out because it combines yoga asana and pranayama with the body’s natural, therapeutic shaking response. Why is that last part so important? Peter A. Levine, PhD, the developer of Somatic Experiencing and founder of the Foundation for Human Enrichment, has spent his life researching and treating trauma in patients. Some of his groundbreaking research includes the practice of releasing trauma through the body. “Unlike traditional yoga classes where you might get serious side eye for leaving mid-session, anyone can quietly come and go during trauma sensitive yoga.” In one of his books, In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness, Levine discusses how the body has a natural response to trauma. When our fight or flight responses don’t get to finish their cycle, we enter into so-called 'fawning or freezing', thus creating trauma and storing it within the body. Levine believes that by allowing the body to finish out the cycle of trauma – meaning allowing the body to shake when it needs to until it stops on its own – that we can heal our trauma. His book and research are phenomenal and I highly recommend them to anyone with trauma. So, Neurogenic Yoga™ including shaking into their trauma treatment is fantastic. While trauma sensitive yoga helps, people that have trauma from car accidents, military tours, and violent attacks need a bit more than just the relaxation. They need to be allowed to shake and move the body in a different sort of way to release that trauma physically. How trauma and a wandering mind relate Trauma and PTSD are tiring. The problem with trauma is that the sufferer is rarely present in their body. Pete Walker is another expert, specifically on Complex PTSD, and his studies into the Four F’s – fight, flight, freeze and fawn – explain a lot about why people with PTSD can seldom find relaxation. Rather than experience healthy and balanced responses with the Four F's – because we all have these responses – people with PTSD have two responses that they lean heavily on. So, sufferers can get trapped in constant fight and flight or freeze and fawn. This means we aren’t present in daily life. We’re stuck on the ‘spin’ of PTSD and trauma. And when we’re stuck spinning and unable to be present, we aren’t able to experience joy and happiness. Being present leads to happiness To dig into this a bit further, Science AAAS reported its findings on how being present leads to happiness, while mind wandering leads to unhappiness. This is different from a popular assumption that unhappiness leads to mind wandering. While mood can certainly lead to focusing on the past or future, it's not, in itself, the cause of unhappiness. It’s the focus on past and future, an unhealthy rumination, that leads to the unhappiness. RELATED: Jill Satterfield, a mindful approach to yoga The Science AAAS article wraps with: “In conclusion, a human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost.” Trauma sensitive yoga can assist with pulling the practitioner into the present using gentle and non-threatening ways. For people with trauma, they mostly live in the past or in a place of fear surrounding the future. It's this lack of being present that directly relates to their unhappiness. The beauty of trauma sensitive yoga is that it takes you out of this place of fear. It trains your body to remake past experiences and to release them in a physically productive way. No matter which method you try – trauma sensitive yoga or Neurogenic Yoga™ – taking part in trauma based yoga can make a huge difference to your experience. It can also assist in finding your own breath; a breath that brings peace in with each in-breath and releases tension and stress with every out-breath. Trauma based yoga teaches those who aren’t generally present in their own body, how to do just that. If you are living with trauma or PTSD, then I believe that trauma sensitive yoga can work wonders. It can lead to a life full of joy and happiness through a daily practice of being present and living in the moment. ● Main image: Colorbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Hatha yoga | Yin yoga | Meditation | Mindfulness Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having trauma, Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. 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Showing someone 'tough love' means being firm with them in a way that should help their well-being. But does it actually work? Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović examines the evidence... Does tough love work? When I think about this question, a close friend I grew up with since I was six comes to my mind. Her parents undertook this approach whenever she was underperforming or downright making trouble. Did it deliver results? Well, yes and no. I will speak about her in more detail to illustrate the general position of this article. And that is — tough love may work to deliver results in a specific situation. In the short run, it may seem as if it worked. However, it can also lead to many pitfalls. Indeed, exercising tough love is not to be taken lightly, as it may cause more harm than good. The outcomes of tough love: anecdotal evidence My friend from the introduction lived two stories above my apartment. We went to kindergarten, elementary and high school together. We remained in daily contact when we moved to different cities for college and visited each other often. We were best friends for almost 30 years. Therefore, I was a witness to her development until she was a mother herself. Although I cannot claim that I know which factors were crucial in making her the person she is today, one thing I can say — tough love was effective. Still, I believe the effects were both affirmative and harmful at the same time. At the end of one semester in high school, she, somewhat in rebellion, received “F”s for 80 per cent of her classes. When her parents found out, all hell broke loose. They forbid her from leaving the apartment for a month between the semesters. She was allowed to see only me and a classmate who was coming to study with her. They remained cold and distanced (although they did verbalise their best intentions) until she started receiving good grades again. Tough love is common in parenting And, yes, she did begin to receive good grades again. So, because of that, one might argue that the approach was fruitful. Yet, I also know that this enactment of tough love, like all the others, left her with a loss. She remained, to the day, riddled with an all-pervading feeling of solitude and fear of the world. She never felt entirely safe and unconditionally accepted by her parents. Let us not, nonetheless, stay in the realm of anecdotal evidence. What does science have to say about tough love and its effectiveness? What is tough love? According to Merriam-Webster, tough love is “love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behaviour”. It is believed that the term was first used in a 1968 book of the same title by Milliken and Meredith. Since then, tough love has become an everyday phrase as much as it is a psychological concept. The American Psychological Association clarify what tough love means in psychology: It is aimed at fostering individuals’ well-being It means requiring the person to act responsibly and seek professional assistance when they are experiencing problems The oversight and restrictions of personal freedom and privileges must be willingly accepted to be effective According to the same source, typically, families of adolescents or young adults with a prolonged history of substance abuse take on tough love to help them heal. However, tough love is the method of choice by some parents for any misbehaviour or irresponsible action. One example was that of my friend. I also know about cases in which parents engaged in tough love to attempt to teach the child to fix their own problems — such as not covering for them when they skip classes or letting them settle their disputes independently. Tough love happens in adult relationships as well. Apart from helping someone overcome addictions or other problem behaviour, tough love could be implemented in romance, friendships or at work, too. For example, when one of the partners or friends gets into the habit of being hurtful or disrespectful, the other might withhold affection to show them where the boundaries lie. A team member sometimes tends to tag along and then gather praise with the proactive colleagues. The coworkers could then implement tough love. They could let the inert member of the team feel the repercussions of their inaction — instead of doing their part of the work for them, as usual. The same goes for other groups and communities. A theoretical paper demonstrated that group members are willing to be critical and exhibit a form of tough love when they believe that doing so is in the interest of the collective. Does tough love work? Many a parent has weighed the use of tough love against the horrifying possibilities that might lie ahead on their child’s life path. Whenever we care for someone, not only as parents, the time may come when this approach crosses our mind. Sometimes, our loved ones are going down a path that is unquestionably bad for them. Tough love sounds like the only remaining rescue when they do not seem to respond to reasoning or pleas. Yet, responding to the question of whether such an approach works is not simple. Tough love: pros Advocates of the approach propose that social immobility is caused by parental indulgence, failure to set boundaries, moral laxity and disciplinary incompetence. In other words, a failure to implement some tough love might produce adults who are not equipped to move ahead in life. The general principles of tough love are in the roots of some recent social policy programmes and general stances in the third way of social work. They are also in the foundations of particular political strategies, justifying the use of force or punitive measures on some nations, such as the Western Balkans. Tough love: cons Empirical research seems to provide proof against the use of tough love. At least when it is not combined with other, positive means of directing a troubled person towards healing and improving. A systematic review of scientific literature evaluating compulsory drug treatment demonstrated that such approaches do not deliver the desired outcomes. In some instances, they directly cause harm instead of helping the clients. The use of physical punishment on children will make the child more aggressive and antisocial, with problems with developing an internal moral compass. The child could have a lower intellectual achievement because of such punishments and experience mental health problems — particularly depression. The quality of the parent-child relationship would probably be poor. Bootcamps for troubled teens, according to research, only result in increased chances of committing offenses later on. Solitary confinement in violent prison inmates does not decrease the possibility of future misconduct. The verdict So, what to think about tough love, then? Remember, tough love is a concept that comprises two elements — toughness but, most importantly, love. For it to work, in other words, it must be based on and guided by genuine care and affection. A study done on coaches of disadvantaged youth seems to confirm that. Less successful coaches would build a sense of family within the team but used very negative militaristic coaching strategies. Successful coaches, on the other hand, developed close relationships along with a positive team climate. They challenged players while being supportive and promoting their autonomy. “Empirical research seems to provide proof against the use of tough love. At least when it is not combined with other, positive means of directing a troubled person towards healing and improving.” In terms of helping adolescents with substance abuse, findings suggest that the programmes based on empathy and voluntary participation are much more effective. A multisystemic approach is more beneficial in troubled youth exhibiting violent, antisocial behaviours, delinquency, and emotional problems. It targets family relations and works to develop healthier, loving surroundings in which the troubled adolescent lives. Principles of exercising tough love The studies and academics’ works above have taught us that tough love needs to be exercised in a specific way to deliver results. Unless enacted correctly, it turns into punishment. It becomes a means of dividing people instead of bringing them closer. It might temporarily reduce the problem behaviour, but, in the long run, it will do no good. How can you show tough love to be sure it will help someone you love? Here are some basic principles to consider: Empathy, not sympathy Sympathy means having compassion for the suffering or sorrow of another. However, sympathy is largely based on our beliefs and projections of our own feelings and experiences. Instead of sympathy, give the troubled person your empathy. According to the American Psychological Association’s dictionary, it means “understanding a person from his or her frame of reference rather than one’s own”. Therefore, when your close one suffers, try to understand their point of view. This will help you provide the kind of help they need — not the one YOU THINK they need. Boundaries If you are helping someone using tough love, you should be careful not to get into a rescuer mode. Also, you ought not to be the persecutor. So, no tolerating the harmful and unacceptable behaviour, but also no punishment and harshness. These are all games people play that offer only one role for the person you are trying to help — that of a victim. Remember the goal of the intervention. It is for them to become autonomous. They need to become able to take good care of themselves and others. Healthy boundaries are as important as they might be difficult to achieve. This is why you should not be afraid to ask for help. Establish tough love without hurting others shutterstock/Rido Ask for help Do not hesitate to reach out when your loved one is struggling. Trying to help someone who has behavioural problems, addictions, has emotional issues, or any other ailment can be too much of a challenge for one caring person. Ask for professional assistance in tackling the problem. Avoid the risks — for your loved one or yourself. Establishing tough love Toughness can be difficult for both the giver and the receiver. This is why you should not go into a tough-love intervention without a sort of roadmap. Feel free to write down what you aim to achieve and how you plan to do it. Revisit this note often to keep yourself and the process on track. Here are some ideas on what to include in your plan so that you can execute the principles and guidance you learned about in this article in practice: The aim — What is the goal of your actions? What are you hoping to achieve? The commitment —Are you devoted to executing it? The obstacles — What will be the biggest difficulties in executing tough love? How will you overcome them? The stakeholders — Who will be affected by this intervention? Who do you need to get directly involved in the process? The helpers — Who can help you to overcome the obstacles you listed above? Will you consult a professional? Will you involve friends and family members? The boundaries — where do the limits lie? What will you not tolerate? What line will you not cross or allow others to cross? How will you ensure that you do not cross anyone’s limits? Respect and care — How will you ensure that you express your love and care for the person you are helping? How will you respect their autonomy? How will you promote their self-care and self-sufficiency? The ending — When will the process end? How will you know that it is enough? How will you proceed afterwards? The takeaway: tough love Intuitively, many of us might agree with using tough love sometimes. Especially when one is a parent and has tried (and failed) to teach a child to be responsible by pampering them. In some situations, the only way to spark accountability and self-sufficiency seems to be a bit of tough love. Requiring someone to act maturely and take care of themselves (or seek professional help when they cannot do so) is, indeed, an act of care and love. However, as this article also showed – it is an instrument that tends to backfire. So, if you feel that your loved one would benefit from a bit of toughness, do not forget — the balance (and the key to making it work) lies in the other component of the concept. Love. Always act from the place of care and affection. Never sacrifice understanding and acceptance for harshness, even when it comes from your best intentions. • Main image: shutterstock/juninatt happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Self-help | Coaching | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

While the news agenda is still largely dominated by Coronavirus, let's celebrate that there are still great things happening in our beautiful world. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten round-up from June to uplift and inspire. 1. Racially diverse plaster launched It's always been possible to buy clear plasters or those with differing tonal qualities, but one of the leading plaster brands, Band-Aid, has never produced products that were designed for all skin tones. Following a long-standing campaign that gathered momentum under the Black Lives Matter protests, Johnson & Johnson – which owns Band-Aid – has decided to alter its production. The company announced in June that it would now make at least five different coloured plasters. RELATED: Forum – anti-racism resources 2. Colourful harlequin toad found not to be extinct Often considered one of the most attractive amphibians, the Mindo harlequin toad was thought to have died out or, at least, to have been on the brink of extinction. This wonderfully camouflaged toad had been suffering from a fungal disease that had devastated its population. However, new sightings of the amphibian were reported in June, leading biologists to think that after three decades in the wilderness, the toad has finally developed resistance to the disease. The juvenile Harlequin toad. Alejandro Arteagath 3. Discovery in preventing brain damage in newborn babies According to News Medical, a team of researchers from Australia and China has been studying the effects of oxygen deprivation on the brains of babies as they're born. The scientists have discovered that a mitochondrial protein, known as COX5a, plays a pivotal role in helping to prevent brain damage when the oxygen supply is cut off or restricted. It's hoped that a new treatment can now be made to help infants undergoing difficult births which will protect their brains from oxygen deprivation-related damage. 4. Free psychology first aid training course As reported in Well + Good in June, John Hopkins University has launched an online course that anyone can sign up to. In response to some of the privations of lockdowns around the world, academics developed a psychological first responder programme. Part of the teaching involves helping people to acquire the skills to be more of a reflective listener. It's hoped the course will help people to make assessments of the mental well-being of those around them. It could, potentially at least, save many lives, as people know how to respond better to feelings of anxiety, depression and isolation. 5. Spontaneity has been found to make people happy As reported in the New York Post, being spontaneous is not just about living in the moment – it can make you feel happier, too. If you're the sort of person who likes to plan everything, then try a few more spur of the moment decisions: you could find that you feel happier as a result. This feel-good news story came after no fewer than 2,000 Americans were asked about their attitudes to spontaneity and happiness levels. Those who were more instinctive were found to suffer the least from unhappiness. Go off your trolley and get happier! shutterstock/Jacob Lund 6. Survey finds mindfulness lowers the severity of depression In a report published in Psychiatry Advisor, it has been scientifically shown that following a more mindful approach to life can help alleviate the worst symptoms of clinical depression. The study was based on a large survey that was conducted on people who had been following mindfulness-based compassionate living, or MBCL. The study took place in the Netherlands and it followed a group of individuals who had first been recruited back in 2013. The extensive survey found that those who followed MBCL were less likely, on average, to suffer from the most severe symptoms of depression. RELATED: Mindful behavior – 13 practical mindfulness tools for life 7. Ugandan company makes PPE from recycled materials There's been little feel-good news recently on the subject of medical personal protective equipment (PPE). Since demand has soared, most countries around the world have struggled to source adequate supplies, leaving many short of stock. However, in Uganda, a start-up business found that it was able to make PPE by recycling plastics. Old plastic was melted down and formed into face shields and other equipment, according to All Africa. The move is a big plus for the environment as well as healthcare workers who continue to be on the front line in the battle against the global pandemic. RELATED: Forum - navigating the COVID-19 pandemic 8. Dogs could help sniff out Covid-19 symptoms There have been few feel-good news stories about the global epidemic but a couple did come through in June. One related to Dexamethasone, a cheap medication that was found to significantly help severely affected patients. The other was that sniffer dogs have been found to be remarkably accurate in detecting the virus in people. According to the Guardian, our canine pals could even prove themselves to be more accurate in detecting the virus in its earlier stages than other methods, thereby helping to prevent the spread of the contagion. Paws for thought: dogs could sniff out COVID-19 shutterstock/aonip 9. Breakthrough in aggressive breast cancer made Researchers from Tulane University in New Orleans have announced that certain aggressive types of tumour can be stopped by turning off the function of a certain gene. Dr Reza Izadpanah, who led the research team, said that the gene – known as TRAF3IP2 – would play a big role as the target of new breast cancer treatments. Izadpanah said that by turning off the gene a disruptive effect on the metabolic pathways of cancer cells could be achieved. Medical News Today reported that 268,600 new cases of aggressive breast cancer were discovered in the USA alone last year, so this breakthrough is likely to have a big effect on future treatments. 10. Strong sun boosts renewable energy The sunny weather enjoyed in much of the northern hemisphere during June hasn't only been good for lifting people's lockdown spirits. It's also helped to produce lots of renewable electricity, too. Although solar farms work in any light conditions, sunny weather clearly makes them much more efficient. According to a report in Solar Power Portal, solar irradiation was one-and-a-half times its usual level in England recently which has meant that a lot more energy has been produced. Thanks to the UK's solar farms, around a third of the country's electricity was made from solar energy at peak times, thereby reducing the reliance on fossil fuels. ● What's your favourite feel-good news story from the past month? We'd love to hear your what you think below. Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

What exactly are the Four Agreements? Arlo Laibowitz explores these ancient suggestions for ways of living your life in happiness... Do self-help books help? This simple and provocative question is the title of an article by Ad Bergsma in the Journal of Happiness Studies. In this article, Bergsma studies the different types of psychological self-help books – such as The Four Agreements – and their possible positive effects. When discussing the arguments of opponents of these books, he coins existing terms to describe them: ‘psychobabble’, ‘false hope syndrome’, and the problem of ‘one-size fits all’. Still, there are positive effects to be noted. One of them, according to researcher Steven Starker is this: 'Of what value is an inspirational message to those in need of health, beauty, happiness, success and creativity? In general, it lifts the spirit, engenders and supports hope, and keeps people striving towards their goals; it also fends off feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, despair and depression. This constitutes its greatest service.' The Four Agreements is a self-help book by Mexican author Don Miguel Ruiz. It is, according to its author, a book based on ancient wisdom by the pre-Columbian Toltecs. The historicity of the Toltecs is a matter of scholarly debate, but, according to Ruiz, they were a group of scientists and artists who came together to explore and conserve the spiritual knowledge of the “ancient ones”. When looking closer at the book's content, there are parallels with modern psychology and cognitive therapy, with spiritual and mindfulness teachings, and with general happiness practices that are being researched and supported by modern psychology. What are the Four Agreements? Esoteric psychobabble, valuable ancient wisdom, or borrowed ideas? Whatever the Four Agreements are, they have given me and many others hope and have fended off the despair that Starker speaks of. So, what are the Four Agreements exactly? And how can they help us to attain more happiness? Four Agreements: summary Put in their most basic form, the Four Agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don’t take anything personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. This also includes the voices inside your mind. 3. Don’t make assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 4. Always do your best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to unwell. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. Sounds simple, right? No hocus-pocus or fancy spiritualism. However, when looking at the meat of The Four Agreements book, things get a bit more complicated, but also more interesting. Toltec wisdom and The Dream of the World The structure of The Four Agreements is like an oreo: the agreements are sandwiched in between spiritual guidance and thoughts. At the beginning of the book, Ruiz starts off with some Toltec mythology, and introducing the concept of “the dream of the world”: that is an important prerequisite to understanding the meaning of the agreements themselves. The Toltec had their own mythology, that stated that a couple of thousands of years ago, a man studied to be a medicine man, and discovered that everything is made of light and that all existence is one living being. “Whatever the Four Agreements are, they have given me and many others hope and fended off despair.” One passage from the book reads as follows: "This is what he discovered: everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. And he concluded that human perception is merely light perceiving light. He also saw that matter is a mirror — everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light — and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn't allow us to see what we really are. […] Once he knew what he really was, he looked around at other humans and the rest of nature, and was amazed at what he saw. He saw himself in everything — in every human, in every animal, in every tree, in the water, in the rain, in the clouds, in the earth.” When reading this passage for the first time, it might strike you as very similar to the Buddhist notion of the illusion of the separate self, known as Anatta. The teaching of the Self and Not-Self is instrumental in the path to happiness, as they are associated with processes of acceptance and letting go. This is also very familiar to the philosophy of Alan Watts, especially The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. In it, Watts argues very similar concepts of the illusion of the Ego, and the arguable truth that the Universe “peoples”: that we are extensions of the universe, reflecting on itself. Our path to happiness lies in embracing that reality, instead of clinging on to notions of the Ego and the Self that separate us from others and the world at large. A happier outlook on the world is recognising the connectedness we have to the world. The Dream of the World Next, Ruiz discusses what he calls the Dream of the World. Recognising that what we perceive as reality is but a dream, how is this dream made? Don Miguel Ruiz argues that truth is replaced in our world by symbols, words, which are only illusions. As children, we believe what adults tell us about the world, and we start to dream with others in the world. Our dream tells us how to act in the world, what to believe and what not, what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't, what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. We accept all of these notions because we make agreements with ourselves and the world. We create an inner Judge, and this Judge constantly judges and punishes us when we don’t live up to our self-created agreements. In this process, we create the Victim, who carries guilt, and gets punished over and over again. This notion of the Judge and the Victim strongly resembles the ideas that Kristin Neff introduces in her method of Mindful Self Compassion, and especially in her article 'The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself'. She analyses the way we develop notions of self-judgement, and thereby neglect self-compassion. In our development, we create notions of self-esteem that are detrimental to us, for we cannot live up to our own standards. The answer to this self-judgement is self-compassion, a method to be more kind, more compassionate, towards ourselves. RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Neff writes: "We know we are not what we believe we are supposed to be and so we feel false, frustrated, and dishonest. We try to hide ourselves, and we pretend to be what we are not. The result is that we feel unauthentic and wear social masks to keep others from noticing this. We are so afraid that somebody else will notice that we are not what we pretend to be. “We judge others according to our image of perfection as well, and naturally, they fall short of our expectations. We dishonour ourselves just to please other people. We even harm our physical bodies just to be accepted by others. […] Therefore we live in a dream of hell, and we search for a way to transform this into a dream of heaven. To escape our dream of hell, we have to break old agreements, that are fear based, and reclaim our freedom and power. The four agreements help us breaking down all our old agreements.” So, this is how all of this relates to the Four Agreements that Ruiz proposes afterwards. Because we create a divide between ourselves and the world, the Universe, and because we create the Judge/Victim dichotomy within ourself, we live in tension, we feel inauthentic and dishonest. We make toxic agreements with ourselves about ourselves, and about our relationships with others. The Four Agreements help us to replace these toxic agreements with newer, happier agreements. The Four Agreements: the long version 1. Be impeccable with your word "Be impeccable with your word. This is the first agreement that you should make if you want to be free if you want to be happy […] Use the word in the correct way. Use the word to share your love. Use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell yourself how much you love yourself. Use the word to break all those teeny, tiny agreements that make you suffer.” The first agreement sounds simple. But, it encompasses a couple of different notions. Literally, impeccable means “without sin”. Don Miguel Ruiz invites us to be without sin in our words, as the first way to replace our old agreements with new ones. Both the words we utter to ourselves, and that words that we utter to others. If we love ourselves, we use kind words to ourselves, instead of committing the ’sin’ of going against yourself. We take responsibility for our actions, but we don’t judge or blame ourselves. If we love others, we don’t gossip or talk badly to or about them, but we share our common humanity. The Four Agreements does not allow for gossiping shutterstock/rawpixel.com This first agreement has strong connection to both ‘mindset’, as proposed by psychologist Carol Dweck, and with the fundamentals of Neuro-Linguistic Programming [NLP], as can be found in Brian Colbert's writings. The idea of mindset, and especially of ‘growth mindset’, states that we can develop and alter our abilities through dedication and work. NLP engages its practitioners in the power of language and how we use it internally, to impact how we view and experience ourselves and the world. Call it impeccability with our word, ‘growth mindset’, or NLP. In any case, we can live happier lives if we use our words (for example with these NLP happiness techniques), both internally and to others, for good. 2. Don’t take anything personally "During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me, always me! Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of them.” Ruiz argues that everything that others say or do is because of their dream, not because of us. This goes for both criticism, but also for positive comments that others make about us. We don’t have to take any of that personally. When we stop taking things personally, we don’t get hurt anymore by others and can keep being impeccable with our word in our communication with them. Furthermore, he argues that we don’t even have to take ourselves, or the things we say to ourselves, personally. "If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions. If you don’t feel any of those emotions, it is logical that you will feel good. When you feel good, everything around you is good. When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy. You love everything that is around you because you love yourself. Because you like the way you are because you are content with you. Because you are happy with your life […] happy with your agreements with life.” The notion of not taking anything personally, and finding communication that is non-confrontational to leave space for the other to live their ‘dream', resonates strongly with the idea of Non-Violent Communication [NVC]. Originally developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC focuses on three aspects of communication: self-empathy (deep and compassionate awareness of one's own experience) empathy (understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person) honest self-expression (expressing oneself authentically in a way that is likely to inspire compassion in others) NVC proposes that if people can identify their needs, the needs of others, and the feelings that surround these needs, harmony can be achieved. 3. Don’t make assumptions "We tend to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word.” Don Miguel Ruiz argues that most of our suffering stems from our tendency to make assumptions. We find this notion as well in Cognitive Therapy, and especially in the research of Aaron Beck. Beck states that we have cognitive distortions, or thinking patterns, that interfere with how we perceive an event. These distortions can feed negative emotions and communication. Don't assume anything shutterstock/Gustavo Frazao One of these distortions is jumping to conclusions, or ‘mind reading', in which we infer other people’s thoughts. The solution to having these distortions, or making assumptions, is to ask questions, and making sure that communication is clear. Even then, don’t assume that you know everything about the situation. "We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflicts. “I think I can do this.” You make this assumption, for instance, then you discover you aren't able to do it. You overestimate or underestimate yourself because you haven’t taken the time to ask yourself questions and to answer them. Perhaps you need to gather more facts about a particular situation. Or maybe you need to stop lying to yourself about what you truly want.” As with not taking anything personally, Ruiz also invites us to examine the assumptions we make about ourselves. Only when we are mindful of the things we tell ourselves that are within or not within our capabilities, and when we stop making assumptions about what others mean, can we become happier. 4. Always do your best “There is just one more agreement, but it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best. Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. […] But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.” The fourth agreement seems very simple to make with ourselves, if we allow ourselves to stop judging, and don’t make assumptions about our capabilities. However, there is another element to this agreement, which according to Ruiz increases our happiness dramatically: "Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive; you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything. But it is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy. When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not because you’re expecting a reward.” This action-based happiness, this appreciation for process over outcome, and the appreciation for doing our best, we find in the writings of psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman as well. In his book Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, Seligman denies simplistic notions of happiness and suggests how people can flourish. Seligman names the key elements to flourish as ‘PERMA' P – positive emotion E – your engagement R – relationships M – meaning A – sense of accomplishment To flourish, you need to change how you behave in order to improve those key elements. You cannot flourish just by trying to think differently because positive thinking has to be accompanied by coherent behaviours, actions. Taking this one step further, there are also parallels with the Ten Keys to Happier Living that Action for Happiness synthesised from happiness research. Their GREAT DREAM constitutes of: Giving – do things for others Relating – connect with people Exercising – taking care of your body Appreciating – awareness of what you do and the world around you Trying Out – doing new things Direction – doing things towards a goal Resilience – bouncing back after something negative Emotion – being positive about what you do Acceptance - that we all have faults and that things go wrong Meaning – being part of something bigger So, when we do our best, both in keeping the four agreements and in the actions we take in the world, we can truly be happy. Living with the Four Agreements The Four Agreements seem simple but have a world of inner transformation, spiritual growth, and action-based happiness at their core. When we try to live with the Agreements and learn from the world of thoughts and philosophies connected with them, step-by-step we can create more loving, more compassionate, more connected lives. Ruiz’ message ultimately strongly resonates with the teachings by the Dalai Lama. As Ruiz states at the end of his book: “The world is very beautiful and very wonderful. Life can be easy when love is your way of life. You can be loving all the time. This is your choice. You may not have a reason to love, but you can love because to love makes you so happy. Love in action only produces happiness. Love will give you inner peace. It will change your perception of everything. […] Maybe we cannot escape from the destiny of the human, but we have a choice: to suffer our destiny or to enjoy our destiny. To suffer, or to love and be happy. To live in hell, or to live in heaven. My choice is to live in heaven. What is yours?” ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

From kundalini to loving-kindness, meditation styles can be very personal. Ed Gould looks at seven factors such as duration, location and frequency of meditation, which may affect your personal practice, to help you choose the right meditation type for you. Discovering a personal meditation style might take a while, but the benefits are definitely worth it. Indeed, developing one's personal meditation style rarely comes immediately. Even Buddha, by all accounts a naturally gifted meditator, needed time to develop his technique. In this article, we'll discuss what influences there are on our meditation practice. We'll also discuss what techniques we can use to enhance individual practices while diminishing those things which detract us. Remember that meditation is a transformative practice – one that affects our brains and consciousness – and it's best to view it as a process rather than a goal in its own right. At its best, the benefits of meditation can be seen in areas such as concentration, finding clarity and improving emotional well-being. Therefore, finding the meditative route that suits you best is generally quite rewarding. To begin with, let's examine the things that influence our abilities when developing our own personal meditation style. Factors that influence personal meditation styles Most of us, if we're honest about it, have plenty of things that influence our personal meditation style. Bear in mind that these can carry both positive and negative influences. Few of us have lives which allow us, for example, to get into a meditative state at the drop of a hat. Each of these fields of influence makes us the sort of practitioner that we are. Fresh and free: perhaps meditation in nature is your preferred style? When you're seeking a meditation style that will suit your development, lifestyle and personality best, then it's likely you will need to experiment a little. When doing so, try not to think of there being either a right or a wrong way of doing things. What you should remember, however, is that influences have an impact on you and they will ultimately affect your chosen approach to meditation. 1. Types of meditation There are many different meditation styles which you might choose to practise. And although experts may recommend one method over another, you'll find one or more that can work particularly well for your process. Conversely, certain meditative styles may not suit you or, more correctly, suit your personal approach to meditation. Many times, beginners start with guided meditation, usually based on a visual narrative. RELATED: Meditation for beginners: our Top 6 videos Kundalini and heart-rhythm meditation are both popular styles. Zazen meditation is also quite common – a Zen approach which is self-guided. A high-level form of meditation known as transcendental meditation is also popular. Each style will have an impact on how you go about meditation and it's quite common to experiment with differing approaches. 2. Length of meditation time According to Hooria Jazaieri, a researcher, teacher and psychotherapist at UC Berkeley, the length of time you meditate will impact on how successful it will be for the individual. She asserts that 10-15 minutes of mindfulness and compassion-based meditation is the right length of time for her style. Research published into how long it took smokers to reduce their intake following meditation sessions found that a mere five hours' worth over a two-week period was enough in the majority of cases. “When you're seeking a meditation style that will suit your development, lifestyle and personality best, then it's likely you will need to experiment a little.” Y.Y. Tang, et al. showed that even brief meditation training improved their group's capacity for self-control and lessened their smoking. If you're still unsure as to whether the time you spend meditating has an impact, then consider another study first published in the Journal of Psychiatry Research. The study claims that the density of brain matter in areas associated with memory, stress and empathy can increase following regular 30-minute meditation sessions. 3. Frequency of meditation Of course, you should also take into account the length of time you meditate for in the context of how frequently you do it. For some, 10 minutes a day is enough and it becomes part of a personal, daily routine. Perhaps longer periods are required if you're less frequent with your sessions. In fact, there are studies to back this simple idea up. They show that the sample groups that get the most out of meditation are the ones who do it most frequently. A notable example of this sort of research into frequency is one published in the Journal of Positive Psychology following work conducted at Stanford University. Power of one: some people prefer solo meditation, others group 4. Qualitative considerations Not all meditation sessions can be described as great successes. Sometimes the quality of the meditation session we have gone through can be stunning and sometimes less so. Usually, there's an outside influence on us which has an impact on the quality of the meditation. You can become distracted by noise or visual stimuli. Perhaps you started to meditate too soon after being busy with something else. It's also possible you so desired a successful meditation that you couldn't clear your mind as you would have liked. “Being in a place that you're comfortable in and that's distraction free is an obvious choice for developing your personal meditation style.” As creatures of habit, humans like to repeat what they've deemed to be 'successful'. But the truth is that it's not always possible to do this with meditation. Acceptance of the 'outcome' of a meditation session is a big part of whether it has been successful or not. Furthermore, no single meditation session should come into judgement based on its own merits. Each one progresses to the next and builds on the previous. So over-scrutiny of qualitative factors may be a detrimental consideration on its own. 5. Meditation settings Being in a place that you're comfortable in and that's distraction-free is an obvious choice for developing your personal meditation style. The ability to cut out 'mental noise' is often very conducive to meditation. However, you should also consider that busy places can also be fine for meditatively-minded people. In fact, meditation in schools – not places you might traditionally associate with calmness – has had good results. Try multiple settings to find which place suits your preferred personal meditation style. Remember that a setting is not necessarily a physical location, such as being at home. It might relate to other factors, like the presence of others. Another consideration would be to have a dedicated spot or a useful place which also serves other purposes. 6. Reflection and feedback Reflection is the key to understanding your own style. It's perhaps unrealistic to immediately know what has made a difference to your meditation right after completing a session. Therefore, keeping a journal of your reflections about your meditation sessions can be invaluable. Perhaps you feel the same after a session as you did before, but cannot say why. Journaling is the ideal method to use in order to work out what similarities of technique, setting and qualitative considerations there are in common between meditations. Write it out: journaling your meditation has benefits Unlike journaling, modern neurofeedback devices provide actual quantitative measurements of brain activity during meditation, and this can be very telling if you're looking for some hard data to work with. According to Tracy Brandmeyer of the Centre for Brain Research and Cognition at Paul Sabatier University in Toulouse, neurofeedback is an aid to meditation which offers the opportunity to use mobile technology in ways that assist all sorts of people. RELATED: Gratitude meditation: the top 5 benefits and how to practise it If you meditate in a group or with a mentor, feedback sessions are also a beneficial option. Members of the group or your mentors can discuss what influences your meditation has. They can also help clarify what may work better for you and what might not. 7. Self-optimization and mindfulness Making meditation a kind of target to be achieved runs contrary to many of the principles it's supposed to engender when practised. Indeed, developing a personal meditation style as a self-optimization goal is the very opposite of self-compassion. As such, striving for it can be counter productive. On the other hand, if you develop your own style along the way to a wider set of meditative purposes, then you may find more success. Focussing on short-term aspirations about your personal meditation style can also have adverse outcomes. If you have a fragile mental state or are suffering from trauma, then being overly determined to develop your own style may not be the correct path to take. Research conducted by Willoughby Britton at Brown University has already indicated that meditation can have a negative effect on certain people. Remain mindful of what the purpose of meditation is and remember that it's a progression, not an ambition. Personal meditation types: conclusions No two people are the same, so no two approaches to meditation will yield the same results. For many people, reflecting on the way they're going about meditating by journaling is beneficial, as is trying new approaches that will help to find a suitably accessible style. Consider all of the options available to you and don't be put off experimenting a little with your chosen personal meditation practice! ● Main photo: Colorbox.com Enjoyed this and want to discuss meditation styles with other happiness.com members? Head over to our forum on mindfulness and mediation and join in with the conversation... Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

Gedanken stehen niemals still. Sie wälzen Probleme, wähnen sich stets im Recht und wirken sich mit unkollegialen und teils reißerischen Kommentaren negativ auf unser Allgemeinbefinden aus. Um dieses Gedankenkarusell zum Stillstand zu bringen, können wir Achtsamkeitstechniken einsetzen. Das viel verwendete Wort Achtsamkeit bewirkt nämlich das Innehalten im Moment, das Abschalten des Autopiloten und den Stopp des Gedankenkarusells. Tine Steiss, geprüfte MBSR-Lehrerin und Veronika Eicher, Redakteurin des deutschen happiness Magazins beginnen ihre Meetings für die Online-Community happiness.com mit einer kleinen fünf Minuten Meditation. Das hilft dem Team, sich auf das Jetzt zu konzentrieren. Diesen Gastartikel haben sie für SchnellEinfachGesund.de geschrieben und fünf Achtsamkeitsübungen vorgestellt, die sich gut in den Alltag einbinden lassen. Im Zusammenhang mit Achtsamkeit und Achtsamkeitsmeditation werden oft drei Vorurteile erwähnt, die Menschen hindern, sich dem Thema zu nähern. Bevor wir mit den Übungen beginnen, möchten wir darüber aufklären, dass Achtsamkeit weder gelangweilte Gleichgültigkeit, noch effizienzgesteuerte Selbstoptimierung bedeutet. Vorurteil 1: Achtsamkeit macht gleichgültig Wer Achtsamkeitsmeditation übt und dafür beispielsweise einen MBSR ("Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction", auf Deutsch "Stressbewältigung durch Achtsamkeit") -Kurs belegt, möchte in der Regel ruhiger, ausgeglichener, zufriedener und entspannter durchs Leben gehen. Daraus wird gerne der Schluss gezogen, dass der Mensch dadurch gleichgültig wird. Noch negativer gesehen, dass mensch, was auch immer passiert, wiederspruchslos über sich ergehen lässt und zu einem Spielball des Lebens wird. Doch genau das Gegenteil ist der Fall: Wer Achtsamkeit übt, wird nicht von der Wut übermannt, aber ist sich der Wut durchaus bewusst! Wut kann so als Hinweis auf Ungerechtigkeit und dann als Motivation genutzt werden. Daraus folgt eine klarere Kommunikation von Bedürfnissen und Grenzen. Achtsame Menschen stehen in der Regel eher für sich und andere ein, aber sie tun dies auf eine ruhigere, sachlichere Art und sind eher in der Lage, gegenüber sich selbst empathisch und liebevoll zu reagieren. GEMEINSAM PRAKTIZIEREN: Hier findest du einen kostenlosen, zertifizierten MBSR Kurs in unserer happiness Akademie Gut für alle: Achtsame Menschen stehen eher für sich und andere ein, aber können dabei ruhig und sachlich bleiben Vorurteil 2: Achtsamkeit sorgt für Effizienzsteigerung Ein weiteres Vorurteil: Durch Achtsamkeit kann ich mich selbst optimieren und (noch) mehr arbeiten. Auch das stimmt nur bedingt. Achtsamkeit kann uns helfen, konzentrierter zu sein, Signale und Zwischentöne besser wahrzunehmen. Aber wer zu viel zu tun hat, hat auch mit einer regelmäßigen Achtsamkeitspraxis noch zu viel zu tun. Allerdings hilft die Achtsamkeit dabei, diesen Umstand früher zu erkennen, zu kommunzieren und behutsam Kompromisse zu finden, um das Zuviel abzubauen. Vorurteil 3: Achtsamkeit löscht alle Gedanken aus Durch Achtsamkeitsmeditationen lassen sich alle Gedanken stoppen – ein irreführendes Vorurteil. Bei der Achtsamkeitsmeditation geht es nicht darum, einen leeren Geist zu erlangen, sondern unsere Aufmerksamkeit bewusst zu steuern. Schließlich gilt: Unsere Gedanken sind kein Feind, den es zu bekämpfen gilt. Das Lernen aus Fehlern, Planen, Verstehen sind hilfreiche Funktionen, die uns dienen können. Wir lernen, den Autopilot zu stoppen und die Zügel der Gedanken wieder selbst in die Hand zu nehmen. So können wir unser geistiges Leben nach unseren Wünschen gestalten, statt den Gedanken die Herrschaft über uns, unsere Weltsicht, unser Erleben und unsere Emotionen zu überlassen. "Das viel verwendete Wort Achtsamkeit bewirkt das Innehalten im Moment, das Abschalten des Autopiloten und den Stopp des Gedankenkarusells" Achtsamkeit hilft uns also dabei, dass wir unsere eigenen Bedürfnisse erkennen können und sie dadurch klarer kommunieren können. Wir erlangen außerdem - etwas überspitzt gesprochen – die Kontrolle über unser Leben zurück, denn wir können den Autopilot-Zustand von über 50% der Zeit auf unter 30% senken (und laut einer aktuellen Studie sind Menschen gerade in diesen "Autopilot-Zeiten" unglücklich – ein Zustand, in dem wir uns mehr als die Hälfte der Zeit befinden!). Was hilft, um achtsamer durch den Tag zu gehen Zentrales Element der Achtsamkeit ist es, in den aktuellen Moment zurückzukehren. Unsere Gedanken ziehen uns ständig einerseits in die Vergangenheit, um alte Probleme wiederzukäuen - und mit einem Sprung sind wir in einer Gedankenspirale gelandet. Alternativ schicken sie uns auf eine Reise in die Zukunft: Wir planen jedes Detail, um Probleme zu vermeiden, obwohl uns doch so viele Variablen unbekannt sind. Ein gewisses Maß an Überlegtheit kommt uns natürlich zugute, doch es braucht ein gesundes Maß. Mit diesen Übungen kann Achtsamkeit im Alltag geübt werden: 1. Bewusst duschen Wann warst du das letzte Mal wirklich unter der Dusche? Also nicht nur mit dem Körper, denn der steht natürlich unter der Dusche, sondern auch mit den Gedanken. Die sitzen oft gedanklich bereits im Auto, leiden unter dem Stau, (den des vielleicht gar nicht gibt) oder ärgern sich über eine vermeintliche Äußerung eines Kollegen im nächsten Meeting (die er vermutlich nie sagen wird). Nimm dir ein paar Atemzüge Zeit und spüre das warme Wasser auf der Haut, atme die feuchte Luft und den Duft des Shampoos ein. Genieße den Moment der Entspannung im Jetzt, in diesem realen Moment. Gedankenwäsche: In der Dusche alle Gedanken loslassen und nur das Wasser spüren, ist eine gute Achtsamkeitsübung im Alltag 2. Achtsam essen Übe Achtsamkeit beim Essen. Rieche und schmecke jeden Bissen. Vielleicht gelingt das, wenn du in Gedanken bei denen bist, die in der langen Kette beteiligt waren, bis das Essen auf deinem Teller gelandet ist. Dem Feld, den Tieren, den Bäuer*innen, den Erntehilfer*innen, den Fahrer*innen, den Mitarbeiter*innen im Supermarkt, den Köch*innen, usw. VERWANDTES THEMA: Achtsam essen: Du bist, was du isst 3. Kurzes Innehalten sorgt für Achtsamkeit Achtsamkeit kann bei jeder Handlung geübt werden. Die Erfolgsformel bleibt immer die gleiche: Den Strom der Gedanken zu unterbrechen und bewusst ins Jetzt zurückkehren. Das kann ein bewusster Atemzug auf dem Weg zur Arbeit sein, oder wenn du dein Bewusstsein vor dem Einschlafen durch den Körper lenkst und jedes Körperteil entspannst. Manchmal reicht eine kleine Pause, ein einziger Atemzug, um bei sich selbst einzuchecken. Wie geht es mir heute? Wo sind meine Gedanken, Gefühle, körperlichen Empfindungen? 4. Bewusstes Atmen Bewusst Atmen ist super einfache Übung, denn du kannst sie überall anwenden und niemand wird bemerken, dass du gerade Achtsamkeit übst. Wo auch immer wir sind, in der Bahn, in der Schlange im Supermarkt oder zuhause auf der Couch, können wir für einen Augenblick bewusstes Atmen üben. Das klappt so: Beim Einatmen sammeln wir unsere Gedanken. Wir ziehen die Aufmerksamkeit von der Außenwelt, der Vergangenkeit oder Zukunft in uns hinein. Wir sammeln die Aufmerksamkeit für einen Moment im Körper und halten den Atem dabei an. Beim Ausatmen entspannen wir uns und lassen uns in den jetzigen Moment hineinfallen. Wir beginnen die Übung mit ein paar bewussten Atemzügen und lassen dann dem Atem seinen natürlichen Lauf. Nun kann der natürliche Rythmus aus Sammeln und Entspannen folgen. Wer in einer angespannten Situation steckt, kann die Aufmerksamkeit beim Einatmen in die Schultern lenken und diese beim Ausatmen bewusst entspannen. Auf diese Weise kann mensch auch nach und nach den gesamten Köper entspannen. 5. Amerikanisches Kampfatmen Wem das alles zu spirituell ist, lässt sich vielleicht vom amerikanischen Militär überzeugen. Dort wird eine schlichte Atemübung als "Kampf-" oder "Taktische Atmung" bezeichnet. Wir kennen sie eher unter dem Namen "Box Breathing". Als hervorragende Methode, um Stress abzubauen und sich zu beruhigen, wird diese Atemstrategie von Ersthelfern, vom Militär und von Athleten genutzt, um sich zu konzentrieren, innere Ruhe und Kontrolle zu erlangen und mit Stress umzugehen. Darüber hinaus kann sie uns helfen, Sorgen und Nervosität in Schacht zu halten. Mache einige Atemzüge wie hier beschrieben. Stell dir dabei jede Zahl beim Zählen bildlich vor. Atme mit den Ziffern vor Augen 1, 2, 3, 4 eine imaginäre Linie nach rechts ein. Halte den Atem an und zähle dabei mit 1, 2, 3, 4 eine imaginäre Linie nach unten. Atme mit 1, 2, 3, 4 eine imaginäre Linie nach links aus. Halte den Atem an und zähle 1, 2, 3, 4 nach oben. Fertig ist die imaginäre Atembox. Die Wirkung der Achtsamkeitsübungen Durch diese fünf Übungen kannst du üben, aus der Diktatur der Gedanken auszubrechen und diese als Gedanken wahrzunehmen. Gedanken wollen dir gerne weismachen, dass sie die absolute Wahrheit sind. Mit der Fähigkeit, den Gedankenstrom zu unterbrechen und sie zu hinterfragen, kannst du so mancher Aufregung entgehen. Gedanken loslassen und die Aufmerksamkeit auf das richten, was in diesem Moment präsent ist, wird durch die Übungen geschärft. Die Aufmerksamkeit bleibt bei den Fakten, das Gedankenkarusell bleibt still. Unsere Gedanken sind von der Evolution darauf getrimmt worden, sich auf potenzielle Gefahren und Probleme zu stürzen. Wir ignorieren das Gute und fokussieren uns auf die Probleme. Sich das Gute bewusst machen, es genießen und Dankbarkeit empfinden für all das, was uns tagtäglich Positives wiederfährt, lässt uns die Probleme in Relation setzten. Als schöner Nebeneffekt werden sie dadurch auch einfacher zu bewältigen. Zu Beginn der Achtsamkeitspraxis üben wir, das, was gerade jetzt passiert, bewusst wahrzunehmen. Wir können nun auch die Gedanken, die in der Vergangenkeit oder Zukunft verweilen, als solche erkennen. Gedanken in der Zukunft lösen oft Angst und Sorge aus. Gleichzeitig beruhen sie aber auf unwahrscheinlichen Szenarien und Vermutungen und sind für uns im Jetzt nicht hilfreich. Allerdings lässt sich eine Sorge, auch wenn man es klar erkennt, nicht einfach verdrängen. Wir üben, sie zu erkennen und mit Fürsorge zu akzeptieren, denn letzlich wollen auch diese Gedanken der Sorge uns helfen. Ruhe bewahren: Achtsamkeit hilft uns, im Gedankensturm klar zu bleiben und Aufregung von Wahrheit unterscheiden Mit den Achtsamkeitsübungen lernen wir zu unterscheiden, was in diesem Moment wahr ist und einer Handlung bedarf. Nehmen wir dafür als Beispiel, wenn wir uns über eine Äußerung ärgern. Statt blind vor Wut zu sein, lernen wir zu sehen, dass Ärger in uns ist. Wir spüren ihn im Körper, durch ein Hitzegefühl im Kopf oder verkrampfte Schultern. Unsere Gedanken wollen uns dann eine große Geschichte zu diesem Ärger erzählen. Vieles dabei wird aber gar nicht stimmen und auf Spekulationen und Annahmen beruhen, die sich im Moment des Ärgers allerdings sehr wahr anfühlen. Mit Achtsamkeit können wir uns auf die Fakten besinnen. Statt der Wut blind zu folgen und unser Gegenüber anzuschreien können wir ruhig mitteilen, was genau wir als ungerecht empfinden und wo wir uns übergangen gefühlt haben. Auf diese sachliche Art lassen wir mehr Platz für eine friedliche Klärung der Angelegenheit. Achtsamkeit im Alltag – Unser Fazit Achtsamkeit ist kein theoretisches Feld. Es lässt sich gut mit dem Besuch im Fitnesstudio vergleichen. Wenn wir ins Studio gehen und uns genau erklären lassen, wie die Geräte die Muskeln stärken, aber nicht selbst an den Geräten schwitzen, werden wir auch keine Muskeln aufbauen. Genauso verhält es sich mit dem Achtsamkeitsmuskel. Nur, wenn du regelmäßig trainierst, wirst du die Gehirnareale stärken, die rational denken. Nur dann wirst du das Positive sehen, wirst mehr Zufriedenheit empfinden und glücklicher sein. Neue Gewohnheiten sind sicherlich einfacher zu erlernen, wenn man Erfahrungen teilt und sich gegenseitig inspiriert. Die Online-Community happiness.com (www.happiness.com), die von den Autorinnen Tine Steiss und Veronika Eicher mitbetreut wird, möchte ihren Mitgliedern eine sichere und sich gegenseitig unterstützende Gemeinschaft ermöglichen. Im happiness Forum, in den Kursen der happiness Akademie und im Magazin werden dafür Werkzeuge, Praktiken und Erfahrungen ausgetauscht. Das Ziel des non-profit Projektes: Es allen Menschen ermöglichen, ein glückliches und erfülltes Leben zu führen.

While many in today's society strive for wealth, the pursuit of money and status appears to actively damage well-being. Conversely, non-materialistic life goals such as spending time with family or volunteering do, it seems, lead to happiness. We've all heard of the saying 'Money can't buy happiness', but is it actually true? After all, so much misery in this world seems to be as a result of lacking finances. Studies suggest that there may well be something in this presumption that you don't need money to make you content. In his paper Life Goals Matter to Happiness, Bruce Headey looks at the issue of subjective well-being, or SWB, and the influences it has on both materialistic and non-materialistic life goals. He concludes that people with non-materialistic life goals report greater contentment in life than those who pursue more materialistic aims. Set-point theory Many studies looking at these issues use a concept called the set-point theory as the foundation of their approach. The set-point theory holds that it's difficult, if not impossible, to alter your levels of happiness. It claims your ability to be happy is fixed early on in life. Increasingly this theory has come into question and under examination. Cash crash: status and wealth does not lead to happiness There are various factors that can play into a person's ability to create happiness. With therapy and other treatments or lifestyle changes, it's possible to work through past situations. Another reason why this theory is questionable is that it presumes that people are not able to significantly improve their happiness levels. With this last consideration, the mind is powerful and can overcome a lot with concentrated effort. It's well worth taking a second look if this theory is applicable. Contentment over time A current long-running German study looks at SWB and examines how both 'zero-sum goals' and 'non-zero sum goals' affect happiness. Zero-sum goals meaning life goals that concern status or wealth. And non-zero sum goals meaning non-materialistic life goals that concern family life or altruistic activities. The study started in 1984. This has allowed researchers to build a broad picture of how the respondents' happiness levels have changed over a lengthy period. As with all long-term studies, this change provides a great field of evidence. In fact, more than any other study on the subject. “People with non-materialistic life goals report greater contentment in life than those who pursue more materialistic aims.” The paper concluded that people who placed a greater emphasis on non-zero sum goals such as family life experienced greater contentment in life than people who preferred more materialistic zero-sum goals. In fact, the pursuit of money and status appeared to actively damage happiness. Which may or may not come as a surprise. It's likely that dedicating one's energy to career and financial goals could only come at the cost of family life. So, why this split between these two life goals? Why so much emphasis on material gain when it only causes damage to a person? As is often said, you can't have it all. Why materialistic life goals harm you So the question is: why do less or non-materialistic goals make people happier than materialistic ones? The probable explanation is so-called 'status anxiety'. This means that once you've achieved a higher level of status, it's no longer enough: you feel pressure to live up to that status, maintain your lifestyle, and indeed to accomplish more. Materialistic goals create a spiral of higher goals, more work stress and less connection. Status anxiety: success can lead to increased stress at work So when you're awarded a promotion and accompanying pay rise, you have to spend money on a more expensive car. You have to move to a better neighbourhood. And, in return, you need to keep working hard to pay for it, in order to maintain this status level. You may begin socialising with people in a higher income bracket and feel the need to present the same lifestyle as them, regardless if your income is adequate or not. And if your stress levels rise, you feel that you cannot give up your high-paying career because you would have to reduce your lifestyle. Once you achieve a perceived high status, it's extremely difficult to abandon it: the upward spiral effect. “Materialistic goals create a spiral of higher goals, more work stress and less connection.” Non-materialistic life goals, on the other hand, are only beneficial to yourself and others. We can feel a deep sense of satisfaction from volunteering our time without any financial reward. We see that helping others creates meaning and meaning creates contentment. This generosity creates the feeling that we're making a difference. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? A harmonious family life has an undeniably positive effect on our well-being. This ensures that we spend our leisure time in comfortable surroundings and with people we enjoy being around. We choose to have a family and close friends. As opposed to the people we are obliged to spend our working day with and may not enjoy their company. Family gains: quality time with family is one key to happiness Conclusions on non-materialistic life goals It's not intrinsically bad to have ambition because this can motivate us. But this ambition should be used in healthy and productive ways. The conclusion to gather from this is that the pursuit of materialistic goals should not be at the expense of family life and non-materialistic goals. The sensible solution is to find a balance between looking after your financial needs and those of your family and looking after your 'soul'. “We see that helping others creates meaning and meaning creates contentment. This generosity creates the feeling that we're making a difference.” The sensible solution is to find a balance between looking after your financial needs and those of your family, while at the same time not forgetting to look after your 'soul'. This three-way balance takes ambition and motivation to achieve. However, the rewards are well worth the effort. High-quality deep relationships are the basis of a happy life. Having a reasonable degree of financial security is essential. Anyone worried about how to meet their bills will guaranteed to be stressed. But material goals should not dominate one's life. As this will only create the aforementioned upward spiral. There's so much to gain from dedicating a fair portion of your time to your family, friends and local community. As these create good, deep connections and relationships, and those are the keys to a happy life, as the Harvard study found. Striking the right balance between material life goals and non-materialistic life goals is essential for creating and maintaining happiness in your life. ● Main image: Colorbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Life purpose | Nature | Family activities | Simple living Written by Guest author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

For some of us, developing a meaningful life can be hard. But from helping others to finding a sense of purpose, these ten scientifically-backed tips from Ed Gould can help you discover how to live a meaningful life and find greater happiness. A meaningful life is something of a subjective matter, you might well think. What is meaningful to one person may, of course, have little meaning for another. However, there are certain aspects of fulfillment and happiness that all of us can ascribe meaning to. As such, there have been a number of scientific studies that have been carried out around the world that have delved into the subject. If you want to know what research programmes and studies have to offer in the search for a meaningful life, then read on. You may be surprised at just how many insights science has to offer on the subject. 1. Listening to music can make you kinder Music has long been understood to be a form of communication that gets into our souls like no other. And, according to research from Frankfurt's Goethe University, it can even help us to become more helpful and show more kindness to others. So, how does this relate to living a meaningful life? Well, science has previously shown that being kind to others brings about long-lasting well-being and happiness in humans, increasing purpose. Indeed, even ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote that finding happiness and fulfillment is achieved “by loving rather than in being loved.” Furthermore, the results from the German 2016 study show that integrating listening to music into a daily routine can improve cognition, especially where creative tasks are concerned. What's more, the greater the level of joy was conveyed in the music, the more the effect of it was noticed. Sound advice: music makes you more creative and kinder 2. Helping others helps ourselves Here is further evidence that a meaningful life spent caring for and helping others can be of benefit to us. A 2016 paper published by researchers at Columbia University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology discovered that people who offer care and assistance to others will be better equipped to deal with their own problems. Researchers carried out a three-week study of an online platform that provides training and practice in the social regulation of emotion. Their results suggested that our mood changes when we help others, leading to a greater sense of worth that can assist with coping strategies for life's daily struggles. Moreover, the study showed that participants who engaged more by helping others showed greater decreases in depression, mediated by increased use of reappraisal in daily life. 3. You can make your workplace a more positive place Although work may feel like it's not something we have much control over, scientists have shown that acting in a kind way at work can, in fact, lead to a shift in behaviour among colleagues. A study from the University of California – co-anchored by happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky – demonstrated that kind behaviour was both beneficial and contagious in the workplace. The 2017 study, published in the journal Emotion, focused on a workplace in Spain. It examined the effects of practising, receiving and observing everyday prosociality — activity that benefits others. Just over 100 employees were randomly assigned to be givers, receivers or controls. “The question of how to living a meaningful life has puzzled generations for centuries. Science shows that discovering meaning and fulfillment is a key ingredient in living a happy life.” Over a period of four weeks the givers practised five acts of kindness for a set list of receivers. The study showed that both receivers and givers mutually benefited from boosted well-being in both the short-term and the long-term. In fact, receivers became happier after two months, while givers became less depressed and more satisfied with their lives and jobs. Furthermore, the kind acts inspired of givers also encouraged colleagues to act: receivers paid their acts of kindness forward with almost 300 per cent more prosocial behaviors compared to the control colleagues. 4. Find a sense of purpose, no matter your age There have been several scientific studies into the role a sense of purpose has in developing a meaningful life. One 2016 study entitled Purpose in life and cognitive functioning in adulthood from Carleton University, Canada and West Virginia University, USA, found that older people were just as likely to need a self-defined purpose in their lives in order to combat a number of issues, such as cognitive impairment. Essentially, true sense of purpose can reduce the risks of conditions like dementia in older people. RELATED: How to find your ikigai 5. Mindfulness leads to better parenting For some, it's their role as a parent that shows them how to live a meaningful life. And although there are many ways to try and bring up happy children, science has shown that mindfulness leads to improved parenting techniques. According to a study undertaken by the University of Vermont, parents who practise mindfulness are generally more positive and suffer less anxiety in their interactions with their children. We're not kidding: parenting can bring meaning to life 6. General health isn't only controlled by genes Although certain health conditions are caused by genes and we may feel there is little control we have over them as individuals, scientists are now suggesting we can alter things ourselves. Certain genes have been associated with negative mindsets, for example, but meditation can alter them – or at least their effect. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin and other European institutions found that genes that cause bodily problems when we feel stressed are more likely to be suppressed in people who meditate. Discover which type of meditation may suit you best. 7. Time is more important than money All that focus on your bank balance and earning more can improve your material wealth, but does it have anything to say about leading a more meaningful life? Well, according to a scientific paper published in 2016, people who value their time over money are simply happier. Ultimately, science has revealed that our time is the most valuable resource we have when people respond honestly to questions about their lifestyles. “Our mood changes when we help others, leading to a greater sense of worth that can assist with coping strategies for life's daily struggles.” Sometimes you can use money to help you buy more time, for example, hiring a cleaner if you don't want to tackle the house chores, or a babysitter if you and your partner need some quality time together. This is one example in how you can live a meaningful life by using money in a different way. RELATED: Money can't buy you happiness (except when you spend it like this!) 8. A happy life and a meaningful one may be different We may assume that living a meaningful life will automatically lead to greater happiness, but science has shown that, in fact, the two are not intrinsically linked. Put another way, being happy does not necessarily lead to a greater sense of meaning in your life. The question of how to living a meaningful life has puzzled generations for centuries. Science shows that discovering meaning and fulfillment is a key ingredient in living a happy life According to The Journal of Positive Psychology, there is a correlation between a meaningful life and a happy one, but the two concepts diverge. The pursuit of happiness for its own sake – through hedonism, for example – may not be all its cracked up to be, and will not set you on the path to a meaningful life. 9. Altruism is good for you You might not intend to derive benefit from an act of altruism or kindness, but scientific research suggests that you will. According to a large study which drew data from around 200,000 people in 136 countries, giving to others, for example, in the form of charitable donations, makes people feel happier about themselves. RELATED: The power of kindness The researchers called this pro-social spending and suggested that it has a universal psychological impact no matter which culture was being examined. The work theorised that altruism may, in fact, be a product of evolutionary development among humans who derive longer term benefits from concepts like giving and sharing as a whole. A helping hand: aiding others can benefit yourself too 10. Put your phone down and interact We've all been in the company of someone who cannot put their phone down and won't look you in the eye. And now science suggests this practice has a real detrimental effect on social interactions in the here and now. In fact, it can even lead to friendships and relationships breaking down because of the social exclusion that is felt. Social media may be fine in its proper place, but the latest research suggests access to it should be limited in face-to-face social contexts. Mindful listening is essential if you want to give your full attention to others when you are having a conversation and it makes the other person know you are interested and care. This type of deep listening is an exercise in empathy and self-awareness that can improve the quality and depth of our relationships, therefore helping to boost meaning in our lives. The takeaway: how to live a meaningful life The question of how to living a meaningful life has puzzled generations for centuries. Science shows that discovering meaning and fulfillment is a key ingredient in living a happy life. And finding meaning in life seems to be done by doing what you love, helping others through altruism, and staying mindful at all times. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self care | Gratitude | Loneliness | Random acts of kindness Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Making your bed in the morning may seem like a trivial chore, but it's one that many of us don't bother with. But, as Dee Marques explains, taking just a few moments to make your bed could set you up mentally for the rest of the day – and beyond. Many of us can probably remember one not-so-great memory from our childhoods: our parents instructing us to make our beds in the morning! Many years later, some adults still have mixed feelings about this habit. In fact, making or not making the bed seems to be a controversial topic. In some ways, it even defines personalities; you may have heard the tongue-in-cheek expression that there are two types of people in the world – those who make their beds and those who don’t. Of course, whether we make our bed or not is a personal choice, but, interestingly, it can have an impact on our mental well-being. So, which side of the bed-making debate do you lay on? If you're rushing to get to work or take the kids to school, tidying your sleeping space might be the last thing you want to do, but it turns out that taking a minute or two to do just that could have a positive impact on the rest of your day. Why you should make your bed every day Retired US admiral William McRaven once said that “if you want to change the world, start by making your bed”. He even wrote a book about it, the aptly entitled Make Your Bed. But McRaven isn’t the only well-known personality to extol the virtues of this orderly habit. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson also said something along those lines when he wrote that one of the key rules for life is cleaning your room, which, of course, also includes making your bed. When reading these statements, you might wonder what does making your bed have to do with bringing change to the world? Making your bed builds a foundation for other good habits The short answer is that making your bed is a healthy habit that ensures you start your day with an accomplishment. Even if this specific task of bed-making seems small, it can make a big difference to your mindset for the rest of the day. Indeed, your internal dialogue can go from “today I didn’t accomplish much, I didn’t even make my bed!”, to, “even if nothing else goes well today, at least I bothered to make my bed!”. In fact, good habits and the positive attitude they cause are the cornerstones of healthy change – which can start in your own bedroom. Five reasons to make your bed daily There are other benefits to making your bed every day, beyond the powerful impact on habits, daily structure and internal stability. 1. It encourages order and organization There’s something visual about a made (or unmade) bed. The first transmits the idea of order, whereas the second does exactly the opposite. Living in a messy environment has been linked to some mental health conditions, like depression, and it could also suggest that a person is struggling to cope with problems or feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, psychologists believe that organization helps with stress reduction, and that disorganization can impair our ability to focus. The opposite is also true; making your bed is a step towards getting your room or house organized. 2. It improves self-confidence Making your bed every day may seem trivial, but the action can serve as a reminder that you’re in control of at least one thing in your life. Like other habits, making your bed daily requires responsibility and commitment. Knowing that you can set your mind to something and persevere day after day can increase your personal satisfaction levels and improve your confidence in your own abilities. “Making your bed every day may seem trivial, but the action can serve as a reminder that you’re in control of at least one thing. Like other habits, making your bed daily requires responsibility and commitment.” This habit can be 'practice' for other tasks that may lie ahead and make you feel more confident about your ability to tackle them. There’s some pride in saying “I did this today”, or, “I took care of my immediate environment first thing in the morning”. 3. It can help you sleep better Getting better sleep is essential to our mental and physical health, but there are lots of things that can interfere with restorative sleep. The brain controls part of the sleep cycle, so if it detects something uncomfortable, the quality of your sleep may be affected. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest That 'something' can be invisible (like worrying about something before heading to bed) or visible, like the tidy bed you made in the morning. The sight of a made-up bed can send a signal to the brain to make sleep more appealing and less vulnerable to disruption. Making your bed every day could help you to sleep better shutterstock/Prostock-studio 4. It prepares you for bigger challenges One of the reasons behind inaction or demotivation is skipping steps when goal setting. For example, someone who wants to start exercising can frame the goal as, “I want to work out every day”. But if they don’t start by exercising one or two days a week, the whole goal seems unattainable. The same applies to making your bed. By doing this, you’re setting up the basis for adopting bigger goals or routines. And if you’re the type of person who resists the idea of making the bed every morning, knowing you can push past the resistance can prepare you for bigger challenges. 5. It's the foundation of other good habits A survey with 68,000 participants found that people who made their beds daily felt more satisfied with life and felt better physically than those who didn’t. And while we can’t establish a direct causal link between making your bed and being happier, it can be a roundabout way to higher well-being. “When making your bed becomes a daily habit, expect to see improvements in your organization skills, self-confidence and even your sleep quality.” This is mostly because sticking to a productive habit makes it easier to develop other good habits. And the more good habits in our life, the more we are investing in our physical and mental health. Some tips if you struggle making your bed daily If you've decided to be more consistent in making your bed every day, you may face the typical resistance that is felt when adopting new habits. This can materialize in the form of excuses, low motivation, procrastinating, etc. Here are some tips to help you with that: Start with a manageable and specific goal. If you're goal isn’t too overwhelming, you’re more likely to go through with it. For example, instead of saying “I will always make my bed”, start with “I’ll make my bed every day this week”. Connect the new habit to an old habit. This is a useful of way of not conveniently 'forgetting' to make your bed when you’ve decided to do it every day. For example, if you shower every morning, leave the bath towel on your bed, so you’ll have no option but to see the unmade bed when you pick up the towel before showering. Use a visual reminder, like a Post-it note on your mirror or on the kitchen cupboard. You could also set an alarm on your phone. If you're still struggling, get help from a friend or family member. Just letting someone know of what you’re trying to do and asking them to check on you can improve accountability levels. Take 'failure' the smart way. If you don’t make your bed one day, don’t let it become an excuse for not doing it ever again. We all have setbacks when creating new habits. What matters is finding out what causes those setbacks and what we can learn to prevent them from happening again in the future. Takeaway: making your bed Making your bed is a positive habit that takes little effort once you push past the initial resistance. Indeed, when this becomes a daily habit, you can expect to see improvements in your organization skills, your self-confidence, your ability to create other good habits, and even your sleep quality – these are all fantastic benefits for something that only takes a couple of minutes of your day! • Main image: shutterstock/Crime Art happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Self Care | Courage | Acceptance Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.