Search the Community

Breathing is essential and something we do without thinking. But a new book suggests that we should pay it more attention as we can use the power of the breath to heal emotional and physical symptoms. Jacqui Paterson digs deeper. Breathing. It’s the most natural thing in the world, right? Controlled by the medulla oblongata – one of the most primitive parts of our brain – that automatically starts the moment we enter the world and take our first tremulous, wailing breaths. We rarely pay attention to this essential biological process where, very simplistically, air is pulled into the lungs, where oxygen is extracted and dispersed around our body, and the waste product – carbon dioxide – is exhaled out. In fact, probably the only time many of us really think about breathing is when we’re having trouble doing so –when we’re puffed from exerting ourselves, or when panic attacks cause us to hyperventilate. But, perhaps, we should be a lot more conscious of the healing power of the breath on a day-to-day basis. That’s because when we don’t give our breathing enough focus, it defaults to its basic auto-pilot function. Yes, it’s enough to keep us alive, but it’s usually shallow and erratic and doesn’t allow us access to the huge array of additional healing benefits breathing can provide. The healing power of the breath In fact, abdominal breathing techniques have been used for centuries, especially through the practise of yoga. Indeed, so-called breathwork makes up a huge component of this ancient Indian practice, which unites mind, breath and body to improve fitness, health and well-being. RELATED: Tummo breathing and meditation – a guide But, in fact, there are so many ways breathwork can be used to our benefit. Our breath is an endless resource we can call on at any time; a fact well known to psychotherapist and breathwork expert, Oliver James, who has used breathing techniques to totally transform his life. Can we use our breath to heal? shutterstock/LumineImages Five years ago, at the tail-end of his psychotherapy training, James came to the realisation that breathing wasn’t just an unconscious reflex, but something that united every living person on the planet. He devoted the next year to studying breathing techniques, soaking up all the published works he could find, but also exploring, reflecting and experimenting with his own breath. What he discovered was there was a style of breath to lessen or relieve multiple situations, from cravings and insomnia, to public speaking and nausea. This realisation changed his life, and compelled him to share what he’d learned in his book, 21 Breaths (Breathing Techniques to Change Your Life). There is a breath for everything, he states confidently. Before you dismiss the words as a bit ‘out there’, James backs it up with biological fact, explaining how each of the individual parts and systems of our body rely on breathing and the absorption of oxygen, and how we can improve each function simply by making our intake of air more purposeful and efficient. Think of it like putting fuel in a car – the basic version will allow it to run, but the enhanced version helps it run more smoothly and efficiently and will better protect all the components of the engine. Breathwork works in the same way – except the engine is your body. How to breathe properly James starts by asking a simple question – are we breathing properly? The best way is to use the diaphragm, a muscle that separates the chest from the stomach, for abdominal breathing. According to the British Lung Foundation, this is the main breathing muscle and works by contracting when you breathe in, pulling the lungs downwards, stretching and expanding them. When you breathe out, it relaxes back into a dome shape, and helps push the carbon-dioxide heavy waste air out. “We should be a lot more conscious of the healing power of the breath on a day-to-day basis. That’s because when we don’t give our breathing enough focus, it defaults to its basic auto-pilot function.” Your stomach muscles also come into play while exercising, pushing air out of the lungs in a process called forced expiration, AKA the heavy breathing that happens when you exert yourself! Finally, there are also muscles between the ribs that also assist breathing, the intercostal muscles. When they all work together, the gas exchange process (converting oxygen into carbon dioxide) works smoothly to keep our bodies fit and healthy. However, modern life is more sedentary than ever, with many of us sat working at a desk and failing to move around much during the day. This means we often default to chest breathing, where we’re only using the upper chest muscles to activate our lungs. Obviously, this is adequate at keeping us alive, but activating the chest muscles – more typically used when we exercise or during emergency situations – can make the body tense up. Then we take rapid, shallow breaths, which can increase feelings of anxiety. From here, the chain of events continues – if your body detects a stress response, it can activate your fight-or-flight, quickening your pulse and giving you a burst of adrenalin. If it continues to gather pace, it can develop into a panic attack. RELATED: How to help someone having a panic attack – 7 key tips James has a simple test to find out whether you’re relying on chest or abdominal breathing – lie flat on the ground with your knees bent and lay one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Which hand feels the most movement? This is where you’re breathing from on a daily basis. Breathing exercises can help with emotional and physical health So, your first task is to ensure you’re breathing smoothly and deeply from your diaphragm. Breathing is something we do without thinking, but abdominal breathing requires us to override that basic functional breath and consciously work to improve its quality. In time, you can reset your body and the better quality breathing will be your norm. From here, you can begin to explore James' 21 Breaths and discovering the healing power of breath. Breathing exercises you can try Here are four of the 21 healing breath techniques from James' book you can practise. 1. 'The Rising Tide': for insomnia After this last year of fear and uncertainty it’s hardly surprising insomnia has been on the rise; arguably one of the most helpful breaths James suggests is the ‘Rising Tide’ – the Breath to Sleep. Lying on your back with your eyes closed and breathe deeply into your lower belly. Hold your breath and tense your entire body until you feel the need to exhale. The next inhale is longer and slower until it reaches to your collarbones, then imagine it going further up into your skull. Again, squeeze your entire body and hold the breath, then allow all the tension to drain from your body as you exhale. After 10 breaths, return to normal; repeat the cycle for a total of three times. 2. 'The Star': for posture For all those inadvertent home workers who’ve spent the past year hunched over laptops on sofas and kitchen tables, ‘The Star’ – a healing breath to improve posture – is another gem. It uses the breath to concentrate on elongating the spine, creating space between those scrunched up vertebrae and encouraging the shoulders backwards. With consistent practise you can calm your breathing, release muscle tension, and improve your posture. Stand with your back against a wall, palms facing outwards. Step your feet out around 15cm and make sure your head, shoulders and buttocks are flat against the surface of the wall. Inhale and exhale slowly and deeply, using all your abdominal muscles, and feel how the breath lifts and lengthens your spine. Pause for a few seconds at the bottom of your breath, and continue pulling up from the head and spine as you press backwards with your head and buttocks. Enjoy that delicious stretch! 3. 'Diaphragmatic Breathing': for heartburn Acid reflux is a common partner of stress, and can cause a lot of discomfort. If you want to avoid going down the medication route, ‘Diaphragmatic Breathing’ – the Breath for Heartburn, might be your answer. “Breathing is something we do without thinking, but abdominal breathing requires us to override that basic functional breath and consciously work to improve its quality.” In 21 Breaths, James points out there are many contributing factors for heartburn, but the right breathing techniques can help to release tension in the diaphragm and calm the digestive system. Start by sitting in a comfortable positive, with the knees below the hips. With both hands resting on the lower abdomen, shut your eyes and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, making sure the breath stays relaxed and effortless. Inhale until you can feel your abdomen fill and inflate beneath your hands. Pause for a moment at the top of the breath, then slowly exhale. Continue for 15 to 20 minutes. This should be carried out half an hour before eating, or any time you feel that uncomfortable twinge of heartburn. 4. 'The Hum': for public speaking fears If Zoom calls fill you with dread, ‘The Hum’ – a breath to help public speaking – could be your saviour. Yoga practitioners might find this breath familiar, as it follows a similar principal to Bhramari, or the ‘Bee Breath’; both use the vibrations created by humming to release tension in the body. Begin with 10 deep abdominal breaths Continue with 10 breaths while humming. Close your eyes to concentrate more clearly on all the sensations the sound creates. Try stretching your body in different directions during the practise to discover what feels most calming. At the end of your breathwork you’ll feel more focused and relaxed, and ready to tackle that video conference with confidence! 21 Breaths also features healing breath to calm a nervous flyer, one to increase confidence, one to help lower blood pressure and even a breath that teams with self-reflection to help heal a relationship. The takeaway: healing power of breath Breathing is an automatic and essential function but we need to pay more attention to it and its potential to heal or help certain health conditions or situations. Whatever your ailment, you could have the remedy right under your nose – literally! • 21 Breaths: Breathing Techniques to Change Your Life, by Oliver James, is published by Unify Books. Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Astrology | Spirituality Written by Jacqui Paterson Jacqui has been a true-life and travel journalist for over 25 years and has travelled all over the world telling people's stories. Originally from New Zealand, she's now based in the UK, where she also wrangles two pre-teen daughters, and runs her lifestyle blog, Jacqui Paterson.com

Imagine a world with fairly distributed wealth and a happy, enriched workforce. These are two of the aims of Buddhist economics. Ed Gould delves into the background of this economic model and asks whether it can ever become a reality. Economic life may be something that seems out of our control. Indeed, the forces of macroeconomics can appear akin to a tsunami that individuals can do little about. And yet, even an enormous wave is made up of single drops of water. Individuals can decide how they spend, save and deal with the world from a financial point of view. Essentially, Buddhist economics looks at finances from a spiritual and ethical angle. Economics is studied from the standpoint of human psychology and how natural emotive reactions can direct a range of economic activities. So, what exactly is Buddhist economics? One Sri Lankan economist has described a Buddhist economic system as something that “has its foundations in the development of a co-operative and harmonious effort”. Writing in 1976, Neville Karunatilake said that the ideal place to operate in this way was within a “group living” setting. Perhaps building on the ashram idea of communal living espoused by Gandhi, Tolstoy and others, this approach would lead to a diminished level of “selfishness and acquisitive pursuits” which might have been seen in the days the Buddhist king Ashoka's rule. Referring back to a pre-industrial time, many classically trained economists might easily miss the point of what Buddhist economics can mean for the 21st-century world. However, as we shall see, Buddhist ideas about economics have developed throughout the world over the last few decades. This is partly because people are increasingly aware of the fragility of the global financial system and because of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet. In an attempt to address these issues, some economists have tried to look at the principles behind Buddhist ethical teachings and apply them to areas like work, productivity, commerce and even concepts such as ownership. After all, it was the ethical nature of Buddhism that led Ashoka to invest in public works programmes such as those which built hospitals, hostels and parks. “Buddhist ideas about economics have developed over the last few decades partly because people are increasingly aware of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet.” Building interest in the ethical dimension of Buddhist economics, the first international conference of its type was held in the city of Budapest in 2007. Further such conventions, which look into all aspects of Buddhist economic thought, from increasing happiness to facing up to the economic challenges of Western economies, have since taken place. How did Buddhist economics get to this level of acceptance among modern academics? Not child's play: Buddhist economics isn't easy to implement The development of Buddhist economics According to the Buddhist writer, P A Payutto, the traditional study of economics has avoided vital questions about human morality and ethical considerations. However, as ecological concerns have become more critical in the eyes of many people around the globe, so ever-increasing growth – something that most capitalist economies rely upon – has become seen as negative. Therefore, alternatives economic views have become increasingly mainstream. Both right and left wing economic views have, according to the zero-growth economic models espoused by certain green politicians, got little to offer regarding preserving the world's resources. Buddhist economics fits into that tradition and has been gaining more significant attention since Payutto started publishing in the 1990s. RELATED: Spending money – can you buy yourself happiness? The idea of Buddhist economics was first espoused in the 20th century by E F Schumacher, a German statistician, who came up with his ideas while travelling through southeast Asia. Schumacher ended up being an economic advisor to Prime Minister U Nu of what was then Burma. His idea was to reject the economic theories of both Karl Marx and Adam Smith, both of whom focussed on units of labour as being the primary economic drivers in any economic model. Instead, Schumacher espoused a view of economics from a Buddhist point of view. Essentially, Schumacher opted to redefine work from something that could be sold, for example to employers, or exploited, through slavery or unpaid labour, as well as choosing to view it as something that did not necessarily need to be conducted most efficiently. In other words, his view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one. When work works: we should be enriched by our labour efforts Let's look at what Schumacher means by taking an example. In a factory, the most efficient way of making an item for sale into the wider economy might be to divide the labour up so that each worker does a repetitive task over and over. This simplifies their job function, makes the production method more predictable and lowers costs, especially if production is speeded up significantly. The outcome might be that the factory owner makes more money with such a system. Henry Ford, the American car maker, is often cited as a pioneer of these sorts of workplace practices which were developed for economic reasons. Schumacher turns that idea on its head. He put forward the idea that work should not be measured by economic output. “In other words, Schaumacher's view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one.” Indeed, according to his Buddhist principle, work is there to offer a worker the chance to utilise and develop all of his faculties, not just one or two key skills. Also, this will enable a worker to overcome egocentric ideas, mainly when work is conducted with other people in a common task, for example, building a house together. Crucially, Schumacher stated that work should “bring forth the goods and services needed for a becoming existence”. In other words, work ought to create enough economic output to sustain life but no more. Working just to accumulate more and more wealth is pointless from a spiritual perspective. Being rich is, in other words, counterproductive. Economic problems and Buddhist solutions Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all. If the system could crash and the money supply seize up once, then could it do so again? In addition, the rise of China as a global economic force – a country that does not run on liberal economic models – has caused some people to think that the way things have been done does not mean that is the way they must continue. The world becomes more global in its inter-connectedness, so goods move more rapidly and resources are used up. Some see the emergence of nationalism in recent years as a direct result of global economic trends over which local communities have little control. Global economic challenges like these can be met by Buddhist teachings. Not only do they convey the idea that man is interdependent on his fellow man, but that overproduction for the sake of economic growth is undesirable. “Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all.” According to Clair Brown, an economics professor at UC Berkeley and the director of the Center for Work, Technology and Society, students she teaches are focussed on the tremendous economic inequalities that globalization has produced. In a world where the richest one per cent of the population own half of all the wealth, it's clear that inequality – and abject poverty – is rife. Rise above? Buddhist economics could challenge poverty Brown teaches that happiness, founded on less inequality, and the simple act of helping each other with compassion is the answer to these undeniable economic challenges. She puts forward the idea that economists must let go of the principle that people are fundamentally selfish and that they will always choose the best economic outcome for themselves. By studying cities in the so-called Rust Belt of America, she points out that economists must work in a way that is “compatible with what neuroscientists are finding out about people’s well-being and the way minds work.” How can mankind and our planet benefit? The economic challenges of poverty, inequality, globalization and ecology can all be met by adopting a Buddhist approach to economics, so its proponents claim. On ecology, for example, Professor Brown cites the withdrawal by the US from the Paris Accords as something that does not ascribe to Buddhist teachings of being mindful of others. RELATED: Six science-backed benefits of living a simple life Man can benefit from adopting Buddhist economics because of self-interest, so inherent in Western economic models, is illusory. Instead of bartering for the best deal, the approach should be to adopt an economic model of mutual reciprocity. Why? Because we feel negative about ourselves and others in the former model and a higher degree of happiness and inner peace with the latter. Imagine what could be achieved by humans if everyone just got on better with one another because they felt less pressured to make a few pounds? From a global point of view, this would bring about a deceleration in the exploitation of the Earth's valuable resources, helping to make economic life sustainable not just for today but for future generations. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Work life balance | Biology | Community living Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Taking 10 minutes to meditate in the morning can set you up for a calm, compassionate and productive day ahead. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak explains why and discusses some morning meditations you can try out. Imagine what you could accomplish if you started your day alert, content and creative. On the other hand, imagine going out the door feeling overwhelmed, ungrounded and unhappy. If you find yourself stressed and rushed even before you get out of bed, morning meditation may be the perfect medicine for you. You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation. And you don’t need an hour or even 30 minutes to do it. Setting aside as little as ten minutes, you can bring these qualities with you into your day. The importance of morning meditation In fact, many people specifically choose mornings for their meditation practice. Why? Because mornings are special. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Firstly, you’re in a unique state when you first wake up. Your body, mind and soul are relaxed and receptive. Whatever you do first thing in the morning has a greater impact than at others time of day. Which do you think will lead you into a happier day? Listening to stressful world news and scrolling through your newsfeed or taking time to immerse yourself in self-care, quiet and acceptance? Also, many of us seem to wake up immediately into our to-do lists and our worries. That’s stressful. A short morning meditation will create a space for you to recognize and rest in your 'being' rather than in 'doing.' You will connect with being aware, being present; with whatever is here now for you. “You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation.” Finally, on the practical side of things, mornings are often quieter. It can be a wonderful time to sit and rest in the silence inside you, free from distractions. The benefits of morning meditation A morning meditation routine will bring you all the usual benefits of meditation: Increasing self-awareness and self-compassion Strengthening empathy Decreasing anxiety and depression Rediscovering the spiritual dimension in your life Boosting well-being and happiness Improving concentration and attention Expanding creativity and problem-solving Increasing equanimity and fair-mindedness Quiet quality: peaceful mornings are great for meditation Furthermore, a meditation routine in the morning will give you these added, special benefits: Starting the day with compassion People don’t meditate to become good meditators, they meditate to become more self-aware, compassionate and happy, and to share these gifts with the people they care about most. When you start your day with these qualities, you’ll automatically bring them into your conversations with friends and family, your responses to things not going your way, your tasks at work and how you 'talk' to yourself. Starting the day calm and rejuvenated Meditation is like a massage for your nervous system. The calming and rejuvenating effects of meditation are now well proven. You can begin your day relaxed and content, focused and ready to meet whatever comes your way. Instead of your usual morning stresses, you can start your day with a positive, empowering experience. Tips for morning meditation Sounds good, right? If you’d like to give morning meditation a try, here are some tips to get started. Where and when With a bit of thought, you can easily find 10 minutes in your morning, wither by skipping your morning social media surfing habit or setting your alarm that little bit earlier. Depending on the type of meditation you choose, you can do your morning meditation routine almost anywhere: In bed Sitting in a quiet space in your home. On the train or bus on your morning commute .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } A sample 10 minute meditation YouTube/Goop Types of meditation There are many different types of meditation you can choose from to start with first thing to begin your day. There are practices that use your breath, concentration, body awareness, thought and emotions, as well as exploring your deepest sense of self. In fact, any practice that appeals to you can become your morning meditation. Here are a few of the most popular morning meditations. 1) Mindfulness meditation The core practice of meditation, mindfulness, can be a wonderful way to start your day. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, as fully as you can, with kindness and curiosity. With mindfulness, you start your day with an openness and acceptance about whatever you’re experiencing: worry, happiness, planning or physical discomfort. Everything becomes part of a practice of simply being with yourself, in an accepting and caring way. 2) Body scan/embodiment meditations Body scan practices are a lovely way to rise up through sleep to wakefulness. You can, of course, do a body scan while you’re still in bed – you just need a bit of extra attention not to fall back to sleep! RELATED: Does meditation really work? Here's what science says Body scan practices guide you through sensing each part of your body in a sequence, from your fingertips, to your stomach, to your toes. Your body is more open in the morning, so this practice can be a great way to let your awareness soak into all parts of your body to feel energized and deeply present, while your mind takes a break. Watch our body scan meditation script video below to get started or click through to read more about this powerful and popular technique. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } 3) Breath meditations Breathwork is a powerful choice for meditations in the morning. And there are a whole range of breath meditations, from those that create relaxation – such as conscious breathing – to those that increase mental focus and energy. So, you can choose one that best fits your needs in the morning: Equalized breath: sample morning meditation I’d like to show you how to do a simple breathing practice you can do at home or on your morning commute. The Equalized Breath will relax your nervous system and give you a stable 'home base' to come back to when your mind wanders. Don’t worry, everyone gets distracted. It’s not ‘wrong,’ it’s a key part of meditation practice. Find a comfortable sitting position and, if you can, let your eyes gently close. Take a minute to allow your body to really relax and take a few deep breaths. For this practice, adjust your breath so all four parts are of equal length. You count to four during your in breath, hold your breath to a count of four, exhale for four, and hold your breath out to a count of four. Then hold for four again. It’s really important not to strain. If four seconds feels too long, reduce it to three. And, if you can comfortably do longer, try for six seconds. The important things are: not to strain and to keep all four parts equal in length. And, when a thought, feeling or sensation distracts you, that’s OK. Just start again, breathing and counting, focusing on your breath. Do your best to be non-judgmental with yourself if your mind wanders off. Remember: mindfulness is watching ‘with kindness and curiosity.’ Kindness encourages you to open. Judgement closes you down. Morning meditations sets you up for the day shutterstock/Ekaterina Iatcenko Morning meditation may be the most powerful place for you to start exploring meditation. And, with ten (or more!) minutes of meditation during the AM, you will rest in a sense of being and presence, be kind and more accepting with yourself, and connect with silence and strength. Find a practice that appeals to you and try it for a week. Start your day with more calm, clarity and compassion and see how it makes you – and those around you – feel. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pro-stock studio Liked this? Then check out 5 strategies to help you develop a regular meditation practice. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude meditation | 6 phase meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Can creating targeted gratitude affirmations boost our well-being? Sonia Vadlamani explores the science behind practising gratitude in the form of positive affirmations and offers insight on how to do it yourself. “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.”, stated Zig Ziglar, the renowned motivation speaker. Several religions and spiritual gurus advocate gratitude as the ‘social glue’ that binds people and communities together for greater good. However, there is more to gratitude than merely being a cultural construct – researchers agree that one’s ability to be grateful is strongly associated with their physical and psychological health, happiness, and overall life satisfaction levels. What is gratitude? Put simply, gratitude refers to taking the time to reflect on and appreciate all positive aspects of your life. While it also includes social niceties like thanking others or random acts of kindness, gratitude entails expressing appreciation towards ourselves as well as other positive developments and experiences around us. Numerous studies have reinforced the importance of gratitude for our physical and mental well-being, as well as our happiness and overall life satisfaction levels. However, researchers consider gratitude to be a fundamental resource, especially because it can be incorporated with ease in our daily schedule without much fuss in the form of positive affirmations, journaling or meditation. How does gratitude work? To begin with, gratitude can help us overcome the ‘hedonic treadmill’, or the human tendency to become desensitized towards positive things that happen to us over time. For example, dreaming about getting a promotion at work, driving a snazzy sports car, owning a sprawling bungalow, etc. must have made you happier than actually attaining these things, since we are conditioned to return to our baseline contentment quickly after a sharp surge in happiness levels. Practise gratitude affirmations in front of a mirror shutterstock/fizkes Practising gratitude may help slow down hedonic adaptation, thus enabling us to maximize our happiness for all the noticeable milestones as well as the simplest pleasures in life. Furthermore, gratitude can help us overcome negativity bias, or the human tendency to focus more on the negative outcomes and experiences, allowing us to gradually develop a more optimistic point of view. Gratitude can also regulate our mood, improve health and even boost our productivity levels. Moreover, being grateful creates a lasting impact on the human brain, as per a study conducted by Joshua Brown et al at University of California. Using an fMRI scanner to measure the brain activity of participants who wrote gratitude letters, researchers noticed that those who practised gratitude were more sensitive towards recognizing acts of gratitude, which may contribute towards improved mental health in the longer run. Gratitude and the science behind positive affirmations While they may seem like products of “wishful thinking” at the outset, gratitude affirmations are positive statements that can create a powerful impact on our mind and outlook. As humans, we tend to subconsciously ingrain negative thought patterns and self-limiting beliefs which hamper our growth and happiness. Positive affirmations are essentially messages to your subconscious, meant to challenge your habitual ways of thinking and behaving. A review study by DK Sherman et al revealed that positive self-affirmations can considerably broaden an individual’s overall perspective. Additionally, repeating these positive statements over a period of time helps reinforce new neural pathways in a process called cognitive restructuring, which enables the mind to actually rely on these statements in stressful times, making it easier to cope with the duress. “While they may seem like products of 'wishful thinking' at the outset, affirmations are positive statements that can create a powerful impact on our mind and outlook.” Indeed, positive affirmations can help us lead more authentic lives by encouraging us to focus on areas which hold greater personal value for us, instead of seeking validation from others. Adding an element of gratitude to these self-affirmations can magnify positive emotions further, enabling us to cherish the present more and invite happiness and abundance freely into our lives. 23 gratitude affirmations you can try Gratitude affirmations are aimed at limiting self-sabotaging thoughts through conscious repetition and replacing negative beliefs with constructive statements or resolutions. You can choose to include specific areas in your life, like building confidence, financial freedom, body positivity etc. and design affirmations centered on bringing improvements in these areas. Here are some examples of gratitude affirmations you can repeat: Affirmations for daily gratitude I’m grateful for my secure and safe home. I’m thankful for access to clean, hygienic water and nourishing food. I’m grateful for the wonder that my body is, all that it accomplishes and is capable of. I appreciate the beauty of nature that surrounds me, and my ability to pause and savor it. Gratitude affirmations for love and relationships I’m grateful for the love and affection I receive from my loved ones, which I try to reciprocate to the best of my ability. I’m thankful for nurturing loving and supportive friendships, and I try to support my friends to the best of my ability. I appreciate the unconditional love my pets have for me, and how they enrich my life with their warmth and loyalty. I’m deserving of cultivating long-long-term connections. I’m thankful for attracting healthy relationships in my life. Positive affirmations can help you focus on self-improvement Gratitude affirmations for manifesting success While my thoughts may vary through the day, my grateful spirit is reflected in every decision I make and each action I undertake. I realize that learning is a constant process, and I’m thankful for the lessons I learn every day. By appreciating everything I have and all that is working in my favor, I tap into abundance and invite great opportunities into my life. I believe I am the creator of my success and happiness. I’m thankful for all I have achieved thus far and grateful for the ability to manifest my goals for the future. I’m grateful for the support and dedication by my teammates or employees to achieve our collective goals and milestones. Gratitude affirmations for confidence and positive outlook I’m thankful for the person I am today, and the person I am constantly evolving into during this journey of perpetual self-growth. I’m positive that the Universe is looking out for me and grateful that it’s sending out the best possible outcomes my way. I understand and appreciate that I can achieve everything I set my mind and heart to, provided I go in fully prepared to put in the hard work required to achieve it. I realize that each obstacle in my journey thus far has been an opportunity for learning and developing resilience, and I’m grateful for these life lessons. Gratitude affirmations for financial freedom I’m perpetually amazed by and grateful for how abundant my life already is. I’m thankful for a positive cashflow, and I’m inviting abundance every day with my focused thoughts and consistent actions. I enjoy a constructive relationship with money and I’m grateful for the wisdom to spend my money wisely. I surrender any resistance I may have towards attracting money. I’m thankful for my ability to create the financial freedom I deem myself worthy of. How to practise gratitude affirmations Fortunately, gratitude affirmations are simple to define and easy to implement as well. The key to making your affirmations more efficient involves identifying your core values or problem areas that you wish to target. Positive affirmations can help you focus better, find your flow state, help you combat stress and anxiety – the possibilities are endless. A great way to make your affirmations more effective is to repeat them out loud as you face the mirror, also known as ‘mirror work’. “Looking at yourself in the mirror will make you aware about your intentions and reflect your feelings, strengthening your connection with the affirmations”, advocates Louise Hay, healer and author of bestselling book Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life. “Positive affirmations can help you focus better, find your flow state, help you combat stress and anxiety – the possibilities are endless.” Maintaining a gratitude journal is another way to strengthen your affirmations, as writing about gratitude can aid improved emotional regulation and better adherence to goal-setting. Start by sparing 15 minutes of your time every day to jot down at least 5 gratitude affirmations in each area you wish to focus on. It is important to set self-doubt and judgment aside while you do this – consider this to be an honest reflection of your feelings for the day. Gratitude meditation is another reliable medium to supercharge your affirmations. Indeed, research points out that focusing on one’s blessings and positive events in life can improve their well-being. Getting started with gratitude meditation routine is easy. Choose a convenient time (preferably early morning or before bedtime) and dedicate at least 10 minutes of your time to focus on your chosen gratitude affirmations. Takeaway: gratitude affirmations Gratitude is a powerful emotion – indeed, developing an attitude of gratitude can revolutionize your overall well-being and happiness levels. It's important to be consistent and patient with whichever practice you’ve chosen to proceed with, as the benefits of gratitude affirmations can take a while to become apparent. Thankfully, building your ‘gratitude muscle’ is an enjoyable and free process, and the rewards you reap will make it worth the effort. • Main image: shutterstock/krackenimages.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Motivation | Altruism | Lightwork Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Is it possible to relieve stress, improve heart health and reap other benefits just by regulating our breath? Sonia Vadlamani explains how conscious breathing can contribute towards better mental and physical health, and how to practise it from the comfort of your home. Breath is vital for life. We’re always breathing, yet it’s something that most of us are barely aware of. However, our natural breathing rhythms can have a substantial impact on how both our body and mind function. Research shows that our breathing patterns change according to the emotions or thoughts we’re experiencing. For example, we tend to draw slow, deeper breaths when we’re happy, resulting in the release of happiness hormones. In contrast, we take sharp, shallow breaths when we’re angry or stressed, activating the stress receptors in the amygdala region in the brain. Indeed, in the current climate of a global pandemic, living with stress and anxiety has become increasingly commonplace, and hence keeping a periodic check on stress levels and devising effective stress management methods is more crucial than ever. Conscious breathing can help to reduce stress shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto What is conscious breathing? As the name suggests, conscious breathing involves bringing awareness towards your breath and then altering it deliberately to achieve a desired outcome. Also known as controlled breathing, conscious breathing can help us recognize our response towards stressors and emotions, enabling us to manage our stress in a better manner, thus preventing conditions like burnout, anxiety and depression. There is ample research that establishes a strong connection between our breathing patterns, pace of breathing and our corresponding thoughts, emotions and behavior. This makes conscious breathing massively effective – modifying the pace of our breathing can slow down our heart rate, modulate stress triggers and enable us to think more rationally. “Conscious breathing can help us recognize our response towards stressors and emotions, enabling us to manage our stress in a better manner.” While conscious breathing may sound like a modern-era invention, recommendations for breath modulation techniques for better health date back to first millennium B.C. Ancient religions like Hinduism and Taoism have advocated breath as an ‘essential life-force’ in the form of prana and qi respectively. Interestingly, yogic practices like pranayama or ‘breath-retention’ utilize controlled breathing techniques for enhancing concentration and vitality. RELATED: Tummo breathing and meditation – a guide Breathing is “meditation for people who can’t meditate”, states Dr Belisa Vranich, the author of the best-selling book Breathe. Indeed, most relaxation therapies and stress-relief techniques utilize breathwork as their anchor, as breathing is the common factor involved in these methods for calming the body and the mind. A simple way to practise conscious breathing Conscious breathing is simple to practise and doesn’t require any specialized equipment. What's more, it can be practised by children and adults alike, from the comfort of their home. However, it’s essential to set aside some time to truly be able to reap the benefits. Here’s a simple mindful breathing practice you can follow with ease: Start by getting into the right posture – seated or lying down – keeping your spine in a neutral position. Place one or both hands on your belly. Inhale slowly and feel the sense of expansion as your breath reaches where your hand is. Hold your breath to a count of 3. You can adjust this duration as per your comfort. Exhale slowly as you feel the belly muscles underneath your hands relaxing. Observe your breath pattern for at least 4 - 10 minutes. During this practice, be sure to engage in diaphragmatic breathing. This involves inhaling deeply as you expand the belly, and then exhaling slowly as you contract the diaphragm and allow the belly to deflate. You can combine conscious breathing with a form of meditation or even restorative yoga to increase its effectiveness. Merging conscious breathing with mindfulness meditation can boost memory power as well. The benefits of conscious breathing Here are some ways in which conscious breathing can improve your quality of life and help you sustain better well-being: 1. Relaxes the nervous system When confronted with danger, our nervous system or sympathetic drive generates a ‘fight-or-flight’ response which can potentially help us rise to face a challenge. However, sometimes the smallest and everyday woes like a traffic jam and impending deadlines begin invoking this involuntary stress response on a continued basis. This can result in immune system suppression or even conditions like depression and anxiety, owing to the excessive stress build-up. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Resetting our breathing pattern can calm down the nervous system, preventing a perennial sympathetic overdrive condition. Conscious breathing allows activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, or the ‘rest-and-digest’ signal, which enables us to function in a relaxed state. 2. Creates energy boost Conscious breathing involves taking deep, slow breaths as you engage your abdominal muscles and diaphragm, instead of stressing the shoulder and neck areas as most of us are usually habituated to. Engaging respiratory muscles in this manner enables better oxygen supply for the tissues and cells in the body. This increased oxygen reach can make us feel more energized, focused, and can even boost productivity. 3. Helps you focus Sometimes it’s difficult to concentrate on the task at hand or meditate properly because of our inability to focus. Indeed, billboards, constantly buzzing phones and other technological inventions contend for our attention all the time, making it more difficult to be able to concentrate on a single thought or task. Breathing consciously boosts focus and attention Conscious breathing requires us to focus on our breathing pattern, which can help us calm our senses and organize our thought patterns in a productive manner. A 2017 breathing intervention study from Beijing Normal University that involved 40 individuals found that diaphragmatic breathing could enhance sustained attention, in addition to a dip in cortisol (the body's main stress hormone). 4. Relieves muscle tension We tend to hold our breath or draw irregular breaths when we’re tensed or are faced with stress stimuli, which allows our sympathetic nervous drive to kick in. While this response to stress can be helpful in the short-term, drawing shallower and faster breaths can easily become a habitual trait, which may involuntarily result in constant muscle tension, especially in the neck and upper back areas. A 2018 study from Thailand's Khon Kaen University involving female subjects with neck tension and pain complaints found that deep and slow breathing practices reduce muscle tension, pain alleviation, and improved heartrate variability, even in the short run. Progressive muscle relaxation is another therapeutic method prescribed for relieving muscle tension and averting anxiety, with the help of conscious breathing techniques. 5. Enhances emotional wellbeing “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor,” advocated Thích Nhat Hanh, the world-renowned spiritual teacher and mindfulness expert. By calming down our nervous system, conscious breathing offers clarity in thought and enables us to be mindful of our feelings. “There is ample research that establishes a strong connection between our breathing patterns, pace of breathing and our corresponding thoughts, emotions, and behavior.” The idea here is not to eradicate the unpleasant emotional states entirely, but to gradually learn to be aware of them and experience them with self-compassion. This process allows us to respond to our emotions in a productive and helpful manner, thus potentially preventing the tendency to ruminate and improving our emotional wellbeing. 6. Regulates blood pressure Taking a deep breath could help reduce stress and prevent your blood pressure from spiking. Indeed, research suggests that controlled breathing can improve one’s ‘baroreflex sensitivity’, thus regulating blood pressure and preventing hypertension. Conscious breathing can be utilized as a therapeutic approach for boosting heart health and improving vigor. 7. Enables better decision-making Research shows that taking deep and controlled breaths can accelerate vagal nerve activity, thereby improving heart rate variability and lowering stress levels, in addition to aiding better decision-making ability. Indeed, Navy SEALs and chess champions have relied on conscious breathing techniques like ‘box breathing’ to be able to make sound decisions when under stress. RELATED: Uncovering the healing power of the breath In a collaborative study from 2019, researchers from Belgium, France and the Seychelles asked management students to follow the ‘5-2-7 pattern breathing technique’. This method entails inhalation for the count of 5, holding the breath for 2 counts and exhalation for 7 counts. The students carried out the breathing exercise before answering a series of questions in a decision-making test. In addition to facilitating better decision-making, the researchers found that conscious breathing also prevented post-performance stress among the students. 8. Lowers stress and anxiety Research points out that our degree of ‘alertness’, or how ‘awake’ we are, determines the course of action we choose when we are under psychological pressure or in a potentially stressful situation. While being ‘optimally alert’ can improve our mental performance, thus boosting our decision-making ability, alertness beyond the critical point can trigger stress, ultimately hampering performance under duress. Interestingly, conscious breathing tends to modify one’s arousal levels to the ‘optimal or conditioned level’ required for enhanced mental performance, while controlling any further rise in arousal levels, thus keeping stress and anxiety at bay. Round up: conscious breathing In conclusion, the advice to slow down your breath and pay attention to the same is not just a generic suggestion or mere commonsense, but a statement that holds merit. Taking deep, diaphragmatic breaths and focusing on the pace of our breath can impact our body and mind in a positive manner. Acknowledging the power of conscious breathing can be empowering, as it can enable us to draw from our innate wisdom and make headway towards a positive transformation. • Main image: shutterstock/AKSAMIT happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Stress management | Motivation | Burnout Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

With anxiety and depression levels rising in kids, mindfulness and meditation are increasingly being employed by parents. Here are 7 of the best mindfulness books for kids on the market that can instill these two essential life skills, keeping children calm and centered. By Ann Vrlak. Would you like to introduce mindfulness to your child, but aren’t sure where to start? It has been wonderful to see the explosion of interest in mindfulness for kids – in schools and in homes all around the world. There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives, like how to: Self-regulate emotions Improve self-esteem and confidence Relax when you’re stressed or worried Concentrate better Treat yourself with kindness and compassion Increase empathy With this impressive list, it’s no surprise that schools are incorporating some form of mindfulness exercises in elementary and high school classes. Furthermore, many parents want to know how to teach mindfulness themselves, to help their children navigate everyday stresses and conflicts, and to learn tools to relax or take a pause if they feel upset. There are so many books about mindfulness for kids to choose from. I’ve done the work for you by choosing my seven absolute favorites. They’re all also five-star rated by the parents and kids I’ve recommended them to. Storybooks Storybooks are one great style of mindfulness book that explain concepts to children. Here are three of the best that are currently on the market: 1. Moody Cow Meditates | Kerry Lee MacLean Peter the calf has a “stupid, rotten day when everything went wrong.” He woke up with a bad dream, his sister drew on his skateboard, and the day just goes downhill from there. He is so upset and angry his sister names him “Moody Cow” which just makes things worse! Moody Cow Meditates is one of the best mindfulness books for kids because it describes the kind of day we all can have when nothing goes right and no one seems to be on your side! Peter visits his wise grandfather who shows him how to create a mindfulness jar: he adds sparkles to a jar of clear water for each angry thought he has and then shakes the jar. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids His grandfather explains how the agitated, cloudy water is like his agitated mind, full of thoughts. And as the water settles down, and the sparkles settle, it’s just like when you calm down again and can see things more clearly. Grandfather gently takes Peter through the mindfulness jar practice from his upset mind to a quiet place. 2. Visiting Feelings | Lauren Rubenstein Visiting Feelings is a book that also looks at how to be with emotions in a healthy way. Rubenstein encourages kids, through gorgeous illustrations, to treat their feelings like unexpected visitors. How tall is this feeling? What colour and shape is it? Is it warm or cold? By asking these kinds of questions, the author is encouraging kids to observe feelings at arm’s length, to be curious about them, instead of thinking that something is wrong. Make friends with feelings, she says, and listen to what they have to tell you. “There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives.” Rubenstein also gently asks kids to notice where feelings live in their body – another traditional adult practice of noticing the physical qualities of an emotion – like a knot in your stomach, that give you a concrete place to begin exploring the emotion. There is a “Note to Parents” in the back of the book about emotional intelligence and tips on how to help children link mindfulness to emotions. 3. Take the time: Mindfulness for Kids | Maud Roegiers This lovely mindfulness book for children has a powerful message: if you’re feeling bad, do something small to feel better. Be with your friends, feel the cold air on your cheeks, or do something you love. And, whether we’re five years old or 50, when we’re feeling sad or upset, we often feel like we have to fix something or do something complicated to feel better. Focusing instead on small, simple pleasures that are always around us if we take time to look, is a tool of health and well-being your child can nurture throughout their life. The beautiful, heartwarming illustrations in Take the Time... bring the story to life. 4. Zen Shorts | Jon J. Muth This is one of Muth’s delightful mindfulness for children books that features the wise panda, Stillwater. Zen Shorts begins with a large, panda suddenly appearing in Michael, Karl and Addy’s back yard. He’s a mysterious fellow and a storyteller who soon has the children entranced with classic meditation stories put into kids’ language: someone who shows compassion for a robber and the man who says, “Maybe” to a whole series of life events that everyone assumes are “good” or “bad.” Kids also love Zen Happiness, Zen Socks and other books by Muth. Books with mindfulness exercises for kids Each of the following great books has sections explaining the principles and benefits of mindfulness for children, teaching tips and lots of specific mindfulness exercises you can do with your children. 5. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children | Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community This book by beloved Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh shines with love and respect for children, and how to nurture their growth through simple meditation practices. Hanh talks about meditation as a way to plant the seeds of self-awareness, relaxing through breath, recognizing your connection to nature, nurture compassion and community, embrace emotions – and more. All the ideas are accompanied by simple, engaging exercises kids can do on their own or with a guide – and many are included on an accompanying CD. RELATED: Thich Nhat Hanh – his life in quotes and teachings My personal favourite to do with kids is the Pebble Meditation. Kids gather four pebbles to represent a flower, mountain, still water and space, and use them in a meditation to emulate each of their qualities: “Fresh like a flower... Solid like a mountain.” This meditation, and others, builds on kids’ imagination and ability to embody positive and resilient states. Every chapter in Planting Seeds is grounded in caring for children, and encouragement to explore their inner and outer world with kindness for their own sake and the sake of all beings. 6. Child’s Mind: Mindfulness Practices to Help Our Children be More Focused, Calm and Relaxed | Christopher Willard This is an excellent mindfulness book for kids if you would like to know more about the psychological applications of meditation for children – for everyday challenges and for kids who are troubled by chronic anxiety or depression. Willard is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist with a deep experience with mindfulness and meditation. He talks about meditation’s effect on kids’ mental, emotional and physical well-being in easy to understand language, and how parents can use mindfulness to help their children overcome difficulties. “ If you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start.” Child's Mind features a creative range of mindfulness practices like The Universe in a Raisin; Hugging Meditation; Everyday Mindfulness, Everyday Games; and, Homesickness Meditation. All encourage kids to mindfully and gently explore what’s happening for them. I use many of his exercises with my young mindfulness students for the balanced way he shows kids how to accept and honour their own feelings, and how to do mindful things to feel better. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids 7. Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids (and Their Parents) | Eline Snel If you’d like a short, approachable book about why mindfulness is a great skill for kids, read Sitting Still Like a Frog. Each chapter in the book explains a mindfulness concept or skill, and includes one or two exercises for kids to practice with. Some of the concepts Snel explains are Training your Attention Muscle, Weathering the Storm Inside and The Conveyor Belt of Worries. She uses imagery to great effect to help kids relate to their feelings, thoughts and experiences in entertaining, mindful ways. RELATED: 6 secrets to raising happy children Snel also includes short exercises parents can use with everyday routines, like meals and bedtime. She makes all the concepts fun and has a warm way of communicating. This book also includes a CD with many of the best guided practices. There is also an accompanying activity book with 75 mindfulness games. The takeaway: best mindfulness books for kids So, if you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start. The books don’t just talk about mindfulness, they embody mindfulness in the way they talk about children and their needs, and the way they talk to kids in the stories and exercises. Most of these authors have more than one book, so you and your family can enjoy them together for a long time to come. • Main image: shutterstock/Tatiana Bobkova happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Meditation | Family activities Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explains five skills that a regular meditation practice can bring to your daily life, encouraging a more peaceful and harmonious way of being. Why do people meditate… exactly? You have probably heard about some of the many benefits of meditation, such as stress reduction, emotional balance or improving your ability to concentrate. I had heard of them, too, when I was first learning meditation, but I also wanted to know how it would help me to manage day-to-day living: like arguments with my partner, financial worries or difficult emotions that seemed to be so hard to let go of. Honestly, I started out as one of those people who wanted to learn meditation to escape – to “transcend” troubling everyday situations. Meditation did provide that – for me and for many people I knew. The time on the meditation cushion was “time away” from my worries and anxiety, and an immersion in a peaceful space. It is wonderful, and therapeutic, to know that you can shift a bad mood or break a stressful train of thought. But, if meditation is only practised as “time away,” it can leave your day-to-day life and the causes of your unhappiness unchanged, and still able to disturb your peace of mind another day. 5 skills you'll learn through meditation So, in this article, I’d like to connect some of the dots for you, to describe five skills you can learn through meditation practice and how they can help you find more resilience and become happier. 1. The skill of equanimity Have you ever met someone who stays calm in the middle of a situation that is stressing out everyone else? They have something called equanimity. It means “evenness of mind, especially under stress.” For example, imagine these situations: your teenager tells you about pressure from their friends to do drugs. Or, your car breaks down on the highway. Or, you have a setback at work. If you were able to find some “evenness of mind, especially under stress,” would you handle these situations differently? Would you be more able to think and feel clearly, and respond in ways you feel proud of (instead of regretful)? Meditation develops the skill of equanimity Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions in situations like these and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with them. It teaches you equanimity: the ability to observe and tolerate all kinds of thoughts and emotions, so you don’t react impulsively to them – hurting yourself or others. How equanimity is practised Here is one traditional way to practise equanimity: For five or ten minutes, sit quietly and notice as many of your thoughts and feelings as you can – whether they’re a small worry or a big stressor. Do your best to notice them and name what they are – “worry” or “sadness.” Try not to judge or analyze them or get caught up in stories about them. If you practise this simple exercise for a while, you’ll notice that thoughts and feelings come in all sizes and intensities. The idea is to treat them all the same way: noticing, naming and not judging. Learning some equanimity shows you that you can take a pause before reacting. You see your own unique patterns of thinking and feeling, like you tend to interpret a person’s silence as anger. And you begin to become an expert in yourself, to make your unconscious patterns more conscious and power up your ability to choose differently. 2. The skill of self-compassion A surprising thing about equanimity is that it leads to more self-compassion. Isn’t that interesting? When you’re a little less attached to your thoughts and feelings, you can see them more clearly. And that brings into focus, maybe for the first time, how they upset you, or disconnect you from others when that’s the opposite of what you really want. “Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with those feelings.” Self-compassion creates a safe and healing environment for your meditation. Would you want to look at difficult feelings and situations if you knew you were going to be criticized? Practising the skill of self-compassion shows you how to be a reliable friend to yourself, one that cares and helps you put things in perspective. Watch this very interesting short talk about “overcoming objections to self-compassion” by expert Kristen Neff – you may recognize some of your own! In my experience as a student and teacher of meditation, I’ve found self-compassion to be the single most difficult thing for people to understand and practice. And that is another cause for compassion, isn’t it? That so many of us find it hard or even unappealing to treat ourselves with kindness. If you commit to trying self-compassion practice for a period of time (in spite of all the objections your mind will throw at you!), you may be amazed at how much better you feel and how much more open you become to all of your experience and to other people, too. How self-compassion is practised You can add a few minutes of self-compassion into your day or into another meditation practice with these two simple steps: Like the equanimity practice, notice as much of your experience as you can, including physical sensations, like tension in your neck. Notice and name whatever you find, including negative self-talk or criticism about it, and move on to the next thing you sense. Then, care about what you notice. Respond with curiosity and kindness, either in an energetic way – by feeling curious and kind – or by saying caring phrases out loud or to yourself, such as: - “I hear you. That sounds hard, I’m sorry.” - “Tell me more about what that’s like.” - “Stay as long as you like. I’m here.” RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, I guarantee you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach. You may feel a bit of opening and softness that comes from truly caring about yourself. And, no big surprise here, you will develop more empathy, becoming more understanding of other people’s perspective and pain, as well. 3. The skill of physical relaxation Physical relaxation is incredibly important. We have all developed habits of tensing certain parts of our bodies when we’re upset or stressed. And those physical patterns can then become part of a cycle of emotions, thoughts and physical tension that perpetuates anxiety and depression. Try deep, calming breaths to create relaxation shutterstock/shurkin_son When this kind of cycle is set in motion, you’re on automatic pilot. You have no “space” to intervene or make a new, positive choice. But, you can break into this cycle by physically relaxing in the moment. In the middle of a traffic jam, take a few deep, calming breaths. Worried about a presentation at work? Do the same. Physical relaxation exercises are powerful because they work on two fronts: They activate the calming processes and chemicals in your brain. They take your attention away from thoughts and feelings that make up your anxiety or depression cycle, onto the relaxation exercise. How to practise physical relaxation Thankfully, you can find many meditative relaxation practices online. Choose one or two that help you focus on body awareness or breath practice. Here is a great one from Tara Brach, and another powerful exercise. Also, you can try this simple soft belly breath. For a few minutes, feel the sensations of your breath in your belly, feeling the up and down motion. Centre your attention there, rather than higher up in your chest or throat. “Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach.” As you breathe, equalize the four parts of your breath to a count of four: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four and hold for four. 4. The skill of skillfully being with thoughts and feelings This skill has been implied throughout this article, and it is the next step, once you have gained some equanimity, self-compassion and the ability to relax. With these skills, you can relate in increasingly positive and healthy ways with how you think and feel. This skill will be a huge boost in your ability to: Be self-aware. Recognize just how much some old ways of thinking and feeling are holding you back from connecting with yourself and with others. Choose new, empowered thoughts that will help you grow in ways you may have wanted to for a long time. It’s important to know: don’t simply tell yourself you “should” believe these thoughts. Try them and be curious, watching for changes in how you think and feel. Be with, understand and respond to your emotional life in healing ways. When it comes down to it, our emotions are like the air we breathe: they colour, not only how we feel, but what we see and what we do. Relate to people in conscious, healthy and connecting ways. How to practise skillfully being with thoughts and feelings skillfully All of the mini practices described so far will help you practice this skill! 5. The skill of cultivating silence Last, but definitely not least, is the skill of cultivating silence. If you practise some of the skills I’ve described, you will learn a lot about the “things” in your life: your work and career, emotions, relationships, beliefs. You will also develop the skill to recognize what is behind those things, so to speak, a sense of quiet knowing. Psychologists and scientists have a lot to say about how our plugged in, multitasking lifestyles are hard on our brains and our happiness. The ability to recognize and enjoy silence is becoming a dying art. Meditate on silence and peace shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto But all of us need to know how to turn off, to find a place of rest and rejuvenation. The beauty of meditation is it will show you how to find this place – any time and anywhere. Many traditional meditations see this cultivation of silence as a core skill, as the source of balance, intelligence and compassion each of us can draw on. RELATED: The power of silence You can take a minute, any time, to be with difficult thoughts and feelings in the middle of a conflict, and touch into silence. For a moment, nothing needs to be done, but rest in inner quiet and refresh yourself. And see what comes next. Conclusion Together, these five skills strengthen your ability to respond wisely to life situations, rather than reacting in habitual, impulsive ways. You create a pause where you can remember your intentions and your values, for your own well-being and the well-being of the people you care about. You create space for your best self to see things in big ways, and to act in big ways too. The life skills you can learn from a meditation practice have virtually no limits. The key is to keep one thing at the front of your mind: how does this practice, insight or understanding relate to the important things in my life, like my sense of self-worth, repeating negative thoughts and feelings, my achievements, my self-expression, my loved ones and my happiness? Keep connecting those dots and, over time, your meditation will become much more than something you do to reduce stress or relax. It will become a way to weave your deep strengths and joy into whatever you do. Main image: shutterstock/Pheelings media happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Managing unpleasant symptoms and changing your lifestyle drastically – living with a chronic illness is challenging. But it needn't break you down. James Frew explains how mindfulness and meditation has given him the resilience to thrive while living with a long-term condition... All it took was a fall in the middle of a road to realize something was wrong. It was July 2013 and I'd just returned from a month-long overseas business trip. I was tired, unable to think properly, and was regularly physically sick after eating. But it wasn't until that moment on the road outside the office that I became convinced this wasn't just a severe case of jet lag. The following day, I visited the doctor and so started months of tests, false starts, and inconclusive assessments. It wasn't until January 2014 that I received an official diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All the while, I'd been away from work, barely able to leave the house, with my symptoms worsening. Although there was relief in the diagnosis – finally having a name for the ensemble of seemingly unrelated symptoms – it was much more the beginning than the end. Truthfully, it was the start of living with chronic illness and pain. Learning to live with Dysautonomia A lot of people would say that living with a chronic illness is quite an isolating experience. That's certainly how I felt, especially in the first few years of my condition. The symptoms of POTS, a form of dysautonomia or autonomic dysfunction, vary significantly between individuals and fluctuate on a daily and sometimes even hourly basis. For me, unpredictability was, and still is, one of the most demanding challenges to overcome. When in the middle of an extreme flare-up of symptoms, it's difficult to communicate to others how you're feeling, particularly when suffering from the cloudiness of brain fog. For many years, I couldn't work because of the debilitating cognitive effect this had on me. Some people say it feels like having cotton wool in your brain; you're aware there's something there, but it's hard to find clarity in it. James lives with the chronic condition POTS This isn't uncommon for POTS patients, either. According to Dr. Lesley Kavi, Visiting Professor at Birmingham City University and Trustee and Chair of the charity PoTS UK, the most debilitating symptom of POTS “varies very much from person to person depending on the set of symptoms they have. I read many comments that say the brain fog is the worst, but not everyone says this.” This is typical when discussing chronic illnesses. Like the common cold, some illnesses are short-lived and unpleasant; chronic illnesses, though, don't have a known end-point. Although there's no way to say for sure, I'll probably experience POTS symptoms for the foreseeable future. While some people find their condition naturally resolves, Dr. Kavi notes that many, “especially those with inherited conditions that cause [POTS], can have symptoms long-term.” Living with chronic illness Chronic illnesses are generally defined as long-term conditions with no cure. However, there's no one accepted definition of a chronic illness, so its hard to get an accurate measure of how many people suffer with a long-term condition. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) opts for the term chronic disease, and estimates that six in ten adults have a long-term condition which affects their daily lives. Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of upsetting, distressing, or frustrating ones. Following the onset of my illness, I found it particularly hard to come to terms with how different my life now was. Even simple things like going out of the house require effort and preparation. “Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of distressing or frustrating ones.” It's not helped that I tend not to look any different outwardly. The effects of POTS are primarily internal, like a sudden increased heart rate, low blood pressure and digestive issues. This type of condition is usually referred to as an invisible illness, a common trait of many chronic illnesses. As a previously well man in his early 20s when POTS first took hold, most people couldn't see the suffering I was going through. As a result, I was nervous about going out and anxious about how people may interact with me if I need to sit down on a busy bus or train or use an accessible toilet. Most days, I still feel this way. I know I tend to shy away from spontaneity, preferring low-key plans instead. But after so many years living with chronic illness, I've become used to accepting my difference. Meditation to calm anxious thoughts There wasn't an overnight transformation; I didn't wake up one morning comfortable in my skin and ready to take on the world. It was a gradual process over many years, continually chipping away at the biases and thought patterns from before. But I didn't do it alone, either. After reading about a meditation app online, I ignored my misplaced skepticism about the practice and gave it a go. RELATED: Do mindfulness apps work? In the years since, I've spent at least ten minutes a day training my mind to be comfortable with feelings and learning that I am not my thoughts and I'm not defined by my condition. Where I used to spend long periods worrying about what people may think, I've come to accept that these are the musings of an anxious mind concerned about a future that may never happen. This regular practice has also helped me feel connected to others, even while physically alone. James' 'Be more kind' tattoo Although you might never meet them in person, the internet offers a way to connect with other people living with chronic illness around the world. I've spent many hours in the /r/POTS subreddit chatting, learning, and supporting the newly-diagnosed. In fact, the benefits of this type of interaction were confirmed by a 2016 study published in Qualitative Health Research, which found that online communities strengthened relationships, exchanged knowledge, and raised awareness about specific illnesses. Finding ways to manage chronic pain My meditation practice meant that I could focus on the present moment, rather than the future or the past. But is also helped manage the chronic pain caused by POTS in combination with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS), a connective tissue disorder. The pain still exists, of course, but it is my reaction to it that has changed. Chronic pain is a highly challenging condition to live with. My personal experience hasn't been overwhelming, but an underlying current of long-term pain. RELATED: 9 science-backed benefits of meditation However, it can be extremely debilitating for many people suffering from it. As the mechanisms behind this agony aren't yet understood, treatments are variable, and some find them ineffective. Still, there's growing evidence, like the meta-study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine in 2016, that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable. Coping with mental health and chronic illness Meditation is just one technique I've come across to ease the difficulty of living with chronic illness. As Dr. Kavi points out, "it can be a challenge to cope with the fluctuations; some people don't need help with [their] mental health, some gain benefit from psychological therapies including CBT [or] mindfulness, and some have medication." Although mindfulness has been the most successful for me, it didn't happen in isolation. Not long after my diagnosis, I was prescribed SSRI-based anti-depressants to help manage my mental health. Alongside this, I took a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) course and followed that up with counseling. “There's growing evidence that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable.” Everyone's experience is different, but the key to living with chronic illness is to do what's right for you. These therapies and techniques were effective for me, but they might not be for everyone. You may find it's worth exploring your options with a healthcare professional. Working around your condition In an alternative world, we might be able to spend our days living with chronic illness, managing experiences at our own pace. But in many cases, there's still a financial imperative to work. Alongside this, after a few years of relative monotony, I wanted to have something practical to achieve. But, given the unpredictable, long-term nature of chronic illness, most don't feel able to return to full-time employment in an office or workplace away from home. There are alternatives to explore, though, even if they are less conventional. James is proof you can thrive with a chronic illness Some people turn their hobbies into a part-time business, allowing them to bolster their finances without the pressure of working all the time. This was the approach that led to my return to work. Writing started as a hobby before becoming part-time job, and then, years later, a career. But that's far from the only way to earn while living with chronic illness. If you do feel comfortable returning to an office, it's worth finding an understanding employer to accommodate the adjustments you need. The important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with, and at your own pace. Over the years, my illness has given me a chance to connect with my body in a way I'd never imagined. While the struggle is real, I've come to accept that this is who I am now, and in many ways, I'm better for it. After almost a decade, living with chronic illness is still a work in progress. My experience evolves each day, but so do I. For every setback, I have an opportunity to learn from it. For each day spent recovering from the onset of symptoms, I find comfort knowing that tomorrow may be different. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Resilience | Acceptance | Courage Written by James Frew James is a freelance writer based in the UK with a focus on consumer technology, mental health, well-being, and sustainability. When not writing, he's usually listening to podcasts, enjoying music, or going for a walk. You can find all his work on Campsite.bio and follow him on Twitter.

Getting the brush-off is often painful. Indeed, accepting and recovering from being turned down can be hard. So, from building up self-confidence to remaining open, Ed Gould offers up three key techniques on how to deal with rejection. How can you deal with rejection when it hurts so much? After being kicked in the teeth, many of us choose to avoid situations that might force us into dealing with the pain and upset being rejected can cause. But is this actually the most constructive way of going about our daily lives? No. Rejection is undoubtedly bound up with negativity and feelings of discord. Now, it's easy to understand why being turned down is frequently viewed in this light, but is that all that rejection means to us? Rejection of something that is itself negative can be a positive thing, right? Furthermore, the proverb 'every cloud has a silver lining' suggests that facing rejection – even when you do not want to – can actually mean new opportunities await on the horizon. It's also important to remember that feeling hurt and dealing with rejection is something that will happen during our lives whether we like it or not. Indeed, understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it. So, what do psychologists and other experts in feelings of happiness and well-being have to say on the subject of mastering rejection? Why rejection hurts so much Some people seem to have such thick skin that they think they can deal with rejection like it's water off a duck's back. Think of the jobbing actor who puts their heart and soul into audition after audition only to hear later that they didn't get the part. Do such people simply not feel a sense of hurt when they don't get the role? Of course not. Everybody hurts: we all have to deal with rejection However, they might have developed better coping strategies so they know how to deal with rejection when it comes around. The fact is that the rejection we might feel from being turned down is perfectly natural. It's in no sense 'abnormal' to feel upset about being rejected. So, why does it happen? According to behavioural psychologists from the University of Michigan, rejection can impact on our neural networks in ways that our brains associate with physical pain. In a 2010 study into somatosensory representations, researchers viewed volunteers' brain activity when stimulated with feelings of rejection by using an MRI scanner. “Dealing with rejection is something that will happen whether we like it or not. Understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it.” In this particular research programme, the people under observation had suffered from a relationship breakdown. To provoke a response, an image of their former partner appeared before them. What the MRI scan revealed is that the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal posterior insula became active. These are the sections of the brain known to associate with feelings of pain. So, if you think that mental anguish caused by rejection and dealing with hurt is all in your mind, then you may need to reassess your position. It seems that scientists can induce pain in their volunteers merely by reminding them of rejection. What's more, this evidence holds true in almost 90 per cent of cases. RELATED: What to do after a break-up – 10 tips for recovery In another study, psychologists asked patients to recall a time when they had suffered from social exclusion. One group of patients took the painkiller Tylenol, the other group took a sugar pill. As a result, those who had received the real drug reported having lower levels of mental anguish from remembering their rejection in comparison with those who had not taken the painkiller. It's possible to conclude, therefore, that the drug – developed initially to help deal with physical pain – was having an effect on how the brain coped with non-physical pain. In other words, rejection does not simply impact on our happiness: it creates physical levels of pain and a simple painkiller, used in moderation, can act as emotional first aid. How to deal with rejection: 3 tips As mentioned, medicinal drugs are one way of helping your brain to feel less pain from dealing with hurt sustained from the rejection of social exclusion. However, this is something of a 'sticking plaster' approach, and there are plenty of other ways to achieve mastery of feelings of repudiation. So, what should you be putting into your emotional first-aid kit? Here are three keys ways you can learn how to deal with rejection. 1. Augment your social network Rejection can sometimes lead to you wanting to shut yourself away. This 'licking the wounds' phase is perfectly normal at first, but try to avoid it if possible. It's better to surround yourself with people that you like and trust – friendship can help you to heal. If you have experienced rejection at work, then socialise with friends away from that environment. People who see you in another light will be able to help rebalance your view of yourself. Deal with rejection by socialising shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Or, if you've suffered from a relationship breakdown, then it's a good plan to meet with pals that know you from a time before you got together with your partner. These friends are likely to be less weighed down by the 'emotional baggage' of your split. Making new friends can also be one of the best things you can do to set you on the road to emotional recovery: join a club or group and try something new. RELATED: Understanding the power of friends 2. Build up your self-confidence Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection. A flood of happiness may not be a realistic expectation at first when you're feeling down. But by doing things to build your self-confidence, this will help you to avoid remaining in that state for too long. You can achieve this by showing compassion to yourself. Indeed, recent studies have demonstrated that self-compassion leads to feelings of improvement and often brings new motivation with it. Be kind to yourself. Draw away from feelings of negativity about yourself. Just because you're dealing with rejection doesn't make you a failure. Far from it! You're learning how to cope with life's knock-backs – just like the actor who works out what to try differently at their next audition. In fact, it's most likely they were doing great; the director was just looking for someone else for the role. Above all, avoid self-criticism because it's usually unwarranted. 3. Remain open and try again It may seem easier said than done when you're first suffering the trauma of rejection. But staying open to the possibility of future success is a key element to have in your emotional first-aid kit. This shift is important because if you spend too much time shut off from the idea of trying again – thereby avoiding the possibility of rejection – you can become bitter. “Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection.” The German psychiatrist Michael Linden first referred to this phenomenon as post-traumatic embitterment disorder or PTED. He noted that embitterment often leads to feelings of anger. When you face rejection, bear in mind that you probably had little control over why it happened. Try to let go of the feelings of low self-worth you might want to linger on. It doesn't mean that you don't care. Acceptance of the situation is often healthier. Handling hurt: emotional first-aid kits Dealing with rejection and hurt is much more preferable than dwelling on it. It's worth noting that PTED, similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, can lead to negative psychological reactions in the long term. If we don't support ourselves and one another with shared feelings of pain that come about following rejection, then it's reasonable to argue that our society as a whole will suffer. After all, if everyone is carrying around the pain they feel from all these rejections, rather than dealing with the hurt, then few of us would ever take a risk again – and where would that leave us? In the modern world, the imperative for emotional first aid is, if anything, more important than ever before. In the era of social media, feeling rejected can be in-your-face and operate on a 24-hour basis. Some people may only feel slightly rejected if they don't get a job or because their partner leaves them. For others, similar experiences and emotional situations have a more dramatic effect. For example, having their social media posts ignored. In the digital age, rejection can sometimes be quantified in alarming ways, like the number of 'thumbs up' that a post receives. If you count such things regularly, then perhaps it's time to look into making your own emotional repair kit for how to deal with rejection. ● Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Confidence | Letting go | Trauma Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

If you're struggling to move forward and transform your life as you hope, these 11 practical life coaching tools and techniques from holistic life coach Rebecca Kirk can help. Incorporate these methods into your daily life to gain perspective and work more clearly towards your goals. Life coaching is about creating a transformation which brings life back into balance. Life coaches use a set of tools and techniques to pinpoint their client’s goals and to empower them to achieve those goals by providing direction, support and challenge. Life coaches work on the basis that the client has the answers within themselves. Whilst there is a huge benefit in working directly with a life coach to enable you to make a transformation, there are also many life coaching tools and techniques which you can use yourself, without guidance. By incorporating some of these methods into your daily life, you'll be taking significant steps towards achieving your dreams and desires. Life coaching techniques explored Here are 11 life coaching techniques and tools which I incorporate into my life coaching practice and recommend for you to try. 1. SMART goal setting Goal setting is a fundamental life coaching tool. As the well-known saying goes, “If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?” Setting goals forces you to get really clear on what it is you want. And with clarity comes magic. A SMART goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. Without those aspects, goals can be too lofty to be meaningful and they can easily drift into the future. SMART is the only acronym I have happily taken with me from my days in the corporate world – it just works! 2. Visualization Our minds are powerful beyond belief. Instead of focusing them on the things you don’t want, start to use your mind to imagine what you do want. This will help lift you out of your current reality. A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies – such as this University of Chicago one from 1996 – which prove visualization is an effective strategy, especially within the sporting arena. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it Think of yourself in a particular situation and imagine exactly the outcome you desire. For example, if you’re feeling some anxiety about giving a work presentation, imagine how you will feel before, during and after and taking positive feedback from your audience. Keep visualizing this until the day you actually have to give the presentation. Alternatively, you can also get creative by making a vision board which brings your goals to life and serves as a daily reminder of the transformation you want to make. Visualizing success can put you on the path to achieving it shutterstock/Triff 3. Taking a helicopter view It can be easy to get lost in the details of your current reality. This can also keep you stuck and create a low vibration. A really simple but effective life coaching technique is to imagine that you’re up high in a helicopter, looking down on your life. From this vantage point, very often it can help you see the bigger picture of why things might be challenging for you at the moment and how it could serve as a catalyst or a stepping stone towards a positive transformation. 4. Creating headspace The clarity that people seek to enable them to make a transformation is rarely found in a cluttered, over-busy mind. For clarity to emerge, your head needs space. As a holistic life coach, this method forms the basis for much of my approach. Space can be created in a number of ways, such as meditation, mindfulness or simply going for a walk in nature. I often recommend to clients that they give themselves permission to take a week off from thinking about or working towards their goal. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, it’s amazing what messages can come through! 5. Connecting with your intuition This is a big one. Very often, we look for answers outside of ourselves. We look for validation of our ideas, we look for others’ approval before making a change, and we look for total reassurance that we are making the right decision. This is one of the biggest causes of inertia. “A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies which prove visualization as an effective strategy.” However, you have constant access to a ‘superpower’ to help you – your intuition (that inner knowing, that gentle nudge, that gut feeling). Encouraging clients to be guided by their heart first and then letting their head kick in is a life coaching technique I use with every client. As the Einstein quote says, “The intuitive mind is a faithful gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift”. Try connecting more with your intuitive mind first. 6. Journaling This life coaching tool is something I encourage with all my clients. Journaling is a way of emptying the mind of unhelpful or destructive thoughts. It’s a way of making sense of them so that they can be released to make room for more positive, empowering thoughts. It also gives you an outlet to explore any new ideas so they can start taking root. RELATED: Future self journaling Journaling can be done at a set time each day, perhaps for five or ten minutes before bed or first thing in the morning. Alternatively, keep the journal with you at all times and use it to capture thoughts, feelings and ideas as and when they arise. I recommend that you write freely, from the heart, and with no judgement about what comes out. Journaling is what I refer to as the closest thing to a therapist – in paper form! Journaling gets new ideas onto paper and out of your head 7. Shushing the ‘shoulds’ This one is not so much a life coaching tool as it is a mantra for living a more authentic life. When I was on a career break in Australia back in 2010, a yoga teacher shared this expression with me and it stuck. So often, we make choices based on what we feel we ‘should’ be doing, saying, thinking or feeling – according to our family, friends, employers or society at large. The next time the word ‘should’ comes into your head or out of your mouth, I recommend a little alarm bell ringing to remind you to check in with yourself. Is there a more authentic, aligned choice you could make? 8. Gratitude When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results. Nothing shifts your vibration quicker than the practice of gratitude. It can be done anytime and anywhere. And there is always something we can be grateful for, even if we want to change a situation. Very often, clients express to me how much they hate their job or employer. I recently asked a client what she might be grateful for about the job she was desperate to escape from. After the initial shock at my question had worn off, she cited earning money (enabling her to travel) and enjoying banter with colleagues. Your current challenge itself is something you could potentially show gratitude for, especially if you are able to view it as a catalyst for change. 9. Affirmations Affirmations are positive statements you repeat to yourself which enable you to overcome limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging patterns. You are using affirmations all the time whether you realise it or not, with the things you say to yourself, often at a subconscious level. “When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results.” This practice is about consciously choosing the things you say to yourself in support of the changes you wish to create. For example, if you had a limiting belief that you should always put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, you can turn that around into an affirmation which states, “I give myself permission to tend to my own needs”. RELATED: How to stop self-sabotage – 5 techniques to try 10. Calling on your inner mentor When clients are feeling stuck or lacking confidence, often they have a loud inner critic. If you also identify with that critical, negative voice in your head, the life coaching technique I recommend here is to access your inner mentor. Just imagine yourself in 30 years time and that you are looking at your current self from that new vantage point. What messages would you give your current self? Realise that this is not your older self but actually the wiser part of your current self – your inner mentor. Access your inner mentor whenever you doubt yourself or your inner critic is getting loud! 11. Anchoring This final life coaching tool comes from NLP and gives you a quick way to generate a more positive association with a particular topic or goal through the use of an external trigger. For instance, I had one client who was feeling very low and joyless and had lost his spark. I suggested he dug out an old photo of the last time he felt joyful and at peace. He found a photo of himself at the 2018 Winter Olympics and it reignited a feeling of passion and the possibility of reconnecting with his true self. What photo or object has a particularly positive association which could serve as an anchor for you? Takeaway: life coaching tools So, there we have it, a selection of life coaching tools and techniques which are easy to access, simple to use and bring about powerful results. Have a go at using one of them over the next seven days, beginning with the one you feel most drawn to and see what changes for you. • Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Letting go | Motivation Written by Rebecca Kirk Rebecca Kirk is a holistic life and career coach. She helps people who are feeling stuck, out of balance or unfulfilled discover the clarity and belief to choose a path which brings them greater purpose, well-being and joy. She uses an approach which encompasses body, mind and spirit to create a deeper and more lasting transformation.

Communicating better can help you achieve your goals and deepen your relationships. By JULIEN C. MIRIVEL on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. When I was 15 years old, I enrolled in a program to study English in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, also known as Iowa. Having grown up in France and Switzerland, I spoke zero English. In Iowa, I couldn’t understand what people were telling me, and I couldn’t express myself. I couldn’t connect with people, I couldn’t create interactions, I couldn’t build friendships. I faced some of the most difficult months of my life because I was in some ways mute, and in some ways deaf. But that experience taught me the most beautiful aspect of human communication. As I learned to speak, as I learned to listen, as I learned to connect, I was able to create a social network around me. It was human communication that set me free. RELATED: Mindful listening – six ways to improve conversational skills Fast forward to today, and I have spent my whole career researching and sharing what I know about effective ethical communication. Some questions that have animated my work include: what communication behaviors exemplify our best potential as humans? What are some small actions that will help us interact more effectively? What communication behaviors have a butterfly effect? Based on my research, I’ll share six concrete behaviors that you can enact in your life today to improve your communication. At work or at home, these tips can help you start to inspire and influence the people around you. They can help you grow and change yourself, allowing you to deepen your relationships and create a better social world around you. 1. Greet to create human contact In most people’s minds, communication is a mode of transmission: you have an idea to send out, and once the message is sent, you have accomplished the goal of communication. But communication is more than transmission; it’s also creation. It creates experiences and builds relationships. If we take away communication, we take away relationship. In fact, I would propose that when you communicate, you are doing the work of relationship. You are relating. The work of communication often starts with greeting, which is a simple but significant behavior: the moment when you initiate the process of making contact. One of the most disrespectful things a doctor can do when they meet with a patient is not greet them. When educators greet their students, it actually affects learning. And the best managers and leaders create opportunities for connection: they check on their employees and ask how they’re doing. They’re constantly in the process of building relationships. Positive communication is creative shutterstock/fizkes As part of the New Zealand Language at Work project, researchers studied over 500 emails from two organizations: one company that was experiencing a lot of conflict, low morale, and turnover, and another with a very positive culture. After looking closely, the researchers noticed something striking: In the organization where people did not get along, the emails sounded like this: The meeting is at 3:00 p.m. That’s it. But in the company where people were getting along, the emails sounded more like this: Hi everybody, Hope you are doing well. Looking forward to seeing you at our meeting on Friday at 3:00 p.m. Have a great week. Warmly, John The content is the same, but the little details that we add help us manage our connections with other people. Communication oils the social wheels; it is not just a mode of transmission. To put this into practice, try initiating contact with three people that you do not know very well, but who are stakeholders in your organization; they can be anybody in the organizational hierarchy. Greet them. Ask them how they’re doing; set up a Zoom call or a lunch; take a little bit of time to connect with them. If you practice this, then you’d be able to create deeper connections with people around you and expand your network of influence. 2. Ask to discover the unknown When we ask questions, we are going on a quest. We are putting ourselves in a position to discover more, to learn from a position of humility and curiosity. On a basic level, we can distinguish between closed-ended questions and open-ended questions. Closed-ended questions — “Do you like blue or yellow?” — tend to narrow and control human interaction. Open-ended questions, on the other hand, tend to expand and give people freedom to decide what to share and what not to share — like “Tell me about some of your favorite experiences in your life” or “What conversations have impacted you?” One way of improving your communication is to learn to flip your questions from closed-ended to open-ended. On annual reviews, for example, it’s very tempting to say, “Did you have a good year?” But what if we flip the script and ask, “What can we do to help you reach your potential? What can we do this year to serve you and help you grow?” I learned this from an organization called Performance Group Management in Little Rock, Arkansas. With those questions, not only was the organization able to retain their employees, but they were able to find ways of helping them grow internally and build what has been widely celebrated as a very positive culture. As another example, I do some research with Heifer International, which is trying to help create personal transformation in individuals around the world and help them end poverty in their own communities. Instead of asking, “Do you need help?,” they begin the process of change by asking people, “What are your dreams? What are your hopes?” 3. Compliment to affect people’s sense of self The single most important truth in the field of human communication is that what we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become. I think a lot about this as the father of three young children. Complimenting is just one behavior among many that illustrates our capacity for affecting people in a positive way. Sometimes, when I do trainings, leaders ask me how many compliments they should give to get their staff to do what they want. But compliments should not be used in a robotic way. Instead, I am advocating for a way of being. Complimenting is the choice to affect who people are and who they become, their sense of self. In fact, research suggests that we underestimate how good compliments make people feel. “What we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become.” What is the best compliment that you have ever received? What has someone said to you that has positively impacted you? In my research, we have found that often those moments come from leaders, managers, supervisors or teachers. When people we look up to say something about us that resonates, we take it in; we integrate it. To put this into practice and make your own mark, you can think of three people that you really value around you, and deliver a meaningful compliment to them about their strengths. Or you can send an email to your team and say, “I want to celebrate the work that you’ve done, the strength that you’ve shown, especially as we respond to a global pandemic.” Communicating positively is about being intentional. As a leader, a parent, a partner, or a friend, we can all choose to use our words to do a little good. 4. Disclose to deepen relationships The second important truth about communication is that the connection and closeness we feel with others is not a state that we can hold on to; it’s something we do. And the way we go about enacting this sense of love and collegiality is by the act of disclosure: revealing how we think, how we feel, and who we are in an authentic way. Not all disclosure has the same function, but it does have some common elements. First, the disclosure needs to be authentic. It has to reflect this congruency between what you feel on the inside, and what’s happening on the outside. It has to be communication that’s truthful, honest, and personal, that reflects what you think and what you value. It has to have integrity, and, more importantly, it has to be human. The more your experience can reflect our common humanity, the more it’s likely to resonate with other people when it’s spoken. Disclosure deepens relationships shutterstock/loreanto Research by Robert Ulmer, who is an expert in crisis communication at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, suggests that when leaders practice open and honest disclosure, they’re able to respond much more effectively to crises. In one case he studied, Malden Mills CEO Aaron Feuerstein immediately responded to a fire affecting several manufacturing buildings by communicating openly and publicly with his stakeholders: “We’re going to continue to operate in Lawrence... We had the opportunity to run to the south many years ago. We didn’t do it then and we’re not going to do it now.” Being open and honest shows that we care about our stakeholders and want to learn from the crisis. To put this into practice, think of somebody that you can text right now to share that you’re grateful for them. Be open and be honest with them. You can just say, “I’m thinking of you, and I just wanted you to know that I’m grateful to have you in my life.” Pay attention to the feelings and thoughts going on inside of you — should I do it, should I not do it, how are they going to respond? Despite all that, in this moment you can choose to express your gratitude. That’s disclosure. 5. Encourage to give support Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love. We use communication to give affection. And when we choose to encourage others, we are using communication to give people the social support they need to develop and succeed. I believe that we can transform any ordinary moment into an extraordinary one by what we say and share with other people, no matter what our role is. “Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love.” Here’s an example from my own career. For many years, whenever my students struggled, I would always say, “Hey, why don’t you just ride the wave a little?” Then, during one incredibly hard year of work, I got to my office and found an email from my wife. Inside was the message, “Ride the wave, baby,” with a Photoshopped picture of me on a real surfer. I remember that moment to this day. That is the power of encouragement. What we say and do can make an impact not only in that moment, but as a source of support for years to come. 6. Listen to transcend differences Learning how to become a better listener is not a small feat, but experts agree that it’s a common trait of good leaders. If you can choose to listen deeply, you can transcend the perceived differences that exist between you and other people. You can learn to listen more deeply by maintaining a high degree of openness to other people’s perspectives and viewpoints. It also requires withholding judgment of people and their actions. Psychologist Carl Rogers called this “unconditional positive regard”: a way of looking at people with warmth, without any conditions. In order to listen deeply, you have to cultivate deep empathy, the ability to look at other people’s perspectives not to see whether they’re right or wrong, but to understand their vantage point. Finally, you have to learn how to give somebody your full attention. Physically leaning in with your body will start the process of deeper listening. If you get really frustrated, take your hand, put it underneath the table, and open it slightly — a physical gesture of openness. Listening can be uncomfortable, but there is a lot to learn if we quiet everything going on inside of us and turn our attention to other people. I believe that if you practice positive communication, it’s going to help you grow as a professional and as a person, create high-quality relationships at work and at home, and lead more effectively. When you take these small actions, you’re beginning a butterfly effect. You’re starting to change the script on your interactions, which affects the relationships that you care about, the groups you work in, and the communities you belong to. And if we do this together, we will co-create a better society for ourselves and our children. • This essay is based on a talk that is part of the Positive Links Speaker Series by the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizations. The Center is dedicated to building a better world by pioneering the science of thriving organizations. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Communication skills | Non-violent communication Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Those of us with brothers and sisters are used to having fallouts with them. But at what point does it mean your relationship with your sibling could be toxic? Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains the signs to watch out for... We, obviously, do not choose the family we are born into. Yet, if anything shapes us and affects who we will be as people, it is precisely our families – including our siblings. They bring a distinctive value to our lives. They also come with unique challenges. Unfortunately, some are so hurtful that they could even be described as toxic siblings. Most of us are raised to believe that having a sibling is a blessing by the norm. And it often is. They ought to provide friendship, support, and a source of care and love for a lifetime. We share memories and family bonds. They are a part of who we are. However, sometimes this simply is not the case. In the same way, as any other relationship could be unhealthy, siblinghood is also a potential source of pain and toxicity in your life. This article will show you how to recognize if your sibling is toxic and how to deal with the fact. Four signs your sibling might be toxic How we relate to our siblings is strikingly less researched compared to relationships between parents and children. Still, their significance is not to be underestimated. Theoretical reviews conclude that those relationships are fairly complex. They impact us on various levels, and a myriad of factors affects their quality, from individual to cultural. Sisterly squabbles: perhaps a sign of a toxic sibling For example, the family’s overall cohesiveness and expressiveness will influence how children behave towards each other. Moreover, the father’s actions and attitudes, as well as the siblings’ temperaments, were found to either contribute to a healthy relationship or produce toxic siblings. In some instances, the combination of factors produces a relationship so dysfunctional that it can be named toxic. Here are some of the features of toxic siblings’ behaviour: 1. Abusive behaviour Toxic siblings are often abusive. Same as in any other relationship, this can range from delicate manipulation, through the shades of psychological abuse, to downright physical aggression. Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships. You may be so accustomed to how your sibling has been treating you all of your life that you take it as a given. Nonetheless, it still is abuse – and it is a trait of toxic siblings. 2. Undermining your other relationships Some toxic siblings tend to ruin your relationships. Although those are anecdotal accounts, I am aware of quite a few such cases. Sometimes it is possessiveness or jealousy. Other times, the sibling pair transfers the dynamics with the parents to other relationships. So, the toxic sibling works on becoming the favourite (usually unconsciously). In any case, it is not uncommon that a sibling goes on and wrecks their brother’s or sister’s relationships. Some toxic siblings will actively work to undermine your romance, friendships, or even professional relationships. How do they do it? The means range from getting angry or fussy through various forms of manipulation to direct requests for you to end the other relationship (“…or else…”). They could stir up trouble, be difficult, or demean you in front of your partners, friends, or business associates. 3. Refusing to take responsibility Childhood dynamics between siblings tend to transfer to adulthood. No matter what age you might be, if your sibling was always shifting blame onto you, this pattern probably persisted. Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.” The same goes for toxic siblings. Being unfair or hurtful is one thing. It can even happen unintentionally. Not accepting the responsibility for it is, however, a sign that your sibling has not developed the level of maturity needed for you to have a healthy relationship. 4. Exploiting your relationship Toxic siblings will often take advantage of you. They might exploit you emotionally. For example, they could manipulate you into serving their own psychological needs. They could be counting on your assistance with whatever and whatever. In that way, they are disrespecting your time or other obligations. Finally, they might exploit you financially. In any case, where there is a lack of reciprocity, there is no talking about a healthy relationship. How to deal with a toxic sibling An extensive meta-analysis based on data from nearly 13,000 siblings confirmed the massive impact of sibling relationships. The conclusion was rather simple – more conflicts between siblings equals more mental health problems. Ideally, one would want to mend the relationship and enjoy the benefits of having idyllic siblinghood. Sadly, that is not always possible. RELATED: Why family is important for happiness In the first sentence of this article, it was said that we do not choose our family. However, as adults, we choose our relationships. In other words, you will probably not change your toxic sibling. You will definitely not change the fact that you are related. You cannot alter the past and how they affected you so far. But you can transform the way you relate to them. Here are some ways to deal with toxic siblings. They are aimed at protecting you from further hurt and potentially opening the path towards creating a healthy relationship. 1. Self-compassion and self-care When our sibling is mistreating us, we might feel somewhat forced to put up with it. They are our family, after all. However, if you want to restore your well-being and break free from the cycle of maltreatment, you need to start focusing on yourself. Counteract any form of abuse with self-compassion and self-care. Watch out for any “should”s and “must”s. That is, examine if you feel obliged to meet your toxic sibling’s needs – and then ditch the feeling of coercion. Take care of your needs, and build up your sense of self-worth towards a sovereign Self. 2. Practise compassion The other side of the self-compassion coin is to practise compassion. Not even toxic siblings are necessarily all bad. They might be going through tough times personally or professionally. Even more likely, they might not have learned how to behave in a healthy, mature way. They might perceive the situation entirely differently from yourself. Could you show compassion for a toxic sibling? shutterstock/pixelheadphoto digital skillet There is no excuse for maltreatment (especially abuse), but have you tried to understand them? Or did you also merely continue your childhood dynamics? In Jung’s words: “We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses.” ― C.G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul Even if you were repeatedly hurt and betrayed, try to find it in you to forgive them. If nothing else, forgiveness is good for you. A meta-analysis of over 100 studies involving over 26,000 participants from 17 countries confirmed that forgiving results in improved mental (and some aspects of physical) health. That does not imply that you are supposed to let your sibling trample on you. It merely means not holding a grudge and moving on from past hurts. 3. Reach out Sibling relationships are often one of the longest in our lives. If it is an unhealthy bond, we tend to accept it as a chronic problem. Meaning, we rarely seek help for such an issue. Nonetheless, if you want to change the situation, no matter how long it lasts, reach out. “Even if you were repeatedly hurt and betrayed, try to find it in you to forgive a sibling. If nothing else, forgiveness is good for you.” You could talk to a close family member and explain what you have been going through. If this sounds too delicate, consider speaking to a supportive friend. Quality social support is one of the best tools to alleviate the adversities of distress and trauma. Having someone to rely on and talk to makes you resilient to stress, possibly via neurological and endocrine pathways. Last but not least – contact a professional. Seek out a psychotherapist’s assistance in untangling the conscious and unconscious ties and beliefs that keep you bounded within the toxic relationship with your sibling. 4. Learn to be assertive If you find yourself being pushed around by toxic siblings, you probably need to brush up on your assertiveness skills. Family relationships are usually the most challenging for practising assertive communication. We feel too close and too exposed to suddenly become firm in setting our boundaries. We are too accustomed to the ways of our relationship to change how we communicate. Yet, it can be done. Your parents’ and families’ principles should not automatically be your own. When you start reprogramming how you communicate with your sibling, you are also creating a new reality for your relationship to evolve. You are building a new Self that is based on self-respect and healthy boundaries. Assertiveness means to regard both your and theirs obligations and rights. As a result, your toxic siblings will eventually realise that they have no choice but to follow the new (healthier) rules. Let go of the past – and hopes for the future In order to change how you relate with toxic siblings and the past relationship’s aftermath, there is one last thing you need to do. It is to let go of the past, as well as your hopes for the future. Put to rest past hurts, and dismiss any anticipation of what is to come. Abandon both bitterness as well as visions of a happy future. This piece of advice is not about pessimism. On the contrary. It is about a philosophical distance from whatever your expectations might be. Simply put, it is about keeping an open mind (and heart). Why do I recommend this? To neutralise the Pygmalion effect, or the self-fulfilling prophecy. It is particularly strong and difficult to discern in interpersonal relationships. And even more so if we are emotionally invested. So, whatever the course of your relationship might have been thus far, and whatever the future may hold, dismiss anticipation. It will give you the best chance for an optimal outcome. Moving on: with or without toxic siblings Dealing with toxic siblings can be one of the most challenging situations in your life. It is probably chronic, deeply rooted, and highly burdensome to change. However, if there is one message that I would like you to take from this article, it is that one always has a choice. You do not need to spend your entire life tolerating maltreatment. You may choose to mend your relationship and open the doors to a new, healthier siblinghood. You could also decide to end the relationship – forever or for now. You could modify when and how you meet with your toxic sibling. You could decide to let them carry their own load and stop being constantly on call. However, even beyond these practical acts – you always get to choose how you perceive and react to a situation. Whatever happens – you decide whether and to what extent you will allow it to affect you. Main image: shutterstock/Antonio Guillem happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Family activities | Letting go | Abuse Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Restorative yoga is a type of yoga that encourages deep relaxation, calm, and better sleep. Yoga teacher Jacqui Gibbons outlines more of the benefits it offers, plus explains a full restorative yoga sequence and suggests the props you need to practise it safely and securely. Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do, designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation. For a start, unlike other yoga, it’s done mostly lying down. Props are used to support the body, so that it can fully relax and lie in the various positions for 12-15 minutes each, while the muscles are passively stretched. Props include bolsters, yoga blocks, cushions and blankets. Two things in particular make restorative yoga very different to other styles of yoga. The first is holding the body in each position for 12 or more minutes. It takes this long for the nervous system to move out of a frazzled state – the fight-flight-freeze reaction – into a deep relaxation response. The second is that the body is fully supported and comfortable, so that you can let go of tension in your muscles, breath and mind. It is staying in the postures for this length of time – which means you only do four or five postures in a one-hour class – that helps to passively release chronic muscular tension, and soften and relax the body. It allows the natural breath to become very soft and subtle, and soothes the nervous system until it deeply relaxes. Restorative yoga takes you into a state of relaxed awareness. It is not meant to make you sleep (though it can prepare you for better sleep later). While it is deeply restful, you are at the same time aware of your body, breath and surroundings. It’s a soft awareness, sensing that all those things are there, but without getting caught up in thinking about them. You still stretch the muscles – with forward folds, backbends and spinal rotations, as other forms of yoga also have – but in a restorative yoga sequence these are passive, relaxed, supported stretches, unlike active and dynamic forms of yoga such as hatha, ashtanga and vinyasa flow. A restorative yoga sequence encourages a state of deep relaxation Done correctly, with the guidance of an experienced, knowledgeable and supportive teacher who is specifically trained in restorative yoga, it is deeply comforting and is more than just relaxation of the body; it uses the physical body to also access the mental, energetic and nervous systems, to have a deeply restorative effect and nurture you at all levels of your being. The benefits of restorative yoga You can benefit from restorative yoga if you want to feel less tense or stressed and want to deeply let go and relax – both physically and mentally. The primary focus of restorative yoga is the breath. When we’re stressed, we switch to short shallow chest breathing rather than full breathing using the diaphragm (the main breathing muscle). It’s a normal part of the short-term nervous system response to danger. However, it’s not sustainable. It can become a pattern – along with other unhelpful patterns such as holding our breath or reverse breathing (not taking in enough oxygen when we inhale) – and this can become chronic, which is a vicious cycle as it then keeps the mind stressed and the nervous system aggravated. 1) Breathing Restorative yoga allows the breath to become naturally slower, deeper and more relaxed, as we allow the body to be completely still. This not only benefits the mind and nervous system during the session, but if repeated regularly over time can help to correct unhelpful breathing patterns so that our involuntary day-to-day breath becomes more optimal. “Restorative yoga is the most gentle, relaxed and slow type of physical yoga you can do. It's designed to release muscular and mental tension, calm your nervous system, and ease you into deep relaxation.” The breathe is the foundation of our life, and how we breathe reflects how we are living – holding, tense, restricted and unaware or free, yielding, open and soft, and all shades in between. The breath can guide us to the core of our being – the essence of who we are. 2) Restorative yoga helps to release tension As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing, rather than an active stretch or forcing. It can help you to overcome the disconnection many of us have with our bodies (where, for example, we ignore stiff shoulders and continue hunching over a laptop until it becomes chronic and painful), and instead develop a respect, understanding and connection with your body. 3) Restorative yoga can improve the health of the nervous system and relieve stress When we do more in life than the nervous system can cope with, or are dealing with personal and environmental stressors, the sympathetic nervous system is activated and we go into survival mode. This system has evolved to keep us alive, so when it perceives something as a dangerous situation it releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to help us run from it or fight it. But this level of response is meant to be short-term, to keep us safe. It takes a lot of energy and is not sustainable long term if we’re regularly, perhaps almost constantly, in survival mode. If we are, this can then compromise other systems, such as digestion and immunity. Stress is the main cause of long-term illness. 4) Restorative yoga slows us down Many of us do too much in life; working long hours, working too hard, not taking breaks, or trying to fit too many tasks and calls into our day. We don’t allow ourselves space and silence. When we slow down and quieten the noise, we can appreciate the beauty of space, silence and simplicity, and reset our minds to enjoy each moment with full awareness. Life is made up of small moments and details, and becomes more meaningful and fulfilling when we are present for them. Let tension melt away through restorative yoga shutterstock/ESB Basic 5) Restorative yoga can help us to sleep better All of the benefits above contribute to another one: better sleep. Over time, restorative yoga creates the conditions – deeply rested, more relaxed, a nervous system that’s not consistently aggravated, breathing more optimally, holding less tension, giving ourselves more space and silence – that guide us into deeper, better quality sleep. Then we wake up refreshed and can greet the day with more energy and joy. Best props for restorative yoga This is a list of everything you need for restorative yoga. The most essential prop is a yoga bolster. All these can be substituted with things you have at home. However, I recommend you buy a specific yoga bolster, as it’s the right shape and firmness, and easier to use. 1 yoga mat – or lie on a non-slip rug 1 or 2 yoga bolsters – or rolled-up yoga mat and blanket (see below) 4 yoga blocks (the flat-ish ones) – or lots of cushions and pillows 1 yoga brick (the brick-shaped one) – or use the cushions 1 yoga strap – or dressing gown belt 1 large blanket, to fold and place on your mat for extra comfort 1 small blanket, towel or throw, to roll into a mini-bolster or for under the head 1 eye bag or folded scarf to cover your eyes If it’s not possible to buy a purpose-made bolster, tightly wrap a folded blanket around a rolled yoga mat. It must be firm, the shape of a bolster, smooth (rolled with no wrinkles), and tied securely at both ends so that it doesn’t unroll (dressing gown belts work well). However, this is more faff and it’s not as easy to move around between postures. The second bolster is not essential but is useful for some poses, and a good idea if you have a stiff or painful lower back or hips. Different types of bolsters are available but I recommend a regular, rounded bolster (compare different types here). Try this one by Yogamatters or the more environmentally sustainable hemp bolster filled with organic buckwheat hulls. Being in a yoga studio equipped with all the right props makes setting up the postures a lot easier. The teacher can help you with them, and can skilfully guide you into the relaxation state, which can work better than being at home surrounded by distractions. On the other hand, it means you get into a very relaxed state then have the disruption of travelling home. A restorative yoga sequence It is not always possible to get to a yoga studio, so here is a simple restorative yoga sequence you can do at home, using one bolster and your cushions and pillows. If you’re new to restorative yoga, have several lessons in-person with an experienced teacher (or on Zoom, in a very small class size so that you’re seen). At the beginning, you need a teacher to give you instructions and small individual adjustments that make it more comfortable; to clarify things you’re not sure about; and to guide you into relaxation (rather than leaving the mind to its own devices). With their words they can skillfully guide you into deep stillness, relaxation and silence. They create a safe, comfortable and nurturing space. This is preferable to a recording, where the teacher cannot see you and you may have to disturb yourself to adjust your computer screen or volume. Videos can be helpful so that you can follow the teacher’s cues, see what to do, and relax without looking at the time. However, looking at a screen or using the keyboard to adjust volume, view etc are the antithesis of everything described above. Never crane your neck to see the screen, don’t open your eyes once you’re in the posture, and set the volume and place the screen where you won’t need to adjust them. “As you try to relax in the postures you may feel the places where you’re holding tension. Restorative yoga helps you to gradually release these through a passive, gentle softening and allowing.” Here is a simple 75-minute home restorative yoga sequence. Print it, so you don’t look at a screen during your session. This is no substitute for personal teaching and is done at your own risk. Do not do anything that’s uncomfortable, unpleasant or aggravates injuries. If you don’t know what something means, don’t do it. Attend some classes first, or see below for video links instead. 1. Savasana – initial relaxation. Lie on your mat with a widthways bolster under your knees, your knees and feet apart, a thinly rolled blanket under the backs of the ankles, 1 or 2 cushions under the head (but not the shoulders) and an eye bag over closed eyes. 12 minutes. 2. Reclined Easy Pose – hip opening. From here, draw the bolster nearer your bum, cross your legs at the shins or ankles (as when sitting cross-legged) and allow the hips to open, supported by the bolster. If they’re not supported, put yoga blocks on the bolster under the hips until they are and you can fully relax. 12 minutes. Eye bag over eyes. Halfway through, with minimal disturbance, swap to the opposite ankle in front. 3. Reclined Spinal Twist. From here, place the hands on the outer thighs and support your legs as you uncross them and bring the knees together. Rest your feet on the bolster for a minute. Then drop both knees to the right and rest them on the bolster. Position the feet comfortably and securely (not sliding off). Keep the backs of both shoulders in contact with the ground, so that you’re rotating the spinal muscles. Only turn the head the opposite way to the knees (as in the active version) if it feels relaxing. 8-10 minutes, then change sides for 8-10 minutes, then untwist and lie on your back. 4. Reclined Backbend. Slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and place the bolster behind you, lengthways on the mat. Place a block or cushions at the far end (your head will rest on these). Sit on your mat facing forwards with your knees bent and bolster behind you. Pull it close to your sacrum. Slowly lie back over it. Adjust the block so it’s under your head. If the backbend is too much, come up, put a second bolster on top of the first, staggered, and try again. Once in position, straighten your legs along the mat. If that’s uncomfortable, bend the knees, place your soles on the mat, separate the feet and let the knees rest on each other. Hands rest wherever is comfortable. Eye bag on the eyes. 12-15 minutes. 5. Supported Forward Fold. From above, slowly sit up with eyes closed. Open your eyes and turn round to kneel in front of the bolster (omit this posture if kneeling is uncomfortable or you can’t sit on your heels). Remove the block. Separate the knees and pull the bolster(s) closer in to you. Lean forward and rest the front of your torso and head on the bolster. Rest the hands and arms wherever is comfortable. Have the forehead on the bolster, or turn the head to one side. Have a cushion under the head if you want to. 12-15 minutes. To end, lift up slowly with closed eyes and sit for a few moments before you open your eyes and end the session. Best restorative yoga classes on YouTube Many videos on YouTube with the title ‘restorative yoga’ are not restorative yoga. They are quiet, slow yoga sequences with deep active stretches (often for highly flexible bodies) but are not true restorative yoga, as described here, and do not have its benefits. It is not restorative yoga if it includes unsupported postures, use of strength, active stretches, postures that are held for only a few breaths, or more than five postures in an hour. It’s not Pigeon Pose without bolsters, Downward Dog or Ardha Matsyendrasana (seated twist) – all things that are on YouTube labelled restorative yoga. Here are three of the best restorative yoga sequences on YouTube: .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga for hips and back opening Focuses on opening your hips and lower back. Four postures in 45 minutes, allowing time for the benefits described above. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 40 minutes. A varied selection of postures for opening different parts of the body. However, they are only held for around four minutes, so use this video as an introduction to them, then do them on your own, staying in them for 12 minutes. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Restorative yoga, 60 minutes. Clear explanations and set-ups, staying in the postures for several minutes. There is talking and music all the way through so it doesn’t have the deep benefits described above (the mind cannot fully turn inward when it’s being directed to external sounds), but if your mind wanders a lot you might like this. Summary of restorative yoga Restorative yoga benefits us not by challenging us or powering our way to health but by slowing down, being gentle and nurturing ourselves. As a yoga teacher, and someone who has done yoga for 20 years, I know it can be tempting to always do our more dynamic practice. But once we allow ourselves to slow down and regularly take a restorative yoga class, we realise how much we needed it – especially if we’re living a busy life, working, studying or looking after a family. It is a therapeutic practice, developed in the 20th century by BKS Iyengar (one of the most influential yoga teachers of the modern age) to help people who couldn’t do a more active physical yoga practice because of injury, illness or chronic health conditions. However, don’t reserve it only for these times. Build it into your week as a counterbalance to a strong physical practice, to a busy stressful life, or for any and all of its multiple wellbeing benefits. To learn more, three of the leading teachers in restorative yoga to look for are Judith Hanson Lasater (a pioneer in this field), her daughter Lizzie Lasater, and Anna Ashby, who teaches online and trains yoga teachers in restorative yoga (she taught me). In summary, the key features of restorative yoga are: The body is supported by yoga bolsters and other props You stay in the positions for 12 or more minutes It involves surrendering, relaxing, stillness and quiet It doesn’t involve strength, active stretching, movement, pushing or resisting It releases stress and tension, in the physical body and in the mind The primary focus is the breath, guiding us out of our mind and grounding us in the body It relaxes the sympathetic nervous system (fight-flight-freeze) and activates the parasympathetic (resting state) Live lessons with a teacher are more helpful than videos, especially for beginners It has a deeply restorative effect on the body, mind, nervous system, energy and emotions Main image: shutterstock/Koldunov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Motivation | Yin yoga Written by Jacqui Gibbons

One seemingly simple question that most people wonder is: 'can we choose our happiness?'. Sonia Vadlamani explains how we can indeed cultivate happiness consciously by following the 10 keys to happiness. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to feel happy, be it because of the unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection we impose on ourselves, or the negativity we surround ourselves with. It could also be due to the fear of failure embedded deep within our subconscious, or our inability to form friendships and meaningful communities as we grow older. There are several unhelpful habits or tendencies we ingrain that can make us miserable and unhappy. Thankfully, researchers maintain that it’s possible to intervene and cultivate happiness through will and a proper framework. By following the 10 keys to happiness, you could maximize your potential for a lifetime full of joy and contentment. Happiness means different things to different people. The interesting news, however, is that our happiness is not set in stone. In her ground-breaking book The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky points out that while 50 per cent of our happiness is predetermined by our genetic makeup and personality traits, and 10 per cent of our personal happiness is determined by our circumstances and life experiences, about 40 per cent of our happiness can be chosen willfully by us, and depends largely on our daily actions. RELATED: Is happiness genetic? Here's what science says This goes to prove that while we cannot change our genes or predict the future, a significant portion of our happiness can be controlled by us. Unfortunately, our pursuit of happiness – as a society and on an individual level – can become very misguided. Indeed, technological advancements and the pursuit of materialism propagated by media messages may advocate happiness based on our material choices. Psychologist Barry Schwartz addresses this erroneous pursuit of happiness in his book The Paradox of Choice, wherein he points out that the plethora of choices we have available today due to surge in consumerism can do more harm than good, even resulting in conditions like anxiety and depression. The 10 keys to happiness: the ‘great dream’ “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”, articulates the Dalai Lama, who is also the patron of the charity Action for Happiness. While everyone’s idea of happiness may be different, Action for Happiness has identified 10 ‘keys’ to happiness, or practices that can consistently lead to a more fulfilling and happier life. While the first five keys to happiness described here refer to our interactions with the outside world (Great), the latter five keys to happiness describe the traits that originate within us and are determined by our attitude towards life (Dream). Outside: daily activities 1. Take care of your body There is an overwhelming amount of research that deems exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. A Yale study conducted on over 1.2 million Americans concludes that exercise is more important for our mental health than money. You need not run a marathon to be healthy and happy – opt for an activity of your preference that suits your health goals and lifestyle. Indulge in mindful running, unplug from technology with periodic forest bathing, or simply swap escalator commutes with stairs. Keeping fit is one of the main keys to happiness shutterstock/Lordn Eating right can contribute towards better health and happiness too. A balanced diet consisting of whole grains, fresh vegetables and fruit, lean poultry and healthy fats can help you achieve your health goals faster. Opt for foods which promote gut health instead of processed or junk food options for improved mood, better metabolism and to keep disease at bay. 2. Practise mindfulness “We’re happiest when we focus on the present moment, and the least happy when the mind is wandering”, reveals researcher Matt Killingsworth. Mindfulness refers to being in a state of awareness and taking notice of the present intentionally and with complete acceptance. Studies show that practising mindfulness can help manage stress levels, in addition to activating the areas of our brains related to feeling good. Mindfulness can be developed using simple measures – start by paying attention to your feelings and thoughts as frequently throughout the day as possible. Meditation, mindful minute practices, and gratitude journaling can help in expanding awareness as well. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged 3. Make learning a habit Research by Journal of Happiness Studies revealed that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing skill tend to experience greater happiness consistently. Interestingly, learning something new can be stressful and lower your happiness levels momentarily. However, the joy of acquiring or mastering a new skill can fulfill your need for autonomy or being self-directed, thus rewarding you with long-term happiness. “There is an overwhelming amount of research that deems exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. A Yale study concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money.” Indeed, it’s important to find a suitable skill to master, or the right challenge to undertake that’ll allow you to push beyond your comfort zone yet enable you to find your flow state. Researchers also found that skills chosen by you offer better results in terms of improved self-esteem and a heightened sense of connection or ‘oneness’ with others. 4. Indulge in acts of kindness Random acts of kindness are not just beneficial for others – in fact, caring for others’ happiness activates the areas linked to trust, enjoyment and social connection in our brains as well. An experiment involving seven-day kindness activities concluded that kindness is a vital key to happiness, whether extended to people who are close to you, complete strangers or even yourself. Doing things for others can help alleviate social anxiety, improve your mood and prevent illness, thus enabling you to lead a healthy, meaningful life. 5. Make meaningful connections Human beings are social animals, and hence it’s hardly surprising when researchers found that forming meaningful connections and embracing community is one of the core values we associate with happiness. Indeed, the importance of a community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. In addition to the safety and support, we also derive the much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging when we find others who have the same values and interests as us. Meaningful friendships are essential for joy shutterstock/santypan Scientists agree that interacting with strangers, thus bolstering our ‘weak social ties’ also impacts our well-being positively. Take some time to connect with those who serve you coffee, your cab driver, or a friendly face you encounter during your daily strolls. Gestures like passing a casual compliment, wishing someone a good day, chatting with an elderly neighbor over a cuppa can make a world of difference to someone who’s been feeling down or struggling with loneliness. Inside: Developing the right attitude 6. Be at ease with who you are Self-acceptance forms an important cornerstone for our mental health and well-being, yet it’s a routine that we tend to practice the least, as revealed in a survey conducted by Action For Happiness. While acceptance was rated as the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and happiness amidst all the other traits and habits, only 5% of the respondents admitted to being kind to themselves and believed that they were perfect the way they were. RELATED: 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Practising acceptance as a habit can be difficult at first, but it’s possible to be good to yourself by shifting your perspective. Indeed, embracing imperfections as your unique traits and acknowledging your strengths –however insignificant they seem – can be a crucial key to happiness. 7. Set vital goals Happiness doesn’t happen spontaneously – it requires planning and action towards pursuing things that matter to us. Goal setting is an important key to happiness, since it forms the outline for the life you envision for yourself. It’s important to set goals to look forward to – not only can proactive goal setting ensure fulfilment of your life ambitions and vision, following an actionable plan and achieving timebound targets using SMART goal setting can boost self-confidence and eliminate stress and anxiety. 8. Develop resilience All of us may have faced hardships, loss and trauma along our way, and since our brains are wired for negativity bias, we tend to remember the adverse events in our lives as compared to the positive experiences. However, by changing our perspective and looking at hardships as stepping stones towards personal growth and success, we can learn to take back power every time we feel defeated by life. Indeed, building resilience can boost positive thinking, strengthen connections, and improve stress management skills. “The importance of a community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. In addition to the safety and support, we also derive the much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging.” In fact, researcher Dr Ann Masten describes resilience as ‘ordinary magic’ derived from everyday situations and resources, that helps us adapt better during hardships. There is surmounting scientific evidence that developing resilience as a life skill and finding ways to bounce back from adversities can contribute immensely to our well-being and happiness. 9. Cultivate a positive outlook “Just as water lilies retract when sunlight fades, so do our minds when positivity fades”, states researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her book Positivity. Indeed, research suggests that experiencing ‘upward spirals of positive emotions’ like gratitude, joy, interest etc. more often allows us to counteract the downward spirals of negative emotions like stress, jealousy etc. Gratitude journaling, smiling more often, finding ways to incorporate awe into your life are some easy ways to boost positivity. Learning a new skill can be fulfilling shutterstock/Syda Productions 10. Find meaning in your life Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves or possessing a sense of purpose in life is linked with greater life satisfaction, improved self-esteem, lasting relationships, and a more optimistic attitude. Leading a meaningful life could seem like a complicated process, but you can begin by prioritizing activities that bring you joy and a strong sense of purpose, like volunteering, networking for a cause, or trying to make a difference in others’ lives. The key to happiness here is to understand where your calling lies and set out to follow your bliss. ‘Life Crafting’, or the process of reflecting on your strengths and interests, and aligning them with your vision, passion and desires, can be used as the framework for setting goals conducive to the meaningful life you wish to lead. Round-up: 10 keys to happiness “It is work to be happy”, says psychologist Barry Schwartz. Indeed, there’s more to happiness than feeling good about pleasurable things, but the good news is that it can be cultivated by consistently encouraging the 10 keys to happiness or happy habits listed above into our lives. Instead of trying to implement all the keys to happiness at once, try reflecting on what each individual key means for you, and devise ways to implement them using simple action plan, to be able to lead a rewarding and happier life. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Life purpose | Motivation | Positive psychology Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

The ancient art of sound bathing is growing increasingly popular. Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explores how sound baths harness the power of sound to reduce depression, anxiety and pain, as well as enhancing a sense of spirituality. Have you heard about sound baths or sound bathing? These are actually new terms for an ancient practice. For many hundreds of years, in various cultures, sound bathing has been part of meditation practice and healing – in some places, since the fifth century! In Australia, aboriginal tribes have employed the didgeridoo as a sound healing instrument for over 40,000 years. In a traditional practice, you would be lying down in yoga corpse pose, for half an hour up to a couple of hours, as the sound bath being created around you relaxed your mind and body, and led you into a meditation. Indeed, just as the name suggests, a sound bath fills the room and envelops the listeners. It’s quite an intense experience. And, if you’re someone who finds it difficult to meditate, sound bathing may be a great way for you to settle into the practice more easily. Is a sound bath like listening to music? So, how does a sound bath differ from listening to relaxing music, for example? The difference is there in the name: it’s a sound bath, not a music bath. The sounds that are used in this kind of practice are usually singular tones produced by instruments such as crystal bowls, gongs or bells. These specialized instruments are used because the sounds they emanate invoke deep relaxation and meditative states. Sound bathing is not about melody, but about the physical vibration of sound itself. The instruments are most often played in a way that produces deep, resonating tones that overlap each other. This creates a powerful field of vibration that is felt in body, mind and spirit – much in the same way that mantras do. RELATED: Vedic meditation – the benefits and mantras you need to know In many meditation traditions, sound is considered to be the most primordial and dynamic element in our universe. OM, the universal mantra, is said to be the sound of the universe itself, and its repetition will give you an increasing feeling of harmony and connection with all things that vibrate at its frequency. Whether you experience this kind of profound experience or not, the repetition of mantra, as well as sound bathing, encourages your mind to unwind by activating a deep relaxation response in your nervous system. The sound of the gong invokes deep relaxation What’s a sound bath like? I mentioned earlier that sound baths are traditionally part of a meditation practice. It is a tool to relax body and mind, so you are more receptive to a meditative state. Today, sound bath events or sessions are used just as often solely for their relaxation benefits. Whether people come for a spiritual or relaxation experience, sound baths are extremely popular in many places. Furthermore, sound baths are also used as therapeutic tools to heal physical and psychological illnesses. In fact, I was very lucky to experience a healing treatment myself a few years ago that involved the placement of crystal bowls on my chest that were “sung” by the therapist. At the time I thought, “This is what a cello feels like.” The sound vibrations reverberated through my body and created a deeply meditative, thought-free and pain-free state. I’ve never heard of this kind of treatment since – though I would go again in a second if I had the chance! “Sound bathing is not about melody, but about the physical vibration of sound itself. The instruments are played in a way that produces deep, resonating tones. This creates a powerful field of vibration that is felt in body, mind and spirit.” For most of us, here is the kind of simple format you can expect at a sound bath event: participants lie down on their backs on a yoga mat, with blankets and pillows available. The sessions are usually conducted in a similar way to a yoga class, with several other people in the room. The therapist then begins the sound bath. They use one or more instruments to create the series of overlapping tones, from deep low tones on a large crystal bowl, for example, to high sparkling sounds like a small chime. The sound bath usually begins quietly with frequent silences and grows in complexity and layering. The instruments create sounds that resonate and sustain for long periods, until they disappear into silence. RELATED: The power of silence Sound bathing can offer some people easier access to meditation. Following the sound into silence, eases your attention away from your mind, into your body and into sound – and ultimately, the silence between sounds. If there is a guided meditation component to the session, the therapist leads you through the meditation while the sound continues. If there is no guided meditation in your session, you simply let your attention rest in the physical sensations of the sound in your body and enjoy. Bowls are key components of sound baths shutterstock/Microgen The benefits of sound baths When you have a sound bath, you receive many of the same benefits as a regular meditation session: Reduced anxiety and depression Activation of your body’s relaxation mechanisms Better focus and concentration Promotion of good mental health Enhanced self-awareness Better sleep Plus, you can enjoy other benefits, like: The ability I touched upon earlier to move more easily into quieter, meditative states of mind Lowered blood pressure Relief of physical pain In terms of the science behind the practice of sound bathing, research studies into its potential benefits are few and far between. However, a 2017 study from the University of California did show that Tibetan singing bowl meditation had a positive effect on participants' mood, anxiety, pain and spiritual well-being. The study consisted of 62 participants. Compared with pre-meditation, following the sound meditation participants reported significantly reduced anger, tension, fatigue and depressive mood. Additionally, those who were previously naïve to this type of sound meditation experienced a significantly greater reduction in tension compared with participants who were experienced in this sound meditation. What's more, the feeling of spiritual well-being significantly increased across all participants. “Sound baths are traditionally part of a meditation practice. It is a tool to relax body and mind, so you are more receptive to a meditative state.” The results of this study may point to why the practice of sound bathing has a respected place at the heart of many meditation traditions. Want to try sound bathing? I’m writing this article about a year into the COVID-19 pandemic and public events are still restricted in many parts of the world. If you can't currently enjoying an in-person class, you can manage to experience a sound bath for yourself, thanks to the internet! One group offers virtual sound baths. And, you can take a three-hour (!) crystal bowl sound bath below, in high quality audio and video. I highly recommend it. You could also try creating your own sound bath at home. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } This is one of the many sites that sell Tibetan singing bowls, and it also provides instructions on how to create your own sound bath at home. If you can invest in a bowl, you’ll enjoy the added experience of making the sounds yourself and feeling the vibrations of the bell through your hands. You can listen for the tones and rhythms and silences that resonate most with you, and take you into a relaxed state. The takeaway At the very least, sound baths are one of the most unique experiences you’ll find and, at most, you may find a healing, relaxing, meditative practice that you can easily make part of your life. Especially with high quality recordings available online, sound baths are more accessible than ever. Having done many live sound baths myself, I heartily recommend you try one if you can. The experience of the direct sound vibrations around you are hard to describe. I hope you have a chance to try one some day. Main image: shutterstock/Microgen happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

From expressing emotions to making sense of the world, seven artists explain why they write, rap, take photos, draw, dance and make movies. One thing they have in common is that the choice to make art isn't really a choice: it's something they were born to do. By JEREMY ADAM SMITH and JASON MARSH on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Why do you make art? That’s the simple question Greater Good posed to seven artists. Their answers are surprising and very diverse. They mention making art for fun and adventure; building bridges between themselves and the rest of humanity; reuniting and recording fragments of thought, feeling, and memory; and saying things that they can’t express in any other way. All their answers are deeply personal. In this issue of Greater Good, we explore the possible cognitive and emotional benefits of the arts, and yet these artists evoke a more fundamental benefit: they are just doing what they feel they’re born to do. 1. Gina Gibney: Giving power to others Gina Gibney is the artistic director of the New York-based Gina Gibney Dance Company, which was founded in 1991 to serve a dual mission: to create and perform contemporary choreography that draws upon the strength and insights of women and men, and to enrich and reshape lives through programs that give voice to communities in need, especially survivors of domestic abuse and individuals living with HIV/AIDS. “I make art for a few reasons. In life, we experience so much fragmentation of thought and feeling. For me, creating art brings things back together. In my own work, that is true throughout the process. In the beginning, developing the basic raw materials for the work is deeply reflective and informative. Later, bringing those materials together into a form — distilling and shaping movement, creating a context, working toward something that feels cohesive and complete. That’s incredibly powerful for me — something that really keeps me going. © Andrzej Olejniczak/Gina Gibney “Interestingly, the body of my work is like a catalogue of the events and thoughts of my life. For me, making work is almost like keeping a journal. Giving that to someone else — as a kind of gift through live performance — is the most meaningful aspect of my work. “I make art for a few reasons. In life, we experience so much fragmentation of thought and feeling. For me, creating art brings things back together.” “Dance is a powerful art form for the very reason that it doesn’t need to explain or comment on itself. One of the most amazing performances I have ever seen in my life was of a woman — a domestic violence survivor — dancing in a tiny conference room in a domestic violence shelter for other survivors. She was not a professional dancer. She was a woman who had faced unbelievable challenges and who was living with a great deal of sadness. She created and performed an amazing solo — but to have described her performance as “sad” would have been to diminish what we experienced. “That’s the power of dance. You can feel something and empathize with it on a very deep level, and you don’t have to put words to it.” 2. Judy Dater: I like expressing emotions Judy Dater has been making photographs for more than 40 years and is considered one of America’s foremost photographers. The recipient of a Guggenheim and many other awards, her books include Imogen Cunningham: A Portrait, Women and Other Visions, Body and Soul and Cycles. “I like expressing emotions — to have others feel what it is I’m feeling when I’m photographing people. “Empathy is essential to portraiture. I’ve done landscapes, and I think they can be very poetic and emotional, but it’s different from the directness of photographing a person. I think photographing people is, for me, the best way to show somebody something about themselves — either the person I photograph or the person looking — that maybe they didn’t already know. Maybe it’s presumptuous, but that’s the desire. I feel like I’m attending to people when I’m photographing them, and I think I understand people better because I’ve been looking at them intensely for 40-some years.” A portrait by Judy Dater 3. Pete Docter: It’s fun making things Pete Docter has been involved in some of Pixar Studio’s most popular and seminal animated features, including Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Cars, and Wall-E, but he is best known as the director of the Academy-Award-winning Monsters, Inc. Docter is currently directing Up, set for release in May of 2009. “I make art primarily because I enjoy the process. It’s fun making things. And I’m sure there is also that universal desire to connect with other people in some way, to tell them about myself or my experiences. RELATED: The Life Cube – changing the world through art “What I really look for in a project is something that resonates with life as I see it, and speaks to our experiences as humans. That probably sounds pretty highfalutin’ coming from someone who makes cartoons, but I think all the directors at Pixar feel the same way. We want to entertain people, not only in the vacuous, escapist sense (though to be sure, there’s a lot of that in our movies too), but in a way that resonates with the audience as being truthful about life — some deeper emotional experience that they recognize in their own existence. “I make art primarily because I enjoy the process. It’s fun making things. And I’m sure there is also that universal desire to connect with other people in some way.” “On the surface, our films are about toys, monsters, fish or robots; at a foundational level, they’re about very universal things: our own struggles with mortality, loss and defining who we are in the world. As filmmakers, we’re pretty much cavemen sitting around the campfire telling stories, only we use millions of dollars of technology to do it. By telling stories, we connect with each other. We talk about ourselves, our feelings, and what it is to be human. Or we just make cartoons. Either way, we try to have a good time, and we hope the audience does too.” 4. Harrell Fletcher: Anything anyone calls art is art Harrell Fletcher teaches in the art department at Portland State University. He has exhibited at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, the Berkeley Art Museum, Socrates Sculpture Park in New York, and in numerous other museums and galleries around the world. In 2002, Fletcher started Learning To Love You More, a participatory website with Miranda July, which they turned into a book, published in 2007. Fletcher is the recipient of the 2005 Alpert Award in Visual Arts. “The question of why I make art needs to be broken down a bit before I can answer. First of all, what is art? The definition of art that I have come up with, which seems to work best for me, is that anything anyone calls art is art. This comes from my belief that there is nothing intrinsic about art. We cannot do a chemical analysis to determine if something is art or not. Instead, I feel like calling something “art” is really just a subjective way of indicating value — which could be aesthetic, cultural, monetary and so on. © Harell Fletcher. An image from "The Problem of Possible Redemption 2003" “If we look at other kinds of creative activity we can see how various forms can all exist and be valid at the same time. I’ve made what I think of as art since I was a child, initially drawings, then photographs, paintings, videos, and so on. By the time I got to graduate school, I was not so interested in making more stuff, and instead started to move into another direction, which these days is sometimes called “Social Practice.” “This is sort of a confusing term since it is so new and undefined. In a broad way, I think of it as the opposite of Studio Practice — making objects in isolation, to be shown and hopefully sold in a gallery context. Most of the art world operates with this Studio Practice approach. In Social Practice, there is more of an emphasis on ideas and actions than on objects; it can take place outside of art contexts, and there is often a collaborative or participatory aspect to the work. “So, back to the question why I make art. In my case, the projects that I do allow me to meet people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet, travel to places I wouldn’t normally go to, learn about subjects that I didn’t know I would be interested in, and sometimes even help people out in small ways that make me feel good. I like to say that what I’m after is to have an interesting life and doing the work that I do as an artist helps me achieve that. 5. Kwame Dawes: An environment of empathy Kwame Dawes, Ph.D., is Distinguished Poet in Residence at the University of South Carolina. He is the author of 13 books of verse, most recently Gomer’s Song, and a novel, She’s Gone, which won the 2008 Hurston/Wright Legacy Award for Best First Novel. “I write in what is probably a vain effort to somehow control the world in which I live, recreating it in a manner that satisfies my sense of what the world should look like and be like. I’m trying to capture in language the things that I see and feel, as a way of recording their beauty and power and terror, so that I can return to those things and relive them. In that way, I try to have some sense of control in a chaotic world. © Rachel Eliza Griffiths “I want to somehow communicate my sense of the world — that way of understanding, engaging, experiencing the world — to somebody else. I want them to be transported into the world that I have created with language. “And so the ultimate aim of my writing is to create an environment of empathy, something that would allow the miracle of empathy to take place, where human beings can seem to rise out of themselves and extend themselves into others and live within others. That has a tremendous power for the human being. And I know this because that is what other people’s writing does to me when I read it.” 6. James Sturm: The reasons are unimportant James Sturm is a cartoonist and co-founder of the Center for Cartoon Studies in White River Junction, Vermont. He is the author of the best-selling and award-winning graphic novel The Golem’s Mighty Swing, chosen as the Best Graphic Novel of 2000 by Time magazine. In 2007, his trilogy of historical graphic novels was collected in a volume entitled James Sturm’s America: God, Gold, and Golems. “I like the question “Why do you make art?” because it assumes what I do is art. A flattering assumption. The question also takes me back to my freshman year of college, where such questions like “What is nature?” and “Is reality a wave or a circle?” were earnestly debated (usually late at night and after smoking too much weed). “Twenty-five years later I’d like to think I am a little more clear-headed regarding this question. Perhaps the only insight I’ve gained is the knowledge that I have no idea and, secondly, the reasons are unimportant. Depending on my mood, on any given day, I could attribute making art to a high-minded impulse to connect with others or to understand the world or a narcissistic coping mechanism or a desire to be famous or therapy or as my religious discipline or to provide a sense of control or a desire to surrender control, etc., etc., etc. “Whatever the reason, an inner compulsion exists and I continue to honour this internal imperative. If I didn’t, I would feel really horrible. I would be a broken man. So, whether attempting to make art is noble or selfish, the fact remains that I will do it nevertheless. Anything past this statement is speculation. I would be afraid that by proclaiming why I make art would be generating my own propaganda.” 7. KRS-One: Hip-hop is beyond time, beyond space Lawrence Krisna Parker, better known by his stage name KRS-One, is widely considered by critics and other MCs to be one of hip-hop’s most influential figures. At the 2008 Black Entertainment Television Awards, KRS-One was the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award for his rapping and activism. “I was born this way, born to make art, to make hip-hop. And I think I’m just one of the people who had the courage to stay with my born identity. Hip-hop keeps me true to myself, keeps me, human. “Hip-hop is the opposite of technology. Hip-hop is what the human body does: Breaking, DJing, graffiti writing. The human body breakdances, you can’t take that away. DJing is not technology; it’s human intelligence over technology: cutting, mixing, scratching. It’s physical. The manipulation of technology is what humans do, that’s art. “I was born this way, born to make art, to make hip-hop. And I think I’m just one of the people who had the courage to stay with my born identity.” “Or take graffiti writing. Put a writing utensil in any kid’s hand at age two or three. They will not write on a paper like they’ll later be socialized to do, they will write on the walls. They’re just playing. That’s human. Graffiti reminds you of your humanity when you scrawl your self-expression on the wall. Hip-hop helps us to see the things in the world in new ways. “That’s why hip hop has kept me young. It doesn’t allow you to grow up too fast. Hip hop is beyond time, beyond space. That’s why I make hip-hop.” ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Film | Poetry | Crafts | Literature Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Originating at Burning Man, the Life Cube travels the globe, encouraging goal setting, creativity and helping to bring communities together. Arlo Laibowitz captures the magic of this powerful art project in a brand new film. Why would a participatory art project that was first made at Burning Man be interesting and transformative to a city's community? What role does goal setting, experiencing flow, and being playful have in that? And how does a project like this help nurture and increase the participants’ happiness, by connecting and creating community? I tried to answer all of these questions, and more, in the documentary film Rainbow of Chaos, that I made about The Life Cube in Las Vegas. From Burning Man to Las Vegas I met Scott Cohen at Burning Man some years ago. Burning Man is an annual arts and music festival, that takes place in the Black Rock desert of Nevada, United States. It's a temporary city of 70,000 people which exists for just one week a year. Burning Man is an experiment in community and art, guided by principles that include self-reliance and self-expression, gifting, leaving no trace, and decommodification. No money is exchanged at the event, and participants bring everything that they need to survive in the desert and want to gift to others. The event is considered simultaneously as one of the world’s biggest parties, and one of the world’s largest interactive, participatory art gatherings. The ‘playa’ is filled with interactive sculptures and structures, some of which are burned during the week of the event. Cohen's positive experience with creating life goal lists had made him convinced that he needed to gift his art project, The Life Cube, to the Burning Man community. A 'mailbox' that invited participants to write down their goals, dreams, wishes, and aspirations, and place it in within the art installation. During the burning of it, these messages would be sent up to the universe, to manifest them. RELATED: 8 manifestation techniques In later versions, Cohen had expanded this idea, by adding the opportunity for participants to paint, draw and write on the installation. Furthermore, he invited hosts and musicians to use the space as a place to come and do yoga sessions, workshops and performances. The Life Cube has become a community project, carried by so-called ‘Cube-ists’. People that have seen the power of the installation changing their life, and the life of others. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } The Life Cube is the subject of Rainbow of Chaos After three Life Cubes at Burning Man, Cohen now had a new goal: taking his experience from Burning Man to cities around the world. The first non-Burning Man version of the Life Cube happened in Las Vegas in 2014, an event that lasted weeks , culminating in a city burn of the installation. I wasn't there then but came to document the second version, in 2016, that lasted for a month. What I encountered was an installation that aimed, and succeeded, in providing a few distinct things: the power of goal-setting, the joy of creativity, flow and playfulness, connecting and creating a community. What do these things have in common? They are all considered instrumental in creating and maintaining individual happiness levels. Let's take a look at how exactly the Life Cube promotes these three different spheres. 1) The Life Cube: goal setting The genesis of the Life Cube art installation is Cohen's conviction that writing down your goals, dreams, wishes and aspirations increases the chance of them happening. Cohen has experienced this first-hand throughout his life and has seen this power working for others as well. Indeed, goal setting has been identified in studies as a major component in our sense of happiness. Cohen is described by others as a force of nature, someone who moves mountains. That attitude is infectious. He invites people to write down their goals, dreams, wishes and aspirations on so-called ‘wish sticks': postcards that can be dropped into slots in the installation. “The Life Cube has become a community project, carried by so-called ‘Cube-ists’. People that have seen the power of the installation changing their life, and the life of others.” Cohen's philosophy behind this is simple but effective. By writing down your goals and dreams, you start a process of envisioning them, considering how to pursue them, breaking them down into the steps that are necessary, and then actively pursuing them. Indeed, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness, setting goals is an effective strategy of raising our happiness, and works best with goals that are intrinsic, authentic, harmonious, flexible and active. In an interview segment that only partially made the final cut of my documentary, I extensively asked Cohen about how this goal setting could be misunderstood for the Law of Attraction and other pseudoscientific ideas. He emphasized that setting goals and writing them down starts a process that one works through, much along the lines of scientifically-backed goal setting: setting goals and intentions in writing them down helps envision their outcome and process, creates ownership and identifies blockers and creates accountability for these goals. Life Cube creator Scott Cohen with participating kids When hearing stories at the Life Cube about how the installation had changed the lives of people involved, from small things like someone finally deciding to propose and marry their partner or having a short-term goal to be more friendly and compassionate to others, to bigger things like artists being able to further pursue their career professionally, or people making radical life changes for the positive, it was clear that the Life Cube succeeded in installing more happiness in people through goal setting activities. 2) Becoming child: creativity, flow and playfulness Alongside goal setting, another big part of the happiness-inducing qualities of the Life Cube lie in what I've dubbed in the documentary “becoming child”. The Life Cube invites participants to be creative themselves, by painting on the installation, participating in interactive workshops, and by either enjoying music performances or participating in them yourself. The effect of creativity on our happiness and well-being is a subject that has been extensively studied. Creativity helps us be happier because it enables us to express and process emotions; it activates the reward regions of our brain, and it helps us focus and enjoy the moment, also known as creating flow. Apart from this, something I heard a lot at the Life Cube is that creativity helps us reconnect with our inner child and be more playful. In fact, playfulness as a way to nurture our happiness is an idea that has been proposed by Bernard de Koven, and is backed by research that shows a clear correlation between playfulness and our sense of happiness. The Cube creates an environment for people to be creative, to experience flow, and do all of that in a playful way, that instils happiness. RELATED: What playfulness can do for your relationship 3) A happy Rainbow of Chaos: community Possibly the biggest mission of the Life Cube is to connect the community through art. The effect of community on our level of happiness has been documented in different studies, showing that there are long-term positive effects of community, in strengthening our relationships, that lead to longer and happier lives. Cohen has expanded and grown the community of Cube-ists, which take ownership of different parts of the project and make his vision of a “rainbow of chaos” come true. This community is made up of different layers or smaller communities. First of all, there is the inner core of Cube-ists, which together with Cohen build and create the installation. Secondly, there are local event organisers, artists, musicians, yoga teachers and workshop hosts, that join in having a level of ownership of the space, and create part of the ‘permanent' artwork on the Cube, and its peripheral events. “By writing down your goals and dreams, you start a process of envisioning them, how to pursue them, breaking them down into the steps that are necessary, and you start actively pursuing them.” Thirdly, there's the local community of Burners [active participants that regularly go to Burning Man and satellite events], that was involved in the overall event, and especially the burn of the installation. Fourthly, there are the local residents and incidental passers-by, that became enthusiastic after visiting the installation once, and got actively involved in maintaining it, keeping it safe, and helping out with chores. Fiinally, there is the community of schools, which Cohen involved by going to talk to thousands of children and gifting these schools ‘satellite cubes’ that children could paint and put their wish sticks in. Up in flames: the burning of wishes helps manifests them Studies show that community strengthens relationships and has a positive emotional result, especially in shared novel experiences and sharing positive events. The Life Cube exemplifies this, in its creation of community around this ‘novel’ experience and positive event. For example, most American inner cities are not the most friendly or positive environments. There are, also in Las Vegas, problems with crime, drug use, homelessness and the overall rundown state that these downtown areas are in. The site of the Life Cube was like an oasis of community amid all these problems. A homeless man would volunteer in keeping the installation clean, while a local artist was painting a mural, and the inner core of Cube-ists would do maintenance and prepare structural elements and lighting. “Studies show that community strengthens relationships and has a positive emotional result, especially in shared novel experiences and sharing positive events.” Meanwhile, a group of school children would visit the Life Cube for a quick session of painting and an inspirational talk by Cohen. Afterwards, some local volunteers would start prepping a musical performance, while another local volunteer was hosting a yoga session. Simultaneously, “Burners” would gather for a fire safety meeting in preparation of the burn. Throughout the day local residents would visit, experience the installation, paint, and write their wish sticks. People from these different communities would interact, where normally they would not: just this interacting in itself created an overall connectedness and happiness at the Life Cube. The Life Cube is a creative hub for community The Life Cube: changing the world? In the documentary, Cohen is not modest about his goals: he clearly wants to change the world, by bringing Life Cubes to different cities and countries, spreading the effects of goal setting, creativity and community. It’s an ambitious goal and statement, but when looking at the magic that was created in Las Vegas, I also believe it's totally achievable. As Flash Hopkins, one of the founders of Burning Man and ally of Cohen in the project says in the documentary: “If he can change one person, then he has already done it.” I would argue that Cohen has indeed changed many lives, both at Burning Man and in Las Vegas. I invite you to watch the full documentary, Rainbow of Chaos, and find out for yourself. Art and community can make us happier. ● All images: © Arlo Laibowitz happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Community living | Work life balance | Altruism Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.